#edit: okay Not word for word but it's nearly word for word and honestly... yea ive been thinkin bout that one a lot

[aria0fgold]

Just gonna say that I've been playing around with the idea of unhinge Siffrin via that One dream he got ("You dream of eating your friends whole... You want to throw up.") mixed with the vibes and overall message of the song Melomeloid and like, I wanna write it but at the same time I'm not yet well equipped to write something Like That so it'll just continue spinning in the microwave for now.

[voidedaurora]

Now just to preface before her fans go crazy at me, I don't have a account in her server and I'm not specifically telling anyone to go out of their way to send me these things (aswell I do just get sent stuff in asks so there's that) DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR!

Edit: I actually forgot to include a rlly important screenshot (her announcement about all of this)

Alot of her fans groveled at her knees after this announcement despite it basically being "yea I might make sexual jokes but sorry YOU interpreted it that way" She doesn't actually take any accountability in this? "I genuinely did not mean for any of it to be deemed as grooming" that's not even denying its grooming or apologizing for anything, it's literally just saying "I didn't want you to think about it like that" Aswell with the last part I have underlined, what evidence? how are you going to disprove you're grooming khai after everything stacked up, your current visible actions will always speak louder than your words in a screenshot with something like this. Honestly do better mel, cut this shit out, and stop being weird with people significantly younger, and set BOUNDARIES. [you can have a best friend without being sexual around them, foreign concept I know!] Whether you like it or not you're growing up, you're not a little kid just making animation memes anymore, you're nearly 19 years old and need to wake up and be responsible about this and own up to what you've done instead of your ego getting to you. Not to mention you havent addressed literally any of the other things you've been called out for because you genuinely do not care apparently.

Altogether, bad response you didn't take any accountability and blamed everyone else for "seeing it that way". end of edit:

Anyway I wanted to touch on part of the convos that've been going on in her server and clear up (once again) my side on why this is an issue since people in her server seem to exist on a different dimensional plane, ignoring everything I've said only to make up their own incorrect interpretations of my feelings/why I've done what I have here on tumblr. The SS i'll be speaking on first:

I'd like to state again for the record that while the fact she's 15 in a 16+ server is an issue (especially because its out of special treatment) It's not the main problem at hand here. The main problem with her being let in is the fact Mel allowed her to LIE about her age to get in and the fact that apparently she was also going to make an exception for another 15 yr old to be in from what I've been told? Coupled with her other recent behaviors it makes it all the more concerning. With Khai specifically/s past [that being lying to get into adult spaces to erp, draw/exchange nsfw, and a whole lot of other unsavory/inappropriate things] which again, Mel was and is 100% aware of, It's not okay for her to be letting this behavior slide and even encouraging it at this point. Khai has been lying about her age for years now and the fact she's being enabled and allowed to continue said behaviors is just not okay period, she already gets away with it but it's teaching her she can continue to do that without consequence having mel make an exception specifically just for her.

It's all genuinely so weird and just eugh, I'm extremely disappointed to see mel giving such special treatment to a whole kid just because they're besties now, especially with how she used to feel about/talk about khai before she became a wide eyed fan that looked up to her, genuinely what is up with her befriending the most parasocial fans ever. Aswell, whether you're best friends or not you shouldn't be letting/encouraging a friends bad behavior, this goes for both mels and khais actions respectively, from what I can tell they just gas eachother up and let eachother do bad shit just because, obviously khai cant really do anything to stop mels bad behaviors since she's a kid and that's not her job, but its still worth mentioning. Mel NEEDS to set boundaries if she insists on being best friends with fans/people significantly younger than her, she needs to learn what is appropriate and what is not, It's not hard to act normal around younger friends. [Imo someone 18+ honestly shouldn't be having 15 yr old best friends but that's just a personal opinion and my own morals]

And just to mention once again, I'd appreciate if the people in her server wouldn't just blatantly talk shit about me and especially would stop theorizing and prying into my mental health/BPD. I absolutely do not appreciate my disorder being used to push the idea that I just want to bring her down, just because I'm hurt from her actions doesn't make me speaking out on her blatantly terrible behavior any less valid, I can be hurt and truthfully talk about everything that's gone on simultaneously despite what a lot of people seem to believe. You've all made it quite clear you do not care about victims and would rather use "well I was (blank) and-" statements to discredit everything I or anyone else have to say about this, aswell as the whole "this should've been private!" argument as if I didn't try to handle this privately. Just because you've had an experience that went a certain way doesn't mean you have any higher ground to speak on when its about SOMEONE ELSES situation, sure you have input to give yes, but using your own experience to bring down someone else just because the one in the wrong just happens to be your #1 idol animation meme youtuber is disgusting and really makes where your priorities are at clear. Obviously everyone will believe what they're gonna believe, mels always gonna have her parasocial yesmen and there's nothing I can do to change their minds. Though I'd like so say, what has mel done to disprove any of this? Has she provided any evidence, has she given any meaningful statements?, has she properly addressed anything? the answer is no unsurprisingly. Take what she's said (or the lack of what she's said) into consideration before throwing yourself at anyone to defend her. And Fyi, Her essentially saying "nuh uh I'm not grooming anyone and I know I shouldn't be weird around friends but its a joke lol!" doesn't actually disprove anything, her actions have spoken way louder than her words ever have/will Here's a few notable screenshots/my takes on em bc auhh some of these are worded pretty rudely but I'd like to be transparent and honest.

[I originally did not censor names but I've decided to because I don't wasn't anyone getting ideas and harassing people]

Also just to add on a bit, I really hope this doesn't actually happen because why is a whole adult having a 15-16 yr old fly out to see her, and a better question would be why would her guardians allow that??

I don't think I have the full screenshot of this but reminder that mel actually was the one who refused to communicate like ever? I'd tried really hard to get mel to talk to me so we could have a private conversation about everything (her admitting to only sleeping with clover to be with me + a handful of other things) but she avoids talking things out like the plague, I gave her around 3 months before saying ANYTHING and there wasn't a single word until she'd got her friend to come up to me, only to refuse talking unless it was in a group which I absolutely was not comfortable doing (why would I ever feel comfortable having that conversation about sexual shit + personal stuff with other people around, let alone the same people who'd lied to cover for her before along with other things??) I'd like to note that I still don't have her blocked on anything so there's never been anything stopping her from reaching out other than her own ego/thoughts. same person sadly, they've got some interesting takes to say the least

Just because someone says "I'm not being groomed" or says they aren't a victim doesn't mean they actually aren't a victim, Its extremely common for a victim to be unaware they are one or even go as far as defending the abuser. I myself even struggle seeing myself as a victim sometimes and need alot of reminders (my input isn't too important but I thought I'd mention that </3)

Also khai, Idk what chronically online wording this is but I do not care about your "vrchat culture", cuddling and all that with someone significantly younger than you is weird regardless, does that "culture" also include being weird with minors in the handbook or is that just something mels added on? /gen

With this, you can be a victim and a bad person khai, in my opinion you are both. I can wish you well in one situation and not like you because of another, just because you've done terrible shit doesn't mean I want terrible shit to happen to you

Not much to say other than a 15 yr old shouldn't be "sleeping in the same bed" as an adult, let alone CUDDLING??

All I have to say with this is that yes! you are a child khai and I'm not going to give you special treatment like mel does, I genuinely do wish the best for you and that you get out of this situation though, truly. And I'll share as much as NEEDED to prove what I've said because none of it is false [if ANYTHING, there could be misunderstandings, but none of what I've said is made up, bullshit because I'm "hurt", stuff just trying to make mel look bad, etc.] , I have nothing to hide unlike mel (who's proven/disproven nothing?) Reminder I wouldn't have had to share anything if she'd handled things in private like i'd tried to, but it's a little too late for that. Best thing she can do is admit her wrongs and make some sort of response HERSELF.

Additionally

Its the way she just doesn't care and is more focused on her animation memes and her birthday coming up, don't do bad things if you cant handle consequences, or just don't do terrible stuff period?

I'll state again DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR! Sorry if this isn't worded correctly/comes off as aggressive at all, I definitely missed some stuff aswell but I don't want this post to be too crazy long (I am upset so it definitely shows through a bit, I apologize for that, my kindness with all of this has been stretched pretty thin, especially knowing how much shit her fans are talkin about me simply because I spoke out </3)

[soft-boi-eli]

can i pls get some cc! techno x ftm(or male in general) reader where they chill on a stream and are really fluffy??? ur writing is amazing btw (｡’▽’｡)♡

Yea. And thank you so much!

Not proofread or edited due to ✨stress and anxiety✨

Tw:none just pure fluff, well mentions the word pain bur that's it.

Yeah hope your guises Christmas was good. I'm posting that at 4am so noice.

He's my lap warmer.

One thing you love about techno, he was normally faceless. Meaning you could just lay there and soak up his warmth. Enjoy the company. Watch him wipe the floor with these noobs.

That was if you were silent. Today you messed up. It was a mincraft stream. You thought that he was muted. "I'm cold. And in pain can you help me." Your voice was tired. You appointment for your first testosterone was tomorrow and you just wanted his company.

"Yeah. Just come here." His voice was tense.

Not knowing why you just casually climbed into his lap, ear to his heart, staddling his waist as you just lay there. "This is my boyfriend. Or as I like to call him my personal lap warmer." You hummed lightly as you looked at the screen.

"He's honestly one of the best people I know. Love him to death. He's helped me so much and now I'm helping him through what he needs." Facecam was on and he wasn't muted. But chat was spamming alot of supporting things.

You never really had an issue with chat. That was due to the fact that you never really were noticed. Then a dono came up.

"To your significant other. Blood king, queen, thing, or God/goddess of blood? Due to your status to our blood God."

Ah.

Thinking for a second you decided. "God of blood. Anarchy for life." You were quick to speak.

"You sir are correct." Techno spoke. Looking down to you. "So how do you like my lap warmer guys? He's amazing eh?" Chat was exploding.

Ever since his cancer diagnosed he's been tired, but he's going strong. There was no reason for him to give up now, you, his fans, his friends. the blood god will never die. 

“hey. i’m not a lap warmer only you ass.” lightly pushing his head away from you he laughed. “oh come on you’re warm and comfy to me. let me joke around about it,” with that you gave a pout and rolled your eyes. 

chat was booming with the issue of a ship name. “guys guys, their the anarchy parents, or the anarchy dads.” laughing lightly at the names you spoke, “anarchy dads, that sounds better then anarchy parents. how do you feel about that techno?” he hummed slightly. “if thats what they decide on i cant stop it. so as long as you feel okay with that im good.” 

chanting through out the chat, then a discord call. philza minecraft’s name was on one of the desktops, one that was opened to discord. 

answering it with his free hand techno was quick to greet him. “hallo!” you nodded, “philza minecraft has joined the call. pog!” you spoke. 

“ah hello. i had to check in on you guys, it seemed your stream was booming quite a bit. had to check in.” such a dad.  “yeah. (y/n) decided to join in and it seems like the chat loved him.” 

“i can see that.” waving to the camera you relaxed a bit more, “i havent seen your face before. but i can see why techno brags about you.” ah yes, techno’s bragging, it’s something that happens alot when you lay on his lap when he does stream. it was one of your favorite places. 

“yeah. when he does brag im normally exsiting on his lap, either watching him or sleeping. it’s kinda weird to hear it,” you streched slightly. “but it assures me that im not the only one that thinks so highly of the other.” 

“so you think of him just as highly? it seems nearly impossible with how much he talk about you.” you could hear the smile in his voice. “yeah. but i dont really brag that much. just kinda vibe here and think that im saying it.” techno was starting up a game of bed wars.

“ha. you’re gonna wipe the floors with these noobs.” you smirked slightly. 

“you are quite correct.” techno was fast to speak up, anwsering you.

“techno we’re stealing your boyfriend. he’s ours now.” you looked at the screen, your face resting in a upset look. “im not going to go. he’s my boyfriend and i love him too much.” you spoke. 

god even if you werent such a secret now you loved techno too much to leave him. and you were staying with him. no and if or buts about it.

hello people. as it gets closer and closer to my appointment on the 27th of january, i get more and more scared and all. so im sorry it’s take me a bit to finish up my request right now. 

and thank you for people who are being paitent with me. 

eli out.

[murswrites]

Jealous for No Reason ⎯ Klaus Hargreeves

Pairings: Klaus Hargreeves x Reader Fandom: The Umbrella Academy MASTERLIST Word Count: ~ 1,340 Warnings: Cursing, jealousy, a touch of angst, mention of addictions, Ben (not a warning but ya know) SUMMARY: You just want to finally be with Klaus but when you bring a date to a Hargreeves party, he seems to be angry. Request from @cheriehyuck​: I was wondering if I could request a Klaus Hargreeves imagine where he and Y/N are on and off so he gets jealous/insecure when Y/N is seeing someone? (edited)

A/N Y/D/N = Your Date’s Name! This starts in Klaus’ perspective, but switches over to Y/N’s! This turned out way longer than I expected and I think I like it? It gets a bit rushed/fluffy toward the end! Thank you for requesting <3 FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED !!

It wasn’t very often that Klaus felt jealous of another person in this way. He hardly ever wished to be in someone else’s shoes despite all that he’s been through... but seeing you laughing so freely with that person just... made Klaus unbelievably envious.

Ben, of course, was enjoying his brother’s sadness purely because Ben told Klaus to make it official. “And that, my friend, is what you get for not listening to me.”

Klaus’s nostrils flared as he hissed at Ben like a cat. That was a typical response whenever Klaus was too heated to think of a good comeback. And right then, he was losing his cool. And him being sober didn’t help at all, if anything it made it harder for Klaus to brush it off as you made your way over to him.

The party was in celebration of Five, the “youngest” Hargreeves sibling finally returning. Sure, Reginald recently passed but nobody really missed him (other than Pogo). Klaus invited you in hopes of finally asking you out properly... but alas, his original plan was squashed like a cigarette butt.

“Klaus! Thank you so much for inviting me!” You hugged him and Klaus did his best to try and seem normal, his smile felt forced but at least he gave it a good old fashioned try. “This is, Y/D/N! I hope you don’t mind me inviting them...” Your smile was sheepish but Klaus couldn’t help but immediately melt.

Ben rolled his eyes in the background but his brother could care less. Klaus just wanted to know who the hell Y/D/N was and why they were with you. Sure, you two weren’t dating, Klaus knew that... you knew that, it was his idea to take a break from your chaotic friends with benefits relationship anyway.

And oh how Ben loved reminding Klaus that Klaus had been the one to suggest the break. “You know... this is your fault, right?” Klaus ignored his brother and introduced himself to Y/D/N.

“I’ve heard so much about you, Klaus!”

He tilted his head to the side, looking at you with a curious expression before realizing what to do. “Oh, pray tell.” Klaus put on his best smile and made his eyes soft and innocent while you processed his reaction.

—

You saw how he was glaring holes in the back of Y/D/N’s head from across the room... so why was Klaus being so nice now? You watched in confusion as Y/D/N practically spilled the beans right in front of you. Jeez, at least they weren’t being shy about it.

Klaus looked so intrigued but there was a tense nature to how he held his shoulders. “Oh, goodness, that’s enough!” You put a hand on Y/D/N’s arm and forced a grin, trying not to look worried. Before inviting Y/D/N to the party, you vented about how your relationship with Klaus was just so vague and confusing.

If anything, you complained about how you wanted some security, for Klaus to finally make it set and stone. But nothing was ever easy when it came to Klaus Hargreeves and you knew that going in. And you hoped that it wouldn’t be a complete hassle trying to settle him down a bit.

Sobriety was the biggest factor for you, he was killing himself and it hurt you... so slowly, you two worked on it, weaning Klaus off of his drugs was like trying to pull an octopus off of someone’s face. But you were patient, caring, and most of all understanding.

So you thought becoming a couple would be easy. When Klaus suggested a break, you thought the worst of it. You helped him and now he no longer needed you... so you turned to your long time friend, Y/D/N for help. And they honestly helped a lot, which was why you even turned up at Five’s party in the first place.

If anything, Y/D/N was the one who convinced you to come. There wasn’t anything going on between you two, they even seemed like a huge fan of you and Klaus. “No, no, no, it’s okay, I’d love to hear more... honestly.” Klaus’ tone was all off and it was really bothering you.

“Let’s go get a drink, yea? And maybe see some of the others before the night is over?” You decided to confront Klaus later.

—

“Go talk to Y/N!” Ben urged his brother who was struggling not to get a bottle of vodka and hide in the study. “Klaus, quit being an idiot and talk to them before they decide you’re not enough to wait for!”

Klaus glared at Ben, “I’ll have you know I’m always an idiot, Bennarino. And Y/N doesn’t want me, look at them laughing with their date.”

Ben sighed dramatically, “They’re only friends, I promise you.”

“You make a lot of promises Ben.”

—

It took nearly all night for you to finally corner Klaus. With Y/D/N’s words of encouragement repeating in your head like a mantra, you finally grew the courage to ask Klaus what was up with him.

Klaus was right where you expected him to be, the study... the very room the kids apparently were never allowed to even step into. He indulged how he planned to burn the room to ash because of his hatred for it.

“Knew I’d find you in here sulking.” You said quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace.

“I’m not sulking, Ben.” Klaus looked up at you and his eyes widened, he sat up in his father’s chair, his legs falling to the floor in the process. “Y/N? What are you-”

You knew about Klaus’ powers and how he was constantly accompanied by his (dead) brother Ben. “I’ve come to ask you what’s wrong? First you ask for a break and when I show up with a date you act like someone shoved a stick up your ass.”

His jaw fell agape as he jolted into a standing position, “I do not have a- hey! You’re the one who showed up with a date-”

“Because we’re on a break, like you wanted.”

After a beat of silence Klaus finally spoke, “I thought you wanted the break... after getting me clean, I assumed you’d want time away from me, I just thought you were tired of me-” You made your way over to him as he rambled and shook your head.

You put your hands on either side of his face, making him look you in the eye. “Klaus, I could never tire of you and your antics. May it be putting salt in my coffee or putting empty cartons of milk back in the fridge, I love everything about you.”

Upon hearing the l-word leave your lips your eyes widened. Klaus was clearly in awe as he marveled at you. “You- love me?” Instead of answering you nodded while he seemed stumped. “Then why’d you bring a date?”

“Y/D/N’s just a friend, they helped me get the courage to even come to this damn party in the first place.”

“Oh my god,” He put a hand up to his mouth, “I was jealous for no reason at all.” You replied with a ‘yup’ while popping the ‘p’. Klaus grew a bit serious in that moment as he met your eyes once more, “I love you too, you know?”

You nodded slowly with a smile, “So are we good now? Are we... together?” Your nose crinkled in a cringe, “Ew, I sound like a high schooler.”

Klaus chuckled lightly and leaned his forehead against yours while holding onto your forearm, “I mean if you want to be.” He briefly rolled his eyes before turning backward, “Eavesdrop much? Come on man, it’s not cool.”

After Klaus bickered with Ben you hugged Klaus to you. “Just know I’m not easy to get rid of, I’m like a tick.”

“I’d never dream of it.”

[lovelybunny08]

Water Fountain “Prequel”

♡ Pairing- Jungkook X Reader

♡ Genre- Romance (No Smut) 

♡Description- Prequel to Let Me Down Slowly. You were always told that you weren’t beautiful from your boyfriend but you loved him and he was the only thing you knew but everything changed in one night by the water fountain.

♡ Again thank you @artofediting for editing all my story. Seriously love you I dont know what I will do without you.😭😭

♡ Word Count- 4,144

                                                                                                                Part 1>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You first saw him taking pictures, looking ethereal as the sun shone around him. You couldn’t bring yourself to look away, and the book in your lap was soon forgotten. You somehow knew that if you didn’t approach him now, then you would never have another chance. No way someone crosses paths with an angel twice.

Without giving yourself a way you out, you muster up the courage and begin to stroll over to where his lens was transfixed on a particular flower. He was kneeling close to the ground, snapping close shots when you timidly tapped him on the shoulder. Oh no. What if you interrupted him somehow? What if this was his ‘artistic’ time or something, and you just ruined his concentration. Your thoughts go into overdrive as you stand petrified, watching him turn around as if it were in slow motion. However, as soon as he peered his big brown doe eyes up at you, all your fears vanished. If you thought he was beautiful from the park bench you sat on, then he was truly from the heavens when you saw him this close. His questioning expression brings you out of your silent adoration as you realize that he’s probably wondering why a strange woman just walked up and poked him.

“Oh! I, uh, I’m sorry to bother you, but I figured that if I didn’t come talk to you now, then I might never get another chance to.” You internally grimace. You didn’t mean to be so straightforward, but honesty is the best policy, right?

At your remark, his expression softens as he rises to his feet. Damn, how tall was this giant? He loomed over you by nearly a foot, casting a shadow over you with his back towards the sun. He peers down at you with those sparkly doe eyes and grins shyly. He begins to rub the back of his neck nervously and a red tint colors his cheeks. W-wait? Was he blushing? Did you make this Adonis-like man blush? You quickly give yourself a mental high-five before he finally responds.

“Haha, thanks? What did you mean to, uh, talk about then?” He asks sheepishly. Gah, even his shyness drew you in, even though you normally went for. . . well, overconfident assholes based on all your exes. Whoops. A girl’s gotta learn.

“Honestly, I know this is rather forward, and I’ve never done something quite this impulsive, but would-you-sort-of-want-to-go-out-on-a-date-with-me?” You rush the last words out in fear of your impending rejection. You’re well aware of your looks, but overall you know nothing could ever compare to the man in front of you. Hell, you weren’t even sure there was a person in his league. Besides this, he doesn’t even know you. Heavens above, what were you thinking?!?

“I’m sorry, uh, could you repeat that last part? I couldn’t quite catch it” he responds chuckling. His laugh was another form of endearment, but also FUCK you had to ask again. Your eyes fall to peer at the delicate, white flower on the ground while you scraped together any remaining confidence. You let out a puff of air and stare him dead in the eye.

“I would really like it if you went on a date with me, and I know that sounds crazy and you could be a psychopath, well not that you are one, I mean I could be the psychopath—oh! But I-I’m not I swear, I was just—"

“Woah, okay, I believe you,” he laughs. “This is a first for us both then, but why not? When are you free?”

“Hmm, wow I didn’t think I’d get this far, but I’m free next Saturday? Does that work?”

“I actually finish up a photoshoot that morning, so it’s perfect. Should we meet somewhere, or do you want me to pick you up?” His hand resumes its habit of rubbing his neck.

“Let’s just meet somewhere for now,” you giggle at his nervousness. “Do you know where the water fountain at the front of the park is?”

“Yea, that’s one of my favorite spots to shoot,” he replies.

“Great! So, 5pm Saturday, waterfront?”

“Sounds good to me, but, uh, can I also have your phone? To put my number in? Also, I’m Jungkook by the way, haha. Guess I should have led with that.” He says this as he stretches out his hand, and it takes every bit of restraint to not accidentally throw your phone at him. With great skill, you calmly pull out the device and gently place it in his hand.

“Right! No! I should have introduced myself first. I’m y/n.” Once he finishes typing in his number, he throws you a big grin.

“Right, so just, text me when you get home. Or whenever. If you want. Oh, I would walk you home too, but I need to take a few more shots and—"

“It’s okay,” you calm him down with the softest of smiles. I guess you weren’t the only one who was a little clumsy in the flirting scene. “I’ll text you later, alright?” His face brightens at this, and he winks at you before he’s walking away to another small patch of flowers to digitally capture. You only stare for a few seconds longer before you begin your short journey back to your apartment.

As you walked down the sidewalk, breathing in the crisp autumn air, you felt a strong sense of pride. You had never done anything that bold, and the fact that you were courageous enough to do it and that it worked out perfectly really boosted your confidence. You had nearly a week until your first date with Jungkook, but ideas of your outfit were already swirling through your mind. You continued walking (nearly skipping) down the sidewalk, with a newfound sense of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You weren’t sure why, but you had a good feeling about this one.  

Once you arrived back to your place, you immediately peel off your clothes and step into a hot shower to relax, thoughts of your recent encounter replaying in the forefront of your mind. Afterward, you snuggle up in your pj’s and a face mask and head to the kitchen to make yourself some dinner. Hmm, instant noodles? Yes, please.

Settling into your bed with your steaming bowl of noodles, you turn on the tv and begin to flip through the channels for something interesting. However, nothing catches your eye as your mind is far away from whatever was on the TV. You replayed the first time you met Jungkook. Which was in his mind officially this past afternoon, but the first time you ever encountered him was a while ago. The first time you ran into him was actually at a block party.

________________________________________________________________

You were at your apartment putting the last few touches on your makeup and triple-checking your outfit in the mirror. Your then-boyfriend, Jackson, had just sent you a text that he was on his way to pick you up. You honestly didn’t care for the party scene, but Jackson believed that life wasn’t worth living without partying. While you would have been happy to let him go alone, the last time he came back from a part he was covered with hickies that “were just from a dare.” All your friends kept nagging you to break up with him, but you loved him--well, what you thought love was anyways--and you also knew that no one else would be interested in you.

You grew up thinking you were fairly good looking, but when you started dating Jackson he would occasionally throw in some “pointers” (as he called them) in order to “bring out your natural beauty.” It began with “You look great when you wear that, babe” to “You should wear more things like this; it’d look great on you” and eventually to “I thought you wanted to look good when you go out” and “Well, I know the other girls are going to look like this…” It grew into a comfortable routine for your boyfriend to tell you that you were lucky to have him. He used to say it in a joking tone, but not so much anymore. He’s recently added the “If I hadn’t taken you out, I don’t know if anyone else would? Right hun?”. It was gradual. He slowly tore you down bit by bit, and you put up with it because he was so sweet and loving at the beginning. Surely, he still loves you and just wants the best for you. That’s what you’ve made yourself believe. He eventually took to sleeping around every so often. Each time he claimed that it was because you were bad in bed, but that you two could work on it together. You had given your virginity to him a few times after he came back with hickies. You hoped this would make it so he would only want you. After he slept with someone else, you were knee-deep in your own lies to see his own. Yeah, maybe you were bad in bed. But it’s sweet of him to suggest that you could work on it together right? That meant that he wanted to sleep with you again, so you’re headed in the right direction. You knew these were lies, but you were too scared to not believe them.

As these thoughts flee from your mind, and you check your mirror for the umpteenth time. You were wearing a figure-hugging, black mini with a red pair of stilettos. Your friends texted and tried to hype you up with comments like “YES HOT MAMA” and “YOU LOOK LIKE SINNNNN,” but all you could see in the mirror were two boxes: pass or fail. You finally hear a knock on the door 20 minutes past the time Jackson said he would be there. Your stomach immediately twists in knots. You had spent the whole day getting ready, hoping to catch a glint in your boyfriend’s eye when he sees you. You grab your purse, and half walk-half trot to pull open the door. Without even a side glance towards you, he struts into your apartment like he owns the place.

“You ready?” he finally acknowledges you as he searches the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

“Uh, yeah-yeah, I just need to get my jacket” you reply as you slip on the red leather jacket from the back of the couch. Eventually, his eyes land on the already opened bottle of vodka on the counter.

“Ah, I see you started without me?” he asks with a smirk. You slightly grimace at your sudden exposure. The only reason you were drinking early was to get the courage to go out to this party. He shrugs at your lack of response and pours himself a cup. After twisting the cap on, he strolls back to the door and swings it open, waiting for you to walk through first. You scrunch your nose slightly confused at the gesture until it suddenly makes sense as you walk through, and he slaps your ass harshly. You squeal and jump away at the move.

“Sorry, hun. But couldn’t you have waited on me to start drinking?”

“Oh-uh, right. I’m sorry, I know I normally wait to drink when I’m with you.”

“Ah, it’s okay,” he responds as you both step into the elevator. “Oh! I see you put some effort in with the makeup tonight yeah?” He takes a long sip of his drink as you turn away to blush. He rarely recognized your effort... “Yeah, you look better than normal. We’ll keep getting better until you’re finally able to keep up with all the other party girls, right?” He nudges your side with his elbow and offers you a smooth grin like you weren’t recovering from the backhanded compliment. When the elevator doors open to the lobby, you trail behind him, letting his comments sink in. He was right after all; you could never match up to those girls at all the parties.

When you finally arrived at the house, the party was well underway. The yard was already trashed with beer cans, and you could see the mass of bodies swaying against each other through the doorway. You and your boyfriend enter and immediately head for his group of friends on the opposite side of the house. You quickly excuse yourself to go make a drink. Jackson offers a small wave and continues recalling a story from another party while his friends chuckle along like dumbasses. His stories were never that good in your opinion, but hey, he put up with all the stuff you did that he didn’t like. You go to make yourself a drink in the kitchen but end up standing there scrolling through your phone. By the time you finish off your last sip, it’s been nearly an hour. You weren’t really concerned at your unexcused absence because Jackson never really noticed. He and his buddies were most likely all trashed by now anyways. When you make your way back to their spot, his friends were all there with some new girls, but your boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Gaining the attention of one of his friends, you try to ask him.

“Hey! Hey! Sorry I’m shouting it’s just so loud in here! But did you see where Jackson went!?!?” His brows furrow for a moment as his drunk brain processes what you said.

“OH! Jackson?!? O H, yeah sorry toots, but Jackson just went upstairs with another gal. You snooze you lose I guess” he responds and turns back to the girl clawing for his attention.

What??? He did what?? Even when I am here, he STILL goes and finds another girl!! You know what, fine. I’m done. I rather be alone at home than dragged to parties I hate AND be alone. This is the last time; I’m done with him. You grab the shoulder of that same guy and tug him around.

           “HEY! Whenever Jackson gets back, tell him not to bother looking for me. I’m done with him.” The guy nods without much care, and you begin pulling yourself through the crowds to get to the kitchen. After downing one cup and pouring another, you start your journey to the front door. When you had first arrived, you saw a pretty lawn fountain in the front, and you figure you could hang there unnoticed while waiting for your uber.

You were fairly tipsy when you finally navigated yourself out of the house and stumbled to the fountain. There were some beautiful decoration rocks at the bottom of the fountain, and in your inebriated state, you decided that you were going to reach in and grab one as a keepsake of the worst night of your life. You wiped your mascara-smeared, tear-stained face and lean forward to grab one of the rocks. But in your drunken state, you overestimated your remaining coordination causing you to flail as gravity tries to pull you face-first into the water. You squeeze your eyes shut as you mentally prepare for the harsh cold when you instead feel a firm grip around your waist. As you’re pulled up and away from the fountain you turn to see your saving grace.

You were at a complete loss for words when your saving grace just also happens to be the most beautiful creation you had ever laid eyes on. You soon begin to heat up and you’re sure you’re now completely red BECAUSE your drunk ass just nearly faceplanted in front of the aforementioned beautiful creation. You stumble for words as he still holds you tightly to himself.

“I-uh, b-, than—, uh, sorry, I jus—” his nose scrunches cutely at your blabbering as he helps you straighten and stand on your own, but not yet fully releasing your waist.

“Did you drop something?” he finally interrupts you.

“Huh?” you ask dumbly.

“In the fountain? Did you drop something in the fountain and try to get it out?” he restates.

“O-Oh! Haha, well, no. See, I saw this beautiful rock and I wanted it” You explain like it’s the most obvious reason. His eyes turn to smile as he laughs at your story.

“You’re pretty cute,” he says as his eyes flit over your probably atrocious looking face. You were about to thank him for pretending his compliment when you suddenly get tugged back by the shoulder and slapped (spanked is more correct because it was intended as punishment) hard on the ass.

“No, she’s not” Jackson responded through a clenched smile towards the man, and a death sentence glare towards you. Your eyes quickly fall to your feet knowing where this was headed. You were used to his humiliation tactics honestly. You just hated that he had to do it in front of the cute stranger.

“Now, that really isn’t something you should say to a lovely woman such as herself." You whip your head up in shock as a pretty pink coats your cheeks. You can’t remember the last time you were genuinely complimented like that. No aggressiveness, no “pointers”, just admiration. The sudden high you received from the comment gave you enough clarity for what you were about to say. You rip yourself from Jackson’s grip and turn to him.

“Jackson, that is it! I’m done with you! You’ve left me for other girls time and time again, and even when I come with you tonight, you still leave me to go hook up with some other girl. You don’t like me anyway so let’s be done with this and just leave each other alone, okay?” Jackson’s face held a harsh glare for a moment until he broke into a smirk, chuckling.

“Whatever, you were just another whore to mess around with anyways.” He turned to head back into the party without a second glance, and just like that, he walked away from you and out of your life. While there was a relief that you would no longer have to deal with him, the fear of being forever alone and unwanted began to set in. Jackson had truly made you believe you were worthless. Tears begin to stream down your face once more, and you let out a quiet sob when you feel a warm grip on your shoulder.

“Hey,” the stranger calls softly. You had nearly forgotten he was there. Warmth floods your face in humiliation.

“Look, I-I’m so sorry for my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, and I just—gah, I’m sorry. . . wait I don’t even know your name—” you speak through tears.

“Jungkook,” he answers warmly. “Jeon Jungkook.”

“Oh, thanks, Jungkook. And I’m sorry again about the guy and the tears and me. I’m Y/N by the way. Y/N Y/L/N.

“Y/N, a fitting name for such a beautiful woman.”

“Are you drunk?” You abruptly question. There was no way someone like him would have said that sober. His face shows he’s slightly taken aback, but he responds humorously.

“Uh, well yes” he laughs. You drop your head. You knew he couldn’t have actually found you pretty. But then a soft touch under your chin is slowly lifting your head until your eyes meet his glassy doe eyes.

“But you’re beautiful whether I’m drunk or not.” He whispers, and you can’t help but smile. There was something about him (besides his devastatingly handsome good looks) that sparked something within you. You aren’t sure if it was because he stood up for you, or if it was because you were sad and needed comfort. You weren’t sure what it was at the time, but before you could rationalize your actions you stood up on your toes to plant a soft kiss on his lips. It was sudden, short and sweet. But it was also like a thank you, mixed with whatever that other feeling was. As your lips separated, your thoughts suddenly crowded you, trained to pounce on you when you’re happiest. What are you even thinking? He was probably just being nice. He wants nothing to do with you. Can’t you see how drunk he is? He probably won’t even remember this.

“I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m nowhere close to being beautiful, especially for you, and you’re too drunk to realize that and—"Panic begins to overwhelm you. You’re rambling and you hated yourself for not begin good enough. Not good enough for Jackson, not good enough for yourself, and certainly not good enough for Jungkook. Your eyes begin to look around searching for anything to pull you out of the chaos. Then you feel him wrapping his arms tight around you, bringing you into his arms in a tight embrace. His hand begins to smooth down the hair on your head as he whispers to calm you down.

“Hey, hey hey, shhh. I know it’s hard. Bad relationships can tear people apart, and from the little bit I saw, he didn’t seem to be a keeper. I don’t know your whole story, and you don’t know mine. You don’t think I’ll remember this, and I could say the same of you, but from tonight do this one thing for me okay?” You nod your head slightly against his chest as your breathing begins to level out.

“You’re beautiful. Not because I said so, and not because anyone else does. You’re beautiful because you simply are, and no one can add to that and no one can take that away. Just remember that one thing for me if you forget everything else. And I’ll remember the pretty girl who nearly face-planted into the water fountain.” You pull back and lightly push at him away as you both break into soft laughter.

“At least I’m memorable right? Haha.”

“You are most certainly memorable.” He responds more seriously.

Before either of you could make another move, your phone buzzes alerting you that your uber was on the street.

“Well, it looks like it’s time for me to go home. Thank you for being my good memory.” As you turn to walk away, he softly responds.

“Thanks for being mine.” He was sure you didn’t hear him, but you did. And you knew that no matter what, you would treasure tonight because of it. Even though it came from an inebriated stranger, his words did more healing for you than he would ever know.

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Your forgotten noodles are entirely too cold to eat once you come out of your memories. Yeah, you remember that night rather well. Better than he thought I would, and obviously better than he did since he didn’t recognize me. Your friends have asked you why you remember that night so well, and why you give a stranger so much credit for setting you on your path to rebuilding your confidence. Your answer remains the same each time. It’s because that night marks the first time you ever believed in the concept of true love: for another, and for yourself.

           The next Saturday you’re placing the last finishing touches on your makeup. Just come concealer, a little bit of powder, and then mascara. Just enough to make you feel a little extra pretty. You quickly check your reflection in the mirror, and with a soft grin you head out towards the park. As you approach the fountain from a distance you see him first. You can’t help the blush you feel as you get closer. Suddenly his eyes catch yours, and you both draw in a breath as you meet.

“Hey there” you greet with a smile.

“You look stunning,” He comments before even returning the greeting. “Oh, and hey, hi. Haha,,,ready to head over? The movie is about to start.” He grins at you.

“Yeah, let’s do it. I have a feeling I won’t ever forget tonight” you reply softly, grinning down at your feet, attempting to hide how fiercely you’re blushing. He’s quick to lift your head up by your chin and peer into your eyes.

“You don’t need to hide from me. You’re beautiful, and I don’t think I could ever forget the memories we’ll make.” He glances back at the water fountain before chuckling lightly. “You know, I once met a beautiful, shy girl by a water fountain at a party a few years back.” Your eyes snap over in time to see his mischievous smile as he winks at you and begins to walk down the street towards the theater.

“Jeon Jungkook you get back here and explain yourself!” You shriek as you run after him, and he begins to pick up speed down the street. As you case after him, you can’t help but think to yourself, please never let us forget each other.

[hongism]

not your typical flower shop story

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Flower Shop Owner!Taehyung, College!Reader, College!Taehyung, Fluff, Slight Angst, eventual smut

Word Count: 7751

Rating: M

Warnings: mild language

Summary: You always goes to the cute boy next door’s flower shop across the street because hi yes he’s the cutest damn person you’ve ever seen, until one day a guy with tattoos and a severe obsession with the color black shows up in the shop asking for the ‘usual’ and you find out that your cute innocent little flower boy has a dirty little secret.

A/N (edit): okay lol i know i don’t need another series but i seriously can’t let this be a one-shot or a stand alone piece SO we’ve got a new series lads

⇐ previous | next ⇒

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“The usual, Miss L/N?” You smile at the red tulips beneath your nose before shifting to direct your grin at the young man speaking to you. He wears his typical white apron, still stained brown from the dirt on the back counter, and that precious boxy smile he blesses you with every time you visit. 

“Surprise me, Taehyung-ssi,” you respond. Taehyung laughs under his breath as he turns back to his counter. “Also, how many times do I have to tell you that you can call me Y/N?”

“Sorry, Y/N. It’s an unbreakable habit. I’m too used to calling all my other clients by their last names.” Taehyung begins to hum as he works, taking flowers from their holders in a seemingly random manner. “I guess I should be better at remembering to call you by your first name since you come so often.” You blink at Taehyung, eyes wide. Has he caught on? Does he know why I visit? He just keeps smiling and humming, trimming the ends of his freshly picked flowers.

You don’t think you can tolerate the embarrassment of him finding out why you come so frequently, and if he were to confront you about it, you don’t think you could have an excuse off the top of your head. Maybe say something stupid like oh I just love flowers so much, and not I come every week because it means I get to see your face and you’re simultaneously the cutest and hottest damn person I’ve ever seen so I’ll keep buying flowers from you if it means your shop stays open for me to see you more. Yea, that would not be the best thing to say, so you may have to start working harder at coming up with good excuses.

“I think violets would look pretty in your windowsill. Should I set aside a second bundle for you in addition to the bouquet?”

“U-Uh, pardon? My windowsill?”

“Yes, you kept the daffodils from last time there for a while. I think you forgot about them though, because last I saw, they looked a little dead.” Taehyung glances at you out of the corner of his eye. When he sees your expression, he seems to realize how strange his comments are. “Uh, n-not that I’m like stalking you or anything! I swear I’m not! That would be weird, and um…I just noticed that you—I—this is really awkward, isn’t it?”

“Slightly awkward, ultra creepy,” you laugh back, scratching at the back of your neck.

“Well, the thing is—I, uh, saw you putting the daffodils in the window sill. But I wasn’t watching or stalking you! It’s just because business was slow at the time, and I was looking around. I just happened to notice you...I mean, your apartment is just across the street, right?”

You nod slowly as Taehyung fights to make his case. “Yes, that makes sense, I guess.”

“Haha, please don’t stop coming because I seem creepy.” Taehyung stops trimming the flowers and turns to you. He stretches his arms in your direction, palms facing upwards as though pleading you to stay. A smile twitches at your lips. Dammit no, Y/N. Don’t think about how cute he is. He’s not cute. Or hot. He’s neither of those things. C’mon get a grip. You bite your bottom lip to keep the gesture from coming to life. 

“You want me to keep coming?” You ask, and the smile breaks through. Taehyung stands straight again, laughing as he does.

“Well, yea! You’re my best customer after all.”

You’re glad Taehyung can’t hear your heart plummet at his small statement. It shouldn’t bother you — no, it doesn’t bother you. Not one bit. He doesn’t know you after all, and you don’t know him. It’s just an owner-client relationship based around your ridiculous reasons for spending hard-earned money on flowers you can’t even keep alive.

Taehyung turns back to his work table before your smile crumbles, and you go back to staring at the red tulips. He takes his time in trimming and selecting the flowers for your bouquet. Neither of you makes an effort to attempt conversation again. One minute, two minutes, then five pass you by like the breeze in the air. 

“You’re quiet today,” Taehyung comments through the silence.

“I am?” Of course you are: you don’t really want to talk more after Taehyung’s shutdown that hurt for no reason. You aren’t going to admit it though, because that’s admitting defeat, and you hate that.

“You normally ask me about my day, how I’m doing, if the shop is doing well...all sorts of stuff.”

“Sorry, I’m just feeling quiet today.”

“I guess I’ll have to wait until next week when you come by for another bouquet then?” There’s a small lilt in Taehyung’s voice that sounds a bit like teasing. It bites at your skin, and you chew the inside of your cheek. A blush covers your cheeks now, embarrassment at your routine visits to the flower shop hitting, and you’re grateful Taehyung isn’t looking in your direction. When you fail to respond, Taehyung spins on his heel to look you in the eye. “Is everything okay? It’s not like you to be quiet.”

“How would you know what I’m like?” you ask out of the blue, unsure where the somewhat scathing question comes from yourself. Taehyung takes a step back at the question.

“A-Ah, you’re right. I don’t really know what you’re like. I’m sorry that I made an assumption. It’s just, well, you’ve been coming for quite a few weeks now. I figured — nevermind.” Taehyung drops his chin. The sight of his forlorn expression makes you equally as upset, and you rush to make up for your mean words.

“I’m teasing, Taehyung-ssi! Please don’t look so serious. I didn’t mean to offend you.” You hear his laugh before you see his rectangular smile.

“No worries, Y/N. It takes a lot more than that to offend me. You just caught me off guard. Reminded me of someone I know for a second.” Taehyung points at the wall of flowers to your left, a pink dahlia still in hand. “How do you feel about Peruvian Lilies? My most recent batch have been doing really well, and I think they’ll look nice with the other flowers.”

“I trust your choices! They are gorgeous, though.” You blink at the delicate flowers and their details, grinning as Taehyung analyzes the batch and selects a few for the bouquet. There’s a nagging sensation in the back of your head, reminding you how rude you were earlier.

“Aren’t they? I was surprised by how well they’ve been doing because the weather is so finicky nowadays. Either lots of sunshine or gloomy rainy days.”

“You grow most of them yourself, right? How do you find the time to do that? What about school?” You’ve been desperate to ask the question for at least three weeks now, so much so that you nearly came three times in one week just to ask Taehyung that. 

“School? Oh, I’m in my last year. I have a few early classes, which is why I open the shop at 4:00,” he laughs. He must sense the next question on your lips, because he follows it up with, “I am studying business, but the corporate world isn’t really my pace so I decided to do this instead. Thought that it’d be nice to be my own boss and make my own business the way I wanted to rather than letting big headed corporate people do it for me. Make sense?”

“Absolutely, yea!” You respond with enthusiasm. 

“What about you? I’m assuming you’re in school?” Your willingness to make conversation seems to please Taehyung, so you keep up with it despite the slight dejection lingering in your gut. 

“Yes, I’m in my third year right now! Ready to be done, honestly. It would be nice if it were my last year too; you’re lucky to be so close to getting that degree and being done with it.”

“Hey, you’re almost there! What are you studying?”

“Linguistics with a minor in psychology!”

“Wow, that sounds so fancy. What exactly do you wanna do with that? It seems like you have something specific in mind.”

“I’m hoping to be a speech and language therapist. I’ve always wanted to do something that lets me help people, and languages are fascinating to me. I thought this was the best way to combine my passions.” Taehyung pauses his work with the flowers, shoulders slumping forward. You blink at his back, curious as to why his mood shifted all the sudden, and are about to question him when he speaks.

“Wow…that’s — uh, you’re a really good person. That’s amazing how you want to help people and do good things for others. I...I can’t imagine.” Taehyung fumbles over his words and clenches his fists around his apron, tugging the fabric into a tight grip. What does he mean by that?

“Oh, um…” you trail off. The sound of cars whizzing behind you distracts you from whatever you were going to say. Taehyung silently returns to your bouquet, and you notice how he picks up his pace with the work. A few minutes of quiet pass between the two of you. 

“Here’s the bouquet and violets for your window.” Part of you feels responsible for the change in Taehyung’s mood, so you rack your brain for ideas on how to fix this issue. Taehyung passes the flowers your way as you rush to pull cash out of your wallet.

“H-How much for the violets?” You ask while you flip through the measly amount of bills in your hand.

“No extra charge.” Taehyung grins and stops you in your tracks, but it only serves to make you feel worse. You pass your wad of cash to Taehyung in exchange for the flowers, sliding a few extra bills his way and hoping that he won’t comment on the extra. “Wait, Y/N, this is—”

“Please, it’s a tip! Just consider it to be a tip, okay? For all the trouble I caused you today.” You scratch the back of your neck, and heat starts to rise to your ears.

“You didn’t cause me any trouble though,” Taehyung laughs. “How can you be so kindhearted?” He shakes his head, almost in disbelief, before waving his hand as though to dismiss the topic. “Anyways, I’ll see you next week then? Hopefully?”

“Yea! Yea, for sure. I’ll come again next week.” You clutch the flowers a bit closer to your chest. Taehyung smiles and turns to return to his counter at the back. You know you should leave now and not risk overstaying your welcome, but you can’t bring yourself to move quite yet. Even with the small tip you gave Taehyung (which technically isn’t even a tip because he gave you violets as well as the bouquet), you still feel bad about your earlier snippy attitude and rudeness. The anxiety bubbling in your stomach tells you that you may regret this decision later but… “Wait, Taehyung-ssi!”

“Yea, Y/N? Is there something else you needed?” He loops his thumbs through the string around his waist, head tilted to the side in question.

“What—um, are you busy tonight?”

“Pardon?”

“Do you have any plans tonight?” Your repeated question comes much fainter and weaker this time as your confidence ebbs away, and you debate turning to flee rather than staying to hear his answer.

“Hm, not that I can think of. Why?”

“Could I treat you to dinner or something then? I mean, I still feel bad for being so rude earlier…and the extra flowers. It’s the least I can do!” You think that you’re starting to sound a bit desperate, but you have no other ideas in mind.

“Y/N, you’re the one paying me every week for flowers. I should be treating you.”

“No, no, I insist! Please, if anything, just to have a change of scenery for a bit?” Taehyung brings a hand to his chin, tapping the skin there as he looks at the wall of flowers on his right. After a few tense seconds, he finally relents.

“Sure, Y/N. If it’ll make you feel better, then I’d be happy to go! Why don’t we meet here around seven o’clock? I close the shop at 6:30 today. How does that sound?” You beam back at him, nodding your agreement a few times. “Okay, sounds like a plan then. Now shoo before I give you more flowers and make you feel even worse!” Taehyung makes a few shooing motions with his hands, smile never leaving his lips, and you grin back as you relent and start to walk away from the shop. 

The sidewalks and streets are bustling at this time; workers rushing to get home after their long days and students moving to wherever they please. You shuffle across the street alongside some other students, narrowly avoiding rushing cars. You hesitate outside the door to your apartment building, however, and take a moment to glance back over your shoulder in the direction of Taehyung’s small shop. He stands at the front, one hand clutching some of the pretty Peruvian Lilies he added to your bouquet, and uses his free hand to wave at people as they pass his stall. A laugh rushes through your body as you realize that you basically asked him out minutes ago and he agreed. The bitterness that once resided from his comment about you being only his customer is now replaced by the joy and excitement of spending one on one time with Taehyung. 

You hurry up the stairs, the three flights feeling particularly long today as you’re eager to place the new violets in your windowsill.

“More flowers, Y/N?” 

You roll your eyes before even turning to look at the owner of the voice. It’s your neighbor from across the hall: the young woman not much older than you who holds a steely gaze sixty percent of the time and the other forty percent consists of her bloodshot and hazy glances that can’t ever seem to focus on anything in particular. You don’t make a habit of talking to her, but she often finds you before you have a chance to escape. You plaster a fake grin across your lips and spin on your heel so she can see your expression.

“Good afternoon, Hifumi. Not looking so hot right now, are you? Have a rough night?”

“It was just fine actually. Thanks for asking, love. Extra flowers from your dearest flower boy, I see. Did you find the courage to tell him why you visit so often?” Hifumi brushes her dark hair over her shoulder before placing her hand on her hip and sending a sickly sweet smile your way.

“A gift for my windowsill since the last batch was dying,” you bite back, “and that’s none of your business.”

“Not the only thing dying, huh?” 

The plastic containing your bouquet crinkles as you grip it tighter, Hifumi’s words digging their way until your skin, and you face the door to your apartment rather than giving Hifumi the pleasure of seeing your reaction.

“Right back at you, Hifumi. Right back at you,” you hiss the words through gritted teeth. You fumble with your keys a bit, unable to get away from your neighbor’s annoying presence as quickly as you would like.

“No need to be so harsh, Y/N. I offered to help you out with money. Gave you some options for work, even said I could whisper your name in a few people’s ears. You’re the one who said no. Just remember that when the money gets tighter and tighter. Maybe you’ll learn that wasting those bucks on stupid little flowers won’t do you any good.” 

“Your suggestions were vile, Hifumi. I’d rather be a decent human being and earn money in a good way than resort to what you do night by night.” The lock springs open at last, and you swing your door open, more than ready to slam it in Hifumi’s face and end the conversation there. Before it can snap shut, a pale hand lands on the wood, and Hifumi’s face peeks through the crack.

“You call me vile now,” she says with an odd sense of serenity to her tone, “but you’ll find out soon enough that we can’t always do good things for the people we love. If it means saving someone, there is no line between good and evil. Keep that in mind, love.” Her lips quirk upwards in one corner. You can’t stand the sight of her taunting expression anymore and forcefully shut the door, snapping the locks as soon as it closes. You place the bouquet on the kitchen counter and huff. Your backpack slides off your shoulders, relieving your back of the weight and hitting the wood floor with a thud. You make your way to the bedroom with dragging feet. Tattered converse join your backpack on the floor as you kick them off.

“As if I don’t know that I'm wasting money,” you mutter to yourself as you cross the threshold into your bedroom. “Acting like she knows me, the smug bitch.” You tug the blinds over your small bedroom window up to reveal the dead daffodils in a foggy vase. Just under the withering and crumbling petals lies the sight of Taehyung’s shop and the boy in his apron, still chatting with people as they pass him by. You don’t bother changing the water in the vase. Instead, you toss the dead flowers into the waste bin near your desk and place the new violets in the dirty water without thought. 

Moving and doing something productive would be a good idea.

But no, you don’t feel like indulging in that kind of life right now. It’s nicer to sit on the floor and stare out the window beside the vase, chin resting on the windowsill. Leaving the flowers on the kitchen counter probably wasn’t the best idea, but it’s not like it will make a difference in the long run. You slide your palm under your chin to offer a bit more comfort. At least you have something to look forward to tonight before the weekend strikes and your time becomes consumed by homework and responsibilities. The only good thing about this weekend is that your parents aren’t coming to town. Not that it wouldn’t be nice to see them, but their arrival is never under good terms and it always heralds the depressing reality that you so desperately try to avoid all the time. 

This won’t do, you think and pull yourself to your feet rather than stay wallowing in the windowsill like a fool. Despite your claims about it not mattering, you spend twenty minutes placing the bouquet on the counter in a vase and arranging them as best you can. The dullness from talking with Hifumi is diminishing by now, and the previous excitement and anxiety of having dinner with Taehyung returns with full force. It’s not a date but… You can’t help but to start laughing to yourself as you think about it, tied between the embarrassment and excitement, and you tug your phone out of your back pocket to send a text with the news.

from y/n, 5:47 p.m. unread

    - remember the cute boy from the flower shop i told you about?? i’m getting dinner with him tonight!!! i’ll let you know how it goes~

You hold the phone to your chest after sending the message.

“Okay, Y/N, try to get some work done before getting ready for dinner. Don’t think too much about it. This is chill. It’s chill. Chill.” You snatch your backpack off the floor and lug it to your room, tossing it onto your bed while you sit down at your desk. “Chill,” you repeat once more as you stare at the empty desk. Needless to say, you can’t focus much even after you set your psychology book down and try to read it, spending the next thirty minutes staring at the same paragraph while bobbing your leg up and down. Once you shut your book, determined to work on something else to occupy your time, you still sit and stare at the cover of the textbook blankly.

When you finally tug yourself back into reality, the clock reads 6:52, and you realize that you’ve almost run out of time to get ready.

“Shit!” You cuss, pushing your chair back and rushing to your closet. “It’s a chill thing, Y/N. Remember that. You don’t need to dress up or anything, just at least look presentable.” You frown at the selection of clothing before you, suddenly upset with your taste in fashion. Your palm connects with your forehead, and the sound of the slap echoes through the small closet. “Ah, I don’t have time to be worrying about this right now!” 

Within the next five minutes, you are tugging knee high socks up your calves and hobbling to the kitchen while trying not to slip on the wood floor. You nearly stumble as you snatch your converse off the floor. When you slide them onto your feet and reach the door, you realize that you’ve left your phone on your bed. A loud groan of frustration escapes your lips. The rush back to your room seems to take forever, and when you finally lock your apartment door behind you, the clock reads 6:59.

"You're heading out late, aren't you?"

"Do you just wait out here to bother me?" Your question is accompanied by a frantic anger, and Hifumi laughs at your response.

“Calm down, Y/N. I’m heading out as well, although for different reasons no doubt.” You take in Hifumi’s outfit — if you can even call it that based upon the lack of material over her body — and bite the inside of your cheek. “Should I drop by and say hello to your flower boy as I go?”

“Please no.” You don’t mean to sound desperate, but you also didn’t mean to be late to meet with Taehyung. Hifumi cackles, tucking a sparkling clip into her dark hair.

“I’ll see you later, Y/N. My offer always stands, by the way. You just need to stop letting your ego get in the way of what really matters.” Her heels click against the floor as she walks away, heading for the elevator rather than the stairs. You should already be on your way down the stairs yourself, but the curiosity bubbling in your gut prevents you from moving an inch without asking the question at the forefront of your mind.

“And what would that be?”

Ding. The metal doors of the elevator slide open, and Hifumi steps inside. Her dress ruffles around her as she spins to face you, a coy smirk stained red by dark lipstick.

“I can’t answer that for you, love.” The smile stretches as the doors close over her face. You blink at the dull metal for a moment, then snap back to reality and start jogging down the stairs. Stupid Hifumi. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why did I even expect her to give me an answer? 

The later time provides cold breezes, and that makes you realize that you forgot to grab a jacket on your way out in the rush to not be late. Jokes on you now, because you are both cold and late, leaving the apartment building with arms tucked under your armpits. Just across the street is Taehyung’s shop, one light keeping the stall alight. Taehyung isn’t the only person standing beneath the canopy, however, and you spot a shorter man across from him, back facing you. You hesitate by the road, an odd sense of foreboding striking before your foot touches the asphalt. 

The man accompanying Taehyung is shrouded in black. Black hat, black leather jacket, black skinny jeans, black combat boots: he’s worse than you, and that’s saying something because you have way too many black articles of clothing in your closet. Taehyung doesn’t wear his trademark boxy grin either, which is another source of discomfort for you, but you don’t have time to dwell on it. Taehyung starts glancing around, and you can see his lips moving in haste even at this distance. His scanning gaze finds you across the street. 

Eyes widen. 

Mouth freezes halfway open.

You blink, and Taehyung is shooing his companion away while waving at you. You force a smile in return. Checking for traffic, you jog across the street to join Taehyung on his side of the pavement. Instead of making eye contact with him, however, your gaze finds the man alongside him. Now that you’re closer, you realize that he isn’t nearly as short as he seemed to be from a distance, Taehyung is just tall enough to make him seem short. He also has a black shirt under his leather jacket, adding the already existing obsession with the color. The low cut nature of the tee provides a clear view of his collarbone and a bit of the space below it, but you can’t see much skin behind the spread of black ink across his pale skin in a design you can’t wrap your head around with staring closer. You aren’t going to get any closer, or stare any longer, because tension spikes between the three of you now. Silence is present, Taehyung seems caught, and neither you nor the man across from you have anything to say.

“Y/N! This is a…friend of mine from school! Studies music and yea, uh. He was just leaving.” Taehyung laughs a few dry chuckles then send a pointed glare in his “friend’s” direction. You get the sense that there is more to the story than simply that, but you don’t want to press the topic too much because of how intimidating this guy is. “Leaving,” Taehyung repeats, pushing the man with his left hand. “I didn’t tell him that I was busy tonight, so he thought we were, uh, gonna — you know, hang out or something. Like friends do. Yea, uh, but I said I was busy. So he’s leaving. Now.” You drop your chin, the discomfort rising to new levels.

“Right. Leaving.” The man’s voice is low and raspy, far different from Taehyung’s low tone that is warm and inviting. No, this person’s voice holds a coldness to it that sends a chill down your spine. “The name’s Yoongi, by the way. In case we end up…running into each other again, Miss?” He seems to be asking for your name, but you don’t get the chance to respond. Taehyung steps in front of you instead, cutting off Yoongi’s line of sight to you, and motioning to the street. You glance in the direction his hand points, noticing a motorcycle parked next to the sidewalk that must belong to Yoongi.

“You won’t! I mean, you probably won’t run into each other any time soon ever again, don’t you think? That’d be weird. Say, I’ll see you in class, Yoongi! Or at the library tomorrow night with the other guys, okay?” You squint at Taehyung’s back. He said he’s a business major, didn’t he? And Yoongi studies music? Why would— Your train of thought is cut short when Taehyung snatches your wrist. “Are you ready to go, Y/N? I have the perfect place in mind for us to eat!” Taehyung seems a bit frazzled and frantic, as though he’s in a rush to get away from Yoongi now that you’re here.

“Oh, yea! I’m sorry for being late, by the way!” You let Taehyung tug you down the sidewalk and glance over your shoulder to where Yoongi is climbing onto his motorcycle. 

“No worries! It’s not a problem at all. I had an unexpected visit from my friend there anyways, so it all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” 

“Yea, your friend…” You look away from Yoongi when he looks up at you from the motorcycle. The trailing off of your words sends Taehyung into a panic.

“We don’t hang out much! I was surprised he came by, because we aren’t the closest of friends. You know? Well, no, you probably don’t — uh, I mean, we all have those friends, right?”

“Of course!” You’re quick to agree, eager to see that precious boxy smile find its way back to Taehyung’s lips in a genuine way rather than the forced manner it is in now. A sigh of relief passes through his lips. “So, where are we going?”

“I hope this isn’t too plain or boring, but there’s this amazing diner down the road that I go to every Friday night. I normally go alone but…you know, since we’re — well, I think we should go there.” You can’t contain the laugh that rips through your lungs, and soon enough Taehyung is laughing along with you. You vaguely conscious of his grip on your wrist that won’t go away, but honestly you have no complaints. 

With the levity now hanging in the air between you, Taehyung seems much more at ease and comfortable. The two of you reach the diner within a few minutes, a quaint yet busy place that you recognize all too well. 

The red door with the round window on it, white awnings hanging a bit lower than you remember but still bearing the dead leaves and twigs on top of them. You haven’t been here in a long time, before you moved into your apartment down the street and well before you started buying flowers from Taehyung’s small shop. 

Taehyung is saying something, but you can’t hear him. It’s as though you are stuck underwater, drowning in an endless dark ocean, and you pull your phone out of your back pocket to open your messages again.

from y/n, 5:47 p.m. unread

Unread. It’s always unread. You sigh under your breath, making sure that Taehyung doesn’t hear the exasperated noise leave your lips.

“Now that wasn’t very fair, was it, Y/N? C’mon, you gotta play fair!”

“I am! I haven’t done anything unfair. You’re the one who is supposed to be good at games, aren’t you?”

The memory stings, cuts too deep, and you wish Taehyung had chosen any place other than this one.

“Now that wasn’t very fair, was it, kid? Why don’t you play fair with me?”

Pressure on your chest, the constriction of your throat, and at some point, you must forget to breathe because the world is starting to swirl around you.

“Y/N, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Y/N!” Taehyung’s shout pulls you out of the water, and you gasp for air. You touch your chest with a shaky hand, fully expecting to find the clothes there soaked, but they’re dry. “Are you okay? Is something wrong? You look really pale. Are you cold? Here, let’s get inside so you can warm up.” Taehyung drags you along while you struggle to catch your breath and find a way to get a grip. “Hi guys!” Taehyung yells as you two step through the red door, and his greeting is returned by a few cheery shouts from the waiters behind the counter. “Is it better in here?”

“Huh?” You respond, eyes darting from the interior of the diner to Taehyung’s face where he bears furrowed brows.

“Is it warmer in here? Are you still cold?” There must be goosebumps across your skin, and that’s why he’s asking. At least, you boil down the reasoning to that. 

“No, no, I’m fine,” you reassure, placing a hand on his arm. He grins back at you, seemingly convinced by the small white lie, and leads the way to a booth over in the corner. “Oh, uh, Taehyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Would it be alright if we sat closer to the door?” Taehyung squints, eyes flicking around the diner and from booth to booth. 

“This booth back here isn’t next to a window, so the cold won’t hit through the glass. Is that alright?” You relent and press your lips into a thin smile, but when Taehyung sits on the side of the booth that faces the door, another surge of panic hits. 

“Y/N, don’t turn around, okay? When I tell you to, slowly crawl under the table. Got it?” 

You lower yourself onto the booth, barely placing weight on the cushion as you settle down. 

“You seem a bit on edge,” Taehyung comments.

“What? No! I’m fine. Just exhausted from school today.” Taehyung nods along with the excuse, and you cheer to yourself for the successful diversion. 

“Speaking of school, you mentioned you’re a third year, right? I’m assuming you go to the main university.” Taehyung drums his fingers against the table, nails creating a soothing rhythm that calms your heart rate a bit. You nod along with the rhythm and affirm Taehyung’s assumptions. He’s about to continue his train of thought when a waitress walks up to the booth.

“Hi, Taehyung! It’s strange seeing you with a friend, or…?” The older lady trails off, sending a wink your way. You flush immediately, certain that your cheeks are now ten shades redder than they were moments ago. Trying not to look at the man across the table, you bring a hand up and cover your face.

“No! Ah, no, no, no! Not — not, no, uh friends! That’s what we are. We’re friends.” The waitress laughs at Taehyung’s fumbled attempts to clarify the situation. “Ugh, you know what, can we just — let’s just forget this happened. Can I get my usual?”

“Of course, of course. I won’t pester you two anymore about that, don’t worry. What can I get for you, dear?” The waitress redirects her attention to you.

“Um, let’s go for a surprise actually. I’ll get whatever he’s having too.”

“Coming right up! Drinks will be out in a few!”

“How do you know that my usual isn’t something disgusting like a bunless cheeseburger with extra mayo?” Taehyung asks once the waitress walks away from the booth. You laugh, settling into the booth a bit more.

“Hm, you don’t seem like the type?”

“Is that a question?”

“Well, I don’t know. From what I can tell, you don’t seem like a heathen who would do something so controversial. I think you’re a bit more traditional and classic.”

“Traditional and classic? Is that a way of calling me old?”

“No!” You can’t contain the smile on your lips any longer, surely looking like a grinning idiot at this point, but Taehyung beams back at you with such warmth in his eyes that you don’t care what you look like. “No, you aren’t old. Gosh, Taehyung. What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Someone too good for this world,” he responds without a beat of hesitation, smile faltering a bit as he speaks. “You…you are a person who has seen a lot of terrible and evil things, but you still see the good in the world nonetheless. You want to expect the best from people, and yet you’ve been disappointed so many times that you aren’t sure anymore. That’s why you’re studying linguistics and psychology. So that you can do something good in the future, something with an impact, something meaningful. You’re too good for this world, yea…no doubt about that.”

“Sorry, what?” Your hands are shaking in your lap. How could he…what? How did he figure all that out?

“I’m just assuming things!” Taehyung puts his hands up in defense, leaning against the back of the booth, and releases a huff that sounds like forced laughter. “I guess I said all that because I knew someone very similar. Projecting, that’s all. I’m projecting old thoughts and feelings. I should change the topic, yea? This is getting weird and creepy again. Have I always been so creepy?” Despite the nervousness swirling through your system, you revel in the levity Taehyung’s question brings.

“Yes,” you tease.

“What? I have not!”

“On occasion!”

“What does that mean?”

“Commenting on the flowers in my window qualifies as creepy!”

“Okay, but that was today. What about before today? I haven’t been creepy before now, right?”

“I’ll have to think about it, but I’m sure I can dig something up.”

“Oh, now you’re just playing games with me. That’s not fair, Y/N!”

“Now that wasn’t very fair, was it, Y/N? C’mon, you gotta play fair!”

You aren’t sure who you’re looking at anymore, who sits with you at this booth, what person laughs across the table — whether it be Taehyung, or some buried figment of your memory that digs its way out of the grave you stuck it in so that it can haunt you now — but it feels comfortable. Warms your body, makes you forget about the panic in your bones and the cold outside.

“I haven’t done anything unfair,” you counter. A grin plays at your lips as Taehyung tsks and shakes his head. The waitress returns to your table at that moment, interrupting the tension to deliver your food.

“Alright, you two. I’ve got two cheeseburgers with fries and two chocolate milkshakes. Enjoy, but not too much!” She scurries off before you or Taehyung can say anything about her cheeky comment.

“Traditional and classic enough for you?”

“I expected nothing less from a guy who sells flowers out of a small shop on the side of the road.”

“Wow, rude! I’m so offended, Y/N. My heart is hurt. I don’t know if I can recover after this. Maybe I’ll have to drop out of school and quit my business. This is too much.” Taehyung holds his hands over his heart, faking being struck by your words.

“Why did you set up the shop there anyways? It seems like a random spot, especially since there are lots of other places good for shops like yours.” You nibble on a fry after you ask the question, genuinely curious as to why Taehyung chose the spot he did. Not that you’re complaining because look where you are now haha. 

“Oh, I live nearby so it seemed like the only logical option for me.” You tilt your head to the side. Are there other apartments nearby? I looked all over when I bought mine, but I don’t remember seeing any others.

“If you don’t mind me asking…where do you live?”

“Look who’s being creepy now,” Taehyung teases. He flicks the toothpick on top of his burger at you, and you shield yourself with a fry.

“At least I’m asking! You just started talking about where I live with no context.”

“Okay, okay. I relent. You may be right, but you’re gonna kill me when I tell you.”

“Why?”

“I live in the same building as you.”

“You—what?” You nearly choke on the fry now lodged in your throat as Taehyung reveals the bombshell information. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Honestly, I thought you would figure out sooner because we’ve nearly run into each other multiple times. Also, I spilled a bunch of dirt on the stairs once when trying to re-pot some plants, and I definitely heard you complaining about it a few minutes later.”

“Wait, that was you?”

“Yea, I’m sorry about that by the way. I tried to clean it up with a rag, but then I realized that dirt plus water equals mud. So yea, that’s why there’s a dry patch of mud on the stairs.”

“Wait, that’s on the third floor set of stairs…” You think aloud, trying to put two and two together. Oh god. “Do you live on the third floor?”

“Hi neighbor?”

“Neighbor?” You do a double take, and your elbow connects with the edge of the table a bit roughly because a searing pain shoots up your arm as it hits.

“Surprise?”

You doing your best to think about who lives on your floor, the people who live on your left and your right, but to be honest, you don’t run into many people at the building. The only person you’ve come into contact with is Hifumi, and it’s always been unwilling encounters. You have no clue who you live next to.

“Wait, please tell me you don’t live in the apartment to the left of mine.” You press your thumbs against your temples in attempts to alleviate the pressure building there. Taehyung’s sheepish smile gives you the answer you don’t want. “I’m so sorry.” How many times have you slammed your fist against the thin wall because there’s been an ungodly amount of noise at an ungodly hour in the night? Or loudly cussed him out because of said noise? 

You really don’t want to think about the one time you brought a one night stand home just so that you could be as loud as possible to get revenge on your neighbor for the noise. 

Yea, no.

That would be a nightmare.

“I mean, I should be the one apologizing because I make a lot of noise some nights.”

“It’s fine!”

“Your response to it tells me that it really isn’t, but—”

“No, ha, no, it’s okay!”

“Although, you’ve been loud too on a few occasions. There was one night where I almost went to knock on your door because—”

“God, please, Taehyung! Let’s not talk about that. That was…a low point in my life, okay?”

This is a nightmare.

“This is not how I imagined meeting my neighbor.” Taehyung laughs at the exasperated expression on your face.

“What were you expecting?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Something stupid like “oh hey neighbor, I ran out of sugar for the cookies I’m making, got any extra?”. I can’t believe this.”

“Is that how you invited that guy over?” He’s snickering behind his hand, trying not to show how amused by the situation he is, but you are melting under the embarrassment. “He seemed to have a lot of sugar to give.” You slump further down in the booth and squeeze your eyes shut.

“Please, Taehyung, can we please drop it? I was — it didn’t mean anything.” Behind you, the door dings, signaling either the entrance or exit of a customer. You keep your eyes shut for a few more moments as though it’ll make the embarrassing situation fade. When you open your eyes, Taehyung is no longer looking at you. He isn’t smiling or laughing either. No, he’s staring at something behind you, something off in the distance. Eyes wide, and in his dark brown irises you see a reflection that feels all too familiar.

“Y/N, don’t move. Listen carefully, okay?” His voice has dropped an octave, if that’s even possible, and you can barely hear him through the sound of your heart beating in your ears. “Don’t turn around. Don’t do anything unless I tell you to. I need you to trust me, okay? I am going to pass you my phone. The code is 4488. You are going to pull up the messages — try not to look at any of the conversations. Type in Yoongi’s name and send him this message: I’m working on homework at the diner, wanna come hang out. Okay? Tap your index finger against the table twice if you can do that for me.” 

There are far too many thoughts running through your mind right now, and all of them relay memories that you never want to revisit. You can barely process Taehyung’s words. Nothing he’s saying is making much sense. People are yelling behind you, but their words bleed together into an incoherent mess. Still you manage to do as Taehyung says and tap your finger against the table twice. He slides his phone over to you and pushes his way out of the booth. You want to stop him, to grab his wrist and tell him to sit back down, because dammit. Dammit this can’t be happening now. Of all times, why now? 

“W-Wait, Tae—” 

“Trust me, Y/N. When you send the message, crawl under the table and keep your back against the wall as best you can. This will be over soon, I promise.”

“I-I can’t, I, Tae—” You can’t finish your train of thought, so you instead fumble with Taehyung’s phone. You can barely type the code in, and typing Yoongi’s name is another mess of its own, because you accidentally catch a glimpse of one of Taehyung’s messages.

They asked for 16 kilos to bank.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you cuss to yourself, feeling pinpricks in the corners of your eyes.

from taehyung, 8:02 p.m. unread

    - i’m working on hw at the diner, wanna come hang out? 

 A tear hits your cheek as soon as you send the message. You don’t glance behind you to see what Taehyung is doing now, the yelling continues, and you slide under the table while cradling the phone to your chest. It buzzes, vibrating against your skin.

read 

That’s all. 

No response, just a small notification saying “read”.

You dig your own phone out of your pocket, hastily typing a message of your own and sending it without double checking. You wouldn’t be able to see the words anyways because of the blur of tears. The shouting is intensifying, growing louder and louder, and you can hear a series of clicks resounding alongside the yells. Another buzz, and you glance at Taehyung’s screen only to find it dark. No, the buzz came from your phone instead. You want to throw up. The fry still stuck in your throat is giving you lots of good reasons to force it to come up.

from y/n, 8:06 p.m. read

    - i wish we’d never gone to the diner that night, i wish it never happened, i wish we never met so that i didn’t have to go through any of this. i wish you were here rn because it’s like a sick repeat of what happened that night and i’m so scared to lose another person the way i lost you. please please please don’t let this happen again. i can’t take it again

The fry does end up on the floor, along with the other contents of your stomach. It comes out with a quiet heave mixed with your silent sobs.

read

...

written by: jungtaeyoongles

a/n - WHOOPS that’s a cliffhanger so uhhhhhh new series i guess??? why do i do this to myself ;-;

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[camistired]

the peculiar one

chp. 3 // welcome to river-hell

not edited

january 23, 2019

word count: 3138

song: antidote by faith marie

one / two

-

I couldn't sleep. The feeling of dread washed over me, making my eyes stay stapled open as I lay on my back. The soft sound of the TV show I was watching on my phone bounced off the walls but never met my ears. All I could think of is what will happen in the few hour ahead.

I didn't hate school, surprisingly. I do excellent in my class besides the two I seemed to take a little longer to comprehend. It was the people at the school that made me feel this way. The whole group of people that I knew to be there, it all just seemed like a scene from 'Heather's' or 'Mean Girl's'.

Either way, I was not willing to be Cady or Veronica in this situation. I turn over to see my phone had turned off. I got out of bed and walk over to my bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet to grab my sleeping pills. I take one, seeing as I already took my dosage earlier and it was still not even working. I lay back down and eventually lost myself in a dream world. And a strange one at that.

I open my eyes to see myself in a basement of sorts. I gag as the smell of blood and rotten blood fill my nose. I look around to find an empty chair, ropes loosely hung around the back of it. I hear the faint sound of crying making me turn to see a woman with her head hung low.

When she looked up, her face was impossible to identify. It's as if the world scratched out her face to show absolute nothing. Her cries seemed to echo off the walls louder. Footsteps slowly made their way down, only to be met with another faceless person. It's as if the world didn't want me to see that these people were out there, somewhere, in the world.

The womans cries and got louder and louder, my ears ringing as it seemed to get to a pitch only a dog could here. Than it all just- stopped. The cries were gone, the scratches on their faces seemed to be changing hues every second, and the room slowly turned into nothingness.

My eyes pop open as I stare at my ceiling. The only words coming to mind were; what the fuck? Obviously sleep deprivation and my imagination are never a good mix for dreams. I look over at the clock on my wall to see it's only 6:17.

I groan inwardly and have up on sleep. What's the point? I'll have to get up in an hour anyways. I sit up and decide to rewatch 'The Breakfast Club'. It's genuinely one of my favorite movies from the eighties. Hell- one of my favorite movies in general.

I sat silently as I watch the opening as I relate to certain things and people. Obviously I relate myself more to Allison, being a bit of a basket case myself, but I can easily put myself in the others perspective. I also silently wish I could have a group of friends like theirs. Seemingly strangers with nothing in common, to all of a sudden be close to the hip and making jokes about each other's difference's. Who wouldn't want that?

I eventually get lost in the teen drama that I didn't even notice the sun rise or it being nearly an hour an twenty minutes later until my dad knocked on the door and peeked his head inside my room.y head popped up and I lock eyes with him, smiling softly. I pause movie as I focus on his words, unfortunately only catching the end of his sentence.

"- So with that being said, are you excited for your first day of high school?" he asked and all I can do is nod.

"Yea, I am. Who knows, maybe my nerves are just everywhere for nothing?" I try to be optimistic about today, but I'm just uneasy.

He smiles assuringly and giving me a thumbs up before turning out of the room and leaving, closing the door behind him. I quickly hop out of bed, and decide to pull on just some black jeans and a green t-shirt. I lace up my boots as another knock was heard, but this time by the window. Luna hissed from under my bed, making me chuckle.

I stood up and see Jughead by my window with a goofy smile on his face. I roll my eyes and open the window for him, "There's a front door you know."

"I know, but where's the fun in that?" He responds, climbing through my window with ease.

I roll my eyes, grabbing my glasses and sliding them on my face. "But if you use the front door, it doesn't look like I'm trying to sneak you into my room."

"You know a couple years ago you would have said something different." He chuckles at me as I stick my tongue out at him.

"That's then, this is now." I grab my backpack and pet Luna as she jumps on my bed.

Jughead went to do the same but instead he only got hissed at. He immediately retracts his hand and I laugh softly at the scene before me. "Don't take it personal, she doesn't like people."

"She likes you." he points out, heading towards the door. "I swear it's like somehow, someone was able to put your personality into a cat."

"Well I'd like to meet that person one day and thank them." I cut in front of him to head downstairs. I'm immediately hit with the smell of food. I sit my bag down at the leg of the dark wooden table. I grab a plate and grab a bit of everything that was available. I sit down at the table and start eating.

"You know not to expect this everyday, right?" Lila tease as she sits down across from me with her own plate of food. I nod to her as I continue to eat.

"Can I at least expect this every now and then?" Jug ask as he sat down next to me. His tone was teasing, but I knew he was almost completely serious.

"Sure Jug. Just let me know when you decided to move in with us and when you decided you get to choose what's for breakfast." Mar joined the teasing as she sat down next to Lila, who was stifling her laughter while also trying not to choke on her food.

"Okay, would you prefer a day or week's notice before I start to move in?" He asks his cousin after swallowing his food. I let out a small squeal while trying to stifle my laughter, only to cough as I choked on my food.

I heard a burst of laughter around me, only making me laugh more after I stopped coughing. After everything has calmed down, Jughead, Daniel, and I headed off to school. Daniel actually met up with a friend of his half way there, so now it was just me and Jug.

The silence between the two of us was a bit tense, but not knowing from what we didn't act on it. We slowly approached the school, the tension only seemed to be rising. Maybe I was the only one to truly acknowledge it causes when we walked through the doors of the school, he smiles as if nothing was wrong and offered to take me to the office to get my stuff.

I trailed slightly behind him as he lead the way to the office. The tension still there but than again it seems like I'm the only one to truly notice it.

Mabe it's just my nerves? That'd make sense, right?

I got my schedule and Jug offered to show me to my locker. I thought about this tour around Riverdale High, but I decided not to attend seeing if I needed directions, I'm sure Jug wouldn't mind showing me.

We had a few more minutes before class started so me and Juggie just stayed by our lockers – which were right across from each other's. We talked as if whatever I thought was wrong, wasn't wrong. It was if I imagined it all, and maybe I did. However, I felt much better now than I did walking to the school.

And before I knew it, class had started.

☾

I wasn't sure how I ended up where I did. I had lost Jughead a while ago, so now I'm sitting next to Archie with Daniel sitting behind me with his friends. Students were told to go to the gymnasium for something about a school dance that I honestly don't know of I cared about or not.

I look up front to see Cheryl standing at the podium, staring at the crowds of teens.

"Let's have a moment of silence for Jason." The room falls silent. I look up around, seeing if I can find Jughead, only to make eye contact with him as he shifts before looking back at his laptop.

"Thank you for that moment of silence. Many of you were lucky enough to have known my brother personally. Each and everyone of you meant the world to Jason. I loved my brother. He was and always will be my soulmate. So I speak with a confidence only a twin could have. Jason wouldn't want us to spend the year mourning." I make eye contact with Jug once more, after he finishes rolling his eyes.

"Jason would want us to move on with our lives. Which is why I've asked the School Board to not cancel the Back-to- School semiformal." The room erupts in cheers as I look over at Archie as he maked eye contact with a younger teacher.

"But rather, to let us use it as a way to heal, collectively, and celebrate my brother's too, too short life on this moral coral. Thank you all." Cheryl finishes as everyone seemed to clap. I watch as Cheryl walka away, letting everyone clean out the gymnasium before lunch started

☾

I sit under a tree at lunch time, surprisingly, not with Jughead. We got seperated as everyone was piling on top of each other to get out of the gym. I was looking down, drawing, as I heard someone approach me.

I slowly look up and my eyes meet with an unfamiliar brown pair.

"Hi. I'm Veronica Lodge. And who might you be?" She introduces herself, smiling brightly down at me.

"Uh.. Alexandria. Nelson." I reply, timidly. I knew who she was and who her parents were. It's probably weird that I know so many things about these teens parents, and they don't even know the half of it.

"That's a pretty name," Her smile never fell, in fact I'm pretty sure it grew when I hummed a small 'thank you', "You're welcome. Anyways, I saw you over here alone and wanted to invite you to come sit with me and my friends."

I look over at the table she was sitting at and see that Betty and Kevin staring over at us before I look up at her again.

I'm probably about to make a big mistake..

"Sure. Beats sitting here alone."

I gather my stuff and follow her back to the table with Betty and Kevin. I wave slightly as I sit down and take my sketchbook out again, and decide to continue some old family pictures.

There was an awkward silence, that I was blind to Betty and Kevin sat shifting from my presence at the table. Veronica glared at them as she probably thought that I didn't notice. However, I did notice but didn't show it.

Someone cleared their throat and I look up to see it was Veronica. I sit up straight and place my pencil on the table, turning slightly to look at her.

"So. I have a few questions. If you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to answer."

I nod slightly. She seems nice, nothing like her supposed manipulative father that I've heard about.

She smiles slightly and looks at my book, "So.. You're an artist?"

I nod once more,  "Yeah, I guess. Right now I'm just drawing an old picture of my mom bwck when she was in high school. It just helps keep my mind of things."

I slid my book towards her and show her the picture I'm recreating. I'm currently on the details, already having the main base line work done.

She nods  before grabbing the photo and analyze it, before putting it down and points at my mom, who was in the middle between my dad and Alice.

"Is that your mom?" She asks hesitantly. Noticing her being tence about asking the question, I just smile softly.

"Yeah.. That is."

"She's very beautiful."

"Thank you." I sigh slightly, "Her beauty ran throughout her. She was kind to everyone.. She thought everyone deserved a second chance.. Hell, push your luck, you may even got a third. She protected the ones she loves. Sometimes I don't even know how I could be someone better than her."

I shake my head as I stare at the picture. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I stare at her. Ehat sucks is that she could be dead somewhere and we wouldn't even know. She's been gone for years, and no one knows what could have happened.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Veronica panicked as she saw the tears fall down my face.

I shrug it off, wiping the tears away, "You didn't do anything. You have no reason to apologize."

I take the picture from her and place it back in my sketchbook.

"Thanks for inviting me, Veronica.. But I think I've over stayed my welcome." I glance over to the two looking at me before I say my goodbyes and got up to go hide somewhere.

I walk into the building and I find yhe music room empty. I look around before walking inside, closing the door behind me. I place my stuff by the door – after I grab my notebook – and go over to the piano, running my fingers over the keys. I sit down on the bench, sitting my notebook out in front of me.

I slowly start to play the piano as everything slowly started to become natural again. I smile softly before closing my eyes as I let my hands run over the keys.

"Finding refuge in my own lies.. ‘How are you?’ ‘I'm doing alright’.. Small talk is a great disguise– just let me be, just let me be.." I sang softly as I played the notes on the piano, "Empty thoughts start cloud my mind.. Am I only living, living to survive? Shake it off, but I lost the drive– just let me be, just let me be.. Let me be o-kay.

"No knows what goes on up inside my head.. There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread. No knows what goes on up inside my head, they don't think I need help but I'm scaring myself.. I just want be okay.. I just want to be ok."

I lost myself in the song, I didn't even notice the door open to whomever noticed me singing.

"All the voices in my head are coming to life.. They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified..! How do you tunf tom your own mind? Is this what I've become? Take back, what have I.. done?"

I didn't even noticed that I've started crying until a tear fell on my hand. I pull my hands away from the keys to wipe my face, chuckling to myself. I let the room become quiet before clapping was heard from behind me. I instantly pop up, making the bench fall at my sudden movement, as I look into a familiar pair of bluish green eyes, making my releax a bit.

"How long have you been there?" I ask, immediately fixing the bench before grabbing notebook and shoving it back in my bag. Jughead smirked teasingly.

"I didn't know you could sing." He dodge the question, looking at me sling my bag over my shoulder.

"You didn't answer my question, Jones." I pressed as I look at my shoes timidly. Anything seemed more interesting than the teasing male in front of me.

"How have I known you for years, but never realise you could sing?" At this point, he seemed genuinely confused. He was no longer teasing, but seemed more disappointed in himself for reason.

"It's something I did to help calm my nerves for a short while. As well as playing the piano." He nods and wraps a arm around my shoulder, "Let's go get this day ocer with."

☾

"So, Pop's?" Juggy asks as we walk along the bleachers outside. It was after school hours, it was still open due to after school activities. We just decided to stick due to pure boredom.

"Jug, you practically live at Pop's. You can wait another thirty minutes." I tease him as he groans playfully, making me laugh softly.

"Hey, Alex!" I hear someone call. Me and Jug turn to see Ronnie waving her down, in her new Riverdale Vixens cheer outfit, next to Betty, who is also wearing her outfit.

"Ronnie. Hi! What's up?" I call back, using my hand to keep the sun out of my eyes.

"Are you coming to the semiformal?" She asks, curiously.

"I dunno! School dances aren't really my thing!" I reply, squinting my eyes as my hand doesn't do much protections for my eyes.

"What do you mean? From what I heard, you're last school dance was probably a school Christmas party!"

"She's got you there." Jughead mumbles in my ear, making me elbow him in the stomach. "Ow!"

"C'mon! You can even bring mister Jason Dean behind you!" She points over to the beanie clad boy behind me.

"I'll think about it! I'll let you know my answer later!"

She nods before walking away with Betty. I turn to continue walking with Jug.

"Another school dance. Maybe this one can make up for the Valentine's Day one." He jokes.

"Is it wrong I wanna go?" I whisper, hoping he wouldn't hear, but he's right next to me, so of course he does.

"No. It's not." He stops and turns to me, "Let's make a deal. If I go with you to the dance, we have to leave early and go to Pop's."

I nod, "I'm ok with that."

He smiles as I smile back. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the actual school building, going inside to end the school day.

[thisismyroaring20s]

My track-by-track review of Pray for the Wicked (spoilers)

and by review I mean literally just my stream of consciousness while listening to the songs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If that interests you feel free to read on. (Update: the ratings are based on other Panic songs, not just songs in general)

1. (Fuck A) Silver Lining

I think this was the first song I listened to off of the new album, loved it then, still love it now "Out of the old, and into the new, we dedicate, this song to you" GREAT INTRO TO AN ALBUM, felt very We're So Starving-esque, except instead of 'don't worry we're still the same' it's 'we're different but it's fine' (you know what maybe it's more 'swear to shake it up if you swear to listen') and then you get slammed with FUCK A. SILVER LINING. heck yes fuck it up Bren. I like how he's like 'silver isn't good enough, we aiming higher dammit' Shoutout to 'Yonce. The bleep part at like 2:07 reminds me of the radio edit of Raise Your Glass by P!nk. This song is just a little too repetitive for me tbh 5/10

2. Say Amen (Saturday Night)

Does anyone know wtf the intro is saying? What language is that? Is it a language or is it gibberish? Someone help. I hear "ah-deh-jah". Chorus makes me wanna smash stuff, but that may be because of the mv. Again, what are these words? "mah-key-key-yeah" I need answers. Vocals are amazing, obvi. I like this song a lot, and it's my boyfriend's fav as of rn. Saturday, SATurday, SATURDAYEEEEE. YES. incredible tbh. 9/10

3. Hey Look Ma, I Made It

Wasn't sold on the intro at first, sounded boring compared to the others. "i'm a hooker selling songs and my pimps a record label" I love it, great line, was the first thing that I liked about this song. I really like the sound of the pre-chorus. "IF YOU LOSE BOO HOO, HEY LOOK MA I MADE IT" 😂😂😂 I screeched honestly. Chorus is super fun. "if it’s a dream, don't wake me" reminded me of Stay Frosty (shoutout to FOB, love ya 😘) "see it, I want it, I take it" reminded me of two things: 1. Emperor's New Clothes, lbr, "see what's mine and take it" and 2. Fireball by Pitbull "I came, I saw, I conquered or should I say I saw, I conquered, I came" IDK WHY DON'T ASK i hate myself for thinking of that too lmao. I really like the way the song ends, idk why, just sounds cool. As for the music video, honestly wtf. It just reminded me of glee and Ed Sheeran. lmao. I loved it though. Anyways, great song, fun as all get out 8.5/10

4. High Hopes

Yes that brass! 🎺 "didn't have a dime but I always had a vision" "I was gonna be that one in a million" A++ lines. I also live-tweeted/tumbld this song when it was released.

And I did this:

and Panic retweeted me nbd. Honestly I love this song sm, and I relate to it a lot because people are always like "you're never gonna make it (and I'm like "I don't wanna make it. I just. wanna. *guitar riff*" jk lmao) but my mom is like my biggest fan and believes in me a lot and I love her a lot. And I always feel like I do have high hopes for everything, and it doesn't always work out but like... you gotta try for what you want in life. And you gotta be you unapologetically. Okay, sappy time over. The stripped back part that starts at like 2:20 with just his vocals and the background vocals. I've ascended, that part is amazing and then the drums kick in and you feel it building 😍 YES. 9.5/10

5. Roaring 20s

Holy shit I love this song so much. Perfect anthem for the summer I turn 21. The sound of the band at first and then the piano joins in?! Hell yes. "the oddest of summers" would you say it's.. pretty odd?👀👀 lmao I'll see myself out. The line "maybe I'll medicate, maybe inebriate" really stuck with me for some reason, like I like it, but it also kinda concerns me. "Maybe I'll smile a bit, maybe the opposite" I just really like the way this sounds. "My telltale heart's a hammer in my chest" ya girl's an english major and we just studied this last semester, love it. ROLL ME LIKE A BLUNT CAUSE I WANNA GO HOME lmao. Super peppy, makes me wanna dance kinda chorus. "Oscars and Emmys and Grammys, everyone here is a trophy" honestly? Tea ☕. "Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire" I just like this line and wanted to point it out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The slowed down chorus is incredible, This. Is. My. ROARING. Roaring 20s. Can you tell this is one of my absolute favs on the album? Incredible. 10/10 👏👏👏

6. Dancing's Not a Crime

Started strong. Could tell from the first second this was gonna be catchy af. Shoutout to MJ, amirite? Lots of rhyming. Marauders. Harry Potter. "Dancing's not a crime unless you do it without me" adorable omg Bren ily. "Don't be throwin shade now"

Lmao, no but really, got a little repetitive tbh but adorable anyway. Honestly don't have much to say about this song, it was okay 4/10

7. One of the Drunks

Love the beginning. "orange juice" reminded me of 400 Lux by Lorde and I started laughing. I love the way he pronounces words in this song (esp "times" and "remedy") 😍 "Damn it's all good... I guess" relatable af. "high as the sun, uncomfortably numb" I just like this. The speaking at the end omgggg 😂😂"I SAW YOU FUCKIN LIFT THAT SAX UP TOWARD THE MICROPHONE! AND I FELL IN LOVE" i cried 😂 8/10

8. The Overpass

Um??...yes 😍 that big band opening? hell yea. "sorry to get sentimental tonight" but sentimental boy is his nomme de plume tho. "Someone still loves you" 👀 The song is super fkn catchy, i love it. "sketchy girls and lipstick boys" upgrade from testosterone boys and harlequin girls or nah? I think nah. The mere mention of perfume by panic will always make me think of nearly witches, sorry not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ THIS SLOW PART IS AMAZING I’M IN LOVE. "down to your blood type" a lil creepy but okay Bren cute. 9/10

9. King of the Clouds

Starts kinda abruptly tbh, but I like it. interesting lyrically imo, and I really like the emphasis he puts on parts of words. music is stellar. lyric video looks really cool w/the song. (Side note: Does anyone know what the symbols in the video that aren't hieroglyphics are? I wanna know, hmu if you know.) Not too crazy about the fast-forward-y high pitched part at about a minute in, it was a choice. "some only live to die, I'm alive to fly high-er than angels in outfields, inside of my mind" I love this line a lot tbh "I'm lost but I better find it alone" made me real sad bruh please you don't gotta be alone 😭 7/10

10. Old Fashioned

Very, very beginning, like first 5 seconds, gave me like Right Where You Want Me/Beautiful Soul era Jesse McCartney vibes. And then the intro went into cellphone/car commercial territory. Then the vocals started and it felt less commercial-y. Love the beat, it's real fun. Verse vocals felt like they didn't quite fit with the music. "seventeen's so gone" "remember your youth...they were the best of times" i'm cryign 😭. "always tip your bartenders" "get boozy" just made me laugh and the rest of the song made me sad. I live for parts of songs when like a chorus of people sing a line together, like gives you hell and the last chorus of this (esp the "pour out some liquor, make it an old-fashioned") #fuckmeup. The very end felt like it should have gone into a peppier iteration of the chorus, felt like it shouldn't have ended there. 7/10

11. Dying in LA

So pretty at the start. VOCALS OMG. "Stars are on the ground" walk of fame? "Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you" I WALK THIS LONELY ROAD. "when ya DYin in la" 😂 Is this just a continuation of LA Devotee? Is this what happens to LA Devotees? Wow the instruments in this song are so pretty. I wouldn't say it fades into WTDMTN like someone said, but it definitely sounds similar, it's just the choice of instruments. That was such a beautiful song. ❤️❤️❤️ Wow. 9/10 

[ask-svt-hearteu]

RANDOM CRAP THE ADMINS HAVE SAID TO EACH OTHER

admins: Hai everyone! To celebrate another follower milestone, we'd like to present-

RANDOM CRAP THE ADMINS HAVE SAID TO EACH OTHER (via announcements on our KakaoTalk)

(haha i hope this is funny and entertaining for you guys, also this was just us joking/messing around)

we sacrificed our sanity for this.

we need jisoos

MEMESOL DOES NOT APPROVE

i stay shook lol

YOU'RE WRITING NOT ME HEHE

IM JIHOON EVERYTIME THEY ASK HIM TO DO AEYGO

you can’t not love Diva boo

AND I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED

im getting the joshua roll

WE’RE NEVER READY

jess do you like messi

i ship everyone with everyone

I STAN CHILDREN

JISOOS CHRIST

Every carat ever: before discovering seventeen) dang there’s thirteen members… how am I ever going to tell them apart. After like a week: That’s jun’s leg

Me: I refuse to be shorter than lee Jihoon by an inch. My friend: wtf why

WHERE ARE YOU HIDING JISOOS

LET ME BE SHOOK

ALL OF SVT WILL COME FOR YOU EVENTUALLY

//INCOHERENT SCREAMING//

So do me a favor and back up to Antarctica thanks

You didn’t see me REGRETTING MY LIFE while editing fam

I was walking out of the movie theater singing mansae

you go to sleep later but wake up earlier what kind of sorcery is this

VERKWAN IS JUST LIFE

And they just sat there like, “don’t interrupt the crazy Joshua stan unless you want to die"

LIKE SWEETIE THE GROUND AINT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS

TWO TEEN TWO TEEN

OUR FOLLOWERS ARE WILD

XU MINGHAO.

ZOOMING HOW.

IF JEONGHAN HAS A KID WHO WILL BE HIS BABY

I was just having a mental breakdown

Me: “My life is hamburger” | My grandmother: you like hamburger? Go to Mcdonalds | Me: LMAO NO ITS JUST SOMETHING WONWOO SAID

THATS WHAT I GET FOR QUOTING WONWOO

I. CANT. BE. LEAF. I. FORGOT. LEGIT. ONE. OF. MY. FAV. GROUPS.

i need to think of romantic cheesy stuff

LETS MAKE IT SO FLUFFY EVERYONE WILL WANT TO DIE

Whatever group it is GotSeventeen

drink water kids not alcohol

do drugs kids not school

hoshi just chose me i didnt do anything

IM NOT CRYJING YOU ARE

STAN TALENT. STAN CHINA LINE STRONG POWER THANK YOU.

“kidney function is not a right its a privilege”

CHAN IS A QT”

Waiting for confetti to fly out of my heart like in aju nice

the fun part is if people want to complain about asks being off, they can't because asks are off

MY NAME IS SOONYOUNG AND I KNEW I'D CATCH YOU SOON

do you ever think of random svt moments at school and you're about to explode and your teacher is like do you think the Pythagorean theorem is funny

does anyone else just feel attacked if your bias so much as breathes I'm sitting here trying to have lunch and a random Joshua moment comes along and I nearly choke

Jeonghan is my main competition with Joshua so you can understand my pain

MAN IF ANYONE'S GONNA DIG OUR GRAVES, IT'S GONNA BE SEVENTEEN

TUMBLR SHOULD PAY FOR OUR SUFFERING LOL

get you a boyfriend who can make your heart race as much as svt can

WTF WHO INVENTED ANGST LEMME HUNT THEM DOWN

right like yo we ain't svt either empty your bank account and go to a fansign bc you ain't getting answers for free

what svt crack watching fan would think of anything besides meanie HONESTLY

lmao I saw the post we are a disaster

we are a hurricane

yea haha no SATAN BEGONE

WHERE IS YOUR TAG

HONESTLY I'M LIKE SOONYOUNG YOU LOOK HOT AF BUT PLZ DON'T EVER LOSE WEIGHT BC YOU NEED TO KEEP THOSE CHEEKS

I'D RATHER HAVE "THAT WOULDN'T BE GREAT" TATTOOED ON MY ARM

you know you've spent too long on tumblr when you start referencing yourself

kpop ruined and fixed my life

(a photo of Memesol with chips in his mouth like a duck beak staring into your soul)

yeah yeah I hope they can start dating after like 5 years? bc I want to see mini seventeens

I HELP PEOPLE DATE SVT BY WRITING AU'S OKAY

(about the hip-hop team's mixtape volume 14) I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK DARED TO TAKE OVER CHWE HANSOL'S BODY IMMA FIGHT YOU

AND WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT WONWOO HOW TO CURSE IN ENGLISH HANSOL I EFFING BLAME YOUR DRAKE SONGS

(Seri and me still dying over the hip-hop team's mixtape) SEUNGKWAN COME COLLECT YOUR MAN

TBH I'M THINKING JOSHUA DEFINITELY NOT AS HOLY AS WE MAKE HIM OUT TO BE WITH HIS LONG SHOWERING HEADASS

AND TO THINK I WAS LISTENING TO EYES NOSE LIPS BEFORE THIS UN HAENG II CHI II CHI BULLSHIT

(a photo of Wonwoo crying with the caption "*ulgo shipji ana*")

FRICK YOU AND SVT I HATE AND LOVE YOU ALL (finally done freaking out over the hip-hop team's mixtape)

LEE JIHOON IS SHAKING IN HIS GRAVE

I KNOW WHO KILLED LEE JIHOON, YOU DID WITH THIS MDROXKBSNCOSWG

I've already sold my soul to seventeen, what more do you want

when you can't Hangul properly

PLEDIS. STOP. FREAKING. SLEEPING.ON. TALENT. AND. DPERIVING. US. (about China line)

has Joshua ever cried bc of Naruto

Svt was an experimental group sent to us by other beings in the universe bc they thought the earth was too dark and depressing without them

I must have been too focused on Hoshi's arms

where can I find a cup of black coffee that tastes like cotton candy

BASICALLY I WAS PUSHED INTO HOSHI LIKE SOMEONE WOULD BE IN OUR AU'S

I'M SORRY THAT THE MERE MENTION OF SHUA RENDERS ME AS USEFUL AS A BLADE OF GRASS

WOW KWON SOONYOUNG YOU DRINK SO PRETTY

tags you'd use on tumblr: #UM #THAT'S ILLEGAL

I NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL I'M STUPID LOL

"hold up is soonyoung 17 years older than me?" "wow what a coincidence" "wtf seri he's 7 years older than you"

me thinks, "okay cmon we can get like 3 au's done today"

reality hits me like, "lmao watchu saying you don't got no time turner"

SERI MY DAUGHTER I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU SOME ENCOURAGING AND INSPIRING WORDS BEFORE YOUR FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS CRITICAL FOR YOUR SUCCESS- stan svt

and I have the soonyoung syndrome

I think I just died and have no more lives left

I have to write dates for thirteen 18+ year old boys

pffffffftttt sleep is for the weak

you're never gonna find another friend like me ;)

I CAN'T USE MY TIREDNESS AS AN EXCUSE FOR CRAZY GOSH

we're fuckin screwed

I feel like a swimming fool

wow you doing drugs? lame, I'm writing svt au's GET ON MY MOTHERFUCKA LEVEL

but all my svt songs are my night songs, my shower songs, my hw songs,,,

and I said, "you know I probably couldn't eat that ice cream bc I'm too salty"

I said, "you're a prefect match for that ice cream because you're so sweet" ;)

may Hong Jisoo be my guiding light (crying emojis)

and I thought 'I like suffering so might as well'

my relationship with angst is pretty much the same as my relationship with seventeen

HAVE AN EGG TART

MY FAV IS KWON SOONYOUNG AND NO I'M NOT BIASED OR ANYTHING PFFT

I can't listen to boom boom without a flannel or dress shirt on so I can stick out the side like they do at the beginning choreo:,,,)

I like svt //finger guns// //runs away//

I'd gladly be collected by soonyoung thanks

where do I sell my soul to get a studio version?

[qnangelica-blog]

Stained Glass Eyes

Note: I’m a new fic writer! I love writing but I’m also super busy so I’m not sure how frequently I’ll get to write but I’m doing this so hopefully more often than not. Lmao also I started writing this like 2 years ago for a completely different fandom so the first few chapters (bc there will be more than one) the writing could be a little weird, I’m editing them and such but they’ll most probably be different than later chapters bc I’d like to hope that my writing has improved since then :) This is the 1st chapter, so it’s just getting things started, let me know if a part 2 is wanted!

Pairing: Lafayette x reader

Summary: (High School! AU) Lafayette and (Y/N) are seniors, and their paths only crossed under an unfortunate (and unlikely) event.

Warnings: some swearing, semi-badly translated french

Word count: 2310

Laf

“Merde” was my first thought as I walked into the school building. Three years into American high school, and I was not having une bonne fois (a good time). My friends were great, but I can’t say the same for Ridgeview High School. I was ready to go and explore the country, to bring justice to those who need it most. Instead, I was stuck in an old (and kind of dirty) building learning mostly boring things. Seulement une année de plus. Seulement une année d (Only one more year to go. Only one more yea)-

“Laf!” Hercules, one of my best friends (and partner and crime) yelled. He started barrelling towards me, having no mercy for the poor freshman he mowed down on his way over.

“Herc!” I shouted back, not being able to help myself. I ran towards him too, but, he wanted to high five, and I wanted to hug, so he ended up slapping me in the face and we both stumbled a bit.

“Fun.” I muttered, reeling slightly from the force of Hercules’ slap. Herc was laughing, seemingly unaffected by nearly falling to the ground. He was one of the few people I acted like a relatively normal person around. To most at Ridgeview, I was the aloof Frenchman, who wouldn’t give many people the time of day. I was with the “in crowd”, and no one could touch us. It bothered me that my friends and I didn’t bother to associate ourselves with people lower down on the “social pyramid", but Burr and Jefferson insisted that we had an image to keep up. As much as I enjoyed their friendships, their elitist attitudes really irked me, to the point where I could only take small doses of them. When we graduate Alexander, Herc, John, and I plan to band together and do something to help people in need. We just can’t agree on what to actually do. Start a nonprofit, become politicians, go on speaking tours, whatever it will take to make change.

“I would ask you how your summer was, but I spent most of it with you. How’s life?” Hercules asked.

“Eh, c’est pas grave, mais- (it isn’t bad but-)” I started talking but he was quickly distracted by Alex and John walking toward us.

“Johnny boy!” Herc yelled, yet again, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Jerkules!” John shouted back. Good to see he hadn’t changed a bit.

When they got to us, I smiled at Alexander. “‘Bonjour, Hamilton.”

“Salut, Lafayette, ça va (Hi, Lafayette, how are you)?” He grinned back at me.

I rolled my eyes. “Je ne suis pas un grand admirateur d’ici (I’m not a big fan of here).”

Alex slapped me on the back. “Well, feel sad no more!” His signature grin spread across his face, then he nudged John.

“Attention people of Ridgeview’s main hallway!” Multiple people looked up, some getting their phones out in order to spread the word of whatever John was about to say. “Alex and I are having a party at my house this weekend. Tell all of your friends!” he yelled.

“Except Thomas!” Alexander quickly added, only half jokingly.

Everyone immediately burst into excited chatter; people knew John and Alex threw the wildest parties, so it was no question that the turnout would be huge. I, for one, was quite excited. I loved their parties, particularly because of the chance of les jolies filles (pretty girls) attending.

I talked to Herc for a minute before turning around to find John and Alex making out against my locker. “Hey! Non! If you two could not taint my locker, that’d be great.” John pulled away and smiled sheepishly, but then proceeded pull Alex a locker over and continue their antics.

I quickly got my Physics II book out of my locker so I could not have to see any more of John’s tongue being that far down Alex’s throat, and hurried down the hall to catch up with Herc, who was on his way to find his English classroom.

 “Herc! Attends (wait)-” I bumped into someone on my quest for my friend. I looked and was momentarily taken aback. Elle est trés belle (she is very beautiful). Her (Y/E/C) quickly drew me in. I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be friendly with those not in my social circle. I had never wanted to disagree with Burr’s philosophy more. However, after seeing a flash of fear in her eyes, I snapped out of it.

“Watch where you’re going.” I said, harshly. I know it was a bit cold, but I can’t show weakness or associate myself with someone as unknown as her, because I feared Jefferson, as did the rest of the school (except maybe Hamilton). I pushed down the emotion that came with bumping into her, and remembered what Jefferson said: “if you didn’t know who they are, then they must not be that important.”

It was lunchtime, and I was so relieved. Physics really was not my cup of tea, Mr. Jones’ lectures made sense when I was there, but as soon as I received the homework all of his words flew out the window.

“Laf!” Herc shook me lightly. “You’re totally out of it. What gives?”

“S’il te plait (please), never speak like that again. And I just had to go through more than an hour of electric fields.” I smiled lightly. Everyone at the table groaned, starting to complain about their teachers and classes they had this year.

I looked over to Jefferson, who was sitting a couple of people away from me, as far away from Hamilton as possible. He smiled lightly at me and waved. “How’s your first day of school going so far, Laf?”

“Like I said, J’ai plus de une heure de la physique. Je préfèrais être mis dans un champ électrique que apprends plus de choses sur eux (I had more than one hour of physics, I would rather be put in an electric field than learn more things about them).” I said, scrunching my nose up and earning some chuckles from my friends at the table.

“Okay, but you notably did not say that earlier, because you were speaking in English at that point,” John pointed out, Hercules nodding as well.

A collective chuckle spread across the table, then quieted down slightly, everyone having their own conversation. Honestly, the lunches at my school weren’t half bad, nobody really complained about them, and they had all the elements that are needed for a growing teenager. It was surprisingly good for the classic American high school. I looked around the room, and my eyes immediately landed on cette belle fille (that beautiful girl) I bumped into earlier. She was sitting next to girl with dark hair and a pink dress, who was talking to her, but she didn’t really seem to notice. She was staring right back at me. I quickly averted my eyes, making sure no one had seen the exchange. Like I said before, I wasn’t really supposed to associate myself with people outside the group.

A few minutes later, I looked back, but this time the mystery girl averted her eyes when I caught her staring for the second time. Je me demande qu’elle veut. (I wonder what she wants).

The lunch bell rang, causing a collective groan to ripple throughout the cafeteria. No one wanted to go back to class, obviously. I had U.S. History next and I was okay with that. I liked learning about this still kind of new country, and what lead to the systems in place today. That was my last period because I had a free one after that, so I planned on just going to the library and hoping to get a computer to study before Alex drove John and I home.

However, all throughout history, I couldn’t get that girl out of my head.

(Y/N)

The first day back at school was always one of the best. You walked into the Ridgeview doors slowly, taking in the environment you would be in for the next nine months.

You didn’t mind school, you were an honors student and on the student council. You kind of just cruised along socially, some people knowing who you were, and others not (despite you being friends with some of the most known and respected people in school), and that was mostly how you liked it. You were excited for the first council meeting tomorrow, you wanted to see if something could be done about the lack of functioning computers in the library and the state of the school bathrooms, you only ever used the one at home.

Along with making changes to the school, you help out with the special ed students when you can. No one really messes with the student council, not because you’re all badass and terrifying-- quite the opposite, actually-- it’s just that you make meaningful changes and people respected you for that.

Suddenly, you heard a familiar voice project throughout the hallway. “Attention people of Ridgeview’s main hallway! Alex and I are having a party at my house this weekend. Tell all of your friends!” John Laurens shouted.

“Except Thomas!”

Hmm, a party. You’ll have to ask your friends about whether you wanted to go or not. You quickly went to your locker to get your French textbook and hurried to class so as not to be late.

“Herc! Attends-” you slammed into someone when walking down the main hallway. You recognized that voice. Oh no, you just ran into Marquis de Lafayette.

You looked up slightly, feeling embarrassed. You definitely had a slight crush on him. Thinking about him may or may not have made heat rush to your cheeks. You made eye contact with him; his face was blank for a split second before a look you couldn’t really read crossed it.

“Watch where you’re going.”

Oh. You nodded slightly and scurried away. Your crush on Laf was one sided and shallow. It’s clear that he’s super hot, it’s quite hard not to like him. He could be cold, distant, and mean, and didn’t like to associate himself with people who weren’t as popular as him. Oh well, you could always admire from afar, and pretend that he was super nice and wanted to make out with you… kind of like how Alexander and John were against someone’s locker. As cool as you thought they were, you were not incredibly enthusiastic to continue watching.

You hurried along to your class, trying to see if you could find your friend Angelica on the way. You had no such luck, not finding her in the halls. Suddenly, a pair of cold hands clamped themselves over your eyes. “Guess who?”

Spoke too soon. “Eliza!” you exclaimed jokingly, knowing it was not her. You turned around, smiling at your best friend. Her eyes were curious, her dress was pink, and her mood was fierce. She was holding a can of Peace Tea (typical) and a little box in her outstretched hand.

“What’s this?” you asked, taking the box from her.

“Well, I didn’t see you all summer because I was in Florida, so here!”

You opened the box, seeing an assortment of little charms for a bracelet she had gotten you on her vacation. The charms shimmered and glinted in the fluorescent hallway lighting, and made a delightful jingling sound as you picked up the bracelet and inspected it. You’re sure Angelica had spent a lot of time trying to find charms that said something about you, and you engulfed her in a hug. “Thanks so much, Angel!”

“It’s Angelica.” she grumbled playfully.

“Yeah, well tell that to kindergarten me who didn’t know how to pronounce your name,” you smiled. “What do the new charms mean?”

Angelica grinned. “This one,” she pointed to a little fist, “represents our friendship, because we’re bros.”

You snorted, doing your best jock imitation. “Totally, my main dudebro!”

She rolled her eyes and continued. “This one’s a needle, to represent sewing the broken heart charm back together.” Wow, Angel had put a lot of thought into this. “The boxing gloves is what ur boo thang Laf does, and the best person in the universe, a.k.a. me, so obviously you have to have a charm to remind you of us.”

You gave her a look of horror, making sure no one had heard her announce your crush on the school’s resident frenchman. It’s not like it wasn’t uncommon for people to have crushes on him, especially considering his looks, but even so, if anyone heard that you had a crush on the Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette, you would never live it down. “Shhhh!” you shoved Angelica lightly.

She laughed, showing you the last charm. “This one’s a shooting star, representing my knowledge that you’re going places with your life, and the fact that you should always remember that your dreams are possible and worth reaching for.”

You pulled her into a hug. She put so much thought into this, you really couldn’t have asked for a better best friend. “Thanks so much, Angel. I got you some knuckle tape but it’s at my house, you can come over after school if you want.”

“It’s all good, girl. And sure, I’ll meet you out front after school, I gotta go give Peggy her charger and head to music.” And with that Angelica walked off down the hallway, being mindful of the lost freshman.

You gently readjusted your french book that Laf had jostled and headed off to class.

At lunch, you and Angelica sat together, along with Peggy, Eliza, Sally, and Maria. You arrived to the table, quickly falling into conversations about your summers and excitement for the upcoming year. However, you quickly became very busy staring at Laf, Angelica and Maria were trying to figure out the equation of the curve of Peggy’s butt with their graphing calculators, and Eliza and Sally were having their own little conversation.

Angelica leaned over and nudged you. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

You laughed. “As if I haven’t stalked his social medias for selfies all the time. I have seen many pictures in my years, young woman.” You continued to stare. You couldn’t help yourself, he was just so goddamned attractive. You’re pretty sure you could start a fan club for his biceps, you probably wouldn’t be the only one in it. The way his nose crinkles slightly when he smiled, or his tan skin, or how you really wanted to run your hands through his thick hair…

You were so busy staring and daydreaming that you didn’t notice him looking back at you. As soon as you snapped out of it, he quickly averted his eyes.

You hit Angelica’s arm repeatedly until she looked at you. “I just made eye contact with Lafayette,” you squeaked.

“I’ll start planning the wedding immediately.” She rolled her eyes, chuckling lightly at your antics, then added: “He’s not that great, you know.”

You mock gasped at her. “Angelica! We all know he’s all that great… looking.” You sent her a goofy smile.

She tried not to smile as she replied. “True.”

You looked back, just to see him staring right back at you. You were the one to avert your eyes this time. You turned to Angelica and started talking to her quietly, asking her what the eye contact could’ve meant.

Angelica just rolled her eyes again. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to get the invites out fast enough, your relationship with him is moving so fast!”

You laughed sarcastically. “Oh, ha fucking ha, Angel. You are actually the funniest person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

“I know, I’m hilarious.” She stood up and bowed dramatically.

“Hey, did anyone hear about Lams’ party?” Maria asked the table.

“Oh yeah, what do you guys think?” I asked, looking around at your friends’ faces.

“Hell yeah I’m in, I’m always ready to look hot and find a cute guy!” Peggy exclaimed. After getting a look from Eliza and Angelica, she coughed. “I mean, I always love partying responsibly!”

“Alright, calm down Pegs.” Sally said, causing a collective laugh to spread throughout the table.

“I’m fine with it.” Eliza said, having everyone agree with her.

“Alright, we’ll go then.” You said.

“Yes! Squad up!” Peggy yelled.

“How about shut up?” You laughed, pushing her shoulder lightly to let her know you were joking.

Shortly afterwards, the bell rang, and you all made your ways to your respective classes. After school, Angelica and Eliza came to yours, and you studied and argued passionately about conspiracy theories. They went home later, and after they left, you ate and went to sleep, preparing yourself for school the next day.

[sable-longclaw-blog]

Campfire Confessions - Part One

Ebony hair hung in loose and carefree curls over her shoulder as Sable peered carefully at a set of old dark leather saddle bags within the local Leather-working shoppe in Stormwind. She always had her golden eyed gaze on a vest too, one that matched the bags in particular.

Her best friend, Kathreine had recently purchased a motorbike and Sable wanted to give her something special, especially after all the shit the pale performer had been through lately.

At the last minute that morning at breakfast, the two women had made plans to ride down into Westfall and camp together, needing a bit of time to themselves to talk a few things out and just flat out be girls for a night without the influence of Stormwind City's excited night life.

And honestly, after what Davius had told her the night before, the ebony skinned assassin needed a breather. She loved him so dearly, but she needed this time with Kathreine to help her sort out her fears and doubts about the situation - and this overnight outdoor slumber party of two would be just perfect for that...

--Below is the Roleplay collaboration done with @kathreine, between Sable and her! Thanks twinner for making that RP so awesome! NSFW: Obscene Language, Mentions of abuse, murder, and sex below. [[ Edited for aesthetical purposes for the reader]]--

Sable soon found herself knelt down towards a fire in the middle of Dagger Hills. Her eyes gazed into it as she stoked it just a bit with a stick. She looked up as Kathreine arrived just in behind her, eyeing over the woman's new bike again, "I gotta say, Kat.. Shit suits you up an' down." She laughed out softly shaking her head. She then rose to her feet, moving over towards her own bike and opening up the left saddle bag, its sleek black leather with fringes and silver studs glittering a bit in the low firelight. The assassin then pulled out something of nearly equal size, wrapped up in flat black paper with a simple bow around it. She went to the other side and pulled out another of the same thing. She grinned lightly as she offered them out to Kat. Once her friend opened them, there would be two brand new saddle bags, ready for use along with the straps that would attach them to Kat's bike. They were a deep brown, crackling leather - distressed on purpose with fringes on them as well. The buckle that held them closed held the sad/happy theatre masks upon them with glimmering ruby eyes. "Figure you'd get some use outta these. Saw 'em an' knew you had to fuckin' have 'em. Hope you like 'em, sister." Sable beamed to beam with pride as she handed over those loosely wrapped bags, as if inducting Kathreine into some secret club only they were apart of.

The slightly taller, pale and raven haired woman that was Kat, lifted her leg up and over the back fender as she stepped off the bike and gave the kickstand a swift tap with her boot, pulling it down. She steadied the bike, making sure the kickstand wouldn't sink into the dirt and quirked a brow at Sable, "Yea, I was thinkin that too. Been thinking it since I saw it. It's kinda complicated lookin', and looks like it's been through a long process if bad choices and mad genius." She chuckled faintly, eyeing over her new motorbike with adamant pride. "The paint's not even finished in places, but damn thing runs smooth and fast." She glanced over to Sable, watching her pull items out of her saddle bags, furrowing her brow. Her eyes widen when she lays eyes on the deep brown saddle bags as her slender digits began to unwrap them. "Godsdammit B! You said a present, but I wasn't expectin' something this nice!" She quickly rushed over and hugged her friend. "Thanks, B..." She tittered out with a lot of sisterly affection in those two syllables. After a moment, she let go of Sable and gestured to the bike. "Wanna help me put em on? I've never had my own bike before." She chuckled and smiled to the faces on the bags. "These must've costed a lot, B... Ya really didn't have to... but I love them, I really do. Those eyes..."

The dark skinned killer shrugged a bit in nonchalance, her expression mirthful and at ease. Laughing out, she moved over, taking one of the bags and kneeling towards the back of the bike. She settled the straps around the place jutting out just for that, latching them tight, "Don't worry 'bout the cost, Kat.. You deserve 'em." She smiled over her shoulder at the woman, making sure for a moment that the other was watching her carefully. "Now.. see how I did that? It ain't hard.. How 'bout you try an' put on the other one, hm?" Sable lofted a brow at the woman, standing up and adjusting her leather vest. "Oh.. one more damn thing." Her voice rang out again in sudden remembrance, frowning mildly at herself as she nearly had forgotten the most important gift.

She moved over to her bike again, dipping her hands down into her saddlebag, fishing around. She procured a box this time, holding it out for Kat to open. When Kat got the box open, there'd be a vest, identical to Sable's in many ways, but the same color as her new bags. On its back was embroidered those same masks in very detailed and colorful threads. "Can't be ridin' wit'outcha cut." The dark woman snickered out, beaming brightly towards her friend. "Don't even -ask- me how much all this costs, a'ight? It ain't a damn problem."

The aerialist watched as Sable attached the bag, cocking her head to the side like a damn dog. She hummed out, "Guess so, just been a bad fucking last couple of weeks, but I'm not a pansy bitch. I'll get passed all this, I think." She laughed, wondering if she really was actually going to survive as she claimed, though she -did- manage to add the bag to her bike.

"So--" She stood up, pausing her words as Sable went back to her bike and turned back around with a box and eyed it as she held it out. The black haired woman gingerly took the box and made her way to sit by the fire, "Alright, B... I know I've had a shit time with men and all over the last couple of years, but I'll get--" She hushed once she saw what was inside the box and slowly pulled out the vest. Her eyes teared up a bit and she quickly sniffled her nose and snuffed the emotions out, "This is gorgeous, B... and.. Well, okay. I won't but, I don't feel right takin' all this." 

She gingerly spoke those words, but also while putting it on. "This is about as fancy as some of my costumes, B. You really got me pegged!" She chuckled out and exhaled a long sigh, "I brought some food in my pack, if you're hungry. Brought some chocolate bars and taffy, too. This taffy is some of the best shit I've ever had." She tried changing the subject a bit, away from the obvious troubles she's been having.

Sable laughed out softly, shaking her head, "Nah, I ain't hungry jus' yet. I ate a good dinner with Davius before you an' I decided to roll down here, but you go 'head if you hungry." She kicked back a bit of a distance away from the fire, stretching her legs out and crossing them over each other. Her palms rested on the ground and her eyes stared at the sky a moment, it seeming to literally glitter with stars. "An' you ain't getting away that easy, bitch. I know some shit is botherin' you, darlin'. You needa tell me what's going on.. I wanna help you, ya know?" She relayed with deep sincerity in her voice and gaze as her eyes turned towards Kathreine. 

The performer was Sable's first ever -real- friend.. not someone she had to be fake to, someone she could actually get close to without fear of having to kill them, or cut them loose once the attachment was made. And, she couldn't even say that much about Davius... having no idea what the Uncrowned would make her do, or just do themselves if they found out her connection to him. "Its more'n just shit luck with men tha's got you down, baby girl. I ain't fuckin' stupid." The assassin remarked confidently, and with genuity that she never showed anyone but Kat and Davius. She reached up a leather gloved hand, her fingers free and gave Kat a light shove of her shoulder in a lovingly friendly manner. "So c'mon.. lets spill."

Kathreine folded her legs, crisscrossed and placed her hands in her lap, "It fits perfect, thanks for this." She cleared her throat and turned her gaze to the fire, "I'll hold off on dinner since that breakfast we had this morning." She brought a hand to rub the back of her head and then decided to remove her gloves as she spoke. Her eyes were downcast, and so many things swirled through her head, she wondered if she could even gather them all up correctly enough to even begin to tell Sable what was bothering her, but she was surely going to try. "Well, since leavin the faire I've kinda been on my own really. I mean, I live on the Ludlow estate in my wagon and Lady Ludlow said I could stay as long as I want. I don't even have to pay anything as long as I keep up the grounds around camp." She shrugged slightly, "Guess it's kinda like my own place, really. It's just kinda empty." 

Her troubled gaze looked to Sable as she set her gloves aside, "I'm used to being around lots of folks and it's too fucking quiet in my little corner, sometimes." She chewed at her bottom lip in thought for a moment, then turned her gaze back to the fire. 

"I was married to a gorgeous man once." Kathreine continued with a slight bit of hesitation. "He was beautiful inside and out, until he lost both of his brothers. Something just kind of snapped, I guess." She gave a mild shrug of her shoulders, continuing on with her tale. "He got real possessive over me and got violent when I tried to distance myself due to the black eyes he'd leave on my face from time to time." 

Her speaking ceased a minute and a hand raised to quickly brush away a tear, before it had a chance to be seen. "I felt forced to marry him, was really scared he'd kill me if I didn't." She looked to Sable, giving brief pause in her words to make sure she was either still listening, or following along with her words. She was simply desperate to get this shit off her heart and her mind. "Met another man that was sweet to me during the whole ordeal. He found me near beat to death when I tried leaving my husband. He nursed me back to health and he got killed for doing it... so well, B... I killed my husband." She felt the sting of tears welling up in her eyes, "I loved him so much, B... Just, who he was and what we were before things got bad, really."

She cleared her throat and wiped her face again. She was lightly sobbing by this time, and the performer's lips and words quivered just a bit as she spoke them so deeply. "He would've killed me had I not killed him first, I just know it. Just two that can't live with or without each other, I guess." She narrowed her eyes and turned her gaze to Sable, seeking understanding from her friend. She had no idea what the other woman actually -was- or did in her working and spare time. She didn't realize or expect the understanding she was going to get once her story was done. "I wasn't gonna be the one to die over it though, either." Her expression relaxed some after she loosed those few words into the air. "He was nearly twice my age. Not sure what it is about older men, but it's obvious I'm attracted to them, but with that comes lots of fucking baggage too. Not like I can't handle it, but it's gettin’ me hurt."

The raven haired murderess listened silently to Kat's story, nodding her head along with pursed and thoughtful lips. She sighed outward as a tilt of her head was given, the fire flickering a bit in her turmeric hued gaze, making it appear the irises were fire themselves. She gave long and hard thought to what she was about to speak on, weighing her options of revealing her secrets to Kathreine as if her life and other's lives depended on it. Her mind was in a storm and this resulted in her remaining silent for a bit when Kat finished, mulling over everything in her mind before she spoke. "You ain't alone in those things, Kathreine." She stated firmly, but quietly. Her voice was distant as her memories began to flood her mind to a point of drowning her, but she didn't show an ounce of that. She couldn't, having to step outside of herself as she often did upon fateful nights when work -had- to get done.  She, also, didn't look up at the woman, her heart hurting for her friend and the old wounds ripped open once more of her Braenen.

"I was -about- to be married one time, actually." Sable  snorted out a soft and humorless laugh; a singular sound. No tears welled in her eyes as she told the story. For him and herself, she had cried them all out. "His name was Braenen, an' he was goddamn beautiful.." Her voice spoke out evenly, truly calm and composed - scarily so. "People I.. work for caught wind of me gettin' close with him.. An' mind you I was young - very young. Freshly eighteen.. and he was twenty two. Our jobs crossed an' he saw some shit I did that he wasn't suppose to. I was ordered to take him out." She began chewing the inside of her cheek, falling silent a bit. The memory of him catching her with that red bandanna around her neck, killing her soon to be father-in-law haunted her daily, and she could feel the ghosts of it piling in around her. 

Her expression only hardened deeper then, shoving that shit down to a part of her she couldn't reach as she drew a knife then as she settled up right again. Shapely legs drew upwards and bent at the knee, though she didn't hug them. She only lay her arms over them, picking at her nails with her dagger. She knew she wasn't followed, so she opted to speak a bit more freely, "He came home one night, an' I was waitin' on him. He took me to the bedroom.. an' as soon as shit got heated.. I was on top of him and I shoved it right through his heart. I looked him in the eyes an' watched the cutting betrayal he experienced.. and the light leave him." She then looked over at Kathreine, her turmeric hued eyes full of undoubted pain and worry. "Scares me shitless about gettin' this close with Davius.. I can't do it again, Kat."

Kathreine sat just as silently as the woman before her did as she told her own story. Slowly she felt her troubles lighten as Sable began confessing her own plights. She turned her gaze away from Sable and stretched out just like her companion, leaning back with her hands in the dirt, crossing her legs with her boots bumping against one of the rocks of many that created a ring around the fire. The woman blinked her eyes a couple of times as she wasn't expecting to have much more than drinking and good company with the woman next to her. She turned her gaze to Sable as she finished, letting a bit of silence linger before she began to speak. "I didn't know this about you, B... but now that I do know it, this mean you're gonna put a dagger in my heart before the night is over?" She smirked with a wink, trying to make light of the heaviness that clouded around them at the moment like a vacuuming void. 

"If you do, just let me get drunk first. I think I'm fairly ready to leave this world at any given time. I really just don't give a fuck what happens to me anymore." She shrugged, "You did what you had to do and so did I. I loved Aaren with all my heart, body, and soul... a part of me died when he took his last breath." She cleared her throat, trying to give her friend a little reassurance with her words, as they came from deeply within her heart. "Least D seems to not be a dumb fuck so maybe he'll stay out of the way." She chewed her bottom lip a minute as she hummed in thought. "I'm no killer and I don't really know what it is you do exactly, but rest assured I'll stay out of your way. Nobody really takes me too seriously anyway." 

She smirked and laid back on the ground, "Just a clown to most folks. A clown that wants to make everyone's day, but as soon as the show is over the clown is left alone while everyone else goes on their merry way without another thought of the one that put the damn smile on their face to begin with."

Sable didn't smile, even at the light-heartedness of Kat's words. She just looked over at her with a peircing and serious expression, confessing her biggest secret without even second thought. Her full trust in the woman was on display, and she felt the stinging vulnerability of it. She did not let that stop her from speaking. This woman of all people deserved to know her, and really know her.. to an extent. Her eyes then stared into the campfire as she began to speak, the depth of her words adding more weight to the air, even as the wind blew lightly about them.

 "I -am- a killer, Kathreine. I got more blood on my hands than most folks twice my age." The assassin then took a deep breath in, going back to picking at her nails a moment before she leaned back a bit. She tugged her pants down just enough to show the dip between her hip and stomach. Upon the skin was tattooed a small black and gray-wash crown, broken down its middle, two daggers pointing down towards it on either side. To most it would appear as just a tattoo that some biker bitch thought looked fancy, but to those who actually knew of its origins.. and what work Sable actually did.. Well to those people, depending on what side they stood on with her, it meant either their death, or their strongest ally. "You recognize that symbol, Kat?" She looked at her friend with an almost fear... fear of everything the woman could think about such a thing. She quickly pulled her pants back up though, settling her self into her prior position, her eyes in a hard gaze upon the fire. "I've done things, baby girl... That no damn body could even imagine. An' the whole fucked up thing about it. Is I enjoy it. I -enjoy- it." She reiterated on a shaking breath as if she just realized the true monster she was - though truly, she'd always known. "But no, you got nothin' to worry about." She assured quietly, as if she half expected to lose all trust from the woman, and that her words wouldn't be believed.

---TO BE CONTINUED--

@kathreine

@daviusblackstone  for mentions

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why I am still not in a relationship

Well, the inspiration for this blog all starts with me going through the recommended tab on my YouTube app. Suddenly, a video from a YouTuber named “Better Bachelor” shows up. The video is about the owner of the channel reviewing a video from another channel. The contents of that other video is a girl trying to use a guy’s profile on tinder to get a date with a girl. Long story short, she gets a few dozen matches, barely gets any conversations with the matched girls, and after a week she never gets any dates. The frustration, which I’m pretty certain the reviewer mentions at some point, is that women are used to getting easy matches, and suddenly struggling with it is really difficult.

The explanation was pretty simple and obvious. The standards for men using dating apps... they just want women that are attractive. The women that use the apps... can vary. There are some women that want a relationship. They look for men with good looks, money, power, etc. Some women aren’t actually looking for matches. Sure, getting treated for a meal sounds good... but according to what the “Better Bachelor” (aka Joker) was saying, they are just looking for compliments.

I had tried dating apps a few times... one time about two years ago, and another time a year or so before then. I had tried tinder, and realized that it was a waste of time. I almost never got matches, and from those I did, only 2 or 3 actually said anything. Before then, I had tried OkCupid. That was somewhat successful. Yea I actually had conversations with people. One girl I had messaged with for a while, and eventually met her a few times in person. However, that is irrelevant.

After watching several videos from this Joker guy, I remembered about my occasional resentful feelings against relationships, about the hashtag #MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way), about the golddiggers of today... My cynicism is returning, which is why I decided to make a Tumblr blog after all this time, because that’s what my blogs are really about - expressing my resentful feelings.

Now getting back on track... By talking about my one and only long-term relationship... (yea totally on track lmao)

Many years ago, before my trials on dating apps, I was very active on Facebook using my personal account, and that’s how I interacted and planned stuff with other people. I ended up dating someone from the college I went to. I had originally treated her just like a friend. Little did I know that she was interested in me. After shopping at a mall off-campus, we went to my dorm to eat a meal. I didn’t really think of this as a date because to me it was just friendship. (How wrong I was lmao)

Anyways... We ate for a while and spent time on our phones taking selfies. After dealing with me making silly faces, she went into my room. I followed behind her, and she was on my bed. Not sure if she was laying there or sitting there.

We were just sitting there for a while. As someone who was trying to treat her as a friend, I was completely confused as to why she was acting so weirdly. She kept on trying to lean close to me, but I was like “no” and she was like “why”... but of course I didn’t really understand what she was trying to do... Friends leaning close is weird right? Lol, of course I didn’t understand her romantic interests because she didn’t spell it out. 

Now, keep in mind, this was my final year at college. I had never been in a relationship before. Never had a first kiss. I had already come to accept that I would never be in a relationship, let alone kiss someone else. So of course the idea that someone actually wanted to kiss me was completely absurd in my mind. It almost felt like she was actually acting irrationally.

This lasted 5-10 minutes until I felt uncomfortable, so I stood up and just moved to the other side of the room. I didn’t understand what was going on, or what I was feeling or why. Yea, NOW I pretty much know because I’ve thought about it for a LONG time. I’m the type of person that wants to avoid trouble, and that also means that I don’t want to trouble others. Why? Because whenever I trouble other people, karma somehow finds it way right back at me. So, I bet there was a side of me that was scared. I was worried that if I did something wrong, it was going to go badly, and somehow I would be the one finding trouble.

Another 2-3 minutes go by with her STILL on my bed, and there was me... standing awkwardly... leaning against another piece of furniture on the other side of the room. I don’t really recall the next part of our “talk”... but I’m guessing she was asking if something was wrong, and I probably said no... Frowning, she said, “well, then pucker up cowboy”.

I don’t know why she said that. I don’t even know if I fully comprehended what she was saying to me, but her words had triggered some sort of reaction inside of my brain. To this day, I don’t even know how her simple, but cryptic language ended up breaking the mental delusion that I would never be in a relationship.. but those words triggered my next action.

I moved up to her and kissed her on the lips. It lasted only a second. Of course, she jumped up and held my hands and was trying to dance with me, celebrating the moment like it was the best thing that happened to us. Me, on the contrary, was completely mortified.

I can imagine most people reading this would be shocked that a guy is mortified from his first kiss lmao. I had to add this paragraph in through editing. I don’t blame you for being shocked. This is the reaction you would expect from an anime show lol. The me today wouldn’t be mortified. Before my senior year at college, I didn’t interact much with women, let alone be in a relationship, so please don’t blame me for feeling mortified. So just go on to the next paragraph so that I can explain how I was feeling...

Digressing back into it...

Right after kissing, I was standing there and thinking to myself “wtf happened”. No seriously, like I was standing there, not understanding what was going on. Like I was getting goosebumps. I was shivering. I was scared. All this time, I was trying to be a good friend to her, and then suddenly I had kissed her. What was wrong with me?

Of course, she noticed that something was wrong, so she asked about it, and I was like, that was my first kiss. She was at least understanding. I was still in panic mode, During that panic, I’m pretty certain I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, which she accepted. We both changed our relationship statuses on our Facebook profiles then and there. And then I asked her to leave for the night so that I could spend time to myself... So that I could recover from the shock. Poor old me lmao. Don’t you pity me LOL. AND I still had to explain to my family that I was actually in a relationship. My sister’s reaction was worth it :D

Anyways...

Point was I wanted to take responsibility for that night, and took the initiative to get into a relationship. Boy, it was something. It was okay at first, but the relationship slowly ended up being rocky. Why? Because she wanted me to change. She kept on bringing up the negative sides of me. Now, I wasn’t just a regular person on the campus. I was a leader. I was involved in several clubs on campus.

Heh, funny thinking about it back then. I wanted to put the relationship before everything else, so I stopped being involved in other club activities (over time) because I wanted to spend more time with her. However, somehow that ended up backfiring. In the end, all the time I spent with her was irrelevant. Now why would that be?

Well she spelled it out. I was at the end of my time at the college, and I was soon no longer going to be around. In my mind, I was thinking that the relationship could continue, even from a long-distance perspective. I thought this way because we had messaged each other a lot on Facebook over the months we were together. However, she had thought differently. She only wanted to be in a relationship if we were together in person. She told me it would’ve been possible to be long distance if I had simply just always say everything that is on my mind...

Thinking back, there were red flags that this relationship was going to fail. She never wanted me to go to her house, she never really showed pictures of her room. She was very self-conscious of her looks, and I always had to show pictures of her before I was allowed to post them online. She was a very controlling person. Honestly, in the months following the end of the relationship, I ended up hating her. I didn’t understand why I felt that way at the time, but I’m pretty certain it was because she made me feel very insecure about myself.

Even BEFORE our relationship, I was insecure about my academic record at college. My first semester I failed a class, got an unsatisfactory in another, got a D in a third, and passed the fourth. After bringing it up to my mother, I swore I would never do that badly again. That following semester, I didn’t bring any consoles to campus. I didn’t do amazing, but my classes were decent. A’s, B’s... maybe a C/D? But good overall. My grades slowly rose up over the semesters. My senior year? I was scoring A’s for nearly all my classes, making Dean’s List the whole time.

Regarding my senior year, good grades weren’t the only good thing I had. I ended up being a leader at my dorm and at one of the school clubs I was in. Also, I started using Facebook a lot for photos and selfies. I naturally became popular. I was honestly just trying to have fun while making the most of my successes. Ironically, I feel like my life started turning upside down because I made my relationship more important than my interactions with others. So it only makes sense that I broke down after my ex had broken up with me.

You know the stupid part? As she was breaking up with me, she was trying to make me say “okay let’s break up”. Like wtf. Why did you have to make me feel this way? I never wanted to break up, but she did. I can’t forget my feelings during that phone call. She told me she wanted to break up. I was just standing there, empty, feeling nothing. I couldn’t believe it was happening. After all that time I had committed to the relationship, she wanted to break up, just like that. Like nothing had happened. Wtf. So she kept urging to me to say it was okay for us to break up... Me being the one that doesn’t want to cause trouble for others, eventually I just caved in and said “okay”. I hung up the phone and just couldn’t hold in my emotions. My sister was there that day. I turned to her and started bawling out, crying out that she had broken up with me. The last time I cried that much, I was probably in elementary school... like 3rd or 4th grade? Maybe even younger.

You want to know what’s even dumber?

Over the next several weeks, she still continued to message me. She wanted to know why I wanted to break up with her. She wanted to know how she could’ve done better. Was she crazy? Does her craziness STILL exist to this day?

Now throughout the relationship, she had mentioned to me that she was an anxious person, and she probably said that was why she would act unreasonably. Which was completely fine with me. As long as we were together, I would be able to handle anything. I would change as much as I could to make things work out. Heck, I would censor random vocabulary because using certain words would remind her of her ex. 

The messaging would continue for a little while. There was a part of me hoping that the relationship could be salvaged... But I was already broken by that point. I tried interviewing myself in a video, privating it and sharing it with her, hoping she’d watch it. But I realized that I was becoming crazy. Who the f*ck interviews themselves in a video just to finally say what they’re thinking or feeling? I just simply messaged that I hated her, and that was the end of those messages.

At this time, I was already spending less time on social media, because I just wanted to avoid any chance of interacting with her. I was still taking a final class at college, so if I ever saw her, I just canceled my class and went home. Ironically, it was around that time that I started actively using Tumblr. Heh. Yes, my resentment towards her inspired me to actively use other media platforms, like this one.

Because of her, I knew that there was something wrong with me, so I took some time to explore topics of morality, religion, politics... Exploring these topics didn’t make me popular or rich or anything... HOWEVER, I needed to take this time to explore my personality, to discover what my morality truly was, and to figure out my true feelings about controversial topics. I did this because I believed that my family was very conservative, so I was scared about exploring these topics. I was an anxious person, and I was very guarded.  I was scared of making mistakes.

The uprising of Trump made me realized that I never wanted to be a liar, and the existence of politics made me realize that I never wanted to be deceptive. The only people I have ever truly deceived were my parents, because I had to act the way they wanted me to. I wanted to change even this. To never lie or deceive. To this day it is a challenge for me, but I want to be better than I am now.

Wow I haven’t made a long blog in a while, and I’m not done yet. I haven’t even gotten to the core of this blog. Why am I STILL not in a relationship? In his videos, Joker constantly mentions that women prefer dating upwards. As an “average” guy who is not making good amounts of money (and is stingy about spending), I would not appeal to the women who are golddiggers... or women who want relationships to capitalize on how much money they can spend. Why should I bother wasting time or money on relationships when the significant other just wants more and more and more?

I just want to live a simple life. Make enough money to live and have plenty of money in reserve in case of an emergency. Then use my free time to pursue my passions, which today is watching YouTube videos, anime, and playing games. Lately I’ve spent time watching Chinese webtoons. Some are really awesome, some are meh. But I’m getting off-track...

Where was I... Oh yeah... Why am I not in a relationship..?

Lack of confidence. No presence on social media. No presence outside of my house (other than at work).

Want to know the funny part?

At work, I keep to myself, but I’m very hard-working, and I’m popular with managers and other associates alike. This has been true at every place I have worked at. I’m just amazed. Like, I even do some of the work of low-level management positions. So yea, I’m very hard-working at work. But only at work. When at home, I just want to relax.

So if I decide to pursue a relationship, how would I test my significant other? I would continue acting the way I do now. Work hard at work, relax at home. Continue being stingy. Not really upgrading my housing. How high am I willing to upgrade? A 2-bedroom and 2-bath house... with an option to expand to the basement so I can create a secret door to a secret room for myself. that’s it. I don’t want a mansion. It’d be cool if I could get a Victorian-style house, but I reckon that would be expensive. I’d rather go cheaper, safer, more affordable. Same thing with cars. I’d prefer being stingy, and putting a good amount of money into savings, and the rest into retirement.

Heck, there’s a part of me that’s paranoid about being in a relationship. Honestly, I’d be worried that she would break up because she wants to upgrade after a few years and try to take stuff that is earned by my money. So I’d probably go out of my way to make sure that our bank accounts remain separate. She can keep stuff that she buys with her account, and I keep stuff that is bought with mine. Any gifts that are proven gifts with a receipt or written contract is fine. I just don’t want to lose my stuff that I bought with my money... like my computer, or furniture...

If she doesn’t like it, that just simply means she wants to keep moving up. Wants to keep spending more. To keep getting more. That’s just the the type of greed that I despise the most. Not putting a limit on your spending...

Look, I get it. The idea of getting everything I want is enticing. I know because I was kinda spoiled as a child. If I wanted stuff, my parents actually gave me what I wanted. Ironically, I was the child that always told my parents that I didn’t want anything, no matter how many times they asked. Sure, I would put a few video games on my birthday or Christmas lists, but anything else... nope. Heck, I ended up storing hundreds of dollars in my closet and drawers over my childhood years because I never wanted to go to stores to buy anything. From an economics perspective, I guess I would be a complete anomaly.

...I just spent 10 minutes trying to search for an economics term because I can’t remember that term which I believe relates to a consumers need or want to buy something. The point I was going to make is that almost all prices are irrelevant, because I am almost never going to buy anything, other than a few things. And of those things, I’ll either go for the cheapest (for cases like food) or the best quality/price relationship (like computer parts). The reason I was an anomaly, and kinda still am, is because even if I want something, I still won’t be willing to buy things.

Getting back on track regarding partner qualifications...

In a partner, I want someone who will stick together with me, no matter what happens. My morality is to stay out of trouble, and a good part of that is to not cause trouble for others. So naturally I need to find a partner that feels the same way. As long as we both have that same core morality, I’m confident that things will work out.

There’s a part of me that thinks that compatible partners, that are currently single, don’t get into relationships because they want to stay out of trouble. It’s how I feel.

I want a partner that I can share all of my secrets with without fearing that they will share them with everyone else.... Everyone has kinks or embarrassing moments/stories, even myself. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about them, so it’s normal that I would expect her to not share it. Honestly, I wouldn’t want her sharing the secrets with her closest friends. There’s a part of me that’s controlling.

Look, we are all controlling people. We all have our sense of integrity, our sense of pride. And I’m an anxious person. I like to control my insecurities, and the best way to control them is to not reveal the secrets. Is it fine if I share it anonymously to the world? Yes, because it’s done anonymously, I keep things cryptic enough so that things can’t be linked to my real identity.

In the end, at the very least I’m certain I won’t be able to do online dating. Sure, I can try, but the reality is that although I want my partner to be fun, it’s far more important for my partner to just spend time together. I’m a clingy person, and I love the idea of having a significant other who is also clingy. Why? Because it stabilizes my sense of security, and pretty much completes my qualifications.

A partner that has the same morality, doesn’t share secrets, and is clingy is pretty much the perfect partner, the best BFF ever. Being able to share everything in the world without any fears of secrets going out or being judged by others... It’s a huge sense of relief. It’s what I want, and probably what a bunch of us want. To feel welcome by others without being troubled.

So one day, yea I want to be in a relationship. But I want to be in a relationship with the right person. Not the perfect person. Not necessarily an attractive person. But the RIGHT person for me. Wealth is irrelevant, because the point is that the two of us would go through things together.

Well that wraps up my blog. This is definitely a long one, wow. I feel like I should do this more often. I actually spent two hours typing it, and probably will spend 10-20 minutes editing... BUT I definitely wanted to put my thoughts out there. I’m definitely imagining what it’d be like if people that I knew actually read this lmao. Remember I’m an anxious person.

So my responses for each type... To my ex, hope you are doing well, but I want nothing to do with you because of my bitter resentment. To that one girl on OkCupid, I’m just sorry that I stopped messaging you... Honestly you were the person I opened up to the most, but I felt shame because I was in between jobs and needed to focus on getting the next one. I was also worried because I felt like I was troubling you. To anyone else who knows me... If you see me just pretend you never read this lmao.

So yea... that’s pretty much that. Again, thanks for spending the time to read this. You didn’t have to. I’m sure you got better things to do. But if you are reading this, I’m guessing you are relatable because you had to search for this... Unless you saw a future blog and are looking back to this... Well hi and thanks for reading! Don’t mind my resentfulness, it’s just a part of me.

If you want to message me about anything, or just want to share a relatable story, go ahead and share it. I’ll take time to read it. Don’t worry, like some fools out there, I’m actually capable of keeping secrets. Heck I’ve been practicing keeping secrets since elementary school. I keep secrets until I’ve forgotten them. That’s how important keeping a secret is to me.

Regardless..

Time to end this blog. Thanks and maybe I’ll type some more... Peace

-CloudTG

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/nene-leakes-lands-rich-bravo-deal-rhoa-plus-bella-thorne-scott-disick/

NeNe Leakes lands rich Bravo deal for RHOA plus Bella Thorne on Scott Disick

NeNe Leakes didn't mind having to wait a few seasons before returning to Bravo's Real Housewives of Atlanta as that only made her price tag rise more as Phaedra Parks fell apart on the show. After some very intense negotiations, Leakes will be earning more than $2 million for this upcoming season. This will include some sweet perks that will have her returning to her famous mantra "I'm rich, bitch!" These perks include her getting the personal treatment she loved in the past so she can juggle personal engagement and any new shows she might be on. Ryan Murphy won't be including her in anything after using her for Glee and The New Normal, so she'll be looking for another producer who loves a 'hot mess' as Murphy as always said. Bravo will let her promote her HSN Clothing, SWAGG Boutique along with hosting Fashion Police on E! Big news for fans of Bravo’s reality series Real Housewives of Atlanta. On Wednesday, it was announced that Housewives alum NeNe Leakes would be officially returning to the show. Back in 2015, NeNe exited the weekly drama-filled show and proceeded to pursue other opportunities in the entertainment industry. In fact, the humorous star has since been a facet on E!’s show Fashion Police. On Wednesday, Nene took to her Twitter to share the big news with her fans and followers. Alongside a photo of her holding up a drink and wearing a crown, NeNe captioned, “It’s been a long process, but we’ve finally reached an agreement! All hail the Queen for season 10 of [Real Housewives of Atlanta].” NeNe Leakes, Twitter post: https://twitter.com/NeNeLeakes/status/875089492339810304 While NeNe is returning to RHOA, it has been reported that fellow cast member Phaedra Parks will not be on the 10th installment of the reality series. After she was caught spreading malicious sexual assault rumors about her costar Kandi Burruss and her husband Todd Tucker, Phaedra’s career as a professional Housewife has supposedly come to an end. Filming has begun, and you can be sure that NeNe has negotiated to be a central storyline with her return. Kandi Burruss, Porsha Williams, Cynthia Bailey, Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield are all expected to return full-time. Williams’ friend Shamea Morton will make appearances alongside Kim Zolciak. Stay tuned for more details about the upcoming season of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Remember a few weeks back when 19-year-old former Disney actress Bella Thorne was spotted getting super close to troubled reality star Scott Disick? While their extremely short-lived fling may have lasted only a few days, people are still talking about the unexpected pairing. Inevitably, Bella decided to candidly address her run-in with Scott in Cannes in a brand-new interview with Complex magazine. When asked how she met Scott, the Famous in Love star told the magazine, “I throw a lot of house parties and that’s how I meet these people. They come to my house party and they’re like ‘Yo, I heard you’re having a party.’ I’m just like ‘Okay, French Montana. Hi, French.’ That’s how I met Scott - he came to a house party of mine [with French] and I was like ‘hi.’” Later in her interview, Bella went on to explain exactly what was going on at the time Scott was photographed blatantly touching her chest. The star gushed, “Honestly, my nipple came out of my bikini, and he tried to fix it for me, and it looks like he’s grabbing my boob. That’s very nice of you to actually not sit there and stare at my nipple because my boobs are big - they come out of my shirt all the time! You can’t keep those suckers down.” While the two seemed to have been enjoying each other’s company at the time, Bella claims that she just didn’t fit in with Scott’s hardcore partying lifestyle. Bella told Complex, “Scott is really nice, sweet and charming. I don’t drink, and he really drinks a lot. And it just ended up…I just wasn’t down, I was like, ‘I got to leave.’” The star went on to elaborate, “We were [at Cannes] a day and a half before I was like I’m booking my flight and leaving. I love to go out and have fun, I love to f***ing dance, but I just don’t party hardcore like that, and it was way too much for me. I was like, ‘Woah, this is not the way I live my life, bruh.’” Ever since she and Scott abruptly ended their flirtation, Bella has been getting close to her ex-boyfriend, actor Greg Sulkin. Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones says he'll release an unedited version of his controversial interview with Megyn Kelly set to air Sunday on NBC. Jones said on his Infowars website that the full interview he recorded will counter Kelly's upcoming report, which he labeled a "fraud." The site touted the interview's availability Thursday night, but it was not online after midnight EST. The Infowars host posted a video online, along with a teaser clip, around 8:45 p.m. and claimed he would be posting the full tape on the conspiracy website later in the evening. “I’ve never done this in 22 years, I’ve never recorded another journalist, but I knew it was a fraud, that it was a lie,” Jones said in the video, recalling how Kelly approached him about the interview. “God, she was like, ‘I want to get steaks with you, I’m obsessed with you, oh my God,’ wiggling around in her seat. It was all crap,” he explained. “I knew it was all a lie. I said Sandy Hook happened, and she wouldn’t even put it in the promo pieces. So we’re going to release, oh yea, we’re going to release the pre-interview. And then when they put their fraud out on Sunday — which I’ve asked them not to air because they’re misrepresenting who I am and saying I’m as bad as Saddam Hussein, or Jeffrey Dahmer, or Charles Manson — we’ve got the whole interviews here…We’ve got it all…It’s all going to come out.” The clip that accompanied Jones’ tweet featured a short audio recording of Kelly, seemingly assuring the 43-year-old that her questions wouldn’t be tough. “All I can do is give you my word and I don’t double-cross,” she can be heard saying at one point. “My goal is for your listeners and the left — you know, who will be watching some on NBC — to say, ‘Wow, that’s really interesting,” she adds. “It’s not going to be some gotcha hit piece, I promise you that.” Kelly and NBC have been getting blasted by families affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre, with several victims’ parents writing letters to the network — urging them to scrap the interview — due to Jones’ prior beliefs that the shooting was staged. “What I think we’re doing is journalism,” Kelly has previously said about the exchange, which is currently set to air on her new NBC show, “Sunday Night.” “The bottom line is that while it’s not always popular, it’s important.” Jones, who has since admitted that the Sandy Hook shooting was real, said in his preview video on Thursday that Kelly and NBC took his words out of context and edited his interview to make it seem like he still was on the fence about the subject. “You’re gonna hear what I actually said,” Jones claimed. “Like when it cuts, and I’m sitting there and they go, ‘Oh, you don’t think Sandy Hook happened.’ And I go, ‘Yea! Well, you don’t care about dead Iraqi kids!’ I’m [really] like, ‘Hey, they did fake babies in incubators, they did fake dead kids, that’s why we have to question this. I don’t hate the families. We question everything.'” NBC did not immediately respond to a request for comment. A backlash greeted NBC's decision to book Jones, who has questioned whether the killing of 26 people in 2012 at an elementary school in Newton, Connecticut, was a hoax. Sources close to Jones have commented that he has been using the NBC to his advantage and threatening to leak the full interview and then not doing it is nothing new for the conspiracy theorist. "With Alex, it's not about getting the truth out. It's all about exploiting every opportunity to line his pockets any way he can," the source, commented. "Fifteen years ago, he was more about the truth, but once he realized how to make easy money, he suddenly didn't care about selling out." A new round of deliberations is raising the prospects that Bill Cosby's sexual assault trial will end with a verdict instead of a hung jury. Jurors who have appeared stressed and even angry seemed more upbeat as they left court outside Philadelphia Thursday night than on previous nights, despite enduring another marathon session. The sequestered jurors had deliberated about 30 hours before telling Judge Steven O'Neill earlier Thursday that they couldn't reach a unanimous decision on any of the counts against the 79-year-old comedian. The judge told them to try again for a verdict. As the jurors left for the day, O'Neill heaped praise on them, thanking them for their dedication and the sacrifice they've made being 300 miles (482 kilometers) from home in the Pittsburgh area. "I want to reiterate how proud I am of each and every one of you," O'Neill said as he sent the jury back to the hotel. "I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything that you've done." They will get back to it Friday morning. Cosby is charged with three felony counts of aggravated indecent assault stemming from Andrea Constand's allegations that he drugged and violated her at his suburban Philadelphia home in 2004. Each count carries a maximum 10-year prison term, though the counts could be merged at sentencing if Cosby is convicted. Cosby's lawyer said he and Constand were lovers sharing a consensual moment of intimacy. The jury of seven men and five women have deliberated for nearly 40 hours since getting the case Monday. Cosby's spokesman said the impasse showed that jurors doubted Constand's story. "They're conflicted about the inconsistencies in Ms. Constand's testimony," spokesman Andrew Wyatt said. "And they're hearing Mr. C.'s testimony, and he's extremely truthful. And that's created this doubt." Constand's lawyer, Dolores Troiani, said only that the "jury is apparently working very hard." The district attorney's office declined to comment. Dozens of women have come forward to say Cosby had drugged and assaulted them, but this was the only case to result in criminal charges. The jury must come to a unanimous decision to convict or acquit. If the panel can't break the deadlock, the judge could declare a hung jury and a mistrial. In that case, prosecutors would get four months to decide whether they want to retry the TV star or drop the charges. The case has already helped demolish his image as America's Dad, cultivated during his eight-year run as kindly Dr. Cliff Huxtable on the top-rated "The Cosby Show" in the 1980s and '90s. The families of the victims of the Sandy Hook massacre have sent a legal letter to NBC News chairman Andy Lack urging him not to broadcast Megyn Kelly‘s interview with controversial InfoWars host Alex Jones. The letter, from the law firm Koskoff, Koskoff and Bieder who represent several of the families who lost loved ones in the 2012 tragedy, reads, “Airing Ms. Kelly’s interview implicitly endorses the notion that Mr. Jones’ lies are actually “claims” that are worthy of serious debate; and in doing so it exponentially enhances the suffering and distress of our clients. For that NBC is responsible. “We urge you to consider the ethical and legal ramifications of broadcasting this interview to millions of Americans. By now, it should be clear to NBC that airing the interview will cause serious emotional distress to dozens of Sandy Hook families. ” Describing the pain the families still suffer, the letter states, “Parents have marked their children’s seventh, eighth, and ninth birthdays not with wonder and joyful chaos, but with the most profound loneliness this world knows. Erica Lafferty walked through a graveyard in her wedding dress and veil so that she could feel close to her mother, Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung – a woman who died trying to protect other parents’ children. “Then there are all the other days; regular Thursdays like this one where a sound or a smell can transform the unrelenting ache of grief into intense, physical pain. Surely, we can agree that these families have suffered enough already and that they will continue to suffer enough to last several lifetimes. “Which is why we cannot fathom – from a moral, ethical or legal standpoint – NBC’s decision to amplify the voice of a man who has made a living debasing that suffering and smearing our clients’ names. “Over the last few years, Alex Jones has weaponized his radio show to publish false and defamatory statements about our clients: chief among them that they are actors perpetrating a massive fraud on the American public by faking the deaths of their loved ones. “NBC is not responsible for the harassment and abuse Alex Jones has cruelly visited on our clients. But, by choosing to air his interview with Ms. Kelly – at all, let alone at prime time on Father’s Day – NBC has tendered its good name and considerable influence to provide Mr. Jones with something he has never enjoyed: legitimacy. “This decision may be driven by the simple urge to gain an edge in a well-publicized ratings war, but it has devastating human consequences as well.” The letter was sent on behalf of Mark and Jacqueline Barden, who lost their 7-year-old son Daniel, Hannah D’Avino, the sister of Sandy Hook teacher Rachel D’Avino, Nicole and Ian Hockley whose son Dylan, 6, was killed. They also speak for Erica Lafferty who lost her mother Dawn, the principal of Sandy Hook Elementary, Veronique Pozner, the mother of Noah, 6, who was killed, the family of Victoria Soto, a first-grade teacher who died trying to shield her first-graders, and Francine and David Wheeler who lost their son Benjamin, 6.

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