#eggtimetofly

[eggtimetofly]

I'm stuck

My mood changes hundreds of times a day I'm stuck I have no sales, and the end of October is approaching.

I feel like there's a huge barrier in front of me. I imagine my neck hanging from a pole in front of me. I feel good, then bad, then good again.

Despite knowing the importance of thinking and saying what you want of thinking and saying what you want I once again think of problems, not solutions, and I think of death.

My mind closes easily. I feel judged I think they all hate me.

Maybe i see in others what I do to myself.

I wonder where the dreamy, confident, and dashing Yoo Jung-hyun went.

I see my favorite girls succeeding, who are becoming the best they can be, I look up to them and tears come to my eyes.

I'm lost.

As always I'm stuck.

I'm afraid, I'm anxious, I want to die.

[eggtimetofly]

Too much talk

I have a lot to talk about today

I wake up in the morning, sleepy-eyed, stretching after a run, crying to myself. And then I get angry

“Why do I feel like crap when I'm on the phone with you? When I'm on the phone with the universe, I feel like I'm the most important thing in the world. Are you my mom?”

It's been a disgusting week Because my mom only says things in her favor to those around her, and everyone around hime sees him through her eyes and makes false judgments about each other.

She's always been like that. But I always forget that

I use her card a lot and I'm not independent on it I don't want to I want to take revenge on her For the harshness she gives me, even though I haven't spoken to her or called her in a year I'm still there

Yesterday was three years since I left Korea. I don't miss it, but on my wall, in red letters, I wrote, “I'm never going back to Korea. in red letters.

My dad made my mom feel like the most worthless person in the world when he talked about me and asked for money to pay off credit card bills and borrowed money. And he dries people's blood to make them feel that way constantly. And he continues to verbally abuse her.

Before, I thought differently because I thought of him as a father, not a human being. No, this time I see him as a human being, and he is a demon at the bottom of the world.

He says that what I'm doing is ugly and that he doesn't have children anymore. My mom tells me this over and over again. She likes it when people are on her side and comfort her. because they comfort her.

And she always follows the same pattern. She packs up the things in the house. She says she's getting a divorce, she gets ready, she gets a free lawyer. It's been happening for 35 years.

“You really want a divorce? You don't just want to end his slavery. like I'm playing your card?”

I wish both my mom and dad were dead. Yeah, I'm disgusting too. I'm garbage too

I'm the worst at what I do and I can't even do my job, I walk around and think about what I do for a living, and I distract myself with other thoughts.

How do I make money? This is probably the wrong question.

I should be doing what I love, and if I do something that doesn't pay the bills, I won't be recognized for it, I feel even more disgusted, and I wonder if I've spent my life chasing money, chasing money, chasing money?

I want to love, I want to go to new places, I want to grow. But I'm angry. Even now, my head hurts, hot and full of negative words.

If I had wings, would I jump out of that window and be happy somewhere else? What's the point of living in a world like this, a world where nothing will change without me? I'll never go to Korea.

What do you think? What can I do to make you not go back to Korea, Junghyun? What do you think?

[eggtimetofly]

Run Again

Last night, it was 21:00, but the hallway was loud and bright I hadn't slept well the night before, so I flopped down on the couch early.

I fell asleep without even putting my iPad away, and when I woke up, it was after 1:00 in the morning.

I could hear the music coming through the walls from the music studio next door. I cursed myself and went back to sleep with negative thoughts Trying to get back to sleep 2 times.

I wake up to the sound of my alarm. My body felt so heavy, but I decided to go outside for a run anyway. On the first floor, I ran into two guys working in the studio next door, smoking. I ran past them without making eye contact.

When I got back, I was getting water from the restroom to make coffee. The door to the next room was open, and they seemed to be waiting for me to come out at the sound of my footsteps.

I passed in front of that room. They were standing in the doorway, looking out into the hallway.

I returned to the room and made coffee. I think the 30-minute Tony Robinson audio I was listening to at the time was more helpful to me.

They left just like that And that's how I started my day

🏃

[eggtimetofly]

Learn to ride a bike

I felt good about my memories with my dad today. One of the few memories I have of my dad is that he teaching me how to ride a bike he found on the street.

Dad was always busy. He was either working or out of town.

Now that I think about it, it wasn't traveling to America with him, or visiting jazz cafes. it was the bike rides, the time he spent with me as a kid.

I hate him to death, but I love him to death. Just thinking about him makes my heart ache.

🚵‍♀️

[eggtimetofly]

Learn to ride a bike

I felt good about my memories with my dad today. One of the few memories I have of my dad is that he teaching me how to ride a bike he found on the street.

Dad was always busy. He was either working or out of town.

Now that I think about it, it wasn't traveling to America with him, or visiting jazz cafes. it was the bike rides, the time he spent with me as a kid.

I hate him to death, but I love him to death. Just thinking about him makes my heart ache.

🚴

[eggtimetofly]

Pleae burn the my room

Oh, now that I've said it, I feel so much better. I feel like I've been stuck inside. Where can I tell this story? I'm embarrassed. I'll tell you because you're my daughter I know you're stressed right now.

She knows exactly what she's doing. that the other person is stressed by the bullets she's firing.

I feel better now that I've told you, but every time I hear you say that, I think of the devil. Her endless selfishness makes me sick to my stomach.

She's been doing it since I was a little girl, talking about my dad. It's always been the same.

The same tension, the same negativity, the same thing over and over again, I realize once again that it was the best thing I ever did to get out of the parents house.

Thank you. I'm never going back there again. Pleae burn the my room.

🔥

[eggtimetofly]

A sense of accomplishment

The answer is always close at hand. From April to May, I searched for antique shops in Germany every day.

In Berlin, where I live, I didn't try to find. There was no particular reason. It was just a preconceived notion.

Today I looked around in Berlin And I found a shop that was exactly what I was looking for. And my customer wanted to know the price.

A sense of accomplishment, effort, growth

🦋

[eggtimetofly]

The art of walking

I looked at 3 houses this week and none of them worked out.

I'm doing a lot of work to trust that it will work out and to keep myself in a relaxed state. In my journal, I'm focusing on words that will make me stronger in my current situation.

And I continue to calm myself with the art of walking. The art of walking

🐍

[eggtimetofly]

Let it go

Meditation brought me to tears I felt so sorry for myself, for the part of myself that bothered me the most. I apologized for being sorry.

After that, I let go more. And more aware of my thoughts. And more aware of what I say.

I want to change. Please, I want to change myself. I want to change this situation, which is the same as it was last May. I want to be better in May 2025. No, I want to change.

🐤

[eggtimetofly]

Stay in a good mood

In my dreams, I have a casual conversation with my dad and mom and we eat. I don't even remember when that happened. But in the dream, we were so natural and joyful and happy.

And when I woke up from that dream, I was so happy. That happy feeling carried over into the rest of the day. I was laughing and fooling around, just being a bunch of goofy personalities.

Stay in a good mood Be loving

🐥

[eggtimetofly]

FEAR

I feel like I'm being eaten up by fear I don't want to wake up the next day. I don't want to sleep. I wake up and dread the day again

I feel exhausted My head and mind are bruised from stress My whole body is swollen.

I do Dramatic thoughts That's what I'm thinking right now

☠️

[eggtimetofly]

Happy to be able to give

Today is the day my secret came true

I kept thinking, “I'm going to eat lunch made by Katarina, drink a latte made by Andy, and come back with a latte by Andy,” and it happened in three weeks.

Happy to be able to give, and happy to see them happy because of it.

Today I had a conversations with strangers in Daluma.

They were all interesting.

Even the old man who was talking to me on the way home at the end smiled and complimented me.

If you think good thoughts, good people come to you.

Stop sweating the small stuff, worrying and suffering, and being afraid they won't like you.

🎁

[eggtimetofly]

Life makes me happy

I like people I like animals I am so grateful and happy that I love life and feel that inner joy.

I laugh and cry at the unpredictability and joy of the day as I go out and experience it. I laugh and I cry.

The frustration and anxiety of not making a sale for a week. I love the sound of music playing as I walk down the street, and I can't let it go by. For the first time in years, I walked up to a street musician and told him how beautiful your music was. And tears welled up in my eyes.

I apologized that I didn't have any coins, and I handed you the chocolates I had in my bag

"Music makes me happy. Art makes me happy. Nature makes me happy. Life makes me happy."

🎸

[eggtimetofly]

Enjoy being mysef

Everywhere I go, magazines, fashion, shoes, and flowers are all around me. It's just that this week, I've been pushing myself so hard, my head and body are exhausted. Plus calls with my mom exhaust me more with the same topics and negative words

I like the things I express I'm always freaking out about people's reactions, but when I look back, I enjoy being myself the most.

In the recurring worry, anxiety, and fear of a future that never comes. And obsessing over things I can't have. When I see someone who has achieved the success I want and I get depressed, I compare myself to them to make myself feel worse.

In that comparison, I don't move forward and it makes me more like a mole game, driving me down to the ground, making me more ridiculous.

What makes me the most ridiculous is also me It's me who makes me the happiest I'm also the one who will love me the most

🐣

[eggtimetofly]

Selfish Bitch

March was the busiest month of the year for MariAntic The days were dreamy. But in the midst of it all, I got greedy again. I greed for the little things.

I need to be humble. You have to think about how you can make your customers happy.

You have to look at the long term, not the short term. That's what my dad did. It's in Elon Musk's book. All successful people talk about it.

in the face of so much uncertainty, I hand out bread from the bag I picked up and hand it out again.

I'm happy to see them happy, and I want to give them love. But to the people closest to me, I ask them to look out for me.

Selfish bitch

🔔

[eggtimetofly]

Follow Your Heart

Follow Your Heart It's a picture, but it gives me a signal. That's how I found a house about three years ago.

Like sending an email to fashion week. Looking for a house without a precise target and guidelines, You end up falling asleep from exhaustion while sending messages, and you end up creating fear and stress in the act itself.

The only thing you can do is enjoy the process and repeat it. Don't be afraid. Let's enjoy it Think about where you want to live and who you want to live with. Listen to my heart

Every time I don't listen to my heart. I reflect that I should have listened to my heart more.

✨