#dua to forget the past

[lilasamaaa]

Havana | Charles Leclerc & Carlos Sainz x Reader

Genre | Angst, Hurt, Smut.

Word count | 5.0K

Warnings | Sexual content, alcohol consumption, cheating, some gaslighting, heartbreak!!

Summary | Reader and Charles, who've been dating for a few years, go on a trip to Cuba between two races. A few days before leaving, they learn that Carlos and Rebecca will be staying at the same resort. Good news, right? Well, if you forget Carlos and reader's years-long mutual attraction. Inspired by the « She chose me/Did she? » trend on TikTok… with a twist.

Author's note | Lord... This was so filthy I'm sorry. This piece is the result of this poll! Wrote half of this listening to These Walls by Dua Lipa, the other with Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello. Just so you get the mood. Not proofread, sorry!

She had been waiting for these holidays for months.

Since the beginning of the season, she hadn't been able to travel with Charles to any race, having no available days off. She was jealous of the others wags. The influencers. The ones who could rearrange their schedules in the blink of an eye to follow their boyfriends to the other side of the world without thinking about the consequences. But she'd foolishly chosen to pursue studies, foolishly found a job in marketing, foolishly trapped herself without even realizing it. She loved her job. Or at least, that's what she repeated to herself every morning when her alarm went off at 6 a.m. Sharp.

She had followed the start of the season through her TV and phone, and had savored every brief moment Charles had spent in Monaco (which represented, like... twenty days, tops, since the beginning of March). She knew she couldn't complain. That she didn't have the right to. She'd chosen to share her life with a high-level and high-profile athlete, and this situation couldn't obviously be all positive. She knew that other women would have sold their souls to be in her place. To wake up next to Charles, even just once a month. So, she never complained. She endured.

Charles had returned from China two days earlier, and they were heading to Cuba this afternoon, preparing for ten days of pure bliss. She was euphoric. Delighted not to set her alarm for the next day, delighted not to see her boss and colleagues for ten days, delighted to spend time with Charles. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Yet... There was something.

Yesterday night, at the restaurant, as they were making the final preparations, Charles' phone had lit up on the table and the driver had grabbed it, staring at the screen for a few seconds before exclaiming, "Non, j'y crois pas!". She had shot him a questioning look, and her boyfriend had chuckled before saying "Carlos just texted me. Him and Rebecca are staying at the same resort as us in Havana. This is gonna be so cool."

Oh.

She hadn't responded, just smiled, and returned her attention to the plate of pasta in front of her. Carlos was... a friend. Well, it was actually hard to define. He was obviously primarily Charles' friend, but they had crossed paths quite regularly in the past few years, and naturally, they had hit it off. There was just one issue. One tiny thing.

The man drove her crazy. It was ridiculous. Almost humiliating. She had been sharing her life with Charles for four years. She was happy. She was in love! But... She couldn't deny that Carlos made her feel things that Charles never had. Just the thought of acknowledging this made her want to throw up.

She had never acted on her impulses. Absolutely never. But... she could have. She had noticed glances.

It had started one evening at the restaurant, in 2021, when the two Ferrari drivers had organized a double date for their partners to meet. She had immediately loved Isa, with whom she had hit it off right away. The dinner had gone admirably well, the food was amazing, the wine delicious. The wine. There had been too much of it. They all probably thought so, seeing the bottles go by, but no one had stopped. No one wanted to be the one to break the great mood of the evening. So, they’d drank. Again and again.

If at the beginning of the meal, Carlos had just been casting curious glances in her direction, the wine had changed that. By the time Charles was explaining to Isa how they had met, the Spaniard was piercing her with his gaze. Equally intoxicated and never one to back down from a challenge, she had not flinched at the driver's boldness, holding his gaze, not even blinking. It had lasted a minute. Maybe two. Or even five, before Charles had asked her the name of the movie they'd seen on their third date, you know, the one with the mansion, and she’d finally tore her gaze away from Carlos.

"I believe that was Knives Out," she'd replied, smiling fondly at her boyfriend.

The conversation had resumed its course, and a few hours later, the two couples had parted ways. Lying in bed, in the middle of the night, she could still feel Carlos' burning gaze on her. That could have been nothing. She could always blame it on the wine. But there'd been more.

One day, Charles had suggested that she came with him to an interview he was going to do with Carlos. "It won't take long," he had said. "And as soon as it's over, we'll go grab a bite at that Mexican restaurant you love". She had agreed. The questions had started simple.

"What would be your perfect day?"

"What's your pre-race tradition?"

"Describe your ideal woman"

Even though she had been browsing her phone for a while, absorbed by the device, this question had made her look up. Locking eyes with Charles, the driver had smiled at her before answering.

"That's rather easy to answer, because I've already found her. My ideal woman is career-oriented. She works hard, doesn't count her hours. She wants to succeed because she deserves it, not because she's dating me. She excels in everything she undertakes. She sets no limits for herself, fears nothing. Tries everything. She can be uncompromising, but she knows how to be gentle and caring. She has weaknesses, but she only shows them to me. I am her refuge, and she is mine."

She had smiled, touched, blowing a kiss to her boyfriend.

"Carlos?" the interviewer had said.

"My ideal woman..." the Spaniard had started, searching for his words. "Actually, I have the same, erm… taste as Charles. But I would add that my ideal woman isn't afraid to make mistakes. She allows herself to make wrong choices, to take the wrong path. It's okay, she will always find her way back," he had added, looking her straight in the eyes. That bastard can't be for real, she'd thought.

The last... "incident" had occurred at the end of last season. It hadn't been easy, but she had managed to get time off, and she had joined Charles in Abu Dhabi for the last race of the season. Her boyfriend had finished fifth in the championship, and everyone : drivers, engineers, girlfriends, had ended up at the club to celebrate Max's victory.

She wasn't a fan of nightclubs. She was very migraine-prone, and the music, combined with the neon lights, didn't do well with her. Feeling the pain starting behind her eyes, she had signaled to Charles that she was going outside, and despite his insistence, she had convinced him to stay inside, wanting him to enjoy the evening. In the dark corridor leading outside, she had closed her eyes for a second. No more. Just to relieve the pain for a moment. And she had bumped into someone, of course.

The someone being Mister Sainz himself. Of course.

"I'm sorry," she'd said, still rubbing her eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"Just a migraine."

"Here," he'd said, leading her outside. "Let's get some calm."

She was surprised to see no one outside. Granted, it was already late, almost 4 a.m., and many people had left the club already. But still, she'd expected to see a few people. Smokers, at least...

"Charles fought well," Carlos had said, leaning against a wall.

"Yeah. He'll be champion one day."

"Of course," the Spaniard had say, grinning. "He'll have the cup." A pause. "And the girl."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she'd replied, pretending not to understand.

"Everything Charles wants, Charles gets."

She wasn't in the mood for this. Not tonight. Even if she found it hard to meet the Spaniard's gaze. Even if feeling his eyes on her made her shiver. Even if she could feel her lower abdomen tighten every time the driver's smooth voice reached her ears.

"Maybe everything Charles has, Charles fought for," she had replied.

"Oh yeah? Is that the secret?" Carlos had asked, coming closer.

"There's no secret."

"Do you want me to fight for you?" he had added, so close that she could feel his breath on her neck.

"You must have misunderstood," she'd said, finally meeting his gaze. "I'm talking about the championship."

Carlos had let out a laugh. An ironic, mocking laugh. Disappointed, almost. A laugh that meant "You and I understood each other perfectly well, but you won't dare go further". And she hadn't dared. Casting one last glance, she had gone back inside, leaving him alone under the stars of Baku.

She hadn't seen him since. Good riddance.

"I still can't believe it," Charles had said, yesterday night, taking a spoonful of his tiramisu. "At least, you won't be alone when I go golfing. I haven't seen much of Rebecca, but she seems very nice. I'm sure you two will get along well."

"So that's it? Our romantic vacation just turned into a friend's getaway?" she'd asked, almost offended.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry, mon coeur. We'll spend as much time together as possible, but... it could be nice to do a thing or two with them, right? I thought you loved Carlos."

The sentence had overwhelmed her with guilt.

"I like Carlos. I loved Isa, though," she'd answered, pouting, while Charles looked at her with soft eyes.

"Yeah, I know. But we have to come to terms with the fact that we won't see Isa again. Or, at least, not with Carlos." the driver had said, rising from his seat. "I'll pay, will you wait for me outside?"

Three days and three flights later, she's sitting at the hotel restaurant table, facing Carlos, wondering what Charles could have possibly misunderstood in her request a few days earlier. We'll spend as much time together as possible, yeah, right, she thinks, clearly annoyed.

"It's a pleasure to officially meet you, Rebecca," Charles says, giving the model a big smile. "Carlos must only have eyes for you, because I hear about you every other day."

She chokes on her drink. The whole table looks at her.

"Sorry," she says. "Ice cubes."

The conversation resumes, Rebecca proving to be very interesting. And apparently very much in love with Carlos, she thinks as she watches the blue-eyed blonde. She doesn't like the pinch she feels in her heart. She doesn't even want to put a name on it. It doesn't matter.

"I'm so happy that you’re here," Rebecca says after a while. "I can't wait to spend more time with you all," she finishes with a big smile.

"Yeah. Can't wait," Carlos says, turning his gaze away from Rebecca's eyes. Finding hers.

The following days pass without incident. Charles divides his day between the hotel pool, the golf course, and their bed, where they make love several times a day. If for some time she had the feeling that they were less close, everything seems forgotten under the Cuban sun.

One day, while she was riding Charles particularly loudly, the driver's hands digging into her hips in a deliciously painful way, someone had knocked on their bedroom door. Surprised, they had stopped suddenly, like teenagers caught red-handed, before Charles had jumped out of bed, grabbing a towel on the go.

"You're not actually going to open the door, are you?" she had asked, hidden under the sheets, with only her head out.

"You never know, what if it's urgent... Like... A fire?" her boyfriend had replied before opening the door.

It very obviously hadn't been urgent, and she had felt like dying of embarrassment when she'd seen Carlos's smug face on the other side of the door. He'd quickly glanced past Charles to look at her. Very obviously naked.

"Sorry to interrupt," he'd said, accent thick, licking his lips. "We had agreed to meet ten minutes ago to go play tennis."

"Did we? Oh my god, I'm sorry," Charles had said, closing the door behind him, running to the bathroom to change. Ten minutes later, both of them had left and she’d found herself alone in the room. Hot and bothered.

In the evening, to make up for leaving her alone all day, a very tanned Charles had invited her to a fancy restaurant in Havana, before taking her dancing. She had loved that night, so close together in the anonymity of the Cuban capital. She would have liked to prolong the festivities, to pick up where they had left off, but as soon as they'd returned to the room, Charles had laid down "for five minutes," and had been snoring ever since.

A faint knock echoes against the door of the room, and she gets up discreetly, careful not to wake Charles.

"You've got to be kidding me..." she starts, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Are you sleeping in front of our door or something?" she spits out, annoyed to find herself facing the Spaniard for the second time today.

"Charles forgot this," he says, handing her a towel. A towel with the hotel logo. What is she supposed to do with that? There are plenty of them in the closets. She stares at him intensely, arching a brow. Making no move to retrieve the towel.

"Can I come in?" he finally asks after a few seconds.

Without a word, she steps aside, revealing the room, and the bed where Charles is still snoring.

"Wow," Carlos says, walking into the room, laughing. "He's fucking knackered. I might have gone a bit hard on him this afternoon."

"What did you do?" she asks, clearly unamused.

"Nothing special. Made him run a bit." he replies, smirking. "I'm so sorry if you'd planned to finish what you'd started earlier," eyes boring into hers.

"You're a little shit," she says, disappearing into the bathroom.

She thought he would take the hint. Understand that his presence was no longer desired. In the bathroom, she takes off her earrings in front of the mirror, the door to the bedroom wide open, when the Spaniard appears behind her.

"Are you happy with him?" he asks, leaning against the door frame.

"What kind of fucked up question is that?" she snaps, turning to face him.

"A simple one," Carlos says, eyeing her intensely.

"What are you even doing here?" she asks, turning once again to grab her hairbrush from the countertop. "Shouldn't you be fucking your girl or something?"

Her hate-filled sentence makes him pause for a moment, seeking her gaze in the mirror. Faced with his silence, she lifts her head, meeting his gaze in the mirror.

"I had other plans," he states.

"Well, go fuck someone else then," she says, vehemently brushing her hair. She doesn't realize what she's said until the driver presses his chest against her back, gently pinning her against the countertop. She lets go of the brush, holding the surface with both hands, trying to regain composure. His mouth slides along her neck, making her whole body shiver. He's still watching her in the mirror as he gently bites her earlobe with his teeth.

"You're the nastiest person I've ever met," she says, letting a moan escape her lips as the driver slides his hands under her top.

"I've been dreaming of this for years," he says, running his fingers up along her stomach. "Morals be damned."

In the mirror, she casts a glance at Charles, still asleep on the bed. She can't do this. She's not like that. She's never cheated on any of her partners, let alone him. He doesn't deserve that, she thinks, closing her eyes as Carlos licks her neck.

"We can't do this to Charles," she says, panting. "To Rebecca."

"Rebecca will be gone by dawn if you ask," Carlos replies, gripping her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.

"What about him?" she breathes, eyes sliding down his lips. "I can't do it, Carlos. I love him."

"Do you?" he asks, still holding her chin. "Say it one more time, and I swear I won't kiss you. I'll go back to my room and pretend nothing ever happened. We can even share breakfast in the morning, all four of us."

"I..." she stutters, closing her eyes.

"I'm about to do something incredibly reckless. I just need you to tell me if you're okay with it."

She doesn't reply. She just looks into his eyes, and crosses the distance between them. Their mouths collide violently, and both moan in unison, desperately clinging to each other. Her hands get lost in his hair, running along his scalp before pulling at the roots, eliciting a growl from him. He kisses her, biting her lips, encircling her face with his hands. His hands. His hands are everywhere. In her hair, on her back, on her butt. She feels like he's touching her everywhere at once, and his touch... His touch is burning, awakening things she's never felt. With anyone. She feels like molten lava. Like electricity.

He doesn't waste a second. He's too scared she'll snap out of it, change her mind. In one swift motion of the arm, he picks her up, sitting her down on the countertop, spreading her legs with his own body. His lips never leave her : he's exploring her neck, her mouth, her cheeks, her forehead, anything to get a taste of her.

He's afraid that he'll only have her that one time. That he'll have to live forever in the memory of that night. So he memorizes everything. The beauty mark at the corner of her mouth. The one on her neck. The fine white scar above her eyebrow. The tiny wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, the ones she earned through years of hearty laughter. He sniffs her, almost like an animal, absorbing her perfume until his head spins. He's so desperate, so pathetic for her, and he would probably be embarrassed by his own behavior if she weren't doing the same on her side. Her fingers trace every vein in his arms, every muscle in his back. She runs her tongue over his teeth, bites his lips, tugs at his hair as if she wanted to keep a lock of it in a necklace.

So far, they had just been kissing. Something she would have a very hard time justifying to Charles, but which could be ruled as a... distasteful accident. But as Carlos grabs her top, making her raise her arms in the air to take it off, immediately going for her breasts, she knows it's too late. That there will be no turning back. She's panting now, and over the shoulder of the Spaniard, as his mouth finds one of her nipples, she steals a glance at her boyfriend. Sound asleep. Unaware.

Carlos continues his descent, lower and lower, tracing a path with his tongue from her breasts to her belly button and down to her lower abdomen. Urgently, almost savagely, he tears off her floral skirt and her thong with both hands in one harsh movement, throwing them on the floor. He's been so impatient, so hurried all this time that when he finally kneels before her, her entire body tenses, bracing for impact.

But the impact doesn't happen.

Not yet. Carlos softly plants kisses on her pubic mound. On the insides of her thighs. On her knees. Anywhere but where she needs him the most.

"Please," she begs, breathless. "Please don't make me wait."

"I've been waiting for four years," he replies, looking at her through his long lashes, amber eyes diving into hers, "You'll survive a few more seconds."

When his mouth finally meets her core, she tilts her head back, moaning. He's slow. So deliberately slow. For years, she's driven him crazy, obsessing over every thought of hers. His revenge is childish. Immature. He's not proud of it, but he wants to drive her insane. To see her lose her mind because of him, just for once. She's having none of it, bucking her hips until his nose gets lost in her folds and finally, he snaps. Grabbing her by the ass, he brings her impossibly closer, lapping, nibbling, biting, even. Her back is pressed against the mirror, one leg over his shoulder, the other hanging down. She's closing her eyes, covering her mouth. Her moans. Praying that Charles hears nothing. Sees nothing.

With the tips of her toes, she finds his groin. Her touch is so soft. Barely there. His response is immediate, and she feels his growl reverberate through her entire core. Continuing his assault, his fingers join his mouth as he circles her clit before inserting one inside of her. Then two. He's watching her, somehow getting harder every time she moans, every time she tugs at his hair.

"I need you," she says between two breaths. "I don't know how much time we have, and I... I need to feel you inside."

He could have passed out right here, just hearing those words leave her lips. He rises, capturing her lips again, while she takes hold of his t-shirt, stripping it off. And then, they hug. Their skins are burning with desire, but there's nothing sexual here. For a few seconds, they stay like that, absolutely silent. Clinging to each other. The embrace tears them both apart. It's almost violent, suffocating, the way all those what's ifs, we could haves and others if only we'd knowns fill the room in those few seconds. The hug is heavy with things that'll never be. Things that'll never leave this embrace. This room. Feeling something wet reach his shoulder, Carlos pulls back. She's crying.

He seizes her lips again, yet this kiss feels so different from the previous ones. It's no longer a kiss of lust, of desire. It's a farewell kiss. He knows it. She knows it too.

Her hands crawl along his chest until they reach the button of his pants, which she pops open with a flick of expert fingers. He helps her remove the garment, which also falls to the ground, along with all the others. In this room, in this Cuban hotel, they are finally completely naked, pressed against each other. He kisses her again, intoxicated by her, her scent, her taste, while his hand finds his cock, stroking it gently. He's so lost in her, he almost doesn't notice her own hand chasing his, stroking him softly. And then, in a new kiss, he presses against her before entering her.

For a few moments, neither of them moves. He, concentrating like never before to not finish there and now. She, accepting the idea that another man than Charles has taken her, and that nothing will ever be the same again. Charles, she thinks, glancing towards the bedroom where her boyfriend has turned over, still asleep, but facing them. He's so close. So close to opening an eye and seeing his girlfriend and his teammate pressed against each other, forehead to forehead. Skin to skin. She's still looking at Charles when Carlos begins to move inside her, holding her tightly in his arms, pressing their chests together in an incredibly sensual motion.

"Tell me what you like. Tell me anything and I'll do it," he says, thrusting softly into her. "I want you to remember this. To remember me."

"I want you to make love to me as if I were yours."

It stings. It stings so fucking much, because the phrase reminds him that she doesn't belong to him. It stings because she's not entirely Charles' anymore, yet she'll never be entirely his either. From this night on, she'll be condemned to wander between them, to float between their desires, their loves. No matter how tightly he holds onto her, no matter how tight she feels around him, he'll never call her his. He obeys nevertheless, quickening his pace, capturing her lips.

His movements are precise, surgical. He feels her contracting around him, and the sensation drives him wild. Her hands are around his neck, seeking balance, support. His pace intensifies even more when he realizes something.

"Say my name," he asks, panting.

She knows why he asks for it, why he needs to hear it, so she doesn't question him.

"Carlos," she says, kissing him. "You're making me feel so good."

And it's true. In a way, it has nothing to do with his movements, with his skills as a lover. All those that he very surely possesses, but are only secondary tonight. It goes beyond that. It's about their connection. With each thrust, Carlos floods her with love, adoration, longing, with so many sensations that leave her feeling deliciously overwhelmed. He doesn't need to say it. Yet, in one thrust, one harsher than the others, he does.

"I love you", he breathes against her skin.

"I know," she says, holding his jaw with one hand, making him look at her, their lips brushing. "I've loved you all this time," she whispers back.

Her revelation must unlock something within him because suddenly, he lifts her, pressing her against the bathroom wall opposite from the sink, as she lets out a surprised cry, feeling him deeper than before. His thrusts resume, stronger, more aggressive. It's a good thing he's holding her as if his life depended on it, because everything is too much : the sensation of his body against hers, their feelings laid bare, the sounds he makes... Her head suddenly feels light, and she rests it in the crook of his neck as he continues to take her so deliciously.

She comes back to herself when she feels something stir in the pit of her stomach, something that takes her breath away.

"Carlos..." she starts.

"Tell me, baby," he replies, biting her ear. "Tell me everything."

"I'm feeling... I don't know... I'm feeling so, so good" she says, incoherent.

"Are you close?" he asks, still pouding into her.

"I've never felt anything like this," she says, panting. "Anything like you."

Then, everything explodes.

She can't hold back her scream, not caring about anything anymore, not even Charles, a few feet away. She's clinging to her lover, scratching his back. Trying to catch her breath. She clenches around him so tightly that he loses control, spilling into her in three thrusts, grunting.

"Give it to me, Carlos," she says. "I can take it. I can take you."

"Mi amor," he says, out of breath. "You're killing me," he adds, still thrusting into her, shooting some more ropes of cum into her cunt while groaning. "Te amo, te amo, te amo," he says, kissing her face.

The two bodies collapse on the floor, against the wall, nestled together in the intimacy of the small bathroom. She shivers, and he grabs a towel to wrap around her. Neither of them says a word. What is there to say, after all? Here, between these four tiled walls, they've already said everything. Shown everything. They've never been closer to each other. They've never been closer to anyone else. They'll probably never experience something like that ever again.

A few steps away from them, a sound of crumpled bedding alerts both of them.

"Babe?" comes Charles' sleepy voice, as their blood turn cold and she rises up impossibly fast to close the bathroom door, wobbling a bit, legs still weak after her orgasm.

"Go back to sleep, baby", she says loudly. "I'm just taking a shower."

There's no response, so after a few seconds, she opens the door again, seeing that Charles has fallen back asleep. Mouth slightly open.

"You have to go," she states, turning back to face Carlos, still sitting on the floor. Carlos stands up, and both of them dress in a heavy silence before quietly tip-toeing across the room. Once in the empty hallway, she gently closes the door of the room she shares with her boyfriend before letting out a breath. He knows what's coming. Something breaks in his eyes, and she feels her heart shatter.

"I meant everything," she says, head low. "I meant every word, every kiss. I'll forever regret the night we just shared, but not in the way you might think. I will regret for the rest of my life ever experimenting this happiness with you and having to let go of it. I love you, Carlos, like I've never loved anyone. That's why we shouldn't see each other again."

His dark eyes bore into hers, almost threateningly.

"Why?" he asks, raising his voice, and she winces, terrified that, on the other side of the door, Charles might wake up again. "Why stop yourself from being happy? Why give up on me?"

"I found a ring," she confesses, struggling to meet his gaze. "In his suitcase. He's going to propose to me, Carlos."

"If that's what it takes to have you forever, let me do it before him," he says, dropping to one knee as she looks away, tears welling up in her eyes. One more thing he'll have taken from Charles, she thinks. He'll forever be the first man to ever kneel before me. And he'll never even know this.

"Please, get up," she says, her voice trembling with a sob.

He does, and when he looks at her again, his eyes are filled with tears.

"Good night, Carlos," she says, taking a step back, holding the door knob to her room. She's gone in an instant, leaving him alone in the poorly lit hallway at half past three in the morning. Her scent all over his skin, her words all over his mind, her grip all over his heart.

[9amartt]

I tasted hope…

I tasted trust in Allah’s decree and i’ve never been more accepting of myself and everything that happens in my environment.

Alhamdulillah.

Being what they call ‘delusional’ is indeed the key to a happy life.

Be delusional about Allah’s decree, He split the sea for Musa, saved Yusuf from the belly of a whale, and split the moon for Muhammad. He created you! Isn’t that enough of a miracle?

Allah created you and He is the disposer of every single one of your affairs.

We will all die, wether we suffer or not, wether we sacrifice or not, wether we give up on our desires or not, wether we exhaust our weak bodies and minds or not, wether we spend this life wailing or laughing. It all ends in death. And one step in Jannah makes you forget years of pain, meanwhile one step in Jahannam makes you forget all the pleasures of this world.

So be akhira-minded. Hopeful in Allah’s decree.

Know that this dunyah is but an hour compared to the akhirah, it really is not worth despairing for.

Sit in loneliness with your lord often, think about your decisions, regret your past sins, trust that Allah is forgiving but not forgetful. Seek His forgiveness.

Before taking any steps, dispose all the burden of your worries on Him, make dua, cry between His hands, spend the night He has blessed you with in worship. Cry.

Really, cry. Let out all the pains you stored during the day.

Smile upon hardship. Say as they say: ‘Allah is my Lord and disposed of Affairs’, say it with your heart. And mean it.

Stand up now. Compete with your nafs and shaytan, be competitive and do not let them win over you. For the reward is worth the struggle and more.

Let the future for its creator, regret the past but don’t let your regret cause you to hate yourself or destroy your present, rather, let it be a lesson for you. Live your present.

And this is my heartfelt advice to you.

A dear friend of mine, who got out of the loop of depression and despair before us, sent me once a beautiful text she had written about hope In Allah. I told her jokingly: ‘it’s funny how this is coming from the most suicidal person I know’ she said: ‘Allah granted me tawfiq in becoming human again’

Human.

What makes us human is our relationship with Allah.

So come back to being Human. Come join the caravan of hopeful believers. Come join the saving ark. The ark of Allah.

Come join our ranks, let’s reinforce each other, this path is a lonely one, so let’s be each other’s assistance.

[deentalks]

There is a very beautiful story that I want to share with you today from Aisha R.A.

Aisha reported: When I saw the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, with a cheerful face, I said, “O Messenger of Allah, supplicate to Allah for me.” The Prophet said, “O Allah, forgive Aisha for her past and future sins, in secret and in public.” Aisha laughed so much that her head fell from his lap. The Prophet said to her, “Does my supplication make you happy?” Aisha said, “Why would your supplication not make me happy?” The Prophet said, “By Allah, it is my supplication for my nation in every prayer.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 3446

How beautiful is it that we had a Messenger ﷺ who cared so much about us that he made that dua for us every single salah, though he has never seen us and how beautiful is the reaction of Aisha R.A to be overjoyed and to smile and laugh with the Prophet ﷺ.

Don't forget to send your “صلوات” [salawaat] upon him, asking Allah to send His peace and blessings upon him.💌

[aminawriting]

Are you forgetting me? A poem by me

I'm afraid of forgetting you. When life has come back and the grief goes on break I'm afraid you'll slip more and more from my mind. I have cried less tears over you and now I'm heartbroken because the tears no longer come as strongly as before.

If you can slip momentarily from my mind can you erase me completely from yours?

Will blue no longer remind you of me? Will brown turn dull and will you no longer reminisce my eyes in your mind? Will places seem memoryless without me painting pictures in your head. Will my name be a foreign echo in your forgotten dreams? Will your duas no longer feel empty without me?

Will you bury me before I die? In the dirt of your passing, in the past of our love and the death of our memory?

Will you forget me and never return my hearts calling? If you do my heart and poetry will die.

- A.B

[onceinabluemun]

Wallah all that’s been in my mind the past two months are the Muslims suffering. Seeing so much coverage on Gaza showing how high Iman these people have, and how much they’re suffering not a day goes by. Seeing them I remember there are other Muslims being oppressed. The Uyghurs. The Kurds. The Afghans. So, so many.

They smile and say

"‏حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل"

"‏حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل"

Allah is sufficient for us, Allah is sufficient for us

Even as they look at the blue, limp bodies of their loved ones they smile with so much pain in their eyes, point their finger to the sky and smile. This level of faith; I pray to be close to that strength at least. To smile despite all my hurt, to fear nothing. Absolutely nothing.

My throat stings every day. I open my phone and see new coverage on the genocide happening right now. Fathers pulling rubble with their bare hands calling for their children. Animals suffering. Plants burning. Families, entire bloodlines mercilessly wiped out. I cry. I choke tears back. Sometimes I slap a hand to my mouth to cover the gasp, when I see organs lying in the dust or a child’s ripped scalp. Remnants of human beings that laughed and loved and believed in Allah just like me. The pain cracks me. Not a day goes by where I forget.

And some people are already going “why you talking about it so much stop” this is all thats in my mind. It is the reason I say Hasbunallah Wa nimal Wakeel, the reason why Ive been praying more, making more dua, more dhikr. Its the reason why Ive been letting people go and trusting that Allah’s plan and his justice is near. I count my blessings. I don’t know when I’m going to die. Am I ready to face my Creator? I want to be honored with martyrdom, with the gift of being a Mujahida. I must be worthy of that first. This remarkable hope and strength is the most precious gift anyone has ever given me, and this was a gift from the beloved people of Palestine.

Wallah it’s in my mind every second of the day and in Jannah I want to thank the martyrs and kiss the martyr childrens’ hands and tell them how much they’ve inspired me. Palestine has freed us.

[faithful-diaries]

Assalamu alaykoum sister. I hope you are good alhamdulilah, i am a 20 year old sister. I did put my hijab in 2019 when iwas 15, i had a bad past but 2 years ago i came to the right path alhamdulilah. I have t4ouble overthinking about my past, if maybe some pics ( very sinful pics) got leaked or something. I repented to Allah subhana wa taala so much, i started praying again and reminding myself with my akhirah. But i overthink so so much that maybe something got leaked and 4 years later i may havent found and iam living here peacefully while i may have been gaining sins and maybe my parents find out. 2 years ago when i started my deen journey again i didnt even remember. This days i have cried a lot and i do remember quite a few details about what happened when i sinned and i dont quite remember if that person had screnshoted those pics or anything. I am so scared that my sins may come to light or its just my mind giving me a hard time while overthinking. I am fully making duaa and crying in my prayer mat and i wanna calm myself but i dont know how. Any tips or duaa so i can have a relief and ask Allah for forgiveness and to cover my sins if they have been leaked online? Howncan i improve? Jazakallahu khair ukhti.

Walaikum assalam my dear sister 🤍

Jazakallahu khair, I am good

I will also turn 20 this year🤝

Reading this, I remembered how my best friend went through this same thing earlier this year and how she used to be so low about it, her mind was occupied by the whisperings of shaytaan like yours is now,

But wallahi trust me when I tell you this that a person who returns to Allah with sins that reach up the sky but with a sincere heart, Allah swt accepts them and turns their sins into good deeds, just imagine Subhan Allah

You needs to know that ALLAH never abandons His friends nor does He ever let them get crushed by this duniya.

Just never stop asking for his forgiveness, yk there’s this word in arabic “Raja’a” that in English is translated as "hope" but the meaning of this word is - "to return" so being hopeful is to return to your Rabb. No matter what happens in this Duniya just make sure that your mind stays firm on the struggle for jannah and to never despair of His mercy.

We can’t forget what happened in the past but we can use it as a motivation to do better for our akhirah.

But we can’t waste our time overthinking about something that we don’t have any control over right, imagine this thing you are overthinking so much about, if you have truly repented from this, know that Allah swt has changed it into a good deed. How reassuring is that!

So don’t fall in the traps of shaytaan, He very well knows a person’s weaknesses and he triggers those emotions that can make a person fall into hopelessness and despair.

[39:56]

Here are some beautiful and beneficial duas that will help you in sha Allah,

This is called Sayyid al-Istighfar (the best way to ask for Allah’s forgiveness)

I will also recommend you to watch this series called “change of hearts” by Ali hammuda and especially this episode where he talks about Tawakkul (Reliance upon Allah swt)

May this finds you in the best of health and Imaan🫶🏻🤍

Fi Amanillah ukhti🌷

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

TSITP Overall : Crazy Theory

I have this crazy theory that we could maybe have a different ending than the books, because after watching the end of season two, too many things are different.

So why do I think that Jelly are endgame.

First, in the book, Belly and Jeremiah never kissed before Belly got together with Conrad. Jeremiah at this time was never an option to her. But in the show, he was. Belly kissed a few times Jeremiah which, as we learned, is in love with her.

Then, Belly got with Conrad and lose her virginity to him. In the books, we don't know to whom she lost it, but maybe it's to Conrad also. So that's make sense that Belly does it with Conrad, because if that's the last time she's with Conrad, it would make total sense to match the book version. The last thing before jumping to something new.

In episode 7, Belly kissed Jeremiah while wearing Conrad's Brown sweat. I see it like an anchor that's tying Belly to her past while her future is ahead. The same can be said to the night at the Motel. She is reliving her past while her future is ahead. But in the morning, she has already chosen, just by putting the Finch sweat. Then, she has her morning routine, because she knows that she will kiss Jeremiah.

Don't forget, Belly is thinking this "He gives and then he takes away. So I release you, Conrad Fisher. I evict you from my heart."

Even Conrad knows when he saw her with the sweat.

Finally, at the very end, in "love Again" by Dua Lipa, the song is about a girl who has a broken heart and thought she could never loved again. But then, someone new came and "you got me in love again".

I think it's in that moment when Belly sees Jeremiah in the crowd, she understand that she has this amazing future ahead of her with someone who truly loves her and that she may love him back too. She is on the very edge, because we know that she has already strong feeling toward him.

Let's not forget that Belly saw "Sabrina" during season one.

Regarding the letters Belly watched them get mixed up, so she is a witness to this.

As for the Belly and Conrad version of the book I definitively think they are replaced by Taylor and Steven's relationship. The actrice playing Taylor said that Steven is to Taylor what Conrad is to Belly.

But I think the most important thing in this series is that Belly's happiness should prevail before anything else.

So that's my crazy theory.

ps: the only way of ruining Jeremiah's character is to make him super jealous and all.

[gloomxdream]

thank you so much for the tag @polifandom ✨

last song: volez-vous from the Mamma Mia Soundtrack (originally performed by Abba)

favorite color: black 🖤

currently watching: Killing Eve (i’ve only seen the first 3 eps but it’s gay and horny so i love it already)

currently reading : Six Bad Things (the second book in the Caught Stealing series)

last movie: The Substance 💉

sweet/spicy/savory: sweet AND spicy

relationship status: my bed and i have been in a very committed relationship for the past 22 years 💞

current obsession: my joint writing project w/ madu, resurrecting my love for dua lipa, and GOSSIP !

last thing you googled: how to sign up for a driving safety course so i don’t get points on my license for speeding 🫠

can’t forget to tag my sweets @emisuebutts @skyyguy @thegrandpineapple @defnotanarc @antiquitea also whoever else may see this and want to join in 🫶🏽

[writcrwithin]

I have said what I had to say.

When I truly think about it, how can he tell me he love me but then easily have a baby with someone else?

Yes, Islam has its rules. Islam gives us our rights, but where was it in his mind to stop and think for a moment and tell her about me before making that decision?

I can never forgive him for moving on so fast. I can never forgive myself for moulding a man for another woman either. I can never forgive myself for believing into his lies and his deception.

I can never forgive him for hurting my son who will have to go through life without him. What would I tell him? That he was selfish? That the man he wanted to have as a father was a coward? He was weak? Do I tell him anything or do we just forget and live life as if this chapter for the past 7 years of my life hasn't happened?

Where was his conscience when making decisions that would affect me? Where was his heart when he knew he still loved me, yet he gave into another woman so so fast. Where?

My prayer still stands firm. Allah SWT is just and while I have committed my sins, I will forever repent them. I just pray Allah SWT hears my dua too.

I am still so broken hearted. I feel that there is no way out of this emotion. Pray for me if you come across this post. Pray that I am able to move on. That I am able to forgive and forget and just move on. Please, please pray for me if you come across this post without any judgements.

[writerfarzanatutul]

Ruksana's Dua

She lowered herself into sujood, her forehead pressing against the cold floor as she whispered, "Subhana Rabbial A'la... Subhana Rabbial A'la... Subhana Rabbial A'la..."

Suddenly, tears—warm and relentless—began streaming from her eyes, falling silently onto the cold surface beneath her. Her forehead stayed rooted to the ground, her trembling hands anchored on the floor, as the storm inside her spilled out through her eyes.

"Oh Allah, help me," she whispered, her voice barely audible, quivering under the weight of her sorrow. "This marriage... I must fulfill it, no matter the cost. But I feel so powerless... so very powerless. How do I accept this man when I see him as my transgressor? How can I make him my own? How can I consider him my husband, Ya Allah? Guide my heart... plant love for him within me. I am helpless... I don't have the strength to love him, but You are Al-Wadud, the One who places love in hearts. You can make me love him, Ya Allah. Please cleanse my heart of Abdurrahman, for he is no longer halal for me. Let my heart open for the one You have now made my lawful partner. Let me forget the past, forgive him, and accept him as my husband. Let me be the coolness of his eyes, and fill my heart with respect and love for him too."

( Assalamualaikum everyone, I write Islamic stories that is based on love , faith, redemption, second chances and halal romance. This is a snippet from my story You are Mine .All my stories are free . If you are interested in reading, you can check it in Inkitt or Wattpad. My profile name: Farzana Tutul )

[perfectisgeorgette]

Disco Margaritas -playlist

Georgette to Mim @madmagicmim

Disco margs a playlist for: that feeling when you take a sip of your first drink out with your closest friends, a cracking of a seltzer at a family gathering during the summer, dancing in the kitchen with your closest girls to an ABBA song on a Saturday night. A lifestyle, a moment, making memories, and shutting down all the silly bullshit.

🪩 Houdini (Adam Port mix) - Dua Lipa, Adam Port

Maybe you could be the one to make me stay. There isnt a single Dua Lipa song that isn’t an absolute bop. Even if they don’t admit it every girl dreams about a guy who can finally measure up and make her stay. No houdini act over here - not this time.

🪩 Stay High - Diplo, HUGEL, Julia Church

Staying in my play pretend; where the fun ain’t got no end. A remix of a Tove Lo song from 2014. If there is one thing that keeps past relationships no matter the kind at bay it’s a good song. No need to get to a higher level when this song is just as good.

🪩 Milkshake 20 (Alex Wann Remix) - Kelis, Alex Wann

Damn right it’s better than yours. The old banger from elementary school is still a hit. With a cool dance vibe it’s nothing like owning your own self confidence about what you’ve got! Can’t sing it without feeling yourself a bit. Confidence baby!

🪩 Teenage Crime - Adrian Lux

We don’t sleep when the sun goes down. This song just pulls you right to a bestie moment. Let it be when you were young and having a sleep over doing prank calls or staying out late causing a ruckus. It’s moments like that that tie to songs forever.

🪩 Like That - Seamus D

Argue, you yell, but you take me back. This song puts you back with your first love. The fairy tale of it all. Even if you don’t want to be whisked away there always that feeling of addiction when you’re with the one you first loved. You may not need to wish to take them back or to even find them but it isnt illegal to think about it.

🪩 Heaven Takes You Home (ft Connie Constance) - Swedish House Mafia, Connie Constance

Show 'em how the struggle made magic. There is something about a nice hug and that is what this song brings. There are many interpretations of the lyrics but when you get to the bottom of it its about people parting ways in some sense. Weather its good or bad it still feels like a good hug when you are going through a hard time.

🪩 Doses & Mimosas (Vintage Culture & Zerky remix) - Vintage Culture, Zerky, Cherub

Cryin' when you're by yourself 'Cause of what they think. Everyone loves a girl that is not afraid of consequences. Every girl has had the issues with feeling left out, bothered, or down - this songs is a big f you to them. Seeking the fun and high of a party is a a fictional ideal way to forget all about it...while dancing and vibing.

🪩 Love Runs Deep - Autograf, Tiina

You've been walking under dark clouds. Everyone has struggles and problems no matter who they are. This dong takes you from thinking about those problems and realizing that through love no matter the kind you can get through them. Just a feel good song to raise your mood no matter what the situation.

🪩 Waterloo - ABBA

The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself. This song may have its hidden meaning that everyone deciphers differently but that doesn't matter. This song alone can bring any mood from sour to sweet. Dancing and singing to this song in the shower, your car, the kitchen or with friends. Top 5 feel good songs.

🪩 Don’t Leave (Throttle remix) - Snakeships, MØ, Throttle

I'm a girl with a temper and heat. Own your true self. This song takes every quality of a fiery woman and puts it on the table. There is no reason to change who you are for someone and you are capable of being there for anyone no matter how hot you may be.

🪩 Sexual (Oliver Nelson Remix) - NEIKED, Dyo, Oliver Nelson

Now I caught you, I won't let you go. There is hidden meanings of this song but those are up to the listener to interpret. The song is just feel good and it is impossible to not vibe to. The song has been taken down a lot from streaming services but it definitely one to save.

Disco Margaritas is for the vibes darling. Love, Georgette

[harmonyverendez]

Insatiable ( Edward Cullen x Fem! Oc x Jacob Black ( Eventually )

Summary: Amayah Stevenson has always hoped for a better future, after her tragic past. She must come to the terms of her future, but can she when so much pain is bare? Or will she crumble to the pain?

Cast -

Dua Lipa AS AMAYAH ( MAYA ) STEVENSON

“ I'll never be taken from you Edward. Forget what that prophecy says. I'll always be yours ”.

Robert Pattinson AS EDWARD CULLEN

“ Babygirl, what the prophecy says will eventually happen. As sad as I am, this is the truth. It pains me to be apart from you.”

THE CULLEN FAMILY

Including

Jasper Hale

Rosalie Hale

Esme Cullen

Emmett Cullen

Carlisle Cullen

~✓~

This story is coming soon.

[swaggypsyduck]

Hello. My name is Aaima and I'm 16 year old. I sent you different asks in the past, to you and others, about Hakim Ziyech and his relationship with Islam and I'm sorry if I was being rude. I come from a very conservative family and I didn't like that he used to smoke drink alcohol and do soft drugs (he said on vogue) as a teenager for the image he gave of Islam to others. I thought he should not becoming captain of the Morocco national team for this reason, because I thought a player who is more open about his love for Islam should be. I thought he didn't grew up in Islam because he doesn't express it on social media but then I thought it's not right to judge others for past mistakes and it's not right to assume they're not religious from social media and I thought about this a lot so I want to say sorry to you and to anyone I offend.ed. I think that I'm still young and I'm learning from others but I apologise and I hope you can accept my apologies.

salam aaima,

thank u for ur apology. ik it's very hard to unlearn judgement that comes from being in a conservative family. while it is very nice for us as muslims to see islam represented in sports we have to remember why we're watching/following these ppl in the first place. bc theyre athletes. bc they play the beautiful game. since u bring up his captaincy, if he's a good captain who wins us games? so what? morocco has a jewish and christian population too. and if he didn't believe in anything so be it. it's the moroccan nt not the muslim nt. the moroccan gvmt was not the happiest w players repping for palestine and being practicing muslims (colonial france/spain things id rather not get into rn). if we want to follow ppl for their religion then we should look to scholars and sheikhs. not celebrities/athletes.

only allah knows what's in their hearts and what he has planned for them in the future. mulims, as a greater community, forget that all we're supposed to do is make dua for them and keep our silence/peace. the second those judgements come flying out of our brains and into existence we also get sins. i dont see christians coming after christian players for not attending sunday mass or not posting christian lectures/talks on their insta stories.

ur only 16. u still have time to see the world and all the beautiful people allah put on it. good on u for starting the process of unlearning ur bias. good luck on ur journey.

[lowkeyclueless5137]

how inconvenient is it for one of the housewardens to accidentally burst into a “heart song”(or Disney style song) during their meeting after maybe one of the other housewardens are getting on their nerves(maybe Kalim just starts randomly does that when he’s extremely in a good mood or has an idea on what kind of fun activity they could all do later)(Crowley has to suck it up if the housewardens do get lots of extreme emotions held up and are nearly bubbling to the surface cause of each other, if this happens often. It’s your fault for not getting therapy for them crow man :P)

Very inconvenient :'3

I even assigned sum personal picks for songs, if they were just simple popular songs on radio. It's not the full rooster, but merely a general idea for a few personal picks. (mind you that I'm speaking about my zone's radio so I guess things could differ)

For Azul I choose 'Dansam' by Randi, for a more of a take of his romance life, when he realises his feelings of love. This is specifically for my maleidiazu route, and his whole gimmick is him being alone with a long table, tormented by illusions of both Idia and Malleus that never appear together, seemingly having a hard time embracing the fact that he fell in love with 2 people, considering himself a sort of cheater. Even the choreo is translated to: 'So we again Dance, Dance, Dance. Dance to forget.', being a sort of nod to how he handled his past as well, by simply forcing himself and everyone else to forget.

Ace would have a more of a Broadway take on Alors on Dance by Stromate. It's more stemmed from his dislike of school and his uncertainty regarding what he would pursue in the future, unlike his peers who at least have an idea. For a choreography I imagine Ace having to walk across a long hall of portraits depicting various people with varying degrees of personal success.

Smooth operator by Sade! Oh I absolutely wanted to include this one! I love it a lot! And my candidate was none other than Floyd. While he would also be a perfect fit for Billie Jean or Smooth Criminal, him interpreting Smooth operator would be more of a 'monstro lounge live music' events.

For Floyd I also wanted his feelings realisation to be in the form of Lose Control, since that piece just screams him. It would follow more of a film noir/jazz atmosphere, soft but with bright stage lights as if he was performing on a lone stage in a bar.

Now, bc I am a petty lil shipper, for maleidiazu there is also Lay all your love on me, from the musical Mama mia! Which is adapted to 'lay all your love on them', because this is a 3 different places, with the twins, Ortho, Lilia, Sebek and Silver listening to the 3's Woes about their love fantasies and trying to tell them to not waste anymore time and fess up, bc that's just making them seem more petty than usual. :'3

And finally, Kalim's infamous Dance the night by Dua Lipa when he throws a party. This is one of the few instances where everyone is absolutely happy to dance around and party as Kalim sings about it. It's just that very happy atmosphere that excuses a sudden outburst in song and dance. :3

Bonus: Sebek performing Waka Waka by Shakira, because we all know why this would be a fit :3

But the piece of cake would be the first years performing Mr. Originality and I like to move it move it because those just have that vibe for them either thinking they are the Bois or they are just partying in the chaotic manner they always do.

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamu alaykum

[I don’t know if you post or reply anymore but I’m just gonna do it]

Lately I haven’t been on deen. I haven’t been praying properly or reading my Quran like it should be read. So I started feeling paranoid. Allah put this fear in me and I felt like someone was watching me all the time. I spoke to my mum about this last night and she told me she felt the same almost 20 years ago and that she also wasn’t praying or reading the Quran. So before I went to bed last night, I read surah al fatihah, ayat ul kursi, and the last three surahs three times. I made a dua asking for forgiveness and mercy for me and my family.

Subhanallah something amazing happened. I felt like a saw a fraction of Allah’s power and greatness. It suddenly brought me to tears. I realised I was less than nothing compared to Allah and I hated that it took me 15 years to realise that.

My problem is that I have tried to be a good Muslim before and I have. For two days. Then I went back to my old ways. Last night felt like what I saw was genuine and real rather than what I’ve been doing the past few years. So how can I keep myself from tempting myself to do things that are against the deen? I genuinely want to change and become a better Muslim. But how can I do that with all of the distractions in this world? Any tips or advice?

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃

First of all, please accept my apology for the delay, I was traveling and didn't have a stable network..

Secondly, let us appreciate this ask and your story for a moment, Allahuma barik, I love these inspiring stories that can always prove to anyone in need that Allah swt is always there, only one prayer away, one duaa away, no matter how far or astray we think of ourselves to be, Allah swt is always near! You see, when you felt that there is something wrong or scary around you, you knew exactly what to do, you immediately turned to Allah swt because that's our fitrah, that's how we are built and programmed, He swt designed us that way, Alhamdullillah. And immediately He swt answered and provided for you safety, security, protection, and calmness. Allah swt doesn't need much from us, He is always waiting for us to call upon Him, so please do not forget that, even if one happens to sometimes forget that strong bond we have with Allah swt, it never disappears or stops existing.

Now here is the thing, one of the devil's favorite things to do is to try and distract the believers the moment they find their way back to Allah swt -He said, “For leaving me to stray I will lie in ambush for them on Your Straight Path. [7:16] - Shaytan has promised Allah swt that he will try and make sure to distract the believers when they're walking on Allah's straight path, when they are finding their way back or making their steps toward Allah swt. It has been also known that the stronger your faith or your desire to walk toward Allah swt, the harder Shaytan will try and distract you. And that will not make the believer weak or ' a bad Muslim ' , that's just how things are, that's the system, that's the test. All we have to do is try to stay firm and try to fight off the distractions, try to keep our eyes on the goal, that is getting closer to Allah swt and pleasing Him swt.

And remember, we are human beings, we are supposed to slip, we are supposed to make mistakes, we are supposed to sin, but the challenge is not to dispair, not to lose hope in Allah's mercy and to keep going back and keep asking for forgiveness every single time. Remember that Allah swt said that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said "By the One in Whose Hand my soul is! If you do not commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah will certainly forgive them."

And He ﷺ also said “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.”

So do not let the human tendency we have toward sinning discourage you or make you lose hope, and do not let Shaytan get into your head and let you believe that you are a bad Muslim or that you don't deserve Allah swt's mercy and forgiveness.

I know the world is very distracting and very destructive, especially if you live in the western world, may Allah swt help our brothers and sisters living in non-Muslim countries and strengthen their faith, and keep their hearts firm on the deen ya rab! But you are going to go with babysteps because the most beloved deeds to Allah swt are the smallest but the most permanent, the ones we don't quit them.. I say build a routine where you prioritize your daily five prayers, and if you can insert a few sunnah prayers like the sunnah of Fajr or Dhuha prayer that would be amazing! Make sure you stick to morning and evening adhkar because they are your way to remember Allah swt abundantly in your day, and through them He swt will protect you from all evil, all distractions, and help you stay focused. To remind yourself to do you can use apps, there are great Islam related apps that you can have on your phone either for deen in general or for duaas and adhkar, some apps offer to set a reminder on your phone and alarm you at the right time to read your adhkar, to pray, to read your daily Quran, etc..

Also, whatever it is that is causing you distraction ( for e.g. social media, series, movies, music) you can limit your consumption of that, you can uninstall certain apps or lock them, only use them a limited time in your day, I have recently replied to an ask about that you can also check in and In shaa Allah it will be beneficial for you.

The most important thing is that you don't despair, you don't guilt-trap yourself and you keep your hope in Allah swt's mercy because He swt said " قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Say, `O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allâh. Surely, Allâh forgives all sins. Verily, He is the Great Protector, the Ever Merciful.'

Allahu al mustaān 🤍

- A. Z. 🍃

[kamilah-is-queen]

Happy Birthday, habibti. 🥺❤️

Thank you darling. 🥺

May Allah grant all your duas and give you jannatul firdaws, Inshallah.

You’ve been here by my side through so much the past year, and I’ll never be able to fully express my gratitude. But I’ll be sure to spend the rest of my life trying. I hope you never forget how much you mean to me.

❤️