#dumb zen surfer dude

[asset35-maya]

DPD himbo headcanons 💪🏻🦾

There’s no denying these men in uniform are the perfect combo of brains and brawn. Buuuuuuut there’s also no denying they’re a bunch of dumb hoes.

1) Nines the dudebro 🧢

Deviant Nines is a simple guy.

He likes doing his work and he likes going home to play with his cats. What he doesn’t like is all the complicated national security software running through his processors 24/7. He complains that it gives him the android-equivalent of a headache.

So one day, to Captain Fowler’s absolute horror, he starts deleting chunks of his programming. He’s a lot calmer after cleaning up his code.

Then he decides he doesn’t wanna think so quickly, because decisions shouldn’t be made in a split second. “Liiiiike there should be some suspense in life, right?”

So he gets some of his processing units removed by a super shady technician who lost his job when Cyberlife got shut down.

He can still do his job properly… but now he talks all slow like a surfer dude and tells people they need to chill out. “Liiiike what’s the big deal, bro? If not today, we’ll find the killer tomorrow, broooo”

2) Gavin the gymrat 🥊

He might have been top of his criminology class once, but Gavin Reed is just another prettyboy beefcake big hunk o’love.

Gavin likes to keep busy. He would rather not have a spare second of time alone with his thoughts. So when he’s not working, he’s working out. He’s pummelling a punching bag, he’s wrestling with Nines on the floor, he’s lifting, bench-pressing, squatting, lunging, crunching, you name it.

The results, of course, are excellent. Head empty, tits big. Biceps biiiiig.

3) Connor the goldfish 🐠

Like Nines, Connor is also totally fed up with all the robocop shit. He hates the endless threat analysis reports and preconstructions filling up his dashboard.

But worse still… are the memories. The time between his activation and the android revolution might have been brief, but it was definitely traumatic. He can’t sleep because of it. Each stasis cycle is interrupted by a series of illusions and apparitions in his zen garden.

So he decides to selectively wipe parts of his memory disks… but how selective is selective when you go to the shady technician recommended by dudebro Nines.

Connor ends up as absentminded and forgetful as the tropical fish he loves. He can’t remember people’s names, where he left his keys, what fake cover stories he’s already told Fowler. He gets in trouble a lot, but he’s now more cheerful than ever.

4) Sixty the f*ckboy 🕺

Sixty is cool. Sixty is chill. He doesn’t get what the hell his brothers were complaining about. Life is beautiful when you’re an RK android.

He’s a master manipulator with the face of an angel, plus a nice scar to elicit sympathy. He’s hot, he’s sexy, and he… can’t seem to get enough of his own reflection.

Sixty spends all his free time in front of a mirror, picking and preening at his appearance… flexing his taut muscles… psyching himself up to ask out that pretty receptionist… or dance with that ripped biker guy in the club… or drag his SWAT captain into the storage closet…

5) Allen the fratboy 🍺

Captain Allen is the personification of a midlife crisis. He’s not young but he wishes he were. He wants to be popular with his crew. He tries to use all the new slang and get in with the kids. He lets misdemeanours slide.

And of course, the best way to gain the acceptance of the young and foolish… is to throw massive raunchy boozy sleazy crazy parties…

Sixty is his partner (in crime). The two of them practically tear the roof off their station on a weekly basis. The strangest thing is that all the ragers actually improve team cohesion and performance in the field.

Not that Allen will ever realise… he’s too busy shotgunning that Bud Light and smashing the can against his head in a last ditch effort to capitalise on his youth.

[rory-regan]

I got people to ship Novafist. To be honest I'm not sure what to think of this

u think happy things bc this is the best ship ever