#each time i cried w haurchefant n emet-selch n
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i just wna write wtvr rn T_T
#🌙.vents#yk. writing even just abt wtvr takes my mind off a lot of things n simultaneously also uses up a lot of time#n it's exactly what i need rn. a distraction#nah i shld finish this assignment but i'm hfksjfks all my energy left 💀#just want to listen to music close my eyes n just. think of my wol n ocs#yk the month. nearly ends. n#for the past few years i don't fucking know what is up w march 😭😭#yikes trying to think back n i really don't want to think abt anything in 2020.#esp the.. no i swear i've been over it for so long but the trust issues man they're still here they haven't entirely left#oh i see how it is fuck you anxiety#oh no. i really hate this feeling so much#take me back to the excitement i felt when we finally bought ffxiv#take me back to when we cleared the whole of e12s tgther#take me back to that week when we talked every day n.. hfksjfks i still rmb you talking abt ucob :c#i miss their voices. the way they'd say my name. n the lil banter in the static#i miss going through shb n stb for the first time#i want to feel it again#when i first went to terncliff. the wonder i felt. such a lovely place.#each time i cried w haurchefant n emet-selch n#me smiling so much wnvr aymeric was there n then#i still rmb exactly how it felt when i was tearing up bcs of alphinaud in eulmore n. i was so very proud#alphinaud's so dear to me. his development n his character n him w his ideals n stuff is. i just. idk can relate a lot#n then drk yk i knew a lot of the quotes before finishing the quest but#i didn't know where or when it wld be so#'we are the stories we tell ourselves' that gave me so much comfort#not kidding when i started out ffxiv it was in a time i cld barely let myself cry but#ffxiv makes it so easy for me that's why i cried sm w the end of arr n heading to ishgard bcs that was hflsjfks 🥹#'i dont want the future. i just want to stay here..' or smth. rinoaaaaa hflsjfjsjfjs#need to play ffix n 7r again n.. sorry. sorry fuck#please. please just let time stop. i think too much n i wish i cld just have some more time
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i love love ffxiv sm fr (to the edge)
#I ACCIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP LAST NIGHT 😭 my alarm didn't wake me up sob. gna do a lot today but rn i just.#wna listen to music n think to myself n write for a bit. hdfkalsjdf oh my god the effect to the edge has on me.#it's. genuinely probably. if i had to pick one song. wld be to the edge. hard choice but nothing else would be right.#n well. the fight's more for hmm i guess elidibus fans? apollo likes him more than me bcs i'm uhhhh an unfortunate emet-selch liker#but. that wave. THAT WAVE 🥹 such a simple movement but one that just. revealed the identity of that. yk shade that arrived#the bittersweetness in the whole exchange. n it hurts so much when you think of how. how they all used to be so happy#but now everything they've known is torn apart. for thousands of years.. that loneliness must've broken emet fr#the burden of all those lives lost. being able to see n feel them w his affinity w aether n the underworld#n then. elidibus forgot. n lahabrea's.. twisted beyond himself. tragic isn't it? n emet-selch's the only one that remembers#cries. but w endwalker what they did. i rmb crying so much throughout all that. gave me some closure fr 😭😭#n then when it comes to the musical comp too yk the. oh my god w neath dark waters yk the theme of amaurot n#the ticking.. time. n then the lyrics. i'm. technically catholic christian sob but i'm not religious n i'd consider myself agnostic.#but yk the references w the bible or christian mythology. n then the lyrics in general. 'we only fly when falling far from grace' 🥹🫶🏼#i love all the expacs in ffxiv sm i just have these phases where i'm all over each of them n rn it's shb#all the. expacs r like. arr was the start yk n i went through most of it w school n. it was comfort. esp bcs smth painful irl happened#around then. heavensward was. my fav expac at that time yk? for so many reasons.. alphi aymeric haurchefant n the story n drk n#end of the free trial. stormblood was the start of when we subbed. i cld finally play tgther w apollo. our freedom too in our own way#n then it was such a real story n touched on pain n. yk. rlly was a very compassionate story n i enjoyed thoroughly w my empathetic heart#shb was. my endgame for a while. i mean. we started out 5.3 but was still in the free trial n finally got the game 5.5#we started raiding n that's where most of our growth to who we are now happened. n the story is.. it's so. perfect.#i have a lot of memories in endwalker too but shb as an expansion was where most of my memories w other players n all happened#n. i'll ramble too much oh no but endwalker was. the first i experienced from the start. n the story is so.. oh my god#i have. the highest praise for ffxiv's story. obvs still has some of its faults here n there but the highs are worth indescribably much.#n i really mean each of those words. oh my god ffxiv rlly saved me. but i'll. also ramble more if i entertain that thought n write rn so#yk these. stories n songs n just wtvr. just has sm themes that. oh fuck it idk how to put it into words bcs it just all resonates w me sm#like. to the edge it has such a lovely composition n i love listening to every single part of it. n then the lyrics r so well-made. yk?#n then the story behind it too is.. they just put so much thought into it n w so much love n it's just so meaningful. it means so much to m#it just has. so much. n i find so much comfort in it. hdlkafjsd n then themes.. yk w amaurot for example n to the edge#underwater. angels. wings. remember. time. tomorrow. n then the stuff w morality n. just. sm of that has resonated a lot w me#ever since i was young so yk in finding ffxiv it was like i found smth that finally. finally matched w me n smth that'll continue for long
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