#edit: for some reason the link didn't show up? i'm pretty sure i put it

[meshitsukai]

Hello

I am Tahreer from Gaza A mother of four children. We have been suffering from war for more than nine months, and we have been displaced more than once. During that time, my young child suffered a fracture in his pelvic area, and because of the war, I cannot provide for his basic needs. I hope you can help me and donate to me

Reblogged! Here's the link for the GoFundMe campaign

[ln4swiftie]

Black and (Fluro) Yellow

🕷️ln4 x reader

🕷️ lando if he was spider-man

🕷️warnings: panic attack, kinda angst idk notes: hill the fluro suit had me thinking and this

🕷️ a/n: this is barely edited and kinda bad but enjoy!! <33 also im trying to write more so gimme ideas

The final bell rang through your ears as the school day ended and the bustle of the weekend was underway. You packed up your books, waving a polite goodbye to your teacher and made your way to your locker. You felt a pinch in your side and you swung your head to find your boyfriend, Lando looking at you with a goofy smile. “Hey where did you come from!?” you smile up at him while you continue to empty your belongings into their home for the weekend. “Calculus, i swear if i have to listen to that man talk about quadratics for another minute i'm going to lose more brain cells than gain.” he complains. “Well at least now we get to go and do nothing.” you say as you wrap your arms around his waist and place your chin on his chest. “About that..” he sighs and you know what's coming.

He's been blowing you off for weeks. It started with little things such as not saying goodbye before leaving school or not seeing each other between class periods. But now he's been completely ditching you. He refuses to tell you why and you’re starting to worry if you’ve done something wrong. You deflate as you prepare to ask him what the excuse this time is when your phone chimes in your pocket. “Oh it's laur..” you click the link your friend sent, you gasp “what the fuck”. Lando looks at you puzzled as you flip your phone around to show him.

It's a video of the new vigilante known as “spiderman” beating a man to a pulp in some alleyway, throwing punch after punch until the man was on the ground bloody and bruised. Once the beating was done Spiderman is shown swinging away before the video cuts off. “Did he just kill that guy-” “No. he didn't.” Lando cuts you off quickly. The slightest clench in his jaw and tense in his shoulders did not go unnoticed. “Well how can you know for sure…he was hitting him pretty hard.” you counter. “You can see the guy moving before he swings away.” he says firmly, as if he knew this as a fact. Spiderman showed up about a month ago, earlier sightings of him have consisted of him helping cats down from trees and escorting the elderly across the road. The public had grown to love him and his friendly neighborhood activities. But recently, he's been violent and the city has been working to catch him. Unfortunately with the identity of the spider being unknown, the police have come back empty handed. Lando gently takes your hands into his as he changes the topic “Look, I'm sorry but Max wants me to help him with his physics homework and he's got a test tomorrow. So I will see you tomorrow okay?” he says softly. He can see the hurt in your eyes as you give him a slight nod and a quick kiss before walking off towards the bus station.

Lando hates how he's been treating you these past weeks. Blowing you off for shitty excuses that he knows are shitty but he can't stomach telling you the true reason why. He's watching you walk off as he feels his best friend clap him on the back of his neck “you ready for tonight boss?” Max says in his ear. He notices Lando's stare and follows his eyes to where they've been trained to follow. “No lando we cant think like this” shaking his head. “You'll see her tomorrow.” he firmly reassures his friend who's beginning to question the late night activities he's been doing for the past month. “I'm not sure about that max..” he sighs “i cant keep watching her deflate everytime i cancel on her” he says quietly. “You could just tell her-” “NO.” Lando shouts, shooting his head towards max. Telling you would be like pouring sea salt into an open wound. Lando would rather give up everything, than tell you the truth about where he is at night. “Okay okay! Don't tell her, but either way..you're going out tonight.” Max says, putting his hands up in surrender as he begins to walk towards the student parking lot to his car. He turns around towards Lando who's still stood next to your locker staring in the direction you walked off in. “you coming or what?” After a beat of contemplation, with a heavy sigh, Lando makes his way to Max's car.

-----------------------------------------

You were sat on your bed, doing homework on your ipad. You Glanced at the time, double taking the clock sat on your nightstand when you see the number it read. Holy shit. you’ve been here since you got home at 4pm…it was now 6:30 pm. You jump off your bed and quickly check your phone, expecting a million texts and calls from Lando wondering what you're doing and complaining about Max's inability to understand the basics of physics.

Nothing. Not a single text.

You feel your heart drop. He hasn't texted you in 5 hours when he asked you to meet before you left school for the week. The tears prick your eyes as you check your other notifications seeing nothing from your boyfriend. Could he be cheating? No. he would never do that to you. But would he?

Your thoughts race through your mind as the panic begins to set into your chest causing your breathing to become uneven. Your vision starts to swim and your phone falls to the floor, your arms going numb. You hear your mom call your name for dinner but the noise goes in your left ear and immediately out the right. As if you have been submerged underwater. You feel your legs give out and you land ass first at the foot of your bed.

The loud thud heard from the kitchen causes your mom to shout for you again to pulse check.. When nothing was heard back she rushed upstairs to the source of the noise. When she finds you in hysterics she's in front of you instantly, cupping your face to wipe the tears. She helps you steady your breathing and bring you back down from your panic attack. “What's got you so worked up sweetheart?” she softly asks and she moves to your side. You explain everything that's been going on with Lando recently. She thinks for a moment before she speaks up “how about, we get some food in you. Then I drop you off at his place and you two can talk this out.” she offers. You give her a small smile, nodding as the two of you get up and make your way downstairs to eat dinner.

-----

You stare at the apartment door marked with the 4 before you bring your hand up to knock. The door opens revealing landos Mom, Cisca. “Oh hi honey what brings you here?” she asks, letting you inside the apartment. “I was hoping Lan was home.” She gives you a sympathetic smile, shaking her head. “No not yet, but he should be soon. How about you go wait in his room for him and I'll bring you a cup of tea.” you nod weakly and wander towards Landos room as Cisca moves to the kitchen. You leave the door ajar and lie on the bottom bunk of his bed, eyes darting around the room, flashing memories of the past 2 years that have been written in the walls. You turn your body towards the wall snuggling into the comfort of Landos smell embedded into the sheets you’ve spent countless hours in. your eyes start to feel heavy as sleep takes over your body. deciding a small nap while you wait couldn't hurt, you let your mind drift off.

-----

You’re woken by the sound of the window opening. finding that you're still alone in lando’s bed you sit up hoping it's him just opening up the window. You look over to find the window open, yet no one next to it. You think nothing of it due to the wind and sit up to reach for the cup of tea Cisca left you on the nightstand while you slept. You sip your tea sat on the bunk as your eye catches a figure on the ceiling. Yes, the ceiling. You see that black and fluorescent yellow suit you’ve seen all over social media for the last month crawling around on the ceiling of your boyfriend's bedroom. What the fuck is spiderman doing in Landos bedroom?! You thought to yourself as the man gently lowered himself onto the floor and reached for his mask, removing it.

And that's when you saw him.

Those curls you run your fingers through whenever you get the chance to. Those curls you help tame when he takes his hat off after a long day. Those curls you love with your whole heart. Those curls which belonged to the boy you loved who was currently standing with his back to you, wearing spidermans suit.

You gasp, causing lando to look up and freeze. He doesnt turn around to face you, he knows who he's going to see. He knows it's over. The moment he's been dreading since that spider bit him that night. He's going to have to explain his past month and a half to the one person he didn't want knowing about this. The one girl he wanted to keep protected from this new hobby he's got himself tangled up in. and yet here he was frozen, staring at the picture frame sitting on his dresser.

The picture of him and you from the first time you went to the London eye. The picture is you two at the top with Landos hands around your waist and your arms swung around his neck. Your faces are squished together wearing the brightest smiles on your faces. Looking back, Lando wishes he could stay in that moment forever, frozen in time. But he knows that can't happen.

He slowly turns around to face you and look you in the eyes. Your lips slightly parted due to shock and hair slightly messed up from your nap. The mug slips through your fingers and falls to the floor shattering and spilling the lukewarm tea. “Shit” Lando whispers as he springs to action, grabbing the towel from the back of his door to soak up the tea, he looks up to you “are you okay? No cuts?” you're frozen, unable to speak, staring at him in that suit. All you can do is nod at him while he gently picks up your feet, placing them loosely on his bed while he cleans up the broken mug. You pick at your fingernails anxiously while you wait for him to finish cleaning.

After a few minutes he sits down next to you, freshly changed into a hoodie and sweatpants. Your eyes are trained on your lap where your hands sit pulling on the thread of the hoodie that you’re wearing. After what feels like hours of silence you’ve had enough “why didn't you tell me?.” you demand, you want answers. You want to know how your boyfriend and who you considered to be the love of your life became the person who you see brutally abusing people in alleyways. He turns to look at you, eyes full of regret. He opens his mouth to answer you but you cut him off, cupping his face. “fuck what happened?!” you stand up looking for a first aid kit when lando stands up to stop you, grabbing your hands “baby, baby stop it's okay max already helped me clean it and it’ll heal by the mornin-” “MAX KNOWS??!??!” you shout a little too loud for lando’s liking. He puts his hand over your mouth, shushing you so you don't wake his mother. “yes max knows because he was with me when it happened” he explained calmly, hoping his emotions will radiate onto you.

He slowly releases your mouth and you sit back down “are you gonna let me explain to you how this happened now?” he raises an eyebrow waiting for your answer. You give him a nod to continue and he takes a deep breath.

He began to explain how one night walking home from your house with max a radioactive spider bit him. He explains how Zac Brown, one of the richest men in the country, approached him and helped him understand his powers and the new responsibilities that come with them. He even was the person to make Landos suit for him.

“I'm really sorry that I’ve been a shit boyfriend recently, i never wanted you to get caught in this” he says, playing with your hands. You can't help but giggle “Here I was thinking you were cheating on me yet you were out fighting crime.” he chuckles, pressing a kiss to your forehead before resting it against your own “never in a million years my love” he says. “How about we get some sleep?” He smiles, squeezing your hands intertwined with his. Agreeing that this conversion should happen with a good night's rest. The two of you move to lie down in Landos bed cuddled against one another. Your head rests on Lando’s chest with his arms wrapped around you like you'd disappear the second he let go. As sleep beings to take over you hear a faint “i love you” coming from the boy beside you. You look up to see him already meeting your eyes “i love you too” you smile, kissing his chest before falling asleep with him safe and sound.

[iam93percentstardust]

🌵🕯️🧃🍬🦋

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

I tend to make my own playlists and most of those are private, but I like listening to this when I'm in a Murder My (nonexistent) Husband mood

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

-1000, but that's not on the scale so 1 unless it's solely a SPAG check. Idk how to describe it exactly? But basically it's like this: I'm not writing for profit. I'm not writing to be professional. I'm writing to get an idea out of my head that was originally inspired by something I saw/watched/listened to. And when I'm writing for fandom, I don't want to edit scenes/characters because that's not the original idea that I had. I've tried doing it in the past where I wrote things out because a beta thought they didn't work with the scene and wound up liking the finished product much less. And since I'm writing what I want to read, I want to actually enjoy what I put down on the page. If I were writing for professional profit reasons, I'd be much more open to editing.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Oh, is it more Alle lore time? I think I've mentioned the first part, but I don't think I've talked about the rest of this, so! My second ever job was as one of Santa's Elves at Santa's Wonderland for Bass Pro Shops. I loved working with the kids, but absolutely despised the parents. They were very demanding and very entitled, and when one of them got mad that there were no more passes to see Santa that day, he pulled a gun on me. I'm fine, the gun wasn't loaded, and he still didn't get a pass to see Santa (I'm pretty sure he's still in prison though), but I was very happy that I was just a seasonal worker with my contract ending two days later.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Ooh another one of these. Hmmmmmmmm. Again, I don't know if this is unpopular but I see a lot of people talk about this on youtube, so I'm gonna go with it. Jeff Davis never meant for Stiles to be considered as a magical character, and regardless of Deaton being needlessly cryptic, it was incredibly obvious that calling Stiles a "spark" was in the metaphorical sense.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

This is a real unpopular opinion and will almost certainly get me cancelled, but I think that the various adult youtubers and tiktokers I see calling out the teenager/adult relationships as problematic have forgotten a) that it's fiction and has no bearing on real life, and b) what it was like being a teenager and wanting to be taken more seriously. This trope (if a type of relationship can be called a trope) didn't come out of nowhere, and watching these people decry incredibly popular ships from the 2000s-2010s because of the age gap have forgotten they're not the target audience (and also I think they're doing a discredit to the teenagers watching the show by assuming they're too stupid to understand they shouldn't want that kind of relationship anyway)

[gaykarstaagforever]

Because both RLM and James and Maso did videos this week about RoboCop 2 (because someone is doing a new show about him or something? I don't care), I realized I had never actually seen any of the sequels. But they're free on Tubi (and perhaps elsewhere), so I watched RoboCop 2.

I had always heard all the sequels were crap. And compared to the first one, which is decidedly too good for what it is, I can see why people say that. But I thought RoboCop 2 was pretty good.

It is certainly a retread of the first one, made with less love and nuance and attention to detail than the first one, by people who were literally just doing it because they were hired last-minute to do it. But it has a lot of good stuff in it, and its problems are minor.

I like the weird Dragnet-esque score. I like Willard Pugh as the over-confident, frantic buffoon mayor, who takes what is a kind of pointless subplot and makes it compelling. I like John Doolittle's Dr. Schenk, who it at 11 and about to pop the entire movie. I like the wacky comedy RoboCop 2 attempts who scream and then commit suicide. I like how the one they actually go with is a drug-fueled Metal Gear that acts like a poorly-trained attack dog and has a Lawnmower Man TV face for no good reason.

I like how his internal heads-up display is a MacOS UI, as compared to RoboCop's green phosphorus RoboDOS (because this certainly was 1990). Oh and the Phil Tippett stop-motion work is the best that ever got here, which is great. I almost forgot I was watching dolls fight in front of a green screen. Masterfully produced. The puppet they use for RoboCop after he is ripped apart is really good, too.

The attempts at satirical advertisements like in the first one are weak, and they probably shouldn't have bothered. OCP is so cartoonishly evil in this one (complete with a Nazi-esqe flag) that it beggars belief that no one really seems to care, especially after their incompetence gets like 40 cops massacred, in front of tons of TV cameras. Nancy Allen and Felton Perry, who were so good in the first one, are basically given nothing to do here. Even RoboCop himself seems to disappear for a third of the movie to make way for some "crime does not pay" child drug lord parable that is too goofy to mean anything. They also set up a character arc for Murphy where he is wresting with who he is by way of his lingering attachment to his ex-wife, but then that just...stops.

Instead, there is a sequence where OCP turns him into WOKEboCop, where they program him to talk to kids about good nutrition instead of gunning down poor people by the hundreds! And the kids make fun of him! Take THAT, Gary Hart!

...Yeah, I'm not giving that any more thought than the people who put it in the movie didn't in 1990. It makes no sense as a metaphor for anything in this plot as it is, and is literally just a thing that happens to RoboCop that he fixes by electrocuting himself. The only message this movie seems to have is maybe "hey, evil corporations and corrupt governments and drug gangs are all the same, man," and slow down with that mind-blowing revelation, 17 year old smoking pot for the first time!

Plus what is the proposed solution to this? Letting a cyborg police man shoot absolutely everyone? RoboCop is more the victim here than the hero. That's sort of the point.

I still liked it. It is more Peter Weller as RoboCop doing RoboCop stuff, and that's what it set out to be. Solid B.

Not sure I am looking forward to the next one, where it isn't Peter Weller and it apparently turns into a kids' movie where RoboCop gets a rocket pack accessory. Weird that RoboCop 2, where a child drug lord dies under a mountain of cash while holding RoboCop's hand, is the sequel that showed restraint.

(Edit: I watched the two linked videos after I wrote this. Of course we all have similar observations so it looks like I just stole talking points from videos that came out last week. I thought for sure I'd be the only one to mention the MacOS thing...dammit, Colin.

On the plus side I am exactly as observant as YouTube talking heads of a similar age and cultural background. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!)

[timetoeatthebread-blog]

Oooh are you re-writing it? I actually can't wait I'm like that one reaction post of the dude bouncing on every corner of the paper (no pressure and actually have an enjoyable time writing and tweaking the story, remember that writing is an art and you don't necessarily have to write everyday of your life to be a good writer, if you write something you like you're already doing things good :D)

Yeah I'll edit it a little (nothing major) to make sure it's gender neutral and just checking spelling (like when phone auto correct changed for some reason tree to three) and then I'll be back to writing part 5! I'm usually doing research while writing so it was tiring to write on Tumblr and then exit the app and it published the chapters for no reason while I was reading about Ionia and it's Geographic lol

I want to make sure the story as much possible to real Ionia as possible. Been diving into the skinline plots and spoke with my bf, and he said that since the spirit blossom skin line is based off of the myths (something I knew already, plus that the characters represent cerian spirits, like Phel and Alune being twin spirits of the moon if I remember correctly) so, when a character appears in the SB skinline it kinda makes the character Ionian?? Like since Phel is from mount targon, but in the SB universe he is Ionian. It all sounds confusing as fuck and I've been browsing subreddits for the past few days and reading up on Ionia and skinlines connected to it and looking at the Runeterra map and stuff. But the SB skinline threw me for a loop and redditors don't help.

There was one comment that put it pretty nicely "The skins are inspired by canonical Ionian legends but they're fundamentally champions as stand-ins for those figures (at least, most of them)." So I've been thinking about introducing SB festival at some point in the plot, since SB Festival takes place in Weh'le.

So I've been wondering how I should do it, like do I just make phel be possessed by the Ionian spirit since the veil between spirit and human realm is so thin in Ionia, especially during SB festival? Do I make him (base Phel) see basically a clone of himself (SB Aphelios)? Do I just make him enjoy the festival like a normal person? The possibilities are endless lol

Maybe I'll write a one shot when I finally learn to not write slowburn stories. But I can't help it since I want it all to feel natural and I don't want it to feel rushed and I'm exploring how to write phel better as a quiet character and stuff lol.

Sorry for rambling, I hope I didn't bore you and that you got a sneak peak into my mind haha!

I also made a pov phel playlist on Spotify that I use for writing maybe I'll send a link someday to show what I listen to while writing and fantasizing about Phel and imagining the story 🥺❤️

[uncle-cucky]

OH QUESTION: in clip studio how do you make the tweening squash and stretch like that? I'm pretty new to the animation part of the program so forgive me if it's like, very obvious where it is but Ive never seen a way to squash/stretch a layer like how your animation does, I've only seen how to resize a layer

SURE I CAN DO MY BEST TO HELP!!!

Just know that I am very new to this as well and this something here PROBS has a better way of doing it, but IDK THAT WAY SO. Here's how I did it.

First off I have the big boy clip studio idk if the cheaper one works with this so just know that.

MY BADLY MADE TUTORIAL TIME!

(Will also link video tutorials at the bottom that I used to help me! So if you don't wanna read my ramble explanations just skip to that LOL-)

((Also things will be broken up into like- chapters? as I don't know how much you know and want to help cover some bases that I learned that you or others may not know! But Know I am still learning so feel free to try and do things your own way! :D))

STARTING BASICS

So to start off I use the Project:Animation option in clip for this, there are preset sizes for things, which i suggest using first trying things out. I didn't really mess with anything on the right side sense tbh starting off all you need is on the left, being canvas size and the amount of blank space you want.

If you don't know what blank space it's like... A little secret place you can scribble down notes for animation to keep in mind, and won't show up in the animation when you're done exporting it.

This is also useful to overflow the things you want to tween as they don't get chopped off awkwardly. See how I drew her skirt and ear going past it? That's why.

So I can move them freely without fear of it ending suddenly! This is something I learned was a good tactic to do for when I did my vtuber models as it is also a type of tweening!

TLDR: Everything in the box will be seen, and everything outside of the box wont!

and if you want to change any of the blank space to add more or less go to Edit>Canvas Properties... It should be near the bottom of the list!

Correcting speed!

Clip studio does NOT actually show you the correct speed of your animation by default! To make it go closer to the actual speed of your animation go to Animation>Playback Settings>Prefer Speed! As by default clip has it set to prefer quality, which is just it trying to keep it looking nice while playing but may skip some frames! So that is something to check!

You can add music to clip studio animations!

Select the frame you'd like to add music onto, go to File>Import>Audio. BUT- make sure the audio file is a WAV file not a MP3. While MP3s work they are more likely to become off sync, while WAV's stay on sync.

Clip doesn't keep transparent backgrounds with gifs idk why but it's cringe.

---

PLACING YOUR TIMELINE

(I closed my brushes and some things to help be less distracting :D )

Personally I like to keep my timeline at the bottom of my screen as it allows the most space.

If for some reason your timeline isn't showing or you accidentally deleted it just go to Window>Timeline and it should appear! You can make it appear on non animation projects as well.

---

ANIMATION FOLDERS

So if you used clip for animating there's a good chance, your timeline may have looked something like this.

Which, isn't bad. But it's not great. (I know because I did it like this until yesterday BUT GOOD NEWS, YOU NO LONGER NEED TO DO THIS STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. (tbh it feels more like hell but w/e)

BECAUSE WE HAVE ANIMATION FOLDERS.

Now while this just sounds like a normal folder, it's very specific and will allow you do edit things with tweens! But it can also let you turn that stairway to heaven into a hallway!

Like say you want to do a simple jumping gif?

Put all of the separate layers into the animation folder! it'll show you only the first layer at first, don't worry that's normal.

Right Click next to the Layer 1, and select the layer name of the frame you'd like to add next! And continue until all your frames are down! And

*pretend this is a gif*

Congrats!!! You did it!!! You have a little animation!!!! You did it!!!

---

TWEENING/KEYFRAMES

(Im going to be using the Sweet Pea waving as my example here!. And to note after i drew her body parts separately, I copied it, and merged the the limbs with the lineart to their colors to make the process easier.)

So. You know how I just showed you how to put things together in animation folders? We're not doing that anymore, Unless you want 2 things to move the exact same way.

Instead your going to put each moving part into it's own animation folder.

Have everything in? Good. Now what your gonna do is on the right where the layers are select them. Then you are going to press this button that looks like a zooming square.

This will allow you to add keyframes onto the layer. Note. You will not be able to draw on those layers with this on so if there is something you want to fix, you can turn it off the same way you turned it on.

There are 3 types of keyframes, yellow - hold, green - linear, and Blue - smooth. I only used blue here so that's all I'll be going over with. TLDR it does what it says, it keeps the animation from key 1 to 2 smooth.

And with keyframes this is where your going to be able to squish and move things freely and how you move things is you'll click this.

and from there I suggest moving your anchor point (the crosshair) to the base (say I'm trying to move her head so I would place the crosshair where her neck is as that's where it would be anchored to the body!)

And Im going to assume you know how to place keypoints. but if you don't click on the timeline and move the head to where you would want it to be at that time, and it will appear automatically!

And once you have those down NOW you can get to the squash and stretch!

These red and green lines will be pretty much how you handle everything! They're how you can edit your keypoints by changing position, scale ratio, ect!

if you want to focus on one thing you can click the XYV to remove that color of lines, or click the eyes to view only certain types of movements!

and youll really want to just play around with slightly tilting and moving the keyframes here to try and get the tween motion you want! It's a bit tricky So i suggest starting small!!!

---

ENDING

and yeah thats pretty much it! (also tumblr wont allow me to post more image references so- hard for me to get into too much detail but hoped this helped!!! If something I said doesn't make sense or you need more detail on please ask! I'm always open to helping people out when I can!)

There are alot of resources out there to help you out and I'm happy you let me be one of them! :] Good luck!!!

AND AS PROMISED HERE ARE 2 VIDEOS I USED THAT HELPED ME OUT ALOT (and pretty much said everything I said here) but I'm a step by step learner so- this is how I explain things LOL-)

(x) - this video has some swearing but is very funny and useful!

(x) - light but straight forward!

[soundsfaebutokay]

So I've recc'd this video before, but it deserves its own post because it's one of my favorite things on youtube. It's a Tedx Talk by comics writer, editor, and journalist Jay Edidin, and I really think that it will connect with a lot of people here.

If you live and breathe stories of all kinds, you might like this.

If you care about media representation, you might like this.

If you're neurodivergent, you might like this.

If you're interested in a gender transition story that veers from the norm, you might like this.

If you love the original Leverage and especially Parker, and understand how important it is that a character like her exists, you will definitely like this.

Transcript below the cut:

You Are Here: The Cartography of Stories

by Jay Edidin

I am autistic. And what this means in practice is that there are some things that are easier for me than they are for most people, and a great many things that are somewhat harder, and these affect my life in more or less overt ways. As it goes, I'm pretty lucky. I've been able to build a career around special interests and granular obsession. My main gig at the moment is explaining superhero comics continuity and publishing history for which work I am somehow paid in actual legal currency—which is both a triumph of the frivolous in an era of the frantically pragmatic, and a job that's really singularly suited to my strengths and also to my idiosyncrasies.

I like comics. I like stories in general, because they make sense to me in ways that the rest of the world and my own mind often don't. Self-knowledge is not an intuitive thing for me. What sense of self I have, I've built gradually and laboriously and mostly through long-term pattern recognition. For decades, I didn't even really have a self-image. If you'd asked me to draw myself, I would eventually have given you a pair of glasses and maybe a very messy scribble of hair, and that would've been about it. But what I do know—backwards, forwards, and in pretty much every way that matters—are stories. I know how they work. I understand their language, their complex inner clockwork, and I can use those things to extrapolate a sort of external compass that picks up where my internal one falls short. Stories—their forms, their structure, the sense of order inherent to them—give me the means to navigate what otherwise, at least for me, would be an impassable storm of unparsable data. Or stories are a periscope, angled to access the parts of myself I can't intuitively see. Or stories are a series of mirrors by which I can assemble a composite sketch of an identity I rarely recognize whole...which is how I worked out that I was transgender, in my early thirties, by way of a television show.

This is my story. And it's about narrative cartography, and representation, and why those things matter. It's about autism and it's about gender and it's about how they intersect. And it's about the kinds of people we know how to see, and the kinds of people we don't. It's not the kind of story that gets told a lot, you might hear a lot, because the narrative around gender transition and dysphoria in our culture is really, really prescriptive. It's basically the story of the kid who has known for their whole life that they're this and not that, and that story demands the kind of intuitive self-knowledge that I can't really do, and a kind of relationship to gender that I don't really have—which is part of why it took me so long to figure my own stuff out.

So, to what extent this story, my story has a beginning, it begins early in 2014 when I published an essay titled, "I See Your Value Now: Asperger's and the Art of Allegory." And it explored, among other things, the ways that I use narrative and narrative structures to navigate real life. And it got picked up in a number of fairly prominent places that got linked, and I casually followed the ensuing discussion. And I was surprised to discover that readers were fairly consistently assuming I was a man. Now, that in itself wasn't a new experience for me, even though at the time I was writing under a very unambiguously female byline. It had happened in the letter columns of comics I'd edited. It had happened when a parody Twitter account I'd created went viral. When I was on staff at Wired, I budgeted for fancy scotch by putting a dollar in a box every time a reader responded in a way that made it clear they were assuming I was a man in response to an article where my name was clearly visible, and then I had to stop doing that because it happened so often I couldn't afford to keep it up. But in all of those cases, the context, you know, the reasons were pretty obvious. The fields I'd worked in, the beats I covered, they were places where women had had to fight disproportionally hard for visibility and recognition. We live in a culture that assumes a male default, so given a neutral voice and a character limit, most readers will assume a male author.

But this was different, because this wasn't just a book I'd edited, it wasn't a story I'd reported—it was me, it was my story. And it made me uncomfortable, got under my skin in ways that the other stuff really hadn't. And so I did what I do when that happens, and I tried to sort of reverse-engineer it to look at the conclusions and peel them back to see the narratives behind them and the stories that made them tick. And I started this, I started this by going back to the text of the essay, and you know, examining it every way I could think of: looking at craft, looking at content. And in doing so, I was surprised to realize that while I had written about a number of characters with whom I identified closely, that every single one of those characters I'd written about was male. And that surprised me even more than the responses to the essay had, because I've spent my career writing and talking and thinking about gender and representation in popular media. In 2014, I'd been the feminist gadfly of an editorial department and multiple mastheads. I'd been a founding board member of an organization that existed to advocate for more and better representation of women and girls in comics characters and creators. And most of my favorite characters, the ones I'd actively seek out and follow, were women. Just not, apparently, the characters I saw myself in.

Now I still didn't realize it was me at this point. Remember: self-knowledge, not very intuitive for me. And while I had spent a lot of time thinking about gender, I'd never really bothered to think much about my own. I knew academically that the way other people read and interpreted my gender affected and had influenced a lifetime of social and professional interactions, and that those in turn had informed the person I'd grown up into during that time. But I really believed, like I just sort of had in the back of my head, that if you peeled away all of that social conditioning, you'd basically end up with what I got when I tried to draw a self-portrait. So: a pair of glasses, messy scribble of hair, and in this case, maybe also some very strong opinions about the X-Men. I mean, I knew something was off. I'd always known something was off, that my relationship to gender was messy and uncomfortable, but gender itself struck me as messy and uncomfortable, and it had never been a large enough part of how I defined myself to really feel like something that merited further study, and I had deadlines, and...so it was always on the back burner. So, I looked, I looked at what I had, at this improbable group of exclusively male characters. And I looked and I figured that if this wasn't me, then it had to be a result of the stories I had access to, to choose from, and the entertainment landscape I was looking at. And the funny thing is, I wasn't wrong, exactly. I just wasn't right either.

See, the characters I'd written about had one other significant trait in common aside from their gender, which is that they were all more or less explicitly, more or less heavily coded as autistic. And I thought, "Ah, yes. This explains it. This is under representation in fiction echoing under representation in life and vice versa." Because the characteristics that I'd honed in on, that I particularly identified with in these guys, were things like emotional unavailability and social awkwardness and granular obsession, and all of those are characteristics that are seen as unsympathetic and therefore unmarketable in female characters. Which is also why readers were assuming that I was a man.

Because, you see, here's the thing. I'm not the only one who uses stories to navigate the world. I'm just a little more deliberate about it. For humans, stories formed the bridge between data and understanding. They're where we look when we need to contextualize something new, or to recognize something we're pretty sure we've seen before. They're how we identify ourselves; they're how we locate ourselves and each other in the larger world. There were no fictional women like me; there weren't representations of women like me in media, and so readers were primed not to recognize women like me in real life either.

Now by this point, I had started writing a follow-up essay, and this one was also about autism and narratives, but specifically focused on how they intersected with gender and representation in media. And in context of this essay, I went about looking to see if I could find even one female character who had that cluster of traits I'd been looking for, and I was asking around in autistic communities. And I got a few more or less useful one-off suggestions, and some really, really splendid arguments about semantics and standards, and um...then I got one answer over and over and over in community after community after community. "Leverage," people told me. "You have to watch Leverage."

So I watched Leverage. Leverage is five seasons of ensemble heist drama. It's about a team of very skilled con artists who take down corrupt and powerful plutocrats and the like, and it's a lot of fun, and it's very clever, and it's clever enough that it doesn't really matter that it's pretty formulaic, and I enjoyed it a lot. But what's most important, what Leverage has is Parker.

Parker is a master thief, and she is the best of the best of the best in ways that all of Leverage's characters are the best of the best. And superficially, she looks like the kind of woman you see on TV. So she's young, and she's slender, and she's blonde, and she's attractive but in a sort of approachable way. And all of that familiarity is brilliant misdirection, because the thing is, there are no other women like Parker on TV. Because Parker—even if it's never explicitly stated in the show—Parker is coded incredibly clearly as autistic. Parker is socially awkward. Her speech tends to have limited inflection; what inflection it does have is repetitive and sounds rehearsed a lot of the time. She's not emotionally literate; she struggles with it, and the social skills she develops over the series, she learns by rote, like they're just another grift. When she's not scaling skyscrapers or cartwheeling through laser grids, she wears her body like an ill-fitting suit. Parker moves like me. And Parker, Parker was a revelation—she was a revolution unto herself. In a media landscape where unempathetic women usually exist to either be punished or "loved whole," Parker got to play the crabby savant. And she wasn't emotionally intuitive but it was never ever played as the product of abuse or trauma even though she had survived both of those—it was just part of her, as much as were her hands or her eyes. And she had a genuine character arc. My god, she had a genuine romantic arc, even. And none of that required her to turn into anything other than what she was. And in Parker I recognized a thousand tics and details of my life and my personality...but. I didn't recognize myself.

Why? What difference was there in Parker, you know, between Parker and the other characters I'd written about? Those characters, they'd spanned ethnicities and backgrounds and different media and appearances and the only other characteristic they all had in common was their gender. So that was where I started to look next, and I thought, "Well, okay, maybe, maybe it's masculinity. Maybe if Parker were less feminine, she'd click with me the way those other characters had." So then I tried to imagine a Parker with short hair, who's explicitly butch, and...nothing. So okay, I extended it in what seems like the only logical direction to extend it. I said, "Well, if it's not masculinity, what if it's actual maleness? What if Parker were a man?" Ah. Yeah.

In the end, everything changed, and nothing changed, which is often the way that it goes for me. Add a landmark, no matter how slight, and the map is irrevocably altered. Add a landmark, and paths that were invisible before open wide. Add a landmark, and you may not have moved, but suddenly you know where you are and where you can go.

I wasn't going to tell this story when I started planning this talk. I was gonna tell a similar story, it was about stories, like this is, about narratives and the ways that they influence our culture and vice versa. And it centered around a group of women at NASA who had basically rewritten the narrative around space exploration, and it was a lot more fun, and I still think it was more interesting. But it's also a story you can probably work out for yourselves. In fact it's a story some of you probably have, if you follow that kind of thing, which you probably do given that you're here. And this is a story, my story is not a story that I like to tell. It's not a fun story to talk about because it's very personal and I am a very private person. And it's not universal. And it's not always relatable, and it's definitely not aspirational. And it's not the kind of story that you tend to encounter unless you're already part of it...which is why I'm telling it now. Because the thing is, I'm not the only person who uses stories to parse the world and navigate it. I'm just a little more deliberate. Because I'm tired of having to rely on composite sketches.

Open your maps. Add a landmark. Reroute accordingly.

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Body

Part 1 of 2

Part 2

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: None

Anon requested- can I get a one shot where the reader does the body positivity trend with the new megan thee stallion song and the reader is insecure about how ppl will react to it?? Most importantly how peter will react to it?? K thanks

Awww I love doing smol readers and where Peter's actually the one that has it together lol sooo thanx for this

The TikTok is that new body positivity trend with that Megan Thee Stallion song. Couldn't link it because tumblr acts weird about links but part 2 will have a video for Peter. Also reader will be 18 (senior in high school) cuz some people think minors shouldn't participate in the trend lol

A/N: Either a motivation fairy hit me in the middle of the night or I'm really just that bored to the point where I had no choice but to get my motivation to write back. Either way I'm happy lol. Enjoy! Thanks to @yumings and @kelieah for helping me feel confident in this lol

Will definitely be a two parter🙂

---------------------------------------

Body oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy-

You'd finally finished editing the video.

It was a simple, short collage of all of your favorite selfies and pictures that showed off your body well. There was a new trend going around on TikTok and when you saw it you just had to jump at it headfirst.

People would take their favorite pictures of themselves, ones that showed off their bodies just the way they liked, and they'd put it to the sound of Megan Thee Stallion's song "Body".

You looked through your entire phone gallery to find pictures that you were confident enough to post, some you'd forgotten you even took in the first place.

When you were done, you threw in the simple caption that everyone was using.

Heard we're using this sound to show off. My turn then😜

Yeahhhhhh, the caption sounded much more confident than you actually felt.

You actually thought about deleting it from the minute you posted it. Insecure wasn't even the word for it. And even with your followers there to hype you up, you couldn't help but feel self-conscious. So, albeit hesitantly, you went to your friends for support.

The first person you showed was Michelle.

"You killed that," she said in math class as she passed you the phone underneath the table so that the professor wouldn't see.

"Thanks," you said. "I was honestly kinda nervous about it." You noticed her incredulous look and explained yourself, toying with the loose strings on your jacket. "Like seriously, I don't wanna fish for compliments, it's just that there are so many better ones out there."

Michelle gave a lopsided grin. "That's just you being insecure, you dork," she retorted. "You look hot." She gave an uninterested glare at the teacher when they told her to be quiet. Then she turned towards you with a smile. "You shown Peter yet? I bet he'd agree."

You shifted in your seat nervously and MJ immediately caught on. "What, you don't wanna show him?" She gave you a look when you took a while to answer. "Dude he's literally your boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he'll like it."

"MJ, we haven't even-" you looked around secretively. "-we haven't even taken our shirts off in front of each other yet. There's literally a pic of me in my sports bra and I.." You shrugged, a little embarrassed by the conversation topic. "I-i just don't know how he'd react."

You and Peter were a fairly new couple and were taking it slow. You'd only ever kissed, cuddled, and held hands so far. Plus, you were a major causal clothes wearer. Sweatshirts and jeans, those were your specialty. The two of you were in no rush and you were both fine with that, but you had no idea how he would react to seeing pictures of you like that.

And, though it wasn't the most feminist approach, you kinda wanted to impress him. Was that so bad?

MJ, forever the voice of patronizing reason, rolled her eyes at you. "So, let me get this straight. You're not fine with your boyfriend seeing sexy pictures of you, but you're okay with literal strangers seeing you instead?"

"Look, I know it's-"

"No, no I totally get it," she said with a sympathetic smirk, before laughing. "I just wanted to show you how dumb it sounded though."

The bell rang, signaling the end of class.

"Look," she said, standing up and getting her things. "You have nothing to be worried about. Peter practically worships the ground you walk on. He'll love it."

When you showed Ned, he genuinely didn't give a shit.

"Oh my God, there's a new Megan Thee Stallion album?!"

"Uh, yeah."

"I have to listen to it right now!"

"Yeah okay, but do you like the-"

He was already plugging in his headphones before you even finished your sentence.

You showed Harry next. If anyone was gonna rate you unabashedly, it'd definitely be him.

He was the only friend you had in your lunch period, so you met up with him every day. Towards the end of lunch that day, you'll pulled out your phone and asked if he wanted to see the video. He enthusiastically agreed.

He watched the short video with an amused expression, bopping his head to the music all the while.

When it ended, he handed you your phone back and gave you a high-five. "Damn girl!," he praised. "Just throwing it out there, if Peter fails you, I'm hella available."

"Heh, thanks." You smiled as you felt your entire face heat up. "Ya think he'll like it?"

"What, you haven't shown him yet?" You shook her head, giving a nervous smile. "Oh-" he nodded confidently. "-he'll love it. Trust me."

"Are you sure?," you asked.

"Yeah," he responded with a shrug. "Why are you so worried?"

"Because he's not-..he doesn't really seem-" You couldn't find the right words for it. "I dunno, I just really want him to like it!"

Harry scoffed. "Look. Let me tell you a little secret about Peter Parker," he snickered. "Or practically all guys for that matter."

"Okay?," you said, curious as to where this was going.

He smirked. "You remember when he introduced himself to you at my party last summer?"

You nodded.

"Well, hon..." Harry lowered his head to where he was whispering in your ear. "Your personality wasn't what he was noticing from across the room.. catch my drift?" He chuckled when he saw you blushing as you caught where his eyes had wandered. "Just sayin'."

Seeing your incredulous expression, Harry continued. "Peter likes to act like he's not checking you out every second of the day, but I promise you he is. That little "I'm so respectful and bashful" crap he has going is complete B.S."

You smirked and rolled your eyes as he pulled away from your ear and kept walking. "You're an ass."

Harry shrugged. "True, but I'm a realistic ass." The alarm on his phone sounded which marked his time to start heading to his next class. Standing up, he smiled down at you. "Seriously, if I could take back all the time spent listening to Pete go on about how good you look in your jeans, I'd be one well rested guy."

You rolled your eyes, but it betrayed the small smile growing. After all, he wouldn't be Harry if he wasn't a flirtatious dweeb. "Bye Harry."

"Show him the video, [Y/N]. He'll love it. You know I'm right."

And then there was one...

Later in the day, you were talking with MJ after school, waiting because Peter always insisted on driving you home because chivalry was not going to die as long as he was alive to keep it going.

When he finally showed up, the first thing he did was take you by the hand and give you a quick peck on the forehead.

"How are you guys doing?," he asked as your little trio started to walk.

"We're good," you chirped, ever so conscious of the phone in your pocket that you were suddenly very hesitant to pull out.

MJ noticed and nudged you. "You got anything you wanna show anybody, [Y/N]?," she asked with a smirk, causing Peter to look at you curiously.

You stayed quiet, but MJ still wasn't putting up with it. "I think you may have a video that you made..."

You remained silent and Peter looked at you, a lot more confused now. MJ frowned. "Um... cough.. cough."

Peter laughed and stopped walking. "Okay, what am I missing?" He looked to you and when he didn't see your expression falter, he looked to MJ. "What's going on?"

Michelle shrugged. "[Y/N] wants to show you a dumb TikTok she made but she's scared about how you'll react."

"Michelle!," you scolded.

She shrugged again. "What? You weren't going to say anything anytime soon."

"A TikTok?," Peter questioned. "Cool, which one did you do this time?"

You could feel your face heat up for the hundredth time that day. "It's a...um.." You stared down at the ground. Jesus, this was hard. "..It's a body positivity trend."

His eyebrows went up at that. "Oh, well um.. is it cool if I see it?," he asked.

You blushed. "Sure." You pulled out your phone and opened the app. When you got to the video you quickly shoved it into his face before you had a chance to second-guess yourself.

Both you and Michelle watched Peter's face as he watched the video.

His cheeks immediately turned red but his expression was unreadable. He had to have watched it over 5 times before MJ pulled the phone out of his hand. "Helloooo, earth to Peter Parker?"

She snapped into his face several times and he started to blink wildly, apparently being pulled out of a trance. "I...um- heh.."

You gave a small, nervous smile. "..did you like it?," you asked, growing confused as stared at you, his expression still the same. "Um, Peter?"

Suddenly, he smiled and let out a little chuckle. "Sorry... just..." He laughed again and scratched his head, unable to keep eye contact. "You're just- like.... really hot."

You blushed. Fuck. "You're not just saying that are you?"

"No, really like-" He looked back at the phone. "...Damn." He bit his lip. "How on earth did I get so lucky?"

"Okay, can we please get in the car before I throw up?"

The two of you looked at an uncomfortable MJ with embarrassment riddled on your faces. "Yeah, totally," you said with an awkward cough. "Sorry."

"Nice video [Y/N]," Peter murmured bashfully, opening the door of his car for you, his face still beet red. "Really nice..."

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil l, @yumings, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @tommyunderoos, @chaoticpete, @snarky--starky, @sovereignparker, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky, @eridanuswave, @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr , @kidney9-9, @gwenvrse

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [okay so wrong number text which isn't actually we know, which is just the location of some illegal rave moment that she'll wanna go to] Edie: treasure? ❌🗺 Liam: wooden leg would be useful to hide all the treasure we're bringing in Edie: Gutted I don't know anyone who's ever had an abscess go full necrotic ☠ Edie: and who wants to cart around a treasure chest Liam: don't wanna do your share of the heavy lifting, big surprise Edie: is it? Liam: outgrow this pussy behaviour before tonight as a favour to me Liam: I don't wanna cart that much dead weight about Edie: As I remember it, you owe me though Liam: your memory's in the 🚽 Liam: I owe nobody nothing Edie: yours is selective Edie: can't even get 11 digits down Liam: a barcode's got 12 & I told you it's your business if you wanna walk round inked like you've only lived that many years that's your lookout Liam: not holding your hand Edie: even more gutted, no doubt Edie: 💔 Liam: if you won't be talked out of it, put it on your balls where no-one'll see it Edie: Will you think I'm tough then? Liam: what kind of gay shit is this? Edie: 😂 Edie: go easy on your mate Edie: you got the wrong number Liam: fucked the 11 digits Liam: that's what you were trying to say Edie: mhmm Edie: that's what I said Edie: but a barcode tattoo is a shit idea Edie: agreed Liam: sick of being the voice of reason around here Edie: I find it's more entertaining to let people make the bad decisions, personally Liam: would be jokes until I look a sad twat by association Liam: wants it on his head Edie: 🙄 what's it gonna say, product of the system? Edie: pretty sure a serial killer has already done that Edie: or some shit rapper Liam: he is a shit rapper Liam: [link] Edie: oh Edie: I know him Liam: serious? Edie: by association Edie: I'm a less shit musician in general, not that that's any brag Liam: can I get a listen or you're just here to promo to set me off on a ❌🗺 as payback? Edie: depends Edie: who's heading the rave you linked? Liam: [deets] Edie: alright Edie: you're not 12 like your pal Edie: [links him her music] Edie: [definitely pictures and videos along with, as if you don't know who she is but pretending you don't lol] Liam: come tonight instead of him Edie: talking to strangers is one thing, boy Liam: you leave the bad decisions to everyone else Liam: don't sound as entertaining as it could be Edie: I meant for your safety Edie: could be anyone Liam: be full of nobodys and anyones when we get there Liam: I'm still gonna go Edie: what makes you stand out? Edie: as you ❌ the barcode Liam: when I track you down, I'll listen to your opinion about me Liam: I'm bragging before then Edie: 🤞 we can't hear much of anything over the bass Edie: not that you're intriguing enough to show up for Edie: but the invite is sound Liam: you'll still know what I think, never had an issue with body language over bass Edie: I think I can guess already Liam: 👌 guess Edie: don't take a mind reader Edie: body language and 💭 are one in the same Liam: it don't take a mind reader when you know you're beautiful and talented Edie: ha leave it out Liam: 🧯 Edie: less of that as well Edie: not a wet blanket Liam: 🧨 Edie: that I like Liam: buying 🎇🎆 if you have any requests Edie: [all the party drugs not in code 'cos we're not bothered] Liam: 👾 Edie: NOW I look forward to 👀 you Liam: guessed it Edie: what gave it away? Liam: the vids you linked me to Edie: that's your review? Edie: at least give me some ⭐s Liam: 3.5 Edie: 👌 Liam: I'll give you another 1/2 when the anti barcode tat song drops Edie: what about the other whole? Liam: get him on the track Edie: 😂 Edie: you're on Liam: 👌 Edie: thank god for the edit Liam: & that only you're allowed to freestyle it rule we just invented Edie: good thing I'm more talented than even you are demanding Liam: I'd agree but you've heard it once & you weren't a fan Edie: you can agree when you see it in person Edie: I don't do this online fake shit Liam: I'll have my turn at looking forward to 👀 you Liam: more than down to Edie: good luck Edie: I can't find any cars with spare seats, so it's gonna be a crowd clearly Liam: yours is in if you want his Edie: how will I get my freestyle if he can't catch a ride? 🤔 Liam: shit like that is what earns you the rest of the ⭐s Liam: talent's not just Liam: 🎤🎧 Edie: yeah, I'm well kind and considerate Edie: known for it Liam: good thing I am Liam: [pic of all the drugs he has picked up] Edie: 🤪 Liam: got a 🐷 mask to fit in post raid, can stick it on early if 🥴 isn't doing anything for you Edie: 💡⭐ Edie: if you can't hang with your gurn we can't hang, like Liam: [a gorgeous gurning pic from a previous rave moment] Edie: fit Liam: ha ha ha Edie: don't act like you don't know Liam: I do 👌 out of my mugshots Edie: convince him to get that tatted instead Liam: too gay Edie: alright I'll do it Liam: before or after you take his seat Edie: if you tell me your name I'll save you a spot to earn mine Liam: Liam Edie: alright, Liam, thanks for not having a long and hard to spell name Edie: give me 🖐 Liam: you can have 3.5 again Edie: [purposely leaving it a full five before coming back with his name stick n poked and then a shoddy box for the mugshot portrait to go in] Edie: tada Liam: 👏 Liam: I didn't think you would Edie: if I say I'll do something, I will Edie: why not Edie: loads of Liam's in this town Liam: don't act like it's a standard trick to pull Liam: he's been oohing & ahhing for months over identifying as frozen peas when his face gets scanned Edie: it's a win-win for me, no need to think on it Edie: either you end up being sound, then it's a memory attached, or I get a cool story about getting a tattoo of a mugshot to get a lift to a rave to tell my grandkids Liam: I wanted you to sit next to me 5 mins ago, I can be impressed, can't I? Edie: I accept impressed Edie: and 👏 of course Liam: what did it feel like? Edie: it's somewhere between a scratch and a burning sensation Edie: but deeper Liam: you'll have to do me Liam: I like the sales pitch Edie: what do you want? Liam: what can you do? Edie: on you, a lot better than I can myself Edie: anything you want, I'll make it happen Liam: thanks for accepting impressive Edie: I intend to be so I can Edie: not here to disappoint Liam: I only was willing to be when I thought I was talking to that little bitch boy Edie: no gay shit Liam: unless you like one of the girls in the car Edie: ha Edie: we'll 👀 obviously Edie: where you starting out, anyway, and when Liam: [a time and place, I like to imagine it's a longish drive to give them time to #bond UGH] Edie: [and usually is to go to a middle of nowhere moment so agreed[ Edie: I'll be there Liam: would make me laugh if you don't show now Liam: longest chat I've had for ages Edie: even if I missed you 🚗 I've hitched before Edie: and it's been ages since I've been to a decent party so Liam: my pic could've fooled you but that last one was shit Liam: got a better feeling this time Edie: I feel you Edie: 💊🥤 just makes it tolerable Edie: down to 👀 yeah? Liam: Yeah Edie: better go find my glitter and gemstones out ✌ Liam: I feel you, will take me a while to paint my 💪 UV Liam: not got as steady a hand as you Edie: damn, that was almost impressive Liam: I'll work on it Edie: your steady hand or your bragging about your 💪? Liam: which one's letting me down the most? Edie: 🤔 Edie: you don't need to tattoo me yourself Edie: you are good looking enough you could get away with being cockier, go with that Liam: 👌 but now you've made me wanna tattoo you myself Edie: maybe Edie: if you think of a good idea, we'll overlook the shaky lines Liam: I'll try & think of an idea where wavy lines are part of it Edie: smart Edie: I like it Liam: 🌊 or something Liam: but less shit Liam: 📻 ones maybe Edie: you have any? Edie: professional ones, like Edie: you asked what stick n poke felt like so obviously not Liam: spend my money as fast as I have it Liam: what are you gonna charge me? Edie: what else are you gonna do with it though Edie: see how nice or poor I'm feeling Liam: I won't let the 💊🥤 run out, you'll feel a lot better than nice Edie: deal 🤩 Liam: be me blinded by your glitter & gems Edie: not actually my first rave Edie: but I can raid my little sister's shit if that's part of the deal Liam: see you in a 👑 will I? Edie: that's just standard day to day tbh 🤷 Liam: how many raves have you done? Edie: I've tried not to be in at the weekend since I was like 12 myself so Edie: enough that I know there's nothing fun or attractive about freezing your tits off in a neon bikini in a field Edie: what about you, you're [the year he'd be in which is either 2nd to last or last, either way], right? Liam: hasty to go with unattractive Liam: but yep, you're not wrong Edie: 😏 Edie: I get it, you wanna match 💪 Liam: no gay shit, your own words Liam: I didn't go to my first one until I was like 15, still not impressing anyone here Edie: me either Edie: middle child syndrome or whatever Liam: trade you oldest and only son if you want it Edie: Attention is grand and all but too much parental attention isn't what I'm aiming for Liam: can't offer you it Liam: my parents attention is elsewhere Edie: yours still together? Liam: nah Edie: oh good Edie: wouldn't know what to do with a dad Liam: not lots you can do with mine Edie: might be stuck being ourselves for the foreseeable anyway Edie: not a convincing freaky friday/parent trap situation you and me Liam: shame I won't get to 🎸 & lay down a track with your talent Edie: just buzzin' off all the things I could lift obviously 💪 Liam: this where I get cocky like you said? Liam: go on about how much I can Edie: you could Edie: but I'm clearly impressed before you need to use that tactic Liam: it's too desperate Liam: we both know I can pick you up if you get stuck in the mud later on Edie: we both know it's every man for himself when the 🐷 show Liam: I got you a mask Liam: yours has lipstick and more eyelashes, so we know Edie: thank god Edie: fragile femininity anyone? Liam: prefer toxic masculinity Edie: same Liam: 👍 Edie: if the daddy issues weren't glaring the 👑 will make 'em blinding Liam: we can pretend that since you're with me no-one'll be looking at you if you want Edie: the freedom Liam: I'll give you 🛢🧨 to play with Liam: 🔥 will take the attention Edie: really? Liam: 🎇🎆 wasn't only a code Liam: I do have some Edie: 🤩 no joke Edie: I wanna blow shit up Liam: that's all I ever wanna do Edie: yeah Edie: feel that too Liam: if you can capture 🔥 in a tat that'd be something worth considering Liam: not in a gay way like 🎲💀♠ Edie: that's overplayed, and doesn't mean anything Edie: I'll do some designs, providing I make it home alive Liam: supposed to see my dad tomorrow for the first time in months, don't think I'll rush back Edie: 🛢🧨🎇🎆 why would you Liam: don't feel you have to either, unless you're catfishing me Edie: I'd pick someone else if I was Edie: and you accidentally texted me Liam: I'm into the someone I accidentally texted, full fucking offense to whoever you wanna pick Edie: then I'll stick around too Edie: nothing I'm rushing back for Liam: it's in writing I'm not kidnapping you Liam: have to do a mugshot monday instead or something Edie: feel free Edie: I can't see that I'd mind Liam: being kidnapped or sharing a cell? Edie: hmm Edie: both Edie: though the involvement of bars to keep me about is unnecessary really Liam: does hitchiking only work if you're a girl with killer eyes? asking for myself before we torch the car Edie: as you're toxically masculine, most people'd be afraid to stop for you alone but as we're together, you should be safe and not an axe murderer Edie: unless I'm pulling a Hindley Liam: when we go for that we'll think it through more Liam: 🐶 or 👶 on board Edie: I can borrow one Edie: 👶 more likely Edie: people don't like cats enough Liam: I'll get over a fence to grab us a dog Edie: in one step, like Liam: depending on the fence Edie: sure, don't wanna oversell it Liam: you don't want no online fake shit Edie: just telling you so you know Edie: not the same Liam: thanks for telling me Edie: yeah alright Edie: didn't lecture you did I Liam: nah you didn't Edie: there we go then Liam: [quotes some of her own lyrics at her that he likes because genuinely listening to these tracks] Liam: you could sell that harder Edie: I'll work it out in my freestyle Liam: 🛢🧨 Edie: 🔥 Liam: 🎇🎆 Edie: 🤩 Liam: let's see your glitter Edie: checking it's not a catfish? Liam: can't show you mine first, too cocky behaviour Edie: [a rave lewk when we've clearly done the most to do the least you know the vibe] Liam: [I like to think he's written her name in body paint wherever she put her stick n poke so have a pic of that gal] Edie: 👍 Edie: approved Liam: what do you want your i dotted with? Liam: about as artistic as you'll get me to be Edie: ⭐ Edie: has to be Liam: [an adorable little star has been added so have another pic] Edie: perfect Liam: thanks for having a name that's short and easy to spell yourself Edie: oh yeah, snap Liam: except I haven't met another one of yours Edie: maybe an 👵 Liam: prefer a silent snatch & grab Edie: 😂 Edie: alright, then I can be the one and only Liam: do you wanna guess what I think about it? Edie: I have Edie: be too cocky to say Liam: I'll do it then, you said I can get away with more of it Liam: I think it'd be good if you were Edie: let's see if you're right Liam: feels like I am but yeah we'll 👀 Edie: it is weird Edie: how you randomly found my number instead Edie: how many # were you out by? Liam: you'll have his if you didn't before Liam: last number Edie: crazy Edie: another good story Liam: should've been a 6 but I did a 9 Edie: 🤪 love that Liam: I'll lose my phone again if you're what I find Edie: I'll save your number then Edie: or add it to the tat Liam: since you love how it feels Edie: and I'm no less liable to lose my phone, so Edie: the pain is just a bonus Liam: I can add it as fuel to the 🔥 any time you'd like an excuse to cross my number out & go again Edie: I won't run out of ideas either way Liam: what about space? Edie: not anytime soon Edie: I'll have to go back to biro and keep it less permanent after that Liam: leave it on the bodies of our victims like the shittiest calling card for the 🐷 Liam: call me Edie: ooh Edie: we could get really zodiac with that though Edie: only murder people on days ending in 9 Liam: I like it Edie: I'll go solo if you piss me off and do it on 6 days Liam: I'll start staging them like they've starred in your vids to get your forgiveness Liam: attention to detail for attention from you Edie: we can communicate through corpses Edie: that's new, no one's done that before Liam: when I keep the 👀 as a 🏆 you'll know I wanna see you Edie: romantic, aren't you Liam: toxic like my masculinity Edie: good Liam: ☢️ better than a barcode but not by a lot Edie: I could do you a Chernobyl victim tat Edie: get the toxic and the 🔥 in a really untasteful onner Liam: 👌 you're beautiful, talented & smart Liam: don't give me any flaws to pick at then Edie: I did say untasteful instead of distasteful, if you wanna be pedantic and take away smart so you can save some toxic masculinity points Edie: one-ner, also, doesn't translate to typing Liam: when it took you pointing it out, I don't think I can take anything away from you Edie: you can try Edie: again, like kidnapping, might not mind Liam: I can't help thinking it'd be better to give you things Edie: 🎇🎆🛢🧨? Liam: all that Liam: ⭐🐶👶 Liam: & anything else I've not remembered Edie: we can keep the puppy right Liam: what else would we do with it? Edie: just letting you know I draw the line at puppy killing Edie: get that out of the way now Liam: me too Liam: never microwaved any 🐹 or thrown them at the wall Edie: imagine how big you look to 🐹 Liam: 🏙🦖 Edie: definitely made that 📹 as a kid Liam: I'll be in the remake next time you're stuck for a vid idea Liam: if you still have it, we'll kick it frame for frame Edie: you'd be perfect for my next project Liam: sign me up Edie: [tat pic again like I already did] Liam: what else have you got? Edie: [just a comprehensive pic rundown of your tats that are all just silly ones you've done on the whole hope you've not got them anywhere too scandalous but realistically gonna need to be able to hide them when school so it's probably mostly legs at and like, upper arm and ribs/hip vibes] Liam: 😍 Edie: I'll tell you all the stories later when we're smashed Liam: no awkward silences in the car Liam: great idea Edie: not if the other girls are hot Liam: there's one I think you'd like Liam: you'll have to tell me if I'm wrong Edie: I'll flash a 6 or a 9 and you'll know Liam: she can be our first victim either way Edie: 😈 Liam: 🚗🔥 Liam: 🔐 Edie: 😍 Edie: you win Liam: how do you feel about playing games? Liam: 6 or 9 Edie: 9 Liam: same Edie: I know Liam: yeah, you're smart, I gave you that Edie: how smart is it that I wanna play with you? Liam: I'd call it a good decision, which maybe isn't smart if you only like bad ones Edie: I just like doing what I want Edie: good or bad is mostly irrelevant Liam: so do what you want Edie: you to be here now Liam: direct me 🗺❌ Edie: [at least you've had the good sense to be in town not at yours] Liam: [lord imagine] Edie: [like sure Rio ain't about but still don't need to be inviting you in quite yet lol] Liam: [her room is still there and no thank you hun] Edie: [not today huns, we can either skip to post rave now or post this as is?]

[aliciarobertsonflipside]

Evaluation

When choosing from the list of all the different flip-side options I had a hard time picking between three: division/unity, conflict/peace and ascend/descend. I decided to go with ascend/descend as I could link this theme with many different things and I had done something similar in a project before. One of the first projects I had done I was handed a penguin book containing Dantes circles of hell from Dantes inferno. This book was about A man’s journey through hell to save his love. I would say that the link between circles of hell and ascend/descend is clear. As I had already created work based on hell (descend) I had to think what else I could do with my theme. I send/descend is already essentially heaven and hell I could link it straight into religion. My project has been more relating to the religious aspect rather than the theme I had shows but I feel it has worked well overall.

Valerie Koshlyakov was an artist I found during the towers in lockdown project. He creates large work on pieces of cardboard and and often refers to historic buildings, events and political matters. Koshlyakov’s Work was the foundation for my own artwork and ideas for this project. I was really intrigued when I first saw his artwork, it is so unique and I hadn’t really seen anything quite like it. From here I started to develop my work into a different style more related to Mario Corea Aiello. Aiello’s Work is mixed media and sticks to a red and black colour palette. I didn’t actually find this artist until after I had done all of my black and red postcards but I thought that the resemblance of our styles were very similar. We are both included cut outs of buildings and added it in abstract shapes well both sticking to a black and red colour palette. I think the colours work Perfectly together. After the postcards I decided to try something digital but could still relate back easily enough. My digital outcomes had a similar colour palette being read, grey and yellow whilst keeping the building is black and white. Again I hadn’t found an artist I started my digital outcomes but I have found one that I can link my work to, Lynette Jackson. Jackson plays around with perspective and cut outs of buildings and also sticks to a colour palette which much of the time. These three artists have impacted my thinking and my artwork regardless whether or not I found them before or after I had created my work. Each of these artists all have a style and flair that I have grown ever so attached to and I will continue to be inspired by them and keep looking into their work.

When I was researching mandalas I decided to look at Tibetan Buddhists. Creating sand mandalas is a form of meditation and they are designed to guide ordinary minds to enlightened ones. The mandalas take around several weeks to complete, once the mandala is finished shortly after it’s all tipped away. The months have no issue with this as they believe in impermanence, everything is constantly changing. My project is based on Christianity and the both Christianity and Buddhism or similar they are also incredibly different. Buddhists live by five more precepts: abstain from killing living things, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and intoxication. Buddhists never break the precepts and stay true to the faith. Christians live by 10 Commandments: do you not have any other gods, do you not worship idols, do you not disrespect gods name, keep the sabbath holy, honour your mother and father, do not commit murder, do you not commit adultery, do you not steal, lie or be envious of others. The difference between but it’s in Christians is that not all Christians remain strong to their religion. This can be proved from many historical events and scandals. For example the crusade is led by King Richard the Lion Heart from 1095 to 1291 were dismissed as being a religious venture. 2 to 6,000,000 people were killed during the crusades. All the kings don’t put together armies in the league groups anymore to fight in religious wars Christianity still losing corrupt free in this day and age.

My initial ideas for my artwork were going to be based on Valery Koshlyakov of style. Instead I've ended up exploring other styles on my own and even combining styles to come up with something new. In the end I actually went back to Koshlyakov comes artwork when I was creating this proud the moment Cardboard series. I added in different mediums and things I had learnt during this project to push my ideas and creativity for this series. I didn't know which way my heart will go at the beginning of this project but I am very happy with all I have produced and learnt. The concept of my project is a tricky one. To begin with I wanted to cover both conspiracy and controversy but I decided to narrow it down to just controversy as it was rather vast. I'm still not too sure on the reason why I chose to pick this subject in the 1st place but I think it's because that I feel the need to share concepts and ideas that not all people think about in their everyday lives. People wouldn't usually think about the church being corrupt or Christians trying to cover up religious wars back in the Middle Ages but I think that these can be important things to learn about. Like for instance I learn that during the Middle Ages especially around the time of the battle of Hastings the church had Supreme power over the country. Churches pretty much round the country and they were the main source of information being preached. The people of that time period would believe anything that the church said because they thought that the church could be trustworthy whereas in most cases they were not. The church even had power to grant who the next King was going to be, the King also had to have permission from the church to go ahead with certain rules and wars.

During the fmp I have learnt many different techniques. I've learned how to use illustrator and the store tax, I have learnt how to put together digital pieces and I've also become very comfortable with mark making. Some of the workshops that I've done I've actually quite enjoyed and these would be ideas and processes that I wouldn't have even thought of. I'm likely to remember most if not all but I have done June the fmp and I'll carry it with me along into future projects and I would also like to experiment with the processes and techniques that I have learned in this fmp. I think one of my favourite workshops that I have done would be either the illustrator distorting text or experimenting with photographic. I know for a fact that I will definitely be taking what I have learnt in illustrator with me because it's a really handy skill to know and if in the future I decide I want to do anymore digital work I would have already been familiar with the programme. I feel like I have done a good amount of experimentation throughout the whole fmp.

If I had to choose one piece or one series of work I have done if my outcomes in this fmp that has been most valuable to my learning I would probably have to go with my three piece digital outcomes. This is because I have not only used digital work within it but also hand based. I've used scanning of colleges and books an edited them in Photoshop. There are tools that I've used making these digital outcomes that I didn't know how to use before and now that I do I will be able to confidently use them in the future. Never before this fmp have I used illustrator all distorted text. Wanna first learn how to distort text it was a bit challenging as I had no idea what I was doing to begin with but once I got the hang of it it was quite straight forward. I'm very happy with my three piece digital outcomes that I even learned how to put together mockups because I wanted to do display them as best as I possibly could.

[ais-n]

Hi!! I'm the one who asked the Vermont question the other week. Thanks so much for answering! I have a second question if you don't mind. :D Were there any plot points/scenarios that you or Santino originally wanted to include but didn't make it in? Or if any scenes were changed from the initial draft? I just really want to know the possible WHAT IFs that could've happened!!

Oh curses! I’m so sorry I was so slow to reply to thissss T_T I haven’t been on my desktop computer much lately, which is a real oddity for me but I keep watching shit on tv instead of being online lately. And my phone is the worrrrsssstttt for trying to write any sort of long response.

THERE ARE SOME VAGUE SPOILERS FOR ICOS BELOW!! WARNING WARNING!!!! I’m not putting behind a cut because it’s short (for me, anyway) and some people can’t get the “read more” link to work on mobile (myself included wtf).

I think we talk a little more in detail in one of the Q&As (don’t remember which one but I put most of them here if you want to peruse:   https://aisness.wordpress.com/category/qa/) but yeah we did change things along the way and have to compromise at times on some of the plots. I super wanted to do a hardcore human experimentation thing with Boyd as a victim that Sonny was like “whoa there nelly, chill out a bit” on lol At one point he was thinking of a certain controversial lady in a book that isn’t Evenfall having Hsin’s baby and I wasn’t a fan of that for various reasons. Sonny wanted to kill off 3 of his characters at various points, 2 of which were a certain 2 fan favorites that I think the readers would have actually murdered us for killing. I wanted to kill Boyd at one point lol Things like that. Most of the time we were pretty in line with what we wanted to do, most of the time it wasn’t a problem, but when there were things that one of us really wanted to do that the other equally really didn’t want to do, usually we just discussed it over a long ass time because it took so long to write, edit, and release the story, and usually by the end of it we were on the same page anyway. 

We definitely had to drop things too. I was going to have way more Seth in the last two books, really go more fully into that whole subplot and Boyd’s back story, but it just didn’t flow well. I’m pretty sure we ended up deleting an entire Thierry chapter/scene at one point because it didn’t flow or make sense? Maybe??? There were a few things like that but I can’t remember them all right now. We may have mentioned them in one of those Q&As or elsewhere, not sure. And of course there was the give and take of editing Evenfall from the original version to the DC version.

The biggest What If of the whole thing is that ICoS as it turned out to be was not at all what we first planned when we first started writing. If you’ve read the whole series, they mention a tv show in Fade called Grayson. It briefly overviews the plot of that show. Fun fact: Grayson was the original ICoS plot, which we changed a tonnnnn when we realized Boyd and Hsin actually had chemistry and would like each other instead of just being side character partners who didn’t really get along and definitely had nothing romantic planned. We thought it would be fun to do a little throwback by making a tv show in the ICoS world that was the original plan for the ICoS world instead. such meta omg wut

If you’re curious and haven’t seen it yet, I posted a bunch of old shit at one point on my blog here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/?s=nsvic  -- including the AIM chat we had when we came up with the idea of ICoS (https://aisness.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/nsvic-wmhb-icos-conceived/) and when we named it (https://aisness.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/nsvic-wmhb-naming-icos/). 

The super old skool original version of what ICoS was when we first wrote anything at all in the ICoS world WAS on our old forum, I thought, but I can’t find it now so idk what’s going on... I mean, I found the old ass forum. But the post I thought had the old versions doesn’t have the actual stories? Well, I guess you can still find some excerpts. Read this disclaimer from 2007 first: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/icos-beginnings-v1-vs-v2-t50.html and then find excerpts here:  https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/story-bonuses-f17/index-s25.html  Keep in mind that stuff is old as hell, including our random posts we made in general on that forum. I have no idea what all was said by us or others because it’s been too long. Probably lots of shit was said that wouldn’t be said now but that’s how it goes. 

Oh! But there’s a real treasure in the general chat section-- a number of us totally were doing these intensive Sims posts where we made our own ICoS Sims households and then posted what was happening, it was so great XD Here was the first person to do it, peach, but all her images are gone :( Link: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/my-sims-let-me-show-you-them-warning-img-hvy-t36.html  and then the others are: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/simmies-thank-you-peach-for-the-awesome-idea-t145.html  and https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/more-sims-t190.html and then mine was https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/sims-the-totally-not-official-old-skool-beaulieu-f-t178.html (iirc I did 2 or 3 different stories in that same thread over the months or years or whatever. I still have Boydtown on Sims 4 lol I should totally break that shit out again it was so great XD)

Anyway I made this too long already, sorry! Hopefully this answers your question at least a little, and sorry again for being so slow T_T