#drew this in august and never shared outside of friend circles

[tojad-lisi]

squidswag

[anemonenemerosa]

It said three people

Hello fellow people and Hazelnoots (love it),

 This is a drabble I got inspired from the lively discussions and brain-cell sharing at the SW-Discord with @im-oknutzy-trash, @bkfstclubmember and @icaughtfeelsagain

Thank you so much for beta-reading @unadulteratedpaperparadise

O'Knutzy alternative getting together:​

The characters and the world that is Sweater Weather/Coast to Coast belong to the wonderful @lumosinlove.

It said three people

Summary: Finn does not know what nature is, Logan has a plan and Leo is cold.

Warning: It gets a bit angsty.

 ____________________________________________________________

"Ok, we are lost." Finn stated for the fourth time in ten minutes.

"No, we are not." Logan answered for the fourth time in ten minutes with an exasperated groan that drew a chuckle out of Leo, who was walking behind them.

"Of course, we are. Here is nothing!"

"Harzy?"

"Knutty?"

"Do you know how places outside from cities work?"

"Why?"

"Because most of them do not have civilisation... that's, like, the whole point, y'know."

"But how do you know where the hell we are?" Finn turned around himself, gesticulating wildly.

"There are markings on the path? And we have a map?" Logan gave him, waving with the map just as madly as Finn with his arms.

"But-"

"Fish, you desperately wanted to go hiking and camping for once in your live. Get it together and enjoy the sounds that are not traffic and the air that is not half exhaust fumes." Logan snapped playfully and sped up his steps.

They walked on quietly for a few more minutes until Finn voiced the presence of another aspect of nature.

"Ugh, there are bugs everywhere and dirt... so disgusting."

Logan just groaned again, burying his face in his hands while Leo started to laugh, exclaiming "City-boy!" in-between breaths.

They went on like this for a while. Logan and Leo trotting along while Finn complained over every little bug or twig or root that bothered him. Being in the woods was always described as freeing and peaceful but if just one other little beast bit him, Finn would burn that whole thing down.

Just when he considered digging though his backpack for a lighter, Logan stopped at a small clearing.

"Alright, let's just stay here for the night." Leo nodded happily and went to unpack some stuff while Finn had a hard time believing that they were not just joking.

"Here?"

"Yeah. Harzy, get that tent out." Logan was already in camp-mode, puttering around with stuff Finn had never laid his eyes on.

"Like, in the middle of nowhere? In the woods?" more gesticulating.

Leo laughed again "Yes, Finn. What did you think we would be doing while hiking? With a tent?"

With that, the other two continued unpacking while Finn dawned that this was a lot less peaceful and freeing than he thought. He was ripped out of the re-evaluation of his vacation-plans by Logan, adding another coffin nail to his camping adventure.

"So, we have two rolls of toilet paper and a foldable spade. I put them besides the tent -that is still not standing." Logan glanced meaningful at the folded tent in Finns arms, who just stared back in shock.

"A SPADE?"

"Yeah?" Logan just shrugged. "You dig a hole and then you take a shi-"

"Ok, Ok, OK. I got the concept. Why do people do that again? It's completely gross!" Mortified, Finn tuned away, finally setting up the tent. Behind his back, he just heard Leo giggling "City-boy" over and over. He was pathetic, wasn't he? But to hear that giggle, he would do it again. No. Nope. No. Don't think about it.

"Have you started on the tent, yet?" Logan asked airily, knowing exactly that Finn was lost.

"Yes."

"How's it going?"

"Fine." Finn looked up from the mess of fabric and stakes, not missing the teasing glint in the eyes of his best friend. He braced himself for endless chirping, but Leo just got up, leaving a little fire in a stone circle* (please read end notes) under Logan's supervision and helped him setting up the tent while an awkward silence fell upon them. It seemed to sink in that they all have to share that one tent.

The silence was broken by Leo. "Harzy..."

"Mh?"

"What is this?"

"A tent?" It was a tent, wasn't it? He got it from that outdoor store at the mall.

"And how do you expect us to sleep in there?"

"Oh, non. Harzy. We will never fit in there." Logan had looked up from poking the fire.

"But it said three people on the tag!" Finn exclaimed. He was very sure, damn it.

With a sigh Leo turned to Finn " Three people tents never fit three people and luggage, let alone three grown-ass hockey players!"

"Oh." Finn felt his cheeks warm up in embarrassment. Why did the guy at the shop did not warn him?

______________________________________________________________

"Alright, I'll sleep outside. That way I can see the stars all night."

Logan heard Leo offer while patting the shoulder of a slightly ashamed Finn and needed to react immediately.

"NO." He nearly shouted, making the other two turn their heads to him, questioning. "You- Erm... You freeze too fast. I'll sleep outside." Logan could not be in a tiny tent alone with Finn, he would do something very stupid.

"Nonsense." Finn exclaimed, looking worried all of a sudden. "No one sleeps outside. What if bears eat you?"

That pushed a laugh out of Logan's lungs. " Harzy, there are no bears in-"

"Or wolves... Or... or- mountain lions or venomous snakes or spiders... oh god, why did we come here?!."

While Logan was preoccupied with doubling over in laughter, he nearly missed Leo's deadpan reply.

"Finn Callahan O'Hara, do you actually know anything about wildlife?"

"Yeah." Came the defiant reply.

"Really? Because we picked this very region to make sure that all the animals you just listed do not exist here."

"Oh. Good then." Despite turning completely red, the older boy seemed very soothed by the thought of not being eaten in the night.

With that settled, Leo came over, crouching down besides Logan so close their knees were touching, sending a jolt through Logan's body, quickly followed by guilt. The blonde continued getting the fire bigger while clouds were accumulating above them, making him shiver.

"Why the hell is it so cold here? It's August."

"Bad news Pinotte, its actually very warm today." Logan joked in an attempt to calm himself down again.

"God." Leo wrapped himself closer in his hoodie and poked at the fire, before his gaze flew upwards.

"Oh no."

"What?" Finn asked, rather alarmed. He probably thought they spotted a bear anyway.

"It starts to rain."

"Naaah, it's just a drizzle." Logan reassured the younger boy. It always did a bit here.

_____________________________________________________________

It was not a drizzle. Soon they had to extinguish the fire and squeeze into the tent with their backpacks while torrential rains were pouring down outside. Neither of them could even sit upright, let alone move.

"I'm sorry guys," Finn mumbled while trying to navigate his backpack into a corner "Tomorrow, we will go back."

Logan could not stand to see his best friend like that. All sad puppy eyes and slumped shoulders. "Yeah." He said, patting Finns head as lovingly as he dared. "We camp out on your balcony and have the park as the only nature you experience, like the city-boy you are."

The puppy eyes gone, Finn smile warmly at Logan's attempt to cheer him up, but it faltered again as Leo's deep sigh waved over.

"Sorry that it's raining. I hoped for you to see the stars"

Leo looked strangely at Finn and Logan shifted uncomfortably. He had noticed the looks they exchanged but here, he couldn't ignore them. This trip was a horrible idea altogether.

Dinner consisted of cold canned beans and toast

"No Finn, you cannot make a fire in a tent. We will either burn down or suffocate."

 Getting ready for the night was awkward as hell. There was not much room and operating camping mats and sleeping bags out of the backpacks was almost as complicated as getting out of their trousers. Brushing teeth was holding the toothbrush out in the rain, simply swallowing the toothpaste and washing it down with a sip of water. Once they all were settled as good as they could, Logan looked over to Leo, buried in his bag, barely suppressing his shivers.  

"Come on Pinotte, you're freezing. Get in the middle." With that Logan rolled over Leo, who shifted thankfully towards Finn.

It was not easy but once they were all settled again, Logan found himself too close to Leo. He could smell his soap, his toothpaste and the way it made his heart flutter let his stomach knot in guilt. Mortified, he tried to turn away, but the tent was so small, all they could do was awkwardly spooning each other to even fit inside. He moved his head as far as possible against the backpacks to not touch Leo' neck. He was not allowed to enjoy that, could not risk creeping Leo or getting caught, by Finn, nonetheless.

______________________________________________________________

Leo felt heavenly warm where he was but knew very well that he was, metaphorically and now literally in the middle of something he did not belong to. Logan and Finn had something. And although neither of them seemed to acknowledge it, it was very obvious. Leo would not try to get a foot in the door with either one, as much as he wished for it, he would not ruin it for them. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and tried not to feel these wonderful boys snuggled to either side of him. This was not what they wanted, after all. It was necessity.

______________________________________________________________

Finn was set alight with panic. He knew that sharing a tight space with Logan was bound to be awkward. Last time he slept so close to Logan, he left for Gryffindor the next day. And then Leo in all of it? What had he thought, getting both boys he had not-very-platonic feelings for on a trip in the middle of nowhere? He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to think, just to sleep.

______________________________________________________________

Leo was the first to wake up in the morning. Somehow Finn had accomplished to turn around and was snuggled up in his arms. Also, he could feel Logan's head between his shoulder blades. While this was the essence of the few daydreams, he allowed himself from time to time, the circumstances were horribly wrong.

Just necesseties, he told himself. Don't get your silly hopes up. But he did not move. Moving meant being awake and that meant acknowledging the elephant in the tent.

Also, it was still raining. There was nowhere they could go if things got even more uncomfortable and Leo had no intentions in starting this endeavour.

After a while of waiting in this compromised position, Finn blinked blearily, rubbing a hand over his eyes. Then, he just stared at Leo, eyes wide and pressed his fingers to his own lips, nodding towards a still sleeping Logan. They tried to disentangle but there wasn't enough room to move so they were stuck in this pose. Leo gestured at his arms, wrapped around the other boy, with his head and made a face that was supposed to look apologetic, but Finn just shrugged, avoiding his eyes now. Great.

"Sleep alright?" He asked in a hushed whisper.

"Manageable and you?" Finn replied just as quiet.

Leo gave him a lopsided smile and a tiny shrug. "'t was ok, a little cold."

______________________________________________________________

They stayed like that in uncomfortable silence until there were some very quiet, suppressed sobs wafting over from behind Leo's back.

"Tremzy?" Leo tried to look over his shoulder and failed.

"Non."

"Lo, what's up?" Finn was getting worried now and he leaned up as much as he could. Emotions were nothing Logan liked to share; Especially being hurt was something even he rarely saw. But instead of an answer there was just the usual flurry of French. His usual escape-route.

"No, Logan please speak to me in a language I can understand." He turned to face Leo again, pleading. "Leo, what was he saying?"

Leo looked pained but only shrugged. "No idea, it was something Canadian."

With that, Finn carefully scrambled over Leo to get to his friend but slipped with his hand on the sleeping bag fabric and fell into the blonde, faces colliding rather painfully but lips meeting, nonetheless. Finn and Leojerked apart, then froze, staring at each other, the world around them forgotten for a short moment as both tried to figure out what played in the mind of the other. Just as Finn slowly leaned back into Leo to do something, he was ripped out of the bubble by a violent move that made the whole tent shake. Logan was trying to get out, but the heavy rain outside made it rather impossible to leave so he stifled a sob and retreated completely into his sleeping bag, only a tuft of dark hair looking out while silent sobs shook his body.

"Lo", Finn said softly and worried as hell. What had he done? He knew how Logan felt about him, knew how he felt about Logan, even if they never dared to act on it and here, he was almost kissing Leo in this goddamn prison of a tent?

Leo did not move but his eyes switched frantically between the Logan-Burrito and Finn, still on top of him.

Carefully, Finn shifted from Leo's lap towards Logan.

"Lo, please talk." Finn pleaded now. It was ripping him apart to see Logan like this but all that came out of the burrito was some choked mumbling.

Finn did not know what to do. Logan never talked to him about his feelings when they were alone but now there was Leo in the tent with them, no way to escape and something had just shifted between Leo and Finn. He was at loss, starting to tear up himself.

Now Leo, very carefully leaned over Finn to put a hand on the burrito. "Logan. I think you should talk about what is wrong. I promise you I will never tell a soul what happened in this tent."

That made Logan's shaking still a little and a part of his head slowly re-emerged from the sleeping bag, eyes red and puffy, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

"I can't." He said very quietly.

"Why not?" Leo asked calmly.

"I – I don't want you guys to hate me."

"Lo, I could never hate you" Finn exclaimed and reached out to Logan but as teas were spilling out of his eyes again, he stopped the movement.

Finn knew that Logan would not talk on his own, so he needed to make a start. But how? Hey Lo, remember we've been pining after each other for years now? Yeah, I started to fall for Leo here while my feelings for you have not changed in the slightest. Nice, huh? Not an option.

Instead, he just lunged over as good as he could and hugged the Logan-Burrito, burring his face in the fabric.

They were all stuck in here for the time being. Logan could not escape and somehow Finn felt elated about it despite it being probably cruel towards Logan. The elation did not last long as he felt Leo shifting and turning his back to them, possible only because Finn and Logan were closely pressed together, and his heart ached. He was ripped into two directions, wanted Logan to understand, really understand that he loved him, no matter what but also tell Leo that he wanted him there, in his life, with him. Finn craved both and he was freaking out.

______________________________________________________________

"Leo?" Finn asked hesitantly from behind Leo's back.

"'S fine, I'm sorry I cannot give you more privacy but really, I promise I won't spill a thing." That was something Leo had expected sooner or later but not like this. Not being forced to witness both men he fell for finally getting together, leaving him out.

______________________________________________________________

"I know what is between you." Logan said between sobs.

"What?" Finn asked but he didn't have to. His stomach just dropped out of his body into the void.

"And- And I'm not mad at you. I know I kept you waiting for too long without even the hope of becoming more and- and I understand but it hurts so much." It all came out in a flurry and Finn had a hard time following before Logan broke into another round of sobs.

"No. Lo, no you don't understand." He tried to calm Logan down but the more he petted the brunette's head, the worse it got.

"What is there to understand?" Logan's voice rose a bit as he stuck his head out of his burrito. "I've seen it for a while now, the way you look at each other, but witnessing..." He trailed off, seemingly not daring to finish the thought.

"Lo, no. We are not together or something." Finn felt Leo flinch against his back and bit his lip. This was a disaster.

"What- but-" Logan looked more confused than hurt now but he had no idea how Leo was doing behind his back.

Finn took a deep breath. And then another. Apparently, he was the one who had to spill first.

"Alright. If this all goes down in flames, let's just leave it all in this tent. We literally burn it down and go on OK?"

"How comes you want to set things on fire all the time? What-" but Finn pressed his fingers to the other boy's lips.

"I love you Logan. I've loved you for so long, I can't even remember how it is not loving you." He had to take another breath as Logan's eyes widened. They had never said it out loud.

"But I also fell for Leo a while ago. And I know- I know that makes me a horrible, selfish person but I can't help it and I cannot decide between the two of you. Please don't be mad at me." Tears started spilling out of his eyes.

______________________________________________________________

Leo had the feeling his heart had stopped and he was dead now. Finn liked him? Slowly, he turned around to see Logan's gaze flicker between Finn and Leo

"I love you, Finn and I- Me, too."

Too? Leo thought, not daring to believe his wildest dreams might actually become true.

"You like him?" Finn asked, baffled.

Logan nodded slowly and now they were both looking at Leo. Leo, who could not believe that was happening. He bit his lip in an attempt not to cry and just nodded, grabbing both their hands and pressing them to his chest

"But... but can we do that? How does that even work? Is that legal?" Logan was getting panicky again.

Leo grabbed Logan at his sweater to pull him over but ended up pulling himself into the middle instead.

"We can do what we want." He mumbled into Finns shoulder, smiling dumbly.

Logan laughed wetly. "Do I get it right that everyone of us likes the other two and was afraid of admitting it?"

"Yeah." Both, Finn and Leo replied but their similes became confused as Logan started to laugh hysterically.

"Lo?" Finn was rather alarmed by now.

Said boy was rubbing his eyes, gasping for breath. "This is hilarious. The whole situation. Like in a bad rom com and of course we all had to collapse on this horrible hiking trip."

Leo was giggling now too. "I actually wanted to back out after I realised what going hiking with you two meant but I didn't know how."

"Me too." said both Logan and Finn and now all of them were laughing loudly.

After a while, they calmed down again, and Leo spoke out loud what they all thought. "What now?"

"I don't know... I mean it's still raining so there's not much we can do..." The brunette replied casually only to get smacked around the head playfully by Finn.

"Idiot, he means with us. In general. Are we a thing now? All of us?"

"I'd like that." Logan sighed deeply. "But I don't think I'm as brave as Cap and Loops are."

"We don't need to go public." Leo countered and Finn nodded.

"But Finn... it's the same all over again. I've never wanted to hide. I still don't want to."

"So, you'd rather not be with us?" Leo strained his neck to properly look at Logan. Why was he still so reluctant? Didn't he want them as much as Leo wanted?

"I- I don't know. What if it gets out? We're not Cap, we're exchangeable... What if it gets too much for one of us, what if-"

_____________________________________________________________

"Logan, please calm down." Finn caressed his cheek because he could and this time, it made Logan calm down a little.

"We are not like Caps and Loops were. Our families can know, the team can know. We are not bound to be completely secret or completely out. It's not a light-switch, it could be more... like a dimmer." He had to pause and swallow a laugh at Logan's incredulous face.

"Light-switch metaphors?"

"No one knows if one of us gets annoyed with everything. This is why people talk. I think if we can talk about what's going on, everything will be fine. Now stop it, I'm the worry wart and you're stealing my job." Leo continued as Finn was busy stifling his laughter.

"O- OK."

"What?" Finn asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You know." Was Logan actually blushing?

"Say it." Yes, he was, and Finn was not letting it go. He needed to hear it.

"Alors,-"

"NO FRENCH!"

"Alright, alright. I want it if you two want it." Logan looked between the other two and Finn felt Leo nodding as animatedly on his shoulder as he did.

"Let's be together, then." Logan concluded with the widest smile Finn had seen in years. He felt like squealing like a little kid over a puppy.

"I wanted to do that for months" Leo whispered into Finns ear as he leaned over and kissed Logan. Finn had to bury his face in Logan's neck, breathing him in, trying to stay composed. Them kissing was the best thing he's ever seen, and he was so filled with love that his chest was close to combustion.

Their chaste, careful kisses quickly turned into heavy snogging and when Logan grabbed Finn at his collar to include him, the redhead complied instantly. However, in the confined space, moving was demanding and Leo's arm slipped on the fabrics. He lost contact to Finn's lips and buried Logan beneath himself who let out a loud oof.

After another while of trying to figure out a comfortable position to make out in a tent they couldn't even sit upright in, they gave up eventually.

"We have all the time in the world". Finn concluded after failing repeatedly to get on top of Leo without pushing Logan into the clammy tent walls, just dropping between them.

Leo and Logan instantly made a thing out of unzipping all sleeping bags to create a cuddly nest and snuggle close to Finn, one on each side. The redhead drew and arm around each of his boys, afraid to wake up from this dream, while Logan and Leo were holding hands on top of Finn's chest.

"Let's just wait for the rain to stop and go home. There, we have quite a lot of space to explore all the possibilities." Leo commented cheeky, receiving one of Logan's feared finger-jabs.

Finn kissed both on the crowns of their heads, enjoying the feeling of them burying their faces in the junction of his neck, drifting back to the most comfortable sleep he ever had.

  *Alright: Important: DO NOT JUST MAKE OPEN FIRES IN THE WOODS!!!! If you want to go on a hike, inform yourself concerning wild-camping and open fire. The rules probably change according to season and region.

Stay safe and channel your inner Hufflepuff

P.S: There will be a little different version of it on AO3 and I put the link here once its up there.

[captain-emmajones]

Love, Emma (6/7)

(Art by the wonderful @carpedzem​ <3)

Loosely based on Love, Rosie (2014).

Killian and Emma are best friends and neighbors. They’ve always been – until he leaves for the Navy when his brother dies. When he comes back, nine months later, summer has begun and childhood is ending. Emma can tell something is changed in him, but she doesn’t know what. Until she does. He’s fallen in love with someone else.

And then, suddenly, they’re kissing on her nineteenth birthday. When she asks him to forget their night out, and never talk about it again, Killian thinks she means to tell him she regrets the kiss they exchanged. Except she has no memory of it.

Killian and Emma will dance around each other, until their heads spin and their legs hurt, and everything becomes blurry and it has to stop – for both of their sake.

A huge thank you to @profdanglaisstuff who beta’d this and gave me her precious thoughts <3

Friends to Lovers - Mutual Pining - Angst - Fluff - 6000 words - ao3

Part 1 - MIRRORBALL, Part 2 - AUGUST , Part 3 - HOAX, Part 4 - PEACE, Part 5 - THIS IS ME TRYING,  Part 7 - INVISIBLE STRING

Note: Everyone gives a lot of love to @carpedzem​ who drew this wonderful art for this fanfic :’)) 

Quick Summary: Last chapter ended on Neal finding Killian's love letter to Emma. This chapter opens on Emma, a week after Killian and Emma's kiss.

Reminder: Present time is Emma’s wedding to Neal, and that scene on the balcony during which Killian congratulates Emma on her wedding -- although he’s mostly dying inside. The words “I love you” slip out of his mouth, however he’s quick to add “as a friend” which leaves us with two very sad individuals who are both committing a grave mistake.

PART 6 - CARDIGAN

Six months before Emma’s wedding, a week after Emma and Killian’s kiss.  

Emma tosses and turns in her bed. She does not want to glance at the clock sitting on her bedside table. It’s probably joyfully, painfully displaying a horrendous number set between 1am and 5am and Emma wants nothing to do with it.

 There is not a spark of light in the room she shares with Neal, the heavy window shutters closed down.

 Emma wishes there was some kind of light. Perhaps then the weight over her chest would feel less terrifying, would feel less like the terrible, dark blue waves of a tormented sea she watches swallow her alive and spit her back onto the sand. 

 She’s battered between the waves, back and forth, back and forth, skin rocking against water, until she manages to reach the surface and breathes in deeply.

 But she’s only inhaling sea water and it fills her lungs and brings her to tears and it’s bitter, and it’s shit, and she cannot forget the taste of Killian’s lips.

 Another turn, a grunt of anger and despair.

 How dare he kiss her and let her leave him when he was in pain. How dare he.

 It was inevitable, whispers another part of her, but that part she ignores diligently. 

 Nothing is inevitable. Especially cheating on her future husband. With her friend whose feet were barely out of the surgery block.

 Well, she didn’t properly cheat if he was the one to kiss her…that would have been true, had she not furthered their kiss.

 Had she not backed him into his chair and sucked his breath away and marked his scalp with her fingers and tugged on his hair and filled his entire being with her, and her only. It was long overdue, after all.

 She turns, more aggressively this time, nearly knicks Neal out of the bed, her right foot whizzing past him. 

 She kissed him back because he was clearly seeking support and comfort and because a part of her will always love him, has always loved him and there’s nothing wrong with that.

 Horseshit.

 It is wrong. Utterly, completely, wrong.

 Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Nobody. Period.

 She’s just a piece of shit, now, is she?

 She glances on the side. Neal is still laying on his back, peacefully snoring, one arm flung across his face. She nearly hates him for it. She totally hates him for it.

 His chest raises up and down, comfortably, peacefully. What would Emma give for just an ounce of peace in her veins.

 Her breath is coming out in short puffs.

 It was inevitable, stammers once again her inner voice.

 “NO.”

 And the scream she thought only existed in her mind causes Neal to startle next to her, and this time she’s thankful it is complete darkness in their room, because he cannot see the flush on her cheeks.

 She can make out the shadow of his head lifting in the dark, and she imagines his features groggy with sleep. “You okay, Emma?”

 She turns back, grumbles. “Yeah, don’t worry. It’s just a nightmare.” And she definitely sounds like she’s blaming him for it.

 .

A long, tortuous week flies by. Emma’s under-eye circles darken with each passing day, and she is alarmly pale when Graham asks her in a weary tone: “You’re sure everything’s okay, Emma?”

 She nods and glances down at where Graham has been looking, and she realizes she’s been holding the files upside down.

 Well.

 “Shit. Yes. Sorry, Graham. I’ve been having a rough couple of days, is all.”

 And then Graham does this thing where he leans into her space, with his big brown eyes, and this kindness in his smile, and he inquires again: “Everything okay with Neal?”

 And Emma nods a bit too abruptly for it to be believable, and she knows Graham is smart enough to see it, but she nods harder, it’s the only movement her brain seems to know. “Neal? It’s never been better.” And a quick, lively chuckle to seal the deal. 

 And really had she laughed harder she would have choked on her fears.

 (Her fears have blue eyes and are missing a limb now, and she does not dare to send him a text, to ask him “How are you?” because he must be feeling like shit, and in part it is because of her, she left him, but he had no right to kiss her like this and she had no right to kiss him back.)

 .

 She has David on the phone later this week.

 “Hello, Emma. I’ve arrived in Portsmouth. I’ll be spending the week with him.”

 She hates the feeling of guilt that circles her heart, even as she sighs her biggest sigh of relief. 

“Thank you, David, it means the world. I would have come, you know, but I’m so busy with the wedding and the sheriff station and—”

 “Sure thing, Emma,” he blurts out and Emma thinks he sounds so accusative, it nearly knocks her out. She is convinced she deserves it. “I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.” A few words more, and he hangs up.

 For the first time in ages, Emma feels like Killian and she are on opposite teams, and David has chosen his.

 She swallows a lump down her throat. 

 .

 Emma caves in on Saturday night. Outside, the rain is pouring heavily against her windows. The wind is also howling, curling around the walls of the house and threatening to crush it under its strength. 

Neal is out at Granny’s watching a soccer game with friends when Emma sits down on the hard wooden floor of their living room. Her legs are crossed and her heart is drumming in her ears, and she calls him. There’s a bottle of red wine in front of her, and it’s looking at her with a lot of judgement in its glassy eyes but Emma doesn’t care.

 She cannot go on like this. She needs to know that he is alright, and that this was all a grave, stupid mistake, and she needs him to say something like “I’m fine, Emma, I’ll survive this” but also “I meant to do that for years” and then it would be her cue to nod under the ceiling light, tears in her smile and she’d say some stupid shit like “Oh god, I’ve been waiting for you to say that” and then she’d drop everything to fly back to him and they’d be happy together or some shit.

 Ring, ring, ring.

 That’s a lovely dream indeed.

 Ring, ring, ring.

 And just as Emma gets impatient, not to say she gets scared, a voice answers her. It’s a groggy, foggy voice, and it does not belong to Killian.

 “Hello, what is it?” The voice echoes, chuckles, as music resonates behind it, and it is the voice of a woman.

 Emma figures they must be in some kind of pub, just like Neal is.

 “Is this Killian’s phone?” attempts Emma, fingers clutched onto the phone, and heart on her sleeves.

 “Yup...” Another giggle. Emma decides she hates the voice. “But he is currently unavailable. Do you want me to give him a message?”

 And then Emma hears his voice, emerging from a twirl of songs and other talks. “Why are you using my phone, Tink?”

 Emma thinks Killian’s voice irrupts into her empty house just as a gust of wind rattles her shutters. She flinches. And for a minute, glances above her shoulder, afraid that he might appear behind her back. 

But silence is her only companion. And this house is so impressively, distinctively silent. 

 Something clicks inside of Emma’s brain. Tink. She knows Tink. What’s her real name? Mary something. They went to high school together, and she had a disgustingly big crush on Killian, and, and –

 “I dunno, some chick.”

 And Emma barely has time to hear Killian’s “Which chick?” before she hangs up on a whim.

 She heaves, hands trembling around the phone, and something grotesque disfigures her face.  

 She was worried about him and he’s been having the time of his life with this Tink, and, and – what was she expecting?

 She stares at the floor as though she is able to distinguish the broken bits of her heart spilled there, and the bloody marks they leave, and it’s such a goddamn mess, and how could she allow herself to feel this way after all these years, after having been shown all the goddamn reasons why Killian Jones will never love her back a hundred fucking times.

 .

 Rose-Mary, of her surname Tink, tosses and turns in Killian’s bed. He is fast asleep next to her, one hand thrown across his face. He snores lightly.

 Tink has this tingling desire deep within her, this desire to grab the phone he left on his nightstand and delete Emma Swan’s call from it.

 “Give me the phone, Tink!”

 Back in the bar, she was quite lucky to find out in the shape of his raised eyebrows that Killian Jones wasn’t actually serious, that he was seriously hammered and couldn’t have cared less for his phone if he had tried. As her only answer, she had simply locked her lips to his and pressed his phone’s home button to switch it off.

 Because Tink knows Emma Swan.

 Killian Jones was already in love with her when Tink asked him out, during their senior year. She cannot forget the look on his face, as she was standing in the middle of the hallway, risking her heart. Behind her, Emma Swan was leaning against a locker with Mary Margaret and Ruby, and Killian simply, positively wouldn’t look Tink in the eyes.

 “I’m sorry, love,” he said, “but my affections lie elsewhere.” And Tink remembers thinking he surely didn’t have to sound like he escaped from one of Shakespeare’s plays, and she turned to discover the pretty blonde smiling at Killian, waving with mischief, and his arm around her shoulders as soon as he reached her.

 Some things were truly unfair.

 As luck would have it, Killian’s path crossed hers years ago – when he moved to Portsmouth to join the Navy whilst she began Nursing school. But even then, he didn’t seem interested, was dating an older woman.

 And then, finally, two days ago, their paths crossed again in a bar. He is missing a hand now, but he is still the same handsome guy she crushed on in high school. Perched on a stool, he looked disheveled, desperate, nose in his rum glass, and he welcomed her into his warm, solid arms.

 “Still in contact with Emma Swan?” she asked, and it wasn’t like she cared. She didn’t want more than he could offer. But still, she asked.

 “Emma? Who’s Emma? I only see you.”

 Although she knew that to be a lie, she still decided to kiss him back, knowing the instant Killian Jones heard Emma Swan’s name again, well then, he would find a very gentle, delicate way to make her go away.

 And that’s fine. But if she can prevent it, well –

 Tink stands up as silently as she can, and like a feather in the wind, grabs his phone. He casually gave her his pin number earlier during the night — change this bloody song Tink will you — and Tink deletes Emma’s call in the blink of an eye.

 Satisfaction sparkles in her heart. No one will bother them anymore.

 .

 As Neal and Emma go on tasting wedding cakes, Emma thinks about how Killian never called her back. Not the morning after her conversation with Tink, not the night after, not the day after, he did not call. Period. It’s the only answer he is willing to give, and she accepts it.

 He doesn’t care about her. Not like she cares, anyway.  

 “The chocolate one,” Emma mumbles, trying not to spit crumbs of cakes out of her mouth and failing, “it’s perfect.”

 Delicacy remains a skill she has yet to learn.

 But Neal doesn’t seem to mind when he chuckles and kisses her cheek. Emma grabs his face and doesn’t care that there are still chocolate chunks in her mouth and she kisses him, hard, to forget the taste of Killian Jones’ lips.

 .

 Killian stares at the picture of Emma and himself on his fridge. It’s been a month, stammers his heart. She will not call, now.

 Tink is still sleeping in his bed. He needs to call things off with her as well. She’s too attached, he’ll break her heart. That’s one too many hearts to be responsible for.

 He swallows stone, but he takes the picture off the fridge. It’s too painful to stare at what ifs.

 .

 A few minutes before Emma and Neal say “I do”.

 Taking a picture off a fridge is simple enough. Not racing towards the town hall of Storybrooke to try, one last time, and stop Emma’s wedding, isn’t nearly as easily done.

 Hope and denial are, after all, two very close kingdoms and both of them inhabit Killian’s heart.

 At least he’s got that going for him. However, Mary Margaret and David – who are also running beside him – really have nothing going for them except for their foolishness.

 How dare they show up in his home and tear him out of his cobweb of misery and self-pity. How bloody dare they.

 “There’s no use arguing, I’m not going!” he yelled, and then Mary Margaret had this very dangerous smile, and before he knew it, his ass sat on a plane between the two of them and he was wearing his most expensive tie.

 “And look sharp, Killian.” 

 Which is why, as Killian races down that street corner, and up that small hill by Granny’s, and then down again Main street, towards the town hall, Killian no longer expects Emma and Neal to come out of the building, holding hands, married. 

 But that’s exactly what happens.

 They come out as a crowd of strangers surrounds them, and they look like the sun has set all of its rays of sunshine on them, they are shining, shining, much like the waves of fear down Killian’s belly because he is too late. Of course he is. 

 And he wants to turn around and hit David in the face. 

 But what’s the use of fighting anymore? The war is lost. Lay your weapons down. Bring the soldiers home.

 And in that moment, as the sun seems to align with some divine power and its golden beams shine on Emma’s eyes, glittering green lakes, she gazes at him and he holds his breath. In spite of everything, he still thinks she is the most beautiful woman on earth. He smiles, as his heart shatters to the ground, as Neal kisses her open mouth. 

What is there else to do but smile?

 “Fuck,” exclaims Mary Margaret next to him, and Killian sure does nod.

 “Aye. Couldn’t have said it better myself.”  

 .

 Present day – Neal and Emma’s wedding reception.

 Neal watches as Emma shuts the large French windows that lead to the balcony behind her. He puts down his glass of champagne on the white table in front of him. The bubbles fizz inside, as if to mock him.

 For there’s not the shadow of a smile on his wife’s face. In fact, she looks utterly devastated. Her complexion is pale, her cheeks have lost all the colors they gathered during their dances, and there is not one sparkle of happiness left in her green eyes.

 A frown. Why does his wife look devastated at their wedding?

 He sees her glance down, seemingly lost, and she does this thing when she doesn’t know where to put her hands, so she folds them in front of her. And she plays with the bracelet around her wrist, twists the little charms, twists, twists his heart.

 And then he realizes. She’s waiting. But for what? Or rather, for whom?

 He wishes the answer didn’t come quite as soon, not quite as sharply, he wishes the room did not start spinning as Killian Jones leaves the balcony in his turn – devilishly handsome as he’d say and looking entirely like a mess.

 What a picture. They both look devastated. They look like the bride and groom, him in his white shirt and her in her white dress. Two bleeding snowflakes under a golden chandelier.

 Neal watches as Emma risks a glance back, but Killian doesn’t look up, only stares at the hard wooden floor, Neal watches as she presses her lips together and straightens her back, but still glances back at him.

 Always back at him. Of course. 

 And that’s when one realization hits Neal quite hard.

 His wife… His wife is in love with someone else. He just married someone who is irrevocably and for all of eternity in love with someone else.

 Why did he do this to himself? For the longest of times, Neal thought it didn’t matter that Emma’s gaze was filled with green, shimmering clouds of pain whenever Killian Jones’ name was mentioned in a conversation, he really thought it didn’t matter that her cheeks would always flush whenever she received a text from him, because he was the one kissing her lips and sleeping between her sheets.

 He was such a fool.

 He married a woman in love with someone else.

 Such a fool.

 Neal grabs his glass of champagne again, downs it in a few angry mouthfuls, and gathers courage and legs to stand and stride towards his wife.

 Emma might be in love with Killian, but she loves him too, surely she does, or she wouldn’t have agreed to this marriage, right?

 And there is something very scary vibrating in his chest, fear, a green and viscous fear, he’s losing her, she’s slipping between her fingers…

 “Neal,” Emma’s voice is very soft as it greets him, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

 How dare she, how dare she be in love with Killian, when Neal gave up everything for her, when he…

 From the corner of his eye, Neal can see Killian lean against the wall. He is looking at them. Perfect. Now watch, you little fucker.

 “Hello, baby,” two words, and Neal dips Emma and savagely presses his lips onto hers.

 A burst of applause rattles the crowd. 

Neal tries his best to muffle the voice inside his head that sneers that the only thing their guests are cheering at, is the end of their love.

 .

  “I’m going back to our room, I’m really tired” mumbles Emma over her empty mojito glass.

The sea whispers behind her back. Neal doesn’t look up from his piña colada. 

 On the terrace of this luxurious hotel by the French Riviera, Neal and Emma are sitting and everything sucks.

 It is the third day of their honeymoon, and for Neal, it is the last straw. There is no way in hell he can keep up this charade. They both deserve better than this.

 She’s been looking miserable since they arrived here – it isn’t for a lack of trying to conceal it. Actually, no, it’s worse than that. She’s been looking miserable since Killian Jones left their wedding without a look back at her. Should have seen her face, Eurydice left by Orpheus in the depths of hell.  

 It’s killing him to see her like this, to know there’s nothing he can do to make things better. Purely and simply because, as much as he’s tried to, Neal Cassidy will never replace Killian Jones in Emma Swan’s heart.

 And as she bends towards him to give him a quick peck on the lips, a very vicious sentence tickles his tongue and he lets it out without a second thought.

 “Bet you looked more eager to kiss Killian.”

 It is a dick move, yes, but after all he isn’t the one who cheated on her, and Neal thinks she deserves a little karma.

 The look she darts on him then would have probably killed him, had there not been empty glasses standing between the two of them to shield him.

 “What the hell are you talking about?” she spits out in a sharp, defensive tone. 

Neal is surprised she tries to deny it all.

 “Your lover sent you a letter,” he hisses back.

 Satisfaction sparkles in his heart at the sight of her face turning crimson under the moonlight.  

 He watches as she angrily gulps a last mouthful of rum, watches as her knuckles whiten around her glass and her jaw clenches. “Who are you talking about?”

“Who the hell do you think I’m talking about?” 

And then the god forsaken, sacrilegious name. “...Killian sent me a letter?”

 And from guilt to anger, there is only one, treacherous step. And she seems eager to jump it.

 “Oh yeah, he did. Said it all about your kiss and loving you, and I nearly vomited…”

 And then it is really upsetting because he wants to be mad but her face does that thing where it just freezes, mouth open wide and eyes even wider, and it would have been funny had he not been putting an end to their short-lived marriage.

 “He…he loves me?”

 She cannot possibly not know it. She can’t be that oblivious to reality.

 “I’m telling you I know you cheated on me and that’s your only reaction?” A roll of eyes, his voice coming out shriller, to mock her, mock her pain, because he wants to hurt her like she hurt him. “ “He loves me?” Of course he loves you, Emma!” he blurts out, because the entire world knows it except for her, apparently.  

 He can’t have married someone as oblivious.

 Well, you did marry her knowing she was in love with someone else.

 And she stands up, cheeks hot and burning and red, and she isn’t making any sense anymore. “What the hell are you talking about? Killian doesn’t love me, he never has.”

 And seeing her wrath, the way her body trembles and shakes, he knows she is truly convinced Killian Jones isn’t in love with her.

 But how…

 “You really don’t know, do you?”

 “Where is that letter?”

 “I got rid of it, of course!”

 “Then you have no proof! How convenient.”

 He wants to stop her then, to yell “Hey YOU cheated on me,” but he can tell that in her grand order of things, her cheating on him has nothing on Killian Jones possibly loving her.

 And then a small, mad chuckle jolts out of her mouth. “Killian would never write a letter. You made that up.”

 “But how would I know about the kiss?”

 “I don’t know, and I don’t care, and I, I—” A turn, and then she is gone, disappearing in a tornado of anger and guilt and sand.

 Neal doesn’t try to hold her back, remains very still on his seat, lets her go, much like he should have years ago. He glances down at the empty drink between his fingers.

 The waves crash against the sand, whoosh, whoosh, and Neal feels terribly lonely.

 But at peace.

 But mostly lonely.

 Damnit, she is stubborn, and she is lucky he’s in love with her. That he’ll always be, somehow, even if he is a fucking idiot who probably blew his only chance at love when he stole those watches.

 .

 Later that night, Neal finds her sitting on their king side bed and its perfectly white blankets, hands folded in front of her like he knows them to, shoulders down and head bent towards the floor, and Neal desperately wants to hug her.

 There is not an ounce of anger left in his body. Only sadness. 

 There’s not a flicker of light in their room as he sits down by her side. The rustle of the waves can be heard from their room. It’s the only reason why he chose it. He knows she loves that sound. 

(He doesn’t know she loves it because of him, but that’s fine.)

  “Hey…” he begins softly, and his shoulder gently bumps against hers. “You okay?”

 She’s twirling her wedding ring around her finger. Of course she is. She always has been. And that should have been a clue, too.

 “Are you being sincere right now?” she asks, and her voice is nothing like the voice he’s grown to love.

 Emma’s voice has always been soft, but vibrating with a very triumphant confidence as well.

 “What do you mean?” he asks, because precisely he doesn’t know what she means.

 He’s never understood her like Killian can, in spite of how much he loves her. And while he spent most of the beginning of his adulthood hating him for it, he realizes now it is simply a battle he cannot win.

 She lifts her face up, and he makes out her shimmering eyes in the darkness.

 “I cheated on you. Aren’t you mad?”

 A gigantic sigh shakes his shoulders as these past six months flash before his eyes.

 “I was angry, Emma. But it’s been too long, I’m not anymore.”

 “Too long?”

 Oh, right, that. She’ll hate him, but well, she deserves the truth. He winces, fidgets with the collar of his shirt.

 “I might have been hiding this letter from you for a good six months now…” he whispers, and forces a smile on his face as an apology. 

 “You what?”

 She doesn’t sound nearly as angry as he expected her to. In fact, she doesn’t sound angry at all. She sounds defeated, hopeless.

 “I was so scared that if I confronted you, you would just run and never marry me, and I thought I could hold on to you by not telling you…But I was wrong. There was no holding on to you.”

 And something terrible rattles her body then, as she cups her face and disappears even more in a small, scared puddle over the bed.

 “Fuck. I’m sorry Neal. I ruined everything.”

 And he shakes his head then, grabs one of her hands. “There’s no need to apologize, Emma. We both fucked up. I should have let you go a long time ago.”

 His throat is tight, but he knows this is the right thing to do.

 “What are we going to do now?” she whispers, just as one of his arms comes to wrap around her shoulders.

 She muffles a sigh in the crook of his neck while he gently brushes her hair.  

 “I don’t know. Is there some kind of three weeks wedding notice?”

 She chuckles then, but he can clearly imagine the tears rolling down her cheeks as she sniffles into his neck.

 “You’re an idiot.”

 “I am.”

 Silence. By then, it’s somehow raining in the room and his shirt is soaked.

 “I’ll always love you. You know that, right, Emma?”

 She nods in the darkness, her hand clutching onto his shoulder, and she seems to him a firefly caught between a child’s chubby hands.

 “I know, Neal.”

 “Good.”

  .

 Moving out of this house is one of the weirdest things Emma has ever had to do.

 “Emma, you’re not coming?” calls David’s voice, and Emma looks up to see his head peering from the driver’s seat of his old, orange truck.

 Safely packing all of the pieces of furniture was a collective effort. Mary Margaret, Ingrid and Ruby also came to help, and Emma is quite thankful. It’s such a blinding, sunny day of August, and if not for the fresh breeze that swirls between the tree branches, it would be unbreathable.

 Emma simply shakes her head. “No, don’t worry. I’ll join you guys later at Granny’s.” 

Her right foot nearly knocks out the small cardboard box at her feet, sending a loop down her stomach. 

This one she’ll carry herself.  

 Neal and Emma agreed to sell the house and the furniture, and Neal – well Neal decided to move to Boston, and Emma cannot quite blame him.

 This last month has been…weird, on so many levels, and Neal wasn’t the weirdest thing about it.

 “Alright. Call us if you need anything.”

 As David drives away, Emma stares back at the house. Her feet seem buried into the doormat, the door still open wide, and her fingers clutch onto the keys.

 It is a bittersweet sight, those empty walls.

 She thinks life has a funny way of coming around. She thinks she thought she’d have a family there, with Neal, she thinks she thought this was what she wanted, what she could bear to have and risk losing.

 She’s glad that Neal showed himself braver than she ever could. That he refused to settle, for both of their sakes.

 She inhales deeply.

 Exhales.

 And lets it go. All of it.  

 Click, she locks the door, and turns her back on her past.

 A summer breeze greets her face, swirls around her legs and tangles her hair, and she closes her eyes into the warm embrace. It carries childhood smells, this smell of burnt wood, and Rocky Road ice-cream, and Killian’s cologne.

 “Heard you needed help moving out?” Her eyes snap open. Her heart skips a beat.

 It’s August in Storybrooke, Maine, and anything is possible again. 

 The wind carries the first fallen leaves to her feet and his scent to her heart. Something mystical splits her face as she takes a step towards him. She nearly trips on the cardboard box at her feet, again, grunts and picks it up in a blink, and she hears it – his laughter in the wind.

 As she looks up, a flower blooms in her chest, carries blood to her heart and her face with its roots, and her lungs are soon filled to the brim with petals. 

 “Yeah.” A quivering whisper, it is hard to breathe when the sun drops golden and blue beams into his eyes. “Thank you, Killian.”

 And in a few strides he imprisons the cardboard box she held against her chest, the one containing memories of her childhood, and his eyes are so warm on her face that he steals her breath away.

 “Any baggage left?” he asks, and it is a hoarse whisper as well. 

She swallows hard.

 She shivers beside him. She’s a fallen leaf herself, caught in a whirlwind. Her eyes are open wide and she feels completely swallowed by his gaze but it is a wonderful kind of fear.

 “Not at all.”

 And he smiles then, and it is one of the most gentle smiles she’s seen on his face, and at last, he is Killian and she is Emma.

 “Good.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[jamie-vanderan]

Jamie Vanderan

IDENTITY

Name:  Aoibhinn “Jamie” Vega Vanderan, born Aiden Vega Hearthwood

Gender: Female (trans), She/her

Age: 17 (sixth year)

Birthdate: Oct. 28th, 1972

Species: Human

Blood Status: Pure-blood

Alignement: CG 

Ethnicity: Irish, British

Nationality: Irish

Myers-Biggs Personality: ENFP - The Campaigner

THE MAGE

1st Wand  ->  11 3/4, Ebony Wood, Unicorn Hair

This jet-black wand wood has an impressive appearance and reputation, being highly suited to all manner of combative magic and to transfiguration. Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. Frequently non-conformist, highly individual or comfortable with the status of outsider, ebony wand owners have been found both among the ranks of the Order of the Phoenix and among the Death Eaters. The ebony wand’s perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose.

2nd wand  ->  10 1/4, Blackthorn, Dragon Heartstring

Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation of being best suited to a warrior. This does not necessarily mean that its owner practises the Dark Arts; one finds blackthorn wands among the Aurors as well as among the denizens of Azkaban and Death Eaters. It is a curious feature of the blackthorn bush, which sports wicked thorns, that it produces its sweetest berries after the hardest frosts, and the wands made from this wood appear to need to pass through danger or hardship with their owners to become truly bonded. Given this condition, the blackthorn wand will become as loyal and faithful a servant as one could wish.

Animagus: Red fox (vulpes vulpes)

Misc: Not a legilimens. Occlumens.

Boggart Form: 

Voldemort. This form is more for what he represents as opposed to the man himself. He is the reason for the war that Jamie grew up in. His mere name caused terror to anyone who heard it. It reminds her of the rumors that her dear brother ran away to join his ranks, something she refuses to believe. Her mother fled with her and her twin after Voldemort’s fall, fearing the aftermath. The boggart taunts her, in a way, casting doubt on her belief in her brother and reminding her of her fear of losing him forever. 

The Portrait Dragon. The dragon represents the first real challenge from the Cursed Vaults that she struggled to overcome, even with her twin and friends’ help. Her friends were directly hurt by her near-failure. It was also where Rakeprick, her mentor, betrayed her. It represents failure, recklessness, abandonment, and the dangers she brings to those close to her. 

Riddikilus form: Voldemort > Explodes into confetti and giggle noises. Dragon > turned into a stuffed dragon plush that then starts acting like a puppy.

Amortentia: (what she smells) Some kind of wood (it’s pine but she doesn’t know that), honeysuckle, and a familiar perfume she can’t quite identify

Patronus:  Fox

Patronus Memory: 1) When she was five and Jacob was running around with her on his shoulders while she directed him to chase imaginary dragons. 2) Her father teaching her to ballroom dance (standing on his feet and everything) after the hired instructor cancelled last minute. She was looking forward to it and was crushed, until he offered to fill in instead. 3) Lake-side impromptu theater with Rose, Penny, and Rowan. Penny said she had never seen a specific play that the others had, so the other three spent the next hour or so (very terribly) reenacting the play for her. None of them could remember half the lines collectively, so it quickly turned into an improv session based on what they remembered. Much laughter was had. 4) Talking with Talbott at night in the astronomy tower. Both were up and out of their dorms past curfew, neither able to sleep. They talked about anything and everything except why they couldn’t sleep. 

Mirror of Erised: Her family, together and whole. Her twin standing on her right; Jacob on her left, looking how she remembered him; and her parents standing behind her. 

Specialized/Favorite Spells:

Diffindo (signature)

Incendio (favored dueling)

Levitation Charm (from constant practice)

Depulso (signature/favored dueling)

Bluebell Flames (ooo, pretty)

APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Billie Eilish

Voice Claim: Linda Cardellini (as Wendy from Gravity Falls)

Height:  5′10″

Eye color: Blue 

Hair color: Blue (naturally brown)

Skin tone: Medium cool

Body modifications: Magic-based partial transitional body transfiguration (MtF),  magically changed hair blue

Scarring: A scar on her stomach from a gash caused by the spikes on the tail of the dragon in the portrait vault when she was swatted aside. She asked to keep the scar.  She has a few small and faded scars that were not erased with magic, gained from an active childhood, but aren’t significant enough to mention. 

Inventory (what’s something they value): Her wand. Leather bracelet bought from a muggle shop. Dragon tooth necklace bought from Diagon Alley after 3rd year. Self-inking quill with shiny blue ink (gift from Rowan). Prefect Badge.

ALLEGIANCES

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Affiliations/Organizations: Circle Khanna

Profession: She plans to become an auror after graduation.

HOGWARTS INFORMATIONS

Class Proficiencies

Astronomy: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

Charms: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

DADA: ★★★★★★★★★☆

O.W.L. Achieved: O

Herbology: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

History of Magic: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: A

Potions: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: O

Transfiguration: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

Flying: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Electives: 

CoMC: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

Divination: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: O

Muggle Studies: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

Ancient Runes: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

O.W.L. Achieved: E

Quidditch: Joined team as beater in 6th year

Extra-curricular: Muggle music, dancing club

Favorite Professor: Flitwick. He’s highly skilled, engaging, patient, and fun. 

Least Favorite Professor: Binns “Seriously, why does Dumbledore keep him?”

RELATIONSHIPS :

Sister: Rose Vanderan (fraternal twin)

The twins weren’t as close growing up as twins commonly are. From the age of five, both were raised and taught differently: Jamie (Aiden) was raised as a spare heir, as the second-born son, and Rose was raised as a proper young lady of the house. The separation continued once they reached school as both were in separate houses and made different friends (with the exception of Rowan and Ben who were shared with both). However, in their school years they were away from their mother, allowing more freedom from their “roles”. Since arriving at school, she and Rose dealt with all the expectations and concerns their brother left in his wake. Rumors, both good and bad, surrounded them and a lot of the weight was placed on their shoulders by Jacob’s larger shadow. Around their third year Rose became more involved with the search for the Vaults, and from that point the two became closer, and by their fifth year they were nearly inseparable.

Brother: Jacob Hearthwood 

Born July 10th, 1963

Slytherin

Expelled Oct. 1980

Natural-born legilimens

Face Claim: Cody Christian

Since the beginning Jamie looked up to Jacob. He was cool, fun, brave, and strong, a great older brother. He was everything that she wanted to be. With a nine year age difference, she would always be a kid to him, but he always made sure to spend time with her during school breaks. She’d marvel at the stories Jacob told her of the adventures and mischief he’d get into at school, although he rarely spoke of the Cursed Vaults. Looking back she really doesn’t have any bad memories involving Jacob. 

She, like her twin Rose, refused to believe the overheard whispers among the adults that Jacob had joined the Death Eaters: That he was young and impressionable, that he followed the wrong crowd and did a lot of questionable or illegal things that made him an interest for Voldemort’s efforts. Her brother would never. The rumor that he was dead she refused even harder; If he was a Death Eater, at least he was alive.

As she investigated what happened to Jacob in Hogwarts, she started to build a different image of her brother. Many people loved him, saying that he was a great student and a great friend. Others thought him a delinquent that brought nothing but trouble. It was the latter thought that surprised Jamie. 

This Jacob was not the big brother she knew, or more accurately, the brother she remembered. Nine years is a long time, both as an age difference and a time to be separated. At first she believed that Jacob had changed, that the Cursed Vaults had really messed with his mind, made him mad like everyone claimed. But when she considered everything that she'd heard about her brother before he disappeared, both good and bad, she started to wonder if she ever really knew him to begin with. This was first evident when she hesitated to approach him in the Portrait Vault. Was this really the Jacob she remembered? 

In mirrored contrast, her hesitation was also due to how different she was from what he remembered. He remembered Aiden, his younger brother. Rose tried to help explain, and Jacob understood the general idea from Rose’s memories due to their legilimens connection over the years. While he seemed to have accepted, Jamie didn’t have the chance to really say more--or anything she wanted to say the past nine years--before he ran off after Rakepick. 

She was a stranger to him, just as he was to her. 

Mother: Vassendra “Vassie” Vanderan

Born August 24th, 1943

Pure-blood. 

Slytherin. 

Lady of the Manor. 

Work for the Dept. of Magical Games & Sports (Quidditch League Headquarters).

Face Claim: Charlize Theron

Vassie was often cautious and controlling, and at times overbearing. She had high expectations for all of her children, especially so for Jamie--who was Aiden then--as the only remaining male heir after Jacob’s disappearance. Jamie was relatively close with her mother before attending Hogwarts, but after Jacob’s disappearance their relationship was strained as she drew into herself more and more.

As the dangers of the Cursed Vaults grew with each year and the twins’ insistence in being at the center of it, Vassie threatened to pull them both out of Hogwarts. She very nearly had after their fifth year and the events of the Buried Vaults, but the twins managed to convince her that they would stay away from the Vaults, stating that they had learned their lesson the hard way. But a month into their sixth year, after they both turned 17, they broke their promise and threw themselves back into the search for the final vault. Jamie refused to give up on Jacob or just forget what Rakepick did. This is what finally estranged their relationship.

Jamie felt that her mother, like many of the other adults, had given up on Jacob and written him off as dead. She understood that her mother mourned Jacob’s absence as she had, as they all do, but while her mother was trying to move on, Jamie refused to let him go. Perhaps part of her, the still childlike and naive part, thought that if she could find Jacob and bring him back, that everything would go back to the way it was before. 

Jamie’s estrangement from her mother was largely due to Jamie’s stubborn pursuit of the Vaults, but it began before she first arrived at Hogwarts, with her mother’s dismissive refusal to accept that her youngest “son” is actually one of her daughters. It wasn’t until just before Jamie’s second year at Hogwarts that her mother relented enough to allow a dorm change, and another year until she legally changed Jamie’s name from Aiden to Aoibhinn. 

Father: Damian Hearthwood

Born July 28th, 1929

Pure-blood. 

Gryffindor. 

A businessman and threat analyst. 

Natural-born legilimens

Face/Voice Claim: Jeremy Irons

Hearthwood was a fastidious and daring man, a strict but rewarding father, and a devoted husband. He cared greatly for his family and did what was necessary to provide for and protect his family. Like Vassie, Damian held high expectations for his children, and made efforts to ensure that they were raised to meet them. 

Where Jamie had a closer and stronger relationship with her mother, she had a more distant but emotionally complicated relationship with her father. Her memories of him are mostly vague and sort of dull mixed with a desire for recognition and pride. She has several happy memories with her father that she treasures, but she also has memories of his disapproval and disappointment that she can’t let go. She sought his approval, to have him speak of her with the same pride as he had with Jacob. 

When he was arrested in 1981, shortly before Voldemort’s fall, it came as a shock to her. Her father was a businessman, but he never spoke of specifics and her mother insisted it all be kept away from the twins. The adults would whisper, as they had when Jacob disappeared, but they were far more quiet and careful when it came to Mr. Hearthwood, as if they were afraid. Jamie, however, was angry with her father for being sent to Azkaban and leaving behind the backlash and danger great enough to make them leave the country. Her mother kept much of the details about Mr. Hearthwood’s arrest from the twins, shielding them the same way she did with anything involving what Mr. Hearthwood did. 

Her emotions toward him are complicated.

Love interest: Talbott Winger

Best Friends: Charlie Weasley, Ben Copper (until his distance in 6th year)

Rival: Merula Snyde, Penny Haywood (in Potions)

Enemy: Rakeprick, R., the trick step in the staircase behind the tapestry on the fourth floor corridor

Dormmate: Barnaby Lee, Linden Flint (background angry blond Slytherin boy). From 2nd year on: Merula Snyde, Ismelda Murk, and Liz Tuttle. 

Pets: Waffles Cooper (ginger tabby cat), Whiskerfitz (Jacob’s old owl)

Closest MC Friends: Penny Haywood, Ben Copper, Rowan Khanna, Andre Egwu

BACKGROUND/HISTORY

Vassendra met Damian when she was young and she was instantly swooned by his charm. He had money, charisma, influence, and good looks--well approved by her family as a satisfactory suitor. Within a year of their marriage, Jacob was born on July 10th, 1963. Aiden Vega Hearthwood was born shortly after her twin, Róisín, on October 28th, 1972. Jamie spent the majority of her childhood in the Hearthwood family estate, a manor built by her father, in Gloucestershire, England. In 1980, early into Jacob’s final year at Hogwarts, he was expelled and declared missing shortly after. In 1981, Mr. Hearthwood was arrested for selling contraband (illegally imported magical items) to Death Eaters, and was imprisoned in Azkaban. After Voldemort’s downfall a month later, Vassie took the twins and moved to Ireland to live with her father’s family, thinking distance would protect them. 

PERSONALITY

Positive Traits: Strong-willed, charismatic, cunning, resourceful, adaptive communicator, empathic, confident

Neutral Traits: Observant, insightful, ambitious

Negative Traits: Jealous, manipulative, over-thinks when it comes to others’ reactions, lack of focus, meddlesome, scheming

MISC

Able to see thestrals since fourth year, after witnessing a student affected by the Sleeping Curse die from an unknown poison/venom in the hospital wing.

Learning to play guitar, is okay at it

Whiskerfitz is a small, crazy looking, and easily ruffled owl that used to be Jacob’s. He was an excitable and charming owl, but since his owner's disappearance he’s become neurotic and scared of people. It took the better part of her third year to get Whiskerfitz to trust her enough to approach him. Now he adores Jamie.

She managed to pass History of Magic thanks solely to Rowan and Rose’s help.

Inspired by a text glitch in-game, Jamie had trouble remembering whether Ben’s last name was “Copper” or “Cooper”. To fix this, she named her cat Cooper, so that Ben’s name is the other one. He probably doesn’t know this. 

Notes:

The nickname “Jamie” was born of necessity from so many people mispronouncing Aoibhinn (ee-vahn). When asked, she’d tell people it was short for Jasmine, instead of James, because it’s feminine and fits with her twin’s name, Rose. 

Her alignment started chaotic neutral, but it shifted as her goals became less selfish and more bigger picture, as it were. The Cursed Vaults affected more than just her and her siblings, and she started fighting for more than just her own personal reasons.

Jacob is nine years older than Jamie and her twin. He went missing shortly into his seventh year, three days before their ninth birthday.

The dragon tooth necklace was a gift reward from her mother for her high exam marks at the end of her third year. 

Yes, that is a fourteen year age difference between the mother and father. 

Used @hogwartsmysterystory​‘s HPHM MC template.

[gaveherhearttotheliontattoo]

Title: Once Upon A December - Chapter 2

Pairing: Swanfire

Word Count: 1831

Warnings: None that I know of

Prompt: Emma doesn’t remember anything except that she comes from the Enchanted Forest. The first 8 years of her life are a blur but she does have a necklace to help her find her way… And apparently a man who thinks she could be the missing princess. Emma doesn’t know what to think except that it’s her only way to get back to the Enchanted Forest so if this Neal guy thinks she could be this princess she will go along with it. Love and family will find their way.

Note: Yikes, it’s been a long, hot minute, since I was sharing this rewrite but I’ve finished all parts so I plan on posting all of them and getting them going. As always let me know if you want to be tagged.

Series: Prologue, Chapter 1

Taglist: @sassyandclassy94, @swanfireheart, @notalwaysthevillian

--

“That’s it Neal. Game over.” August threw the papers in the trash.

“We’ll find her. She’s here somewhere, right under our noses.” Neal flipped through the papers in front of him before standing up and shrugging his coat on. “Let’s go back to the shed.” Neal was trying to keep up the hope but there was no one even close to resembling what Emma would look like now, and they couldn’t act well enough to pull it off without the looks. He was starting to think August might be right.

------

Emma peered through the wood covered windows into the abandoned machine shed. It was really more like a warehouse, she thought. Chains locked the doors and the siding was falling off. A sudden chill brought goosebumps to her skin. She was resigning herself to staying outside of the abandoned building but heard Pongo’s bark echo. She glanced around her but it was the second bark that drew her attention back to the boarded up building. Groaning she knew she had to go in and retrieve him before he hurt himself.

She pried the boards off the spot that had once been a doorway and made her way through the debris until she was standing in the middle of an open space. A sense of familiarity washed over her. Had this always been a warehouse? Pongo’s tiny barks carried her to a large set of doors that opened to a room, larger than any she could have ever imagined, with a marvelous staircase. There’s no way it was always a machine shed.

Pongo taking off up the stairs, barking as he went, shook Emma back to the situation at hand. “Pongo, get back here!” The stairs seemed never ending was all she could think as she ran after him.

She found him seated in front of several paintings of people who appeared regal. Her skin crawled as she felt oddly connected to the people in the pictures, to the place. Who were these people? Emma continued stare, before blinking out of her reverie and facing the empty room. “Hello! Anybody home?”

------

“Did you hear that?” Neal jumped from his seat, dropping the papers he’d been going through.

August dropped another grape in his mouth, swallowed. “No.”

Moving toward the door, Neal glanced back at his friend who still wasn’t moving. “Come on.”

He moved from one of the many bedrooms to the great hall before ending up in the ballroom, where he saw her. “Hey! What are you doing?” The girl caught his eyes, fear filling out her features, before taking off for the stairs. “Hey! Stop! Hold on a minute!”

Neal ran after her until they were both stopped in front of the portraits. “How did you get in h-here?” Neal was struck dumb when he saw a pair of ocean blue eyes staring back at him. Emma? Neal shook his head trying to gain the use of his vocal chords back. He could hear the throat clearing next to him but still couldn’t stop staring.

“Excuse me,” August said.

“August,” Neal whispered in a rush. Could it really be? “This is who we’ve been waiting for.” He looked down at the thing next to her and rolled his shoulders. “A dog.”

“Are you Neal?” Hands on hips, Emma straightened, hoping to be intimidating.

“Cute,” Neal mumbled, but decided to play along, see where this was going. He was used to people looking for him, for one of the many tips, tricks, or resources he could provide. “Perhaps. Depends on who’s looking for him.”

Emma shrugged off the cute comment, sincerely hoping it was directed towards the dog. “I’m Emma and I need a boat. They say you’re the man to see,” Emma dropped her voice, “But I can’t tell you who told me.” Neal was only a breath away and Emma felt another strange wave of familiarity.

Emma? Coincidence. Neal started circling her. It really could be her, but even if it wasn’t, people wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

“Why are you circling me?” Emma demanded. “Were you a vulture in another life?”

“I’m sorry… Enya.”

“It’s Emma.” Emma’s frustration radiated, filling the large room.

“Right,” Neal said, still struggling to form complete sentences. Way to go idiot, you couldn’t even get her name right. “Emma, it’s just that, well, you look an awful lot like… You know what, never mind. You said you were looking for a boat?”

“I’m looking to get to the Enchanted Forest.”

Neal was flummoxed. What were the chances? This girl was the whole package. “You want to go to the Enchanted Forest?” Neal risked a glance back at August but found him preoccupied with that dog. Rolling his eyes, he focused back on the blue ones staring at him with curiosity.

“Yes,” she said slowly. Was he acting like an idiot or just that slow?

“Is there a last name that goes with Emma?”

Laughing, Emma turned back to the paintings. “This is going to sound crazy, but I don’t know my last name.” I don’t know much of anything, she thought. “I was found wandering around when I was eight.”

Neal’s heart sped up. “And, uh, before that? Before you were eight?”

“I don’t know,” Emma said, her voice rising an octave. “I have very few memories from before the orphanage.”

Neal crossed his arms over his chest, speaking so only he could hear. “Well, that’s just perfect.”

Emma straightened back up, finding control of her voice again. “I do have one clue though and that’s the Enchanted Forest.” She glanced between the man on the floor with Pongo and the deep brown eyes staring at her. “So, can you two help me or not?”

Neal worked to get August’s attention from the dog, he needed the tickets. “August, tickets.”

August reluctantly pulled away from the dog long enough to hand the tickets to his friend. Then his attention was straight back to the black and white spotted creature in front of him. He always wanted a dog but his father had told him it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“Here’s the thing,” Neal said, fanning the tickets out in front of him. “We’ve got three tickets. One for each of us and one for the Princess Emilia.”

Emma’s heart sunk. “Oh.”

“We’re going to reunite her with her father,” August said, finally speaking to her.

Neal looked her up and down. “Ya know, you do kind of resemble her.” Neal walked down a few paintings to a small one of the Charming family. More than kind of.

August joined his friend glancing from the picture to the woman in front of them. “The same blue eyes.”

“Those Charming eyes,” Neal agreed.

“David’s smile.”

“Snow’s chin.” Neal looked from the painting to Emma and back to the painting. “She’s the same age, the same physical type.”

“Are you trying to tell me you think I am Emilia?” Emma couldn’t contain the laugh that bubbled out of her from deep within.

Neal threw his hands up. “All I’m trying to tell you is that I’ve seen thousands of girls all over the country, and not one of them looks as much like the princess as you. I mean look at the portrait.” Emma stepped closer, admiring the framed painting. There was a little girl, long blonde curls that didn’t match Emma’s cropped hair. The eyes though, could it be, could this be what she was looking for? Emma laughed again, backing away from the picture. “I knew you were crazy from the beginning, but now I think you’re both mad.”

Neal stepped back, offended. “Why? You don’t remember what happened to you?”

August had now picked up the dog and was scratching his head. “No one knows what happened to her.”

“You’re looking for family in the Enchanted Forest.”

“And her only family is in the Enchanted Forest.”

Neal shrugged. “You ever considered the possibility?”

“That I could be royalty?”

Neal and August looked at each other, nodded and said, “Yes.”

Emma looked back to the painting. “Well, I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to think of yourself as a princess when you’re sleeping on a damp floor. But sure, yeah, I guess every lonely girl would hope she’s a princess.”

Neal sighed. This was getting him nowhere. “I wish we could help you, but the third ticket is for the Princess Emilia. Good luck.” Neal walked away, forcing a reluctant August to put the puppy down and follow.

“Neal, why didn’t you tell her about our plan?”

Neal thought about how familiar she looked and shrugged. “All she wants to do is go to the Enchanted Forest. Why give away a third of the reward money?”

August shook his head, sighing. “I’m telling you, we’re walking away too soon.”

Neal chuckled softly. “Not to worry. I’ve got this all under control. Okay, walk a little slower…”

Emma paced. This was crazy. A princess? But it was the closest she could get, and it couldn’t hurt to try. Oh, perhaps she was just as crazy.”

“Neal!”

Neal turned and found Emma running towards him. He was immediately thrown back to when he was younger and Emilia would run around. No, he told himself, do not get attached. No one even knows if this is, for a fact, her. There was no way to prove it either. “Did you call me?”

He knew she called him but he was continuing to play his mind games. Rolling her eyes she crossed her arms. “If I don’t remember who I am, then who’s to say I’m not the princess, right?”

“Go on.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, still short of breath. “If I’m not Emilia then the king will certainly know right away, and it’s all just an honest mistake.”

Neal agreed. “Sounds plausible.”

August picked the puppy back up. “If you are the princess then you’ll finally know who you are and have your family back.”

“You know,” Neal said, shifting away from the curious dog. “He’s right. Either way, it gets you to the Enchanted Forest.”

“Right!”

Neal grinned and bowed. “May I present Her Royal Highness, the Princess Emilia.”

Emma scooped Pongo into her arms. “Pongo, we’re going to the Enchanted Forest.”

“The dog stays.”

Emma turned her icy stare on Neal. “What are you talking about? The dog goes.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“I say he goes.”

“I’m allergic to dogs.”

Rolling her eyes, Emma handed Pongo back over to the enthusiastic August. She was going to the Enchanted Forest.

------

“Emilia?” Walsh nearly fell off the high ceiling ledge laughing. “Yeah, just one problem there, fella. Emilia’s dead. All the Charming’s are dead. They’re dead! Am I right, my friend?”

Walsh looked to the green magic swirling in a tube next to him. He peeked closer but was pushed off the edge, only holding on by his tail. He looked back at the girl for a split second before he was carried off.

[itsemily-louise-writing-blog]

EMILY MCCAUSLAND “TEENAGE DIRTBAG”

CHARACTERS: The Streets: Charlotte May Jane Louisa Street (born 30 July 1999) Maria May Jane Street (born 24 March 1973) Francesca Louisa Taylor née Street (born 3 August 1969) Cody Jake James (born 2 March 1994) Lily Elizabeth Street (born 21 August 2010) Max James Street (born 18 October 2013) The Deans: Kayla Thomas née Dean (born 30 July 1967) Jerome Dean (born 21 August 1972) The Greys/Spencers: Karl Spencer Daphne Grey née Merrimack, previously Spencer Alexander Edward Grey Logan Christopher Spencer (born 11 January 1971) Danielle Spencer née Dean (born 4 October 1974) Terri Amber Spencer (born 8 October 1993) Maxxi Lola Spencer (born 8 October 1993) Robbie James Spencer (born 21 November 1997) Evan Freddie Spencer (born 2 February 2000) Lillie Alexia Spencer (born 2 August 1972) Mark Summers Taylor Joanne Summers (born 2 December 1993) Haiden Jennifer Summers (born 1 July 1996) Rylee Felicia Summers (born 12 April 2002) Tessa Nicole Grey (born 3 June 1983) Kezia Grey (born 20 November 2000) Axle Max Grey (born 22 September 1988) Polly Anna Maisie Grey née Thomas (born 10 November 1991) Jaydon James Grey (born 10 April 2008) Tristan Mason Grey (born 21 May 2010) The Evertons: Daniel Thomas “Danny” Everton (born 5 May 1971) Rebecca Kelly “Becky” Lloyd (born 11 September 1972) Thomas Daniel “Tom” Everton (born 17 July 1992) Tiffani Rebecca Everton (born 27 March 1994) Ethan James Everton (born 15 June 1998) Elliott Michael Everton (born 15 June 1998) Maya Kelly Everton (born 11 July 2002) The Lyles: Annalise Lily “Annie” Lyle (born 21 December 1991) Elizabeth Annabelle Lyle (born 21 June 1996) Madeleine Jennifer Lyle (born 26 March 1997) The Hutches: Brett Charlie Hutch (born 21 December 1987) Thomas Jacob Hutch (born 15 December 1994) Nathaniel Mason “Nate” Hutch (born 15 November 1996) Others: Matt Cooper Jake Mitchell Ben Macaulay Amy Macaulay Nicole Harry Shields Holly Shields Shaun Brandon Thomson Nathan Thomson Nicola Thomson Lauren Mitchell Jade Kerri Ann Gemma Lottie Young Cheyenne Young Jazia Jennifer Danielle Olivia Porsche Piper Drew Zack Drew Denny Drew Anita Mitchell Maria Mitchell Charlie Thomson SCENE ONE. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. V.O. AUGUST 1, 2017. ARCHIVE FOOTAGE OF CHARLOTTE GROWING UP AND CHARACTERS SHOWN AS THEY ARE NAMED. V.O. CHARLOTTE. I’m eighteen-year-old CHARLOTTE STREET, born in Manchester, Lancashire, to SHONNÉ SHIELDS and JEROME DEAN. My mum had previously been married, when she was 20-years-old, but the marriage lasted just 5 years and they divorced at age 25. She had a son, twenty-four-year-old CODY, with her ex-husband, who grew up in Liverpool with his father and I have only ever met him three times. My father was arrested and jailed before I was born, and so my mum cut him off for good and I have no ties to him. I was told I had the cancer gene from my father’s side and was diagnosed in 2012, after I turned 12, and won my battle in 2013 when I was 13. Mum’s parents LEON and LIZZIE were not in the best of health at this point and GRAMPA LEON had to be taken into hospital; NANA LIZZIE was diagnosed as being a dementia patient and taken into a care home almost immediately. They are progressing. I have five cousins: POLLY (born 10 November 1991, to Dad’s sister KAYLA), identical twin sisters TERRI and MAXXI, and ROBBIE and EVAN (born to Mum’s sister DANIELLE). POLLY had two sons, JAYDON and TRISTAN, with husband AXLE GREY. AXLE is now a single father, as POLLY sadly passed away on 10 January 2012. She also had the cancer gene. Axle is the son of DAPHNE GREY, the management at the studio where POLLY and I were a music duo, POLLY providing vocals and keyboard, and myself guitar and backing vocals. I still get money from sales. Our career lasted from September two-thousand-nine (when I was nine and POLLY eighteen) until January two-thousand-twelve (when POLLY was twenty and me twelve). I now work for the studio freelance. I live in a two bed flat with my mother and Aunt Francesca. But spend the majority of my time with my close friends: identical twins ETHAN and ELLIOTT EVERTON, sisters ELIZABETH and MADDIE LYLE, and TOM HUTCH, Elizabeth’s long-term on-again-off-again boyfriend. Elizabeth and Tom have been together for years - they were first made official in December 2011, at school five years ago - but split at least three times and then got back together during that time, but they’ve been firmly back together for eight months now - since September 2016. Ethan and Maddie have been together for four years now - since 30 June 2013 - when Ethan was fifteen and Maddie fourteen. Elizabeth and Maddie have an older sister, ANNIE. Ethan and Elliott have an older brother named THOMAS, and two sisters named MAYA and TIFFANI. Tom has an older brother, BRETT and a young brother NATE. Brett has a daughter named SOFIA with a relative of mine, KAT. Grampa Leon is Kat’s Great-Uncle. AUNT DANIELLE works as the producer of a TV series filmed in front of a live studio audience in Manchester. As soon as I turned 16, I started looking for jobs and got one working in a shop during the summer holidays. They kept me on because they thought I was doing well. But I left in late-August because she was offered another job in advertising. Then in early-September I was a shop assistant for a month before starting my job at as a waitress in a café earlier last month: November. And then I was offered to write and provide guitar for other artists/bands at the studio I had previously worked for. I also play basketball, football, volunteers at the library and attended evening classes in English, Maths and History as I never got to finish school because of my maternal grandparents’ illnesses. And I visit my maternal grandparents often, frequently changing bed sheets at the different locations and bringing them treats and just generally helping out. I started doing some charity work in the summer, gaining permission for use at the community centre; I am using the time slots for young people to sign up and do different activities such as sports, cooking, school tutoring and more, in an attempt to reduce crime; if young people are occupied with something more beneficial to put their time into then they are less likely to commit crime. I also put together fundraisers every six-months-or-so in order to raise money for cancer, with activities including singing, sports, dancing, competitions and more… I have been doing this since I was thirteen and have raised up to £5,000 on these occasions. I inherited my father’s home but rent it out because I’m not ready to live alone (but still pay rent at my mother’s), and I was named on my father’s life insurance, and inherited my father’s car - which I keep in my grandparents’ double garage - as well as inheriting other aspects and property of my father’s belongings. I was recently involved in a drugs raid after being drugged and kidnapped. I was shot in the left shoulder once and stabbed in the very bottom-right of her stomach. I was also sexually assaulted by one of the dealers who wanted money for the drugs my friend had bought. I was later arrested, charged and put behind bars. After one of the dealers’ house was burned to the ground, I was arrested and charged. After serving several months in prison they found the true culprit and released me with compensation. I subsequently fell pregnant as a result of the assault but sadly lost the baby in September at just five months. I then made the decision that I needed some time away from everything, and so moved out of my mother and aunt’s. So, I was homeless for a week or two before I moved back in. I kept my job as my record was cleared after admissions were given and charges were dropped. My bedroom is a square-shape at the back of the home. The bedroom contains: an en-suite on the bottom-right of the room; a wardrobe in the top-right of the room; the bed in the top-left of the room; a bedside and one of two desks next to it, by the window; a stand with a TV on in the bottom-right corner; a round wooden table under the window containing: teddies, baskets with chocolates, sweets and cookies, glitter, candles; a guitar circle containing three guitars on stands in the middle of the room; and a keyboard against the right-side wall. This community centre; work at the café; library; Maths classes; English classes; play football; writing for the studio; basketball training; care home; studying History. I teach guitar. On my basketball team were MATT, JAKE, and siblings BEN and AMY; on my football team were NICOLE, siblings HARRY and HOLLY, and SHAUN. Since the evening classes I have become friends with siblings BRANDON, NATHAN, NICOLA, and LAUREN and JADE, especially as they all help each other during and outside their classes. At the café I often share shifts with three girls around my age named KERRI ANN, GEMMA and LOTTIE. Lottie has a younger sister named CHEYENNE, with whom I have also become quite close. At the studio I have provided guitar for a girl band consisting of members JAZIA, JENNIFER, DANIELLE, OLIVIA and PORSCHE, and solo singers PIPER DREW (through whom I also met her siblings ZACK and DENNY when they came to the studio to see her) and ANITA MITCHELL (through whom I also met her sister MARIA when she came to the studio to see Anita). I also met a guy named CHARLIE THOMSON when I was in London travelling during my music career. We have a lot in common: Charlie’s father also passed away due to cancer, and his mother is a drug user - she’s getting treatment presently. SCENE TWO. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. HOME. DAYTIME It’s Tuesday, May 2, 2017, and six-o'clock-in-the-morning so CHARLOTTE is in the flat getting ready for work and the day ahead of her. She goes to work wearing a long-sleeved black crop top and a long, brown fluffy, warm winter jacket with a fluffy white collar, white scarf, black skinny jeans, and with black trainers. She has her long straight jet-black hair down and a black headband with a cute little black bow on its side, and a small black over-the-shoulder bag. She locks the flat’s white front door and then heads for the café around the corner at 06:35. SCENE THREE. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. CAFE. DAYTIME. She arrives at 06:50. In the kitchen, there is a cupboard in the top-left corner, containing lockers; CHARLOTTE opens the locker using her combination, places her bag and coat inside of it, and then gets her coat out of her bag and places it in the back pocket of her jeans, then closing the locker so it’s secure, and putting the required work apron on, which only goes on the waist, not around the neck; she ties it on so that her black crop top reveals her belly button and belly button piercing. Her manager ANA, then comes from around a corner. ANA Oh, hi, Charlotte, how are you today? CHARLOTTE I’m OK thanks, Ana, and yourself? ANA Good ta. So, if you could get some more coffee cups out of storage, refill the coffee machine, and set the buns and bread out, please. That’d be a wonderful start. CHARLOTTE Of course. By 07:45 she has finished all this, and has now taken it upon herself to clean the tables, fridge and counter rather than waiting for ANA to ask her. This is done by 08:15, and customers have started arriving for their morning coffees now, so CHARLOTTE washes her hands and puts a pair of gloves on from storage to make sandwiches. She makes around twenty sandwiches and packages them within an hour. By 09:15 she has been asked to wash up, which takes her around twenty minutes, so by 09:40 she has begun serving customers. By 10:30, after forty minutes of serving, she is due a break and so takes a croissant from the tray on the counter, then making herself a coffee and placing the money in the till; steps out the back and then eats the croissant, getting out a cigarette and lighter along with her phone, holding the coffee and cigarette in one hand and scrolling through her phone with the other. At 10:40 she goes to the staff loo just behind the kitchen, and then heads back in for work by 10:45. Ana then asks her if she’ll restock the fridge while ANA serves. And finally, at 11:15, she’s asked to serve again for the last 45 minutes of her shift. And by 12:00 she’s back at her locker and waving goodbye to ANA. SCENE FOUR. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. FLAT. DAYTIME. She’s home by 12:15 and grabs her laptop and some papers for the group she runs, substituting her small black bag for a bigger black backpack, placing her laptop, phone, purse, notebook and pencil case, small makeup bag including deodorant, perfume, hair and headbands and hair clips, and hairbrush, and a memory stick and earphones. Taking her coat off, she then goes to the fridge to see what there is to eat for lunch. She decides on a pasta salad and sits down at the small round wooden kitchen table to eat it. By 12:30 she’s finished and washed up and so gets her coat from back off the coat stand, grabs her keys from the side, along her backpack, and then locks back up. She then heads to the community centre, taking a 10-minute bus ride and a 20-minute walk, arriving at the community centre for one o'clock, some of the young people having already arrived and waiting outside the hall we use. SCENE FIVE. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. DAYTIME. As they start going in, there is a sign-up sheet that CHARLOTTE puts out, along with an activities sheet, and so they line-up to sign it. She then to set-up the five different activities they’ve got in-store. The tutor then comes in and greets everyone with an apology for being late, and they set up a table for her to sit with the students. CHARLOTTE joins in with some of the activities for an hour-and-fifteen-minutes, and at 14:30 they sit down for a chat about how things are going in general, and then at 14:45 they begin packing up. By 15:00 they have packed up and got their things and are ready to go; they say their goodbyes and then MADDIE heads back home, arriving there for 15:30, getting her laptop out of her backpack and getting some song sheets up so that she can write on them. SCENE SIX. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. FLAT. DAYTIME. She finishes at 17:00 and then begins cooking some tea. She has a small TV in the kitchen on the side, and often watches whilst cooking and eating at the dining table; she switches it on after she’s prepared the vegetables she’s going to cook. She then puts some sausages in the oven and starts grilling them. Once done, she sits down and eats, watching the TV and then washing up, putting a load of washing in the machine and going to her room to get changed into her basketball kit and puts her hair up into a ponytail. SCENE SEVEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. SPORTS HALL. DAYTIME. At 17:45 she sets of for the sports hall, a ten-minute walk, and helps Jake - who’s already there - set up. CHARLOTTE Alright, Jake? JAKE Yeah. Yeah, I’m good ta. CHARLOTTE Need a hand? JAKE I could use one for the other side, thanks, love. CHARLOTTE Sure. By the time they’ve got the ball and bibs out, others have started arriving and the game will therefore begin in a matter of moments. Once they’ve all got their positions determined by their bibs on, the coach gets them to do some warm-ups, and then by 18:30 the coach calls for them to get into position ready for a game. 16-year-old CHARLOTTE plays Power Forward, 22-year-old JAKE plays Shooting Guard, 18-year-old BEN plays Centre, AMY plays Small Forward, and 18-year-old BRANDON plays Point Guard. BEN and AMY are twins. They get into position and start the training, and CHARLOTTE has scored twenty-five baskets in the last half-an-hour. And at 19:00 they get the cones out for dribbling, which they do for fifteen minutes, and then they spend the last ten minutes passing the ball between them, and finally the last five minutes are spent packing up. They then bid one another goodbye and they head out. SCENE EIGHT. MACHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. FLAT. DAYTIME. So, CHARLOTTE sets off for the block of flats she lives in, that her mother rented for years as a teenager and her early-twenties. She gets some pyjamas out from her wardrobe in her room and sets them down on the side in the bathroom (there’s a side from left to right at the back with a round sink in the middle). The bathroom is next to the bedroom I’m the flat, with the kitchen, living room and storage cupboard on the right-hand-side of the hall. Once CHARLOTTE has gotten a towel out of one of the bathroom wall cabinets and hung it on the shower glass, closed the curtains and turned the shower on, she soaks in water for a moment and then begins washing her body. Her hair is up but she’s not washing her hair. She then dries herself on the white bath mat in the middle of the bathroom, and begins putting on her pyjamas: a pair of green shorts, and a blue top with a beach setting on it. She then puts her hair up in a messy bun and slips into her slippers, then placing the towel she just used on the towel rack. And then she goes into the kitchen to make tea and toast. Once that’s done she secures the flat (making sure necessary doors are locked, and curtains and blinds are closed) and so goes into the living room and closes the curtains (the blinds were already shut), and then she gets her phone out from her bag, sits down in the living room, closes the door, begins eating the toast she made earlier, and turns the TV on. She then receives a text message. She then goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and gets changed into everyday clothing and heads out again. SCENE NINE. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. INT. PUB. NIGHTTIME. She heads to her local where she spots some older friends: 20-year-old twin brothers ETHAN and ELLIOTT, Ethan’s 19-year-old girlfriend MADDIE, Maddie’s 20-year-old sister ELIZABETH, and Elizabeth’s 20-year-old boyfriend TOM. They are visiting family on a break from filming. It’s 21:15 and ETHAN has his arm around MADDIE. CHARLOTTE has small brown eyes, is tanned, has a small thin nose, has a round face, cheekbones, wavy jet-black hair and is 5'8". ETHAN and ELLIOTT have small brown eyes, are tanned, and Ethan has a little stubble and is around 5'7" while Elliott’s baby-faced and 5’9” and, finally, they both have oval faces and strong cheekbones, messy thick dark brown hair and a handsome smile. MADDIE has long dirty blonde hair, is 5'7" in height, is fair skinned and has noticeable cheekbones, small green eyes and rosy cheeks. Elliott has a much bulkier build, is paler, has hazel eyes, freckles and lighter, shaven hair and is 5'9" in height. ELIZABETH has light brown hair, green eyes and cheekbones and has olive-tone skin, and is smaller in height than her younger sister at 5'5". TOM is 5'8" in height and has a round face and stubble, is olive-skin-toned, has dark brown parted hair and bright blue eyes. Elizabeth is sitting on her boyfriend’s lap and they are whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears. Elliott and Charlotte are the only singles left in the bunch, but Elliott is a lady’s man and is usually speaking to at least two or three girls at a time. He’s had quite a few girlfriends but never really long-term, whereas his twin has had three or four girlfriends but they’ve all been for a longer period of time. ELLIOTT is sitting opposite his brother with a girl he met a few weeks ago when she guest-started at his workplace: 25-year-old DANIELLE JACKSON. She’s got one leg on Elliott’s lap and the other drooped over the edge of the red leather seat, her head resting against the wall that the booth is up against. CHARLOTTE is sitting next to ELLIOTT, opposite TOM and ELIZABETH. And next to CHARLOTTE, on the left-side-edge of the booth is TOMMY LEWIS, a cousin of Elizabeth and Maddie. DANIELLE How long have you pair been together?“ ETHAN Four years (He takes a sip from his pint) Danielle then turns her focus on Tom and Elizabeth. TOM Well, we first got together four years ago, but we split within three months; got back together two weeks later, stayed together for a year before breaking up again, and then got back together a day later; and it kept going like that on-off for another couple of years, but we’ve been firmly back together for a year now DANIELLE How can you be sure that you’ll stay together this time? And how come you’ve split so many times, anyway? (Danielle speaks her mind) TOM Er, well our personalities tend to clash because I’m the kind of guy who would be getting detentions every other day in school, was never very academically involved and used school as a social and trouble making opportunity, and partied while his parents were out- (He looks sheepish and then turns to his girlfriend) ELIZABETH Whereas I… put my head down and got all the work done, always had my head in a book, was at the library, or the voice of something academically-inclined, and only had a small group of friends. But when I met Tom at school I found his loud, cheeky side very attractive because he was funny and would always try and involve me in everything he could. And that’s when we started seeing each other… TOM But my wild side has always gotten in the way because there were trust issues. However, we’ve had a good chat about it and decided that none of that matters, we love each other and we couldn’t be ourselves without each other; the fitting pieces to one another’s puzzle. So, if it starts getting tough again, rather than splitting, we’ll talk about it and remind each other why we’re together. ELIZABETH So, we’re going to start over, we’re going to make a new start of our relationship, erase everything from the past that hasn’t gone the way we wanted it to, and stay together for as long as we can. (she smiles, cuddling in tighter to her boyfriend) TOM takes a mouthful from his pint and gulps it down, while ELIZABETH elegantly sips her wine. TOM then takes ELIZABETH’s left hand into his right, from over his shoulder. ETHAN and CHARLOTTE have now gone up for a dance and I swear if DANIELLE gets any closer to ELLIOTT she’ll be sitting on his lap. And TOMMY has now found a girl, who’s just asked him to dance. ELLIOTT Charlotte, do you want a game of pool? CHARLOTTE Sure. DANIELLE lazily takes her leg off of ELLIOTT’s lap and he downs the rest of his drink and offers CHARLOTTE a coke as they go past the bar to the pool table, an offer upon which she takes. Once she’s got the coke she thanks ELLIOTT and then he puts a coin in and they set up the game. CHARLOTTE Who’s breaking? ELLIOTT Ladies first. (He gestures the table) ELLIOTT Don’t you have work tomorrow? CHARLOTTE Nope! And even if I did, I like the company. (She breaks) ELLIOTT So, what are you doing tomorrow, then? (He takes his shot) CHARLOTTE Studio work. Care home. Community Centre. Maths evening class. English evening class. (Lazily) “Ooh!” (She pots a ball) ELLIOTT Nice one! Could always stay at ours, Mum and Dad won’t mind, you know what they’re like. Everyone’s coming ’round tonight. (Charlotte smiles) ETHAN Oi, Elliott, when you and Charlotte are done we’re gonna head back. (From the bar) ELLIOTT Alright, bro. ETHAN D'you want one more drink, any of you? ELLIOTT Please, bro. CHARLOTTE Yes, please. ETHAN takes a final swig from his bottle and orders another round, MADDIE linked arm in arm on his left side, head on his shoulder. ETHAN You alright, babe? You look tired. (He ruffles his girlfriend’s hair) MADDIE I am (Maddie sighs) ETHAN We’ll be going soon, no worries. Are you staying over? (Maddie nods) ETHAN Is there something else wrong, Mads, you seem upset? MADDIE Nah, just tired. (She’s still tucked into her boyfriend) ETHAN Well if there is something the matter, you can tell me, you know. MADDIE I know, babe, thank you. ELLIOTT Guys, anyone want a smoke? (He walks around the corner past the bar with Charlotte, aiming his question at his brother, Tom, and Maddie, knowing that they smoke and Danielle, Elizabeth and Maddie don’t) MADDIE goes out, leaving her sister with their cousin and DANIELLE. The others make their way out with their drinks in hand. And ELLIOTT hands a lighter round. CHARLOTTE Wish I were eighteen. (She shivers) ETHAN You can still smoke. (He takes his coat off and placing it on Charlotte’s shoulder) CHARLOTTE Thank you. ETHAN Drinking is good, though. (He puts his arm round his girlfriend and smiling) ETHAN and ELLIOTT’s younger sister, TIFFANI, comes around the corner suddenly with some of her friends from school. She’s 18. ETHAN Alright, Tiff! TIFFANI Yo, bros! (She slurs and giggles) ELLIOTT Are you drunk? Have you got her drunk? (He gestures to Tiff’s boyfriend on the right) BOYFRIEND No! And even she was, she’s eighteen. ETHAN Yeah well, she’s still our little sister. TIFFANI Shut up! (Tiff goes into the pub) See you at home. TOM Right, I’m gonna go see my girlfriend. (He goes back into the pub) ELLIOTT Dude, you saw her ten minutes ago. TOM I love her. Always wanna be with her. ETHAN You wouldn’t understand, mate. (Tom’s gone in) ELLIOTT Why wouldn’t I? ETHAN Because you’ve never been properly in love. You’ve loved before, but I don’t think you’ve ever been in love. ELLIOTT I haven’t. I love but they don’t seem to truly love me back. ETHAN That’s because you fall in love too quickly, mate. ELLIOTT Can’t help who you fall in love with. ETHAN No, but sometimes you can help how fast you fall in love with them. Or what you show. I fell in love with Maddie quickly but I didn’t tell her I loved her until about six months in because I didn’t want to put her off or jinx it. And I had to make sure I felt absolutely certain about my feelings and that I wanted to stay with her. And that I thought she felt the same about me. Bro, can you honestly tell me that you wanted to be with those girls for the long-term? ELLIOTT Just one. (Elliott takes a last swig from his bottle) But she’s well out of my reach. (He makes his way back inside) ETHAN How come? ELLIOTT She’s in love with someone else. (He opens the door and going back in) As everyone else follows, Charlotte makes to take off Ethan’s coat but he puts it back on her shoulder. ETHAN Keep it till we get to mine, I’m warm. CHARLOTTE Thanks again. ETHAN As for you… (He refers to his girlfriend and cuddling her in tighter, kissing her on the head) I love you and you only get your charger back when you give me a kiss!     (Maddie pecks Ethan on the lips) No no, I mean a proper kiss! CHARLOTTE Too much info, mate. When they get back in they get their coats and the twins tell their sister they’ll see her when they get home, and they head off out. ELLIOTT You coming, Danielle? DANIELLE Nah, mate, I’ll catch you up. ELLIOTT Alright. See you back at ours in a bit. DANIELLE Yeah. I’ll see you lot back with Tiff. TOM and ELIZABETH cuddle into one another as they walk. CHARLOTTE texts her mum and her aunt to say where she’s going; two minutes later SHONNÉ texts back and five minutes later AUNT FRANCESCA texts back. They are fine with it. On the way out of the pub they spot CHARLOTTE’s friend CHARLIE, who then joins them, and later his ex, LOTTIE YOUNG, who works with CHARLOTTE, and also joins them. SCENE TEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1, 2017. EXT. PARK. NIGHTTIME. They walk by a small park on the way to the Everton household. Ethan gets a cigarette out and begins smoking it, and then leads the way into the park, sits against a fence in the pitch dark, and spins Maddie around to sit in his lap; ELLIOTT sits next to them and lights up a cigarette, CHARLOTTE beside ELLIOTT, and TOMMY beside MADDIE, while TOM and ELIZABETH sit side-by-side at the back. TOM has his arm around ELIZABETH as he too lights up a cigarette, while ETHAN leans over to light CHARLOTTE’s up for her. CHARLOTTE Cheers, mate. ETHAN notices MADDIE getting cold and starting to shiver, and so wraps his arm around her and gives her a very friendly kiss on the cheek. TIFFANI, her boyfriend MAX, DANIELLE, and their friends ANTONY, his girlfriend DIONNE, her fraternal twin AMY, FLOYD, and EMMA are on their way to the Evertons’ when they cross through the park and sit with the others. TIFFANI and MAX sit together next to CHARLOTTE; DANIELLE sits beside TOM and ELIZABETH; and ANTONY and FLOYD squeeze themselves between ETHAN and MADDIE and ELLIOTT. At 23:15 they decide to play a game of Heads Up, which lasts until midnight, and with ELLIOTT and MADDIE tying in first place, they then decide to play Truth or Dare until 00:30; ELLIOTT, TIFFANI, MAX and DANIELLE quickly got bored of that game because nobody else was doing a Dare. So, they moved on to Spin the Bottle, however the couples did not take part. They form a circle at the swings; from left to right starting at CHARLOTTE: ELLIOTT; DANIELLE; TOMMY; FLOYD; EMMA; LOTTIE; AMY; CHARLIE. CHARLOTTE, ELLIOTT, DANIELLE and EMMA light up a cigarette each, and everyone except TOMMY and FLOYD has (another) drink. CHARLOTTE was made to kiss ELLIOTT and TOMMY, while DANIELLE and LOTTIE are made to kiss CHARLIE; DANIELLE is made to kiss ELLIOTT, and EMMA and AMY are made to kiss FLOYD. SCENE ELEVEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1 AND 2, 2017. THE EVERTON HOUSE. NIGHTTIME. Then at 23:45, the twins, TIFFANI, MAX, CHARLOTTE, MADDIE, TOM, ELIZABETH, DANIELLE and TOMMY decide to go back to the Evertons’ place, a ten-minute walk away. Once there, TIFFANI, MAX, DANIELLE and TOMMY head into TIFFANI’s bedroom, while the others head into the twins’ room: ETHAN and MADDIE lay on his bed; ELLIOTT and CHARLOTTE on his bed; TOM and ELIZABETH on the yellow beanbag under the window. By midnight ELLIOTT has CHARLOTTE tucked into his chest, and they’re watching a film with earphones on his tablet; ETHAN and MADDIE are well into a game of tonsil tennis; TOM is showing ELIZABETH something on his phone whilst cuddling her from behind as she sits on his lap. MADDIE Do I get my charger back now? (Maddie asks Ethan after they’ve taken a breath) He reaches down the side of his bed and pulls it out from the plug behind his bedside table, rolls the wire up around the plug and puts it in her jean pocket. ETHAN Thank you. Right, I’m going to get some drinks. (He jumps up off his bed and smiling back at his girlfriend) TOM I’ll come. (Tom pecks Elizabeth on the cheek and shifting her legs so that he can get up) They go downstairs and bump into Ethan’s parents, 45-year-old BECKY LLOYD and 47-year-old DANNY, holding hands as they pass their son and Tom on the way up the stairs to bed. BECKY Goodnight. DANNY ’Night, mate. ETHAN Na-night. BECKY Don’t stay up too late. They pass ETHAN’s older brother, 24-year-old THOMAS at the table on his laptop. Upstairs, ELLIOTT wraps his arms around CHARLOTTE’s waist from behind, and plants a soft kiss on her cheek. By 02:45 they have had five more lagers each, three more cigarettes, and are falling asleep under the sheets of his bed. ETHAN and MADDIE don’t fall asleep until around 03:30; ELIZABETH dropped off at 00:30 and TOM was playing ‘Heads Up’ with ETHAN and MADDIE until 02:00, when he went to sleep on the orange beanbag next to his girlfriend. At 06:45 CHARLOTTE wakes up, and showers until 06:55, getting some spare clothes from under ELLIOTT’s bed (she stays often as she and the twins go way back) and she takes ETHAN’s laptop downstairs (as she has done many times; he lets her use it for studio work, where she’ll email herself back after she’s done) and starts working. She opens her emails and finds a song sheet, and then finds an email from her manager DAPHNE, requesting the sort of work she wants done. And begins writing. At 07:30 MAYA EVERTON comes downstairs and offers her friend some breakfast and fresh clothes, which CHARLOTTE kindly accepts. CHARLOTTE stays round the twins more frequently than anyone apart from MADDIE, who keeps clothes in the twins’ room in Ethan’s wardrobe. ETHAN Hey, Charlotte, do you want some company to visit your grandparents? CHARLOTTE Er, if you’re offering, mate. But I’ve gotta leave in ten. ETHAN Okay, no worries. Let me just put some toast in and brush me teeth and then we can head off. I’ll walk Mads to college as well CHARLOTTE Sure, no worries. Thanks, E. ETHAN Right, what would you like for breakfast, love? (He asks Maddie) MADDIE Yoghurt, please, if you’ve got any, babe? ETHAN Coming up. ELLIOTT Right, I’m off to work. See you guys later. (Elliott puts his coat on, half a piece of toast hanging from his mouth) MAYA AND ETHAN See ya, bro. After a series of ‘goodbye’s he makes his way out. SCENE TWELVE. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. EXT. STREETS OF MANCHESTER AND OUTSIDE OF LOCAL COLLEGE. DAYTIME. At 08:50 ETHAN, MADDIE and CHARLOTTE bid goodbye and head out. ETHAN and MADDIE are holding hands. It’s another miserable rainy Manchester day and so all three are wearing hoodies/coats and have hoods up. They walk towards the park where they stayed for a few hours last night and turn left at the end of the street, walk down a road for ten minutes until they’re at Maddie’s (and Elizabeth’s) house, where she grabs her backpack and a drink. Another fifteen-minute walk down the street and they’re at the college MADDIE attends; she wraps her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and gives him a cuddle, which he happily receives, and as she meets a couple of friends who also give Ethan a wave, they say “I love you” to one another, and then she’s off giggling with her friends. ETHAN So, do you want dropping off or for some company inside? (He throws an arm around Charlotte’s left shoulder) CHARLOTTE You’re not working till later, are you? ETHAN Nah, twelve till eight. CHARLOTTE Okay, then yes, please, company’d be nice. (She smiles) What’s the time? ETHAN Twen'y past nine. CHARLOTTE You got a burn, by any chance? ETHAN Er… (Ethan hesitates as he feels around in his pockets for a moment) Yes (He gets a lighter out and then a cigarette pack) SCENE THIRTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. INT. CARE HOME. DAYTIME. They talk for another ten minutes into the town centre, and then make their way up the stone steps. They sign in at the desk, and a nurse directs the two to CHARLOTTE’s NANA LIZZIE and GRAMPA LEON. CHARLOTTE Hiya, Nana (Charlotte says barely above a whisper) NANA ANNA Shonné? CHARLOTTE Nana, it’s me. It’s Charlotte, your granddaughter, and this is my friend, Ethan. Remember? NANA ANNA Charlotte? CHARLOTTE Yes, Nana, it’s me. Do you want a cup of tea? (She nods vaguely) ETHAN I’ll make it (Ethan offers as Charlotte makes to get up) NANA ANNA Thanks, sweet. GRAMPA LEON comes out from his room. GRAMPA LEON Hiya, sweetheart. (Grampa Leon gives Charlotte a hug) CHARLOTTE Hiya, Grampa. How are you? GRAMPA LEON Alive. How are you? How’s Mum, Aunt Francesca. CHARLOTTE They’re alright, Grampa, as am I - thank you. ETHAN comes back with three mugs of tea. ETHAN There we go. CHARLOTTE Thanks, E. NANA ANNA Thank you … er … E-E … Eth- … E … something. CHARLOTTE Ethan, Nana. NANA ANNA Right. GRAMPA LEON Thank you, Ethan. (He raises his mug) After an hour of random chats about life and memories have been shared and exchanged, CHARLOTTR and ETHAN bid their goodbyes and make their way out. SCENE FOURTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. EXT. STREETS OF MANCHESTER. DAYTIME. ETHAN Hungry? CHARLOTTE Yeah, I could eat. ETHAN Where’d you fancy? CHARLOTTE Chippy? ETHAN Sure. They buy chips and go for a walk in the park. CHARLOTTE Thanks for coming with me today, E. ETHAN No probs. You coming ’round tonight? CHARLOTTE Yeah, Elliott asked me last night. ETHAN Ah, I’ve got work till one. So, you and me brother can have the room to yourselves! (He nudges her) CHARLOTTE Shut up! ETHAN Well, when are you guys ever gonna get on with this shit? CHARLOTTE Dude! I don’t see him in that way. ETHAN How come? CHARLOTTE I don’t know, it’s just … a lot of girls have a crush on him. ETHAN Yeah but what’s that matter? He’s only got eyes for you. (Charlotte does not respond) SCENE FIFTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1 AND 2, 2017. THE EVERTON HOUSE. DAYTIME. They make their way back to the Evertons’ place at 11:30. After she’s been at the community centre, CHARLOTTE heads to the library. She stacks shelves for a while, and helps out with some admin, and then heads back home to the flat, where her mother and aunt are, for tea. SCENE SIXTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 1 AND 2, 2017. THE EVERTON HOUSE. NIGHTTIME. At 22:00 that night, CHARLOTTE and ELLIOTT are in the living room at his place playing a game with MAYA, her boyfriend CODY, DANIELLE JACKSON, her sister JENNIFER, Maya’s friends RYDER and SAMANTHA, and Max’s best friend TRAVIS. They are playing video games. MAYA, CODY, TRAVIS and DANIELLE go up to her room at 00:00, while everyone else minus CHARLOTTE has left by then. ELLIOTT lays on his bed and pulls out a cigarette, offering CHARLOTTE one. ELLIOTT Thanks, mate. (Charlotte takes one from the pack) D'you wa’ a lift back after, or you staying? CHARLOTTE Lift, please, mate. They smoke, drink and chat for a while on ELLIOTT’s bed, and ETHAN comes back in five minutes later. ETHAN Hey, bro, what you up to? ELLIOTT You’re early. ETHAN Yeah, it was quiet. Hiya, Charlotte. CHARLOTTE Hey. ELLIOTT D'you want a smoke? A can? ETHAN Yeah, go on. But then I’m going to sleep. CHARLOTTE, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. But if you’re gonna be staying up late, quiet please. CHARLOTTE Of course, mate. ETHAN’s phone rings. ETHAN Hey, babe… Elizabeth … Calm down, I can’t understand ya. Eliz- Where’s Maddie? Is Tom there? Mate, what’s going on? I can’t hear. Oh, shit… Okay, I’m coming over. (He hangs up the phone) ELLIOTT What’s going on? ETHAN Not sure. I’ve gotta go. Tell 'oever’s up that I’ve got my phone if they need me. ELLIOTT Be safe. And let us know when you’re ready. Is there any chance you could give Charlotte a lift home? ETHAN Will do. Let’s go, get ya home. See ya later, mate. ELLIOTT Good luck, bro. You coming ours later, Char? CHARLOTTE Yeah, I will, but not for a while, I’ve got a family meal with my mum and aunt at seven. ELLIOTT Oh okay, give us a buzz, then. CHARLOTTE Will do. See ya later. They get into the twins’ blue ford focus for the five-minute ride. ETHAN looks intense and is biting his fingernail nervously. ETHAN Sorry, Char, I’m worried about Mads and the family - something’s obviously happened. CHARLOTTE As long as they’re okay. Go on, go and see her - I’ll see you later, yeah - good luck.

ETHAN Thanks, Char, I’ll let you know. SCENE SEVENTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. INT. FLAT. NIGHTTIME. Charlotte strolls in to the flat silently, at 01:30. Her mother and aunt seem to be sleeping. The following morning, Charlotte goes downstairs at 07:30, and bumps into Aunt Francesca in the kitchen. AUNT FRANCESCA Good night, was it? (Aunt Francesca says smugly, taking a bite of her toast and making her way for the door) Coming? CHARLOTTE Yeah, sure. SCENE EIGHTEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. INT. EVERTON HOUSE. NIGHTTIME. At 10pm, CHARLOTTE gets dropped off at the Evertons’ by her aunt. Elliott answers the door. ELLIOTT Hey, you! Just us, Melissa and Danielle tonight,“ he says softly, closing the door behind him. Ethan’s with Mads, Mum and Dad have gone to stay with Uncle Brad, Maya’s 'round our cousin’s, Tiff’s with Max, and Thomas finally has a date. CHARLOTTE Ah, okay, no worries - what 'ya up to? ELLIOTT Drinking. Want one? (Elliott closes the front door behind her and they make their way into the living room) CHARLOTTE Hey, babe. ELLIOTT Hiya, mate. CHARLOTTETO smiles, taking a seat next to MELISSA on the opposite sofa. They play drinking games from apps on their phone. At 23:00, the door suddenly slams open and they hear Ethan’s voice and a load of kissing sounds and Elizabeth’s giggles; ELLIOTT gets up to say hello to his brother. ETHAN Oh, shit - sorry, bro, didn’t realise you were in. ELLIOTT Clearly. (He smirks) Hey, Mads, everything alright? MADDIE Hey, Elliott, I’m alright, thanks - well, now I am, anyway - wasn’t the other night - shit happened but I’d sooner not talk about it. I’m sure myself or Elizabeth will tell you soon. ELLIOTT No worries, love. Wanna join? We’ve got Melissa, Charlotte and Danielle here. ETHAN Actually, bro, we’re just gonna head upstairs for the night - have fun, though, and say hi. ELLIOTT Alright, will do, night. ETHAN and MADDIE head upstairs and he gently pushes her against his bedroom door and kisses her passionately; he’s wearing a pale blue buttoned shirt and she’s wearing a black vest top; she has her hands on his chest as he undoes his buttons to reveal a muscled and tanned torso; his bright brown eyes gleaming as he looks into her thin emerald green eyes, she takes off his T-shirt and throws it across the room (it lands on the other side of Elliott’s bed). MADDIE absorbs ETHAN’s body for a moment, Ethan leaning on the doorframe. Maddie leans in again and mumbles "I love you” against his lips; “I love you, too,” he says with a smile, biting his lips cutely. MADDIE looks down and then hugs her boyfriend lightly; he cuddles her back wordlessly, knowing why she’s suddenly so upset. She has to tuck her head into his chest, because they’re the same height. ETHAN Wa’ 'o go 'o bed? MADDIE sobs and nods. ETHAN remains shirtless, but she doesn’t bother to strip or change at all, just lays on Ethan’s chest. Downstairs, ELLIOTT’s finally got a guy friend to join him, MATT, who DANIELLE used to have sex with every time they saw each other - because, you know, DANIELLE fucks everything that moves and doesn’t give a shit about anything - and MATT just liked the thrill. MATT has his eye on MELISSA, now, a pretty blonde haired petite girl with big blue eyes, kind of resembles Taylor Swift; MATT’s got more of a Channing Tatum look with a face like Brian McFadden - muscled meaty build and a handsome face and physique every girl wants - a lot like ELLIOTT. CHARLOTTE is sitting between ELLIOTT on her right, and MELISSA on her left, MATT and DANIELLE on the other side. They keep pecking each other playfully even though he has a girlfriend which is why CHARLOTTE feels rather bad for MELISSA; she’s sweet and will fall for his charm; all he’ll have to do is tell her what she wants to hear - he tried that on CHARLOTTE more than once but she never fell for that bullshit, whereas MELISSA would have because she hasn’t had enough experience or been with enough decent guys to know any different. ELLIOTT has a reputation as a player, because he’s scared of feeling, falling for a girl too hard and then getting hurt - so instead he puts on a persona that doesn’t want a girlfriend, a long term, stable relationship, just somebody to shag - in order to cover that up, where really, he’s just like the rest of us, just wants to be loved and settle down. He hasn’t discussed this with anyone but Ethan and CHARLOTTE. CHARLOTTE has known the twins since she was a baby and they were four, with their parents being best friends as DANNY and SHONNÉ grew up together. Upstairs, MADDIE’s fallen asleep on ETHAN’s left arm and chest; he is using his phone in his right hand. His phone vibrates and it’s ELIZABETH. ETHAN Hello? ELIZABETH Hey, E, is Mads with you? She’s not answering her phone. ETHAN Yeah, sorry about that, her phone’s on vibrate and charging in the corner of mine and Elliott’s room, she’s asleep on my shoulder at the moment. ELIZABETH Bugger. D'you think she’ll be alright? She never goes to bed before twelve. ETHAN I hope so, I love her and I hate seeing her so… broken. (He looks down at his sleeping girlfriend) What do we do, Elizabeth? ELIZABETH We wait. Until she’s ready to talk. ETHAN I just wanna hug her, tell her it’s all gonna be okay. ELIZABETH I know, Ethan, so do I. She’ll get there, I promise, we’ll just have to keep an eye on her. ETHAN Yeah, I know… You with Tom? ELIZABETH Not tonight, no, he’s gone to a house party. I’ve had a few girls 'round ours - Lily’s joined but my parents are out. ETHAN Oh okay, and are you okay? ELIZABETH Yeah, just worried about me sister. Tom’s heading here now. ETHAN What, drunk? To a girl’s party? ELIZABETH No! He’s not been drinking and the girls went after the film we watched. ETHAN Oh okay. I’ll let ya get on then, have a good evening. See ya soon. MADDIE Yeah, look after me sister for me, E. ETHAN I will. Night. MADDIE Na-night. He looks down at his girlfriend and strokes her cheek with his index finger. CHARLOTTE knocks on the door softly. ETHAN gets up and gestures Charlotte out the room and into the hallway. ETHAN Hey, what’s up? CHARLOTTE Just came in to get some clothes. No worries, I’ll come back in the morning. ETHAN No, no, you don’t need to do that, love. Go on, go on in. Charlotte nods and smiles; Ethan goes to the loo while Charlotte enters the bedroom and quickly but quietly ruffles through the drawers by Elliott’s bed. CHARLOTTE Ta, love. ETHAN You’re alright. CHARLOTTE Ethan, honey, do you wanna talk? ETHAN I’m good. CHARLOTTE E, you’re going through what Mads is going through. ETHAN It’s fucking killing me. But I still care more about my beautiful, precious girlfriend than I do myself. CHARLOTTE I get that, E, but you still gotta grieve yourself. ETHAN I just need to be there for Mads. CHARLOTTE And we need to be there for you - me and Elliott. ETHAN And you are, Charlotte – you always ’ave been. And Elliott. CHARLOTTE Then talk to us. Let us help. ETHAN I need to get back in to Mads. CHARLOTTE Ethan I’m sorry. ETHAN Not your fault, love. (He tears up and she pulls him in for a cuddle) ETHAN Thank you, Charlotte. CHARLOTTE I didn’t do anything. ETHAN You were there for me, that’s more than enough. Charlotte I’d better get ‘ome. ETHAN D’you wan’ a lift? CHARLOTTE Mhm, please. ETHAN I’ll get Elliott to take you. I’d do it but I wanna be here in case Mads wakes up. CHARLOTTE Okay, love. ETHAN Come on, then, let’s go. (They make their way downstairs) Hey, bro, can you give our beautiful young friend here a lift ’ome? ELLIOTT Yeah, no worries. ETHAN gets a can from the fridge and makes his way back up the stairs, while ELLIOTT and CHARLOTTE head out. SCENE NINETEEN. MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE. AUGUST 2, 2017. EXT. ELLIOTT’S CAR. ELLIOTT puts the radio on. CHARLOTTE begins to sing. ELLIOTT You’ve a lovely singing voice, Char. CHARLOTTE Ha! Thanks. ELLIOTT You want me to buy you some cigs? CHARLOTTE Yeah, please – that’d be brilliant, mate. ELLIOTT No worries, babe.

[speaknowslut13]

Hi honey bunches!

I really appreciate that! I’ve always kind of thought no kids/no marriage, and then I went through an identity crisis and finally came to terms with my sexuality in my early 20s and then I was like “yeah definitely no” haha. So many people are like “you’ll definitely change your mind” and I find it rather obnoxious. And while I’m pretty sure I don’t want biological children, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about becoming a foster parent, and would love to get to a place in my life where I could do that.

Feel free to talk about the complicated family situation if you want! (Or not, totally no pressure, but I definitely understand having a complicated family.) my parents also did a courthouse wedding and I honestly love their wedding photos, they’re so cute! Do you have any pictures of your dress that you can/want to share?

Gosh that sounds awful! I’m glad you were okay though. Out of my sibling/cousins (there’s 5 of us and all pretty close!) I’m actually the only one who *hasn’t* been in a major wreck. I still vividly remember getting a phone call from my sister after she rolled her pickup (she was thankfully okay, somehow walked away without a scratch even though the car was totaled, and this happened like one week after she’d gotten her drivers license.) but on to happier things!

I love that though, I think it’s so important to actually *like* your partner haha. What kind of video games do you like to play? And what’s your go to movie for movie night? And that’s literally the sweetest thing that you do his nails and makeup 🥺 how are things with the pandemic in your area?

Panic! puts on a great show, I saw them in Seattle during their death of a bachelor tour in 2017 and it was so much fun. I hope you get the chance to go! Who else is on your concert bucket list?

Omggg okay I will have to add Rijeka to my list of stops 👀 if everything goes according to plan, I want to do a road trip down the Croatian coast starting in Zagreb and ending up in Dubrovnik. My birthday is mid august, so it would be end of august to be a birthday trip! I love Munich, it’s only a couple hours from me by train so I’ve been there several times since I moved here! Because of travel restrictions, I haven’t been able to visit some of the places like Dachau yet, but I really want to. That history is heavy but so so important.

I adore the PNW, and I was originally planning on moving to Oregon for grad school before I ended up in Europe haha. I have a lot of good friends in that area and I can’t wait to be able to visit them in again! Where in Canada would you like to end up? The polar express thing sounds soso cool, honestly might book a seat for myself hahaha.

I think a lot of writing poetry is just accepting that a lot of it is going to be bad and then going from there haha. Like one of my professors told me, it’s always easier to work with something than it is with nothing so I have years and pages worth of bad poems and then some that I’ve turned into really good ones. Ohhh those all sound really interesting! I especially like the idea of a paranormal mystery. Do you have a particular tag that you post your writing under?

That sounds like an excellent weekend! What kind of project? And do you have your own pool or do you go somewhere? What a crazy coincidence for us to be paired together!! I actually didn’t start marching until college, my high school wasn’t big enough to have a marching band, just a pep band, and then I got involved with the music program for fun when I started college and ended up marching my sophomore through senior years. It was a lot of fun, but also a lot of hard work!! I can definitely understand how that could cause burn out. Mono sounds horrendous in the best case scenario, let alone what you were dealing with. Oh the EMT thing sounds like a cool program though!

Hahahaha yeah my sister is an amazing singer but it just missed me. I do perform well in the shower, when I’m out hiking in the woods, or alone in the car. Well I think you’d do well even without knowing everything single instrument ahdjshs i believe in you! ✨

Hope your week is off to a great start! 💖 Drew

Let's get the family stuff out of the way. Chase and I met in September of 2013, got engaged in January of 2014, and then married February of 2014. His brother was not pleased with that. There was a massive fight and its the only time I've seen Chase really truly angry. They were living together at the time and when we told him we decided to get engaged and that I was essentially moving in he flipped out. He was also drunk that night. We were excited, our parents were excited for us. We hadn't planned on getting married until May of 2015 but that didn't matter. He said some pretty horrendous things to Chase and then to my face. So Chase kind of snapped. After that, Chase wasn't sure he wanted to tell his family about the ceremony. He didn't want to rock the boat any more than he already did. My BIL moved out quickly after that fight. Chase and I always planned on having a ceremony with everyone later. That never worked out. Its something we regret, not inviting his parents. His Dad passed in 2016 after I found out I was pregnant. So he'll never get to have that. Even though we all moved past that, in that last year things have gotten tense between them again. I try not to get involved. My BIL eventually apologized and we all got really close especially when my FIL got sick. Even though we've both forgiven him, I don't know if Chase will ever really forget the hurt that situation caused me and him. It didn't stop us though. We knew our minds. We're both Taurus signs. So there really was no stopping us.

We didn't mean to get married on Valentines day. I had just been fired from Express for the stupidest reason, partly because of my relationship. We just decided on a Monday to get married that following Friday. When we went to get the license, that's when we realized it was going to be Valentines Day. We laughed pretty hard about it. We still do. I joke that because I always had such a rough time on Valentines Day, the universe made up for it.

Even though we jumped head first into commitment, we waited on expanding our family. And it wasn't an easy journey for us. Now, its a completely unrealistic option for me to carry another pregnancy. So, if we ever change our minds about having another kid, we'll adopt. I grew up with a messy extended family and so my tolerance for the behavior I've seen of late is non existent. I don't need that negativity. I don't have enough spoons! So, we keep our head down and mow our own lawn, so to speak.

I will make a post of pictures under my tag themodren . All of my personal posts are under that tag because I reblog a lot. However, the story excerpt is also under the tag brownandgreenandgold because it corrresponds to a poem I wrote. I'll put that one up for you too. Some of my other tags are: renreacts , folklorethemusical , and relativelyricalanalysis . I've started these tags hoping to follow up on them with more content but I haven't yet. You can find them all under themodren though. I'm trying to talk myself into sharing more.

Chase was really into WOW. I prefer games that are RPG in nature. I've played Castle Crashers, Baulder's gate, Torchlight, and currently Portal. I like Pokemon. Chase really grew up around video games. I didn't. He's so good at them. He's great at figuring out how things work whereas I'm the player that spins in circles.

I'd like to move to Vancouver or anywhere around that area. It looks so pretty.

The EMT program was amazing and I had a real knack for it. I was originally going to go pre-med. I wanted to be a Doctor. But I was thrown some curve balls and ended up in a Fashion Design program that no longer exists. Didn't finish that one either because I got pregnant and my postpartum period is where my autoimmune disease really jumped out. If I thought I could handle it, I'd go back and finish the nursing program I was going to go through, too. Or ideally I'd just go do pre-med again. Unfortunately I don't think that's in the cards. I'm still struggling to get my body under control and stress has a tendency to deplete my spoons quickly. The pandemic really hit me hard because I wanted to help but couldn't.

I try to focus on the good in my life. I try to remember to honor my limitations. I tell my husband that I feel like a ten cylinder engine that's being forced to only use four. It can be frustrating. So I laugh at myself and try to focus on other things. Like the recent succulent collection I've started. I might have a problem. We have a pool in our backyard. It was out of order until recently. I'm enjoying it a lot since that last few years I haven't been able to. Despite my struggles, my life is incredibly blessed. I always feel weird talking about the pain and disappointments of my life because I feel ungrateful.

The pandemic feels stale here. I'm sure the numbers are going down because there are so many people being vaccinated now, but unfortunately there is still too large a number of vaccine resistant or hesitant people. That frustrates me. Both my husband and I are vaccinated now, but we still wear our masks. We also avoid interacting with others outside our circle because our daughter hasn't been vaccinated yet. Hopefully come September that will change. Our state lifted mask mandates too soon, I think. We're a mostly republican state. I wish that didn't matter but it does. People are starting to act like the virus isn't still an issue even though it definitely is. Its been especially rough on my kid. She's been in virtual preschool for a year. She goes back in person in August, which I'm very nervous about. She has an IEP for speech therapy, so she needs to go, otherwise I'd find another solution. She doesn't get to go out much either. Its been tough on her. Her safety is of utmost importance though. I've heard too many horror stories of mom's acting like this virus isn't just as potentially life altering for children as it is for adults. At the beginning, parents were even hosting "covid parties" so all their kids would catch the virus. Horrified would be an understatement in describing my reaction to those articles.

The project is a memorial for my grandma. She passed recently. Its okay. She was old and we were expecting it.

Chase and I will watch things that we've wanted to watch for awhile. I haven't seen all the Marvel movies yet and there are a slew of older movies he's seen that he wants me to see. So, we typically pick something we haven't seen.

Lorde announced music today! So once she starts touring, I'd like to see her. Honestly, I'd like to see Twenty One Pilots. Halsey is another. I like Halsey. My best friend likes Marianas Trench, so it'd be fun to see them with her. If N'Sync ever toured again, I'd go see it. I would have loved to see Prince in concert. There's just so many different musicians I like that I'd love to see.

Are things getting any better where you're at, Drew? I hope your week goes well!

[j-kaiwa]

Discussion Article January 7th

The Norwegian Town Where the Sun Doesn't Rise

I spent a year in Tromsø, Norway, where the “Polar Night” lasts all winter—and where rates of seasonal depression are remarkably low. Here’s what I learned about happiness and the wintertime blues.

Located over 200 miles north of the Arctic Circle, Tromsø, Norway, is home to extreme light variation between seasons. During the Polar Night, which lasts from November to January, the sun doesn’t rise at all. Then the days get progressively longer until the Midnight Sun period, from May to July, when it never sets. After the midnight sun, the days get shorter and shorter again until the Polar Night, and the yearly cycle repeats.

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So, perhaps understandably, many people had a hard time relating when I told them I was moving there.  

“I could never live there,” was the most common response I heard. “That winter would make me so depressed,” many added, or “I just get so tired when it’s dark out.”

But the Polar Night was what drew me to Tromsø in the first place.

Despite the city’s extreme darkness, past research has shown that residents of Tromsø have lower rates of wintertime depression than would be expected given the long winters and high latitude. In fact, the prevalence of self-reported depression during the winter in Tromsø, with its latitude of 69°N, is the same as that of Montgomery County, Maryland, at 41°N. While there is some debate among psychologists about the best way to identify and diagnose wintertime depression, one thing seems clear: Residents of northern Norway seem able to avoid much of the wintertime suffering experienced elsewhere—including, paradoxically, in warmer, brighter, more southern locations.

I first learned of Tromsø two years ago, as a recent college graduate looking for more research experience before applying to graduate school for social psychology. In search of an opportunity that would allow me to explore my interests in positive psychology and mental health—and satisfy my sense of adventure—I stumbled upon the work of Joar Vittersø, a psychologist at the University of Tromsø who studies happiness, personal growth, and quality of life.

After reaching out to him via e-mail, I learned that the University of Tromsø is the northernmost university in the world. It seemed like the perfect place to test just how adventurous I really was, while also providing a unique population for a psychology research study: How do the residents of northern Norway protect themselves from wintertime woes? And could these strategies be identified and applied elsewhere, to the same beneficial effects?

A few months after our initial correspondence, Vittersø agreed to serve as my advisor on a research project designed to answer these questions; a year later, after receiving a U.S.-Norway Fulbright to fund my study, I boarded a plane to Norway. When I arrived in Tromsø in August, the Midnight Sun period had just ended, the sky was only dark for an hour or two each night, and the Polar Night was still some three months away.

Tromsø is a tiny island, roughly the same size as Manhattan, and is home to approximately 70,000 inhabitants, making it the second-most populated city north of the Arctic Circle. With everything a person could “need”—a mall, three main shopping streets, and a few movie theaters—but nothing extra, Tromsø felt more like a small suburb than a city. Surrounded by mountains and fjords on all sides, it also felt isolated and wild.

For all that, I soon found Tromsø likable. For the city’s relatively small size, I was pleasantly surprised to find it home to an astounding number of festivals, cultural events, and city-wide celebrations. The main pedestrian street is thrumming every day of the week except Sunday, when most shops are closed, and is particularly lively on Saturdays and after 2 a.m. on weekends.

I settled into my student-housing apartment, with its amazing fjord views and three Norwegian roommates, and began building my Tromsø life. I took Norwegian lessons, which I used mostly to decipher food items in the grocery store, as almost everyone in Norway speaks English. I found a group of friends composed mostly of European international students, all of whom shared my desire to experience all that Tromsø had to offer (and to do it cheaply— Norway is prohibitively expensive). Instead of frequenting bars and restaurants as I had in the U.S., I enjoyed hikes, cabin trips, and yoga with my new friends. I joined several Norwegian meditation groups, which gave me friends outside the student community, and my Norwegian friends in these groups were kind enough to hold conversations in English for my benefit.

I soon found my routine: work on my research and graduate-school applications during the week, and enjoy the outdoors and potluck dinners on the weekends. Over several months, Vittersø and I laid the groundwork for our study, expanding upon the background research I had conducted before coming to Tromsø, deciding what questions we wanted to ask, recruiting participants, and testing the online platform we would use to distribute our survey. I became more comfortable spending time alone, and frequented Tromsø coffee shops where I would spend the day working or reading, nursing a $6 latte to the point of loitering.

As I became more at ease in my foreign surroundings, I discovered an additional benefit of my research topic: Almost everyone I spoke with—in casual conversations, at parties, over psychology-department lunches at the university—had a theory as to why their city flourished during the Polar Night. Some people swore by cod-liver oil, or told me they used lamps that simulated the sun by progressively brightening at a specific time each morning. Others attributed their winter well-being to community and social involvement, Tromsø’s wealth of cultural festivals, or daily commutes made by ski. Most residents, though, simply talked about the Polar Night as if it wasn’t a big deal. Many even expressed excitement about the upcoming season and the skiing opportunities it would bring.

Even so, it wasn’t until October, several months into my project, that I  realized I might be asking the wrong kinds of questions. The crystallizing moment was a conversation with my friend Fern, an Australian transplant who had been in Tromsø for more than five years, about how long I was planning to stay. Although my grant technically ended in May, I explained that I hoped to stay through as much of the summer as possible. (Tromsø has only two seasons: a long winter, and a brief summer that arrives almost overnight sometime between late May and late June, at the start of the Midnight Sun period.) “It would be a shame to make it through the winter only to leave right before the best season,” I said.

Without pausing, Fern replied, “I wouldn’t necessarily say summer is the best season.”

Fern’s comment helped me to view my research question with a newfound sense of clarity. It dawned on me that the baseline assumption of my original research proposal had been off: In Tromsø, the prevailing sentiment is that winter is something to be enjoyed, not something to be endured. According to my friends, winter in Tromsø would be full of snow, skiing, the northern lights, and all things koselig, the Norwegian word for “cozy.” By November, open-flame candles would adorn every café, restaurant, home, and even workspace. Over the following months I learned firsthand that, far from a period of absolute darkness, the Polar Night in Tromsø is a time of beautiful colors and soft, indirect light. Even during the darkest times, there are still two or three hours of light a day as the sun skirts just below the horizon, never fully rising. During the longer “days” of the Polar Night, in November and January, the skies can be filled with up to six hours of sunrise and sunset-like colors.

It was now clear to me that my original research questions were colored by my own culturally biased perspective—in New Jersey, where I grew up, almost no one looked forward to winter, myself included (I even chose to attend college in Atlanta to escape the cold). In my experience, people simply got through the wintertime darkness on the way to a brighter, happier season. But in Tromsø, the Polar Night seemed to hold its own unique opportunities for mental and emotional flourishing.

[greateacheropke]

Welcome (Me) Back (?)

So things have been a bit... negative in the last two posts here.  Just like last year, I had a rough 2/3 of the school year (in that I felt inundated with work and didn’t have time to write) but the topics of the last two posts didn’t really help motivate me to say anything positive here.  So let’s write about some positive things.

First of all, what a school year it has been.  Yes, there has been a lot of work - I am writing something about that, for later - but it’s also been a lot of fun!  Just like in Egypt, where I only really found a social circle that worked for me in year two, things really clicked this fall.  No offense intended to all of the other beloved members of La Sagrada Familia - Caitlin and Jacob, friends who still live in Madrid; Carolin from Hamburg, who learned how to share and hug; Virginia aka Maria aka Grace from Athens, applied mathematics student; Thør from Copenhagen, whose name was never Thør but no one could pronounce it, conspiracy theorist like no other that has ever lived; Karina from Toronto, with us for only a few short weeks; Rollie, Martin, the Turks, travelling Irish guitar guy, and all the other couch surfers who have stayed with us for only a few nights - but the apartment eventually became the home it was intended to be, with Caroline and Maura joining forces with Jonny and myself, as we planned to do over a year ago now.  We’ve done just about everything but bathe together, but it’s come close.  This is the home I have been missing since leaving Egypt.

There have been many adventures this year!  Here are just a few from 2016.

In August, following the events previously commented upon, I traveled to Portugal to see Lagos on the southern coast.  Many people travel to Lagos to party, I guess, but I went to scuba dive and see the southwest corner of continental Europe.

There are lots of places to stay, but João from Lagos4U runs a very friendly and open place, as long as you don’t mind crowded rooms.  I think I was in a 10 bed dorm and the bathroom was inside the room, so there was a lot of noise between people coming in and out at night and using the restroom and showers. Since I was diving, I was asleep pretty early every night, but I dealt with the noise fairly well (Egypt training still paying off).  The town itself has got a nice marina and long stretches of beach, and lots of fresh, cheap, delicious seafood (go to A Barrigada) and a seriously great burger (”Toucan Burger” from Nahnahbah).

It’s just a pain to get to, as I took a bus and had to transfer in the middle of nowhere, with no easy way to communicate with the drivers other than me saying “Lagos” and them pointing at an empty street corner where, thankfully, another bus showed up in a few minutes to take me the rest of the way.

After Lagos, I took a bus to Portimão and did a few hours tour of the area through the company Bike My Side - a fun dude drove me around in a sidecar of his motorcycle and took me up through Monchique to the top of Fóia, the highest peak in the Algarve region.  It was a fun time, something different to do, but was a little pricey.

From there I went back to Lisbon to see Scott and Jen, two friends from Egypt who were staying in an airbnb for most of the summer.  I had visited Lisbon briefly in May and had some sense of the city, but they had experienced much more and shared with me some of its wonders: Bifana, a pork steak sandwich that we topped with mustard and hot sauce, would be #1.  I love these things (on a more recent trip back to Lisbon I had 5 of these in 48 hours).  I can personally recommend O Trevo, Ginginha Popular, and Zé Dos Cornos.  All are dirty, cheap, and cater to locals.  With vinho verde on tap, you can get an awesome meal for under €4.

Lisbon is somewhat famous for the pastry known as pastel de nata, said to have originated just outside of the city, in Belem.  There is no need to travel to Belem and wait 20 minutes in line for these (although Belem has its own sites to take in), just go to Manteigaria Fábrica de Pastéis de Nata in the city, below Bairro Alto.  Lines are not that long, although there is no seating.  €1.70 for a pastel de nata and an espresso.

If you’re thirsty, obviously Lisbon has plenty of wine options, and is famous for the green wine (which, while refreshing and is what I always order with my cheap meals, I could honestly take or leave).  The beer scene in Portugal is still emerging, and Duqye Brewpub and Beer Station both have plenty on offer.  The local liqueur should be sampled at A Ginjinha, apparently a pretty famous, well established shop (sells one type of drink, served two different ways, and is about the size of my bathroom). It was recommended to me even down in the Algarve region as a place the man speaking to me had never been to but had always heard about.

The church known as Igreja De São Domingos is one of my favorites on earth due to its unique looks - there are still many signs of a 1959 fire.

Finally, the LX Factory is a little out of town but is hope to some nice hipster stores and restaurants, and some good graffiti.

Really, I love Lisbon. One of my favorite cities to visit, hands down.  Cheap, great food and drink, on the water...what isn’t to love?

In late September, Jonny and I went to Hamburg to visit the aforementioned Carolin (we took no pictures! sad face).  Hamburg was a nice little German city to take in with our expert local guide and host.  The red light district, while famous, pales in comparison to what can be found in Amsterdam, although the forbidding gates (stupidly male only) are a nice visual touch.  Good company and of course good food and beer, the trip was not without its surprises and bad memories - suffice to say, Cohen’s “Hallelujah” has been ruined for me. But overall a trip that we are all glad happened. And the Germans have great parks! Look at how happy this guy is.

In November, the four of us went to Rome, ostensibly for a work trip, but really used it as an excuse to see a bit of the city and stay in a hotel room for free.  We didn’t really get to see or do too much, but we had a lot of fun sharing a room together.

For Thanksgiving, we all went to Budapest. Here we were joined by Ryan (Caroline’s friend) and Emma, the American that I met in Spain who, at this time, was living in England... I am dating Emma.  Here is a terrible photo of us together.

Budapest is a rad place, ripe for making bad puns on its name, mixing beautiful old history with soviet grunge. The food was good; I don’t remember specifics, just a lot of fried dough and meat stews. Really hardy stuff, for hardy people (you’ve got to be strong to drink the local pálinka). They have these neat “ruin bars” which have very artsy hipster feels to them. The biggest that I saw was called Szimpla Kert, and it was a shit show, so I did not get to explore much. Definitely seemed like a cool place to go back to during the day to try to take it all in. But if you like salvaged furniture, what you really need to do before your Budapest trip is look up the official schedule for "lomtalanítás" - “gypsy christmas” is my favorite translation - and walk through any districts that are having them. We found one by accident, and it seemed as though the refuse spread out before us like an endless sea of scraps. Teams of people went through it with backpacks, headlamps, I think I saw one person taking notes in a book of what they had taken or left behind for a second pass. Must see.

In early December, I had an opportunity to go to Athens to visit Virginia, and as an added bonus see Bob from Egypt, along with a group of former students he was leading on an AP Art trip. It was great to catch up with some of my favorite people from around the world! It was a quick weekend, so again I didn’t get to eat or do too much. Obvious items were checked, like the Acropolis. Extra thrilling points were getting to vote on where to get beers (imagine my exuberance: practicing democracy in its birthplace; now imagine the despondency of the Greeks I was with: “see how far democracy has gotten us!”), checking out  Exarcheia (the anarchist neighborhood), and The Neon Exhibition: Flying Over the Abyss (seriously the best art exhibit I’ve ever been to; I felt feelings and want to go back very badly - http://neon.org.gr/en/exhibition/flying-abyss-athens/).

See, it was an art trip! And the teacher even drew me!

So anyway, yeah... it’s been over a year since most of this happened. But it happened. So I wrote some things. I might write again sometime.