#dreadful summit

[vsxfbd]

[vaaaaaiolet]

When you run out of his work summit on the brink of tears, you can't believe that Leon hasn't picked up on how he hurt you. His only option is to apologize, but you're not listening to a word he says. So he'll just have to make you watch.

mdni i'm so serious. married f / m smut where porn is the plot THERE'S LORE I SWEAR, sour then sweet dom leon, mirror sex, EMOTIONS, aftercare :3 + 1 bad pun

a/n: anon req'd reader w/ praise kink. i really thought i did something and then i read it and i wanted to die. it isn't my writing if i don't try turning smut into shitty poetry.

word count: 2.9k // read on ao3

“I’m apologizing now, aren’t I?”

“A little late for that, Agent Kennedy,” you seethe. 

Your metronome heels keep time with the irate pounding of your heartbeat. This California Ritz-Carlton hallway stretches like the goddamn Shining and you can’t seem to get away fast enough from your husband. He’s too damn good at his job, and you’re too smart to pretend that this dance the two of you are playing at is anything but a distraction, an impediment.

You are a distraction. You’ve been an unwelcome one all night.

So you’d cut it short yourself.

One keycard slice through the sensor and the sanctuary of your hotel room opens up to you, messy with the aftermath of black-tie preparation. You step up to the vanity; plant your palms on its wooden surface and stare straight ahead as if to admire your ruined mascara. It’s a formality, really. It’s not as if you need the mirror to remind you what happened in this room. Tonight began with indulgent kisses afraid to smudge dress shirt collars, hands squeezed for courage, Leon in perpetual pursuit of the train of your gown. Big dreams.

“You wanna talk? We can talk.” Leon shuts the door with an exasperated sigh. “Don’t make this difficult, sweetheart.”

“I didn’t do a damn thing,” you hiss. You stare daggers at his reflection.

“Really?” His shoulders drop. “Then what was all that with the storming off, the- oh baby, don’t look at me like that.” 

Leon’s arms wrap around your middle while his nose buries itself in your diamond-laced neck. He’s good at that, that sneaking thing without leaving so much as a whisper to signal where he’s going. The higher-ups at the DSO call it stealth. You just want the man you married to tell you what the hell he’s doing before he makes a fool out of you. 

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I swear,” he whispers, kissing softly down your neck. “Didn’t mean it at all, I’m sorry. What’d I do?”

You scoff. 

He’s testing the waters. A rough thumb finds and starts running down the divot of your spine, thank you backless Mirror Palais ballgown. Pass the smoking gun back and forth, pretend not to see the shrapnel from the bullet holes. You don’t pay Leon any heed as you stoically unhook diamond pendants from your ears, and he frowns.

“I said I was sorry.” 

“I shouldn’t need to tell you what you did, Leon.” 

Shame simmers sickly and strong in the pit of your stomach. You teeter on the edge of snapping altogether and consider throwing his blankets on the floor for the night – you will, actually, as soon you take off all your evening regalia. In your haste, your nails end up nicking Leon’s nose when he tries to murmur another weightless apology.

The kisses stop leaching onto your collarbone. “Don’t play this game with me, sweetheart.” 

“So now you’re calling me immature?”   

“Isn’t that what you call running out of my work summit? Making me chase you down?” Leon counters, running his hands down your sides in a last-ditch effort to diffuse the situation. Thinly-veiled irritation finally seeps into his tone. “What exactly did I do?”

And gosh, does that get the tears going. He’s so blind it hurts.

You tug pins furiously out of your hair in an effort to keep an impending outburst at bay. “You practically had me on a leash!”

Not once had he let you out of his sight in that dreadful ballroom. In front of all those international representatives and agents, people whose reputations preceded them, Leon had kept you attached to him with a heavy hand on your waist, glued to his hip like an untrustworthy child he’d lose track of at a supermarket. Coughs had quickly turned to snickers behind your back. You’re no agent, sure, but you could expect to have some kind of autonomy, right? 

The guest badge you’d flung over the hotel room bed glints tauntingly now, respected by every security detail except the one whose chest your back is currently pressed against. It’s humiliating how untrustworthy, how incapable he made you look tonight.

Leon blinks. “You’re saying I think you can’t handle yourself?”

“You don’t have to. You showed me all night.” 

Tears drip down your cheeks when he relents, his arms lifting like fog over the Golden Gate, and if you’re finally free from his clutches, you might as well take off this suffocating dress. It’s gauzy and gorgeous and completely worthless despite the stack of bills Leon paid for it, however giddy you’d been when he’d brought it home. 

If only you could reach the tiny zipper perched on your tailbone. 

Leon, ever the perceptive one, however, never passes up an opening whether it be zipped or not. He’s got a handy index and thumb; he puts them to use. He’s your husband after all. 

“Right, okay,” he exhales sharply, tugging the chain as your back bows forward, “I did this all wrong. I thought you’d catch on when I should’ve just shown you instead.”

“Show me what?”

A hand inside your newly agape gown. A palm pivoting south to the curve of your hip, pressing, searching. Leon presses his lips to your neck in answer, but this time, it’s urgent in a way that doesn’t quite feel like remorse. He hisses.

“Tell me to stop and I fucking will, but this is my last resort considering how bad I seem to be with my words, sweetheart. How many times have I told you I’m sorry?”

“You-”

A squeeze on your hip. A direction. 

“I need a number.”

The door, your neck, seconds ago.

“...three.”

“And not one of them made it inside that pretty head of yours,” Leon scowls. “Doesn’t look like words are either of our strong suits. Chin up for me, doll, and pay attention ‘cause I’m only asking this once.”

So you do, you lift your face to meet mascara-rimmed eyes in the mirror along with Leon’s sapphire-blue ones that glint right behind, and his palm drifts up to cup your jaw from underneath. He tilts it back and forth. Kisses his teeth. 

“Tell me. How am I supposed to let my wife loose in a room full of criminals just like that?”

What?

Leon circles your cheekbone with the pad of his thumb, pulling away quickly. Too early to indulge in this kind of affection. “Thought I asked you something, doll.”

But you hesitate, and so Leon must disappear. His final instructions are to face forward.

He dives to the floor, locking rough fingers around your ankles only to slide them up to the backs of your shins. He goes under so quick that there’s a breeze; you’re granted mere seconds to watch Leon’s blond head duck underneath the floor-length train of your dress and by then, it’s far too late to notice the fire. 

Leon loves starting those.

He also doesn’t wait. Invisible flames lick up your bare legs from Leon’s dragon mouth. Red hot kisses trail up your thighs – he drops a sweet one on the inside of your right knee, makes you buckle momentarily – and these stubbled kisses of his have a tendency to sear any skin on their skyward path. You can’t remember when your elbows propped themselves on the vanity, out of instinct, maybe, to keep the floor of your stomach from falling out at the very first sneak of Leon’s tongue inside the drenched lace gusset of your panties. 

But you can’t afford to be surprised, can you? Not with the line of destruction he’s left behind on his way to his destination. They say it takes one to know one. 

You clutch the edge of the vanity’s shelf, suck down sobs in your throat fluttering into something indecent.

“I need you to talk to me,” he whispers with his lips pressed to your pussy. The vibration echoes up your spine, jerks your head back. “You’re all clammed up. Keeping secrets.”

Air gushes down your throat. “And you’re not?” 

“Of course I am, baby, but I’m explaining, aren’t I?” 

Kiss. Kiss. Suck. 

You keen with your mouth shut.

He noses at your clit, prompting you. “So, where’s your explanation?”

Another quality the DSO prides itself on is your husband’s ability to sweet-talk himself out of a tight spot. That seems to includes in between your legs. Your thighs clench together in a final attempt of defiance when his mouth makes contact with your cunt. Your reflection in the mirror starts to swim at the first swirl of Leon’s tongue, and he makes quick work of you with his goal being none other than to dangle the promise of more to come, literally. 

Thumbs tuck into sensitive folds, and you’re gone. Shaking at the first breach of Leon’s fingers inside you. You spread apart at his will. He dips into arousal now impossible to ignore, and when sparks finally light at the hot air Leon blows over your spasming pussy, he commits his second unforgivable sin of the night: ducking right back out at the crest of your orgasm.

You have principles. The mirror reflects Leon’s swollen lips, tousled hair damp with you when he rises from his knees, and above all this, you clench your teeth. Face forward. 

He wipes his mouth.

“That’s one.” 

The other two remain rhetorical.

You’re being lifted bridal-style when the seal on your mouth finally breaks. “Leon,” you tremble in his arms, “where are we?” The summit, the people; you chase his mouth for any explanation. “You’re working with criminals now?” 

“Yes and no. Arms up,” Leon rasps, and tugs down what remains of your gown, crashes his mouth onto yours. 

You taste yourself in his kiss. Surely that’s not an answer, is it?

“Tonight was a mission,” he continues in his feverish haste, quickly laying your naked body onto the bed before kissing down your breasts.

Pride gets tossed on the floor next to your undergarments, his crumpled dress shirt. 

“The DSO couldn’t guarantee you wouldn’t become collateral for this assignment if things went south and I didn’t want to risk it. So I took you with me.” 

“You brought me to a- oh! ” 

Two thick fingers push into your sopping cunt. You squeal, clutch the sheets. Leon presses the ribbed flesh nestled deep inside you, carving out room for himself from his kneel at the foot of the bed. He gouges deep and you writhe. Your arousal shimmers on his fingers when he finally pulls them out and you find that have nothing to say about that.

“Go on,” he coos lowly. “Don’t get quiet now.” 

Your head whirls. “You sh-should’ve told me they were dangerous.”  

“And where do you think that would’ve gotten us, sweetheart? I didn’t want you panicking. Blowing cover. I had you to take care of and intel to gather, I couldn’t think straight myself. Letting you out of my sight could’ve meant losing you.”

Fuck. You don’t need a mirror to remember how antsy Leon had been before going down to the ballroom. 

Hands squeezed for courage. Hand on your waist. 

The vanilla and leather on his skin had reeked of nerves, and you? You’d written it off.

“I wanted to keep you safe.” Leon looks up at you now, eyes glinting in the dim light. There’s a new softness in their blue depths, a sincere apology. “I just wish you'd believe me.” 

By all intents and purposes, Leon Scott Kennedy is sorry.

There’s been a lapse in judgment. Your elbows sit you up from the bed to fix it. Cupping his cheek, you lean forward to meet Leon’s waiting mouth in a long overdue embrace, one he can melt into with relief. There’s no bitterness on your tongue now. Just sweetness in the seconds you take to breathe your forgiveness into him. The clink of his falling belt promises no punishment.

“But you can’t let me off the hook just yet,” Leon murmurs when he tugs free from your latch on his bottom lip, “I hurt you, angel, and I never wanted to. Tell me I can fix it.”

He can. Your husband can fix everything, the world included. You sigh your approval, yes, yes, more, because forgiveness feels incredible as he lays your shoulders down, sets your hips straight when you twist them the first time he teases his cock’s weeping head over the soaked seam of your pussy. 

“Don’t take your eyes off the mirror for a second,” Leon instructs.

He plants his palms on the sides of your head. You whimper; swear you won’t.

“I mean it. Watch yourself, and maybe then you’ll understand how crazy you drive me.”

So begins your descent. 

You’re drowning, crying for air when Leon sinks into the liquid warmth you’ve saved for him. There’s so much of him to take, tight, tight, tight – your mind is a melting record. You’re breaking. Can’t disappoint him again. When your overwhelmed cunt nearly pushes him out, Leon just chuckles. He cants his hips to compensate, goes at it again. That should be enough to tell you how the DSO’s finest agent never lets a detail go amiss. 

“The Belgium ambassador started tailing you by the fountain." 

And to your astonishment, he starts rattling off half the world map. 

“Got rid of him quick. Then there was a – oh, sweetheart, you’re gonna kill me – Swedish agent, don’t remember what I did to him.” 

A roll of his hips. Your nails down his back. 

“Someone from Germany tried to dose your champagne. Another from Argentina, shit,” his thrusts grow erratic the longer the list grows, “two from Russia, a Japanese spy – perfect fucking pussy, oh my God…”

Your husband takes you on a trip around the globe. He’d traveled to the ends of the earth in that ballroom, kept your back bulletproof with just his hand, the one that was once a collar to you. Turns out being a Kennedy puts you on a hitlist; makes your blood run blue. 

“Too much!” you sob.

You can’t take the responsibility. 

But here in the dark, here with Leon, there’s just pleasure. Opulence. The back of his head is a blond crown in the vanity mirror, the diamonds on your breasts sparkle with each bounce from Leon’s cock slamming home. Even the gooey mess you’re leaving on the chiseled marble of his lower stomach shimmers. War paint from a battle won for you.

Your head falls away from the mirror and Leon guides it back without losing his rhythm. “Mm-mm. You need to see your face when you break.” 

Never has a threat sounded so loving on anyone’s lips, you imagine. 

Your hands tangle into his hair, you grow quiet, you clench. You’re close. This, he can feel.

His lips curve into a weary grin. “Wanted you to see why I had eyes on my baby all night. My pretty girl, all mine.”

Lucky you. 

That somehow does you in. Every word of praise Leon utters makes it clear that no, he did trust you, does trust you. He trusted you enough to know you could hold your own in that lion’s den downstairs, trusts now that you’ll forgive him for a misstep born of love. And with that realization, your pleasure rides helium high. 

“Shit, Leon!” you cry.

Electric pressure builds in your sensitive bud, the one Leon rubs frantically now. Gasps from your wide open mouth sweeten the air like perfume and Leon wishes he could breathe it all in, you’re beautiful when he turns you into a wailing mess. All for him.  

“This one’s two, angel,” he groans when you flutter around him. No way. 

His cock had put you in a trance, so warm and filling is it inside you. You’d forgotten about the deal entirely. 

Your cries increase precariously in pitch. “Oh, please, please, you can’t, Leon, I have to-” 

“Hold on!” 

Leon presses you into the sheets one last time to free the pretty songbird singing his name. You sprout wings in the looking glass.

The afterglow is golden. The sunset is long gone but it glows in your hotel room all the same, wrapped in silk sheets and Leon’s arms.

“You’re beautiful like this, you know?” he hums, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. 

“What, all sweaty and gross?” You wouldn’t expect him to know. He’s gorgeous. Leon is gorgeous when he makes love to you.

He nods, laughing when you roll your eyes. “Really, you do. Enough that I had to spend half my mission clawing bad guys off you. But I got it finished, and so did you in the process, huh?” 

Leon drops a kiss to your forehead, murmuring one last I’m sorry, his fourth one.

Shit. 

You scramble to hide under the sheets, leaving him cocking his head after you in utter confusion. “Wait, wait, what’s the matter?”

“I can’t do any more, Leon, I’m gonna pass out.” 

“Do any…?”

“You only left off on two!” 

Leon snorts. You soon feel a warm press on the top of your head: a sugary, schoolboy-sweet kiss.

“There you go, baby. That’s three. Apology accepted?”

And when you poke your head out of the covers to give Leon a kiss of your own, you make sure he knows it’s for apology number four.

He shouldn’t be so surprised you noticed. It’s not like you can take your eyes off him either.

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[prettyboykatsuki]

please kiss me when you leave | k. bakugou

★ tags ; gn!reader, fluff, reader is a programmer (lol), making up, wee bit of angst, established relationship, arguing, reader is very chill and relaxed

★ wc ; 2.7k (idk either)

★ synopsis ; in the rare moments you and your boyfriend get in a spat, he thinks to himself how terrible it'd be to lose you.

★ a/n ; sorry about projecting on reader. it will happen again.

Katsuki fucked up.

Majorly. Inconceivably. Astronomically.

For the first time in his three year relationship, he's made a terrible mistake and the consequences are beginning to weigh on his conscious.

First things first, Katsuki is not a boyfriend who makes a lot of mistakes. Contrary to popular belief, his anger issues actually don't make dating difficult because his egoism and pride step-in first. If he's going to do anything, he's going to be the best at it. And anything getting in the way of that can respectfully, fuck off.

Despite some of the rockiness in the getting together stage of your relationship, when he finally made it official, things were as smooth as they could be. Before then was awful of course. Because vulnerability and love aren't things you can win at no matter how hard you try. Getting to boyfriend was like climbing a mountain naked.

But at the summit, all the snow cleared and Katsuki could finally rest easy. You met on the job when the Dynamight Agency signed a contract with you to make some technical software for them. You were the Senior Dev. responsible for it.

Truthfully, Katsuki hated you at first. For one, you were too non-chalant about all of it. It's a professional job but you showed up to work in the most unprofessional attire. To his credit your hygiene was decent but the workspace you and your team occupied was a mess. You had a bad diet, and an even worse sleep schedule.

You were a mess. Katsuki didn't like or respect you. He figures all tech people are freaks like that. All of the support engineers are nut-cases, so why would you be any different? But you were recommended to him by Deku who gushed about how smoothly everything was running with the new changes.

He didn't know anything about your job. And he didn't really understand it until he caught you half-falling asleep at your computer trying to finish something. It was probably the first time he came into the office and you were still there finishing up work - nearing 6am and clearly not having slept that he started to respect you a little.

From then on, his sense of responsibility for you grew. Mother hen tendencies and all. You and Katsuki are complete opposites in a lot of ways. Where he's hot-headed, you're relaxed. Where he's cold and calculating, you're strangely warm and sympathetic. Another shitty nerd in his life, he's fond of. Go figure.

It took him a long time to figure out his romantic feelings for you. The first work function you ever attended where you looked.. good. He felt it strike like an iron, a sense of dread overwhelming him as his heart fluttered at the sight of you.

("...You clean up decent." Katsuki stutters, trying to catch his breath.

You flash a smile that sends him reeling.

"Thanks, boss.")

From then on, through a series of mishaps and sad phone-calls - Katsuki managed to land the boyfriend position. And from there, your relationship has been considerably easy going.

A big reason for that is because you're much better with feelings than he is. You're reasonable about your own emotional affairs. In the many years Katsuki's tantrums might've caused a rift, you've handled him with care. Of course, he does his absolute best to accommodate you back. To support you, almost trying to make it up to you where he can.

But his mistakes have always been small, and petty. Even when they're bigger - you manage them like they're just small blips in the timeline. Gently and softly. You don't raise your voice even if he agitates you. It always works out. Katsuki tries very hard not to do anything that he would make you really angry.

In fact, he's never even seen you really angry. Maybe upset or annoyed, but angry? Once in his life if that. His friends and family often bestow you the title saint to which you always laugh but you are remarkably patient with him that he doesn't think it's undeserved.

So what happened last night was a a big fuck up on his part.

Last night, he came home from a long mission.

The only rule you have with Katsuki is that if something happens, you have to talk about it. This rule includes other rules, such as being able to delay said conversation for a better day and other veto privileges. But if something important happens, big or small - the other person has to know. That's law to abide by.

Last night, Katsuki came home from a long mission and he was exhausted. Nothing bad happened but his patience was running thin due to a series of unfortunate events and he wanted to come home and sleep. And he could feel the pressure of it starting to eat at him.

Everyone has tough days and this was his. Most of this could've been solved if he had just told you. If he had simply used the second rule to delay the conversation. You would've quietly slept next to him like you always did, no questions asked.

But he was tired and delirious and for some reason he decided to open his big fucking mouth. When you had very gently inquired about his mood, he immediately went silent. Then when you went and asked again, he snapped on you.

He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. He didn't mean any of it.

"God, can't you read the fucking room? Do I have to spell it out for you? I don't want to talk about it right now."

He felt it immediately. The once warm room filling with a cold tension. He couldn't even lift his head, too steeped in his anger to apologize right away. It was suffocating. How long you stood there, feet planted on the floor.

And then from above him, there was a shaky sigh and a thick voice. You were upset, obviously. Too much for words. In a terrifying turn of events - you didn't even get angry. He wishes you got angry and loud. That you could've fought this out.

But you didn't. Of course not. You just sighed, frustration teeming in your voice and said.

"Right. Find me when you want to talk. I'm gonna rest in the guest room."

Obviously trying to hold it in, you took your pillows and quietly went upstairs and slept in the guest room. And Katsuki sat there for god knows how long, regretting everything. He shouldn't have done that. He wanted to sleep next to you.

When the next morning rolled around, Katsuki wasn't expecting it to be brushed over. And it wasn't, not in the way you tried to pretend things were fine. You still set out warm towels for his shower. Made his protein shake and left it on the counter. Put his hero costume up on the couch for him to take.

And you still greeted him with a tired good morning. But he could tell that you weren't all there. It was awkward. Like there was a stranger in his house and not the person he's been in love with for the last 5 years.

Silent. He's so accustomed to your morning chattiness. Rambling about the dream you had, the movie you watched, the bugs in your code you fixed. All of it disappeared in an instant. You didn't kiss him when he left for work, pausing to blabber in between before kissing him again. Running to the train so you weren't late.

You just left. Told him you'd be working off-site for a bit and that it's your turn to make dinner. He should let you know what he wants to eat.

You stood at the door, obviously debating something and then left with a short side-hug and no kiss. No kiss. He hasn't not gotten a kiss before going to work in years. He's so hung up on it he can't believe it.

It was probably right there, kiss-less in his kitchen that he realize he fucked up beyond reasonably doubt. The feeling was awful, but you were already on your way to work before he could scramble to say something.

Katsuki is bad with apologies. It's not that he isn't sorry, but he tries his best to make up for all of his short-comings with his actions and hopes people can forgive him. That he can be a good enough person that the one, choked-out sorry can be enough of a fix and that the rest can be solved with his consistent remorse.

And he does apologize to you often enough, about small and trivial things. But this doesn't really feel small and trivial. It's the kind of fight that feels like a rift, maybe that he'd gotten too complacent. The terror sets in before the rational does and all Katsuki can think is that he has to make it up to you somehow. Somehow.

He doesn't have patrols today. The only thing on the agenda is meeting with Deku about a partnership program they want to create for new heroes. Only the two of them to discuss logistics.

He can't focus at all though. Fuck.

"Kacchan?"

Deku's voice cuts into his focus once it register. He looks up from the empty space he was peering into, suddenly aware of his surroundings. A scowl settles on his features, though he's not actually mad.

"What, nerd."

"You okay? You seem off." He replies, that concerned and overly-welcoming tone. His scowl deepens.

"Fuck off."

"So there is something," Deku concludes, in a way that makes Katsuki want to punch him square in the mouth "Is it Y/N?"

"Why the fuck do you know that?"

"Uhm. Well. You're doing your sad scowl and not your mad one. And normally you only really get sad about like 3 things. Y/N makes the most sense."

Katsuki makes a face of disgust.

"You're such a goddamn freak."

Deku smiles disarmingly.

"So what's up?"

"Fuck off with that therapist shit," He says first, then relents because of course "...Got in an argument. I fucked up pretty bad."

Katsuki relays the events with a sense of dread as Deku nods and listens empathetically like he always does. And Katsuki wants to crawl up in a fucking hole for even opening up, maybe a sign of his desperation.

"That bad?" Deku asks.

"Didn't get a kiss before they left and that hasn't happened in like 3 years."

"That's so sappy, Kacchan." Deku gushes.

"Shut up if you value your life." Katsuki says with no real heat behind. He watches the nerd think on it for a while, doing some analysis he cares fuck all about before snapping his fingers.

"Have you apologized yet?"

Katsuki grits his teeth. Deku sighs.

"Kacchan."

More silence.

"Kacchan."

"Fuck you, I already know okay! But I'm just.. so fucking anxious about it. Like I know it's not the end of the world, but it just feels so damn bad."

Deku smiles in that weird, loving way that Katsuki hates.

"That's because you care about them, Kacchan. It's gonna be fine."

"Gross."

Deku laughs again and Katsuki finds himself relieved just a little. Which he resents, of course. But it's better than feeling whatever he was feeling a few hours ago so he lets it be.

__

He spends the rest of the day coming up with an apology plan and seeing it through to the end. If he was gonna say sorry, he might as well go all out.

He calls in a florist shop first, sat at his desk and asking for whatever flowers are best apology flowers. Then he calls your favorite place to eat and makes sure he can get take-out hot for the drive home. At the end of his work day, he stops by to get some shitty balloons with sorry on them and even buys the ugliest teddy bear he can find at the store because he knows he would like it.

Then he drives home with a pit in his stomach, feeling terribly stupid and a little ridiculous for being so worried about it. Because he knows it probably will be fine, but he won't relax until he's home. Until he sees you and everything is fine again.

When he finally gets home and hauls ass with the assortment of Apology Gifts he's brought - he doesn't actually find you anywhere in the house.

He knows you're there though. Because your shoes are in the doorway and your bag is on the counter but he can't find you.

It occurs to him that your showering when he hears a god-awful tune that unburdens him just a little and he decides to hijack your shower. Because he thinks that apologizing like that will probably be a whole lot easier.

So, he steps into the shower and announces his presence. There's steam fogging everything up and he's still dressed in his work clothes. He can hear your humming come to a halt as he closes the door behind him and sits on the sink.

He feels fidgety. The warm room and the smell of your bodywash relax his nerves.

"Hey," He starts. You're silent but he can hear you scrubbing so he keeps going "Just got home. I brought food so,"

And it's still quiet. Your movements have softened and there's less of an echo. Katsuki frowns.

"Look, last night," He starts afain, then stops - closing his eyes and swallowing the pit forming in his stomach "What I said. I don't know what the fuck I was thinkin' I mean... I didn't mean any of that."

Still quiet, Katsuki sighs and bites his lip.

"And nothin' really happened. Just a long mission, undercover sucks and everything was going wrong and obviously I was pissed. Not at you, never at you - I shouldn't have—fuck me, I'm ramblin' aren't I?"

He looks up at the ceiling, glances at the door, then at the shower curtain.

"I'm really sorry, baby. Really fucking sorry. Been feeling shitty about it all day."

Before he can grovel anymore, the water turns off. All of a sudden, the curtain rips open and before he knows what to do with himself - he feels your hands on his neck. You're still half in the shower, naked and dripping and your hands are wet.

But you're pulling him into a kiss and Katsuki couldn't care less about the circumstances. The tension in his chest eases completely, melts away likes it nothing and he puts a hand on your wrist. He feels like he could cry. Fuck, what happened to him? Is this what love does to people? Make 'em feel stupid?

When you pull away, you give him an audacious grin. Pleased and warm and so full of love that he could rip apart at the seams just looking at it. All the affection in your gestures that he's grown so fond of rekindle and light him anew. He loves you so much it nearly hurts to look at you.

"You're such a worry wart, aren'tcha Kat?"

He kisses you one more time, thankful you won't point out his desperation.

"Shitty bastard."

"Get me my towel so I can kiss you properly."

"...I'll help dry you off." He says. Once again, you just smile with trembling lips like you want to giggle at him but don't. Even so, you do as he asks.

He grabs a towel and drys you off slowly and patiently. You smile at him the whole time before he grabs another one to wrap around you neat. Like you promise, you kiss him for a long time after. Arms wrapped around his neck, fingers playing with the blonde hairs on the back of his head.

"Thanks for saying sorry, baby." You say first before you coo at him "I forgive you. I'm not mad. I wasn't even mad this morning, just wanted to give you some space."

"...Even if you're pissed, kiss me before you leave," He mutters, embarrassment flooding his face "Please."

You snort.

"Promise, I will. I love you. You know that, right?"

He nods because he does, really always does. Deep down, despite the terror he feels at the idea you'll stop - he knows he loves you. But as everyday passes, he's faced with the reality that he loves you more. With an even heavier hand and much more force than he thought possible.

That corny shit people say about loving someone more everyday. He thinks he's starting to get it. At his own state, he laughs against your lips.

"Yeah I know. I love you too."

[n0r]

WHAT DOES DARLINS REACTIONS TO CERTAIN SITUATIONS SAY ABOUT THEM AS A CHARACTER?

A Darlin analysis >:)

Darlin is first introduced snooping around Wonderworld, looking for Quinn Fox, and is found by Sam, who happens to be on patrol that night. Right from the start, we learn a defining feature about Darlin: they are reckless when it comes to their own well-being.

Darlin’s first character arc centres on finding Quinn, a dangerous vampire with whom they had a brief relationship. They actively hide that they’re looking for him from David. They are caught by Sam, who quickly becomes defensive, knowing Darlin shouldn’t be there. After discovering they detected a six-month-old signature, Sam snarkily remarks, “If you were that good of a tracker, you should be in a lab being studied, not running around in the moonlight on some wild goose chase.”

When David finds out Darlin lied about still being in Washington, he calls Sam and sets up a meeting to discuss Darlin and the risk they’re putting on themselves, and unintentionally, the pack itself, dubbing it a “vigilante vendetta.” He explains that Darlin was never very close with the pack, which led to them “falling in with a less-than-savoury crowd” and finding Quinn. David continues by telling Sam about Darlin ignoring most of his check-in texts, how he looked into the two new members of the Solaire clan, and how the circumstances of their turning reminded him of Quinn. He therefore discovered that Quinn was never apprehended by the Department. While Darlin claimed they kept the information from the pack to protect them, David dismisses this as “short-sighted and bull-headed, but well-intended.”

Though Darlin constantly puts themselves at risk, it’s always in the name of protecting their loved ones. However, they clearly lack self-preservation skills, convinced of their own invincibility due to their accelerated healing ability. In the "Vampire Tends to Your Injuries" audio, Sam calls Darlin about information on Quinn and notes that they sound weird. They admit they’re hurt. Sam immediately expresses concern and chews them out for not going to see a healer to avoid being asked questions. When he arrives at their house, they ask if he is okay with the blood, despite being very hurt, their concern obvious despite their condition. He heals them up before lecturing them on taking on two vampires without backup: “You’re a werewolf, not a damn tank.”

When Quinn is caught, Darlin is out the door with David immediately. Sam meets them there, and when they find out Quinn will only speak to Sam, it upsets both of them. Still, they quickly agree because a girl’s life is on the line. Sam agrees, albeit reluctantly, though he makes a point of stating, “He should have to see you, hear you—he doesn’t get to hide away.” Darlin clearly appreciates Sam’s feelings on the situation—if kissing him was anything to go by (plus I was fully ready for Darlin to launch through the two-way mirror).

Another instance of Darlin’s reactions I adored was with Alexis at the Summit. At this point, they hadn’t interacted with her at all, with Sam actively dreading the inevitable. When Alexis refers to Darlin as “Sam’s latest conquest,” Darlin immediately corrects her, telling her that they’re mates. Alexis, who turned Sam because she wanted to be with him, is bitter about them being together and manages to get a rise out of them quickly. Porter is quick to save them from a public display, remarking, “You looked a second away from taking a swing at a half-century-old powerhouse, and that’s a fight I’d rather not witness.” This furthers the fact that Darlin is quick to react, and that reaction is usually violent—if past references and Alexis feeling the need to say, “Problems don’t get resolved by hitting them,” are anything to go by.

Porter and Darlin seem to have a dynamic of harmless teasing and aggressive reactions, the first of which is in the "Vampire Boys Have It Out." Darlin opens the door to let Porter in, and he immediately takes a dig at Sam, which I can only imagine was met with a tense response. They’re more controlled around Sam, no doubt because the oncoming lecture wouldn’t be worth it.

Darlin’s tendency to jump to violence at the first sign of trouble complements their obvious strength. This is described by Sam at the start of the 2024 Valentine’s Day Sam audio: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to see a wolf of that size push off a tree, hit a guy jumping at vamp speeds, ash him, and still land on your feet?” Their ability to fight off two vampires and force Quinn makes this very clear.

They’re clearly a force to be reckoned with, and to top it off, they’re dating a fine-as-hell cowboy vampire who would both die for them and give them a lecture from hell for it.

Proofread and edited by @achios I LOVE YOU <333

[auburncore]

Spitting Image

Identical eyes, even the tresses

and the collarbones are not missed.

Her eyelashes dipped in midnight’s well

of bottomless toxicity,

covering a shell-piercing gaze;

the resemblance too hard to ignore.

I found myself murmuring, "Avert your gaze,"

though reason knew it was not you,

though there was no anticipation

of a transformative, essence altering encounter.

Yet I was seized by the dread

of becoming a transparent book,

predictable and easily decipherable

to her as I once was to you.

Your outmatched intellect is a perpetual summit.

Each day, you'd fight invisible battles,

and I'd remain oblivious to your silent victories.

You are like a wise general

who wins her war even without waging one.

Ascending to such heights

one would say she cannot try

but fear consumed me,

the fear of her looking into my depths,

where I'd vowed no invasion

will take place further.

What memory still serves

is her gaze across the meeting table

from our very first encounter,

a gaze with the same level of curiosity

as your questions about me had

when we first crossed paths.

How could I not notice her,

notice a spitting image of you,

notice a late entrant at the meeting room

struggling so unfailingly to catch her breath?

But why she would do the same,

like she had seen me before,

is still beyond my guesses.

Months later I still feel the need

to limit bumping into her,

to let smile be enough as hellos and hi’s,

but sometimes there’re unavoidable interactions

and every time she flirts with me,

obviously not as subtle as you,

she involves in the conversation

the person standing next to her.

I wonder why a witness

is required here.

[quillthrillswriting]

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︵‿presenting...quill's kataang week!‿︵

︵‿︵︵‿︵︵day two: protectiveness/ bodyguard︵‿︵︵‿︵︵

︵‿︵︵︵‿︵︵‿‿hosted by @kataang-week︵‿︵︵︵‿︵︵‿‿

summary:

stuck in her tower for all eighteen years of her life, katara had come to peace with her own lonely, repetitive existence, her only company being her mother, hama. at least, she *was* at peace, until a certain airbending thief happened along her tower, caught her eye, and forever shifted the path of her destiny. OR: kataangled. and yes, i came up with that brilliant wordplay all on my own.

:D the following are excerpts from "all at once, everything is different, now that i see you":

In all of her eighteen years of gazing out into the same meadow, the same night sky, Katara had never quite managed to piece together why every year, on her birthday, the night sky came alight with glowing lanterns in hues of soft silver and blue. As much as it tugged at her, she didn’t mind the element of mystery too much. After all, a girl who grows up never leaving the confines of her tower is a girl used to looking out into a world of mysteries. Katang spent her days pouring over old scrolls, gleaning bits and pieces about the world from what she could see through her window.

To be entirely honest, it wasn’t all that much. A modest meadow, a bubbling brook, the occasional frog-squirrel or cat deer. Still, it was more than enough for her to feel utterly enchanted by. Each and every time that an animal walked by, Katara would imagine how it would feel to be one of those wild things, chained to nothing, bound by your own will. 

Katara certainly wasn’t.

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Aang made quick work of the tower walls, the uneven brick providing natural foot and handholds as he scaled the rough, mossy stone. When he finally reached the summit of the spire, he heaved himself over, his breath rough as he dusted off his palms. He tugged off his thin overshift, revealing his one-shouldered monk’s robes as he did. Aang scratched his neck absentmindedly as he took in his surroundings. He was surprised to see that the tower was furnished, lived-in, even. He recognized waterbending forms painted on most of the walls. There were even lit candles softly flickering away in various nooks and crannies, casting warm light over the room.

Wait. Alarm bells rang in Aang’s mind, urging him to further examine the situation he had found himself in.

  If the tower is abandoned, then who lit the-

The next sound he heard was a deafening thunk as a thin sword buried itself in the wall next to his head, leaving a deep cut along the shell of his ear. 

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She wanted a reason to snap back, to make some snide comment, but Aang’s eyes were so open, his expression so… trustable that she simply couldn’t stomach it. 

Katara knew that should’ve been telling him to leave. She should’ve asked him to apologise, to be on his way. In all her years of solitude, she’d never dreaded being alone, but something about Aang leaving and her never being able to see him again sent a pang of something like homesickness straight through her. 

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“I see that you need time to process all of this.” Aang stood, his eyes shining with sympathy that only made Katara feel more guilty over how heartbroken Mother Hama would be were she to find out about her new doubts. “I’m happy to give that to you.” She trailed like a ghost behind him as he strode to the window, tugging a wooden glider from his back before standing atop the edge of the terrace, grinning at her softly as she clung shyly to the carvings of the doorway. “And I understand that you don’t know me, that you have no real reason to believe me.”

He turned to the side, saluting her teasingly. “So I’ll be back, same time tomorrow, so that we can get to know one another a bit better.”

“Aang!” She shouted, rushing to the edge of the terrace as he snapped open his glider, plunging downwards. “No, you will not .”

“I can’t hear you! But I totally agree! I’m looking forward to it as well!” His whoops echoed through the field as he did a couple loop-de-loops. 

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Aang stepped through her window, right on schedule, with an injury he claimed he had gotten while sparring, Katara’s only response was the word “Again?” 

“Hey, If being injured is what it takes for you to let me stay even a few minutes longer, I’ll take it.” Aang grinned, shrugging as he tugged up the end of his top to reveal the bruises patterning his ribs. Katara did her best to focus on the injury itself, and not the muscle rippling over Aang’s side, as she settled into the stool next to him, leaning over to run her hands over the purple-and-blue skin. “I like your company.”

I like you. The response materialised in Katara’s mind before she could suppress it, and the longer it sat there, the more right it felt. I like you.

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“So, what else does a thief carry with him in his bag?” Katara had been strangely curious about what Aang considered precious enough to carry around with him in his satchel, but after fishing through playing cards and a set of spinning marbles he’d been very proud of, her interest was considerably less piqued.

“Oh, I don’t think I ever got a chance to explain what I took to end up in your tower.” Aang fished around until he tugged out a velvet box, passing it over to her with both hands. He continued on, talking about the castle security and his plans to pawn the necklace to feed and house children displaced by the ongoing conflict with the Fire Nation, but his words faded away as Katara opened the box.

I know you.

There, nestled in silk, was a pale blue pendant on a deep blue velvet ribbon. Just looking at it for a moment was enough for her to feel entirely off balance. Vague memories hit her, one after the other, of looking up at a ceiling of moon symbols carved in diamond, a hanging mobile of seals and icebergs. The ornate arches of a castle, the corridors and gardens of a grand estate. 

I know you.

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The world tilted, and suddenly, neither Katara’s will, nor her body, were her own.

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♥ feel free to check out the entirety of this fic & my ao3 here! ->

to see the rest of the kataang week submissions from the other extremely talented and lovely members of this community, head over to @kataang-week :)<3 thank u so much to the wonderful mods for making all of this possible!

[temozarela]

-> spectating

GOJO X GETO X READER MDNI, smut, masturbation, dubious consent, rough sex, anal sex, tears, bottom gojo, top geto

whoever decided to play seven minutes in heaven with three people owed you. no, they really owed you

WORD COUNT: 2k

ao3 version

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It had been Gojo’s turn to spin the bottle, and when the green glass neck had pointed at you, your cheeks had burned with embarrassment. No, maybe anticipation. Perhaps you had been shy in the spotlight of his amused gaze. It didn’t matter, because when the bottle had spun again and pointed at Geto, you wanted to bury your head in your hands. They weren’t exactly quiet about their sex life, and since The Incident of 2015, you knew that a third party wouldn’t deter them from their goal. So there you were, palms pressed against the door behind you as you leaned against the wall, the two men already lip-locked. Cucking the worst people you knew hadn’t been on your to-do list but seemingly God endorsed spontaneity. You guessed he also endorsed plain cruelty. Gojo whimpered against Geto’s lips as the buttons of his shirt were undone, the white linen crumpling on the floor. His torso was toned… No fuck that, he was ripped. His biceps and abs rippled with each frantic pull at Geto’s body, his stomach hollowing with each desperate breath. Pink blossomed over his pale chest, matching the rosy nubs of his nipples. In any other circumstance, you may have teased him for the way his upper body curved in a gentle hourglass. Girls would kill for that figure, you thought begrudgingly. Then Geto’s Hawaiian shirt was lost and your mind buffered. Nipple piercings. Geto had nipple piercings. They were gold and gorgeous, barely exposed to your wide eyes before they were being pulled and pinched between Gojo’s fingers. He was even bigger than Gojo. Gojo was lean, but Geto was built. There wasn’t an inch of tanned skin that wasn’t stretched by bulging muscle.

Gojo tipped his head back and moaned breathily as Geto peppered kisses down his throat. It occurred to you then that they had barely acknowledged you. However, their bad etiquette disappeared from your mind as Geto sucked at Gojo’s milky neck, leaving red and purple bruises as he went. The room you were in was suddenly filled with wet smacking noses as his lips and tongue worked at the pristine skin. With mild dread and overwhelming anticipation, you noticed that Gojo’s long fingers were working at his own belt. As soon as it was thrown to the floor, his black jeans bunched around his ankles and he was left in only his tight, blue boxers. You couldn’t even pretend not to see the massive mountain in the fabric. Everything began to feel far too real as your lustful stare honed in on the wet spot at the summit. Geto pulled away and assessed Gojo’s crotch. It was then, the man spared you a distracted look.

“If you get off to this, I won’t blame you.”

His voice was low and smooth. It wasn’t an instruction, nor was his tone forceful, but you sank to the ground. Once Geto had returned his attention to rubbing his thumb over Gojo’s clothed tip, you felt under your skirt for your panties, not able to take your eyes off them. When your fingers found the lacy fabric, you slipped them under it. Soaked. A spike of pleasure rippled through you as you experimentally rubbed your clit. Fuck. Gojo moaned sluttily as his boxers were pulled down his long legs. Fuck. His cock sprung up, his tip touching his stomach. Fuck. You hadn’t seen many cocks before in your life, maybe one or two in person, but you knew he wasn’t small. The head was pink, so glossy with precum that it looked like it was carved from rose quartz. Your fingers had returned to subtly spreading your slick up and down between your folds, resisting the urge to jolt every time your fingertip brushed your sensitive clit. Geto’s jeans were next, his boxers pulled down with them. He was smaller than Gojo in length, but thicker and- fuck, his tip was pierced. Their naked bodies collided with a slap, their hands roaming, grabbing, scratching, and pulling as they sloppily made out. If you weren’t so absorbed with the way their cocks twitched and rubbed together as their hips absentmindedly thrusted in an animalistic frenzy, you may have noticed Gojo’s whiny pleads as Geto’s palms slid lower and lower down his back. Your fingers had sped up on your clit as Gojo bit down on Geto’s shoulder.

“Please, please, fuck! Suguru, please-” Gojo whimpered, clawing at Geto’s back as he licked the bite mark on his shoulder almost apologetically. “Pleasepleaseplease, I wanna cum-”

“Patience, Satoru,” Geto cooed as his finger prodded Gojo’s opening, “Good things come to good boys who wait.” That must have been the moment when he pressed down on Gojo’s hole, because Gojo trembled. Geto pulled back his hand to spit on his fingers before returning to their previous position. You watched, breath held, as Geto slipped a finger in. Gojo wailed, cock jumping at the intrusion. And you? You were dripping onto the cold tiles below you.

It must have been seven minutes by now.

Watching Gojo be stretched by Geto’s fingers was erotic, to say the least. You had never seen Gojo so submissive. If you had it in you, it would’ve made amazing bullying material. Another finger went in, and Gojo buried his face in the crook of Geto’s neck, moaning like a bitch in heat with each movement of the digits inside of him. Soon enough, Gojo must have been deemed loose enough, because Geto slammed him against the wall next to you. Startled, you shuffled back, hand still nested inside your panties. Though the assholes didn’t acknowledge it of course, because Geto was now positioned at Gojo’s entrance and pushing in.

It was far too much excitement for one night, a voice at the back of your head reasoned, but was drowned out by the mantra of ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck’ which echoed from every corner of your mind like a tornado siren. Gojo’s blunt nails clawed against the wall as crystalline tears began to drip down his flushed cheeks. The pinkness of his under-eyes only emphasised the startling blueness of his azurite irises, the tears glinting in the low light like diamonds. A familiar burning in your lower body caused you to tip your head back, your eyes fluttering shut against your will as you attempted to stave off your orgasm. Next to you, the wet slaps of the boys’ bodies got faster, Geto’s low grunts and Gojo’s whorish mewls and cries fuelling your imagination as your back arched. You edged yourself, tearing your hand from your panties at the last minute. Then, you opened your eyes. One thing you realised, was that you weren’t prepared for the sight in front of you. You hadn’t realised that they’d changed positions, and this was so much more… intense. Gojo now had his back to the wall, long legs wrapped around Geto’s string hips and arms around his shoulders. One hand had found purchase in Geto’s hair, pulling the ebony strands with strength which might have made you wince if you weren’t so turned on, the other hand was leaving fresh, red lines across Geto’s shoulder blades, droplets of ruby blood welling up in his wake. You might have felt sympathetic for Geto, if his teeth weren’t buried in Gojo’s trapezius as he snarled against the sore flesh. Amongst the moans and vicious sounds of skin-to-skin contact, a faint shuffling noise was coming from where Geto had set a punishing pace, fucking Gojo into the wall and moving him up and down the wooden columns. At a closer glance, Gojo’s cock was bouncing with every thrust into the air. He was so wet. Precum was dripping from his slit like a leaky faucet, creating a loud schlick noise as Geto’s hand worked his cock in time with his thrusts as he abused his prostate and sensitive shaft simultaneously. Your hand was back on your clit before you knew it. Fuck waiting for those two. You tried to set your pace with Geto’s powerful thrusts, but it made you over-sensitive, so you slowed down, leaving the abuse to the other two.

“Suguru, fuck! Fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” Gojo screamed, his grip on Geto’s shoulders leaving red marks. He humped the air uselessly as Geto released his grasp, effectively edging him.

Geto grinned, his expression edging on animalistic. “Now, what did I say about patience?” He sped up his thrusts, almost out of malice as Gojo whined, shaking his head.

“I wanna cum- ‘Guru! Please- fuck! Lemme! I’ll be good!”

Gojo’s cheeks were wet with tears as Geto laughed, reaching to cup his face with one hand. In return, Gojo seemed to give him his best puppy eyes. With his eyes shrink-wrapped in tears, he almost looked adorable, you thought. There was definitely a ‘please, sir’ thrown into that stare, but maybe a ‘daddy’ too, if you looked hard enough. It came across that then Geto decided to be merciful as he reached with his other hand to massage the base of Gojo’s cock, his thumb tracing a prominent vein at the bottom of his shaft. With the hand cradling Gojo’s face, Geto tapped his red, bitten lips with his thumb, slipping it inside when Gojo ever-so obediently opened his tongue and stuck his tongue out.

“I have a feeling they might get fed up and open the door soon…” Geto cocked his head, slowly fucking Gojo’s mouth with his thumb as he jerked him off in ernest, “As much as I’d like them to see you like this…” He mused, “I’d hate to leave our witness disappointed.”

You straightened up a little at some sort of acknowledgment.

“Yeah, don’t leave me traumatised and blue balled.” You muttered, tracing circles around your clit, stalling.

Geto hummed in acknowledgment, “You hear that, Satoru?” He whispered, looking into Gojo’s half-lidded eyes, “It’s the least you could do.”

Geto removed his thumb from his mouth, licking the excess of saliva which dripped from the appendage. His pace of his hips and hand sped up and Gojo moaned, mouth wide open as he clumsily gripped the sides of Geto’s face, leaning forward to lethargically lick into the other man’s mouth in what, you guessed, was an attempt to make out. After sucking on Geto’s lower slip he leaned back again, a mixture of their saliva dripping from his glistening lips.

“Fuck, Suguru…” Gojo whined, fucking faster into Geto’s hand, “Oh fuck, I think…” He swallowed, “I think I’m gonna-”

Geto shushed him, his thumb moving to rub the tip of the other man’s cock. Gojo’s legs trembled, his moans getting higher in pitch and volume as his back arched. Your own pace sped up as you rubbed your clit, the noise of the copious amount of slip dripping from you was almost embarrassing. With a final twitch of his cock, Gojo squirted over his own abdomen, his seed dribbling over the contours of his abs. Then, Geto sped up, and so did you. You were the first to cum, clenching around nothing as your clit throbbed and swelled. Then Geto, whose thrusts slowed as he pumped Gojo full of his spend.

When they were done, Gojo swore loudly.

“Fuck! My back!” He scowled, stretching stiffly.

Geto laughed.

You adjusted yourself, albeit awkwardly, as you stood, attempting to erase any evidence of the fact you had just gotten off to the most obnoxious couple in the friend group.

“Not even a warning?” You spare them a withering glare, and they freeze comically. Gojo scratched the back of his head sheepishly whilst Geto just smiled, slyly.

“What? Are you complaining?” Geto teased.

Your cheeks felt warm, “No.”

Gojo looked up from where he had started wiping cum from his inner thighs and chest, “No?” He grinned.

Geto narrowed his eyes as he looked at Gojo, “Is that my shirt?” Gojo winced.

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Leaving that room was the single most awkward thing you had ever done. It had been over twenty minutes. Twenty. You weren’t scared for Gojo and Geto, since everyone either knew what had happened, or didn’t want to. No, everybody wanted to know what you had done. You weren’t exactly proud of it.

You had leaned over to Gojo before you left the room, your voice a hushed whisper.

“Can you just say we had a threesome? I don’t want people knowing that I got off to you two.”

“Ha! Sure.”

[quecksilvereyes]

oh, sister, I am sorry. your eyes are sunken and your skin is bruised. your lips are chapped, your nailbeds bitten raw. your husband's hand on your waist is a ghost's touch held by the band on your left ring finger and I-

I am dead.

I got on the train, Su. Nevermind your tears, nevermind the plea you could not shape with words, nevermind your fingers on the pulse point of my wrist. "stay", you'd said, as you have always done, dictionary in hand and baby teeth yet lodged in your jaw. "don't go where i cannot."

I step through a wardrobe and you follow, damned be reason. I slay a wolf and you follow, I cling to the little ones and you follow, I am crowned and you follow, I am-

I go past a lamp post, and you follow, damned be dread. I go to a train station and you follow, trembling hands and tender heart. I go, and I go, and I go, and you follow. Sun of my skies. Light of my life.

I go. you stop.

are we too old for stories, now? ten-and-four and ten-and-three, budding bodies and steel bones, we are cast from our home. i hold the little ones until i drown in them. you grip your skirts until no iron can press the shape of your palms from them. and you have ever been, cruelly reasonable and logically callous.

say you, glass shard eyes and rouge-red lips: we are english. we are children. she thinks she has found a magical land in the upstairs wardrobe.

say I, trembling hands and coiling guts: we are narnian. we are monarchs. if she's not mad and she's not lying, then logically she must be telling the truth.

my sister Susan, beautiful as folk tales are and twice as sharp, did you intend every invitation you took for me to twist the knife a godly animal once thrust into my guts? perhaps it was the way your eyes turned blue, or the sound of your laughter losing its bells. perhaps it was just my trembling fingers at the back of your legs, drawing stocking lines where no stockings had ever lain.

the line came out shaking, and you rubbed it off until your skin cried red. the hem of your dress still dripped wet when you left that day, turning on heels too narrow for you to walk in.

do you remember? it took you days to come home, and mother wailed for all of them. you crawled into my bed that night, as you did when we were parents to our little ones, those terrible months. your head on my shoulder, your breath in my ear, I held you until morning.

your mouth in my throat, eyes heavy with sleep, tongue heavy with champagne: we are here now. we must make the best of it. he cannot have all our lives, and all our joys. i wish you would laugh again.

doesn't little lucy, shrieking mouth and tumbling legs, laugh enough for us all?

lucy's manic. if she didn't laugh she'd cry.

i think sometimes, in the parts of my guts that are still a schoolboy, and are mean and cruel to match, that the alcohol makes you softer than the daylight ever could. i do not tell you.

i press my lips to your forehead. i wrap my arms around you. the year between us rings heavy, and when I get up in the morning, you do not follow.

I tried, Su. I did. I applied for university, I saw that girl with that smile. with those eyes. I let you take sections from the paper before I ever touched it, I held the little ones in my arms, and I made coffee in the morning. I sat all my exams.

I smiled when the little ones came back smelling of home.

Aslan's wounds, did I try. but-

I have ever been a thing made for stories. brave the way knights are, bloody knuckles and buckling pride. a horse between my calves, a sword in my hands.

I think, sometimes, that I was born for my sword, for the hollow ringing of my heart when I first held it. a part of me, even then, ten-and-three and soaked to the bone.

such bravery is not made for real world boys and real world taunts. there is a map, I think, from the summits of my knuckles to the jaws of every boy who ever looked at me and bared his teeth.

I am sovereign. I am the skies for your sun to burn in.

I am made wrong, for this england, and I cannot take this life you want. I belong, I think, into myths and legend, the star-studded shards of our home.

so I went on the train, Susan. so I died, and I named what you have chosen. so I banned you from their scorning mouths. so you grip your husband's hand, realest of us all, and you cry. you do not follow.

Forgive me.

[acourtofkindness]

Thank you for sending in all the stories, here you can find the collection! Some of these are one-shots, some are longer stories, just click your way through them and also check out their other fics!

Dear Lucien, Dear Elain: An Epistolary Fic

by @zenkindoflove and @crazy-ache After the winter solstice in ACOSF, Elain and Lucien exchange letters as a means to get to know each other away from prying eyes. This fic is a collection of those letters.

Summer Heat

by @zenkindoflove Summer Court is hosting the Summer Solstice Summit and the Night Court is sending their best emissaries to attend. It will be Elain's first time mingling in another court, and it's a good thing she has an expert guiding her: the mate she's been ignoring for the last two years. Meanwhile, Eris has been sent to the summit to spy on Summer's developments. What he doesn't anticipate is entangling in a steamy, forbidden romance.

playgirl

by @damedechance Under the anonymous screen name witch_hazel, Elain Archeron has been moderating the chatroom of rising OnlyFans creator, swiper-no-swiping (Lucien) for a little less than a year. When he comes to Velaris from out of town, they agree to meet up, and the unspoken attraction between them reaches a boiling point.

Separate My Body From My Soul

by @crazy-ache from the fic summary: When Lucien Vanserra is held captive by his father in the cruel depths of Autumn, there is only one force more powerful than politics that can save him—his mating bond with Elain Archeron. She must make the choice to save him, even if it means binding their souls forever.

Realizations, Finally

@trappedoutside124 (ao3) The meeting of the High Lords in Adriata means that Elain will be face-to-face with her mate for the first time in months. Despite herself, she can't help but wonder where he goes each evening when he leaves the castle with Vassa and Jurian. So, she decides to find out.

The Dance of Day

by @wyse-ink (ao3) It's not the first time Elain thinks she could get used to the perks of the Day Court, even if she can't get her mate out of her mind.

The Things that Go Bump in the Night

by @fieldofdaisiies At breakfast Elain and Lucien’s daughter has some questions about the things she heard the previous night, a little afraid her parents were fighting, and of course Nesta and Cassian are present, making it even more uncomfortable; this is inspired by a scene from bad moms 3

Our Hearts Still Beat the Same

by @zenkindoflove "She stood on the bridge for a few minutes, hoping that the rain might wash away the seething anger and bottomless anguish that crackled under her skin. More, more, more, repeated again and again to a steady beat. His heart beat." Elucien, Two-shot, Post-ACOSF. Part One is Cozy Tension. Part Two is all smut.

They Say I Did Something Bad

by @separatist-apologist Elain Archeron's fiance is a total stranger to her, though his family's reputation for cruelty and avarice is not. Dreading a lifetime with a cruel, cold man, Elain decides to have one last night of freedom. Attending an infamous masquerade ball, Elain meets a stranger who offers to show her pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. It's just one night of debauchery. What could possibly go wrong?

Emissaries With Benefits

by @velidewritesWhen diplomacy fails, Prythian courtiers Elain and Lucien like to resort to a steamier kind of negotiation.

I Know Places We Won't Be Found

by @separatist-apologistapologist They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra are two sides to the same coin, not that they'd ever know it. After nearly four years of ignoring each other, the mating bond between them, and their trauma, Lucien has had enough. While Lucien is ready for resolution, Elain is still trying to figure out who she is now that she's not human, and unravel her cauldron-blessed powers which seem to intensify with each passing year. When an accidental street fire prompts Elain to call Lucien for help, Lucien decides to take Elain from the Night Court entirely, effectively kidnapping her. Tucked away in the Spring Court, far from prying eyes, Elain will have to reconcile who she was as a human with who she is as a Fae, and decide if the man she's mated to is who she wants to spend the rest of her immortal life with.

I Like You

by @fieldofdaisiies Elain decides that she is ready to make a move towards Lucien. And yes, it is a bit sad.

All You Have Is Your Fire

by @clockwork_ashes (on ao3) 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop. Elain goes to the Autumn Court demanding an audience with the High Lord to save the mate she can barely stand to be in the same room with. She ends up having to stay much longer than she bargained for.

Tales of the Fox & the Fawn

by @lucienarcheron A series of short snippets to fill my Elucien heart <3

Heading Straight to You

by @lucienarcheron Inspired by a tumblr post I've also linked below: "I need elain to have her anthony bridgerton moment where lucien asks if she wants him to sever the bond and leave & she goes “do you think there’s a corner on this earth that you could travel to far enough to free me from this torment? you are the bane of my existence. and the object of all my desires." So I decided to give elucien their own bridgerton moment :) Enjoy!

This Time, I'm Ready

by @lucienarcheron Inspired by Long Story Short by TS. I was listening to it randomly and a scene of Elain started playing out in my head. Recommend listening to it while reading :)

Throw Me To The Flames

by @separatist-apologist Elain only ever meant to deliver a message to Vassa on behalf of her sister's court. She never intended to see Lucien. And she CERTAINLY didn't mean to get in the way of a knife that was only ever meant for his chest. Kidnapped, and dragged helpless to the continent, the two will have to work together if they want to survive.

The Last Of The Real Ones

by @separatist-apologist I'm here in search of your glory, there's been a million before me; that ultra kind of love you never walk away from. Elain Archeron finds fate to be cruel when her youngest sister, Feyre, cuts down a wolf one frozen, winter night and a beastly Faerie Lord named Tamlin demands retribution in the form of her life for the Fae lost. Elain is dragged into Prythian and eternal Spring where a mysterious blight has made magic more dangerous than ever. Navigating eternal Spring is made more difficult by Tamlin's infuriating emissary Lucien Vanserra and his sharp tongue. As the blight spins out of control, Elain will have to decide how far she's willing to go to keep her new home safe. ACoTaR re-write; just come inside.

Sounds of Summer

by @animezinglife Time seems to move more slowly in the Summer Court, and Lucien and Elain take in every second. A short scene of the two in Summer.

Never Not Mine

by @separatist-apologist Elain Archeron has been betrothed to the seventh born son of Autumn for as long as she can remember. With her family's reputation in the balance, Elain is resigned to her fate. That doesn't mean she has to like it...or that she has to make it easy for him.

[sleepnowmychild]

Prayers and hymns to Hypnos:

Anytime I find one in a book or site about ancient texts, I save it for later use. So here’s what I’ve collected so far.

Orphic Hymn 85 to Hypnos (Greek hymns C3rd B.C. to 2nd A.D.) :
"To Hypnos, Fumigation from Poppies. Hypnos, king of Gods, and men of mortal birth, sovereign of all, sustained by mother earth; for thy dominion is supreme alone, over all extended, and by all things known. 'Tis thine all bodies with benignant mind in other bands than those of brass to bind. Tamer of cares, to weary toil repose, and from whom sacred solace in affliction flows. Thy pleasing gentle chains preserve the soul, and even the dreadful cares of death control; for Thanatos, and Lethe with oblivious stream, mankind thy genuine brothers justly deem. With favouring aspect to my prayer incline, and save thy mystics in their works divine."

Statius, Silvae 5. 4. 1 (Roman poetry C1st A.D.) :
*prayer by an Insomiac

O youthful Somnus, gentlest of the gods, by what crime or error of mine have I deserved that I alone should lack thy bounty? Silent are all the cattle, and the wild beasts and the birds, and the curved mountain summits have the semblance of weary slumber, nor do the raging torrents roar as they were wont; the ruffled waves have sunk to rest, and the sea leans against earth's bosom and is still. Seven times now hath the returning moon beheld my fixed and ailing eyes; so often have the lights of Oeta and Paphos revisited me, so oft hath Tithonia passed by my groans, and pitying sprinkled me with her cool whip. Ah! how may I endure? Not if I had the thousand eyes of sacred Argus, which he kept but in alternate watchfulness, nor even waked in all his frame at once. But now--ah, me!--if some lover through the long hours of night is clasping a girl's entwining arms, and of his own will drives thee from him, come thence, O Somnus! Nor do I bid thee shower all the influence of thy wings upon my eyes--that be the prayer of happier folk!--touch me but with thy wand's extremest tip--'tis enough--or pass over me with lightly hovering step."

By Sophocles in Philoctetes:

''Divine Hypnos, god who knows no pain, Hypnos, stranger to anguish, come in favour to us, come happy, and giving happiness, great King! Keep before his eyes such light as is spread before them now. Come to him, I pray you, come with power to heal!''

[blairstales]

Am Fear Liath Mor: The Big Grey Man of Ben Macdui | Scottish Folklore

The second highest peak in the British Isles rises up out of the Cairngorms in Scotland, and holds the name of Ben Macdui(or Beinn MacDuibh). Visiting it’s summit is a notoriously dangerous feat; with the sudden changes in weather taking the lives of many hikers throughout history.

There is also a ghostly fairy that has made this peak famous: Am Fear Liath Mòr.

Also known as Big Grey Man, or Ferlas Mor, this resident of Ben Macdui is most frequently reported by people feeling an eerie presence; such as by an icy sensation in the air or a chilling brush against the skin.

[“Ben Macdui and Derry Cairngorm from flanks of Beinn Mheadhoin” by Peter Hudson ]

Those who have sighted Am Fear Liath Mòr often describe him as a giant that stands over ten feet tall, with long arms and broad shoulders.

One of the most famous accounts comes from Professor J. Norman Collie. In 1891, Collie was navigating through thick mist, when he heard the telltale crunching sounds of steps following behind him…but each of those steps spanned a greater distance than his own by three or four times. Much to his growing dread, this continued until he decided to flee.

Collie’s encounter is not unique. Many climbers have reported similar experiences, including one by Dr. Kellas in 1926. He recounted seeing a figure about the same height as the summit cairn. When he asked a local living nearby about it, the old man replied without any surprise, “Oh, aye. That would have been the ferlas mohr he would have been seeing.”

[“Trig Point on summit of Ben MacDhui” by Eric Sim]

In 1943, climber Alexander Tewnion, encountered a shape emerging from the mist. Believing it to be the Big Grey Man, Tewnion fired three shots at the figure in a panic. The mysterious entity, however, remained unperturbed, prompting him to hastily retreat down the mountain.

"A strange shape loomed up, receded, came charging at me! Without hesitation I whipped out the revolver and fired three times at the figure. When it still came on I turned and hared down the path, reaching Glen Derry in a time that I have never bettered. You may ask was it really the Fear Laith Mhor? Frankly, I think it was." Evening Star, Issue 19159, 28 January 1926, Page 2: HAUNTED MOUNTAIN, A TEN-FOOT GHOST, BEN MACDHUI’S “GREY MAN.” (Quoting Alexander Tewnion from the June 1958 issue of The Scots)

One attempted explanation involves an optical illusion called Brocken Spectre. A Brocken Spectre is an optical phenomenon where an observer’s magnified shadow appears surrounded by a halo-like ring of light on a cloud or mist, typically seen from mountain peaks.

Whether one interprets the experiences of those who have encountered him as supernatural or as mere optical and auditory illusions, the stories continue.

There is one final quote from Always a Little Further by Alastar Borthwick (1939) that I want to share. In it, a man was out with a search-party, and decided to ask the local gameskeepers and stalkers what they thought of “Ferlas Mor.”

They looked at him for a few seconds before one finally stated, “We do not talk about that.”

Further Reading:

Newspaper Articles:

MOUNTAIN GHOST IN GRAMPIAN PASS: Star (Christchurch), Issue 17752, 23 January 1926, Page 8

HAUNTED MOUNTAIN, A TEN-FOOT GHOST, BEN MACDHUI’S “GREY MAN.” Evening Star, Issue 19159, 28 January 1926, Page 2

Books:

Encyclopedia of Beasts and Monsters in Myth, Legend and Folklore  by Bane, Theresa (2016)

Scottish folklore by Lamont-Brown, Raymond, (1939)

Always a Little Further by Alastar Borthwick (1939)

A–Z of ghosts and supernatural by Knight, Jan (1980)

Historic Audio Recordings

(link) Track ID: 33273 | Date: 1973 | Title: The Grey Man of Ben Macdui | Language: English

(link) Track ID: 33273 | Date: 1973 | Title: Prògram Choinnich | Language: Gaelic

[warrioreowynofrohan]

LOTR Newsletter - September 20

The first of our days using in-universe time!

But I’m going to hop back a couple of days of in-universe time to recap some events.

Gandalf is rescued from Isengard by Gwaihir on the night of September 18th-19th. But there's a very interesting version of this in "The Hunt for the Ring" in Unfinished Tales that gives us a lot more insight on a potential characterization of Saruman.

In Version C, on the other hand, the Black Riders arrived at the Gate of Isengard while Gandalf was still a prisoner in the tower. In this account, Saruman, in fear and despair, and perceiving the full horror of service to Mordor, resolved suddenly to yield to Gandalf, and to beg for his pardon and help. Temporizing at the Gate, he admitted that he had Gandalf within, and said that he would go and try to discover what he knew; if that were unavailing, he would deliver Gandalf up to them. Then Saruman hastened to the summit of Orthanc – and found Gandalf gone. Away south against the setting moon he saw a great Eagle flying towards Edoras. Now Saruman’s case was worse. If Gandalf had escaped there was still a real chance that Sauron would not get the Ring, and would be defeated. In his heart Saruman recognized the great power and the strange ‘good fortune’ that went with Gandalf. But now he was left alone to deal with the Nine. His mood changed, and his pride reasserted itself in anger at Gandalf’s escape from impenetrable Isengard, and in a fury of jealousy. He went back to the Gate, and he lied, saying that he had made Gandalf confess. He did not admit that this was his own knowledge, not being aware of how much Sauron knew of his mind and heart. [Footnote: Earlier in this version it is said that Sauron had at this time, by means of the palantíri, at last begun to daunt Saruman, and could in any case often read his thought even when he withheld information. Thus Sauron was aware that Saruman had some guess at the place where the Ring was; and Saruman actually revealed that he had got as his prisoner Gandalf, who knew the most.] “I will report this myself to the Lord of Barad-dûr,” he said loftily, “to whom I speak from afar on great matters that concern us. But all that you need to know on the mission that he has given you is where “the Shire” lies. That, says Mithrandir, is northwest from here some six hundred miles, on the borders of the seaward Elvish country.” To his pleasure Saruman saw that even the Witch-king did not relish that. “You must cross Isen by the Fords, and then rounding the Mountains’ end make for Tharbad upon Greyflood. Go with speed, and I will report to your Master that you have done so.” This skillful speech convinced even the Witch-king for the moment that Saruman was a faithful ally, high in Sauron’s confidence. At once the Riders left the Gate and rode in haste to the Fords of Isen. Behind them Saruman sent out wolves and Orcs in vain pursuit of Gandalf; but in this he had other purposes also, to impress his power upon the Nazgûl, perhaps also to prevent them from lingering near, and in his anger he wished to do some injury to Rohan, and to increase the fear of him which his agent Wormtongue was building up in Théoden’s heart. Wormtongue had been in Isengard not long since, and was then on his way back to Edoras; among the pursuers were some bringing messages to him. When he was rid of the Riders Saruman retired to Orthanc, and sat in earnest and dreadful thought. It seems that he resolved still to temporize, and still to hope to get the Ring for himself. He thought that the direction of the Riders to the Shire might hinder them rather than help them, for he knew of the guard of the Rangers, and he believed also (knowing of the oracular dream-words and Boromir’s mission) that the Ring had gone and was already on its way to Rivendell. At once he marshalled and sent out into Eriador all the spies, spy-birds, and agents that he could muster.

This is intriguing on several levels. Firstly, that Saruman actually considered changing his mind and begging Gandalf for help after having kept his as prisoner for over two months. I feel like this gets at something important about Tolkien's writings. Many of his evil characters are not completely devoid of good impulses; but those are only impulses, not convictions, and when any barrier or temptation comes up (often, as in this case, related to pride), they don't follow up on them. It's choices, not impulses, that define them.

Secondly, the fact that the power of Saruman's voice actually is - or was, before the events of The Two Towers - enough to con the Lord of the Nazgul, and to convince him (temporarily) that Saruman is a loyal and prominent ally, and that he got the Shire's location out of Gandalf (rather than already knowing it himself). And also that he's still got Gandalf captive.

Thirdly, the fact that Saruman's already sending wolves and orcs into Rohan on raids. It really gives a sense of how stressful the several months before The Two Towers would have been to Éomer and Éowyn (and Théodred) - they know perfectly well that Saruman's a danger, but they can't get Théoden to agree to do anything about it.

And the last line confirms what is only suggested in the books (but outright stated in the movies): that the flocks of crows that fly over the company in Eregion are indeed spies of Saruman.

On September 19th Gandalf comes to Edoras, and Théoden refuses him admittance on the advice of Wormtongue; on September 20th Théoden tells him "Take any horse, only be gone ere tomorrow is old!", and refuses to listen to his warnings about Saruman.

So, by September 20th, when Frodo's goods are sent off to Crickhollow, the Ringwraiths already know where the Shire is, and are on their way there. The clock is ticking...

[madrain230]

THE SACRIFICE: Children of the Moon | JJK (2)

Pairing: Jungkook x f. OC

Genre: Dark Romance

Rating: 18+ (nsfw)

Summary: In the Kingdom of Oltira, a special ritual takes place once a year at the beginning of autumn. Mothers are living in fear for the fate of their offspring. Each day and night, each woman prays for the birth of a male child-a son-because once her vulnerable unborn arrives its existence to the world and is a female-a daughter-not even the most heartfelt pleading can save the unfortunate fate that may be death of her dear child.

Warnings: strong bloody violence, explicit language, disturbing behavior, sensitivity, death, animalistic tendency, triggering topics, mature situations-themes, etc. It may also touch some sensitive subjects.

note: I don't own any of the images. please note that all images and copyrights belong to their original owners. no copyright infringement intended.

- CHAPTER 2 -

A sparrow's song's melodic echo began to appear repeatedly in the silent atmosphere. After hearing the tune of bliss, several other animals joined the harmony and allowed a metaphorical entrance into the glory of the sunrise.

There were different colors of red and pink occurring in the sky, which made it a beautiful and relaxing scenery for multiple eyes to watch.

Although the captivating shadow of sunrise over the summit of the forest ceased its soothing colors, minutes later, daylight soon arrived at each perimeter of Oltira's domain.

Another day began once again.

In each household, most children opened their eyes with a motivation, which was to join the cheerful giggles of their friends. Every mother felt a smile on her face when she opened the door, and her impatient children rushed out of the house in delightful laughter.

Along with their owners, steeds, and mules began to appear in the streets with necessary objects—mostly fabrics and edible sustenance—upon their muscular bodies. Men and women began to voice their determination, their audible sentences constantly repeating a specific worth of their object for sale.

It was, thankfully, an active day for the people that were living in such an area.

Nevertheless, it was a wonder for many if the day was going to fade away with happy beliefs.

It was, however, as if nature itself were responding when an enraged rumble echoed its appearance from far away.

Some people immediately looked at the sky with thought, others looked at it with worry, and most decided not to allow their brains to be disturbed by such a simple matter.

Suddenly, in fast and fierce motions, a man with youthful facial characteristics appeared in the surroundings.

Such an appearance became the main focus of attention for the various stares that were present in the location.

When the man nearly fell upon and came face-to-face with a moving horse, everyone became frightened with fear. Naturally, the animal behaved with its instincts, which was to be expected.

It all happened in the blink of an eye as the startled animal forced its massive weight to stand and raise in the air its two front hoofs, its height becoming twice in size while its animalistic sound echoed in panic.

Then, dread reached everyone's gut when the young man fell on his backside in front of the shire horse, which weighed 2000 pounds (907.18 kg) in muscle capacity.

The owner of the steed immediately acted on time and quickly pulled the double reins with effective strength, forcing the animal's head to shift and successfully land its raised hooves away from the man.

“Hoy! Easy!”, the owner spoke out in a hushing tone to his spooked friend while caressing the gray fur.

Then his eyes hardened and narrowed into slits as his attention shifted to the young fellow.

“You almost crashed to death, son! This route is full of people! You shouldn't be running like that!”, The man almost shouted, revealing his anger through words, but all was finished off in vain when a rumble appeared from the atmosphere.

The young man immediately turned his attention to the sky, and his eyes widened in realization as dread pierced through his heart.

With astonished eyes, the spectators could only watch as the man whose body was on the ground stood up and began to run.

Within seconds, the young man's shadow disappeared into the crowd.

“Isn't he Smith's son? Something must have happened for him to behave in that manner ... ”, a man decided to utter deep in thought while approaching the owner and his horse. However, all he gained was silence from the man beside him, and the only sound that was able to prevail in the atmosphere was the sound of an enraged sky.

In a calm yet determined tone, a voice belonging to a man suddenly echoed its existence.

“Wait, let me help you. That seems to be very heavy!”

Upon hearing the words disappear, a surprised gasp appeared in their absence.

Annora's whole attention veered toward the man whose body stood beside her own. As soon as her eyes fell on his face, a beautiful smile greeted her. Instantly recognizing the familiar face, a warmth captured her heart, and before she could open her mouth to talk, after also offering a small smile, astonishment was soon visible in her facial characteristics.

Annora's unspoken words became a long-lost memory when the heavyweight she was holding up was stolen by the arms of the man beside her.

“Arnold! No, you don't have to help me carry this; I can manage.”

“Where to? Eric?”

Arnold didn't look behind him when he asked the question. Annora's eyebrows furrowed a little, clearly somehow annoyed by being interrupted, but then loosened up when a brief chuckle echoed.

Then a statement with the meaning of irony was spoken.

“Walk, Arnold. As if you haven't figured it out already.”

Arnold didn't have to veer around to look at the person who spoke. Immediately recognizing the man's voice, he repositioned the heavy sack on his right shoulder with a gesture, and then his upper lip curled up in a quick appearance.

When the conversation between the two men concluded in a state of silence, Annora was unable to maintain her curiosity and subsequently glanced at one of the men.

As expected, Annora's sight caught a pair of eyes that looked at her with a meaningful gaze that she deeply understood.

She halted all the movements of her body.

The breath she took was an indication to the man behind her that she wanted to discuss it. However, Annora was unable to express her feelings because her presence was ignored.

The sight of her brother ignoring her while walking past her provoked an almost annoyed feeling to come to the surface of her heart. Although it vanished within a few seconds as Eric spun and closed a green eye in her direction, the smirk on his face resembled that of a child's playful disposition.

Annora's eyes lit up, and she cracked a little smile as she accelerated her pace to reach the two tall figures.

It is encouraging to see that he still has that childish behavior.

-

-

-

“Are you planning to stay for dinner? There is enough food on the table to feed one more person.”

Eric looked at Arnold and waited for him to answer. His shoulders were still firmly anchored to the heavyweight of two sacks.

“No, thank you.” Arnold's eyes appeared for a second with a spark of regret. Nonetheless, he swiftly attempted to conceal his emotions by transferring the substantial sack containing potatoes onto another. After thoroughly rubbing both of his hands to remove the dust and dirt, he redirected his attention towards speaking. “I express my gratitude for the invitation, but I must go home.”

Eric nodded and Arnold offered a modest smile as his gaze remained fixed on Annora for a brief period of duration.

“See you around, Annora.”

“I have concerns about it, but even a dumb person can understand the importance of the stares he gives you.”

As he concluded his previous statement, Eric looked at Arnold's faraway figure.

“That man cares for you, Annora.”

A silence surrounded the siblings.

Annora's bottom lip was caught between her teeth, and the beating of her heart became trapped in emotions of distress. Despite the realization that her brother was aware of the emotional circumstances between her and Arnold, she had not anticipated that Eric would be capable of expressing them in such a manner.

Eric was seeking an explanation, but Annora was unwilling to speak at that moment. The reality of her brother's words terrified her and hoped to escape from it.

It is, however, impossible to escape reality...

Annora took a deep breath but was unable to articulate her thoughts when, with a sudden force, the door of the house in her view suddenly swung open.

“Why are you sitting outside the door? Come in quickly, both of you! You will get sick in this kind of weather.”

Upon the sudden appearance of their mother, both son and daughter remained silent for a brief period, but swiftly proceeded towards the open wooden door.

It was evident that their conversation was in a pause.

However, Annora was cognizant of her brother's implied gaze upon her and was aware that she would have to respond to his questions someday in the future.

-

-

-

Upon Annora's entrance through the wooden entrance, the initial odor that struck her was the familiar aroma of freshly picked tomatoes.

She turned her head to the left and immediately observed the ceramic cooking pot, which was suspended above the smoky flames of a small fire.

“What are we having for dinner—Oh! Tomato soup?”

Eric's entire demeanor exuded curiosity when he approached the flames and gazed upon the flaming pot.

“It smells delicious! My dear mother, you know how to capture a man's heart!”

Eric's cheerful voice resembled his facial expression as he gazed upon his mother, whose expression did not convey any indication of her emotions from his words. She merely approached him, holding a total of four wooden bowls in her hands.

“You should wash your hands from the dirt they have and sit down at the dinner table—”

“Yeah, yeah … Understood. Only compliments from your husband are accepted!” Despite his mother's scandalous expression, Eric continued his dramatic talking. “However, I believe you can accept this simple flower from this poor man. If you don't, his poor heart will hurt!”

Annora watched the interaction between her brother and mother with amusement.

She observed as Marianne, her mother, attempted to contain her smile as she accepted the flower from her son, who was kneeling. However, she was unsuccessful in her efforts when Eric stood up and uttered a loud shout of “Yes!” while he kissed her cheek.

Her mother shook her head at her son's childish behavior but the smile never left her face as she turned to her task of serving the dinner once again.

“Are you troubling your mother again?”

Immediately, the attention shifted towards the tall man who entered through the door, as his imposing voice pierced the silence that had prevailed after the amusing conversation between mother and son.

“You know I could never, father.”

Eric responded as he left his mother's side and approached his sister at the table. “Okay, just a bit…”, he whispered as he sat in a chair, causing laughter throughout the house.

“Your son is giving me flowers these days,” Marianne spoke, though she paused and turned to point a knowing glance at the man towards the door. “I am just curious as to who's been teaching him this advice of sweet-talking and flowers.”

The man, named Andrew, declared himself guilty and chuckled as he kissed his wife on the cheek and then sat on the opposite side of his son at the table.

Andrew exhaled, and looked towards Annora, revealing a smile brimming with warmth.

“How are you doing today, Sweetheart?”

Annora's broad smile was enough for her father to comprehend the answer for her well-being.

When dinner was served, a calm atmosphere prevailed among the family, while minor conversations began to occur.

“I suppose you were in the barn when we arrived?”

Before answering Eric, Andrew swallowed a big spoonful of tomato soup from his bowl. “Yes, I needed to check on the animals. They were acting restless this morning after the thunders.”

“It seems that they consistently exhibit unnatural behavior during this particular time of the year, do they?” 

Even though it was a question, Eric's words were better called a statement, for everyone at the table knew that such thoughts would conclude in a conversation with an only end.

“It's like they understand that—”

“Enough!”

“…”

Marianne's voice enveloped the entire household in a chilling silence.

Annora observed her mother with concern.

Her mother's amber eyes were ablaze with anger and frustration, lips drawn in tightly. The appearance of such rigor was a persona that she did not embrace unless it was necessary.

“Marianne—”

“I know, Andrew. I know…”

Marianne took a deep breath and turned her gaze away from Eric. “I'm… I'll be back in a minute. You all keep eating.”

Annora could only watch with deep sorrow as her mother rose from her seat, concealing half of her expression with a hand, and hurriedly fled into the narrow corridor leading to the bedrooms. Once again, silence prevailed within the walls, however, it was swiftly dissipated when a fist was firmly pressed against the table. 

Both the brother and sister looked at their father.

“Why did you feel the need to speak about this matter, son? You know how sensitive your mother is about—”

“But I'm not? You are badly mistaken, father. Do you think I am enjoying discussing this? Of course not! But we cannot pretend every single time that it's not—”

“I know that, Eric! But we have to—Do it for your sister!”

The shouting abruptly stopped and Annora felt sorrow grip her heart. She did not need to glance up to observe that both men individuals, namely her brother and father, were now focusing on her. 

Despite the overwhelming pressure of their stares, Annora stared intently at the nearly empty bowl of her meal. She was aware that if she were to glance at them at least once, the initial reaction she might likely face would be a mixture of feelings of sympathy and sorrow.

Annora closed her eyes for a moment and then, with a clenched jaw, stood up from her chair and approached the one window near the door.

The ominous gray hue of the clouds was almost impossible to ignore when she looked outside.

Annora wanted to laugh.

She wanted to laugh because her family, as well as many others, wanted to forget that once a year, another tragedy was just waiting to unfold.

But how can someone forget something that seems impossible? Especially when nature itself is presenting reality with its presence.

Another rumbling echoed its existence from the sky, and Annora exhaled deeply.

For every thunder, she was able to see, Annora's thoughts kept repeating the names.

Names from so many tragedies that even the older generations could remember.

One of the tragedies was called Charlotte, a woman in her thirties.

Another was called Amelia, a young child.

An old one was called Isabel, an infant … 

Lucia, Adelina, Aria, Clare, Olivia, Sarah, and many others—Dead … A sacrifice.

Annora looked beside her and found her older brother staring at her with concern.

“I'm alright, Eric.”, she blurted, and her brother took a deep breath before answering.

“I know … It's just—”

A faint cry from a church bell echoed for a single time in the distance.

Annora looked outside the window with startled eyes.

Life became a blur of uncertainty.

The creaking of a chair being pushed resonated against the concrete ground, and soon enough, Annora felt a large hand firmly touching her shoulder.

The second chime of a church bell signaled once again its existence.

Gloomy darkness devoured Annora's sanity, and her pulsating heart which was bursting with peace crumbled to a rhythm by chains of fear.

She was unable to speak … It was as if she had a knot in her throat …

Within her, the only words of a voice became endless prayer and pleading.

A deadly third clang chimed from the church's bell.

Annora's eyes were glimmering with fear when she looked at her brother, who was still standing beside her with one of his hands firmly resting on her shoulder.

His green eyes collided with her own, and then … Chaos.

[grimfox]

undercurrent

the hope that once spoke freely

died a sudden death.

alive, but, ever-restless,

in the depths of self-repressive consequences.

what it meant is, simply nothing.

all the hunting for the answers

cancelled out in phantom wanting, in the end.

i am becoming hazardous.

i cannot rest amongst the hungry.

all become these bitten tongued-cheeks

in a dread, forever running.

why can i not summit something better than?

the waters reddened in a held-breath discontent.

it fills the lungs, the blood is thrumming,

let it rest.

[iron-sparrow]

小山 【 xiǎoshān 】 BUTTE /byo͞ot/ noun

an isolated hill or mountain with steep or precipitous sides usually having a smaller summit area than a mesa

I scaled this monument in search of your voice, believing you might be waiting for me just over the edge to the peak.

When my fingers grasp at stone and lead my tired feet in their last few steps, I am filled with the overwhelming dread that you may not be waiting.

Perhaps I am too late, and you've already gone.

When I finally arrive, I find myself alone. It was as I feared; yet I do not feel loneliness.

A smoldering mark charred into the earth still radiates your heat, and it hisses faintly under the fall of rain.

Looking away from the shadow you burned into me, I seek the horizon and wonder if a higher point awaits beyond my eye.

I gaze for miles and miles. I feel the crushing weight of my freedom take hold.

FFXIV 30 DAY WRITING CHALLENGE

[vivs-fics]

Just As It Is

Bucky Barnes x Reader

College AU

No minors allowed. Read at your own discretion.

TW: Swearing, religious imagery, smoking, mention of underage drinking

Part 1

Dark clouds linger overhead, far too close for comfort. A twinge in the air and rain birds circling the sky makes unease swell in the pit of my stomach. A storm is brewing, something dark this way comes- and here I am walking down the street with no jacket, no umbrella and Bucky’s place nowhere in sight.

I quicken my pace. Shoes stomping heavily on the asphalt, desperate to outrun the impending shower- to no avail. Thunder claps, electricity crackles, the birds make their descent in the sky behind me and the floodgates of the dreaded downpour open. I feel the rain spilling through my hair, the chill crawling down my spine and soaking my clothes. I wish more than anything just to be inside, warm and in good company.

The D&D campaign tonight is one I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. Bucky let me in on a few minor details now and again. This story was meant to be his most enticing yet, described by the man himself as “a fuckin’ mind-blowing maelstrom of malice, monsters and murder.” He added that the alliteration was meant to captivate and create anticipation- fucking English majors.

I have a feeling we’ll be trekking through some haunted castle, infested by a lonesome vampire luring innocents into his clutches. I recall when the theory solidified for me, it was just a few days ago- after classes had ended for the semester. Bucky and I were meeting up on the benches on the edge of campus for our afternoon chit-chat and I convinced him to act out a snippet from the forthcoming adventure.

Bucky slinked behind me, fallen auburn leaves crunched under his boots and the chains on his pants clinked together- I held my breath as he brushed his fingers over the side of my neck. The touch was light, almost untactile- nevertheless my skin felt like it was lit ablaze. The flames spread, embers sizzled deep in my stomach, the red blaze surged through my arms, and it settled in the tips of my fingers.

Blood rushed to my ears and my heart pounded against my chest, I could feel his breath on my neck. “Are you scared, little bird? Or do the pleasures of the night entice you? Are you willing to take this journey and receive your hearts desires, or do you fear the lurking horrors may consume you before you reach the summit?” Bucky whispered. A shuddering breath escaped my lips, and I took a moment to compose myself, a shoddily concealed smile on my face, “Jamie is the whole campaign going to be voiced in that sultry, bad guy accent?”               

He beamed, “I guess you’ll have to wait and see, sweetheart. You should, however, expect to be wowed beyond your wildest dreams.” He raised his right hand and touched it to his heart, “That’s your beloved dungeon master’s guarantee.”

He sat himself down on the bench next to me, the wood creaked under his weight, and I brought my eyes up to him- I found myself lost in the vast blue of his eyes.  

God, he’s beautiful. Gazing upon the pastels of a rococo could not compare to him. The glittering of all Klimt’s work would never be able to culminate to the way he shines, my Bucky glows from the inside. The light in his eyes are millions of stars burning in the sky, had Van Gogh’s masterpiece been done today, surely Vincent would have drawn inspiration from them. The figures taken out of stone by the great Michelangelo wouldn’t amount to the statuesque beauty I see in him, skin smoother than marble and a face that could have only been carved by the divine.

 “You alright, Birdie? Somethin’ on your mind?” His voice was smoother than honey, it dripped from his lips slowly and it covered me in its splendour. I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him. I wouldn’t allow myself to say just how much he means to me. I couldn’t risk ruining years of friendship and muddying the dynamic we have. We’re in tandem, parallel lines that are destined to run beside each other for as long as the universe allows.

“What’s up with the ‘Birdie’ thing, Buck? Were you inspired by my beady eyes or the way I flew down from the trees to see you today?” I jested in the hope it would cover up the black hole that would in the pit of my stomach.

His eyes drifted down, and his ring-clad hand pulled a fallen leaf fragment from my sweater. Bucky shrugged, “I don’t know, it was in my dialogue for the campaign. I thought I’d run with it, it’s cute. It suits you.” He leaned back, palms flat on the dark wood of the bench. He tilted his head back and flashed me a bashful smile.

I look toward him in earnest, and he continues his ramble, “No, actually, it’s stupid. Sorry, sweetheart.”

He shook his head, the beautiful cascade of brown hair framed his face and I retorted, “No, no. I was joking Jamie, I do like it. It’s just different, is all. You had me thinking someone usurped my title of your cherished sweetheart. I was just brainstorming my plan of action- you know- setting my targets and ensuring I could retrieve the name that’s rightfully mine.”

He sat up and rubbed his hands down the length of my arms, a comforting gesture. A reassuring one. Hands caressed me like the singed spine of a book salvaged from the fires of Alexandria- as if I were a priceless artefact not to be handled precariously. “Nobody could steal that from you, Birdie. And if you catch me callin’ anyone other than you, sweetheart, know that I’ve been body snatched and you need to come save me.”

 A laugh escaped me, he knows just how to make me feel safe when I’m with him, in every capacity. Bucky wrapped himself around me, encompassing me in the warmth that melts the welts of my worries. It’ll be fine, I thought to myself. I can do this. Right?

Rain beating down on me like the mighty wrath of Zeus hauls me out of the fond memory and pushes me back into my very cold, very wet reality. In the distance I can see the living room light turn on in Bucky’s home, the exterior of it seemingly harsh and bitter but it’s filled with more love and acceptance than I’ve experienced elsewhere. The wind whistles riotously as I bang on the door, “Jamie! I’m getting hypothermia out here! Can you open the fucking door please?”

He emerges, brows furrowed, “Birdie, what are you doin’ here? The campaign isn’t for another hour,” Realising that I look like a drowned subway rat he ushers me inside, “Shit, sorry! Come on in sweetheart, uh- let’s get you dry.”

“Thank you, Jamie, truly. Really glad you didn’t decide to leave me outside to die.” I shiver out. He looks at me apologetically. Jesus those eyes. He could get away with murder with those eyes. He could glance at St. Peter at heaven’s gates and Bucky would be admonished of all his sins. He’d be allowed in and be given the best resting place Heaven has to offer without so much as a word. They’re soft, an endless Mediterranean blue- so captivating it would rival Narcissus and his reflection.

He disappears for a moment and emerges with a dry article of clothing. Bucky extends his hand to me, the soft grey fabric now within my reach.

 “Here sweetheart, fresh shirt. You can go to the bathroom and change if you want. I’d offer my room but… truth be told, it’s a mess and I’d be embarrassed if you saw how I really lived.” He ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.  “I- uh- I can also grab a sweater for ya, if you’re still cold.” He adds, with a smile.

“Thanks, Buck.” A small grin graces my features, the cold that clung to me dissipates in the confines of his kindness. “My god, the Zeppelin shirt?” I clutch it to my chest and gasp dramatically. “Maybe I should walk to you in the rain more often, I don’t get this five-star treatment all the time.”

“Hush, sweetheart. You know I’d give you anything if you asked.” He retorts, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

After changing into something significantly more comfortable than the soaked fabric that clung to my skin, I return to the living room to find my knight in shining armour lighting a cigarette on the back porch. He turns to look at me and inhales, “You feelin’ better now?”

“Much,” I move to sit beside him on the battered porch swing, and tilt my body towards him, “Can I have a puff, Bucky? Light of my life, saviour of my world?” He smiles and puts the orange filter up to my lips, I breathe in. Letting the nicotine fill my lungs, I feel the menthol spread across my body, it tingles down my arms and a calm settles over me. 

“You want one for yourself sweetheart, or would you prefer to smoke half of mine like always?” He cocks his head to the side and smiles.

“I’m fine with our arrangement just the way it is, Jamie.” I shift over and place my head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of head, a familiar gesture. For him it was a sign of reassurance, as if he was saying: ‘you’re going to be okay as long as I’m here.’

“Why’d you decide to come here so early, Birdie? You miss me that much?”

“Don’t flatter yourself James, I just needed a smoke.” Taking a long drag of the cigarette, I close my eyes- happy to finally be where I needed to be.

He hums in acknowledgement. “Of course, sweetheart.”

“You want me to help you set up?” I enquire and he shakes his head.

“Nope. I got it all sorted out, you can just sit and look pretty.” He places his thumb and index finger onto my chin and squeezes, his nose scrunches up and a smile graces his face. “Although, that shouldn’t be a problem for you sweetheart.”

“Are you calling me lazy, Barnes?”

“I’m callin’ you beautiful, Birdie.” He says simply, the words roll off his tongue with no more effort than a breath.

 What I wouldn’t do for him to always look at me like this, with those azure eyes full of contentment. They’re warmer than the embrace of a summer’s day, than the encapsulating feel of steamy water in the bathtub, than a balmy breeze whispering past me on the beach.

“Oh, uh, Buck? I got you a little something.”

“What? You didn’t have to do that, sweetheart. You should know that you bein’ here is a gift in and of itself.”

A smile makes its way on to my face, and I chuckle, “Sure, but this is something that you absolutely need,” Sifting through the contents of my bag, I find it. A small black box with a glittery red bow on the top, “Here. Open it.”

With the unveiling of the contents of the box, Bucky’s face lights up- like a Christmas tree on December 25th.                                                                 “No fuckin’ way, sweetheart.” He shakes my shoulders excitedly and promptly goes back to admiring his new possession, running his fingers over the cold metal links, “Holy shit, this is so cool. A fuckin’ chainmail pouch? Is this for my dice?”

“Yes! You can keep them all together now, I know they always end up in weird places after campaigns so I thought this could help.”

“Thank you, Birdie. This is amazing.” He laughs.

What an angelic sound- comparable only to the trumpets of heaven or the symphonies of a divine orchestra. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes, “I love it.”

I turn to face him, bending my leg up on the worn porch swing, the wood is soft under my skin, such a familiar feeling- upon which so many memories were made. Bucky moves closer to me, an indistinguishable look in his eyes. My breath halts, it feels as if my lungs were dipped in iron. My insides are hot and there’s a fluttering in my stomach. Why’s he staring at me like that? Am I melting? It feels like I’m melting. Come on, get a hold of yourself. It’s just Bucky, looking at you the way he always does.

A small smile graces his face, the edges of his lips lifting ever so slightly and the corners of his eyes crinkling up. He tilts his head to the side and places his hand on my cheek, his thumb shifting up and down so gently I almost don’t notice. I wonder if this is how people experience religious euphoria. Is this how it feels to be touched by the hand of God? Could the promise eternal peace be held within the fingers that are caressing my face? Is it possible that the divine culminated in this Adonis of a man?

An abrupt knocking at the door startles me and Bucky recoils, “Let me, uh, I- I’ll get it.”

“Bucky, open up already!” A woeful gust of wind screeches outside the door. “Jesus Christ, Barnes, I’m gonna grow old and rot before you let us in!” Sam yells, announcing his presence.

“Alright, alright! I’m comin’.” Bucky shuffles to the door, a twinge of annoyance laced in his tone. His demeanour, however, shifts when the boys come inside. He’s happy to see them, he always is. I am too, they’re some of my best friends. I won’t lie to myself though; I would have appreciated them arriving just a few minutes later- if for no reason other than quelling the sheer curiosity about what was going to happen.

“If it took you any longer, Buck, I would have assumed you were dead.” After hugging him, Steve sets down his bag and greets me, “Y/N, Hey! It’s so good to see you. We didn’t interrupt anything did we?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

“No, no, Stevie- you’re all good. I missed you.” I ruffle his hair when he comes over for a hug, my actions are met with a disgruntled groan from the six-foot-three puppy of a man.

Nat pulls up behind me and I embrace her excitedly, “Nat, baby! How have you been? How’s your girl?” She slinks her arm around my neck and in return I put my arm around her waist.

“We’re alright, hon. Why? Have you reconsidered our request for a threesome?”

“Aw, Natasha don’t flatter yourself. We agreed to do it without you, obviously.” I give her a light pat on the back and turn away, going to greet Sam.

The rest of the group starts filtering in after a bit, Steve and Thor creating their usual ruckus.

“Alright sinners, are we ready for the campaign of the century?” Bucky announces, as he stands at the head of the table- a king ready to lead his troops into battle. A Greek god, blessing his subjects with the greatest gift- a myth, a legend, a story to be passed down ear-to-mouth and mouth-to-ear for generations to come. And we, his loyal subjects listening in earnest, hanging onto every vowel, every consonant as if it were our life force- sustaining us. His words igniting a bonfire to provide light and warmth as we make our way through this ominous cascade of casting spells, battling beasts and me trying not to visibly sweat because of that sultry voice Bucky is speaking in.  Anxieties fly high as the six-hour campaign draws to a close.

“Xanaphia of Excelsior, you have travelled a distance incomparable to any other, you have seen nations built and destroyed, you have brazened the path to my home- a journey no man before you had been able to conquer. A path, little bird, no man should be able to survive.” Bucky narrates, his character so carved out and precise I almost don’t recognise him.

“Luckily for me, Alaric... I am no man.” I smile up at Bucky, he reciprocates- a genuine beam shines upon my face. I knew the Lord of the Rings reference would get to him. The rest of the room melts away, the cries of Sam telling me to finish the job and Scott excitedly banging his fists on the table become nothing but distant memories. Bucky stands, in all his glory- broad shoulders block the light behind him and a halo encompasses the edges of his physique. Is he an angel, or just the devil in ambient lighting? With his eyes piercing into mine like they are, I don’t think I could bring myself to care.

“No man indeed.” A corner of his mouth turns up, a devious smirk creeps onto his face. “So, little bird. What shall it be? I am completely at your mercy. You have me on my knees.”

 Everyone perches on the edge of their seats at the final roll of the D20, the last dance between my character and the Vampire at the top the Hill approaches. To stab or to seduce, that is the question. Will I succumb to the pleasures of the night or fight my desires and kill him for my brethren, currently surrounded by ghouls? I should kiss him, right? A move to seduce could ensure that the Vampire lets the surviving members of my party go, whereas a move to kill him could result in everyone being murdered. This is purely a selfless choice.

“I’ll roll for charisma. I want to kiss you- him! Ahem- Alaric.” Heat rises in my cheeks and a pit forms in my stomach. Oh, my God.

 A hush falls over the room, the booming of the dice upon the table is all that can be heard, save for the thudding of my heart that pounds in my ears. The resin contraption stills, and Bucky leans over to inspect what the gods have decided my fate shall be.

“A… a fuckin’ nat’ twenty.” He says in bewilderment, his voice barely above a whisper. And the crowd goes wild- jests and jeers come from all around the table.

“Alaric of the Hill concedes! Your kiss has bewitched him, congratulations. He decides to let your party go on the condition that you keep him company. Will you, Xanaphia, stay with Alaric and forgo all other quests?”

“Fuck yes.” I state triumphantly, relieved as all heaven that the risk I took paid off.

Celebratory drinks are raised, and toasts are made in my honour- to Xanaphia of Excelsior, she who could warm the heart of even the most cold-blooded of creatures.

 Bucky gets the music going and Thor pours the drinks, perhaps the most dangerous of combinations. Bodies push against each other, the sounds of Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me intertwine with the heavy breathing of the people in the room, dim lighting overhead makes for a danse macabre-esque sequence to play out around me. We are neither here, nor there. Dead, nor living. Could this be a man in front of me, or an angel? Deep shadows are carved under his cheekbones and his jaw is sharp under this light, threads of walnut hair are strewn across his face, moving with him to the music.

Rhythm flows through me, I lift my arms up close my eyes in sheer delight- being here with these people is all I could ask for.

Bucky is beckoned over to the kitchen and upon arrival, he laughs boisterously at something Sam says. Steve claps his shoulder and throws his head back as he always does when someone makes a stupid joke. I wonder if he knows that he lights up the room the way he does, if he has any idea of the fact that he could put the Nevada sun to shame, that all the bonfires in the world couldn’t amount to the warmth he brings to a room.

Well, perhaps this exact situation is not all I could ask for, but it will do just fine.

As the song reaches its summit Nat approaches me with an inebriated smile on her face, she reaches her hands out to me and interlocks her fingers with mine.

“Hey pretty girl, you havin’ fun?” the red head exclaims, her voice barely swimming above the music. We move together to the rhythm of the song; I sway my hips and look around the room, to find Bucky over by the counter, pouring himself another drink.

My eyes shift back to Nat, and I smile, “Of course, babe! It’s always a good time when you’re here.”

She lifts my hand and spins me before resuming our prior position. She raises a quizzical brow, “You sure, hon? Because you keep looking over in that direction.” Nat tilts her head towards Bucky. Of course she’d know. She’s like a bloodhound when it comes to people’s feelings, sniffing out the source for minor ticks in their facial muscles, every dilation of their pupils and apparently each longing stare in their direction. “Y/N, do you have something to tell me?”

I shake my head, grimacing slightly, “Don’t worry about it, babe. It’s fine.”

“No, uh-uh. Come on.” Nat takes my hand and pulls me through the room and to the restroom. She points at the clawfoot tub, “Sit. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nat, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” I turn my gaze from her, mortified at the prospect of having to spill my feelings.

“Baby, if you like Bucky it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve suspected it for a while now.”

“How the fuck did you know? I thought I was good at hiding it, Nat.”

“Freshman year, orientation mixer. Do you remember that Y/N? Because I do. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that drunk. You vomited into a flower pot- really not a good look for you, baby. Bucky showed up in that black leather jacket and you physically faltered when you saw him. I had to hold you up for the better part of five minutes because your legs, and I quote, ‘couldn’t possibly stay solid with how fucking hot he looked.’”

“Oh my God!” I exclaim and put my head in my hands, “I have to dig a hole and hide away in it forever. Nat- that’s fucking awful. You never told me!”

“I assumed you’d bring it up when you wanted to talk about it,” She shrugs, as if she hadn’t just unearthed the one dirty little skeleton I would have liked to keep buried, “And you never did, hon. But it’s been years and you’re clearly still enamoured with him, and I feel like I’m entitled to a little bit of an explanation.” She takes a seat on the cold porcelain next to me, a half-smile decorates her face.

“Okay- you’re right and I’m sorry for not telling you before. I just couldn’t- I didn’t want to make it real. You know? Because if I admitted that he’s on my mind constantly and that he’s the only person I’ve really, truly wanted for fucking years, and that he makes me feel seen and heard and cared for in a way I never thought was possible- then there was a possibility of all that going away.” An exhale escapes me, and I look away from Nat- who seems less flabbergasted at this admission than I’d expect.

She places a supportive hand on my shoulder, “Baby- you know that man loves you, right? You’re his best friend, he’d never let you go like tha-”

“I know, I know.” I interject. “He’s my best friend too- but if it ever came up that I wanted more than what we had right now and he didn’t want that, then everything would fall apart. And you know that, Nat. Everything is perfect the way it is. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize it for anything, not even for my own feelings.” It’s a lie, deep down I know there will always be a part of me yearning, wanting, needing something just out of reach.

 Perhaps it is a sacrifice I’d be willing to make. I could be the slaughtered lamb on a pyre, if it meant Bucky would be happy, if it meant he could get love and support and care from me and everyone around him, without me fucking everything up.

We’ve all been together since freshman year, some of us before that. We’re a family. For me to toss it aside in favor of this childish crush, it would be selfish. It would be building your home and setting it on fire, pushing a boulder up a hill just to push it down the same way, it would be Icarus flying into the sun and dying a horrible, fiery death.

“Hon, I love you but you’re really fuckin’ stupid sometimes.” Nat shakes her head with a small laugh.

“Stop it, Nat. I mean it. He’s never said anything about that- us, you know in that way- and… And he was dating that girl a couple months ago- what was her name? Jo-Ann?” I retort quickly, attempting to repress the feelings that arise from her steadfast argument.

“And do you remember when that ended? Less than two days after you and that asshole you were seeing broke up.” She bumps her shoulder against mine to drive her point forward. My eyebrows knit together at that, she’s not wrong. Technically.

“We all knew that was never going to last. She was so mean and self-involved. I mean- I know I can also be those things… and there’s nothing wrong with being a little bitchy and vain but at least when I do it, it’s classy and everyone loves it.” I jest in an attempt to shift her focus away from Bucky and I, but to no avail.

“Come on, hon. We all know why it didn’t work out. The real reason why.”

“Oh yeah, Nat?” I tilt my head to the side curiously. Music bleeds through the vacant space under the door and I can hear Sam singing along to the song, loudly and off key. It makes me smile. “And what is the real reason?”

“Because she wasn’t you.” She lays it out plainly. Her shoulders shrug in an almost exaggerated display of nonchalance.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Natasha. There- there’s no way.” My voice comes out a bit more strained than anticipated and I stand up from my seat on the bathtub.

“Fine, since you clearly don’t want to listen to reason... I’ll drop it for now, but you’ve got to understand that I meant everything I said. We can all see how head over heels he is for you, baby. You just- maybe you should talk to him about it.” She follows my lead in standing up- there’s an air of finality in her voice and I know our conversation is over.

I take the quick reprieve as Nat leaves the restroom to collect my thoughts. If the alcohol in my system didn’t make the room sway slightly, the revelations that Nat unleashed on me certainly did. I rest my hands on either side of the cool, white basin and look at myself in the mirror that stands proudly on the wall. Good god, pull yourself together. An abrupt knock on the door interrupts my much-needed mirror reflection time. “Occupied!” I yell out in the general direction of the door. For fucks sake, I can’t even get a moment of silence to think.

“Sweetheart? You alright in there?” Bucky’s voice sifts through the door and caresses my ears. His tone so soft, so full of warmth and concern- it makes my heart clench in my chest.

“Yeah, just give me a second.” I smooth down my shirt that had crumpled and gathered in the worst possible way as Natasha berated me about my lack of perception and emotional intelligence while we balanced on the edge of the bathtub.

“Can I come in?” He asks, almost tentatively- or at least as tentative as James Buchanan Barnes could sound. I quickly move to unlock the door and I let him in. His hair is slightly damp from what I assume could only be vigorous beer pong playing or dancing drunkenly to the music. Either way, I’m thankful for it. It's hot.

There’s a slight dusting of red along his cheeks, it is amplified as he gives me a lazy smile. “You alright, Birdie? Do I need to be concerned as to why you’re hiding out in the bathroom when you could be dancing or singing or losing to me at beer pong?”

“In your fuckin’ dreams, Jamie. Do I have to remind you about Thor’s Halloween beer pong tournament?” I raise my eyebrows in challenge and step closer to him, my arms folded across my chest.

Bucky lets out an exaggerated scoff, “That was beginner’s luck on your side. Had to be, sweetheart.” He follows suit and takes a small step toward me.

“Beginner’s luck? Three games in a row? I don’t think so, pretty boy.”

He smiles at me, his eyes searching my face. “Pretty boy, huh? That’s new.”

“Don’t change the subject, Barnes. I could beat you blindfolded, with one hand tied behind my back.” Smugness drips off my words and Bucky’s gaze darkens.

“You want to bet, little bird?” He towers over me now, arms on either side of the basin, confining me between him and the cold tile.

“Sure, why not? There’s no way you’d win anyways.” A deceptively sweet smile is plastered on my face in a challenge to him. My heart thumps loudly in my chest. I feel the blood rushing to my ears and butterflies erupt in my stomach. He’s so beautiful, it’s nearly impossible to stop myself from thinking about how much I’d like him to grab my face and kiss me.  

“State your terms, sweetheart.” He backs up and folds his arms over each other across his chest.

“One round, first one to no cups wins. We can have one redemption shot each. And when I win… Hmm…” I tap my finger against my lips in contemplation for a moment, “When I win, you have to let me drive your car.”

His eyes widen slightly, and his lips move to form a small ‘o’ shape. “Sweetheart, you- you can’t possibly be serious. I don’t even let Steve drive my car.”

“I’m deadly serious. I’ve had my eye on it for a while now, to be quite honest. I would love to drive her down to the coast… Put the top down, play some trashy pop music on the speakers…” I taunt, my voice low and melodic.

“I…” He starts, but I cut him off before he can argue.

“Unless you’re chicken, that is. You scared, Jamie? Shaking in your boots over your inevitable, devastating loss?”

“No- I mean-” He takes a breath in and lifts his hands in surrender, “Fine. Fine. If you win, you can drive the car down to the beachfront. But I’m ridin’ shotgun.”

“I expected nothing less. It’ll be fun- we’ll make a day of it.” I say with a smile, my eyes light up at that prospect.

“You don’t want to know what I get if I win?” He pivots.

“Nope. Don’t need to. Because it’ll never happen. Come on, let’s play.” I tilt my head in the direction of the door and smirk at him with as much cheek as I could muster.

Bucky grabs my hand, returning the smile. He stops for a moment and stares at me, that same indecipherable look in his eyes from earlier. Our fingers are interlaced, one continuous string moves in between him and I.

It felt as if I’d be able to hear a pin drop, despite the hustle and bustle of the party raging on outside. I move to grab the door handle and exit the restroom when I feel him pull me back towards him. He grips my hand and pulls me flush against his chest.

“Bucky, what are you d-”

“You- I-” He clenches his jaw and exhales sharply. “I just- I wanted to tell you that you look beautiful tonight. Your- uh- your outfit looks good on you.”

“You mean your shirt? You mean to tell me that your most beloved article of clothing looks good universally?” I laugh out nervously, not wanting to mention the proximity.

“No- just on you. It looks- you look fuckin’ incredible, sweetheart.” He flashes me a lopsided smile and gives my shoulders a squeeze. “You can keep it. If you want.”

“You don’t need it? I thought this was your secret weapon that you used to bend all of mankind to your devilishly handsome will?”

“I could do that with or without the shirt, believe me.” He drawls out, the cocky bastard. His smile falters the tiniest bit, unease flashes across his features. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He clenches his jaw one final time and finds my hand again.

“Let's go.” Bucky leads me out of the bathroom to the outskirts  of the party. The beer pong table is left uninhabited, red solo cups stacked messily from rounds passed.

Bucky quickly sets up the cups and I fetch the most tolerable beer I can find and start filling the cups in preparation of the battle ahead. I roll my neck and crack my knuckles before we begin- Bucky rolls his eyes at me with a laugh. “You ready, sweetheart?”

“The real question, James, is… are you ready?”

“Just play, smartass.” A cheeky smile appears on his face.

Something is wrong. Dear God, something is horrifyingly and incredibly wrong. Bucky is winning at beer pong. Never, in the history of us, had he even come close to beating me- except for tonight.

“What the fuck, Barnes? Have you been getting private beer pong lessons just for this?” I shoot and miss again. Third time in a row. I haven’t even hit the rim in the past few turns.

Could it be because Thor got too tipsy and spilled his drink all over Bucky’s little conservative long sleeve sweater and he had to go and change into one of those ridiculously stupid, sexy, (did I mention stupid? And also so, so very sexy) wife pleaser vests. His muscles are on full display- arms toned and chest rippling. Dear God. The alcohol buzzing around my system is screaming at me to bite his bicep- surely it wouldn’t be that weird, right? Just a little nibble...

No. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get a fucking grip. Perhaps a grip on those sculpted pecs while- No. Not doing that now.

Looking like the cat that ate the canary, Bucky wears the smuggest, filthiest grin on his face. “Oh, sweetheart…” He saunters over to my side of the table and picks up my last red solo cup- there is a small, orange ping pong ball floating tauntingly in the cool brown liquid. He fishes it out with his fingers it and sets it down on the table.

“Drink up.”

I flash him a glare, my eyes narrow as he brings the cup up to my lips. His eyes are trained on me as I gulp down the last of my drink.

 “Good. Now let’s discuss my prize.” He removes the cup and wipes away a stray droplet of beer that escaped out the corner of my mouth, with his thumb. Without stopping, he brings that same digit to his lips and licks it. I feel frozen, dumbstruck, and I’m quite sure I look it. My jaw hangs open slightly as I watch him. I gulp, suddenly very thirsty.

“Cocky, weren’t you? Sweetheart?” he smirks and pinches my chin lightly with his pointer finger and his thumb. He gives me a light squeeze and retreats. The touch sends a shiver down my spine, goosebumps erupt down my arms and the delicious burn of desire settles in my stomach.

“Shut up, Barnes. I don’t know which devil you gave your soul to for skills like that, but I have got to say… that seems like a pretty good deal. You're alright." I admit defeat, my shoulders rise and I hold my hands up in surrender. I smile at him cheekily as he approaches. His steps are slow, deliberate. Wrapped in confidence and assuredness.

“So, Jamie. Your prize- what’ll it be?” I ask, after a small beat of silence.

We look at each other for a moment, just a single moment. Although, it doesn't feel that way. Lifetimes could have passed us by, empires could have risen and fallen- and I would still be lost in his eyes. The deep azure pierces my very soul. He blinks and clears his throat, looking to the floor almost embarrassedly.

"Buck? You alright?" I enquire, moving closer to him.

He chuckles and nods his head slowly.

“You know my cousin, Emma? She’s uh- she’s gettin’ married next Saturday and... And I need a date.” Earnest fills his words, and an irresistible, infuriatingly beautiful smile appears on his face.

I have to resist the urge to pinch myself, because this could only be a really fucked up, steamy dream. I’m silent for a beat, trying to comprehend exactly what he said and the implications behind that.

“I mean, sweetheart, only if you want to. If you- uh- like if you’re not into that, I can just go solo.” His voice holds a slight tremble at the end of his sentence. Holy shit- is he nervous?

“No, no! I am- I’d be into that. We can definitely go together.” I reassure him. My heart pounds against my ribcage, my cheeks heat and a bright smile finds its way onto my face.

“It’d just be better for my ma to think I’m seein’ someone. I know she’s gonna try pair me up with her neighbour’s daughter. Again.” His hands are dug deeply in his pockets, his Adams apple bobs as he swallows.

Realisation flashes on my face. Friends. He wants to go as friends who are pretending to be dating. Right, of course.

“Yeah, for sure. Uh- I’ve got you covered, Jamie.” My smile falters, only for a moment. His eyebrows scrunch together, concern flashing across his features. I give him a half-hearted smile.

“Alright, thanks Birdie. You’re a lifesaver.” He removes his hands from his pockets and claps them together. “You want another drink? I can make you somethin’ quick.”

“Sure, yeah. Do you still have that margarita mix? It was yummy.” I suggest, clumsily. I need to find my footing after that absolute emotional rollercoaster, so he will just have to excuse my unbecoming behavior.

People start filtering out one by one and soon, the disco lights are turned off and the soft, warm glow of the lamps fill the living room. I find myself leaning against Bucky on the worn leather couch, exhaustion weighs heavily on me, and I find my eyes flitting shut for a few moments at a time.

“Birdie? You wanna go to bed?” Bucky coos.

I grumble in response, not fully committed to giving him a proper answer.

He chuckles, it’s rich and dark and perfect. “You can take the guest bedroom if you want… Or do you want to sleep here, sweetheart?”

“Bed.” I manage to mumble, with half lidded eyes and a stifled yawn.

“Do you need me to walk you there? You good to do that, baby? Or should I carry you?” His voice is soft, full of compassion. Even drunk and exhausted, it makes my heart swell. I can’t help but smile- it’s lazy and probably not my most picture-perfect smile, but it’s there now.

“Just fucking carry me. I know you want to- you know I want you to.”

He laughs out and hops up to scoop me up from my position on the couch. His strong arms come up under me and Bucky carries me to the guest bedroom, he doesn’t even break a sweat. You’d swear he was a goddamn superhero or something.

Bucky lays me down gingerly and I shift to get comfortable as I feel the softness of the mattress beneath me. “Thank you, sweet Jamie. My sweet… sweet Jamie.” My eyes flutter shut and I nestle into the pillow.

“G’night, Birdie. Sweet dreams.”  He leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my forehead. If I'd been more cognizant, perhaps I would've seen the way he smiled down at me from the side of the bed, eyes soft and full of care. Maybe I would have noticed his hesitance to leave, or the way he brought his fist up to his chest and rubbed it soothingly. Perhaps I would've picked up on the fact that his heart burned inside his chest for me, the same way mine did for him.

Hello everyone! This is the first part of my first ever series, I really hope you like it!

Please let me know what you all thought of it!

xoxo, Viv