#either he's wrong or he's forfeited his right to live

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 163 spoilers and thoughts that are making me procrastinate on like all of my work but its totally fine below the cut

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i am so serious i was completely tricked into thinking this would just be a light episode with some ominous foreshadowing but still some answers for how to defeat fate. i thought we'd be in silly haha territory now and that soon we'd reach the end and everything would be wonderful now and they can finally have what they want. I WAS PROVEN WRONG

YOU. YOU TRICKED ME FROM THE GETGO BY SETTING THE MOOD OF THE EP TO BE SILLY OFF THE BAT. YOUR STUPID CUTE HAIR BEING MESSY WHEN U WAKE UP AND THOSE SILLY ASS D*SNEY ANIMALS. YOU YOU YOU YOU RAPHAEL YOU FOOLED ME

it's super cute and funny that his singing and his general demeanor is so fairytale esque that animals and people just love him even though he tried to destroy what they were working on . he looks adorable with messy hair. i wanna see it more. cute and blond. but also. FUCK YOU

like we went from that to this and i was like "oh my god they're gonna have a bonding moment" and i was so so happy i just,, i really thought,,,,

like he looks so pretty here!! and then javier says something so sweet and so javier-brand of affectionate and they're being funny about it and it's so cute and they're all smiley afterward in the reflections of the water so its like "awww stupid fucking idiots being happy at each other without even really knowing it i love them so much" AND THEN.

STUPID FUCKING OMINOUS REFLECTION GOT ME ALL WORRIED. BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF RAPHIE AT THE START AND WENT "nahhh thats just. yknow. the normal foreshadowing at something bigger. they haven't even gotten answers yet. it's fine" oh lynn. oh girl you had no idea.

like they're so close to the truth cmon they wouldnt dump what they need to do to stop fate AND whats going on w javier at the same time right? ha. ha. ha.

ominous panels aside POOR LLOYD,,, OF ALL THE SECRETS HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN,,, he had no idea its not fair </3 we got blushy lloyd as a result i love this panel btw he's very very cute. super duper bug of him. i really like that the artist has been drawing the two of them at this angle a lot recently they look so stupid i like it a lot

ALSO JAVIER DO YOU. HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY. WHY DID HE ASK THAT I. JAVIER U CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE HOW DEE- WHAT THE FUCK

and then we got hit w javier being worried and i was like "man me too buddy, im worried too but im sure itll be oka-"

DEATH FLAG. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT LLOYD OH GOD. i read this and my worry that was briefly washed away IMMEDIATELY came back . tged is very good at giving me tonal whiplash. i dont think thats a bad thing but also its not good for my health either so. /lh

AND THEN WE GOT HIT WITH THE JEWEL OF TRUTH SECTION AND. AAAAHHH AAAAAAAAHHH the darkness that lloyd is in, he's all alone when he hears this god i . oh god i have so much to say okay

it's kind of hard to go shot by shot with this section because all my thoughts are overlapping with each other but ill try my best???

he's immediately pushed into communication between just him and the jewel and shrouded in a very very isolating darkness. there's so so so much empty space and all my yapping about how much lloyd has been isolating himself for the sake of finally protecting his loved ones kind of comes to a head here. and then we hear the truth...

lloyd is a BUG. the fact that he EXISTS is a problem that has been the catalyst of all the pain and work that he and javier have had to go through, so so early in the story. he's essentially being told that its HIS fault fate is threatening their lives. AND WOW THAT HURTS. how do you cope with being told that?? how do you manage that???

and on TOP of it all, in order to fix it, he has to choose. rid the world of this bug, or let the bug take over. THAT'S SO EVIL

the only way to protect his loved ones is to forfeit his protection over them, giving up his life. and yet the only way for him to continue being there to protect them is to lose the life of the one he absolutely loves most, javier. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT

the moment he hears this he falls to his knees. im so fucking ill IM SICK . THIS IS SICK AND TWISTED!!!!!!!!!!!

some more thoughts on the language and just. inherent despair of this section:

i think the choice of calling lloyd a bug is so so so heartwrenching. i don't know if it's an intentional thing by the writer/adapter or if it's just something they defaulted to since the world is considered a system, but either way it makes me so damn emotional

i'm a computer engineer, so i take some computer science classes too as part of my major, and one of those fun facts that you learn in those classes is that debugging/bugs became common terminology in compsci for a very silly reason. "bugs" as a word to describe error and defects had been present before, but it became conflated with programming due to a team of programmers actually finding a moth, a true to life Bug, interfering with their computer and thus messing with their program.

see, the JoT could have called lloyd anything. an error, a mistake, a problem, hell even a glitch would have worked. but they specifically said bug (and again whether or not thats intentional is up for debate but i will treat it like it is)

and the thing about bugs, the thing that haunts me now, is that without them the rest of the program (theoretically) works fine. if that moth hadnt entered the computer of those programmers, then their code would have been operating smoothly. the system would be chugging along well.

the knight of blood and iron would be functioning just fine.

yeah it'd be sad, yeah javier would have lost everyone, but it would have gone exactly as the program was written. the memory allocated for the class lloyd_frontera would be freed, and the story wouldn't have had to call on it, ever. but lloyd, the bug, the moth, stuck around. errors ensue.

and often, bugs are HUMAN error. it's a problem in a human design, not a natural glitch or mistake. the moth wouldn't have been able to enter that computer if it was built differently. bugs do not appear naturally. and they do not go away until you go back to where the bug appears and FIX IT. lloyd cannot fix the story, he can NEVER achieve the happy ending he's always wanted, because the program will always be bugged because of HIM.

suddenly too, all the little changes that have happened in the story thus far make so much sense. all of those events happening EARLIER than they should have completely tracks.

the choices lloyd made - to defeat neumann, defeat lacona, go to cremo, go to the capital - pushed javier's presence ahead, and i know that's like really really obvious, but coupled with this bug analogy i feel insane because

something that's very common in programming in general are function calls, where on the side you have the function written out all complete, and in your main code you can just say the name of the function. when it compiles, itll know what to refer to when it sees the name in your main code.

something else thats very common is conditionals! y'know, your classic "if (comparison here) then do (this thing here) else (do this thing here)", you might have seen this before (or not, im not sure how well versed tged tumblr is on programming which is why im explaining this)

and u think back to javier being there EARLY and oh. ooohh....

if (javier.location == magentano.event_location(banquet)) {

kyle_betrayal(alicia);

}

this function, this betrayal, was called early. THIS WAS CALLED EARLY because a certain character object, lloyd frontera, changed the state of javier's location way sooner than it should have happened. a bug. a bug. a bug. a bug made the code jump to this conditional. he's been a bug this whole time

and you think to when the glitches on javier first started appearing and oh. oooohhh. the object referred to as javier, disabled the "protagonist" variable on him and passed it onto lloyd. but that won't do, because all these functions for the ENTIRE STORY rely on javier's class object. how can it call on lloyd instead? lloyd should have been freed, aka the memory storing his little array of data, should have been REMOVED. CAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE

theres more examples of this throughout the whole story that maybe ill list another day (as much as im yapping about it, its really not that hard/deep on figuring out where things were called early lol) but yeah yeah yeah. yeah this is so so evil and i cant believe i didnt put two and two together earlier. this analogy is SO EVIL WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME

apologies for the jargon btw. i have no idea if i explained this right or if anyone else really knows what im talking about but i've been losing it over this for the entire weekend ALKDFJLSDKF

WHATS WORSE IS THAT IVE BEEN CALLING LLOYD A BUG FOR LIKE. ACTUAL MONTHS. I WOULD REFER TO HIM AS A CREATURE AND AS A LITTLE ITTY BITTY BUG AND NOW I FEEL SO SO TERRIBLE BECAUSE HE REALLY WAS A BUG. I MADE A SHITPOST AND EVERYTHING (that ill prolly post later) THAT I HAD NO IDEA WOULD. AGE POORLY SOB SOB SOB

I AM SO SO SORRY LLOYD. I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniffle,,, sob,,, anyway,,, thats enough yapping about bugs and programming and lloyd being a bug,,, back to the anguish

the following section is just. god ow ow OW. the shaking linework, the shadows setting in at the top with the dramatic bottom lighting, and the blur on javier as he loses focus and starts truly, truly panicking makes me INSANE. artist you're making me CRAZY!!!

javier truly has no idea either but god dammit he's trying his best to help, but how can lloyd explain this to the man whos completely and utterly loyal to him to the point of sincere devotion? if lloyd tells him, whos to say that javier - the martyr that he is - won't just give up his life for him? god that's so... GOD. GOD GOD GOD WHY AGHHH

AND AGGHHH AGGGHHHH THE FLASHBACKS TO THE P PANELS OF SUHO WORKING SO SO HARD TO REACH THE LIGHT. GOD FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK

ITS DIMMER ITS HARDER TO REACH AND OH MY GOD THE PANEL OF LLOYD REACHING UP EVEN IN HIS PANIC TOWARDS HOPE. THE THOUGHT THAT "ITLL GET BETTER ONE DAY" COMFORTED HIM AND KEPT HIM ALIVE BUT NOW ITS BEING RIPPED FROM HIM I FEEL ILL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL

this panel of that light going out . not much words on this i just feel sick to my stomach. why would u do that.

and finally at the end of the chapter we have this incredibly HAUNTING panel of lloyd panicking. the despair here is UNREAL. the lineart is shaken and messy and scribbly, and the focus on his face and his hand gives the panel a very claustrophobic and hard-to-breathe feel and it makes mE SICK!!! IT MAKES ME SICK!!! SICK AND TWISTED!!!! JEWEL OF TRUTH I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

anyway that's all my thoughts for right now . i really really hope they figure out a loophole or something . if they dont im actually gonna keel over and die /j not literally but yknow what i mean

SICK AND TWISTED!!! is my final word on this ep

thanks for joining me in hell ill see yall next week salute emoji

[shirefantasies]

hi, feeling nervous to ask so I’m sending this anon

If you haven’t already, could you do a hurt/comfort imagine? Like YN is hurt, either from a fight, ptsd, poor health etc, and imagine the types of comfort?

thank youu 💜

Sure! Since no character was mentioned I chose one and went a mental health route, hope that's ok! A comfort character fr though 🥺

Safe Right Here- Faramir x F!Reader (Drabble)

Warnings: angst (with comfort), past emotional abuse, mentions of self-destructive thoughts

One word. One word was all it took sometimes. A single phrase could push one off the precipice of memory. A chasm dark and inescapable, deep as life and death and everything in between. Such was it that when you fell, you wondered why you had ever been alive in the first place. Why one who failed to earn love was cruelly thrust into a world she was so unfit for. Why being called a maker of twisted, idiotic mistakes felt so akin to being dubbed the mistake itself.

So many things seemed to come naturally for all but you. Behaviors and unspoken rules. You needed them spoken, and when they were it was often done mockingly or in annoyance. Perhaps they were right- you simply were a burden.

"What is wrong?"

"N-nothing," you stammered, realizing how foolish you must have looked with tears pouring down your reddened face, "Nothing that matters."

"It matters," Faramir replied, kneeling at your side, "If it is bothering you. It matters to you. And it matters to me.”

Something about his emphasis, the way Faramir could speak so firmly in confidence and yet so softly, broke you. Was it foolish to hear love in his words? Perhaps, and yet there you were collapsing into his arms.

“Why? Why am I so wrong?” You sobbed.

“Wrong?” Faramir tilted his head, stubble shifting along the top of your head with a light scratch. “Wrong about what?”

“About nothing. I am just wrong,” you breathed, chest heaving with each attempt to speak, “I have nothing to show for myself. No family, no work to take pride in. Nothing complete to my name and no understanding of it all. Everything is so difficult for me. Why was I even born?”

Warmth fell upon you. New warmth beyond the tight hold of Faramir’s arms, the smells of woods and smoke clinging to the fabric and leather that embraced you. Moisture. Tears tumbled from Faramir’s blue eyes, ephemeral diamonds adorning the crown of your head. Diamonds of pure sorrow. A fitting crown indeed.

“My heart shatters to even hear you speak these words, but I confess I have spoken them too. Whispered them into the darkness in many a solitary moment,” Faramir admitted, arms winding even tighter, “But to hear them like this, coming from the lips of one so sweet? I may not be able to convince you, but they are lies. Poisonous lies.”

“They feel so real.”

“Right up until they destroy you,” Faramir agreed, his head resting over yours, “I almost threw my life away because of them but I know it would be true forfeit to see you do the same. My brother would not have wished this life for me. For you. Those who love you would feel the pain of that loss every day of their remaining lives.”

“Who-”

“I love you,” he cut you off, offering a knowing smile as compensation.

“And I you,” you replied softly, nuzzling closer until his words sunk fully in, giving you pause, “Wait, you almost…?”

“Yes. For Gondor. And perhaps a bit for myself, too.”

“Anything to give them what they want and see if the tang of blood takes the poison from their mouths. But you are kind, you are wise. You are enough.”

Faramir nodded, lightly scratching your head again. Your heart warmed, spreading through your body even against the cold stone floor on which you sat.

“And here I thought I was comforting you,” Faramir chuckled, a deep sound reverberating against your joined chests.

“See how well you’ve done?” You half-chuckled, half-sobbed, giving your first tentative smile. “It is easier when you are here. The rest fades.”

Kissing the top of your head lightly, Faramir circled a hand over your back, faint pressure bringing tingles down your spine. Sensation that drowned out the buzzing cries of your head.

“You are safe with me. Safe right here,” he affirmed.

Exhaling more tension, you tightened your grip, fingers flexing against his doublet.

“Together we can find the power to make the world of our dreams one day at a time,” Faramir told you, “One day after another I will remind you you have a safe home in my arms. Let me be your shield.”

“And let me be your armor,” you murmured, finally relaxing fully into his embrace.

“Armor,” Faramir echoed with a smile, “Forged perfectly for each other. I like that. Perfect for one at least, for you suit me just as you are.”

This time he tilted your chin, lifting your teary gaze to meet his and your head to nod before he pulled you in for a gentle kiss upon your lips.

“Nothing more,” he whispered, “Nothing less.”

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[leillaaaa]

Umm stupid thingy i wrote for that one tbhk chapter where teru had dinner with his family (in the pov of teru like those tiktok slideshow thingies)

The day of her burial blurred together, washed away by the heavy rain which beat down upon her coffin. It was the first time I had seen my father waver. He's always been a stern man.

And yet, that stormy afternoon ... he broke. He whispered sweet nothings to her corpse, sighs of remorse and love tarnished by many bitter years of marriage. 'I am eternally grateful to have stumbled upon you in this life,' he had shakily entrusted to the soil that consumed her.

My relatives softly sobbed their goodbyes, and yet ... me, her son, her eldest son, did not shed a single tear.

There is something wrong with me.

I realized it, then.

Why was I not crying? I should have. I should have mourned for the mother who would never see the husk her son had become. Mourned like my father, who knelt beside her coffin, knees coated in mud.

My mother was dead, and I felt nothing.

That's not normal, is it? I'll never be normal.

I'll never come home from school to the aroma of warm food wafting from the kitchen, or look into the crowd at graduation and see my parents there, smiling proudly. To have a proper birthday party, for once ...

I don't think she loved me, exactly.

I looked like her, but I've always been much too similar to him. She must've seen it in my laugh, a golden staff gripped tightly in my hands, eyes sharp and void and nothing.

She didn't hate me, but ... it wasn't like she loved me, either.

I don't blame her. Kou and Tiara are much easier to love.

My mother is in front of me. There's a sweet, lively smile upon her face, the one I've always longed for. The one a mother is meant to give to her son after a long day at school. And still ... she isn't mine.

This isn't mine.

I sit at the table, swallowing the bile forcing its way up my throat. The chair's legs softly groan against the hardwood floor, barely audible over Kou's laugh.

He grins widely, the table alight with smiles and laughter and friendly conversation.

I don't belong here.

Her smile is as bright as the sun, as warm as a midsummer day. Tiara copies her table manners, poking at her food as politely as possible. Her golden hair is neater than usual, carefully woven into two pigtails. It suits her.

She deserves to have a mother who can braid her hair.

I'm sure it's her work. Kou has never done it like that - he's always in a hurry, though he never forfeits time to tend to Tiara. If only I could've been the one to lift that burden from his shoulders.

He seems lighter than ever. Flushed cheeks, ruffled hair, a grin plastered unto his face - this is how he should be.

They're so ... normal. They're normal. I'm normal. I'm ... normal.

Why am I relieved?

I stole this from him.

My smile still persists. It persists in this stolen life. The one stolen from the boy who deserved it.

My plate is warm. Usually, by the time I get home, it's ice cold. Kou always leaves a spot for me at the table anyways, but ... my mother has never looked upon me with such warmth. Have I - has this Teru - has he not committed my sin, the sin my mother had placed upon me? The sin of myself? The burden, the curse of the title, "Eldest Son?"

Even so, I'm still me. I can't escape that.

No matter what, I'll always be wrong. I'm not made for a life like this. One of carefree laughter and warm food and love.

A frown in a sea of smiles.

I'm the rotten apple of this perfect family dinner.

Because I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.

Right. This isn't my place. This isn't my plate. This isn't my Kou. This isn't my Mother.

This isn't my family.

I can't ruin it for these perfect Minamotos.

Perfect Minamotos.

I never thought I'd say that.

I'm so selfish.

Why do I long to stay? Stay where everything is right?

But this isn't right. This is abandoning my family. This is abandoning myself. This is-

"Are you okay?"

Are you okay?

How long has it been since I've heard those words?

Why am I crying? It's just a question. Why do I cry now, only when it's the wrong thing to do?

Ah. It seems like I've ruined it somehow, after all.

Because I am Teru Minamoto.

And this is the burden I must bear.

[cartoonsbyandie]

@akai-anna You have made a mistake

SPOILERS FOR MOVIE 9 below the cut (TW: Depression like oh my god severe depression, suicidal tendencies)

So it's no secret I'm a Kogoro Enjoyer tm, to the point that it's probably more shocking that Movie 9 isn't my #1 pick, and my favorite movie involves Kogoro asleep for 60% of the runtime. BUT it gets the #2 spot on the strength of one scene, which is my favorite moment in any DetCo movie and possibly even the series as a whole.

The moment (which is probably like 20 minutes I'm corralling all into one 'scene') is all of Kogoro's deduction scene and the ensuing fight, basically right up until the point where they have to save Rachel. (The Rachel stuff being where most of my frustrations with Movie 9 are.)

Here's the thing about DetCo: If you're watching Movie 9, you're probably into the series pretty deep, right? You're trained to disregard Kogoro unless you get extremely clear signs otherwise. He's comic relief, he's always wrong, his theories are always wrong. Period. Unless Conan is literally spoonfeeding him clues, or the show goes out of its way to show he's being serious this time, anything he thinks up on his own is completely wrong. The movierunners know this and play into it-- In an earlier scene, Kogoro goes up on stage like always and completely botches a deduction in front of a crowd. He has no evidence and gets called out on it instantly, at which point Conan (via Agasa) steps in and calls out the real culprit, who confesses and the Action Part of the movie begins. Business as usual.

And then the movie proceeds to completely and entirely subvert that.

It's my favorite scene because of just how well the show hid its cards, which your mileage may vary on. Kogoro isn't front and center on the movie poster, but he isn't shoved in the background either, and I did get some inklings beforehand that this movie might have Kogoro playing a more prominent role when he seemed to be acting strange. (I say this is my favorite single scene, but the whole movie does build up to it well with subtle clues.) But during that botched deduction scene, I disregarded all of it-- I've been burned before by this show, thinking they were building to Kogoro doing something cool, only for it to be played for laughs. They fake the audience out by playing exactly to expectations, so Kogoro coming out of NOWHERE to reveal that he was right all along and literally left the botched deduction to go search the culprit's room for evidence and sabotage her murder weapon HAD ME SCREAMING.

Literally all of Kogoro's skills come to fruition here in this scene. He knows enough about guns to sabotage a harpoon gun, knows (almost) exactly what happened for all the crimes at this point, knows how to fight and subdue a criminal (we'll get to that) and is devoted enough to justice and Being A Detective to see this case through to the very end. This should be a crowning moment of triumph, and what's the soundtrack doing?

It's solemn and sad, because where is Kogoro is giving this deduction? On a sinking ship, after he forfeited his spot on the lifeboat, believing that Conan and Ran have already made it out. He gives this deduction alone, with no one but himself and the culprit. He acted like he would arrest the culprit, but... where would he take her? What was his escape plan?

He didn't have one, did he?

The culprit mentions that it's pointless for him to explain her crime to her considering the circumstances, and Kogoro outright says he can't help himself. He knows it's pointless. He was prepared to give his life here, just to stop her plan.

And you know what? That's tragic. The fact that he's willing to die here, for this, leaving behind Ran and Conan, is heartbreaking to watch. The tone of this 'real' deduction scene is a complete 180 from the botched one, because Kogoro isn't playing anything up. He's just calmly explaining the crime because that's what detectives do. That's what detectives live for.

I'm not done, though. There's still the part where the culprit decides her final act is going to be to kick his ass for this stunt. I think it's pretty clear from everything Kogoro says that he's throwing this fight, if not on-purpose then on a subconscious level. Like, Kogoro doesn't really fight for himself, does he? He fights when someone who murdered his friend is attacking his other friends, he fights when Ran and Conan's safety is at risk. He fights for other people, so when it's only himself at stake (and he was already prepared to die, that's why he's here at all), what's the point?

Conan calling out to him snapped him into gear because suddenly it wasn't about him. Suddenly there was someone else to protect.

I haven't mentioned Conan but the fact that Conan is 'present' for this entire scene is great to me too. He got to hear this entire thing, help Kogoro out when he fumbled one detail in his deduction, and even seemed proud by the end. It's so sweet to see Conan proud of Kogoro for once. It's sweet to see just how good Kogoro can be when he really cares, and how good of a team these two could be.

I'm glad we got at least one movie dedicated to that idea.

[kulemiwrites]

NOVEMBER 3: Masaharu Kaito

The (No)vember Experiment

What’s the longest you and your dreamboat have gone without getting frisky? Are the two of you constantly teeming with insatiable desire? Can’t keep your hands to yourselves for more than a moment? Depending on your answers to any one of those questions, the idea of going an ENTIRE month without chasing “The Big O” may sound like either a breeze, a curse or a blessing in disguise! Wouldn’t you like to find out which? 

That’s right! We at the KW♥️LOVE offices are challenging our readers and their lovers to a month-long experiment to test their self-restraint! Yes, you read that right– AN ENTIRE MONTH without “The Big O”! Think you can handle it? Rip off the October page of that wall calendar, whip out your favorite marker and get to X’ing off the days until you complete(or forfeit) the NOvember experiment!

We encourage all participants to print out the survey we’ve created for the occasion to fill out and give feedback on your experiences! Keep them for your records in case you participate again next NOvember, discard them when the experiment is over or send them in and we’ll include your feedback in next month’s intimacy column!

Rating: 18+ Characters: Masaharu Kaito & GN! Reader A/N: The idea here is that KW♥️LOVE is a fictional version of Cosmopolitan. I was feeling nostalgic over the bygone age of the magazine lol. Surveys are filled out by the character. You determine how the reader would answer their own.

READ ON A03

Your interest in KW♥️LOVE initially started as a joke due to their ‘Position of the Week’ column that was quickly made into a meme online. It was meant to be an informative, lighthearted way to encourage readers to spice up their sex lives but the positions, their names and the articles written around them were unironically too hilarious for readers to take seriously. Instead of the team panicking over the newfound, not so positive attention and flipping the script, they seemingly leaned into being the butt of the joke in a way that was charming and endearing, making weekly posts intentionally as entertaining as they were informative. 

It won them a new, devout audience- you, included.

Over the course of the past year, you found you had learned more about healthy sex, romantic intimacy and self-love from the site than you had from field research alone. At this point, you practically swore by them and you could see the fruits of ‘your studies’ when you saw your partner’s wide eyed, gape-mouthed expression when you implemented the latest tips and tricks.

KW♥️LOVE had yet to steer you wrong.

So, when the article you skimmed mentioned downloading some survey cards to partner with the new experiment they were issuing readers, you tapped before you understood the details in their entirety.

You felt the bed sink behind you as Masaharu’s naked body rejoined you after visiting the bathroom to discard the condom he’d just filled. He pressed chaste kisses against your shoulder uttering how amazing that little thing you did with your tongue was and that motivated you to open up the completed download and give it a proper read. 

Your lashes fluttered rapidly when the realization hit you. 

An entire month without sex? How could something like that be beneficial to your sex life? Could either of you even withstand that long?

The columnist listed all the alleged pros and cons of taking up such a challenge and you mulled over every single word, trying so very hard to take them into consideration. 

Pressing a large warm hand to your bare chest, Masaharu pulled you in closer to him and asked what you were looking at in a hushed tone. The warmth of his body, of his breath against your skin, it sent goosebumps down your flesh and made you tingle. You managed a response to his question, attempting to push down the doubt that you stood a chance when something as simple as that had such an effect on your body.

“No sex for a month?” he grumbled, his lips brushing against your skin with every word. “Why the hell would anyone do some shit like that if they can help it?”

You leaned back into him when he idly teased your nipples, solidifying your doubts.

“It… could be interesting,” you said, trying to sound more certain than you actually were. “They say there’s benefits… and stuff.”

“‘And stuff?’” he scoffed, “And you believe them?”

This time you shrugged, allowing your head to fall back, wordlessly inviting him to press those warm lips against your neck and he did.

“I’ve had dry spells for longer than a month,” he said, his gruff voice sending vibrations through your own throat as if he spoke directly into it. “I never noticed any ‘benefits’... I was just horny and pissed off.”

You smiled, reaching your hand up to stroke at his chin strap as he began to kiss you as if trying to rile you up again.

“So, business as usual then?” your playful voice suggested which earned you a crisp smack to the ass.

In an attempt to rid you of the sting, he palmed your ass, “Let me guess. You wanna try this dumb shit now?”

“Maybe a little.”

The large man shifted his hips, and you could feel the twitch of something hard pressing against you.

Again? 

Gripping your jaw, he guided your face so that your lips were but a breath apart. “Fine. November 1st, no sex.”

“Really?”

“Sure,” he answered, pressing a peck against your lips. “We’ve got a couple weeks till then, though. So, we’re gonna have to fuck plenty to get it out of our systems if we’re gonna survive, right?”

Without even giving you a chance to falsely protest, he crashed against you with a hunger that would rival what you were met with just a bit earlier that night and you quickly gave in. 

After all, with the month ahead, you had no time to waste.

(No)vember Experiment Initial Survey Are both of you participating? Yup. Have you ever practiced abstaining from sex for any period of time before? Not on purpose. Do you believe you are capable of completing this experiment? Not really. Do you believe in your partner(s)’ ability to complete this experiment? Maybe since it was ____’s idea. Do you predict a loser? Me, for sure. Initial thoughts on the month ahead? Ready for it to be over already.

Perhaps slowly weaning yourselves off of each other during the days leading up to November 1st was a better idea than feeding your additions to the very end. You were fiends, completely and utterly hooked on one another. The desperation in each of your romps leading up to this was unlike anything you’d ever experienced before. Knowing that when he sank into you, it would be one of the last times until a month had passed did something to your psyche. 

Instead of building your resolve, it whittled it down until there was nothing– not even the memory of the agreement. Sex with Masaharu had been good, but the fallacy of pending scarcity heightened it to a degree that was in need of its own study. 

Everything that led you to this moment; your clothes rumpled on your body to expose parts of you, your underwear pooling around your feet, your burning cheek mashed against the long console table just across from the front door, all happened in a flash. All you knew was that your body had begun to perspire from sheer anticipation alone and your breathing– both of yours was heavy, filling the otherwise silence of the entryway. 

Well, that and the sound of Masaharu tearing into a condom wrapper with his teeth in such primal desperation that it made your core ache more than it already had been. You gripped at the sides of the cool table until your fingertips numbed, slowly but sure losing their color by the second. 

The heat radiating off Masaharu’s body was noticeable, even with him standing a few inches behind you. His slacks had been hanging just around his mid-thigh, just low enough for his throbbing hard cock to jut out and over your ass, drooling droplets of pre that was warm coming out of him but cool by the time it dripped onto you. 

That alone was enough to cause your back to bow in a beautiful, deep arch and he cooed at you, imploring you to be just a little more patient with him as he rolled the rubber on. Once it was secure, he leaned over your bent body, pressing a sweet, apologetic kiss against your skin for making you wait so long.

Wrapping his fist around the thick base of his cock, he guided himself to your pleading hole, mouth agape as he panted out his desperation. 

It took him grazing the tip against you ever so slightly for it to all come rushing back and you debated if you even wanted to bring it up. The words tumbled out before you could even rest on a decision.

“W-wait,” you huffed, and you could feel him stiffen instantly. “Weren’t we supposed to… You know, do that no sex thing now?”

It was, after all, November 3rd. 

With each word you spoke, you experienced a regret that only amplified when his long shaky sigh brushed over your damp skin and the heat of his body lessened as he shifted slightly back.

Why did you even bring it up?

Masaharu was quiet for a long moment and the tension between you didn’t give away what he was even thinking. You peeked over your shoulder in an attempt to gauge the situation. 

He’d been gripping the base of his cock with one hand and scratching at the back of his head with the other. A low grown rumbled deep within his chest and you weren’t certain if it was frustration toward you or something else entirely. You wouldn’t have blamed him, though. You’d been teasing him all night and you had ample time before he was moments away from sinking balls deep into you for you to bring this up.

You flinched when he reached for your ass before melting into his touch. He gripped hard at you, spreading your cheeks until you were on embarrassing display for his hungry eyes. The way your hips had begun to wind in response to this bordered on pathetic but you didn’t care, not when his body heat ate at you as he closed back in, caging you against the console table.

His lips grazed against your shoulder as he teased your eager hole with his tip once again, chuckling darkly when filthy whines spilled out of your mouth. 

“All month, right?” he whispered, his usually gravelly voice sounding more like a purr against your ear. “You sure that’s what you want?”

No. 

You didn’t and the aroused heat between your thighs seconded that as you impulsively rocked back into him, to which he responded by pulling away, just enough to avoid giving you what you wanted but remaining close enough to remind you that it was absolutely there. 

“I don’t.” you huffed.

He cupped his hand around the back of your neck, guiding you back down until your cheek squished against the cool wooden table. A full body shudder rippled through you when he finally gave you the head of his cock plus an inch. 

“Don’t I know it.” his voice mocking.

You cooed at the feeling of his stretch, bit by bit reaching further and further into you until he was fully sheathed inside. You cried out a string of expletives and you could feel his lips curl against your skin. 

“Yeah, that feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked, but he didn’t need you to respond with a single word to know the answer. 

His greedy, thick fingers dug into your ass and pulled you back to meet his thrusts, each one growing slightly harder than the last. The crack of skin connecting echoed beneath your cries of pleasure as you threw yourself back, selfishly fucking yourself on his cock. He straightened up so that he could watch the event, watch himself be devoured by your tight hole and then he shook his head in disbelief. You genuinely believed for a moment that you could have gone without this for an entire month? He reached around to apply a more direct stimulation. He wouldn’t let you up from that table until he fucked the silly idea out of your head and gave you a couple very satisfying reasons not to lie to yourself like that again.

(No)vember Experiment Conclusion Survey Experiment duration? 2 days. Did this challenge meet your expectations? Sure, I expected not to last. Did you notice anything different about your partner during this time? Just as horny as I am. Maybe more. Will you participate in the (NO)vember Experiment again next year? Hell NO. Any closing remarks on your experience? Losing was worth it. Probably woulda lost sooner if we weren’t so busy

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but likes and a reblog go a long way! Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this, you're welcome to check out more of my work! I have a masterlist to save you browse time!

[snowjanuscentral]

Firelight, Forfeit

Summary:

Sejanus lives, whisked back to the Capitol.

He burns the photo Coriolanus had given his parents as a gift.

read on ao3 here

Prompt:

It is at his belated birthday dinner when Sejanus is presented with a photograph of he and Coriolanus, each fresh-faced in Academy rouge, before all the nastiness of the Games. His father explains that the photograph had been a gift from Coriolanus himself, salvaged from Sejanus’ own possessions kept at the Peacekeeper barracks. 

A kindness, Strabo said as he handed the picture over, considering he doesn’t know you’re alive and well.

Officially, Sejanus is on ‘extended medical leave’, the official story being a nasty case of summer flu. Coriolanus (and the rest of the District Twelve Peacekeepers) appear to know better, having watched him be hauled off, beaten and bloody, most likely to some kind of private execution in the Capitol. 

As though the incorrigible Strabo Plinth wouldn’t use his bottomless pit of cash to bail his only son out of trouble yet again. 

And in reality? He is stuck at home until Gaul and his father can agree with what exactly to do with him.

In hindsight, Coriolanus was right: he shouldn’t have gone to the Districts, he shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with the rebels. He should have stayed, and used his father’s money for good. Whether he likes it or not, Sejanus isn’t District anymore - the business with the shootings had taught him that harsh lesson. 

Not that Sejanus would give Coriolanus the satisfaction, after everything.

Sejanus has the photograph clutched tightly in one hand, the laminate edges digging into his palm. It is late in the evening now, his mother and father retired to their room, and Sejanus is in the library, as he has been for the past hour. It is dark, and he is sitting at the mouth of the  fireplace, watching Coriolanus’ face morph in the flickering firelight. 

If he holds the picture close enough to the fire, Sejanus can see the shape of the flames through the laminate, like he and Coryo are  statues reanimating, stuck in the confines of a simpler time and place.

Eventually Sejanus will be let out, and rejoin Capitol society. He’ll go to the University, most likely following in his father’s footsteps with the munitions business. Coriolanus will find out he’s alive, and perhaps they will catch glimpses of each other on campus, and it will almost be like it could have been before everything had gone so desperately wrong. 

It could have been so, so different; they could have been classmates once again, if it wasn’t for the Games. They could have studied together, enjoyed coffee at the campus cafe, walked each other home after all-nighters and exams.

(They could have courted, properly. Secured Coryo’s finances and the Plinth social reputation. In another world they’re on a first date, holding hands on a crisp autumn afternoon.)

Sejanus is almost bent over the fireplace, and the flames jump up, licking into the photograph. The image stretches as the plastic melts, and Sejanus drops it into the flames, fingers singed. 

He watches as his own face distorts and blackens in the heat, eyes twisting into impossible shapes, Coriolanus remaining intact for a single moment before he too disintegrates. Until all that is left is a twisted snake of blackened laminate draped across the coals.  

The two boys in that photo are dead, really. Sejanus will never be so soft and trusting again, can never let himself chase a Coriolanus who is no longer witty and charming but self-serving and cruel. 

(Maybe Coriolanus was always self-serving and cruel, and used Sejanus for money and status. And kept using Sejanus for intoxicating pleasure in the musky heat of August.) 

There is soot on Sejanus’ hands, and he wipes it off on his slacks, stiff legs locking into place as he stands up. 

Coriolanus will find out he is alive, and there will be no true consequences for either of them. They are both hardened and hollowed out, and will dance circles around each other until one spins out of control. 

The flames in the fireplace are tempered, burning low. Sejanus watches as the laminate slowly curls in on itself, and wonders if Coriolanus ever squirms under the guilt of what he believes he has done.

 Maybe that is why he gave away the photograph.

(Or maybe there is no guilt, only selfishness, and the opportunity to do a favour for the Plinths - to create a debt.)

It is late, and dark, and Sejanus stares into the embers until his eyes water. He will not cry over Coriolanus Snow. 

He will not. 

(His tears hiss as they meet the hot coals.)

[banefultyrant]

I was going to wait on this and another post until I had his carrd completely finished, but here we go.

Enver Gortash & Morality // @banefultyrant

So this has been prematurely kicked off by this post stating, "Tragic backstory explains behavior but does not excuse it."

This is so true, and especially in regards to this disaster dumpster fire of a human being. Because he isn't just a dumpster fire. He's this level of dumpster fire:

Now, to my point.

Enver Gortash—as he will absolutely refuse to acknowledge his original name because of everything tied up in it—has been through a lot. Though I can't remember if it was ever openly stated, I would absolutely agree with general fandom consensus that his mother abused him. I saw a post floating around the other day about the difference between how his parents are treated in game, and I couldn't agree more. [ If I can track the post down again, I'll link it here as well. ]

He was, seemingly at a young age, then sold to a warlock because his parents couldn't settle their debts the right way. Whether his mother is telling the truth or not, she claims she either sold him or they forfeit all of their lives over the shop debt. [ Also, who in the hell were they in debt to that their lives were at risk because of their debt??? Was it actually debt from the shop, or from drinking or gambling? Or did they take a loan from Dangerous People to keep their shop running??? ]

From there, he then ended up at the House of Hope, where he was canonically tormented and tortured by Nubaldin simply because he was 'mischievous' and because Nubaldin found it entertaining.

"I used to work in the prison, ensuring no desirable people left the House of Hope. Now, I guard the portals to ensure that no undesirable people enter." [ Why don't you work at the prison anymore? ] "I made a mistake. Raphael doesn't tolerate mistakes. We had one houseguest by the name of Gortash, a mischievous little blot of a boy, and he slipped through my fingers." [ Gortash was here? Lord Enver Gortash? ] "Lord? Is that what he calls himself these days? The sniveling little shit. He was the son of a cobbler or somesuch meagre tradesman, sold to Raphael by his loving parents to pay off their petty debt. Lord indeed. I used to bruise my knuckles on his whimpering little face. I'd like to have snapped his neck."

So he escapes that literal hell because he just can't take it anymore. He winds up on his own, with nothing but his cleverness and his drive to never be at anyone's mercy ever again.

[ A lot more below the cut. ]

Now, his mother claims he was evil from the start, but I've not once seen any dialogue options that support that. She says he was always making a racket. She says he was too clever. But she never offers anything even remotely adjacent to explain her claim that he was evil out the gate.

[ Perhaps because she was and she simply didn't care for a clever little boy asking questions, pointing out when she was being unreasonable, or saying that he didn't understand why he was being punished when he did something that he's done a thousand times before and she never said anything then, et cetera. Abusers can never have the problem. The other person has to be the problem. The villain. The complication. The scapegoat. There's something wrong with the other person and that's why they are perfectly justified in doing what they do. ]

Regardless, you have a young boy sold to a warlock and placed in the House of Hope, and was apparently a 'desirable person' based on the fact that Nubaldin was in charge of making sure none of those left and when Gortash escaped, Raphael considered it a failure.

[ Considering how foresighted Raphael is in terms of potential, it makes perfect sense to me that he might even have witnessed how clever the boy was once, perhaps he had even stopped by to make clear to his parents that their debt was owed and he would see it paid, one way or the other. Perhaps he saw how Enver was treated and found it contemptuous that such people should be able to waste so clever a mind. Or, perhaps the warlock had done so on his behalf and relayed such information to Raphael who then had them to pass along that he would accept the boy as payment.

Now, though I won't project my thoughts onto anyone else's Raphael, as for my own over at @thishouseofhope , while people claim that 'Raphael loves only himself' coughcoughHaarlepcoughcough, that isn't true. Or, at least, not entirely.

I think Raphael has a hard time connecting with others enough to care anything about them in actuality, yes. But I think where that starts to falter is in cases where he sees a bit of himself or his own situation reflected back at him. Would he admit that? No. But he sees it all the same, recognizes the similarities even if only subconsciously. And though I haven't gone into much detail with Raphael's early years over there yet, suffice it to say a brilliant, clever mind stifled by and suffering under the shortsightedness, derision, and abuse of a parental figure? It would definitely strike a nerve, whether he intended or not, whether he acknowledged it or not. HINT: He most certainly would not. ]

Within my own canon, this meant Raphael saw Enver and saw something of himself reflected in the boy and his situation, and, as such, there was a certain amount of fondness for him, particularly with the potential he could see for the boy's future with so sharp a mind. In a verse with my friend on discord who writes Enver, that included Raphael taking him on as a protege. Had it not been for Nubaldin's pointless cruelty, I have little doubt that Enver might have come to enjoy his time at the House of Hope, as Raphael would always provided new things for him to learn both of practical and educational import, and Enver, who was clever to start, would have jumped at the chance to learn anything and everything he could, particularly if Raphael caught onto his interest in mechanics. No doubt Nubaldin said that the boy simply escaped, otherwise, had Raphael realized the cause, I don't know that Nubaldin would have survived to tell the tale. ]

But, as always, because I can't help myself, I digress.

We have a young boy with promise and potential who ran because he was being abused again and was terrified of remaining where he was, who refused to be at the mercy of anyone else ever again and set his mind on making certain that it never would happen again.

At some point, he throws in his lot with Bane. He starts to accumulate wealth and power and influence through whatever means. His mind, his body, his blood and sweat [ but never tears, because he won't cry anymore, won't show that weakness ]. He will do whatever it takes to ensure that no one can ever harm him again, that no one has the power to do so. And how does one do that?

You make certain that you are the most powerful. Powerful enough that no one can touch you.

Free will, is the problem. That becomes evident to him shortly into his worship of Bane. No matter how many laws and rules and punishments exist, there will always be people who still choose to suffer them—because they could, because it was worth it, because they didn't care, because they didn't think they would be caught, et cetera. So long as free will might exist, then you would continue to have thieves and drunks and debtors and murderers and abusers.

So eventually, this plot of the Absolute is developed and! my! doesn't it solve it all! Not only does it set him in a place of power where nobody could touch him, it also solves all of those other pesky problems because there will be no more free will, only the will of the Absolute relayed to all of its subservients.

"A new age is upon us. Gods have mercy upon those who would stand in our way… I want to lead this city to glory — not scorch its earth."

When the player character approaches, Tav or Dark Urge, he talks about wanting to lead the city into an age of prosperity and safety, etc. And he isn't lying. He means every word.

Because, in his mind, this is the only way to reach that outcome. Does he want power? Yes, because, much as you hear the themes with Astarion's companion quest line: Power means safety. Power means no one can hurt you. Power means that you dictate the lives of others, rather than having your life dictated to you. To paraphrase, when the player character tells Astarion that those with power have a duty to protect those without, Astarion roughly responds, "People with power had 200 years to save me from Cazador, and no one ever did. No, it was the Mindflayers who freed me."

In all honesty, it's much the same for Gortash, except he was at an even greater disadvantage than Astarion in one respect—unless more information comes out about Astarion's past later—and that is this:

Enver Gortash has never known anything else. There is nothing before his abuse, before his servitude and continued abuse, before he set out into the world at a young age and suffered its cruelty on his own.

It is all that he has ever known.

But!

He sells Karlach to Zariel! Yes, just as he was sold, and yet, even still, this is done not out of malice or cruelty, but with the belief that he thought he was doing what was best for her. If she remained on the streets, she would either be jailed or dead in a few years, and she deserved better than that. Being sold to a devil was what set him on his 'right' path, made him who he is, so maybe that's what Karlach needed also? And, knowing her as he did, he truly had no doubt that she could be running the place in no time. She would have power enough to protect herself, just as he intended to claim for himself at the Gate, and it would mean they could be allies. He set a piece in the right place and if she would just do as she ought to have done, she could be doing so much better for herself — just as he has.

He was going to kill the refugee children! In his mind, most of them miserable little orphans with no prospects beyond pain and suffering. It would be a mercy to them, truly, and—as my friend, Shadow, mentioned in one of our discussions about Gortash's thoughts on this—their deaths would at least mean something in the grand scheme, rather than their bodies simply being stepped over and promptly forgotten. Their deaths would sow discord between the refugees and the citizens of the Gate, further unite those within against those without and solidify his position as a protector. With any luck, the refugees would attack in retaliation and affirm the citizens fears that they were followers of the Absolute threat after all. And regardless of how it went, it would create further chaos that he would be able to bring to Order.

This is NOT to say that his behavior should be excused.

However, much in the same way and for the same reason that I would defend Minthara and Nere both, I can fully understand his thought process, why he does what he does, though I certainly don't agree with it. Just as with them, I would question the level of accountability one can be held to when one knows no different. I would very much, in some ways, say that Gortash is nearer to having had a Lolth-sworn drow upbringing than a typical human one. His entire understanding of the world is through abuse, violence, betrayal, and transactional interactions. His solution—the Absolute religious hoax—is one that makes perfect sense within those bounds. It's logical, nice and neat. A brilliant plan, cutting the problems that plague the city—and, indeed, the world—off right at the source.

There won't be anymore murders in the streets. There won't be anymore pickpockets or petty crime. There won't be anymore gambling dens. There won't be anymore children abused or sold to settle debts. There won't be anymore crime, period.

The populace can put all of its effort and energy into making the city more unified and prosperous than it ever has been —

Because that is the only choice they have left to them.

[ Doesn't that sound familiar? "She is, of course, free to choose the only option she has left." ]

In his mind, how brilliant and elegant an answer to those pesky problems that no amount of laws or punishments have ever stopped! A villain? No! He's the savior who will deliver this city to a new age! A great age!

[ And doesn't that sound familiar, too? ]

In the words of Jason Isaacs himself, "It was a thrill to join the Baldur's Gate universe, but I fear that the magnificent Lord Enver Gortash is being mischaracterized as a villain. In a brutal world of betrayals and butchery, he's learned to lie better and backstab first. The joy in voicing him — apart from the obvious pleasure in getting to look so glorious �� was that the creative team and I got to play loose enough to find ways that he could enjoy the ride and make the players hate him more!"

Enver Gortash has done terrible and unforgivable things, much as with most of the cast in the game, companions or otherwise…. but the whys. The whys are important, and the whys are what not only further show the depth of the character… but also provide interesting possibilities for futures wherein he escapes his fate in the game.

[tentativelyteal]

Can't stop thinking about how even though a common verdict about s5e5 The Disir is that Merlin chose wrong (whether or not he could have chosen differently is another matter), when in fact it could very well be that there was no right choice all along, and I don't just mean morally

Like, Merlin thought the choice was EITHER to 'let magic back into Camelot' OR 'let Mordred die'. And he chose to say 'there can be no place for magic in Camelot' (even though it tore him up inside) thinking that this would condemn Mordred to death and so save Arthur. But of course he later realised that there was no EITHER/OR, that by condemning magic he'd condemned Arthur as well (and Mordred's continued survival is instrumental to that and so Mordred lived)

But, BUT. WHAT IF he had chosen to persuade Arthur to let magic back into Camelot? Would this really prevent the tragedy? When we've seen how tricky the Disir's judgment/prophecies/destiny in general has been all along?

Since we've already established that there's no EITHER/OR in this choice, the most likely outcome might be that once Athur's decided to let magic back into Camelot, Mordred would end up dying anyways. And then what? And then Arthur would think that magic had tricked him, once again, and so once again, magic is evil. He'd then probably go back on his decision of lifting the ban, if not taking more extreme actions such as initiating a second purge. And so, once again, by condemning magic, he'd have forfeited his own life.

Merlin (and Arthur) (and Camelot) probably can't win in whichever scenario. (There's just no pleasing destiny sometimes.)

[evil-quartett]

Rain

Life. Was that truly what he wanted? Didn't he forfeit his right to on the stake? Yet the traiterous Count refused to let him, defied fate to save him. Why? There were so many vetter men, men who didn't have blood on their hands like he did. No, he didn't deserve life. But he didn’t deserve the mercy of a quick death, either. He had to satisfy fate, atone for the Count's crime. And this time, there would be no rain to lessen his pain.

He'd been ready. Ready from the moment of his unjust ressurection. But then she entered. Who was Mitsuki? She was an angel disguised as a human, reigniting the spark he'd lost long ago. The light she shone gave him the Illusion he had been wrong. Even the Count opened up to him, telling him of a desperate voice inside him begging to live. Jean started to hear this voice himself. Everything was fine. It had started to rain.

But every rain will stop eventually. His stopped the moment his comrade returned. The soldier's mind lost to madness, he erased the light that had been shone to Jean. He erased it with the blood of his love, Mitsuki. And now Jean stood on the stake again. That moment, surrounded by the heat of the flames engulfing him, he truly learned His fate could not be defied.

[feroluce]

smth smth yingfeng paralleling farcille

(magically inclined long lived partner tries to defy death by bringing their short lived partner back to life/have immortality but they come out Wrong(tm) instead)

just. the parallels <3

RIGHT? Like oh my god I love the idea of it: a mortal and immortal character falling in love, and the immortal one doing something horribly taboo for them to be together forever. But maybe they fuck something up, or maybe it's just their punishment for playing god, but their now-immortal lover Comes Back Wrong.

I'm actually not caught up on dunmeshi (I get the gist of farcille from socmed, though) but I really like an Inuyasha/Kikiyo flavor to it- Mortal lover is full of rage and hatred, immortal one can't not love them, and then they romantically and dramatically die together murder-suicide style and drag each other to hell. You know, the good shit. ☆

It is one of my ideal dynamics for a bad end pairing. And I do like necromancy shenanigans with a happier/good end, like farcille style too! Just...I don't like either situation for yingyue.

I don't think there's anything wrong with playing with them that way as long as you don't pass it off as canon, like I say all of this with no judgment. But I'm picky and I like to follow canon more closely so I can't really see them in that kind of scenario haha.

It's just! Yingxing's whole deal is that he's a haughty, spiteful, arrogant asshole of a man whose life mission is to be such a damn good craftsman that he can tell all the Xianzhou Natives who looked down on him to suck his short life species dick and flip them the bird. Him being made immortal takes all the fun out of it for me and kinda removes a central part of his character. I LOVE him being petty and full of himself. He should do it more!

And I am so so dearly enamored with the relationship between him and Baiheng. I can't write her out of the whole equation, especially considering she and Yingxing both Came Back Wrong from this incident, and she was the actual intended target.

Like. He loved her. Yingxing loved her. Baiheng was so, so important to him. She's referred to as "the beloved" in Blade's character stories. He called her his bosom friend. He handmade a jade flask just for her.

Not a weapon,

not something she needed,

not something he was doing to show off,

just a flask.

Something pretty, and just for her, something that she would like and use everyday. Not a need, but a want. He did it simply because he wanted to give her a present.

She was the first person to really encourage and believe in him. She helped him come out of his shell (so all that arrogance is her fault BSMZJMS). That animated short where they went up in her star skiff together and she called him cute fucking killed me. They make me chew concrete.

And she was really important to Dan Feng too! He wouldn't have tried to bring her back, otherwise! She died saving him. And he knew what he was doing when he chose to try to bring her back as a Vidyadhara. He had to have. There's no way he couldn't have known that his life was forfeit after this. They don't let you get away with purposely breaking one of the Ten Unpardonable Sins like that.

And he chose to do it anyway. He still chose her life over his own. Dan Feng loved her, too.

He and Yingxing both worked together to try to bring her back because she was someone neither of them could bear to lose.

So if anything, I feel like yingyue is more like larcille bringing back their beloved Falin haha

But no matter who is romantically involved with who, like. It's the love between all three of them that's important.

That's the secret ingredient that makes the triumph of Falin's rebirth and the horrific tragedy of the Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae so emotional. Because these were things that could not have happened unless they all loved each other.

[dhr-deleted]

2023 June - Uploaded

Ada_P_Rix (Ada P. Rix/TMaria/T.MARIA2007) The Baby Project (324KB - Incomplete - R) Set in seventh year.The teachers bring forth a different kind of lesson...let's see how the student's fare when faced with the biggest test of all... The Big 3-0 (41KB - 4 Chapters - NC-17) Blaise has bought Draco the best present ever to celebrate his 30th Birthday. An evening in the 'Blackout Room' at an exclusive club called 'Bon Appetite'. Anonymous in the darkness ... Draco gets to live out his most recent fantasy. Guess who he's been thinking about .... The Big 4-0 (45KB - 4 Chapters - NC-17) Blaise has bought Draco the best present ever to celebrate his 40th Birthday. An evening in the 'Blackout Room' at an exclusive club called 'Bon Appetit'. Anonymous in the darkness ... Draco gets to live out his most recent fantasy. Guess who he's been thinking about .... Compact (10KB - Incomplete - NC-17) A train ride to Hogwarts in 8th year takes around nine hours ... That's a long time to be stuck in a carraige with Draco Malfoy. The Dirty Things We Do In The Dark (13KB - Incomplete - R) Who do you think of? When you're right at the peak of your sexual fantasy ... Who is that one dirty little part of your forbidden fantasy who throws you over that edge?   For Draco, it was someone it never should have been. Four Nights (34KB - One Shot - NC-17) Hermione Granger has the 'little problem' of her Virginity that she has decided she wants to get rid of. She's thinking of finding someone on an online dating site, after being unable to find and connect with anyone within Hogwarts, and her feelings for Ron are unrequited ... Fucklust (36KB - 5 Chapters - NC-17) Sequel to 'I Still Fucking hate you'. This story is set six months later. Draco hadn't Forgotten about their previous encounter. Neither had Hermione. Can you really still resist someone who gave it to you that good? Give me Love (36KB - Incomplete - NC-17) Draco and Hermione will experience the fallout of their current predicament. Hearts will be broken and secrets will be spilled. Are either of them strong enough to face the consequences of their actions? Her Morbid Curiosity (KB - 2 Chapters - NC-17) Hermione is in the wrong place at the right time when she walks past the Slytherin changing rooms after a Match against Slytherin and Gryffindor ... I Still Fucking Hate You. (36KB - 4 Chapters - NC-17) First little story in the Fucklust Series. Fuck-lust; Draco had liked to call it. A state of tension whereby two people hated each other so much that one day they would implode all of these emotions and take them out on each other. The outcome would usually end in them both rutting like rabbits. Not him and Granger, though. No, they wouldn’t just rut. They’d fuck. Hard. Incorrigible (25KB - One Shot - NC-17) Draco Malfoy was going to fuck her while he was on the phone. Les Knickers (96KB - 19 Chapters - NC-17) He needed a cold shower and an obliviation spell. He didn’t want the memory of Granger and that silk peach bra with those virginal white French knickers to be etched into his brain for all eternity. Even if she did look outstanding in them. More than a C Cup (8KB - One Shot - PG-13) Set Pre-Erised Effect during AU Seventh year at Hogwarts. Practice Makes Perfect (19KB - One Shot - NC-17) Christmas in the Granger-Malfoy household... Hermione knows what she wants for Christmas The Renegade (14KB - Incomplete - R) *Follows on from Deathly Hallows: Two years after the Great War of Hogwarts.* A Renegade: "A person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles."   *** Draco can't live at home any longer. Draco decides to run away, knowing he will forfeit his inheritance. He plans his escape into the Muggle World ... guess who he runs into ... That bloody Muggle virus (6KB - Incomplete - R) Draco's found himself Isolated inside his Head boy’s room due to a Muggle virus. He’s decided he’s going to write a strongly worded Direct Message via Hogwarts newly established Student Social App to the only Muggle he knows, just to piss her off and show his disgust at the situation. The recipient being none other than the Head girl, in the next dormitory room to his. Write For Me ... (90KB - 7 Chapters - NC-17) Seventh year Pre-War AU. None of 6th year happened. Draco mistakenly picks up a dirty story that Hermione has dropped and decides to read it ... What a dirty, dirty mind she has...

aeternamdelecto After the Grey Comes the Moon (11KB - One Shot - R) A grey day, a grey afternoon, a coloureless moment in time. Looking forward to lonely future, a pair of grey eyes help Hermione through a moment of loss. In the Morning Light You See Most Clearly (23KB - 2 Chapters - R) What can you do when someone's hurt hurts you? When someone's world comes crashing down? Can you be strong enough to stay? Draco's determined to find out, if only for Granger's sake. Companion piece to After the Grey Comes the Moon. Draco's POV

Arenqua Cold and True (69KB - Incomplete - PG-13) Lazily he took a large bite of the apple as he watched her run! You are mine. Run all you want. You cant escape, Lioness.

Banana Flavored Eskimo Hidden Heritage (81KB - Incomplete - R) Hermione Granger is finding that her seemingly normal Muggle family is anything but that. OK (9KB - One Shot - R) Hermione gave him a rather pointed look. "Marcus, the last time you saw a wizard just buying me a drink you hexed him. Now I tell you that Draco kissed me and all you have to say is OK?" Marcus, Hermione, Draco love triangle

Chisox727 Hermione Granger and The Secret Fire (250KB - 24 Chapters - R) A secret fire burns within. The seventh year begins and there are new faces, old rivals and a secret so dangerous no one is safe from getting burned.

claire AKA silverweed3 Third Time's a Charm (43KB - 8 CHapters - PG-13) Voldemort is gone, but a new group of mysterious dark wizards threaten the Wizarding world. Hermione is the only Auror in the department who has a clue what's going on. Then one night she's kidnapped. Takes place after 'The Winterscapes'. The Winterscapes (76KB - 16 Chapters - PG-13) Seventh year in Draco and Hermione’s shoes—prefect’s meetings, letters from home, new friendships, odd professors, Quidditch matches, classes, and a Halloween festival.

DMTABF Harry Potter and the Boy of Two Houses (Incomplete - PG-13) This is about Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts. A lot of it will be from his POV but some from Hermione as well. There's going to be romance, humor, and a lot of irony that Hr/D fans should enjoy. Meet the Kids (12 Chapters - PG-13) Hermione and Malfoy come across a mysterious Time Turner while patrolling the dungeon one night. When its accidentally turned over, they find themselves in a situation they never could have imagined with people they have never met . . . their kids.

Dorotea Senjak Conversations (40KB - 6 Chapters - R) A relationship between Hermione and Draco is explored through glimpses of their conversations

Draco's Good Girl Draco Malfoy's First Love (59KB - Incomplete - PG-13) Harry and the gang go back to Hogwarts for their fifth year. Draco Malfoy's got a little crush too. Will he join the light side to be with her?

Elia Sheldon Malfoy Movement in A Minor (15KB - One Shot - PG-13) Hermione and Draco's growing attraction for each other reaches a turning point at Malfoy Manor during a charity ball they were forced to plan together. Masquerade Kiss (9KB - One Shot - PG-13) In this twist on Cinderella, Hermione attends a masquerade ball in disguise and meets a wizard with whom she has amazing chemistry. Before they can reveal their identities to each other, she leaves. He uses something she accidentally leaves behind to track her down.

EmiV Omnia Vincit Amor (65KB - Incomplete - PG-13) From childhood, Draco Malfoy had known what he would one day become. A Death Eater. But last year, someone made him doubt his destiny. And now, after refusing to join the Death Eaters, Draco must confront the one who changed his mind. But when he does, will she trust him enough to listen? Sketches (6KB - One Shot - PG) Every artist needs a subject. Draco Malfoy has found his subject, even though she doesn’t know it yet. D/Hr unrequited.

honeysweetcutie Ombré de la Lune (106KB - Incomplete - NC-17) There's something in the Forbidden Forest. Something with yellow eyes and claws like the tips of a falchion. Something that's got Hermione going into Borgin & Burke's, tasting Dark magic for a journal and a ring in the hopes that she can find the answers she seeks. What sort of werewolf doesn't need wolfsbane?

human_amusement Portions For Foxes (One Shot - PG-13) They're broken wires, both of them, and they doubt--they'll survive the war intact or sane.

hrmny4etrnty2 How To Save a Life (12KB - One Shot - NC-17) The Dark Lord has won and all Muggleborns are gifted to his most faithful. Lucius is elevated to the role of second in command and chooses Hermione as Draco’s 18th Birthday present The Prince, the Princess and the Hero (20KB - One Shot - R) Loose lips sink canon ships! Three seventh years, one common room and too much alcohol can lead to interesting events.

Ishafel Unforgivable (One Shot - R) Sometimes love is like a curse.

Karen The Veelas (34KB - 13 Chapters - PG-13) Hermione is in love, but with whom? She does not know how to tell him, no one would accept them if they did get together. But that makes it even better.

maraudersreign Lady’s Glove (One Shot - NC-17) Hermione Granger and Theodore Nott are best friends. Tragically so. DM/HG TN/HG Sweet Taste of Adoration (One Shot - NC-17) It’s Valentine’s Day.. and Draco Malfoy takes his wife to France — he has always had a thing for her in a skirt, Hermione returns the favor, decide’s she’ll give him his perfect gift. Author orphaned other fics.

researchgeek1976 The Illustrated Death of Lucius Malfoy (113KB - 10 Chapters - R) The ending is evident. The path taken to Lucius Malfoy's traitorous death is left to be seen. The actions of others change the lives of the innocent forever, and those once thought virtuous turn murderous in their search of self. A boy becomes a man, and discovers that there is not just one path to attain success within his world. Is the way that remains best for one who has already sold his soul? Takes place in Draco's seventh year, a Death Eater fic.

Velvethope Honey, I'm Home (11KB - One Shot - NC-17) Hermione uses a little truth serum to get to the bottom of her new relationship and finds a startling discovery.

[akshigo]

Myth

There are many stories that are passed between generations. Told with a desire to share lessons, to pass history unto those that will eventually replace us. All stories have a beginning but they do not start with the beginning. The one I share now does, it is the origin of our world, our existence. Huddle close now. Embrace the warmth that signifies life and listen closely. We begin with Urd and Ao. Both are said to have lived in a different time, a different world. Urd was obsessed with freeing life as he viewed it. He believed that to live was to suffer. He saw the struggles of the day and was saddened at the hurt that spilled forth from simple beings trying to live simple lives. He was put at odds with all other living creatures. Ao was one such being. A simple life was all Ao had known. Called to do battle with oblivion Ao answered. It would be wonderful to say Urd naturally lost- but the battle carried on for years. Millenia. As time created more bloodshed, the bonds between the living broke down. They fought amongst themselves and Urd. The living would ultimately destroy themselves, doing Urd's work for him. Only one remained, Ao. Unable to spread any seeds or the like as the last remaining life, Ao instead broke pieces of themselves off. Cutting and severing and allowing life to grow from their very flesh and soul. Ao alone faced Urd and continues to do so. For their battle has not yet ended. Urd races across existence determined to end conflict itself. And Ao runs forever and ever, knowing that should they be caught, all will perish.  You have listened, you know where we all come from. Where you come from. What had to be forfeited to give everything, everything else. Or maybe that's not how you see it, do you shake your head in dismay at Ao's active fighting of the inevitable? Is it even right to continue and prolong such strife? Do you believe that all life should be held sacred even while those that live, prey and feed upon one another? Or should all life be ended even if that is not its wish? We kill one another, whether through anger and murder, or by hunger and hunters. But this either or, right or wrong, good and bad- it is all a trick. It deceives. This view of two sides, of only two sides, comes from those that have aligned themselves with either Urd or Ao. Do not fall into the same trappings that too many have fallen into. I choose both, I acknowledge both Ao and Urd, neither is wrong in their desire. I prefer life, it is why I still live but I understand and see Urd, his tears, his wish to help even if it means to hurt. Ao will always suffer, whether by the hands of their children or by Urd. Yet Ao runs, afraid and pained, Ao still runs. Death would end such concerns, however life is not so wise. Urd comes for all of us, each and everyone one of us. Even so we live, we continue to live. Until we cannot. I myself hope that Ao never stops running, even if they stop fostering new life so long as they run, I am at peace. This game of cat and mouse is cruel for all, nevertheless it needs its players.

[cactusbaseball]

I think what genuinely confuses me is why people view the choice to vote democrat as choosing American lives over Palestinian lives. Realistically we are going to end up with a democrat or a republican for president. Both parties have shown unwavering support for Israel and an unwillingness to give actual substantial aid to Palestine, which is obviously truly fucking evil. However, I don’t see how not voting (or voting republican, if that’s something people are actually considering) will actually help end the genocide? “Teaching the democrats a lesson” by letting them lose this election isn’t going to change their ways, they’ve lost elections before and unless I’m mistaken it hasn’t made a significant difference in the past. And hearing the blatantly racist way Trump has spoken about Palestinians (like saying Israel should “finish the job”, what the fuck) shows me that he will not be any less genocidal than Biden was, if anything he may find a way to be worse. So if both of the parties that have any realistic chance of being in power will be equally awful on the international front, why is it wrong to choose the party that is less likely to strip rights away from women, immigrants, queer people, and countless marginalized Americans? Why is it wrong to choose the party that is less likely to kill trans children? It would be one thing if losing these rights would somehow end the genocide. If that was the case, I would see why people consider it an us or them situation and I would seriously consider forfeiting my rights to save lives. But the way I see it, there has been no indication that the republican party has any intention of ending the genocide, so I don’t understand how letting them win and letting them continue supporting Israel while also killing more Americans is a morally superior choice to voting blue. I understand why people are disgusted with the Democratic Party right now, I am too. Biden has the blood of thousands on his hands. And I definitely understand why people can’t bring themselves to vote for either party, even if I disagree with that decision. But i have not seen any logical explanation as to how forfeiting my human rights as a queer woman by not voting will do anything to help Palestinians.

[daedalmirage]

princess tutu || ch 3 body drop || banri-not-tezuka

One has to ask: was she only living on borrowed time?

Nina had only survived so long because of what was, divided among the members of their party, either their owed moral imperative or a gross bout of shortsighted incompetence. In that sense, she was the trial run, the experiment, the first mile they tried to pull from an inch, but not the last. And in that, in the heated debates of right against correct, the woman of the hour had her personhood taken from her, a life no longer her own, given back on contingence in the limbo state of living as a murderer. An uncertain existence for a lady of precision.

  Ballet is an art of exactness. Of breaking shoes and bloody heels, of leaps and steps and bounds, of snap poses and languid leans. Her murder was anything but; abrupt, messy, without much planning put into it at all, the dangerous passions held within such a stern heart. Death then, as it fits her now, is a return to form. The pristine unflappableness of a corpse posed so perfectly, still as though she beckons for her portrait to be painted. Degas’ The Rehearsal, Oppler’s Les Sylphides, Serov’s Anna Pavlova. Cold preserves better than paint ever could with the even, matte flatness of death.

  Poeticisms such as those make Banri sick.

  Stench, it’s always stench first, the gut revulsion heralded by death in the air. Seeing who it is brings no comfort, because how could it? What peace is there to be gained from seeing the face of someone he knows without the light of life within them? Sequential stabs of the mind with each realization: someone’s dead, Nina’s dead, someone’s killed her, we have to have a trial again, someone else will die after her, oh god, oh god, dread and dread and mounting dread. Whatever ordinary morning was just before seems now a lifetime away, and Banri lacks the stomach to tolerate the doom.

  Some guilty part of him whispers a dangerous thought: that if there was someone to kill, Nina’s life was already forfeit, wasn’t it? She lived by their good graces, and she’d die by them in turn. And another part of his snaps ravenously at that, disturbed and repulsed that he’d even begin to think in terms of whose death would be the least offensive when any loss of life is such a dismal end. He cannot say he understood Nina well, but that was not required to behold the horror of her demise, just as it was not required to ask to see the cold doggedness burning in her still-living eyes. Her position, bloody hands and all, was one that if unlucky enough, any of them could have ended up in. Unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Perhaps that’s what happened here, yet again. A prima ballerina in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in arm’s length of the wrong person. All it would take is to reach out and grab, and what stronger motive is there than opportunity?

  That’s why the peaceful sight feels so repulsive. No terror so insidious should anyone dare to make beautiful. Shivering, paling, quaking of his knees. Nobody should make art of their terrible deeds.

He lacks the presence of mind to even scream.

[queerrocket]

dear god this has given me feelings.

Okay so so first it depends on which River, I think op here is talking about a River closer to what we see in Silence of the Library, a post Darrillium River. But allow me to go on several tangents before arriving at the point. 

If we were talking about a young River, I'm picturing right off the bat of saving his life in Berlin, it would be so different. This River has just chosen to forfeit her lives for his but more importantly she's chosen to forfeit the Silence and everything that entails. If we really boil it down here River has essentially just chosen/made a gamble on freedom (and love but she doesn't really know that yet and it's not important to her nor is it the point and apparently she never really does know (if you ever loved me)) rejecting the only constant thing in her life so far, the Silence, a cult like institution which has emotionally manipulated, abused, lied, treated her like a tool and conditioned her to be a psychopath, for her entire life.

A young River, immediately post all of that fucking shit, getting stuck with this version of the Doctor, I think the capacity for angst here is undeniable, especially for River. Like if we take the distrust and weariness from the way he treated her in the library which was before 10s edgy dramatic boi era and dial it up, I can't imagine either of them would have a good time. I'd probably need to rewatch that era of ten to get some better or more specific ideas. But I do think this River is very much a sponge let loose on the universe for the first time and that mentality with this ten would be interesting and angsty.

But okay an older River and this ten, but a post Manhattan River and a post Darrillium River would also be vastly different I think. Post Manhatten is a River who's just lost two out of three (and you might say 3/3 here but that depends on personal HC for which there's no right or wrong answers, for me I enjoy thinking that they fought, maybe he cancelled on Darrilum again, maybe she couldn't let him in the way they both needed, maybe maybe maybe) people she's ever loved. In HoRS we (and the doctor) got to more overtly see another side of River that’s always been present (an incomplete list of things River has gotten up when the Doctor’s been out of earshot pre Darrillium: made a dalek beg for mercy, poisoned Dorium for a bargain, drugged a number of Romans, and the list goes on, I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few and these are without mentioning the dweu) a “darker” side that HoRS prevents us from ignoring anymore (this is where genoiced comes to kick back and relax and sweets are reserved for planet burners *picks up a sweet*). So this River with nothing to lose and that ten. 

I don’t think it would be as big a disaster as it could be. At the risk of sounding too sappy I think River loves him too much to let him go completely off the rails, I think River would hold tight to all the things he’s taught her (kindness without hope, without witness and without reward) I think she’d be motivated by the need to preserve the future/past of their time together while being absolutely ripped apart believing that they didn't mean nearly as much to him as they did to her. I think that she would not be very good at commanding the leash as op put it, because of all (the grief, the guilt, isolation, ect.) that’s going on with her, I think that she could help him grieve and rediscover what makes him the Doctor and I think it could be an immensely satisfying tale of self discovery and acceptance for this version of River. Where by the end of it she realises that she helped that she’s partly responsible for all the things that she loves so deeply and completely about him (the quote is literally something like …without reward and this is why I love him, my husband) and thus loves about herself? While also of course being filled with angst, it’d be a long and hard journey, two steps forward one step back type beat for both of them. 

Okay so we arrive at post Darrillium River, this is where we see patience, acceptance, where he rails against her and she is the calm to his storm, this River is like the one we see in A Good Man Goes to War, calmly and methodically taking him down a peg when she needs too and offering a truth as a soothing comfort. She would let him do what he needs to do and intervene when necessary, she’s loved him for a thousand years plus however long they spent together on Darrillium, she knows him so intimately and completely. And the angst comes in here with her missing her husband, someone who knows her as surely as she does him. Would flow nicely into the library two parter, she's spent the last however long helping him the way he helped her post Berlin, closing the loop sort of, we could get some satisfied introspection from River accepting her end on the heels of this story i suppose.

+1  Data ghost River and this ten have the capacity to burn things. If we take (now this is heavily hc dependent and actually this is just blatant fanfic at this point, not that the others weren’t) a River who’s been in the library for thousands of years, a River who has come to resent her paradise, thinking of it as a prison rather than an afterlife (if you ever loved me and left me like a book on a shelf) with these two perhaps we see Ten finally being the one to curb River’s destruction. Maybe she doesn’t think he can hear her, maybe she spoils everything in bitter rage, maybe after she lost her body she’s been steadily losing the rest of herself too, maybe their grief feeds off one another, maybe this is the darkest timeline, maybe he falls in love with a twisted ghost and instead of clawing his way out of the darkness like the Doctor, he lets them sink deeper and deeper until they’re drowning and taking the universe down with them.

I'm so normal about her guys don't even worry about it :)

Hmm yeah, I do wanna see River deal with Timelord Victorious era 10th Doctor. I think she'd be able to thread the needle of letting him be his Worst Self for a bit. Like yeah babe be toxic, let it all out. Yet at the same time keep him from totally going to far and losing his mind without him realizing she's got him on a leash.

[c-is-for-circinate]

a penny for your Ashton thoughts?

ASHTON GREYMORE MY BELOVED

Fair warning, I am once again half an episode behind, plus I'm pretty scattered today, but let's have some bullet points and see what ensues.

Anybody remember when, a couple of months ago, some posts went around about how 'everyone says Ashton's So Loyal but that's bullshit and people letting their affection for Taliesin overrule their objectivity'? No? Well I do and I AM STILL SMUG ABOUT THEM BEING WRONG.

Seriously, this rock is the walking personification of "I don't care," I said, caringly, as I cared deeply. We all know this by now, I think. I love it with my whole heart.

Something fascinating to me about Ashton in comparison with Taliesin's other characters: they are, every one of them, Extremely Sure they know how the world (or their specific part of it, at least) works. Part of what's great about that is how often the things they're Sure Of disagree -- Percy, Molly, and Caduceus in a room together and asked to debate human nature would be a wild show to watch from the other side of a bulletproof one-way mirror, safe behind blast doors. And so far Ashton is in their own way perhaps the least obviously Absolutely Sure out of all of them, which is really interesting in its own way! It means when I think about Ashton, I always find myself pondering: what ARE they Sure of?

I think we saw our biggest hint about that with his rage during the Hytroga heist. There are rules. You keep your word. If you create an agreement, you keep it. Breaking an agreement like that is WRONG, fundamentally, core-of-how-the-world-works wrong, and people who do that should Pay For It.

The other half of Ashton's worldview seems to be something along the line of 'people are assholes' -- put together, "People are assholes, but there are rules." Certainly 'people are assholes' is probably the part he'd say out loud! Which makes it really interesting that, by the standards of a Taliesin Character, Ashton is practically halfhearted about this one. They certainly don't believe that people never act for reasons of loyalty and love. I think about Ashton in comparison to Percy or Molly, in particular -- Percy and Molly, who were quite sure that the universe contained Decent People and Terrible People, and that they could quite readily tell the difference. (Percy might have had ranks for 'tolerable people', a category that could theoretically be applied to either Decent or Terrible people, but it was all very much something appropriately categorized.) Ashton doesn't go around the world expecting to find Terrible People the way they did. He goes around expecting to find assholes, which is a statement of general dickishness but also not, like, a thing to get morally offended over or be surprised about. Even the kind of prissy rich people that Molly would have loathed (lord, Molly meeting Jiana Hexum?) fall comfortably onto Ashton's scale of 'yeah, they're an asshole, that's whatever -- no, OBVIOUSLY you can't trust them, but who trusts people?' There are very, very few individuals who seem to rate Ashton's 'no, this person is so awful they have forfeited their right to be treated with decency and rules' classification. Thinking about how he flipped out about Hytroga, it almost feels like it's a surprise to him. Like Ashton goes around pseudo-cheerfully expecting a certain baseline of shittiness in the general tone of 'why would I be SURPRISED by that?', and when someone fails to live up to even those (complicated, only-known-to-him) standards, it hits right in the gut.

There's an interesting tie-in here with how Ashton thinks people thinks of him, specifically. Ashton thinks of themself as 'that asshole, who people may at any given time be annoyed with/furious at/relatively meh about'. And like, that's...sort of true? They have a really low charisma score! Various NPCs have indeed come pre-annoyed with him! But Justi was reasonably pleased to see him, and Milo saved their damn life and then let them keep living in their punk squat house, and the Bells Hells love him. I think that might be part of why 'people are assholes' is such a complicated thing, for Ashton. Yeah, people are dicks -- but it's not like they're going to just ignore the fact that friendship and love and loyalty exist too. That sometimes people are inexplicably fond of them in ways they can use. (and meanwhile, Ashton has been so, so lonely, Ashton who was almost fond of Jiana Hexum for being a person he could rely on who considered him Of Use, Ashton who's all in on Bells Hells as a crew and FCG in particular, who lets Laudna goo-cry on their shoulder and plays with Fearne and is Kind Of A Dick (affectionate) with them all. Ashton who was so ready to be valued and has gone all in on it immediately.)

...oh motherfucker, if Chetney is Travis's version of Nott, then Ashton is Taliesin playing Beau.

That aside, it's been great to see them in Basuras for multiple reasons, including the fact that it really beautifully illustrates exactly how and why "People are assholes, but there are rules" might become a life philosophy. In a lot of ways, that's the core motto of this entire town! People are assholes, everywhere, always, and nobody ever really stops them -- but there are a few central fundamental tenets to how things work around here, and if you break them you are in for a WORLD of hurt.

Honestly, it has been such a joy to watch Ashton in Basuras. They're in their element and it's wonderful! They know the town, the players, the rules, the games, the local legends. How many years has it been since Ashton's been here? And Justi and the All-Minds-Burn collective still remembers them fondly? It may be a shithole, but this is home.

Lastly, I have had SO much joy watching Ashton take FCG's whole "oh, Ashton is our leader!" to heart. He's never made a big deal out of it, never given orders exactly, but in a leaderless collective of fuckwits all trying to Twitch Plays Pokemon their way through life, Ashton has been guiding discussions, proposing plans, and doing a really unexpectedly excellent job of nudging disordered chaos into action. Part of it's because this is home turf and Ashton knows what's what here, but -- every time they tell Chetney to keep an eye out for if the group's being followed and Chetney immediately goes with it, every time Ashton checks in with the group to see whether certain people are okay -- it's so good! I love it so much! It doesn't work during fights exactly, because barbarian rage tunnel vision (contrast Fjord, who did similar nudging and guiding things but was also very much a battlefield controller with a good big-picture view of the whole field most of the time, especially by the end), but on a general day-to-day basis...at least in Basuras, Ashton is actually acting as the group leader, and I love it so much.

At any rate, the tumblr grapevine suggests that the second half of this week's episode is going to involve Dusk getting revealed as Secret Inside Assassin PC, and I am stoked to see how Ashton reacts to that. Ugh. Do I need to just bite the Twitch Subscription bullet for weekend VODs, given that this state of bed-at-mid-break affairs is likely to continue for...literally evermore, with this new job? I think I do. I really think I do.