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dailymmm · 5 months ago

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HWASA 240719 DIESEL Event

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dosieslesbian · 1 year ago

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hwasa ♡ 230908

#hwasa #mamamoo #mamamoo hwasa #e:i love my body #my.gifs #kpopstages #kpopccc #mamamooedit #dazzlingidols #kgodesses #ggnet #[50+]

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elliot-vogel · 5 years ago

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December 30, 2019 — 1st session

The minute the couple stepped into the therapist’s office, Eli’s energy changed. Before, he was all smiles, and was even laughing. He was happy because Poppy was there. But as soon as Eli’s body passed through the doorframe, the smile faded, and a very guarded individual took the former one’s place.

The couple sat across from the therapist on a plush, navy couch with matching cushions and pillows. Eli sat near Poppy, but not as close as usual. His posture was good. His expression was blank, but present. And his hands remained on his thighs as if he knew if he crossed them over his chest, this would come off as guarded or even aggressive to the therapist, Dr. Zenko. Who was really analyzing who?

They greeted one another, introductions followed, then the questions began.

Z: How has your relationship with drugs changed from the first time you used to now?

E: Can I pass on questions?

Z: I prefer you don’t, although that questions you pass on might tell me more than you’d like.

Eli let out a quiet, annoyed breath, then answered.

E: I don’t look forward to the high. I look forward to being away from my head. It’s a coping mechanism now. Instead of me seeking a thrill. But, I tried to drink instead of using. I know that isn’t much better — but for some reason I can make peace with it easier. Probably because I’m a drug addict — not an alcoholic.

Dr. Zenko nodded and jot down a few notes as Eli spoke.

Z: When did the reason change?

E: In the last year.

Z: Care to expand on that? Perhaps there was a certain event? Season?

E: No.

Dr. Zenko blinked once, looking a bit flustered at how guarded Eli was coming off, but then continued.

Z: Does this align with when the problems in the marriage began?

Eli immediately frowned.

E: What problems in our marriage? We — Poppy and I don’t have problems — I am the problem. Nothing Poppy has done is an issue. She’s the only thing that kept me ok for as long as I was.

Dr. Zenko glanced over to Poppy, seeing if she agreed with Eli’s statement regarding their marriage. Poppy’s reply was the opposite of Eli’s. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t look at his wife for too long after that — afraid he’d fall apart and tell her what was really going on. Thankfully, Dr. Zenko pushed through.

Z: What emotions drive you to drug use?

Eli kept quiet for a moment. His gaze shifted down, then quickly back up to Dr. Zenko. He seemed nervous.

E: It’s complicated.

Z: Do your best to explain, then. Take your time.

E:I don’t know what emotion to tell you. Like I said, it’s more that I want peace in my head. Drugs and alcohol help quiet the noise of my own thoughts.

Z: Do you hear people talking to you?

Eli’s gaze narrowed into a slight glare.

E: No. I do not hear voices. I mean my own subconscious mind. I’m not schizophrenic.

Z: What does your partner do that gets on your nerves?

E: Nothing. All she wants to do is help me.

Z: What choices, other than drug and alcohol use, can you use to confront painful emotions?

E: I don’t know. Can’t you tell me that? Isn’t that your job?

Dr. Zenko smiled a bit. Eli didn’t believe it genuine.

Z: Do you think you can achieve sobriety without changing your lifestyle?

E: Yeah. I’ve done it before.

Z: Do you trust your partner?

E: Yes.

Z: Do you know how much you are loved and appreciated by your partner?

E: Yes.

Z: Where you do you see your marriage in five years? Ten?

E: Happy. Maybe living in Los Angeles. Maybe a kid or two.

Z: Do you believe your addiction is a disease or a choice?

E: Both.

Z: What can your partner do to support you?

E: She’s already doing everything she can to support me.

The session was over. Eli felt like he could breathe again once they left the room. His hand immediately went to hold Poppy’s much smaller one. He gave it a light squeeze, and even offered a smile, but didn’t receive anything in return.

The car ride back to the rehab center was quiet. Once they pulled up, Eli asked if she’d come up and stay for a while. Poppy declined, barely making eye contact as she did so.

Eli watched her drive away, feeling as if a part of himself went with her.

#( eli narrative )

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dailymmm · 11 months ago

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