#dungeons & traffic au

[relgnira]

Yallll they are everything <3 rescue team Ranchers!

Jimmy is a much higher rank than Tango here because he does rescue work regularly while tango is primarily a treasure hunter/tinkerer - going by in game ranks Jimmy is Ace rank while Tango is just Normal rank :3

[silverorchideon]

"Tango of the Tek Variety, the Master of the Pyramid, a structure proudly standing in the Orange Oasis. He'll introduce you to the pyramid, promising treasures if you find it.

Though... Nowadays, after one of the levels of the pyramid sunk under the Orange Oasis's sweet desert landscape, the Master of the Pyramid has gone missing, his role filled with the Pyramid's Spoon Dealer, Skizzleman.

Where did Tango go, I wonder?"

"You're Destroying Yourself, Dreamer. You're Destroying All Of Us"

[fleetinggill]

Hey fellas. I just watched episode 19 of Dungeon Meshi and OH BOY AM I BEING VERY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT. You know what else I’m not normal about? Life Series, and Hermitcraft as well.

I might finally get back into fic writing exclusively to write a Dungeon Meshi crossover. It won’t be a direct 1:1 thing; like, it’ll keep the same basic premise of “this member of our party died and we have to go back into the dungeon to resurrect them!” and it will retain the core plot elements. A lot of the same monsters would appear, especially ones that hold more weight to the plot, but some of the earlier ones will be replaced with Minecraft mobs to tie the universes together more and to force me to get more creative with the food descriptions.

However, the character dynamics will be different. The person who they’re trying to rescue may not be a sibling. The number of people in the other groups they encounter may be different and such. There will be no X = Laios and Y = Kabru and so on. The most direct parallels will be Falin, Senshi, and the Mad Mage; even they will not retain the same personality, dynamics with other characters, or backstories.

It will have the same world-building and a similar but not identical plot line. I think it would be way more interesting than a 1:1 direct translation into one specific season of either Hermitcraft or Life series.

More on this to come as I flesh it out more!! I might just do fics, but I may try to do art for it or ask someone else to do art for it…

I dunno. I guess, like, let me know if this sounds interesting? Or not lol. I’m gonna do it either way but I might invest more time in it if people actually like it

[verdantglow]

Welcome to the table the first player in my Dungeons & Traffic AU, Joel!

Dungeons & Traffic will feature the entirety of the Traffic SMP series cast playing several campaigns of Dungeons & Dragons at a rotating table. (This is so we aren’t limited to just a few players- didn’t want to leave anyone out- but it’s a bit more believable that there’s a party with like 18 people in it lol.) The campaigns are loosely based of the various seasons, though the AU will also include things that happen between players away from the table.

My goal is to have this AU consist mostly of drawings & comics, but first I’m gonna at least get a handful of character sheets done so I know what I’m working with.

Whose character sheet would you like to see next? Let me know in the comments or in my ask box!

[sameatsfunions]

I thought of a steddie AU-

Skate rental Eddie, passing out skates for hours.

“Here you go-“ Eddie says as he passes out the ice skates to a group of preteens.

His shift goes like that for another hour, and mainly it’s people returning skates because the free skate hours are nearly over, which Eddie is grateful for because that means so is his shift.

Finally, 20 minutes after his shift should’ve been over, he grabs his things and clocks out. The next event at the arena is private lessons. Usually they last an hour each, and Eddie usually leaves on time.

But not today, today he had so many returned skates to clean and put away he stayed over his usual time, and when he was leaving the sounds of arguing came from the ice box; It caught his attention and he looked down onto the ice while he was leaving and saw someone getting onto the ice.

He was in black leggings and a tight long sleeve shirt, his hair flew around in the wind from him effortlessly skating around warming up.

Eddie didn’t realize he was walking closer to the glass, being drawn by the perfect man he saw. Eddie was pretty inexperienced when it came to dating, he barely had friends let alone any girlfriends, there was that one girl he took on a date, but it ended with him alone, and a whole bucket of popcorn to eat. After that he just decided maybe it wasn’t for him anyways.

He sat down at the back of the arena, praying that he wouldn’t be seen, the stadium seating lowly lit, perfect place for him to observe.

Eddie watched as the guy skated around with his eyes closed, the only sound coming from anywhere was the scraping of the blades from his skates, cutting and carving through the ice with each turn and twist.

He looked off to someone Eddie couldn’t see, and watched him nod, slowing at the center of the rink. He took a deep breath and the music started. Eddie didn’t recognize the song, it wasn’t some fancy professional song, just one that anyone would listen to. Eddie didn’t know much about ice skating other than the sizing of shoes and the fact that ice was cold and it hurt when you fell on it.

He watched as the guy started to skate, with the most emotion he’s ever seen, just gliding around like he was born right there, on the ice.

It honestly took eddies breath away, his eyes latched onto the angelic creature who was effortlessly skating, and felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

He quickly grabbed it out and realized he completely forgot about the plans he made earlier that week with his few friends, and the fact that he was already late.

“Shit-“ he said quietly and stood up, trying to be as quiet as possible and slip out of the upper side door of the arena.

—

He made it to his dungeons and dragons session only 40 minutes late. Of course he blamed it on work and traffic and anything he could other than the pretty skating boy knowing that he would get torn apart by his friends for being a creep and watching a complete stranger skate.

The last thing he needed was a reminder that he wasn’t normal like most of the people his age.

—

It was two days later when Eddie saw the guy again. He definitely didn’t wait around the last two shifts to see if he was scheduled for the private lesson after the free skate, and he absolutely wasn’t upset when it wasn’t him who skated onto the ice.

He quickly sat in the same chair as he once again just admired the way the guy could glide across the ice and not even look at where he was going. He skated with his eyes closed half the time he was out there.

It went on like that for about a month. Eddie watching him skate mainly every couple of days. Sometimes the guy wouldn’t show up, and Eddie would hide his disappointment and leave frustrated. Eddie didn’t realize how much it made his day to see someone else have a passion like he did. Of course his wasn’t as beautiful and graceful as figure skating, he played guitar.

Just as Eddie got into a routine of hanging around to see the private sessions, and who was renting them out, he was asked to Zamboni the ice for a week or two while the guy who usually did that job was out on vacation. Eddie said he would, not because he wanted to, but because it was an excuse to stay longer and see who was coming out onto the ice.

He left his stuff in the little rental office, and quickly made his way down to the back area where they kept the Zamboni. They taught him the first week of his job, and originally he was going to do this and maintenance, but the job in rental opened up around the same time and he opted out for that.

He threw his hair up into a sloppy bun, and got to work, pulling it out onto the ice. He let the machine do its job as he zoned out just making sure to keep it from running into things. The whole process took about 5 minutes and he was so focused on pulling it back into the area it was kept in the arena - he didn’t notice the guy had come in and started to put on his skates.

Eddie was walking back to grab his stuff when he got stopped in his tracks by someone calling out a kinda hostile “hey!”

Eddie looked around and saw him, down by the glass box, staring up at him. He stood there like a deer in headlights, thoughts pouring through his head.

Did I not Zamboni right?

Does he think I did a bad job-

The guy waved at him, telling him to come over with one simple hand gesture- so Eddie did. He walked down the steps and before he knew it, he was standing there just on the other side of the glass. “Uh… hey?” Eddie said, quickly looking at the ice to make sure it was smooth and a decent job.

“Why do you watch me when I skate?” The guy asked.

Oh shit- Eddie thought, his eyes snapping back to the guy, which now that he was closer noticed so many more details that made him somehow even more perfect.

He had a few small moles on his left cheek, one on his neck. His lips were pouty, cheeks puffy and red from the cold already, and his hair- his hair was so thick and this honey brown, just like his eyes.

“I uh- I -“ Eddie stuttered. “I just like to watch you skate-“ he said. It was so awkward he felt himself cringe deep inside. “I work here.” Eddie said again, trying to help his case- realizing quickly it absolutely did not help him at all.

“Okay…” the guy said his eyes flicking around, “it’s kinda creepy…” he followed his last statement. “Can I give you a tip?” He said, looking up at Steve as he Bent down to check and make sure his skates were tight and ready to go.

“Uh, yeah-“ Eddie knew he didn’t Zamboni right-

“Yeah of course, it’s also like the first time- I’ve done that- Zamboni the ice-“

“At least introduce yourself, you know- before you stalk someone.” The guy said, looking up at him with knowing eyes.

Oh he meant- oh shit-

“Right yeah- yeah of course-“

Eddie stared at the guy whose eyes waited for more of an answer. “Eddie.”

He said, giving the guy a sheepish smile, holding out a hand.

The guy stood up, and shook his hand finally telling him his name. “Steve.” He skated backwards away from Eddie, nodding slightly, and calling out “the ice is nice… better than the other guy who does it.” A smile peaking up on his face for the first time since the interaction. “You should take a seat, gonna be here for an hour.” Steve called out to him as the blades on his skates cut through the ice, the sound echoing around the arena.

So Eddie did just that, he sat down and he watched Steve skate.

[artifeast]

Cursed Dungeon Meshi AU, with a vague attempt at the manga's style. They are 17 inches shorter than their canon heights. Maintained the height differences though!

Telesphore is an elf of course, Colette is a half-foot/tallman, and Eisen is a gnome. WAY too many miscellaneous thoughts about this AU under the cut. There miight be worldbuilding spoilers if you haven't read the DunMesh manga and bonus material

Telesphore is an elf because, obviously

Eisen's a gnome because that gave me a decent height difference with Telesphore while still giving him strong magic capabilities. He might have a bit of dwarf in him, though

Colette's mother was a half-foot, and her father is a tall-man with a half-foot grandparent. Colette is still taller than the average considering her heritage (I did MATH about this. and jsyk the numbers worked beautifully). I wanted her to not be particularly innately magical, and also this would give her an appropriate height in comparison to Telesphore and Eisen. Like, the AU is already gonna be cursed with how Telsie has to get shrunken, but it'd be even worse if Colette was a tallman and 8 inches taller than him LMAO

Colette still has the Kingmaker in this AU, though I forgot to draw it. In this, it's an ancient elven magical artifact.

Colette's still 25, while Telesphore and Eisen are the same age (190). I made an age comparison chart for the Dungeon Meshi races a while back, taking into account both age of maturity and life expectancy, and according to it, 190 makes Telesphore the equivalent of about 29 and Eisen the equivalent of about 47.5, which is close enough. This AU loses the dynamic of Telesphore being alive for hundreds of years longer than Eisen, and in fact makes Eisen the older one of the two (aging-wise) from the very start, but eh, I think it still works. There's still lifespan angst since Eisen only has 50 years before he hits the average life expectancy for gnomes, while Telesphore has another 210 years. Also I think them remaining the same age, as opposed to canon, but still aging differently is kinda fun.

The Kingdom of Valor is somewhere in the middle of the Eastern Continent, landlocked like in canon. The population is primarily half-foots, but there are also a good deal of gnomes and dwarves, as expected from the region. More interestingly, there is a community of elves.

Within Valor is the Seltsamwald, a bizarre and massive surface-level dungeon in the form of a dangerous forest that stretches for miles, held in check by incredibly powerful ancient magic forming a barrier around it. The elves are investigating it and maintaining it. There is no immortality spell in the Seltsamwald. The lord of the dungeon has not been found, but doesn't appear to be particularly active; in fact, despite being clearly contained and rather active in terms of monsters, it retains many properties of a natural dungeon. Some have theorized that it actually is a natural dungeon that's spread too far, perhaps cultivated by a mage in ages past, that was then sealed closed when it grew too powerful. However, it's not sealed entirely shut, and is kept alive mostly by the elves investigating it. There is very limited non-elf foot traffic, with it mostly being criminals that sneak into its maze-like forest. The Seltsamwald has been kept stable like this for hundreds of years. More recently, a group of elves have formed a small town within the dungeon as a sort of research post, named Sorbus.

Also within Valor are at least two magic schools, located there due to the plentiful mana from the Seltsamwald. One is for gnomish magic, and one is for elven magic.

The Desrosiers were half-foots. Ariadne is a tallman that's managed to prolong her life using ancient magic. (Though even still, in this AU she probably murdered Eisen's parents when he was the equivalent of like... 37, rather than 18)

I've spent a LOT of time thinking about it and I've decided not to try to translate the revolution and the closed Kehrseite portal situation into this AU. It's much easier to say Telesphore not being able to go home is just… a personal issue, because he's a wanted criminal on the Northern Central Continent, LOL. And the revolution's just a huge mess... I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I excluded the Good Neighbors/elves from the proceedings, though. These fantasy medieval ages are allowed a little populist revolution

[shepscapades]

YAY Week 1 prompts in-detail are here! The Hermitcraft Character Design Event arrives! Feel free to go wild with these prompts as inspiration, or use the above suggestions to help form ideas for creating character designs, drawing, writing, scene-making, anything you like!

1.] Non-Life-Series Hermit on their Red Life: death-game-ify your blorbo of choice! Imagine your character as though they were taking place in one of the Traffic SMP Life Series, and how they may look or have ended up on their Red Life. You could go for one series specifically, or just go for the vibes!

2.] As a D&D Class: Throw your blorbo into RPG Dungeons & Dragons— is it that your mcyt character has been dropped into the world of D&D? Is it an AU? Is it D&D mechanics and features in the world of Minecraft? Up to you!

Reminders: Anyone is welcome to participate, in whatever way and however much! Feel free to apply these prompts to any mcyt blorbo of your choosing! Feel free to use the tag #ShepsHermitDesign23 and/or @me in your posts! I look forward to seeing what everyone creates!

[artaxlivs]

My Masterlist -

Featuring mostly Steddie, Winterhawk & now - Sterek 💜

Steddie (Stranger Things):

HomeSteddie Farms: Rated T - Steve and Eddie had a farm and on this farm were a bunch of critters with awesome names. Plus art by Doomcheese!

End of the Beginning: Rated T - Eddie gets a do over and finds himself in the Upsidedown with Will. Can they save everyone this time? Art by @alduade-art

Do You Hear What I Hear?: Rated T - Steve brings home a mogwai, Eddie's never been good with rules

Nobody's Baby: Rated E - Steddie Dirty Dancing AU Steve & Robin best friends, Eddie & Chrissy best friends, 80s movie campiness, light BDSM, traffic light system for dancing and sex. With art by @lexplexdraws

Like a Mythical Virgin: Rated M - Eddie finds out the hard way that feral unicorns don't chase virgins for nice reasons

Let Me Be Your Man (i want to hold your hand): Rated E - Mike gets help from Steve with making a mixtape for Will. Eddie learns that there's an art to mixtapes. mike/steve bonding, laughter, fluff, little pining, smut (You can find the podfic of this one here. Read by the amazing RattleandHum (@thirdeye1234))

Destroy the Silence (Drummer Steve) - Rated E - Steve joins the band and Eddie discovers he has a thing for competent drummers, healthy bdsm communication, laughter, fluff & smut. Art by @carcrash429 (You can find the podfic of this one here. Read by the fabulous @rufusbear)

Off the Shelf - Rated E - Stripper Steve give Eddie a private show. Eddie discovers a new kink. Modern AU, basically porn with a smidge of plot.

Screw Todd, Steve's Her (His) Daddy Now - Rated E - Steve keeps calling himself Daddy "unintentionally" and Eddie's about to lose it, light bdsm, non verbal communication, daddy kink (or is it?)

The Second Worst Trip to Mordor Ever Taken - Rated T - Steve takes the boys & Eddie to Indy to a nerd store and flirts his way into trouble, Steddie, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings

Even Flowers Have Their Dangers (Series: No One Is Alone)- Rated E - What if the tunnels turned Steve & the kids into shapeshifting wolves? S4 rewrite and my own write up of S5 but with half the party as shapeshifters, smut, graphic imagery, battle scenes

There’s Something Wrong With Steve (WIP ch2/4) - Rated M - I’m not gonna tell you, Steddie, Suspense thriller, creep factor 6/10 and climbing

Let the Music Play -Series - Rated T - The music that plays every time Steve gets Vecna’d, Stobin besties, Steddie pre relationship, hurt/comfort

An Accidental Flogging - Rated E - Steve has questions about Eddie’s kinks, Eddie would like to have answers but he’s actually a virgin, friends to lovers, Top Steve, accidental kink discovery, laughter, fluff, & smut

Drabbles that aren't full fics: Happy Summer, Steve's Thighs, i was afraid to follow, Personal Space, can you read the letter for me (Part two), Pillow Talk, Steddie First Kiss Challenge, Constellations, Artax is a New Horse, To Do List

Art made by amazing artists that goes with something I wrote (eek!): Crabs, Drummer Steve, Dirty Dancing, Homesteddie

Clint Barton Centric (Marvel):

True Colors Series (8 Parts/complete) - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: The Snap didn’t dust half the universe, it turned them into soulmates who can only see colors when they find each other, Clint & Bucky don’t mean to find each other. Almost strangers to soulmates, smut, background Steve/Natasha and others

The Case of the Missing Purple Sweatshirts - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: Someone is stealing Clint’s sweatshirts…my excuse to let Clint talk about Scooby Doo

Through the Looking Glass - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Instead of talking, they miscommunicate themselves into being sex dungeon fuck buddies, BDSM Dungeon fic, miscommunications, learning through bad negotiations, so very much smut, background Steve/Darcy, past Clint/She Who Must Not Be Named

Something to Tweet About - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: Someone tweets a series of photos of Clint & Bucky hanging out and mutually pining, they deal with it by avoiding it obviously. friends to lovers, social media ship to lovers

A Life Well Lived - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: just a glance at Clint’s last day

Make it Permanent - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Secret dating, hickeys and tattoos and a little bit of healthy possessiveness

And the Stockings Were Hung - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Christmas Exchange fic, Bucky's first Christmas at the tower, fluff and smut

Porn & Prose - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: some backstage smut between Mr Bingley (Clint) and Mr Darcy (Bucky)

Bucky, Lemme Smash - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: I just wanted to turn Clint purple and use this line from that meme, smut

Both, Both is Good - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Bucky avoids Clint until he realizes Clint has been avoiding him, fuck buddies to lovers, smut & miscommunication

The Happiest Place on Earth - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Bucky plays Hawkeye in Disneyland because the actor who plays him is short and he’s real pissed that some guy named Clint is tall enough to play the Winter Soldier, enemies to lovers, Clint in eyeliner, smut

Three to Tango - Rated E - Clint/Bucky/Natasha: James & Natasha teach Clint’s dance class, then they invite him for private lessons. Healthy communication, smut and Clint’s self degradation

A Bird By Any Other Name (Series) - Rated E - Clint/Steve: Clint as the Winter Soldier thru WW2 & the present, hurt/comfort, mental struggles, smut

Body Count - Rated E - Clint/Steve: tumblr prompt hitman meets a sex worker, just so much smut

Friends Don’t Let Friends Wait Too Long - Rated T - Clint/Steve: Steve is too nervous to ask Clint out, Bucky’s gonna help in an helpful way. Misunderstanding, fluff, laughter, Natasha being a troll

Marvel/DC Crossovers:

Draw & Release (2 part series) - Rated E - Clint Barton/Jason Todd: Clint gets a tattoo & finds a new boyfriend/Dom

Sterek (Teen Wolf):

UNLESS - Rated T - A Fern Gullyish AU where Stiles is a fairy, Derek is a 3 inch tall werewolf and Kate is even more toxic than usual, bookbinding by @eviscer-8

Take a Glorious Bite Out of the Whole World - Rated E - Stiles has known for ten years that Derek is his soulmate, Derek didn't even know Stiles existed. Soulmates, happy ending, alive Hale family. With art by @angeleyz4ever

Lie On My Front - Rated E - Derek & Stiles find themselves trapped inside a crate in a compromising position. Porn with a teensy bit of plot

Somewhere Under the Rainbow - Rated T - Wild geese can't be bothered to catch sidekicks. Fluff, magic, leprechauns, banter

[stormypip7]

Introduction to My Blog!

last updated: 13/1/25 !!!

Hey there, I'm Stormypip7! I'm an artist and I play games that I like :]

My Art Requests Are Open! These are free as I do them as a way of honing my skills, my inbox is always open for these!

I DESPISE REBLOG BAIT. I TRY NOT TO REBLOG IT WHEN I DO ITS TAGGED.

tagging system:

-sp7's too much to handle au (my life series superpowers au tag)

-sp7's non art reblogs (my reblog tag for this account)

-sp7's rambling tag (my talking tag)

-sp7 does art things (my newer art tag)

-sp7's nostalgia tag (NEW! what im gonna tag stuff with that's about old games i like)

(Hyperfixation list and misc section below the cut!)

Current hyperfixations!

->Danganronpa: certain characters individually.

->Gen 6 Pokémon: I grew up with a copy of Y and a Latios my brother gave me, which has lead to a major love for these games and Latios in general.

->Pokémon Mystery Dungeon (Rescue Team, specifically): I'm pretty sure that the Gen 3 version was one of the first games I beat the main story for and it has a special place in my heart, along with RT!Gengar.

->Undertale (and the AUs): my 2020 fixation has sunk its teeth back into me. Yeah this is one of my on and off ones.

->The Life Series': yeah, this one is huuuuuuge. It's reached brainrot levels of fixation. I NEED more time to be able to catch up on everyone's povs. And Limited Life. Aw heck, I'd rewatch ALL of it if I had the time to.

->Phineas and Ferb: we started rewatching the show earlier in the year and how on earth had I never actually watched it before? Anyway new fixation.

->Miitopia: I go in and out of wanting to replay this masterpiece of a game, and it usually turns into a huge fixation of mine. Guess what came back.

->Fire Emblem Fates (and Awakening): Okay this one I feel creeping back. I can't satiate it by replaying the games, so it'll have to be one I think about instead of indulging in my nostalgia(?).

Misc!

->I have an art reblogging account. This is where I'll reblog most cool art I find. I also have an alt blog, but that's not important, and I have a sideblog for my Undertale AU.

->Don't feel scared about sending me asks! Ask me anything that pops into your head. Hell, even ask me about the weather if you can't think of anything else!

Edited 17/10: added ut to fix list. | Edited 20/10: updated misc section and removed the other blogs area. | Edited 28/10: updated misc section with my ut au. | Edited 8/11: updated misc section. | Edited 14/11: added pnf to fix list. | Edited 17/11: added miitopia to fix list. | Edited 20/11: wrote up a bit about the tumblr sexy[pikmin]. | Edited 30/11: added the traffic light smp to my fix list. | Edited 1/1/25: changed the layout and fixed a few bits and bobs. | Edited 7/1: put Fates into fix list. |

[waltwhitmansbeard]

I don't know if you're taking just random prompts right now but if you are... may I request GWTF vaxleth when keyleth finally gets pregnant?🥺

this is the au!

The house is empty. She makes sure of it, invents some dire need from the grocery store to get Vax out of the house. She can't take Simon's staring eyes, curious and always a bit too knowledgeable, so she locks herself in the bedroom, sits on the foot of the bed, and waits.

Her leg jiggles. Up and down. Up and down. It vibrates the bed, sets the headboard knocking into the wall. The sound of it almost makes her laugh, if laughter were a thing she were capable of right now. Simon scratches at the door, mewing pitifully, as if he were trapped in a torture dungeon and not the hallway. She tells herself she's not going to watch the clock, the fancy one Vax got her for her birthday that uses artificial sunlight to wake her up gradually, and yet her eyes dart to it every fifteen seconds, over and over and over. Her leg jiggles.

The phone she left on her dresser buzzes, and the leg stops. She stands mechanically, animated by some force outside of herself. She walks into the bathroom. Oh, hope is such a treacherous beast, clawing and cooing and sharp and soft, all at the same time. She left the test waiting just on the sink. Until she looks, it could say anything. Until she looks, she cannot be disappointed, cannot be rent apart by hope's talons, which have latched into her ribs and are clinging on for dear life. Until she looks, she will not have to see the falling of Vax's face when she breaks his heart again.

She looks.

.

Vax won't admit that they've moved to the suburbs, because they haven't. They're on the edge of the city now, the liminal space between urban and suburban, but just because they have a postage stamp of a backyard and two floors that are both theirs doesn't mean he's not still a city boy, and it doesn't mean he doesn't find the traffic out here absolutely enraging.

So he's grumpy when he comes home with Keyleth's oat milk and a pint of gelato because it was on sale, which should not have taken forty-five minutes, for fuck's sake. He shoves open the door, Grow with the Flow tote bag on one arm, and he's nearly sent back toppling down the steps when he's attacked by flailing arms and a curtain of red hair.

"Kiki!" He barely catches her, the bag of groceries flying painfully into his knee as he does. "What the—are you crying?"

And she is, but she's also talking, a thousand words a minute, tripping over her tongue as she tries to tell him something. He pries her off of him as best he can so he can get a good look at her face. "Keyleth, what's wrong?"

She takes a deep, shuddering breath and falls silent. She presses something into his hand, and when he looks down, there's a pregnancy test, one of the ones he's seen all too many of these past few months.

Oh. OH!

The bag is abandoned in the foyer as he throws his arms around her, now babbling and crying himself. They're going to be parents. He kisses her, her lips, her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, his miracle wife, his magic woman, already so good at growing and cultivating and fostering life, now with a new seedling for them to tend to together. He thumbs away her tears, ignoring his own entirely, and says in a laugh that borders on manic, "I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now."

She's glowing like the sun, so radiant he thinks she might blind him. "I can't believe it's real."

"I can." And he can. As happy as he is, he's always known that this would happen. Call it destiny or fate or a will so strong he would defy the gods themselves—he's never doubted for a second that they would get to here. He kisses her again, stomach flipping as she melts against him, grinning against his lips. They're going to have a family. He feels like he could grow wings and fly, shoot up into the clouds and float back down to earth, to her plants in the soil and his knives in the drawer and their little second bedroom, where someday, new hands will crawl and new lungs will shriek and a new life will sprout up, vibrant and reaching toward the sun.

[mildlylesbian]

Intro Post

Current Theme: Minecraft/Pink & Purple Main Fandoms: Hermitcraft, Traffic Series, RTGame DNI: Terfs, pro-lifers, transphobes, homophobes, trolls Do Interact: MCYT fandom, hermitshippers, writers, oc makers, friends Please tag me in posts you think I'll like and feel free to ramble in my ask box!

Basic Info

+ a bit of history ig

Hello! I'm Nesquik, but I also go by Nes, Azelea, Az, Mon, and Anura. I'm fine with any nicknames, am genderqueer, and go by She/They/He pronouns. I cannot guarantee my blog to be PG 13, so minors interact at your own risk!

I've been writing original works since I was 11 and started writing fanfic in November of 2022. A master post of all my finished, ongoing, and planned fics/original pieces can be found here!

Aside from writing I also play and DM Dungeons & Dragons, love board games, hanging out with friends, cooking, listening to music, and creating shitposts that no one but me finds funny.

My Tags

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#favs - My favourite posts

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#my writing - Writing by me

#asks! - Any ask answered by me

#ask game! - Game posts where you send me an ask and I answer it

#tag game! - game posts I was tagged in

#picrew chain - picrew chains I started or took part in

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#ken bear - Moots hijinks but specifically for @fizzello because they're special

#bread duo - Moots hijinks but for @x-ca1iber because apparently we're a package deal

#reblogs - a post I've reblogged and have added to either via the post or tags

#of songbirds and watchers - My Jimmy and Grain centric Hermitcraft AU

Credit

[lamplightideas]

So uh.

Hi.

I'm Lum. Or Lamp. You can call me anything, as long as it isn't late for dinner.

I do art stuff and comment on things I think are very cool or very silly. So uh

Yeah!

I exist. That's your problem now

Hiiii :D

Fandoms:

-Hermitcraft

-Life series/traffic life

-Lego Monkey Kid

-Phighting

-Pressure

-Blocktales

-DnD

-Hfjone

-Studio Ghibli

-Gravity falls

-Faith: the Unholy trinity

-Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in dungeon(anime)

-Rain world

- Undertale/AU's(I'm an old fan so I know nothing about new things lol)

AU's:

- Wisdom^2

Also for asks please keep them in the list of the fandoms I'm in <3(for art, otherwise say whatever)

I do not do commissions(I have motivation issues lol)

[shadowspellchecker]

Hold my beer...

1. 1. Anyone would be a better teacher

#Crossover #Open-fandom #Harry_Potter

2. 1. Lost in Space AU

#Fusion #Open-fandom #Lost_In_Space

3. 2. Main Character is raised Imperial 

#Canon_Divergence #Fusion #Fandom_Specific #Star_Wars

7. 6. North and South AU

8. 7. Timer AU

#True_AU #Open_fandom

9. 8. Roman Empire AU

10. 9. Male lead is Cohortes Urbanae 

11. 10. The obligatory Ghosts (USA) AU.

12. 11. They are your coworkers

Write a scenario where they work wherever it is that You, IRL, work. What do they do? Do any of them like the job? Who do you most get along with?

13. 12. New in Town AU

X is an ambitious upcoming corporate executive coming to shut down a factory. Y is the union representative. Featuring Z as Blanche Gunderson.

14. 13. New in Town AU… in SPACE!

15. 14. Hospital Procedural 

16. 15. Civil War AU

16b. Gone with the Wind-inspired AU 

17. 16. Civil War Hospital AU

Because Mercy Street is Awesome

18. 17. Spanish American War AU

19. 18. Western

20. 19. Dragons AU

21. 20. Pern AU

22. 21. American revolution 

23. 22. Braveheart AU

25. 24. Naruto AU

26. 25. Deathworlders AU

28. 27. Zealot AU

29. 28. Atlantis the Lost Empire AU

30. 29. NCIS AU

31. 29. DnD AU

33. 31. The one where they're the Tabletop RPG players and canon is an RPG

34. 32. Raiders of the Lost Ark AU

36. 33. Raiders of the Lost Art AU (not a duplicate)

42. 39. Napolitano Vampire AU

Watch Commissario Ricciardi and you'll understand where this idea is from. Really, it's all about the mood. 

43. 40. Moody Victorian Crime Solving Drama AU

See above, but set in Victorian or early Edwardian England. You might even have a variant of Miss Scarlet and the Duke. 

44. 41. Epistolary Victorian AU

Any excuse for Flower language 

45. 42. Green grocer AU

46. 43. Weed distributors AU 

…your One Stop Shop for legal Marijuana!

47. 44. Beauty and the Beast AU. 

48. 45. The Lawn Ornament AU.

Like Toy Story but with lawn ornaments. 

Featuring Benny the Gnome, Cleo the Flamingo, Shaibel as one of those ceramic tree faces… 

49. 46. The Honest Star Wars AU: TQG in Star Wars

50. Covid AU

Main Characters. Covid lock down. Go.

51. Corvid AU

They might be crows. They might be ornithologists. If you want to get adventurous, they might be both. If you're really adventurous (or out for heartbreak), there's one of each.

52. 49. Redwall AU

53. 50. Wizard of Oz remixes

54. 51. Manifest / Twilight Zone Odyssey of Flight 33 AU

They're all passengers on this flight. What happens next is up to you.

55. 52. Wildcats AU

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/WildCats1986

This, but Beth is the main character and Shaibel was the one raising her. 

57. 54. The Cleanup Crew

Set in the universe of Indiana Jones. After Adventure Archaeologists like Indiana and Aphra go busting through ancient secrets and forbidden temples, your main characters are the team that goes in to smooth things over with the local governments, silence strategically unsafe witnesses, set up cover stories, replace death traps and transport eldritch objects into high security. While living in hope that maybe, just maybe, the paperwork will be finished sometime this century. 

58. 55. Animal shelter AU

59. 56. Main Character is in Make Way For Ducklings

Reasoning:

Benny Watts is in New York

Make Way for Ducklings is in New York

New York traffic jam caused by duckling train

Benny reacting to being stuck in said traffic jam

Why is he upset 

Traffic jam from ducks keeping him from a chess game

Ducks block Benny from chess game

Ducks land on Benny's chess game in Central Park 

Benny sues duck 

Chess Federation sues Ducks

Chess Federation v. Duck et al, 1970. 

59b. 56b. Your main character places a frivolous lawsuit.

60. 57. ATLA AU

Beth Harmon as Azula. Azula as Beth Harmon

63. 59. Pokemon Red AU

64. 60. Or a more general Pokémon AU

65. 61. Pokemon Mystery Dungeon AU. Pick your version. 

66. 62. Kanto AU, but they're all pokemon. 

67. 63. The Rookie (2002) AU (skip, too similar)

68. 64. Renaissance AU

69. 65. Edwardian AU

70. 66. Edwardian silverware AU

The characters are sentient silverware commenting on the behaviors of the people eating the meal. That's it. That's the fic. 

71. 67. Victorian-style Toy Story AU

72. 68. Antiques Roadshow AU

Pick two media. The mains for one are hosts and antiques experts on the show; the other are the guests. Who gets what specialty? Who brings in what? How do they react?

73. 69. Things [your fandom main characters] are no longer allowed to do

74. 70. House AU. 

75. 71. The Death Star and the Executor are both sentient. And the Executor is either Territorial or Jealous.

76. 72. Darth Vader's Suit

...has a mind of it's own

77. 73. Your favorite Main Characters decide to passive-aggressively install a gazebo on someone's lawn. 

78. 74. The Sannin in Star Wars

79. 75. Group of Main Characters vs Paperwork

80. 76. Vienna Blood AU

81. 77. And then there were none AU

82. 78. In a kinder universe…

The mains never meet because they live very different lives

83. But say in a slightly less kind universe…

But say in a slightly less kind universe, still miles kinder than Canon. 

84. Period Piece Fight Club

Your MCs all come from different historical settings. They are kidnapped by… something and forced to duke it out in a tournament or round-robin to decide which setting they get to be dropped off. Not all of them are even fighters! From whence does each character come, what was their occupation, how do they fight, are they even able to fight given their circumstances at the time of kidnap (i.e. are they injured, do they have ammo, are they sworn never to touch a blade?), who wins. Fill in blanks in the premise: can the characters communicate, is it to the death, can they communicate with each other (i.e. translator microbes), is there healing, can they communicate with each other off the field and/or without being observed, what are the tournament runners motivations and what are the rules?

86. Wacky marriage proposal

87. Galactic food blog AU (for space operas)

88. Ghosts + Downton Abbey + 3rd fandom

Your MCs are in a modern AU and staying at Downton Abbey, which has been refurbished as a B&B. One of your characters sees ghosts. Downton has a lot of them. 

Bonus corollary: if your MCs are from Downton Abbey how do they handle meeting themselves?

91. Crossdresser Zorro remix.

92. Conventional Zorro remix

93. "Where is New Jersey?!" 1776 crossover 

94. Name your time Lord. 

95. Amnesia au

96. Warring states au

97. Warrior cats au

Pictures would be great. 

I know I got my statistical human to cat coat color correspondence chart somewhere…

98. Labyrinth AU

99. Jack Ryan but with your mains instead of Jack. 

100. They are superheroes

101. You Got Mail remix

102. Middle Ages au

103. The mains recognize each other from their dreams 

104. Soulmate geese transformation 

105. Your mains are the leads in Mythbusters-style TV show 

106. Poker AU

107. Turn left at Kirk's Rock…

Even if they are in Star Wars

109. Designated Survivor au

110. Pirates and privateers

111. Jurassic park au

112. Jurassic Parking; all your mains use the same car park. It's dinosaur themed. 

Bonus: "And then someone just shows up and buries a dead king under it."

113. Main Character is Cursed by angry old woman. Any time he swears, he is mobbed by seagulls. 

116. A heavily-armored X lands on Palpatine. Yes, you know which fic I'm cribbing here. Yes, this is the plot. Everything else is just icing.

117. A clear and meaningful assessment of your main character group's alcohol tolerances.

118. Young Tom Riddle is raised by Main

119. Main Character is a fairy-doctor

121. /Anyone/ showing up in The Martian 

122. Police Academy AU 

As inspired by Lucillia

123. My Little Pony Fusion

124. Zombie apocalypse strikes your canonverse

125. Main Character, olympian runner

126 - Dreamingverse

Everyone had a second set of false memories that grow with them as they age. We call this one's Dreaming. These false memories depict another life, superficially similar to one's own circumstances or even resemblant of historical figures – but they are false indeed, in truth quite unreliable in history, personages, and even natural laws (please don't test this; even now children regularly die trying to fly if left unsupervised before becoming acquainted with the Waking). It would be an untruth to equate the dream-self to the self; they can be quite different people. Similarity can be quite random. Often people who strongly affect each other may find their Dreamings overlap, even recognizing each other from drawings if one is of an artistic bent. We call this sharing a Dreaming. 

Key characters are born with the memories of other lives and another world. What do they do with them?

Rule:

Memories they have access to correspond with equivalent physical age.

129. House Hunters AU

130. How to Winnebago without even trying.

[verdantglow]

Okay so @plumadot’s posting about her D&D Traffic AU has made me remember how much I love my Dungeons & Traffic AU & I Must Talk About It Now.

Basically all the characters are in a modern setting, playing a rotating cast D&D game DMed by The Watchers. (I never really decided how that works. Plan was for everything in out of game space be completely mundane except for the floating purple eye behind the DM screen lol.)

But yeah! So I picked classes & heritages that the characters would pick themselves based on play styles & preferences. &, uh, here they are!

Bdubs: Firbolg, Light Domain Cleric of Helios

Of course he’s a light cleric. Of course his god is literally the god of the Sun. This man does not fuck with the night & darkness At All. (Also he wanted to be tall lol.)

BigB: (???), (???)

Okay, gonna be honest, BigB is the last one I need to make decisions for ‘cause I feel I have too many knowledge gaps about him to figure this out. Was thinking Paladin maybe??? But I will totes take input, please help me here. Only restrictions: I’d prefer if he doesn’t double up on heritage or subclass with anyone.

Cleo: Reborn, Circle of Wildfire Druid

Cleo’s gotta be a zombie, so Reborn is perfect. & who can deny Cleo the opportunity to have a skill set based entirely around setting shit on fire?

Etho: Shadar-Kai, Way of the Shadow Monk

He’s a ninja lol. Also in this AU I was thinking he & Gem would be siblings, so having him play an emotionally flat dark elf played nicely with what Gem goes with. Which…

Gem: Eladrin, Eldritch Knight Fighter

Gem had to be a fighter, that girl is a fighter through & through, but she’s definitely not playing a boring character. Eldritch Knight adds some magical flavour that goes well with her being an Eladrin. & she had to be an elf of some kind; I think she’d like the versatility & expressiveness of Eladrin.

Grian: Changeling, Pact of the Tome Warlock of the Archfey

Okay, I know this is probs controversial but hear me out. 1) Grian being a Warlock I think is just very in character. 2) Pact of the Tome lets him cast catrips from other classes & you unknowingly he’d get a kick outta that mechanic. 3) His patron is a homebrewed version of The Traveler, half way between 5e canon & Critical Role canon. Trickster vibes are real. 4) This dude has had so many skins. Changeling energy. (Also I just love changelings & Grian made the most sense to me.)

Impulse: Hill Dwarf, Forge Domain Cleric of Tharmekhûl

Another controversial one, but I’m not a fan of demon/tiefling/horned Impulse. & he legit has been a dwarf before. Hill dwarf because they get a Wisdom buff & that makes sense for Impulse. Cleric of Tharmekhûl because forge/light vibes & also he’s the god of smiths & that feels… like something Impulse would choose. (Impulse’s character is also min-max’d to hell. This man is going to win at D&D.)

Jimmy: Human, Oath of Glory Paladin of Tyr

Jimmy got overwhelmed by all the heritages & just went human for simplicity. He takes regular human rather than variant because he doesn’t want to learn all the feats & getting +1 to all stats is pretty good, right? Oath of Glory Paladin of Tyr because he really, really plays into being Lawful Good, & being The Law of the party.

Joel: Half-orc, Path of the Berserker Barbarian

Half-orc for being the closest I could get to an ogre. Path of the Berserker because he’s all about The Rage.

Lizzie: High Elf, School of Enchantment Wizard

Idk Lizzie just has big Wizard vibes to me, but like. Not the best wizard. Like she’s powerful, but rolls shit. She couldn’t get anyone to sleep in the Secret Life campaign because her DC is kinda low & everyone kept making their saves. (Except Joel. He failed his save on purpose. <3) High Elf for Queen Lizzie.

Martyn: Tiefling, Swashbuckler Fighter

Another natural fighter choice imo, but Swashbuckler for The Performance. Tiefling because he’s a bit impish & also so he can have Thaumaturgy to constantly scare everyone with monster/mob noises.

Mumbo: Rock Gnome, School of Evocation Wizard

I need to Mumbo to be a glass canon. School of Evocation Wizard does that so well. He can blow shit up so good, but he takes one hit & he’s out. Rock gnome because he just wanted to be a little guy & so he can be a Tinker.

Pearl: Wood Elf, Beastmaster Ranger

Beastmaster Ranger so she can have Tilly as an animal companion. Also more combat than magic focused, ‘cause that feels right? Elf because that’s her vibe, wood elf because it made sense for her build.

Ren: Werewolf Shifter (Doglike), Bannerette Fighter

Ren really wanted to be a fighter, but he put all his points in charisma RIP. So yeah, he’s the fighter class that does the least actual fighting lol. Doglike werewolf because of course.

Scar: Half-elf, Wild Magic Sorcerer/School of Eloquence Bard multiclass

His first few levels were in sorcerer, to reflect his absolutely bonkers all or nothing luck. School of Eloquence because he’s the type to talk his way out of most any situation he can. Also: Scar is 100% a charisma caster. (He still uses a longbow, don’t worry; he gets proficiency with it from being a half-elf.)

Scott: Fairy, Lunar Sorceror

I have changed my mind the most about Scott. Landed on Fairy, because the Vibes. Sorcerer because I felt he’d have innate magic, Lunar because it gives him access to a wide variety of spells that make sense for him. (Like Shield. He uses Shield all the time. Can’t hit this man, no sir.)

Skizz: Protector Aassimar, Path of the Ancestral Guardians Barbarian

He attac, he protec. & most importantly, he place high value on bonds between folks. So giving him Ancestral Guardians just… yeah.

Tango: Fire Genasi, Battlesmith Artificer

I don’t think I need to explain this much. His Steel Defender is an Iron Golem.

[shadowfloofster]

My monkie kid fixation is crumbling so I'm clinging to it for dear life while falling onto my Pokémon mystery dungeon safety net

So PMD Monkie kid au

First is MK (Grookey) Mei (Axew) and Red son (Bipedal Torracat)

Team Traffic light

They are part of Flower fruit guild (Run by Monkey king)

The team was founded by MK and Mei as team dragon noodles

Red son was originally part of the demon bull guild until deciding to transfer to Flower fruit guild, joining team Dragon noodles, now team traffic light

MK is an orphaned shiny grookey who'd been best friends with Mei for years, both wanting to join a guild since they were young

As soon as Mei and MK were old enough they tried to join any guild in the area, but were unable to

Got accepted into Flower fruit guild after helping Pigsy, Sandy and Tang when they ran low on supplies in a powerful dungeon (though the pair had followed them into the dungeon in the first place)

Monkey king wants MK to take over the guild when he retires

Mei is a distant descendant of Reshiram

As they were in rival guilds, Red son and team Dragon noodles usually ran into eachother trying to complete missions

After MK and Mei helped Red son escape a dangerous dungeon, he decided to join them

They have accessories with one of the others corresponding colours (MK has a red bandana, Mei has an amber bandana and Red son has a green arm band)

Might add more to it whenever I can

[sabraeal]

Provocateur, Prologue

[Read on AO3]

Written for @krispy-kream in honor of her birthday. Many years ago, back when I first joined fandom, I came up with the idea for an Obi Works For Izana AU, and both Sharon and I ended up writing small pieces of a much larger whole. And now FINALLY...I’m actually writing the very beginning 🤣

When it comes down to it, in terms of area and amenities, the royal dungeons has some of his last few flats beats.

There’s light, for one. He’s never liked basement apartments-- he’d take a stifling attic room over a place with only one exit any day-- but the windows here are high up on the wall, enough that he can watch the sun paint his cell floor as the hours pass. They’re ground level, at least by the foot traffic outside of ‘em, and with how loud these guards gossip, he’ll know whose girlfriends are pregnant and who’s nursing a nasty boil by shift change. Just like sitting in a tavern for a few hours, only with less ale.

There’s a cot too, straw-stuffed and a little too soft, with a blanket that doesn’t even itch. Seems like it might be warm too, for when the nights get cold. Not that he has an intention of testing out that particular hunch.

The guard down the hall is decent in the way authority figures never are; when he calls out to ask where his piss bucket is, the man-- boy? It’s hard to tell beneath those helmets-- ushers him down a hall to a water closet, and when he pops out, reminds him to take care to wash his hands. He’s prompt about mealtime too; when supper comes, the man says to expect three square and leaves him with with a dinner that would put most publicans to shame.

All in all, this isn’t the worst trouble he’s gotten himself into. Worlds better than that stint he’d had in Eurikenna’s gaol. Or that night in Port City.

Still, he’s got no plans to linger. No point in sticking around for a punishment when he's got no interest in redemption. But he’s got a prince to wait for.

Oh, His Highness might say he’s above getting his hands dirty, might look down that noble nose at a man like him who makes his living in trade, but he’d seen his look. Not the first, when his little mistress was watching, all puffed cheeks and disapproving brow, but the second, that glance over his shoulder as the Big Man frogmarched a dirty rat down into the dungeons.

That one was a man who had found the right tool for the job. Hands don’t stay clean without gloves to cover them, especially if they mean to hold a mistress who collects trouble like some ladies collect hairpins. If he wants to keep his side piece quiet, it’s only a matter of time before he’ll have to make a statement. And nothing says don’t touch what’s mine like a few accidents. All he has to do is wait out a royal conscience.

The light fades as he waits, just the last stretch of dusky light yawning on the sill. It’s almost time for all good little princes to be in bed, but this one-- this one will be working instead. The hand that grabbed him had been stained with ink and calluses both; the kind of man who longed for action but was stuck behind a desk. He’ll be up late, managing men and supplies miles away on paper, but in his head--

Oh, in his head, he’ll be thinking about the man he’s left to rot in the dungeons. The one that might be just the right fit for what he needs, for the jobs he can’t give that giant or the pretty girl at his side. It’s the sort of idea that’ll eat at him when the lamps are low and the night is quiet, and oh, how a conscience can gnaw when there’s no more work to feed it. There’s a reason he’s never idle. Not usually, at least.

He casts a long glance down the silent hall; the guard sits at his table, log book spread in front of him, another smaller one laid atop. A novel, by the slack-jawed look that’s slapped across his face. In Eurikenna, his reputation had preceded him, and they’d bound him hand and foot, bolting his wrists to the wall and his feet to the bench. Viande had put him in a cell with a single window and stone on all sides, his only escape leading into a moat rumored to be prowled by sharks.

Here he has a single guard and bars he could probably squeeze through if he skipped a meal or two. It’s insulting to be so underestimated-- or it would be, if he wasn’t already planning to stay. He’s paid out his room at the inn for a week; a few days to enjoy the impeccable food and passable mattress he’s got here won’t hurt-- just as long as he makes it back before the innkeep tosses all his worldly goods in the gutter. And if he does need to make a quick escape--

Well, it’s hardly the first time he’s slipped the noose. But it won’t come to that. Younger Highness is on the hook.

The door to the dungeon clanks open; it’s a softer sound, barely loud enough for him to hear, but he hasn’t made a name for himself by being the sort of person who only hears what he ought. The guard’s gone-- book too-- and his hand itches to have something that ends with a point in it. He should have known, this was all too easy.

A shrouded figure sweeps through the threshold, prowling with the easy confidence only men born to power possessed-- or a professional. His hands flexed, too empty. He’s a loose end, an embarrassing stain on a proud man’s reputation, and there’s only one thing to do with that-- rub it out.

“You’re not the prince,” he says, keeping his voice even, maybe a bit petulant. Boldness wins a bluff; all he needs is time. Just a second, a hesitation--

Which he gets; the figure’s boots scuffing to a stop. Its head cocks, curious. “Is that so?”

It’s a man’s voice, higher than he expects, but resonant. The sort that people listen to when they’re not looking for a way out. The sort that won’t care for a man turning his back on it.

“You’re too tall.” He saunters to his cot, the mattress sinking under his weight. Not quite the attitude he’d been hoping for, but close enough. Gives him enough time to realize his cloaked friend isn’t talking-- no, instead he catches the barest tremble of cloth before a gloved hand tugs it smooth.

“How...astute,” the man hums, a strange lift kicking that first vowel before he smooths that out too. Everything about this man is slick, from the shine of his boots to the way he says, “That must be the observational skills that tempted even the marquis to hire you.”

His grin flicks into a grimace, but habit wipes that all clean before he says, “I wasn’t hired by anyone. Just wanted to...advertise my skills. In case anyone with a fat wallet found themselves needing a problem taken care of.”

Another pause, this one heavier. “And this girl seemed like a likely target?”

“A commoner nosing around a prince?” A laugh huffs out of him. “What about that isn’t a problem? At least when it’s a lady, she doesn’t have pockets that need filling, but some little herbalist girl? There’s a long way between lady slippers and slippers for a lady. And not everyone wants to kiss hems to get a mistress in their pocket.”

Not when it’s just as like to be covered in mud. If there’s one thing he’s learned about these bluebloods, it’s that they only suck up, not down.

The shroud shifts, arms folding across a chest too slender to be called broad, and shoulders too wide to be scrawny. Lithe, perhaps, the perfect size to slip through a man’s guard.

“The job is over, you know.” Boot heels clack as the man draws closer, just enough to see a defined chin beneath the shadows of his hood. “There’s no need for all this cloak and dagger. Haruka has already confessed to the crown that he was the one to hire you.”

His fingers flex behind his head, longing for something besides bristle to cross his palms. “Don’t know why he’s going through all the trouble. I don’t know him.”

This isn’t his first interrogation, but it’s certainly the slowest. The man stands silently outside the bars, a single finger lying along his diamond-cut jawline. No questions, no speculation, just a shadow staring out of a hood, observing. This must be what it’s like to be boiled alive; put in the pot when it’s barely a simmer, the heat raising so gradually that it’s not until his chest is near bursting to speak, to fill the silence, that he knows he’s been cooked.

“What would you have done?” the man says, finally. “If you had your way with the girl.”

The girl who, in the face of danger, tore an arrow from the wall rather than run. “Nothing permanent.”

What little he can see of the shroud’s mouth curves. “How very vague. So many unpleasant things only take a moment.”

“The job was to scare her off,” he admits, wondering why his belly quivered in his gut. There’s bars between them, and his hands are faster than any nob’s, no matter how good the costume. But still, his muscles lay coiled against his bones, ready to strike. “Seduce her, if she seemed...amenable. Bribe her if she didn’t.”

“And what then?” It’s a quicker response than he expects, but the man isn’t agitated-- far from it, he’s never seemed calmer. “If the girl proved impervious to your more...gentle measures.”

There’s a question in that, one the shroud won’t voice. But he hears it, loud in his ears as a bell’s gong.

“I’ve killed before,” he says, each word on thin ice. “And I still sleep at night.” Barely. “I could have done it again.”

“But would you?”

For once, he hesitates. Imagines looking into those bright eyes, the ones that flamed so fiercely in defiance, and with the flick of a wrist, snuffing them out.

“It’d be a waste.” His hands tremble where they cradle his head, a command he hasn’t given them. This is the last thing he needs right now, losing control. “That girl’s got a lot of pluck. And if rumors around the pharmacy are right, a lot of brains too. Besides, bodies make more talk than bribes.”

“That they do.” There’s a lilt to those words, almost amused. “You know, you called it a job. Implying that you received compensation for your services.”

It’s a sting to realize he’s slipped. “Doesn’t mean it was the marquis.”

“It certainly doesn’t,” the man agrees, and if this room weren’t so dark, if this conversation wasn’t so serious-- well, he’d be tempted to say this guy is laughing at him. “Do you have a name?”

He turns to him real slow-like, one utterly dubious brow arched toward the guard’s register. “You want me to believe you can’t read?”

That shadow of a mouth lifts again. “Am I to believe a man of your skill gave your birth name to the royal guard?”

His mouth cocks into a grin. “You must if you think I’m gonna give it to you.”

The man comes closer still, one gloved hand wrapping around his bars. He’s visible to the tip of his nose; a long, patrician one.

“Of course. But you must have something you would like to be called.” His lips-- bowed, the most fashionable in Clarines’ court-- twitch toward a smile, but fall perilously short. “An alias, if you will.”

“Obi.” It’s too short, too quick, but already he likes it. It’s a more playful name than he’s had in a long while. Easy to lose, too, if he needs it.

“Well then, Obi.” His arm rests over one of the cross bars of his cell. “I believe I have a proposition for you.”

“Haah.” He hops to his feet, hoping to seize the high ground. “I appreciate the interest, but I’m already waiting on an offer.”

To say the hood recoiled would be an overstatement, it merely pulls back, barely more than an inch. “An offer?”

“Well, maybe more like...I have prospects.” Obi restrains his grin to little more than a twitch. “I just gotta see if they’ll pan out.”

The hood stills, thoughtful. “What if I could guarantee you a better offer?”

“You couldn’t.”

The man hums, amusement changing his pitch. “I quite sure I could.”

“Nah.” Obi shakes his head, almost wishing it weren’t so. This guy seems like he could be real fun, if he got his hands on his reins. “I don’t think so.”

“Please.” He opens a hand; an invitation. “Try me.”

“Fine.” There’s nothing to lose by telling, besides some face, if he’s wrong. Which Obi knows he’s not. “I got a feeling the next guy through that door’ll be His Highness.”

The man rocks back, like he’s been hit. “Zen? You think...?”

Obi expects some bargaining, some disbelief, maybe even some haggling, but--

He does not expect the laugh.

“Oh,” the man coughs, lifting a hand as if he might wipe tears from his eyes. “I promise you, I can give you a...far more attractive offer.”

Now that’s a rich one. “What could be better than a second prince?”

The man’s hand raises past his eyes, right to the edge of his hood. With the barest flick of his fingers, the cloth falls back, baring bright gold and Wisteria blue.

“Why,” drawls His Highness Izana Wisteria, crown prince, soon to be first of his name, “the first.”