#drunk voicemail

[sophiaphile]

SET LIST "Drunk Voicemail" "Head Cheerleader" "Cherry Blossom" "Crying" "Be Good"

[wqnwoos]

[voicemail from vernon, 00:02am] hey, uh, it’s me! just calling to say happy new year, i guess. i know you’re probably asleep, or like, out with friends or something, i don’t know, but — i was just thinking of you. which is weird, right? i started my year thinking of you? maybe it’s not weird. i don’t know. i’m not sure how to say what i want to say — i think — maybe i can show you? next time you’re around. or when i’m around. oh god, did that sound sleazy? it wasn’t supposed to be sleazy. i didn’t mean it… sleazy. just — you know what, just, happy new year. i really hope you have a great one. i hope i get to be there for it all, too. but — yeah. i’ll see you soon.

[morningstarwrites]

You are really THE morning-star, thank u to light up my mornings with OSAS. You must be one of my favorite authors, and you draw very pretty too!! 🥰🙏

(sorry if this isn't well worded im a little bit....drunk LMAO)

QT!!! thank you so much for your kind words aw!

(p.s. i'm honoured that you decided to drunk-message me LMAO)

[ifboywasagun]

……..

[wifegideonnav]

tbh when mitski said “you’re my best friend/now i’ve no one to tell/how i lost my best friend”

[lexyscross]

R.I.P Amber Freeman, I just know you loved Pom Pom Squad. 🥺🙏🏽🖤

[houndfaker]

I just wanted to say I truly adore your yukamitsu red with love art. You did a really beautifully job portraying it and this song is the perfect anthem for them. I’m so glad I discovered this song through you and this art because it’s so good. Thanks for sharing it with the world :] <3

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 I’m gonna be real I have kind of a rough day to get through but waking up and reading this made me feel really strong…tysm

[interstate40]

I have.....so many unread messages

[cantevenbeachhere]

📞+🥴?

~☕👍

EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY! My dude! Wuzzuuuuup? How come you didn’t come over for a brewski beer with the others huuuuuh?

Even if it’s not your thing, I got COFFEE! I got loooooooooads of coffee, and you could have as MUCH as you WANT! AND SUGAR?! I’ve got a pletho—a pletho—a bunch of sugar!!

I know how much you love coffee. Like it’s so much your fav, it was on your favorite drink list at least like *counts on fingers* twice.

Forget the mug! Five gallon bucket of coffee? I got it, dude. And it’s already got a handle….though uh it’s not a good handle because it’s on top instead of the sides…

*giggles uncontrollably over the mental image of you drinking coffee out of a five gallon bucket* You look so funny drinking out of a bucket 😂😂 I wish I got a video of it I’d send it to youuuuuu.

Alright, I gotta go now. I gotta call ☕️👍🏻 Anon and see why they didn’t come hang out with us.

Byyyyyyyyyyyye.

Voicemail Asks!

[bruciemilf]

pathetic ex-wife talia so true

PLEEEEEASE JUST LET WOMEN BE PATHETIC SO I HAVE SOME REP

[francesderwent]

[countlessrealities]

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING || Accepting !

@advnterccs sent: 📱for a voicemail my muse left yours. { To your Rick from my Morty ! }

Rick almost dropped his phone as he tried to take another swing from the mostly empty bottle he was holding in his other hand. Half of the mouthful of liquor trickled down his chin, joining the stains that were already wetting his teal shirt, but he didn't seem to notice, too busy squinting at the screen to find the number he wanted.

Morty was mad at him.

The fact in itself wasn't news. It wasn't the first time and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last. However, this particular fight was bothering him as very few had, for more than one reason, and he couldn't shake off the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Guilt. He had fucked up, he knew it and, for once, he was failing to deny it.

The phone rang and rang on the other side of the line, but no one picked up and the call eventually ended with a click, as it was redirected to the voicemail.

"G-God fuckin' dammit," Rick muttered under his breath and gulped down more liquor before raising his voice.

"M-Morty, what the hell, p-pick up the fuckin' phone! W-Where the fuck are you?! S-Stop watching porn o-or jerking it or...whatever you're doing. G-Geez, I can't believe tha-that you...you let me go to the goddamn voicemail, l-little shit."

A few other grumbled words followed, but they were distorted by a hiccup and thus unintelligible. He should probably specify whom he was. The last thing he wanted was for the teen to give shit to his boyfriend because of something he had done.

"I-It's Rick. Shit, I-I mean other Rick. Y-Your lame ass, bitchy, fuckin' ungrateful little freak of a boyfriend's Rick."

Alright, maybe insulting his own Morty so freely wasn't the smartest idea. He was trying to get his other grandson's help to make it up to his own and all that spiel was kind of counterproductive.

Fuck, the little shit makes stuff hard even when he's not around. Fuck you, Morty.

"L-Listen, you...you gotta call me back, Morty. I need...we got some shit to do. U-Urgent shit. An-And you have to come with. C-Can't do it on my own. I-It's a two-people job, y-you know? But don't...It's not weird stuff. N-No weird stuff involved." For once, he actually meant it, even if never say never when it came to a Rick-and-Morty related thing. "B-But you can't tell...gotta keep your mouth shut, m-my Morty can't know, got it, l-little buddy? I-It's...if he knows, it will be ruined. S-So we gotta be quiet an-and quick and...you know. G-Get it done before he knows."

There was a voice in the back of his head, one that sounded awfully like Morty's, that was telling him that this was a dick move. Using the teen's own boyfriend to get forgiveness when the latter had been part of the reason why they had fought in the first place.

Good thing that Rick was used to not playing fair and to cheating at every chance he got. Especially if it made it easier for him to get what he wanted.

"We...you...fuckin' call me back, little shit," he resumed, squinting down at the phone as if it had been the boy's face, before letting himself fall in his chair.

Or, at least, that had been his intention. What actually happened was that, in his drunken state, he bumped into it, sending it rolling away and tripping himself backwards. He managed to slow his fall down by grabbing the hem of the workbench, but he still ended up flat on his back, also causing a few tools and unfinished devices to hit the floor with him.

He also lost the grip on the now empty bottle he had been holding and it flew out of his hand, crashing on the ground and shattering in pieces.

Great.

More unfazed by the mess than anyone else would have been, the scientist merely fished his flask out of the inner pocket of his lab coat, took a long, noisy gulp without bothering to sit up and then belched in the phone, before speaking up again as if nothing had happened.

"Y-You got it, Morty? I-It's...life and death. F-Fuckin' life and death, Morty! Y-You don't want to risk causing a-another of those...those...shit, c-can't remember the goddamn word...! Eh, w-whatever." A shrug that the teen obviously wouldn't have seen. "B-But you get it, Morty, don't you? O-Of course you don't, b-but you're still going to do it. B-Because I'm asking you, Morty. I am fuckin' asking."

More like demanding, but those were details.

"S-So do it for the world. O-Or for your family. O-Or for yourself. Whatever. A-As long as you do it for me."

At the end of the day, what mattered was that he and his Morty made up and went back to do what they usually did without the boy glaring at him at any given turn and denying him. He couldn't stand that. Hopefully just having the other Morty there would make it better already.

"G-Good. Great. Just...fuckin'...yeah. Call me back. Soon, M-Morty, got it? Soon! O-Or I...I'll bomb your garden or-or piss on your comics or...put you in Jerry's body or...m-make you allergic to dicks s-so you can't touch one ever again or..." Damn, he had already run out of ideas. "I-It's gonna be awful. For you. I-I fuckin' promise you that."

And without another word, he closed the call, carelessly dropping his phone on the floor and returning the flask to his mouth. Good. A few hours and shit will be fixed. No need to worry anymore.

...Still, while he waited for his other grandson to get his shit together and call back, he would get drunker. You know, just in case.

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

Since I don’t have an ex to call while drunk… I guess I’d have to write a fic about it.

[rablunt]

i have a legit paranoia around drunk texting which either means im so good and will never or im going to fuck myself completely one day

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Lemon is the girlie that gets plastered out of her mind and calls you at 1am to tell you you're the baddest bitch she knows and only you understand her