#dreams of coup de foudre are already nearly faded
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My mother is screaming downstairs, it always makes me scared. I'm even more angry and terrified now than I've been in a while. Normally its anxiety scared but I feel really fearful. And I dont have an outlet. I wish I knew the words to explain how I feel. Loneliness when I'm not "alone". I have friends, but the loneliness I feel after they've all logged off or left to be with their friends or partners. The lonely nights I'm left with with the reality that I'm all I've got to hold my own hand.
#really makes you wonder#why are you trying so hard#for people who make give you their hand then yank it away when someone better comes along#ive always known im just a second place trophy to people#and being unable to be online some days doesnt help me connect or get close to anyone#no one tells you how much your disabilities isolate you#even if you try#and how people take parts of your heart kver and over again till there isnt anything left#i felt nothing#i wish my heart didnt engulf itself into stone#why does it have to protect itself like that#dreams of coup de foudre are already nearly faded#I think i mightve given up on love#and im not just talking romantic love#it wasnt willing i think my heart is giving up#my body certainly is#im so sorry
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