#each time a jedi is involved in a romantic relationship it is a forbidden one

[dairine-bonnet]

Amnesiac Revan about Shen and Rahasia *while looking at them running away together*:

Forbidden love... They are so sweet together! I'm really into stories with happy endings like this.

Mission: Why don't you have a love interest then?

Amnesiac Revan: Do you seriously believe I need these problems???

[momojedi]

— as beautiful as the day i lost you pairing. echo x gn! jedi reader

**

type. oneshot, fluff note. watched the bad batch arc with my dad and he came to appreciate echo as much as I do so I wanted to write a lil about him <3 warnings. really fluffy, mentions of order 66 taglist. @patapouille (open for more)

star wars masterlist

“Don’t shoot!” The clone stands still and carefully holds up his hands, dropping the blaster gun as a peace offering. “We’re not going to hurt you, I promise.” He motions his two companions to follow his lead and lower their weapons.

I hesitate. After the past couple weeks of running from the Empire and having friends turn to foes amidst battle when Order 66 was declared, I’ve lost all ability to trust anyone, especially clone troopers. The warm and friendly gaze replaced by that sudden hatred in their eyes is still a vivid memory on my mind, ever since that fateful day.

But if this really isn’t some evil scheme led by an imperial commander and if that trooper really is telling the truth then perhaps finally letting my guard down might not be as bad of an idea as it seems. After all, I feel no evil sensation, no malice in the force but rather … a familiar one.

I frown. Despite being like no troopers I have ever met before with their dark armour and their unique looks, something about them felt warm and inviting, like coming home from a hard mission back into the arms of a loved one.

I shake my head and lower the lightsaber I’ve been gripping so tightly, my knuckles now slowly turning white. “Who are you?”

The trooper - their leader I suspect - takes a hold of his helmet and pulls it off in a swift motion, dark hair falling over his shoulders. His face is halfway covered in a tattoo and he looks at me in a calm yet strict demeanour. “The name’s Hunter. We,” he gestures towards the two other men, one impossibly huge towering over the other two with a skull on his helmet and the other slender with grey armour, a pair of piercing eyes glaring at me through the goggles of his helmet, “are the Bad Batch.”

The Bad Batch, eh? I narrow my eyes thoughtfully as I dimly remember Captain Rex mentioning them before when Master Skywalker stopped at the Jedi Temple for a debriefing and updates on the current war situation. My face darkens as the clone captain of the 501st crosses my mind. Had he executed Order 66 as well? Was Master Skywalker even … still alive?

The ghost of a smile lingers on my lips as the chaotic battalion comes to my mind. I had worked with them more than once in the past, mostly involving their ARC trooper duo Fives and Echo, the latter of whom I’d developed very close relationship with, dare I say romantic even. Despite being forbidden and likely resulting in my banishment and his execution if it would’ve ever come to light, we grew incredibly fond of each other, stealing kisses and loving glances whenever we had the chance to. However, after Echo’s death in the Citadel, I refused to work with the 501st any longer when the mere memories of him proved to be too painful for me to handle properly.

I shake my head, no, this isn’t the time to mourn. “Tech, tell them it’s safe too come out.” Hunter’s voice catches my attention as the grey clone nods and walks to the back of the cantina, presumably to comm whoever else they are hiding. Then, Hunter turns back to me, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s your name, anyway?” I eye him for a second before introducing myself. “How come you’re not killing me? Isn’t that kind of what all clones do now?” Hunter winces at that. “We got our chips removed recently so… don’t worry, we shouldn’t be a threat to you.”

“Hunter! Is everything okay?” A small voice squeals, catching me off guard as I turn to its source. Through the back doors of the cantina, a small girl runs towards him, barely noticing me. I raise a brow at that before glancing at the other person trailing behind her. Like the other three men in the room, the person - who I assume to be another clone - is covered in dark armour, a white ‘99’ imprinted on the plate of his helmet. One of his arms is replaced by a scomp, likely proving useful to slice into things.

When the clone takes notice of me, he freezes. I hum quietly, remembering one of my Jedi contacts’ words shortly after the Purge was declared; maybe he’s scared the Jedi might take revenge on him?

Unsure on how I should put him at ease, I smile slightly and clip the hilt of my saber to my belt before raising my hands. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.” I hold back a slight scoff at those words. ‘After all it should be us who should be scared of you,’ I think.

The clone still doesn’t budge, seemingly staring at me from under his helmet before finally raising his arms to push it off his head and revealing —

I’d recognise that familiar tingle in the force among millions. For a second, the world seems to stop as Echo’s warm eyes meet mine. It’s only the noisy clattering of his helmet meeting the ground that rips me out of my trance and I immediately feel my eyes well up with tears.

“Echo?” I croak, almost in a whisper. Despite my internal struggle, my body refuses to move. But I don’t have to because before I know it, Echo has already rushed over to me and scooped me into a tight hug. Suddenly, I feel the tears spilling as I bury my face in his chest plate, gripping him desperately as if he’d disappear any second if I were to let him go. “I - I thought you were — ” My words are interrupted by a broken sob.

Gently shushing me, Echo pulls away before cradling my face in both his hand and the tip of his scomp. “It’s okay, everything’s okay, mesh’la.” His voice is steady but I can’t help but notice the light tremble in his words as he pulls my forehead against his. Unable to properly use my words right now, I just nod quickly.

“Look at you,” he mumbles breathlessly, a small chuckle laced with disbelief escaping him, “you’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.”

Without a second thought I pull him into a deep kiss which he happily indulges in, knowing fully well that I won’t ever let him go again.

[whatanoof]

Cal Kestis Headcanons that No One Asked For

So I’ve slowly been going through story mode of Jedi: Fallen Order, and I’m about to go to the Fort Inquisitorius so I haven’t even finished yet but I’m absolutely in love with Cal Kestis, so here are some hc about him, romantic and non-romantic.

SPOILERS FOR JEDI: FALLEN ORDER

Cal x female!reader

You both love it when you play with his hair. The first time was almost an accident on your part, because you were just sitting behind him on the bunk while he’s tinkering with his saber and staring at the back of his head. It’s so red, and you’d honestly rarely seen such a bright color naturally occurring, much less growing out of a human head? Your hand brushed a strand almost of its own volition, and you both just froze. He slowly turned to look at you, and you almost stopped breathing because Did you just mess up did you just fuck up the relationship oh shit shit shit--. And he just whispers, “Uh, could you do that again?” And you’re in such a state of shock and relief that you just scoot back on the bunk and gesture at your open lap. Cere walks in on the two of you later, him dopey and almost asleep with his head in your lap, your fingers running through the silky strands. She doesn’t say anything, even when Greez points out the two small braids that you left at the nape of his neck.

He’s so competitive. Like come on, this man refused to back down from  two or three separate fights against fully-fledged Inquisitors and one insane Jedi Master while he was still technically a Padawan. So he won’t let you beat him. At anything. You’re watering the latest seed that he brought back from a planet? Bam, he’s got Greez’s special plant food and he’s giving every single one of them a five-course meal. If you’re a Jedi, and you’re meditating in the back of the Mantis? You open your eyes after ten or so minutes and he’s right there in front of you, doing that little concentration face that you fell in love with so easily. If you’re a Jedi, you’re evenly matched in almost everything that you do in terms of abilities, and you teach each other where you’re not. Greez is terrified of watching you two spar, because you don’t hold back, but you’re also so equal to him in skill that it’s a whirl of light and blocking known attacks. 

Him and BD-1 were a package deal, but as soon as you were welcomed aboard the Mantis, Cal couldn’t believe how easily the little droid warmed up to you. Of course, BD sticks with Cal and is his right hand man on adventures, but Cal no longer occupies 100 percent of BD’s free time. You refuse to tell Cal exactly where, but you found a spot right behind BD’s “head” where if you scratch it, the droid is on the ground and kicking a leg in the air in happiness. If you’re a mechanic, you can usually be found in the back, tinkering with BD’s processor to make it run more efficiently, or oiling his joints again, or designing new paint jobs for the happy little droid. Either way, you’ve stolen a decent fraction of the droid’s affection, and none of the Mantis crew has any idea how you did it. It’s actually the first thing that urged you and Cal to start spending more time together, and you remember BD’s happy little hops after you’d finally kissed Cal for the first time.

There is absolutely no backing for this, but I think that Cal can sing. Nothing fancy, of course, it’s not like there are vocal lessons available on Bracca or in the Jedi Order, but he can carry a tune. It’s sometimes the only way you can fall asleep on the Mantis, because even though Greez and the crew make it cozy, it’s not home. But as soon as you’re curled up in the twin-sized bunk, and Cal starts humming to you, you’re out before he’s finished the chorus. Sometimes the songs are happy, but they’re often little ditties that he heard from the clones before Order 66, or mourning songs that fellow workers on Bracca would sing during the night when the rain was pounding on the metal and creating a natural rhythm and harmony for the tired mechanics. They’re songs of lost love, fallen brothers, and vague longings for newer, better lives. You fall asleep to his soothing voice, but you often wake with an ache in your heart for the suffering and pain that Cal has experienced and witnessed in his short life.

He’s ticklish. He hates that you know. He hates that you told Merrin, and now she can blackmail him into getting her favorite foods from supply markets. But you love the childish giggles that you’re able to pull out of him when you finally corner him and run your fingers over his neck. Tickle fights always end in make-out sessions.

+18 NSFW under the cut

So... Cal never had the chance to understand wanting intimacy before you, sexual and non-sexual. He was terrified the first time he looked at you and didn’t recognize that strange feeling in his chest. He’d never felt it before, was there something wrong with him? Was he sick? It takes a sit-down with Greez for him to figure out what’s going on, and it’s even scarier than the possibility of illness. Jedi were forbidden to love, it had always been a taboo in his mind, even if he had never had the opportunity to find out what it felt like.

He pushes it away at first. He ignores the flutters in his chest when you’re laughing with Merrin at dinner. He denies the complete shorting out of his brain when he accidentally brushes too close to you while trying to get to your shared bunk. 

He has his first wet dream, and wakes up absolutely throbbing with the memory of the dream that involved you and him and way too little clothes for his repressed childhood. He tries to grit his teeth and go back to sleep, but it’s too uncomfortable, and he can’t get the image of your body out of his mind. Jedi Masters always gave their Padawans the sex talk, and Jaro Tapal was nothing if not a good Master. So Cal knows basically what he has to do to relieve the tension so that he can get a little more sleep. He just doesn’t expect to lose control of himself to the point where he grunts your name when he comes. His heart just about stops when he hears the bed above him creak, and he yanks the sheets over his head until he’s sure that you’re not awake. He gets up early the next morning so that he can clean up without fear of you catching him.

After you get together, Cal is even more scared of the relationship. He had checked with Cere, and though she skews more traditional in her beliefs, she knows that Cal’s trauma and overcoming of it is more than she could hope to understand. Maybe this relationship could bring a stability to his life that nothing else could provide. She cautions him on the power of Dark Side, and how the fear of losing love dragged many great Jedi astray. But she also trusts you, and she knows that you would never do anything to hurt him. She hadn’t missed the lovesick puppy eyes you’d been sending his way.

You start out promising to take it slow. Neither of you had much experience in the areas of relationships and dating, much less sex, so at the beginning, you make sure to clarify that there’s no pressure to rush through anything. It’s mostly just spending more time together, slowly exploring each other. You both learn about each other’s pasts, and spend time talking through the different experiences, rationalizing and comforting each other. Before you even begin to experiment in bed, he’s become your best friend.

When you finally do, it’s short and sweet and perfect for two people who are trying to take their relationship slow. You teach him about what you like, and he gasps out in between moans what feels good and ohhh, what feels even better. 

Okay, a bit of a time skip here, but after Cal’s more experienced, he is a sucker for you riding his thigh. He’s built and strong, so the ridge of muscle beneath you and rubbing against every single spot that sparks delicious warmth in your belly brings you to climax so much more quickly than you could have expected. He loves looking up at you, mouth open and eyes half shut in ecstasy as you chase your high, your heat leaving sticky wetness on his thigh that only serves to make him harder. He’ll grind his leg up if only to hear that heavenly little squeal and whimper that he can get out of you. You’re beautiful to him even on the worst days, but when you’re above him, sweaty and on the brink of coming all over his thigh? Stars, you’re the most glorious thing he’s ever seen, and he rode a shyyyo bird over the untouched forest of Kashyyyk.

Sadcanons. Don’t read if you don’t want sad feels tonight

There is no denying that Cal’s not a whole person at the beginning of the storyline. He definitely regains some of himself back, but there are parts of him that I believe died with the clones and died with Jaro. There are times where he has nightmares, and when he wakes up, he doesn’t want to be with anyone. Even you. He’ll lapse into silence for hours and days at a time, staring at the blank wall while you try to get him to eat or drink something because damnit it’s been days and he hasn’t so much as moved. Your heart breaks at every sign of his damage, because you know that there is only so much you can do to help. This is a journey that he has to complete independently, though it doesn’t mean that you won’t be here for him when he wakes up.

You trace his scars to comfort him. He’s insecure about them, and is terrified of the memories that they bring back. But when you’re there, loving even his jagged edges, it’s all marginally better and he can bear to live with himself a little more.

He comforts you too. Whatever your background, the Clone Wars and the Purge gave everyone a little bit of damage, and you were no different. He holds you when you’re crying, and comforts you after your nightmares. He’ll purposefully pick a happy song to sing when he knows that you’re down, and he never fails to make you laugh through the tears.

His psychometry allows him to understand your trauma better than you could hope to understand his. Before you even allow him to sense your past, you make him promise to not internalize any of it. You know that he would, though it makes no logical sense. He promises. 

Oops I made myself yearn. Now back to our regularly scheduled program of single life. School’s kicking my ass right now, but this made me feel better so I can’t complain too much.

But in all seriousness, I recommend this game 10/10. The Star Wars content is absolutely impeccable, the graphics are gorgeous, it gives me a thrill in my chest to know that every single second is canon. Cal is a beautifully written character, and even though his story breaks my heart, it’s written so well. He doesn’t lash out in anger, rather internalizing his fears and pain in a way that I can relate to, and he’s scarily powerful. It’s a feel good story for me despite the pain, and I’m looking forward to finishing it this weekend!

[twilightofthe]

So...about that Obitine Anidala rant. Also, you said something about how Sidious and Obi-Wan are foils. I would love it if you elaborate. (Also, I love your blog.)

Awwwww thank you anon!  I just be yelling on here!

*wheezes* okie doke!  Tho I stress that this won’t exactly be a rant because I adore Obitine and Anidala and rant kinda implies aggression towards them, this is more of just a long-ass ramble because while I love them, I don’t always love the way canon portrays them in the narrative, particularly in relationship to each other, because I often do not feel that what the show is trying to push us to think about them is accurate to how they actually act and come across.  Notably, the show attempts to draw comparisons to the two relationships that really don’t exist below surface level similarities.  Again, these are my own personal opinions, and in fact, I welcome discussion!  I truly do!  Please politely debate me on this if you disagree!

(god dammit it got long again, so long I’ll actually put ur Sidious and Obi Wan as foils part in a separate post)

I’ll get to why exactly the show compares the relationships very strangely in a moment, but first we gotta explore the reason why it does this in the first place, which is that the Clone Wars show has decided to make Obi Wan and Anakin narrative foils to one another.  Narrative foils, by the literary definition, are two characters that contrast one another.  They don’t have to be the protagonist and the antagonist, these characters can be on the same side, basically the thing is that they have “opposite” personalities where if one character is hot, the other is cold, if one character chooses to go right, the other will go left.  It’s usually used to show one character’s qualities as more favorable for the situation as opposed to anyone else’s.

TCW does this whenever they possibly can with Anakin and Obi Wan.  I get its reasoning behind it.  I do.  The reasoning is that while Anakin is supposed to be a main character, he makes questionable decisions quite often and for the kiddies watching, those decisions must be seen as Bad even if the hero does it, so they have Obi Wan, the unquestionable good guy, encounter the exact same scenarios Anakin makes his questionable decisions in, and then has Obi Wan make the Right(TM) decision to teach the kids a valuable lesson.  They turn Obi Wan into the voice of reason for the entire show, which turns basically almost everything Obi Wan and Anakin do into a constant competition in the narrative in a way the movies do not do (and I’ll get to the movies later).  I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, making them foils, but it’s definitely more of a show-only thing and it does it quite, quite often.

So yeah, TCW likes to compare Obi Wan and Anakin to the point that sometimes they try and use Obi Wan to diminish Anakin’s genuine trauma and struggles by going “well why didn’t you do it like THIS?” and I think that writing parallel plotlines for the purpose of shaming/criticism is kinda ://////, but that’s another rant for another day that again, if y’all wanna hear about, lmk

Anyway, the need to compare them absolutely made its way into their romantic relationships as well, as they acknowledge the similarities in the show, and Filoni and the crew explicitly compare the two relationships in interviews.

Basically my problem with how they try and draw said parallels can be boiled down to one quote by Filoni that a cursory Google search could not find but I know exists so y’all can take my word or not, that went along the lines of “Obi Wan and Satine are like Anakin and Padmé but better because they know how to stay unattached and let each other go.  They’re a success story.”  I disagreed with this quote so much it inspired me to write a whole-ass fic about it (Mutuals update: yes, it is coming soon, Darth Maul is just himself and therefore an utter pain in the ass to do a POV on and is fighting me like the bitchass he is)

My thesis that I will be arguing today is that while TCW tried to create Obitine as an Anidala parallel, they’re really not similar in the way the writers think they are.  Obitine is not a success story to Anidala, they’re a goddamn tragedy too; the real parallel to Anidala is that Obitine also ended in death and tears despite making all the “right” decisions instead of all the “wrong” ones, and that is what is sad about them.

Like, on the surface level?  Yeah, the crew-intended parallels are there.  A fancy politician and a Jedi get together after the Jedi is assigned as the politician’s bodyguard.  The first time they see each other in over a decade the guy’s first words are basically “damn girl you’re still hot���, there is Conflict(TM) and the choice to try and be together or stay yearningly apart because they are Forbidden(TM) to be together, and ultimately a Sith Lord fucks them both over because he’s obsessed with the Jedi and uses Politician Lady to his advantage, finds and exploits a vulnerability of hers, destroys her life’s work, and then lets her die to make Jedi Man sad.  The difference is all that one pair said “yeah we aren’t gonna break the rules to be together” and the other said “fuck it yeah we are, let’s do this”

But beneath all of that, they real similarities are different and not at all focused on by the narrative.  Obi Wan and Anakin are extremely different people, as are Padmé and Satine, so their relationship dynamics together will not be the same.  You want to try and compare Obi Wan and Anakin and then compare Satine and Padmé like the crew attempts to, and you can’t, they have the same job but not nearly the same life.  Namely, the funny coincidence is that Obi Wan and Padmé are much more similar in personality, while Anakin and Satine are also much more similar in personality, so the first time they meet again, it’s both Anakin and Satine as the one who’s been pining for over a decade and the one more actively pursuing the relationship, while Obi Wan and Padmé who are more like “uh, hi, wow, you’re hot and this is a Problem because I have a job to do pls don’t look at me like that but also I will Cause Problems On Purpose and flirt with you anyway because I can’t help it”.  I get the Corruption TCW ep with Sati and Pads was mostly intended just to help Satine pass the Bechdel test and also show how similar the two leading lady love interests are, but it was a genuinely creative episode that actually ended up showing how much Satine and Padmé compliment each other instead of mirroring each other, much like Obi Wan and Anakin do.

And, onto my next point, despite the character parallels being wrong, the parallels in the relationship are different too.  Like I said, the parallel isn’t that Obi Wan and Satine aren’t attached like Anakin and Padmé are.  The parallel is that Obitine is actively running from what that attachment means instead of embracing it like Anidala is.  The show would argue that since they try to avoid it, that they are able to live without one another, means they aren’t attached like the Jedi define it, but I argue that they definitely still are attached to a degree because they cannot give each other up.  They held torches for each other from a timerange of 15 YEARS.  Yes I know they spent an entire year together at a young and emotionally volatile point in their lives, but I stand that NO ONE is that hung up on their ex for that long unless there is some serious emotions involved.  Anakin was hung up on Padmé for ten years, and that was because Palpatine was constantly bolstering those affections and reminding him of Padmé.  Obes and Sati both-- or at least Satine, the show always makes Obi Wan’s feelings for Satine in return much more vague --held on to their feelings for five years longer without the influence of a Sith Lord.

And the thing is, they know it.  Obi Wan and Satine are both fully aware that they haven’t been able to shake each other off like they should and that that is a Problem, that’s why they’re both a mite venomous with each other beneath the flirting at first, they’re both extremely frustrated with themselves for not being able to get over this thing they have, and frustrated with the other for being there as an active temptation.

And yet, they still are attached to each other.  They try to avoid it, they definitely try, and that’s what makes them different from Anidala, but they are definitely still attached.  You can see it in Obi Wan’s actions in Voyage of Temptation when Merrik is threatening to blow the ship, the way he hesitates in attacking him because that would be “striking an unarmed man”.  Obi Wan Kenobi does not prefer violence, no, but he has never hesitated to cut a bitch before if it’s for the good of the many.  This is the man who stabbed someone with a fork and threatened to eat him just to maintain his cover as a dangerous criminal.  This is the guy who had no problem killing Zam Wessel for information to protect Padmé.  This is a pragmatist who prefers peaceful solutions, but he does not hesitate if he feels it is a justified offense.  But this time, when an entire shipful of people is at risk, Obi Wan hesitates.  Because he doesn’t want to upset Satine.  Because he’s probably thinking on how she told him that if he had killed the last terrorist they encountered, she wouldn’t speak to him, how she had criticized every time he used violence to escape Death Watch before.  He hesitates because he’s putting her happiness, just for a second, over the sake of duty.  Do I think that if Anakin hadn’t shown up to save their moral compasses, Obi Wan would have eventually taken out Merrik?  Absolutely; hell, I honestly think Satine might have done it.

But the matter was, Merrik could have pressed the kill switch any second of Obi Wan’s hesitation, and Obi Wan knew that, and was hesitating anyway.

I am calling this attachment solely because if the situation was reversed, if this was Anakin and Padmé in this situation, with Anakin not taking out a dangerous criminal because he doesn’t want to upset Padmé (lol ignoring the fact that Pads 1000% would have shot that bitch, and even if she didn’t, Anakin would because he is perfectly fine with hurting his loved ones’ feelings if he feels it’ll keep them safe), god, the narrative would have eaten Anakin alive.  

No, I won’t take criticism.  I know how the show handles the Anidala dynamic.  It would have shown Obi Wan popping up to take out the baddie as him doing the right thing and saving the day, and then Anakin would have been shamed for letting his feelings for his wife get in the way of protecting a shipful of people.  THAT would be the Vader foreshadowing, none of this “only a cold-blooded killer” shit, no way would they ever stick that label on Obi Wan.

So yeah, I’m going off of the fact that if that would have been classified as attachment for Anidala-- which, it would, then. it counts for Obitine.

And then Obi Wan and Satine continue to be hung up on each other for the rest of the eps they’re in, Satine saying in words multiple times how much she loves and cares about him and wishes things could be different, and Obi Wan performing it in actions, risking his own neck and political standing to help her even when she’s a fugitive, probably personally putting in to send his own grandpadawan to help her later.  Right up to the time when Satine decides that she is going to call Obi Wan when she is deposed.  Not the Senate.  Not any powerful politician friends.  Not even the Jedi Order or the Council as a whole.  She calls and addresses her distress call to Obi Wan alone.  And Obi Wan, as now revealed to us by TCW S7, defies Council orders and breaks a century old neutrality treaty to try and bust her, a convicted murderer in the eyes of the Republic and Mandalore, out.  He didn’t even know Maul had her.  Just knew she was in danger and came running to her aid.  He risks starting a potential war to come save her.  They acted so in love that Vizsla was able to guess from being around them for like five seconds, and was able to tell Maul exactly who he would need to bait Obi Wan.

That is where the attachment comes from.  It’s the fact that Obi Wan and Satine tried so, so hard to give each other up and do the right thing, but when it came down to it, they couldn’t lose the other one so they put them first when logically they shouldn’t.  And thus, Satine ended up dead.

Now I know most people will argue with me that actually Filoni means that since they didn’t stay together after the year on the run, THAT is what makes them able to give each other up, and also the fact that Obi Wan didn’t go dark side and murder everyone when Satine died.

But I still think that at least the murder front is a fairly low bar to cross, and anyway, that just because they could live without each other didn’t mean they weren’t still attached.  Anakin and Padmé were apart for 10 years and then even after that, they were apart almost constantly during the war.  Just because they could live apart or even past the other’s death didn’t mean they weren’t attached, as they both still had not let the other go mentally and also broke rules to try and ensure the other would not die, even if the rules said they should let it happen.

So yeah, that’s my big theory.  We can’t compare Obitine with Anidala by saying Obitine was a success story, we compare them by acknowledging that both struggled with attachments and letting the other go, but Obitine at least tried to the bitter end to do the right thing while Anidala didn’t really bother, and both ended up with dead women and broken men regardless, and that is the true sad parallel to me.

[reynesofcastamere]

Splintered Perspective [β]

(A/N: For reference, any fics I write that aren’t related to my main series will be marked with [ β ] in the title. I may just have to make a masterpost to organize these at some point. Anyway,the prompt for this was: ‘How Rex or some other person from Ahsoka’s past would react to her being enemies with benefits or in a relationship with Maul.’ I decided to go with multiple POVs for the fun of it. And so I didn’t break myself with The Sad. Poor Rex T_T. Perspectives are not in chronological order. Mentions of past Ahsoka/Barriss. Warnings for dehumanization, mentions of torture, death, violence, some ableism and possible misogyny.(Maybe? Your mileage may vary.) Unbeta’d.  ) Being one with the Force is...not exactly what she had been taught to expect. Barriss Offee is part of everything, all at once. Those in the Light, living and dead, she is all of them, and yet still herself, in a manner of speaking . Time is no longer such a rigid concept, nor is there any particular sense of urgency. What has happened was meant to be, and the future...Is forever shifting, ripples overlapping in a still pool. Which is why it comes as such a surprise when she can feel Master Plo’s disapproval like a storm on the edge of breaking. At first, she cannot determine what has woken his ire, but slowly the images come into focus. Ahsoka.

Barriss no longer possesses a heart, and yet she cannot deny the lance of bittersweet pain through her chest. There is relief that her friend is still alive, but also regret and something bordering on envy. A feeling that only sharpens when she notices the tattooed Zabrak that Ahsoka currently has pinned down. Wait. She knows him. Not personally, but...He is a Sith, a murderer, a monster. Why is Ahsoka-brash, kind, clever person that she is- smiling at him?  It is possible that she is misinterpreting this. Both of them appear rather bruised and a touch bloody, and the lack of lightsabres doesn’t mean-She misses the words exchanged between the pair of them, but...The kiss is unmistakeably passionate, bordering on obscene as the Force crackles around them. Somehow, this is not the worst of it. When they part for air, there is a...look, shared between their eyes, and Barriss experiences true dread. Long ago, she and Ahsoka had-been close. Intimately so. As much as anyone could be, following the Order’s mandate that attachment was forbidden. She’d harboured dreams then, of maybe and one day...But no. Too much had happened, and her rosy illusions had been cruelly shattered. Somehow, watching this unfold hurts worse. Because there is something genuine beneath the crude physical attraction on display. Master Plo does not say a word, but his righteous indignation is so strong that it is a miracle he does not physically manifest in front of them.

Her dearest companion does not belong in the Dark, with this...creature trapping her in his coils, dripping venom into her thoughts. Barriss can only hope Ahsoka will extricate herself before it is too late.

=====

The failed apprentice. A wretched vermin who simply refuses to die. Not for much longer. Darth Vader’s gaze narrows as he reviews the incident reports. A decade of nothing but the occasional annoyance and whispers from the dregs of the galaxy, and only now does Maul scurry out from beneath whatever rock he has been sheltering under. Why? There is no grand plan, no great advantage in breaking into an Imperial prison. Especially one that contains such...unimportant occupants. Then again...The swathe of carnage and destruction left behind had been almost a direct path between the Dathomirian’s entry point and the interrogation chambers. Not a calculated assault, but an act of rage and desperation. Vader had felt it at the time, how the Dark Side had howled and torn at itself like a half-crazed beast. And then there was the fate of the interrogator: Hands cut off, abdominal perforation, shattered jaw,and eyes torn from their sockets. He had suffered a great deal, however briefly. As for the prisoner with him- Records list a female Togruta, mid-to-late twenties, with blue eyes and orange skin. Possibly Force sensitive, but difficult to determine due to her physical state upon capture. The prisoner hadn’t been in possession of anything resembling lightsabres, but had been carrying a wealth of assorted small armaments. It couldn’t be. She died back when...We found her sabres among the graves. Anakin Skywalker is long dead, but sometimes his ghost is loud enough to be heard over the multitudes that inhabit Vader’s hulking, monstrous shell.

Graves required someone to dig them first. Which meant that either some unknown individuals had come along and taken pity on a multitude of strangers...Or that the survivours had done the work themselves. Yet, if Ahsoka Tano lives, and was temporarily imprisoned, it still does not explain the identity or methods of her unlikely rescuer. She was sent to capture him on Mandalore, why would Snips-? Why did she leave us? We needed her when Padme- The room around him warps and buckles in a single, furious moment of clarity. She chose that...animal. That thing, Oh, but she’d been richly rewarded, hadn’t she? One only had to look at the risks her...protector had taken just to secure her freedom. Approval and utter disgust war within him as he rises. So be it. Sentiment has already destroyed them, and it will be his pleasure to finish a task that should have been resolved long ago. Traitors to the Empire must all be purged.

===== Rex should probably be angry. Ahsoka is certainly looking at him like a shiny expecting a stern lecture for breaking regs. Instead he just feels...tired. He can’t be mad at her, not really. Maybe if he’d stuck around longer or managed to make contact more often, this wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe it would have. Maker knows his trio of Jedi could never stay out of trouble for long, and that war makes for strange alliances and even stranger...pairings.  Still, he has to ask, because he knows her, knows the depths of love and compassion that make her who she is, beneath the layers of soldier and spy.

“Is it serious?” Ahsoka fidgets with her lekku a bit. “I don’t know.” A long pause as she inhales. “It keeps happening, and...I want to murder him half the time, Rex. The problem is that he likes it.” The expression on her face perfectly sums up her opinion on that little tidbit of info. He might have laughed, under different circumstances. Instead, he takes her hands in his. “We’ve known each other for a long time. I might not understand why you’re doing this, or how it works-” He absolutely does not need to know the mechanics, as there are not enough drugs or alcohol in the galaxy to purge the associated mental images. “-but I trust your judgement. And your ability to slice his horns off and hang him from his ears over a pit of rathtars if he pushes you too far.” Rex grins, silently offering to be her backup should that ever happen. Kind of a surprise it hasn’t already, since Maul never karking shuts up and Ahsoka’s patience has a set limit for windbags. Her eyes are wet when she hugs him tightly. “You’ll be the first person I call, Captain. And I’m sorry.” He knows she’s not just apologizing for this, not with their history. “I’m sorry too, Commander.” Rex murmurs, hugging her back. They can stay like this for a while longer. Her superiors are just going to have to wait. He might not be such a ‘good’ soldier anymore, but he knows damned well how to be a good friend. And that’s what they both need, more than anything. People that will survive the disaster long enough to see it end, and come out smiling.

=====

“When I warned that you might be tempted by the Dark Side, I did not expect it to be quite so literal.”

“Master.” “Then again, I suppose there is a certain appeal. Ventress was certainly a...passionate opponent. Lovely sense of humour, too. I suppose you don’t get much of that with your-No, I suppose you are the better half in this equation.” “Master Kenobi.” “Come now, we haven’t spoken in ages, surely you can indulge your grand-master’s curiousity.” “You did not break comm silence after years of letting everyone think you were dead just to call me about my sex life.” “Well, no, but it is an unexpected bonus. How does that work, exactly?” “It sounds like you’re angling for a demonstration.” “Oh Maker, no. I’m not that eager to find out.” “Good, because I don’t particularly feel like dealing with him if he decides to drop everything just to hunt you down.” “Ah. He’s...still upset about that, is he?” “You have no idea.” “Well then. To business. And Ahsoka?” “Yes, Master?” “It is good to hear your voice again. Do take care of yourselves.” “You too, Master Kenobi. And don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”

“One last question: When should I expect great-grand-padawans?”

“OBI-WAN!!!!” (A/N: Yes, I had to end with levity. Especially considering the characters involved. To clarify, Anakin isn’t upset because he has any sort of romantic inclination towards Ahsoka. It’s general Darksider possessiveness/jealousy mixed in with a lot of anger and some guilt. Looking after Ahsoka’s wellbeing was ‘his’ job, so far as he’s concerned. And now it’s apparently been usurped by That One Asshole. Also, if anyone’s going to recognize that level of...obsessive regard, it’s gonna be the OG Skywalker Drama King. Many thanks to the anonymous person who requested this, both for the prompt and your compliments. Cheers!) 

[prinzenhasserin]

AU Exchange

Dear AUex creator!

I am very excited about most AUs, especially if they feature alternative explanations and use the canon dynamics to add something different, so if one of my tag combinations lead you towards an idea, I'd be pretty stoked to receive it, even if you don't use my prompts.

My AO3 name is Prinzenhasserin, and you can find some more of my exchange letters here.

In the grand scale of canon divergent AUs and setting change AUs I happen to love both! And if you want to combine the two, I'm also happy to receive them :D

If you want something more to base your ideas on, here's a non-exclusive list of things I like:

General likes:

loyalty

odd couples!

found family, dysfunctional families that nevertheless love each other

historical stories for same-sex pairings that aren't unhappy but that fit with the society of the time (so like, spinster ladies living together; bachelors-for-life)

cultural differences! age differences! height differences!

heists, rescue missions

character driven narratives

dragons, fairy tales, magical realism, urban fantasy

Space AUs

competent characters

people not realising they’re the most competent at their job/hobby

people failing their way to success

happy endings, earning your happy ending, open yet hopeful endings

cynical humour

mutual pining

everything is better in suits, corsetry, fancy dresses

Identity shenanigans (secret identities, mistaken identities)

Blatant Lies

Enemies becoming friends and/or lovers

outsider POV

epistolary, poetry, unusual narrative formats

orange/blue morality (that is, not entirely human morality); grey/grey morality

non-verbal expressions of affection

DNW: 

breaking up requested pairings, 

permanent death of the requested characters (if they come back from death, they shouldn’t come back wrong but they can be ghosts), 

pregnancy as a main plot point

Legally Blonde

Fanfiction (Medium)

Elle Woods

Group: Vivian Kensington/Elle Woods

ALL: Starfleet Academy AU

ALL: Space Opera AU

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Hyperspace test pilot AU

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

DNW: breaking up requested pairings, permanent death of the requested characters (if they come back from death, they shouldn’t come back wrong but they can be ghosts), pregnancy as a main plot point

STARFLEET ACADEMY

- so I really have wanted a Starfleet Academy AU for Legally Blonde for years now. There are a few really awesome picture sets here https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/cosmically-blonde, if you want the inspiration...

- otherwise: Elle Woods goes into Starfleet with her great SAT scores ("what, like it's haaard?") I can give or take the romantic subplot of the first movie (but I really ship her with Vivian Kensington, who can come from a family of starfleet captains, or engineers or whatever)

- I take even just a snippet of her application! or the way she gets accepted. or how her sorority sisters react to her wanting to go to Starfleet?

SPACE OPERA AU

- I'd love the entire plot translated into a space setting! Space law Harvard, why not. (I hope there's at least a few aliens, and space affirmative action, but I'd also take plenty of robots)

- really, go wild.

REGENCY-INSPIRED SCIFI

- does Elle have to  go to space-Harvard to get back her boyfriend, and then it turns out she really wants to go to space-Harvard instead, and there's a comedy of errors because apparently it isn't explicitly forbidden for women to go but there's not really any space for her?

- also good: her parents not understanding why she needs to get her boyfriend back/to go to space-Harvard, but supporting her anyway

- Vivian Kensington who dreamed to go to space-Harvard feeling betrayed that someone like Elle got in on a whim; and then slowly realising how she was hiding her hard work behind a facade and slowly falling in love with her with added SPACE REGENCY, somehow, idk

SPACE PRIVATEERS

- the boyfriend dumps her to go space pirating like his parents always wanted for him, and Elle gets a commission of war just so that she can hunt him down, and then along the way decides she rather wants to stick with pirating (because it's more lucrative, and also she has fun doing it)

HYPERSPACE TEST PILOT

- Elle follows her boyfriend to hyperspace test pilot academy, only to find hyperspace test piloting much more interesting than him.

- if this involves tentacles in any way, or transformations into cyborgs to pilot hyperspace ships, I'm game

ORGANIZED CRIME

- Elle's parents belong to the mob, and Elle studies law to become a mob lawyer? i'd buy this if her enthusiasm for fairness was a front, but I'd also buy this if there's a corrupt government and the mob is the slightly better option-- or if the boyfriend was actually in the mob, and Elle joins to get him back, and takes over while she's there, that works too

- (I have no problem with either assassination or murder, but I'd rather not see the longterm consequences of drug addiction though if you want to mention it that's fine.)

MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE

- Elle or Vivian need a scholarship and/or a dorm room and the one they can get is only open for married couples, and Vivian/Elle agree and then they fall in love (or not)

- if you want to add more or different tropes, really, I'd love it

Character comes into INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- yes please.

- Elle needs to marry before she can get her trustfund/access to her property? or exorcise the ghost, and she talks it into leaving instead?

- or maybe it's Vivian whose wacky aunt wants her to experience life to the fullest, and she needs to go on a roadtrip to Vegas with a friend, and Vivian only has Elle since she dumped Walther?

Ocean's 8

Fanfiction (Medium)

Debbie Ocean (Ocean's 8)

Group: Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean

ALL: Space Pirates AU

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

ALL: Regency AU

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

Oh god, don't remind me of these twos sexual tension! (Except please do.) I loved all the outfit changes, the sheer outrageous gumption of doing the heist like they did (but tbh, also the sheer outrageous way Debbie lived her entire life, so if you rather want to focus on that, that'd be great too)

I know I did not want you to break up requested pairings, but I don't mind if the Debbie/Lou thing is tumultuous and fucked-up? Like say, sleeping with whoever Richard Armitage played. I like them best at their grumpy movie-selves, but any other dynamic is great also.

I'd love to see how that translates into a different setting, like say space pirates, or a regency inspired AU, or a combination of both :D

SPACE PIRATES

- how does Debbie built her crew? how does the MET gala translate into a space setting--casino planet? rich tourist spot? a fundraising drive to fund the museum of culture in outer space?

- are any of the women aliens that Debbie hired with abilities that lend themselves well to subterfuge and theft?

- Debbie and Lou in a small space craft, sharing their bunk because they needed to fit in Daphne Kruger into their ship and there are no other bunks left?

REGENCY AU

- Debbie playing up her "I'm only a woman, what could I have done"-look, and robbing the entire aristocracy blind-- tbh, I'd love an appearance by her brother Danny if only to have someone appreciate her genius properly. (And so that she can tell him to stop stealing his marks, probably)

- what's her usual trick to get money fast? does she sell powdered mummy? fake glass as diamonds? does she have an empire of shell companies that lure in investors by promising stuff? selling islands that are either uninhabitable or don't exist?

- Debbie and Lou settling together with a house full of riches and a harem of young admirers after their biggest con?

REGENCY-INSPIRED SCI-FI

-YES! i don't know quite what I want from it-- the thumbing at class differences? the problems with authorities Debbie is going to have?  a Debbie/Lou relationship that is really most blatant and very private at the same time?

- aliens! in corsets! and suits!

Character comes into INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Debbie gets an inheritance from Danny, but first she has to get back at someone/steal a diamond/bankrupt an enemy

- or! it leads to Debbie finding out about the curse put on her family, that their love-life will always lead to them getting caught, and before she can marry/move in with Lou, she has to take care of the curse

Crossover Fandom

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Buffy Summers (BTVS) & Anakin Skywalker (SW) & Ahsoka Tano (SW)

Group: Buffy Summers (BTVS)/Ahsoka Tano (SW)

Group: Cher Horowitz (Clueless)/Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)

Group: Jane Marple (Miss Marple) & Hercule Poirot (Poirot)

Group: Jyn Erso (Rogue One)/Amilyn Holdo (SWST)

ALL: Character makes an SO up and SO turns out to be real person

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: Time Travel

STAR WARS/BUFFY

Star Wars has slowly sucked me into its sphere again, and I just think pairing Ahsoka (and Anakin) with the Vampire Slayer who defeats Evil sounds like the most fun. I don't care if they meet because of Time or Dimension Travel, or whatever, or because Buffy manages to open a pocket dimension in Sunnydale-- though I would rather read space adventures than Anakin Skywalker in a coffeeshop, trying to fend off vampires.

Does Buffy make up an alien she has fallen in love with, and then Ahsoka stumbles out of the pocket dimension and is exactly how she described her, headtails and all?

Or maybe it's the other way around, and Ahsoka gets a talisman from her grandmother for a summon when she desperately needs help, and she uses it (when she leaves the Jedi Order? during a fight she almost looses?) Buffy comes out of it?

Or maybe, instead of making Ahsoka and Anakin join the Clone Army, the Senate gives them a letter of marque with which they travel through the galaxy, fucking up slavers, and finding Buffy who coincidentally is also fucking up slavers?

Or maybe an AU in which Anakin didn't become a jedi for whatever reasons and instead became a space privateer, hunting slavers, and he finds both Ahsoka and Buffy and they become a team?

Or perhaps Anakin starts a flower business with his mother, except they run into trouble with the flower smuggling business, and while he's being interrogated somewhere Buffy rescues him (because real flowers in space is where the money is at, obviously)

CHER HOROWITZ (CLUELESS)/ ELLE WOODS (LEGALLY BLONDE)

- Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions: either one of them! they have to find a macguffin! they need to marry to get the deed to the property! they find out that their great-grandmother was an alien and need to do some quick intergalactic diplomacy!

- or! there's Cher and her father is really worried about her since she broke up with Josh, and so she makes up this awesome lawyer that only exists in her brain, except then she meets Elle...

- look, in my mind Space Florists are really in demand-- the 1% like to have extravagant things, you see, and importing real flowers from far off corners of the universe is probably the most extravagant thing ever. There's an entire smuggling industry around getting fresh flowers fast and fresh to where they need to go. If you want either one of them to own a flower business, that would be interesting! or, Cher is an environmentalist who tries to curtail the flower industry, and Elle is the lawyer helping her?

- Space Privateers!

Jane MARPLE & Hercule POIROT

I feel like they would not like each other at all. Or maybe they would, but they'd despair of each other's affectations, and would only barely be able to talk with each other before getting annoyed by the other. Or perhaps, they might even be acquaintances who met during their adventures, and were suspicious of the other's motives until they found out about their investigations-- of two different crimes that maybe turn out to have the same perpetrator?

- I'd love Jane as an immortal being, but I forgot to request something for that, but I'd also love her as a timetravelling hero who is quite happy to be seen as just a tottering old woman. Does Poirot notice her real self?

- Poirot gets notice of an inheritance from a woman who he never met, who thinks she has been murdered, and then he starts seeing her everywhere... (she could be a ghost? or it's part of the inheritance? or maybe she leaves a diary) This is against my DNW, but I'd like it anyway.

- space privateers

- space florists are the people the most crimes happen to in space; it is Known (I'd love an AU in which for some reason they have a space flower business together! or maybe there's a case a space florist is involved in, I'm really not fussy :D)

Miss Marple

Fanfiction (Medium)

Jane Marple (Christie)

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Character is slowly turning into an eldritch creature

ALL: Forbidden magic exists that can be used to raise the dead

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: Space AU

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: One character is a dragon

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Miss Marple inherits a dragon hoard, because what the dragon hoards is... unsolved crimes? small-town happenings? detectives? and the dragon feels like Miss Marple is the ideal recipient of that hoard

- Miss Marple's great-great-grandmother happened to be an eldritch creature, and sometimes it skips a few generations, but now that her grandmother vanished, Miss Marple has to deal with it instead

- Miss Marple inherits money, but she needs to solve a murder to get to it

SLOWLY TURNING INTO AN ELDRITCH CREATURE

- Miss Marple's great-great-grandmother happened to be an eldritch creature, and sometimes it skips a few generations, but now that her grandmother vanished, Miss Marple has to deal with it instead

- There's always been a Miss Marple at St. Mary Mead's. Sometimes, there needs to be a new one.

ORGANIZED CRIME

- Miss Marple knows who murdered all of the people because she's the one arranging all the hits and bringing her contesters into jail is a nice plus.

- or! Miss Marple is a fixer who is hired to bring light into the mob's many betrayals, and she does so because it reminds her of the cutthroat nature of her knitting circle and the mob boss asked nice and politely, not like the local inspector.

RAISE THE DEAD

- Miss Marple likes to chat with dead people, and that's how she knows so much about murders. Of course, since she's a nice old lady, and necromancy isn't exactly on the up-and-up, she doesn't mention that.

SPACE AU

- Miss Marple is from a small town in Coruscant, or wherever, and solves space crimes.

SPACE FLORIST

- So I do know that Miss Marple doesn't have a job, canonically. But it would be really funny if she had a flower business in space, and everyone always underestimated the trouble florist have. But there's many additional dangers to the flower trade in space: some people (aliens) like to send each other flowers from far off worlds they know are poisonous to breathe for that species, some people get high on flowers, and trading flowers involves some serious money (so there's a lot of smuggling of poisonous, maybe illegal flowers going on)

- either way, i'd love adventures involving space flower trade

Grace and Frankie

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Grace Hanson/Frankie Bergstein

ALL: Regency-Inspired Science Fiction AU

ALL: Space Florist AU

ALL: classical musicians AU

Grace and Frankie: Grace and Frankie marry each other

All: Character has a secret identity

ALL: Organized Crime

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

REGENCY SCIFI

I am here for it, and if it involves my favourite old lesbian couple, then even better!

SPACE FLORIST AU

Grace and Frankie are obviously still living on a beach somewhere, but instead of investing in a dildo manufacturer, they invest in a local flower shop--maybe one with sex pollen to encourage the sex drive of older women? 

CLASSICAL MUSICIANS AU

Grace and Frankie feel like they need to collaborate now that their husbands are collaborating, and their respective fields compliment each other well, so it would be ideal (since their husbands were their usual collaborators) but Frankie’s approach is so free-style, and Grace’s approach is so very technical and they need time to arrange themselves.

THEY MARRY EACH OTHER

I don’t care for when, only that they do. Would also read an AU, in which they married each other instead of their husbands :D

CHARACTER HAS A SECRET IDENTITY 

- Grace is secretly a superhero? or perhaps a voice actress for romance novels that Frankie likes to read

- Frankie was the girl Grace slept with in college, but only one of them knows

- One of them is a mob boss

ORGANIZED CRIME

yes please.

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

- Grace and Frankie have to marry to fulfil the conditions!

- Grace and Frankie have to fulfil a ridiculous request, and fall in love?

Naruto

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)

Group: Yamanaka Ino/Haruno Sakuro

Group: Maito Gai | Might Guy/Hatake Kakashi

Group: Nara Shikamaru/Uzumaki Naruto

Group: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

ALL: Time Travel

Naruto: Uzushio wasn't destroyed

Naruto: Sasuke is possessed

Naruto: Sakura is a necromancer

ALL: Character's love interest is actually a tentacle monster

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Canon Character can see ghosts

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

I really love these characters and I’d love anything about these freeforms. (And I hope to add more prompts tomorrow, but feel free to not use them!)

TIME TRAVEL

yes! time loops, groundhog scenarios, dimensional hopping, making the past work out differently, fix it fics -- I’m not so much a fan of dark endings, but Sasuke travelling back in time to, idk, murder Itachi, and failing, and becoming something resembling a human being with feelings would be great too.

UZUSHIO WASN’T DESTROYED

I’m still bitter we didn’t get a story line about the Uzumaki clan. Or like, the diaspora of the Uzushio people. Or like, anything about the village it had been, and why nobody remembers it.

SASUKE IS POSSESSED

look, it’d be cool? also, it’d explain a lot.

SAKURA IS A NECROMANCER

how will this change the way Team 7 operates? does Orochimaru want to kidnap the entirety of Team 7 (and does he succeed?)

CHARACTER’S LOVE INTEREST IS ACTUALLY A TENTACLE MONSTER

I don’t care who, but omg, yes please. (You can’t tell me that this doesn’t fit the wacky Naruto worldbuilding, come on, there’s ninja that fight with bubbles. and paper. and fucking Kisame with his shark dicks)

SPACE PRIVATEERS AU

Instead of ninja getting their permit from the daimyo, they’re pirates who get their permit from a shadowy government?

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

yes please! does Ino have to prove herself in mind arts? does Sasuke get a ghost sword he can only use to restore people back to life, but only if he first manages to climb a mountain? does Naruto inherit a ton of money, but only if he travels to Uzushio?

CHARACTER CAN SEE GHOSTS

Sasuke is haunted by the people he killed. Naruto is haunted by a lot of red-heads who teach him pranks, and like to see him eat ramen. Kakashi sees the people who he killed, and they generally seem to prefer his dogs. Sakura’s ghosts teach her stuff she wouldn’t normally know. Or something else, maybe?

Harry Potter

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Regulus Black/Harry Potter

Group: Sirius Black & Harry Potter

Group: Nymphadora Tonks/OFC

Group: Nymphadora Tonks & Regulus Black & Harry Potter

Group: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

HP: Regulus Black lives

HP: Tonks becomes Lord Black

HP: Sirius survived the battle in the Department of Mysteries

HP: Time Travel

HP: Harry is the Master of Death and thus immortal

HP: Sirius never goes to Azkaban

HP: Sirius is exonerated after POA

ALL: One character is a time traveler from a different era

ALL: Character comes into an inheritance with strange conditions

ALL: Marriage of Convenience AU

HP: Voldemort's end is early and anticlimactic

I love the magic, and I love cracky takes on this. I have read so many HP time travel AUs and tropey magical crack, but I cannot get enough of it, and there’s especially always a lack of my favourite characters, even though there’s so much fic already.

REGULUS BLACK LIVES

Basically, what it says. Does he time travel? Does Kreacher manage to go back to save him? Does he schlepp himself out of the cave and wakes up with a case of amnesia?

TONKS BECOMES LORD BLACK

So, I really think that this is an underused trope, because it would be so great-- the House of the “Always Pure”, gloomy Grimmauld Place with bubbly, pink-haired Tonks as its figurehead? Sign me up.

Perhaps she inherits because Sirius is in prison, and everyone else presumed dead, and her mother is the oldest? Or there’s a loophole for metamorphmagi to inherit? (Does she need to prove that she can morph a fully functional dick?)

Also great would be Tonks opening her house for Harry for the summer. Or tricky ministry politics by the Malfoys who want the Black House for themselves?

SIRIUS SURVIVES; SIRIUS NEVER GOES TO AZKABAN; SIRIUS IS EXONERATED

Pretty self-explanatory. Does he time-travel? Does he kidnap Umbridge and torture her explain that she’s overstepping her bounds? Does he make Crouch eat it? Does he rescue Harry from the Dursleys/boredom/Mrs Figg?

INHERITANCE WITH STRANGE CONDITIONS

Omg, really. This is the opportunity to go really wild. I hope there’s lots of magical circumstances, and perhaps vows or magical traditions. It’s kinda canon, too, with Dumbledore and his snitch, book, and deluminator, but I’d also appreciate a story in which they have to fulfil someone’s last will.

MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE AU

yes please! Tonks needs to prove that she intends to raise children, and finds a friend who needs a place to live so they can cheat the Black Inheritance Rituals, or something? I read this for contrived reasons, or for friends just living together, or for slowly developing romance, but all pairings I asked for are great for this!

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Ahsoka Tano & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker (SWST)

Group: Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa/Jyn Erso (SWST)

Group: Ahsoka Tano & Luke Skywalker (SWST)

ALL: Space Pirates AU

SWST: Leia did become a Jedi and goes after the New Order herself

SW: Luke turns to the Dark Side and Leia has to learn her powers and bring him back

SW: Leia and Luke raised as Jedi

ALL: Robot Revolution

SWST: General Leia Organa time travels back to the Tantive IV at the start of ANH

ALL: Canon Character can see ghosts

I'm requesting all these things under the Sequel Trilogy, because I really like things set in the future, and I'd love to see the continuation of the OT-- if you want to set it during the ST that's great! But I'm also interested in the 30 years between OT and ST.

SPACE PIRATES

So, the new republic took time to built probably, and I can see every single of the requested characters taking the time out of their busy schedules to start (and finish) a war with any of the pirates blocking the trade routes (and trading slaves); possibly even without permission from the New Republic.

Or, if you want to recreate the Trilogy with a space pirate dynasty, instead of a Jedi dynasty, that would be grand too.

- ‘Canon Character can see ghosts’, ‘Leia becomes a Jedi and goes after the New Order herself’, and ‘Luke turns to the Dark Side and Leia has to learn her powers to bring him back’ are pretty self-explanatory, I feel? but to reiterate, I’d love all those groups, together or apart.

ROBOT REVOLUTION

I'm all for droid rights, and I feel like the droids are definitely under-utilised in their usefulness of bringing down the New Order. Or the New Republic. Or sneaking into ships and casino's to retrieve stuff.

- General Leia Organa time travels back to the Tantive IV at the start of ANH

Does General Leia try to resurrect the New Republic? Is her younger self aware of her? Does she steal a flotilla for herself and wage war on slavers/the order/politicians who blackballed her when she was younger? Maybe she sacrifices herself to take out the Death Star leaving her younger self more time to get the rebellion going?

LUKE AND LEIA RAISED AS JEDI

look, I'm not sure this request makes entirely sense within the sequel trilogy, but what would the far-reaching consequences be if Luke and Leia had been raised as Jedi? would they have had a relationship with their father's padawan? would Leia have noticed Snoke? would she have been tempted to go dark, or have gone dark, and what kind of impact would that have made on Luke? would he have felt as responsible as with her son, or would he have dragged her back the same as what he did with his father?

Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader (SWPT)

group: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker (SWPT)

Group: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (SWPT)

ALL: Robot Revolution

ALL: Different First Meeting - Captured by Slavers

SWPT: Force Ghost Qui-Gon trying to influence events

SWPT: Qui-Gon survives the battle with Maul

ALL: Time Travel

ALL: Space Florist AU

All: Space Privateers AU

ALL: Hyperspace test pilot AU

SETTING AU

(Space Florist, Space Privateers, Hyperspace Test Pilot, Robot Revolution)

Any of these sound great, and I love any of those with or without them being set in the Star Wars universe (but they could conceivably all be set there too!)

TIME TRAVEL

I like spontaneous time travel, or closed loops, or dimensional hopping, or going back into the past!person, or force ghosts influencing the past, or groundhog-day scenarios

DIFFERENT MEETING CAPTURED BY SLAVERS

-Yes, please. This could also be combined with space florists, space privateers, hyperspace test pilots or robot revolution, depending on who was captured and who freed them, and where this happened. What if Padme gave Anakin a letter of marque? or the opportunity to go to space pilot academy? what if Anakin started the robot revolution by trying to rescue Padme (or Obi-Wan?) from slavers? what if Padme gave Anakin (and Shmi) a flower business to manage after she was rescued by Anakin?

or maybe Padme is the one to rescue Anakin? and sets him up with her family's flower business because he has no other skills?

FORCE GHOST QUI-GON INFLUENCING THINGS; QUI-GON SURVIVES

Dude, wouldn't it be great if a force entity could tell them who the Sith in the senate was? I always thought so, and I'd think Anakin would appreciate Qui-Gon's help with both Obi-Wan and Padme too. Or simply with not, you know, going dark-- or successfully freeing all the slaves, and the clones, and Shmi and while we're at it a robot revolution would be cool too (or just one of these things, I'm simply very greedy :P)

Qui-Gon actually teaching Anakin the way of the force (and possibly doing something about Shmi) would be great, too. Or simply seeing the change alive!Qui-Gon had on future!Anakin

Gentleman Bastards

Fanfiction (Medium)

Group: Locke Lamora/Jean Tannen

ALL: All Characters Genderswapped

ALL: Ocean's 8 AU

ALL: Ocean's Eleven-esque heist

It'd be so cool. Jeanne Tannen, the big-hulked butch who could break Locke Lamora in half? Yes please. You could also swap every single character in the entire series--I'd love to read it. Would also read it as an Ocean's 8 Fusion, or an Ocean's Eleven-esque heist, or like, simply chilling out after canon things happened.

(Sadly I forgot I could request art, because this would be very awesome to look at, but I'm equally ecstatic about having actual descriptions of Locke being a little shit but also a woman.)

[thefoodwiththedood]

My gem Violet Sapphire is in love with Owyhee Jasper, but they live in different worlds, where their love is forbidden. When found out, in lieu of being shattered, they become corrupted as punishment. :0

Tell me a fact about your OC(s) and I’ll respond with a fact about mine!

Oh no, that’s terrible! At least they’re alive, I guess—maybe they’ll get better one day! :D

Cerate’s parents faced a similar predicament, coincidentally. Basically, Anva and Naj met sometime before the Clone Wars, when Anva (a Jedi padawan) and her master found Naj (a gladiator on Nal Hutta) and freed him from slavery after discovering he was Force-sensitive. When they took him back to the Jedi temple, however, it was decided that Naj wouldn’t be trained as a Jedi—the Council feared that his old life as a gladiator coupled with his Nightbrother race being particularly dark-side oriented would make him too violent. Nevertheless, they allowed Naj to live under the Order’s protection at the temple, and over the years he and Anva became great friends.

Well, more than friends, actually. Over the years they grew closer and closer, and their relationship as friends gave way to feelings of love. Of course, any sort of romantic attachment is forbidden by the Jedi code, so they had to keep their feelings secret. But they couldn’t keep it hidden forever, though—eventually the Council heard rumors that the resident Nightbrother was getting a little close with a Jedi, and they immediately acted to end his relationship with whichever Jedi it was.

Soon, Naj found himself being escorted to the council chamber by temple guards, and he had no choice but to face the music. When the council questioned him about who he’d been “involved” with, however, he refused to out Anva—surely if he did she would be punished as well, possibly even excommunicated from the Order. So he remained silent—but this wasn’t good enough for the council. In order to get him to talk, they had the idea to bring Anva in; she and Naj had been friends for a long time, so perhaps she could talk some sense into him.

As soon as Anva entered the room and realized Naj had been found out, however, she did the exact opposite. She began to defend Naj, saying he’d done nothing wrong and that his feelings and actions were natural. The council disagreed, however, and once they announced their decision to ban Naj from the temple Anva nearly went berserk. She lashed out at the council, criticizing their flawed traditions and calling out their hypocrisies, even going so far as to single out Yoda and shout “Suck my twat, you crusty green shit-goblin”. Her speech concluded with her tearing off her padawan braid and stomping it into the council chamber’s carpet, before proceeding to pull Naj into a deep, passionate kiss.

Shocked and horrified at first by the display of raw emotion, the council soon regained their composure and looked to each other for approval before respectfully telling Anva and Naj to simply “Get out”. As the temple guards escorted the two Zabraks out of the temple, the two lovers kept their hands tightly clasped together, while flipping the bird to any passing Jedi with their free hands. Even after they were led off the temple grounds, they continued to hold hands as they walked off to their new lives.

And yeah, basically the two of them just drifted around the galaxy after that, making their way however they could and generally enjoying each other’s company. Then they had Cerate and, well, the rest is history.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars    Senate Spy

       Season 2 Episode 4

Yea,      This     Sound    -s     Good

  A true heart should never     be doubted

    True-

    Doubt     is generally a bad thing

     You’re either certain a person’s an          asshole

       Or not

        (Gosh darn it is this going to be in Asoka episode?)

             I just get that feeling

        ......

         Anyway,

“Treachery        in         the     Senate”

    So a      Tuesday         (I will     not make     any more     political     jokes)

     Senator

    Tak          Ing         Part...

     Oh no he hang out            ....

        with the wrong clique!

         Of enablers!

          (It’s so petty              but makes               sense

            Like;              Seriously

       Is Obi-Wan              Going               to walk over there?

       And            be like;

      ‘Heard you were hanging out with grievous..

                         don’t?

   They’re         grown       adults...

                           (This is why we do accountability)

     Like       they’re even framed like a       cliche

     [Narrator             Voice;

         ‘this is me and my            clique,

          That’s-

            ____...”

           Pffft

           Also, hey

          Watton-boar’s                 In                 Prison!

           No             Ret-cons!

         (I thought that           episode was           relatively good!)

          “Conspiracy,” 

            Do you mean  he thinks they’re               peanuts?

            Or “Plot,”?

           As in he’s           plotting to destroy         them?

      Senator            From           Skipp-io          (We          have             to read              his text             messages!)

        [Okay, that’s the last          joke, but            Seriously,           the           military            gives a shit            what this guy             thinks?]

     And what.          happens       if he answers             “yes”,             (Or decides to say to stay            neutral?]

        Don’t really           have a plan             for that

       [Or is this you didn’t join our cliques so you get to spend the night in         prison,]              Rules?

          Spy?

         How is not blasting every detail of your communications     “spying?”

         Like that’s pretty lambasting for kid                Who’s crime-

      -Wait            what did he even do?

       [Think Yoda’s             snooping again,]

         Mean-while

           Anakin               Sky-     Walker

             That’s a pretty              posh looking hotel                           (Makes sense                 for a senator)

          -Coruscant

        Okay,              so he’s not there,

         “Lengthy,”

       Isn’t he supposed to be            her bodyguard?

       Lead-ing

      Leading fecking,            what,  mate?

         - Get a                    Boomer Bait promotion?

       Because they treated him like                                                     shit last time I checked

      Like          he’s        below        Obi-Wan-

“Now      he    returns,”

  Okay,

  Clearly wasn’t that    important

    With his        wife...

    Yeah...

    Did the      writing get any better(?)

    (Preferably not quasi(?)

    ....

  -Anakin

   - Oh

    ...

    Hasn’t       spoken          a         word

...But

     I         guess        that’s        Ok-ay

   What       do      they      have        in    common?

   What          do       they        like,           About          Each          Other?   

      (I mean             they’re going to have to spend some time in silence

        Looking adoringly              At the               Other                  Person-               Talk-               About                  The               Thing...

           Where’s                  the                 vibing?

             Dinner...

             Padme’s                  tone                      is                   way                      too                   uneven...

                  And                          A                      Question?

                     I’ve                     covered                       before                         but..

                    Questions                          are                          sign                           of                         distrust

         (She              seems                 ner              vous)

                         If                           you                           trust,                           your                          partner                             says                           their                              thing                             you                             say                            yours                                . . .                            And you just                                vibe

                           (Or you                                don’t)

                             Cargo                                 Freighter

                              Military                                transport

                                See?

                                   Dis                                      -trust

But   more   import   -antly        how       are       they                                ....      Avoiding        the        war?

       Like dude I’m pretty sure this was           tox before it              began?

           To abandon                  your productive                            And account                   -able                    Res-                     Pons                    Ibil                    ities?

                Like, even                 as-suming,                    (In the best                  cir- cumstances)                      They’re                           Entertain-ment                       focuses                        purely,                       Shouldn’t                        they                        have                       waited                         for                          the                        all                        clear?

Their      Gen    Leader       to       fix       everything       up?

  (There are blaring signs here that say         things are not alright,)

                                   These                                        two                                        are                                        far                                        from                                      innocent                                          (And por-)                                           Point                                          being                                             there                                             should                                              be                                               a                                               lot                                                Less                                            “Innocence”                                                Lot                                                 More;                                                 “We                                             shouldn’t                                                   do                                                     this,”                                                   To                                                     “I                                                   Don’t                                                   Care,”                                                       To                                                     “So                                                        -Bad,”                                                          [On                                                           Both                                                             Sides                                                          - Looking at you                                                               Amidala’s                                                                Char-                                                                ara                                                                  cter                                                                 Iza                                                                 Tion-                                                                  She’s                                                                   Not                                                                 Anymore                                                                   In-nocent                                                                     Than                                                                   Sky-                                                                    Walker-

                                                                    - In this af                                                                           -fair

                                                             And                                                                 harps                                                               should                                                                definitely                                                                  not be                                                                 playing

                                                               Over                                                                   one                                                                     of                                                                    the                                                                most                                                               severe                                                                rule                                                               break                                                                you                                                               can                                                               do

                                                          (Besides                                                               Gen                                                              -erational                                                               over                                                                     lay)

                                                         (It’s not                                                              cute)

                                                               It                                                                   isn’t                                                                    the                                                                 enabling                                                                       (Self                                                                        Less-                                                                power                                                                     of                                                                    love

                                                               This                                                                       is                                                                     purely                                                                   selfish                                

                                                            And should have clear “fuck society”                                                                 overtones (know                                                               ledg                                                                       ab                                                                       L                                                                     -e-

                                                                  [As                                                                   Adults.                                                                   ..]                                                                    . The     alter   -native         far        more      disturbin     g

   (A con-      versation      about        the          Over        sex       ualization           of      children-         And how         you      should      definitely           not         be      playing        harp       music        over        it

-is not a    con   -versation      I wanna       have with     this      movie

   But it won’t    commit     to      either        tone

 Dis-   turbingly!

  (Any way.     .)

   “It      blew       up”

Dude   you’re   supposed      to      be      making    sure     things      didn’t     stagnate      or         get       tox

 That should be   pain-     ted as a lot more malicious

Like;             “ oh yeah       ‘someone’      (Boomers          Or       (Corrupt)             Z-           Tried          to           kill         me            -         screw       holding        those            guys      accountable-             -        “Society’”        Can          deal            with                it”

        Hey               -                  that               was                        something                  -                  But              the             light             music               needs                to                fuck                 off                 (Very               Light-            Ly-            )           . . .

     Already premade?

           Then it   was-

         - Home-

          [Seriously what    was I supposed to get from that ?

         [Like her head bobbled  

         there was no emotion in eyes             [which is bad     considering she’s an adult 

 and should always have emotion                               in her.                      Eyes]

          That           “head bobbling           talking             when              spoken                 to...”    

          More befitting of a   child

        -Reacting   upon      given      orders-

   “Home?”

    Okay?

      Is Padme.. like     an arc    -h        it      ec       t?

  (That sounded like something straight out      of a    bad    parent        In    an       Adop      tion        flix)

   (If they were good      they wouldn’t         say it)

    And Padme        Is not a          bad par-        She’s         His         Wife (Bo     -omer          humor         what’s           the      difference         can          go          right            to hell,)

       Else- 

     Nothing             (?)

        It’s the place you            live (?)          Why would you     name it?

      (And some     thing so impersonal,”

       Like not like the        “home that builds other homes,?”            (Since Padme =        Model arch       -tect?)

      It’s           Fine...

     (Just don’t know       why’d         you’d         name            it        that.)

    Naboo       Am-        bassador

   ....   

    Also

   Right    next to the glass fucking windows,

 Oh,        God,

  They’re still       supposed to be secret        right?

  (Like, writers,        The           Scen-ery                Is contra-       dicting the themes)

     Like just the,  “they’re were supposed to keep the     secret,”

     Then they should meet           In close         quarters no light

      For thematic           appropriateness,

        Perfect

       Did the Ambassador...              Give the senator.                  Clothes?               (Like isn’t that               seriously               offensive?)                Like;                “I don’t like your clothing          style?”

           Like that’s pretty assumed authority        right      there

   (Unless        they        were        really        close       friends)

      Still..   

      Ballsy..

      Five        Blossom        Bread

   “Her        Spec        -ial           Ity,       Wouldn’t         it         be        her       preference-

   ?

 Cause        she’s         not      cooking        Also this is feeling very      Boomer.   right       now;         The        Wife         Cooks;       

   (But (as) if there’s anything wrong with cooking        if she likes cooking         and likes         cooking      for all      others?

    What are we going to get any      further    el-aboration         on        that?   

‘Cause it feels      kinda boomer      right now,

   Special-          Ity

 Special- ty       Again,    stop questioning her      and let her do what makes her happy

   Like seriously      You should be so head over heels     that you would listen to them talk about      nail polish for an hour.    (As in,      hearing them talk about paint dry would be interesting

  Because they are so        fecking            cool

      That’s          how           heavy        in the vibes         you should           be-

      (Also what did the ambassador     give      her.. .?)

    Makes...

     Except for galactic     peace

 [Boo]

[I know that was a     low blow,]

  “Little,”         Oh          No

 “Every        Day-”

     Who ordered the small been to cook?

      Just...wanna .. to talk,

        And why is bring(ing) that tox                into the relationship            seen as a good thing

    (Also productive interest surfaces     at 22, excessive after)

  So, how young is        22?

   (Because ...     )  

   “I’ve         Been          . Sav-”

     Spec            Ial..

      You            Know...

      That’s          almost          ad-orable              What was          that           transition?

        Bread.         Then             Chest           Hug...

        Shouldn’t             she be            getting                  the               bread?

            (And the               cute-ness                  come from them enjoying it together?)

             With                   You

             Dude. ..            that was the moment           you wanted to lighten up               on the tone                  .      (Not to the point of        being not adult,)  

   Put in a dreamy       complementary       ‘I could hear you          .. talk about, anything”

     Special             ....   

     [WHAT ABOUT THE Bread?!]

      I’m sorry,           but there was a lot of opportunity            for cute

             But the tone...              was off

              And-

 [His pupils need to be wider         And the focus needs to be on that

   That he’s so in love with          Amidala

     (Whether             it’s             right or wrong,)

        Her            Lan-guish              Ing                In                Un-              Con              Dit               Ion               al                (Romantic)            Love            More   

      Relax  

    -ed

 Okay. .

  That’s           a   building

  And       a    reminder           ...

   Of        all      the-        -            They’re     enabling

   One      less        day        to fix it            .....

   Bank-ing      (Bank-he?                If         so,         good       consis-      tency-)

Discover        the truth    in this    matter      we must

   What does that     have to do with the           other         Guy?

     What..

    Yoda..     must          Snoop

  “I         Couldn’t,”

    Obi-won          is down         to        snoop              ...

    Sen         a-tor  

 Am-idal            a

     Good for       her

  Not getting pulled into this       Jedi bullshit      ‘Padme,...

 ‘What..

‘(muffled) Weneedyoutospyon      Clovis..

    Change            her        mind

        (Assumed auth-)

            Hella                      Tox. .

  [Also, do the Jedi order          have a literally           no other         senators?

Like no one else      semi-willing to        Partake           In their  degeneracy?

(I mean   good for    them.)

 Summon

  ...

 He just left...

        All-night

He’s on vaca

  Or     shore leave

[Well at least he temporary went    No Contact with the abuser ]

  Where..

  He’s Amidala bodyguard      , right?

  [like I know it’s implied that he went to    a bar or something..]

 But       Like.. .

 Who’s watching    Amidala             then?

 On    the clock?

 [In front of    a huge freakin window

 [Scenery          /=/         Reason           To          Tor          -ped            O

     You         have           to         pace     yourself,      writers!

     Save the art         for the dramatic             Thematically              appropriate               scenes!

           You’re hit-          ting that button          every five seconds !

            Yeah

     Standing beside a HUGE fucking window-

           [i’m sorry the window-             thing really bothers me-]

           Mostly because it screws              with the rest of the story!

           [they shouldn’t be I                    love our life and                      everything                       involved                          in it,”                           This                         should                              be,                            “Oh I wish we could go                           public, we’re so screwed if the                             Jedi catch us,

                         It’s all about the                           yearn-ing                            [From                               my knowledge                           of the genre,]

“Me too,”

  I love    keeping      our love a secret from everyone else      From    everyone else-

   Only getting to see each other   on rare occasions

  And living in terror        About my          Narc...      Authority   Ass-   umers..

    Finding out about our relationship     and     shaming       me

  [Great society       we live in,]

    [Of my own       negli        gence..]

   *Beep*

   *Just       Not       -ic-ed

   Jedi

   Yeah,  missed that detail

   Like missing a lot of unrequited yearning               [For- bid            den-]

        Love        In this      forbidden                 “love” story

Supposedly

 Seven..

  So, why wasn’t it beeping   nonstop?

  Also, Dick   move

  Rais-ing him      on break    just to get some   tea..

 De        -lay

  Yeah, we’re just gloss-ing over that?

  That Obi-Wan will literally send a         police brigade       If     Anakin       (An      Adult)            Doesn’t answer     him          (On        Break)

  Damn,      That’s        tox

 Must’ve    been        a     shit   childhood        -      With   Mister   authority   assumer   over   there       . . .    I’ve      been      Ducking..  ...

 Yeah that’s real    tox

      Assumed authority

     Expecting things         of others          (Apart           from   ��     basic        human       decency)

       There’s too much        tox           in this scene         for me to cover

       But           seriously,          Yeet          the          authority            assumer..

      Angry. .

     As you   should     be..

 At the authority      assumer.. ...

   “don’t think you could read my   mind,”

   ...yeah

     (Yeah, but then again this is a relationship you’re supposed to be                vibing

       Still a dick move he was like I know what        you’re thinking

       But saying           it isn’t going to               fix the         problem             ...

       Per-formative           statements                 Towards                  The                 Abuse-

            Isn’t going   to fix the very                  clear problem

If you want a healthy relationship     you’ve got a kick     them

  And      act    accountably

      Still a dick move             that he tried that though

     “You shouldn’t take this      personally,”

       We’re taking in this relationship             as the world around us         burns...

         Where               you         expecting           roses,

                                             [i’m sorry but this really doesn’t work in                                                     an unrequited love story                                                          (For-bidden]

                     “Duty   comes    first,”

             Except                  with                 society                     and                accountability

               (He’s                    not                   noble)

                   It should be more so                       in jest                          When he says                        “duty calls”                          Having                          noticeably                           flaun-ted                          the rules                           knowledgeabl   -y

                      Every note                          sardonic

                             Urgh

                                        [They tried to play it                                                 straight.]  

                     Urgh

           [This is just a badly         written love story,]

                                      They’re                                            both                                          adults

[Or   should be      if you don’t      wanna get into      sexualization       of          children         territory,]

                                               Neither is   in-   nocent

                                                          Either                                                                is                                                                un-knowledgeable

                                                             Or                                                               Should  

                     Ack

Dis-  -gus       t-       ing         - 

   No     Emotion! 

   None       what-         so- ever!

     [That’s          how             you          know               -                 it’s a good       love story                 -     S/

 Highly,

  .....  .

....

 Okay..

   Sorry...  I’m late

    ....

  ....

 Senator

Amidala

   But      she won’t answer our calls...

Some-one

   Yeah there’s like     50 other      senators             They         all         said        no...

   ...

 Gen

  Good        Friend(s

  Seriously,        that’s not suspicious

   Having non-mutual      friends is pretty common

   As is   Ana-kin not knowing this

  ...

 Obi-Wan   knock it off

   You don’t     know anything

  Nor was Sky     -walker’s

 Be-havior

 Anything different than a general       who just takes       An     advanced     interest        In       Targets

   Point        Being;        This is a council of      snoopers that behavior isn’t a notable

Nor   worthy of the   eyebrow     raise. .

Know them, why would you

Cause, he’s a general?

 Like, seriously

Is social   studies      forbid        den         In       The       Council         Of       Snoops?

  (They are treating this        way more severe than it actually is]

  Also Anakin’s screwed if   the council of hypocrites      Only   allows elder -ly members.    to join    in the   gossip   circles

Asked

Yoda’s        A      Snoop.       -      Refuse.      -

  Emotionally    manipulate   ...

Your     girl   ..friend       ....

 Conv-

 Gas       Ligh        t-       Ing

Women       (Yes I use this because the      innocence tone            literally only             Acts up             More            Sever            Ly-            Around           Her)

   Can’t        make          Their         Own         Dec-         isi          On              -          Er

      I’m sorry but the whole tone is just         wrong                And none of this is       pres-        ented as a bad thing

   Tone is      kept neutral         As if Anakin       still beholden to their     orders        And not     accountable       for their own actions

  [and it’s been like this the       whole episode...   

  Like Amidala somehow the innocent flower that needs to be protected and corrected from her decisions

     -and none of it is presented       creepily

    [with the correct music choice or like this is toxically       en-courage         Ing          Som     e          one          to       be       a      dick         to      their   spouse    (Boomer-        term-       Partner)

 Okay       -    Al        right        -     Time        for-

   That is more like       an     adult         ...   

   But     know        ledgeably         and intentionally   tox

   In 

    “Good-

   [Boomer!

     Dear           Frick,

     What

    Cloveis

    Why is Amidala     acting like      an       adult?

  While Skywalker can’t even pull off   human?

  Neither the     knowledg       ability of an adult

   Nor        The      un-accountability       of a child

   [An adult      would know        why she was angry            And         Any feigned ignorance                     Toxic                 Flirt

    Here     Anakin‘s portrayed as too Stupid to Live  

          [For a              Sentient]

     [This is a         Boomer comics          level stupid,

       Like;        “Haha,        I don’t know           why my wife’s mad,”

       [despite both being human and that being a          backhanded insult to both yours and hers humanity  

       -And                    Developed

      Sentience

          As an attempt to avoid            accountability for              toxicity

Future does    n’t find it cute      mate

..Colleague

Reason    -able

  “Old        Friend,”

   Dude,       stop

    Gas-      lighting-

   To- gether

   Oh yeah you can’t have male       friends

    [Or     friends of         any     distinction]

    How

   Okay well at least he’s   acting as a bodyguard

   So that    line might      make sense

  That he’s worried      for her safety

  And...

    Accompanying            her  

         As              Such

Spy-ing

   In the    Council     chamber

   Me...

   ...

Council...

....

[Accoun-t-       ability!]

   That-

   Bull

   Also that’s      just    gossip

  That  

   -

   You know- if she wants to play       she said he said so be it

  Less so,        With the tone       refusing to hold Anakin accountable

    And Amidala only acting like an adult,          For the           “shrew-ish wife,” joke                  To make Anakin’s actions,                   Which it refuses to hold to the same standard and adult tone,                    Seem less terrible                     And Male-                       cious

                  Him

This is an open   aud-itorium   with people      clearly     floating     around,

   You-

  Loud

   ....

   -

  “Let         me,”

    ...

   The        writers...

     Didn’t earn        that...

     .....

     He seems         like a nice guy  

      [Like, yeah          standard           assumed              authority, but            personally he’s at least decent]

        If just a          mix match

       Okay never mind             it just got bad

         His eyes

         Weird shiny                 Thing

             Nope

            -Wine

              This                   just                 got                 power

              Run-

              Not              in-tentionally                    Good

           Po                   Liti                     Cal                  Definitely                  political,

              Nothing                   ‘bout                       that

Both

Nope

Lady, red flags,       Red flags!

  This is more like        the con       versation         between        Amidala and         Anakin

    Should          be         like

      If          the       writers             -          Had         the        balls            -          To write him like an         adult

     Not

 “Owo, too         Stupid             To           Live          Abom.        Un-less ��         Angry,”

    Nope

     You

    Ena-          bling

     [oh and ob-      viously slightly less evil,]

      Old - Times

        Don’t            Know

That was almost nice          If it,        didn’t completely dropped the ball        On the power thing

     Now it’s just         spaghetti

      Inconsistent          Character             reaction

       Okay...

      Right

On   one   hand     Anakin    has   nothing     to fear     because        dude      clearly         has more interest        in power    than his wife

    Padme

    That’s different

Dude,      Chill

  While the characterization has been        inconsistent and shaky at best

    Dude, clearly

   Again,

   Power

   Dick

    I fecking       hate both of them

Dude,      Doesn’t       Care         That        Much

Being       “a   more,     ‘I can’t       believe    the        condition      of the      airplane,”

   Than

   “Feck’in        Don’t         Mind          Me,”

    Like Anakin is being a   paranoid      dick

    This dude.     Isn’t great   is toxic in his ambition.     Of auth   ority.... over   people

  And     Padme...

  This is just a     toxic     mess         . .

 Ready

Dude, doesn’t have his own ship   and   Captain        ...

 Also, so      they’re taking   her   ship       ...

That’s nice-    (The only initi-ative        This movie     has taken     other         than   portraying       Amidala         as a           shrewd          wife          —-    

      I        mean          the      insult,        Not any-        thing positive        about         being      shrewd        - -

   Fly       Ship

 - - -     What?

  Like is it a greeting thing?

  [Because dude      has shown      no interest]

    Except        power

   And Anakin is being way too   judge-mental

 Clearly,  Nothing       Behind         It

  And   Amidala        can        handle     herself

  (As can     any      adult)

  What-

  Ass-hole

   [put the   tri-umphant music back-       That wasn’t        cool]

  Whelp

  Blast        It

 Yeah,  if I suddenly had my arms and legs      restrained-

Also - I think     Amidala’s starting to pity him

 [And      I am too]

  Yeah like dude          a little too ambitious

  You’re tormenting him

  Or something that didn’t even seem    re-latively serious

 And could’ve just been    kind of some weird    custom

  [See-         Ing       as      dude      doesn’t         even      seem     remotely    interested,]

   She’s       Tr-ying

 Aw,      That’s        Nice-

    At least he has some humor

  Unlike,  

Anakin

   ,Whelp

    Right

      Looks           like               a           de-ranged          superhero                 -            Aight

        Right

        Also?

       What?

Trophy      Wives?

       Pri-viledge

         That’s-                nice

             -

            Dod

          Senator

            Nice

            Nice

             ...

 Fresh       S tart..

    What?

That was      Forced

   Hope        ...

 Clovis        ...

  Second         Chances-

       Again- what did he do?

    Like, episode insists on         lambasting this guy...

     On a Rumor                             Mill...

    And         something that happened when they were                                                                      kids.?

       (I know it’s implied                           relation-ship)

           But, seriously?

        “he didn’t take it well?”

           Dude, has shown no                                        interest

                                       Being about the                                            power

I half- convinced     “not taking it well,”        Was dude eating like a     pint of ice cream..

   And, y’know

   Just break         Up

    Don’t      continue             to         lambaste           the           guy

       Over            “Yoda”              The              Gossip’s      Pre-       Sence-

           Years                Later

             Tox.

  Senator

   Good,       everyone’s       being        friendly,

   [Don’t fuck          it up       Anakin,”

    Se-rvants

    Oh  

     My          Bad-

      So         the          uniform

      Bus-iness

        Sus

      [but then again             he did          explicitly say        that             was why he was coming,”

    And dude pretty smart for not wanting to be 

   gang-ed up                 on

                  So inn-ocent                        Enough

By

See, everything’s    completely     fine..

 Nice..

  See,     Normal

   Droid-

  Never mind-

          But, seriously

How is that          a problem?

  Specifically        Amidala’s        business?

      When She doesn’t help stop the war either?

 Also yeah     way to invite the senator  to your meeting..

Here

  He       Right..

   3po

  Walk         ...

  Spy?

  Also;  

  Good       for       her

  What         ...   

   Why?

    ...

    ...

   Okay          ...

  Cy-

  Showing       some        initiative-

    Good          for

   Lighting         Does-           n’t         necess     -arily        Make        him        evil..

    ...

   Deal

   Valid

    Again..         Terr-          Ifying      wolf cub

      Dude has no            teeth

        Nor energy           for what         he’s             saying

      Clovis

        He          has             a           point...

   .Planet

    Again he’s an absolute     .doofus

     ...

    Whelp

     She didn’t see         that?

      Or hear          that?

       Like, they don’t have           any guards?

       Here-

     Ain’t the            Boss

       Like, seriously        according to them            she just got lost;

       Were you expecting her to stay in           her bedroom?

      Lon-ely

         ?

         My             Dear

         That’s               Very                 Nice-

           Also,                they              legit               hid           behind                the             columns                  ...

              In                their                   own                 house...

                After telling her           they were having a meeting

              This is a     “Did    you    get   lost?”     reaction            -worthy

    Not         “Hid,         Pillars,”

    Room

    “Dressed           for dinner,”

        That’s kinda             dick move

  Unless...    it’s a custom..

    Excuse

     Why        only         him?

     Dinner

    Seriously         that’s just -       particularly      bad negotiations-        Reactions-

     Right

    Shh

Maybe I’m missing something..

...

I feel

Clovis

  Have          To

    They’re going to sell him        out?

    Weak        -ness

     Dude has just been   plain   friendly    this entire time

       Like             No             In-

       Poison            Amadela

          Geez               -us

          That went from                  1 to 5!

             Why?

             Why not just plant the     plans on him?

               Also that’s not necessarily a     rom-antic thing                          Like doesn’t matter   who’s before me  

                 I think I would care   whether a person lived or died

                 Even if   -grudgingly 

                 (That’s a                      human!)

                  Anti-dote

Again,      It’s still leaves the    rest     of whatever organization he’s in

   And the concept of “duress,”           To       disqualify it

    (Like so      far he’s just a spokesperson        ; A Senator,

     Yep,

    Whelp,

       ?

   Oh it’s that     ration      thing     . . .

  In-side

   Okay,  Anakin took a chill pill

   Good,

    Whelp

     Okay,

Senator

   Light        Drink

   Oh,         It          Is         A      Custom’s         Thing,         ...

    Good           Friend          ...

    Too       Disney

And with that weird   marriage thing in the back    

*Spoof      -y

 Acceptab    ly-

 Just      Stand-     ing

Helpless-     Hapless     (More   accurate)

  Drink      -      With       Me-

   Aight

   Whelp

    Are we sure Clovis isn’t going to get drunk/       Poison

   -Shit  

   -

   Whelp-

  -Nice

  -Aight

   Medic      -

  To

   Doofus

   Look          At        Him;

Face of evil

    Feckin Doofus..  

 Palace

     Nothing            Too            Bad..

      Truly..  

       Nice

But,      also;        Shouldn’t         take her      to a secluded area

      After             Sick..

      Night?

     Order?

    Au-

   Sure-

   Yes

A little weird           but ok

     Right-

    Right-

     -          ...

  Good for you

   ....

Why?

  Never mind jerk       Anakin is back?

   Senator      Clovis

   Private         Tour

    No      it was just a tour,”

   Everything there      was pretty friendly

    Anakin’s gonna         ....

   There      it is.. though     actually sounds more like a guard.

 Not too     Bad...

Warn her

 *Advise

*Not too      bad   

      ...

     Aight...

      Wait...didn’t it        already?

     Returns

     Argh-

    Wait that’s not disgust     that’s headache

           Okay...

Climate      Change  

  ....

Ahah      ha-

(I’m   sorry,     that’s      so out     of place         ... 

 It’s      Hi-     Lar-        Ious

   Back...

    Nice..

      ...

     Nope

   Aight          ....

  “I mean that    is childhood friend

   Or friend

    Except.

    Factory...

      It

     Jedi

   What-

    Seems-

  That’s       Nice-

   Okay

    Not sus.        picious at all?

  . .

  Padme

   ...

   What?

   [just put the drink down...

     Say           That

Also hugs can be      platonic...      (No              Rom...)

     Also good      skipped that     miscommunication       ...

   Aight

  Racing          ...

   Even Dude knows when        to        Back          It...

   Now...

   Where did that come     from?

   Like, seriously,

    What-

    Dude- She’s drugged

   Padme-

   Whelp-

   Ouch

  (Take care of yourself      before you take care of others         moral)

   The tox        ...literally killed her

    Good,

    Whelp

    Neat,

    Okay...

    Weird

    Boundaries are     good...

   Medical       droid..

    Smart       decision

   Ex-

   Good-

  Cap-

  Ack  nowledgemeant-

   If       I-

   Stupid plan-

   -

   No     Matter

   They’re   negotiators-

   Holo-

   Poi-      Son     Ed-           Your-

    Sen-

    Spy

    No shit

   How did he know that?

   Also;

 Adorable

   [The Republic Senator    I invited here                Might            not            like           the        Separatists?          Impossible!]

       No-

     Dude’s bordering on Himbo             (Corrupt)          But             Still             Trust              -ing

       Right?

       Okay. .

       Right

       ...

     Oh

     ...

    She’s      dying..

    Oof

    That’s        Feck’in         Tame. .

    Leave

     Also, hey          He did         get the          antidote..

      Good..

      Library

    Holo-gram

I honestly     -feel for the guy

   Like, yeah he’s corrupt-        But so is     Padme      In terms   of       finishing the          war

With- his one thing-       Being      Friend       -ship

   (Which       Padme         likely       knew,  

   And      she    betrayed           it

   Like,        that’s      gotta      sting          -       More than the Senate    /Sep     art-       Ist-     -

  Spy

  Dude is acting pretty     tame-

  -Republic

   sides-

   Are

   Yeah..

  Still betray   ..ed his friendship

Like,       Those...        A different      layers of     shitty          .

 Suppor-         ting a different sports      team

   Steal-         Ing         Your         Friend’s         Merch,           To         Lambaste him in front of a crowd          ...

   (Best       comparison        I can       come up        with..)

     Stole..

   Senate

    Great

   ...

   Scheme

  Dude, It was a manu   facturing business

    Not like-

  Dude, like how many     clone    insta-llations do they have?

     He’s at least not          directly           Screwing            them over  

        Imm-ed      - iately

       Get           Away

       Dude, they were just talking about             their emotions...

      “Live,”

      Jedi from        -1 to 10-

     Dude

  Ha ha

   Dude just stands there

  Like,        What?

    Who-

     Me-

  Yeah-

  Don’t       get me           wrong?

     But...

     A        random pilot just came bursting into his room

    Told him not to     touch

    (Which           he         wasn’t-

     You’d- be a little     ‘who the heck is this guy?’

     Why?

    Should-

    Sen-a-tor

     Wrong-

     She’s          Fine?

     Now?

    Like, to him        she’s just tired?

    Nothing seems        noticeably off. .

     Dy-ing

    The       Medical droid?

    Whaaaaat??

       Take        Coursant

     Dude, she’s been dying for like half an hour-

     That-

      He’s trying to be a good friend-

     Out-

   Dude, he just gave you    advice on how to get the antidote

 Ain’t       Inter-      Sted-

   Disc

   Return-

   And I’ll       get

    Fair-

    Good

  [Honestly that comes across very concerned.]

   Like imagine some random pilot dude      Just-           Broke      into the room

   And said he was going to fight a dude     with       clearly     shady dealings        (Poison       up      his sleeve)

    And very    likely guns...

   You’d        Be like dude ‘hold up

(Note; Toxin      Logic- where        Author     -ity       Assum     -ed         Means    So     me-    thing,

 I still   believe    they      could     both     take    this     guy)

   But     Re-       ason- able         (Technically)

   You can’t

    Yeah

   Like,       Dude,        I know         You        Have        Some    Acc-        But          This       �� Dude         Does-          n’t

     -          -  

   “Kill,”

    Nor-mally,          I’d say      ‘accountability’           But they          actually  made him a         relatively good sympathetic           villain

   Like, yeah        that’s true         He could’ve       (Should’ve)         But       this        is        now     toxin vs. toxin        (aka.)

    Like, already, he screwed himself and humanity over,        And         that’s            Kinda               Sad...    

        You can’t help hope that they get    held accountable            soon

        To         stop         dig-           ging              ...            The            Hole               ...   

       They          dug          for            him           (self)            ...

     Not helped that he doesn’t really do anything evil

      (Moderately upset button (N     -ot Be-zerk) when          Padme betrays his friendship

       —-

        Still...

      Her life..

      Aww.

    Good friend         Clovis,

     ‘Love           Her,’

   Pla-tonic

   (What?    love can be platonic,      Dude     hasn’t shown any      real interest,”

     (Seriously Padme has used the                “lonely” line so many times                Dude’s only            response;  

         Cool, let’s go on a trip             together (Bond                              -ing)

          Cool, let me take you to your              room (non- sexual)

                       No interest

                       -No energy -Neat

      Lot          -Dot

     Come          with           me-

     Quickly-

      Good-

   -Neat-

   Right-

   Whelp

   -Clovis

     There are witnesses-

       Just got him out of a           ultimatum-

        Moved-

    Auth-orities

    Coursant

     “Leave,”

      Whelp-

      Dead-             Damn,           Clovis,           Fucking,           1/10

      Clovis,   

     SNAPPED

       Boy’s  

        done    

       fucking  

       around          - Don’t mess   

       With his friends-

[Seems     more   Anakin]

          Pay this

           Total             Weak-lings

           Aww.

          Even then             he’s nice

         [Though              sounds              like a           goblin...]

         Aight

         ...

     ...Mind

        More               so voice. .

          -Aight

          Clovis- do            n’t fuck               Around.

           Right

           Dick-

           Whelp-

         Sur-vival               Skills

    Dude          He did that under stress         of his friend dying-

      Dick           Move-                 Whelp-

      Body guard was nowhere to be seen

     With the   - eye path

     There

     Whelp-

     There            He              Is.

      Good.

      Fair

     Neat-

    Dick-

   Sorry-

 “sorry, sorry for what?

   Anakin wasn’t right about anything-

     Isn’t deserving         of an apology-

    ....

   But, They already knew it was       there...?

   Success

   No shit

   Whoa  

   WHOA

   WHOA!

   Can-      We          Play-             That              Back-

 “ I made you doubt me,”

   What kind of              -gaslighting-?      

             ?

           - - -   Er-

       The first                     part          absolute     boomer mess   

        Middle;   

          Er-   

        Clovis’s             Struggle              With          Friend-               Ship?     

         Al-right   

         End?          Nope In general,

    The tone           is a      confused mess

                    * Clovis                      a saving grace