#dxmence / rebecca.

[experimcnts-archived]

@dxmence​   ( for becca )   !!   sc. 

“ All my cards are dealt. ”  

[shieldrevive]

USER :// @dxmence​_rebecca private string { plotted_starter.doc } ; closed

         rebecca barnes had always been and likely always remain to be an enigma.  for so long steve thought himself to be alone in this new timeline.  by every ounce of logic out there she should’ve been in the same state as peggy, if not very similar.  there were days when steve even thought bucky’s younger sister to be dead given the passages of time.  in fact, when he worked up the courage to seek her out the soldier had been met with a death certificate.  that alone sparked an intense flash of anger when she re-emerged into his life.  he’d never appreciated lies.  though, when the initial shock smoothed over and he was able to look at everything from a logical perspective the move made sense.  her body hadn’t changed in decades.  her body healed in a way that reminded him of his very own genetically engineered cells.  how else was she supposed to explain than by starting a new life?

          from there, steve opened himself up fraction by fraction.  rebecca became a lifeline of sorts, grounding him to a different time while he tried to navigate a completely new one.  he found a comfort he hadn’t really known since his family was ( somewhat ) in tact.  steve felt home.  he felt like there was somewhere he belonged.  more importantly, becca gave him a space where he could simply be himself.  not captain america and not an avenger.

                             just steve.

           “ i wish bucky were here, “ the soldier suddenly blurts instead of the other three words he’d been terrified to say out loud.  bruise covered arms shoot out to grab at the nearby mail he’d brought up from the first floor.  bright blue eyes scan over all the print.  a letter from one adrian mathias is gently placed to the side to read later.  another from a local musician known as sonore is set on top.  “ although, i bet there’d be some words over dating his little sister. “  the smile that follows is slow and nostalgic.  steve can’t help but get his gaze wander up and out the nearby window.

           a creak in the floodboard brings his eyes back up to rebecca.  as she fills his view whispered words come back to him like a knife in the chest.  his last argument with natasha involved none other than the woman standing before him.  “ wh...are you working tonight? “

[murder-popsicle]

@dxmence​

It was strange, sharing an apartment with Becca. True, Bucky had spent her whole life prior to the war living with others, but since then…well, with HYDRA there had been the cryotank, and once she’d escaped, she’d been on her own. She’d gotten used to living alone.

Now she was having to relearn how to share a home.

Mostly it was good. Between the two of them, they were able to afford a better place than the bare, one-roomed flat where Bucky had been living. They took turns cooking. They kept each other company.

Nights, though, could be difficult. Bucky didn’t think she’d managed to sleep through to morning without a nightmare even once. Worse, sometimes she could hear Becca crying in the next room.

In fact, she could hear Becca crying right now.

Sliding out from under the blankets, she padded to her sister’s door and pushed it open. “Becca?” she called softly. “Becca, wake up.”

[forgcdasseta]

SUBJECT: starter call TO: @dxmence​

          going off to war was inevitable but bucky didn’t think he’d be so nervous about telling the rest of his family.  his orders finally came in.  turns out he’d be training in wisconsin.  he needed to get in as many boxing training sessions with steve before he left, just so he could be confident that the little punk would be able to throw a punch properly while dealing with some bullies.  but, that was a problem for a different time.  

          grey eyes drop down to the small bouquet of daisies picked up from a florist on the way home.  an apology for sorts

          opening the front door, bucky slides the hat from his head.  “ becca? “  several steps are taken deeper within, eyes scanning the immediate area for his younger sister.  “ you home? “

[dxmence]

                   𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚, ‘𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏’𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒅                                         Rebecca Barnes feat. @dxmence

promo by @quietresistance

[experimcnts-archived]

@dxmence​  said:  “I  quit  drinking  because  I  used  to  drink  too  much…  then I  would  black  out  and  I  would  ruin  parties.” (Becca  to  Bucky)    !!    meme. 

“ Ruin  them? ”  He’s  sure  that  it  wasn’t  as  dramatic  as  she  claimed  it  to  be;  the  embarrassment  that  came  with  the  hangover  was  always  an  intense  feeling.  But  it  didn’t  mean  that  it  was  the  complete  truth.  “ And  how  exactly  would  you  ruin  them? ”  

[experimcnts-archived]

@dxmence​  said:   ‘ loneliness  is  a  disease  &  it  leaves  me  empty  &  hollow,  like  sound  goes  through  my  body  &  bounces  back. ’  (Becca  to  Bucky)    !!    meme. 

“ You  know  you’re  not  alone,  right? ”  Concern  is  etched  in  Bucky’s  face,  shining  in  his  eyes.  He  had  no  idea  that  his  sister  was  feeling  so  alone.  And  that  it  was  hurting  her  so,  nonetheless.  With  only  a  beat  missed,  he’s  pulling  Becca  into  his  arms,  into  a  tight  hug.  “ I’ll  always  be  there  for  you. ”  

[shieldrevive]

USER :// @dxmence​_becca INQUIRY ://  “You never said anything! Every time you’re angry or sad, you just kept it in!” public string { heartbreak starters } ; accepting

          nostrils flare.  rather than say any of the words swirling through his head steve simply clenched his jaw and let his eyebrows pinch together.  after several drawn out seconds he finally crosses his arms over his chest.  saying something would put more burden on someone who was already lamenting over the fact her brother was still alive.  saying something would put more burden on someone who blamed herself for the fact that james barnes had been subject to god knew what at the hands of hydra for decades.

          steve never said anything and rebecca barnes, more than anyone else, should understand that.

          “ too late for that to matter now, “ steve says through the anger.  “ none of that’s really your problem anymore.  is it? “

          this was a mistake and steve knew it.  missing someone wasn’t enough to fix what was fundamentally wrong.  lying about something like, oh, paid murder was a difference in belief.  he thought he could move past it but that was a giant hole to talk around.  then again, it wasn’t all rebecca’s fault.  life had taught him to keep everyone at the end of a very long pole.  he was independent to a fault.  every time he felt anything he kept it in or turned it in to anger because there was simply no point in seeing those emotions through.  growing up, people saw him as weak enough already.  so, he did the only logical thing he could; he shoved those emotions into a box sitting at the furthest corner of his psyche.

[forgcdasseta]

FROM: @dxmence​ aka rebecca barnes SUBJECT: “ Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Jimmy! Happy birthday to you! -holds out a large, immaculately wrapped gift- “ FILE: random asks ( birthday edition ) STATUS: accepting        

          eyebrows pinch together and for a few long seconds bucky can only stare at the very large box of wrapping paper staring back at him.  it doesn’t register at first; that it’s his birthday.  in fact, in those few seconds he thinks becca’s fallen right off the deep end.  but then a few things click back in to place.  march tenth starts to sound familiar.  with that thought comes another trickle.

          “ thanks, “ he says softly.  one hand pulls out from the pocket.  then the second.  they hover near the box as if touching it means the box will break or disintegrate.  but then he’s not exactly sure why he’s suddenly so scared by something so colorful.  it’s his sister and that means whatever is inside the box is a good thing.  that, in turn, has bucky feeling a little bad that he can’t connect all the dots to even guess what could be inside.

           still, a warmth blossoms in his heart once he finally takes the present into his hands.  it’s given a gentle shake as if that would be a clue to what was inside.  “ if this is a box of old spice... “

[forgcdasseta]

FROM: @dxmence​  SUBJECT:  “I am with you, Jimmy,from now until the end. We’re a team.” FILE: lucifer s01e07 / accepting

          bucky was tired.  so, so tired.  he’d been running for what felt like a lifetime, which was pretty impressive considering his memories were so jumbled it was hard to tell which way was up.  there were scattered fragments.  none of the timelines made sense.  the worst was, oddly enough, before steve came crashing in his apartment in bucharest and he was actively trying to make sense of the images.

          what he’d pieced together since then was even more confusing.  his younger sister, rebecca, was still alive.  that, more than anything, had made bucky feel like he was losing his mind.  hydra experimentation to recreate the super serum was the only thing that extended his life.  well, that and the cryostasis they placed him in.  time spent in that tube also threw off his memories.  images of his own reflection as his heart started to slow would wake him up in the middle of the night.  sometimes the thrashing would get so bad he’d roll right off the small pad he put together for a bed.

          hearing the word ‘ jimmy ‘ roll off his sister’s tongue was an oddity.  steve always said bucky or buck.  anyone with a government connection branded him as ‘ james.’  to hear his other childhood moniker was somewhat comforting and managed to pull a small smile from the soldier’s lips.

           a movement out of the corner of his eye brings bucky’s attention toward the wide expanse of glass that made up the side of the building.  beyond the wakandan palace was a beautiful mix of both nature and technology.  for some reason he felt at peace here.  he wasn’t sure if it had to do with the atmosphere or the simple decision to go back into cryostasis one last time.  as much as bucky wanted to spend more time with his sister he didn’t want to risk being a danger to her.  zemo illustrated that anyone could reactivate him.

                                 anyone.

          a string of words wouldn’t stop anyone who really wanted the winter soldier at their command.  no.  he couldn’t risk it.  beyond that, he didn’t want to feel out of control again.  knowing there was a switch inside his brain made him feel sick.

          “ we’re a team, “ he echoes with a smile meant to instill confidence.  both she and steve needed to believe he was okay.  “ i’ll be back before you know it and then we’re going to properly catch up.  just don’t give steve too much of a hard time. “