#eating is already a sorry chore for me please dont make it fucking worse
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we stay silly we stay silly we stay silly we stay si
#a family member commented on my eating habits (are you still dieting) week = ruined#my therapist will hear about this when i get the balls to talk about my ed#eating is already a sorry chore for me please dont make it fucking worse#the question wasnt particularly prompted by anything#i think#but my brain tied it to how earlier mom asked me if i want some chocolate#i like that particular uncle so. he gets a bit of a pass here.#i know he didn't mean any wrongggggg but it still fucking felt like getting stabbed#it triggered few another comments#my mom said that im not her sister explained that i just watch what i eat more to which my mom said that i absolutely dont#she either thinks im getting fat again (likely) or that im sneaking food behind her back (likely thought from her and kinda truth)#OR she knows im starving myself regularly
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you: a concept: kasplonbrough also you in the tags of your post: āiām feeling some bill/eddie/mike ot3!ā me: ok bitch itās time so iām thinking iām going to need to know who was dating first and how was the third person added? like i need to know some origin stuff. please and thank you (also ilysm).
OK so letās build off this post
the thing is, bill knows eddie loves mike more than friends, more than a brother even
he can tell by the way eddie gets a little short of breath when mike bends over to pick up a particularly heavy rock, muscles straining beneath a white shirt
and bill knows mikeās similarly smitten, cause he bites back a smile whenever eddie gets started on one of his rants, gearing up and sucking in a deep breath to get ready to talk for as long as he can without interruption
bill figures he just needs to leave them to it
(even though heās fallen in love with mikeās smile and his casual wit and his soft-spoken intelligence)
(even though heās been in love with eddie kaspbrak since before he can remember)
he knows he needs to step back and let them figure it out, without getting his own stupid feelings involved
cause for bill, love is So Messy
heās a glass table with jagged broken edges, one blow from fracturing further into a thousand pieces
and his friends deserve a love untainted, without fear of breaking
(billās kind of an idiot)
anyway, mike and eddie never get together as kids
cause eddie goes off to new york for the second half of high school and mike takes on more responsibility at the farm
and they all kind of justā¦. forget each other
bill forgets about thursday night dinners and helping mikeās mom cook and he forgets looking out the kitchen window to watch mike and eddie, pink cheeked and eyes watering from battling biting wind, do farm chores with breathless smiles on their faces
bill eats dinner alone at the dining room table at his house and canāt shake the feeling of emptiness in his chest
he shoulders the invisible burden, he goes to college, becomes World Famous Author bill denbrough, and forgets all about Derry and his Family
until mike hanlon calls him late one night
itās nearing 3am and heās awake, because bill really doesnāt sleep much
and the caller ID has a number with a maine area code
he answers hesitantly, mind almost numbingly blank, and gets shot back into the past by the sound of mikeās voice
he books the next flight home and spends the journey bouncing his knee anxiously
he gets into town at like noon the next day and immediately goes to the derry public library
mike hanlon grew up handsome, as if there was any worry of that
his shoulders are broad and strong and he shakes billās hand with confidence and god, bill feels it all rushing back
the warmth of loving mike flows through his veins and god, how did he forget? how did he let this memory slip past his finger tips
the fear is almost an afterthought, the reason theyāre there and Together at the back of billās mind, forgotten
he goes back to mikeās house and sleeps in his guest room and bill hasnāt felt so At Home since he stopped going to hanlon family dinners
thereās a piece missing though
cause the dinner table isnāt the same when eddieās not chattering awayĀ
conversation is stilted, not because mike and bill canāt get along by themselves, but because theyāre constantly pausing
as if they know instinctively eddie would want to butt in and say his piece
itās not until the next day, late into a lazy afternoonĀ
(mike had gone to work for a few hours in the morning and returned to explain the Full Story of Its return with bill)
eddie comes home
he somehow knows where mike lives, marching right up the porch steps and something in billās chest pulls him to the door, answering it before eddie can even knock
eddie kaspbrak grew up good. his hair is fluffy and he has a pair of thin-framed wire glasses on his face and heās wearing a really warm looking sweater
bill scoops him into a hug and breathes in deep, familiar and grounding
they share a bottle of wine in celebration that night, gathered around the kitchen table at mikeās house
theyāre loose, flushed and giggly, and bill looks at his boys with wonder on his face
āhowās your dad?ā eddie asks, almost as if the thought has just occurred to him
bill remembers then, remembers cooking with jess hanlon, remembers the bond with mikeās family he once had
mike swallows, looking just a little too old and weary, and tells them of both parentās tragic deaths
will passed away from cancer a few winters back and jess hanlon followed him peacefully the following spring
it really really fucking hurts to hear
itās like billās been given a gift and then had it ripped from his grip
he reaches out, across the table, and grabs mikeās hand
eddie has the other, fingers interlocked, and theyāre a chain of grieving
they spend that night in remembrance of their family and all they shared
as time goes on, the losers arrive one by one
bev then ben then richie (no stan, and that fucking burns too)
they spend a day lost in memories again, relearning a forgotten childhood
and bill tries not to want it
he tries not to want to gather eddie and mike up and flee this cursed town
he tries not to want to finally let himself indulge in a fantasy where he gets both of his boys all for his own
he tries not to picture himself happy
because itās all going to be torn apart soon
he puts his head down and tries to get some fucking Work done and doesnāt get distracted by eddieās familiar lilting laugh and mikeās fucking stupid white smile
(itās not going well)
they go on their Walking Tours and god, itās only worse
cause mike fucking gives bill the gift of Silver, of memory of childish carefree fun
bill and mike spend the afternoon riding his bike like fucking children
and then eddie comes home from his own Tour with scraped knees and a dirty face and bill plummets back to earth
he remembers why theyāre here
he throws himself back into it with fervour
he tries to remember their secrets, their hidden weapons, the reasons they survived the first time
he tries to make a plan, a foolproof plan to beat It
letting himself get lost in mike and eddie is really not a part of the plan
unfortunately (fortunately) for bill, eddie kaspbrak has never once done anything according to billās plan
he sneaks into billās room late one night, when theyāre so close to the end that bill can taste it
thereās a thrumming in the air that bill knows means their time is almost up
(bill doesnāt know that Henry Bowers is currently making his way to the hanlon house, fully intent on killing them all)
he slides the door open almost silently, feet tracking over the hardwood floors, and bill sits up in bed as he enters
āeds?ā he says, voice scratchy, and feels eddie sit down on the edge of his bed
āitās meā he answers, but bill knew that from his soft breath and steady heartbeat
āw-whatās up?ā
āoh, nothing. just wondering if weāre gonna die tomorrow.ā
bill doesnāt answer. itās answer enough. eddie sighs and takes a deep breath in, almost like heās steeling himself
(bill loves his brave boy)
ābill?ā
āyeahā
āi love youā
bill wants to brush it off
he wants to go back to forgetting, to letting things fall through his fingers without feeling their loss
but he canāt
āi love you t-too, edsā he says instead
eddie plants a hand on billās knee through the blankets and kisses him
just once, light and steady, and then he backs off
and u KNOW that once billās tasted the forbidden fruit he canāt forget
he dives back in head first
āwhat about mikeā he canāt help but breathe against eddieās mouth
āiām sorry,ā eddie says, and moves back
bill chases him, leaning in and trying to capture his mouth again, but eddieās gone
āwhat?ā bill asks, confused
āiām sorry, i shouldnāt have,ā eddieās making excuses, running a hand through his hair and bill reaches up to flatten it downĀ āi just thought maybeā¦. i just figured you had maybe felt what i did but i understand if youāre just interested in mike i shouldnt have assumed and i love mike too itās okay you two deserve each other i shouldnāt have come in hereā
āwhoa whoa whoa,ā bill says, putting his hands up because eddie is rambling and he isnāt making any senseĀ āeds, i love you,ā
āyeah, butāā
ābut what?ā
ābut you love mikeāĀ
bill chuckles
ācanāt i love both my boys?ā he says
and eddie fucking crashes into him
anyway, i dont feel like getting into logistics bc i have already written too many words of ot3 makeouts and thereās only so many times u can write three-way kissing b4 u wanna die
but they end up in mikeās bed, pressed together on the king size mattress
and thatās when fucking henry bowers makes his debut
but!Ā
mikeās not alone this time
heās flanked by bill and eddie and they have something worth fucking fighting for now
theyāre been recharged by every moment theyāve been together and theyāre fucking unstoppable
mike takes a knife to the thigh and bowers gets off a solid right hook to eddieās jaw but otherwise theyāre virtually unharmed
it has Begun though
they make their way down to the sewer, just like theyāre meant to
except man, billās powerful this time
(thereās no Audra, nothing to distract him, and his boys are walking strong beside him)
eddie supports mike, the other manās arm thrown over his shoulder, as they track through the sewers
and while Bill and Richie go into the deadlights, mike is there to help eddie take down the spider
and eddie kaspbrak does not lose his fucking arm
because right as heās thrusting his inhaler into Its mouth, mikeās arm catches him round the waist and pulls him back
eddie loses the tips of his fingers but it could have been a LOT fucking worse
eddie and mike call bill back from the Deadlights together, whisperingĀ ācome home billā into the Void
āyouāre too old,ā It tries to taunt, tries to distract from the power of eddie and mike calling him back ātoo old and broken and youāre all going to die hereāĀ
bill hears mike and eddieās whisper in his head
and turns to richie, eyes flashing wickedly in the dark vaccuum of the void
and he smiles
because nothing can stop bill from getting back to his boys
send me requests/headcanons/prompts!
#kasplonbrough#bill denbrough#eddie kaspbrak#mike hanlon#it headcanons#DO I HAVE TO BUILD THIS RELATIONSHIP FANDOM ALL BY MYSELF#anyway sorry this didn't probably go as deep as u wanted#maybe ill write a real fic of it someday#my writing
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