#eh im not tagging this otherwise

[parisoonic]

Quick sum up of the year as people are doing art roundups on insta rn! It's been very fun getting back into truly self indulgent mainly heavymedic lol personal work this year. I don't think I've drawn this much for myself for...ages and ages...usually I draw BGs and sets with the idea that it's going towards a portfolio but all this work has been truly just for me! I've focused on lineart and learning how to draw people...I think I can see a lot of improvement from where I started at the very beginning of the year with some refinement in later months towards where I'd like to be! Still a long way to go fjkhdfh looking back at my folder of 'fin artwork' from this year i wanna do more colour stuff going forward (even if it's just whacking the characters onto a colour-card bg) they're all my favourites or the most interesting to me 🤔 anyways here's to 2024!

[crustyfloor]

I still feel as though I'm missing something when i see the connection of Luka staring at Ivan and Till staring at Luka but nobody is actually looking at each other.

I know the reason for this homophobic stare was probably Ivan regaining his composure/giving himself a check "damn I really did that"/realizing that still trying to reach out to Till one last time was fruitless after slipping up during the song but. What if he was staring back at Luka? what if he knew what was coming all along.

[icecreampizzer]

Here's a little thing I made as a companion to this thing I wrote, whatever it is. Played around with the idea of Fabby and Prism bonding...Somehow.

[b4kuch1n]

fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot

[crowned-ladybug]

Draw Everything June is gonna condition me to be okay with posting unpolished things again, I can feel it

Days 1 & 2 ft Darius demanding to be included and "oh shit i forgot the paintbrush is fun to scribble with"

[jefferythejelly]

wait this is kinda good

[waywardsalt]

Hello! I hope you’re having a good day!

What do you think about the new Zelda game that was announced? (echoes of wisdom)

P.S. idk if this question has already been asked or if you posted about it already so I apologize in advanced.

Hi! I hope your day's going well, too!

I don't think I really have any strong feelings about Echoes of Wisdom right now, honestly. I didn't really feel much when I saw it announced, mostly just feeling glad for the people who are excited; I'm glad that people are finally getting a proper playable Zelda, and I've decided to withdraw/keep quiet about my my cynical opinions about it since it's not out yet, and people do really seem excited about it. I think totk just really wore me out, so I'm not totally optimistic about what we'll get. But I'm hoping that it's good, and that the people really excited for it have a good time with it when it comes out!

I'm not the biggest fan of that art style, honestly, and I'm not the biggest fan of make-your-own-solution type puzzles, and the controls look like they're going to be really clunky to me, just looking at what the trailer shows.

Either way, I'm likely going to end up playing it anyways, since I did tell my mom about it, and she's pretty excited! At the end of the day, I at least hope she enjoys it, so despite my own feelings I am just hoping that it's good and that people like it.

[the-acid-pear]

today's prompts are spiders and self insert so i've been thinking of drawing nembone and a uh, bunger. but Im still thinking around the uh. ? i cant remember the word HELP the fucking COMPOSITION there.

[whilomm]

*accessibly cutlery like for example those with specially designed wide handles for easier holding, stabilizing spoons/forks, or anything else thats specifically designed as a disability aid. i.e., im not just picky bc "ohhh heavy and small feels nice", but stuff like "they will literally fall out of my hand otherwise"

inspired by the group chat being at times either horrified or delighted by the various cutleries i have been considering (want to buy myself fancii new ones)

[fandomfluffandfuck]

S that latest poll answer makes me sad for you. Did that inspire that fic you wrote about Sebastians body image and thr beetle?

related to my tags on this poll & this fic of mine "The Kids Aren't Alright"

This gets personal and kind of intense, so it goes below the cut!

Trigger warning for discussion of general poor mental health, depression, suicidal ideation/self harm, eating disorders, body image issues, etc.

The short answer is an overwhelming yes.

"The Kids Aren't Alright" was very much something that I wrote because it struck a chord in me--Sebastian talking about his experience with body dysmorphia always hits home for me as a guy with body dysmorphic disorder, and the first time I heard Mackie admittedly very affectionately teasing him, saying he got stuck in the VW Beetle, I was a little horrified, I mean, secondhand embarrassement, imagining embarrasment so vividly it was horrible, really. So, naturally, I had to make it into a fic.

Also, I hope you don't mind, sweets, before going on, I'm adding onto your ask with another that I got even more recently:

youre very generous with what you share, so ignore this if im over the line, but its mens mental health month and that suicidal ideation post made me think of your mental health, whats been your experience with it?? i dont have a lot of men in my life who are willing to share with me, so i thought i would ask you 🥰🥰 please delete this if youre uncomfy tho

which is related to this

Both of you are such sweethearts!

Thanks, though, I don't exactly try to share a shit ton 🤷🏻‍♂️ I guess, eh, being somewhat anonymous in this corner of the internet yet being honest in the form of the spectrum of emotion from raw feral angst to private domestic fluff to shameless shut coaxes me into being so forthcoming? Not that I'm, like, super reserved otherwise, lmao.

I'll start with a short answer again before I go into deeper detail, which is just to say: my experience with it has been rough. I, a queer man, grew up in a small, red town with a very traditional family, so... yeah. It was not fun.

Okay, longer answer now because when given the opportunity, I. will. yap.

I think I will start with masculinity here because I feel as though a lot of my experiences with mental health and issues with my body tie directly into my masculinity. I don't have problems with being a man, I love being a man, it's who I am, I just don't love some of the expectations of being a man on a grand societal and interpersonal level, y'know?

Masculinity, to me, was always presented as the thing you have to be or else. Or else my parents were disappointed; or else the other boys wouldn't like me; or else I felt bad about myself: or else there must be something wrong with me; or else I must be gay; or else.

I have older siblings, and my older brother was in Boy Scouts when we were kids. Both of my parents fucking love the outdoors. So, of course, they loved that. My dad, specifically, spent all his time doing Scouts shit with my brother or organizing similar activities just for them when not at work. (I had a traditional western family unit, my dad worked, my mom was a stay-at-home mom.) And while I do enjoy the outdoors and camping and hiking and all that, just in smaller doses, I never wanted to join Scouts. I nearly immediately attached myself to art, so I just didn't have the interest. I can't do art if I'm outside digging in dirt, fighting with sticks, practicing knots, doing target practice, and backpacking (or whatever else the boys in the troop were doing), can I? That meant, if I wanted to draw or do crafts or something creative, I was inside, and my mom was looking after me and my sister while my dad and brother were out.

That did not sit well with my dad. He wanted me outside, joining Boy Scouts and fixing cars, playing mechanics with my brother. I did not want to. He tried very hard to get me to be as interested in more stereotypically manly activities with him and my brother, and it didn't work.

I'm just more artistic. That was always a clear disappointment.

To add on, as I grew up, I was not physically traditionally masculine, either. I've cracked jokes here and there that I'm not too dissimilar to pre-serum Steve before. It's not far off. I'm about 5'6", a little taller, and skinny.

I grew up waiting desperately for puberty, waiting for my muscles and growth spurt and... it didn't happen. My voice dropped way deep (which meant it cracked wildly and super noticeably, and, of course, I got shit for it), and I enjoyed that. I never had a pressing issue with my dick, I mean, I would hazard a guess that anyone with a dick worries about size at some point just because that's something etched deep in social sexuality, but I had more pressing things to obsess over. Like, at first, when body hair started to kick in, I was psyched to see it, and then it kept coming and suddenly guys in the locker room were pointing it out and making fun of me for being a "little guy" with so much body hair. Puberty also did fuck my face up with acne which destroyed a lot of my self-esteem, too. I had to go on Accutane not once, not twice, but three times. I still have a robust routine to keep my skin clear (but it is clear these days and I'm still reeling thinking about it, it took someone telling me I had really nice skin for me to snap out of it and realize I wasn't still covered with acne, actually. And that was recent!).

I didn't have my pre- to post-serum sudden increase in height and muscle moment, so I continued to feel scrawny and weak. Having pectus excavatum, a birth defect where my sterum curves in instead of going down in a straight line, never helped, either--I got made fun of for that, of course. I remember a comment about how one guy in a locker room wasn't going to dare to hit me/slap me on the back because he would clearly just break me... yeah, that didn't help feeling like the odd one out, unmasculine, fragile, and unattractive.

My self-esteem is much better these days, I will gladly say, but I genuinely used to get sick to my stomach just thinking about what I looked like, never mind actually looking in the mirror. I felt horrible that I had to go out in public and subject people to looking at my face. I'm an avid journal-er, and I have old entries where I just go on and on and on and on about how I felt like a monster. Disgusting and hideous.

It doesn't matter that I know, objectively, that I have a fairly masculine and even an attractive face. My jaw is square, I can grow a beard, I have a deep voice, my eyes are green, I've been very lucky to have straight, white teeth without braces and all that. Plus, people seem to like my cheekbones and curly hair. My voice, too, people seem to enjoy my voice and my mouth. So, evidently, others seem to appreciate my face. So many people spread over so many years have no real reason to lie. I'm complimented. I've not had problems when it comes to dating and relationships or whatever. Yet still, it's just not what I see. I say I know objectively what I look like because I know facts about myself, but I...

I don't really know what I look like, if that makes sense? My reflection shifts a lot, over the years I have had a problem with every part of my face, every part of my body, and I know I can't trust what I see in the mirror. I fixate on things, and it consumes my viewing experience.

Part of the consequences of all... that... all those issues above have been my experience with eating disorders. I've had some fun [sarcastic] mix of orthorexia, binge eating disorder, and anorexia over most of my conscious life. From the moment I was aware of myself and my own body, I've had problems fueling my body. It's a cycle over years and years that's been going on since late elementary school (around 10, 11), where I'm fucking sick and tired of feeling weak and useless and not masculine, so I push myself too hard in the gym and kitchen--working out until I'm physcially ill, blacking out, blistering from running and lifting, I've torn a few things that way, while obsessing with healthy foods at the same time to the point that it's unhealthy. That happens for however long I can take it. Then, eventually, I break. And I get into a cycle of binging that destroys my ability to go to the gym, so it's just binging. Cycles of it, uncontrollable. That morphs into feeling too big and disgusted with myself in the opposite way that I started with, so my brain fixates on restricting. What goes up must come down, though, so with enough of that... then I feel too small again and, yeah. It starts over. 🙃

I have worked very hard to break it with the help of friends and a short lived experience with therapy (he was a terrible therapist, then my insurance stopped covering it, so I couldn't afford to go or find a new one), but I've--dare, I say--gotten into some kind of balance more recently.

To end on perhaps a hilariously on-theme note and something happier, what I have found is that sex helps. Therapy and supportive friends and good environment are obviously irreplaceable. But, sex is good, too. When I was in the thick of all that, younger with my mental health challenges way more out of control, I'm sure I was just getting away from the numbness and hurt--endorphins, oxytocin, y'know, all that.

Then, I'm sure it was added to by the fact that suddenly, with sex, women (I am queer but when I started fucking around, I only felt safe enough to be with women, I didn't think I could be out where I was, and now... that's just the way it's worked out. It happens to have been women) were enjoying me. Enjoying what I could give them. Complimenting me explicitly or implicitly. Saying I'm hot or, clearly, if we're having sex, I'm not so disgusting that you don't want to fuck me.

But, sex helps beyond those rudimentary things, too. Finding kinky people and sex-positive people has inadvertently led me to find body positive people and find examples of real bodies--people really actually enjoying themselves. Spending more time naked is beneficial, too, haha. Slowly, I'm learning to appreciate myself more. This is my body. It's the only one I have to live in, I may as well make peace with it. And I will take the pleasure that my body can give others. I appreciate that I can do that. I like making people feel good, I like having their faith put in me to make them feel good and treat them and their bodies well, like they're desired, or not 😏, depending on what they're into. I want to pull that pleasure out of them. I want to make them feel good, bad, whatever. I want them to feel in their body.

Did that answer the question, lmao? I just rambled 💀💀

[captainshyguy]

6 bc im curious and 9 bc i wanna see ur hit list /hj

aaa ty belle!!

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

hmmm, not to my knowledge! the closest has been somthing ve been neutral bout/thought was kinda silly like melli and ingo lol, like i didnt hate it, but was neutral, and now i think its hilariousKJDSNGSDJ

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

(if these end up in characters tag i apologise but i aint censoring every single damn name! im not tagging and that should be enough)

oooh im gonna expand this bit beyond my regular fandoms bc there are some little fuckers out there i really hatein othe thinhs gkgjd, lets do regular fandoms first though

hollow knght: tpk, lurien, tiso. tpk for obvious reasons (plus i dont really like a lot of high up characters in general like focusing on tpk in fics kinda makes me eyes roll when the vessels are right there. lurien for reasons :). tiso because people went through a stint where he was just silly himbo and kept shippig him with quirrel nd i fucking hated that lol. his design slaps though

tcw: the bad batch lol fucking HATE them. tech is tolerable, and i dont even count echo one of them, free him!!! but the rest are condesceding assholes sorry idc if they get better in their own show like sorry you sold them to me as 'ooo arent they soooo cool theyre so much better than those Regulr Clones Boooo, look at them!!! like fuck off lol. you will never be captain rex

pokemon: not a big fan of 'hehee im a cutesy quirky little girl!! chracters, like sabi or poppy like. theyre fine i guess but eh. not for me. otherwise swordbert and shieldbert were also annoying kjgskgj

off the top of my head i cant really think of many for mario besides like...idk cranky kong specifically in the mario movie? awful voice perfromace. i guess waluigi too sorry, i m not a fan of like..idk, more basic mario chracters who dont really show up in non mulitplyar games, bc they end up beign sooo known and its like. bro they didnt even put him in wonder or 3d world or anything. like if u want him to be a staple mario character to me then put him in other games too, or i'll just roll my eyes that he's taking up space where someone like cpatain toad or peasley could be taking it lol

undertale/deltarune: detanged one but ice-e. ex went through a period where he as weirdly obsessed with him and thought he'd be super important and it annoyed me :)

ok now outside of my regular fdoms, characters i still loathe include

ralph from the flash- he was this stretchy dude who was awful abt women and like sure he kiiiida got over it but it felt weak and i hated him and the actor ended up being shitty anyway.. in the same universe i didnt like either oliver or barry's daughters from the future, both were very annoying lol

mon el from super girl. i hate him. kill him.annoying boring no chemistry love interest. kill him

eric sparrow from tony hawks underground- though i will concede that like the hollow knight characters, he contrbutes in really important ways to the story. like your'e SUPPOSED to hate him thats the point, they do a very good job with it. like he's written fantastically, and i want to kill him. i alway think of this article i read about him that was like 'eric sparrow is my best friend and he wants to hurt me' like yeah thats it thats the character. like i LIKE WHAT THEY DID, which sets him apart from almost everyone else here, its just what they did makes you hate him lol

ross from friends. miserable, insecure little creep. kill him

there are little charcters i loathe more than peter griffin family guy. kill bite explode

[astarionancuntnin]

Unsolicited Lore Dump

Tagged by the amazing @nyx-knox - thank u i love u💕

Do you make your bed? EH once in a while i will flip back the 2 covers i use to sleep and i call it a day

Favorite number? 24, my birthdayyy

What's your job? im a Lead QA! i have a lil team of 8 nerds QAs that I help guide throughout the day and i love them so very much <3

If you could go back to school would you? oh YEAH theres so much stuff that im interested in, i think i would go back especially for languages or continue psychology

Can you parallel park? i dont wanna brag buttttttttttttt yes, and i learned solely based on a gif i saw pass around here YEARS ago before i even learned how to drive and got it on first try. my teacher was impressed uwu

Do you think aliens are real? THEY HAVE TO, the universe is so big, it would be dumb to think that were truly alone

Can you drive a manual car? god no i had an anxiety attack last time i tried. nono, i drive an electric car, i dont stress about no manual car

What's your guilty pleasure? ohhhhhhhhhhh good question. its gonna sound very general but treating myself to anything i want regardless of the repercussions it has on my wallet.

Tattoos? so many , if i listed them, they would take the entire post, (im basically covered in tattoos) but i can say that :

right arm has a "cute/beauty that can kill" theme

left arm is personal meaning/matching tattoos

right leg is gaming

left leg is witchy vibes

+ a flower in my ear and bongo cat under my tiddy

Favorite color? PORPOL. im in my lilac/lavender phase

Favorite types of music? I'm the kind of person to listen to a lot of genres, but soundtracks really hit the spot for me. I get carried on so easily by a good soundtrack, but otherwise i enjoy a good indie pop

Do you like puzzles? OH YEAH especially escape rooms, i had a phase last year and did like 10 of those. ngl i wanna go again, i miss those

Any phobias? spiders, i wanna like them but i cant i just cant

Favorite childhood sport? Soccer and artistic swimming, i was part of two sports clubs before moving out

Do you talk to yourself? Constantly

What movies do you adore? Emperor's new grove, in french canadian version specifically. comfort movie of all time

Coffee or tea? Coffee!! Bean juice makes me sleepy in big quantities but i find it so comforting, specially a caramel latte

First thing you wanted to be growing up? A singer safkhbsaglhabs;kfg

No pressure tags! but i would love to read up your infodumps uwu @danielsbackupglasses @communistfries @vixstarria @charmandabear

[mtreebeardiles]

Things I'd like to know about my fellow writers

Tagged by @illusivesoul -- many thanks!

Tagging uh... um. All of you. Any writer who sees this and wants to participate

Last book I read: oh god I read a lot of books at the same time uhhh hmm I did recently finish Claudia Gray's The Fallen Star (book three in the High Republic books) and am emotionally compromised about it

Greatest literary inspiration: Ooh, gotta be Tamora Pierce. Amazing world building, great characters, a wonderfully down-to-earth writing style you don't often see in the high fantasy genre. Good stuff all around.

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write: luckily for me someone IS writing WWII crossover fics ( <3 @theoriginalladya ). Otherwise it's less an issue of not wanting to write something and more an issue of not feeling like I can pull it off as well or else not having the energy to do so

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: Guardian Angel x Songbird in a borderlands/cyberpunk crossover/au. The entire concept of the second part of my ME:A long fic because I go even more off-script -- talking Kett characters from beyond the heleus cluster, AI fuckery, poking at the jaardan, and yeah. Stuff. Probably why I'm struggling so hard to finish the first part, eh?

You can recognize my writing by: excessive love of commas and semicolons; third person with a stream of consciousness touch. a rousing game of "is this a run-on sentence or does the comma negate that" (it DOES, i swear).

My most controversial take (current fandom): Hoo boy okay uhhh

For Mass Effect: ... I don't ship shakarian and I don't ship Talibrations. If I were to write anything with Garrus it'd probably be an OC or someone with less established interactions in canon, because i feel Garrus's canonical depictions are all over the fucking place. And I just really like Tali with Traynor /shrug

ME:A is a good game. Cry about it. (as in im crying about it because chances are high they won't let us go back)

Top three favourite tropes: idk if this is a trope per se or if it is idk what it's called but I'm such a sucker for people being super dorky in their relationships. Absolute nerds. Hmm I also like "saved" by the narrative -- characters who have to face the consequences of making it out alive and figuring out what that means. Found family is another goodie.

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): 0.5 -- i wrote like! Some sentences recently! Ayyy!

Share a random frustration: I think I need a different dedicated writing space. My current office is just too "this is the place you work" and it just adds to the already pervasive sense of burnout.

[chromatic-crow]

people you want to know better

thanks @watch-the-damn-line for the tag!

last song: masser by jeremy soule. i sleep to it and just woke up not that long ago eh

currently watching: nothing right now really besides baseball and going to a da beauty league game last night

currently reading: babyon's ashes by james s.a. corey, book 6 in the expanse

current obsessions: ....is it weird if i say writing cubed, cause i am......pretty obsessed with it. uh. otherwise i cant really say much besides like. blueberry bagels/fig bars/bread.

sweet savoury or salty: im actually a big sour guy. salty is my second go to but sour is far superior

relationship status: super single and likely always will be. which....idk mostly fine by me

last thing I googled: wyatt kaiser and how to get back to my hotel lmao.

i am not gonna tag anyone but anyone is free to say i did if you wanted to <3

[deliciousmicroplastics]

for the ask game: every question number divisible by 3

*goes through several hand exercises* here we GO

ask meme here [link]

3. What was the last song you listened to? 

UHHHHH my itunes is saying Astonished Man by Thao & The Get Down Stay Down

6. Do you prefer drawing or writing? 

VASTLY prefer writing but i like showing off my drawings better more, i don't tend to finish and publish all that much writing

9. When is your birthday? 

September 28th, just like Hilary Duff

12. Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

my cat, annizap, zoë, ppl i have super secret crushes on, you if you want one!

also my cat

15. What’s your favorite season?

Usually autumn but last year's was dogshit so spring

18. Who is the last person you texted?

im guessing my mom let me check

...

...

phone froze

okay yeah my mom

21. How was your day today?

had family dinner that through no major fault of my family's i didn't want to go to. so i was kinda binchy abt that for a lot of the day but otherwise eh it was kinda mid. played animal crossing!

24. When was the last time you cried? Why? 

idk but ive been so fucking sad lately so it could've been sometime this week during a negative spiral

27. What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

Gideon the Ninth? Watchmen?

30. What are you looking forward to in the near future? 

making brownies for my friends bday it's today but i had family shit so hopefully that can be a tuesday or wednesday activity

33. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

CLOSEDDDDDDDDD unless the house is empty i don't always wear a shirt to bed

36. Do you like your middle name?

my early 20's name change was more motivated by the bit and i wish i'd gone with something else but it's okay, i just rarely mention it

39. Do you stay up late?

typically, unfortunately

42. Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

hhhhhh but then five people will feel obligated to read this okayok it's fineeeee @jargon-seeds, @salviasjezabel, @inthelandofthewildthings, @dolichomorph, and of course @xollos

45. Is there anyone you would die for? 

id die for my kitty

49. Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

i'm a distrustful motherfucker so if you ask it like this my instinct is to say NOBODYYYYYY but like ive had to depend on other people for survival frequently

uhhhhh end of post here's something from my screenshots folder

[waywardsalt]

i love having terrible outfit ideas for linebeck