#eat fry love: a cautionary tale

[claydadalek]

It's that time of year again, I can finally show everyone my favorite video ever

[etunpeudevitriol]

Sorry gotta go! I just remembered about William Shatner's turkey fryer safety PSA and I must rewatch it immediately

[nandostateofmind]

New Year’s Day Losing Dad.....

25 Years and the Love Lingers.....

It’s been 25 years since the passing of my father and my love for him still lingers. I never stopped loving him as intensely as i always did. 25 years and i still miss him and long for his guidance. Im almost his age at the time of his passing, he passed away at 40. I’m 36, i was 11 when he died. His impact is still being felt throughout my family.

Every year i make it a point to spend New Year’s Eve with my mother let her party with her friends and not reminisce on my dad as much. We all meet up at my Godmother’s factory warehouse and we dance, eat, and drink all night. We band together and i hope we make my mom feel better. It’s become a family tradition that i love. At least once a year the whole family shows up together.

I remember the day he passed. It was a Sunday i remember being off for the weekend. It was drizzling outside and my mom only makes a candied ham once a year it’s an event. We wait all year for it. She packed some up for my dad and left to the hospital with some of my family members. I was feeling good i was feeling hopeful that day with the New Year new me. I was playing Donkey Kong Country on the Super Nintendo in my bedroom when the doorbell rang. I opened the front door to my mom who’s face was clearly distraught and her eyes red. She looked at me and all she said was, “Nando.” She shook her head slowly back and forth and she said nothing else. She turned around to wait for my grandmother to walk up to her i left the door unlocked i ran inside to the living room i sat on the couch and u immediately began to pray. Pray that he had only gotten worse but not passed away, pray that he was still alive, pray that she wouldn’t come in to confirm what i already read in her face. I prayed with all the might a person of faith could muster i prayed the hardest i ever prayed on that couch. It just wasn’t meant to be she came in called the family together told us the bad news immediately everyone began weeping. The friends and family began showing up and giving condolences. I tried to play Donkey Kong again confused and refusing to accept what i had just heard and my brother made me turn it off. Made me sit with my feelings. I never forgave God for not answering that prayer. I never prayed selfishly i always prayed for my family i prayed for the people of the world and their sins. I prayed everyone and everything i just needed this one favor this one kindness. I never truly came back to him after that despite feeling a closeness with God in various moments in life. I still hold the grudge.

I think about what would be different if my father was around. If he would be obsessed with my son who looks just like me. Would he love and befriend my wife. Would he take my daughter for ice cream. Teach my kids to fish at Prospect Park. Would he buy them White Castle cheeseburgers frozen from the supermarket freezer section. He probably would’ve had the WWE channel and watched with my son. Take my kids for weeks at a time to Puerto Rico. Introduced them to the best the island has to offer. Given them that Puerto Rican pride where you know every single actor or athlete with even the tiniest sliver of Puerto Rican heritage. Cooking them all the fried foods that i grew up having. Adventures up to the Bronx to visit family. All the things i did as a kid he would get to relive as a grandfather.

Sadly, he isn’t here there will never be a Sunday at Abuelo’s house learning to play chess. There will never be the crazy sense of humor that made my dad so beloved by his friends. All that’s left is the cautionary tale of never allowing yourself to become so unhealthy and never doing drugstore or drinking in excess. That unfortunately is part of his legacy is how he left us so early when we needed him so much. My kids will never get to hear his whistle that could be heard from blocks away. They will never hear him yelling in broken English. They will never have him fry them fish. Unfortunately for my kids all they have left of him is in me and the bits and pieces i remember. All they have of their grandfather is there dad a damaged person with abandonment issues because i just miss my father. I miss him on New Year’s Day especially.....i hope he’s proud. I hope he’s happy.

[stalkerkyoko]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYkRF_FmD40

“Where’s the dingle dangle?!

William Shatner & State Farm present "Eat, Fry, Love," a turkey fryer fire cautionary tale

[darlingpetao3]

More Than Meets Those Eyes (Harry Wells x Reader)

Rating: T

Summary: In your Quantum Theory Master Class, everyone has read his biography and every woman is going bonkers for him; becoming putty in his hands and melting in his lectures. That is the effect of Harrison Wells. Only you don't feel quite the same as your classmates. But will a special one-on-one encounter with the enigmatic scientist change your mind?

A/N: While writing this, I imagined it all taking place on Earth-2. Also, I have always wanted for this biography to be real. I would read the shit out of it.

The woman to your right was applying what you would call “Alarming Red” lipstick with help from her compact mirror. The woman on your left has been fixing her hair for nine million years. In fact, just about every female in the lecture hall was primping themselves as if they were getting picked up for some hot date.

Were you missing something?

Looking around, everyone in the room, regardless of gender, all appear to have one thing in common: a sizable book bearing the face the man about to give the first of two talks in his Quantum Theory Master Class. Doctor Harrison Wells.

You knew the man to be a sort of legend among the scientific community, something you hoped to become one day, too. Attending his class would look great on paper, but truth be told, you weren't too sure what the big fuss was over Harrison Wells. Others like him have done work just as great, arguably some have done better. But what kind of fool would you be to miss an opportunity to learn from a mind such as his? Lipstick Lady catches you eyeing up her book.

“Have you read it?” she asks.

“Uh, no,” you admit. “Should I ought to?”

“You simply must, it's a phenomenal read. Here, have mine.”

“I couldn't possibly-”

“I insist. Besides,” the woman lowers her voice, sliding her copy of Wells: A Biography over to you. “I have another copy at home.”

“Oh, well, thank you.” The door at the back of the lecture hall whooshes open and all heads turn to watch the man of the hour, Harrison Wells, enter.

“Good afternoon everyone,” Wells greets the room. “Although, time will tell, won't it?” This produces longing sighs and giggles, mainly from those of the female variety (with the odd male chuckle). This is going to be a very interesting time.

After the class, your stomach grumbles like a slumbering dragon, so you search for something to munch on before heading home. Walking over to the perfect spot, an unoccupied bench under a lofty oak tree, you take a seat with your bag of Big Belly Burger. Thank the heavens for fast food chains on campuses. You pull Wells: A Biography out from your bag. Wells' big blue eyes stare back up at you. The person editing this jacket cover must have saturated the shit out of them. There's no way a person's eyes could be that blue. You begin to read the inner flap's summary while starting to snack on your perfectly salted fries.

From the Author of the Bestselling Biographies of Bill Gates and J.D. Salinger, this is the exclusive Biography of Harrison Wells.

Based on more than forty interviews with Wells conducted over three years – as well as interviews with more than a hundred family members, friends, colleagues – John Gallagher has written a riveting story of the roller coaster life and searingly intense personality of a leading scientist whose passion for research and development revolutionized the science and technology industry in the United States.

At a time when America is seeking wars to sustain its innovative edge, Wells stands as the ultimate icon of development in advanced particle research. He knew that the best way to create a buzz in the science community was to connect creativity with technology. He built a company where leaps of the imagination were combined with remarkable feats of science.

Although Wells cooperated with this book, he asked for no control over what was written nor even the right to read it before it was published. He put nothing off-limits. He encouraged the people he knew to speak honestly. And Wells speaks candidly, sometimes brutally so, about the people he worked with and competed against. His friends, foes and colleagues provide an unvarnished view of the passions, perfectionism, obsessions, artistry, devilry and compulsion for control that shaped his approach to business and the innovative products that resulted.

Driven by demons, Wells could drive those around him to fury and despair. But his personality and products were interrelated, just as S.T.A.R. Labs technology has to be. His tale is instructive and cautionary, filled with lessons about innovation, teamwork, scientific research and development.

“Looks like a captivating read, wouldn't you say?”

You look up to find Harrison Wells himself, looking down at you, wearing practically the same subtle expression as the one on the cover of the book. One that looks like it could read, I know something you don't, good luck trying to figure out what it is.

“Seeing as everyone is going gaga over you and your book, I figured I should read what all the fuss was about.” That didn't exactly come out right. Harrison merely laughs it off. He holds out his hand to you.

“Harrison.”

“(Y/N).”

“Those were some excellent points you made back in the class, (Y/N). I must admit, I was impressed. And that is no easy feat.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, I was thinking, I'd love to pick your brain sometime. See what we could come up with together.”

“Oh,” is all you can manage. Harrison Wells wants to collaborate with you. “I mean, wow, really?”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Well, I did have plans to read your book with a glass of wine,” you joke.

“There's nothing in that book I couldn't tell you over some wine and dinner.”

“Are you asking me out?”

“Yes.” He's very unabashed, isn't he?

“I don't know what to say.” Harrison takes the book from your hands and pulls out a pen from his coat pocket. He writes something on one of the pages and gives the book back to you.

“Just think about it.” The scientist walks away with a wink and a smirk, but not before stealing a fry from your carton and leaving you with so many strange feelings. You open up the book to the page with a street address scrawled in black ink.

Come to this address at 7 pm tonight. I could teach you a lot more than what this book or my class has to offer. -HW

Oh Lord.

You pull up to probably the swankiest place in Central City, giant hedges and pillars galore, wondering if you're in the right place. Although, to quote the biography you had partially skimmed earlier, Harrison was “a mastermind who has changed the face of science and tech,” so of course this had to be the correct address.

You aren't exactly sure why you're so nervous.

And you aren't exactly sure why you wore your nicest “I'm-trying-to-impress-people” dress. When you reach the front door, it takes you a few moments to finally ring his doorbell. There's a muffled “coming!” on the other side, which causes you to fidget. Harrison opens the door, wearing a white button down with black trousers and blazer. He lights up upon seeing you.

“(Y/N), glad you could make it. Come in.” He takes your jacket and leads you down the hall to his open concept living and dining areas. You take in his ultra modern pad, admiring the high vaulted ceiling and the arched skylight. The stars would look extraordinary through this, you think.

“You have a lovely home,” you say, now gravitating towards one of the many bookcases in the room.

“Thank you. Though it isn't much of a home now that my daughter has left.” You pass by a series of framed photos on one of his bookshelves. One in particular is of a beautiful young woman in a graduation dress.

“Is this her, here?”

“Yes. That's Jesse.”

“She's beautiful.”

“That she is.” The look of pride on his face beams like sun.

“You said she left?”

“Jesse has been doing some traveling recently.”

“Oh yeah? Where to?” How ambitious. You've always wanted to visit new places though could never find the time.

“Let's just say she's in a whole other world,” Harrison says with a funny smile. “I worry about her constantly.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Feeling hungry?”

“Always.”

He gestures to the other room. “Then let's eat, shall we?”

After having a wonderfully cooked dinner and conversations filled with business, goals, and family, you both retire to the living area with your glasses of wine in hand to further discuss the potential partnering up on a new experiment together.

“I think having you on would be beneficial for S.T.A.R. Labs, (Y/N). You really do have a very sharp mind,” Harrison compliments. “Your boyfriend must be proud of you and your accomplishments in the field.”

You almost choke on your drink because you know that little trick he just pulled.

“I'm sure he would be. If there was a boyfriend, that is.” One of Harrison's eyebrows arch up while he takes another sip of his drink and looks away.

“Excuse me for a minute,” you say, feeling strange again in the pit of your stomach, and search for the restroom. You find it, lock the door, and stare into the mirror.

“What is happening right now?” you ask yourself quietly and grip the sink counter. “He's coming on to me.”

And you like it, says the little voice in your head. You don't even fight it. Of course you like him! And not just because of his gorgeous blue eyes (that, astoundingly, match those on the book cover – so no saturation needed in that editing room!). Not only have the night's discussions proven first hand at what a truly exceptional mind he has, they've shown what how deeply caring a man he is. Jesse came up a great deal in your talks tonight, she means the world and beyond to him. And from the tiny bit he spoke of his late-wife, she had as well. You could hear it in his voice. When Harrison Wells loves, he loves with all his heart and he loves hard.

You tell yourself to get back out there. Don't make this weird. Continue the talk about the partnership with the experiment.

On the way back, you can't help but notice in one of the rooms where the door was left ajar, a bright glow shines down. You peek inside to see a skylight, one with the perfect view of the moon and the twinkling stars. Something gets the better of you, maybe the wine, and you move further into the room still gazing upward. Your shins hit something soft and you fall onto a bed, now looking above at the stars; an even better view. Wow.

“So beautiful,” you mutter in total awe.

“My sentiments exactly.” You raise yourself up to your elbows and direct your attention to the voice. The shadowy, arms crossed figure of Harrison looms in the doorway.

“Oh. Is this your room? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...” you trail off because he slowly approaches the bed.

“It's fine. I know all about distracting views.” Harrison falls back next to you and stares straight up at the skylight for a moment, then turns his head to you. You break the silence first.

“You're nothing like I expected.”

“I hope that's a good thing.”

Your answer breaks out in the form of you nuzzling to get closer to his already slightly parted lips. You kiss Harrison, hovering over him while placing a hand on his chest. The kiss is soft, gentle, yet there's still a heat there. You can feel his heart thumping like mad. It feels nice to know it's not just yours feeling that way.

“It's definitely a good thing.”

In the morning you left early, leaving Harrison a note saying you needed fresh clothes before his second and final Master Class today. You didn't want to make it seem like you were using him, leaving without explanation. That is the last thing you wanted him to think. You were hopeful this could lead somewhere fantastic, you and him.

The thing about Harrison Wells is that everyone has their own opinions about him, if his book was any indication at all. When you had skimmed a few interviews from the book yesterday, many of the same notions kept popping up. He's prickly. He's cold. Aloof. The most brilliant mind of our time. While, yes, Harrison could quite possibly be the most brilliant mind of our time, they clearly don't know this side of him. A few important attributes were left out. He is devoted to his daughter, gentle when the time comes to be, and on occasion, Harrison can be quite a funny guy.

You walk into the class and sit next to Lipstick Lady again and slide the Wells biography back to her, hoping to god she doesn't decide to flip through it to find a single page ripped out - Harrison's address and note.

“That was fast!” she exclaims. “Did you finish it?” At that exact moment, Harrison (hair still a little mussed up) strides into the room with a pep in his step. You whisper back to her.

“I don't think I need to.”

“Good morning, everyone,” welcomes a cheery Wells, sights ending at you. His grin widens. “Beautiful day, isn't it?”

[cgsolano]

Ciao ciao 2019. Here we are, 2020.

I keep doing this on the last day of the year... I was thinking of starting yesterday, but I guess there are things that never change... So yes, here we are... at the doorstep of 2020. A new year, a new decade.

Twenty years ago I was still living in Texas, working for Motorola. Making preparations for the infamous Y2K --which was such a big disappointment. A big nothing burger. Ten years ago, I was living here in Illinois, working for Kraft. Going through the motions of their Leadership Program. And now, I am entering 2020 building software at Walgreens. More mature, growing a beard and with a lot more salt in my hair --the pepper is clearly getting overpowered.

2019 was not a bad year. Before we go into the chronicle of the year, here’s my takeaway from it...

I was able to remain healthy, the same as my family. More than ever, I realize that without health you have nothing. A friend of mine, Kim, passed away from cancer. It did hit me, because she was such a good person. Full of life, laughs, art, music, love for her daughters and her husband. I have a painting I bought from her hanging in my room. She started making these to support her cancer treatments. In the end, she passed away peacefully at her home and surrounded by her family and closest friends. Godspeed, Kimmy.

Make every effort to remain healthy. Eat well, try to squeeze in some exercise --even if it is not at a gym: park your car the furthest you can so you can walk, take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk to the store and carry your bags. If you can’t change your circumstances, don’t let the circumstances change you. Don’t let stress take over your life. Beat anxiety. And if you see that the circumstances are changing you, change them instead. Someway somehow.

I also had the chance to make significant new connections and rekindle existing ones.

One of these new connections was so unexpected and a blessing to me. She lives her life with no regrets. She lives by her beliefs and is true to herself and what’s important to her. She’s all out there. ALL! And I love that! Because not everybody is or can be --or is willing to be. And it’s such a refreshing thing to see and learn and feel. Not everybody walks the talk, and she’s passionate about walking her talk, unfiltered. This year I became a better person because of her.

So, make the effort to make interesting and new connections. There’s a whole world out there. And connecting with people just enriches your own life. Go and rekindle your interesting old connections as well. You never know what new surprises you’ll get from people you thought you know.

I also reminisced about being young (a teen), and having my own problems and challenges. Sabina turned 14, and she’s in 8th grade. Making a decision on what High School to attend, and making it happen, is such a big deal --at least here in The Chi. Studying, prepping for the placement test, taking tutoring on weekends, HS open houses, homework, practice tests, gymnastics, friends,, family. Wherever she lands, I know she’ll do great.

Support the teens in your life. It is such an emotionally fragile stage. They look up to you, adults. They really do. And I am happy to say that we were able to support her every step of the way.

Finally, I am receiving this new year with open arms. Completely open to opportunities and challenges --even if they rock the boat hard. Even if they change the life I’ve known for the last 2 decades...

And talking about boats... If I can leave you with a thought:

“Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life,  having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity, and in our efforts to build a new earth,  we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim. Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, where storms will show your mastery, where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizon of our hopes, and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.”

― Sir Francis Drake

This 2020, dare more boldly. Be happy, and be well. Happy New Year!

Now, below is my personal account of 2019... So, if you’re interested, keep reading!

So, here’s the customary account of 2019...

I ended up at 50% goal, again... I tried to read 12 books this year, but I ended up at 6. Not great, but here we are... Can I read more? Sure. Do I spend inglorious amounts of time on wasteful activities? Absolutely. But you know, some of these wasteful activities also give me joy. So, are they really wasteful? Something to think about. Anyways, this is what I read this year:

Bad Blood -- This book is INSANE !!! I absolutely loved it! A story of greed, ego, tech and deceit It has everything! I’ve been in the medical devices/pharma world for a little over 5 years now, and this account of events is completely crazy. Go pick it up, now!

Netflixed -- This was another great book about our beloved streaming company. The epic battle between Netflix and Blockbuster has no equal.

The Road to Chapultepec Park -- This dystopian book was marginally ok. I picked it up because 1) it’s the end of the world and 2) because it talks about the journey from the US to Mexico City by a group of people during the end of the world as we know it due to climate change. Chapultepec Park, which I know and have walked, becomes a sanctuary during this time and people are trying to get there by any means.

Small Fry -- So, everyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of Steve (Jobs), but not an Apple fanboy. I’ve read a lot about Steve but this book, written by Lisa, his daughter, gave me a completely different view of Steve and his life. There were new things I learned about him, and I realized this book humanizes him, a lot. He had his own problems, and insecurities (!!!), and demons to exorcize, and amends to make, he bit his nails. I absolutely loved it.

Midnight in Chernobyl -- Wow. This book was such an amazing read. This book, which can be considered an end-of-the-world type book, was crazy --and more because it was REAL! This is the very well researched account of what happened before, during and after the Chernobyl catastrophe more than 30 years ago. You can’t even imagine. Go get it!

The Handmaids Tale -- This is another dystopian book. And before I watched the series, I wanted to read it. What a harsh world... and with all that’s been happening in real life, not only here in the USA but in other countries, it is such a cautionary tale. I will not spoil it, but this is a very good read about a very bad world.

I’ll try to read at least 8 books this 2020. If I can’t do 12, maybe I can do 8 since I’ve been doing 5-6 books a year for a while now. And whatever goes above and beyond that, it’s all for the win.

I also traveled a little here and there. The highlights were, in some chronological order, as follows...

Las Vegas for the Dynatrace Perform conference, staying at the Cosmo, which was amazing! I want to go again. Vegas is such an amazing place! I don’t think I did any shows or concerts this time :-( But I did go to a couple of cool places: TAO and Marquee. These were amazing venues and great experiences.

We went to Holland, MI. We were there for a bat mitzvah for one of Sabina’s friends. This was such a great experience! The small town is amazing and has great breweries and things to do.

Ah, and Mexico in the summer. Never ever disappoints. Had the chance to see family and old friends in Mexico City, Queretaro and Tequisquiapan. Great food, great chats, great activities. This time we flew directly into Queretaro instead of Mexico City. What a difference! Way smaller airport, no traffic, no waits. And the drive from Queretaro to Tequisquiapan is just 20 mins --compared to the 3+ hours we would normally drive from Mexico City due to traffic and distance.

I also went to Monterrey, Mexico. There is some very interesting stuff happening there... I will not say more, but there’s stuff happening. I had the chance to reconnect with old friends during this very short trip and to eat amazing tacos. Those norteños really know their meats.

Sports and concerts? I went to see the Rockies vs Cubs, Giants vs Cubs, Packers vs Bears on opening day, Knicks vs Bulls, Nets vs Bulls, Cowboys vs Bears for Santiago’s birthday and Bulls vs Hawks. Definitely a lot of sports this year! And I’ve really enjoyed it. Santiago absolutely loved his first football game. There was this specific run that Trubisky did and scored... Santi and I hugged and jumped and screamed. What a moment. I don’t think we did as many concerts as we should. We did go see the Chicago Sinfonietta and it was outstanding.

Other things we did... A couple of times to Steppenwolf Theater --which I don’t think we do enough. Teatro ZinZanni which we did for Adriana’s birthday and was absolutely amazing, BATL Axe Throwing which is insanely fun, Hamilton for Sabina’s birthday which she loved, Champions of Magic for Christmas Eve for the whole family, Lincoln Park Zoo to see the lights, watched Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker, and had a memorable Christmas Eve dinner at Tocco in Winnetka, IL. For New Year’s we’re going to Bodega Sur, which will be amazing for sure.

Health? Well, as I mentioned, I kept myself out of trouble. Continued with the excuses to not exercise more. However, I think I ate well all things considered. I was able to maintain my weight throughout the whole year --which is a huge accomplishment in my mind. If I’m not exercising, at least I am eating well and not gaining weight. I tried to do some personal training/gym, but I almost died... I guess I need to come back little by little. I’ll try other avenues and see how it works out.

I grew a beard. And I like it.

I’ve also been learning (or trying to) some Italian. And it has been going well, I think. I listen to Italian podcasts and follow Italian people on Instagram. I use Google Translate a lot and it has definitely helped me. I listen to Italian music in my car. La dolce vita, baby!

Finally, I’ve been cooking a new tech concept with a friend of mine... Let’s see how that develops in 2020. We think there’s potential. This has to do with Blockchain... and has a social conscience. So it’s geeky, and it helps people. What else could I ask for?! Stay tuned...

Well, I guess that’s that... 2019 was a very good to all of us. And we are grateful about all things experienced and received. Let 2020 be as good, or better! Thanks for reading!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

'Johny Johny Yes Papa' is just one of many terrifying YouTube videos made for kids

The internet is invested in the tale of Johny, Papa, and their sugary deceit. 

"Johny Johny Yes Papa" is probably one of the more terrible things to curse your timeline recently. The nightmarish nursery rhyme went viral over the past week, drawing hundreds of thousands of new people into its lore. 

In the most shared version, a child with an absurdly large head sneaks out of bed to gorge on sugar cubes when his father — known only as "Papa" — sternly calls out "Johny" and breaks into a Gangnam Style-type dance. 

SEE ALSO: 'B*tch, I'm a Cow' is the summer bop taking over the internet with memes

When Johny denies eating sugar, Papa asks if he's "telling lies" while emphatically doing the wave. Johny denies telling lies, so Papa orders Johny to open his mouth and then absolutely nails Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" footwork as he confronts his deceitful son.

Caught in the lie, Johny belts out in deranged laughter and lifts his hands, spinning around like he's performing some sort of playful demonic possession. 

Since that tweet, Johny, Papa, and their fixation on sugar inspired memes about their strange storyline.

papa: omg why is there no sugar in the house....wtf???? johnny: OMG KING that's so sad 😔😔😔 go off!! find that liar!!! papa: vague// i literally saw oomf with sugar in his mouth but go off i guess

— nayan 💉 摩天楼 + pinned (@Iingfan) August 27, 2018

Johnny johnny 👋 \ 😳 || \_ _/¯ ¯\_ Yes papa 😜 👊/||\_ _/¯ ¯\_

— valerie🌷🦇 (@mahounurse) August 27, 2018

calling ur man daddy is so basic we’re replying ‘yes papa’ in johnny’s voice now

— im having an identity crisis (@ceIIinne) August 26, 2018

The video is one of many "Johnny Johnny" spin offs — sometimes spelled "Johny Johny" — which are often paired with bad claymation, strange animation, and absolutely awful singing. One of the first versions of the nursery rhyme was uploaded in 2009, according to Know Your Meme. Three years later, another children's channel posted a version of "Johnny Johnny," where the father looked oddly similar to Peter Griffin from Family Guy. The song took off (as much as a nursery rhyme could) with ChuChuTV's 2013 rendition, which portrayed a young boy named Johny who crawls out of the bed he shares with his father to eat spoonfuls of pure sugar. It now has more than 480 million views. 

In 2014, YouTube channel EdukayFUN posted this hellish version featuring terribly 3D animation and absurd body modifications. The corrupted version of the song was briefly taken down, and then reposted this year. Since then, increasingly bizarre versions of the kid's song have flooded YouTube — some of which are available on YouTube Kids, the child-friendly version of YouTube which has been scrutinized in the last year for inappropriate content. 

Although this hellish version of Johny Johny isn't available on the kids app, reaction videos that show clips or mirrors of EdukayFUN’s disturbing animations are accessible to kids on the app. 

Some, like the version from WOA Teddo Channel embedded below, have blatant rip offs of popular characters. The Hulk and Batman make an appearance in what appears to be a cautionary tale about getting teeth pulled after eating too much candy. Later in the video, a clay Spiderman nearly kills the Hulk by squeezing him through a French fry cutter before a horrified Elsa stops them both and demonstrates the tool brutally shredding a potato. 

The videos don't always include that haunting nursery rhyme. Instead, videos with "Johnny" or "Papa" in the title appear to be an SEO grab for nonsensical videos geared toward kids. 

This video posted by YouTube channel Vlad Bibabo, for example, is titled "johnny johnny rhymes" but tells a completely different story. 

A green woman and child — presumably the Hulk's wife and son — gorge on bright orange cheese puffs. They take the sleeping Hulk's cheese puffs, fill a bathtub with the carb-loaded snacks, and have the time of their lives in the makeshift ball pit. Their shenanigans wake up the Hulk, who storms into the bathroom and threatens to pummel them in a cheese-driven rage. Using a magic wand, the Hulk manages to turn her abusive husband into a stuffed toy and then triumphantly buries him in puffs. 

The sketch shows just how weird YouTube content for kids can be — many of the videos made for children are educational and have some sort of moral to pass on, but have perplexing ways of doing so. 

In the series produced by Billion Surprise Toys, the same channel whose dancing Johny video took over Twitter, Johny's family appears with a sentient refrigerator who inexplicably calls Johny's parents "Papa" and "Mommy." 

Instead of asking the refrigerator if it's eating sugar, various characters ask it for food and drinks. The fridge appears to have no agency over the contents of its body: despite denying that it contains water, sauces, and ice cream, its human family members demand that it open its door. The fridge does so without any hesitation and hands over the snacks. 

The video takes a questionable turn at 1:32 when the fridge sees a character named Chiya approaching and hunches over, defeated. When the refrigerator backs away from him and refuses his request for chocolate, Chiya forces the refrigerator open and chocolate bars spill from its shelves.

While kids behaving badly is a common theme in these videos, there's just something weird about a 3D-rendered child violating a talking fridge.

The videos produced by Billion Surprise Toys are scattered with uncomfortable situations that aren't explained at all. In another video about getting ready for the day, Johny shares a bed with an adult-sized being named "Ice Cream Man." According to the character bio on Billion Surprise Toy's website, Ice Cream Man "loves to give hugs and cuddle." 

At the end of the "getting ready" video, Johny and Ice Cream Man smuggle lollipops in bed before falling asleep together. 

And in this version, Johny is a child-size pink bus who shares a bed with the child we've previously known as Johny. The song is identical to the previous video, but in this animation, everyone except the original Johny is a bus. The bus-creature even has bus arms and unsettling bus hands to eat forbidden snacks, and boards a bigger bus to ride to school. 

The carrier bus does not appear to be sentient.

Billion Surprise Toys also produced this educational video to teach children about colors which shows crying babies being fed gum balls. When a floating green gum ball is placed in the infant's mouth, the baby's skin tone morphs into a sickly shade of green. It repeats for every corresponding color. 

Last year, Mashable reported that graphic, violent videos managed to slip past YouTube Kids' moderation and could be easily accessed by young kids. Although none of the Johny Johny videos are explicitly harmful toward children, they do present uncomfortable scenarios. It shows that there's something still off about the content aimed at kids on YouTube. 

The YouTube Kids app is a sort of an atonement for its previous lack of moderation. In April, BuzzFeed reported that YouTube planned to keep creepy videos away from children with a team of actual humans who would hand-curate appropriate videos. It appears that some still slip through the cracks. 

And moderating videos on the app alone may not be enough. While not all of the videos featured here are accessible through YouTube Kids, it's clear that they were still targeted at a young audience. Between animations that fall right in the uncanny valley and disturbing storylines, YouTube's early childhood videos should concern you. 

If you want to ensure that your kids are watching appropriate content, maybe YouTube isn't the place. After all, would you trust an anonymous stranger on the internet to teach your children?

On the bright side, we're getting some fucking weird memes from this nightmare fuel. 

UPDATE: Aug. 29, 2018, 11:36 a.m. PDT Since this article published, it appears that Billion Surprise Toys is attempting to stop the memeification of its videos.

Although the original viral tweet is still up, the video is no longer available. Instead, it shows an image that says, "This video has been removed in response to a report by its copyright holder." 

In additional to removing reporting tweets, Billion Surprise Toys has also disabled video playback on other websites. 

Billion Surprise Toys did not respond to request for comment. 

The disturbing educational video about colors featured in this article was also removed from YouTube. 

WATCH: That 'Titanic' flying scene sinks when you remove the epic music

[salutethepig]

"Atom Bomb Baby"? Glow-in-the-dark boars...

Along with “Them!” — a cautionary tale about giant irradiated ants — which was Warner Bros.’ highest-grossing film of 1954 — the curiously cast “Five” (1951) and the original (and best) Japanese “Godzilla” (Gojira) from 1954, us Brits also managed to produce the “Fiend Without A Face” (1958) as we too jumped on the “dangers of the atomic age” bandwagon.

During the 1950s, nuclear horror films were very much of the moment as the studios, never slow to jump on a trend, unleashed a veritable avalanche of (mostly completely forgettable & rightly unsung) mutated radioactive beasts upon their audiences who left theatres both terrified of these creatures and, of course, at the same time, of the imminent threat of nuclear annihilation at the hands of the Godless commie heathens of the Soviet Union.

Well, as you all know, humanity has managed to dodge that particular bullet. At least so far; with Trump, Kim, Putin & May in power, who knows for how much longer?

Safe? Until now that is. Now the animals are conspiring against us. First the Japanese let loose with their radioactive boars from Fukushima. Thanks to @val_littlewood I’m now reminded that the Czechs have joined in the “fun”.

The radioactive cloud thrown up by the environmental disaster that was the 1986 Chernobyl explosion drifted across all of Western Russia and Europe but it seemed to hang around for a particularly long time over the Bohemian Forest (known in Czech as Šumava and across the border in Germany as Böhmerwald) dumping as it did, large quantities of radioactive isotopes (inc. Caesium-137 which is water soluble so easily enters the food chain and, with a half-life of 30 years, isn’t going away anytime soon).

This stuff is then taken up by an underground species of mushroom (colloquially known as “false truffles” or, more colourfully, “deer balls”), that the boars (in behaviour common to all pig species) love to root around and dig up and eat. They look so innocent don’t they?

So, whilst not quite “glow in the dark” damaged, they’re not really any longer suitable as part of anything approaching a ‘healthy’ diet; indeed, half of the boar meat destined for the human food chain is condemned and destroyed. Watch out people, they’re getting closer. The inevitable film depicting the downfall of humanity under a wave of killer boars is probably being filmed even now — “Attack Of The Boars From The Gates Of Hell” anyone? The stuff of nightmares….

© “Outside” magazine

OK, I know you’re asking though: “Hey Chris, what if we can find a non-glowing, safe-to-eat boar? How best to serve it?”. I hear you. I hear you. And what better recipe to offer you than one courtesy those fine people at the (English) Real Boar Company? It’s for ‘Wild Boar Casserole in a Rich Italian Style’:

• 2lb generous cubes of diced shoulder • 2-3 tbls oil (or butter) • 1 tbls flour • 1/2-pint robust red wine

Marinade • 2 cloves garlic • 2 tbls spiced oil • 1 onion diced • 2 tbls spiced vinegar/wine vinegar • 3-4 sage leaves, sprig rosemary leaves, finely chopped • 2 tbls Masala (optional) • 2 tbls robust red wine • 2-3 cloves • 1 1/2 tsp salt • 2-3 crushed juniper berries • Plenty fresh milled pepper

Mix the meat with all the marinade ingredients and marinate in cool place for 24 hours.

Drain from the marinade, pat dry. Heat the butter or oil in a heavy frying pan and brown the meat all over, sprinkling in the flour to brown a little too. Don’t overfill the pan as you want the meat to brown, not stew.

Remove to a casserole, preferably earthenware, Deglaze the pan with the marinade and wine and pour over the meat.

Cover tightly, cook in a very slow oven (250F/130C/gas 1) for about 2½ – 3 hours until the meat is very tender and the sauce reduced.

Cook with the lid off if not well reduced for the sauce should be little more than a sticky substance that coats the meat. Degrease any excess fat and serve with polenta or creamy mashed potatoes.

And finally? The other part of the post title? A song by a doo-wop group called The Five Stars singing just that — one equating sexual power with The Atomic Bomb:

“Atom Bomb Baby”? Glow-in-the-dark boars… was originally published on Salute The Pig

[claydadalek]

I don't think anyone understands just how much this video absolutely broke me when I first found it, years ago.

I made memes, shitposts, I can still quote the entire thing from start to finish VERBATIM-- my friends were tired of it. I lost sleep over this video. I made long lasting connections over this video. There is a song remix someone made that I consider to be high art.

"Hey Clay what are you up to?" What do you think. What do you think I am up to. I'm still here in this self-made purgatory, this deep-fried purgatory that I put myself into.

Heaven doth not care for those testing the limits of what emotions can be obtained from deep-fried turkey. But it does not deter me.

It's that time of year again, I can finally show everyone my favorite video ever