#dynamic » all i've ever known is how to hold my own ; but now i wanna hold you too (spot and belle / ft. voiceofmany)

[yuanology]

what’s your favorite books as of now?? i’d love to hear you talk about them if you have some

HAHA this has to be honestly one of the most endearing asks i've ever had in my inbox. fair warning, i will literally be talking a lot for this one because i am first and foremost a nerd before all else. all links bring you to the books' respective goodreads page :)

remember to read through the content / trigger warnings of each book before you read them! reading should never come at the expense of your own mental well-being. be wise.

my number one current favourite novel is these violent delights by chloe gong. it's actually the first book in a duology, but i've been procrastinating on the second novel lol. the premise is a romeo & juliette retelling set in 1920s shanghai with a mafia setting and childhood lovers turned bitter enemies. it's one of my favourite tropes ever, and these violent delights executed it beautifully. honestly unsurrpised that it was as much of a hit as it was because god. it deserves it.

i also really, really, really love the seven husbands of evelyn hugo with my whole heart. the premise of it is positively stunning and i'm a sucker for tragic gay people. i lowkey jumped into it half-blind sided by the cool edits i found on instagram only to get smacked in the face with a lot more depth than meets the eye. the line about non-sexual intimacy in this book both smothered me to death and brought me back to life. i read this book in one day and walked out of it gasping for air.

i am also into the invisible life of addie larue due to the poignant way the author depicts a life without being remembered... even if the ending brutally demolished me. it was the epitome of 'immortality is a curse,' for me and it was just. fuck, man. it's fucking brilliant from the beginning to the end, and it's just a novel that i hold very close to my heart.

now, i know you said books, but i will be incomplete if not for the fanfiction i read. therefore, i will list all-time favourite fanfiction (that i remember right now). all of them are linked to archive of our own <3

being neck-deep in satosugu hell right now, i will have to start with them. i'd like to begin with my two favourite satosugu fanfictions which are caesura by cielelyse, otherwise known as the only canon 15 satosugu in my mind ever. the dynamic is fucking insane, and i cried a lot when i read it. there is also, of course, and carry my home by valleykey which i have reread despite the fact that it's 50k words and killed me brutally the first time. it follows 17!satosugu who gets time traveled towards the present time / pre-shibuya. it goes about as well as you would expect it to be.

other fics that also brutally murdered me and made me physically cry was punishment for a monster by mimiquack (suguru loses his memories post-shibuya and lives a non-sorcerer life; satoru copes...or something), i'd like the sun to set with you by chuuyasoup (satoru goes with suguru that day in shinjuku), smile like brass by chuuyasoup (role reversal au that starts with suguru being too late on that day), and laundry and taxes by hamsterqinghua (everything, everywhere, all at once au, you can guess where it goes from here). these are all angst fics that ripped a hand through my ribs and crushed my heart in their palms. there's more, but. well.

my favourite satosugu smut fics (because i am, after all, a smut author) is the midnight rendezvous series by damiselart. also, let's climb the cliff and jump again by ruche which hm, i suppose technically counts as an age gap fic because it's 28!satoru getting his shit rocked by 17!suguru (time travel finicky stuff; you know how it goes). and then, there are also these two other fics, lovesick lullabye and i'm done carrying the weight of this world (i just wanna feel this love) which are both by pastelcoloureddreams.

now, onto my next idiotic duo, i would like to present soukoku (dazai osamu / nakahara chuuya from bsd) and my favourite fics for them. starting off strong as a combination one of my favourite ships and one of my favourite books, i'd like to present empire of dirt by arkastadt which is a the seven husbands of evelyn hugo inspired soukoku fanfic with similar premise, but a massively different setting & plot. one of the best known soukoku fics for a reason. there is also, of course, i step from here without you by chuuyasoup that follows soukoku throughout the multiverse and murdered me in cold blood by the time it was done. genuinely one of the best fics i have ever read ever.

onto smut soukoku fics, everyone welcome bottom of the deep blue sea by arkastadt which is the only soukoku smut fic ever. you cannot ask me to give you a smut recommendation better than this. the premise is gorgeous, featuring an arrogant and self-assured dazai who challenges chuuya to make him cry and chuuya does. it's so fucking good.

there's definitely more that i've cut back from this list due to laziness, but feel free to ask for more if you're still interested! i was also neckdeep in hell in genshin & voltron & boku no hero academia for a while, so i should have fic recs for them, too, but i'm too lazy to hunt them down right now. if you want me to, just shoot me another ask and i'll drop the recs in the future <3

[yuukei-yikes]

Omg omg omg. Hi. Ok so idk if Shintaro would tell Takane about how he killed her in Route XXX (I kinda feel like he wouldn’t) but I definitely imagine that Shintaro is extremely guilty about it and the memory of it straight up haunts him at night sometimes. Dude probably has nightmares about it every now and again

Like imagine Shintaro randomly tightly hugging Takane and immediately apologizing over and over again and Takane is just “??” becuz she doesn’t know what happened!! She’s clueless! She’s not reminded of the horrors like Shintaro is!

Anyways thanks for coming to my KageTed Talk have a good day/afternoon/night

I AGREEEEEEE I AGREE COMPLETELYYYYY his ass WOULD NOT TELL HER but he's so haunted by it!!!!

shintaro sees takane and sees the person who was by his side over a hundred times and he even once killed. augh his self hatred and shit.... i want to explode theyre so best friends they love each other so much. they go everywhere together and are always together 👍

also them hugging ;_; _; ;_; shintaro is so bad with words so resorting to a hug makes sense. there's so much art of ene always clinging to shintaro and while takane (in my delusions) has her whole thing with touch i think she's naturally really clingy and touchy so she's also like. jumping on his back and surprise hugging him all the time and he's like AUGGHHH. i love drawing shintaro&takane hugs where takane holds him bc she's the comforter and shintaro is the pathetic wet washcloth that needs hugging.

GRRR GRRRR POST STR SHINTAKA CONFLICTS COMPLETELY UNRELATED BUT imagine takane having a hard time with something and the dynamic shifts and shintaro Has no idea how tackle the situation with a vulnerable takane. sorry the bit in the seventh novel where takane gets upset for like 30 seconds and shintaro's like. I DONT WANNA EVER DEAL WITH SEEING TAKANE DEPRESSED AGAIN. means so much to me.

ok i always talk abt it, takane would just rely on haruka instead, she also wouldnt go to shintaro yknow. but man shintaro would want to help he just doesnt know how to handle seeing takane like a real person. not so much like the ayano thing where he puts her in a pedestal, with takane is more like... he's used to seeing her play a certain role and when takane moves from it bc of her own problems, he's all out of orbit and he's like Whoa what. also like in the seventh novel he wants to scream and run if he sees her upset like Haha what are you doing ur the sneering girlie in my puter STOP CRYING STOP IT STOP IT THAT'S WEIRD.

i think interesting conflict could come from shintaro insisting to takane he's there for her and she should count on him and have take him into account whenever she needs a shoulder, like he makes a big deal out of that but Then when she really needs him he doesn't actually manage to show up. OR!!!! ANOTHER FUN ONE: he goes and tells her problems to haruka or ayano or worse EVERYONE ELSE because he assumes theyre gonna do a better job than him but he puts her in the worst position of vulnerability ever that she HATES AND IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE IN. like imagine he goes and tells haruka for example. idk What. like she's having a hard time with something, probably about her sensory issues (primarily i think she'd talk to haruka, but imagining shintaro is asking her to count on him too and her actually considering it and doing it). and chose shintaro to talk but shintaro just passes it over to haruka. and takane's like. ur going behind my back telling SHIT I TRUSTED U WITH??? and shintaro's like erm erm. hehe. shes not mad about haruka or whoever else knowing, its shintaro running away that she gets angry at. sry i have a whole fic written in my head

anyways. shintaro is trying to be a good friend to takane but their dynamic is weird and strange and tends to fall back to You dont know anything about me and I know everything about you (takane) and With a side of youve known me in this life while I've known you for over a hundred other lifetimes (shintaro). they make me crazy!

[astromechs]

Ship game, Eddie Brock/Richard Rider? 💖 (Mostly I just REALLY wanna hear you ramble about them.)

Also curious if you default to the inclusion of a certain tentacled alien usually seen with our friend Eddie or not!

1. What made you ship it?

it started out as a collaborative effort! the other writer and i threw them together in an interaction and we realized that they just kind of vibed? and that they had more in common than one would ever expect. rich and eddie are both wrestling with their senses of self-worth, and are both striving to do good/better, somehow.

there was something to explore here that became apparent — and the rest is history!

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

one of my favorite things is how their dynamic works. i've long said that some ships that work the best are a character who prioritizes the world/universe in general paired with a character who focuses on their close people more than anything — and that's rich and eddie, respectively. rich is very committed to helping people in general, and in the process, often forgets himself, which can significantly impact his close relationships; eddie, on the other hand, is someone who's very much laser-focused on his people, and is well-suited to pull rich back when he's drifting, so to speak.

in turn, rich has unshakable belief in people he gets close to; past actions don't matter to him, but instead who you are and what you're trying to do now. he sees eddie's commitment to turn his life around, and doesn't hold any of his past actions against him. that's... a revelation for eddie, and really helps to better his own sense of self-worth, and see himself as a person worth existing. they're complementary in that way.

they're also both quite stubborn, which creates friction that makes for interesting conflict, and you can see how they end up resolving that.

all in all, they have a lot of similarities, some complementary differences, but all of that really meshes well together into a relationship that makes them both better people.

(and yeah, it doesn't hurt that rich is a known alienfucker, and definitely accepts eddie and venom together, as the case may be. if you... get my drift LMAO)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

i'm one of the two people who invented this ship, there is no unpopular opinion 😂

ask me questions about ships!

[leonawriter]

I'm honestly now holding what's basically canon (Kaito/Aoko, Hakuba/Akako) and what's basically my own AU (Kaito/Hakuba/Aoko) in my head, and trying to juggle them and keep the balance, because canon is good, it's cute, and I wanna see how it develops. And yet the idea of Hakuba/Kaito/Aoko is so, so good too...

Like, in terms of canon, everyone is neatly paired up just like Gosho likes it. I feel like if he wrote MK to fruition - even a quarter of the amount he's given DC - then Keiko would get a boyfriend, and.. who even knows. Let's ship Hakuba's Nanna and Jii-chan too. Hakuba/Akako is great in several ways as well, that I've said elsewhere - they're the "super logical/scientific-minded one" and the "literal witch" how could that be not fun to see play out?

In the version I have in my head? I'm kinda... well, it puts the three main characters together, and tbh I can see it in terms of dynamics what with Hakuba and Aoko being the two people who are both Kaito's age and who don't just want to catch him, but who are close to him, and care about him. Hakuba's also the only one who knows that Kaito is the Kaitou Kid, and who isn't Jii-chan, and he chooses to keep it to himself for the most part, still wanting to figure out why he's doing it, which grants a certain amount of... queer subtext? Why are you, a man, chasing down another man? To catch him in your arms?

Akako, in that case, is left without a partner, but... it made me think "what if her need to be desired by all men is just her feeling like she needs to feel like that?" She doesn't really know what "love" is. She's somewhere around sixteen to seventeen years old, and we never see her parents - ever. It's entirely possible that she's either on the aro/ace spectrum and doesn't realise it, or that she's either bisexual or lesbian and had been fixated on Kaitou Kid because he's the only one to not get caught by her magicks... and by that, he also becomes the one to help her figure out who Akako is.

And in the same way that Gosho's known to create characters if and when he needs them, I could see her finding someone else, maybe unrelated to it all and maybe not.

Or perhaps she'd simply become satisfied with her lot, now that she's found friends she's willing to risk herself for, and who are willing to put themselves out there for her in return.

[heartsunholy]

Spot Conlon tag drop

[kingburu]

For the ask game 1, 2 and 6 (for rewrite the stars. Or whatever really) also finally got caught up on the last 3 chapters of rewrite the stars and omg I loved them! Especially seeing Nico as a Centaurian!!!! Can't wait to see what's next!!

1. What’s your favorite character(s) to write for?

I like writing the chaotic type! You never know what they're going to do--so playing around with the gods' dynamics is very fun.

2. What character(s) do you find the most difficult to write for? Why?

Jason is one of my favorite people to divulge and one of my least favorite to write at the same time. This is because we have a lot of hints scattered in the source material but you really have to piece them together to understand how awful his start and end were, and how mentality in it. When there's that much wiggle room, it's great to fill in the space but at the same time, I feel like it pulls out a lot of interpretations from different people that I don't always agree with. But, to each their own. 8)

6. If you listen to music when writing, what were you listening to when writing Rewrite the Stars?

I really enjoy the acoustic/indie vibe, especially because it keeps me in a nice mood. I do have a playlist for rewrite the stars on Spotify that I occasionally update; and I've been listening to Hadestown a lot the last few days.

All I've Ever Known from Hadestown was the original inspo for Rewrite the Stars, specifically this part:

All I've ever known is how to hold my own All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you Now I wanna hold you Hold you close I don't ever wanna have to let you go

Now I wanna hold you, hold you tight I don't wanna go back to the lonely life

I don't know how or why Or who am I that I should get to hold you? But when I saw you all alone against The skies like I'd known you all along

this is the song playing when Jason is looking at the crow's nest trying to get Nico's attention 8)

otherwise, @winged-mango and @evergardenwall have both made their own playlists that I've also listened to and taken some songs for my personal list!

[crashdevlin]

Swan Song

Author’s Note: This is part Twenty-six of The Best Laid Plans series

Summary: Y/n is living life without marks and without alpha influence...but the End is nigh...sacrifices must be made.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, mentions of Alpha!Dean x Omega!Lisa

Word count: 3583

Story Warnings:  angst...A/B/O dynamics, canon divergence, mentions of physical violence against the reader, canon major character deaths and resurrections

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, where are we this week, girl? Hawaii, Puerto Rico?" Bobby asked and you smiled, looking around the dirty Canadian dive bar.

"Santo Domingo. Gotta love the Dominican," you lied.

"Where you really?"

You took a drink of your beer and picked at the peeling vinyl of the table top. "Saskatoon. Cursed church bell, drives people to suicide when they hear it."

"Need help?"

"Nah. I've got this. Just need to convince the vicar to let me melt down a bell that's been part of their church since the 1800s. No big deal." You sighed and scratched at your turtleneck. "How are they?"

"Thought you didn't wanna know about them, Y/n."

"Didn't want to be attached to them. Not the same thing."

Bobby sighed. "They took a trip through Heaven a few days ago...got a message from the big man Himself."

"God? They talked to God?" you asked, eyes wide.

"Talked to someone talks to God...and God said they're on their own."

"Sounds like God...handle it yourself but worship me for 'guiding' you." You rolled your eyes. "Sam isn't taking that well, is he?"

"Dean's taking it worse."

"What? Dean doesn't care about God."

"Think it's more that God was the last hope and He ain't playin'. What are we even supposed to do now, right?"

"Right." A hopeless Dean Winchester was a problem. No telling what he might do. “I’m sure everything will work out. If God isn’t worried, then I guess we shouldn’t worry.”

"Well, I hope you're right, Y/n." You nodded. You were hoping the same. "I'll call next time we got something new."

"Okay. Good luck, Bobby."

"You too."

You slid your phone into your pocket and took a drink of your beer. Things would be fine...or they wouldn't. Only time could tell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn't answer when the call came in from Dean's number. You didn't answer five minutes later when the call came in from Dean's other number. You pulled off into a gas station when your phone dinged with a voicemail message.

"Shoulda known you wouldn't answer...but I really wanted to hear your voice, Y/n. Guess your outgoing message will have to do." He cleared his throat. "I've been thinking about you since you left. Nothing is ever right when you're gone. I think you need to know that. I know why you left. I know I was never really good at being with you. I didn't give you a reason to stay. I should have. But you...you had to leave. You had to make that hard decision and I love you for that. Nobody wanted you to make that decision, to free us, but it was the right choice and I love that you made it. I love you for calling me out on my bullshit. You always did that for me." He sniffled and you could imagine him wiping at his eyes. "And you always kept tryin', even though I pushed you away all the time. You should have given up on me a long time ago and you didn't. I love you, Y/n. I should have said it a long time ago...but more I should have showed you. I should have showed you."

You wiped at your eyes and bit your bottom lip. "I really hope you got to see the world, but if you're on the home continent…stay away from the Midwest. I don't know how big the fight's gonna get."

"Oh, God. Dean, what are you doing?" you whispered as you clicked out of your voicemail to call him back. He didn't answer. "Damn it, Winchester!" You called his other cell, but still didn't get an answer. So you called John's cell. "Where’s Dean?"

John sighed. "Indiana. He's on the goodbye tour."

You rolled your eyes. Indiana meant Lisa. Of course. "He's going to say 'yes', isn't he? After everything, he's going to give up?"

"We aren't going to let him. Sam, Castiel, and I are on our way to stop him."

"You better. He does not get to give up."

"We won't let him," John promised.

"How?"

"We've got an angel on our side, remember? And Castiel really isn't happy about Dean throwing away his sacrifice. We'll keep him safe."

You let out a sigh of relief and nodded. "Let me know if anything bad-"

"Don't worry. We're gonna take care of him."

"Thank you, John."

"Maybe you should call him, though."

"I tried," you responded. "He didn't answer." You shook your head. "It's fine. Get his head on straight. It'll be okay."

"Right. It'll be okay."

"Bye, John." You hung up and set the phone on the passenger seat. You looked up at the sky through your windshield. "I know you don't care about what your angels are doing, but please don't let Dean say 'yes'. Please. I don't ask for a lot but please give me this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You should come to Detroit." Bobby's words didn't seem worried. Everything about the tone said it was past time to worry.

"What happened?"

"Sam said 'yes' and-"

"What?!"

"It was supposed to be the end of it, Y/n. He was supposed to get control back from Lucifer and jump into the Cage. It was a good plan. Dean and John even approved it, much as they could, ya know, and it-"

"He really thought he was gonna get control from the Devil? Of course it didn't work!" You ran your hand down your face and dug your fingers into your collarbone through your shirt. "So Lucifer has his perfect vessel...what about Michael? Dean didn’t…"

"No, but John's other son did. Heaven brought Adam back from the dead."

"That was nice of 'em. The dumbass said 'yes' because of course he did. So...the fight is...is happening."

"Yeah." He waited a moment. "Come to Detroit."

You sighed. The End. The end of the fight. The end of trying to stop it. The end of the End. "I'm on my way, Bobby."

There was a dark cloud over the city when you pulled the Firebird in next to the Impala in the alleyway outside their hotel. You could feel the hopelessness in the air as you opened the door Bobby indicated in an earlier text and walked in. Dean's eyes raised to meet yours as Bobby rushed to you and wrapped you in a hug. You dropped your duffel and wrapped the redneck in your arms, happy to see him up out of the wheelchair.

"Since when do you walk again?"

"Oh." He looked down at his body as he stepped back. "Demon deal. Added perk. It's a long story."

"Family tradition, those demon deals. At least you got something good out of it."

"Fer a few days."

You patted his shoulder and smiled. "Comes down to it, all we got is a few days at a time."

Dean stood and stepped toward the doorway. "Hey."

"Hey. I'm sorry...about Sam. I know you were all hoping-"

Dean opened his arms but didn't hug you. He waited for you to step into the embrace, green eyes shining with unshed tears as he waited for you to make your choice. There wasn’t a big choice there. Hold a grudge...or hold the man you love. You stepped into him and wrapped your arms around his chest. His arms closed around you and you felt warmth and anguish in the way he held you. There was pain in his scent, anger and hopelessness, but there was a little niggle of comfort as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

There wasn’t a lot said. It was the first time it really felt like a last night on earth. Even the Angel seemed to recognize that things were done. The fight was over. Everything was about to be over.

“I want you to know,” Dean whispered as the sun started going down.

“I know,” you answered. You knew what he would say. It held different significance on a night like that one.

“No. You don’t. You really don’t know...I’ve apologized for pushin’ you away, Y/n, but I need you to know...I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I love you.”

“Dean. I know. Shhh.”

“You’re everything I ever wanted.”

“Everything you ever wanted Sam to have,” you corrected. “Now, shush.” The silence lasted for a few minutes before Dean left, saying he needed some air.

“We did everything right and it doesn’t even matter in the end,” John said, staring at the ceiling.

“Nah. We didn’t do everything right...and it does matter. What we do is more important than anything.” You sighed and leaned forward, resting your head on your knees. “I should have gone to Thailand.”

“Don’t you want to be here with us in your last moments?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah. But I wish these weren’t the last moments.”

Castiel nodded in agreement, before standing. “We should go down...Dean is-”

“Leaving,” you guessed, rushing down to the alleyway without waiting for the others, approaching as he looked in the trunk of the Impala. “Dean?”

“You goin’ someplace?” Bobby asked. “You’re goin’ to do somethin’ stupid. You got that look.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Sam,” Dean answered, heading for the driver’s door.

“You just don’t give up,” Bobby chastised.

“It’s Sam!”

“If you couldn’t reach him here, you’re certainly not going to be able to on the battlefield,” Castiel tried.

“Well, if we’ve already lost, I guess I got nothing to lose, right?” Dean reasoned.

“Boy, this is a bad idea. I don’t wanna lose both of you,” John said.

Dean shook his head. “Too late.”

“I just want you to understand...the only thing that you’re gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother,” Castiel said.

“Well, then I ain’t gonna let him die alone.”

You watched Dean drive away, knowing that he was on his way to his death. “Fuck. We should follow him, right?”

“No. We need to figure out how to even up the chances a little,” John offered. “Hail Mary brainstorm session. Come on. Let’s do this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So...we’re all gonna die,” you said, looking around the room. “We are going to this fight...the fight...to pull distraction long enough for Dean to maybe get through to Sam long enough for Sam to sacrifice himself and throw himself and Lucifer into the Cage. We’re going to die.”

Everyone took deep breaths and nodded. “It’s our only shot,” Bobby said. “For the whole planet, Dean is our only shot.”

“And like the boy said...if we’ve already lost, what do we have to lose?” John said.

"Might as well go down doing something potentially beneficial,” you whispered. “Okay...let’s do this.”

Castiel teleported you to Stull Cemetery just in time to hear Dean tell Michael that he needed five minutes with Lucifer. “Hey, assbutt!” Cas called out, holding up his Molotov cocktail of Holy Fire. The bottle exploded as it hit Michael and he went up in flames. The Angel didn’t last long after that. Lucifer didn’t appreciate the Angel from the lower choir ‘dick’ing with Michael. Castiel exploded into blood and chunks of Angel.

Dean demanded Sam’s attention, but only Lucifer could hear. He grabbed Dean, intent to beat him to death, but Bobby shot at the Archangel, which earned him a snapped neck. John launched himself at Lucifer next and he was thrown across the cemetery, hitting a large stone angel statue. Michael reappeared as Lucifer was beating Dean’s face in with Sam’s fists. You grabbed Adam’s jacket, trying to keep Michael from stopping the altercation. Dean was getting through. You could see it in the hesitation on Sam’s face. You couldn’t let Michael stop it.

“You stupid fucking monkey!” Michael growled, wrapping Adam’s hand around your throat. You sputtered and kicked as he clenched his fist around your neck, cutting off your air. The sound your hyoid made when your throat was crushed like a soda can followed you into the darkness.

So did the sound of crickets. But that wasn’t right. There shouldn’t be crickets in Heaven.

Your eyes blinked open slowly, a sky full of stars greeting you before being filled in by the vision of hazel eyes and a smile. “John? Why are you in my Heaven?”

“Not Heaven, kid. We’re alive, Y/n. Castiel brought us back.” He offered you his hand and you sat up, allowing him to pull you to your feet.

“Who brought Cas back?” you asked. “Because didn’t Lucifer blow him to shit?”

“Yeah. Can only assume God brought him back, just like last time he was blown up by an Archangel.”

“Well, that’s...very nice of God considering that he...didn’t want to help.” John nodded, but he seemed distracted as he let his fingers move to encircle your wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“You...smell really good,” he whispered, his cheeks going pink. “I should…” He cleared his throat and stepped back away from you. “Think everything got renewed.”

You reached up and gingerly touched the area where your concave scars were. You were met with plush, plump skin under the fabric of your turtleneck. When you pulled the shirt away from your neck, you were met with completely smooth skin. No marks, no scars. Pristine.

"I'm…"

"Omega again." John licked his lips and stepped further back. “Unmarked, pure omega.”

“I’m...this is insane. I can’t believe he just...made me...a normal omega again.”

John nodded and cleared his throat. “I think it’s a real good thing, don’t you?”

You nodded and smiled. “I think it’s an amazing thing.”

“Why don’t we go ahead and see if we can find Dean.”

You smiled a bit sadly. “I know where Dean is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching Dean through the front window of Lisa Braeden’s Cicero home made your heart crack. The pain was immense, a longing taking up residence in your chest as you watched Dean hold her, his nose buried in the crook of her neck. Scenting her...his omega.

“You could knock,” John suggested, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. You were sure he was trying to keep from physically comforting you. As much as you wanted the comfort, you appreciated John trying to keep his distance more. “You know he’d be happy to see you alive.”

You shook your head. “No. He’s dreamed of this, John. He dreams of her.” You clutched at your shirt collar. You'd changed into a v-neck on the way to Indiana, excited to show Dean but you knew now that it didn't matter. "He deserves her...and the kid...and any kids she might give him of his own. He deserves to be happy. Let's just...let's go."

"Are you sure?" John asked as you turned away.

"My car is in Detroit. Let's go."

You stared out the window as John drove. It was a blow but not one you couldn't overcome. Dean wasn't ever going to be yours and it was best for you to recognize that and move forward. You were a brand new omega. No marks, no scars from cutting the old marks out. No Dean. No Sam. John, well, he was being nice now but it was going to be best for you to stay away from him, too. You would do best by yourself just like you had since you cut your marks out. You were better alone.

"Don't leave yet," John said as he pulled the stolen car in beside your Pontiac. "You should get some sleep. Get a room, get some rest. Don't drive on this."

You reached over and set your hand on his cheek. "Underneath it all, you're a good man, John. I really appreciate it when you let that man out for me." You swiped your thumb across his cheekbone and smiled. "I'll get a room...but not here. Detroit is not a good place...it's where we lost Sam. Get some rest yourself, though."

"You've got my number. If you ever need anything, Y/n, I'll be there."

You nodded and smiled tightly. "I'll try not to need anything." You got out of the car and headed for yours. Maybe you'd actually travel the world this time. Maybe you'd just hunt the same as always. But you were going to try to not need a damn thing.

You drove out of Detroit and headed South, not stopping until your eyes began to vibrate with lack of sleep. You pulled over into a rest stop and turned off the car, lying the seat back and curling up on your side, waiting for sleep to take you.

Dean would be happy. That was the important thing. Dean was going to be happy with his normal life and you could be happy saving lives...without an alpha. Without anyone. Just you and the road and a good hunt...until you died.

You dreamed of Dean. You dreamed of taking Lisa's place in the normal life...so that you could be what Dean deserved. But even in your dream, Dean made excuses. "I love you...but I can't mark you." "I love you but I can't be with you." "I love you but…"

You blinked your eyes open a few hours later and gasped to see a figure in your passenger seat. You sat up and stared wide-eyed at Sam. "Am I still asleep?"

"Well, I'm not Dean so I'm guessing you're awake."

You ignored the gut shot about Dean and reached into the back, quickly splashing holy water on him and waiting for the sizzle that never came. You pulled your silver knife next and Sam dutifully offered his hand. "Why do you idiots always go for the most nerve-heavy extremity when getting cut? Take the jacket off and give me your bicep or roll your damn pant leg up, you jerk," you snapped. Sam just smirked as he pulled his jacket and flannel off. You were really expecting him to burn with the silver but he didn’t...and moreover, he smelled like Sam. He was not a ghoul. You laughed as you dropped the knife in the center console. "How in the world did you get out of the Cage? I know how hard it is to get out of Hell, but you went into Lucifer’s Cage."

"Can't tell ya." Sam shook his head. "Just woke up in Stull Cemetery, went to check on Dean, saw you and Dad...decided to follow you."

"Why didn't you say something in Cicero?" you asked, analyzing Sam's face. He seemed off. Why would he follow you instead of talking to you and John? Talking to Dean?

"You were with Dad...and I could smell you from across the street, Y/n...I knew you came back all new and improved. Wanted to see what you would do about that. Turns out...nothing."

"You didn't tell Dean you're back?"

"Neither did you." Sam tilted his head and smirked. "He thinks we're both dead...and that means he's gonna stay in Cicero with Lisa. He's going to live a normal life with a normal woman. He's not going to die on some job before he reaches forty. He deserves that...and that's why neither of us knocked on that door."

"So, you're just gonna dive back into the work headfirst and...forget about Dean?"

"Forget? No. But I'm going to leave him the Hell alone. He left me alone at Stanford for years until Dad disappeared and Jess died. Don't you think he deserves the same treatment?"

You looked away and pulled your seat up straight. "Of course he does. He deserves everything.”

“So, we’re going to let him have it, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Sam reached out and set his hand on your knee. “And we can have what we deserve.”

You looked down at his hand, disgust filling you. “Remove it, or I will remove it for you.”

“Come on. You don’t really have a reason to deny me. Not with Dean with Lisa.”

You reached down and pulled his hand off of you. “Dean is not the reason I denied you, Sam. Why are we backtracking here? You seemed to understand this before.”

“We had fun before, didn’t we?” Sam asked.

“It doesn’t matter if we had fun...because the fun stopped mattering as soon as you marked me.” The discomfort you were feeling in his presence made you slip your hand under your seat and pick up your pistol. “You were going to rape me, Sam. That kinda ruins any future fun.”

“You would have liked it, Y/n. I wasn’t planning to hurt you too much.”

Having him admit to it so nonchalantly, with a smirk on his lips, filled you with an angry fear. He didn’t even seem to care. It was worse than when he was hopped up on demon blood. You pulled the pistol out and pointed it at Sam’s temple. “Get the fuck out of my car, Winchester.”

He chuckled and put his hands up. “I’ll see you when you get your panties out of that twist, Y/n.” He backed out of the car and turned, a bit of a skip in his step as he walked away. You hit the lock on your doors and turned the engine over. You’d have to do your best to avoid the resurrected Winchester...just like his father...just like his brother. Best to stay alone. Best to get away.

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

[my-tc-is-an-angel]

Intro post :)

Disclaimers:

I don't condone pedophilia and won't be making a move on H while still a minor at her school bc that would be a horrible thing to do

Nor do I condone bigotry, particularly transphobia, ableism, racism, antisemitism, islamophobia, misogyny, homophobia and others. Bigots, DNI

Use my goddamn pronouns

Who am I?

You can all call me L! My pronouns are he/they, I'm an english nerd (which is good bc that's what my tc teaches), I have cheese toasties for breakfast in the morning, I'm trans and use the specific term nonbinary trans man but if I were to truly describe my gender it'd be a 20,000 word dissertation.

Who is my tc?

I'll call her H. She uses she/her pronouns. She's an English teacher, taught me from September 2021 to January 2022 but has stepped back due to long COVID. She still works in my school and I come and chat to her once every couple of weeks (+she's in charge of English prefects and I'm going to apply soon !! ) but she doesn't teach classes above a certain age any more (if she misses school, having a substitute teacher matters a lot less for younger students). I miss seeing her but I'm glad she's doing what's necessary for her health and it's not like she's left the school.

She's so beautiful ajksjsksjkskjsj!!!!!!!!!!!! Her hair is beautiful + oh my god just the glossy waves aaaaaa, it's dirty blonde. She has blue-green eyes. She's roughly 5'2'' or 5'3'', a little shorter than me but she wears heels and I wear docs so it's hard to know what the true height difference is lol :))

I now know her age, the age gap isn't huuge but she's achieved so much in her life goddamn! She is in a relationship, so, I hope she's happy (it sounds like a boring relationship but if she's happy then who am I to judge?). I don't fully know her sexual/romantic orientation but she seems to have had the experience of not being accepted by her family (we were talking ab it) and my friend has seen pictures of her at Pride with the pansexual flag on her cheek. She also owns multiple pride flag bags and is very into diversity and is one of the most enlightened cis people I've ever met (vis a vis trans rights). So... make of that what you will.

She's funny as hell, has a dark sense of humour, sweet face and often wears red lipstick. H is honestly one of the funniest people I've met (or the best at making me laugh). I can't stress that enough. She has a lil star chart to keep track of how we're doing with homework and at the end of the year, she gives a gift basket with books and stationary to whoever has the most stars. I was in the lead (as I always did any extra homework she set with my best efforts)

How is our dynamic?

H has always been super helpful and kind: fighting to be able to use my correct name and pronouns; always listening to me and making time for me; just never not being so lovely towards me even when she's literally been ill.

H jokes with me a fair amount (although she jokes with everyone) but I'm anticipating some great inside jokes. I've only known her since September so not yet, haha.

She's 1000% comfy swearing in front of me which I hope means something good? We've bonded over shared trauma because our childhoods are scarily similar (we both had fucked up, morbid childhoods and used books as escapism)

She used emojis in an email to me which made me so happy! And in her xmas card, I said something about her humour being immaculate and apparently she was bragging ab it to my class when I missed a lesson which is honestly so cute :))))))))))))

When teaching me:

She occasionally caught me looking at her but not enough to be suspicious (I hope). She often ended up making snide/sarcastic remarks about the government bc in my country it's pretty terrible. Like, the child poverty rate is steadily climbing, etc. She's anti-capitalist which is a HUGE GREEN FLAG for me. I just wanna hug her and kiss her and hold her a-

She can't have gluten (like me) and once she brought in seperate biscuits for me during a biscuit lesson!!!! (yes, she does biscuit lessons)

[julesnichols]

Can you match the Snowpiercer couples to the Broadway Love Song that best captures their dynamic? (No Broadway knowledge necessary. May go based off vibe)

Couples:

A. Melanie x Bennett

B. Layton x Josie

C. Layton x Zarah

D. Ruth x Commander Grey

E. Jinju x Till

F. Lilah x Robert Folger

G. LJ x Osweiller

E. Miss Audrey x Wilford

F. Murray x Emilia

Love Ballads/Duets:

1. All I Ask of You from The Phantom of the Opera

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime/let me lead you from your solitude/Say you need me with you here, beside you/Anywhere you go, let me go too/That's all I ask of you"

2. Something Good from The Sound of Music

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Nothing comes from nothing/Nothing ever could/So somewhere in my youth or childhood/I must've done something good/For there you are standing there loving me/whether or not you should/So somewhere in my youth or childhood/I must've done something good"

3. As Long As You're Mine from Wicked

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Just for this moment/As long as you're mine/I've lost all resistance/and crossed some borderline/and if it turns out/it's over too fast/I'll make this last moment last/As long as you're mine"

4. Come What May from Moulin Rouge

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Listen to my heart/Can't you hear it sings/Telling me to give you everything/Seasons may change/Winter to Spring/But I love you/Until the end if time/Come what may"

5. Somewhere from West Side Story

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "There's a place for us/Somewhere a place for us/Peace and quiet and open air/Wait for us somewhere"

6. All I've Ever Known from Hadestown

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "All I've Ever known is how to hold my own/All I've ever known is how to hold my own/But now I wanna hold you/Now I wanna hold you/Hold you close/I don't ever wanna have to let you go"

7. People Will Say We're in Love from Oklahoma!

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Don't take my arm too much/Don't keep your hand in mine/Your hand looks so grand in mine/People will say we're in love/Don't dance all night with me/Till the stars fade from above/They'll see, it's alright with me/People will say we're in love"

8. It Only Takes A Moment from Hello, Dolly!

Swoon-Worthy Lyric: "It only takes a moment/For your eyes to meet and then/Your heart knows in an instant/You will never be alone again"

9. Take Me or Leave Me from Rent

Swoon-Worthy Lyrics: "Take me for what I am/Who I was meant to be/And if you give a damn/Take me baby/or leave me"

Melanie x Bennett: Something Good

Layton x Josie: People Will Say We’re in Love

Layton x Zarah: Take Me or Leave Me

Ruth x Grey: Somewhere

Jinju x Till: All I Ask of You

Lilah x Robert: Come What May

LJ x Oz: All I’ve Ever Known

Audrey x Wilford: As Long as You’re Mine

Murray x Emilia: It Only Takes a Moment