#dsh4life

[thebeardkingxl]

“Alexa, tell me I’m improving day by day”

[itsmilky-blog]

Does this make me black. #bosslife #dsh4life #hellablack #chicken

[thebeardkingxl]

I have a lot to say but can’t seem to let it all out and be vulnerable about it all without feeling like I’m being in a position of being judged for what I feel. Time doesn’t stop for nobody and I’m losing myself in each moment of time. 😕😓

[thebeardkingxl]

Don’t worry. One day we’re going to sit down together and say “It was hard but we made it” 🤍

[thebeardkingxl]

My baby boy! 🐾

[thebeardkingxl]

By far one of the saddest and most aggravating weeks I have had being at this damn hospital. The fact these people had audacity to ask repeated questions about my health and condition and I explain to them countless times what they are trying to make happen won’t work because I’m unable to walk around and then they get to have me have a seizure to run a brain wave test for testing purposes and succeed just for the end of the week tell me that I have to have my DL suspended for 6 months by the Dept of Health is mind boggling. Had I known the outcome of me being here to better myself and be proactive about my health and research and test purposes on my brain to just receive that news is so contradictory and fucked up. They literally said at the beginning of the week the goal was to have me have a seizure and all and I did it unlike my last week stay with these damn people. Just for me to get my driving privileges and all taken away. This really is just an eye opener to never ever go to the doctors or hospital unless you desperately need it. Cause they give absolutely no fucks about your wellbeing and life outside of the walls. My life for the next 6 months is changing drastically starting tomorrow. No life to feeling dead. My parents even said for the next 6 months I shouldn’t go back to work and focus on myself and elevate myself, cause they feel bad for me as well. I’m angry and sad with myself for choosing to do this damn visit. The week started rocky at first cause I was feeling extremely stressed out and nauseous the first night but it was good too with being able to do what needed to be done and making progress for it all to just go to shit in my eyes. Having people that aren’t even doctors or even my own doctor tell me it’s in their best interest to suspend my license and I no longer drive for 6 fucking months. I almost slapped a bitch and I was hella chill with them all too just for them to do me dirty at the end of my last couple of days here. My own personal doctor didn’t once fucking see me either on top of that…well now my doctor is going to sign me for disability medical leave. Soooo fuck the bs and it’s time to start some goals up and fulfill them. I got 6 months ahead of me to make the most of it. ✌🏻

[thebeardkingxl]

Happy birthday to me! Big 32! 😎

[thebeardkingxl]

I’m really nervous about this all but I’m having to spend another week in the hospital so they can run tests and see what’s going on with me. 😓

[thebeardkingxl]

I’m always the one who gets hurt in the end. Why am I always so emotional and have such deep rooted feelings. I never mean to hurt people and push them away. I always seek love and happiness but when I find the person who I’m so down to share that seek with, they aren’t wanting the same. It’s a fucking game to them. I wish I could speak my true deep down feelings without feeling like I’m not going to get the response that I hoped for. Cause it never comes. So I’ll wait til kingdom come cause i know I’m the right one. Even if you don’t fully see it yet after so long.

[thebeardkingxl]

Tears in your eyes and your mind going wild when sending texts back and forth to someone you truly care about and have a deep love for is top tier pain. 🥺

[thebeardkingxl]

Recovering but damn I’m in pain and I just want to stay still without having to move my arms or body. This has been a eye opener to really take care my body. My body is a temple.

[thebeardkingxl]

Second degree burns and pain to move around. Hopefully I can make a good recovery. Why me!!! 😔

[thebeardkingxl]

Prince 👑

Park Days are the best days! ☺️

[thebeardkingxl]

Why do I have to be such a sensitive and emotional ass person??? Like I’m glad I’m not a legit cold hearted person but I don’t understand how I could listen to couple different songs about love or think about different scenarios in my head about my life and just start tearing up. Whyyy…cause now my thoughts run rampant. I feel heartbroken and my brain feels frozen. I need and desire to feel blissful.

[thebeardkingxl]

My younger self wants to cry but my older self wants to cry and then look at my dog and then be in better spirits for him and continue with life.

[thebeardkingxl]

One of those nights when I’m just doing whatever I can to clear my head and understand the life I’m living right now. Alone and depressed. Smoking and listening to some bands I like til I fall asleep. Maybe shed a tear or two. Who knows I might just go for a drive. Hope everyone’s day and night has been good to them.