#eddie kaspbrak lives

[schrijverr]

Mr. Kaspbrak's Office

Eddie and Richie seen through the eyes of Eddie’s secretary, Maria, as she slowly uncovers more of her boss’ private life.

On AO3.

Ships: Richie x Eddie

Warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~

Maria was the secretary of the old LA department manager before he is replaced by Mr. Kaspbrak, who keeps her on as secretary, because she obviously functions well within the company thus he sees no reason to replace her.

She appreciated him for letting her keep her job, however that does not mean she is ready to work with Mr. Kaspbrak. If she is honest, Mr. Kaspbrak is a mystery and a stern mystery at that. He has been her boss for six weeks now, which means she knows all his habits and oddities. Currently she is ordering lunch from the list of approved places, making sure to put in careful instructions as to how the food is supposed to be prepared and send over.

It’s not that Mr. Kaspbrak is rude to people working lower wage jobs that his, she has discovered, he is just very particular. The same way he carries hand sanitizer everywhere he goes and has a handkerchief to open doors with or push elevator buttons.

Mr. Kaspbrak is a clean man.

But that is not the only odd thing about him. If Mr. Kaspbrak was merely a tad too clean and particular then Maria would count her blessings and continue on. As stated before, Mr. Kaspbrak is a mystery, which shouldn’t be possible for her, since her job is literally to manage his time.

Yet in his Google calendar most of his nights are blocked out in a color coded system that simple states busy with no further explanation. She is sure there must be a system, but she can’t figure out why or what. It is even more irritating, since all of his other appointments and meetings are in another color coded system, but all of those are clearly labeled in a system Mr. Kaspbrak had made her learn. So, why did it only apply to business?

Yeah, yeah, she understood that Mr. Kaspbrak is obviously a private person, but she can’t help the curiosity that clings to her.

It is not just how private he is or how clean that makes that curiosity worse, the fact is that Mr. Kaspbrak is a mystery to a bigger extend. He has a scar across his cheek and walks with a cane, something he never comments on. The rumor mill has it he is a mafia boss on the side, something that isn’t helped with his New York accent intermingled with words that belong in neither LA or NYC and the intense look he gets in his eyes or how he can snap if someone messes up.

Maria herself doesn’t believe these rumors, of course. Mr. Kaspbrak is her boss and she would never think any sort of thing about him when he pays her well and treats her with more respect than most other senior workers. A boss, who looks at her eyes instead of her boobs and doesn’t make weird comments about her immigrant status is a win in her book, so she won’t participate in that sort of gossip.

However, he does not make it easy for her. It’s the sixth week and she gets a call. Like always she picks up with: “Mr. Kaspbrak’s office, this is Maria Rivera speaking. How can help you?”

There is a snort over the line as someone mutters in an amused voice: “Mr. Kaspbrak.”

Unable to help the little offense on her overall good boss’ behalf, she says: “Sorry, but is there anything I can help you with?” in a pointed voice that tells whoever is there that she will hang up if he does not.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” the voice says and Maria thinks she has heard it before, wracking her brain to place it. “Eds left something important looking by the door. Knowing him, he’s probably talking himself into a breakdown trying to find it.”

“Something important?” Maria repeats. “I’m sorry, I can take your message, but I need more information than that, sir. What is your name?”

“Oh you can just connect me through to him,” the voice says casually as if it’s that easy. “I have no idea how to describe what I’m looking at other than ink on paper. And you don’t have to bother with the whole sir thing, I promise.”

“Alright, uhm, can you try and describe it better?” Maria asks, not just wanting to bother Mr. Kaspbrak without it being necessary.

“Well, it is a manila file with papers in it,” the man tells her in an unhelpful manner, though he is obviously trying, because he gives up with a sigh and asks again: “Can you just put me through?”

“I can ask, if he has the time,” Maria resigns herself to having to bother Mr. Kaspbrak and hopes it is truly important. “What is your name, sir?”

“Tell him his favorite trashcan is calling,” the voice says.

“Sir,” Maria replies in a ‘please be serious’-tone.

“I am quite serious about that,” the voice replies in an equally stubborn tone. “And please, no sir for me.”

Maria argues for a little longer, then decides that this might be above her pay grade. A mysterious caller, who uses a code name and claims that her very organized boss forgot something important. It sounds ludicrous, but if Mr. Kaspbrak is in the mafia, she’s not getting involved.

“Please hold for a moment, sir,” she informs the man on the line, before putting him on hold and getting out of her chair to knock on Mr. Kaspbrak’s office door, crossing her finger that he is in a good mood.

“Come in,” he calls, sounding annoyed. Not good.

“Mr. Kaspbrak,” she opens the door where Mr. Kaspbrak is standing, surrounded by all the stuff from his bag, as if he is trying to locate something important. The call is starting to look more and more legit. “Someone is on the line for you. Says you left something and told me to tell you the caller is your favorite trashcan. He wouldn't give me a proper name, sorry, sir.”

She expects Mr. Kaspbrak to get angry with her and send her away, instead he surprises her by smiling. Actually smiling. He rarely does that. Then he says: “Connect him through, thank you, Ms. Rivera.”

“I will, sir,” she tells him before returning to her desk. She hears the phone ring for only a second, then she hears Mr. Kaspbrak say: “Please tell me you are looking at my files from the Lemmin Inc. assessment,” before the door falls shut.

Safe to say, her curiosity is piqued. And yeah, she knows that she should just ignore this weird instance, never talk or think about it and hope it isn’t anything she can end up in a ditch about if she ever does.

However, then Mr. Kaspbrak has the audacity to leave his office after he hangs up, which never happens without it being on the schedule, coming back with the file and looking happier and relaxed than she has ever seen him at that time in the day. Not to mention that Mr. Trashcan as she named him in her heads starts to call more often.

The second time it happens she doesn’t fight him on not giving her a name, since Mr. Kaspbrak obviously hadn’t minded the first time. The third time Mr. Kaspbrak told her to just connect him through if he called, never giving her any more information than that.

Whenever Mr. Trashcan calls she can hear Mr. Kaspbrak laughing, like whatever is being said is funny enough to crack through the professional exterior. Maria doesn’t believe that anyone calling himself someone’s favorite trashcan had a sophisticated sense of humor to make Mr. Kaspbrak laugh.

But it isn’t just that. Mr. Kaspbrack often leaves after his calls, as if that is a thing he does. Spoiler, he doesn’t! Yet for Mr. Trashcan he leaves, often making her cancel the lunch order she just carefully put in.

It’s enough to make her curious. Very curious.

A part of her wants to ask. She has been working for Edward, as she is allowed to call him now, for six months already now. Half a year is long enough to be able to ask about your boss’ private life, right?

Yet Maria knows that for Edward it isn’t. He doesn’t like mixing his domestic life with business. Last week an intern asked if he was from Maine when he let ‘Ahuy’ slip and Edward raised such a pointed brow and told the intern that it was not relevant information for him to know, so why in the world was he wasting Edward’s time with asking it? The intern nearly cried.

Afterwards she saw him doing breathing exercises in his office. If the question if he’s from Maine is enough to make him do breathing exercises to calm his anger down, she can’t imagine how her questions about Mr. Trashcan will land.

So, she keeps connecting his calls through to Edward’s office and feeling curious. She tells her sister all about it when she calls her, the two of them gossiping like they always used to when they were kids.

Her sister wants her to ask, claiming it is better to know and get out now, before she is called out to bury a body. Though Maria suspects it is more because she has made her curious and she wants Maria to ask to satiate her own curiosity as well.

However, the theory that Mr. Trashcan is Edward’s lover that her sister concocted always makes her laugh. She can’t imagine Edward falling for someone like Mr. Trashcan.

Obviously she doesn’t know Mr. Trashcan at all and Edward barely all things considered, but Mr. Trashcan always makes stupid jokes or does silly voices when he calls, sounding like he is in the middle of some odd happening too. She can’t picture him next to stern, orderly, clean Edward, even if he were gay, which she thinks is a possibility. Edward wouldn't tell anyone at work if he were, that much is clear.

Still, whenever the phone rings she wonders if it’s him. Wants to ask. Burns to know more. But she doesn’t, she likes her job.

After seven months of working for Edward, however, she gets some more information. The phone rings and she picks up with her standard greeting: “Mr. Kaspbrak’s office, this is Maria Rivera speaking. How can help you?”

“Ah, Maria, hi,” Mr. Trashcan greets her.

“Hi, sir,” she replies with a friendly smile. He calls often enough that she knows him well enough to warrant, though she rigorously sticks with sir, fearing that she’ll slip up and call him Mr. Trashcan to his face one of these days. “Edward is in his office.”

“It’s still hilarious you call him Edward,” Mr. Trashcan says and it makes her wonder if Edward is even his name. A small ridiculous part of her wouldn't put it past him.

Electing to ignore the strange comment, she says: “I’ll put you through.”

“Thank you,” Mr. Trashcan says, before she pushes the right buttons.

As always she hears the phone ring for a second. However, unlike always Eddie doesn’t pick up, instead the phone rings until it goes still. Concerned, since this has never happened, Maria gets up and knocks on Edward’s door.

“Come in,” she hears Edward call out.

She pushes open the door, unsure of how to say this now that she has been let in. She opens the door to find Edward completely fine, which is a relief. A part of her had imagine him lying on the floor having a heart attack, something that seemed almost more likely than him not picking up the phone in a businesslike manner. Then she says: “You had a call, sir. Did it not go through right?”

“Oh, it did. I’m busy and I didn’t expect a call,” Edward tells her, indeed surrounded by stacks of work that only ever seem to grow. “Who was it?”

“Uhm, your- your favorite trashcan?” Maria answers, phrasing it like a question, because there is no other way to indicate who was on the line.

“Fuck,” Edward curses, something that has never happened, before digging his cellphone out of his bag, which he keeps in there as to not distract him while he works.

Maria stands on the threshold for a few seconds, unable to move and just staring at her boss. She has never seen Edward swear, or do anything unprofessional like it. He rarely doesn’t pick up calls and he never frantically digs out his phone, which he keeps away so it won’t distract him. Whoever Mr. Trashcan is, he might be more important to Edward than Maria first thought.

It is only when Edward holds the phone up to his ear anxiously that she snaps out of it and quickly retreats back to her desk. She vaguely hears: “I’m so sorry,” in a tone she has never heard Edward use.

Another fucking layer to the mystery.

At least until the next time Mr. Trashcan calls. As always she picks up professionally: “Mr. Kaspbrak’s office, this is Maria Rivera speaking. How can help you?”

“Hi, Maria,” Mr. Trashcan greets pleasantly.

“Hi, sir,” she replies. “I’ll connect you to the office.”

“Wait,” Mr. Trashcan says.

Maria halts, she has never saw this coming and is a little cautious about what Mr. Trashcan might want from her. So, a little apprehensively she asks: “What can I help you with, sir?”

“You don’t have to call me sir,” Mr. Trashcan answers. “I know I said that before, kind of gave up on it for a bit, thought you were really stubborn. But Eddie, sorry, Edward,” Mr Trashcan snorts, interrupting his own seemingly senseless rambling, “just – well not just, but last time I called – he said you still referred to me as trashcan, which explains a lot. And I mean, it’s not terribly off, but it’s just stupid. Eddie can get a little weird. I get it though, but still. Fuck, I’m rambling.”

“Just a little, uhm, sir?” she adds, unable not to despite just being told it was unnecessary. She has been trained to be polite.

“Ah yes, that,” Mr. Trashcan exclaims. “Just call me Richie, I’m Richie. None of that sir stuff. And nice to meet you, kind of. Sorry.”

Richie.

Richie.

Maria has a name for Mr. Trashcan. It might not seem like much, but after seven months under Edward, she finally has a first name of the person, who calls the most. She grins and it might be obvious in her voice, but she doesn’t care as she replies: “It is nice to sort of meet you, Richie. Shall I put you through to Edward?”

“Yes, please,” Richie says gleefully, which doesn’t dissuade Maria’s smile as she puts him through to the office. His enthusiasm for her boss is kind of cute, if she’s honest. She hopes that her sister is right and that if there is something there, they hold on to it.

As she hears the familiar ringing that is cut off by Edward’s greeting, she turns the newly acquired information in her head. Richie. Mr. Trashcan is Richie, somewhere in her brain there is a connection, she thinks, but it escapes her.

Then she is reminded of another aspect of the conversation. Richie called Edward Eddie. It is almost comical to imagine anyone calling her boss such a nickname, yet there it was. It rolled easily off his tongue, thus must be used often. Wild.

Richie and Eddie. Her boss and his caller. She knows that now. Knows something private. It feels like she has a foot in the door.

It should be a little weird how badly she wants to know about her boss’ private life. Maybe it even is a little weird, but Maria can’t help it. She has moved away from her family and isn’t the most social herself either. This is the closest thing she has. Besides, being a secretary is mostly boring and nothing is more entertaining than imagining wild scenarios of a childhood filled with adventure and thrill for her boss, who wouldn’t come close to dirt unless he absolutely had to.

So, she cuts herself some slack about the oddness of her behavior and looks forwards to the next time Richie calls, wondering if she’ll get more information.

And she does!

Now that Richie has introduced himself to her, he stays to chat more often before being patched through to Edward. He is quite funny, but also asks after her well being and her day, which is a nice change from the corporate soulless being she often talks to.

Over the course of three months she learns that Edward swims, because he wants to do cardio, but running is out for him. His cane is due to an injury of some sort, since Richie refers to Edward being hospitalized, which is crazy. Edward also likes to read.

All in all, the list isn’t long, but it is something. Maria’s boss is slowly become more human all by a voice, for which she doesn’t have a face nor an indication of how he relates to Edward, just that he calls and makes him laugh and often leave.

Richie is also a mystery, but less so. Despite the fact that she knows even less about the man, he is so open when he talks that she feels like she knows more about him than she does. She knows about his visits to the coffee shop near him and his neighbors, but not what he does or how he knows Edward.

His voice is also familiar. At this point she isn’t sure that is because she heard it somewhere else or because she heard Richie so often. It is like he settled in alongside Edward, getting more comfortable calling more often as Edward got more comfortable at the company.

In short, her boss and the company he keeps, give her something to focus on as she slowly colors in the picture of who they are.

A big chuck of the picture is filled in, a lot of pieces clicking together, when she finally meets Richie in person. Not only that, but also sees Edward interacting with Richie, beyond the fact he picks up the phone and knows him by trashcan.

She has been working under Edward for the past ten months when it happens. They have been swamped by a big one and everyone has been working late. Maria doesn’t think Edward has gone home, except for the fact that he has a clean suit on each day.

The phone rings and she mentally crosses her fingers that it isn’t more work that she has to send Edward’s way. She likes her boss, despite the particularities. “Mr. Kaspbrak’s office, this is Maria Rivera speaking. How can help you?” she picks up.

“Maria, hello,” Richie greets her.

“Hi Richie,” she replies, mentally preparing for what she has to tell him. “I am so sorry, Edward is very busy right now. He is not accepting calls at the moment.”

It’s quiet for a second, then Richie asks: “He has been eating alright, right? Not skipping lunch breaks to work himself to the bone?”

“I don’t think I am allowed to give you that information,” she says apologetically, able to hear how concerned Richie sounds and thinking off all the half- or un-eaten lunches she has had to throw away.

“Fucking hell,” Richie mutters, not directed at her it seems, because he then says: “That is understandable, thank you, Maria. What floor is his office on again?”

“The 30th,” Maria answers, before realizing the implication.

“Alright, thank you,” Richie says and hangs up before she can ask more. It leaves her sitting there dazed and confused.

She wonders if she guessed correctly that he is coming by to check up on Edward. Her sister’s voice speculating about them being lovers echoing in her mind. Then immediately she wonders if Edward would allow such treatment during such a busy time and if she should warn him.

Maria looks back to the office. She can almost hear the frantic typing and see the thunderstorm above his head. Honestly, she doesn’t really need an angry snapping. If Edward is to let his frustration out on someone, let it be Richie.

So, she goes back to her work and tries to convince herself that she made the right decision, before trying to convince herself she misinterpreted his words.

However, twenty minutes later someone steps off the elevator that obviously does not fit into the office, which makes her question that. He is tall, scruffy and dressed in an odd print shirt with novelty socks peaking up from his beat up sneakers.

The fact that he looks like a college student hit by an aging beam, makes that it takes a second before she realizes that she has seen this man before. Because the man walking down the hall is Richie Tozier, America’s favorite Trashmouth.

Suddenly it all makes sense and at the same time it totally doesn’t.

What Maria means is that Richie makes sense. Mr. Trashcan. It clicks why Edward would recognize that name in relation to Richie. Why he wouldn’t just give her his name, hell he has just been nominated for an Emmy for that Bill Denbrough adaptation, of course he wouldn't want some random secretary to have his number. It now also makes sense why he is always making jokes. It is quite literally his job.

What absolutely doesn’t make sense is why Richie Tozier knows her stern boss. Nor why Richie makes time in his probably equally busy schedule to call so much. Nor why he is coming to check up on her boss.

Another fucking mystery.

The fact that Richie came out as gay after a two year disappearance flashes through her brain alongside her sister’s voice. But the idea of the man, who thinks asking someone if they’re from Maine is unprofessional, being together with someone, who tells dick jokes for a living, seems absurd. Plus that still leaves the question of how they met.

Yet there he is and very few other explanations spring to mind as he comes closer and closer with her trying to hide her shock behind some professionalism. “Mr. Tozier,” she squeaks, when he gets to her desk.

Richie laughs a bit awkwardly, but smiles kindly: “Ah, so you caught onto that. Sorry for being odd on the phone, I felt like I was in a terrible spy movie.”

“Totally understandable, sir,” she replies.

“Please stop with the sir,” Richie says. “And Richie is fine too, I promise. I’m more laid back than Eddie over there.” He nods to the closed door, Edward hasn’t noticed him through the glass wall, still furiously working.

Maria remembers this is her job and tells Richie: “I can let Edward know you’re here, but he might not be open to visitors at this time. This might be a wasted trip.”

Richie smiles as if he knows something she doesn’t. However, she has gotten used to not knowing something during her time under Edward, so she takes it in stride as Richie requests she alerts Edward to his presence anyway.

So, she gets up and knocks on Edward’s door as she opens it. He looks up with a snap and grimaces apologetically as she says: “There is a visitor here for you.”

“That’s not on the schedule,” Edward frowns.

“I know, but-” she starts, before she is cut off.

“Eddie Spaghetti!” Richie exclaims behind her, waving manically. “I have sat through all your lectures about proper nutrition and how bad stress is for you, so I am here to repeat them to you over lunch. Get packing, dickhead.”

Maria is sure her eyes are falling out of their sockets, they must be by how she is staring at Richie, because he is insane. No one calls Edward Eddie, what is he thinking with Eddie Spaghetti or dickhead. Not to mention that pulling him away from his work is neigh impossible, trust her, she’s been trying for nearly a year.

However, instead of exploding Edward chuckles. Chuckles! Maria looks back around to see the most unlikely look on Edward’s face, a relaxed grin is right there on his lips and he looks fondly at Richie. When he replies, it is equally out of character. “Like you can repeat what I told you in any way, fucker. You tell dick jokes for a living.”

“You love my dick jokes, besides your mom said I was pretty close to you when we were making sweet sweet love last night,” Richie shoots back.

“Don’t you think you should stop those jokes now that she’s dead?” Edward asks, a revelation which is horrifying to Maria, but both men are smiling fondly, so she decides to try and disappear into the background.

“I stop the moment it stops being funny,” Richie defends himself.

“It was never funny.”

“Agree to disagree,” Richie shrugs. “Now get up, I’m hungry.”

“Your treat,” Edward surprises Maria by getting up without protest, shrugging on his coat, before turning to her. “Maria, please tell anyone that comes by to come back later. I am out for lunch. I’ll be back in thirty minutes.”

“Make it 45,” Richie protests.

“Alright, 45,” Edward gives in with an easy smile, stepping into Richie’s space with a familiar ease that makes Maria’s heart ache in a good way.

She suddenly realizes that her sister was right as she watches Richie throw an arm around her boss, which gives him a blush, though he doesn’t shrugs the arm off, instead leaning into it. She also realizes that right now, she is not looking at her boss. She is looking at Eddie, Richie’s boyfriend, who usually doesn’t exists on the work floor.

Being allowed to witness this is a privilege. He is letting her see a more private part of himself, something he doesn’t allow anyone else at work. It gives her a sense of accomplishment, so she gives him an assuring smile and says: “Of course, sir. I can try to move your two o’clock and get you an hour and a half.”

Eddie looks between his desk and Richie with anguish, trying to decide which he should prioritize with the pressure everyone is under right now. Then Richie nudges him and softly says that it’s okay, which is enough for Eddie to say: “That would be great, thank you.”

“No problem, sir,” she responds, before sitting at her desk and grabbing the phone, trying to make it seem she is focusing on that instead of watching the two men leave.

Richie dives into some elaborate story it seems and Eddie is laugh at some points, raising his eyebrow at others and seemingly arguing as well. It’s a little odd, but they look happy and domestic. It’s sweet really.

Maria doesn’t think she will ever fully solve the mystery that is Edward Kaspbrak. However, he kept her on, because she functions well and she is grateful for that. Beyond that, he has proven himself to be a good boss and she likes working for him.

If functioning under Eddie means keeping gossip away and creating lunchtime with his boyfriend, later husband, during busy periods, then that’s just fine with her.

Maybe he’ll tell her how he met famous comedian Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier when they’ve been working together for ten years. She doesn’t get her hopes up, but a girl can dream.

~~

A/N:

For those who read my Suits fic, yes Lemmin Inc. is back, whoooo

Also I love POV Outsider fics, they are so so good and I have read all of them and I needed more, so here I am, enabling myself xppp

[alicetallulaafterdark]

Reddie Week 2023 - Day 7 : Canon Divergence - 22.06.22023

Here is the last prompt for @reddieweek !

Day 1 : Mythical Creatures / Day 2 : Occupation Swap / Day 3 : Meet-Cutes / Day 4 : Soulmates / Day 5 : Books/Games/Movies/TV / Day 6 : (Post-) Apocalypse

I went with canon divergence from the 1990 miniseries (even though we all know this is what really happened and the Losers didn't forget each other 😌)

Day 7 : Canon Divergence - Miniseries Reddie out of IT's lair and the sewers - 22.06.22023

Done using watercolors, alcohol markers, ink pens, metallic ink pens, gel pens, graphite pencils, colored pencils and acrylic paint pens

AO3 post / DeviantArt post / Instagram post / Patreon post / Pillowfort post / Twitter post

[corvidcantina]

Could you imagine how insufferable Richie would be if he'd seen Eurotrip? The whole day like "Eddie doesn't know that Sonia and me do it in my car every Sunday" and Eddie very probably wishing the clown had gotten him

[dodzishere]

No cuz I watched the spree and black phone kill counts yesterday and both times it was the next recommended one. I am very well aware who dies in that one. The only time I will relive that is with firefly by my side

it chapter 2 kill count is perpetually being recommended to me on youtube. any time i watch a new kill count ep, it chapter 2 kill count is the next video set up to play like, at least 50% of the time. for months and months and months.

i don't need to watch the kill count again, youtube. i promise i am viscerally aware of who lives and who dies in this movie

[planetcleer]

richie tozier as the newest cast member on snl & eddie kaspbrak as a senior staff writer & richie immediately clocking eddie as Fun To Fuck With which leads to eddie dedicating his life to writing sketches for richie and changing lines literal seconds before airing with the express purpose of getting him to break on live tv a la bill hader & john mulaney send tweet!!!!!!

[seecarrun]

(Part 2 of this)

“Wait, back?!”

Eddie’s head shoots up, his eyes wide. “Then!” he cries. “You liked me back then, is what I was saying!”

“You liar!” Richie laughs, clearly delighted. “You fucking liked me too!”

“I never said that!” Eddie tries to deny, but it sounds weak to even himself.

The thing is, and god, it’s embarrassing to admit, but Eddie had always had a bit of a thing when it came to Richie.

He didnt think it was exactly romantic, and definitely not anything sexual, when he was a kid; little-him would have been positively scandalized at the mere thought of it. But he was drawn to Richie, wanted his approval, his respect, needed Richie to include him in his inside jokes and think he was just as funny as Eddie found him.

Hell, maybe that was Eddie’s version of love. Not that he would know.

“I hate you,” he tells Richie, whose grin stretches even wider across his face. It’s basically an admission and they both know it. “You’re one to talk, anyway.” He gestures to the carving. “I wasn’t the one carving our initials into make-out spots.”

“Yeah, but you were cute. Liking you made sense,” Richie replies. “You remember me as a kid? You were into that gangly, bug-eyed, buck-toothed little dork? Embarrassing.”

“You were so cute!” Eddie cries, throwing away the act, offended on young-Eddie’s behalf to have his taste questioned. “Plus, you were cool.”

Richie bit back a snort. “I was not cool.”

“Shut up, you were!” Eddie looks him over, pouting just a little. “You’re still cool.”

“Cooler than you, Mr. Risk Analysis, but that isn’t saying much.” Eddie throws his arms up, ready to lay into him with the fury of a thousand suns, when Richie speaks again, quieter, “You’re still cute, ya know.”

Eddie flushes, glances at Richie briefly to catch him flushing as well, and bends down to pick up a stick from the side of the road. He gestures to the carving, shyly. “Wanna give this a bit of a facelift?” he asks. “We could grab a beer, after.”

Richie, looking like Christmas has come early, grabs a stick and pops back up, beaming and blushing adorably. “It’s a date.”

[incorrect-losers]

Richie: Beverly you are so right, he is so babygirl

Bev: I know that’s what I said, he’s so babygirl

Eddie: Me? Imma- I’m a babygirl?

Bev: Uh huh

Eddie: So what’s Bev?

Bev: Oh I’m um, I’m mother

[panties-on-boys]

Francesca – Hozier

I would not change it each time

Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I

[urfavoritedcwhore]

currently freaking out cause my friend just called me and she’s with jack dylan grazers ex girlfriend. and the girlfriend talked to me. TOLD ME INSIDE INFO ABT THE WHOLE CAST. told me so much tea and dirt abt all of them. someone literally please sedate me rn. anyways now we follow each other on tiktok and no im not gonna say WHICH ex but trust you all know her.

[schrijverr]

Eddie's Famous Husband

Eddie loves his husband and all his coworkers know that, because he loves talking about Richie. He just forgot to mention that his husband is famous comedian Richie Tozier. Outsiders POV.

On AO3.

Ships: Richie x Eddie

Warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie is the new worker on the floor. He has transferred over from the New York offices of the company to where they are located in LA. He is a little uptight, especially about hygiene and can be a slight pushover on projects. However, he works hard and well in the team. Louis likes him.

Louis shares office space with Eddie and has been the one that gave him a tour on his first day. On that first day, he felt awkward around the man, who was dressed with everything neatly in place, resting on a sturdy classy cane, scar across his cheek. He looked a bit like a mobster.

However, Louis slowly got along with Eddie, because while he can seem like an asshole from time to time, he is a caring guy.

He has a bit of a phobia of getting sick or injured, but that means he is highly up to date on the safety codes that are in place for them, always sticking up whenever he sees something that should not be allowed. He also has an apothecary in his desk and if Louis has a headache or something, he knows he can ask Eddie for some painkillers.

It’s one of his oddities that makes him likable, despite his strict oddities. Another one of his endearing qualities is how much he loves his husband.

The amount Eddie talks about his husband is something Louis hadn’t seen coming when he first saw the guy in his perfectly pressed suit screaming professional corporate straight man, who makes ball and chain jokes, like so many others on their floor.

Yet a week into them working together a small pride flag appears in the meticulously kept pencil holder. Eddie looks like he is prepared to fight anyone, who talks shit about the flag, defiant and confident.

A part of Louis can’t help but think that must be terrifying and maybe a mask. So, he tries to remember all his girlfriend ever told him about coming out as bi and smiles at Eddie as he says: “I like your flag.”

True to prediction, Eddie seems to loose some tension and smile back as he says: “Thank you, my husband bought it for me. Says I need more office decorations and not look like a little corporate robot.” Eddie chuckles at that.

Louis also smiles and replies: “Sounds like a smart guy. You’ve been together long?”

“Well,” Eddie hesitates for a second, then explains: “We knew each other from childhood, but we lost contact for a long while. We got together two years ago, been married for almost one year now.”

“Congrats,” Louis says, unsure of what else to say. Eddie is older than him by a good decade, so getting only together two years ago with his childhood friend means he must have dated people before, maybe even been married. If he is honest, Eddie looks the type to be repressed for a long while, making the act of the flag all the more brave.

However, Louis doesn’t say or ask after any of that, because he isn’t an asshole. And despite his clumsy words, Eddie seems to appreciate it. He sends Louis a happy content smile that cannot be faked and says: “Thank you.”

So, that is the first time Louis hears about Eddie’s husband, though by far not the last, and when Eddie wins his respect. It is also when he decides he wants to be Eddie’s friend.

After that day, Louis starts more conversations with Eddie as they work, asking after his weekend or if he’s also in dying need of some coffee. The words earn him a lecture on the dangers of caffeine that Eddie looks almost apologetic about it, as if he can’t help it either that he is doing this and he must tell Louis of the dangers.

It also makes that he hears more and more about Eddie’s husband.

And it isn’t like Eddie goes on and on about the guy in an annoying way, he just continues to make little comments when relevant. It’s as if he can’t help but be reminded of his husband, like his brain has a thousand connections to him. It’s really sweet.

The months they work together are filled with little moments. After one weekend Eddie looks particularly happy and Louis asks how his weekend was.

Eddie smiles and replies: “My husband and I found time together. He’s been traveling for work, but we had all weekend together. It was great.”

“That’s nice, is he away often?” Louis asks.

“Sometimes,” Eddie answers. “How was your weekend?”

Louis responds with his own story, not thinking much off the answer. They work in the business part of LA, where people needed to fly all over the country for work. He can imagine that Eddie, who regular dresses in brand suits (mostly Marsh suits) had a husband who earned just as much, if not more.

Then when they have their first big project together, which means a week of over-time and getting in early, Louis groans into his coffee: “How do you look so put together each day, I barely have enough time to look alive each morning.”

To that Eddie responds: “Oh my husband gets up with me, even if he doesn’t have to. He helps me pack and makes breakfast so I have time to press my suits.”

“God, you press your suits, of course,” Louis exclaims, taking another sip.

It’s said in a playfully dramatic enough tone that Eddie doesn’t take it to heart, just chuckles. Then he says: “Yeah, yeah, I know. Trust me, I get teased every morning.”

“You don’t look to mad about that,” Louis observes with a smirk.

“Nah,” Eddie smiles. “He does it with love. Now, I worked a little bit on it yesterday evening, because there was something bothering me about it and I think I’ve found it. Here, look at this page of the assessment.”

Louis looks and nods, a smile breaking out on his face. “Thank god for you, Eddie,” Louis says, absentmindedly filing away the knowledge that the husband doesn’t work the same hours that Eddie does, yet is sweet and thoughtful.

Later he learns that the husband’s name is Richie, that they have a shared friend group from their youth that they regularly hang out with, that Richie goes to the gym with Eddie once a week to soothe Eddie’s worries about his health. Louis also learns that Richie is more a people person than Eddie and that they share a love for arguing about nonsense, because they think it’s fun.

However, Eddie also lets it slip that Richie has been a great help in his divorce, which Louis mentally puts into the ‘called it’-column in his brain. As well as that he is helpful in Eddie’s fears about illnesses.

In short, Richie sounds like a total package and it’s obvious how gone Eddie is for the man. It can almost make someone jealous, if Louis didn’t have such an amazing girlfriend himself.

He is quite sure Becky is getting tired of hearing him talk about Eddie, but Eddie has been the first coworker Louis actually gets along with and doesn’t want to strangle. So, she indulges him, which is one of the things he loves about her. Plus, she mustn’t mind that much, since she said it’s nice to hear about older, thriving queer people.

Still, Louis and Eddie are nothing more than work friends and since Eddie doesn’t do social media, it isn’t like Louis knows more about him or his husband aside from what Eddie tells him.

Of course, there are also the phone calls. They don’t happen often, since Eddie is highly organized and rarely forgets something at home. However, whenever he does, his husband will call and they’ll meet up for lunch somewhere so he can give it to Eddie.

These phone calls bring their own sense of hilarity. They show an entire new side of Eddie that Louis would have never seen coming.

The first time Richie calls opens Louis up to a new side of Eddie that surprises him. It’s not at all the professional exterior many of their coworkers see and base their judgments on. Though it might be better that they believe Eddie is an uptight professional, then who picks up the phone. It rings and at first Eddie answers like he always does: “This is Edward Kaspbrak.”

Something is said on the other side of the line and Louis barely listens, used to others getting business calls while they’re working in the same space. However, then Eddie snorts and says: “You can’t just claim that, dickwad.”

Immediately Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. He has never heard Eddie sound so relaxed, not to mention swear. So, he can’t help but tune his ears as he pretends to work, while actually listening in.

“You don’t even have files,” Eddie exclaims indignant at whatever has been said to him, but he looks to fond to mean his offense. “Just tell me what it says at the top.”

Then he rolls his eyes at the description that is likely being given, before his eyes widen and he swears: “Ah, fuck, I need that today. That meeting is this afternoon.”

Louis half expects some more swears to come out of Eddie’s mouth, but instead he melts at the reply and softly says: “That- that actually sounds very nice.”

However, the person on the other end says something that ruins it, because Eddie sighs – though with a grin, that hasn’t left his face all throughout the conversation – and he rubs his brow. “Of fucking course. You are one asshole, you know that, Rich?”

Rich. Richie. Louis brain catches up to what he had already known on some level. This is how Eddie talks to his famous husband, well, if you want to call a person known by office gossip famous that is. Despite all its stars, Hollywood is just a small part of LA.

He tunes in to hear Eddie agree: “That I do,” in a loving voice that seems more out of character than the swearing has been.

Then Eddie snorts, a harsh contrast to his early tone and surprises Louis further by exclaiming: “You shouldn’t have made fun of me then, hope you cry,” which is something Louis never would have expected out of the man, who seems to adore his husband so much. Then, as if that is normal, he continues on by asking: “Does one o’clock work for you?”

Richie must have agreed and thought it was normal, because the next thing Eddie says is: “Cool, see you then. Bye, love you.”

After another sappy smile, presumably when Richie returns the sentiment, he hangs up and puts down the phone.

It is only then that Louis realized he has stopped pretending to work a while ago and was blatantly listening in. He blushes a bit and smile apologetically, before asking: “Your husband?”

“Yes,” Eddie says, unable to help the smile. “I forgot the Lemmin Inc. file at home. We’re grabbing lunch together and he’ll give it to me.”

“Sounds fun,” Louis comments, unsure how to bring up the way he talked to his husband in a way that doesn’t come across as creepy or judgmental.

Oblivious Eddie says: “It is. I know I see him every night, but I miss him at work. Which is frankly ridiculous, because he is the most annoying guy I know, but I love him.”

“Does he annoy you often?” Louis asks, glad that he can seize the opportunity to pry.

Eddie looks genuinely surprised at the question as if he can’t believe anyone would ever think he gets annoyed with his husband. “Richie is never annoying,” he says. “Well, he is. But he’s not. He and I always go back and forth and that annoys our friends to no end, but I never think Richie is annoying. Even though he still makes jokes about my mother, despite the fact she’s been dead for years now.”

And that is almost more disturbing, but Louis decides to focus on the fact that this is normal behavior for them and they seem happy together. So, he just files it away under the oddities of Eddie and his husband and moves on.

To Louis Eddie’s husband exists in a way that far off cousins exist. He hears about them from time to time by others, usually talking about the good stuff they do, he rarely thinks about them unless they are spoken about and he doesn’t really care for meeting them.

Richie is a person to Louis, someone whose shenanigans amuse him whenever Eddie recalls them with a fondness, but he’s not someone Louis has strong opinions about. Well, other than the fact that he is apparently a strange and sweet guy.

And Louis probably would have never thought about it more than that were it not for the fact that he actually gets to meet Richie.

Eddie and he have been coworkers for nearly a year when it happens. It is one of the rare days where Eddie has forgotten something and he groans: “I’ll have to use my lunch hour to go home and get that stupid file.”

Louis grimaces sympathetically, before suggesting: “Can’t your husband bring it by?”

“Hmm,” Eddie hums and bites his lip. “I mean, he has meetings this entire afternoon, but maybe he can bring it on his way there. I’ll ask him.” Then he pulls out his phone and shoots Richie a texts, grinning victoriously. “He has time.”

“God bless,” Louis grins. His lunch hours are a lot less fun without Eddie when he has to spend them listening to their other coworkers talking about their investment and the state of the economy or whatever nonsense they’re on about now.

Lunch hour is nearly there when Richie gets there. Louis isn’t really paying attention, but he looks up when the office suddenly gets quiet and then louder as if something is interesting enough to get everyone whispering after the shock.

Walking in their direction is a man and it takes Louis a second to realize who he is looking at. The man is Richie Tozier, comedian, who has had a major breakthrough into popularity a few years ago when he came out and started writing his own material, as well as star in a Bill Denbrough adaptation.

Then it takes another second for more pieces to click in his brain.

Richie Tozier. Richie, Eddie’s husband. They are the same person. Eddie talked about his husband traveling for work, yet having a way more flexible work schedule. How he makes immature jokes and is annoying. How they afford Marsh suits easily and they fact that they know each other from childhood. It just all makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, so Louis is a bit of a fan. His girlfriend was first and he just got sucked in. And now he feels like he knows too much about Eddie after all the bits Richie does about his husband, whom he is totally besotted for.

However, he also can’t believe that this is real. That his hardworking, professional coworker is married to a man, who tells primarily dick jokes for a living. How in all that time talking about his husband it never came up that he is famous.

Eddie seems oblivious to the stares and gaping that follows Richie, just beams as he gets up and waves to get his attention, so Richie knows which way to go.

When Richie spots Eddie, his face breaks out into a grin and he loudly exclaims: “My Eddie Spaghetti!”

“Don’t call me that, asshole,” Eddie replies, but he is laughing.

Richie throws an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and plants a small kiss on his forehead, before softly asking: “How’ve you been, baby?”

“I’ve been good,” Eddie answers with a small smile. “How are you? Stressed for your meetings?”

“A little,” Richie says. “But I’ve already done one special with Netflix, I’m sure it’ll be similar this time. Just gotta put on that good old Richie charm.”

“I’m sure they’ll fall for it,” Eddie smiles lovingly. “Just don’t order beans or you’ll scare them off with the smell.” He grins teasingly.

Richie snorts, raising a brow and asks: “Really? Fart jokes? Is that the level we’re at? Besides, you love odeur de Tozier.”

“Firstly, don’t judge my jokes when you’re still telling me how you want to fuck my mom. It wasn’t funny then and it isn’t now,” Eddie starts.

��You love my jokes about your mom,” Richie protests. “And they are always funny.”

“Oh shut up,” Eddie says, effectively derailed. “No one has ever liked them. Not even Mike thought they were funny and he also makes your mama jokes. And you’re gay. You don’t even want to fuck her.”

“Still, funny,” Richie says and Louis can almost see Eddie’s blood begin to boil under the languid smirk Richie gives him. However, Eddie’s posture is relaxed and he looks to be enjoying himself, making Louis remember the phone calls he has overheard.

“Whatever,” Eddie rolls his eyes. He snatches the files Richie brought over out of his hands and checks if they’re the right ones. When he has confirmed, he smiles at Richie. “Thank you,” he says and kisses his cheek, having to get onto his toes to reach.

“You’re welcome,” Richie smiles and the two are disgustingly in love, you can see it in their eyes as they look at each other.

Eddie snaps out of it first, checking his watch, before ushering Richie towards the door. “You have to go or you’ll be late.”

“Do you know my schedule?” Richie asks.

“Of course I know your schedule,” Eddie answers. “You’ll never get anywhere on time if I didn’t. Now good luck, kick ass, and think of your cholesterol when you order.”

“I will, I will,” Richie says, as he goes. “Good luck with your boring meetings!”

“They’re not boring,” Eddie yells after him.

“Whatever you say, Spaghetti,” Richie yells back as the elevator doors start to close.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie exclaims, but Richie can’t hear him anymore. He sighs fondly and rolls his eyes, watching the closed elevator doors for another second, before going back to his desk where Louis is waiting. He seems oblivious to the stares he is getting. Just like he’ll likely be oblivious to the rumors that will be going around after this.

Once he is seated, Louis hisses: “You never told me your husband was famous!”

Eddie looks genuinely surprised at his comment, before looking embarrassed. He answers: “It never came up. All our friends know, I guess I just forgot that is something I have to mention. Besides, it’s not the most important thing about him to me, you know?”

And Louis hates that the explanation is one of the cutest shit he has ever heard, because he can’t be mad at Eddie about it. So, he sighs: “It’s okay. Just blind sighted me. My girlfriend loves his stand up an unhealthy amount. She’s gonna freak if I tell her I saw him.”

At that Eddie grins with pride and he nods: “It’s good, right. I like his new stuff much better. It feels more like him and he likes writing it. If you- if you want I can ask him to sign something for your girlfriend.”

“Dude, that would be great,” Louis smiles.

“Course,” Eddie returns the smile and just like that it’s just normal Eddie and Louis is over any weird feelings surrounding Eddie’s husband.

It’s fitting in a way that Eddie is so smitten he forgot his husband is famous. It’s sweet and Louis is mostly in shock. It’s not every day that you get a look into the life of a celebrity in such a way and it makes him get a new respect for both Eddie and Richie.

They clearly love each other and the way they interact seems strange, but fits them well. You can see how much they care for one another and their humor seems very similar despite the professionalism Eddie tries to project at work.

~~

A/N:

As much as I love private mystery Eddie, I think him being absolutely besotted and forgetting to mention his husband is famous, because that isn’t a big thing to him is hilarious.

The full phone conversation, for those that are interested:

R: Hi, baby, you left a file at home, so disorganized. You’re lucky I am the one who never forgets anything.

E: You can’t just claim that, dickwad.

R: Yes, I can, because I didn’t forget a file.

E: You don’t even need files. Just tell me what it says at the top.

R: Uuhmm, blah blah, important important, Lemmin Inc.

E: Ah fuck, I need that today. That meeting is this afternoon.

R: We can meet up for lunch and I can give it to you.

E: That- that actually sounds very nice.

R: And I can rub in your face that you forgot it, haha.

E: Of fucking course. You are one asshole, you know that, Rich?

R: I do and you love me anyway.

E: That I do.

R: Don’t make me emotional.

E: You shouldn’t have made fun of me then, hope you cry. Does one o’clock work for you?

R: Yeah, it does.

E: Cool, see you then, bye love you .

R: Love you too.

[beep-beep-sunny]

I have a new fic that's technically an old fic I never posted and never finished. I'm going to start posting it and finish it. Here Lies Eddie Kaspbrak (let me know if you prefer to read them directly on Tumblr? It's more work, so I wanted to know if I should bother.)

[fruitbythefoot7]

y’all i just remembered eddie kaspbrak is fucking dead

[trashm0utheds]

thinking how young adult & adult Richie tried to date like he actually tried.

he's charismatic and outgoing, so i know a lot find him attractive. when he becomes famous, he takes this to his advantage and asks out men and women (just for the headlines or whatever).

but they couldn't go through him. no one couldn't. cus nobody is like his Eds.

when he makes jokes and threw in some banters, they don't blush and laugh or counter back because they aren't like his Eds. none of them are concerned for Richie's health when he smokes so much because they aren't like his Eds. none of them talk to him about comics or movies or music because they aren't like his Eds.

so when adult Richie meets the Losers after a few years and he ses Eddie, his love for him only grows. it's nice to have someone laugh at his foolishness and get angry when he makes mom jokes. to have someone be genuinely caring and look out for you.

it's nice to have the warm presence of his first love around, so he takes every second by heart and keeps Eddie close.

[laz-262]

reddie but its in this pose

[planetcleer]

the view between villages by noah kahan but it’s eddie kaspbrak returning to derry and remembering that before he left when he was seventeen he had started healing and found his voice and finally had his own identity and dreams and aspirations and things he wanted for himself and things he was excited to accomplish and places he wanted to go and he wasn’t scared anymore but he was angry, he was so angry all the time, angry at his mother angry at pennywise angry at derry angry at the world, and that anger was righteous, and that anger was his, and that life was his, too, and then he left and It took all of that away, It broke him down and made him forget and turned him back into that scared weak little boy again, he fought his way out of that cycle of abuse and It put him right back into it and stole his life away and he never even had a chance, did he?

[red-balloons-and-flashing-lights]

After the Losers defeat the clown, Richie is Super Worried about Eddie. He literally loses his entire humor and stuff, instead becoming caring and almost like another doctor until he knows for a fact his "best friend" is Fine and Alive and Well. In exchange Eddie feels like he has to keep things lighthearted, and so he take's Richie's role as the funny one. Like, "y'know it could be worse right Rich?" "how???" "I could've also lost the other arm" and Richie is between sobbing and cackling because he loves his man so much.

When Eddie finally gets out of the hospital, he goes to live with Richie (and they were roomates). On the first day, Richie is also being overbearing basically like in the hospital, but then Eddie mentions lightheartedly "god you sound just like my mother" and Richie realizes he's lowkey messing up so he goes back to his normal self after that. After some time living together btw they find a pomeranian in the streets and they adopt it :)

Then some years later the Losers all have a meeting in Derry, but the day they arrive before they get to see their friends Richie puts a blindfold on Eddie's eyes and makes him sit on the backseat. Eddie is weirded out but has learnt to not question his bf (bf totally stands for best friend), and so he only complains the Normal Eddie Amount. Then Richie takes him to the kissing bridge and shows Eddie the R+E carving, saying how "he carved it when they beat It as a kid and came back to recarve it when they killed It as adulys, because he was sure if he did you'd be alright. And now they're back there, on another important day". Meanwhile Eddie is staring at the letters all shocked, but he turns to ask Richie what he means as "important day"...

...Only to find him down on one knee, a box with a ring in his hands.