#dude looks hella firey

[gremlincorner]

@smugwolf-sins had a weird ass dream with a fucky weird rayman design and i had to do my own art of him bc the design went kinda hard

i tried to stay relatively accurate but i took a few liberties bc im deranged

[plutonian-honey]

Does it mean anything if my venus persona chart is exactly the same as my natal chart? Only the signs of my natal moon and Mars have been swapped in the persona one? Thank you! I think you always give such great valuable advice. Lots of love 💞 💞

So each planet’s persona chart is basically like ok right you’ve got your natal chart when you’re born and after your birth, when your sun passes each other natal planet you have through their signs throughout that year, that’s their persona chart. I suppose I would treat a persona chart like they are a chart of a person within us. Like I see so many people refer to their placements as like beings as if they’re separate from them almost? Like my moon is doing this but my Mars is doing this like they’re their own people almost and that’s like how I look at persona charts. I do this too and it’s annoying and makes no sense but I view my chart and planets and aspects as a whole bunch of people in my mind that are discussing and influencing what I do literally like that movie Inside Out. I feel like it doesn’t mean anything in particular for your Venus chart to be like that, it’s just how it is and you should read it as if it’s that planet’s chart. I don’t know if this makes any sense but for example like I have a Libra Moon and she’s already that Bitch you know but in her persona chart she has a Sagittarius stellium in 12th so she really is the fuck that bitch. I find it super interesting because you can like decipher so much about yourself right so I have hella Neptune influence I already know that about myself like crazy & I have Neptune in 1st and Neptune aspecting all my inner planets in my natal chart and then to look at my Moon’s persona chart and find a 12th house stellium is just more like validation I guess? I just think it’s so cool like if you don’t relate to a particular placement you can look at their persona chart and find more info like for example I have a Virgo mars and I definitely see that in myself but my Mars’ persona chart literally has an Aries rising, Leo Venus and Sag Mars & Moon which helps me understand why I am so quickly irritated by things I guess? I have a lot of self control re: anger but it’s there for sure. Plus I always thought it was my natal Scorpio Venus influencing how like passionate I am about everything but like shit dude even though it’s in Virgo my Mars is a firey ass bish lmfao that’s how I see them anyways

[lovelyladyls]

Hey Sami,

I know I’m not allowed to say anything until your family does and I respect that. I just really need to write some things right now and no one really checks my tumblr anymore thank the gods and I wanted to write on the day I found out.

What the fucking hell, man? I don’t direct that at you, obviously, but what the hell? We spoke to each other a few days ago...you’re one of the only people where I save all our conversations. I’m looking at all of our threads so flabbergasted at the news Jenny H. sent to me.

It doesn’t feel real. Earlier this month I SCOURED through your photos on Facebook to find our 2010 pictures together. I saw you right before quarantine...we shared memes and you reacted to my “I’m pissy for no reason” tweet because we’ve been working through tough familial ties...

You’re one of the friends I’ve known the longest and one of my biggest and most kind and genuine supporters and I was so so so happy you were finally happy.

I cried when I saw some of your likes in the last few days, about how finding your girlfriend brought you to your highest and most happy state. You two truly truly loved and supported each other and I looked up to you two so much in a way. I thought when I was ready to date again (thank you so much for being a rock alongside Jenny to me during all of that. You truly were my peace) that I would want to find someone like you guys. I wasn’t settling for next to nothing anymore. Decent people exist.

You had such a uplifting personality (with edgy bite and killer sarcasm lolol). You were friends with so many amazing people and like the Leo you are—you truly are legit sunshine.

I’m just so confused. I know I’ll be told more later but...what happened to you? How are you transitioning to the next stage? I feel you’re adapting quickly but holding on a little.

I’m just upset. It still doesn’t feel real and I’m not sure how to act. Death doesn’t always bother me because I’m excited to learn my life lessons in Source before I come back and all that jazz but...I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all day and then I feel calm, knowing you’re just healing and learning at Source now and that must be so exciting—(or whatever anyone’s beliefs are) but I feel guilty. Why do some wonderful, beautiful, kind, courageous, firey, friends of all kinds of people taken from us so early? You had so much life ahead of you and seemed happy and excited for the rest.

I know you felt some anger about some things, like we all do, but reading it back really hit me in the gut.

I’m just so confused. I’m so so so so confused. Why you?! Why now? What is the meaning of all of this? I want to reach out to people in your life but I half think it’s inappropriate and half think we want our space to grieve for a minute before things proceed.

I hope you know I loved you. You truly were a great friend and for a long long long time in my life. We both moved a lot so I know you know what I mean. Thanks for always being patient and the type of friend to check in yet we knew space and our lives had changed so we didn’t see each other as much but that was okay. We talked on every form of media every other day lmao.

Fuck it doesn’t feel real.

Dude I do know you’re laughing at the fact I’m so fucking sunburned and my lip is hella fat and I move like a poor soul with polio without their sticks rn due to yesterday but fuck this is the last thing I ever thought I’d hear today.

I’m so sorry. A part of me wants to apologize and feels you were wronged and robbed but...it’s just time to return home. But I also feel guilty writing this to people who don’t always think the same way we do because I sound like an insensitive hack but who cares. I just hope you can transition well and know that I’ll see you again and we’ll be friends next time too.

I’m just sad I didn’t put more effort into some little conversations but I’m so so so happy I got to see you not that long ago. I’m so thankful for that time we had. I’m so thankful for the over ten years we had. We really have been evolving for so long...it’s trippy.

Don’t worry, I’ll write something super super nice later. I have so many things to say. I’m just a little befuddled right now and time feels like it’s in a weird continuum. 2020 is so beyond weird...I’m just...I’m so upset and confused and your birthday is coming up too and I knew this Leo season would be fucked I just didn’t know how.

This is total word salad vomit whatever from my brain. I feel calm and try to distract myself and then it hits me again. That’s normal for grief. But still.

I’m thankful I’ve been reading my books about death oddly enough. I feel like you feel at peace. Maybe I’m projecting but I honestly feel like you’re really sad you have to leave (B especially) but you understand.

God I hope I don’t sound awful. Not even for my sake but I promise I don’t mean to disrespect you in any way! Some people don’t share my thoughts on death and the transition to the afterlife and that’s okay...I just hope you have a good transition is all and have a fuckton of fun up there. Now that my ass will keep talking to you.

Fuck I’m crying again because I remember talking about cemeteries with you and our favorites. God I love/miss you SM. Later I’ll change it with (dates) due to privacy right now but fuck I miss you so much and I’m so sad this happened to you.

Know that you taught me about manifestations and bettering and healing myself and I’ll carry that with me until I meet source and see yo ass again lol. I’m gonna try my best to rock the SHIT out of the time I have left. For you and for me. We gonna rock this shit.

Thank you for teaching me strength and kindness and sunshine and being oneself truly. Thank you for your advice and care and entertaining soul and just for sharing how fucking awesome of a person you are/were idfk how to write that.

Dude...what the fuck. Whaaaat the fuck. Also the monarch butterfly on set at the tennis fields yesterday was lovely, thank you. What the fuck.

My head hurts lol.

Idk what this is anymore so I should wrap it up. I don’t want to text you this because it’ll trigger B or your family so I’m posting this here.

I love you. I miss you. I thank you.

Bitch, what the fuck.

Fuck 2020. Fuck the fact I keep fucking up spelling fuck. Fucj.

I’m crying again and I know you found that legit typo to be hella funny sad too���. Very on brand for us 😂

Anyway, I should go for now and expect updates and for me to talk to yo ass when I feel this has all settled a bit.

I love you.

Goodbye, SM, until next time.

Lierin

[triplealysine-blog]

disco space cat

Let’s see. I’m an Aries and I need to fucking analyze everything otherwise it makes me go insane.Or i’m just insane all the time. I mean I used to just add things to my agenda so I don’t have to deal with feelings but I don’t know, I physically cannot focus and do that. Plus, I’m trying to get better so maybe writing things down and taking care of my emotions head on will help me deal with things better. 

So here we fucking go. I mean on Thursday I went along my day knowing that I would intentionally make bad decisions. I was trying to be convinced by my friends to not do any of that, obviously, but you know me. I’m an Aries, if i’ve already made my decision and I know it’s for sure going to get me an outcome that is a “win” then here we go. Even if it’s going to drag me through fire, I’m going to fucking do it. And by winning, I mean like idk...I’m not trying to conquer this person, b/c people are their own people and I DUNNO. When I have a goal, I do everything I can to achieve it, no short cuts (that’s questionable with this situation? hmm). Anways, them. It’s one of those fucking Romeo and Juliet fucking situations. Me and them...We both socially associate and are friends with VERY DIFFERENT groups of people. I obviously feel insecure about it, I already know my friends don’t approve. One of them said “ you slept with that person?!?!” After seeing a facebook picture of them. To give context, my friends care about how they look a lot and I feel like they need to fit the social construct of beautiful, tall, and skinny. 1 of those traits is genetic so that can’t be changed, but you get the drift.  And then i’m that short, one asian friend. How have I assimilated to their group? Who knows. Off tangent. Uhm anyways I’m jumping around here because I’m so frazzled and don’t know how to coherently talk about this story. Uh so this person I’m interested in. I dunno, We like the same random things in a lot of areas of music, books, and movies and just things. Like very specific, not popular things. They’re no bs from what I see and they feel so comfortable in their own skin. They also just seem so invested and have so much compassion and drive for something they want to do. That’s a quality I like to see in people, just seeing someone so engrossed with something and really trying to perfect the nuances for what they’re working. That drive to tirelessly accomplish something they’re passionate about. 

Let’s just back track to when I first met them. It was in an improv class last year. I absolutely abhorred that class, because i’m a classical musician (long story short I ended up liking it even though i bashed on it weekly). First day of class we all did those introduction and ice breakers bullshit....It felt like one of those group therapy sessions. We were all sitting in a circle, staring at each other and trying to take in how each individual is so fucking different and in so many different majors. Anyways, they were there, so //strikingly// different and they just stood out with their newly dyed hair and some getup that was so fucking abstract to me. They introduced themselves with another name at the time and told the class that they were interested in improv but were very shy. They wanted to be in this class to become less shy and perform for an audience with their voice without all the jitters of insecurity, etc. As the semester rolled by they would always intensely stare at me, and I would stare fucking back. These improvs were long, so sometimes it would just be a staring contest. Usually they would win. It was annoying. From what they told me //yesterday// they said they would stare at me because I looked passionate and beautiful >///> when I played. UGH. Slay me please. Back to last year...I dunno, I always felt so drawn to them. I sound like a fucking 14 year old girl (according to my friends and myself). Anyways, I would try to hang out with them during breaks and be down for anything and everything. I accompanied them to Walgreens one time and they just told me a bunch of random things about themselves and I was definitely into it.  I also started to make jokes and mess with them ( I usually don’t do that unless I know a person for awhile). We did hang out like that a few other times, at some point I gave them my number. Jump to the more recent days where I’ve been an absolute mess and they’ve asked me to do an improv with them and a few others (who were also in the improv class last semester) for a performance called TNS (Thursday Night special where people play what they’re working on and get totally shit faced, the shit faced aspect is obviously drawing me bc i’m a fucking binge alcoholic). Obviously I said yes and so I’ve been practicing with them the last few weeks. Oh, did I also say that during this time I was on tinder? I saw them on tinder and swiped right just for fucks and obviously to wonder if they swiped right. AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT, we fucking matched bitches. My first message was “lol.” So fucking smooth right? They sent a message back like a day later with the eyes emoji.  We exchanged a text more or two and then they finally said “So was this a friend or a something else swipe because tbh I am completely fine with both.” I responded all “cool and calm” saying “I’m down for either. I don’t mind.” And then a few minutes later I got the balls and said “ And you’re cute so :P”..They responded with “ OH dramn...so like in that case we should like....hang out more....Also, you are also very cute, fancy that.” We exchanged more texts on tinder and such, very minimal. Onto the second week we started practicing for their piece titled...let’s say “Cassiopeia.” We started to play the improv, and they were conducting me, and the 3 other musicians. Obviously I’m staring at them to perform and just b/c i’m like high-key like crushing on them. During the middle of the improv, for some reason they fucking kept on staring at me like 75% of the time. After contemplation during this improv I fucking winked at them. They basically lost it and their face was so fucking beet red. As fucking red as their fucking firey dyed hair. That blush killed me. Literally. We like giggled and laughed it off during those like 20 seconds. We were all still playing of course, the harpist and the bassist were like into the music and not paying attention to this little fiasco. But i fucking turned my head to the left where the sax player was playing and she laughed and had a very confused expression, mouthing to me “what’s going on???” and obviously I just shook my head and turned. Yeah fuck me b/c AGH. Their blush was...*cries*..reminds me of really gay and horribly written fanfiction. Anways, that week goes by and we have another rehearsal in which I was rushing to leave bc my friend was crying and i had like work to do. As I was leaving somehow I agreed to hang with them afterwards? Skip to me hanging out with them in their room...I forgot they had a fucking cat and I was hella allergic and my eyes were getting so ugly and puffy. THey were coughing so I offered to give them my inhaler (probs a bad decision but ill get another one) so I could run to my dorm and get that plus take some allergy pills. I was so fucking excited so i ran to my dorm (tripping occasionally,) and got the inhaler, plus a strong steroid one to give them and like scarfed down 2 zyrtecs and my strong nasal allergy spray...Anyways, we just hung out and chilled on their bed. Nothing happened, but as the time went on (till like midnight-1am) I progressively got closer to them. Did I tell you they’re warm as fuck?

Onto the next week for TNS (which was this past thursday). That’s the fucking day where I knew I would make very bad(but good?) decisions. OBviously everyone drank and smoked and played music. our improv went so fucking well and I hung out with them and followed them everywhere. THis other dude they’re interested in was there so idk. He kissed her on the cheek and I was like “ should I get the other side” and I fucking kissed their cheek. I was probably drunk at this point and very bold lol. Did I tell you that their cheeks and face is literally so fucking soft. I’m going to finish this later b/c i am sleepy.