#edser present

[uniquelysamantha]

What The Hell Is EDS?

Why You Should Care...

You can’t know me without knowing my journey with EDS. My journey helped me become the woman I am today. The woman I was at 8 and the child I was yesterday.

So What Is It?

EDS stands for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It’s a collection of connective tissue disorders. EDSers are born with faulty collagen. (And no, collagen supplements can’t change faulty collagen to healthy collagen.) Unfortunately collagen is needed to hold the body together. There are several types of EDS, some being moderately common and some extremely rare. Each type has certain symptoms that are different from other types, but a few symptoms are present across the spectrum. I could write a paper about EDS, a long paper. Instead, I’m going to tell you about my experiences.

First, let me get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. I have two types of EDS, which is supposed to be impossible, but bear with me. I inherited Classical EDS from my mom. It was obvious from the beginning. I also inherited Hypermobile EDS from my dad. That was only diagnosed later. Here’s the absolute crazy thing. Neither of my parents knew they had EDS. My parents, like so many other EDSers, had symptoms, but doctors couldn’t figure it out. So, yeah, it’s crazy that two people with different types of EDS meet, and pass on that faulty gene to all three children in the family. So, before other EDSers say anything about how it’s not possible to have two types, my two types EDS have been confirmed by four different geneticists.

Ok now that that’s out of way . . .

When I was born, my left foot was twisted completely backwards. According to my parents, my health and development issues never got “better.” My mom had been around babies all of her life. She knew what babies were supposed to be able to do around certain ages. From the very beginning, she tried to tell the doctors that something was wrong with me. I couldn’t hold my head up when most babies do. I couldn’t sit up when most babies do. Forget crawling and walking on time. All through this, my parents struggled with my severely fragile skin. It was bruised most of the time and would tear at the smallest bump. There was clearly something wrong with my health, but the doctors didn’t understand what.

At the age of 18 months I was still not walking well. That left foot was floppy and didn’t want to stay in place. I was shipped off to an orthopedic surgeon to see what could be done. This was the most important doctor in my life. He was the first one to suggest to my parents that I might have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. He didn’t want to make the official diagnosis because he didn’t think he had the qualifications to do so. So he shipped me off to the Shriner’s Hospital for Children. It was a very high ranking doctor that finally told my parents that I have Classical EDS, then called Type I.

Unfortunately, even the doctors didn’t know much about it and had never heard of someone being diagnosed so young. We left the Shriner’s Hospital For Children with more questions than answers. This was in 1973.

Cigarette Paper Skin . . .

As a child, my paper thin skin caused a ton of problems. Any fall would warrant a trip to the ER for stitches. Unfortunately because the doctors in the ER didn’t know anything about Ehlers-Danlos, they spent hours stitching me up, only to have them later pull through my skin, causing extremely slow healing and giant scars. I have tons of scars, from my head to my toes. Some are bright purple and some have stretched so much that they spread across my whole leg.

Rubber Man Joints ?

When I was about eight my joints started to painfully sublux and dislocate for no reason. The doctors didn’t understand how I could dislocate my knee during my sleep. My ankles were so weak that stepping on a pebble could cause a sprain or subluxation. I was on crutches 18 times before I even reached the age of 18.

My feet were just as unstable. They were terribly weak and I needed special shoes from the very beginning. Actually all of my joints were unstable. I could barely hold a pencil or a heavy book. My elbows and shoulders hurt when I tried to pick myself up off of the floor. I only became aware that most people’s knees didn’t hurt every day when I was about 10.

Ugh Surgeries . . .

To date, I’ve had 40 (I’m currently 51.) Some surgeries have been routine, like my tonsils and appendix. Most of my surgeries have been orthopedic and even experimental for a young EDSer. My feet have been cut up so much that I have more metal than bone in some areas. And, most of these surgeries failed within in years if not months. I’ve also had several reconstructive surgeries to try to put things back where they go.

I had a bilateral knee reconstruction from a terrible fall I had. I still have nightmares about it. More recently, I’ve had three surgeries on my left knee to reconnect my quad tendon to the bone. Again a terrible fall. Because of that stupid quad tendon, my knee can’t hold me upright any longer.

Wait, There’s More . . .

EDS is not just skin and joints though. Slow healing is a big part of every type. When a doctor says he’ll take the stitches out in seven days, it ends up being 14. I get sick if I’m around anyone who sneezes or coughs. I’ve had Scarlet Fever, several bouts of pneumonia, fevers over 103, bronchitis twice a year like clockwork, and enough viruses for hundreds of people.

Then I have other related issues. My heart and lungs are weak. I had to have a hysterectomy when I was only 24. I can’t even look at spicy food without my GERD yelling at me. I have mild hearing loss because there are bones in the ear, which can sublux too. My eyes are tricky because they change prescription a few times a year.

Displaced . . .

At the ripe old age of 43, I moved into the local nursing home because I just couldn’t take care of myself. Some days I’m fine, but other days I can’t move my neck without shooting pain. It’s very hard to eat or sit up when your neck is subluxed. Forget trying to cook for myself. I now use a wheelchair full time. I actually don’t mind because walking was not only painful, but dangerous. I had the chance of falling with every step, every tiny step. Yes, I’m limited a bit to go places because of my chair, but heck, I couldn’t do stairs when I walked anyway.

Evolution . . .

As my Ehlers-Danlos has progressed, I’ve had to give up a lot of things that I love. I can’t sew or knit anymore. I really shouldn’t be around most animals anymore because of their unpredictability. I can’t even hold a fork and spoon correctly. I haven’t cut my own food in years. I can’t chew gum or eat apples without cutting them up because my jaw dislocates. I can’t hold books to read. Thank goodness for ebooks! My back and knees are painful every minute, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year.

So, Anyway . . .

Even with all of my physical issues, I’m actually content most of the time. I know my limits and stay within them while creatively adapting activities to have a great quality of life. I write, read on my tablet, research curious little things, even learned a way to knot keychains and small wall hangings. I still love people, and I still create, and I still learn. Those things are important to me.

Uniquely Samantha . . .

My life journey is mine. It’s made me as unique as your journey made you

[olko71]

New Post has been published on All about business online

New Post has been published on https://yaroreviews.info/2023/07/fuel-retailers-urged-to-back-government-price-sharing-scheme

Fuel retailers urged to back government price sharing scheme

Getty Images

By Nick Edser & Jemma Dempsey

BBC News

Supermarkets and other fuel retailers have until August to voluntarily share live prices in a government scheme designed to prevent overcharging.

It follows a report that found drivers paid an extra 6p per litre for fuel at supermarkets last year due to weak competition.

Drivers will be able to compare live prices online to find cheaper fuel.

But campaign group FairFuelUK said the “jury was still out” on the scheme’s effectiveness.

‘Rip-off retailers’

Energy Secretary Grant Shapps will meet bosses from Asda, Tesco, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and other major fuel retailers on Monday, who will be “held to account for any failure to pass on savings to consumers”.

Announcing the scheme earlier in July, Mr Shapps said the government wanted to “shine a light on rip-off retailers”.

The secretary of state will give retailers until next month to agree to the voluntary Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) scheme to share live fuel prices, in order to improve transparency and increase competition.

“Act now or face the full force to the law,” the Department for Energy Security said. A failure to comply would see retailers legally forced to share their prices, it added.

Petrol and diesel prices jumped to record highs following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine last year, but have since dropped significantly.

However, the CMA, the UK’s competition watchdog, investigated the UK fuel market earlier this year following concerns falling wholesale prices were not being passed on to consumers.

Petrol stations accused of pocketing fuel duty cut

It concluded competition was “not working as well as it should be”.

The CMA found average annual supermarket margins on fuel had increased by 6p per litre between 2019 and 2022 – equivalent to £900m in extra costs for drivers.

Howard Cox established FairFuelUK to campaign for more “honesty, fairness and transparency” in fuel pricing in 2010.

‘Kitemark scheme’

He said: “If it [the voluntary scheme] doesn’t have teeth, they will have to have full regulatory powers and fine retailers. But the jury’s still out for me… we’ll wait to see what comes out of Monday’s meeting.”

Mr Cox said he would like to see retailers commit to a “kitemark scheme” in which they pledged to offer “honest and fair pricing”.

“It’s very simple and that’s something motorists can see as they are driving past,” he continued.

The campaigner said the current system was “opaque” and called for every garage owner and retailer to input live prices to a database daily so “we can see for once in our lives how prices are arrived at”.

“The phrase it goes up like a rocket and down like a feather couldn’t be truer than with petrol prices,” he added.

Fact v fiction: Five tips for saving petrol money examined

Earlier this month, the government said that under its new initiative, drivers would be able to access live, station-by-station fuel prices on their phones or satnavs.

At present, retailers only provide price information at petrol stations themselves, making it hard to compare rates, although some websites try to collate this data.

Driving groups say the idea, which is used elsewhere in Europe, is overdue.

How to save money on petrol and diesel

Watch your speed: The RAC says 45-50mph is the most efficient speed to drive for fuel efficiency

Switch off the air conditioning: Extra energy is needed to power a car’s air conditioning system and turning it on can increase your fuel consumption by up to 10%, according to the AA

Check your tyre pressure: Underinflated tyres will use up extra petrol. Check your pressures regularly, especially before heading off on a long journey

For more tips click here

Related Topics

Competition and Markets Authority

Supermarkets

Fuel

More on this story

Supermarkets forced to publish live fuel prices

3 July

Fact v fiction: Five tips for saving petrol money examined

3 July

NI fuel cheapest in UK due to Irish competition

3 July

[lizacstuff]

EDSER + GIFTS

[xamala]

EdSer х Cнrιѕтмαѕ 🎄✨

[originalhybridloverfics]

I'll Always Remember You

Summary: [AU Canon Divergence - if Serkan had met his daughter in the wake of a true tragedy]

Serkan's world is turned to shambles with devastating news. Mistakes etched in stone. Consumed with regrets he has to find a way to survive and be the father his daughter needs him to be in the wake of her mother's death when on he wants is Eda, smiling back at him.

[This will break your Edser heart. Consider yourself warned.]

A/N: I apologize in advance if this fic makes this cry but I did warn you. It's Serkan and Kiraz heavy with Edser dreams and flashbacks.Also I am no expert on the legal matters or turkey funerals and I am sure I got it wrong on so many levels and for that I apologize once again in advance.

“Serkan Bey!” Layla rushed into his office with an urgent look. The telephone clutched in her hand.

“Not now, Leyla!” Serkan said sharply. “I am in the middle of a meeting.”

“But Serkan, they say it’s urgent and won’t stop calling until they get in touch with you.” Leyla insisted clutching the phone tight in her hands.

Serkan’s annoyance was high. He had been getting calls all morning from an unknown number and he ignored it because it was more than possible it was reporters and he did not want to deal with those vultures today.

He has been having a bad week ever since he woke up in a cold sweat, his heart hurting. He went to the doctor and was told there was nothing wrong with his heart. Furthermore, he couldn’t explain it but there was an empty feeling inside him. An emptiness he never felt before.

He forced a smile for his clients. “I’m sorry for the interruption.”

He held his hand out for the phone and Layla nearly tripped over her feet in her haste to hand him the phone.

“Hello,” he spoke sharply into the phone.

“Am I speaking with Serkan Bolat?” A woman’s voice echoed down the line. Her tone is professional.

“Yes, you are. What is this about?” Serkan asked.

“My name is Ayla Yavus and I am with Child Protective Services. I am calling on the behalf of a young child. Kiraz-”

“I don’t understand.” Serkan cut her off. “Why are you calling me? I have no children.”

“Well, according to Kiraz’s relatives. You do. You are from their understanding her biological father.”

Serkan pushed his chair out abruptly and walked out onto the terrace. Layla followed, closing the door behind him.

“Explain,” Serkan demanded.

“Kiraz is five years old. She was being raised by her mother in Italy unfortunately, the child’s mother was in a fatal car accident a little over a week ago. We had her in our custody for only a few hours before placing her in the temporary custody of her mother’s aunt.:

Serkan’s heart pounded, fear lancing through him. “And her mother’s name?”

“Eda Yildiz.”

Serkan’s phone clattered to the floor as she spoke the one name he would have given anything for her not to have spoken.

His knees gave way beneath him and he caught himself on the ledge, sinking to the ground, he turned pressing his back against it.

“Serkan Bey!” Leyla called out in alarm. “Are you alright?”

“Tell everyone to go home.” his voice was low barely above a whisper.

“Serkan Bey?” Leyla questioned.

Serkan looked up at her and Leyla fell back a step by the devastation written on his face. “I want everyone out of the building. Now!” His voice was loud, like a clap of thunder causing Leyla to jump.

There was something so terrifying about his demeanor that Leyla immediately rushed to clear the building.

Serkan didn’t move, he felt like the world was falling away and not in the good way he remembers when he was with Eda.

He felt like everything around him was dying while he was left to suffer in agony in a world without light and sunshine, without flowers and kindness. Without his star and the beauty that brought him to life.

“Serkan Bey,” Leyla returned, speaking tentatively. “Everyone is gone.”

“I want you to leave too,” he said not looking up.

“Serkan Bey, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you in this state.” Leyla protested, fighting back her fear of his anger.

Serkan looked up at her. “I don’t care what makes you uncomfortable, Leyla. I want to be left alone,”

Leyla didn’t want to leave him. Especially, after witnessing the devastation in his eyes but if she continued to refuse Serkan’s anger would erupt.

“Okay, if you need anything. I am a call away.” Leyla reluctantly grabbed her things and left the building.

Serkan wasn’t certain how long he stayed there, but he felt the wind pick up as the sky began to rumble.

With an effort he pushed himself up, grabbing his phone from the floor, and headed inside.

Mindlessly, he climbed the stairs to his office, and pulling out a bottle of liquor off the shelf he kept for guests, he grabbed a glass, setting it down on his desk.

He moved to his safe, pulling out a box, not bothering to close the safe he moved back to his desk taking a seat behind it. He sat the box down and opened it.

Side by side incased in the fabric were his and Eda’s engagement ring, his platinum band with her name inscribed into it, and sparkling flower engagement ring.

He reached, his chest tightening as his fingers brushed her ring.

Serkan swallowed hard, the phone call haunting him. Eda was gone, leaving behind a child.

Their child. A child he never even knew about.

How was he supposed to handle this? He could barely hold it together after learning that the only woman he ever loved was gone.

How was he supposed to be strong for a child and raise her? What was he supposed to say to her? How would he look at her and see her mother and not break down every fucking time?

He was on a cliff and he felt like he was going to slip off it at any given moment.

His phone rang again and he reached for it blindly, not checking the caller id. “Hello,” his voice was hoarse.

“Mr. Bolat, this is Ayla Yavus. I’m with-” “I know, we spoke earlier.” Serkan cut her off, he pulled the phone away to clear his voice and sound more presentable.

“I thought I give you some time to deal with the news from earlier. I know this is difficult-”

“Difficult? It’s impossible. You have no idea what this feels like.”

“Maybe so but you need to pull yourself together and gather your strength. You have a little girl who is going to depend on you for everything.” Ms. Ayla replied matter-of-factly.

“How is this going to work?” Serkan asked. “Do you bring her to me? Do I just take custody? Do I come to her?”

“As I said during our first phone call, currently, Kiraz is in the custody of her mother’s Aunt, Ayfer Yildiz. While it is believed you are the father of Kiraz we will need to perform a DNA test and a background check to ensure it is safe for the child to be in your care.”

“It’s my child. Of course, she will be in my care,” What the hell did they take him for?

“After all this is taken care of you will come and take your daughter into your custody. Now, if you do not wish to take responsibility you can sign over your rights and custody will be given to Ms. Ayfer.”

“No, I won’t be giving up my parental rights.” Serkan hadn’t even seen a picture of his daughter but she was the last thing tethering him to Eda. There was no way he would let her go.

He knew absolutely nothing about raising a child but he knew he would do anything to protect her and give her a safe home. He would love her as much as he loved her mother.

“Thank you for your time, Serkan Bey. We will be in touch.” the line clicked.

Serkan dropped his phone onto the desk and he reached for the bottle of liquor and filled the glass in front of him.

He made a few calls after downing the glass. Using his contacts to find out if a funeral has taken place and if not where and when. He needed immediate results.

When he ended the call he poured himself another drink and another.

Later he was awakened to the sound of his phone ringing. It was his contact calling to tell him that the Yildiz family was returning to Istanbul.

It was all Serkan needed to know. Ayfer was having Eda brought back to Instanbul to be buried next to her parents.

He didn’t know how he was going to bring himself to attend the funeral but he owed Eda that much and so much more.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Two days later his head pounding and feeling like he had the worst hangover of his life, he was pulling up outside the cemetery, sunglasses over his face, dress in his best black suit.

He stepped out of his car and saw a gathering of people. There was a lot. He saw people from his company. Serkan wasn’t surprised. Nearly everyone who ever met Eda became enamored with her. In his eyes, she had to be the most beloved woman in the world.

He scans the crowd and nearly froze, Melo stood next to Ayfer, a little girl in between them, she had her face, buried in Melo’s side, her shoulders shaking as she cried. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, his eyes bounced around and landed on the closed casket and he froze, ice keeping him still.

Then as he locked eyes with Melo, he was moving.

He turned away. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be here.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

His eyes snapped up and Engin stood before him. A frown on his face. “Leyla called and Ceren told Piril about today’s services. I’m sorry brother.”

“I can’t do this.” Serkan shook his head.

“You have to,” Engin tightened his grip. “For Eda. You will do this. I know it means little right now but I am here. Right beside you.”

For Eda.

The words echoed in his head and he nodded slowly. This wasn’t about him. It was about Eda and the respect she deserved from him.

He moved forward slowly, seeing more people he knew but couldn’t bring himself to greet them. There were art life employees, Eda’s friends, Efe. Her grandmother and so many more people but he ignored them. He ignored everyone.

He walked up to the casket and placed his hand upon the wood, his mind working as an enemy against him as he recalled with perfect clarity what it was like to touch her skin.

His eyes slid shut and he could picture her so clearly, the light shining behind her, her smile bright, eyes shining, her dark hair falling down her back in long luxurious waves, her skin perfectly tanned.

His knees grew weak, an ache in his chest. He couldn’t breathe, his vision darkened.

“Serkan.” Engin was there wrapping his arm around his shoulder, steadying him. “Breathe, brother. Breathe.”

Serkan shook his head. “I can’t! I cannot. What right do I have to breathe when she isn’t.” He shook Engin off and moved back toward his car. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch them put his star in the ground.

“Brother!” Engin was hot on his tail.

Others had noticed his pain but it went unnoticed by Serkan. Babanne was angry that a Bolat had come and was being blocked by Efe. Ayfer wanted to make Serkan leave believing he had no right to be there but her path was blocked by Ceren and Fifi wanted to tear into him but was being stopped by Melo who stood in front of her Eda’s little angel holding tightly to her hand.

“You don’t understand, Engin!” Serkan whirled around. “She was my breath and now she’s gone. I cannot be here. It’s too real and I need it not to be.”

Serkan’s fell back against his car, and his breaths came quickly. He recognized he was on the verge of a panic attack.

He slumped leaning against the vehicle heavily.

“Serkan, breathe,” Engin said and tried to show Serkan by taking a breath and releasing it slowly,

Serkan shook his head.

“Serkan,” Melo’s voice appeared suddenly and he froze, his eyes went past her to the little girl just a foot away, her cheeks wet with tears.

Melo crouched in front of Serkan and took his hand in hers. “Son-in-law. You need to breathe,”

Serkan looked at her blankly. “I don’t want to.”

“I know.” Melo saw the pain in his eyes, he looked so lost. She knew him. She never truly understood why he and Eda couldn’t make it work. But what she knew without a doubt was that Serkan and Eda had never stopped loving each other. “But you have to. Eda would want you to.”

“Eda,” Serkan’s voice trembled on her name. “She’s gone.”

“I know but she loved you. She loved you until her last breath and she would want you to be okay and for that to happen you have to breathe.”

Serkan nodded slowly and took a shallow breath and released it, he did it again and again and again until he started breathing normally just as a soft voice penetrated the air, the voice of the little girl.

“Melo,” the child sounded so heartbroken and lost.

His eyes snapped back to the little girl. “Kiraz?”

Kiraz stepped closer to Melo.

Melo’s lips trembled. “I see social services contacted you,”

Serkan nodded, frozen.

“Are you well enough to meet her?” Melo asked.

“I’m never gonna be ok again but I am well enough.” More so Serkan wanted to look in his daughter’s eyes and see Eda. He needed something solid that connected him to her to hold onto.

Melo nodded and gently took the little girl’s hand and urged her forward, “Come, Kiraz, I want you to meet someone very important. This here is Serkan Bolat, he was a very precious friend of your mother.”

The girl sniffled, taking small steps forward until she stood in front of Serkan. “Are you sad, too?” Kiraz asked. “Mom’s gone and she’s not coming back.” the little girl lifted a hand to her heart. “Does your heart hurt like mine?”

Serkan couldn’t keep the sob in even if he wanted to, his child’s heartbreaking words tearing it from his chest.

“Oh, Serkan,” Melo murmured squeezing his hand.

“Do you want a hug?” Kiraz asked as her shoulders shook. “Mom always said hugs were like bandaids for sadness.”

Serkan couldn’t bring himself to respond as he pressed his hand over his heart that was so broken beyond repair he didn’t know how it was still beating.

Kiraz tentatively approached Serkan and wrapped his arms around his neck.

Serkan was shocked and stilled but then this feeling overcame him and he couldn’t explain it. All he knew was he was connected to this girl and even if he hadn’t know the truth he would have felt it.

He wrapped his hands around the girl softly, and he heard her sniffle as her tears drip onto his neck, her shoulders started to shake. “My heart won’t stop hurting.”

“It will be alright,” he found himself trying to comfort his daughter, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. He didn’t think he was going to be alright again but his child, Eda’s child needed to believe that it would be. She needed someone to be strong for her and hold her when she needed it.

Serkan didn’t think it was possible but the pain in his chest became worst. He wanted Eda and he wanted to protect his little girl from the pain she was feeling.

The world was too cruel and he didn’t understand how life could be so brutal and unforgiving to take Eda away from him and especially away from the little girl in his arms.

“Shh, it’s going to be okay. Your heart hurts now but this will pass. In time you will find it won’t hurt as much.” he said and began whispering soothing words, even as his voice choked.

“How do you know?” She pulled back to look at him with a tear-stained face, and devastated eyes.

Serkan wanted more than anything to be able to answer her but he couldn’t. He said the words to comfort her but they were empty. He was certain the pain ripping through him would never stop.

Serkan looked desperately to Melo for help.

Melo moved closer and ran her hand soothingly through Kiraz’s hair. “Because pain like this doesn’t last forever, we live through it, we survive and it makes us stronger.” Melo smiled weakly, a tear sliding down her cheek. “The most important thing you have to remember, love, is that your mother will never truly be gone.” She placed her hand over her heart. “As long as you keep her in your heart she will always be with you.”

Kiraz’s shoulders started shaking again. a fresh wave of tears overtaking her and she reached for Melo.

Melo took her in her arms and stood. “Son-in-law, I know it’s hards but you should be here.”

Serkan stared at the broken girl in her arms and he nodded, forcing himself back to his feet on unsteady legs, he followed Melo back to the proceedings.

Engin kept close to him, ready to be there for him if need be.

During the proceedings, a small hand slipped into his and he clung tightly to it, he looked down at her and her shoulders were shaking as she cried silently.

He ignored Ayfer’s and Babanne’s glares and lowered himself to the ground, offering her a shoulder to cry on and she took it.

It was then as he watched the woman he loved being buried, holding the child created in his arms that he knew with absolute certainty he wasn’t going anywhere. He would do anything to protect his daughter from any more suffering.

He will never be able to make up for his mistakes with her mother but he could, protect her, raise her, love her. Do right by her.

And truth be told he needed her. He needed something to tie him to Eda.

Her small body leaning into his side was the only thing keeping him grounded.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Melo looked around Kiraz in her arms as she prepared to get in the car and leave. She looked toward Serkan’s car, knowing she needed to talk to him. There was so much that needed to be discussed. Especially regarding Kiraz.

He wasn’t by his car but she saw Engin and Piril, standing next to it.

She looked back to Eda’s fresh grave and her breath hitched. Serkan was there, kneeling in the grass, his head bowed.

“Isn’t mom’s friend going to leave, too?” Kiraz sniffled.

“I don’t think so,” Melo shook her head. “I think he wants to stay awhile with her.”

Kiraz squirmed out of her arms. “I want to stay too. He’s hurting. You’re not supposed to leave someone alone when they’re hurt.”

“This is a different kind of hurt,” Melo reaches to take her hand and usher her in the car but Kiraz was already moving away from her back toward Serkan.

She watched as Kiraz moved in front of her father, her little hands reaching up to wipe his tears before she put her arms around him.

Serkan went rigid but then he was folding forward and she watched as his whole body shook with grief, holding tightly to his daughter.

Melo lifted her hand to her mouth, her hand shaking.

She didn’t know how any of them were supposed to get through this. She was barely holding it together but she had to for Kiraz.

Nothing was ever going to be like before again. It couldn’t.

She only hoped Serkan and Kiraz would make it out on the other side. Together.

A/N: Did you cry? If you did I'm sorry. My muse is evil but I am a slave to her.

[acertainsomeone]

Surrendered-EdSer OS

Eda did not know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. This was the first time in 25 years of her life that she had felt defeated and helpless. Caught in a series of unfortunate circumstances, and life’s treacherous ploughs, she was once again left alone. Her parent's untimely death had left scars on her soul, she could not escape the demons of her past. When Serkan entered her life, she believed that life would be easier. She will finally have someone, who will help her to breathe in the confines of a dark, closed room.

Little did she know, life does not work according to our beliefs. Destiny had plans for her, thrilling yet gruesome. She had imagined getting graduated, with a degree in landscape architect with hope and happiness in eyes. She did graduate, but there was nothing instead of anguish, and loneliness in her eyes.

Not even in her wildest dreams she had imagined to lose Serkan, her first true love. She was so used to be pampered by his love and affection that for once not being on the receiving end broke her into pieces.

It had been eight months since that fateful day. They heard that his plane went missing, they were supposed to get married. Once she had waited for her parents to come and take her away, but they never came back. This time she waited for Serkan to come and make her his lawful wife but he never.

If this trauma wasn’t enough already, she was met by another volcano that hit her so hard that she couldn’t believe she had managed to survive that pain.

He forgot her.

He didn’t have any memories of her.

He hated her.

Serkan Bolat was no longer her Robot Bolat.

After his arrival to Art Life, Eda had imagined it would be difficult to revive those memories he had forgotten but she hadn’t imagined that it would be nearly impossible to win back his love. It was as if he had returned with a stone instead of heart.

Her numerous attempts, pleadings, actions, could not move him. She wondered what was missing that he could not see her as his soulmate anymore.

She tried and tried and one fine day, Eda gave up, for his sake. It took a great deal of courage for her to accept the fact that he was not in love with her, and he won’t fall for her again. It was useless to torment him with her forceful behavior.

He wanted the holding. Of course

It was exactly why he had borne her existence around him for six months otherwise, he would have kicked her out of his life the moment he back to Art Life that day.

Yes, she was giving up on love. Not because she was a coward but because she was selfless, and she chose his happiness over hers. His happiness lied with his work and Selin.

Selin was his logical decision. She was the one, who fitted his lifestyle.

After the failure of her attempts, Eda decided to accept the job proposal from a renowned architect company in Paris, Alcmea.

She had been disregarding it for his sake but eventually Eda decided that it was meant for her. She was longer meant for Serkan or Istanbul. She had to leave for his peace and her sanity. There was no point of living in Istanbul after selling her shares to Serkan, there was no point of breathing the same air after losing him to Selin.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One last time

She breathed nervously, wearing her silver earrings gifted by Aydan Bolat herself as a graduation present. Ferit and Ceren had thrown her a part before her farewell party, there was no excuse to avoid for otherwise they all would have thought that she is leaving with a sad heart.

Not that they were believing her otherwise.

She had to wear the mask of a jubilated Eda, who finally got the chance to work abroad, and make her dreams come true. She had a long way to go and Eda had decided that she won’t allow her failed love story to come in the way of her career. That’s something she was assertive of.

Clad in a long black evening gown, she looked breathtaking like always.

Yet he won’t notice. Neither her dress nor the charm bracelet she was wearing tonight. Not as a hope but as a way to get rid of some memories.

If she had decided to move on, and leave everything behind, she had to let go.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Eda arrived late at the party; it was her way to avoid him. She wanted to meet everyone one last time for few minutes and leave as soon as possible.

He was looking for someone, her heart did not skip a beat because it wasn’t her. His eyes immediately caught Selin’s and she could tell his eyes only searched her.

Ferit announced everyone to get on the floor with their respective partners for a dance. Well, she didn’t have one so he offered her his hand immediately. Probably to save her from the embarrassment.

“You don’t have to, I’m fine.” She muttered shyly.

“Oh, come on! By the way, I wasn’t going to invite Selin, Ceren insisted because then it would’ve been odd.”

“That wouldn’t have changed anything! There’s no way he’s coming back even if Selin isn’t around.”

“He’s brainwashed by her Eda-”

Eda cut him off immediately, “Don’t- Ferit please Don’t. Have you brought the ring? Ceren is anticipating the proposal, if you’re late this time she will probably fly to Paris with me.” She joked, hiding the pain behind her eyes.

“All’s set. It will be soon, and you’ll be the first person to hear about it.” He winked and twirled her.

He caught her.

She was in his arms just like old times.

Breathe Eda. Not Anymore.

She held her head high in defiance, acting unaffected by his touch. She didn’t blame him for anything. It did hurt her though that he didn’t keep his promise of falling in love with her hundred times.

He had said that if he was born a hundred times, he will fall for her. He couldn’t live up to his words in the same life. Yet, she had no complaints, she accepted this as destiny’s decision and decided to remain determine in her stance.

She was acting good enough, not even for a second he could feel her nervousness or accelerated heartbeat.

She remained silent, closely following their twirling feet, and entwined hands. Acting as if perfecting this dance was the only thing she was interested.

He broke the silence by clearing his throat. “When is your flight?”

“Tonight” Her reply was simple, devoid of any emotions.

“have a safe flight Eda Yildiz.”

“Sao” She passed an awfully professional smile, avoiding to look at him in the eye. Though she could feel his gaze on her. His eyes hadn’t left her face for a second.

Why does he want now?

He placed his hands on her waist, his masculine hands perfectly fitted her petite waist like always.

Her arms were entwined around his neck securely. One last time, she wished to touch him. There were boundaries by inhaling his wood scent was more than enough.

Gladly, he pulled her closer by himself. She didn’t have to struggle. There was nothing intimate about that gesture. He was just dancing.

‘You look beautiful.’ He uttered silently. Eda knew him enough to tell that his compliment escaped his lips without taking permission from his mind.

It doesn’t matter.

“You too.”

“Beautiful? Me?” He raised his eyebrow in curiosity.

“Pardon if you don’t appreciate to be referred with a feminine adjective.” He was trying to be funny but Eda was beyond exhausted to indulge in a friendly conversation. She was not going to surrender.

‘I- I didn’t mean that.” He attempted to explain himself. “Where would you be staying in Paris?”

Eda wanted to tell him that she had chosen the apartment that he had bought for them few days before their wedding. She wanted to tell him that their apartment in Paris was waiting for them but she decided against it.

“Deniz arranged a place.” Something inside her pushed her to say that.

“His place?” He asked incredulously, tightening his grip around her waist.

“You need not to know.” She denied him simply. A part of her knew that he wasn’t affected by these childish jealousy stunts but yet her impulsive self couldn’t from being so open about it.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to ask you about it.”

He waited for her to say anything but she remained awfully quiet. He was not used to this. He was not used to her ignoring him.

Eda began to feel suffocated, the tips of his fingers were drumming against her bare back, synching with the music of piano. She had to let go or she would faint in his arms or breakdown into tears immediately.

“Excuse me.”

She distanced herself from his embrace, they hadn’t realized in the darkness of the room that they had been barely inches away from each other.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This place was special, they had their contract right at this spot, fought, expressed love, he broke up wit her here, and the last beautiful memory was, when he gifted her that charm bracelet.

She was wearing it tonight.. Of course, he hadn’t noticed that too.

Eda was staring at the stars, this was her last night in Istanbul. She didn’t plan to come back ever.

“It must be hard for you eda hanim” Her thought process was disrupted by Erdem. Their bond had strengthened over the course of eight months.

“You know very well that I have seen experienced something even harder than this Erdem.” She replied in misery but both knew that Eda was talking about something. Something that was known by him but not anyone else in that office.

“Don’t you think he should know?” Erdem said, scared of her reaction

“There is nothing he should know, as if what he knows already had made any difference”

“I always wonder if I had told fifi about my feelings in a much serious manner, she might had stayed.” Erdem sighed. This side of Erdem was only known to Eda, even she was amazed that this one existed.

“We can't stop the ones who want to leave”

“But he deserves to know- at least- about the baby” Erdem hesitated, he did not want to bring this up but considering this as her last night in Istanbul he wished she’d listen to him.

“Erdem git.” Eda looked at him surprised. Her eyes brimmed with tears and pain. She wasn’t mad at him but surprised that he chose to remind her of that night.

“I’m stupid, an absolute fool but I do know one thing that no father deserves-” He wasn’t stopping, he mustered the courage to finish his sentence.

“I’ve already burdened him with the forgotten memories of our love. I can’t make him think about a baby who died before coming to this world.” Hiding her pain behind her mask, she took a sip from her wine. Showing as if talking about this wasn’t shattering her soul into a million pieces.

“Erdem, You and leyla are the only ones who know about my miscarriage. You have kept your word till now, I expect that both of you will keep your word and continue to hide this truth from everyone.”

“Till my last breath, Eda hanim.” Erdem’s voice broke, he hugged Eda instantly. She led out a chuckle and hugged him back.

Erdem was indeed annoying but he had been there for her at a very crucial stage of her life. His support helped her through the most difficult phase of her life.

She had kept her pregnancy as a secret. She was not in the condition to come to terms with the fact herself.

It was only leyla and erdem, who knew. They were there, that night when it happened.

“I have to go.” She sniffed.

Erdem bid her goodbye and turned his back to find a stumped figure of none other than Serkan Bolat himself.

They froze.

What do you know about pain?

It never ends

What do you about healing?

It takes time

What do you know about realizations?

They arrive when it’s too late

[djemsostylist]

I think I posted something last week about plot vs. character, and damn was episode 34 the prime perfect example of this.  The entire episode was Plot.  Plot said “do this” so the characters did it, regardless of whether or not it made sense. 

In a way, this episode was more infuriating than all the others written by this team, and not because of the lackluster ending--that was both expected and honestly right in keeping with how terribly this entire plot has been handled.  But while previous episodes have been nothing but repeats of one singular plot line over and over (Eda and Serkan snark fight--Eda throws Deniz in Serkan’s face, Serkan throws Selin in Eda’s, there is one nice moment, Serkan is a dick again and Eda cries alone) this episode took things to the extreme with plot devices, and after nearly 7 weeks, I’m tired. 

I hate it it here. 

Everyone seems to have been excusing the Eda/Deniz mess for weeks, but I can’t.  It’s honestly far stupider to me than the Selin plot--the Selin plot is cruel on Serkan’s side and makes me want to wring necks, but the Eda/Deniz bullshit is just so completely nonsensical as to be almost more infuriating.  

I’ve seen a lot of apologizing on Eda’s behalf over this whole thing (she doesn’t owe Serkan anything, he is the one who is in a real relationship etc) but I think trying to examine any of this mess from a “what is the character thinking” angle is an exercise in futility.  The entire plot does not make any sense unless your goal is, when Serkan finally remembers, to have him think Eda has moved on and is better off without him.  Which is, I’m nearly certain, what these writers intended.  Despite Serkan’s last minute change of heart, I’m fairly sure they meant to have him NOT go to her.  So this whole plot is another “keep edser apart” thing which I hate. 

But if we are trying to make it “make sense” then Eda just appears dumb.  After her emotional outbursts in 29 (which are the last time any of her actions made sense) failed to get anything out of Serkan other than panic, her impulsively getting engaged is, I guess, sort of in character.  The problem is then that because these writers are so terrible, every single Eda scene becomes her looking sadly at Serkan (tears may appear, or may not), then actively working to piss him off, then rubbing Deniz in his face and refusing to answer any questions about their life, and then ending it by looking crushed.  If the goal was to get Serkan to fall back in love with her, the Eda we have been given for the past 6 or so episodes bears little resemblance to the woman Serkan fell in love with.  He fell in love with her heart, her creativity, her spontaneity, her love for others, her willingness to stand by and support him and those she cared for, her drive and ambition.  Eda in the last few episodes has been given almost zero chance to display any of these qualities in front of Serkan--what exactly is he supposed to fall back in love with?  A woman who repeats ad nauseum she is over him and doesn’t want him and has a far better love now?  And other than two(?) business related scenes, he’s seen little of her talent or ability, she doesn’t have any room to show her heart (you know, by say helping out Ceren or bonding with Piril or idk ANYTHING) and she certainly isn’t standing by him.  Eda has been reduced to a plot device in her own story to prevent forward story progression, and it’s annoying as hell.  The fact that the episode actually had a scene of her sobbing over missing Serkan and then still somehow maneuvered into not only going through wedding prep, but actively tricked and convinced into going through a whole fucking wedding ceremony for a man who wasn’t even present is frankly one of the more appalling things they’ve done.  The question remains--what exactly was Serkan supposed to fall back in love with?

To touch on what they’ve done to Serkan’s character would take a book, but last night’s episode took it to the extreme.  Eda claimed a few episodes ago to be “falling more in love with him” and it’s like, I’m as equally baffled by her falling more in love as I am with him falling at all in love.  Serkan has been become an asshole--snarky, bitter, annoying and entirely unlikable.  Any moments of softness are immediately replaced by a scene of him being a complete asshat, and it’s hard to remember what I found endearing about butthead Serkan of the earlier episodes.  But he has shown zero signs of actually being in love with Eda--I guess maybe we are supposed to take his pseudo obsession for love, but I found it more fascination or attraction than love.  Every element of their old relationship he found stupid and dumb, and with no opportunity to actually see or get to know the Eda he fell in love with, we are reduced to him suddenly becoming obsessed with her smell and being either jealous or annoyed over Deniz.  He literally got high--all inhibitions down, and still acted mostly giggly and confused, not smitten.  His first response after getting his memories isn’t to immediately run to Eda, it’s too joke with Engin about their youth and then mention that breaking up the wedding would be rude.  

I know I’m probably in the minority, but I hated last night’s episode.  I can’t get joy out of a cute scene that was pretty much just H&K having fun with a script when it has literally not bearing or affect on the plot.  I can’t get enjoyment out of a dress unbuttoning or a shirt buttoning when it has no bearing on the plot.  And when Eda is wearing another man’s ring and standing at the wedding table with another man and wearing a dress for another man and presumably saying evet to another man while Serkan is stubbornly refusing to breakup with a woman he barely tolerates and all their friends (except Ferit) seem to be either stupid or mean (I love Melo but encouraging her to keep up the game was horrible fucking advice, especially when Eda is a sobbing mess), I can’t like it.   Yay, Serkan got his memory back, but this has to be collectively the worst bunch of 7 episodes culminating in what might be the world’s stupidest plot I have ever seen.  I’m sorry, crap is crap, and I’m not gonna call a shit sandwich delicious for a glimpse of the actors having fun.  If I wanted to watch H&K be cute, I’d go watch a bunch of their old lives.  I watch a show for the characters, and until they are back, I just simply don’t care.  

I am a Salt Queen, on a throne built of Bitterness and Pettiness and Bile.  

[mrsgreenworld]

Sen Çal Kapımı Episode 15 aka Soulmates

I know it's never taken me this long to gather my thoughts on a new SCK episode. But as I mentioned in my previous post Mike Flanagan's shows happened to me 😭😩😱

However, I also think it's because I had some mixed feelings regarding the episode. I guess while I was trying to watch it live (trying being the operative word here) the problems with the live stream influenced my overall first impression. I wasn't able to watch a good chunk of the episode and, of course, it got me annoyed and that, I guess, mixed up with my feelings about the episode. But after having rewatched it with subtitles I have a full and clear picture.

All in all it was a nice episode, very light compared to a much heavier angst of earlier episodes. I liked that light-hearted moments and humour were back. It was also a shorter episode which served it well. However, it felt a lot like a filler episode which, in my opinion, did nothing to move the story forward.

The things I loved / liked:

☑️ Eda: she was a true star ⭐ (ahah, pun intended) and the main highlight of the episode for me;

as a woman I was so proud to see her handle this situation with such strength, dignity and self-respect;

unfortunately, despite the old gender stereotypes slowly dying out, despite the fact that women are becoming more and more independent and aware of their value, we are still often portrayed as a weaker sex; I am not talking about physical strength, of course;

we are the ones left, we are the ones who suffer, we are made to love men with everything we have, we build our whole lives around them, we let our world revolve around them... so, when they leave or we lose them for any other reason - it's the end, everything falls apart, we fall apart; I am so sick of still seeing it on screen; that's why I freaking LOVED seeing Eda not fall apart, or at least she didn't fall apart for long;

I loved that she allowed herself to grieve, to cry, to be angry and to express this anger straight to Serkan's face; I think we saw Eda go through her own 5 stages of grief; but she didn't let depression take away more than one night of her life;

I love that Eda found out that Ayfer had contacted the grandma and, while her reaction might have been a bit too emotional (which is actually normal and understandable given she's still hurting after having had her heart broken and stamped on), I really enjoyed Eda protecting her personal boundaries and basically saying to stay the *uck out of her life - you go, girl!👏💪😎

I enjoyed the way Eda handled herself at the office and how she behaved around Serkan; she wasn't stealing lovesick glances at him or just brooding, she wasn't overly hostile, she wasn't running away;

oh, and when Seyfi brought that box, how she handled that - a standing ovation👏👏👏, everyone bow down to my Queen! 👑👸

speaking of that box where Serkan asked Seyfi to gather all of Eda's things, how he ordered to put away all her gifts - as Eda put it "he's trying to get rid of any trace of me"; in a way she's right; Serkan is trying to get rid of everything that could remind him of her and their shared moments but we know it's not because he doesn't love her (like Eda thinks), it's because he does and it's too much for him; and it's such a contrast to Eda who actually said to the girls that she wouldn't throw away or burn or whatever any of Serkan's gifts or other things that remind her of him and them, she openly said that she's not the one to run away from the memories; and it was so powerful - seeing the writers make a woman so undeniably stronger than a man👌👏

I also liked Eda around Efe, there wasn't anything romantic, I think it was completely professional and it didn't feel or look (at least to me) like Eda was trying to use Efe for petty reasons like make Serkan jealous (but of course our boy was jelly nonetheless 👽😁)

the little moment with Aydan: it was nice to see Aydan trying to comfort Eda (I guess she earned a few points for that) and I really liked the message she was trying to deliver - you can find love and happiness again;

I loved seeing Eda take that in, accept the message, agree that she will be ok one day; and I also liked seeing her not accept Aydan's support which felt a little bit like pity; Eda didn't want to be pitied and she said what she thought to Aydan's face; was it a little harsh? maybe, yes; but I understand where it came from and, given how insensitive, hostile, rude Aydan had been towards Eda in the past, Eda not really buying this whole support thing is pretty understandable;

☑️ Edser: whatever state these two are in - deliriously in love, flirty, pissed off, annoyed, lovesick, heartbroken - if they're together on screen it's always glorious;

do I like seeing them angsty and heartbroken? of course NOT! but the longing between them is SO GOOD!😍🤩

I loved that they introduced this soulmate theme; it wasn't there front and center but rather woven subtly through the episode: first, of course, pretty openly stated at the very beginning of the episode, in the parallel conversations Eda / the girls and Serkan / Engin; then symmetrically at the very end of the episode - the papers with the names of the drivers for the race, then Serkan being the one to notice Eda's absence, him just feeling her and being led by his heart until he found her - not bad for an emotionless robot, huh?😏😉

THE RINGS!😍😍 glad that they brought Eda's💍ring back into the picture; she demonstratively put it on the middle finger of her right hand; obviously she did it on purpose, she even explained the reason behind this decision - from now on it will serve as a reminder what kind of person Serkan Bolat is; but of course I think there's something deeper at play here; Eda could have easily put the ring on her left hand but she went with her right hand instead, with the middle finger which is so close to where it used to be, where an engagement ring should be - on her ring finger; so I think it's also a way for Eda to be closer to Serkan, it's almost like a phantom of what they used to have as well as of all the things they won't have... I am also 99% sure I am overthinking here and the intentions of writers were much simpler 🙈😆

anyway, I loved that Eda and Serkan both noticed and pointed out aloud that the other was wearing their ring; also Serkan's reasoning "to keep other women away" - why don't you tattoo "I am the property of Eda Yıldız" on your forehead, mister?👀🙈😆 could he be any more obvious?

the coffee scene was priceless 🤣🤣🤣 Serkan was so damn confident that Eda poured that cup for him and then him mumbling "for Efe" under his breath... like an offended child 🙈😆

them fighting looked a lot like flirting and the electricity⚡generated during their arguments could easily power their whole office building - I am sure;

the car ride to the presentation and that presentation itself - while I didn't entirely enjoy it and how controlling Serkan was I cannot help but admire the way his mind works; I also think he was doing it for Eda, it was his way of supporting and looking out for her without being too obvious; this way they also get to work together and even if it's just for work he will be closer to her;

Serkan showing up at that sport motivation thing like a boss 😎 and shamelessly checking Eda out 😏 I mean, was he aware there were other people around? and how is it possible that Eda was still buying the emotionless robot crap? the emotions the guy was looking at her with were enough to melt the glaciers 🔥🥵

and finally - that moment at the sea when Eda told Serkan that he wouldn't have apologized if he hadn't feared for his life; his immediate response was that it wasn't about that, "what if something had happened to you?"; when Eda answered with "Does it matter?" I swear I thought Serkan was gonna take her by the shoulders and shake her;

that jaw tick? man, he was pissed 😤

at Eda - for saying something like that, for being so careless with her life;

at himself - for allowing her to think that it wouldn't absolutely destroy him if something were to happen to her;

but the moment Eda left all anger left him and Serkan just looked... defeated;

☑️ Eda and Efe: might be an unpopular opinion but I actually liked their dynamic in episode 15; as I have already mentioned I didn't see or feel anything romantic and while I still don't trust Efe (him being from Mardin - a coincidence? nope, don't think so🧐) I liked how supportive he was with Eda; I think she needed that push to get back to work; okay, there is very likely some ulterior motive here but at least in this episode he seemed pretty genuine and it didn't look like he was using Eda; he wasn't provoking Serkan that much either;

☑️ Selin and Serkan: a short scene with the two of them in Serkan's office and Selin's reaction to Serkan and Eda's breakup; maybe to someone it may seem too strong but I actually liked Selin calling Serkan out on it like that; honestly I half expected her to find excuses for his behaviour;

☑️ Engin: keeps being a loyal friend who doesn't just offer silent support; I like how he always tries to reason with Serkan, doesn't shy away from telling him unpleasant truth;

glad he was there for Serkan at the very beginning of the episode;

loved how he checked on Serkan at the office and then tried to convince our RoBo that it's ok to not be ok and maybe take a vacation;

then the exchange:

Engin: "So, out of sight, out of mind?"

Serkan: "Exactly"

Engin (spotting Eda coming into the office with Efe): "Interesting how that's gonna work out for you" - interesting indeed 🙈😆;

Things I didn't like / was annoyed with:

❎ Serkan: yes, my baby boy made it into this category - there's first time for everything 🙈😆

just to be clear - he is still my cupcake and I love him dearly but here's the thing: we don't always like those we love;

I think in episode 15 Serkan was controlling and childish; and I completely understand where these tendencies come from but it doesn't mean I am gonna turn a blind eye on this or try to justify his behaviour;

that "Efe left but Serkan is here" scene was intented to be funny and endearing I guess but it was highly manipulative; and when during the car ride Serkan commented on Eda behaving like a teenager I was like "excuse me?! have you met yourself, mister?!" because that manipulation to make Eda go with him was worthy of a 12-year-old 🤨;

❎ Selin: when is she not annoying?🤔 while I liked that she didn't take Serkan's side and called him out on his change of heart, unfortunately, she still managed to make it about herself; it never fails to amaze me how selfish and self-centred this character is;

❎ Alptekin: what a poor excuse of a father and a man he is... almost feel sorry for him;

don't apologize on behalf of your son - he's a grown ass man who is capable of speaking for himself;

apologize for yourself, your mistakes and if you're not ready - then don't go to Ayfer just to make yourself feel better 😤😡;

❎ that almost copy-paste from Erkenci Kuş at the end:

getting lost and falling down into a pit in the forest? been there, done that in EK episode 19;

okay, we had beautiful sea views and they placed it at the end to add more suspense but all in all it was awfully similar and also kinda came out of nowhere;

after that emotional scene between Eda and Serkan we were whooshed into "Eda is not here, let's go find her"; I have no problem with the absence of the moment where she actually fell into that pit - wasn't that necessary - but a scene that could have served as a building block to this would have been good - show Eda going for that walk.

And... that's pretty much it.

Gonna get down to episode 16 now

[yourpakichic]

Episode 15 Thoughts

-Broken. Both of them. I want to hug them both soooo bad. Serkan looks so defeated while talking to Engin, it’s heartbreaking.

-The parallels between their conversations. Great choice of revealing after thoughts from both sides.

-RUHIKIZIM. Soulmates. They said it, not me. To be very honest, I was surprised to hear Serkan mention anything about soulmates cause I don’t know why I just thought he would be the type to not believe in soulmates considering he’s always denied believing in the idea of love and pretty much running from anything that seems similar or so. But the fact that he not only believes in soulmates but knows Eda is his, just freaking makes my heart burst with happiness.

-The way she straight up and confronted him! I STAN ONE FEMALE LEAD AND IT IS EDA YILDIZ. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a female lead come out and straight up confront the male lead right after the break-up. But it’s so true to the core of Eda’s character, I loved it!

-It physically hurt to see him putting that photo and Eda’s gift in her belongings box. He’s returning the world that she gave him. He’s returning the kind of life he could live back to her. Turning back into that cold-hearted Serkan.

-I know Eda hates her grandmother. But seeing Eda go off on Ayfer really set how much. Ayfer is the only parental figure and up until this point, we’ve only seen Eda get a little bit confrontational with Ayfer (only about Serkan) but to see her yell and get mad at Ayfer for being in contact, woooo. I really am intrigued to find out the core of Eda’s hatred for her grandmother and why does she blame her for her parents death. We know the grandmother disapproved of her parents relationship but Eda hates her and wants no contact with her specifically for their death. So what exactly is the role of the grandmother in their death? And could it possibly change the way it’s been shown Serkan’s dad responsible for their death?

-The way Efe coming into this, I don’t like. Also Eda just let him into her house and everything? I really don’t know what to make of Efe. He definitely adds the third party angle well but I also don’t worry about Eda really falling for him or anything. Something about him just gives me weird vibes like trusting him is gonna be a mistake.

-THE FACT THAT SHE SHOWS UP LIKE THAT WITH EFE right after he says that to Engin. Serkan’s reaction was absolutely hilarious 😂 😂😂

-THE TENSION BETWEEN EDA/SERKAN. Takes me back to the beginning! Just goes to show the chemistry and the fire between these two!

-Erdem playing it cool and then absolutely cracking as soon as Fifi leaves 💀

-The ring conversation was to die for, they are both so petty and indifferent toward each other, I loved it!

-If Alptekin needs to tell the truth to anyone, it’s Eda. The first to hear about it should be Eda. The one to tell her has to be Alptekin. If Eda or Ayfer find out from anyone else or find out by accident, that would be such a cop out. It is not Serkan’s duty and nor should it be brought to light for everyone by an error. For Eda, it’s important to hear it straight out. Because that’s the only way there will be a way for their relationship to move forward. Otherwise, there’s too much blame left to go around.

-Engin is the most amazing friend. The way he just knew by Serkan’s look to inquire about Eda/Efe leaving. But the way Serkan tried to okay cool and disinterested....this man is a fool!

-Y’all if Efe turns out to be related to Eda, I’m gonna die!

-Serkan’s conversation with Aidan was so gentle and sweet. That’s probably one of the most revealing characteristics about Serkan is the way he treats his mother. Serkan always gives in and coddles to her wants and needs. And he talks so gently to her no matter what the situation or problem he himself is going through.

-Serkan’s anger with his dad is so fresh and strong to the point that he can’t even be near his dad. For many reasons. 1) Serkan is still mad at his dad for the way he was just sent away after his brothers death and pretty much exiled from their lives. 2) It’s clear that Alptekin always treated Serkan harshly when he made a mistake and yet he had made a huge one himself. And instead of teaching Serkan it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, he instead played hard when Serkan made mistakes. All the while he had made this huge mistake. 3) Alptekin’s mistake led Serkan to have to lose the only one he truly fell in love with. I mean Alptekin’s mistake caused the biggest loss/pain in his lover’s life and is the reason behind Eda’s sleeping habit and panic attacks. To know that, how can one expect Serkan to be okay with Alptekin and just continue to live as if nothing has happened. And knowing all that, how can Serkan be with Eda. Knowing that his father is the one who caused all this in Eda’s life. Now imagine is Eda were to know the truth. Can you imagine the pain, the anger she will feel. If Serkan’s anger is like this, imagine Eda’s. Eda isn’t afraid to confront anyone, we’ve seen that. Serkan knows that finding out the truth will hurt Eda, but also could hurt Alptekin. Due to Alptekin’s health scare, it’s understandable that Serkan wants to keep him from having any other issues and protect him. But he also wants to protect Eda. So in trying to protect both from pain and suffering that the inevitable truth will cause, he does what seems plausible at the moment. Breakup with Eda in the same way you met her. As the cold-hearted robot. But in doing so, he may have saved Eda’s pain from knowing the truth (for the time being), but he chooses pain and suffering for himself.

-Meeting at the university and giving speeches is an Eda/Serkan thing Efe, don’t interfere please.

-HE CONNED A CAR RIDE WITH HER, all because she didn’t pour him coffee! Gosh, he makes me so proud sometimes!

-He gave a bad presentation all so that he can work together with Eda on one comprehensive project. This man has no limits. He’s too much for us.

-Serkan walking out that car toward the group for camp..... He hasn’t looked hotter!

-That entire camp sequence was a check-out session for Eda/Serkan. They both couldn’t keep their eyes off each other.

-THE ANGST. THE JAW TICK. THE BROKEN EYES OF EDA. The “Does it matter?” Someone take me out cause I can no longer. It hurts.

-He felt her. He felt her absence. And he felt her presence. He knew where to find her. And he did. Their love is only beginning to flourish but their connection is the strongest it’s ever been. To be so connected with someone, it’s rare. Eda/Serkan have a connection like no other. And it will pull them back to each other everytime.

Overall: WONDERFUL EPISODE! I think this was one of the best episodes so far! It was kind of like the first couple of episodes with the comedy, EdSer fights, pettiness, drama, and pretty much everything that makes this a great show! I didn’t expect to get such a playful episode after the end of episode 14 but I liked that they didn’t bring on the full drama with the break-up and kept it light and classy in the true EdSer style! I think the drama and real angst should be saved for after the truth comes out. Based on the trailers, it’s hard to tell exactly what the new episode will be about and the major story plots but I’m pretty sure Eda is gonna do her best to figure out the reason behind the breakup and we actually get romantic scenes! I’m excited for next week now!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Sen Cal Kapimi Theories

I have a new show that I’ve become obsessed with. It’s a turkish show called Sen Cal Kapimi and its the first turkish show I have ever watched, its amazing and I’m totally in love with it, I am particularly obsessed with the main couple Edser, their chemistry is off the charts. I am finally all caught up and now my inner detective has been awakened which means I am aflood with theories for the next episode. Obviously there are spoilers for anyone who isn’t caught up and for the fragmans that have come out so if you want to go into episode 21 completely spoiler free skip over this post. The rest is under the tag. 

Ok so I’m first gonna talk about the emoji’s  Neslihan (serkan’s mother Aydan) posted when a fan asked if she could give a hint as alot of my theories are based on them.

So the first one of the ring crossed out I think could be to do with the scene in fragmen 1 where it looks like serkan and aydan have come to ask for Eda’s hand. I actually don’t think this is what happens and that Melo misunderstood which is why she looks sad during the group photo and does a side look over at eda and serkan. I think she’s disappointed that they are not getting engaged. I actually think that they are there because of the school project they were involved in and that’s why the photographer is there. Aydan could actually be there to ask if Ayfer is willing to do an interview to do with the cakes she made for the foundation. Part of the reason why I think that is because in some of the shots in the fragman Fifi is in the background so we know she’s at eda’s house yet she’s not in the group picture, everyone in the picture is either related to art life or to the commitee. I think Fifi isn’t in the picture because although she helped out she’s not directly involved in either. The other explanation is that Fifi leaves before the picture is taken. But this is my best theory for what is going on in this scene. They’ll be a string of hilarious misunderstandings and it’ll be revealed this isn’t an engagement request thus the crossed out ring. However there is a snag in my theory which is Aydan’s line of ‘with god’s will, for my son.’ This apparently is part of a phrase said when asking for a woman’s hand and is unique to that situation it’s something like ‘with god’s will, for my son I ask for your daughter’s hand.’ Now I’m not turkish so I can’t say for sure. But another snag is if you look at this low quality screenshot I took from the fragman.

You can see that Melo is holding a gift and some flowers, there also appears to be more gifts on the table. From what I understand from my research into turkish engagement traditions traditionally the groom and his family will bring flowers and chocolates when asking for a bride’s hand and well that wrapped gift does look like it could be chocolates. As for the other gifts on the table there is also a tradition where the mother of the groom will buy gifts for the bride usually jewellery, a necklace, bracelet and earrings. Other famuly members also present gifts. However from what I can tell from the research these are usually given at the engagement party not when asking for the bride’s hand. 

Another thing that might suggest this is them asking for Eda’s hand is Eda announcing she’ll make the coffee. This is another tradition that goes with this ceremony of asking for the bride’s hand. The bride will make the coffee to show she’ll make a good wife and she’ll put salt in the groom’s coffee, if the groom drinks it all without showing disgust this shows that he has patience for difficult times ahead. So another theory could be that they are there to ask for Eda’s hand but that its a show for the papparazzi. Of course there is a slim chance that its all real but its a very slim chance in my opinion. 

Which brings me back to the emoji and another theory because if it turns out that it’s not a misunderstanding then what else could the emoji mean. Well another theory I have is it could be in relation to Erdem and Fifi. Maybe Fifi confronts Erdem about his engagement to Layla and he admits that they aren’t really engaged and that he did it to try and make Fifi jealous. 

My third theory for this emoji is it could be that Engin formally asks Piril to marry him and she says no. I hope its not that one personally I’d rather see Engin and Piril’s realtionship move forward and become stronger.      

So moving on, the second emoji I think is in relation to Aydan. In the last couple of episodes she has been campaigning, I spose you could call it, to become the new head of the committee. I think in this episode that will happen and she’ll win the vote to become the new leader. I also think its possible she will get it with help from eda and Ayfer and that could be another theory on why in the fragman serkan says to Aydan ‘because you will ask for it.’ I actually think she’ll be asking for a favour from Ayfer and serkan is making it clear to Aydan that if she want’s Ayfer’s help that she has to ask for it herself. 

So the third emoji is because I think it might be Eda’s birthday in this episode. This could be another explanation for the gifts on the table in the screenshot above. Maybe these aren’t gifts for an engagement but for Eda’s birthday. This could also be part of the misunderstanding. Melo thinks the chocolates and flowers and other gifts are because of the intent to ask for Eda’s hand when actually they are birthday gifts. Possibly? Either way this emoji obviously indicates a party or celebration of some kind. If its not Eda’s or someone else’s birthday maybe its a party to celebrate Aydan becoming head of the committee. 

In the second fragmen it is shown that Serkan is helping Eda with her claustophobia. I think this could give us a clue to the fourth emoji. I think Serkan will also help Eda with the falling alseep when stressed issue she has. Earlier in the season serkan said that he and eda would do sports together and Eda said she wanted to do horse riding and boxing. I think we are going to see them go horse riding together. The other thing it could be is to do with that story Serkan told Eda about the horse that doesn’t have a name. Maybe he finally is able to ride the horse or maybe its a combination of the two. Maybe the horse does allow herself to be ridden but by Eda when she and Serkan go for their horse ride. After Serkan lets Eda name the horse. 

The next emoji is an engagement ring. Again I have a couple of theories on this, obviously I’m really hoping that its a case of Eda and Serkan reconcile and decide that after everything they’ve gone through they want to really get engaged. I’m not sure how likely this is though. I don’t think its impossible. I know alot of people feel like its too fast after Eda discovering the truth for them to reconcile, but the way I see it Eda and Serkan have been separated for a while now, we’ve been waiting for a reconciliation for a while now. I also feel like they made alot of progress towards Eda forgiving Serkan in ep 20, Eda wouldn’t have gone to the restaurant if she was unwilling to forgive him. I know the ending of ep 20 complicates things because now they both believe the other one didn’t show up. But I think this will be solved fairly quickly and I can see a scenario where Eda and Serkan realise that while there are things they need to work on in their relationship alot of the problems they are having is because of the actions of others. They could decide to throw caution to the wind and just get engaged and decide to give their relationship a real chance. 

The other scenario is that it could be that Engin will propose to Piril. I  think this one could be possible but at the same time I feel like they didn’t really address the issues Engin and Piril were having moving in together and clashing. So unless they bring that up earlier in the episode and then they get engaged towards the end I’m not sure how likely an engagement would be. It could also be that they resolved those issues offscreen, Piril did say that they would talk about it but we never saw the conversation and they’ve been shown as seemingly happy in their relationship since. 

The last emoji in my opinion looks a lot like the new cast member they’ve just announced. I think the characters name will be Balca and the actress is called Ilayda Cevik. I reckon she will show up at the end of the episode as the cliff hanger. As for who this character might be there are again a couple of theories. She could be the Efe’s secret client or partner. However I, like a lot of people, feel like the client/ partner Efe was talking about is Eda’s grandma this actress is far too young to be anyone’s grandma. It could be this character is working on behalf of the grandma because the grandma isn’t yet ready to reveal her involvement to Eda. But I have another theory. 

In this screenshot from the second fragman we can see that Seline appears to have packed up her desk and is writing a letter to Serkan. I think Seline is gonna be hit hard by her conscience and realise that because of her jealousy she’s become someone she doesn’t like. As a result she will write a letter to Serkan handing in her resignation and confessing to switching the restaurant addresses. Now I don’t think that she’s going to be leaving the show, its possible she might be gone for a couple of episodes, maybe she goes on vacation to clear her thoughts and regather herself. But I do think she will still be involved in the plot in some way though at this point I can’t say for sure exactly in what capacity she will be involved. But if my theory is right and Seline is leaving the holding then they are going to need a new PR representative. I think this will be the role of that new character. No doubt the new character will stir up all kinds of drama but whether she is good or bad remains to be seen.  

Ok so moving on from the emojis I do have some other theories. In the second fragman there is a scene where Serkan is telling Eda not to go. Which begs the question of where is it exactly Eda is thinking about going? Is it just a case of now that Efe is leaving she’s leaving Art Life? Or could it be that Efe offers for Eda to come to Italy with him? I have a theory that the Grandma is planning something nefarious behind the scenes and that she will show up soon but that she might want to get Eda out of the way so to speak first. Or more out of the firing line. She might be worried that if Eda is still there when grandma arrives then Eda will act against her and basically cause problems in Grannies revenge plan so she tells Efe to convince Eda to go to Italy with him. Obviously Serkan is defo not going to want Eda to leave with Efe so he is trying to convince her to stay.  

Something else to note is that Serkan says ‘I missed you’ this could possibly indicate that Serkan fails to convince Eda to stay and she does leave for some period of time. Maybe we’ll even get a little time jump if it is a case of she goes to Italy. Or if its a case of she’s just leaving the holding maybe its been a few days since he has seen her. This could be supported by the fact that Eda seems to be organising flowers and they seem to be at the flower shop, so maybe she leaves the holding and takes over the flower shop so Ayfer can focus more on her cooking/ Star Garden. 

But here’s my favourite theory as to why he might have said he missed her. Eda is very smiley in this scene and Serkan is looking at her pretty intensely. It could be that by this point they have already made up and Serkan means he’s missed her more in an emotional sense, more of a I’ve missed being with you, I’ve missed us, as oppose to I haven’t seen you in while so I’ve missed you if that makes sense. 

Ok so the main thing I think everyone is excited about is that elevator scene, the big debate, will they kiss, won’t they kiss? Will those stupid doors open before we get a kiss? Will they kiss but all the lights go out in the elevator so we don’t see anything? Well I’ve got my clown nose and wig nearby ready and waiting just in case but I’m actually going to be positive and say that not only do I think they will kiss but that I think they would have already got back together by this point in the episode. Yeah I know defo could be totally wrong about it but I don’t know, something about the way he is saying ‘remember us’ in an attempt to get her to calm down I just don’t think he would be saying that if they were still at odds with each other. I mean she’s in a stressful situation where she is trying to conquer her fear of enclosed spaces. If they haven’t worked things out and he’s still trying to win her back then saying something like ‘remember us, be calm’ isn’t going to go over well and won’t exactly help her feel calm. I mean it would be the equivalent of him saying hey remember how I lied to you and how you don’t trust me anymore, by the way stay calm. Because if they haven’t made up then that’s what is going to come to her mind when she remembers them, how he hurt her. Of course all of this is just my opinion but to me the only way that statement makes sense in that situation is if they have already reconciled. 

I have seen some theories on facebook that Serkan will kiss Eda but then she will slap him. This, from what I can gather, comes from Kerem saying that Eda slaps Serkan in the next episode. I do think it’s possible especially if they haven’t made up yet.  But I have my own theory on when and why I think Eda will slap Serkan. I actually think it will happen way before this moment. In my opinion it’ll be the first time she sees him after the dinner fiasco. I mean Eda has got to be soo frustrated at this point. I mean he spends the entire day being really attentive to her making it clear that he wants to get back with her, telling her she’s beautiful, that he loves her, he even invites her to dinner, it would have taken a huge leap of trust for Eda to go and meet him and then (as far as she knows) he stands her up. I could legit see her just storming into the office the next day and slapping him across the face before going off on a rant about how he is so unbalanced and announcing that she’s leaving which will lead into the scene where he asks her to stay. 

So another theory I have is that Aydan will go and stay with Ayfer for a while. 

In this scene we can see Aydan, Seyfi and Ayfer at Ayfer’s house and they’ve got suitcases with them. Aydan also looks like she is breathing a huge sigh of relief like all the tension is leaving her. I think poor Aydan is not going to deal well with being at home alone without Serkan and Alptekin, especially after Alptekin cheated on her. Don’t know about you but I’m not sure I would want to stay in the same house that I shared with my cheating husband, especially when I have no one else to stay there for. Ayfer is the kind of  woman who would help another out in this situation so I feel like she wouldn’t refuse Aydan.  

I also think we are going to get some really great bonding scenes between Aydan and Ayfer and I also feel like they could be quite comical moments. 

I mean look at these beautiful scenes. I do however think that Aydan has another motive for going to stay with Ayfer. We know that Aydan wants Serkan and Eda together. When you think about what obstacles lie in their way you’ve got the misunderstanding about the restaurant and everything around Eda’s parents deaths. There’s not much Aydan can do about those its up to Serkan and Eda to resolve them together. However another obstacle is Ayfer who is very mistrustful of Serkan now. Eda even says as much in the first fragman. I think Aydan is going to work on trying to mend Ayfer’s opinion of Serkan and help reassure her that Serkan loves Eda and doesn’t want to hurt her. She might even try and convice her to help get them back together.

Now in regards to the top picture of them in the kitchen together I think this scene could go one of two ways. It could be a very wholesome scene of them bonding while baking or cooking together. Or it could be that Ayfer has caught on that Aydan is up to something and is trying to use her hypnotising powers to get information out of Aydan. Either way I think it’s going to be full of laughs and I can’t wait to see these ladies bonding together. 

Well that’s all the theories I’ve got at the moment. Can’t wait until Saturday. I might have some more theories when the summary and emoji’s come out. What do you guys think? Any theories?   

[aslibekroglu]

I totally agree with you. The one thing I would like to point is that if I were Serkan I would not have rushed into proposing to Selin. I mean many people he trusts told him he loved another woman who is currently present. To me that would at least put me on alert mode and make me re think some stuff, even if I still want to remain attached to Selin. Regarding the pace, yes I've been quite bored the last couple eps but I never expected this plot to be solved at once so :/

Yeah I agree, even if he was scared and confused about his feelings proposing to Selin was a mistake. Yeah these last episodes have been.....not great. They’ve been way too focused on the side characters and not enough on edser. Or at least Edser hasn’t had too many meaningful scenes. But if you think about it, it’s only been 3 episodes since Serkan came back, that’s really not too bad. And based off of the 2 fragman, this Serkan is really falling hard for Eda. We’ll get back to a good place soon enough.

[anaunicornzebra]

Let's Talk about EDS...

So let's talk about EDS, shall we! EDS is short for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome(s) and is a connective tissue disorders that can be inherited and or not. It varies how both affect the body. The most general characteristics of EDS is joint hypermobility, skin hypersensitivity and tissue fragility. There are currently 13 subtypes to EDS.

Ok, now that we got all the general information out of the way, let me share with you how EDS personally affects me. I have two of the subtypes of EDS. I have what is called hEDS or Hypermobility and I also have Cardiac-Valvular EDS. The hypermobility of EDS affects specifically my shoulders, fingers, hips, and knees a lot. I have had countless dislocations of each joint mentioned. I have awaken out of my sleep to my hip being dislocated or sublax (partial dislocation) many times in these past 4 years of being diagnosed. I have had scoliosis as a child and had a failed spinal fusion. There is days where the chronic joint pain or just pain in general can be overbearing. The Cardiac-Valvular EDS mainly affects the mitral valve and other valves of the heart. These valves can easily become ruptured which would not be a good thing at all.

At this present time EDS is affecting me with my balance and I use a walker out in public and at home sometimes so I don't fall as much. My gastrointestinal area is very much affected at the moment with laryngeal and esophageal spasms, food moving at super turtle speed down my esophagus which also has a narrowing towards the end where the food enters my stomach area. Food that does get to my stomach, sometimes just sits and ferments. My larynx is spasms and it affects how I speak at the moment and how I eat. Also at this present moment, my husband and I have to puree my food so I won't choke. I can literally feel the food slowly work it's way down. I've even choked on my own saliva. Yep, painful indeed. I felt you clutch your pearls and chest honey!

Life with EDS for me hasn't been the most easily yet I truly try not to allow what is beyond my control kill my spirit or vibes. Ehlers Danlos Syndrome not only affects those who have it physically, it has very much effects on our emotional and mental health as well. I've even been put in a mental facility because doctors didn't first believe me before I was diagnosed. We have been told several things by doctors and nurses that you would never dreamed of like my absolute favorite "It's just all in your head!" I think almost every EDSer I know have heard that line before!

The thing is EDS isn't all in my head. Yet there was times when my mental health has challenged me to even think otherwise. I'm learning more and more about this incurable disease that I can't allow what is beyond my control kill me. I'm human now and I still battle depression and anxiety yet I've learned more alternative ways to handle it like guided meditations, crystal singing bowls sessions and even essentials oils*.

So there you have it! That's EDS and how it affects me. Everyone that has EDS are not the same. Some of us have similarities yet not always the exact same symptoms or situations regarding our bodies. There are some of us that look so good it's like "Nah, you can't be sick!", or "Well you look good, so I don't see it!". I get that a lot! Unfortunately that is what an invisible disease is. You could look perfectly fine while your insides literally falling apart. You know the old saying... Never judge a book by its cover.... Well that's the message I truly want to get out about EDS. Just because some of us doesn't look physically and visibly sick doesn't mean there isn't something going on. I hope that me sharing my story will encourage those who read this to learn more about EDS. We need more researchers! We need to find a cure! It could be YOU, that can get us the next steps closer to finding a way to end this disease. I ask you to feel free to share this blog with anyone you may know, because we all know sharing is caring!!

*disclaimer some alternative medicine and or health approaches may not work for each person. Please consult your physician about anything treatments that is not of your every day use.

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the first episode of the new season? And can we talk about all those parallels? Also I'm loving the summer vibes!

I'm LIVING for the summer vibes! Doesn't everything feel like a breath of fresh air? I definitely feel like new life has been injected into the series. And that new location is so beautiful, I LOVE IT.

As for the episode, I thought it was masterfully done. You could tell Ayse was back and bringing the perfect mix of comedy, romance and drama. And the sparkle! The show sparkles again. The almost two and half hours flew buy, I was on the edge of my seat, and the performances from Hande and Kerem were amazing. Plus I just adore every moment between Serkan and his new nemesis (aka his secret daughter).

On the sober side, I don't care how jerky Serkan got while battling cancer, or how he may have pushed her away, nothing they've shown us so far even begins to justify Eda not telling him about Kiraz, and it certainly doesn't justify her continuing to lie when he's standing right in front of her making overtures (and her daughter is clearly longing for her father). Obviously, there are still many things we don't know and I'm sure there are many flashbacks to come, and Eda has been though so much, but still...I don't see how they will thread that needle and have Eda come out unscathed.

That being said, with this first episode they executed this story so well and it really does give new life to the series, so I won't dwell on the fact that Eda never would have done this. Never. We just have to move past it, accept that it's a soap opera plot device designed to give us an amazing second season packed with all sorts of amazing scenes and just enjoy every minute while it lasts.

(More under the cut)

I'll get to more on Edser later, as for everyone else... silliness abounds.

First... Erdem cheated on Leyla? WHAT!?!?! With whom? But I guess that was a clean way to explain Leyla leaving.

Engin and Piril, I love that Engin is staying home with their son, and that young actor is a cutie! As for Piril... GRRRRRR... she is still on my shitlist. Last time it was for betraying Eda (and Serkan) by enabling Selin's reign of terror, this time it's by betraying her friend and business partner Serkan! Good grief. If Piril just found out recently at the start of this project I could accept on her holding off because it's not her secret to run off and tell, but what I can't accept is her actively working against Serkan finding out. Even if in this episode she had gently said to Eda... "do you think maybe it's time you told him?" it would be a lot easier to swallow... but nope! She's acting like it would be the end of the world if Serkan found out. I sincerely hope that when everyone finds out and Engin finds out Piril knew, it causes problems between them. She deserves that.

She remains my second least favorite character. Who was my least favorite character this episode? Oh you know! Awful Ayfer is back! We got a reprieve from her in the last arc, but she's back to her annoying, controlling, Serkan-hating ways. Eda is a mother, an international award-winning landscape architect and business owner and she still has to lie to Ayfer because she's such a pain-in-the-ass? Watching her is going to be a trial.

Even though it feels like both Aydan and Ayfer were reset to zero character development, and Aydan has done worse (keeping the fact that Serkan was alive from Eda) I still find her a much easier character to take. Probably because Neslihan is a much better comedic actress, so she's a lot more entertaining. But... Aydan's been with Kemal for 5 years and hasn't told Serkan? WHY? I can't believe Kemal didn't give her an ultimatum years ago. I was loving, however, Serkan being in the way for both Aydan/Kemal and Engin/Piril. GOOD. Those people caused problems for him at one point or another or were in the way, it was nice to see him return the favor. I like Kemal and am still hoping they'll do a parallel "not knowing your father thing" and reveal he's Serkan's bio dad while Serkan is finding out he had a child he never knew about.

Melo and Seyfi were their awesome supportive, funny selves. It was great to see both of them, I'm so glad they stayed.

As for the new characters, love the kids. The new hotel manager is apparently ditzy and starstruck over Serkan, and I don't really understand how she's going to be integrated into the cast, but I love that she was used as a device to show us that Serkan has zero interest in any woman who is not Eda Yildiz. Eda's assistant seems like he'll be a fine side character. As for Burak, he seems harmless, obviously he has feeling for Eda that she does not reciprocate (fuck off Ayfer trying to push her on him) but hopefully they don't make him a psycho like Deniz. I did think he was a bit out of line to Serkan. Isn't that his cafe? And a customer has his glass spilled by a child in his care, and he insults him instead of apologizing? That is the worst customer service I've ever seen! He's a character that could wear on me quickly, we shall see. Kiraz can't help but be sassy because of genetics, but some of the adults in her life seem to be modeling rude behavior!

Now on to Eda and Serkan, I can't say enough about Hande and Kerem's acting in this episode. Phenomenal! They were both brilliant. Plus both are doing a great job working off of Maya (especially Kerem) those scenes were priceless. I don't often enjoy kids on shows, but so far I'm loving this dynamic.

As for Edser, while we don't know everything yet it feels like Serkan got to a point where he couldn't stand to see Eda in pain and putting her life on hold, he outright mentioned that she might not have graduated if they'd stayed together, and so that was part of the reason he reverted to his robot self and pushed her away. I'm going to guess she tried and tried and he was just unyielding. Saying he didn't want to get married or have kids in the harshest way possible. Perhaps even she went to tell him that she was pregnant and he went off on not wanting kids before she could even tell him. Time will tell.

At this juncture, my best guess is Eda's fear is rooted in rejection. It can't be that she thinks Serkan is a terrible person that doesn't deserve to know his child, or would be detrimental to Kiraz. However, she knows what it feels like to be rejected by Serkan, I'm sure she was beyond devastated, so I'm guessing now she's bent on protecting her daughter from feeling that same rejection. She fears if he found out, but wanted nothing to do with her, it would feel worse than him not knowing. She's not thinking clearly and perhaps it hasn't even occurred to her that the man she fell in love with is still under there and that man is fully capable of opening his heart wide to their child.

The fact that this child, a stranger to him, already has him wrapped around her little finger to the tune of being late to meetings while he waits for her to pick berries, speaks volumes.

The lies that Eda is telling Kiraz though... there is a fairy tale poetry to Eda saying her father is among the stars... but there was no way this would ever end well. Such a bad idea. Eda.... has made mistakes.

As for Eda and Serkan, their reunion was so bitter sweet. The way Serkan was sure he was hallucinating her and couldn't believe she was real, speaks to the fact that his thinking he saw her that morning was not an anomaly. It must happen all the time. She's never left his thoughts in 5 years. Especially since Engin makes it clear that women throw themselves at Serkan all the time, and he never bites. That's a lot of years celebrate, pining after a love he lost through his own actions. Though it's not that surprising that he didn't pursue other women, as he's never been a character who was motivated by sex. Which makes it hilarious that during his presentation that's where his mind was at, remembering their intimate times together. Serkan Bolat is an Edasexual.

Serkan seemed to want to brush past what happened between them, how they ended, but from Eda's pain, it's clear it was gut-wrenching and tragic and that's something he's going to need to recon with in the coming episodes. But how refreshing that they actually talked! That Eda actually expressed her pain to him! Wowza, that's a change from recent episodes when they didn't even have a proper conversation after he got his memory back.

The flashback scenes were a combination of pure brilliance and pain. Just rip out my heart why don't you. Serkan's angry reactions seem very believable for someone suffering what he was going through. I think it's typical to lash out at the person closest to you. And their fear and pain, their commitment to getting him better and seeing it through... those scenes were made all the more heartbreaking knowing that they didn't make it out the other side intact.

On a lighter note, I loved how even despite their intention and best efforts to remain closed off to one another, and away from one another, they couldn't. Physically, Serkan couldn't stay away, and every time Eda was in his presence you saw her resolve slip and her start to feel that old pull towards him. The fact that Eda thinks there's any way to keep this secret and get rid of him, she must just be in full panic mode and not thinking clearly. She's never going to shake him.

Thank goodness Serkan came back and actually issued a sincere apology for what he said at coffee. He definitely owed her one, but what was extraordinary is that it showed that the growth he went through when they were together didn't regress. He was able to apologize and explain that he was angry and hurt and that's why it happened. If you remember from the first time around, saying sorry was something he was just unable to do, so this felt big to me. He's not the same robot Bolat, she left an indelible mark on him.

As for him making her present her proposal, it's really not out-of-line for the professional relationship, however, we all know he did it just so he had an excuse to be around her. That man will take any excuse, plus he likes to get a rise out of her.

The dinner scene was breathtaking. How beautiful and achingly romantic was that setting? Wowza. And what a roller coaster of emotion those scenes were. It was great to watch them talk and laugh. Who didn't swoon when he deveined her shrimp and when she gave him fries? But we had to know it wouldn't last. Eda's speech had me breathless. Serkan had that coming, it hurt but it had to happen. What a relief to see them get things out in the open. Now I hope we get to see them really talk about what happened and why. Explain yourself Serkan!

As for the next episode, I was so hopeful that the Kiraz secret would be out after the final scene, but the first fragman makes it look like that's not going to happen, at least not at the start of the episode. My fear is that if Eda outright lies to him that just makes everything worse. The longer she keeps it from him, when they're back in each other's orbits and it's clear he's not running away, it makes her more and more at fault.

In any case, it looks like we're in for some fabulous scene so I look forward to the second episode!

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

i bind once a week at most but i have eds3 and i suspect that binding is injurious to me because i hurt even when i wear sports bras or if a breath catches in my ribs wrong. how do i find enough self-control to stop binding? i’m really struggling right now. i know it’s not good for me but i need it psychologically and emotionally and to feel safe and present in my body, yet i don’t want to sacrifice one form of health for another.

Jay says:

I have EDS 3 too and I just wore binders anyway and only stopped when it was excruciating (usually). That is absolutely not a good thing for an EDSer to do and, if you already have rib problems, you absolutely should not do that (I have a ton of rib problems, some permanent and some that might heal over the next few years). Just the fact that you messaged us suggests that you have more self control than I had and I’m super glad you did. It does sound like binding isn’t a good solution for you and I’m so so sorry that that’s the case. 

If possible, have someone help you stay accountable. If you have to give that person your binder/sports bras/whatever you’ve used to bind. My mom used to tell me to take my binder off if it had been a long time. If necessary, you can decrease the amount of time you bind by tiny increments. A lot of people find it harder to break habits if they just stop “cold turkey”. If you currently bind 8 hours a week try going down to 7, and so on. You don’t say how long you wear it during that once a week but if it’s, say, 8 hours, you could try breaking it up into 2 hours 4 days a week, or 4 hours twice a week, or 3 hours 3 days a week. That way you could still have some relief but it might be more tolerable. If I were you I’d do some research on breaking habits.

Is there any way at all you can find a therapist to help you cope, if you haven’t already? I recently learned about a website called “pride counseling”, which will match you up with a supportive therapist. I haven’t tried it yet but I know a few people who have had success with it. You can also find websites that connect you with therapists you can text. You’d still pay the therapists of course, but it might be easier than going to an office.

Wearing sweatshirts (which I totally understand might not be a good option for you, I have POTS and MCAS, so I have a terrible heat intolerance and if that’s you too then don’t) is a good way to minimize your chest without a binder. The hoodies work better than the zip jackets in my experience. Wearing woven shirts or flannel shirts instead of knit shirts (like t shirts) is helpful, as are dark colors and irregular patterns.

Lee says

To add a link to Jay’s suggestion of seeing a therapist, this has more info on finding one: https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/164026410645/my-parents-are-split-but-were-me-and-mom-who-i

[acertainsomeone]

Surrendered/ edser TS- continued

Humans should never be blamed for what their heart refuses to believe. It isn't in their hands to blindly trust everything and everyone. Someone whose life was chaotic did not deserve to be pushed more.  We don't punish the ones we love.

"You're giving up on him Dada?" Melo had asked naively.

"Never. I'm giving him that space and time which he deserves." Eda's decision to leave Istanbul wasn't out of impulse. It was purely out of her selfless love for him.

"He wouldn't have left you if he was at your place, Eda." Ceren tried to coerce her friend one last time.

"Biliyorum, but I'm not Serkan. I love him, I love him more than anything therefore, I know that the Serkan standing in front of me does not need me." It was futile to explain to her friends what this meant. Not that she hadn't tried to win his trust, not that she had given up on their love. It was just that she could not see him in pain anymore. Her friends didn't notice the restlessness in his eyes, they did not know about the battles going on between his heart and mind, they had been crushing him, and she feared his breaking down more than hers. She had seen it in his eyes, and she feared he won't be able to take it anymore. She feared that he won't be able to take the load of their past and present. The damage was done already. She hadn't gifted her man to Selin, she had only given their fate a chance to work out this mess all by itself. It was getting hard for her to bear everything anyway. She could not breathe around him, without thinking about her secrets, without breaking down on the very thought of what could have had been.

The decision to start a new life in Paris proved to be a great one. It was much needed for someone like her who barely got space to mourn.

He would have loved it here.

Yes, she hadn't stopped thinking about him. Why would she? Realistically speaking, there weren't any hard feelings between them in the first place. Eda knew that she couldn't hate Serkan. Whatever that had happened between them was no one's fault. His amnesia had nothing to do with him. He hadn't hurt her despite Selin's manipulation. Minus the heartbreak that followed, she was not going to hold him accountable for anything that happened in their lives.

Things she expected from him were the ones that would've been fulfilled by the man she loved, not the one who pulled a fake engagement stunt with her.

Happiness isn't always meant to knock on our doors, the way we want.

There was nothing and no one to forgive, besides Selin. It hurt her that he believed her but Eda had to tell herself that the Serkan, who showed up after 2 months did not remember her, he did not remember them.

There is more to life Eda Yildiz. Love isn't everything. You have a long way to go. 

🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫

At the end of the day, fate is all we have to blame. Sometimes, we are not having control over our decisions or the way life works. If Serkan had, he would have never wanted things to work the way they did now. He would have never wanted to see her cry. He would have done everything in his power to ensure her happiness.

Then why didn't he do that when he had the chance?

Was he too convinced by Selin?

Did he doubt her heart when everything was crystal clear?

Maybe he was confused and shocked.

Maybe he was too scared to accept that he had become something that he could never imagine.

His entire existence had been a question mark for the last eight months. When Selin found him at one of the hospitals in Italy, he wondered that nothing could go worse than this. He was lying lifeless on the bed, unable to move, devoid of memories, struggling to come to terms with what had happened.

Luckily, he survived that nightmare. Selin had helped him get better. He didn't want his parents to worry about him thus, he decided to keep this news in wraps. Selin and Serkan had mutually decided to reveal the truth after he had recovered from the shock.

She had told him strange things, how he signed a contract with Eda to get her back, how Eda manipulated him and changed him as a person. She told him that Eda was responsible for all mishaps in his life. And all of this was a plan. Her plan to avenge the death of her parents. Her grandmother was involved, and when Semiha hanim couldn't destroy him, she planned this accident but fortunately, he survived. Eda was already having half of the shares, and now with Serkan's death, she was going to take over the holding.

If she really loves you why hasn't she made any attempts to find you Serkan?

Where is she?

Serkan believed whatever he was told but after coming back to Art Life, he kept on struggling with his feelings. His eyes deceived the truths he was told about. Six months that he spent with Eda, breathing the same air as hers made him realize that she was anything but treacherous.

She loved him.

She wanted him back.

But did he want her back?

He had been lying to himself. He was 100% attracted to her but equally scared to accept that. 

Too many thoughts, too many fears, he didn't have the courage to ask any of the questions that were in his mind. Maybe that's why she gave up on him, maybe that's why she chose to hide the truth. The truth that matters.

He was afraid to ask. It had been three weeks since he heard her conversation with Erdem, and he hadn't been at peace. He was not going to doubt for a second that the child wasn't his. He didn't bother to ask Erdem about it. Eda decided to hide the truth from him, she had the right to tell him about him.

Did he know about her pregnancy before the accident? If yes, then he will never be able to forgive himself. How could he forget the most important thing in this world? How could Eda forgive him for this? She must hate him. She should.

He was flying to Paris, unaware of the conversation he was going to have. What would he say? Hi Eda, I heard your and Erdem's conversation, so you were pregnant with my child but had a miscarriage, do you mind sharing some details?

He couldn't be this insensitive. She must've gone through hell and the fact that she hid it from everyone until now spoke volumes. Yet, they had to talk.

🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫 

"What the hell!" She gasped in shock to find him standing at her door. She peeked at the sides, just in case Selin was with him, and they came here to kick her out of this apartment. On paper, it still belonged to Serkan Bolat and Eda Yildiz. Selin's influence might push him to do the deed. She could do anything and Serkan couldn't be trusted anymore.

"Hi." Serkan replied half-amused, half confused. What was she looking at? What if she didn't allow me to enter inside? I don't even have an excuse

"Napiyosun Burda"

"Is this how you greet your guests?" he took off his glasses and smiled back at her.

Eda sighed heavily, where are your manners, Ms. Yildiz. She gestured for him to come inside.

"So, what is it?" She asked, handing him a glass of water. He was sitting on the couch, staring at the walls. They were a reflection of his personality and Eda's heart. A mere look at the apartment registered the fact that it was designed by him, and Eda added her touches.

He could identify his work really well. His eye spotted the multiple photo frames. He didn't remember them either. Eda noticed that and became nervous. She hadn't removed or made any changes. Their photographs as decided were still hanging there. She could not dare. Memories aren't meant to be discarded whenever we want. 

"I didn't expect you to be here else-" She hesitated.

"It's okay. I'm sorry if you thought-" He stopped, embarrassed for making her feel that way. He wanted to tell her that she need not feel bad about anything. "Actually, I missed Sirius." he blurts instantly to cover up the tension that brewed between them.

"Benimle dalga mı geçiyorsun?" She exasperated. "Serkan! You can't come to my house whenever you miss Sirius." She made sense. Of all the things that had changed in their lives, it included Sirius's preferences as well. He was happy to have Serkan in his life again, but somehow, he refused to stay with him. He'd refuse to eat and drink if Eda wasn't around. It felt as if he didn't recognize the Serkan, who was not in love with Eda Yildiz.

Therefore, they decided that Sirius would stay with Eda, wherever she was. It did pain Eda because she knew Sirius meant everything to him. And without Sirius, Serkan was left with no one. He can have Selin. She made a mental note but she knew that was her being petty and nothing else.

"I'm sorry. I just-"

"It's okay, I understand but you could've at least informed me that you're coming to see him." Eda blinked in confusion, waiting for his reply but he seemed fazed. He was acting strange, just like the day he came to Art Life.

"It's strange that my dog loves you more than me."

"Serkan- you have no idea what he went through when you were not there for two months. We suffered together, you can't blame him or anyone."

Serkan sighed, staring at her incredulously. He did not know how to muster the courage and ask her about that one thing she hadn't told him. Maybe she thinks that I'm not worthy of it.

"Eda...I- I came to ask you something."

"Harika! Now you're on track, I knew something's off. Listen if it's about this apartment then there's no way I'm giving it to you or Selin." She blurted out in a speed, and he felt the urge to shut her up with a kiss.

"EDA , When was the last time you listened to me properly?" He stressed. "I need to talk to you about something else but can you please stop imagining things." He snapped.

"Tamam. I'll get you something to eat."  

🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫

They had been stealing glances for the last half an hour. Eda had prepared him salmon, while she treated herself with spaghetti. She was not even going to convince him to have some this time. It felt awkward.

"How's your job?" How hard it could be to get to the point Serkan Bolat.

"Great, Paris did me good. I'm loving it here." He nodded at her reply.

Serkan knitted his brows when he saw her taking few medicines. "Are you alright?" He asked out of concern knowing Eda was the last person to take medicines.

"iyim iyim. Nothing serious. These are just supplements." She replied with a shrug

"Whom are you fooling here?" He took the small jar from her hand and looked at her disbelievingly. "Eda, this is for PTSD-associated nightmares."

He searched her eyes for an answer. He wanted her to say something, something that he wasn't ready for, but he knew he was responsible for whatever she was going to tell him, and he wanted to hear it.

"Eda, you can tell me. Whatever it is." He placed her hand above hers and pressed it in an assuring manner. He wanted her to trust him this one instant. His heart was begging for her to put her faith in him.

"Neden?" She pursed her lips in defiance, her eyes accusing him of this interference in her life.

"Maybe because I deserve to know about my child as well." His lips quivered. His eyes were not accusing, they were just pleading helplessly. They were begging to be freed. Eda instantly removed her hand from his, it felt as if someone had hit her head with a spade. She was not ready to have this conversation with anyone, neither Serkan nor her friends. She did not know how he knew about this but he needed to leave immediately.

"Serkan. Git." Tears struggled to leave her eyes but she was stern and strong. He didn't move, instead, he kept on staring at her, in her eyes, still searching for answers. Before he could say something, she left the table and rushed to her bedroom.

Serkan didn't follow her. Was It a mistake to come here?

She is already in pain and he worsened it. He had no right to come back asking for things that he doesn't remember anymore.

Serkan spent the next few hours sobbing and cursing his fate. He needed to apologize to her. She deserved that at least. He had been awful to her; this was the least he could do.

She was sitting on the bathroom tiles, crying to herself. Her eyes were swollen, and it felt as if she was struggling to breathe. Serkan rushed and hugged her immediately. She didn't resist his touch this time.

He embraced her possessively

His immediate touch triggered the volcano inside Eda that was waiting to erupt since that night. The bathroom filled with her cries. They grew louder and louder. She hadn't cried since that night. She hadn't cried when the doctor told her that she lost the only hope, the only possession that she had of Serkan.

She couldn't even mourn her miscarriage

Serkan wasn't stopping her, their tears were mingling together. She said something but it didn't make sense. Eda strengthened her grip on his arm and screamed, remembering the pain she went through that night. If he had been there, he would have never let that happen. He would have protected her from that fall. If only he hadn't left for Italy that. If only she had stopped him. If only. 

"I dreamt that it was a boy." She mumbled amidst her cries.

"Shhhhhh, you'll have another baby" He tried to soothe her and that was the only thing he could come up with in that spur of the moment.

"No, I don't want another baby, I want my baby back, I just want him back Serkan." She cried inconsolably while hitting him on his arm.

Serkan was helpless

-Defeated - Powerless

Was he to be blamed for the pain she was going through?

"I want my child back. I just want him back." Eda mumbled the same words to sleep. She was lying in his arms. She had found her comfort and mourned the anguish that was churning in her heart for the last eight months. Serkan sat on the tiles with Eda in his arms- lifeless.... Unable to decipher the events of his life.

He had no memories. He was going to become a father. He was not around when the mother of his child wanted him the most. And the only reason he was here tonight because-

He did not know.

Was it out of love? Or Was it out of an obligation? Why was he here? 

Did he have any right to touch her? 

Eda and Serkan were at a phase of life where they did not know what would happen next. Their actions were questionable.  There weren't any hard feelings. There was pain. But no one was to be blamed. There was longingness. But It carried broken promises and unsaid words. This night was the longest they had experienced in their lives. It didn't end fast; it was meant to put two hearts at peace.

They did not know how things will go from here. But it's okay, at times you don't have to worry about things that haven't happened yet.

When it gets hard to decide, let fate decide

The rights and wrongs of life

It gets better It gets better  

Note: I hope it managed to do justice to your expectations. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm awful when it comes to proofreading!  Didn't feel like giving this Twoshot a proper ending because at times ends are not meant to be forever. Thank you all for the previous comments, It meant a lot <3 Happy SCK day btw ;)

[nvld-hedslife]

Definitely. This sort of happened to me. I had pretty mild symptoms as a kid, diagnosable if my doctor had cared enough, but barely there, easy to miss. Didn’t really effect my daily life. Just frequent ankle sprains, headaches, and gastric stuff, the common comorbities like asthma but all super minor. Suddenly, when I was a senior in high school, I got severe costochondritis and my body just fell apart. I started having severe chronic pain, constant migraines, dislocations, gastric issues, POTS, I temporarily lost the ability to walk, all at once out of nowhere. I spent months in and out of the hospital and was diagnosed with hEDS. Ever since, I’ve been constantly battling my body. Dislocations, migraines, hernias, POTS, inability to breathe, you name it. I never have a day where my body is somewhat normal. Up until my senior year, I was just a clumsy accident prone kid who got viruses and stuff slightly more easily. Now, I have 3 doctors appointments a week, can’t function without my meds, and am constantly worrying about situations that could be harmful, or what to do if one arises.

Long story short, yes you can seemingly get it out of nowhere. My personal theory I shared with a doctor friend is that in some people, the defective collagen and such builds up overtime by the genes causing your body to produce things wrong. Since cells are constantly being replaced, I believe that in some EDSers, the new cells that happen as part of growth are the EDS cells and they slowly replace the healthy ones, until suddenly, boom all your cells are EDS.

That’s just my theory. I genuinely don’t know nor are there any studies proving or disproving it.

I do know that puberty can affect how EDS presents as well.

Anyway, that’s all folks!

Is EDS ALWAYS Inherited?

Hi There, I just wanted to reach out to the community on tumblr to get some reassurance. SO, I know I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but my doctor is convinced that its not that because “you dont just get something like that”, but Is it possible that the gene has always been present but has not presented until me? There’s a fuck ton of chronic pain and health issues outside of joint stuff, its just so random that im like the only one in my family thats a bendy bitch.