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lilysdaydreams · 4 years ago

Text

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two →

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

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patchdotexe · 6 years ago

Note

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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bookenders · 6 years ago

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11/11/11 Tag Game: Round... uh... 5, 6, & 7?

I got tagged by a bunch of people ( @quilloftheclouds is this how your 77 question one felt??) so here are a bunch of answers! I think this is the most I’ve ever talked about myself in my life.

Good gracious, you’re all so nice and have such good questions.

Tagged by: @surroundedbypearls, @waterfallwritings, @bigmoodword, @sundaynightnovels

Rules: answer 11 questions, tag 11 people, give them 11 new questions!

[I’ve done this enough to be able to break the tag rules. Fight me.]

44 questions and answers below the cut!

But I’ll be nice and put my questions right here:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

When do you title your WIPs? It is the first thing you do? The last? Does it come to you during drafting?

How many inside jokes do you put in your WIP(s)?

Your WIP’s antagonist is now The Riddler. How do your OCs handle that?

Do you use sticky notes?

Laptop or desktop?

Your OC is a wrestler. What’s their hype music?

Do you own any craft books/books on writing?

What’s your favorite book cover?

How many unread books do you have sitting around right now? Which are you most excited to maybe get to eventually some time?

How committed are you to your outline(s)?

Bilbo Taggins: Literally anyone, but also @francestroublr, @sahados-shadow, @a-story-im-writing, @bethkerring, @citruschickadee, @bos-ingit

If I’ve tagged you before, you can totally ignore this. In fact, I encourage you to.

From @surroundedbypearls:

What’s your favourite genre to write in and why? Literary fiction! It’s what I learned in university and the one that fits my themes best. Sci-fi is hard, I’m just getting into writing fantasy stuff, I can’t do thrillers, romance is hard for me, and historical is too much work.

Do you think you have a style/voice that you use more often in your writing? When did you develop that style? If you’ve read one of my stories, you know exactly how my writing voice sounds. It doesn’t change too much. I write like I talk, but if I had a lot more gravitas and charisma. Honestly, I’ve always had that kind of style, but it really developed in high school. It’s been getting stronger since then. It’s one of the things I always got comments about from my teachers and fellow workshop writers. “Your voice is so strong!” Yep. It’s mah thang.

Do you play video games? What’s your favourite? YES I DO. It’s hard to pick faves, but I’ve played Dragon Age: Origins too many times.

If you were going to do a WIP crossover, which OCs would be most interesting together? (If you’ve only got one WIP crossover with something else) A crossover between H2H and AOPC? Interesting. I think Mel and Keema would get along the best, Oz would have some fightin’ words for Elder Sanga, and Gemma and Teva would be a force to be reckoned with, my god. Two stubborn nerds who believe totally different things but are also very determined to be very good at what they want to do and love their communities to a fault? Fear them.

Do you prefer to plan WIPs in a document or through handwritten notes? I used to do it by hand but I couldn’t read it because my handwriting is terrible and I kept losing papers. I do it in docs now. Much easier to organize and incredibly legible.

Do you multiple languages exist in your WIP? If so how do you address that in the story? H2H is set in the “real world,” so yep. It hasn’t been addressed too much yet, but I have a way for tackling languages. I’ve written multilingual-ish stories before. I never write phonetically and use hella context clues so the reader knows the gist of what was said if another character doesn’t translate.

What’s your favourite animated film that’s not Disney or Pixar? AN AMERICAN TAIL. All of them. It’s on Netflix go watch it and marvel at the way a kids movie talks about Jewish immigration, poverty, and cultural oppression via mice. As a young Jewish child, this movie was my jam. It’s very dark, though.

Do your real-life surroundings influence your WIP’s settings? Nope! One time I tried to write a story set in the same area where I lived and I couldn’t do it. Too weird. Sometimes I’ll write in an item I see near me, or like, a painting or poster on the wall if I need some set decoration, but that’s about it.

Which OCs would be most likely to break the fourth wall? Oz. Lookin’ at the camera like he’s in The Office.

How do you work out your OCs’ personalities? Hm. I look at the story I’m trying to write and make a protagonist that would have the most interesting experience in that narrative. For H2H, I wanted someone who would be loyal as heck to the people they loved while still being experimental enough to try new things and get into shenanigans. The story called for someone like that, and there she was. Mel came about my thinking of someone who would compliment other characters in the story while still being their own person. If that makes sense. I think of dynamics and interactions with the story world in relation to the theme(s). Most of the time they just happen, though.

Do you prefer worldbuilding or character building? Character building! As much as I like making stories about places, making characters is more fun for me, and more interesting. You should see all the DnD character sheets I have.

From @waterfallwritings:

1. How do you come up with ideas for your WIPs?

At random. Seriously. It’s like my brain has to be running something in the background to function normally, and usually that something is whatever story I happen to be working on. Or I’ll look at a thing and go “huh.” My brain also likes to twist normal things to be a little bit different.

2. How do you get past gaps in the plot?

No idea, man. It’s like throwing spaghetti at a wall. I like to work backwards. If this is what I want to happen, what needs to happen before that to ensure that it occurs? I look at all the elements currently in the story and see if one can be manipulated to fill in the hole.

3. What motivates you to keep writing?

If I don’t, my brain gets all constipated and angry until I write something down. Like, seriously, I get grumpy and frustrated like I’m hangry or something. Aside from physical need, I love writing. I love word puzzles and feelings puzzles and figuring them out. Sometimes I think of how my stories could help someone, or make them feel something that they enjoy.

4. Do you do any other kind of creative writing?

Oh, man, I’ve done it all. Screenwriting, playwriting, poetry, video game-ish writing, interactive storytelling, short stories, flash fiction, proposals, essays, DnD campaigns, monologues... You name it, I’ve probably tried it. I tend to stick to prose and poetry these days.

5. Do you have any other creative hobbies besides writing?

I’ve gotten into graphic design a little bit. I kind of wanna learn how to knit again. I’m not really very crafty.

6. What do you do when you’re stuck on a scene and don’t know how to get it out / write it?

Write a different scene, stare at the screen in frustration until I give up and go to sleep, meditate for a few minutes, go do something else to get my mind off of it, clean, work on a different project.

7. How do you decide how to end your WIP?

I mean, see the next question for part of my answer. How did I decide to end H2H? My friend, that’s a big ‘ole spoiler. But I decided to end it at a place where everything, and everyone, comes together.

8. When in the process of writing do you decide how its going to end? Or do you kind of just wait til you get there?

Right at the beginning. If I don’t know where it’ll end, I have a hard time writing the arc. I work backwards: start with the idea, then think of where I want it to end up, then work back to the beginning until I know where its going, then start writing.

9. Why did you decide to join writeblr?

My reasons are pretty personal, but the least personal is that I needed some accountability and motivation. And I missed being in a good writing community.

10. What’s your favourite food?

Pasta! I’m eating spaghetti right now.

11. If you had to kill off a character in your WIP, who would it be and why?

Oz would be the most tragic. Treena would be the most logical.

From @bigmoodword:

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Nerdy potion woman meets cute odd stranger who helps her solve magic mysteries in their quirky small town.

2. what inspired them?

I saw a zine accepting submissions for magic stories, then an open call for queer shifter stories, and thought “what if wholesome magical lesbians?”

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

Gemma!

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

THE SONG OF ACHILLES. My God, my soul was weeping. Honestly, it still is. Doesn’t matter that I knew the story from the Iliad. Madeline Miller is a feelings wizard.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

On an as-needed basis. I used to do way too much research to avoid actually writing the damn thing, so now I only do it when I actually run into a problem that can be solved by Google.

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

The ones that aren’t hugely emotional. Which is... unfortunate.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Rude. On a personal level, Jill. I love her, but I would not be friends with her. We wouldn’t mesh at all.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

Third person limited present tense! To the bane of everyone who’s ever edited my work.

9. do you write poetry?

I do! Not often, though.

10. who is your writing role model?

My freakin’ writing professor from college. He is crazy disciplined.

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

Hey, you know those people who say your writing is too dark? Yeah, they suck and they’re wrong. They just want kids to live up to their expectations and write happy sunshiny stories about unicorns and dinosaurs having ice cream. And you’re not depressed because you wrote that one sad poem one time and someone asked if you were depressed. What you have is called feelings and they’re very useful for a writer, nay, a human, to have.

From @sundaynightnovels:

Who is your biggest role model? Okay, so I got crap all the time in grade school for never having a role model, and I still don’t have one. The teachers were concerned about me. But my reasoning was, “why should I want to live someone else’s life?” Yeah. They didn’t really know what to do with that...

What are your OCs favorite foods? Sort of answered here!

Which OC is most afraid of the dark? Oz and Mary!

What made you want to start a writing blog/participate in the writeblr community? Answered above!

Did you sleep with a stuffed animal as a kid? Do you still? I did, indeed. I don’t anymore, but I have two that I shuffle around my room when they get in the way. One is a highland cow I got in Scotland (he has a plaid hat), the other is a blue whale I got at the Museum of Natural History in NY.

Do you like donuts? I love donuts. Especially jelly filled ones. Mmm.

Do/would your OCs like donuts? All of my OCs like donuts. I don’t think Mel has ever had a modern one, though.

What is your least favorite food? Cauliflower? I’m the household taste-tester, so there’s been a lot of stuff I don’t like. ( @sundaynightnovels I hate sparkling water, too, you’re not alone!)

What is your ideal writing environment? Comfy seating, a chair with no arms (stupid elbows), alone, plenty of chosen beverage within reach, headphones.

Favorite line from your WIP? So far, it’s this one!

Favorite quote from a book? Oh, man. There are so many. From recent memory, here are a few: “’Give it time,’ she replies. ‘It won’t be a story forever.’“ and “Everyone has heard stories of women like us, and now we will make more of them.” (both from The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy) “When he smiled, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled like a leaf held to flame.” and “I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen.” (I could write a goddamn essay about the imagery in this scene.) (It is quite possibly my favorite description of a kiss ever. And the metaphor extends through the rest of the scene so artfully ugh.) (both from The Song of Achilles) “The thing about a story is that you dream it as you tell it, hoping that others might then dream along with you, and in this way memory and imagination and language combine to make spirits in the head.” (from The Things They Carried)

#11/11/11 tag #about me #tag game #writer tag #oh my god so many questions #fun stuff below the cut #forgive my terrible jokes I am tired #writeblr #how I write #I guess #rec #book rec

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winter-and-little-brunettes · 7 years ago

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85 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @vldrocketeer! Thanks, sweetie, sorry Im getting to doing this so late!!!

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Coca-Cola! And, Im about to go grab another can...

2. Phone call: My mom! I sent her some cute bird videos, and called her to hear her reactions to them.

3. Text message: A good friend I made in first year! His name is Colin, and he lived across the hall from me in residence first year. We’re both the same major (English Lit), and we both have similar interests in video games, so we got along great. I won’t post what I said, since we’re catching up and it was a long ass text message, but it was basically me explaining why I haven’t seen him around lately (since I’m usually holed up at work when I’m on campus)

4. Song you listened to: “Turning Page” by Sleeping At Last. It’s a favourite of mine!

5. Time you cried: Oh jeez... Uh, last month? March has been pretty stressful, and April will make me want to rip my hair out...

6. Dated someone twice: I almost did! But no, never actually dated the same guy twice.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Its hard enough to get me to kiss someone, let alone do it and regret it.

8. Been cheated on: I have. He was my first and only heartbreak (so far)

9. Lost someone special: Hmm... I think my best answer here is “yes”.

10. Been depressed: I mean, Im usually a pretty happy person, but everyone has their ups and downs. I cant say Ive been clinically depressed, but I have had a very dark part in my life, and I feel like another one is coming.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: HAHAHA uh... no... I mean, that totally wasn’t me...

— Fave colours

12. purple!!

13. blue, like, a royal blue, yknow?

14. pink

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: I have, fortunately!!

16. Fallen out of love: “I need to be in love for that to happen” god Erin, same

17. Laughed until you cried: Those are some of the best moments. I’m a loud laugher, and it happens like, once a week probably.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don’t do anything special enough to be talked about

19. Met someone who changed you: I feel like every person I’ve ever met has influenced me in some way or the other, so yes.

20. Found out who your friends are: Oh man, I certainly have. Fortunately, I have that cliche best friend story where I’ve literally known her since SK, went to the same elementary school, high school, and university together... And she lived around the corner from me when I still lived in my hometown.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Well, considering my one ex is my friend there, I have to say yes.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Every single one. Although I’m never on facebook so don’t ever add me; itll take a month to hear back from me.

23. Do you have any pets: I have two cats! Well, one lives with me, and the other is at my parent’s place. But Perriwinkle is with me, my precious kitty, and shes all I need!

24. Do you want to change your name: Hmm... I do quite like my birth name, and I adore my last name, but my middle name... Im not super fond of “Marie”.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: hahahaha uh, well, Id been working at my new job for about a week at that time, so I was working on my 19th birthday.

26. What time did you wake up today: 11:35am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was working on The Power of Faiths upcoming update! ;)

28. What is something you can’t wait for: to be done university... As much as it’s a cool experience and all, all the stress it brings is gonna kill me prematurely.

30. What are you listening to right now: “I Get To Love You” by Ruelle

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I work with a guy named Tom. He’s a music major, he plays piano and is overall a super cool dude

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: when people I call for my job pick up the phone on a Sunday and bitch at me that I’m calling on “the day of rest”. Like?? Bitch, you did not have to pick up the phone. You saw the caller ID, just, let it go to voicemail?????????

33. Most visited website: It’s a toss-up between tumblr and ao3

34. Hair colour: brown, like, chocolate brown I guess

35. Long or short hair: It’s long for some people’s standards (it comes to between my shoulder blades) but still pretty short for me. I’m used to my hair reaching the small of my back.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Oh hell no, aint nobody got time for that

37. What do you like about yourself: Uh... You guys wouldn’t like my answer.

38. Want any piercings: I seriously thought about a tongue piercing, but idk.

39. Blood type: You’d think, from the amount of blood Ive had taken for allergy tests and the like that I’d know. But nope, I have no idea.

40. Nicknames: Sam, Sammy, Samserban, Pretties, Samuel.

41. Relationship status: Single

42. Sign: Gemini!

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: Voltron

45. Tattoos: I’m looking into tattoo parlors to get my first tattoo over the summer. I’m gonna get a bunch of flowers on my back, over my heart, for my grandma <3

46. Right or left handed: Right

47: Ever had surgery: Nope! Worst I’ve had are x-rays

48. Piercings: I do have my ears pierced, just once.

49. Sport: Hahahaaaa not anymore, I’m lazy af. But I used to figure skate competitively, row competitively, and ride horses.

50. Vacation: I hardly ever travel. Ive been down to Florida twice, and been to England and Scotland around this time two years ago with my two best friends.

51. Trainers: ...no? Again, I’m lazy af.

— More general

52. Eating: I dont eat as often as I should.

53. Drinking: Coca-Cola. Or coffee. Not sure which I’m gonna get yet.

54. I’m about to watch: I mean, I should be working on papers or something... Or even writing... But I just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood the other day and I loved it!!!

55. Waiting for: my English prof to give me my marks back for a paper I wrote.

56. Want: a lot of money so I don’t have to work as much as I do to live in my bachelor’s apartment with my cat.

57. Get married: Maybe..... It depends on if I ever find the right person. But if I dont, I am more than happy to be alone.

58. Career: I really reeeaaally want to get into a writing/editing career. I want to one day work for a firm to work one on one with authors to help them edit and publish novels!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs!

60. Lips or eyes: Oooh, eyes man!

61. Shorter or taller: Taller...

62. Older or younger: Older

63. Nice arms or stomach: Ooooh... arms...

64. Hookup or relationships: Definitely relationships, but I’m terrible at keeping them,,

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Oh gosh, I mean, Im definitely more of a trouble maker... But like, a cautious one.

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Oh hell no

67. Drank hard liquor: Im Canadian... Yes

68.Turned someone down: Haha, I sure have! I got asked out by two different guys on the same day before.

69. Sex on first date: Oh god no

70: Broken someone’s heart: Probably.....

71. Had your heart broken: I most certainly have!

72. Been arrested: Fortunately, not.

73. Cried when someone died: Yes. But, only once.

74. Fallen for a friend: I have no idea what this means???

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: hahaha uh... No???????

76. Miracles: Id like to??

77. Love at first sight: I do, but not for myself.

78. Santa Claus: Nope

79. Angels: Oh god no

— Misc

80. Eye colour: like, a warm brown colour?

81. Best friends name: Kaylee!

82. Favourite movie: I love too many movies... But the ones that come to mind are Spirit: Stallion of the Cimerran, Stardust, The Swan Princess, and Toy Story!!!

83. Favourite actor: There are days I can barely remember my coworkers names, and I see them for like, 15 hours a week. Let alone someone I’ve never met???

84. Favourite cartoon: It’s Voltron ;)

85. Favourite teacher’s name: I dont really consider myself to have “favourite” profs. But I am fond of a few that I’ve had!

I’m gonna tag @forsakenangel88, @mardimari, @dumb-birdd, and any of my followers who want to do this! Just tag me, I’d love to see your answers <3

#me things #i was tagged?

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midoriyasbones · 7 years ago

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Current WIP tag

tagged by the BLESSED @belovedsheith <33333

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or as little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, fanwork, or original work!

kjkjjkjkj this is... ok kids this is gonna be wild so hold on to your seats. i do a lot so uhhhhh yeah.

writing

a lot of these are fics from last year (read: when i was an anti so be careful with some of these) and some of them will probably end up archived beyond a summary chapter of what would have happened had i not moved on, but i know others i want to finish <3

posted but unfinished fan fiction:

- brave new world: my train wreck of a klance fic that is STILL sitting unfinished... one day ambrusia, one day... i am really attached to the work itself, i just have trouble continuing it. it was my first fic and what got me into writing after all, so it’ll always be dear to me! this fic is also what gave me confidence to start talking about certain topics <3 i kind of owe my recovery to this fic? i would have never opened up if i hadn’t written brave new world.

- you are my double full: this is a klance all star cheerleading au... i’m so sorry. basically i smashed my two biggest hyperfixations together and out popped yamdf. i really like the premise of it and i already know the story, now i just gotta stumble across the time.

- ex defenders of the universe: i wanted to explore how the paladins would adjust back into life after the war ended... will i ever finish this? idk.

- hocus pocus: VLD AU OFF THE MOVIE THAT’S ALL FOLKS. it was supposed to be released for halloween but after the first chapter i just couldn’t find the motivation to do it.

- an ocean of you: klance + college + aquariums + turtles!! i really want to finish this one day!!

- death to the angel: hey did you know that a/b/o is actually a commentary on feminism? or at least it can be. this is a victorian sheith fic i’m collabing with the wonderful @sugaryshiro! i never thought i’d really write a/b/o even though i do like the domestic bonding side of it, but sometimes you’ve just gotta do it.

unposted fics:

- unsteady: a klance fic about having chronic illness. it’s inspired by my own struggles with crohns disease so it’s KIND OF a vent fic akdjhjaskdfh i just rlly like hospital comfort fics idk why!

- emt au: inspired by my older brother who’s an EMT i came up with this whole thing about the team as EMTs? hunk and lance have almost flipped at least one ambulance, totally on accident though.

- pokemon ranger au: shut the FUCK up i love pokemon ranger so much you have absolutely no idea. whenever im bored i usually go back to this fic to play around in it, but i’m not sure if i’d ever post it beyond a one shot. there’s just... a massive amount of work that’d have to go into it to make sure the world building is good and the adaptation makes sense while also glossing over the typical nonsensical details of pokemon... yeah... it’d be a lot man.

- kerberos flight shatt: i’ve talked about this briefly but i’m sort of planning a slowburn shatt au?? complete with zero gravity dates, mnm competitions, and uno games. im not sure how much i’ll get to BUT i really like it!

- expensive: could there be a fake relationship shance fic in the works? who knows!!

- masquerade: hey, im not saying keitor but... keith and lotor both going undercover at a ball for a mission (obv lotor for himself, keith is with the blade) and they meet each other. they can’t tell who the other is and just begin talking and eventually discover they both have a lot in common...

original writing (i’m a big fan of magic/kids saving the world)

- keeper’s grimm: you have to catch words and stories and stuff like a fuckin hunter... inspired by the quote ‘writing is like reading except the book is trying to kill you the entire time!’

- something about my bnw oc’s: it’s no secret i love vivirdian, imagene, lucivida, oran... everyone... and... i can’t help but feel like i need to give them their own story. it’ll... it’ll be great i can assure you that. it’ll probably be some fantasy au or somethin like that.

- carrying capacity: not sure if yall are aware but the world is about to reach carrying capacity... so uh... im gonna explore that one day

- poetry and stuff: i do write poetry aaaaaa

edits

positive voltron banners!! i have 2 of them done so far! at least 4 more to go!

transparents: i have... a lot of these bare with me

SHE NYOOOOOOOM

a lot of these are for future icons/graphics... so keep an eye out for them!

big projects

if you didn’t know i did these then akdsjfhasdjfhk idrk what to tell ya

@positivevoltron: a project that provides only positive sources and cuts off validation from creators who have openly excluded, threatened, or bullied people within the fandom (including the cast and crew!). the goal is to promote more positive content and mindsets. anyone is welcome to take part as long as they are against harassment!

neurodivergent vld event: idk when im doing this but i am

vld au event: idk when im doing this either but i am

pro ship klance week: keep an eye out for this!! im going to announce it soon, but the event will probably be in july. it’s part of #takebackklance!

kallura week/month: another thing to keep an eye out for! i just need to finish some other stuff first haha... ha...

a zine: it’s my dream to run a zine!! probably a charity one... but idk if i’ll ever get the support for it... we’ll see!

coding

so uhhhh im learning html! my ultimate goal is make a blog theme based on vld... maybe something around the lions first then some characters or ships? idk... but for now i’m just mastering some new skills.

music arranging

i can’t share these bc my musescore has my real name on it WHOOPS

undertale suite - i started arranging an orchestral variation to some songs from undertale (i fell in love with that soundtrack) back in sophomore year! i’ve been working on it on and off for a while now, just whenever i’m feeling up to it. i’m really proud of what i have so far!

unwritten acapella - im part of an acapella group a my school and i’m working on arranging unwritten for us! in my sophomore year i arranged wings and we killed it.

animal crossing new leaf daily themes - i don’t talk about it a lot, but i looooove animal crossing. im trying to put together something for it!

#tag meme #ajkdsahksjdhf tumblr isnt letting me @ people #so i'll rb it and @ them #thank you for the @ mei!!#this was fun

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thedegenerateasexual · 7 years ago

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top 10 teen wolf episodes as rated by me i guess

IN the order from most to least favorite, and i did not include any 6B ones because it isn’t fair for me to use those when the season isn’t finished yet. (EDIT: season is now finished and while none of the 6B episodes made the ranking i did adjust the honorable mentions accordingly.) this is long & i had fun making it

3.19 Letharia Vulpina: ok ok so just like Everyone Knew I Would i did pick this one because of all the prime derek/chris material—that all-important moment where they had their claws and gun trained on each other, being handcuffed to a bench together, derek saving chris’s life despite insisting he wasn’t gonna—BUT there’s literally not a single second of this episode i don’t love. we open with deaton being a total badass and scaring the shit out of some yakuza dudes, then KIRA gets to be a badass, and then there’s a small scott/allison/isaac moment when he’s all laid up (which was my ot3 for a little while in 3A…don’t judge), allison gets to threaten peter with a stun baton on her girlfriend lydia’s behalf, and that doesn’t even BEGIN to get into the absolute delight it is to watch everyone running around trying to deal with all the chaos the notgitsune is causing (we even got to see coach get shot, which was actually pretty funny??). between all of that and the plot twist at the end (that we all saw coming…but hey) that it was really the nogitsune pretending to be stiles all along (and the very…gay…thing going on with him and scott), it’s literally like, the perfect episode. there was even a rain battle at the end i fucking love rainy scenes. PEAK television.

4.12 Smoke & Mirrors: my two favorite characters on the dumb werewolf show are derek hale & scott mccall and this episode is like a great big flashing sign that says “LOOK AT HOW AWESOME DEREK IS AND LOOK AT HOW AWESOME SCOTT IS!!!” because scott finally gets to KICK PETER’S ASS and comes back from something he shouldn’t be able to come back from because he’s SCOTT MCCALL, TRUE ALPHA, and how can we forget my son derek finally achieving the full shift and giving that big old “FUCK YOU” to kate argent. if that wasn’t enough, my third favorite character chris argent gets the second-closest he’s ever come to weeping in this entire series when confronting the sister he can’t kill at the end. also kate is in this episode and she’s the best villain i love her presence onscreen. also peak television.

1.12 Code-Breaker: i love s1 SO FUCKING MUCH bc it was so tightly plotted - it’s like back to the future and holes, it’s one of those things where every line serves a purpose and there’s no spare bits, and tw’s plot becomes such a mess later that it’s honestly really amazing. so code breaker is my favorite one because all the plot stuff comes together really well, and it’s just like well-done overall, there’s that sick backwards shot of allison, chris’s Angst when he realizes his sister is a serial killer, scott trying Really Really Hard and derek being Really Really Done (why don’t they have more scenes together…), stiles and peter cracking me up with the laptop password gag, like…there’s literally no part of this ep that isn’t a delight (also again kate is in it i love kate as a villain). it’s wonderful 10/10

3.14 More Bad Than Good: i had a real hard time with this one vs. the one immediately before it, the first one of 3B, but i love both bc i love watching scott stiles and allison absolutely losing their shit. in the end i like this one better bc 1. you get to watch them beat it and 2. they finally find and rescue malia and i FUCKING LOVE malia, my own daughter, also the scene where she reunites with her dad makes me misty every time. bonus content: watching araya hack off peter’s finger :D :D :D AND this is the first time derek gets to make heart-eyes at braeden. i’m so happy whenever he’s happy!!!

6.05 Radio Silence: this episode is everything i love about 6A all wrapped up in a nice neat lil package. i love 6A bc it totally fucking surprised me by making me like things i did not think i’d like, the biggest being stiles/lydia. and like…this season fuckin SOLD me on it, the way she fights tooth and nail to get him back and the way he’s so patiently waited for her reminds me 2much of claire & ben from @cambionverse and the beginning of me being sold was this ep, when they had the wall between them, and when they finally talked on the radio. and this episode even made peter hale interesting for 30 entire seconds which i thought was impossible—it was cool that he did One Genuinely Selfless Thing by going through the portal to save malia, and later when malia and scott had to take his pain to get at stiles’ keys you could almost imagine for a second he got to pretend someone actually DID care about him, that’s his reward for doing a single selfless thing. it was also stellar to see stiles (and the jeep!!!) again and see him working the problem from the other side it was like getting real sam back after half a season of soulless sam in spn s6 DO NOT call me out for referencing this show

4.05 I.E.D.: go look at these gifsets and read the tags. now come back. …okay okay aside from, That, which i won’t repeat as to avoid two paragraphs of capslock, derek also smiles in this episode. even scott is alarmed by it. HE’S HAPPY i’m happy he’s happy!!!!! i’m happy he loves scott!! i’m happy he spends half the episode trading long lingering looks with his future boyfriend!!!! but if that wasn’t enough this episode KEEPS ON GIVING because at the very end the calaveras show up and bully chris into saying the original code, and forgetting his daughter’s, which is deeply relevant to all my headcanons about the code lowkey being like indoctrination (watch that shit again it’s fucking wild…), and also it’s one of the only times in the series where he looks genuinely freaked out and i love watching his Turmoil��

6.10 Riders on the Storm: this is also everything i love about 6A in one ep, just like, less concentrated, bc there’s also the nazi werewolf (tho even PETER HALE getting judgy @ the nazi was truly a highlight). its got all the Big Damn Reunions, its got STYDIA, its got peter actually being slightly interesting, its got scott mccall: badass. its actually also got lydia martin: badass, which like…About Damn Time. it’s even got chris argent: badass, and it’s also got chris argent: badass smooching on a beautiful lady w/ his hands in her hair!!!! (her: that was so hot! me: GIRL ME TOO) also they thought this was the last stiles ep ever so his goodbyes to everyone were like really sweet & made me emo af

3.22 De-Void: so obviously i love this one because derek’s line when he was under thrall about “you’re NOT my ally you’re a HUNTER” got me into the dumb rarepair i wrote like 60k for so far but also i do genuinely deeply love the sequence where they exorcise the notgitsune from inside stiles’ head—lydia facing her fears in the ruined prom dress is such amazing imagery + im gay for the scott/stiles reunion. bonus content includes chris & allison interaction which breaks my heart (he’s so proud of her!!) and the tense kickass scene in the loft in the opening where the notgitsune (SCARY MOTHERFUCKER) is trying to goad chris into shooting it. i don’t love ALL of this ep bc it has so much thumb twins (& from here down there are no more perfect ones…sad) but i love MOST of it and the parts i do love are fantastic. so. i’ll deal w/ thumb twins

3.06 Motel California: look i know this episode should disturb the fuck out of me bc 1. derek and jennifer bang & in my eyes that isn’t a consensual encounter and 2. all the creepy ass suicides but like…honestly there is something so soothing about motels to me, i’ll put this one on to just chill out anyday. like it is delightfully creepy and i love all the meat to everyone getting hit with their baggage (uh…except the thumb twins), but mostly it’s the #mood i love. i actually even like the derek scenes before the sex starts because he is So Wounded and So Sad (“everyone around me gets hurt” BYE) and they rarely let him actually emote at all so it’s very refreshing

2.03 Ice Pick: this was like…such a perfect & amazing introduction to the new betas like if the new ppl in s4 and beyond had gotten this kind of good introduction (and hadn’t been killed off so quickly…) i would love them about 10x more. it’s got that nice s2 vibe that most ppl are into and i still love erica & boyd w/ all my heart!!! (DONT really love how creepy derek was w/ erica but we’ll blame it on being the alpha.) i also love how fucked up the scene with allison tied to the chair was & the fucking fight between derek’s pack and scott at the end…like scott gets to win a 2-on-1 fight and then derek gets to be mr. cool alpha dude and kick his ass. i LOVE THOSE FIGHT SCENES and bc of this episode “iron” is my derek theme song. so.

HONORABLE MENTIONS aka these were on the original list but didn’t make the cut:

1.11 Formality (aaalllll of derek’s ugly backstory this was when i knew i loved him)

2.10 Fury (the first ep i ever watched live, will always be fond of it for that reason even tho i don’t give 2 shits about matt)

2.11 Battlefield (the theme of doing things bc of the power of love will always get me, it was also the only teen wolf episode i ever made gifs of, back when i knew how to make gifs)

3.12 Lunar Ellipse (for scott becoming a true alpha for REAL + derek’s big ol’ well-deserved fuck-you to jennifer, i didn’t love 3A but this was such prime derek & scott material)

3.13 Anchors (like i said: watching stiles, scott, and allison all COMPLETELY lose their shit, also did you know the anchor allison chose in this ep ws her new code? Interesting)

3.24 The Divine Move (listen...you can laugh at the cheesy sfx ALL you want but when i watched kate argent come back from the dead to menace derek hale like his own worst nightmare come to life LIVE with mine own two eyes i jumped out of my seat and YELLED like everything about that moment was absolutely PERFECT and very few things are ever gonna top it)

4.08 Time of Death (derek learning to use a gun and then getting it on with braeden…bye)

4.11 A Promise to the Dead (not only chris unsticking himself from the wall for allison and scott’s sake but also derek and braeden walking around his loft half-naked in the rain...nice)

5.05 A Novel Approach (the stiles and donovan altercation…the first 15m where he acts with his face without saying a word…enough said)

5.18 The Maid of Gévaudan (i'm bitter about the flashback because i want ALLISON but it was a nice origin story + scott fighting the beast all on his own to save that library full of kids was one of the only truly amazing moments of 5B)

6.08 Blitzkrieg (the sheriff rebuilding stiles’ room and saying goodbye to claudia makes me really for real cry but there’s so much nazi bullshit that i couldn’t justify having the episode as a whole being one of my favs)

6.13 After Images (chris argent absolutely losing his shit the entire ep, fucking love it)

6.19 Broken Glass (derek hale's comeback and he got to spend all of his screentime with chris argent! i seriously considered poking this into the #10 spot but ultimately the sideplot i hated with malia and scott had so much more screentime i can't use it - i can't list an episode i'm always skipping parts of!)

#personal #teen wolf #im scheduling this to go up like not in the middle of the night #so im not like. actly here #dargent #chris argent #derek hale #kate argent #jennifer blake #braeden #draeden #melissa mccall #mcargent #scott mccall #about teen wolf

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wayward-marvel-sommer1196 · 8 years ago

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Hunters and Happily Ever Afters

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Trigger Warnings: SPN canon violence, self-doubt, kissing, SLIGHT smut, implied smut, swearing

Word Count: 2435

A/N: This was written for Jen’s Disney Challenge AKA @deanjensengirlmaggie. The movie I chose was Sleeping Beauty. This didn’t really turn out how I originally planned but I think it turned out OK, not great but fine I guess. As always feedback is welcomed and if you want to be added to my tag list let me know. BTW Happy Birthday Jen. Oh, and just ignore the crappy little intro to smut at the end. It’s awful I know. That was my first attempt at something sexual so please be gentle. Enjoy! Also please ignore any mistakes I did my own editing and did a crappy job as im tired as hell

Summary: When you and the guys go after a witch in Anaheim with a Disney fetish you get caught in the crossfire. With you under a sleeping curse and the guys having only 72 hours to track down and kill the witch for the cure to work, will they be able to make it in time to save you? More importantly, will Dean’s true love’s kiss work to wake you up?

“Guys we totally need to hit the beach after this hunt,” you said.

“UH Y/N how about no,” Dean said.

“Come on we’re in Cali and its fucking summer and fucking beautiful. Prime beach weather.”

“We are not really beach people Y/N. Anyways let’s focus on the case. We are still an hour out from Anaheim.”

“Fine. Three women all about Y/H, long Y/H/C, and Y/E/C. All dead in mysterious circumstances that no one can explain.”

“First vic ate a poison apple. Second vic had her vocal cords ripped out. Third vic had all her toes cut off,” Sam said.

“Woah. Back up. Did you say toes?” Dean said.

“Yeah. All ten cut cleanly off,” Sam said.

“Any who, all deaths happened while each victim was alone, so no one has a single clue what the hell is going on here,” you said.

“So, we thinking witch here. Because this seems witchy to me,” Dean said.

“Yeah,” you and Sam said in unison.

Something about this case seemed familiar. The way these women were killed you couldn’t help but think you had seen or heard it somewhere before. All you knew was this witch seemed to be killing women every other day and needed to be stopped. But at least you had one thing down for sure. You knew the type of women she went after. Women like you.

Once y’all reached Anaheim, it finally hit you why these deaths sounded so familiar. All the Disney signs and little kids wearing Disney t-shirts, these deaths were happening just miles from Disneyland. These deaths were fairytale related. Well, not the nice happy ending ones that everyone knows and loves but more closely relates to the Brothers’ Grimm versions of each stories.

“FAIRYTALES!!!!” you shouted causing both men to jump in their seats.

“What? What about fairytales Y/N?” Dean said.

“The deaths. I knew they looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that is until now. All these deaths are somehow related to fairytales,” you said.

“I don’t remember anyone dying in fairytales. Not like this anyway,” Sam said as he leaned forward. Dean threw him a look and y’all just shook your head and ignored him.

“Well, these are more related to the Brothers’ Grimm versions of the stories. The originals before Disney got ahold of them. The poison apple is Snow White, the taking of the vocal cords is Ariel, and the cutting off of the toes is Cinderella well more like her step sisters but her story none the less,” you said.

“So, you’re telling me this witch has a Disney killing fetish?” Dean said.

“Yeah pretty much,” you said.

“That’s just fucked up,” Dean said and you and Sammy just nodded your heads in agreement.

“This next part, however, Dean, you are not gonna like. This witch needs to be drawn out and the only way to do that is to use me as bait,” you said.

“Hell no. Ain’t happening. Not on my watch,” Dean protested.

“It’s the only way Dean. Plus, I fit her type pretty much to a T,” you said.

“I hate to admit it, but Dean, she’s right. I hate using people as bait but she is perfect and this may be the only way to draw the witch out,” Sam said.

After a little more back and forth between the three of you and Dean protesting, he finally gave in. It was a reluctant giving in, but one none the less. However, he didn’t hesitate to sit there and pout like a four year after losing at which you had to smile at. You weren’t sure why Dean put up such a fight. He had to know this was the only way. He’s gone down this road before and didn’t put up such a big fit. What made you so special?

You guys split up different local areas that the witch might be hiding out. After sifting through so many pages of different buildings you decided to take a quick break and surf the web. That’s when you came across a place that would be a perfect hideout for the witch.

“Guys, I think I found something. There’s this attraction at the actual park that’s under construction which means its empty. That would be the perfect hideout for her considering her fetish and all,” you said.

Both guys agreed and all three of you hit the road. You wanted to ask Dean why he put up such a fight about you being bait but realized it may not be the best time.

You had started developing feelings for the older Winchester about a few months back after he saved you from a werewolf. The way he patched you up and took care of you with such gentleness, completely opposite of the way he usually was, took you by surprise and stole your heart. Ever since then you had gotten a little flirty with him and he would reciprocate but that was it never anything more. He left you confused on where he stood. So maybe him fighting for you like this was a sign that he felt the same way. You would have to discuss that after this meeting, now wasn’t really the appropriate time.

Once you arrived at the park it was after dark and everything was closed so y’all snuck in. You told the guys to hang back and went towards the attraction and the witch came out.

“Can I help you?” she said.

“Uh I was told you could help me with a spell to get my boyfriend to tell me truth,” you said.

“Yes, I can hold on a moment.”

When she turned around you grabbed your gun from your waistband and aimed at her, but before you could shoot she flew it out of your hands. You went running for it went she flung you in the opposite direction. At this point the guys had noticed the fight and had started running their way towards you.

“You hunters are all the same,” the witch said with a sickening grin forming on her lips.

Before you could get a word out or move an inch she hit you with some sort of magic that knocked you out cold. When the guys saw this, they busted through the gates and went charging towards the witch. They drew their guns only to have them flung to the same place yours was.

Dean went running towards you and tried to shake you awake but you wouldn’t wake up.

“Now, now boys, she’s under a sleeping curse. And this Sleeping Beauty only has 72 hours before she never wakes up again. However, this fairytale has a twist that you’ll need to figure out,” the witch said and then vanished.

Dean grabbed you from the ground and held you tight whilst he and Sam ran back to the Impala. He gently laid you down in the backseat and placed a kiss to your forehead whispering that they were going to figure this out.

While back at the hotel Sam looked up the fairytale of Sleeping Beauty and noticed the cure was true loves kiss. But since the witch said there was a twist he knew there was something more. Since she sounded so confident that she would win and using the knowledge he already knew about witches Sam guessed the twist was they had to kill the witch before true loves kiss would work.

“Dean I think I figured it out,” Sam said.

“Ok, hit me with it,” Dean said.

“Well the fairytale of Sleepy Beauty state that the only thing that can wake her up is true loves kiss,” Sam said. At this Dean gulped. He has loved you since he laid eyes on you and when you were attacked by that werewolf it only reinforced the matter, but he didn’t think you felt the same way.

“However,” Sam continued. “The witch said there was a catch to this so taking what we already know about witches, how their spells usually die with them, I figure we now have a little over 70 and a half hours to track and kill the witch and get you back here to kiss Y/N.”

“What me? No Sammy. I’m not her true love. I mean we flirt sometimes but that’s it.”

“Whatever Dean we really don’t have the time to argue about this now. So, let’s get this witch and regardless of what you think you will kiss Y/N to bring her back.”

Dean shut up and sat down in front of his computer. He started doing research on this witch to track where she might be, but every so often would steal a glance at you to make sure your chest was still moving up and down. Honestly, Dean had no idea what he’d do if he lost you and he didn’t want to find out.

Tracking this witch proved harder than originally thought. The guys left your side and searched the rest of the amusement park and had no luck. That took a big chunk of time out of what they had left. But Sam realized that Disney had a lot of resorts that people could stay at and that the witch could be staying at one of the more Disney-esque ones.

Lucky for them the second resort they landed on happened to be the right one. They asked the clerk if he had seen a woman matching the description of the witch and he said yes and that she was a strange one. He said that he usually couldn’t give out room information but since he had a bad feeling about this chick he gave it to them.

They reached room 209 with their guns drawn and kicked down the door. The second they entered the witch threw both of their guns across the room and Sam into the book case and Dean into the glass coffee table. Sam was able to break free from the hold and charged towards the witch again only to be flung through the bathroom door hitting his head on the toilet effectively knocking him out.

With the witches focus elsewhere Dean was able to get to his feet and go for his gun. The witch noticed and was able to stop him but with the fight he was putting up when she tried to fling him across the room again she through him towards his gun instead of away from. Dean smiled picked up his ivory gripped pistol and filled the witch with witch killing bullets killing her for good.

He stood up and raced towards Sam and shook him awake. They both looked down at their watches and noticed the time. “Oh shit,” they both said as they realized they only had an hour and a half to get back to you and wake you up. That is even if Dean’s kiss would work. He still wasn’t so sure.

They jumped into the Impala and skidded out of the parking lot faster than a bank robber leaving the scene of the crime. Dean knew they were at least 45 minutes out without traffic so head had to step on it.

They finally made it back to the motel and raced to your room seeing you still laying there peacefully in bed not looking like you were going to die soon. They checked the time and saw they only had 30 minutes left and Dean started to panic. He rushed to your side and grazed his fingers down your face, moving some hair out of your eyes. Just sleeping you looked so beautiful and so peaceful. On the brink of death your beauty still shined through. As he went to kiss you he stopped midway and pulled back.

“What are you doing man? Kiss her. Wake her up before we lose her forever,” Sam practically yelled.

“I can’t. She doesn’t love me Sammy. I’m not her true love. I can’t be. I can’t be anyone’s true love, I’m too broken. Too damaged. All I do is hurt the people I love,” Dean said as he started to break down.

“Dean stop. Ok just stop. You do deserve love. You have it right here. You want to talk about hurting people? You will be hurting her if you don’t kiss her. She will be dead. You love her and you know and she loves you. Come on, I’ve noticed the glances you guys share it’s kind of gross, but the good lovey dovey gross. So be a man and fucking kiss her before I kick your ass for letting her die because you were a coward,” Sam said literally anything he could think of that would light a fire under Deans ass to get him to do what he needed. And it worked.

Dean leaned downed and kissed you soft, plump, pink lips for a second and then let go. After another second your eyes fluttered opened and you awoke. Sam sighed, but Dean had a different reaction. He grabbed your face and smashed his lips on yours, much to your surprise, but you didn’t fight it. His kiss was hard, desperate, needy, but so full of passion. He bit your bottom lip asking for entrance and you laced your arms around his neck and gladly let him in.

Sam huffed and left the room deciding to sleep in the Impala for the night because he knew exactly where that was headed and didn’t need to see that.

When you and Dean part for air, he leans his forehead against yours and whispers in your ear, “Never scare me like that again. I love you and I can’t lose you.”

His words surprised you so you leaned in and said, “I love you too.”

Dean smashed his lips into yours again, but this time he laid you back in bed and let his hands roam your body. “Let me show you how much I love you,” he said. He pulled your shirt off and began kissing down your jaw and your neck down to your chest. He had one hand on your breast massaging it while his other hand continued to roam. Unconsciously you moaned and started to grind your hips into him generating a growl to emit from his lips.

You looked into his eyes and saw his pupils were blown with lust and you leaned in to kiss him again while you let your hands roam. You got to his waist and felt his hardening member causing you to groan again. This was going to be a long night, but a very enjoyable night.

Tags: Let me know if you want to be added

@jensen-jarpad @sisterwinchesterwriter @27bmm @winchesters-favorite-girl

#Jens Disney Challenge #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester one-shot #dean one-shot #Hunters and Happily Ever Afters

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deafinatlyafan · 8 years ago

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i don't-im sorry part 2

Tw: suicide idealization ?

@starrykid @sanders-sideblog @romanass forgot who else i was supost to tag im sorry

thanks to @killerfangirl3 for the help and @analogically-prinxiety

It took a while for Logan to realize what had happened when he didn’t see Roman for weeks. Once he figured out Roman and Anxiety were hesitant to be around each other, was when he realized Prince had admitted his crush to Anxiety. (and Anxiety had rejected him.) Logan didn’t know how long it had been but he knew he had to talk to him.

“Prince you okay?” he asked after a video Thomas did with the others. Thomas noticed how awkward and silent Prince was and had asked talked to Logan about it. Logan promised Thomas he would look out for the fanciful side (he about to do that anyways.)

When logan would ask Prince, he would brush him off.

“I’m good.” Roman would say.

After a few more times he decided he had enough of Prince’s lies and walked into his room. Prince was surised and stumblring with his pants on the ground, trying to put it back on. It didn’t faze Logan at all, but Prince was very flustered and angry.

“sheesh Logan! Give a warning next time!” Prince hissed, face blushing.

“Look Prince, I’m sorry Anxiety rejected you. I don’t know what it’s like but I can tell it’s having a negative impact on your emotional wellbeing, please talk to me.”

He didn’t know what to say, but he knew Roman needed to talk. Logan stood there with a hesitant and nervous Roman. It took a while before Roman said;

“it feels like he stepped on my heart.”

“that’s impossible! How-” “I said it felt like it, I didn’t say he actually did it.” Roman snapped. Logan shut his mouth, wanting to say that he couldn’t possibly know what it was like to have your heart stepped on, but he decided now wasn’t the best time to make corrections.

“I’m sorry, I’m not good at this kind of thing, go on.” Logan felt awkward but he was glad his friend was talking about it.

“I don’t know, I just, don’t want to be alive right now. I wish I could skip this part of life.”

“I’m sorry Roman, I wish I knew how to help. Just know this, you know how your cells keep on dying and regenerating to help you?” Roman looked confused but he nodded his head, “If they skipped even a part of you, you would end up different, that’s why it’s better to not skip this moment. It sucks you have to be in pain, but while this moment may as you say “suck” it will get better and you will fall in love again, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

Roman didn’t understand anything about his cell speech, but he could tell Logan was trying to help, “I just- “he started crying.

Logan was alarmed but went rushing to his side before he could fall and sat beside him, holding Roman close to his chest.

“Shh, its okay, I’m here, just let it out, it’s okay to cry.” Logan felt awkward but he knew Roman needed this. Roman (while feeling incredibly upset) was mostly relieved to have a friend to lean on.

Although it took a while before he could see Anxiety again without hurting as much, they were starting to be friends again, but during that time he started spending time with Logan. It was… oddly satisfying.

It took a long time -seven months, but he managed to get over him, and within that time he fell for somebody new.

He was scared, but he loved it.

Of course, Logan would never love him.

“Prince can you please get the third edition for this book,” Logan lifted a book from the kitchen counter he was sitting at, “from that shelf over there.”

Everyone knew Logan could have gotten it, but Prince knew that Logan didn’t like getting up during his studies.

“Thanks prince!” he said grabbing the book from Roman. Roman’s heart fluttered but he tried to keep it cool.

“No problem.” He left the room trying to stop grinning (he couldn’t). he walked towards his room but was stopped by Anxiety leaning on his door frame.

“You love him” Anxiety sang.

“shut up.”

“aww come on princy it’s adorable!”

“shut up.” Roman said again, he was too embarrassed to think of a comeback.

“but seriously, he obviously feels the same- “

“what do you mean? He’s aromantic of course he doesn’t feel the same.”

Anxiety sighed.

“obviously, he’s attracted to you in some way. Why don’t you ask him out?”

“he’s not looking for a relationship. HE’s aromantic, and doesn’t experience romantic attraction.”

“but-“

“end of discussion.”

Anxiety sighed walking away, trying to think up ways to get them talking about it. He needed to talk to morality.

“Come on! It’s so cute!! You should have seen the way he was grinning when he thanked him for that.” Morality was cooing and it was getting on Logan’s nerves.

“Why would he want to be with somebody who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. You know how he is with romance. He’s…Roman.”

“don’t you mean Roman-tic?!” Morality grinned.

“Exactly!” Logan said the joke going through his head. Morality sighed. “Look Logan, I don’t know how you’re feeling about all this, but he does like you in that way.”

“Morality can we talk about this another time please, I need to focus on my work.” Logan was feeling a bit tense and didn’t want to talk about it. To his surprise Morality complied and walked to the TV and turned it on.

Logan pretended to go back to his work. He wanted to be with Prince, but his feelings were so confusing. Could he be aromantic and want to date? Most of his aromantic friends didn’t even like to think about dating, the only ones who were okay with even considering dating were demi-romantic, but Logan wasn’t having ANY romantic feelings. He never experienced it.

After a few minutes, he was getting frustrated and upset so he slammed his books shut and carried it to his room. Avoiding Princes eyes when he walked by.

Prince was going to get food when he saw Logan. He refused to look at prince and kept walking past him. Prince was suddenly panicking. Did he overhear his conversation with Anxiety? Crap. Crap crap.

However, as the days passed by Roman startled talking to Logan less, embarrassed and ashamed. He hated that he felt this way. He wasn’t sure if Logan did overhear about the conversation, but he didn’t want to ask. However, it was when Logan’s attempt to joke around when he realized that Logan was bad at emotions and wouldn’t know how to let Prince down gently. (Actually, Logan noticed Prince was becoming distant and asked Morality for some jokes to help them bond.) he started to ignore Loganmore, trying to make it easier for when Logan was going to tell him that he didn’t want to talk to him again.

* After a few more days Logan couldn’t stand it anymore. Logan was reading when prince came in. “morning prince! he said. Prince ignored him and walked toward the kitchen.

Logan was furious.

"Why are you avoiding me? Why won’t you look me in the eyes anymore!" he snapped. Roman looked at him surprised. Tears were fillign his eyes. He didn’t want to lose him. Dang it, he didn’t want to lose him.

"You- you know why." Roman said. "No I don't! Just tell me. You’re not running away this time." Logan said standing in front of him. "It's because I love you!" roman snapped blushing and tears forming in his eyes. Logan stared him confused. “wait what?”

“I know- you think its gross, unnecessary and even stupid, but I think it’s great, and-and I hate that I feel this way towards you.” Prince didn’t know what to say so he stayed quiet, waiting for Logan to speak. “I still experience other attractions.” Logan felt hesitant and embarrassed, but if Roman was admitting this to him, he needed to admit this. Roman looked surprised.

“what?” “well aesthetic attraction-the pleasure of looking at someone pleasant, and sexual attraction.” both Logan and Roman blushed at this “and I do want a relationship, but I didn’t think you’d want to be with someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction.”

“Wait what?” prince was confused.

“I-I don’t know I’m confused too. I thought I could only like platonic things, but I noticed I want to do things couples usually do.” He notices roman staring at him and felt embarrassed.

“oh sh- I’m so sorry Roman I didn’t mean to- I know you still have feelings for anxiety and that you aren’t ready to date and that you wouldn’t have to date someone who doesn’t feel romantic towards you, I-I just” he had never felt so embarrassed and horrified in his life. Was this how roman felt that night with anxiety?

“No, its okay, I’m just-I’m surprised. I -I like you a lot-uh-I jut.” Now roman was blushing hard.

“I don’t understand this either. I want to date and do the couple things, but I also don’t understand why I want it. I don’t experience romantic attraction, but I have wanted to do” he cleared his throat feeling a bit embarrassed “other things with you.”

“really?” Roman was feeling hopeful, but he wasn’t sure, “are you just saying that because of what I went through with Anxiety or- “

“No! it’s a legitimate feeling I have. I have wanted to do things couples do with you, but I know it’s not accepted. I’m glad you like me that way, but I’m also confused and hurt because I want to be with you, but I don’t experience the attraction, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“you could have a queeromatnic relationship with him.” Morality pointed out. Both Logan and prince jumped and turned to face Morality, who was eating popcorn smiling wide.

“wh-what” Logan asked.

“Do you care about him a lot in a way that isn’t quite a best friend but not really romantic?’

Logan thought for a minute. He realized his feelings for Morality and Roman were different. Morality was his best friend, but roman… wasn’t his best friend, but he wasn’t a friend or acquaintance either. Logan pondered this before realizing he and prince were staring at Morality.

“What? I do a lot of research! Sheesh, it’s like you guys think I’m a child.” Morality said turning around to walk away.

They stood awkwardly. “so, do you want to try? It’s totally fine if you don’t, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” Roman was stuttering and Logan found it cute. He went up to Roman and grabbed his hands

“Sure.” Logan said smiling before leaning forward to kiss him. “what was that for” roman asked clearly surprised, “I mean don’t get me wrong loved it, but why?”

“for being as you would call ‘cute’” Logan smile before kissing him again, Prince was smiling through the kiss. Maybe he would get his happy ending after all.

#i don't-im sorry #jsad fkjsalkd #part 2 #wow my first separeta parts #sorry its bad #logince #i think that's the ship name #I TRIETD TO AMEK FLUFF ANGST BUT IM BAD AT THAT #sorry for any weird englih #I was tired and in a hurry #love yall!#sorry its not my best fic #good luck #queeromantic logince #cay #my fic #I got some of the fic parts form a prompt #but I cant remember whwere I cound the promts

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