#ducknerva however.......

[davebebubidifiersdehumidifierdpo]

the only downside to relistening to amnesty once or twice a year is that i am always viscerally reminded of the devastating lack of ducknerva content. a real tragedy

[yourbelgianthings]

"now i'm gonna grow"

a very short ducknerva fic (500 words), it's really just one scene, i wanted to write duck actually asking minerva to come to brazil with him since we never get that part in the show

Duck Newton laid on his back in bed, staring at the ceiling as if the texture of the plaster there would suddenly transform into some kind of message for him. It did not. Minerva was next to him, with her arm gently rested across his collarbone. He shifted around slightly, something didn’t feel right. Not just right now, but it had been off somehow since he and Minerva had been able to return to Kepler from Sylvain. Having lived in Kepler his whole life, everything about the town was comfortable and familiar to him. However, after coming back and everything he went through with the Pine Guard, it had been difficult to return to his regular routine, especially without Arlo, Aubrey, and Ned. He had been entertaining an idea of what to do now, and each day he went back and forth on it, but now, Duck finally decided he would ask Minerva about it in the morning. With that, he rolled over, cuddled closer into Minerva, and finally drifted off to sleep.

Shockingly, when Duck woke up, he was not alone in bed.

“GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYFACE!” Minerva greeted him.

He chuckled. “I think you mean sleepyhead, and anyway, what are you still doing in bed?”

“I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE HAVING BREAKFAST BY MYSELF THIS MORNING.”

“That’s real nice Minerva, and funny enough, I don’t either.” Their hands found each other and squeezed, holding on as long as they wanted to; the only thing that was waiting was breakfast.

Sitting on the couch with their omelets and toast, Duck figured now was as good a time as any. He cleared his throat and asked casually,

“Hey, how would you feel about getting out of Kepler for a while?”

Minerva looked up at him, mid bite of toast, with a worried expression.

“IS THERE A DANGER WE MISSED, WAYNE? IT IS BETTER TO STAY AND FIGHT THAN RUN.”

“No, no, nothing like that. I just want to go see somewhere else. We can go help plant trees in the biggest forest in the world if that sounds good to you.” She set her plate on the coffee table and scooted closer to Duck, putting her arm around his shoulder.

“I’VE ALREADY LEFT MY HOME, AND YOU KNOW I CAN’T GO BACK. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO AND I’LL BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE.”

“Well, I really appreciate that, Minnie,” Duck murmured as he snuggled closer into her. “I was talking to Juno about this too, I’ll give her a call and let her know the plan’s all set.” He made no effort to get up right now though, it had been a long few months and there was finally time. Time for lazy, soft cuddles on the couch with the woman he was realizing he loved, and anything else could wait. Minerva smiled gently at Duck as he rested in her arms, although his eyes were closed so he didn’t notice. He had never called her Minnie before, and she liked it. It felt nice to be included in having a nickname. Against her instincts, Minerva allowed her eyes to drift closed too, letting herself trust in Duck’s reassurance that there was no danger anymore.

[femmenerds]

Indrid duck and Minerva r one big couple y’all r just cowards

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.