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ashxketchum · 2 years

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✧ HAPPY BIRTHDAY @deathberi ✧

Honestly, I'm so glad that we became friends because it's so hard to find people who vibe with your entire thought process and share all the same reactions or inhibitions over everything. Thank you so much for always lending an ear to my crazy and petty fandom or life related rants, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be as active in the Mimato fandom as I am now had we not become friends when we did 💗

After almost 2 years of telling people that there will be a part 2 of the post-Tri coffee shop oneshot, I've finally managed to pull myself together and write it for Eri's birthday!

And for a change, I'll be posting the entire fic on tumblr, though you can also read it on FFN/AO3 if you wish 🫶🏻

Summary: After the Ordinemon incident, bit by bit the kids are able to pick up the pieces and move on with their lives. Amongst the chaos of change, Yamato and Mimi discover their friendship runs deeper than either had ever thought.

Word count: 5743, Fandom: Digimon, Pairing: Mimato, Genre: Slow burn/friendship/romance

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“I’ll have a venti matcha berry frappe, nonfat, refrigerated chilled milk, absolutely no ice, extra whipped cream, which, make sure, is layered perfectly, with three pumps of caramel syrup and two of vanilla.”

He could feel his manager’s eyes boring into his back, so Yamato did what any other good employee in his place would, he kept a straight face and diligently noted down the customer’s request before moving on to ringing it up without once bothering to look at the girl standing behind the counter or ask for her name. He wondered if his manager would find it strange, that he hadn’t taken the customer’s name, but seeing as Yamato was already putting all his effort into concentrating well on his job and not exploding on the brunette who seemed to take some pleasure out of his misery, he decided that he was allowed this one slip. He’d deal with his manager later, since the bigger problem was in front of him, eyeing him with a teasing glint in her caramel eyes as he picked up the paper cup and moved on to the workstation to begin her order. He did however, keep a track of what his manager was doing from the corner of his eye, and the minute the older man was out of sight, Yamato breathed a sigh of relief and spun on his feet.

“Please Mimi, by all means, go ahead and make my job more difficult.” Yamato seethed, managing to keep his voice low to not attract any attention to them.

“Well, if you’re going to ask that nicely,” Mimi smirked, as always she had the upper hand in the conversation due to the safety guaranteed by being a customer at the shop.

“Just take the drink and go, let me work in peace.” Yamato attempted to maintain a superior tone as he begged her to leave, turning again to add the finishing touches to her order as quickly as he could before his superior caught a whiff of his not-so-welcoming attitude towards their customers.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Mimi beamed at him, as she accepted the finished product from his hand, her fingers brushed against his own for a brief moment, suddenly making Yamato hyper aware of the spot at the back of his hand.

“Don’t you have anything better to do? Entrance exams to worry about?” He asked exasperatedly, she seemed too carefree for someone who was in the last year of high school, remembering his own experience of it from the previous year.

Mimi scoffed in reply, waving a hand in the air to brush aside his concern for her education. Instead of turning to make her way out of the store now that she had received her order, she settled on the empty bar stool on the other side of the pick-up counter, resting one elbow on the countertop as she took careful sips of her drink from the other hand. He watched her like a hawk, Yamato wouldn’t put it past the brunette to make fake claims about the taste of the drink just to get him into trouble. This had been going on for a few months now, every time he had a shift during her after-school hours, Mimi would make it her life’s purpose to show up and annoy him to no extent. He’d attempted to explain to her, that he needed to keep this job to maintain his living expenses, but apparently, the pleasure she got from watching him stumble around while making coffee seemed to take precedence over his livelihood.

Of course, Mimi wasn’t the only one to blame here, if only his roommate at college wasn’t a bigger pain in the ass, Yamato would never had have to take up this part-time job in the first place. When he had complained to his father about not being able to get along well with his roomie, instead of agreeing to raise his monthly allowance so that Yamato could move out and rent a place of his own, his father had promptly told him that as an adult, he should learn to solve his problems from now on. Yamato had half a mind to remind his father that he and his friends had not only solved the Digital World’s problems on multiple occasions, but also saved their own world by doing so, but he'd stayed quiet and accepted his fate. On Takeru’s recommendation, he took up a job at this popular coffee joint, the pay was decent and the hours weren’t too bad and well Yamato always did have a knack for being good in the kitchen, so it suited his purposes of saving up to move out of the college dorm as soon as possible just well.

Until Mimi happened to walk in one day and decided to take matters into her own hands.

She was surprised to see him behind the counter, and at first, she had just been curious, about what he was doing here or what he had been up to since the graduation ceremony. Yamato admitted, that ever since he graduated high school, he’d finally understood what Jou had been struggling with for the longest time, it wasn’t easy to maintain friendships when one was thrust with the responsibility of taking care of every single aspect of their life and somehow pursue studies on which one’s future life depended at the same time. He considered himself lucky if he was able to have a phone conversation with Takeru that lasted more than 5 minutes in a day. So he hadn’t been wary of Mimi popping up every now and then, updating him about her and Koushiro’s school life, and sometimes Jou’s and Sora’s too. It gave him a way to stay connected with everyone without having to make time for them, and while he did feel guilty about this on multiple occasions, he was grateful for it too.

That was before Mimi got bored with just talking about their lives, and decided to spice up their encounters by getting him into light trouble with his manager. It was usually just silly little things like claiming he got her order wrong or giving extremely complicated and hard to follow requests, and she had never pulled something huge that would seriously get Yamato in trouble, but it was still frustrating and it ruined his mojo for the rest of his shift.

There was also the question of why Mimi had suddenly taken such a liking to spending time with him, of all people, since they'd never been close enough for a relationship like this. They’d spent time together before sure, and they’d had their fair share of agreements and disagreements when it came to matters related to the Digital World, but apart from that Yamato could barely remember any interactions with her that didn’t circle back to the Digital World or their Digimon Partners. So the thought always nagged at him, at the back of his head, when she would appear with a skip in her step and fix him with one of the brightest smiles he knew.

But then she would go on to do something diabolical, and he’d be reminded of how similar she was to his little brother, which led to him missing Takeru and left him irritated and wishing for her to leave.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Yamato turned his attention towards the brunette sitting in front of him, she had set down the drink on the countertop and was currently surveying the store with her bright eyes, the mischievous glint in them indicating that she was just looking for something that could serve as a prop of the day in interfering with his work. Relieved that he had caught her while she was still in her planning phase, Yamato decided to take control of the situation before his manager returned and reprimanded him for being rude to their customers.

“You really don’t have anything better to do?” Yamato began icily, making Mimi turn her gaze towards him, the challenging look on her face seemed to put the last nail to his patience’s coffin as he snapped at her, “Don’t you have any friends?”

He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth, biting his tongue in an attempt to stop himself from groaning outwardly.

The effect on Mimi was immediate, all colour drained from her face and her eyes shone with a blanket of tears just waiting to fall, but with a single blink she managed to keep them at bay and faced him with a hardened look as she replied quietly, “I thought that’s what we were.”

And before Yamato could make any attempts to take back his statements or even begin to apologize for his behaviour, Mimi was out of the door, leaving behind her drink on the counter, without sparing a single glance in his direction.

Yamato allowed himself to groan out loud when he picked up her cup to clear the counter and found that it was still heavy, she had barely begun to drink it. He couldn’t help but chide himself internally, for missing something so obvious, for even deliberating on an answer that was right in front of his eyes this entire time.

Yamato couldn’t believe that he, of all people, had missed out on the signs of their budding friendship, and had pushed it aside as nothing but an occasional nuisance within his routine. His optimistic side hoped that he would just explain himself to her when she’d show up tomorrow, even offer her her favourite drink for free as a token of his apology. But a tiny voice at the back of his head reminded him, that there was no way Mimi would come back to spend time with him after this.

Unfortunately, it was the tiny voice that prevailed in its prediction, as Mimi didn’t show up the next day or the one after that, or after that.

At first, Yamato consoled himself by devoting himself to the tasks at hand, happy to finally be able to concentrate on his work, he managed to win praises from his manager on multiple occasions which pushed Mimi’s absence from his surroundings out of his head, and for a while, it worked.

But then there were slow days when he didn’t have much to do but stand behind the counter and look at all the people sitting around in groups or twos and threes, laughing and chatting loudly as they sipped their coffees and munched on their food. The sight would tug on an invisible string in his heart, making him long for Mimi’s teasing smile as she rattled off an order comprising of the most incompatible ingredients, laughing loudly at the look of horror that would take over his face as he wrote down her instructions. There were days when the shop would be eerily silent, and he’d hear her voice in his head, telling him about something that had happened at school. There were days when someone would walk by with a pet, cuddling it and showering it with affection, making him miss Gabumon’s soft fur and he’d instinctively turn towards the pick-up counter, hoping to tell Mimi about it but was met with emptiness instead.

He hadn’t realised, just how much he had managed to share with her during their encounters, and how he had begun to depend on her company to get him through his mundane work life. And in true Yamato fashion, he had gone ahead and messed it all up by thinking about things from only his perspective.

It was on another such slow day when Yamato was just standing behind the counter with mundane blue eyes watching the people that passed by the cafe's entrance that his father’s words echoed in his mind once again. As an adult he had to learn to solve his problems without help from others, so was standing here day in and day out, waiting for Mimi to appear through the door once again really how he wanted this to end? He knew he was capable of doing better, and that realisation came with a burst of motivation to take matters into his own hand.

Looking at the ingredients lined up on the shelf behind him, Yamato put his mind and then hands to work, coming up with a coffee drink only Mimi would enjoy sipping through. After he set the finished drink aside, he carefully checked his manager's office, which had been empty when he had clocked in, and to his delight was still so. Asking around among his colleagues he found that their senior was on leave today and after a quick roster negotiation with the staff he was on good terms with, Yamato picked up the coffee cup and ducked out of work early.

His feet carried him towards his school without needing many instructions from his brain, but what he did notice was that his coffee shop was actually not that far from it at all. Maybe another reason why Mimi had ended up dropping by so frequently, it probably was just a stop on her way home from school. When he arrived at the school gates, he checked the time on his wristwatch and smiled to himself, just a few more minutes and the students would begin pouring out in herds.

As time passed, however, Yamato shifted his feet restlessly, he hadn’t visited this area since he graduated and standing outside the entrance to his school while he was not in uniform made him feel like he was doing something wrong, that any of his teachers would just waltz up to him parroting off the school policy any minute. He didn’t have much of a choice, however, since this was his decision and turning back now just to escape a little bit of embarrassment would set him back a few steps over the progress he was trying to make. He gripped the takeaway coffee cup in his hand and reminded himself that the reason he was here was to make amends, no matter what the consequences.

So he stood a few paces away from the school’s main gate and kept a watchful eye on the students passing by in groups of threes and fours, hoping to catch hold of the person he had come here to see soon enough. Yamato had expected her to be out the doors mixed in with a big group of girls, laughing and chattering away about their day, but he'd been standing here for a while now and despite the large crowd of students that had already exited the building, he was yet to lay his eyes upon her. The coffee cup in his hand had been chilled to the point that it felt frozen when he left the shop with it but now it was starting to slowly lose its coolness, and he wondered if he had chosen the wrong day to show up. Maybe Mimi was busy with some club meeting after school or she might’ve taken a sick day today, which would mean that he’d have to repeat his efforts some other day. The school could easily let him camp outside for a day, but surely he’d raise some questioning eyebrows if he appeared here for two consecutive days.

But just as he was contemplating turning around and going back, his eyes finally caught sight of the familiar shade of pastel hair, that shined with a hint of pink when the light hit it just right. To his surprise, however, Mimi was not exiting the school in a large group surrounded by friends, she was walking all by herself with hands shoved in her coat’s pocket and her head hanging low, a sight that Yamato never expected to see. He didn’t want to seem like he was putting her in a mould, but at some level for him, Mimi was the personification of brightness, so to see her look so dull and drained was almost eye-opening in some sense. Now he felt even more guilty for his actions before, for pushing her away and treating her like a nuisance without ever giving a second thought to what kind of problems she was facing by herself.

The Ordinemon incident took its toll on each of them in different ways, for Taichi witnessing their teacher’s death made an irreparable hole in his heart, for Hikari coming to terms with the fact that she and her brother shared idealistic differences hadn’t been easy, for Jou and Sora, completely moving on from their responsibilities as a chosen child to focus on themselves and their futures was a bittersweet choice, for Takeru learning to make the most of the things that hurt him took centerstage in his life, and for Koushiro drowning himself in working to make the connection between the Digital World and their world more stable became his life’s only goal.

And yet somehow, Yamato assumed that Mimi was unaffected, that she was the only one out of them all who conquered the painful memories and continued to live life as happily as she always had. It hadn’t crossed his mind at all that the reason why she sat across him at the coffee shop day in and day out could have just been a way for her to avoid dealing with her problems. He never even considered the possibility that the few moments of laughter and teasing she shared with him could have been the highlight of her day. Perhaps, it had been reassuring for Yamato to think that at least one of them made it out of that fiasco unharmed, maybe assuming that he had one friend less to worry about was an easier truth to accept.

After all, what help had his silent presence been of to Taichi, or even to Takeru for that matter? Had he been able to find the comforting words to tell Jou and Sora that they made the right decision? Had he ever taken a moment to understand where Hikari’s anger towards Taichi came from, or what kind of unreasonable expectations Koushiro set for himself? No, the only moment when Yamato felt that he was doing something right as a friend was when Mimi sat across him with her bright eyes and loud laugh filling his world with colours unimaginable.

Taking a deep breath, Yamato kept his eyes fixed on the brunette who now had reached the school gate without noticing him. He knew that if he called out to her, it might draw unneeded attention towards her so he waited for her to turn her back to him as she walked in the direction of the train station. Swiftly, but as unsuspiciously as he could, he followed her before eventually falling into step with her. With her head still hung low, it seemed that Mimi was yet to notice his presence.

“Hey, Mimi!”

Yamato called out to her in a normal tone, but Mimi still jumped up in surprise, eyes wide with disbelief as she halted in her tracks and looked up at him.

“Are you looking to get punched?” She frowned at him as she rested a palm on her chest, possibly trying to calm herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to startle you.” Yamato smiled sheepishly, realising that he hadn’t made the best move after all.

“And how’s that working out for you?”

The sarcasm dripping from Mimi’s voice and the gloomy aura that surrounded her was a clear sign of how maybe today was not the best day for Yamato to carry out his plan. But the now slightly less cold cup of coffee in his hand reminded him that since he made it this far, there was no point in turning back now.

“Sorry, again,” Yamato said, moving quickly to make space for a passer-by which put him directly in front of Mimi. With all the courage that he had left in his bones, he raised the cup of coffee in his hand, offering it to her as he spoke, “I got some time off today so I thought I’d bring you a peace offering.”

Mimi didn’t immediately take the cup from his hand which made a shiver run down his spine as she folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head up towards him, shooting a glare at him with her fierce caramel eyes as she asked, “And why should I bother to accept this peace offering?”

Yamato bit his lip nervously as his grip on the coffee cup tightened. The apology he had practised at home, kind of tied in with the premise that Mimi would accept his little token and then agree to hear him out in her usual lighter mood. He couldn’t be sure if the words he originally picked would please the Mimi that stood in front of him now with a guarded posture and distrustful eyes.

“Look, I really am sorry for the way I behaved,” he said. Mimi immediately scoffed at him and began to roll her eyes so he hastily explained himself better, “I know you find that hard to believe right now, but I’m not sure how I can prove it to you if you don’t have a little faith in me.

Maybe it was the sincerity in his voice, or it may have been his blunt choice of words, but there was a flicker in Mimi’s eyes as her head perked up, indicating that she was beginning to let down her guard. She raised a hesitant hand and before he knew it, her fingers brushed against his as she decided to take the coffee cup he had prepared for her.

Yamato curled his fists to contain the excitement that rushed through his veins at the thought of being able to earn Mimi’s forgiveness just as he had imagined it in his head. He recounted his next words carefully in his mind before speaking up again, his voice filled with twice the confidence he had started with.

“Of course, I consider us friends.”

Mimi’s eyes widened at his simple declaration, it was hard to miss the colour that rushed to her pale cheeks, the sight of which made his own heartbeat pick up pace, though he did not understand the reason why it happened.

“I have always considered you as a friend, right from the very first time we got dumped into the Digital World.” Yamato continued, knowing that he had her undivided attention, he didn’t want to waste any time dwelling on his own feelings. Chuckling softly, Yamato ran a hand through his hair before he spoke again, “And believe me I know that I haven’t exactly been good at showing it, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Again, I’m sorry about what I said, and of course, the way I behaved.”

She averted her gaze the minute he stopped speaking so at first, Yamato thought that he had said something wrong. A thin veil of silence settled between them and each passing second that Mimi did not look up to meet his eye started to feel like a hellish eternity. Had she been expecting him to say something else, had he not understood why she was mad at him, had he stood there and apologised for something else entirely, questions like these kept racing through Yamato’s head as he waited for the brunette to, in some way, acknowledge his words.

When Mimi finally did raise her head and peeked at him from under her lashes, he thought the relief that filled his body would make him faint but instead, her shining eyes and the smile tugging at her lips made him feel like he was dangling on the edge of cloud nine.

“Thank you for saying that.” Her voice was faint, but the sweet smile that gradually graced her face made up for it. She tucked the strands of hair, that always framed her face perfectly, behind her ears. Her hands then shifted to the hem of her school skirt as she fidgeted with it, dropping her gaze once again before saying, “That, uh, means a lot to me.”

Finally being able to apologise, and have his apology get accepted did lift a heavy weight off of Yamato’s shoulders, but somehow watching Mimi squirm nervously under his stare made an unfamiliar feeling settle in his stomach. Perhaps he was just surprised, he thought, that Mimi wasn’t gloating over getting him to admit his mistakes or acting smug about it the way she would have done back when they’d been younger. It was just an effect of being privy to a new side of his childhood friend, he told himself, he shouldn’t attach too much meaning to something so irrelevant. Rather, he should be focusing on the fact that he had just won Mimi’s forgiveness and although in reality the two still stood rooted to their spots on the side of the pavement, Yamato felt that they had taken a huge step towards each other at that moment.

But still, just to be sure, Yamato decided that he needed to hear her say it more definitively.

“So…”

“So?” Mimi raised her eyes as she began to walk again.

“Am I forgiven?” Yamato asked nervously, as he quickly followed in her steps and settled into a pace next to her.

“That depends, am I allowed back in the coffee shop?” She stuck her tongue out at him, indicating that her spirits had been lifted and that of course Yamato was forgiven.

“I never stopped you from coming in!”

“But you acted like you didn’t want me there.”

Her teasing, sing-song voice struck a nerve with him but Yamato just rolled his eyes. Not even a full minute had passed since they’d made up and Mimi had already begun to mess with him. But this time, he wasn’t as bothered as he used to get, in fact, he welcomed her little giggles here and there since it just meant that they were back to being friends again. Being teased over little things was but a small price to pay for having Mimi’s melodic laugh back in his life.

“Yeah, yeah, you can come by any time you want.” Yamato shook his head as the two took a turn that led them down the steps towards the train station.

“Well, of course, I’m not going to come by any time, I’m going to come when you’re working!”

“That’s great. Just perfect.” He muttered under his breath dejectedly as Mimi shook with laughter next to him.

When they crossed through the gates of the station, Yamato knew that he needed to head in the opposite direction to reach his home, but he still found himself tagging along with Mimi, having wordlessly decided that he might as well drop her off till her house. The train they boarded was crowded at first which didn’t give them many chances to continue their conversation, but after a few stations, their compartment cleared and the two quickly grabbed a pair of seats together. Having settled down comfortably, and with their stop still being a bit further away, Yamato decided to bring up something that had been bothering him for a little while.

“Uh, is everything okay at school?”

His sudden question surprised Mimi and she whipped her head in his direction with an incredulous look on her face.

“Why do you ask?”

“You just looked a little down when you got out,” Yamato said, rubbing the back of his head out of an anxious habit.

“Okay, stalker.” Mimi chuckled quietly, despite the smug look she sent his way, it was easy to tell that her voice lacked a hint of humour.

“I wasn’t stalking, I was waiting for you!” He still defended himself despite knowing that she might have teased him to get on his nerves and change the subject.

“School’s the same as always, I don’t really fit in.” Mimi tried to shrug off the disappointment in her voice as she turned her gaze towards her sneakers.

“What about Koushiro?”

“He barely attends classes these days, his scores are so good that they let him do remote learning.”

“Oh. So you’re…” Yamato stopped mid-sentence, swallowing the word that was at the tip of his tongue.

“Alone.” Mimi finished for him with a dry smile, “Mostly. Unless Miyako and Hikari spare me some time or if Takeru runs into me in the hallway during lunch break.”

“I see.”

While leaving school Mimi had looked quite grim, but as she talked about it right now, the solemn look on her face made it seem like she had made her peace with the way things were. Maybe it had just been Yamato’s luck that he’d managed to catch her on a bad day. He kept this thought to himself, and even Mimi didn’t speak much for the rest of the ride. As they exited the train at the right station, Yamato wondered if he should say something to make Mimi feel better, even if it didn’t particularly look like she needed it. But since he had brought up the topic that had made the conversation go stale between them, he felt that it was his duty to do something to make things pick up pace between them again.

“College isn’t so easy either you know,” he remarked as the two passed through the exit gates, catching Mimi’s attention immediately. She motioned towards the way her house was located once they were above ground and Yamato realised that even if the neighbourhood felt familiar, it had been a long time since had last been around this area. Shaking his head, he continued to explain his own predicaments to Mimi, with the hope that it might help her feel that she wasn’t the only one struggling, “My roommate is an ass, everyone in my year is so competitive, I don’t feel like I can trust anyone enough to call them a friend.”

“Wow, you sure shouldn’t be allowed to speak to any high school seniors preparing for their entrance exams right about now.” She looked at him pointedly.

“Wait, I meant...no-jus- argh!”Yamato felt his ears go red as he realised how he’d spoken without thinking things through. He exhaled a deep breath, the sound of which drowned under Mimi’s laughter over his behaviour, in a more stable and sensible tone he added, “What I meant was that for me, college isn’t easy just like school isn’t for you. I am in no way trying to demotivate you from applying.”

“I know, I know.” Mimi grinned at him as she bumped her shoulder against his arm lightly, letting him know that yet again, she was just teasing, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

The two walked in a comfortable silence after this and it wasn’t until Mimi’s apartment building came into sight that she suddenly spoke up.

“Things would be easier if I had just one person to lean on. Just one friend to talk to.”

Yamato stopped in his tracks and so did Mimi, a few steps ahead of him. The sight of her looking wistfully up at the light purple dusk sky, coupled with the longing reflected in her voice, spurred something inexplicable inside him. It was the first time Yamato realised how beautiful her pastel hair looked under the faint evening light, how her caramel eyes mirrored alluring gold coins as the light danced off of them, and how even at a distance her porcelain skin looked like it was soft enough to melt against his touch.

“You’ve got me.”

Though his voice was barely above a whisper, the words escaped his lips before he could control himself. He hoped that the warmth that filled his cheeks at the moment could be attributed to the weather when Mimi shifted her attention towards him with a curious look on her face. He wasn’t sure whether his words had reached her so Yamato cleared his throat loudly, attempting to get rid of any unnecessary thoughts that had begun to cloud his mind, he rephrased what he had blurted out accidentally in a more suitable manner.

“I’ll be that friend, gladly.”

“And what should I be,” Mimi fully turned herself in his direction, putting her hands behind her back, she tilted her head and with a mischievous smile playing on her lips she finished her question, “in return, for you?”

It wasn’t easy for Yamato to maintain eye contact with Mimi and not blurt something stupid out again, especially not when the stars that were now starting to appear in the sky behind her almost forming a halo around her head with their glow. Were his eyes playing tricks on him, was his heart really beating faster than it had ever before, was the heat coursing through his body not a sign of some kind of illness befalling him? How did his simple wish to make amends with Mimi over a cup of coffee make him end up here, asking questions that had never crossed his mind before?

Yamato peeled his eyes away from Mimi and looked at the ground, rubbing his neck with one hand as he answered her question, “Friendship isn’t a give and take kind of situation, you can just be yourself.”

“Deal!” She laughed and winked at him, before bowing her head slightly in thanks for accompanying her home. With a wave and a loud bye-bye, she pushed open the door to the apartment entrance and disappeared behind it.

Yamato stood at the pavement, watching her silhouette slowly fade behind the glass doors of the building entrance, only one thought circling around in his mind. He had just labelled their relationship as a friendship, even though he knew that the tightness in his chest which grew the further away Mimi got from him was not something one would feel for a friend. He raised his hand and rested it over his chest, feeling the rapid and loud beating of his heart until it gradually became normal again.

It was funny how trying to resolve things with Mimi had left him with many more unresolved feelings and thoughts, the opposite of what he had expected today’s encounter would lead to.

With a scoff Yamato turned on his heel, facing the vast sky above him he reminded himself that following his dad’s advice never did seem to work out well for him.

#mimato #digimon #digimon fanfiction #yamato ishida #mimi tachikawa #digimon adventure tri #digigraphic #graphics : mine #graphics : digimon #writealot #IF YOU SEE THIS POST YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW ERI #AND SPAM LIKE/REBLOG HER ART

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dactyli0nn · 2 years

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My friend and I came up with a whole comprehensive Yumihisu/Levihan friendship hold on this is so important to me. Long post ahead I’m gonna spill it all.

Hange and Historia forming a friendship when Hisu is crowned Queen. Because like- from my understanding Hange is a government official/prime minister type person in the years before season 4 picks up so they’d be involved in meetings and such with the rest of the government.

Hange and Historia forming a friendship over gossip, Hange cracks a joke after one of the meetings once everyone’s gone, something about now Nile is a shit for brain dummy man, and Hisu loses it because THATS WHAT SHES BEEN SAYING they end up talking for like 4 hours about the military gossip over tea. After that they meet weekly to compare notes and shit talk people.

Hange unintentionally taking a parental role for Historia, like figure that Hisu can talk to, get advice from etc. Parental/Mentor Hange is the only thing ever actually and I adore them so so much. Historia def tells them about Ymir and their relationship and Hange is like lmao Levi is the same :) this is how Hisu finds out they’re a thing HDHFHDHSJ

On a more crack fic/joking note, historia finding Hange’s projects without question 😩 “Yesyes the survey corps need money to- *checks notes* see if titans can get drunk. Fund it. No the MP’s cannot have more funds to pay their staff we don’t have the money 🥰” Hange causes much chaos from this.

Both of them have a grudge towards military police from the s3 arc and it shows. Hange has the freedom to make digs at them in meetings because historia will just try not to laugh she ain’t policing that

Hangs wrapping meetings up quickly because they can see Historia is getting annoyed at the MP’s and like, she’s just a kid she shouldn’t be dealing with this!

Hange donating their old books and resources to the underground kiddo’s Hisu saved because they deserve an education! What if one of the greatest scientists of all time is one of those kids and they don’t have the resources to learn! Not on Hange’s watch

Their gossip sessions would be INSANE though. Hange being called to Historia’S office for a serious meeting one on one. Levi is like… the fuck did you do?! Hange gets there and as SOON as the door closes Hisu drops the biggest fucking bomb like. “NILE KISSED __?!?” Hange is shaken to their core.

Hisu trying to make Hange’s hair less messy and greasy. Hisu failing to make Hange’s hair less messy and greasy- like braiding it. Hell, having it be Hisu’s idea to cut it shorter in the first place. Hange doodling on their and historia’S papers in a meeting coz walls know that bitch canNOT focus. They play tic-tac-toe on the pages when the MP’s are being annoying. Hange being named godparent to Hisu’s baby. Hange babysitting. “Hello little one… ever heard of a ✨ Titan ✨ “

Hisu calling the scouts peasants and such as jokes. Like. @ Levi. “Sorry can’t hear your short ass over my massive wealth </3” she never directs this at Hange and it fucking baffles the others. Same energy as “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life”, “I know this and I love you.” The others don’t have as much political involvement as Hange so they don’t realize they became buddies- except Sasha who walked in on one of their “meetings” by accident and just never mentioned it because it’s Funny.

Other military officials making fun of hange coz they’re a weird little guy and trying to get Historia the-drama-Queen- Reiss in on it but she shuts that shif down and they’re like ?! Tf coz usually she LOVES gossip. Hisu giving the most tedious tasks to people who talk bad abt Hange. Hange hears someone talk shit about the Queen and they get two weeks horse duty with the manure.

Hisu interrogating ANYONE who wants ANY money before giving a grant. Does Not Care what Hange wants.

“I want to see what happens if I launch a Titan off the walls” “sure sure give my treasurer a number and tell them I said so” the treasurer is on their hands and knees BEGGING THE QUEEN TO STOP ALLOWING THIS. Hisu is like wow Steve I didn’t know you had no value for scientific discovery. Historia looking Levi right in the eyes and explaining that she can’t possibly fund his selfish Tea Wanting because blah blah caffeine shortage- in the background Hange has a comically large bag of cash they’re about to use to commission a Titan sized saddle to see if they can ride one like a horse.

Hisu ASKINF for Hangw’s opinion on everyone she hires coz Hange is a fucking dinosaur they made it their business to know everyone and they do. Hange can get a guy hired on their Okay alone.

Hange teaching Hisu self defence. Hange teaching Hisu how to fold a motherfucker while wearing a ball gown and 10inch heels WHILE looking good in the process.

Hange and historia reassuring eachother about their new roles coz they’re both super insecure about the Queen/commander roles.

Protective! Hange!!!!! They have a spare seat in their office and a designated cup for Hisu should she ever need somewhere to get out and chill. Hange telling hisu she’s done more for the people in a month then the last king did in a decade and she should be proud of herself. Hisu telling Hange Erwin was a Dick and they’re doing great as commander.

Hange doing their BEST to not interrogate Hisu about ymir being a shifter and just listens to her instead coz Hisu misses her girl a lot.

Anyways Ymir and Levi pretend this is like, Ymir never left AU.

forming a begrudging friendship. Neither of them knows how it happened or when and neither will admit they tolerate (read: like) the other. Neither of them knows Hisu and Hange are friends. Levi learnt about Ymir’s past and was like damnthat sucks and is unconsciously slightly softer towards her than normal. Ymir calls him a short grumpy old fart and he doesn’t floor her. The rest of the cadets are like THEFUCK⁉️⁉️

Connie tries it later and Levi folds his ass. Ymir laughs at him.

Levi annoys Ymir a Little Tiny Bit and she puts a thin layer of dust on his desk PAINSTAKINGLY all week no matter how much he cleans it. He has no clue it’s her. He thinks he’s cursed. Levi having no social skills and randomly saying the most intense shit-

Levi: ever thought about what you’d do- how you would react if the people who wronged you most in life were sitting in front of you right now?

Ymir who popped into the kitchen at 1am to get water, unknowing that Levi was there: what-

Levi: we’ll if it were mine I would-

Levi having the grossest shit boy humour and trying to make jokes to Ymir. She never laughs. He explains in depth why it is funny. She slowly adopts gross humour over time.

Levi: did you see shadis? That man looks constipated as HELL he needs to take a collosal sized shit-

Ymir: the fuck is wrong with you shortass

Historia is like Why are you making shit jokes all the time, dear? In turn Ymir is like why do you never gossip with me anymore why is that

Ymir having the sibling effect of “only I can roast Levi” if anyone else calls him short she’s up in ARMS. Levi telling Ymir about the Chair and thinking it’s low key hilarious. But ew. Levi being like “I read in the paper the other day-“ Ymir no hesitation being like “ok grandpa.” Levi just continues on. If either of them talk about their past the other listens and then they pretend it never happened like an emotionally stunted dad.

Ymir calls Levi a shorty and transforms, before she’s even done he’s cutting her out like TF DID YOU SAY⁉️ Ymir transforming and realizing she can No Longer See Levi FUCKFUCKFUCK- like. “Oh I can’t see Levi ….. OHICANTSEELEVI—-“

Anyways that’s all for now. Thank you for your time.

#hange zoe #attack on titan #levi ackerman #levihan #commander hange #hanji zoe #ymir #historia reiss #imagines

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teachersupdate · 28 days

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thecountiesinfo · 10 months

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The New NHIF; What SHIF Will Entail

According to the regulations published by Health Cabinet Secretary Susan Nakhumicha, Kenyans will be mandated to enter the new health insurance scheme (SHIF). When accessing government services such as student loans from the Higher Education Loans Board (HELB), government jobs, motor vehicle registration services, and the acquisition of tax compliance certificates among others Proof of…

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#NHIF App #NHIF Application #NHIF Card #NHIF Outpatient #SHIF

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education30and40blog · 2 years

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Donald Clark Plan B: PedAIgogy – new era of knowledge and learning where AI changes everything

See on Scoop.it - Education 2.0 & 3.0

I’m not sure we have fully grasped what has just happened with ChatGPT, or more generally, generative AI. It is a far more profound shif

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wastefulreverie · 3 years

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Happy Holiday Truce @mostlikelynothuman! I hope I fulfilled your prompts well. Sorry for the delay, I was aiming for around 3-4k words but the story got away from me. I wanted to reach a solid conclusion, but the words kept coming!

easier said than done

word count: 7700

The Fentons haven't given a Ghost Defense Information presentation since before Valerie's Freshman year. She remembered in middle school when the Fentons were given half an hour a year to educate them all about ghosts and what to do if they encountered one. Back then, ghosts were nothing more than fictions of the Fentons' imagination. She remembered howling with her friends, poking at poor Danny Fenton who was doing his best to shrink into his seat.

Much had changed since eighth grade.

Now a sophomore, Valerie's class paid close attention to the Fentons' words as they gave their presentation. She knew much of the content, being a ghost hunter herself, but it was still valuable information nonetheless. Her peers appeared to feel the same way, quiet as they listened to Jack Fenton ramble about the various uses of the Fenton Bazooka.

It seemed that the only person who hadn't forgotten how they treated the Fentons before was Danny Fenton, who she spotted ducking out of the auditorium with his friends before the presentation began. Given past years, she couldn't blame him.

"Now, this here is the Fenton Ecto-radiation Detector, or FERND!" Maddie Fenton held up a compact, metal contraption with coils on one end. "It works similar to a geiger counter, except instead of detecting radiation in counts per minute, we've developed our own unit of measurement. We're petitioning the GIW to adopt it as standard, but that's a work in progress."

Maddie held the device out towards the left side of the auditorium. It beeped every three or four seconds, but no more often than that. "Just like nuclear radiation, there's some background radiation present. In our town, there's much more ecto-radiation present than other places in the world."

Maddie swept the device across the room, slowly pointing it from the left to right side of the room. When it passed Valerie, the device began to beep more rapidly before evening out.

Jack frowned. "That was a weird jump, there."

Maddie moved the detector back in Valerie's direction and stopped. Again, the rapid beeping resumed.

It was her.

It had to be her suit.

But, did that mean it could sense her suit even when it was dormant? Was there that much ecto-radiation affecting her?

The Fentons exchanged careful glances.

"Has anyone in this area come into contact with ghosts recently? Or anything with ectoplasmic material?"

There was a general murmur of "no" from those around her.

Valerie said nothing.

Sometimes, she could hear her ghost detector sound in her mind moments before it activated. There was a high whine before a staccato of beep-beep-beeps! Then, five seconds later, the ghost detector would go off for real, echoing what she had heard in her mind moments before.

This didn't mean anything. She was just getting better at being a ghost hunter. She knew the telltale signs of a ghost attack (drop in temperature, static in the air). The sounds in her head weren't real, it was just her mind—anticipating. Classical conditioning, according to Pavlov.

It wasn't deeper than that.

It wasn't a sign.

That night Valerie dropped her fork at the dinner table.

The detector chimed in her mind, startling her. She should really be used to it by now, but of all the times to let her guard down…

Beside her, her father frowned. Her fork was swimming in alfredo sauce.

"Is everything alright, Val?"

Her ghost detector then went off, for real this time.

"Oh, I see," he said.

The words left her mouth before she could think them. "I'm fine."

She stood from her seat at the table. Her father grabbed her wrist before she left, before she took to the skies.

"Be careful out there, sweetie."

"Of course, Daddy." She forced a smile. "I'll be back before you know it."

Valerie shifted her weight on the stool. She didn't often spend time in Mr. Masters' lab, but it was definitely an interesting space that rivaled the Fentons' own laboratory. There were large, clear cylinders lining the walls—some covered with dark sheets. On the opposite wall, there was a circular doorway, which as far as Valerie knew was a prototype meant to emulate the Fentons' portal, despite Mr. Masters' insistence that it was only a storage closet. She didn't comment on the obvious rivalry he still had for his fellow scientists. His contempt for Jack Fenton was clear as day. Not that it was any of her business, of course. Honestly, Valerie was under the impression that one functional interdimensional ghost portal was enough and hoped it stayed that way.

"The diagnostics are much better than I expected, given the extent that meddling Technus has modified your original suit," Mr. Masters set down his tablet on the nearest counter. "I'm more impressed that you had fewer than five viruses. I've managed to remove all of the malware Technus left behind."

"So that means it's safe?"

Mr. Masters hummed. "In a sense. No software is perfect, you know. Though, as much as I hate to admit, there's little I could have done better than Technus when it comes to this latest upgrade. You have quite the state-of-the-art piece of tech there on your hands, Ms. Gray."

Valerie almost felt like floating. "So it is safe!"

"Yes, I suppose so. It's much more efficient than your last suit, by far. However, my only concern is—" Mr. Masters paused a moment before shaking his head. "Ah, nevermind."

"What concern?"

Mr. Masters' poised expression was replaced by something much more withdrawn.

"Nothing, nothing."

No. That didn't sound like nothing.

Mr. Masters knew something he wasn't telling her.

"Oh, come on. There is something!"

Calculated blue eyes met her own and Valerie suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope. Small and examined.

"Well," Mr. Masters' voice might as well have traveled across a string through a tin can—distant, "you have to understand that the balance between the human physiology and ectoplasm is a delicate one, Ms. Gray. Your original suit, the one I designed, took this into account. Technus's design does not."

Valerie took a calm breath, trying to keep her head level.

"What do you mean?"

"Your first suit was just that: a suit. This new suit goes beyond just a set of armor equipped with ghost weapons. No, this new suit is a part of you now. You can summon it and its weapons with no more than a thought. You know this."

"But you said… that the ectoplasm and life have a delicate balance?"

"Correct." Mr. Masters spun on his heels, putting his back to her. "Your suit can still be removed from your body, which is why I'm not more concerned, but there is a potential that overexposure to the ectoplasm created by your suit can lead to… permanent side effects."

Valerie's heart almost stalled.

"S—side effects?"

"What do you know of ectoacne, Ms. Gray?"

"Not much, besides that you've had it. You're the only person who has."

"Yes, I was. It was a debilitating condition brought on from exposure to a large volume of ectoplasm all at once. Organic matter and ectoplasm do not mix, and when they do the results are catastrophic." His voice lowered. "Even now, I sometimes have flare-ups of ectoacne."

"I could get it too?"

Mr. Masters turned again, a contemplative look etched across his face. "It's unlikely. Even if you were overexposed to ectoplasm, you might develop something similar or nothing at all. Still, it's not a light matter. If you notice anything—anything at all—tell me immediately."

Enough ectoradiation to set off the Fentons' sensors.

A chiming in her head that precedes the actual alarm.

Smaller instances too, sensitive to electricity in ways she hadn't been before…

In a rare moment, Mr. Masters' voice was all genuine.

"Do you promise me, Ms. Gray?"

"Of course," she lied. "I'll tell you right away."

Valerie wasn't the best at navigating in the rain. Phantom didn't have to worry about it, being able to phase through the deluge, but the force of the storm definitely sent her off balance. Diminished vision, rainwater dragging down her board—the circumstances weren't looking good.

Still, she plowed on.

It was her duty as the Red Huntress.

If she could just get a shot at the ghost creating the storm, a tornado-esque ghost that seemed to have a broad range of weather-related powers, then maybe she could gain an edge. Or at least give Phantom a better opening to take that spook down.

Above her, there was a green flash of light. Ectoblasts were being exchanged.

Doing her best to shake off the excess water pulling down her board, Valerie soared upwards into the crossfire between Phantom and the tornado ghost.

That was Valerie's mistake, but with limited vision there was little she could've done to avoid it. Her sensors were scrambled and the drag of the board shifted her usual trajectory.

She slammed right into a shot of lightning aimed for Phantom. Or rather, it slammed into her.

All she knew next was white, hot pain. The endings of her nerves frazzled, fried, ceasing to be and slipping into sweet numbness. The ground was above her and she was gliding up with the rain.

Feeling nothing.

Valerie couldn't pinpoint where the pain started and where it ended.

From the tips of her fingertips, spanning the length of her spine, arching around her skull and pressing against her temples—even breathing was a struggle when her lungs pressed against her broken ribs. There was a high ringing in her ears and she couldn't move her legs a centimeter without sharp pangs of fire.

Above her was the endless expanse of the night sky, dim industrial buildings framing her peripheral vision. She tried to focus on something, anything, but her mind was too clouded. A fit of coughs ripped from her throat, lungs erupting, and something wet left her lips.

Blood.

With a groan, Valerie tried pulling herself to sit upward. Her limbs failed to cooperate, and her head smacked against the concrete behind her once again. She realized too late that her helmet must have broken in the fall because the back of her skull took the whole impact of the collision.

If she didn't already have a concussion, it was probably safe to say one was coming on now.

Something was moving above her. Its movements were a blur, white streaks staining her vision.

Maybe it was an angel. Her mother.

Oh, wouldn't that be nice?

"Val…"

The sound—voice—cleaved her forehead in two. She wanted nothing more for the incessant ringing to stop. No more pain.

"... you hear me?"

The figure above her stilled, coming closer into focus. An ethereal white hand materialized in front of her face, fingers outstretched. Valerie mustered enough strength to raise her own hand from the ground.

Her hand passed through the translucent, gloved hand.

Strength leaving her, her arm fell back to the ground. Her knuckles scraped against the wet concrete and Valerie noticed for the first time that it had stopped raining. The ghost defeated?

She hoped so.

She hoped it wasn't all in vain.

When Valerie awoke the second time, she was in her own bedroom. She didn't remember how she had gotten there, but her alarm clock told her that it was somewhere around four in the morning. As she pulled herself to sit up, she realized that all the pain she'd felt before had subsided, or at least most of it. There was still an ache in her head, but nothing that a couple of Tylenol and a few more hours of rest before school couldn't fix.

It was strange, though. She didn't remember flying back to her room after the fight. Had she really taken a shot of lightning to the chest? Had she fallen out of the sky?

If it had happened, then surely she wouldn't be here sitting upright.

It must have been a nightmare. A super vivid, painful nightmare.

But then why was her homework she'd been working on set on her nightstand, not away in her backpack? She'd left it on her bed when she'd flown out. If she'd been the one to return home, then surely she'd put it in her bag before crawling into bed. Not to mention, she was still dressed in her clothes from the day before rather than her pajamas. And the chair in front of her desk was usually piled with discarded clothing, but now all the clothing had been pushed onto the floor below—the chair cleared.

That meant one thing.

Someone else had been in her room. Someone had brought her home.

Did that mean it had all been real? She'd been electrocuted and fell hundreds of feet to the ground?

Nothing made sense.

Well, there was one way to find out for sure. If she really had been struck by lightning it would show, right?

She threw off her covers and lifted her shirt. There wouldn't be any injuries, not from a lightning strike that never happened. Because it was all a dream, a nightmare. Besides, her torso didn't even hurt—!

The bandages wrapped around her abdomen told another story.

No way.

This wasn't happening.

She brought her fingers to the bandages, and sure enough they were real. They were done well too, done by someone experienced. Thankfully, the bandages stopped just below her sports bra, which gave her some semblance of relief.

She couldn't help but wonder how hurt she was underneath the bandages. Despite how hard she prodded, she felt nothing when she poked her fingers against the bandages. There didn't seem to be any bleeding either.

Fuck it.

She found a pair of scissors near her bedside and carefully cut along the bandages. Once undone, she pulled them off her stomach and examined the damage.

There was bright, red scarring that branched across her abdomen in fern-like patterns. The marks were a startling color, pulsating, almost the same red as her suit. She wanted to vomit but kept her hand on her mouth. Nope. She would not soil her bedsheets.

The scars were glowing.

This wasn't right. She didn't feel right!

There was something inside her—in her chest, above the scars—that hummed, frantic cold energy. She didn't understand. She was scared. She didn't want this!

Her knees hit the floor below her, except she hadn't fallen out of bed.

She had fallen through it. Her torso was sticking through her mattress and her eyeline was at her comforter. Feeling nothing but unadulterated terror, Valerie screamed.

Why was this happening! How was this happening!

How could she make it stop!

She slammed her hands on her bed, hoping that they too wouldn't fall through the bed. She hoisted herself back up onto her mattress in time for her bedroom door to slam open. Her father stormed in, offensive stance and ectoweapon in hand.

"Val! What's wrong!"

She pulled down on her shirt, conscious that her scars were showing. "Dad! I—I—" She didn't have an answer for him. She had no idea what had just happened. "Nightmare?"

He lowered the weapon—the same one she'd asked Mr. Masters to build him—and sighed in relief. "Thank the Lord. I thought you were in real trouble. Not that a nightmare's any good, but I mean—"

"I know."

His deep brown eyes softened. "I'm glad you're safe."

He crossed the room and sat on the edge of her bed. Valerie hoped he wouldn't notice the cut bandages twisted in her sheets.

"Do you wanna talk about the nightmare?"

"Not really."

Not until she understood what was happening with her. Valerie was already freaking out. She couldn't imagine how he'd take it!

"That's alright. Do you want me to stay a bit or make you something to drink? I have that tea you like."

"No, no. That's fine. I was just—" Just what? "—just startled, I guess."

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! I have school in the morning, back to bed for me! All good here."

She shooed him away as politely as she could. The frenetic thing in her chest throbbed, longing for something she couldn't begin to name. She pushed it down—down, down, down!—because she knew better than to listen.

"Well, if you need anything, just let me know." Her dad made for the door. "Love you, sweetie."

"Love you, Daddy."

He shut the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts once again.

What did she know?

She left to fight the tornado ghost sometime before midnight. Her room wasn't how she left it and when she fought the ghost, she took a blow of lightning. She remembered being on the ground, writhing in pain, and something reaching for her. A white-gloved hand, her own hand passing through it. Phantom maybe?

It wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. He'd brought her home before, back when they'd been stranded in the Ghost Zone. Had he healed her? Could he do that? He was really powerful enough to heal humans? She'd never seen him do it before, but it would explain the glowing scars.

In short, Valerie got hurt and Phantom healed her. All the weird, bizarre things she'd felt since then were just residual effects from Phantom's powers!

It made perfect sense! Well, other than the part where Phantom healed one of his sworn enemies, but Phantom was never one to be reasonable. He probably felt guilty that she took the blow meant for him and healed her out of some heroic obligation.

The energy in her chest seized once again and Valerie gripped onto her nightstand to keep herself from falling through the bed again. Only one of her legs fell through the mattress, but she recovered faster this time. Ugh, that was a pain.

She hoped the side effects went away in the morning.

This time around, Valerie woke up floating five feet above her bed, the popcorn ceiling just inches from the tip of her nose. Too stunned to even scream, she fell onto her mattress with a sickening creak and slammed her elbow against the wall on the way down. She hissed in pain before resolving to get ready for the day.

It looked like the side effects hadn't faded yet. Neither had the glowing scarring.

After changing from yesterday's clothes into a fresh set of clothes—a warm, wool sweater and black pants—Valerie reached for her phone. It wasn't on her nightstand where she usually placed it, nor left in her pants pockets.

She almost tore apart her room looking for it, until she found the device on top of her seldom-used study-desk with a shattered screen. Oh. When she'd fallen the night before, it must've been in her back pocket. Damn. She couldn't afford a new one anytime soon. Maybe she could persuade Mr. Masters' to provide a replacement?

When she turned the defunct device over, she realized there was a note taped to the back of it.

Call me ASAP - .xxxx

She wasn't sure how Phantom wanted her to call him with a broken phone. Or how a ghost even acquired their own phone, but that was beyond her.

Nonetheless, Valerie had to leave for school soon. Her alarm clock said she only had—

Wait.

Her alarm clock was off. Even though it was still plugged in. Hadn't it gone off that morning?

Was she losing her mind?

Valerie unplugged and replugged her clock, to no avail. It was fried—through and through.

Weird.

Valerie grabbed her bag, ate a cup of yogurt, and began her trek to school. Once outside her apartment, she called upon her board to give her a quick lift but nothing happened. Oh fuck. Her suit was dead too? Mr. Masters was going to be so pissed!

Not to mention, Valerie had probably already missed the bus!

Her dad was at work, and Valerie didn't have a cellphone.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

… at this point, calling Phantom didn't even seem to be a bad option. Even if all he wanted was some kind of gratitude for saving her life.

Half-a-block away, Valerie spotted a payphone that looked like it hadn't been touched in the past half-decade. She was surprised it hadn't been removed, but Elmerton always was an underfunded area. Luck had it that she had just two quarters at the bottom of her backpack.

Valerie paid and dialed Phantom's number. He picked up on the fifth dial tone.

"Mm, yeah?"

Over the phone, his voice sounded much less distorted than in person.

"Phantom," she said, "you left a note for me?"

"Valerie—!" It was hard to tell, but it sounded like Phantom dropped his phone. Then a door slammed. His voice was low and quiet when he spoke again. "Val, you have to listen to me carefully. Something happened last night and I can help, but you have to trust me."

She scoffed. "Trust you? Why should I trust you, ghost? Especially since all you've ever done is ruin my life. You think because you healed me last night I'm indebted to you or something? Fat chance."

"Look, I know that things aren't good between us, but this is serious. I hope that I'm not right, but if I am, I'm the only one that can help you."

"What, I'm in danger?"

"Not immediate danger, no, but yes. Sort of."

She growled in frustration. "You're not giving me a straight answer, Phantom!"

"I know, but it's complicated. We need to talk about this in person. Where are you now?"

"No, hold up! You're not telling me anything. How do I know this isn't a trap or something?"

"Val, last night you were struck by lightning, half-died, and fell out of the sky. If I had anything less than your best interests in mind, I would've left you on the ground for the GIW to find you, or worse, the Fentons. You may not have realized it yet, but I've gone through what you're going through now—or what you're about to go through. The changes, the power slips—all of it." He inhaled. "Now, should I meet you at your apartment or…?"

"Power slips? Changes?"

Her hand passing through Phantom's… falling through her bed… waking up mid-air… frying her alarm clock…

Phantom knew about those. Power slips. He'd expected those.

"You've had them, then? I expected as much when you kept phasing through your sheets last night. I can teach you to control them, make them stop. You just have to tell me where you are, Val."

This was a nightmare.

"What did you do to me?" she whispered. "What the hell did you do!"

"I wasn't fast enough to stop the lightning strike. This happened because it hit you."

"Liar! I know you did something to me! You—you healed me and gave me side effects through your own freaky ghost powers!"

He laughed humorlessly. "I wish it was that simple. You healed yourself, Val. Because the lightning killed you—"

"Stop it."

"—and turned you into—"

"I said STOP IT!"

"—a half-ghost."

"JUST STOP IT!"

The receiver in her hand sparked before falling straight through her hand. It swung from its cord, inches above the ground. Valerie reached for the cord, but her fingers passed through it once again.

"Damn it!"

She kicked the base of the payphone, thankful that at least her feet worked.

Valerie opened the palm of her hand, noticing for the first time that in daylight she could see the space behind her hand. It wasn't just a trick of the light—her hand was actually transparent. No, intangible.

And as sudden as her revelation, her hand phased back into the visual spectrum.

She grabbed the abandoned cord and held the receiver to her ear once again. Except Phantom said nothing. The call must have dropped.

Good. She didn't have anything left to say to him anyway. Not if he was going to spout nonsense about how she had died last night. Valerie wasn't stupid. Power slips or not, she knew that ghosts couldn't eat, sleep, use the restroom—and she'd done all of those today! Hell, she was breathing right now, wasn't she?

Phantom was delusional. She didn't need his so-called 'help.' She'd figure out a way to rid herself of these damn side effects once and for all.

If only she knew Mr. Masters' phone number by memory. She was sure he'd have some kind of solution. But now she was on her own. No working suit, a strange ghostly affliction, and her arch-nemesis determined to trick her again.

She'd gone against worse odds. After all, she used to call Paulina Sanchez her best friend.

This should be a piece of cake.

None of the ghost equipment in her apartment yielded any answers. It would be nice if she had access to her usual suit and diagnostics, but there was some kind of defect—probably from when she fell—and she couldn't summon it as she usually did.

That left the miscellaneous equipment she and her father had accrued over the past year or so. Most of their tech was more useful for offense, which left only one ghost detector and an Ecto-radiation Detector. They both seemed to think Valerie was a ghost, which told her that the Fentons really needed to work on refining their parameters because she wasn't a ghost. She just had some side effects. There was a difference.

Defeated, Valerie laid down in front of the couch. She reached behind her for the TV remote, hoping to take a mental break. The dormant energy within had other plans.

It came suddenly, just as it had before when she fell through her bed, but now a thousand times more intense. The feeling was invigorating yet harrowing and sent chills down her spine. From her core, she felt the static sensation run outward through her veins and intuitively Valerie knew that this was her end.

She was going to die.

Ringing filled her ears and Valerie couldn't help recall the events from the night prior. Shooting upwards on her board, rain disorienting her. The white, hot branch of lightning coursing through her core and then everything all at once.

She wasn't there anymore. She was sitting cross-legged on her living carpet, fingers tangled in the beige fibers. The television set was opposite her, her frightened face reflected in the black screen.

From her torso, a white halo of light appeared. She recoiled, bumping her head against the couch. Still, Valerie kept her eyes trained on her reflection and watched in terror as the halo ascended from her torso to the crown of her head. Her suit appeared below the light, the same old armor as always, except it wasn't. It wasn't the same. Even in her reflection, Valerie could see that there was something wrong. She could see the couch behind her body—through her body.

She was transparent.

She was a ghost.

If it wasn't for the chill that had settled in her veins, she might have tried harder to doubt it. But now, as she stared at her unworldly reflection in the glossy television screen, Valerie knew it was true. She hadn't survived the lightning strike after all.

But how could that be?

She'd had a heartbeat! She was still breathing!

Hell, it wasn't like she'd lost her sense of self. Valerie knew who she was, she wasn't compelled to raze the town or charge some selfish desire—at least not yet.

Would she lose her mind? Would she lose her conscience?

"I don't want this." She pressed her hands against the side of her helmet. "I don't want this!"

She tried to stand, but instead careened sideways, floating parallel to the floor.

Something in her mind chimed, alarms ringing.

Valerie just wanted to stand on solid ground again. She just wanted to step back into her normal, regular life. She wanted her friends and her parents and her comfortable old house with the central heating and walls thick enough that she couldn't hear her neighbors on the other side. She wanted a life of stability where she didn't come home to her father, forehead crinkled, as he thumbed through the bills laid across the kitchen table. She wanted to stop working so hard but knew if she slipped for even a moment that it would all come crumbling down.

She was so fucking tired of pushing herself to the brink and now it had killed her.

What had she left her father with?

Nothing but a husk of Valerie Gray—a ghost of the daughter he once loved. And it was all her fault.

Gravity took hold of her once again and Valerie fell to her knees. The air that entered her lungs felt hollow, a poor imitation of what breathing should be, but that didn't keep her from sobbing. The crying began to fog up her helmet and she jammed the button below her jawline, retracting the helmet back into her suit.

Horror dawned on her when Valerie took in her new visage.

Her hair was still black, but it seemed to take on some kind of iridescence when she moved—reminding her of a peacock's feathers or the face of a DVD. Not to mention, it floated around her head as if she was sitting underwater. The most chilling aspect of her appearance was that her irises glowed bright red, the same red as her scars. The red light bled into her scleras, staining them red too. She looked like a demon.

A real monster.

"No." In a vain attempt, Valerie wiped the tears from her face, but they refused to cease. "No no no!"

Before she could process anything more, the air in front of her shimmered and Phantom appeared before her. He had a solemn look on his usually smug face, green eyes downcast.

"Hi, Val."

She remembered earlier how he'd tried to warn her. How he knew what happened to her, yet dropped her back off at her apartment like nothing had happened. If he'd been kinder, he would've waited for her to wake up. He would've been there to at least tell her in person that she'd died.

Instead, all she got was a cryptic note and a half-assed explanation over the phone.

"The fuck do you want!" she snapped.

"I just want to help you," he said. "I… I guess you've realized now, what I meant about what happened last night. I know how you feel."

She scoffed. "Like you could never understand what I'm feeling. You pretend like you know all about me, but you don't know the first thing about my life!"

He sat cross-legged in mid-air and drifted downwards to Valerie's eye level. "You know, I died once too. It's not the same for everyone, but for me I know that I was scared. I didn't want to be a ghost."

… well, maybe he could understand more than she thought.

It was hard to think of Phantom as someone who'd once been alive. The only version Valerie knew of him was a devious glory hound that was too territorial and occasionally useful to team up with fend off more powerful ghosts.

But Phantom had been a kid once, like her, and he'd died.

Phantom continued. "I thought all ghosts were evil, unfeeling monsters. I was terrified that I would become like that in time, that I would lose the parts of me that made me who I am."

"And you haven't?"

The Phantom that she knew wasn't anything close to human. He was obsessed with acting the hero and lorded over the town like it belonged to him.

Phantom shook his head.

"I know your opinion of me isn't the greatest—"

"That's an understatement."

"—but I do my best to protect Amity Park. I've made mistakes and I understand that I can't undo all of them, but I'm trying to make up for it because that's who I am. Now and when I was human. I didn't lose the parts of me that care about others. If anything, they've grown stronger." Phantom paused. "And I mean, it's not like you're fully dead. You know?"

"Just because I still exist doesn't mean that being a ghost is better," she grumbled.

He shook his head. "No, no. I mean you're still alive. You're a ghost but you're still alive because you have a heartbeat and a living human body. You're in between—a halfa."

What fresh hell was he talking about now?

"Huh."

"I was pretty sure when I brought you back to your room last night. You died, but you're still alive. You're not human, but you're not dead. You're something in between, just like me."

"I don't know what the fuck you're trying to pull, but nobody's in between, Phantom! You're either alive, or you're not!" She stood up and took a step back from the ghost floating above her living room floor. "Stop fucking around!"

Phantom floated to meet her eye level.

"If you aren't alive, how are you able to breathe? Or eat? Or sleep? Ghosts don't do those things, well, not in the way that we do them."

"I—I—"

Valerie didn't have an answer.

Phantom had a point.

"I don't know, alright!" she snapped.

Phantom shut his eyes. For the first time, Valerie noticed that his eyelashes were the same color as his hair—snow white.

"Deaths like ours aren't common. Your suit imbued your body with so much ectoplasm, that when the ectoplasmic-charged lightning struck you last night—it killed you and revived you simultaneously." Phantom opened his eyes. "You're suspended in a state between dead and alive, ghost and human."

"How did you die, then?"

He winced. "Not the most polite question to ask a ghost, but I'll let it slide. It was a, uh, ghost portal opening on top of me."

She didn't know what she was expecting. "Damn."

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry, but I'm still lost about what you meant about being both dead and alive."

He shrugged. "I mean, it's what it says on the tin."

"Yeah, I don't get it."

"That's fair. I didn't get it for a long time, either. I didn't have anyone to really tell me what was going on and was guessing blindly at first. I thought for so long that I was just a human with weird ghost powers, that my transformation was just a big power-up. It wasn't. Being a ghost is part of who I am and that took months for me to accept." He shifted his weight, despite gravity not pulling down on him as it should. "You have a ghost form and a human form. Right now you're in your ghost form. Can't say it'll feel the same as it does for me, but do you feel a warmth in your chest, close to your heart?"

It was faint, but amidst the buzzing sensation in her chest—her core—Valerie felt a spot of warmth near her heart. "Y—yeah."

Phantom's eyes lit up. "Good. Now, to change back into your human form, focus on that spark and imagine pushing it through your veins. Grounding yourself, letting that warmth pull you back into human form."

She stared. "You want me to push warmth through my veins?"

"Just to imagine it!"

"That sounds stupid."

"Do you want your human form, or not?"

Valerie groaned. It wouldn't be the first time Phantom made a fool of her. She supposed it wouldn't hurt to try his bullshit advice.

"Fine, fine."

Shutting her eyes, Valerie tried to follow his instructions. For an abstract construct, she imagined her veins flowing outward from her heart, that warmth washing through them and reaching her fingertips and her toes. She felt ridiculous, but sure enough something fell into place.

The cold began to subside. Behind her eyelids, there was a flash of light and when she opened her eyes once again, her suit had vanished. She pulled her hair to her eyes and it was no longer iridescent—her regular coarse, black hair.

Phantom was actually right.

"You did it!" he clapped. "How do you feel? Alright?"

No. No, this still didn't make any sense. She looked human again, but she wasn't. She was still that thing from before, even if she didn't look like it.

Valerie slumped down onto the edge of the couch.

"I'm confused." She ran her now uncovered hands up her arms. "How did you know how to tell me that?"

He took the seat beside her. "Like I told you, I'm like you. I have a human form too."

Maybe it was the chill from him sitting beside her, but the hair on Valerie's arms stood on end. Something about that didn't sit right with her…

"What, you mean you're still pretending to be who you were when you were alive? And going about your life like nothing happened? That you're still human?"

He raised a hand to the back of his neck. "I mean, I'm not pretending. I am still half-alive, so I am part human."

She narrowed her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I—yeah. I do. In my human form, I'm still pretending like the accident never happened, yeah."

"That's sick! You're—you're tricking people!"

"Am I?" Phantom pulled off his left glove. He grabbed Valerie's hand by the wrist and instinctually, she pulled back.

"Let me go!"

He released her. "Sorry. Just—" he tapped his own wrist with his index and middle fingers "—humor me."

Tentatively, Valerie touched her fingers to his wrist. "What am I supposed to—"

There, under her fingertips was a pulse. A real, living pulse. There was no way in hell! She'd seen Phantom twist through the air, body morphing as if his insides were nothing but liquid—jello. She'd seen him bleed ectoplasm—toxic neon green! He couldn't have a pulse, couldn't be alive.

"How are you doing that?" she demanded. "How!"

"I already told you, Val. I'm like you. I'm both ghost and human. When I change into my ghost form, I don't stop being human, or at least not wholly. Maybe my pulse is slower than it should be, and maybe my blood's a little too green to be normal. But that's what makes me—makes us—halfas. Half-human, half-ghost."

If a ghost like Phantom could have a pulse, and Valerie could change between forms… then maybe it was all true. Maybe she could be both alive and dead at the same time. It was absolute madness, of course, but she didn't see any other explanation.

How was she going to live with this?

Sure, it was better than being all the way dead, but Valerie still had to navigate being a half-ghost! Having to deal with power-slip ups and transformations on top of her school and home lives. It was already hard enough as it was!

To her chagrin, Valerie began to sob again.

She didn't even swat Phantom away when he tentatively wrapped his arm around her shoulder, breathing soft assurances that it would all be alright.

How pathetic was that? Leaning on the shoulder of her supposed enemy?

"I can't do this," she admitted. "I can't just… go on with my life and pretend that none of this happened. Not like you can."

"What will you do, then?" Phantom asked. "I'll support you, whatever you choose."

She couldn't leave Amity Park. Her dad was here. Plus, as much as she hated their small, run-down apartment, this was her home. She reveled in the nights she spent soaring above the town, feet dangling off her board and touching city lights with her heels. It left her lips chapped and numb, but sometimes she'd retract her helmet just to feel the wind blow through her hair. It was euphoric, mesmerizing.

Now, being whatever she was, she doubted she'd ever feel that way again.

Alive.

Still, she wouldn't leave. Even if pretending to live life as she once had would be painful, it was her only option.

What else could she do?

"I don't know." She felt like a child. "I don't know anymore!"

"Hey, hey," Phantom soothed. "That's alright. I'll help you. Getting through the first few months will be hard, but it gets easier."

"Not my life. My life never gets easier," she despaired. "It's always getting worse and worse. Sometimes I wonder if this is karma."

"Karma?"

"Because I was so spoiled growing up, such a mean little brat. If you knew me, I was awful. Looking down on others, getting everything I wanted…"

"Valerie, that's not karma. That's how little kids are. What's happening in your life isn't a penance for your childhood. Life is just like this."

He wasn't getting it.

"You didn't know me then."

He scoffed. "You mean like the time in first grade when you handed out those expensive valentines candies to the rich kids, and when teacher told you to share with the rest of us you threw a fit? Val, your life is not the way it is now because of that stuff. Trust me."

The valentine candies in Ms. Fletcher's class. She hadn't thought about those in years, nor the mortifying tantrum she threw in front of her peers. She'd thrown the box of truffles to the ground, stomping on the gold-foiled chocolates with a vengeance. She left the room shrieking that Ms. Fletcher ruined their Valentine's Day, that those chocolates had only been for her friends—the kids from houses that looked like hers.

Somehow Phantom knew about that.

"How did you—?"

She found herself again looking into Phantom's green eyes. His pupils looked like the surface of a planet, swirling with ectoplasm. Once in her life, she must have looked into these same eyes and seen a different color. It was startling to realize that this ghost she'd fought with had known her even then, in the slow days of playground parachutes and finger paintings.

Who had Phantom been before he died?

"I've known you for years, Val," Phantom admitted. "I mean, you never liked me. Until recently, I guess? I doubt you'll like me much longer when you realize how much of a liar I am."

Until recently?

Fearing the answer, she asked the burning question. "Who are you as a human?"

Phantom exhaled. "Please, don't freak out."

"No promises."

He considered for a moment, before nodding. "... I'll take it."

From his waist, a halo of white light appeared—similar to the one that appeared around her torso before. When the light passed over his midsection, it left behind a white T-shirt and faded jeans. She watched, mesmerized, as the light swept over his head and left behind sharp blue eyes behind green. Color bleeding into his pale white hair, the pull of gravity reassessing itself on his locks. It took her brain several moments too long to catch up with her eyes when the damning realization finally hit her.

She did know him.

"Danny…"

"Yeah."

Danny Fenton, the boy she seemed to keep running into this year. The same boy who caught her affections and the same one she gave up to protect from ghost hunting. The same boy whose smile still made her heart flutter and thoughtful eyes lifted her mood after her prey—Phantom—once again eluded her.

The same boy who always seemed a bit on edge around his parents' ghost hunting equipment. The same boy who never seemed to be around during those ghost attacks. The same boy who took Dash's punches with a shit-eating grin and welcomed detention slips with a resigned look.

On one hand it made an awful lot of sense, but on the other hand—

"You're kidding me, right?"

He winced. "No. I'm sorry, Val."

"Sorry? Sorry! Danny, I've tried to kill you!"

Danny brushed the back of his neck. "But you never succeeded?"

A snarl ripped through her throat, surprising herself. "Maybe I ought to!"

There was a sudden red tint on Danny's face. Oh God, her eyes were glowing again...

He shot her a knowing look. "And lose the person willing to help you figure out this half-ghost power bullshit?"

Valerie tried blinking the light from her eyes. After a few moments or so, the light dimmed.

"I mean, if you did it then it shouldn't be too hard."

"Hey! Cut me some slack. Given I live with ghost hunters, I've done a pretty good job keeping this whole part-ghost thing under wraps. Thank you."

Oh shit, he did live with ghost hunters.

What the hell.

"That's awful, Danny."

"Hm?"

"That aside from me, your parents are out there trying to kill you too! And you actually live with them!"

"Eh, it's not a big deal. Dad's an awful shot."

"Your mom's not."

Maddie Fenton was largely overshadowed by her husband's ineptitude, but her aim was impeccable. So good that Valerie wasn't sure who would win between the two of them.

"Well, true. I'm good at dodging though. They've only gotten close like," he gestured so-so "a few times."

Valerie gawked. "What the hell is your life, Danny?"

"Everything's complicated with me. I do my best, though. And I meant it when I said I'll help you figure this out. Being half-ghost isn't a cakewalk, I should know. But it does get better."

She found that hard to believe, but Valerie knew Danny Fenton. Maybe it wasn't the wisest decision, given all the lies. But after experiencing the transformation, Valerie could understand some of it. The fear of telling others. It made sense that Danny wouldn't tell her, a ghost hunter, that he was Phantom. Even if they had dated. Danny wasn't stupid.

It was that reason that Valerie trusted him at all.

If Danny said that it would get better, she'd put her faith in him.

Even if the signs said otherwise.

"Alright. Alright, where do I start? With controlling the powers and stuff?"

Danny smiled. "Well, to control your powers, you have to begin using them on purpose. Don't worry, I'll talk you through it."

Valerie still wasn't sure about being half-ghost, but the idea of it was definitely less frightening than it had been a few hours ago.

The humming in her chest was beginning to feel more natural by the hour.

#Danny Phantom #Danny Fenton #Valerie Gray #Danny Phantom Fanfiction #Fanfic #Phicc #Phic #Hurt/Comfort #Angst #wrwritings #phandomholidaytruce #2021 Holiday Truce #mostlikelynothuman

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wizard-butch · 4 years

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There’s way too much of an intersection between the whole classist “if you don’t have x amount of education and know how to spell things and shit then you’re a stupid bigoted piece of shif” and the whole neoliberal/anti-liberal “politics is doomed and instead of doing anything to attempt to enforce positive change I’m going to be nihilistic about how theres no hope and no one can do anything and anytime someone tries to suggest something to actually attempt to improve the lives of working people I’ll tell them they’re stupid and naive”

#personal #420

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one-shoop · 5 years

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My mother actually admitted to a professional that she would "push us to face our fears" and "square up" or whatever when we were anxious. I don't know why this information doesn't make me happier. I have proof that she's the one who's been at the core of all my most complex mindsets -- like the "don't ask for help unless you really need it" and "am I hurt enough to be allowed to be sad" and "is this bad enough so I don't need to swallow it and search for solutions, or is this pain bad enough I can keep it". She literally admitted to doing all of that.

She's the reason I didn't ask for help in exams. She basically admitted to all the stuff she did as a mother -- her miraculously-unused scheme to push me off a bike so I wouldn't be scared of it anymore ("but pushing you nicely, so you don't actually get hurt, just to show you it's not scary" says mom like this excuses anything), all the times she talked about messing around with her students' rigidities and complex things (she called it "breaking them" like seriously) -- she'll "confront" autistic people or perfectionnists. She admitted to making sure the kid who hated losing loses at all games until he "learns to suck it up" and "accept things" or whatever, she admitted to messing up an autistic/rigid kid's meticulously arranged pieces of paper to "show them it didn't matter if they were messed up, it's the paper itself that counts", and doing that everytime they meet up, even going so far as pretending the kids actually like when she does that. How is this woman even a freaking orthopédagogue, I have no idea.

But she keeps "pushing them out of their comfort zones" and it's just not okay. And the way she talks to them, the way she behaves around them -- it pisses me off just thinking about it. And yesterday she confessed to her motives.

And -- this is a woman who said that the Roman Empire was justified, the murder of millions and all the crap was justified, that people were being stupid when they refused to have roman soldiers on their land -- this is a woman who said that "the tribes didn't want to be in peace, they wanted to keep fighting" and "Rome was keeping the peace". Someone who literally has no freaking reason to believe this crap -- seriously???? The Roman empire was garbage???? This is someone who said "well, if you see slavery as the limit, no civilisation ever was good" when I told her the goddamn empire worked on slaves' back, and refused to acknowledge how Caesar was a piece of garbage, how people watched prisoners of war get freaking KILLED in arenas like it was a fun thing to watch.

Like seriously???? She told me "homeless people should just work harder" and "it doesn't mean society is broken if they can't get jobs/housing" and "it's their fault -- and I know, I watched a documentary once" and "most homeless people are idiots, they don't want to get healed, they want to do drugs and they're childish, they don't want to get jobs, they don't want to work" and "we can't force people to do things they don't want to do, they don't want to get healed so leave them be" and "they basically want to stay homeless" and "they can't handle having a job" and "there are shelters in place, so if they don't go there, they're basically saying they want to stay homeless" like sure mom, this is a good mindset. Absolutely -- i so agree with the humanity of "they don't want to work, so let them starve" like this is forgetting that many homeless peeps are mentally ill? Or addicted? And they CAN'T GET TREATMENT much less any sort of respect from people???? And shelters are the worst??? If I base it on my experience at an Elder's retirement home, let me tell you social workers can be assholes and retirement homes can be a hostile environment to its patients. And also???? Some homeless peeps just leave because OH SNAP maybe they got THROWN OUT OF THEIR HOUSE and and since they're going they have fucking nowhere to go? Like -- ever hear of someone losing their spouse and having nobody ro turn to, so they spend a night outside, and then another, and when their boss hears they fire them so now they're jobless and penniless and BAM. And ever heard of the concept that maybe BEING ALCOHOLIC ISN'T CONTROLLABLE WITHOUT EXTERNAL HELP and do I really have to explain how buying alcohol/weed and being left to starve and freeze and get mugged all the time -- like seriously, there is NO REASON you should LET SOMEONE DIE.

Like ffs?????????? She said bombing an entire town full of civilians was a good move???? Since "they didn't want to surrender, they were too proud" and "they were too stubborn to give up so they had to be shown we wouldn't back down" like wow, minimalizing much??? We're talking about two whole goddamn towns being blown away -- imagine freaking Montreal just blown away like that. Those bombs were MASSIVE. Imagine the freaking KIDS. Seriously -- she can't bear to watch documentaries on the atomic bombs, it should be enough to make her realize that hey, maybe if something is too horrible to watch, you shouldn't DO IT TO PEOPLE? Nor excuse it????

Said that our country "didn't do too much slavery" and "WE were nice people, not like the English" and "we lived in peace" like seriously???? Remember all those times native people got sold as slaves??? Remember how métis came to be, with white people going in forests, stopping for a night at a tribe, and raping a woman there????? And then that woman would get expelled and her baby would be shunned for not belonging either with the white bastards or with the mother's birth tribe?? Remember how Montréal was built to be a freaking conversion thing for the native peoples thar lived near??? Remember how we had missionaries?

Remember that time she kept saying that in the Bible, the Jewish people were the bad guys -- the Romans were good? Defending the dude from the washing hands thing, saying he had no other choice to keep the people happy than to kill J-boy, and saying it was "the Jewish religious leaders's" fault for all of it? For "forcing people to hate him"? Saying the Jewish people were jerks like they didn't want to pay taxes to this guy who invaded their land, right??? Well apparently they're jerks for that???

Saying Sikh community people can never get into politics because "politicians are supposed to represent the majority of their people, and they're never part of the majority anywhere" and rolling her eyes when I say "what, so what you're saying is that if you're part of that community, you can't EVER get into politics? What if it was your dream??? Should you give up your religion to be allowed to compete?"

And apparently all of that is because of some "book" she read once about how to deal with anxiety in kids. How, apparently, this "book" was enough to spark all of this nonsense.

Like wtf mom

Wtf

Like for someone who keeps talking about "facing your fears" she sure is ignoring a whole lot of information back here. Like ever heard of someone dismissing the truth because it's too hard? Like if this was really your philosophy I'd think you'd be the first one to fall out bs propaganda and fight for a better place and a more compassionate view of others, and like -- her philosophy is supposed to be about confronting your fears to work on them like how tf can you do that without even admitting there's a problem???? She's making shif up for a shitton of historical shit that have literally no fucking data on all the goodness she pretends exists -- like seriously man just google literally any of those things and you'll have proof it happened -- even NOW we have literal places where every native person lives like some weird ghetto bht wirh government funding. Native lands aren't even legally recognized by our bs country, they don't have a fucking representative or their own, they don't even have their own province ffs they live in shitty places where poverty happens because SURPRISE when you strip someone of their land, their dignity, their culture, and their religion, and all their space to just freaking exist -- MAYBE it fucks them up. And just MAYBE being stripped of your integrity as a person and a clan is MAYBE stripped away and MAYBE you have nothing to really do with your identity. So MAYBE you should consider that when you pretend the shit our people did wasn't completely horrific. MAYBE you'd understand how desperatly something needs to be done.

And ALL OF THIS just doesn't cut it for a goddamn book about education or whatever it was. I dont know what this is but this just feels like fucking victim blaming. This can't be about "facing your fears", this is about dictating them, this is about making things up, about controlling the reality. This is about making the reality to be more pleasant for you to live in, this is about you controlling people to see things as you do. This is about you thinking people will never like you if you outright say you agree with the goddamn empire so you pretend there's some silver lining on it.

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