#drawing where i have zero plan and just go with the vibes

[aulerean]

[iamred-iamyellow]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Bad Blood

♥ masterlist | request rules | based on this request

♥ pairing: franco colapinto x fem!driver!reader

♥ synopsis: tensions started rising in the williams garage when bad strategies pitted you and your teammate, franco against each other. after spotting him in a bar the night of a race the two of you bonded over your shared bad result. 

♥ one-shot - wc: 1.6k

♥ as always none of the pictures are mine <3

♥ warnings: swearing, drinking, and vaguely suggestive !!!

♥ a/n: rivals to lovers + forced proximity, go nuts babe. btw there’s some salty team vibes so i just wanna say i love williams (except james) this is purely for the plot lol

“Plan B, Y/n. Plan B,” you engineer said on the radio of your car.

”Is Franco undercutting me?” you asked, shifting down into a corner.

“We think this is the best decision point-wise.”

“You’re joking.”

“Y/n stick to the strategy, you’ll get your time eventually.” they responded.

“No this is bullshit. What advantage are you giving him? He can’t chase down Kmag any better than I can—at least he doesn’t have the pace right now. I don’t see why you’re making him the priority.”

You reached the end of the main straight watching as your teammate exited the pit lane in front of you.

He was on hard tires, an extremely odd choice for the end of this race. You were trying to complete the last 20 laps on softs while your teammate tried to make up positions on the opposite compound. Wait why the fuck would they put him on those tires? If they were aiming for an undercut, they were certainly going to fail with this strategy. 

You dove down into the apex and collided with Franco, who was turning in front of you. You both spun out into the gravel, ending your race. 

It was always like this. Somehow you always found yourself competing against Franco no matter where you went. 

“Fuck,” you yelled on the radio as you threw your HANS device outside of the car. 

“Are you okay?” your engineer questioned.

“Yup, yeah I’m fine.” you responded. 

The Williams team could hear faint breathing from Franco. 

“Is she ok?” he asked. 

“Yes, are you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

-

You scrolled through your phone in your driver's room, coming across a couple of posts about the situation.

@fcswife “is she okay?” FRANCO THE MAN THAT YOU ARE 😭❤️

@charlesgf16 she really has zero respect for franco huh?

@francodefender1 how could anyone hate him? 😩

You rolled your eyes and clicked off the device, throwing it onto a different cushion on the couch. You were going to need a drink. 

-

Later that night you retreated to a bar you were unfamiliar with. A couple of F2 drivers in your circle mentioned it in passing and considering you couldn't fluently speak the language of the country you were visiting, you hoped to run into a few people you knew.

The room was dark, loud, and packed. You could hear music playing over the sound of dozens of drunk voices. You pushed your way through the crowd of people towards the front of the bar in order to get a drink.

You spotted a familiar face when you arrived. To your dismay it was the only person you wished not to talk to at that moment. His brown curls were immediately identifiable and if that wasn't enough, the fluorescent lighting illuminated his face, drawing your eyes towards the small mole on his cheek.

You looked around for a place to avoid him, but all the booths were taken and the only open bar stool was the one next to Franco.

Because of course it was.

You sighed and took the seat next to him, trying your hardest to avoid eye contact.

"A bottle of Dom Perignon please," you asked, causing Franco to snort.

“What?” you shifted your gaze towards him.

“Champagne is for winners,” he said, looking you straight in the eye.

It wasn’t like he was incorrect. Champagne was for the podium—but you had a long day and it was time to treat yourself. Regardless, you rolled your eyes at the man’s comment.

Franco waved over the bartender to get a glass and help himself to the bottle of alcohol.

“You can venmo me,” you said only half joking as he poured himself some champagne.

A small tv in the corner of the bar had a replay of the race and press.

”There were a lot of emotions definitely, uhm I think the decisions tire wise for the strategy weren’t great. It’s frustrating to see the prioritization of your teammate but I guess I have no input on whether that goes to me or Franco each race. We had a rough week overall as a team but I hope we can bounce back.”

“As much as I hate to agree with you… you were right. Both our strategies were fucked.” he said referencing your post race interview, “They screwed us both.”

The two of you never really got along, but at least neither blamed each other for the crash. It was just a racing incident and it didn’t have to prevent you from finally having a civil conversation with Franco.

“To screwing us both,” you smiled while raising your glass of champagne, eliciting a chuckle out of him.  

He clinked his cup to yours with a smirk and took a small sip. 

From that point on your distaste for him slowly started to die down and you began to have a mutual understanding.

-

The next race went over far smoother than the last. Franco ended up in P5 with you right behind him in P6; an incredible result for the two of you and the team.

You jumped out of your car and strolled your way over to his. The camera picked up on you patting his helmet and mumbling something.

Of course this was going to be all your media feed would show for the next few days.

-

That night you found yourself at a far more tame pub than the last.

“From the gentleman across the bar,” a server said, causing you to look up from your phone and towards the direction he was pointing. 

Franco was leaning against the counter with a grin. He raised his eyebrows quickly and waved.

You took a sip of the cold blue drink in front of you and waved back. His eyes stayed locked on you as you pulled out your phone and unblocked a number.

You 

is there red bull in this? 

+1800******

yea 

You got a text back immediately, prompting you to change the contact name. 

You

i think that’s a sin

Franco

oh?

You

yea if i can’t drive it i shouldn’t be drinking it  

Franco

i guess it’s too bad williams doesn’t make energy drinks

You

come sit with me

-

Tensions were still high on track between the two of you but the minute race weekend was over it was like someone flipped a switch.

A few weeks flew by and people started to notice your behavior towards Franco. By now there were probably dozens of pictures of you looking very cozy together at parties, but not getting along at the circuits or simply ignoring each other in the paddock.

Of course people were getting suspicious. Maybe this was a ruse to keep your relationship a secret? Maybe it was all staged for Netflix. Or maybe—you two didn’t really know what you were.

-

“Che,” a voice called out to you in spanish, instantly grabbing your attention.

You spotted Franco in a booth at the back of the club. It was far darker in that corner, but with the flashing lights and loud music you were glad he picked a more secluded area.

The building was full with the familiar faces of drivers and team members.

”Look at you,” he said, impressed.

You laughed and did a small spin, showing off your dress. You knew he’d liked it and by the memory you had earlier this evening, it seemed as though a lot of people would.

”Another date with Franco, huh?” Kika smirked while putting on some dangly earrings. “It’s not a date,” you protested. She spun her body around to face you. “This,” she gestured to your outfit. “Is for a date.”

You slid into the booth next to him, setting your black clutch purse beside you.

Franco’s hand firmly grabbed your thigh to steady himself as he shifted closer towards you. Your eyes darted down to the action but he didn’t seem to notice. His grip loosened as he settled and he started rubbing small circles with the pad of his thumb.

A small hum escaped your lips, barely audible over the music and voices, but there was no way in hell your soft noises wouldn’t catch his attention.

”¿Esto está bien?” (is this ok?) he asked in a whisper, causing you to only nod.

His face moved closer to yours, and you wasted no time cupping his cheeks in your hands, and connecting your lips.

You melted into the kiss knowing damn well you daydreamed about this an embarrassing amount.

His tongue swiped over your bottom lip, tasting the gloss you applied earlier. You opened your mouth to allow him entrance and he dragged his fingertips further up the inside of your thigh.

Franco moved down to your neck leaving soft, open-mouthed kisses. His index and middle fingers brushed the lace of your lingerie, causing him to smirk against you.

“Stand up,” he demanded. He slipped out of the booth and pulled you onto your feet. You grabbed your clutch as he guided you through the crowd, hand-in-hand.

He opened the chiming door and the two of you stepped onto the wet cobblestone. Your heels clicked on the ground as he guided you to his car in the rain.

He pulled open the passenger seat door for you.

“Wow, we weren’t even in there a couple of minutes,” you stated.

“I think we’ve had enough time to talk… quiero llevarte a casa…” (i want to take you home) he leaned down and mumbled to you.

“O en este caso mi hotel,” (or in this case my hotel) “unless you’d rather go back inside..” he trailed off.

You shook your head in protest to his last works and a light chuckle slipped through his lips.

”Alright then,” he smirked, getting into the drivers seat.

[casual-praxis]

“Those awful, ravenous rainbows.”

Shadow’s Slime Rancher AU design is finally complete! I may have procrastinated getting it done a little, but ironically he’s the only one whose design I had completely figured out. I can already tell he's going to be a pain to draw more than once lmao.

(Sorry if this one looks wonky, I drew it entirely on my phone instead of sketching on paper like I usually do. It did not make the process any faster sadly.)

I intended for him to have both Tarr inspiration as well as hunter slime, but the bulk of it ended up being Tarr related and the only potential nods are the yellow stripes on his pants and the claws on his gloves. Very impractical, but Shadow doesn't really do the normal ranching stuff anyway.

As always, more details about him below the cut!

+ Shadow was the second person to arrive at the shared ranch, although the gap between his arrival time and Red's was much shorter than the one between him and Vio. As a result, he was still learning the ropes alongside Red for a while. This helped the two bond while also driving Vio slightly (more) insane.

+ While he does find the slimes to be cute, Shadow much prefers the vibe of the Tarr, hence his jacket theming. The others don't really understand his choices, but so long as he doesn't intentionally bring one back to the range, they don't mind it.

+ Everyone had their outfits tailored by Shadow. It's just one of his many miscellaneous unconnected talents. He can also play the piano, speak three different languages, do a perfect split (among other things), and partially keep up with Vio in the lab. Asking about where he learned any of these things gets a wildly different explanation each time.

+ Shadow pays the most attention to the plort market. He goes to the board immediately after breakfast to check what's going on with it for the day, despite the fact he doesn't have any slimes of his own. Depending on what's high value, he'll hunt down whoever has said high-value plorts and let them know it's time to crash the market.

If he doesn't have a stream planned, or has time to spare before one, he'll spend that time helping move plorts where they need to be.

+ Streaming is something Shadow had always been passionate about, but he just wasn't getting any traction back on Earth. It was hard to stand out even with his odd assortment of skills, so that's how he ended up moving to the Far, Far Range. With literally no one else to compete with, he very quickly found success in livestreaming his day-to-day there.

As a nice bonus, he does genuinely enjoy being out on the range. His viewers mostly stick around for him and his wacky roommates at this point, even if a few more streamers have popped up in the area since.

+ One of the first things Shadow ever said to Red was, "Vio is lying. He has more than one," with absolutely zero follow up context. Like, more than one what? Slimes? Plorts?? It took him a bit, but he did figure it out eventually. Green and Blue are still in the dark, but Shadow finds their confusion hilarious, even more so since Vio won't explain either.

+ Pretty much right from the get-go, Shadow was flirting with everyone. The other's always had such funny reactions to it, he wasn't even mad when he caught actual feelings for them. Vio would flirt back harder (which Shadow was not expecting), Red always took a moment to realize he was being flirted with (to which he'd start fumbling through his own attempts before laughing at how silly it sounded), Green would get incredibly embarrassed (Shadow was delighted to find out Green's ears light up too), and Blue similarly got embarrassed (but brushed it off a lot quicker and would usually chase Shadow off).

No surprise, Shadow was the first one to suggest they all date each other. By the time he mentioned it, they were all basically married anyway. All their stuff was merged and it's not like anyone was going to move out. Plus, different pairings kept getting caught doing couply-stuff, might as well make it official.

+ He gets lost most often, to the point where Green constantly has to go out and look for him. It's a running joke on his streams that whenever Shadow tries to show chat something he found in a different direction than he was originally heading, one of the mods needs to start a prediction (point-based betting poll) on whether or not they should call for Green now or later.

Green is attempting to get Vio's help in making a tracker for these specific situations, but negotiations keep falling through.

"You can't make him wear a collar, Vio, that's demeaning."

"It fits his brand. I don't think he'd mind."

"Why's it have to be a collar? Can't it be something less weird?"

"It's symbolic."

"No."

(A collar may or may not actually be added to his design. It can even have a little nameplate on it with instructions on how to deal with the lost little feral cat should anyone find him, because Vio thinks he's funny.)

[spiritblossoming]

The State of PPAU: A Really Long Post

This is gonna read like a video essay script I’m sorry 😭 and I'm serious about it being long this is 3k and says nothing really

When I started PPAU, it was more of a oneshot that I never expected to finish. Of course, I did finish it, so then I ended up posting it. At some time around then, my art teacher wanted me to draw up some sort of fictional setting, so I cheated and drew the players-as-champions universe I had been envisioning for months, inspired by the initial shots in the Burn It All Down MV of bright lights in a dark, rainy city. (That’s probably why the PPAU version of China has that same vibe of heavy rain and colorful light 90% of the time.) The first fic came out, and… it didn’t seem to draw much attention. Which, by the way, isn’t a problem, but it felt pretty discouraging back then. I came from a really close community in my last fandom where we would always be leaving paragraph-long comments on each other’s works, so getting a grand total of zero comments made me decide that I wouldn’t continue the universe like I had hinted. Much. 

The second PPAU fic was about the most popular North American team at the time, EG. At the time of posting, it was my way of saying goodbye to a universe I didn’t think I’d explore more of. Unlike my first fic, however, this one did get comments and kudos galore (I legitimately thought someone kudos-botted the fic or something since it had more kudos than hits). One comment in particular offered me more than just encouragement—it offered me a question. AryaSage wanted to understand how people got their powers, since it seemed a little inconsistent between fics. I never really answered that question very well, since magical sources of power were decidedly complicated in PPAU. But that  comment was what made me decide to continue PPAU for at least a little longer. 

My third fic was something pretty new for me. Instead of a oneshot that was mostly action or random fluff, I was going to do a multichap with a plot. You see, while trying to come up with championship wishes, I decided to give Scout one that would synergize with his champion, Zoe. I wrote down something along the lines of “boundless energy, never sleeps.” After a second of thinking, I added, “—angst?” Exploring championship wishes, the consequences of being a moron and the bond between teammates sounded like fun, so I went for it. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t really write a vaguely emotional, character-driven story without understanding the characters. And I knew very little about EDG, considering I have been a Damwon fan for almost as long as I’ve been into esports, and I am also a petty bitch. Rather than research, I went off pictures and their champions. Meiko was Yuumi, so he was generally cheerful, a great support outside of battle, and big on physical touch. Viper was Aphelios, so he was mysterious and cool. (AryaSage later gave him trauma.) Scout had to have a reason to make his stupid wish in the first place, so I made him a little bit of a moron. Jiejie was my favorite EDG member, although that’s not saying much, and I made him sarcastic because of his smirk in pictures. Flandre… was also there. In the span of about a week, I did what I had never done before: I finished a multichap fic. Arya commented on each chapter as it came out, which reminded me of my old fandom and helped motivate me to figure out what the hell my plot was. I call one day you’ll wish you hadn’t the EDG pilot, since I clearly hadn’t figured out the characters yet. 

Going into my fourth fic, I knew it was going to be an LCK fic. One commenter, rakuyou, said they would love to read more, and suggested that I write LCK next. I agreed, since I had written about the other three major regions already. I planned to write about Damwon, because again, I’m a Damwon fan and Showmaker has been my favorite for years. (He made it into EDG’s fic. That’s how you know it’s bad.) But when I tried to write about them… no ideas came to mind. I ended up thinking about a few clips I’d seen of Gumayusi talking about proving himself to Keria, and I typed out a line: “Okay, so in hindsight, this wasn’t the greatest idea.” Since I had covid at the time and therefore nothing to do but blow my nose and sit in my room, I wrote the rest of the fic in one day. My mom chose the title when she came to bring me my Chipotle. Rakuyou and Arya appeared again to cheer me on, and when Arya suggested that I do a Viper-centric fic to figure out his Deal (see note on me making him mysterious), I decided I might as well. 

So I did. And posted my fifth fic. The next day. As one does. The next two fics, while fun, didn’t have as much crazy inspiration behind them. They were both actually written from prompts, since I ran out of ideas. 

And then there was someday both of us are leaving here. I wrote the beginning of the sixth chapter first as a sort of sequel to counting failures, and then decided to make it a multichap 5+1. After chapter 4, DRX beat T1, and my fic ended up getting a lot more attention as people tried to cope with those finals. Two of my readers, a certain axolotl and owl, would later become my friends. Ginger Owl in particular motivated me to make the fic’s ending as good as it could be, since it was one of her favorite fics at the time. 

It’s worth noting that at the time of posting the sixth chapter, I had been dealing with depression for about six years. The pandemic hadn’t helped, and I was convinced that I was a failure compared to who I used to be. That had just started to change, as I realized about a day before my depression’s birthday that I might be able to be okay after all. One of my friends was also struggling with self-worth in comparison to someone else, similar to Gumayusi in the fic. In the seventh and final chapter, Keria tells Gumayusi that he doesn’t have to be Teddy or any of their teammates. All he has to be is Gumayusi. That chapter wasn’t just a love letter to Ginger Owl and my friend—it was a reminder to myself, of what I’d learned. I was vastly different from how I used to be, sure, and I was worse in a lot of ways, but my current self was also better in other aspects. I didn’t have to compare myself to who I used to be or to anyone else—I was enough. 

Yeah so then my grandpa died and I wrote angst to cope. Blah blah. 

But my grandpa dying and my depression isn’t important to this story! Something more important happened: SHOWMAKER LOST IN QUARTERFINALS. Filled with mald and the spirit of NA, I wrote there’s no crown for losing. And this shit is so bad it warrants a section break. 

For the first eight fics, PPAU had a solid identity. It was supposed to be a bunch of fairly short fics, some with self-contained arcs, that took place in the same universe, were canon compliant, and could be read without prior knowledge of the universe. Obviously, this wasn’t fully the case, since someday both of us are leaving here required knowledge of counting failures, but I figured it wouldn’t be too hard for a gumakeria fan to read a short gumakeria prequel. Plus the whole universe isn’t explained at the beginning of each fic, because that would make me die inside. Anyway, these stories were never connected all that much, making it easy for someone to pick and choose which ones they read based on what teams or players they liked. But there’s no crown for losing was the beginning of the end. Funnily enough, the canon compliance (AKA generally sticking to PPAU versions of IRL events and relationships) wasn’t completely destroyed the second I came up with the idea of a DK EDG crossover, since Damwon posted about LOSER FINALS TODAY WE GONNA WIN THIS TIME BROTHERS. DK VS EDG, TIME: WHENEVER YOU WANT. I love tncfl with my whole heart, but there’s no denying it did two very dangerous things to the universe. 

It introduced the idea of what I call a “mcdonalds fic”, where the previously unrelated characters from past stories came together to make something that was decidedly less than canon compliant. A mcdonalds fic, in essence, puts characters together despite the fact that they have barely interacted at all IRL, and therefore defies canon. 

It introduced Showmaker as the main character instead of a snarky, mysterious asshole like he was in his previous appearances. 

But surely there’s no crown for losing didn’t matter, because it was a one-time thing! Right? Well, it would have been, but then brute force and style combine was an even bigger mcdonalds fic, featuring players from all four regions and all TEN of the previous fics. (I’m serious.) Worse, that fic set up a possible plot, what with the ominous ending and hint that something new was coming. Right after that came run away from the faith, which marked the first time two characters had an important interaction that was insanely non-canon compliant. And of course, then there was now I’ll never be the same, and the Ruination arc, which was so, so non-canon compliant. It literally added a plot that was so disruptive that I had to reschedule some of the IRL matches in-universe, and although that might have been fine, it, uh… It was a global crisis with lasting effects, most notably the trauma I inflicted of some of PPAU’s most prominent characters.

The Ruination arc was a little weird, since it was split into eight fics despite having the same central plotline and arc. I don’t think it would have made much sense as a single fic either, since the POVs and focuses vary wildly (which is a problem in the alt ruination fic), and seeing as I had no idea what the plan was when I posted the first fic, there wasn’t much I could do. During the Ruination, if you wanted to know what the hell was going on, you absolutely had to read the fics that came before it, which wasn’t anything like the format I had going before. I was really drained writing the Ruination, since it was such a big project that I wasn’t sure I could finish. That’s probably why PPAU started how it did—so that no matter when I stopped writing PPAU, it would have a clear enough ending. Like a moron, I even hinted at a second Big Plot in the Ruination finale.

I ended the Ruination by celebrating the fact that all the Plot Shit was over and that I could get back to crack and my regularly scheduled programming. Except… I couldn’t. My next fic, while basically a crack oneshot, referenced the Ruination. I couldn’t justify not doing so, since Keria kind of died and saved the world. It was an awkward in-between of the two PPAU styles, since it could be read without context right up until Gumayusi and Keria start talking about an old arc. Most of the next few fics—a heart full of fire, pray for glory, rise up and sing, and even legendary (the stars will remember you)—were more of a return to the oneshot, non-interconnected format. The obvious exception is what are you willing to lose, but that one kind of had to be open-ended. Even though they were more of a return to the format, all of them still at least referenced past fics and arcs, and with Faker’s fic reaching 2023, it’s going to mention the Ruination. Except for rise up and sing, because EU is fundamentally irrelevant in this universe despite being the first region I wrote about. 

At this point, I didn’t have my self-contained arcs or my canon compliance or my oneshots that you could read independently. It was a whole interconnected mess of plot spaghetti, and it still is. At first, the “series” title didn’t really fit PPAU, since they were all just vaguely related fics, but the Ruination really made it a series. While you can still read the first thirteen fics with little to no context, the rest of the series has required reading, and that’s just… not what I meant to do. PPAU spans 50 fics if you count AryaSage and Space_Axolotl’s contributions—which you should, because they’re a) bangers and b) related to the “plot”. You also have to count the alternate Ruination, which I wrote as a fun what-if and now has a bunch of lore for the universe that can’t be found anywhere else. So now PPAU is over 300,000 words. You have to read a bunch of shit to understand one fic. Plus, while having self-contained arcs is good, now that I’m dragging them all together, you can’t just choose to read the fics about your favorites if you want to understand a new fic. So PPAU’s old concept is working against what it’s become. Honestly, if I wasn’t the author and I saw PPAU today, I wouldn’t read it. 

Look… I’m not writing for the sake of external validation, because I know I shouldn’t, but it’s not as if that doesn’t play a big part. Passion can only get me so far, and that was clear as soon as I started, since I would have quit after my second fic. PPAU isn’t exactly new reader-friendly, so most of my readers are what I call the squad: people who have read a large amount of PPAU and are more committed to it as a universe. Which is cool. I love the squad. It reminds me of my old fandom. But—and this is going to sound bad—sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Maybe I’m spoiled by my old fandom, because again, we had paragraph-long comments and discord servers where we would live react to fics (and still leave comments at the end). Maybe I’m not. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that those long comments that give me motivation and dopamine like nothing else are hard to come by these days. And by the way, there is NOTHING wrong with that, or with the fandom as a whole. Well actually the fandom has an issue with not crediting people or asking permission to use their ideas (star guardian anon i mean you /frfr) or supporting authors as much as they should but whatever. Anyway, I don’t blame anyone for not leaving comments, and I’m not saying that you should. Well I am saying that but I mean it generally and not about my works in particular. Writing any non-T1 fic means that you’re resigning yourself to it not being nearly as popular, and I’m not exactly a T1 main. I think I would have more than a few fics that didn’t have comments were it not for the squad, which kind of bothers me. I love the squad, but when it’s just them commenting on a fic, I start to think that if that fic didn’t have my name attached to it, no one would want to read it. Not even me! And at that point, why am I posting it? Why am I writing it? That’s my kind of thought process when it spirals. 

Even without that, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m just not happy with PPAU’s concept. It’s not fully interconnected, but there are a bazillion plot lines tangled up in there, and it’s not a series, but the Ruination definitely is. Canon compliance is a myth at this point. It’s not the approachable little universe it was when I made it two years ago. I’ve spent more than two years writing and drawing almost exclusively PPAU things, and… this is the part where I say that it’s gotten tiring, but that’s not the case. There are so many stories I can still tell, plus a big plotline I could explore. But if I’m putting all my brainrot into this one universe, I want to at least be happy about how that universe works—and I’m not. 

There’s no easy fix for any of this, though. I can’t untangle the plot threads and fics no matter what, and my ongoing fics reflect that. Faker’s fic will eventually answer a question that was asked by the very first fic, which does seem fitting. Because Faker. Showmaker and Canyon’s fic sets up a Noxian plotline (good timing I know) that has been around since a heart full of fire. But I alluded to Showmaker’s backstory in his first big fic. See point about tncfl breaking the universe. Alt Ruination will also be related to the greater lore of the universe, which I resent. It’s meant to be a spinoff, man… Zoomer fic was initially tied to the Noxian plot before I remembered that was a bad idea, but it still introduces a possible plot going forward. JackeyLove’s fic heavily relies on the Ruination and sets up the Void plotline, because it’s him.

Quick aside, JackeyLove is probably my favorite character I’ve created. He wasn’t supposed to be much (despite me liking iG for longer than I’ve liked DK) but while considering what Kai’Sa might exist as in PPAU, I wrote that she was “a girl who underwent a risky operation to save her life,” with said operation obviously being the Void symbiote. I used the same concept for JackeyLove, which was cool and all until I realized that he might have a little trauma about that. So he’s a bit of a mess now. In a good way. He has Showmaker’s sass, Viper’s trauma, Faker’s weird power scaling and plot relevance… 

Okay anyway. There’s no way to fix PPAU, which is upsetting considering everything I’ve put into this universe. Every chapter I post only exacerbates the issues. I still fully intend to post those chapters and eventually write the Void and Noxian plotlines, which should come to a head this year anyway. After that… we’ll see how I feel. Plot sounds painful. I don’t think I’ll outright end PPAU at some point. It’ll just stop. Which is ominous but that’s how it goes ig. 

It would be nice to work on some other projects too. I have to write that T1 novel, which will be in its own universe. Then there’s the fabled “hvau” which has been cooking for forever. Featuring my favorite mcdonalds morons. 

Maybe one day I’ll at least fix the organization of PPAU… Until then, I’d like to thank the squad I mentioned previously. I appreciate all the support more than you know. Everyone who’s commented/screamed at me in DMs for 2 hours about what I wrote, I love you. Thank you for reading! 

[the-grey-hunt]

i have covid and must sit in my room all day. it's ghost trick posting hours and i am thinking about a gt major arcana set

These are purely based on my vibes from experience and the little pamphlet that came with my Rider-Waite-Smith deck, so feel free to argue with me, i could really use a conversation to get invested in rn

0 - THE FOOL. Obviously this one is going to be Sissel. The Fool represents setting out on a journey that's gonna take you through the rest of the cards, and it's the zero point, the beginning of the deck (sometimes the end, which is how my pamphlet organizes it). I'd draw him in the junkyard, maybe as the ghost flame.

I - THE MAGICIAN. This one gave me the most trouble. I eventually settled on Pigeon Man, partly because I couldn't figure out a 'scene' i liked for this more than a person. He fits the bill of a man hiding some secrets, but one who's a sort of 'magus' (pamphlet's word) or knowledgeable figure. No idea how i'd draw it.

II - THE HIGH PRIESTESS. I picked the park guardian/Dabira. HEAR ME OUT. The description I have says "tenacity", or if reversed, "passion" and "surface knowledge" (hate to say it but Dabira does not know the lore). Normally this would be a woman, but I ran out of female characters before assigning this one. This drawing would highlight the stars in his eyes.

III - THE EMPRESS & IV - THE EMPEROR. Alma and Jowd, respectively. The Empress is "the unknown, doubt" or reversed, "truth, the unraveling...of matters". More her role in the story than her actual personality, but the game devs didn't give her one, so. The emperor represents "conviction" (lol) and "protection", but also reversed can mean "confusion", "obstruction".

I'd draw Alma in a fake foil-card, where it looks like it's being tilted so some of her is visible through the "foil" but the "reflective" parts are her blacked-out flashback silhouette. Jowd would be at the foot of a ruined throne.

V - THE HIEROPHANT. This one's Kamila. "Captivity" is one of the potential meanings, but reversed it can also be "weakness", which I don't mean as an insult, but she's a little girl who gets physically overpowered. It would be Kamila on a thronelike seat in the red trunk, the hierophant's tools (maybe pieces from the contraption) on the floor before her.

VI - THE LOVERS. Yomiel and FianSissel. "Love" and "trials overcome", but reversed "failure" or "foolish designs". I think they as a pair represent the potential meanings pretty well; there's definitely love, but their love leads them to foolish plans down doomed paths. Drawn as each other's reverse, like a face card in a deck of playing cards.

VII - THE CHARIOT. "Triumph", but reversed, "defeat". I'd draw this as squished Jeego rolling away with the wrecking ball—both a triumph and a defeat!

VIII - STRENGTH. Lynne! "energy" and "action" both describe her. The reversed meanings don't really fit, so I'm ignoring them lol. I'd draw her in her determined pose, maybe from in the Yonoa with the pocket watch.

IX - THE HERMIT. Ray! "Prudence" (the other meanings I'm given don't fit as well), but reversed, "concealment", "disguise". I'm drawing that boy wigglin'.

X - WHEEL OF FORTUNE. "Destiny", "luck". No character fits this as well as the clock from the 'rewind time' cutscene.

XI -JUSTICE. Literally just gonna be the Justice Minister, in one of his slumped-on-the-desk poses. "Executive", but reversed, "law in all departments", "excessive severity".

XII - THE HANGED MAN. This one is Cabanela, and you know he's going in the hanged man pose. "Trials", "intuition" "discernment"— reversed, "selfishness", so the regular and reversed readings are the truth v. how he's percieved.

XIII - DEATH: I think this should be a drawing of a detective's pistol. There's the possibility of getting more metaphorical with this card, but here, I don't think you need to.

XIV - TEMPERANCE. I put Rindge for this one because i wanted to include all the people who get their lives saved by Sissel, and I do think it fits. "accomodation" (of lynne); reversed, "competing interests" (his assignment v. helping lynne). I'd draw him seated at the table in the restaurant.

XV - THE DEVIL. This isn't as much a person (I mean, it's Sith), but I want this card to show as its centerpiece the little grabby thing that takes Yomiel's Temsik fragment out. Both Yomiel and Sith would be visible, to either side, but the meaning of "violence" or, reversed, "fatality", "pettiness", seems best suited by this specific scene.

XVI - THE TOWER. It's already been done perfectly and is tbh the reason I'm making this post

XVII - THE STAR. What else? The Temsik meteorite. Carries a meaning of "loss", but alternately (not reversed, but alternately) "hope", "bright prospects for the future". Two very different scenes in that park...I'd draw it in the crater, where it could be showing either future.

XVIII - THE MOON. Beauty and Dandy for this one, idk how i'd draw them. "Hidden enemies", "danger", "deception", "error".

XIX - THE SUN. Missile! Means "material happiness", "contentment", even when reversed. It's what he is and what he brings to people around him! I'm giving that boy a halo effect.

XX - THE LAST JUDGEMENT. A scene of "the last desperate struggle" (to borrow the soundtrack title) in Temsik Park, the last moment of gameplay in the game. Could be either the fountain with the meteor coming down, or missile in the bullet right before it's swapped. could be a lot of moments!

XXI - THE WORLD. I would do a cool thing with the phone lines and traveling through them for this one. luckily no one can make me draw it, so you're just gonna have to picture the coolness yourself

[foster-the-world]

I love

I love when I get to hang out with any of my kids one on one. We need to make concentrated efforts to do it more often. I'm home with baby boy all week while my husband took the girls to Cali to see his parents/sister.

Baby boy is so much fun alone (as I've said a million times). We went to the Children's Museum and the MOMA kids art lab. Kids art lab was underwhelming but he enjoyed himself. Did a quick walk through of the art. He wasn't too impressed.

We had an indoor monkey bar system set up yesterday. It took the guys a lot longer then they planned. Last night I was regretting the choice. Felt a little too risky. I think I know how we can make it safer. Its supposed to be a part of his sensory diet. We used some funds we got when the DOE reimbursed for some OT costs.

Rebel was sick Thursday night. Thankfully fine all day Friday. Flew out very early on Saturday. His parents picked them up with masks and dropped them off at a hotel. They were supposed to go right to the cousins house and were scheduled to stay with his parents. I guess his parents were worried about the stomach bug. Which is understandable but I thought it was rude not too let my husband know beforehand. He got up at 4am to take two kids on a six hour flight by himself. He would have warned the girls they were expected to go isolate in a hotel room. Of course, my husband is a Saint and just went along with it. If my parents didn't see my girls for three months there is zero chance they would give up even one hour with them - sick or not. And they weren't even sick anymore. She never had a fever. Threw up 36 hours before. Anyway not my rodeo.

Baby boys ezcema is not good. His poor little cheeks. I guess its just the cold weather.

My own scalp is so, so, so itchy. Before the last month I've never in my life had this problem. No dandruff just itchy/burning. Its not a super bad pain level but its nonstop. It keeps me awake at night. I'm assuming its related to the low iron and the hair loss. Not sure what to do. Trying shampoos right now. Probably need to do some kind of eating changes but not sure exactly what and also don't want to. My skin is also itchy but that's less persistent. The skin is also something I'm used to when the weather gets cold like this.

DOE is giving new options for baby boy since they can't find providers. I'm on the fence. It involves a different school. Its not far away, is an inclusive classroom (8 special ed kids, 8 gen ed), would include all providers (OT, PT and speech) , and would include free summer camp which also includes all providers. These are all big benefits. Its a fancy private school - which is not our vibe. I guess they reserve some DOE spots. I don't really want my poorly behaved (but o so sweet) black boy to be a scholarship kid (in essence) in a school full of rich white kids. In their defense I think by private school standards it is more diverse then most. I don't want my kids to grow up with kids who think spending $60K a year for school is normal. I think it just gives a view of the world I don't want them to have. But that's more of a concern for older grades. Not an issue for 4yo's. He can go back to our little public school for K. We need to figure out a place for providers and this maybe our best option. The free summer camp is a big draw. I need somewhere that can handle kids like him. One that is paid for and includes his services would be a huge win. They do swimming lessons and teach Spanish. He's actually picking up some Spanish vocabulary (numbers, colors, animals) so a place where that can grow would be great. DOE is setting up a tour after winter break. I'm sure its a very nice facility. Let's see how it goes. I won't hold my breathe until a solution is actually implemented.

[butterflydm]

wot reread: towers of midnight (chap 27-38)

spoilers for towers of midnight

This gritted teeth reluctance of Egwene's, where she knows that they can't afford to face the Seanchan now because the Last Battle is more important -- this is the vibe. This is the energy. We need more of this when talking about the Seanchan.

2. Anyway, Egwene is trying to reach out to Rand's allies to convince them that he needs to be convinced to stop his plan of breaking the seals. This section works better than the earlier ones imo because Darlin, etc. doesn't know about the big epiphany and Rand's shift in perspective, so instead of another person reassuring Egwene that Rand is ~much better now~, we get a more measured response that talks about loyalty, and the Seanchan to the west, and that they all knew that the Dragon Reborn would likely go mad before the Last Battle so this shouldn't really be a surprise and he's still the only horse in the race.

3. They receive word that the watchtowers of the Borderlands are beginning to go dark -- a sign that the Last Battle is truly beginning. Egwene learns that the Hall is meeting without her, and goes to the meeting. After some Aes Sedai political wrangling, Egwene manages to get them to trade authority over the armies with authority in dealing with monarchs and rulers, aka Rand, who rules Illian. She also does some important loophole closing to make it harder for another secretive group like the Black Ajah to depose an Amrylin as happened to Siuan.

4. There is a certain amount of hilarious irony in Faile being hurt over Morgase using a different name and hiding her noble identity given the way Faile entered into this story (though Faile does realize this herself after a moment). But then she admits to herself that her real worry is that Morgase, as a fair woman, might fairly decide that Perrin really is a murderer, and they would have to deal with the consequences of that decision.

5. While a bubble of evil attacks Perrin's camp, Morgase and Galad are talking off in the Whitecloak camp. Morgase thinks about how she wishes she'd done a better job teaching Galad about shades of gray, so perhaps he wouldn't have been drawn into the Children of Light, with their black and white philosophy. She does her best to impart some shades of gray teachings to him now: good people can make mistakes sometimes and that's as important as knowing if a crime itself happened (basically that intent does matter when judging for a crime). She does not quite convince him, because... idk we need to draw out Perrin's plot more I guess. And the bubble of evil means that Perrin is asking for more time on his side too.

6. Okay, so Tam hasn't left at this point. But Perrin has been casually talking about how Elayne is planning to marry Rand*, which means it should be buzzing around the camp as gossip, which means that Tam should already know about Elayne when he first meets Min in Tear. There was zero indication about this in the Tam scenes in TGS but since it seems obvious that Tam should already know, I'm going to imagine/pretend that he talked to either Min or zen!Rand (once he returned) about these rumors about the queen of Andor wanting to marry Rand.

Anyway, Tam tells Perrin that he needs to leave on special ~Aes Sedai business~ but that he's proud of him. I guess that's nice. And then he leaves, off to go be in the ending of TGS and nearly get killed by his son. So that's where Perrin is in the timeline.

*this really does illustrate how infrequently Perrin thinks of Rand and how quickly he manages to dispel his visions of Rand compared to Mat, since he apparently has NOT been watching Rand constantly having sex with Min in recent months -- or maybe the ~Pattern~ just knows that Mat is more interested in seeing Rand during those times than Perrin is? Because Perrin actually DOES know Min and Elayne both separately -- he spent that winter between TGH & TDR spending a lot of time with Min and she even confessed to him that she was fated to fall in love with Rand (though didn't know if he would love her back), and he was in Tear when Elayne and Rand were together as well -- so you'd think that he'd consider what it might mean for Elayne's marriage hopes that Min stole her boyfriend, since he doesn't know about the shared love confessions, yet the only thing he mentioned as a potential objection to the marriage is that Rand might be too busy ~conquering his next nation~. I mean, I guess he could have been making poly assumptions but that's really the sort of thing that maybe should have actually been in his thoughts at some point, lol.

7. Haha, Elayne finding a loophole in the "required bed rest for a week" rule laid down by her midwife. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ilu Elayne. Anyway, she's here to see a demonstration of Aludra's dragons! It's interesting that Mat explained to Elayne that Aludra's main motivation is to get revenge against the Seanchan, which potentially means that he told her about the Seanchan destroying the Tanchico chapterhouse and murdering & enslaving the Illuminators there. But, yes, the first public demonstration of the 'dragons' (aka cannons) is a success. After agreeing to give her all the resources that she requires, Elayne makes Aludra swear that she will keep the creation of these a secret, but Birgitte feels anxious about the idea of them anyway. "The world just changed."

8. Perrin's crash course in How To Wolfbrother: Dream Edition continues. This time, he's learning how not to be afraid of himself as Young Bull and how to confidently control the wolf dream around him when he's inside it. Over a handful of days. This is the first time Perrin finds out that this is the dreamplace of 'everyone' and not just wolf-related people. Hopper brings Perrin to a city so that he can walk through the 'fear dreams' of the people living there, so that he can do an accelerated crash course in How To Wolfbrother. And I do find all this wolf-development good but... wow, it feels so belated. Mat got his war memories in TSR and struggled with them over the course of TFoH but had basically accepted them by LoC. Perrin found out he was a wolfbrother in EotW and is only now finishing up his coursework in How To Wolfbrother.

9. It's interesting that the wolves are waiting on Dragonmount for Rand to face his moment of decision between destruction and life. We've only had hints of how connected the wolves feel to the Light & to the Dragon Reborn. Kinda wish we'd gotten more. One of the downsides of how Jordan kept dividing up the storylines and separating everyone, I suppose, plus the general theme of Team Light having rotten communication skills and keeping secrets from each other.

I really do feel like Sanderson rushed Rand too much in TGS and then idled with him in ToM and I think it would have worked better to have the ruthless Rand arc paced out more with the other characters in ToM rather than climaxing at the end of TGS. I'm also kinda... eh on whether or not we needed Perrin there ~in spirit~ with Rand on Dragonmount? I'm not sure we needed an outside PoV of this scene when we had an internal one already? I like the descriptions well enough but I am tired of always seeing Rand from the outside in ToM. But, anyway, Rand chooses life and the wolves all celebrate. It's kinda funny that the wolves are so into Rand and he... barely has any clue that wolves are related to the Last Battle in any way? I don't think anyone (Perrin) has mentioned that he's a celebrity to the wolves.

10. I am more than halfway done with ToM and I feel like barely anything has happened yet, lol. "Let's all catch up to Rand's moment of being awesome" didn't work for CoT and I'm not sure why Sanderson decided to repeat that again for ToM. There are definitely some chapters and PoVs that I am enjoying but overall this book feels like filler half the time, which is a WILD choice, bro.

11. Mat is dicing, and it seems to partly be a vibe check to see if his luck is with him (see, this is what I meant earlier about how Elayne's supernatural guarantee is more guaranteed than Mat's is). Strike nine-point-three as Mat notices the wide smile of a "raven-haired beauty". He is now preemptively telling (some) women that he's married in hopes that they will do the work of not being flirty rather than him doing it. Strike ten-point-three, as Mat regretfully thinks about how the innkeeper's wife is very pretty but her husband would assault him if he looked at her for too long so he only glances at her briefly.

12. He's been walking around with his face uncovered all day, hoping to draw the gholam to him now that he has a plan on how to deal with it. It works after a while and the two of them fight (in streets that are being kept clear by the Band keeping other people away). The gholam is able to get his medallion away from him, but Mat has borrowed two of the copies from Elayne and discovers that they still work against the gholam. Ah, and the secret weapon is finding a way to trick it/back it into falling into the Gateway created by one of the Kin. This is a good chapter, for the most part, except for some minor things here and there, that are mostly annoyances that were pre-baked into Mat's new characterization from Jordan in CoT & KoD. The gholam thing unfortunately does feel like it turned more into a personal vendetta, which I think is a shame, but I'm glad that channeling was an essential part of defeating it. Mat has, since parting from his slaver wife, now worked extensively with free channelers -- Teslyn saved his life against the gholam before, and it's Elayne connecting him to the Kin (who had to escape Altara to avoid being enslaved by his wife's people) that saves him here and helps him defeat the gholam.

13. Strike eleven-point-three as Mat notes one of the Kinswomen who is plump and pretty and would "fit nicely on his knee".

14. Yikes on bikes that Mat wants to give a slaver, who is hostile to channelers and who wants to torture and enslave them, a medallion that would protect her against channeling (though this plan of his does make an asshole move that Tuon pulls later somewhat ironic). Though he isn't aware of the copies' flaws, it sounds like, and one of those flaws is that they protect against some weaves but not against the most powerful, so Elayne could, for example, still balefire Tuon's ass if she were wearing one of the copies.

Also, I bet that Mat did NOT tell Elayne that he was planning to give her hard work to a slaver who would be willing to torture, degrade, and mind-break her if given the chance. Honestly, once Elayne does find out who Mat is married to, she has every right to feel completely betrayed by him. He used her to aid someone who would be willing to torture her and the people under her protection. And he's so deeply in denial about Tuon (thinking of her ~as a person~ as completely separate from her position ~as a powerful enforcer of slavery in a slaver society~ and behaving as if 'protecting Tuon' doesn't support the Seanchan Empire in any way -- this is the bullshit that his "your empire is my enemy but you aren't" double-thinking allows to him to believe despite it being nonsense) that it doesn't even occur to him that what he's doing here is a complete betrayal of the trust that Elayne has placed in him. And after Elayne saved his ass here too -- both with the copies of the medallion, and also because she and Birgitte are the ones who came up with this plan for him.

...I wonder if the medallion copies would prevent a sul'dam from using an a'dam, since (unlike the original) they do not allow the wearer to channel while wearing them. It seems logical that they would block the link created by the a'dam.

15. Anyway, Mat is basically pulling the exact same "I am on both sides and neither at once" routine with Tuon & the Westlanders that Gawyn pulled with the loyalist Aes Sedai and Egwene, so I can only hope that this means that Mat will come to his senses post-canon the way that Gawyn came to his senses and picked the right side once he learned that Egwene was imprisoned by the White Tower. There are a few easy ways that a post-canon narrative could make that happen.

Honestly, it's more likely that Tuon will grossly violate Mat's sense of morality past the bounds of what he can take than that she won't, given what we've seen of her personality and beliefs. If they have multiple kids in the future and Tuon raises them in the Imperial Seanchan way, Mat will rebel against having his kids sabotage and undermine each other to attempts to appeal to empress dearest; if he sees someone in a collar that he recognizes than this may bring things home to him in a way that it seems like he's forcing himself to ignore when the slaves are all strangers; if they have a channeler kid who Tuon tries to collar, etc. Lots of things could cross the line, and all of those things seem perfectly in her character as has been shown thus far in the books.

The interesting thing to me here is that Mat gets to fence-straddle without getting the fandom hate that Gawyn got for it. Is it simply because the reader got to know Mat for much longer before he started his fence-straddling ways in CoT? Is it because Mat has a more amusing internal narration so people are willing to forgive him for more than they would other characters? Is it because of who gets hurt because of the fence-straddling?

Gawyn's fence-straddling meant that he didn't help Rand during/after Dumai's Wells and he also killed some number of Warders during the coup. Mat's fence-straddling means that so far he's been complicit in forty Aes Sedai getting enslaved by the Seanchan plus an unknown number of injuries and deaths, and he's currently plotting to give Tuon a tool that would help her enslave more Aes Sedai (even if he chooses to be in denial over the fact that she could use it that way).

16. General Bashere and his army finally arrive with Asha'man to give Ituralde some relief. Rand shows up too, a little bit later, and apologizes to Ituralde for how he has failed in making peace with the Seanchan and in giving him the support that he needed. Rand goes out alone to kill a massive wave of Shadowspawn by himself.

17. Rand processes that he was angry during the recent fight with the Shadowspawn... and that that's OKAY. He's allowed to be angry as long as he processes and controls that anger appropriately and doesn't lash out at his allies. Very important step!

lol we also get updated on Min's Old Tongue prophecy analysis project re: Callandor. It's... lol, whatever. I guess it gives Min something to do.

Once again, I wish so much that we were actually in Rand's head and not just getting him filtered through other people's PoVs.

18. So Nynaeve has given a full report of her time with Rand to the Amyrlin & Siuan (who is clearly still one of Egwene's main advisors at this point? She's the only person in the meeting with Egwene and Nynaeve). She is capable of communication, just not with Rand. *sigh*

Nynaeve defends Rand here against Egwene (she says that if the Asha'man's behavior is Rand's responsibility, then the Aes Sedai's behavior is Egwene's responsibility), but was never willing to tell him anything when she was with him. The rest of the scene is them sketching out their plan to take out Mesaana (using Egwene as bait again). Nynaeve suggests working with Rand, but Egwene shoots the idea down.

19. Gawyn is just... casually hanging out with Elayne in Caemlyn? We didn't actually get to see their reunion? Well, that's disappointing. Gawyn guesses that Rand is the father of Elayne's kids and she mentions that if he is, it would be smart not to tell anyone about it, as it would make them targets. Gawyn and Elayne talk some various things through re: Rand and Egwene and, in the end, Elayne helps Gawyn let go of his hate of Rand. She releases from his obligations in Caemlyn, so that he can fully devote himself to Egwene & the White Tower. It's a sweet scene, honestly. It gets quoted sometimes as Elayne doing a Take That at Gawyn over classism but that's not really the approach she's taking at all with him.

20. While he's here, he takes out the dagger that was dropped by the assassin and examines it, getting a started reaction from one of the nearby 'Kin', who is actually one of the ex-damane (Marille), who recognizes the dagger and what it means. He finds out that the Bloodknives are Seanchan assassins who are sent personally by the Empress. Suicide troops left behind to murder Aes Sedai, in this case. They've murdered several women already, and those deaths are also ones that Mat is complicit in. We get a reminder here that "the Seanchan treated their damane worse than animals" as Marille cowers and whimpers when Gawyn's voice raises.

(And Tuon would happily do this kind of emotional damage to Mat's sister Bode, or to Egwene, or Elayne, or Aviendha, or Nynaeve, or Moiraine, etc. -- though that does remind me of how it, in retrospect, it does seem like the composition of Mat's party that escaped Ebou Dar was another deliberate choice to shield Mat from the true horror of what the Seanchan do to these women -- he has never met an native Seanchan ex-damane, who has had to reconstruct herself from the ground up after having been taught since fifteen or sixteen years old that she is a subhuman monster. But having someone like that around during the circus journey would have been an even stronger indictment of Tuon as a person and of her society as a whole, so potentially that's why Jordan avoided it)

21. So GAWYN gets to hear the explanation here that all sul'dam are capable of learning to channel, something that no one has ever gotten around to telling Rand. Kaisea, the ex-sul'dam (who was also Low Blood, it sounds like) that Gawyn meets here, is insisting that she belongs in the collar now. If Elayne is so sure that it will undermine Seanchan culture for this news to spread, then it's baffling to me that she isn't spreading the news! This should be a major (deliberately planted) rumor, especially in cities and villages near or across the Seanchan border (it's entirely possible that this was originally part of Jordan's plan for the Seanchan, before he decided to slow-walk them starting in CoT, for the sake of the outriggers that will never happen).

Gaywn learns that the ter'angreal rings that the Bloodknives wear gives them the ability to blur near shadows but it comes at great cost -- once activated, death will come to them, usually in a couple of weeks and at a month at the longest. Around now is when he gets the message from Egwene to return to the Tower. Instead of doing so, he has the knife sent back, with the message that the assassin is Seanchan (and the details of how they work). Also, just as the Seanchan declare their army Ever Victorious (and their empress ~may she live forever~) they also say that the Bloodknives are impossible to survive if you're their target. You can always count on the Seanchan to declare that they are The Best and Most Perfect at everything, despite the evidence being against them. From what I've seen in the books, the only thing they're actually 'the best' at is propaganda (though both of those traits -- claiming to be superior and only really being superior at SAYING they're superior -- are pretty common for fascist-style governments, so I guess that's all true to form).

22. Perrin is STILL planning to disband the armies that he has gathered (after the trial, before he goes back to Rand). wtf dude! I don't care if you don't want to lead them; hand them over to Rand and HE can lead them. He has stopped complaining about leading them publicly, at least.

23. Perrin has figured out that there's a connection between the weird dome in the wolfdream and the inability of channelers to create Gateways in that same area in the waking world. Oops, there's a section here where Faile's PoV becomes Perrin's for a few paragraphs and then swaps back to Faile's, without the normal spacing markers that the books use for PoV swaps in the same chapter.

24. Conclusion of the trial: Perrin "killed unlawfully" but did not "murder" the Children of the Light, because the Children did not have authorization to act within Andor's borders, so Morgase is treating it as a clash between two mercenary bands. Then she throws the sentencing to Galad. Galad asks if Perrin will stand by the sentencing, Perrin says that he will... but only after the Last Battle. Galad agrees to those terms and says he will name the sentence itself later.

(in light of our Dain Bornhald casting news -- this is the culmination of his own series-long arc, where he learns and begins to believe that Perrin was not responsible for his father's death)

24. Tonight is the night that Egwene plans to face off with Mesaana in TAR. They have their trap set. Egwene also asks Silviana to send Gawyn another letter requesting his return but to make sure that she asks this time instead of telling. Egwene would probably have had more success if she'd written the letter herself, lol.

25. The frustrating thing about the Whitecloak trial being the trigger for Perrin's character arc climax here is how he has committed much worse deeds since then and not regretted them. I don't care about the results of his Whitecloak trial. I want him on trial for selling two hundred women into slavery! Anyway, he's heading into the wolfdream to try to kill Slayer, while Faile is in charge of handling the retreat through the Gateways in the waking world. He isn't able to kill Slayer, but he finds the dreamspike that was being used to prevent Traveling and starts traveling north with it, so that his people will be able to leave.

26. While Nynaeve keeps an eye on the fake location for the TAR meeting that is meant to draw out Mesaana, Egwene attends the real meeting, which is between Aes Sedai, Wise Ones, and (for the first time) a handful of Windfinders. We know that Egwene's big goal is that she would like all women who can channel to be 'tied' to the White Tower in some fashion, so I'm guessing this meeting is going to be an attempt at making that work. The Windfinders describe the White Tower taking people in a very poetic way: "The White Tower inhales but does not exhale -- that which is brought in is never allowed to leave." And the Wise Ones are feeling some solidarity with that vibe.

Egwene agrees with this point and says that they may have been wise to keep their abilities a secret, but then says that the White Tower does have some knowledge that they do not... and they begin to work out a potential bargain. Accepted being sent to learn from Wise Ones or Windfinders... and apprentices being sent to learn from Aes Sedai and then being allowed to return to their people instead of being required to stay with the White Tower. It feels like she's taking the lesson that she saw with Nynaeve in the Testing here and applying it to the Aiel & Atha'an Miere. She also agrees that the ter'angreal that belong to the Aiel and to the Atha'an Miere can be agreed to belong to them, without the White Tower trying to snatch them away because they've declared ~all ter'angreal~ to be theirs.

27. They also talk here about the other 'common foe' that they share -- the Seanchan. That an alliance between their three groups will make it easier for them to stand together against the Seanchan. The bargain still needs to be ratified by each of the individual parties' people but it's a pretty sound one, imo.

28. Mesaana attacks the decoy location and, by ta'veren coincidence, Perrin's journey north with the dreamspike has led him to Tar Valon. And Gawyn manages to return to Tar Valon via Gateway right before the dreamspike arrives and cuts off the city.

29. Carlinya is dead OFF-SCREEN. She was killed by Mesaana off the page? That's so rude. tbh, I actually do wonder if maybe she was supposed to have been one of the women abducted by the Seanchan (due to the viewing that Min had) but no specific notes were left about it? While ravens are somewhat associated with the Dark One, they've been a lot more strongly associated with the Seanchan. But I do wonder if maybe the reason that ELAIDA was the named one who was taken by the Seanchan was so that the readers would be like "oh she deserves it tho" and not hold the Seanchan as accountable for their slave raid as they deserved to be, and as they might be if a non-hostile Aes Sedai were the featured one being abducted.

30. So Egwene, the Aes Sedai, & the Wise Ones are fighting Mesaana and the Black Ajah, while Perrin fights Slayer and Gawyn races to try to protect Egwene's sleeping body from the Seanchan Bloodknife assassin(s).

Nothing about this climax is impossible to do if Rand is still ruthless!Rand imo. He's not really related to what's happening here at all. Dragonmount could have happened after this and it would have been fine, story-wise. I'm feeling pretty strongly overall that it was a mistake to pull the trigger on Rand's epiphany back in TGS.

31. Perrin and his less than a week's worth of Accelerated How To Wolfbrother coursework vs Egwene's year-plus of training (since she started her dreamwalker training in the same book where Perrin & Faile got married, and they just had their anniversary), yet we're supposed to buy that he's become Epic Good at it.

I mean, Sanderson really was caught in a Catch-22 with Perrin tbh, because of how Jordan had stalled Perrin's character arc out. He is SO FAR BEHIND the other characters at the start of TGS that he kinda has to do this accelerated sort of character arc, where he went from driving in reverse to jumping ahead so that he could be with the rest of the pack but... man, there's just Too Much Perrin in this book.

32. The big battle: Gawyn kills the Bloodknives (proving once again that the Seanchan talk of being The Most Superior is just talk) but almost dies in the process. Perrin moving the dreamspike here trapped Mesaana in place; Mesaana attempts to use the same trick on Egwene here that Nynaeve used on Moghedien, imagining an a'dam on here, but Egwene is able to force the thought away and the collar off again (using, in part, the hard-earned control of being Aes Sedai, but also her Dreamer abilities in TAR).

But again, here, we have the reminder of how fucking awful it is to be enslaved by the a'dam, as Egwene fights her panic about temporarily being collared. So again, the narrative has not forgotten how awful the Seanchan are... in the plotlines of the female characters. Egwene is able to take Perrin's "it's only a weave" thought about balefire and turn it into "it's only a piece of metal" about the a'dam. And she is able to turn her will against Mesaana and defeat her permanently. When Egwene wakes up, she finds the bloody scene with Gawyn and the dead Bloodknives, and she bonds Gawyn to save his life.

33. The nightmare that Perrin pulled Slayer into is someone dreaming in terror about the Last Battle. Perrin seems like he's potentially realizing here the full gravity of the Last Battle in this nightmare? Maybe when he wakes up, he'll stop trying to send away volunteers who want to fight in the Last Battle. He's able to use the nightmare to destroy the dreamspike but has to flee before he can kill Slayer; with Hopper's last dying thought to him to "seek Boundless".

That seems like a good place to stop, since there's a PoV change in the next chapter.

[antisociallilbrat]

Losers Hc's

I have so many personal Loser Hc's that just live in my head and I just want to share them. I wanna put them somewhere so I'm putting them here. Some hints of Poly Losers

Ben

He has a peanut allergy, idk why, it's the vibes

Until he met Bev his wardrobe consisted of nerdy t-shirts with awful puns. You know what I'm talking about.

Secretly loves Twilight (him and Richie watch it together)

His favorite drink is lemonade, iykyk

Keeps fish! Like really big aquarium set ups and he actually designs some of the decor. Can't keep any aquarium plants alive tho

Mike

loves the smell of cashmere and just collects candles in general

I've mentioned picnics with him before (the ones he takes with Bev and Eddie) but he also likes to make little finger sandwiches and wears fancy sun hats on said picnics

hates the taste of olives, my man is anti olives

bringing this up again, but he had a stuff tigger as a kid and when he's an adult he keeps it in a shadow box

also he's a bit of a technophobe, he had a flip phone until the Losers literally made him upgrade, it was difficult for group texts

Eddie

red shorts this, red shorts that, consider him wearing overalls! He has a whole collection for every kind of weather and they're adorble

not much of a gamer but went through a really intense minecraft stage, the other losers refused to play with him

he loves traveling. Sonia never allowed him to go anywhere so as an adult he goes everywhere. Constantly taking trips and planning the next place to explore. Also he tries to travel with the Losers if they're going somewhere for work. Richie to L.A., Bill to London, Bev to Italy for fashion shows

secret huge ya novels nerd (don't tell Bill)

he's really into fancy coffee. Has an espresso machine in the kitchen and tries to make little designs in the foam and is constantly watching aesthetic coffee videos

Richie

pretends to like horror movies but is actually baby, he covers his eyes the whole time

He owned a ferret, his name was Todd. Eddie and Stan pretended to hate it but the creature grew on them

allergic to cats, cue the ferret, his skin will break out in hives if he's near one, but he doesn't care. He will pet that cat and the others Losers have to stop him

LOVES Futurama, he has a tattoo of Bender on his ass

Actually enjoys doing yard work. His mind is constantly going but when he's doing yard work, running the weed wacker or the lawn mowers, he can't hear himself think. Or if he's raking leaves or cutting bushes, his mind is too zeroed in on his task. It's strangely therapeutic for him

Bill

constantly has ink on his hands, from drawing or his typewriter, it's always there

had adult braces, IK I've said this before but I'm very passionate about 20 year old something Bill with a full set of braces. Yes I had adult braces too, why do you ask?

Sticks his tongue out when he's really focused on something and gets a wrinkle between his brows

he is dumbest smart person you will ever meet. He is an idiot. Everyone thinks he's supposed to be smart bc he's a best selling author but no, this man will try to pry something open with a knife with his face too close to said knife. He has no self preservation instincts, it's only bc of the Losers he's made it this far

has a weird obsession with Cherry Coke

Bev

again, i've said this before, but Bev always wanted a pet and she can't give the emotional care a cat, dog, rat, ect needs so she keeps reptiles. They're really cool and besides their basic care, they don't need anything else from Bev, they're perfectly content to be watched by her on the other side of the tank

speaking of that, her favorite reptile are geckos and she's actually based a couple her designs on their patterns

went through a phase where all she did was play the Sims. She was obsessed. The losers would go to bed while she was playing and wake up and she was still playing it. Yes this overlapped with Eddie's minecraft phase.

believes in Bigfoot. Like for real.

complete roller coaster fanatic, loves going to amusement parks to ride the most extreme roller coasters

Stan

has a deep passion for the Law & Order shows, they're his guilty pleasures

had a mental breakdown in his twenties and dyed his hair blue. The others losers where surprised and yes Stan regretted it. It was Impossible to get out and he basically just had to grow it out

believe it or not he is a horrible driver. He insists he's a great driver but the other losers refuse to ride with him. He doesn't get it. It's not like he's hit multiple curbs and gets massive road rage

he is constantly cold, over half the sweaters in the house belong to him and he's always under the blanket when watching tv. His cuddles are rare but during winter with no hesitation he will snuggle up under the human space heaters (Richie, Ben, and Mike)

he gardens! Has a rose garden out front with a bird bath and feeder. hates dirt though so when he's out there he has gloves and a little garden apron on

I have more too

[domokunrainbowkinz]

probably my last manhwa post of the year eheheh.....

titles discussed:

don't mess with the pooch! (18+)

dear zero (18+)

the count's secret maid

night of muheun (18+)

when the third wheel strikes back

regas

don't mess with the pooch! (18+): I'm always biased towards asshole MC's who will not hesitate to throw hands...these hands are rated E for Everyone...the ML is also the exact flavour of unhinged that I like to read about. the tone is very lighthearted and I do feel there were certain scenes that felt too unserious in tone. I ended up binging the novel it's based on and I feel the manhwa doesn't do a great job in conveying the tone or character thoughts in certain scenes (like that scene where chiyoung turns into his true form for the first time, in the novel they make it very clear its a terrifying experience for heeseong but in the manhwa it has like a slightly comedic tone which idk it was weird dude). overall the novel was a pretty fun read, I classify this as "junk food bl" bc it is very "turn off your brain and just go with the Vibes" kinda read. I also do love bitches with separation anxiety heheheh...I will be reading the manhwa tho bc I like the art and they made chiyoung very pretty...I am not immune to prettily drawn men

dear zero (18+): I s2g ive said something about this one but I guess not...anyways it's by bwat so I already knew going in I would like it. it was also my intro to guideverse, which I had No Idea existed before this. the story seems like it's being told as a confession tape by the MC in the future, and I am so curious to see how the story progresses!!! the story starts with the main pairing's first meeting, and then immediately after it jumps to a point into the future where they make it very clear Something happened, bc the ML wiped his own memories and is in cryo sleep, while the MC had to retire early bc of a permanent leg injury. the ML also has the power to manipulate other ppl's memories, so we can't even fully trust what the MC remembers about the ML. they're just starting to remember bits and pieces of what actually happened in recent chapters and I'm so looking forward to see how this all unfolds. I love me some stories told in retrograde that deal with unreliable memories ohohohoho

the count's secret maid: this one is promising so far, only 17 chapters out for the manhwa and I'm already gnawing at the walls for the next update. It's based off a completed novel (which I am planning to read lol) and all the reviews say its a banger so I have a good feeling about this one. even just based on the manhwa chapters, I already love the way the character interactions are written. both the FL and ML are traumatized and have their own issues, and it seems like the story is about how they help each other heal and move on. the FL is a poor peasant who had been abused since birth and called ugly/hideous, she's extremely sensitive about her face to the point where she refuses to look anyone in the eye bc she's learned that everyone recoils in disgust when they look at her. the ML is a count who went blind after a poisoning, and refuses to leave his room after several assassination attempts bc he's become afraid and fearful of everything due to the attempts and also the fact he cannot see. their interactions are so fun to read and there are also some beautiful scenes that had me going "oh they're Cooking cooking". anyways I really really hope this one won't let me down like some other romance manhwa that have started out promising only to peter out once the main pairing gets established 💀

night of muheun (18+): I ended up dropping this one bc I didn't like the ML. he comes off as very wishy-washy and there wasn't really anything compelling enough in the story to draw me in. the MC has a childhood crush on the ML and like. idk man. I don't like the way the ML treats the MC...he's keeping a lot of secrets and treats him like a bit like a clueless kid, I just don't see a compelling romance between the 2. maybe I will pick this back up in the future since it is my favourite genre (modern-day supernatural / ghost hunting romance) but like. I got more and better things to read lol

when the third wheel strikes back: I read s1 of this manhwa like months ago and idk why I never talked about it...anyways I haven't read s2 bc I heard from novel readers that it skips over some events and isn't a super great adaptation, so I'm planning to read the novel instead lol. despite that though I really enjoyed s1, it had a lot of funny moments and also many moments that made me go 🤨🏳️‍🌈 like I could not believe this isn't a romance novel. my one gripe is that I thought there would be more emphasis on like the worldbuilding, the power system, and maybe we'd see Jesse train his skills as a priest but every single time they say they're training they just end up drinking tea and eating biscuits 😭 GURL I WANNA SEE YOU DO MAGIC....I know it's not the emphasis or main focus of the story (the emphasis is on The Polycule which I loooooove don't get me wrong) but I personally like a good balance between these elements. I might just end up picking up the manhwa again bc atp I got so many webnovels on my tbr that are at least 150+ chapters long, my brain capacity is gonna be at max. anyways for the orv-ers who liked the yoohankim scenes during the kaizenix arc. I would read this bc it's giving fantasy yhk LOL (except jesse/yeseo is the polar opposite of kdj he knows Nothing about the novel he got transmigrated into except that he's gonna die, and thru some wacky shenanigans he somehow ends up in a polycule with the 2 ppl he was supposed to avoid. c'est la vie 😌)

regas: I also read this a while back and even read a good chunk of the novel it's based on, but I just never continued it 🧍‍♀️ I think it presents a pretty interesting concept, basically a fantasy world where the rulers have dragon blood and bc it causes them to eventually go mad, they require a tamer, called a "regas", to help soothe them and retain their sanity. except that as time went on, the surrounding court becomes corrupted and eventually chips away at the king's power by feeding them poison and training up regas that are pretty to look at, but would not be functionally uself / able to handle an essentially humanoid dragon. I actually thought the politics were quite interesting, and the rship between the MC and ML is quite sweet but sad. the MC starts off as like a big burly guy who was properly trained as a regas who can handle wild beasts, and he was brought in to tame the young prince who was born with particularly strong blood, so he's been chained up and abused bc no one can handle him. some ppl are really iffy on the age difference (bc the way the first part is depicted, it almost seems like a parent / older guardian raising their ward) but I didn't mind it?? something about the devotion and affection of a powerful being directed at the 1 person who showed them love and kindness makes me go AWOOGA!!!! the most heartbreaking thing about this story is the MC ends up dying and reincarnating into the body of a frail and pretty twink 😭 THEY TWINKIFIED MY BEAR....I'm still so sad about that. I think I may pick this manhwa back up in the future, tbh I think I stopped bc I felt a bit burned out by reading too much manhwa in a short amount of time lol

[bhaalsdeepbat]

little brain wiring things ✨

i helped plan a party that we decided to throw together last second. It was a fairy themed garden party with a planned mini-concert. The concert had a $5 cover that would be donated to a trans mutual aide fund. it was just supposed to be a house party that was also a nice little community event on my friend's lawn.

my friend knows that i smoke to manage my joint pain and i have very specifically, and clearly, been given blanket permission to smoke on the property because they know me, i can handle myself, and again. it's not just recreational, even if other people (not my friend) think so based on the amount i fucking smoke.

the group of friends i have rn have never made me feel judged or wrong for this, which is extremely important to me bc this is an extreme source of shame for me that i'm still working on unpacking bc of the way I was raised.

anyways, there was a miscommunication where I was not told about this being a dry & sober party, which meant that It was NOT on the invitation that I made and was sent out to a few friend groups, who all did show up with alcohol. I also was not told about 1 of the 3 organizers wanting the event to be dry/sober until I arrived at the house with food, decorations, ect at 3:30 day of, so I couldn't make alternative arrangements.

but i had already like. made specific ones to smoke discreetly regardless bc i'm not an asshole. i use a vape if we are somewhere people might catch a glimpse of me. so this also had me frustrated with the interaction that i was going to have later. like i would have gotten some edibles or smth bc i knew my pain level was gonna be high from how busy the day would be.

it was really fucking hot, I have pretty bad heat intolerance already from disabilities, but also am on medications that make it harder to handle the heat. I had been overheated for 6 hours at that point, had been on my feet for most of it, and like. again. i helped organize the event, so i was there early for set up.

my friend whose house it was at is VERY good about understanding my disability and i cannot stress enough that they're like. 10/10. no judgement. they let me stay inside while people were setting up outside bc they believed me when I told them how sick I get. since i couldn't do anything outside, I set things up inside (food, cleaning, getting garbage) and made sure to clean up after the people who had come over early to hang out inside moved outside.

so i was tired. my hips were fucking hurting. i made an ice pack with the decision of going out and sitting on the lawn to draw and chill. to paint an image, we are all out on the lawn. people are clearly drinking. i'm minding my business, had just finished doing a puff-puff-pass with my vape that INCLUDED ONE OF THE OTHER EVENT ORGANIZERS. and again, i was just smoking a fucking vape.

this group of people all arrived together after we had been out on the lawn smoking and drinking for 15-20 mins. This child fucking zeroed in on me and just came over to me to tell me the event organizers said this was a sober event.

again, people were drinking. and i,,,,helped organize shit. i have a hard time emotionally regulating when I'm overheated like. I cannot handle too hot, it overwhelms me and i get overstimulated VERY quickly. which means i'm more emotional when dumb shit happens

it was such a small fucking interaction, but I heard this child like 5 mins later return to their group and loudly talk about how they had told the friend whose house it was and my friend covering my ass by saying "oh, it was for inside, only. outdoor isn't dry c:"

i was already not feeling the vibe. i felt really alienated earlier bc it's hard to connect with neurotypicals and i don't do well interacting with people in group settings once the numbers get too large. the house also was still empty bc my friend is moving in, so the sound echo inside was SO bad. i had nowhere to go to just let my senses calm tf down, my AC in my car doesn't work when the humidity is this bad, and i just

i a party i helped set up, decorate, and even provided foood for, and cried the entire way home and i feel like such a fucking dumb lmao

I just felt incredibly alienated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. and i had already felt uncomfortable prior to this incident. there were a lot of people there i didn't know who were writers, but neurotypical. i was struggling to process anything anyone said bc of how loud it was inside, which was making me come off as extremely rude. i had someone tell me they were too intimidated to talk to me based on my appearance, but we had a lovely one on one and they realized i'm just very quiet.

and i can't fucking talk about where the root of THAT specific problem is bc we can't have a fucking conversation about desirability, beauty, and femininity without the "oh it must suck to have pretty privilege" bullshit. it's really fucking frustrating when you present as hyper femme, but are viewed as standoffish/bitchy simply bc you didn't accompany the hyper femme aesthetic with being overly bubbly, friendly, and social to accommodate for other people's own discomfort from your presence. like you have to make up for their perception of you by performing approachability.

i also hate the way people view weed vs alcohol. i hate that i'm made to feel this way for something that helps me manage a condition that i cannot get medical help for. it used to be the only thing i had for my fucking endometriosis pain, too, when i still had my uterus.

all those people were around the lawn drinking recreationally, but I got zeroed in on. while i was just trying to fucking bring my baseline pain back down bc i didn't realize how high it had gotten from being on my feet all day.

i'm just. frustrated. i don't even know what the fuck the crux of it is.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

oooohhh now u got me curious. how do you think an alarkling mentor/protégée focused dynamic a theater au would hypothetically go??

I'd probably just take heavily from a phantom of the opera esque relationship trajectory. though I think vanity or at least pride along with like hard power within the scope of the story is important enough to the darkling's character function that I wouldn't make it an outright poto au where he's like hideous and hiding in the walls lmfao. so he's probably like the artistic director of a theater company, maybe as a retired celebrated performer himself, and she's his favored up and coming actor. (for gothic value and bc there are no powers and I need something to keep me entertained I'd say like Something Happened and he stopped performing and it's a mysterious thing he's broody about. but that's not integral, I just like drama.) the first book already has like the contemporary vibes of a teacher/mentor/someone in power having bad boundaries with underlings despite the trappings of like a fantasy army. so translating that dynamic would be fairly easy, and it'd be simple to just lean into it more, where there's simply a longer period where alina is under his sway and more invested for it. he's likely exacting, again very bad with boundaries lol lmao, and promises her a lot but very conditionally. I'd also highlight the zoya rivalry in this, where she was the former favorite until alina showed up, and translate that into him actively pitting the performers against each other. and alina probably starts out some level of starstruck and apprehensive of like dfgh the red flags but keeps getting in deeper and deeper. something interesting about any sort of professional arts is that it’s SO competitive and alina particularly has like zero ambition. so tho I could see her getting into theater out of an initial genuine interest in it, to an extent, her wanting to like be the best or to just stay in the game on a career level feels like it would probably stem from wanting to keep his favor. but yeah overall trajectory, I'd probably have some sort of phantom esque thing where she does start to make it big and maybe needs him less as a result. he gets weird about it. like maybe the theater itself is seeing more success now because she got overnight famous for whatever reason and she's the one drawing audiences to him? and that threatens the power dynamic in a way that makes him volatile. hm I'd probably throw in some murders dfgh more just because it's fun. if I was planning a full on fic I'd say something related to The Incident that changed his own career trajectory comes back to haunt him. like the renewed interest means someone from the past who like Knows Something shows up and is threatening and he kills them. but the circumstances are such that he can spin it as like alina they were threatening you! this was me protecting you! (lol lmao it occurs to me that the overt connection to alina that circles around to an unknown past connection to aleksander seems most readily translatable to mal since he's the surprise morozova. but on a character level I feel like mal isn't the correct character type for the sort of Problem Causer I was picturing. I was thinking more someone that could function as a weird blackmailing creep in a vasily or apparat sense) and idk now they have to cover up this murder together while their own relationship is fracturing?

idk how I would wrap this up. she def has to learn about the Incident. whatever that is. maybe it was some tragic accident that was actually a crime/murder he committed-- hence there being any opening for blackmail. for more entertaining angst I'd say it's something with a vague degree of justifiability or tragedy. where she wrestles with being sympathetic vs maybe lets not solve all our problems with murder. and it slowly occurs to her over time that he probably did the recent murder for his own benefit too as opposed to the claim that it's all to protect her and her career. and that that's true of everything he does, everything in their dynamic is really about him. anyway uh idk how I'd wrap it up. she'd probably like fuck it and tries to find an out? I'd probably try to achieve that by introducing a fake out suitor to help her (nikolai? mal?) who also dies as the plot spirals in a phantom of the opera esque fashion and then she eventually actually succeeds by reaching out to zoya maybe? okay okay actually sdfghj I would combine the fake out suitor and causes problems on purpose guy. and yes now they can both be mal who shows up seeming like a poto!raoul type but he's actually only really there for blackmail purposes. and then he bites it as planned. alina can help cover up but also freak out about it and have many conflicted feelings. then eventually reach out to zoya? that actually facilitates some sort of option to successfully gtfo. and I think the end would probably hinge on her having a final choice of like deciding to stay bc the fucked up relationship is worth it actually, or leaving for good. which one would probably depend entirely on my mood when hypothetically drafting the last chapter dfghj

[sphnyspinspin]

[About Blog]

- This is my Transformers fan blog! I usually just draw and write and that’s about it. Considering I have trouble getting new ideas in my noggin I decided to open REQUESTS and ASKS. But I’ll only be taking a few at time—you know the whole OPEN and CLOSED signs will be very prominent. This’ll go for both drawing and writing stuff.

There’s probably going to be more stuff to add on to this so make sure to see if I updated anything important on here like DNI or ASKS and REQUESTS.

— — —

[DNI]

- Homophobic; Transphobic; TERFs; Sexist; Racist; NSFW; Proshipper; Ableist -

— — —

[ASKS]

1) Can Accept

- Pretty much anything that doesn’t make me uncomfortable. And I can be slow when it comes to checking my inbox so if you like what I do here, you might have to be a little patient. I like it when people just come by to say hi or compliment my work, so don’t be afraid to do so. You don’t need to feel obligated to spare my feelings too, I can take criticism when I need it.

2) Won’t Accept

- AGAIN! NOTHING CREEPY! Don’t ask me about personal stuff please, I’ll update small bits on how I’m doing, don’t be pushy. And don’t send me random links without context or at least a small description, it gives off creepy vibes.

— — —

[Fandoms]

- Transformers: Rescue Bots : Good God, this show was like the very first layer of my TF hyper fixation—not my biggest fixation just my first.

- Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy : THIS SHOW is my biggest fixation it’s so cute and wholesome and clever and fun it is such a good show I love the characters so much.

- Transformers: Cyberverse : PLEASE—this show is AWESOME, I praise it for the characters, the story, the character designs, the animation, the EVERYTHING(this is where I personally think Soundrod first originated).

- Transformers: Robots In Disguise 2015 : Hear me out, this show is actually kinda funny in a non-ironic way I promise, and the designs aren’t half bad.

- Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye : I have read zero TF MTMTE and I never plan to because I would actually die from dehydration after crying so long; but the fandom makes me laugh and I like the art.

- Transformers: Lost Light : Again I have read zero Lost Light comics and I don’t plan on it; because I feel like I know enough just from the memes.

- Transformers: Animated : This show SHOULD be more popular, and it’s the main reason I have my artstyle today (and please don’t bully me but when I found out my fave characters dies I stopped watching….. like immediately………. I didn’t finish season one).

- Transformers: Earthspark : This show, oh my god, I have a love-dread relationship with it; it has so much care-free positivity, an adorable group of characters, nice designs with world-building being amazing so far, but I know for a fact it will destroy me sooner or later. P.S. it already has

- Transformers: Botbots : This. This…. Where do I begin; oh right, literally the TF fandom parody—like I know for a fact that 85% of the characters’ personalities are inspired by random TF tumblr posts, you can’t deny that.

— — —

[Side-Blogs]

1) @transformers-bold-bright-brisk

- My blog for my TF fan Continuity project. Right now it’s mostly drafts and concept art and writings,

— — —

[Communication]

1) Follower Interactions

- I will do my best to answer ASKS because I am terrible at checking my inbox. Also, I’m going to try and reply to comments, but if I stop doing that—it’s not because I don’t like you guys, it’s cause I’m lazy and I usually don’t have anything interesting to reply back with. And please read my DNI, ASKS, and REQUESTS boxes before interacting, thanks. Also ask stuff will be tagged as either #sphny asks (𖦹////𖦹)•*°⊹ or #sphny answers (𖦹0 𖦹)•*°⊹

2) Mutual Interactions

- Hey! If you followed me and I followed you back and somehow we were able to become regular chit chat buddies from either in the tags, reblog games, DMing, and etc. then you probably know me enough to understand my thought process when I talk to people. And if you’re a new mutual and actually want to interact with each other more than same goes for you—read my DNI, ASKS, and REQUESTS boxes. I respect your boundaries, you respect mine—win win. I would honestly be very excited to talk to me people on this platform, I just get a little bit shy/anxious sometimes

— — —

[Posting]

1) Art

- When I post my art I’ll usually tag it under #sphny arts (𖦹w𖦹)•*°⊹. And right now I’ve been posting A LOT of RBA fanart. But if I feel really motivated to draw requests I’ll do my best to draw TF characters from other continuities in my style too.

2) Writing

- What I write consists of drabbles, headcannons, one shots, short-reviews, and other opinions I have that I like to share with the world. And I’ll give an itty bitty irl update just to notify I’m still alive. And they’re going to be tagged under #sphny speaks (𖦹<𖦹)•*°⊹ #sphny alternates universe (𖦹ㅁ𖦹)•*°⊹ #sphny originates character (𖦹▿𖦹)•*°⊹

3) Reblogging

- Oh boy. I reblog a very random assortment of posts. I reblog from mutes, followers, and strangers all the time. I’ll partake in reblog games I tag under #reblog shenanigans which would always be a new uquiz or for picrew challenges it would be #picrew shenanigans. When I reblog art or literally anything I COMPLIMENT THEM IN TAGS! And in the actual text part if I’m super eccentric about it too. And they’ll be tagged under #sphny reblogs (𖦹Q𖦹)•*°⊹

— — —

[Social Media]

- TikTok : sphnyspinspin2006 (There’s literally only three posts to my name)

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[otakween]

Zero Men - Volume 1

Now that I've finished 0-Sen Hayato, this manga was next on the list, another oldie. At least this time it's by the Godfather of all manga, Osamu Tezuka. I think this is his first work I've ever read??? Apparently no one cares about it because there's very little English material on it. Oh well, the main character is cute!

Ch. 1

Omg I'm loving this so far! The art is so dynamic and cute and the dialogue is really colorful too. The protagonist Ricky is adorable ;w; I love his tail.

That was a pretty badass and hilarious opening with the two soldiers fighting a pointless war while also low key bonding over a baby they saved.

Ricky crying when his dad told him his tail was something to be ashamed of broke my damn heart! Glad the dad isn't fully evil though. Just misguided...

Kind of weird that the dad is like "I swear I'll find you a doctor!" Like dude...you've had many years to do that and it probably would have been easier when the kid was an infant.

Ch. 2

Obvious parental death is obvious. Ricky sure got over it quick lol.

So, so far we know that 0 men can survive extreme temperatures, are really fast learners, and have great agility. I think this is an Elfen Lied scenario where they're supposed to be "evolved humans." Making them squirrel like was kind of a weird choice but oh well.

The professor's design where he basically just has a cloud for a head reminds me of Dr. Uranus from Cyborg 009. Peak old dude character design lol.

Losing one dad and then instantly meeting your real dad is pretty wild. The emotional whiplash made it all feel kind of rushed and silly. It's nice that Ricky doesn't feel like a freak anymore tho. Kind of an ugly duckling story.

Ch. 3

Woah, suddenly the story gets very different. Forget the evil scientists, it's time for robot demons apparently! New bad guys are Enma (Buddhist God of Hell) and Satan. Fun for the whole family!

Enma kinda looks like one of the guards from Squid Game lol, simple but menacing

The scene where Enma and Satan make an entire lighthouse disappear and the keep jumps out to save his life was effectively frightening. I wonder if that guy will come back as a witness?

All of Tokyo is ripped apart and put back together in like an hour and everyone just shrugs it off!? I know Japanese people can be complacent, but not THAT complacent!

This chapter felt like an anti-communist message with every house being exactly the same but "something's missing." I googled it and apparently Tezuka was a communist, but only for a short time before he changed his tune, so it's still possible that's what he was going for.

Ch. 4

So apparently the professor is a good guy now (despite first impressions) as he teams up with Ricky to investigate Enma.

We learn that 0-men are closer biologically to squirrels than they are to humans...riiight. The adults definitely looked more squirrel-like at least.

Pretty savage of the professor to shoot up his friend with a gun to "check if he's human" (including a shot to the head!?) Reminds me of the original Stepford Wives when the MC stabs her friend in the crotch.

The way Tezuka draws the prime minister feels very Looney Tunes. He's very rubbery.

Ch. 5

This manga is very text heavy so the average chapter takes me a bit to get through. Luckily, the Japanese has been very easy so far! (Rare for an older manga...)

Ricky and the Professor escape the clutches of King Enma who was planning to kill them if they didn't reveal the whereabouts of the 0 men. They end up in the forest where Ricky finds his mom and dad again. They ask Ricky to return to their country with them but he turns them down because he's vowed to be an "ally of humanity."

I can see why King Enma wears a mask...he's pretty dweeby looking under there. I like his mad scientist hair though. The fact that his face is a little disfigured gives Darth Vader vibes.

Ch. 6

Ricky and the professor try to alert the public about King Enma's take over. People start to be swayed, but then Enma just kills anyone who tries to join the resistance, so they don't get very far. By the end of the chapter Ricky is captured again by another power hungry person after the 0 men. Gdi Ricky...

I know it's for plot convenience but Ricky's tail pops out so easily that you'd think they'd come up with a better strategy for hiding it than stuffing it into his pants by now.

Ch. 7

Ricky splits up from the professor and finds himself captive on a boat. His 0 men parents come to save the day (apparently this was like a 0 men slave ship) and they knock out their captors.

Ricky just did a dramatic goodbye to his parents in chapter 6 and now he's back with them again? Make up your mind, story!

I was proud that I was able to read the kanji 船長. The videos I've watched of Marine-Senchou (vtuber) helped me out with that one.

We end the chapter in the jungle of the Himalayas. Maybe we'll learn more about 0 man culture?

Ch. 8

Uhhh wtf!? Ricky's dad just dies in an avalanche and they're like "meh, whatever!" Seriously Ricky and his mom recovered from that way too quickly. He might not really be dead, but they believe he is!!

It was cool seeing how the 0 men have been evading humans by living in a place that's only reachable by their species. That felt believable. I bet their land is nicer than the weird place Ricky was living before anyways. No dictators (I hope lol)

Ch. 9

Lol my previous statement was immediately proven wrong in this chapter. Ricky basically went from living in 1984 to Brave New World. I quickly went from enjoying learning about 0 men culture to being like...oh...that's not good.

Kind of confusing that Ricky's mom would intentionally bring her son into this world if she knew how messed up it was? She even is like "here's our apartment where we'll live as a big happy family" but then Ricky learns that kids are separated from their parents super early in this world and sent to live in a children's village. Like...did she not think of that??

Why was chapter 9 like 3 times longer than chapter 8? Well, I've been enjoying the kanji reading challenge. This manga has no furigana...

Ch. 10

Man this story is cyclical. They escape, they get captured, they escape, they get captured. Tezuka also seems to have ditched who I thought was the main villain for now. Will this whole thing be episodic or will we get a real plot?

They come across some yeti in their travels who say "yeti yeti" like Pokémon lol. I wouldn't mind seeing them make friends with all the cryptids, but the visit was very short.

Ricky's mom asking him to shoot her tail off with a gun was pretty dark. It does seem like it would make their lives a lot easier to remove their tails (in hopefully a less painful way), but I guess it's the principle of it.

Dude at they end looked like a Cyborg 009 character with his giant buttons and fancy hair haha.

Ch. 11

And just like that we gain another random party member (and Ricky's mom gains her 2nd adopted son in like 2 chapters). Ricky and Pete bond over their daddy issues.

I was wrong, they did bring Enma back. He reveals that his new, Communist version of Tokyo was inspired by the 0 man way of living, so I guess that explains that.

Like I said, we're going in circles here. Now we're back to looking for the professor Ricky befriended in earlier chapters. After the gang finds a safe place to live, then what? Are they going to save the world from oppressive regimes? Is the goal to just be a normal, happy family?

Ch. 12

So apparently the professor they eventually find is some kind of fake (even though he passed Ricky's needle test). Can Tezuka decide if this dude is a good guy or a bad guy already!?

Kinda funny how when they found a safe place to hide out they're like "now let's confront the evil people!" Like...weren't you running to hide from the evil people? Well I guess heroes gotta hero.

Ch. 13

So now it's doomsday via Mt. Fuji erupting. Although the gang succeeded in destroying Satan's clone factory, they now need to worry about the fate of humanity.

The version of this that I got from Bookwalker is 4 volumes but MAL has it at 7 volumes, so this must be an omnibus. I wonder where the original volume 1 cut off?

That first volume was kind of all over the place. The plot progression didn't feel all that natural, but I think this was one of those stories that was supposed to be a one-off and then got expanded, so whatever. Let's see where things go in volume 2...

[aqueousablution]

............ Suddenly realizing that an aspect of Jos's redesign doesn't really work the way I wanted it to because what it's replacing (the headset-goggle combination) was meant to allude several other characters' designs in ways I think are worth preserving:

Ema Skye from Ace Attorney, who I had a crush on when I played AA1 in high school and whose mannerisms I'm planning to take some inspiration from for Jos (Also she does actually have a green-and-white color scheme in the Apollo Justice games, huh? Not that that would have factored in originally since I hadn't seen much of that design, having only played the original trilogy and not yet watched any playthroughs of the AJ games)

Gumi (Megpoid), who has just about jack shit to do with Jos thematically aside from the fact that I've always found her cute and she also has a "white glasses/goggles with brightly colored lenses, worn over the forehead/on top of the head" deal going on like Ema, which did factor into the design decision

Bahari from MH Rise: Sunbreak, whose "gay gadgeteer and biologist¹ with a really bad work-life balance" vibe, outfit (chiefly the green scarf thing),² and green, white, and grey palette were an inspiration for Jos

Marina from Splatoon, who I had/have a crush on and whose "really sweet and pretty lesbian who's also an incredible mechanic" vibe, green color scheme, and Octo Expansion outfit (white sleeveless top and green pants) were also an inspiration for Jos (also I later decided they should have a nice singing voice, which wasn't actually inspired by Marina but does fit in hindsight)

Ciel from Mega Man Zero; Jos's role, personality, and design are heavily in conversation with hers, to the point where literally one of the first things I decided on when creating what's now Machine at Arms was that I wanted a Ciel-like character in sorXa's story (who obviously took the form of Jos) (... also because it's already a recurring theme in this post,³ it might be worth mentioning that I had a huge crush on Ciel when I played the Zero Collection on the DS in late middle school/early high school)

Ema and Gumi have the "round white-rimmed glasses with brightly-colored lenses worn over the forehead until needed" thing going on, Bahari's got a similar thing with his goggles, Marina's got the big over-ear headphones, and Ciel's headgear in Mega Man Zero incorporates a visor that pivots down over her eyes (and presumably has headset functionality, given that she's able to communicate over the radio with no other device; it covers her ears and there are little projections that could easily have mics in them), all of which were things I was referencing with Jos's old design (consciously or otherwise; I didn't remember that detail about Ciel's design until I was writing this, but it wouldn't be the first time I subconsciously referenced an element from an MMZ character design in Machine at Arms)... Hmm. Shit.

I think I'll keep what I'm working on now as a, like. sci-fi welder's mask? I guess? which works for the drawing it was designed for, fortunately. It still has the functionality of Ciel's design at least, in that it's a headset with a visor that pivots into place; this one just has two pieces that also cover most of the rest of the face, which pivot in from the sides instead of from over the forehead. But the old design still evokes the other designs I wanted to evoke better, especially Ema (since I wanted to borrow her recurring "glasses lowered" pose in some capacity). Guess I'll have to go back to the drawing board to revise the old headset... again....... >:^I

___________

Jos isn't a biologist as such, but they have a good enough understanding of anatomy to have made a full-body muscle fiber suit for Selena, and sorXa's entire body (which relies heavily on synthetic muscle fibers over an artificial skeleton). Which is close enough I guess.

Off-topic, but their neckerchief is also inspired by Natsuko's outfit in the finale of Re: Cutie Honey. Partly just because I think that outfit kicks ass, partly because sorXa has some commonalities with Honey (both in design and concept) and I figured it'd be fitting to take inspiration from her girlfriend for sorXa's girlfriend

Considering that there are quite a few aspects of sorXa based on me - moreso than the others,⁴ who also have traits pulled from myself to varying degrees - I suppose it tracks that I'd take a lot of inspiration for her love interest from character's I have or had crushes on over the years. Also Bahari's in there. Hi Bahari.

For various reasons I've gone into in the past, but I could probably talk more about it if I feel so inclined later

[heavymetalrobot]

007: Everything or Nothing (GBA)

Graphics - 3/5

Controls - 2/5

Story/Premise - 4/5

Fun Factor - 4/5

Overall Rating - 4/5

Keeping? - Definitely!

————

Review:

As the name suggests, this game is a James Bond 007 franchise piece that seems to stand alone apart from the films — at least there was no directly corresponding film to relate to this game that I could find (didn’t look too hard). Pierce Brosnan lends a certain amount of nostalgia to the title that had me reminiscing about many hours spent playing Goldeneye for N64 as a youth, and I had fun seeing how many of the low-res actors I could recognize in the plot (Willem Defoe, is that you?)

That being said, 007 has a very different vibe with its GBA pseudo-realistic pixel art and isometric map style. The character renders, while recognizable, were a mixed bag of impressive and creepy in that uncanny valley kind of way. The level details were nice and plentiful, and the UI decently intuitive, though it took a bit of trial and error for me to remember the visual difference between a land mine and a “Holobond” (a holographic James Bond that draws bullet fire for a short time) when swapping between items.

Basic combat is simple enough — you have your gun and ammo which depletes and refills with enemy drops and loot crates, and you’ve got your unarmed melee for kicking and punching when no bullets are available. Where the game really seems to shine, in my opinion, is the pseudo Assassin’s Creed-style stealth mechanics. The game offers a mini map that shows the location of enemies, as well as the direction they are facing, so that you can plan your strategy accordingly before ever even seeing them come on screen. In addition to this, there is a visibility meter that can also be employed to see whether or not you are being spotted by an enemy, and fills to varying degrees based on just HOW visible you are, which lets you modify your plan before being shot at. The game awards “style points” based on stealth kills, an optional objective added to each level that affords you some nice points payout (to be spent on upgrades between missions).

I’ve always been piss-poor at stealthy finesse games, preferring to go in with guns and knives blazing, but thankfully this game is pretty forgiving with fumbles; the number of times I snuck up behind an enemy just to swing wildly and not connect was… a non-zero number, but I still managed to eke out the style point bonuses regardless.

The story is definitely undeniably Bond-Flavored with its cartels and big bads, as well as its high-speed car chases — the first of which I struggled with laughably before I realized that I was handicapping myself by using the joystick instead of the d-pad. It still tickled me to see the Aston Martin DB8 make an appearance with its campy spy shenanigans like oil slicks and rocket launchers.

Over all I very much enjoyed the hour I spent playing this game — even the 10 or so minutes I spent clipped out of bounds, hilariously mountain-goating my way along cliff faces trying to reach the exit of the level so I wouldn’t have to restart (a success, thankfully).