#dude doesn’t even make an instinctive attempt to comfort his daughter

[keyofjetwolf]

Just a note: There's a mistranslation during the part where Chibs says "her mom only loves her dad" it's actually the other way around in the official translation "and mama is papa's most important person" which raises even MORE questions on just wtf kind of father Endymion even IS if his feels the need to lament on that! Does he just spend all his time as NQS's consort while virtually ignoring Chibs?

WELL I WAS ALREADY IN CAMP DOUCHDYMION SO COLOUR ME SURPRISED

[poohkeepsee]

I was going through my AO3 bookmarks, and I wanted to organize them a little bit. These are my Dean/Cas canon-ish fic recs.

season 5

canticles  by  2street2car Words: 10,311     Chapters: 1

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

FTBYAM MY BELOVED

post season 6

Someone Who's Feeling For Me  by  ellispark  Words: 45,876     Chapters: 1

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

post bunker

Sun Can't Set Until Nine  by  LeverDrift Words: 67,939     Chapters: 16

Cas moves into the bunker as his powers start to fail. Dean doesn’t know if the arrangement is as permanent as he wants it to be. He's also not sure why he keeps dreaming about his friend. All he knows is that he wants Cas to stay. Overall warnings: canon-typical miscommunication & Dean having self-hatred issues.

Life Skills  by  ilovehowyouletmefall           Words: 26,052     Chapters: 3

After Metatron steals Castiel's grace, and Cas comes to live in the bunker, Dean spends a lot of time with him, sharing all of his favourite things. Dean can't help it if sharing things with Cas just makes everything better. Besides, it's Dean's job as Cas' friend to introduce him to the joys of human life. To teach him how to be human.  And if one of the experiences they end up sharing is sex with women, well... that's just part of Dean's job as Cas' friend too, right? The desire is triangulated, the rituals are intricate.

Sam Stole My Boyfriend  by  sobsicles    Words: 8,445     Chapters: 1

“Dude, you’ve been staring at me a lot lately, like even enough that Sam noticed. More than usual. So, like, what’s up?” Dean pauses, purses his lips and reconsiders. “What did I do?”

Cas knows that would be a perfect time to confess to Dean what exactly happened and what he was thinking. Maybe, Dean had some insight into the situation or even some kind of comfort to offer. But, the longer that he sat there, he realized that he could not tell Dean absolutely anything. So instead, for the first time, Cas fumbled.

“Um,” Cas mutters and abruptly stands. “Freckles?”

Dean blinked up at him as Cas pivoted and left the room. There was only one remaining option he had and unfortunately, it involved Sam.

Aching in the Absence of You  by  sobsicles Words: 95,090     Chapters: 10

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.

He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.

"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.

By nightfall, Cas is gone.

'Communication'  by  JustAnotherSamlicker Words: 11,656

The same story told from two perspectives.

Dean bought a house and he and Cas fix it up.

Is Dean moving out? Is Cas moving in?

Should they just talk to each other already? (Yes they should)

Build a Home  by  domesticadventures Words: 20,102

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn't

season 10

The Most Important Thing  by  NorthernSparrow Words: 94,462     Chapters: 14

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

season 12

Heroes for Ghosts  by  pantheon_of_discord Words: 42,922     Chapters: 7

Canon-divergent from 12.08

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

season 13

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees)  by  sobsicles   Words: 74,173     Chapters: 8

Dean keeps going back.

When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.

He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.

He likes to talk.

There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.

Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.

Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim  by  Sickandtiredofyou Words: 14,910   Chapters: 6

Dean has far too much on his plate, losing his mom, his best friend and now being a single parent to a newborn nephilim.

In which Jack is an actual newborn instead of a teenager.

post season 13

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)  by  sobsicles           Words:     108,427     Chapters:     4

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.

Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."

"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."

"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."

"Easier said than done."

Reasons to read this:

Dean reads a story that ends like despair and his reaction is FUCK THAT

Cas wears Dean's hoodie

Jack is a toddler

The Jack and Claire sibling energy we deserve

Eileen being awesome and pulling pranks with Dean while Sam thinks she's an angel

Sam knows

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE IN LOVE

First Date  by  aeli_kindara Words: 8,968    Chapters: 1

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

Also known as the Dean Winchester makes the first move fic.

season 14

Broken Road  by  thegeminisage Words:     109,629     Chapters:     7

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

post season 15

fools and pilgrims  by  lagaudiere Words: 31,904     Chapters: 2

Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage. Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.

Dean-Claire mirror fic post Despair

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now)  by  sobsicles Words: 27,403

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

canon(?) au  (Hunters and Men of Letters)

Dean Winchester's Secret (Angel) Boyfriend  by  reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.

But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas...

Shot Through The Heart  by  peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean is a hunter.

Castiel is a Man of Letters.

And even though they have to work together on a regular basis, there is not much sympathy between them. Castiel thinks Dean too brash and reckless while Dean in return sees nothing more in the other man than a rude asshole with an obsessive love for books and a truly terrible fashion sense.

But fate clearly has a funny way of throwing those two together over and over again.

And somewhere along the way feelings change into something neither of them would have expected.

[langdxn]

Cody's characters reacting to their child walking in on mom and dad bangin...-🦷

Oh 🦷  anon, you know what this means... breeding kinks assemble beyond the cut!

The creak of your Outpost bedroom door gives yours and Michael’s little boy’s entrance away, but the damage has already been done — he’s just laid eyes on his father towering over his blindfolded mother, both her wrists chained to the bed and her ankles draped over daddy’s shoulders. For all his powers, Michael’s too wrapped up in pleasuring his wife to notice your son bursting in. You gasp weakly at the intrusion, kicking away from Michael’s shoulders and clenching your thighs together in a vain attempt of covering your decency, but Michael remains still and composed, completely unfazed. A hand leaves the deep wells he’s digging into your hips and points at the door, twirling a finger in a gesture to turn around. “Jeffrey, please leave.” Scurrying footsteps escape the room and the door creaks closed, leaving you frowning beneath your mask. “I apologise for the intrusion, darling,” Michael calmly declares, draping his hand back into the wells over your pelvis and applying his usual amount of assertive pressure. “Now where was I?”

Xavier left your little girl with the children’s group swimming down at Redwood’s lake just long enough for you to catch a quickie over the desk in the boy’s cabin. So when your daughter cries out behind you just as he’s about to cum, terror and confusion blend into one. “Holy shit, baby what are you doing here?!” Xavier hurriedly pulls out and yanks up his white pants, racing over to her and tumbling to his knees to speak to her. “Baby girl, why don’t you go back down to the lake? You’re missing out on all those pool floats! Daddy’ll be right with you!” Little footsteps scurry out and Xavier comes to comfort you, but as he’s helping you dress yourself, he swallows harshly and your panties drop to the floor once more. “Fuck it,” he groans into your ear, returning his length to your folds. “Let’s try that again, shall we?”

Just as your eyes rove to the ceiling while you’re bouncing on Jim’s cock, your bedroom door smacks the wall behind and the tip-tap of tiny bare feet echo through the floorboards. Jim can feel your terror as you freeze on the spot, but he leaps up to press his chest against yours to cover you, hands firing forward to conceal your ass as much as he possibly can. “Uh— little dude, mommy and daddy were just... err... playing a game!” His high-pitched tone suggests his last-minute defence surprised him too. “Yeah, playing a game! Could you go find your soccer ball and I’ll be out in a moment?” As soon as the door clicks behind the little man, Jim breathes deeply and wraps his arms tightly around you, peppering relieved kisses into your clavicle. “Imagine if we had two kids to burst in on us,” he chuckles lightly, holding his breath waiting for your response. “Would it be that bad?”

You and Duncan are all too aware of your daughter’s adventurous streak, bundling through your bedroom door like she owns the place, but you didn’t expect a visitor at 4am as sleeplessness resulted in Duncan pounding you into the mattress. The initial fear stalls his hips as he turns to see your girl’s confusion, before swiftly grabbing the crumpled sheets and hastily covering you both. “Princess, what have I told you about knocking?” Her puppy dog eyes beam back and he breaks into a laugh. “I’m not mad at you baby, why don’t you go back to bed? Daddy’ll be right there to tuck you in.” Luckily not as disobedient as her father, your little girl follows Duncan’s instructions. Returning his focus to you, he sinks a passionate kiss to your lips that makes you both want to melt into each other all over again, his hips bucking weakly into you as he reluctantly tears himself away. “And your daddy will be right back to fuck you.”

You and Richard have been caught in the act enough times to know privacy in the clinic is non-existent. The staff offered to babysit for the night so you could have some alone time together, but that doesn’t stop your tiny prince finding his way back to your room just as daddy’s fucking mommy’s brains out with your legs wrapped tightly around his back. Your instincts tell you to let go of your man and pretend you weren’t even touching, but Richard has clearly thought this through — after all, he’s been in the clinic a lot longer than you. “Hey little man,” he coos gently, sitting up and closing your legs to spare you some decency. “What’re you doing in here?” Exactly how he could be so responsible while you’re shaking like a leaf is beyond you, but while your vision blurs out of sheer terror, he’s already yanked his pants up and crawled to the edge of the bed to whisper something to your little one. Before you can blink, the boy races out of the room and leaves you alone. Sharing a knowing glance, you and Richard burst out laughing and cradle each other through your hysteria. “I just told him if he goes back right away, I’ll play basketball with him all week. Reckon we’ve got time to try again?”

Jerome always has an answer for everything, so he’s somehow fully prepared when the bedroom door swings open with your twins racing toward you, ready to jump on the bed right next to mommy riding daddy. Your hands fire up to cover your chest but your travelling salesman simply sits up and smiles, passing you the bra you cast aside earlier. “There’s my terrible two,” he cheers, putting an arm out to stop them bounding onto the sheets beside you. “You know what mommy and daddy are doing, don’t you?” Two bemused faces beam back at you, waiting for the punchline. “You see, mommy and daddy were hugging,” he explains. “Because we love each other very much. That’s why we had you two!” Jerome turns to you with a grin, clocking the admiration in your eyes as you see the family man you married coming to the surface even in the strangest situation, especially considering his cock’s still buried inside you. Just as your heart warms with affection, he fires a cheeky wink and bucks his hips up into you ever so slightly, his tip brushing your sensitive spot — daring you to moan in front of the kids.

[swamplatibule]

Okay so lemme talk about Steel and Smoke for a second

This was actually my first paracosm, and it‘s still my favorite to this day. I have a dream to turn it into an animated show someday, and if I can do it, it’s gonna be badass.

Okay so- The world? Genre? Space opera. The system is called Xeliah, which is also the name of a para in a very different paracosm, but that’s not important right now.

There are seventeen different planets in this system. There used to be nineteen, but two got completely destroyed in the Great War. Are there different systems? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Nobody in Xeliah really cares about them, but they definitely exist.

About 100 years ago, a woman named Silver Thurberi took of Xeliah. Just built a bigass army and went “heyyyy so I’m the queen now deal with it”. Actually there was more to it than that, there was a really long war n shit, but forget that lets focus on the now, which is under the cut because its long as shit and I don’t want to completely take over anyone’s feed.

Silver’s bloodline has been ruling over Xeliah for the past 100 years, leading up to the current empress, Arayla, and her two daughters, Fang and Nucifera.

Now Arayla? She is an absolute bitch. She’s manipulative, abusive, gaslighting, just kinda of a shithole of a human being with the audacity to consider herself better than everyone else.

She raised both of her daughters to believe that if they weren’t perfect, they were worthless. Nucifera took that in and started pushing herself to be perfect, to the point where it was self-destructive and harmful, but it put her in her mother’s favor. Fang wasn’t able to do that like Nucifera was, and thus was cast to the side. She ran away when she was ten and Nucifera was fifteen.

As of right now, Nucifera is 21, and she’s been assigned to handle the growing revolution while Arayla does her whole tyrant of the galaxy thing. That means keeping tabs on influential people, intimidating anyone who could cause a problem, and most important to the story, taking down those who are already symbols of the revolution. Namely, her current focus is taking town the galaxy's most infamous thief, the Silver Songbird. Who happens to be her sister, Fang, behind a mask and a fancy set of armor. But she doesn't know that. But before she takes down the Songbird - who, by the way, doesn't actually have any connection to the revolution, but is thought to be a part of it because they only steal from really rich pro-Araylian people, which makes sense because not many of the revolters are very well-off - there's one person she needs to take care of first. May Eternity. She's the elected leader of one of the seventeen planets, although most of the leaders are basically just figureheads for Arayla to exercise her control through. May Eternity, however, is rumored to be an important revolution leader, and there's pretty substantial evidence of it. So Arayla needs her gone, in a way that can't be traced back to them. Nucifera sends an assassin. And he fails. But, he gets out of there before he can be captured, and he manages to place the blame on the Songbird. So that kinda works in Nucifera's favor, because it puts the Songbird on the wanted list for both pro-Araylians and revolters. Technically, it doesn’t work that smoothly, because it does solidify in a few people’s minds that May isn’t a revolutionary and the Songbird is, and stuff like that. It’s messy. It’s complicated. Another issue is that the Songbird is simply a thief, not a killer, and therefore a pretty large amount of people refuse to believe that they were behind the assassination attempt.

(look at this beautiful woman, I just want her to be happy but my brain won’t let her without a Zuko-level redemption arc)

But that comes in later.

That whole murder thing is what kicks off the whole story. May’s son, Nico, wants to go after the Songbird. His mother won’t let him, saying that it’s too dangerous, but he wants answers. So he goes to find them in secret.

Here’s Nico, by the way. I’d add a link to the Picrew I used, but I believe it’s been deleted now so I kinda can’t, sorry.

Clover is a spellcaster, someone who was born with unique paranormal abilities. Hers, specifically, would be Haemokinesis and Electrokinesis. Fun fact! Spellcasters are actually a race, not just people randomly born with powers. And another fun fact! People don’t know it’s a race, they just assume all spellcasters are dangerous individuals who developed scary powers and plan to use them to destroy the world. Final fun fact? It’s illegal for them to even just exist, and it’s punishable by death (That’s why this is tagged as ‘tw racism’). So Clover has it pretty bad. She’s kept her abilities a secret for a long time, but she loses control on her fifteenth birthday and now she’s exposed so she has to run.

[Now seems like a good time to mention that the outfits aren’t super accurate to them, it was a fantasy Picrew so I just picked what I could imagine them wearing in a fantasy AU. Xelian clothing and trends are pretty cool in my opinion, maybe I’ll make a post about that sometime in the far future]

She ends up at the Falcon Station, which is basically a really big galactic gas station and diner, except it’s mainly inhabited by those running from the law. It’s not strictly revolution or Araylian, everyone there just has a mutual understanding of ‘you leave me alone, I leave you alone’.. The Songbird happens to be there too, because they have a deal with someone who works there and also it’s one of the now few places where people don’t try to kill them.

Of course, someone has a few too many drinks and decides they’re going to try and capture the Songbird for the bounty, and a fight breaks out. Clover gets caught up in the middle of it, accidentally electrocutes the dude, and now people are trying to kill her too. The Songbird saves her, and they make it onto their ship in time to get the hell out of there unscathed.

Clover is absolutely terrified, which you would probably be too if you got stuck traveling with the most wanted person in the galaxy and weren’t certain whether or not they had tried to murder someone yesterday. She doesn’t fully trust the Songbird not to kill her, and the Songbird is trying to comfort her but it’s not working and they’re also just not great at conversations because the only reason they’ve had to talk to anyone for the past, what, two years was a deal for them to steal something.

There‘s a short exchange between them, Clover mentions something about ‘I don’t know a single thing about you I don’t even know what you look like and you expect me to just trust you I have self-preservation instincts okay’

And then they just take off the helmet, and Clover realizes a few different things at once:

- The Songbird just showed their face for her?? Um?? And they’re female, k cool we‘ll remember that

- This girl looks the same age as her, like fifteen, why is she fifteen that doesn’t make sense what

- Holy shit she’s hot

and now neither of them really know what to say, because how the fuck do you respond to that?

oh my god these two precious gays

anyway turns out they don’t actually have to say anything to each other because just then, in that moment, something bumps into the ship. Guess who it is?

Yep, it’s Nico, because he’s a terrible pilot and honestly lucky that he made it out this far without dying, but it’s okay we still love him.

Check in Sometime Later For A Part Two Because I Want To Post This Now

[macandcheeseperalta]

superheroes and sidekicks

(I first shared this over on AO3 but wanted to post it here for others to see! Enjoy!)

//

“Come on, Auntie RoRo!” Mac practically dragged his aunt down the hallway with all the might of a four year old. “Mommy and Daddy are waiting!”

Rosa smirked, not rushing with Mac and remembering Jake saying that there was no rush for them to get here. “We can’t run in hospitals, dude.”

“Says who?” He eventually stopped in his tracks to face Rosa. She watched his eyebrows furrow through his mop of curls. His nose scrunched up, wanting to see what weird answer his tía would pull out to fool him this time.

“The doctors and nurses, that’s who,” She retorted before ruffling his head. Standing up, Rosa held out her hand for him. He folded his arms and looked up to the ceiling, eyes closed.

“What now, Mac?”

“I’m a big kid. I don’t have to hold your hand.”

She rolled her eyes. There was no doubt that this kid was Jake’s, echoing every weird quirk and defiance of his father. Amy always said she was raising another Jake, despite her best efforts to sprinkle some orderly Santiago in him. They all hoped that this next baby would live up a bit more to the Santiago part of their surname. But in Amy’s words, they would love them no matter what.

“I guess someone doesn’t want to see their new baby brother or sister...” Rosa shrugged and turned around, beginning her slow walk to the exit.

Mac, noticing that this could mean no new little brother, ran back to his aunt. His hand grabbed on while pulling her back. “No! I wanna see him! I wanna see my brother!”

“You’re gonna listen then?”

“Yes, Auntie RoRo, I promise,” He held up his opposite pinky, “Pinky promise.”

“And you know pinky promises are serious right?”

“Yes ma’am!” Mac gave a wide toothy smile, one Rosa couldn’t resist smiling back at.

Her pinky locked with his, sealing the promise with their thumbs reaching up to touch each other. “And you promise you’re gonna be the best big brother ever?”

“Double pinky promise!”

“Even if your mom has a little sister and not a little brother.”

He bit his lip. “Maybe...”

“Mac...”

“But Auntie RoRo, girls are gross ! Jack from school says they have cooties!”

“I’m a girl. Does that mean I have cooties?” She raised her eyebrows at his statement. “I guess that means I’m gross too huh?”

“Nooo!” Mac giggled as Rosa led them down the hallway towards Amy’s room. “You’re Auntie RoRo. You can’t have cooties. You’re cool.”

“What does that mean?” She laughed.

Skipping now, Mac shrugged. “I dunno. Daddy just says you’re cool.”

It wasn’t long before the pair were outside Amy’s door. Rosa looked down at Mac, dawned in the light blue shirt saying “big brother” in white letters. She passed him the red and white superhero cape. Before leaving the apartment to go to the hospital with Rosa, he picked out a cape to wear and a spare for his newest sibling, convinced that the newest addition would be his little brother.

This time around, Amy and Jake decided to keep the gender a surprise for the rest of the world. Not even the littlest member of their family knew if they would get a little brother or sister. He was alongside the rest of the world, on the edge of his seat to find out what the baby would be. Mac’s heart was always set on the baby being a boy though, planning all of the superhero games they would play, who would be the hero and the sidekick, and who would get which toy cars.

“You ready to see them, Mac? Once we go through this door, you’re gonna officially be a big brother.”

The same toothy grin returned while he nodded excessively. “Yes! Yes! Let me in!”

Rosa chuckled before cracking the door open to greet the parents first. “You guys have a little visitor, if you’re ready?”

Amy nodded, her biggest smile beaming, as Jake stood in front of the bassinet to hide the little one. “Let him loose, Auntie RoRo.”

She opened the door wide open as Mac walked in, soon sprinting upon seeing his mom on the bed. “Mommy!”

“Mac Attack!” Pulling him into her arms, Amy smothered him with kisses, holding her first baby tight. Their embrace soon broke as she just took in every detail of her oldest. He wasn’t a baby anymore. He was now a protective big brother, grown up in more ways than one.

His eyes darted around before landing on Jake. You could see him begin to slow down and be gentle as he pointed to the thing behind his dad. “Is that the baby?”

“Yeah, you want to hold them?” She whispered back at his soft response. He leaned back against Amy as Jake walked over with the baby, bouncing them in his arms.

Looking down at the baby and back up at Mac and Amy, Jake’s eyes filled with love for this little family he and his wife created over the last four years. Neither of them thought this was possible when they first started trying. He will never forget Amy’s heartbreaking words about being bad at making babies, but he always knew that wasn’t the case. There were two pieces of beautiful proof that she was far from bad at making babies.

After all, their kids were liquid fire in every single way possible.

Jake joined them on the bed, snuggling into Amy’s side and adjusting the baby to rest in his son’s arms. “Mac, meet your baby sister, Lucy.”

“Sister?!” Mac frowned, looking back at both of his parents in disgust. “I didn’t want a sister! I wanted a brother!”

“Well, this is what we have, baby. Lucy’s going to come live with us.” Amy tried to mend the situation. Though this was the last thing she wanted to deal with today, she knew that there was no other option but to talk to Mac.

“No! I don’t want her! I want a brother!” Mac raised his voice, starting to wake up the sleeping baby as Jake pulled back their baby girl from him.

“Mac, inside voice. We’re at the--”

“NO!” His yells slowly turned into a full-on tantrum. Red spread across his face while he clenched his fists. “NO! NO! NO! I don’t want her!”

This was the turning point for the baby too. Lucy joined in her brother’s wails, trying to get out of the swaddle. Jake then stood up, giving a helpless look to his wife as she tried to console their son with a hug.

He tried to give Lucy a binky in hopes that would temporarily mend the situation. But to his dismay, she fought it. Jake’s eyes met Amy’s, both echoing the same sense of helplessness. He added a sigh while bouncing the screaming baby. “Well, this could’ve gone a lot worse.”

//

“Mommy, make Lu stop crying.” Mac spoke up from his respective place at the dining table as he colored a picture for his Grandpa Raymond.

It had only been a week since they brought Lucy home. And all four of them agreed that it felt more like a month than a week. Mac continued to refuse to believe that Lucy was really his sister, and tried on multiple occasions to get rid of her as soon as possible.

Amy gave a deep sigh from the kitchen nook, her daughter’s body against her shoulder and screaming. “Mac--”

“Oh, I forgot the magic word! Mommy, please make Lulu stop crying.” He smiled in hopes that the magic word would do its job and the baby would stop.

Despite her exhaustion, she still managed to laugh at her son’s antics. “I wish it would work that way... Buddy, could you go to my room and get her binky from the bassinet?”

“Binkies don’t belong in this house. You said so.” He went back to coloring, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Amy sighed before sitting down at the table with him and adjusting Lucy into a more comfortable position. “Mac, I don’t want to play games today. Please be my big helper and go grab your sister’s binky.”

“No, I wanna color.” Mac whined as his focus remained on the picture.

“McClane Jacob, please just listen.” Her hand reached over and was put on top of his picture in an attempt to gain his full attention. There were no words to describe how tired and exhausted she was. And having Mac acting up like this was not helping her case.

“No!”

“Mac,” Amy’s finger pulled his chin up so her eyes met his. “I’m going to give you two choices. We can either listen and do what Mommy asked, or we can go in time-out. What would you like to do?”

He quickly turned his face away with a scowl spread across it. “I don’t wanna listen. I wanna color.”

“So I guess we’re gonna do time-out then, huh?” No response came from her son, causing Amy to stand up and put the baby down in her swing in the living room. “Mac, you have until the count of three to stop coloring before we’re gonna have a talk with Daddy when he gets home from work.”

Mac kept silent and focused. Amy sighed and held up her pointer finger.

“Mac, one.”

Nothing. She added a finger.

“Two.”

“But Mommy--”

“Two and a half.” Amy held off on saying three, believing her son could make a good choice in just seconds.

Watching her gut instinct become reality, Mac got off the seat and marched down to Jake and Amy’s room. He returned moments later with the matte pink binky before throwing it across the room with eyes full of angry tears.

She furrowed her eyebrows before picking up the binky and walking over to pick her son up. “McClane, that was not a good choice. I think you need to go in time-out for a little bit.”

“No!” He yelled, battling to be louder than his screaming baby sister. “I want Daddy!”

It would be 30 minutes later when Jake walked through the door to find a crying Amy sitting cross-legged on the couch with a sleeping Lucy in her lap. He hated that she had to be left alone with the two kids. She was left on the frontlines for too many hours as she battled both kids to sleep, to eat, to stop crying, and much more. Amy was definitely a superhero but now breaking under the pressure of it all.

“Rough day?” He hung up his messenger bag before inching towards the couch to join his wife.

She took a deep breath, leaning into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. Jake was her rock in moments like this. When she was at her end and not sure what to do next, he swooped in and brought peace. Not one that solved everything, making her kids happy, perfect, not-always-crying angels, but bringing hope to a situation that seemed so dark.

“Way too rough.” A sniffle escaped her nose. “Lu just won’t stop crying and Mac refuses to help and... I just suck at this.”

“No, don’t say that.” His head rested against hers. “It was just one bad day. One bad day doesn’t mean you suck at this.”

Both sat in the silence, soaking in the momentary quiet as their newborn slept. They allowed the emotions to simply be. He wanted her to be able to feel this, but wanted her to also know that she wasn’t doing this all alone. She just wanted him to be her rock at that moment. He was her anchor in every storm, keeping her stable and in place despite what might come next.

“What can I do to help you?” He finally broke the silence.

“Can you check on Mac?” She took a deep breath. “He wasn’t being helpful earlier. Threw Lu’s binky across the room.”

“I can definitely do that.” Jake pressed a long kiss to her forehead before standing up. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jake later knocked at Mac’s bedroom door, leaning against the wall beside it’s frame. “Mac Attack, can I come in?”

“Yeah...” He heard the quiet response and opened the door to find a clean room and his son curled up on his big boy bed. “You’re room’s really clean, bud. Mommy would be really proud.”

Mac looked up, nodding. “Mommy got mad at me when you were at work.”

Jake joined him on the bed while pulling him into his lap. “Yeah, she told me about that. What happened?”

“I wanted to color and she wanted me to grab the baby’s binky. But I wanted to color so I didn’t. And then she counted to three and I got scared so I got it.”

“Then?”

“I threw it at her.”

The dad sighed, watching Mac play with the car in his lap. “Why did you throw it?”

Mac only shrugged.

“Were you mad?”

“Yeah..” Mac whispered. “I just wanted to color with Mommy. But she was too busy with the baby.”

Jake nodded, kissing the top of his son’s head and turning him to face him. “Mac, bud, do you wanna know a secret?”

He watched Mac’s eyes widen while nodding. “Yeah! Tell me!”

“But you gotta keep it a secret. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Looking around, Jake leaned in to be just in earshot of Mac. “Your mommy is a superhero.”

“No, she isn’t! Mommy’s just Mommy!”

“How do you know?”

“Because superhero’s wear capes and go and protect the world from bad guys! Mommy doesn’t do that anymore. She just holds Lulu all day.”

“You sure? Because I’ve seen Mommy do some really cool things.”

“Like what?” Mac crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” Jake looked up at the ceiling, counting off all the things that make his wife a superhero. “Mommy wakes up super early to make all of us breakfast, she washes our clothes, and she takes really good care of you and Lucy when I’m at work.”

Mac cocked his head, questioning his father, “Superheroes do that too?”

“Of course! Mommy kicks bad guys’ butts but she also has to keep you and Lucy safe and happy.” Jake paused, “But here’s the thing. Superheroes need sidekicks, right? Well, Mommy needs a sidekick. Someone that is a big kid, that can help Mommy when she needs it, that can help keep all the bad guys away--”

“I can do that!” Mac hollered, “I’m a big kid! I have a cape!”

He laughed at Mac’s cape comment before continuing, “But sidekicks are always there to help everyone, even their baby sisters. You still up for the job?”

His son nodded with the widest grin. “I can do it! I can be Mommy’s sidekick!”

“I think you can too,” Jake looked at his son, full of pride. “But I need you to promise me one more thing, Mac.”

“What?”

“That whenever you want me or Mommy to hang out with you, you use your words and tell us what you want. No more throwing things and being mad without telling us. Okay?”

Mac sighed, nodding. Jake knew that this wouldn’t solve anything, but it would be a start for all of them. Hopefully, it would make things easier for Amy to have someone ready to help. Hopefully, it would help Mac realize Lucy wasn’t all that bad. Hopefully, this would be the change that would make everything right.

//

Folding the last blanket from the laundry basket, Amy looked up at the clock for the time. 3:37. Lucy was still peacefully sleeping after being put down for a nap. Jake was scheduled to be home in just 23 minutes. And Mac--

Where was Mac?

“Mac Attack?” She called out, hoping for a response from his room down the hall. The silence filled for a moment before she tried again. “Mac?”

“Shh!”

Her eyebrow rose as the sound came from her room. The only one in there should be the baby but that little voice resonated in there as well.

She tiptoed down to her and Jake’s room, peaking in to find a scene that warmed her heart. There on the bed sat Mac with her notepad and his own crayon, right beside the bassinet with the sleeping Lucy. His hand scribbled across the page as to fill in the gaps he created with color.

“What are you up to, bud?” Amy joined him on the bed, peering at his artwork.

“I’m just watching Lulu for you.” Mac finished his scribble while looking over at Lucy and then Amy. “You needed a break. Superheroes need breaks sometimes.”

After a quick chuckle, Amy smiled. For weeks, they were sure that Mac hated Lucy and would not relent until the two were older and out of the house. But this, this moment right here, screamed change. A change that Amy couldn’t put her finger on.

“Thank you, sidekick.” She leaned down to press a kiss to his unruly curls. “You’re such a good big brother.”

“I know,” Mac shrugged before stealing one more glance at his sister. He soon ripped his picture off the notepad and picked up a new crayon. “Want to color with me, Mommy?”

“I would love to.” She accepted the crayon but couldn’t take her curious eyes off his first picture. “What were you drawing before I came in?”

“My baby sister. You and Daddy were right. She isn’t that bad.”

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Pretty

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!Reader

Words: 1.4k 

Summary: New girl in a new school means new friends.

Warnings: none except FLUFF, minor swearing 

A/N - here’s an imagine no one asked for lmao, hope ya’ll enjoy despite it being REAL cliche I bet :) 

It was never one of life’s simplest moments, never one that took a few hours of just one, short day to adjust by. It was starting high school as a new student, in a new environment, feeling like a new identity that was never an easy obstacle to overcome. It wasn’t so bad, so long as you hadn’t done anything to evoke any sort of attention, just remain mellow enough for anyone not to care, then all would be fine accordingly.

Homeroom had already begun just as you’d again, had your final meet and greet with Principal Morita, alongside your overly-excited yet very professional mother, whom on the other hand was the reason for your abrupt new beginning… In simple terms, her new job position, required her which meant you as well to move, which resulted in a new home: and you weren’t at all mad: upset inevitably over the idea that there’d be some distance between yourself and your “original” friends. Although, your mother worked incredibly hard and strived for the best… This is what made her happy, and there was nothing more that you could have asked for, nor complained about. 

Hearing about moving to New York, was indeed a mouthful… You weren’t really a huge fan of the big cities, although you’d never actually experienced it either. Nonetheless, here you were.

“So I’m sure, Y/N’s familiarised herself with most of the campus expectations and the curriculum, with our helpful study guide. It can be tough adjusting of course, but you’ll have your study buddy to guide you, and if there’s any other further pressing issues, you know exactly where to find me!”

Smile and nod, the expected, respectful gesture was all you could muster up. At this point, you were sitting at the edge of your seat, anticipating for the defeaning sound of the school bell that would ultimately commence the day. The thing you were most curious about what your fellow peers, and who exactly they’d be.

“Anyway, Ms Y/L/N, before I escort Y/N to her first class of the day, I’ll give you a moment with your daughter. I’m expecting big things, considering her school record is quite exemplary.”

“Thank you again, Principal Morita, I really appreciate all the help of the staff-”

Leaving his office expectedly, you stood by your mother, as she fiddled with your clothes, eager to fix any flaws before departing for the day.

“Now, sweetheart, I want you to be just how you were in school before. I want you to be you! This school is quite the prestigious one, but I trust you-”

Taking in a deep sigh, finally adjusting her kind gaze unto you, her thumb gently stroking your cheek, giving you the final reassurance you’d much needed, as the much anticipated bell rang in the near distance.

“I can’t thank you enough… You’ve been so-so understanding, sweetheart. You know how much I love you, right?”

“Yes, yes Mum, I do! And, I love you too.” You couldn’t help but let to chuckle: your Mum was the fun type, although seeing her this emotionally raw was always rare, yet comforting.

“Now let’s not keep him waiting, baby!”

***

“So I see you have Science early this morning! A challenge, although I’m certain you’ll settle perfectly in. Your study partner, Mr Peter Parker will help you fit right in no doubt.”

Taking final turn, as you’d come to stand behind the very door of your first day, the name, Peter Parker, echoed through your mind… Must be quite the student to earn the mighty responsibility of baby-sitting you.

“Thank you again, Principal Morita, my mother and I really appreciate all that you and the staff have done.”

With the final nod and reassuring, familiar smile, Principal Morita entered the classroom proudly, with you shyly following behind.

“Mr Harrington, students, I’d like you all to give a warm welcome to our newest addition, Miss Y/N Y/L/N-”

And que the bright smile, you so eagerly could no longer contain, taking in all the new, foreign faces of your fellow class: some smiling in return, others simply staring blankly.

“Please, everyone, make her feel at home! And Mr Harrington, make good use of Miss Y/L/N, from what I’ve anticipated she’ll do great things… So I’ll leave you to it!-”

You hadn’t even realised that you nor your “study buddy” had been introduced, as Principal Morita had promised: although just in the knick of time, before closing the door behind for the lesson to resume, he’d luckily remembered.

“Oh and Mr Parker-”

In response, although instinctive, an arm instantly shot into the air, with you just realising it was one of the few students who’d actually exchanged a friendly smile in return to yours.

“Please take good care of Y/N, any complaints and you’ve got yourself a detention! That’ll be all.”

Just as quickly as the seconds go by, the room fell silent, and yet your eyes remained locked onto Peter, as his on you.

“Well Y/N!-”

Finally, the gaze breaking as your head immediately turned towards I’m Mr Harrington, as Principal Marito just pointed out. I’ll be both your teacher for Science and Homeroom, as I saw on the class roll! So lucky you-”

He tried, he really tried to amuse you and you showed him somewhat of an appreciation.

“Anyways, I think it would be best that you sit beside Peter, so Ned, if you don’t mind moving seats, please and then we can resume back to the lesson.”

Just as you’d turned towards Peter’s direction, you noticed both him and this Ned exchanging looks. On one hand Ned looked quite surprised, almost as though he was anticipating Peter to defend his seat, although on the other end of the spectrum, it seemed Peter was oblivious to Ned’s reaction.

“I’m really sorry-” You whispered, a sense of guilt gushing through you in the moment as Ned stood to pack his things.  

“It’s okay, uh- just a heads up, Peter’s really no help-”

“Dude-”

Yet again, you’d let out another spontaneous chuckle, a spur in the moment.

Looking down towards Peter as you settled yourself in what was essentially Ned’s seat.

“I-I’m Peter, by the way.”

“I know, but it’s nice to meet you, Peter Parker. I trust you won’t lose the new girl...Or you’ll be getting a serious call from my mum.”

You were desperate to break the ice: trying to spare a joke, laugh along with him at it: he seemed tense, awkward if you were being honest. All the while, he generally rubbed off as a sincere guy.

Nonetheless, throughout the lesson every once in a while, Peter would whisper innocently, asking if you were alright or if you needed help with anything. A couple more times, you’d caught him staring at you, only to quickly divert his attention away back to the front, when he’d sensed you’d seen him in the act. It’s not that it made you uneasy, although you felt weary of yourself more like it.

“Is there something on my face, Peter?” You’d utter, nudging him gently as Mr Harrington played a short clip.

“Oh-no, God I’m really sorry… You’re just, uh- You’re really pretty-”

Taken aback, you hadn’t expected that at all. Appreciating the fact you hadn’t humiliated yourself, you were indeed feeling giddy after Peter’s words. Only he felt quite the opposite.

“Shit, I’m sorry that -that just came out of nowhere… Word vomit. Not that I’m, you know- Lying or trying to-to-”

“Parker! I’m sure Miss Y/L/N doesn’t need you to translate the video for her, so in that case… Zip it, please!”

You could physically see him turning redder by the shade, shuffling himself deeper into his seat, as he diverted his full attention towards the screen… You couldn’t help although discern an instant yet natural liking in Peter, there was something quite alluring about him.

After sparing a few minutes of silence, you yet again, although more discreetly nudged Peter by the arm.

“You don’t think it’s too early to already fall for the new girl?”  

Poor attempt at a joke: Peter tried shrugging it off with a quick, small smirk, although as per usual you’d come to notice, he was still tense.

“I’m just kidding, Peter… I have a good feeling about us.”

Just as you’d given him one last, of what you’d hope was a reassuring smile, you presumed to face the front, taking a quick glance towards Mr Harrington, whom however was much more preoccupied with the video.

You felt the presence of a pair of eyes on you, Peter’s eyes… And yet, it didn’t feel at all unnerving, nor foreign. In fact, being quite frank to yourself, you’d come to assume it would be a new feeling you wouldn't struggle getting used to!

[calpalirwin]

Choices

Summary: Ashton Irwin thought he had everything he needed in life in the form of his daughter. Funny the difference a choice can make.

A/N: New series!

Content: Nothing too crazy/out of the norm.

Word Count: Just shy of 3K

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 1

“Is this seat taken?” a woman’s voice drawled, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, no, go ahead,” I said, motioning to the empty seat next to me at the bar. I held my hand up in a half wave to get the bartender’s attention, “Cal,” I called out to him, “little help?”

“Thanks,” she smiled softly, getting comfortable on the seat and rummaging through her purse for her wallet.

“Not a problem,” I half-smiled back, before turning my attention back to my own drink. I took a sip, still not sure what I was doing here, or if I was in the mood for something stronger.

“Can I buy you a drink?” another guy slurred at the woman. “I mean if he doesn’t have the balls to ask, I will,” he further explained, motioning at me. I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue.

“I’m okay, thank you,” she smiled pleasantly at the man before turning to Calum, the bartender. “Jack and coke, please,” she ordered, handing over some money and her ID. From what I could see, it was an out-of-state ID, but I couldn’t see which state. Based on her accent, I assumed some Southern state.

“Wow,” the man whistled, looking at me, “If you’re not gonna hit on her, I am.”

“Or, you could leave her alone,” I suggested firmly. This is why I don’t go out, I told myself.

“Why don’t we let the lady decide?” he slurred again. “What’s your name, darlin’?”

She looked at the man and smiled another polite smile. Then, “I wouldn’t waste your efforts, I’m not interested, but thank you.” She took the drink from Calum and took a long drink, sighing in content.

I scoffed into my drink. Good for you, I thought to myself.

The man scoffed too, “Not interested, you say? Then why are you by yourself at a bar on a Friday night?”

“Trying to enjoy my night,” she said, her pleasantness fading away to a clipped tone. Another long drink from the glass.

“You’d enjoy it a lot more if you accepted some friendly flirting,” he told her.

“I’d appreciate it if you left me alone, now,” she said, trying to keep her voice both firm but polite.

“You know what I’d apprec-”

“Okay!” I said abruptly, turning to face the guy. “The lady said she wasn’t interested. I strongly suggest you listen to her.”

“Or what, tough guy?” he asked, standing up.

I stood up myself, towering over the guy. “Or you’ll have to deal with me.”

He looked me up and down thinking over his choices. He shook his head, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the bar.

I sighed and sat back down. “Sorry, we’re not all like that, I promise,” I told her.

The anger she had towards the guy turned full force on me, “I didn’t ask, nor did I want your help. I had that handled just fine, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She let out a small scream of frustration. “Ugh! You’re impossible!”

“You don’t know the first thing about me,” I told her.

“Oh, so you don’t have a savior complex? I’m not some damsel in distress. I can hold my own.”

“Just trying to help.” It wasn’t worth getting mad that she was mad. I didn’t know her or her story. But you want to, my brain told me. I shook my head to get rid of the thought. I turned my attention to the baseball game on the TV, the only reason I had agreed to go out in the first place.

“Well, next time, don’t,” she retorted, pursing her lips.

“And sit idly by while some douche says derogatory comments towards you? Can’t do that.”

“And why not?”

“Why don’t you ask my savior complex?” I teased.

This got a laugh out of her, “Alright, maybe I overreacted. I’m just trying to prove that I can take care of myself.”

“You moved this far to prove a point?” I asked.

“What?”

“The accent. Southern?”

“Good ear,” she smiled.

I shrugged. It was an easy enough accent to detect. “And what possessed you to move from the warmth of the South to the bitter cold of Seattle?”

“Grad school,” she confessed.

I nodded, slowly, “That’s cool.” She had drive, and while I’d never be able to wrap my head around someone willingly subjecting themselves to grad school, I could appreciate the ambition.

She shrugged, “Just prolonging life.” Her tone was almost bitter, like she wasn’t sure whether or not she believed it.

“I get the feeling someone fed you that bullshit line.”

Another laugh, “Bingo!” Then, “So, what do you do?”

“Oh, I’m a cop.”

Her eyes went wide. “Wow, that’s… incredibly impressive.”

I shrugged, “It’s not as glamorous as you’d think.”

“Rough week, huh?” she asked, nodding at my glass.

I laughed, “It’s just club soda. I try not to drink too often.”

She raised her eyebrows, “Girlfriend doesn’t like you drinking?”

“Oh, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Oh?”

“Not a lot of time,” was as much as I was willing to fess up to a perfect stranger, no matter how pretty I found her.

She nodded slowly, pursing her lips. “Nice tattoos,” she said, changing the subject.

“Thanks,” I said, my left arm self-consciously covering the tattoo on my right forearm. So, where you from?”

“Atlanta.”

“And you moved here for college?”

She nodded, “Yep.”

“Why? I mean, why Seattle?”

“Change of pace. Trying to broaden my horizons and whatnot.”

“And the boyfriend wasn’t a fan?”

She scoffed, “No he was not. Which is why he got bumped to ex-boyfriend.”

“Ah, so now you come to bars to verbally abuse the good guys, huh?” I teased.

“Keeps ‘em on their toes,” she smiled, her eyes dancing.

“Most would say being defensive is a front,” I told her.

“Most would say being secretive is also a front,” she shot back.

I leaned back. She was quick-witted; I liked that. “How am I secretive?”

“Quiet guy at a bar by himself, defender of innocent girls from the regular creeps? You’re right, open book.”

“Not secretive, just uninteresting.”

“Bullshit. You’re a cop. By definition that makes you interesting.”

“My job is interesting. But me? Not so much. Pretty basic stuff.”

“Oh really?”

“Really,” I assured. I finished my drink and drummed my hands against the bar, contemplating my next move. I wanted to get back home, but a huge part of me wanted to stay right where I was. “Um… you got a safe way to get home?”

She laughed a small, short laugh. “Is that your attempt at asking to see me home?”

I shrugged, “In my own incredibly lame way, I guess so.”

She took the last swallow from her glass. “Every instinct is screaming at me, but I got a gut feeling that says you’re one of the good guys. Even if I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Ash,” I told her, offering my hand.

“Ash,” she repeated, taking my hand and smiling. “I’m Nic.”

“Okay, Nic,” I said, liking the way her name sounded on my lips. “Can I walk you home?”

“Really?”

“Call it an apology for my reckless savior-complex.”

She eyed me carefully. “This isn’t a ploy so you can murder me, is it?”

“Oh yeah, I’m the Barkeep Killer. I get rid of douchebag creeps for innocent girls so they think I’m the good guy. Under the ‘good guy’ guise I offer to walk them home, so I can murder them because the one thing I can’t protect them from is my own bloodlust that can only be tamed by killing.” I couldn’t keep a straight face, and we both started cracking up with laughter. We laughed until our eyes teared up and it hurt to breathe.

“So, you really want to walk me home?” she finally asked after we caught our breath.

I shrugged. “Yeah. Not that it’s not safe, or you’re not capable of taking yourself home. It’s just… I dunno… I’m overstepping. Sorry…” I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to walk her home that didn’t sound completely insane. And she was right, I could be a murderer or some other sort of psycho. I wasn’t, but she didn’t know that.

“No, it’s just we’d literally have to walk. I didn’t bring my car. I only live a few blocks away.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I walked, too. I mean, I have a car, I just left it at home.” I reached for my jacket and stood up, “Shall we?” I asked.

She stood up and slung her purse over her shoulder. She smiled at me, “Yeah, let’s go.”

“Lead the way.”

“Fair warning,” she said as we made our way to the street. “Try anything and I will scream.”

I held up my hands defensively. “You can trust me. As stupid and as crazy as that seems, you can, okay? Like, yeah I can be a jackass sometimes, but I’m a pretty good dude.”

“Are you now?”

“Yeah. Okay, so I have a little sister. A brother to, but that’s slightly irrelevant to this particular story. Anyway growing up the one thing that was reinforced just as much as protecting her, was ‘treat girls the way you want guys to treat your sister. If you don’t want someone to treat your sister that way, don’t treat other girls that way.’ So, I try to look out for the female population as best I can. Cuz all the other girls are someone else’s sister or daughter. And I like to think that there are other guys out there who’d look out for my sister if I couldn’t myself.” I left out the daughter bit of the equation. I learned more times than I could count that dropping the “I have a daughter” bomb didn’t bode well for romance.

“Wow… that’s actually really sweet of you.”

“Golden rule right? Treat people the way you want to be treated. Or in this case, treat girls the way I want guys to treat my sister. Either way, it’s really not a big deal. I’m happy to do it.”

“So, do you walk a lot?” she asked after a small lull.

I shrugged, “I like the exercise.”

She took a step back to eye me up and down. “You must like to exercise a lot…”

I laughed. Admittedly, I was a well-built guy. It was the kind of body a guy built after joining the police force and chasing criminals, and keeping up with a five year old. “I just keep busy,” I half-lied.

“Oh, this is all from being a cop? Bullshit.”

I laughed again, “And walking.” She laughed with me, our laughs echoing off the buildings. “So, tell me something about yourself no one else knows,” I said, trying to make conversation as we walked to her place.

“Hmm…” she thought for a minute. “Alright. Despite the fear instilled in me by double-standards and plain old sexism, I love this time of night. When half the world is settling in for the night and the other half is getting ready for a night out, I feel so… alive. Like I’m part of something bigger than myself, y’know?”

I nodded. “It’s part of why I walk. The world seems almost peaceful.”

“And incredibly cold,” she laughed, breathing into her hands and rubbing them together.

Without thinking, I took my jacket and draped it around her shoulders. “Not used to the weather yet?”

“Yeah, I’ve only been here for a few weeks.” She put her arms through the sleeves before zipping up the jacket.

“And how are you liking it so far?” I asked, draping my arm around her shoulders.

She leaned into me as we continued to walk. “It’s nice. A little colder than I’m used to, but it’s still nice. So, what about you, Mr. Cop?”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno. Tell me about yourself.”

I shrugged. “I’m a 25 year old cop who likes to walk. What’s to tell?”

“You forgot the part about saving girls from creeps in bars.”

“Only the pretty verbally abusive ones.”

“Pretty?” she asked, stopping to look at me.

“Not… like you’re pretty verbally abusive. Not pretty pretty. Well, you are… but…” I sputtered. Why did this girl make me feel like such a dupe? I took my hat off to run my hand through my hair before putting the hat back on. “Yeah, you’re pretty.”

“You're not so bad lookin’ yourself,” she responded before walking a few more steps, stopping again in front of a large apartment complex. “Well, this is me.”

I let out a laugh as my eyes fell on the address.

“What?” she asked.

“I think we’re neighbors.” I laughed again as I recalled a group of girls in sorority shirts hauling up boxes between fits of giggles a few weeks ago.

Her eyes looked at me, searching my face for an ounce of familiarity. “You’re ‘ladies’ guy!” she exclaimed when it finally clicked.

I laughed for a third time. Anytime I had passed one of them I’d always said a small “Ladies,” as I made my way out to work or came home. “That’s me.”

“I didn’t recognize you without the cop uniform,” she laughed at the sheer coincidence of it all.

“I didn’t recognize you either, so I guess we’re even.”

“Who’s the girl you’re always with?” she asked.

I gulped, wondering which girl she was referring to.

“You know, the tall, pretty one,” she pressed, sensing my hesitation.

I sighed in relief, “That’s my sister. She’s over a lot.”

She reached in her purse to pull out her keys and undid the lock. Her roommates were hanging out in the living room and immediately all their eyes went to me. Then, “Who’s this? Who cares, he’s cute!” came rushing out in a whirlwind.

“Girls, this is Ash. Ash, this is Kayla, Sasha, and Natalie.”

“Nice to meet you, ladies,” I nodded.

The same sense of familiarity flicked across their faces once the word “ladies” left my lips. “Oh! You’re him!”

“Yes. Ash is our neighbor,” Nic explained. “He was just walking me home.”

I nodded again, rocking on my heels. “Yeah, well, I guess my job here’s done. Night ladies. Nic.” I nodded again and turned towards my own door.

“Wait,” Nic called out, closing the small distance between us. “Thank you, Ash,” she smiled before reaching up to kiss my cheek.

“Anytime,” I said, ducking my head to hide my face turning red. I quickly unlocked my door and let myself in.

My sister looked up from the couch, “Wow, I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

I shrugged. “Wasn’t feeling it.”

Lauren shook her head, “You’re never ‘feeling it’, Ash. That’s the problem.”

“How’s that a problem?”

“Because you deserve to have a life, Ash.”

“I have a life, Lauren.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. Where’s your jacket?”

“Must’ve left it at the bar,” I lied.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“I met a girl. I walked her home. She got cold. I gave her my jacket.”

“You met a girl?! What?!”

I shrugged. “It’s nothing. Turns out she’s my new neighbor. I’ll get my jacket back eventually.”

“You can’t just casually mention that you met a girl, Ash.”

“Yes, I can. It doesn’t mean anything. I got other things more important than some girl.”

“But what if she’s the girl?”

“Then she’s right down the hall. She still up?” I asked, changing the topic.

“She was dozing off when I last checked.”

I nodded. “You staying? You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

She shook her head, “It’s early and a Friday night. I’ll probably see if Adam wants to do anything.”

I raised my eyebrows. I wasn’t sure I liked the thought of my sister being out with a guy by herself, no matter how much I liked the guy.

“I’ll be fine, Ash. I’ll see ya later.” She grabbed her coat and purse before heading for the door.

“Thanks, Lauren. See ya,” I told her as she pulled the door shut behind her. I made my way down the hallway, poking my head in the bedroom on the right. A night light glowed brightly, casting the bed in a soft glow. I slowly made my way across the dolls and various other toys towards the bed. “Night, Cass,” I whispered, pulling the covers over the little body and kissing her forehead.

“Daddy?” Cassidy’s voice asked, heavy with sleep.

“What’s up, love?” I asked, my voice low.

“You missed bedtime.”

“I know. We’ll go to the park tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright, get some sleep. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” She rolled over and fell back asleep.

I made my way out of the room and into my own. I sighed as I put my wallet and keys on my dresser and got changed for bed. This is why I don’t go out, I told myself for the second time that night. But Nic’s nice, and you wouldn’t have met her if you stayed home tonight, another part of my brain pointed out. Yeah, but how would she feel when she finds out I have sole custody of my five year old? I asked myself. I crawled into bed, my mind arguing with itself and my cheek still tingling from Nic’s lips.

~~~

Tag List (ask to join, it’s that simple!)

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[invertedeidolon]

The Longest Library #1: And on the Eighth Day She Rested by J.D Mason (Or, Eidolon talks too  much about their shitty childhood and relationships)

( Until I find a format for these, I’ll just be rambling about the interesting bits I have flagged in the book. There WILL be spoilers. ) 

Rundown: A perfectly capable story about one woman’s recovery from a 14 year abusive marriage, ‘And On The Eight Day She Rested’ is a quick but immersive read. I give it a 4/5, only because I don’t agree with the heroine’s final decision. If you ignore that, it would have been a 4.5/5. This is because I am a bitter bastard.

Because it’s a story mainly about abuse and recovery, of COURSE I’m going to relate to it. What I wasn’t expecting, was just how well the author depicted the feelings and thoughts involved. The narrative voice is entirely inside the main character’s head, from her perspective, and nobody else’s.

Right off the bat, she talks about how her husband has disappeared again. How this time, instead of being jealous or insecure, she savored her time by herself, even ‘back[ing] away from feelings of inadequacy’. My first relationship involved a lot of ghosting. This is something I desperately wanted to do, to ACTUALLY enjoy time by myself, instead of worrying up and down about how HE’S doing, what HE’S feeling, whether it was my fault he wasn’t talking to me or if I was good enough for him.

“It’s a piece of time that doesn’t warrant any more attention than it’s been given.”

The main character refuses to press charges or do anything at first. All she wants to do is to make that entire part of her life disappear, like it never happened (but of course, after things like that, it’ll never be ‘like it never happened’). I don’t talk a lot about my mom (my abuser) in the present tense. I don’t get very angry thinking about her either. Because she doesn't warrant any more of my time or energy, and if I had it my way, she would just quietly disappear forever.

“But the words linger, piling up inside me like garbage, and when he’s not around to pile on some more, I can usually regurgitate them to remind myself of who I really am.”

I still deal with this, to this day. The things my mother said to me and my sister often return like some kind of horrible specter. I can usually tell when it’s me, or if it’s ‘mom’ talking based on how extreme and unwarranted my language gets toward myself.

“Didn’t I ever dream of being...doing something besides worrying about Eric, pleasing Eric, ducking from Eric, crying over Eric, or crying because of Eric?[...] All these years have I been completely driven by this man to the point that I don’t have the fuel or desire to drive my damn self?”

Yes, actually. Being trapped in the house with your abuser, often makes it so that they’re the focus. Avoiding them, pleasing them, often meant the difference between survival and... not. The main character married him when she was eighteen, and kind of had to grow up with him, depend on him. It gets like that when you’re dependent on somebody. For a long time after getting out of my parent’s place, I would just sleep. I wasn’t needed, so I slept, or laid there. I didn’t know if I was allowed to eat, so I didn’t. Abusers like that often control nearly every aspect of your life, and left to your own devices after they’re gone... you don’t have anything, like a sim with the free will turned off. There’s no self-direction, not even driven by your desires, because your desires didn’t matter, and were punished out of you.

“Even when he was gone, the anticipation of him was enough to keep me in hell and I couldn’t enjoy being alone. [...] My mind was constantly filled with the challenge of keeping everything perfect and not giving him a reason to fuss.”

This is something I still do, although now it’s just a reflex turned into an act of love, as opposed to a survival instinct. I make the surroundings comfortable for my loved ones and myself, because I love them, and I’m aware of how much of a difference the smaller comforts can make, not because I’m afraid of a ragemonster thundering through the house if one little thing is off. I do still get nervous if people are moving too much or making too much noise sometimes (it was like blood in the ocean, make too much noise and here comes the shark, ready to shut it down and punish you for daring to assert that you were in any way alive and not serving her that very moment). Although there are sometimes when my body remembers, but I don’t. I’ll accidentally forget my partner’s tea on the counter and burst into tears out of overwhelming guilt, and then feel ashamed because my emotions are so overblown (but the emotions are from when I would forget something of my mother’s and would be in the midst of fearing punishment). It’s hard sometimes.

There are these poems/prose that happen only twice in the book. I don’t really understand what purpose they serve or why they’re there. Maybe it’s a staple of romance novels, like a writing tick or something?

“I haven’t been able to get the encounter with Eric off my mind. It’s not running into him that’s bothering me. It’s my reaction to him.[...] He’s been out of my life so long, but today I felt that familiar intimidation I used to feel from him and I don’t like it because I thought I’d convinced myself that I was over it.”

I feel this. I feel this hard. I hate just how much power those memories hold over me. I get into a situation that’s similar enough, and I break down and regress back into a kid, following the same set of insane rules. It scares my partners sometimes, that I could be terrified and obviously hurting, but still deflecting any questions about me, and being extra attentive to them and only them. Because that was how you did it. You showed fear, you were punished. You made anything about you, you were punished. And god forbid I ‘break a rule’ in that state, because I devolve into a terrified mess, because the rest of my nervous system expects a punishment for it. Sometimes the freeze response is so bad that my body shuts down. It was enough pain in the past that my body felt like there was a threat on it’s life, and prepared me for it accordingly, slowing everything down, making it harder to move (It’ll hurt less when the lion eats you if your muscles aren’t tensed), flooding my brain with opiates to make things numb and foggy and distant. It was enough to make my body think I was going to die. Of course it doesn’t just go away. The body wants to live. It WILL remember, no matter how ashamed you are of it. And by god am I ashamed.

“I refused to give that bullshit any more attention than it’s been given”

For me, it’s who my mother was as a person. I spent a really long goddamn time fighting not to blame myself. I refuse to recognize her as anything but empty and monstrous. I get angry when people attempt to assign any kind of humanity or careful, conscious thought to her. She has neither. She is a creature, driven by instinct. I don’t care that she made me, she’s never made anything good in her life. I refuse to give her credit for me. I made me. Not her. She didn’t raise me, and she sure as hell isn’t raising her other daughter, I AM.

“I waited all day, but he never called. So the next day, I call him, several times, but he doesn’t return any of my messages.” - “Lately, my nerves are on edge and there’s an uneasiness flowing through my veins. I’ve been trying to ignore these feelings, but it’s hard to do. I sense a shift occurring in my little universe.[...] He won’t talk to me except to say he’s tired, or busy, promising we’ll talk later, but later never seems to come. Most of the time I sit here waiting for the phone to ring, hoping it’s him and hoping things will be back to normal again. When that doesn’t happen, I go to bed trying not to be depressed about us breaking up and trying not to make plans for my life without him in it.”

So back to ghosting dude. The fear of pulling away only got stronger the more he did it. I‘d dread when I didn’t get replies, because then I would think ‘Is he doing it again? Will I have to wait another three months?’. And before you go “But Eidolon! What a shithead! Why didn’t you leave him be?”, this was happening while I was still living with my mother. He was the only source of nice things and what felt like genuine attention I’d ever had. A starving dog would rather take bread from someone who feeds them once a week than to take bread from someone who beats them. Insert that study about the rats and the lever and how the lever that inconsistently gave rewards was more attractive/addictive than the one that was consistent. Anyway, this part of the book filled me with a tension, a dread I didn’t expect to feel. The new boyfriend, The One, the First Healthy Relationship is obviously going downhill, and nothing is being said about it because ‘what if I ruin it’. The first quote made the pit of my stomach open up, and the second set made me question whether someone was spying on me 6ish years ago. 5/5 on a realness scale. Fuck me up, J.D.

“I can’t lose this man. Whatever is bothering him, whatever problems he has I want to be there for him. I want to be his woman and help him work through them. No matter how difficult, or how impossible things might appear to him, I can and will do anything for Adrian Carter. He has to know this.”

Whoof boy. The determination and blind hope that it IS something that I can deal with, that it isn’t anything huge or life altering, that we can get through this. In the end, the same thing happened in the book that happened to me. He didn’t WANT help, he’d already made up his mind without me (despite previous assurances that SOME kind of communication would happen). I like my current relationship. Everybody actually fucking TALKS, and they TRY, instead of crumpling and giving up like that.

So I’m not quoting this part of the book, otherwise I’d be writing out almost an entire chapter, but what’s basically going on is that the ex husband showed his crusty face and doesn’t get to complete his threat because more people came about to witness him. Anybody who’s been there knows he’ll be back to finish it later. So now Main Character and the new boyfriend sit down, and both say “I have something I need to tell you.” Of course she lets him go first, because she’s desperate to find out what’s going on, fix it, and repair the relationship. But the thing he needs to say is essentially the end of their relationship. So of course she says nothing. This was a little frustrating for me, but I do remember being in a position like that. You don’t ask for anything from someone who’s just hurt you. You’re given the innate knowledge through years and years of experience that the person who just hurt you (no matter the pain) will NOT help you, and might even hurt you more. I get it. I understand. The frustration I feel is the frustration of my loved ones when my feelings don’t line up with reality. The boyfriend is a good man, and probably would have assured MC’s safety before completely leaving. But she feels she has to keep it tucked away. Another unspoken thing is, what if he thinks it’s just a call for attention, a ploy to get him to stay a little longer? What an awful thought. Better not say anything.

“There are other ways, Adrian. Lots of other options, and together, we can come up with some, but we can’t if you walk away from me like this. Don’t walk away from us. Adrian. Please.”

God, did I beg. I did a lot of begging. Maybe not to him, because what if he thought I was pathetic and actually left because of that? But this was said, slower, and with a lot more words, calmer, with a lot less desperation. I was so used to being The Calm One, The Adult, that I thought I just had to navigate through it. Nope. He just crumpled and gave up and refused to do anything except verbally lash himself, and at the very end, I wasn’t going to come to his rescue yet again.

“I’ve got to go, Ruth. I’ll try and call back when I get a chance.” Adrian hangs up, without even saying goodbye. It’s after midnight and Eric’s car is still parked outside.”

This part gave me such dread. Both things were so, so close together. But safety was floating away while danger just crept closer and closer. It was like that nightmare I had about a different boyfriend’s texts getting farther and farther apart, eventually not answering, right before mom entered the dream and did horrible things. *shudder* What a vile and despairing feeling. What a writer.

“Time has a way of dulling the pain and helping me to get over him. I’ve needed big doses of time.[...] Am I supposed to be here waiting for him just in case? That’s no fair. He moved on with his life, and despite all the drama, I’ve moved on with mine.”

So in this part, it’s a bit later and the boyfriend is back, and people are asking the main character to talk to him. She actually does better than I did in this regard, because she just downright refuses to give him the time of day beyond civility. I however kept letting this fucker back in and out like a revolving door (but the boyfriends in question aren’t really comparable, the reasons for leaving are WAY different.)

“I’m afraid to turn around. Afraid I still love him now as much as I did then. I don’t want to see Adrian. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I’ve worked too hard all these months to turn back. I can’t afford to do that to myself. I owe me more than that. I don’t owe him a damn thing.”

That horrible mix of hope and the need to stand your ground. My own reasons were far less involved in the realm of self-advocacy, I was just bitter and hurt and didn’t want to feel that weak ever again, but by god did I desperately want things to go back to ‘normal’, for things to be better, to have a relationship that I thought we could have if we’d just worked a little harder, did a little more, waiting long enough that we could meet more in person.

And now, for the extra spoilery bit because it’s literally the end of the book:

“Of course I’ll marry you,” I say with tears in my eyes.”

Fucking *EYEROLL*

I get it. I really do. I get that it’s kind of a romance story, I get that she’s doing this entirely for herself and is a part of her self development, but COME ON.

I wanted her to make the opposite decision. I wanted her to be stronger than I was. I wanted her to make him WORK for it, and STILL deny him, because goddamnit he left her, and left her in a dangerous place, (like my own did).

She even goes as far as moving into the goddamn mountains in colorado, in a cabin. That’s my fucking DREAM. To just, physically shun everything that’s ever hurt me, and to be by myself. Even now that I’m in a much better place with much healthier relationships, this is still something I want to do (but with more people involved now).

The shit that Adrian carter says is only slightly less weak than the shit that Eric says. “[I’m here] To fix what’s broken for both of us” “I’m human, baby. I made a choice and it didn’t work out” “I learned a valuable lesson” “It was hard, but I learned that a man needs to go with his gut instinct”

Just fuck off, Adrian Carter. Quit talking about yourself. He just fucking smiles and slithers his way right back in and UGH. And the thought that it would actually WORK between them afterwards just makes me bitter as fuck. Or rather, it makes me feel the bitterness that I already had in me.

Despite the recovery process being so abbreviated, the beats were so similar to my own that I began to look for a catharsis that wasn’t there. Because this story belongs to the writer, and not to me.

Now, fanfiction definitely belongs to me, however. I can certainly write a story about Ruth turning him away to the cold, and further building her own sense of self and maybe making friends with another hermit and discovering more about how she’s running away from her problems and yadda yadda, and THEN reintroduce the boyfriend, who’s actually trying harder this time.

But again, this story belongs to the writer, and not to me.

----------

Thanks for reading this clusterfuck, eventually I’ll get better at this.

Only 296 books to go!

[jcmorgenstern]

3x14 Review

Hey so for once this is actually super positive! I loved this episode and can’t wait to gush about it! So without further ado, I’m gonna get the stuff I quibbled with outta the way before diving into what I liked:

The Bad: — I think my biggest problem overall was that scene between Alec and Lorenzo. I understand Alec was being protective and he goes into Fierce Mommy Tiger mode around those he considers family and those he loves (I think it’s important to show that Magnus isn’t just his boyfriend, Magnus has become integrated into the thing Alec bases his life around). But I had hoped Alec would have figured out by now that a Nephilim threatening to depose a Downward leader over an apartment is…..unideal, at least. — I get that this may have been designed as a plot hook as an understandable yet stupid thing Alec does that comes back to bite him later (i.e., if there is a Downward civil war in New York, and Lorenzo decides to fuck Alec over). Alec’s strength and weaknesses are tied to his family, and I think it’s a very believable mistake for him to make. I don’t expect him to be perfect, I just hope the narrative treats his threat to Lorenzo as less of a “pure uwu cutesy bf” move and more of a mistake, even if Lorenzo is being cruel to Magnus. — Honestly y’all I expected something WAY worse. Losing the apartment was nothing compared to the drama I expected—I thought Lorenzo was gonna ask Magnus to spy on Alec or go back to Asmodeus or something awful. Thankfully that was inverted by a very obvious attempt to get Magnus to move in with Alec, because apparently he can’t buy a new house with all his money. — I also quibbled a little with how Clary was written, especially in that scene where Jace comforts her (or, really, when Jace makes what happened to her about him and how angry he is and how he’s going to kill Jonathan etc. It’s a pattern with him, esp where Jonathan is involved, and I have more to say about it). Clary has always been a very temperamental, look before you leap sort of person, and I’m not sure that if she figured out Jonathan had hurt Jace she would just smile and pretend along. Clary would FREAK. This is Jocelyn’s daughter, y’all. The knives would be out. She stabbed herself to stab him before and she’d do it again. She has ALL the tools at her disposal to rune him or run away. — To be clear, I’m not shaming Clary for what she chose to do or not confronting a violently entitled dude who kidnapped her once already, I just felt the arc was artificially extended to let Jace be the hero instead of letting Clary kick Jonathan’s ass off a pier and rune him. There’s no way that bitch can swim. It seemed kind of….not how Clary would react and kind of artificially done for Jace and Jonathan’s benefit. — Last thing, which isn’t even a quibble but I feel people will be confused if it’s not on here: the Maia and Jordan thing. I’ll go into it more but basically: if they’re doing what I think, I think it worked shockingly well, but if it’s played straight yeah it’ll be Unfortunate.

The Good: — I’m just gonna come out and say this episode was AMAZING. Since this is mostly a positive review I’d like to credit the writer specifically—Zoe Broad. Honestly just the overall coherence of this episode was greater than any of the ones in S3 for me, it flowed from one scene to the other and there was no point where I had the urge to check Facebook or whatever. The dialogue was pretty good overall and truly amazing at parts, and I felt she had a pretty good handle on the characters, despite this being her first episode, which was very impressive. — I actually ENJOYED the ship content??? Clace was absolutely adorable on the rink, with Jace’s sometimes annoying bravado being played wryly both on his part and by the script. “I was born ahead of the curve” delivered with a smile and then nearly falling on his ass was. Very good. And Clary’s little “you’re doing better than me….when I was six” was equally great and I just. Really liked it? They felt like real people on a real date and it felt real and dynamic and cute. — Same with Malec’s grave-robbing date. Usually their scenes start to get weighed down by drama or just general “talking to the audience to make them happy rather than each other,” but this was just cute AND advanced the plot, and connected them back to the main storyline. I hadn’t liked how they were quarantined away from the main story and I’m glad they’re back, even if the “losing Magnus’ loft” was a weird way to do it. — Maia and Alisha particularly were really the breakout stars of the episode. Alisha really really SOLD that dialogue and was honestly incredible. Her terror and anger and desperation felt so visceral and real that even though I knew it would be resolved in the episode, it was gripping and I genuinely needed to know what happened next. — I also did like how Zoe wrote Maia (that “frickin” was TOTALLY a stand in for fuck and I APPRECIATE it) and I felt she really captured how she feels about Jordan—she does care about him as a person, or rather for the person he was at some point, but still refuses to not to push down on her own anger and hurt for his or anyone else’s sake. I felt it was really complex and confusing and emotional for her and overall I think that scene was meant to give her a sense of closure. Just because she recognizes that Jordan does care about her and can be supportive of her, doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily jump back into his arms. — That’s kind of my reading—I’m not sure where they’re going, obviously, but my instinct was that the less chill stuff Maia says (implying they may be going a romantic arc) was more due to the fact she was PANICKING IN A LOCKED CLOSET WITH A DYING DUDE. Like she says “I’m confused” like yes she meant before but honestly right then she obviously was, and I don’t really see the show going for Jordan/Maia? Especially since Todd has hinted Maia has a “don’t need no man” arc. Like she drifts apart from Simon but gets back with someone she hated for years?? Not seeing it. — However if they do go there I’ll be really disappointed, mostly because of the missed opportunity for complexity but also because yeahhhhh maybe not the chillest thing with how many people interpret their relationship as abuse. (I could make a separate post about it but yeah). — Onto Magnus. God okay I don’t know how others felt but I felt Zoe really got to the crux of why Magnus misses his magic. That how he feels connected to the world through his magic was just…such a good insight and it really impacted me because it wasn’t just some generic “magic is what makes me who I am,” it was so much more deep and personal and I felt it meant a lot that Magnus finally put that into words for Alec. He’d clearly been struggling to impart to Alec how he felt, both in terms of “how do I even explain this loss” and a his own emotional reticence. God that grave robbing scene!!!! — Umm the Morningstar sword actually being a sword to summon demons?? Kind of weird?? Esp if they play it off as an actual Morgenstern relic?? Not sure what’s happening but it was cool?? — honestly dudes I’ve been FUCKED UP about the Luke storyline and SUPER STRESSED and now IT’S ALL HAPPENIGN someone SAVE HIM oh my GOD I’m actually so stressed I’ve been stressed for 9 months FREE HIM — Ok now to Jonathan bc lbr y’all know I can’t shut up about him. Ok first off, that scene with the seelie gal, oh my FUCKING GOD I was screaming what a LOSER GHSDKLFJhghghhghgg. And she insults his shitty dialogue?? Zoe ma’am may I PROPOSE??? This keeps getting wilder and wilder I can’t believe they’re GOING THERE. THEY’RE GOING THERE SO HARD. HE’S SUCH A WILD LOSER. Can you BELIEVE he found someone off shadow world fetlife to be like “I’m a Morgenstern and I love you bro you’re so hot and clever and lovable” I just can’t. I bet you ANYTHING she tops and is only in it for the shadow hunter ass. — SHAPESHIFTING. YALL. I BUST A NUT. Look, it fixes so many fucking plot holes. His eyes look SO COOL when he does demon magic. He’s so OP and Chaotic Stupid it’s not even a joke  I Lov my Mary Sue Son. — Honestly having Jonathan impersonate Jace is so brilliant (remember when he said, “I don’t want your pity, I want your life?”) Like it is so fucked up but I love it.  Not looking forward to the mind control but maybe he just whispered “I’m a bottom” into her ear and ran off in her ensuing shock and confusion. You can’t prove me wrong until next week so until then LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU — Personally I liked Dom’s performance as Jonathan, but not to be that Bitch I felt Will was a lot more subtle about it. Dom gave him a straight up thousand mile stare whereas Will played him as something charismatic and good at lying with a little edge of Something Wrong, a strain behind a smile. Sure, Jonathan was probably nervous for his little kidnapping date, but I felt it was unrealistic that he was so suave and convincing (sans the part where Aline comes to visit him that was hilarious, Jonathan you’re an idiot) as Seb and then is like “I eat ants sometimes” as Jace. Like. He’s an obsessive bitch. He’d have practiced Jace in the mirror. Fuck you. Probably while saying “fuck you.” ANYWAYS. — Izzy doing science? It’s not much but I’ll fucking take it lmao. I’m excited to see where Heavenly Fire is going. Matt’s Latin is still abysmal but whatever it’s ok. — also that rose?? A kiss from a rose?? Honestly this ep was so clever and thematically connected and just FLOWED like an ACTUAL EP OF TV god I’m emotional!!!! Thank you Zoe Broad ma’am you are a hero!!! — Again I’m gonna point out both Jace and Jonathan have a designated Brooding Fireplace. — Not super hyped about Heidi coming back but hey this ep was Worth It.

Anyway tldr I really liked it and wanted to spew semi-coherent positivity for once! About more characters than just my stupid fave!!! Wow!!! Good writing is SEXY and I LOVE IT!!!

[emperor-uncarnate]

Old Ben: A Star Wars Story

Had some ideas for an Obi-Wan Kenobi movie I’d want to see... without Darth Maul in it. I’ve watched some Rebels and The Clone Wars but I’m gonna completely ignore them and most of the other expanded media (because let’s be real, Disney probably will too) and come up with a film synopsis that won’t end in just another lightsaber duel. I want a movie that’s gonna challenge Obi-Wan’s Jedi faith, and I think I came up with something that could be compelling. Read on and lemme know what you think: 

The film opens with the familiar sight of a Star Destroyer coming out of hyperspace above Tatooine. An Imperial shuttle descends from the capital ship’s hanger and makes its way down to Mos Eisley, flying over a bustling marketplace as it nears its landing site. Down in the streets we see an awestruck trio of human children watching the shuttle pass overhead: Luke, Biggs, and Camie. The kids are around nine or ten years old at this point and they’re enamored - albeit naively - with the Galactic Empire. Camie’s mother, who we’re going to tentatively name “Diane” (mostly because I imagine her played by Diane Lane and I don’t feel like coming up with Star-Warsy names for hypothetical characters), is looking after the children for the day while she shops. Luke and Biggs, who dream of someday becoming TIE Fighter pilots, decide to slip away from Diane’s supervision while she’s haggling with a trader and go check out the shuttle at the docks. The responsible Camie objects and threatens to tattle on them but best bros Luke and Biggs can’t be deterred. They sneak near the landed vessel and observe an Imperial officer trudging menacingly down its boarding ramp. The boys overhear the officer saying something about locating a fugitive of the Empire and something else about making a deal with some shady Tatooine locals.

As the officer departs, the boys try to get a better look at the shuttle and are caught by a few Stormtroopers. The soldiers mock them and push them around, intending to arrest or otherwise harm them, until Diane arrives. She puts herself at risk and tries to protect her daughter’s friends, frantically attempting to coax the Stormtroopers into looking the other way. She fails to sway the brutish Imperials, who care nothing for the innocence of curious children, and it seems like all of them are in deep trouble when a cloaked man arrives just in time. The not-so-mysterious figure drops his hood and we get our first look at a 47-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi. Dude’s looking grizzled with a little more than a touch of grayed hair. One Jedi mind trick later, the group is able to safely walk away and the Stormtroopers have no memory of the event. Diane thanks their rescuer and takes Camie and Biggs home while Obi-Wan, introducing himself with a smile as “Ben,” offers to take Luke home himself. Luke doesn’t know Ben very well but he knows him enough to trust him, and so they leave Mos Eisley together.

Luke is left pretty confused by the encounter. His first experience with the Empire leads him to conclude they’re not as great as he’d first thought, and Ben’s refusal to explain how he threw off the Stormtroopers left Luke with even more questions. Remember, Luke has no idea what the Force is until it’s explained to him in A New Hope. Ben delivers Luke to Owen and Beru Lars, who are grateful for Ben’s interference. At this point, Luke’s Uncle Owen has little reason to dislike Ben and is overjoyed that his nephew was returned safely. 

Luke goes to his room while the adults chat (it’d be cool if little Luke was playing with the same T-16 Skyhopper toy he has later) and Ben gets to telling Owen and Beru what happened at the spaceport. He explains that the Galactic Emperor suspected Tatooine might be a possible hiding place for a Jedi named Obi-Wan and that the Empire would send a battalion to their Mos Eisley checkpoint every now and then to scope things out. Ben recounts that Obi-Wan was killed around the same time Anakin was, and he warns that Luke shouldn’t be allowed near larger settlements when the Empire is visiting (and the Empire’s presence in town was why Ben decided to keep tabs on Luke that day in the first place). According to Ben, the Empire doesn’t know Obi-Wan is dead so they’re still circling the galaxy hunting for any sign of him. Owen and Beru heed his warning but they have no idea that Ben is in fact Obi-Wan himself, and this later mirrors the way Luke is told Anakin and Vader are two separate people. 

Ben goes on to offer to train Luke in the ways of the Force, stating the boy is at the ideal age to do so, but a protective Owen is hesitant to the proposal. Beru, who is much more open to the idea, convinces Owen to consider it. Owen agrees to think about it, and Ben leaves them both to ponder young Luke’s future. He mounts his eopie, a creature you might recall from the prequels, and rides off into the treacherous Jundland Wastes where he’s made his home. Unbeknownst to Ben, however, he has a follower...

Say what you will about the green milk scene in The Last Jedi but I really enjoyed the montage of self-exiled Luke’s daily routine. I’d want to see something similar here, showing us how Ben survives as a hermit in the harsh wilds of the Dune Sea. And while he’s rustling up some grub made from desert flora and fauna (maybe actual grubs?), he’s interrupted by an attractive human woman. She approaches him as a lost traveller, asking if she can take shelter in his dusty little hut for the night. She’s a little too nosy and flirtatious for Ben to trust, however, and his Jedi instincts lead him to concoct a plan. He invites her to join him in his home and share his meal before in some way calling on his classic Kenobi cleverness to reveal her true identity. Turns out she’s a Clawdite changeling, much like the one he and Anakin pursued in Attack of the Clones, and Ben’s trickery causes her to revert to her natural reptilian form. Maybe he dupes her into eating something spicy or sour and that causes her to lose concentration and shapeshift back to her real self. Something along those lines.

Ben interrogates her and tries to find out who she is and why she was trying to deceive him. The Clawdite woman explains that she was also there at the spaceport keeping an eye on the Imperials when she saw what Ben did to save Diane and the children. The changeling, who we’ll name... wait for it... “Changeling,” recognized his Jedi mind trick. Coupled with her intel that the Empire was looking for one such runaway force-user, Changeling suspected he was the one they were after. Ben is frustrated and perturbed that someone finally caught on to his true identity and asks if her intention was to turn him in to the authorities. Changeling denies this, claiming she’s in trouble with the Empire and he’s the only one who can help her (but she doesn’t say “you’re my only hope” because repeating little lines like that just feels shoehorned half the time). She only shapeshifted and lied about who she was so she could get to talk with him over dinner and confirm that he wasn’t some kind of lunatic. 

Changeling gathered a great deal of information thanks to her latent transformative abilities, allowing her to spy on the Imperial officer Luke and Biggs listened in on earlier. Apparently, members of the Empire’s leadership were growing tired of sending teams all the way to the Outer Rim to look for signs of Kenobi. The Imperial High Command or the Grand Moffs or whoever would be in charge of that disagreed with Emperor Palpatine’s decision to continue searching Tatooine. They believed they were wasting resources on this insignificant desert planet because of the “baseless” inklings and hunches of their monarch. Palpatine still suspected Obi-Wan’s presence there but the Moffs and Admirals weren’t big believers in the Force, so they decided to compromise instead. The Empire was going to give the job of monitoring Tatooine to a crime syndicate they were in talks with in (the Empire and the crime syndicate definitely have to meet at a cantina called “Club Mola Ram” as a reverse reference to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). The crime syndicate, which would be comparable to the one run by the Hutts, would be able to more thoroughly keep an eye out for any Jedi activity while the Empire could spend its time and resources on efforts they considered more important. 

In exchange, the Empire agreed to construct a massive slave-processing facility for the crime syndicate. Slavery, which was outlawed by the Republic, was making a return in popularity thanks to the general shittiness of the Empire. And, wouldn’t you know it, the Empire was planning on seizing land from a number of moisture farmers in order to build it. You might be wondering why the Empire wouldn’t just pick a barren, unowned patch of land since Tatooine’s really just chock full of barren, unowned patches of land. They picked the part of the desert Changeling lives in because A, it’s within range of where the crime syndicate operates, B, it’s already equipped with the moisture farming infrastructure required to maintain it, and C, they can just turn the existing residents there into their first batch of slaves. The Empire and the crime syndicate wouldn’t lose a wink sleep over that, but Changeling and the moisture farmers in her community would suffer greatly.

Ben isn’t surprised that the Empire would stoop to that, but he does question why Changeling’s first impulse wasn’t to bring him in. If she captured Ben and handed him over, the Empire wouldn’t need to hire the crime syndicate and it wouldn’t need to build the “slave station” on her land. Ben is comforted to learn that Changeling, unlike most people at the time, is a supporter of the Jedi. She knows they’re the good guys, and she thought the right thing to do would be to tell Ben and at least try to work together with him. 

Ben reluctantly refuses. He can’t risk himself as one of the last Jedi and he certainly can’t risk Luke, and he assures Changeling that he absolutely cannot get involved. Still trying to protect himself and the Jedi legacy, Ben denies the allegation that he’s a Jedi and continues to pretend he’s just some aging vagabond. He apologizes to her and it’s clear that he has to resist his desire to help people because he thinks it’s for the greater good. Changeling states her disappointment that he wasn’t more willing to help, and it is at that moment Ben realizes the two of them aren’t alone. He steps outside his hut to find it is surrounded by armed moisture farmers. They’re kind of a pathetic band of desperate people, obviously unsuited to be threatening anyone. Maybe one of them isn’t even holding his blaster correctly. Ben can clearly see they’re not really fighters but after a short bout (not involving any lightsabers or Force abilities because Ben’s still denying he’s a Jedi at all) the scene ends with him being stunned and taken captive anyway. 

Ben awakens in an unfamiliar little house and slowly recognizes who was making sure he was alright while he was unconscious: Diane. Despite his grogginess, you can tell Ben’s happy to see her. He learns she and Camie also live on the endangered land before meeting a number of other farmers from their sector. So now we have Ben, Diane, Camie, Changeling, and room for a few other aliens or droids in their little crew. This is where the merchandise team has some real action figure opportunity. We’re going to name them “Huey, Dewey, and Louie” because Disney joke and also because they ultimately don’t matter much beyond comic relief or having cool/useful abilities. I’m not above throwing a few characters like this into a movie just to spice things up. Anyway, Ben learns that the half-dozen or so farmers he’s with are the only ones who know about him being there, although he still won’t admit he’s a Jedi. Changeling feels as if she isn’t left with much choice, so she finally sticks Ben with an ultimatum: help them stop the deal between the Empire and the syndicate or get knocked out again and be handed over to them against his will. Diane is a little taken aback by Changeling’s threat, protesting and claiming that the deal has already been struck and the Empire’s construction crews are already gathering in Mos Eisley. The way she says it, it seems like the slave facility is going to be built either way.

While Diane, Changeling, and the other farmers squabble, Ben quietly slips away and tries to escape them. But as he reaches his exit, he comes face to face with someone who had apparently been eavesdropping on the whole group. Ben is met with the violent screech-grunting of a Tusken Raider trying to assault him. Still avoiding the use of his fantastic Jedi abilities, Ben ducks and dodges as the enraged Sand Person swings wildly at him with his traditional gaderffii weapon. The other farmers hear all the commotion and run outside to meet them, trying to stop the fight, but Ben urges them to stay back for their own safety. He fights the Tusken Raider with his bare hands until he has no choice but to Force push his adversary away. The Tusken lands on his back while the onlooking farmers finally see proof Ben is indeed a Jedi, but the fight’s not over yet. “Tusk,” as I’m going to lazily name him, leaps to his feet and whips out a blaster, forcing Ben to finally ignite his blue lightsaber for the first time in the movie. He deflects the blaster bolts and Tusken, either in his native language or otherwise, reveals his motive:

Almost fifteen years earlier, Tusk’s people were murdered by a rampaging Jedi. He was just a Sand... Child (is “Sand Child” a thing? I don’t know how this works) at the time and was the only survivor. The one who murdered everyone else in his entire village, of course, was Anakin Skywalker during Attack of the Clones. The Tusken Raiders of other villages came to fear or worship Anakin as some kind of demon, but Tusk’s own village was wiped out and he subsequently grew up among the spacefarers and merchants of Anchorhead. The orphaned Sand Child grew into a Sand Man and eventually found a place as a farmhand on one of the threatened moisture farms, but his hatred for the Jedi who slaughtered his people never faded.

Tusk still had the image of a robed man with a blue lightsaber burned into his mind and suddenly there was one right in front of him. After he tells his tale in a little flashback, he angrily asks Ben if he was the one who did it all those years ago. Ben didn’t kill the Tusken Raiders, of course, but he knows Anakin did (somebody told him about it, but I’ll get to that). Still feeling guilty for failing Anakin ten years earlier, so to does Ben feel responsible for the deaths of Tusk’s people. And now here’s the kicker... Tusk senses Ben’s guilt with the Force. Tusk has no idea what the Force is and he thinks what he’s picking up is just his ancestors or something helping him seek the truth, but he can actually sense the shame Ben feels and that convinces him Ben is the murderer. Believing he’d found his chance at revenge, Tusk lashes out again with his gaderffii stick, forcing Ben to block with his lightsaber. That’s when we learn what Tusk has made his ceremonial weapon out of: cortosis. It hasn’t showed up in the films yet, but cortosis is a metal that can short out a lightsaber if it comes in contact with its energy blade. Ben’s lightsaber is extinguished and he can’t turn it back on right away, catching him by surprise and nearly costing him his life. But thanks to his Force powers and the help of Huey, Dewey, and/or Louie, Ben incapacitates Tusk and he’s locked up in some kind of storage unit as a makeshift jail cell. 

The jig is up for Ben, who is at last revealed to actually be the Jedi they thought he was. He assures the rest of the group that he didn’t kill all those Sand People, and they choose to believe him since he made no attempt to kill Tusk in the skirmish earlier. Ben learns from the farmers that Tusk is known to be hot-headed and aggressive at times but is also considered a decent member of their farming community. The other farmers seem to know he has a troubled past involving Jedi and they knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to have him meet Ben, so they excluded him from their meeting. They didn’t expect Tusk to show up at their door like that, and Ben wonders if it was Tusk’s Force-sensitivity that guided him there. The farmers thank Ben for refraining from utterly slicing and dicing Tusk and Ben finally agrees to help them with their Empire problem.

Ben is staying with the moisture farmers for the night but he just can’t manage to catch some sleep. Troubled and uncertain, Ben is visited by the ghost of his former master, Qui-Gon Jinn (and you know it’s gotta be Liam Neeson reprising the role). The spectral Jedi Master sought to console his doubtful former apprentice, who was reflecting on all the pain and destruction Anakin and Darth Vader had dealt to the galaxy (there would definitely be some echoes to Force ghost Yoda visiting Luke in The Last Jedi here). Even ten years later, Ben still wonders where he went so wrong with his padawan that Palpatine could so effectively turn him to the dark side. Also, were you wondering how Ben knew about what Anakin did to the Sand People? Anakin wouldn’t have told Obi-Wan about that, but it’s mentioned in this scene that Qui-Gon’s ghost told Ben what Anakin did before the events of the film. Continuity! Anyway, Qui-Gon tries to reassure Ben and give him some words of wisdom and encouragement just before Diane unexpectedly arrives. 

Qui-Gon’s spirit disappears and Diane says she came by because she saw the eerie glow of the ghost and wanted to investigate. She sees Ben can’t sleep and offers to make him some tea, or whatever they drink there, and the two stay up into the night talking. Diane eventually asks Ben about Luke and he momentarily lets his guard down to regale the story of his old friend Anakin Skywalker. Remember the story Ben tells nineteen-year-old Luke in A New Hope? She gets that same altered story but you can more obviously discern Ben’s censoring himself. He can barely keep the lie going but the subject of their conversation veers towards the celibacy of Jedi and how Luke came to be. During the conversation we learn that Camie’s father is no longer in Diane’s life and it leads Ben to question his sacred vows what with the Jedi Order as a thing of the past. Diane feels some type of way about Ben and they both know it, but he sees this as a test of his faith. Ben excuses himself before either one of them can make a move and says goodnight, finally getting a little sleep before he wakes up and learns...

...Tusk is gone. Guy somehow flew the coop in the middle of the night, hopping on his wooly Bantha steed and peacing the fuck out. The farmers kind of panic for a moment, realizing that he very well could’ve set off towards the Empire to report Ben. They figured Tusk would do that in an effort to simultaneously save their land and have his revenge, but perhaps Tusk overlooked the fact that the Imperials would kill them all for harboring a fugitive. They determine what time during the night Tusk must’ve left, and they realize that his slow-moving Bantha gave them a chance to head him off in time. Ben, Huey, and company board a landspeeder and go forth at blazing speeds across the desert with Dewey using his alien/droid abilities to track the Bantha (whatever those abilities may be). Take note - the farmers did have a ship at their disposal but Changeling said she had to stay behind and make repairs before they could fly it. Diane and Camie stay at the farm with her, leaving Ben and his inexperienced farmer companions to go out into the Dune Sea.

Unfortunately, a patrolling group of crime syndicate thugs catch them out in the open desert. A whole squadron of enemy speeders give chase, and I’m totally picturing Star War’s version of Mad Max: Fury Road. Imagine someone throwing Ben a blaster and asking “you ever use one of these before?” to which he casually replies “oh, once or twice.” Ben fights valiantly without using his Force powers until his landspeeder, driven expertly by Louie, is about to get wrecked. I’m imagining Ben would pull off some crazy maneuver with the Force, demonstrating the true mastery of his powers he’s refined over his years in solitude. He gets his lightsaber going too and it’d be quite the spectacle. I’d pay some seriously good money to see a scene like that, I dunno about you guys. I also wouldn’t say no to a scene where Ben hijacks one of the syndicate speeder bikes a la Luke in Return of the Jedi and I’m not going to pretend I don’t remember this awesome clip (I said I was gonna ignore Star Wars: The Clone Wars, never said anything about Star Wars: Clone Wars). Watch the clip, it’s great and Obi-Wan does the thing from Akira.

The chase scene ends with them entering a canyon, maybe even the same one from The Phantom Menace’s Boonta-Eve Classic if you want to throw in an extra easter egg. The criminals are killed or otherwise ejected from the chase one at a time until there are none left, you know how it goes. You see one of the syndicate thugs sending a signal to the Empire before it’s all over, letting them know Kenobi is located and is working with people from the farm. Ben on his stolen speeder bike and Huey, Dewey, and Louie in their landspeeder finally reach the wandering Bantha and are surprised to see it’s alone. Tusk’s not riding it, and that’s when Ben’s Jedi-sense gets tingling... Tusk’s not riding his Bantha because Tusk never left the farm. 

Tusk sent his Bantha off alone, which would normally be a pretty serious offense in Tusken Raider culture. Sand People are bonded to their faithful Banthas for life, but Tusk sent his away so he could avenge his village and exact what he believed to be justice. He waited until Changeling had repaired her ship and taken off so he could kidnap Diane and Camie, knowing he could only do so if the other people in their group were led elsewhere. It was never his intention to go to the Empire because he desires to kill Ben himself.

Ben freaks when he realizes this and turns his bike around, zooming back towards the farm. Our trio of aliens/droids/whatever tries to go with him in their landspeeder but, conveniently, it breaks down and they have to wait for Changeling to swoop in for pickup with their ship. Ben makes it back to the farm and finds it empty. He discovers Tusk left a small tracking device behind for Ben to use, and so he immediately hops back on his bike and follows it despite knowing it’ll most likely be a trap. After Ben has left the farm again, Changeling and everyone on their ship make it back there too but they’re only inside for a few minutes before they hear the howls of incoming TIE Fighters. Their airspace is surrounded by several TIEs while that Imperial officer from earlier flies in on his shuttle. A platoon of Stromtroopers march out with the officer, who commands Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi exit the farmhouse. Little do they know, the real Ben is closing in on Tusk somewhere else entirely. Changeling decides to do something heroic, shapeshifting into Ben and making a daring escape. Diane’s farmhouse sustains heavy damage in the process but Changeling narrowly makes it to her ship, making sure to be seen in her Ben form and provoking the Imperial forces into chasing her. She pilots her small freighter away from the planet, drawing the Empire off the farm. Changeling thinks she can string them along and somehow make it back alive but she’s outnumbered and cannot escape them. Her ship is blown to smithereens, close enough to the planet’s atmosphere that the onlooking Huey, Dewey, and Louie see the explosion in the distance and cry alien/droid/duck tears. Sad time, but it leads the Empire to at long last confirm the fatality of the legendary Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Meanwhile, the tracking device leads actual Ben to this craggy, desolate wasteland. He finds Tusk, who is waiting for him at the edge of a cave along with an ensnared Diane and Camie. Classic “you killed the people I love so now I’m gonna kill the people you love” situation. Ben tries to ease Tusk into standing down and giving up the innocent woman and her child, even offering up his own lightsaber for their safe return. The enraged Tusken Raider rejects the lightsaber before the desperate Jedi Master also offers to train him in the Force. Ben levitates his lightsaber into Tusk’s hands, promising he’d find peace in learning the ways of the Force, but Tusk is hell-bent on revenge and won’t give up. He goes against Tusken Raider culture yet again, this time removing his head coverings and baring his face (gross) and his dark side-tainted eyes. Now consumed by the dark side of the Force, Tusk roars into the cave and receives a roar in return from what sounds like a large creature. Ben suddenly regrets giving up his lightsaber just as a titanic Krayt Dragon, a monstrous reptilian behemoth native to Tatooine, emerges from the cave. The beast is about to chow down on Diane but Ben uses the Force to demand its attention. He keeps the ravenous dragon focused on him while he evades its many attacks (including its acidic venom) until he finally is able to use enough Force mojo to pacify it. 

Just when the hulking, hundred-meter lizard is calming down, a furious Tusk leaps into the fray, disrupting Ben’s attempt to placate it. This turns into a chaotic three-way battle between Ben, Tusk, and the overwhelmingly strong Krayt Dragon. Though already exhausted, Ben manages to get his lightsaber back but is careful not to let it connect with Tusk’s cortosis gaderffii stick. This proves to be challenging, pushing Ben’s middle-aged agility to its limits. The old Jedi Master eventually falters when his lightsaber is fizzled out by the brittle cortosis weapon and he drops it, leaving him open to be swatted away by the dragon’s whip-like tail. Then the monster disarms and pins Tusk down, ready to bite his fucking face off, when Ben uses the Force to lift the gaderffii and send the sharp end of it through the beast’s skull like a missile. The beast is instantly killed and collapses but an injured Ben can barely stand or defend himself anymore. 

Tusk picks up Ben’s lightsaber just as the cortosis’ disabling effect wears off and he turns it back on. Sure looks like Tusk is about to finish Ben with his own weapon, but instead he slashes at the Krayt Dragon’s side and makes a deep gash. Tusk reaches into the dead wyrm’s guts and retrieves a dazzling, almost luminous pearl. He hands it and the lightsaber back to Ben and expresses his newfound understanding. During the whole battle, there was no point at which Ben tried to kill Tusk, and Ben even saved Tusk from certain death in the end. It was then that the remorseful Tusken Raider could sense the truth, and that his opponent was innocent. Ben apologizes despite being vindicated, telling Tusk is was his failure as a mentor that led to the tragedy of his village. He kind of vents his guilt to Tusk, who turns around and reveals a glob of acid venom burning through his back, slowly killing him. With his dying breaths, Tusk forgives Ben and voices his regret for sending his Bantha away and for going against the traditions of his people. He urges Ben not to make that same mistake, not for anything, and he ultimately helps Ben reaffirm his faith in the Jedi. Quelling the dark side within Tusk makes Ben think of redeeming Vader and how possible or not that might be.

Everyone regroups and they mourn Changeling’s sacrifice. The Empire believes Obi-Wan has been eliminated so they pack up and leave Tatooine, forsaking their deal with the crime syndicate, which is left in shambles after losing so many thugs in the desert chase. Tusk’s Bantha, who was spiritually linked to Tusk, is found to have died right when his master did. Spooky. Ben gives the valuable Krayt Dragon pearl to Diane, Huey, Dewey, and Louie so they can sell it and use the profits for their farms. The farmers explain that slaying a Krayt Dragon and claiming its pearl are actual rites of passage for young Tusken men, so Ben and Tusk inadvertently completed that ritual in a sense. Anyway, the farmers consider hiring some enforcers of their own to stave off the remnants of the syndicate and decide to pay to rebuild Diane’s farmhouse. Owen Lars later comes to learn that Ben was responsible for the destruction of Diane’s property, not believing the explanation that it was actually Changeling posing as him (and it was really the TIE Fighters’ faults anyway). Owen refuses to allow such a dangerous individual around his nephew or the Lars family farm and so Luke doesn’t really see Ben again for another decade. And by the time they meet again in A New Hope, Ben’s perfected his Krayt Dragon call... I think?

At last, Ben is ready to say his goodbyes to Diane. She’s not upset with him about her farm, but she’s more upset that Tusk would so spontaneously give in to the dark side. Ben explains how quickly revenge can turn someone Force-sensitive to the path of violence, and it wasn’t so surprising someone who’d vowed revenge for all those years could succumb to it. “Revenge, anger, ...and attachment.” With that, she understands what Ben is having difficulty saying: they simply cannot be together. She agrees with him, expressing her newfound fear and misunderstanding of the Force and its vast influence. Diane says she can see how difficult it would’ve been to watch Anakin go through that, and she wishes one day Ben can do for Anakin what he did for Tusk. Diane kisses him... nothing intense, more of a “thank you” than anything else. I think she’d feel kind of sorry for him that she can see he’s such a noble person and he’s so devoted to his values but he won’t allow himself what would likely make him happy. With that somber gesture, Ben tells her his true name is Obi-Wan, gets back on his speeder bike, and goes back to his hut. The end! Can’t believe you made it this far. In my head this was gonna be one page tops but whoops I guess its nine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯