#drug dealer barty my love

[tadaxii-i]

Last line tag

Thx for the tag @seductive-snail <3

Barty exhaled, and handed out the two packets. Remus pocketed them.

“And you’re not telling Sirius anything. He doesn’t like me smoking.”

“Boring.”

“Also,” Remus twitched up as he was walking away. “This is all to protect Regulus, right? No one else knows. Not family, not friends, and absolutely not academic superiors. If Dumbledore hears of this, I’ll kill you two dead before I die myself. Got it?"

They nodded, sharp, and Remus extended his hand, wiggling his fingers. Evan pushed in a packet, sighing. Remus trotted off with a wink.

“Fucking hell…” Exhaled Evan.

Yeah. Fucking hell.

Barty and Remus interaction 🕺

Npt: @greenvlvetcouch @euphorial-docx @sequinhaze

[elilelibeli]

When Regulus starts dating James, Barty and Evan are super iffy with him. They are like complaint machines thinking James is this judgy goody two shoes guy. So one time James is hanging out with them alone so he can “win them over” but Barty and Evan have this secret agenda to mess with James and scare him or wtv.

So they take him to get drugs, they are thinking that James will get scared to meet their dealer who has face scars and always grumbles and doesn’t say two words to them. Barty and Evan are intimidated by him, but at the same time they have a huge crush on the dude cause he is scary and quiet and fucking hot. So they say to James something like “if you get weed from this super scary dealer you will prove to us that you are not some uptight softy” James is super intimidated at first but then he overhears Barty and Evan saying how The Wolf will scare James and The Wolf this and The Wolf that so James knows exactly who they are meeting, but he shuts up to win against Barty and Evan in their own game.

So they go to meet the infamous Wolf and Barty and Evan stay behind so James can go and meet the scary guy alone. When they see the Wolf approaching with his usual grumbling they snigger and wait for the show.

But instead of usual, cold and intimidating interactions they see the big and scary Wolf fucking smile.

“Oh Jamie (Jamie?? What the fuck?) what are you doing here, I thought I was meeting the blond kid and his weird boyfriend.(boyfriend?? What the hell?)”

“Oh Hi Moons (Moons??? For gods sake what the fuck is going on? how does James know this guy?), yeah the weeds for them, just asked me to get it for them, some kind of test I think, they are Reg’s friends.”

“Oh fuck Sirius is going to kill me, his baby brother’s best friends are my best clients.”

“Well, he will love the new bike you paid with their money tho.” (Fuck even Regulus’s brother knows this guy????)

As Barty and Evan look back and forth at Moons (?) and Jamie (????) hugging (???????) and each others dumbfounded faces, they realize that James is not a goody two shoes, he definitely isn’t what they thought and they will definitely be getting on well with him and his super hot, weed dealing, weird nickname having friends.

[swiftiebookwormlogastellus]

ATYD Characters as Stuff my Friends Have Said Pt. 2

Because y'all seemed to like it the first time

………..

James: I'm gonna go buy some chocolate tarts for all of us

Remus: We love a man who provides

………..

Lily and Remus: I love rich white men

………..

Remus: Are you tall people phobic?

Sirius: *screeches*

………..

No one: Literally no one: Marlene, Sirius, and James giving a whole dance performance during quidditch practice

………..

BREAKING NEWS: LOCAL SAPPHIC MOMS ARE DRUG DEALERS *Pandora and Dorcas high five* ………..

*Barty running around a pool patio giggling hysterically after chugging vodka*

………..

Grant: Why have normal people have a crush on you when the weird ones who text you after three years of no contact can?

………..

Dorcas: My type is women who like me Regulus: My type is men who are nice in general

………..

Regulus: *points to to self in mirror* YOU'RE GAY Regulus: *points at Dorcas* SHE'S GAY Regulus: *points at Barty and Evan* THAT'S GAY

………..

Sirius: *walking down the hall while on a date* James, not realizing: My friend thinks you're cute and wants your number ………..

Madam Pomfrey: TAKE A SIP OF WATER Remus, under his breath: Take a sip of that pussy *The Marauders die in the background* ………..

Barty: I can't be gay and homophobic, so I'll just be homophobic Barty: *looks at Evan's ass* Barty: Actually, I think I'm gay

………..

Lily: I don't think getting jumped because your friend made some bad life decisions is an iconic way to die.

………..

Sirius: Hey baby, wanna feel my balls *throws tennis ball at Remus*

………..

*Silence* Remus: If the economy wasn't in shambles I world be looking forward to moving out and getting an apartment downtown.

………..

Peter: I think my permanent state is just confusion

………..

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Hello Grim! hope your day is going well! I just wanted to say that your Barty and Remus fic made me want a sexually charged love hate relationship with my drug dealer but in the specific way they have one like indifferent but also weirdly obsessed with each other? Also I wanted to ask you what IS a Cherry Blossom??

why hellooo sweetness my day is going well so far. I've had a writing day+cooked a lot then took a walk and bought a vinyl and now im binging TVD on my couch yearning yearning yearning.....

hhaaaa fuck. yeah well honestly ive been there and there's something endearing about being That bitch yknow? in this case, Barty is That bitch. She's sleeping with the drug dealer who's wearing the L.L Bean green trench with hair like he put a fork in an electrical socket....

also!!! yoooo a Cherry Blossom is this chocolate we have here that is just sooooo sensual to me. its a chocolate with a maraschino cherry in the middle except the cherry is engulfed in this cherry syrup and the chocolate has shredded coconut and hazelnut pieces its all very intricate. when you bite into it the goo just dribbles down your fingers and you have to slurp it up and it gets all messy its just so hot to me lol. no one likes them but me i swear. i always buy them and ALWAYS have one in my bag for when i go out and get too drunk and i need something sweet to prevent disaster but ya its just a thing i wanted to incorporate cause i feel like Barty would just like that shit. he just loves to like stuff no one likes

anyways thanks for the message love youuuuu kisses