#drunkdate

[notimminent]

Drunkdates (aka drunk updates): I was reminded how much I love the Bonnie and Clyde musical and am feeling such nostalgia and emotions over it cause I found it two months after I stated this blog I think?

[datingatfourty-blog]

Hopefully this ones better

December 20th 2015

One of my female friends just moved her hot nephew (Nate) into the basement who happens to be the same age as me and he is single! Hell Ya, set me up! 

He asks me out, we go to dinner at a fun little pizza place. He is cute and tall,  I love tall guys.Things are going good, we have a nice meal and the conversation is good. We get done with our meals and it’s time to leave. Well  a coworker of mine just happens to be having a Christmas party the same night. So I ask Nate if he would like to be my date to the party. He of course says yes so we go.  We get there and Nate immediately heads to the liquor counter and is tearing it up! Downing all the liquor he can possibly get his hands on (so unattractive) I’m thinking to myself, whatever maybe he’s nervous.

Shortly after, one of my friends walk up to me and says, “Who brought the gay guy?”  I say, “Which gay guy?” She says “ The one that just grabbed Matt’s ass”  Ummmmm...Hello!!!! That would be my date of course!!!!  Just my luck. 

My friends asked that I take him home because he so drunk and starting to piss the guys off. I drive him to his house and he refuses to get out of my car. What in the hell is this? I am seriously pissed off at this point! I get out, walk around to the passengers door and pull him and his flippin takeout container out of the car.     O M G! I drive away and NEVER  talk to him again.

[missfinefeather]

KANAYA: You Did Intend For The Plans We Made To Be A Date KANAYA: Which Is To Say One That Was Romantically Oriented DAVE: holy shit we got a room full of smooth operators here tonight DAVE: yes kanaya it was going to be a romantically oriented date

Holy fucking shit, Dave xDDD

Well, lucky for Rose, she’s about as clueless as you are...

KANAYA: Is There Some Reason Why You Would Advise Otherwise Dave KANAYA: I Will Have To Plead Ignorance On The Subject Of Human Courtship And Its Customs When It Involves One Or More Intoxicated Participants

Actually, I love this. Rose and Kanaya care a lot about each other, it would take a lot for Rose to turn her off. Hell, I doubt this is the first time she’s seen her drunk either...

DAVE: hey i am not your fucking life coach here DAVE: if you want to go on a drunkdate what do i care DAVE: man what do i even know about "human courtship" anyway DAVE: not like i ever dated a fuckin human 

...this is true...

Interesting he specifies “human.” Maybe the Terezi thing is happening? God, I’ve misinterpreted everything if that’s the case...

ROSE: Kayaya, why don't we go for a walk? KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: After You KANAYA: If You Can Actually KANAYA: Manage To KANAYA: Whoa There! 

Let’s hope she can sober up a little... Hell, I hope she’ll even remember tonight.

[deliberatemisspelling]

Omg y'all it gets so much worse. So the total on the pizza this guy ordered was $43. Admittedly, that is a lot for one pizza. However, it's Main st. Falmouth, and he basically ordered 2 pizzas on one crust, both of which were essentially all seafood.

He argues with the bartender that he's ordered this pizza a half a dozen times before and it was 32 dollars. That is an eleven dollar difference, to a man who is drinking a Grey Goose martini and who's date is drinking Titos rocks and scrolling through $2500/month waterfront winter rentals on Craigslist while remarking about the lack of bathrooms. Grey Goose Martini tells Joe in what he must assume is an affable manner "Get it down to 35 and we have a deal," as if paying $8 less than menu price and $3 more than he supposedly has before is some kind of magnanimous offer.

Joe, the beleaguered bartender, manages to get the cost down to 40 bucks, while explaining that maybe he had ordered smalls in the past, or someone had rung his food in incorrectly and he'd gotten a deal Joe is not at liberty to give him. It gets to the point that Joe prints a receipt and tries to explain the cost line by line.

I am fucking vibrating in my seat. I have Had It. My friend beside me is begging me not to make a scene, she likes this restaurant and wants to be able to return. She knows Joe. Please, DeliberateMisspelling, don't. My wallet is on the far side of her because we had to move it to make room for DrunkDate and her wayward elbows. I demand it. She refuses.

Meanwhile, Joe has opened a menu to the pizza page and slapped it on the bar before walking away. He is also Done. My friend finishes her beer and I again demand my wallet. She gives it to me. I dig out a crumpled 10, the last cash my broke ass has, and slap it on the bar between the man and his date while hopping out of my seat.

"STOP punishing your server!" I announce at top volume, while swinging on my hoodie. He moves his glasses down his nose to give me the Worlds Most Condescending Look and opens his mouth to say something. I leave.

Did that rich motherfucker pocket that ten and continue to argue about the price of the food he's ordered, as if menu prices are not preset and absolutely not under Joe's purview? Probably. I don't fucking care.

In conclusion: death to baby boomers, eat the rich, eat the rude, and if you don't want to pay what the food you ordered costs, then don't fucking order it.

I just like, have to stop going out to eat. This couple next to me at the bar, I cannot. She’s been elbowing me and tossing her hair in my face since she sat down, he just ordered a shrimp scampi pizza with ALSO all the toppings of the scallop and bacon pizza AND extra extra garlic and then complained about the price. They are, of course, middle aged and white. The bartender wants to murder them. I am dying.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6I3] ==>

KANIZZLE like this and like that and like this and uh: Our Date KANAYA: Then KANAYA cuz its a pimp thang: You Did Intend Fo` Thizze P-L-to-tha-izzans We Made Ta Be A Dizzate KANAYA: Which Be Ta Sizzy One That Was Romantically Oriented 

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: hizzle shiznit we gots a room fizzay of smiznooth opizzles here tonizzle DIZNAVE: yes kizzle it was go'n to be a romantically oriented date 

ROZE: I'm so S-O-Double-Rizzy aaaah..! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. 

DAVE: bizzy as yiznou can see roze be hooched ta the fuck'n max D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: so i think Y-to-tha-izzoure playa off go'n out anotha time 

ROSE: No! ROZE: I said I S-W-to-tha-izzas stizzilt up fo` it. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. ROZE: Death row 187 4 life. I aready, HIZZIC, fucked up, by mobbin' track of time. ROZE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I'mnizzle dippin' ta bliznow it agizzle!! 

DAVE ta help you tap dat ass: ugh DAVE: you seriously stizzle wanna go thrizzle wit dis 

KANAYA: They call me tha black folks president. Well KANAYA sho nuff: Im Still Amenable Ta An Even'n Of KANAYA: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Whateva 

ROZE: : Chill as I take you on a trip.D 

KANAYA: But KANAYA: Be There Siznome Reason Why Yiznou Would Advize Otherwize Dave KANAYA, ya feel me? I Will Hizzave Ta Plead Ignorance On Tha Subject Of Human Courtshizzle N Its Customs When It Involves One Or More Intoxicated Participants KANAYA: Be Thizzay A Problem 

DAVE with my forty-fo' mag: a problizzle DIZZAY: uh DIZZY: i dunno if youre coo' wit yo' D-to-tha-izzate slurring words n steppin' no damn senze 'bout apples then DIZZAVE: i guess not??? 

KANIZZLE: ... 

DIZNAVE: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. why be yiznou both look'n at me DIZNAVE: stizzop thiznat 

ROZE: ;D 

DAVE: no dont DIZZLE: hizzay i be nizzy yo' fuck'n life coach hizzy DAVE: if you want ta go on a drunkdate what do i care DAVE: dawg W-H-to-tha-izzat do i even know 'bout "human courtship" anyway DIZZY: nizzay like i ever dated a fizzle human DAVE: so i guess hiznave at it 

KANAYA: Alright 

DAVE: off tha hook DIZNAVE: datenizzle wit drunky it be DAVE: go apeshit i gizzy DIZZAVE: uh so DIZZY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. whiznat should i do hizzy DIZZAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. yizzy want me ta pizzay up mah raps n lizzy yizzle alizzle or 

RIZZY: Ohn no, yizzou dizzon't hizzy ta do tizzy so sit back relax new jacks get smacked... ROZE: We can leaf you tou yo' slizzam poems 'n peace. ROZE: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Kayaya, why don't we go fo` a walk if you gots a paper stack? 

KANAYA, know what im sayin? Yes KANAYA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Afta Yizzle KANIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: If You Cizzy Actually KANAYA: Manizzle Ta KANAYA: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Whoa Tizzy! KANAYA: Maintain Yo' Balance KANAYA: Okay KANAYA and yo momma: Are You Gizzood KIZZLE fo' real: Okay Good KIZZLE: Lets Go

> [A6I3] ==>

[jessedavidge]

Well that was the BUSIEST week, wrapped up the FINAL issue of the Drunk series, "DRUNK DATE". Words by Andrew, Art by me, and the cover coloured by Camila Fortuna at http://gunkiss.com/ . We also have Darcy doing greytones, with Daniel doing colours on the back cover. Come by table G2 this weekend to pick up a copy and see how this story ends! I bet there's drinking involved.

[fionaleslie89]

Indian food! Excellent Meal. #IndianFood #dateNight #HusbandAndWifeFun #DrunkDate 🍗🍛🍚🍍🍑🍸🍷🍹

[halfassedpodcast]

Drunk on love. #drunkonlove #drunkdate #rosesandwhiskey #jackdaniels #flowers #chocolate #chocolateandwhiskey #whiskeyandchicken #listen #followus #followme #followthem #followher #comedian #hilarious #subway #graffitti #jokes #kansascity #philadelphia #missouri #Pennsylvania #halfassedpodcast

[xtcassidy]

[notimminent]

I just read drunkdates at duck tales and got excited someone wanted to talk about the show before realizing it was my post and I read it wrong.

[jessedavidge]

Things get confusing in the #drunkdate , come grab a fresh copy at #vancouvercomicartsfestival this weekend! (at Roundhouse Community Arts & Recreation Centre)

[katinguele]

calm down lynn i know

[therealhamster]

drunkdate replied to your post: wheres Maggie, ferocious beast?

IM NAMING MY DAUGHTER MAGGIE BC OF THAT SHOW

OMG YOU SEEM REALLY EXCITED

[jessedavidge]

There's a lot of reactions this this in the new #drunkdate comic. Coming to a #vancouvercomicartsfestival near you may 21! (at Roundhouse Community Arts & Recreation Centre)

[thbstvrdthmtlbndndntn]

drunkdate replied to your post: drunkdate replied to your post: i think my pet...

omg i know and like when you try to ask they avoid the question

THAT HAPPENS SO MUCH and it gets me so insecure tbh 

[farnaz]

drunkdate replied to your post: edwrad replied to your post: drunkdate replied to...

EDWARD IS A HATER I CAN NOT BELIVE THIS YESTERDAY HE LOVED ME NOW TODAY HE IS MAD AT ME IM TIRED OF THIS BIPOLAR SHIT IM JUST TRYNA LIVE MY LIFE KISS MY WIFE AND GET THIS MONEY

edwrad replied to your post: edwrad replied to your post: drunkdate replied to...

i did not love her yesterday

yall need couple counselling :l