#dr. wayne gushes about his kids all the time

[hypewinter]

Danny decides he's done as a hero but not done saving people so he decides to become a doctor. Years later when he starts his residency, he ends up becoming close friends with Dr. Bruce Wayne.

[rainbow-universe]

my shadow (it follows behind) :

love me more (i killed someone for you)

part 1/3

Gotham has lost the Joker. GCPD doesn’t know how he escaped from Arkham Asylum or when. Your team is called in to find him, and figure out what he might be up to, or even if he’s still alive. Criminal Minds x DC Crossover Week Day 7 - Sunday, February 9th Backstory Reveal || Undercover Justice League || Profiling a Rogue/Bat || "Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person." part of @criminalmindsxdc 's CM x DC crossover week!!

TWs: background character death, mentioned torture and body disposal, guns mentioned but not used

title from an Alec Benjamin song

cross-posted on ao3

wc: 8k+

”You will be forgotten. No one will miss you or mourn you.”

“It’s all over the news have you heard?”

“It’s bad news.”

“Gotham is such a weird place, I’m glad I don’t live there.”

“It’s kind of scary.”

The building was abuzz with whispers as you walked in.

“What’s going on?” you asked upon joining where Derek, JJ and Penelope were huddled around Spencer’s desk.

“Oh my lovely Gothamite! I’m surprised you didn’t hear before us! It’s your hometown! They’re saying the Joker broke out of Arkham again!” Penelope said worriedly.

No, that’s not- Why had no one called you, texted you? You resisted the urge to glance at your phone which you knew was blank of any new notifications.

Derek put his arm around her.

“Time to have some fun.”

“Don’t worry, baby girl, I’ll protect you. And Gotham is over 150 miles away,” Derek comforted her.

“That’s-” you stopped yourself. “He’s out? He’s gone? Has he done anything yet?”

“Gotham news says they looked in his cell early this morning and he wasn’t there, they have no leads on when or how he escaped, or if he had help,” JJ said.

“There’ve been no sightings yet, but the Gotham PD announced they’ve been gearing up for an attack, just in case,” Spencer added.

“They say the Bats have gone to talk to some of the Rogues to see if anybody knows anything. They said they were trying to talk to his girlfriend Harl-”

“Ex,” you interrupted Penelope. “Ex-girlfriend. Harley Quinn. Aka Dr Harleen Quinzel, former psychiatrist. The Joker was one of her patients. Anyways.”

“Yah.”

“You don’t believe Batman is actually real, do you? C’mon, that’s just an urban legend,” Derek said, no way was he real. Derek would need to see him with his own two eyes to believe in the local Gotham Cryptid.

“Considering the Joker considered him his archnemesis and Gotham PD has a ‘Batsignal’, I’d say that one hell of a strong delusion that keeps dragging the Joker back to Arkham if he doesn’t exist,” you said dryly.

“But, c’mon, a man who dresses up as a bat every night? Nuh uh.”

“Don’t forget the rest of the birds and bats!” chirped Penelope.

“The who now?” JJ asked.

“The Gotham Birds and Bats! There’s more than just Batman,” Penelope gushed. Derek loved when she got passionate about things. “There’s Robin too! And others like Nightwing and Spoiler and Batgirl, although she’s not active anymore, and my personal favourite, another hacker extraordinaire, the Oracle!”

“You sure know your Bats and Birds,” you smiled at Penelope.

“Not even Batman can save you now.”

“It’s a hobby of mine, scouring all the message boards and conspiracy theories and fan sites about them, like whether Batman is a vampire or who would be better suited to be Batman: Mark Zuckerberg, Oliver Queen or Bruce Wayne. Definitely Oliver Queen, he had that buffed up makeover a couple years back and Bruce Wayne has way too many kids. And I will not even consider the blasphemous opinion of Zuckerberg, he doesn’t have the face for it. Besides, Brucie Wayne isn’t serious enough to be Batman.” Penelope had her opinions and they were right. She would not be convinced otherwise. But maybe she’d have to drag you into telling her more about the Gotham vigilantes. Certainly there were things you knew that the internet didn’t.

“Did you hear? The Joker’s out of Arkham, apparently that’s the big news today,” Emily said as she joined your group.

“It is troublesome, since the last few times he escaped he mass murdered dozens of people,” Spencer said.

“You’re from Gotham, what do you think of all this?” Emily asked and suddenly all eyes were on you.

“I want to hear you scream.”

You knew it would come eventually but that didn’t mean you were prepared for it, or for five sets of eyes on you at once.

“I think that the guy’s a serial killer and I hope no one else gets hurt because of him,” you said, before making your exit to your desk, which was not far enough away but thankfully they left it there for the moment.

“Uh oh, looks like we have a case.” You heard JJ mutter and followed her gaze up to where Hotch was signaling you with a curl of his fingers.

You followed everyone to the briefing room and sat down.

“Which hurts more? A? Or B?”

“As you may have heard, the Joker’s-“ Hotch was uncomfortable with the fact that he had no other name to call him “-cell at Arkham Asylum was found empty at 2:52 this morning. GCPD have been on the scene but haven’t been able to determine when on how he escaped. None of the local criminals have admitted to knowing possible whereabouts of … the missing criminal.

“We’ve been called in to help, to figure out how he escaped, if he had help and from whom, and profile his possible next moves. Wheels up in 30, we’re driving there and debrief more on the way. Garcia? I want you on the ground with us for this one,” Hotch said.

Penelope’s eyes widened. “Yes sir!” she squeaked.

“Bring the gas masks I gave you, you never know with Gotham,” you added as you followed your team out of the room.

“Wait up, agent,” Hotch called out to you.

“Don’t worry about your pretty little face, there won’t be much left of you after we’re done here.”

You turned to see Hotch looking at you and you took a few steps back towards him. “Yes, sir?”

“You’re familiar with Gotham.” It was a statement as much as it was a question.

“Yes, born and raised, or so I’m told,” you replied lightly, brow furrowed because Hotch knew this.

He nodded. “I want you taking lead on this one, at least for contact with the locals. You’d be familiar with them, correct?”

You nodded.

“Good. And you’re also familiar with …”

“The Bats, Birds and Rogues?” you asked dryly.

“Yes.”

You nodded again. “I am familiar with most of them, and yes, sir, Batman does exist, no matter what Morgan says, and before you say anything about tampered evidence and convictions, when half the justice system is corrupt, having an outside source helps. At least in Gotham specifically.”

Hotch looked considering when he replied, “Commissioner Gordon said that when he called, that Batman was the one to recommend bringing us in.”

You hoped you kept your face as blank as possible without being too suspicious. Bruce!! “Oh wow. That’s a … nice? Surprise?”

“We’ll see.” Hotch waved you on to grab your go bag.

“You will not survive this., You will die here. No one knows you’re here.”

Before arriving, Hotch assigned your vehicle (you, Penelope, JJ and Rossi) to head right to the precinct to meet with Gordon while he, Spencer, Derek and Emily went to Arkham.

You led your teammates inside, winding around desks to Gordon’s office to knock at his door.

It opened to Jim Gordon’s exhaustion lined face. You were struck by how haggard he looked.

“Jim,” you greeted.

“Come on in then.” He gestured the four of you into his office.

“These are agents Jennifer Jareau and David Rossi and our technical specialist Penelope Garcia.”

“JJ, please.”

“Dave is fine.”

“Nice to meet you, sir!”

They shook hands and then Jim sat down and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Thanks for coming out. I know we Gothamites have a reputation for handling our problems internally, but I’m worried we’re out of our depth for this one.”

“Perhaps we’ll start with something small. Something you won’t miss. Work up to the big stuff. Hmm? Let’s start with the fingers.”

“We’re here to help,” JJ said. She could see how exhausted he looked. This would be a difficult case for any city, but in Gotham? They'd already experienced how bad he could be, now they were just bracing for impact.

Jim nodded. “I honestly don’t know when he got out and it pains me to say that. I don’t know what we’re dealing with. Usually he escapes with a big bang and spree killings and a revenge plot against Batman. This time? Silence. It’s unsettling.”

“That’s where we can help, to profile him and see why he might have changed his pattern,” Rossi said.

“Scream as loud as you want, no one can hear you.”

Jim nodded. He stood and began leading you out of his office. “C’mon, this way. I had some officers clear a space for you.” He weaved through the desks to a small corner of the precinct. “I admit I was surprised when Batman was the one to suggest you but he’s usually infuriatingly right about these things so I hope you’re able to help us out here. I don’t want more bodies on my hands.”

“Batman, sir? He …?”

“Recommended I call in the BAU, yes. He and the other Bats are working overtime on this too. Last I heard Batman and Robin were trying to get in with Ivy to talk to Harley- that’s Dr Pamela Isley, Poison Ivy, she’s taken over one of the downtown parks where she lives with Harley Quinn, Dr Harleen Quinzel. They haven’t been seen yet.

“Red Robin and Spoiler were checking with Penguin, Oswald Cobblepot, a mafia boss and owner of the Iceberg Lounge, and Harvey Dent, Two-Face. Haven’t heard anything back yet about Dent but they said Cobblepot said nothing, but they don’t think he knows anything.

“Meanwhile, the Signal is patrolling and Orphan and Nightwing are on Red Hood watch, making sure heads don’t roll until we catch the bastard-” Jim cleared his throat, these were FBI professionals who were out of place in Gotham, but as much as he hated to admit it, Batman was probably right that they needed help this time, and it wouldn’t do him any good to go embarrassing the PD in front of them. “The uh, what do you folks call it?”

“Unsub, or unknown subject,” Agent Jareau supplied.

“Unsub, well, in our case we know who he is, we just don’t know where. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Jim hoped they’d be able to work fast. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

Jim nodded and left. As he was walking away, he overheard Agent Jareau whisper, “Wow.”

“This sure is a different city,” Agent Rossi remarked.

“Watch who you’re talking to,” you joked.

Jim wasn’t that close to you, but you’d worked a few years at the Blüdhaven field office and you were close with the Wayne’s, so he’d run into you before. You knew the stakes, he hoped the rest of your team adapted quickly. Otherwise, it’d be a hell of a ride.

“Batman has morals. So do I. But they are very, very different.”

The four of you unpack the boxes of case files of the Joker and get to work. Most of these you’ve read before, not from your time at the Blüdhaven branch of the bureau but from having bat access to them, but it was good starting place for your team to understand him.

Hotch, Derek, Spencer and Emily joined you a bit later and you went over what you knew.

“No forced entry, no hidden escape route or tunnel, no windows, and a hell of a lot of security between the cell and the outside world,” Derek said.

“The room looked untouched, no signs of struggle, as if one day he just decided to leave and walked through the walls,” Spencer said.

“They sent me the security footage and there’s nothing there either. No one coming in or out who’s not supposed to,” Penelope added.

“I gotta say it, it looks like an inside job,” Rossi said.

Hotch nodded. “As of now it seems the most likely. The security on that room means sort of an explosion, there’s no evident way out from the inside.”

“Ok, so who are we looking at first? Workers at the asylum, Gotham criminals, other inmates? He wasn’t supposed to have any contact to the outside world so he couldn’t coerce any one to help,” Spencer said.

“Because he’s done it before,” you added.

“So did he do that again?”

“There was nothing that pointed at the presence of a way to communicate with the outside, but it could’ve been so well hidden we couldn’t find it,” Derek said.

“Or magical interference,” Emily offered.

“What I don’t understand is how no one noticed he wasn’t there, he would’ve needed food while he was there, but no one remembered going to his cell. Ever. And there were no food trays anywhere either. So somehow, someone was able to stop sending him food without anyone noticing when.”

“Unless he just escaped, but that still doesn’t explain how no one remembers going to his cell of having things sent there,” JJ said.

“What are you doing here? Who are you?”

You were in the middle of further discussing the case with your team when someone jumped on your back.

“Dick.”

Your team stared in confusion.

You weren’t sure what surprised them more. A grown man jumping on your back to hug you from behind or you not reacting (except to seemingly swear at him).

“Good to see you!” Dick squeezed you tightly before hopping off your back and coming to stand beside you. “I heard you were called in for the case.”

“Yes. Everyone, this is Detective Dick Grayson, a detective from Blüdhaven PD.”

He slung an arm around your shoulder and gave everyone his best and brightest grin. “Nice to meet you.”

“I … know him,” you added as an afterthought.

“You don’t say,” JJ teased.

Emily snickered. Very unsubtly.

“Grayson.”

Dick let you go of you to spin and smile at Gordon.

“Commish! Good to see you.”

“Not your jurisdiction,” Gordon grumped without heat.

“I know, I wanted to help out,” he said.

“Don’t bother the agents, if they’re ok with it you can stay.” He turned to the rest of your team. “If his defense he’s been around for a lot of Joker events so he could have helpful insights. Still no updates or sightings. No one’s seen or heard anything. Spoiler and Red Robin confirmed that Dent doesn’t know anything. Signal hasn't seen anything unusual either. I don’t like it, doesn’t feel right. So far, Ivy hasn’t let anyone in the park yet, so no one’s heard from Quinn yet. I’ll leave you to it, I have to get back to coordinating patrols, let me know if you find anything.”

“Of course,” Hotch said before he walked off. “Detective Grayson-“

“Dick, please, yes I know, I’ve heard all the jokes, but English is weird.” He flashed them a winning smile.

You saw JJ raised her eyebrows at Penelope unsubtly and Penelope widened her eyes right back. You wondered if the silent communication was about your relationship with him, his conventional attractivity or whether they recognized him as a member of the Wayne family.

Hotch paused for a moment. “Dick, how familiar are you with … the current situation?”

“I only know what I’ve heard, the Joker’s escaped and no one knows how or when, or what he’s going to do next.”

“Gordon said you were familiar with him?” Derek asked.

Dick nodded. “He’s been terrorizing people since I was a kid.” He gave an uncomfortable smile.

“Any ideas on what he might do next?” Rossi asked.

“Go after Batman probably, that’s what he usually does. But he plans things out. He likes having a stage and usually hostages. Booby traps as well. Usually something with Joker gas, which is … a deadly laughing gas if too much is inhaled.”

You heard Penelope gasp.

“And bombs. He likes blowing things up.” Dick’s voice had tightened, and you couldn’t help reaching out to grab his hand and squeeze.

“Where do you think he would go first?” Emily asked.

Dick sighed. “I think that depends on what he has planned. And who helped him.”

“You think someone helped him?”

“I don’t know how he would’ve escaped otherwise.” Dick shrugged. “If there was already a safe house hideout in place, it’s someplace new. W- All his known haunts have been checked by the Bats (a guy hears things), and I’m not sure where else he could be hiding with this much pressure to find him. He thrives on chaos and attention and right now? With the city practically in chaos over his disappearance … he’d love it, feed off the fear and panic he’s created doing nothing. I think it’s only a matter of time before he does something, otherwise …” he trailed off.

“Otherwise?” JJ asked.

Dick seemed to remember himself and shook his head, but he still answered. “Otherwise, I’d start to wonder if someone got to him first.”

“I want him dead. Will you help me?”

“You think someone could’ve killed him?” Agent Morgan asked.

Dick hesitated and tried to find his words. His thoughts on the subject were complicated.

“There’s a lot of people who wish he was dead. Not too many that’d have the guts to try and take him out and none that I know of that wouldn’t claim that fame for themselves if they did it. Or even if they knew that he was dead for sure. That no one has …”

“Means no one knows for sure whether he’s dead or not,” Dr Reid finished.

“What about Dr Pamela Isley and Dr Harleen Quinzel? No one seems to be able to get a hold of them, could they have done it?” Agent Rossi asked.

Dick nodded. “It’s definitely a possibility, and one that seems realistic the more time passes without hearing from him or them. They might even have him right now,” he sighed. “I don’t like not knowing.”

“We don’t either, but that’s why we profile, to see what he might be doing, his possible movements, try to predict and anticipate,” Agent Jareau said.

“Anyways, I’m here to help if you’ll have me,” Dick offered, glancing around at you and your team.

“You already have,” Agent Prentiss said.

“But you’re welcome to stay. We appreciate your insight,” Hotch added.

“Of course, put me to work.”

“I should have finished this a long time ago, but it’s better late than never.”

“I need more coffee, anyone else?” JJ stood and looked around the table you were all hunched around, going through files and reports.

There were groans and grumbles of assent.

“I’ll go with you,” you offered. “You shouldn’t be alone in Gotham, especially right now.”

“Ok, perfect, you can take me to the best coffee place in the city then!”

You chuckled. “Sure,” you agreed, grabbing the keys from Derek.

“I assure you, I am no Batman.”

“So how do you know each other?” Emily asked Dick once you’d gone, stretching in her seat, taking a break from pouring over the files.

Dick looked up from his folder and smiled knowingly, without you there, interrogation time had started.

He did that a lot. Smile. Most seemed genuine but Spencer couldn’t be sure. There were many hidden depths to this man that you seemed so comfortable around.

“Well, it was partially through my brother. They went to the same high school and became friends, but it wasn’t until … after, that we really met and kept talking and hanging out and decided to be friends on our own.”

“Aww,” Penelope gushed.

“You’ve lived here all your life, too?” Rossi asked, also taking a break from the eye strain that was reading all these reports.

Dick gave a small laugh. “No actually. Grew up in the circus, travelled around a lot.”

“Ooh! Sounds like fun!” Penelope exclaimed.

“It was.”

Immediately they could all sense that they were approaching personal territory, especially when Dick picked up his folder again. Spencer knew their curiosity was piqued, but they all knew when a person had talked enough about a subject to want it let go.

Spencer watched the detective for a moment longer, noting how his knee hadn’t stopped bouncing since he’d sat down, how his eyebrows furrowed as he read. Detective Grayson had had good input since he’d joined them, he wouldn’t make a half bad profiler, Spencer thought.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you die until we’re finished here. And we still have quite a lot to do with you yet.”

You and JJ had just left the café with your teammates coffees in trays when you pushed JJ behind you, and she bumped into the wall.

“Hey-!” she started, but then noted your defensive stance and reached with her free hand for her gun.

Something dropped from the sky and JJ was pulling her gun out when she realized you weren’t reaching for your own and had relaxed your posture.

She looked at the figure again and realized it was a someone that had dropped down in front of you.

You sighed. “Red.”

They were, in fact, red. Ah, must be one of the vigilantes. That you were clearly familiar with.

“Agent.”

JJ was partly put off by the white lenses covering their eyes. They hid so much expression, and it was kind of creepy to stare into blank white eyes.

“Batman and Robin have so far been unsuccessful with Ivy and Harley-“

Right, the vigilantes trying to talk to the plant wielding meta and the Joker’s ex-girlfriend, a danger in her own right.

“-and it was suggested that you try, that is what you were called in for, profilers. You can try and talk to Ivy, profile her and Harley if you can get in with them.”

“It was suggested,” you mocked. “By whom? You? Bats? Harley and Ivy?”

‘Red’ didn’t answer, just stared you down, mouth twitching occasionally.

You sighed and glanced at JJ, then the coffees that you both were still carrying, miraculously unspilled from when you pushed JJ out of the way. You looked back at the vigilante for a moment. “Fine, but you have to bring the coffees to our team.”

JJ couldn’t be certain, but she thought “Red” might have been glaring at you behind those impenetrable lenses.

“Spoiler.”

JJ wasn’t sure what that meant. You didn’t move. JJ nudged you and you looked at her again.

“Care to explain what’s going on?”

“Oh! Right, JJ, this is Red Robin, Red, my friend, coworker, person, Agent Jennifer Jareau,” you said formally.

“Spoiler! Nice to meet you!”

JJ didn’t think she hid her flinch well enough when another vigilante swept down from the roofs and landed beside Red Robin.

This one was very purple and very bubbly. For some reason, JJ thought they’d get along well with Penelope.

“Spoiler,” you greeted and handed over your tray of coffee. You looked at JJ and motioned she should to the same.

She hesitantly handed it over to Red Robin. How in the world they were going to get them back to the precinct without spilling the drinks, JJ had no idea.

“Don’t spill that coffee now,” you said in a flat voice, quickly grabbing your and JJ’s drinks before the left.

“Pul-ease, we’re not amateurs,” Spoiler laughed before shooting a line (when had she grabbed a grappling hook/gun??) and swinging away, Red Robin following after.

“C’mon then, seems we’re going to the park.”

JJ shook her head. Gotham was so weird.

“Do you have a blowtorch? I want to burn him.”

You arrived at the park and got out of the SUV, JJ behind as you approached- holy shit, Batman and Robin!! (Derek would have a fit if he were here, and Penelope would probably squeal, JJ thought.) Holy shit, giant wall of greenery!! The two vigilantes were standing not in front of a wall, but a veritable fortress of vines and trees and plants. Isley was one powerful meta is this was anything to go by. JJ was going to get whiplash from all the strange Gotham things here.

She stopped beside you, facing the vigilantes.

You introduced you and her formally, but JJ had a feeling it was for her benefit, that they already knew who you were.

“We’ve come to talk to Isley and Quinzel.”

“Hn.”

Big talker.

“Tt. She will not talk to us, why should she talk to you outsiders,” Robin scowled and JJ was horrified at how young he looked and sounded.

Spoiler and Red Robin sounded like young adults as it was, but tall enough that JJ was sure they were adults (hoped so at least). But this one … this one couldn’t’ve been more than … a young teen? This was a child.

“Well, maybe they will dislike us so much that they’ll talk to us,” you said dryly, as if this wasn’t a child in a brightly coloured costume, beside someone who looked more shadow than man.

“Hn,” Batman grunted again, yet somehow a different grunt that had a different meaning if Robin’s deepening scowl was anything to go by. Robin backed off, closer to the other vigilante’s shadows. Gotham was a good fit for Batman with its almost perpetual cloudy weather.

(Maybe Derek was right in a way, maybe Batman wasn’t a man, but a manifestation of … Gotham? Something that crawled out of the polluted waters of Gotham Harbour? That was way too complex and “meta” for JJ, she’d leave the conspiracy theories to Penelope.)

You seemed to take Robin’s movement as a signal to move towards the giant wall of vines and JJ strode after you. She whispered your name.

“Hm?” You spared her a glance.

“Robin is a child!” she hissed.

Your eyebrows creased. “Hm.” You were almost imitating Batman in a manner now.

“Seriously! That is a child in that costume! He could get hurt!”

You turned fully to JJ, face serious, brow creased, and she knew she had your full attention.

“Or maybe Robin is protecting him. Maybe without the suit he’d go out into the world anyways, with anger and vengeance in his heart, but instead without protection. Maybe instead he’d be one of the kids picked up and put in juvie or kidnapped into a child trafficking ring. Maybe he’d be just a kid trying to survive on the streets or get killed by a criminal because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe Robin gives him a purpose and the skills to do things safely and save others. Maybe he would’ve gone out anyway, so Robin protects him.” You shrugged. “Or maybe Robin’s just made from Gotham magic.”

“I want him to pay. For all he’s done, for all the people he’s hurt. … Killed.”

“We’d like to talk to you and Dr Quinn, Dr Isley. We’re agents from the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI. This is my friend JJ, can we talk?”

Nothing. You wondered how long you would have to yell at the wall of green before you gave up.

“Ivy? Harley? We just want to know if you killed him-“

Not that your team had exactly determined that for certain yet.

“-I know it’s probably annoying that we want to talk about a man when you both have your own long lists of heinous crimes but if we can just smooth out the first thing real quick, we can get on to your disastrous acts.”

JJ raised an eyebrow and you threw your hands up in the air dramatically. You were an awkward conversationalist at the best of times and now you were talking to a giant wall of plants. This wasn’t like talking to your normal household plants, ok?

“I’m JJ, we’ve never met,” JJ started, “but we just have some questions for you-” you saw the other SUV pull up out of the corner of your eye, the rest of the team was here “-about the disappearance of the Joker.” JJ winced, you guessed it was because of the fact that there was no record of any other name to call him.

The team stepped out of the vehicle and was ready to join you, when the wall shivered. Vines shot out towards you and JJ. You heard your teammates yell before you was pulled off your feet and enveloped in vines.

“How are we going to dispose of him?”

Pamela dropped the two of you in her parlour (what? Of course she had specific rooms to her plant fortress) and waited for you to get up. You untangled yourself from where you’d wrapped yourself protectively around the blonde agent, and helped her up, staying between her and Pam the whole time. How sweet.

“Ivy.” You nodded in greeting. “Thank you for having us.” Well, at least you had manners.

“Not my idea. Harls wanted to talk to you,” Pam said, bored. She went over to her lounger to lie down. She slid her sunglasses on and observed you from behind them.

You seemed calm, but she could see the tenseness in your shoulders as you murmured with your partner and dissuaded her from grabbing her gun. Smart move, Pam wouldn’t let that stand in her own home.

“Howdy!” Harley jumped in exuberantly from who knows where.

You had to grab the blonde’s hand from reaching for her gun again.

“Harley, it’s good to see you. Thank you for seeing us.”

“Meh,” she shrugged. “Batsy’s no fun when he’s hung up on Mista J. No one is, I didn’t wanna see ‘em. But I was getting’ bored so you came at a great time! C’mon in, sit down!” She waved you both over to a small table in the corner of the room.

Pam watched uninterestedly.

“So,” Harley started when the three of you were seated, “you wanna know if I killed Mista J, huh?”

“Yes, or if you know who killed him, or where he is.”

Pam had to give the blonde some credit, she was completely out of her depth here in Gotham, and in Pam’s domain, but she faced it head on, and with fantastic style no less.

“Oh, hunny bunchkins, Mista J is most, absolutely, certainly dead. Dead he is.”

“He is? You know this for sure? Do you have proof?”

“Of course I do! He’s as dead as Ive’s relationship with Kite-man!” Harley exclaimed, and- ouch? But not really, she was very happy in her relationship with her girlfriend.

“Do you know who killed him?” you asked.

“You may be wondering why I am here. I’ll do you the courtesy of letting you know. I am here to kill you.”

“Do I know who killed him? Of course, I know who killed him! You’re lookin’ at ‘er!”

“You?”

“You killed the Joker?”

“Yeppers, so I know he ain’t comin’ back, that’s for sure. He’s gone-for-good-goners.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone before? Then we wouldn’t have had to come down and bother you like this?”

Ok, yah. Blondie was smarter than stereotypes, sharp, clever. If she was a villain, Harley definitely would consider inviting her to her and Pam's book club.

Harley shrugged. “Didn’t feel like it. None o’ your business anyways who I kill!” She blew the two of you a raspberry.

“Actually, that’s kind of our job,” you said mildly, unphased.

“But you definitely killed him,” she asked again. Harley gave her props for persistence, she was staring down two powerful supervillains, Gotham’s Queenpins, and not giving an inch once she’d found her footing. It was definitely entertaining. Harley made a good choice convincing her girlfriend to bring you two in.

“Tha’s what I said.” Although, it was still annoying to be questioned so much, Harley was starting to get a glint in her eye. “If ya don’t believe me, try ‘n find him. That’s what you’re supposed tuh be able tuh do with your brain powers, isn’t it? That’s why Gordon called ya here, ‘n you haven’t found ‘im yet.” Harley stood up and you yanked your coworker up too.

“We just want to know where he is. Where he was … buried, disposed of, left, or kept, after he was killed, where is he now?” you asked, backing away from your hostesses, herding Blondie behind you.

Harley paused, then gave her biggest, but not wildest, grin. “You’re lookin’ at ‘im! I had Ives turn ‘im into mulch. Compost ‘im. To feed her plants! So he wouldn’t be such a waste of space after he died. ‘Sides, Ives would hardly let him be disposed in an un-eco-friendly manner.” She rolled her eyes.

“Can I have some? My plants need it.”

“I think it’s time for you to go.” Dr Isley stood up and JJ’s hand once again brushed her side where her gun sat against her hip, but the situation and your arm in front of her reminded her to take a deep breath and move on as if everything was fine. As if she wasn’t preparing to be flung back through the wall of plants. And that was best case scenario. But she was a professional, this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, although instances with metas were of the rare sort.

“Thank you for your time, you’re right, we’ll go now,” you said with a calmness that JJ had the sense was more from a familiarity of dealing with your hometown criminals than your regular job experience and professionalism.

“Wait here, I won’t be long.”

Hotch prided himself on having a very good poker face. From years as a prosecutor to years in the BAU, it was in his best interest if no one knew what he was thinking at any given moment.

When you and JJ didn’t come back from your coffee run but instead two colourful vigilantes telling him that you’d gone to talk to two dangerous felons, one of them a powerful meta eco-terrorist, the other a wild and temperamental criminal, he was worried. But he put on his stern boss mask and told Dave to stay with Penelope to continue searching possibilities as the rest of them rushed to the remaining SUV.

Detective Grayson led the way to the park with a GCPD officer in a cruiser car, Morgan following close behind.

They all immediately clocked you and JJ standing by the enormous hedge wall, with … ah, that must have been Batman and … Robin? Batman’s sidekick, Robin?

He started walking towards you two, already planning to save the reprimands (worry) for later when he could shed his mask in private.

But then the wall shivered and vines swallowed you, and his stomach dropped, he was right behind Morgan, racing to where you disappeared from.

Before they could get there, Grayson was in front of them, Batman and Robin(?) behind him, looking intimidating and startlingly contrasted from one another.

“Hey man, get out of our way. That wall just stole our agents-”

“I’m sorry, but whatever you try won’t work. Ivy, Dr Isley, took them, that could be a good thing. That means they might be talking to Harley right now, which no one has done today.”

“They’re in there with two dangerous criminals,” Morgan argued. He was almost itching for a fight with how tense he was.

Hotch knew Morgan hated not being able to protect his teammates, even if they could defend themselves. Hotch wondered, in the back of his mind, how Grayson would fare in a physical fight against Morgan. Morgan had the size and height, but the way Grayson moved displayed a dancer-like grace and good reflexes. Somehow, he thought Grayson wouldn’t be knocked down too easily.

Grayson sighed. “Anything you try to do to get in will likely only piss Ivy off, putting your friends in more danger. Believe me, I want to help them, but the best thing to do right now is wait it out. I’m sorry, I won’t let you closer, at least, Batman and Robin won’t. But they wouldn’t explain anything. You should trust your agents, they have a chance to find out if Harley and Ivy know anything. ‘Sides, one of them’s a Gothamite, used to this sort of thing, they’ll be fine.”

Hotch levelled a stern look at Batman and took a moment to make sure his boss mask was in place. “Morgan,” he said quietly but firmly.

The other man scowled but backed up next to him. Reid and Prentiss hovered close behind.

“What can you tell us about them for situations like these?”

Grayson shifted on his feet. “Well, they’re less volatile together. More powerful sure, but … chiller, in a way. Ivy’s whole schtick is ‘ecoterrorism’, she usually just goes after polluters and other threats to nature, she just wants Gotham cleaned up, in a way. Harley … well, you’ve probably heard that she and the Joker used to be a thing. It was an abusive relationship, very … tumultuous and volatile. But since she’s gone out on her own, she’s … calmer? It’s hard to explain to non-Gothamites,” Grayson laughed awkwardly. “But she’s so much better now that she’s not with him. Did she kill him? I don’t know, she could’ve, definitely. Hopefully they’ll get it out of her.”

Gordon joined them then, with a few more officers, and they discussed options. Unfortunately, he agreed with Grayson, trying to get through by force would only aggravate the situation and put you and JJ more at risk. So for now, there was only one option. Wait.

“Do not worry, he will not be found. There will be nothing left for him to find.”

Morgan was muttering about making a run for it, wondering how big of a fire it’d take to burn through the wall, when the plants rustled again. Everyone was immediately on alert, the BAU walking closer as an arch opened in the wall.

There you were.

You and JJ walked in front of Dr’s Isley and Quinzel, looking unharmed. Every officer’s and agent’s hands sitting on their guns, just in case, but you two were in the way. And against a meta as powerful as Isley? Hotch was reluctantly resigned that they were unlikely to win against her with guns, even with the mysterious Batman and Robin there. (And/or other mysterious vigilantes hidden in the shadows.)

“We’re ok,” you assured the team as soon as you were close enough for them to hear, as they’d moved closer to the tunnel to greet you (get you back).

Prentiss was immediately at JJ’s side, as JJ repeated assurances that she too was ok.

Morgan herded you all away from the plant fortress and the two felons.

When you caught Hotch’s eye, he nodded once, and you gave him a small smile in return. He couldn’t deny that seeing you and JJ unharmed and back with them eased a tightness in his chest.

“Thank you for helping me. I appreciate it.”

“Hiya Batsy!” Harley Quinn launched herself at Batman and Emily reached for her gun, preparing for a fight. She paused.

Batman just stood there. Let Harley Quinn wrap herself around him like she was hugging a teddy bear or tree. Or rather, Batman. She was hugging Batman. And he was letting her.

Emily dropped her hand and shook her head, staring in confused horror. She would never understand Gotham.

“Harley.” Batman’s voice was gruff and deep, and it was the first time she’d heard him speak since they’d got there. He’d grunted and spoken quietly to his sidekick (child?!) or just not spoken at all.

“How ya doin’, Batsy? Baby Bat?”

This was directed at Robin and Emily had to stop herself from laughing at the scowl that rivalled Batman’s that appeared on his face. And then she remembered that this was a child, and he should be at home eating snacks or at school, anything that wasn’t facing down criminals double his age. How old was this kid??

“Did you kill the Joker?” Batman growled.

“Aww, you’re no fun!” She jumped off and blew him a raspberry. “All you wanna do is talk about him, him, him!”

Emily was sure her therapist would not be thrilled to learn that a Gotham Rogue was becoming one of her role models in standing up for herself and feminism.

“Did you kill him?” he growled again.

“So what if I did? What are you gonna do about it, huh?” She stuck her hands on her hips.

Emily remembered Poison Ivy was there too when she walked over to her girlfriend (Girlboss) from where she had been leaning against her doorway?

“There’s nothing much you could do if we decided to kill him, Bats,” she said, bored.

“Did you?” he repeated.

“Yah! I did!” Harley exclaimed and threw her arms up in the air. “He’s as good as dead because he is dead! You can call you search dogs, whatever, but you won't find him! He's dissolved into plant food by now! And make sure you call Hood and tell him that Mista J is dead and he ain’t coming back eva’. Come on Ives, let’s go, I think the Knights game is starting soon.”

Faster than Batman could stop them, Ivy wrapped an arm around her girlfriend and covered them in vines, bringing them back into the green fortress.

Emily glanced around. Robin had disappeared, but Commissioner Gordon and Dick were talking to Batman, before he too swung off into Gotham's concrete jungle.

“Hood?” Spencer asked in a muted voice.

“A vigilante. Red Hood. Bat associated. His territory is Crime Alley,” you answered quietly.

“Crime Alley? You’ve got to be kidding me,” Derek snorted.

You gave a wry smile. “Official name is Park Row, but no one calls it that anymore. There were … a lot of people have died there, and it really fell down the ladder, but it’s better with Hood there now. He’s set up a lot of safe spaces, soup kitchens, after-school programs, keeps the kids off the streets and protects the working girls among other things.”

“Why doesn’t he just try and do that legally?”

You laughed. “Because he’s basically a mob boss/gang leader. And he killed a bunch of people, (but he’s been pardoned by the Justice League) not that he does that anymore, but still.”

Emily heard Derek mutter something like “Gotham is so weird” before nudging JJ and calling their teammates at the precinct to update them.

Him and Spencer hovered beside JJ, on the phone with Penelope and Rossi, which she couldn’t judge, because she too was hovering, JJ on one side of her, you on the other. She snuck a glance at you. You were silently observing their conversation, Hotch next to you, quiet as well. Your face was blank, but in a calm, yet emotionally exhausted way. The way you usually got at the end of especially hard cases when you didn’t have time to rest and reset. Emily knew this case hit home especially hard, given that you grew up here, and although you’d never outright stated it, they all predicted that’d you’d had run ins with the Joker before, or at least that he’d affected you or someone close to you. They could tell that you weren't upset to hear Harley confessing to killing him.

The other GCPD officers stood by their patrol cars, waiting on orders from Gordon.

The commissioner and Dick walked up to you and Hotch stepped forward to talk to them.

“Thank you for all your help, it was good to have you.”

Hotch and Gordon shook hands.

“You’ll be handling the rest now that Dr Quinzel has confessed to killing him,” Hotch stated.

Gordon shrugged with a wry smile. “We Gothamites handle our own. No one’s sorry to hear that, ahem, to hear that he’s dead. Frankly, it’s a relief to know for sure.”

Emily noticed JJ shift next to her and bumped her elbow to JJ’s.

“Glad we could help.”

“Some of my officers can help you clean up at the station. And Agent Jareau and-” he looked at you and you nodded.

“We’ll leave statements,” you affirmed.

“Good, thanks. Safe travels back.” They shook hands again, then all of them stepped forward to do the same.

“Thank you for your help as well, Detective Grayson.”

“Glad to be of service,” he smiled.

“I say this with all the respect in the world, but I hope I never have to see you again,” Gordon admitted.

Emily snorted quietly. Spencer nudged her in the ribs.

“We understand. Nice meeting you, good luck with everything.”

“Thank you, you too.”

“How are we going to get him out?”

You went with the team to the precinct where you pulled Hotch aside.

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to stay here a bit longer. There’s people I want to see, to check in on …”

“Of course, no problem. You can get back on your own?”

You nodded. “Yes, don’t worry, thank you.”

“Of course, take your time with your family.”

You hadn’t said family but yah, they were your family. “Thanks, Hotch.”

He nodded and you rejoined your teammates to help clean up.

“I think I’ll take a vacation. It’s been a while since I took time off.”

“I, for one, cannot wait until we get back,” JJ muttered after she and you had finally finished your statements with the Gotham PD officers.

“And I cannot believe you two were alone with Poison Ivy!!” Penelope exclaimed in a hushed voice as she cleared her computer away.

“What were they like?” Emily asked and Spencer looked up from his box to observe your and JJ’s expressions.

JJ hummed. “Surprisingly normal. Like some unsubs we’ve dealt with. Calm, clever, more or less level-headed, perceptive … I believe that she’s sure he’s dead. And I believe that she could’ve killed him, the way she talked about him? There’s trauma there, even without knowing it was an abusive relationship.”

“But…?” Rossi asked.

JJ sighed. “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“And what are you thinking about, pretty boy?” Derek nudged Spencer.

“Something’s puzzling me.”

“Oh no!” Emily joked good naturedly, but … Spencer was sure something was bugging her too.

He rolled his eyes in response. “Supposedly Dr Quinzel killed him, and Dr Isley helped her and used his body for fertilizer, so there’s no evidence, no body left. But there was a too perfect log of food deliveries made to his cell, that no one recalls.”

“And his cell was seemingly untouched,” Rossi muttered.

“There was dust,” Derek remarked.

“Not much, but it was there,” Emily added.

“She could’ve broken him out and killed him, but why hide it? Why make sure the records still show normal activity, so no one suspects anything?”

“So, no one noticed and stopped her? She sounded like she had plans to make it painful for him before he died,” JJ offered.

“But neither she nor Dr Isley seem to favour stealth. They bust in, break things, make some noise, before leaving with what they’ve come for. I read a few reports of their previous attacks. It just doesn’t make sense that they’d hide killing the Joker.”

“What can I say, it’s Gotham. Things here are different,” Derek said, clapping his hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “Either way-“

“It’s not our jurisdiction anymore,” Hotch finished. “We can’t overstay our welcome.”

“But what if he’s still out there?” Spencer urged.

Derek nudged him along towards the door. “Let’s hope he’s not, but Hotch is right, we can’t stay any longer, it’s out of our hands now.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m with JJ, I believe Harley when she said that he’s dead.” Spencer glanced at you, you weren’t making eye contact with anyone, gazing into space, not after the long, exhausting day you’d had. “Whether or not she killed him?” You shrugged. “But I believe he’s dead.”

Spencer was worried that your want of him dead might be influencing you, but he said nothing. He hoped the Joker was dead too.

“You’re staying?” Rossi asked you when you got outside.

You nodded. “There’s some people I wanna see since I’m here,” you said softly.

“Of course, you have to see your family while you’re here!” Penelope said.

“Come back to us though, Penelope might not forgive you if you don’t,” Derek joked.

You laughed. “I’ll come back, don’t worry.”

“Hugs ok?” JJ asked.

You nodded and opened you arms to give her a hug. Penelope was next, then Derek and Emily and even Rossi. You tilted side to side to say bye to Spencer, he wiggled his hands in response. You waved at Hotch and he gave you one of his rare smiles as he waved back.

Spencer got in the SUV after Emily, Penelope behind him.

“I’m so ready to leave,” Penelope whispered, as if Gotham itself could hear her.

“Just a couple hours, baby girl,” Derek said as he got in the driver’s seat.

“I’m glad the case is over,” Emily said.

“I hope it’s over,” Spencer mumbled.

“When do you think they’ll find out?”

You watched the SUVs pull away and then made your way to the Manor. You let yourself in and went straight to the kitchen.

Alfred looked up when you walked in. You held eye contact with him for a moment and he understood what you weren’t saying out loud.

He nodded, agreeing silently. “They’re in the living room. I’ll go with you.”

You nodded and he followed you out.

”Alfred?”

“Yes?”

“I want to kill the Joker. Will you help me?”

“He considered you for a moment. “Yes. I will.”

~~~

part two // part three

thanks for reading!! feel free to rb and leave nice comments <3

[robinasnyder]

Okay, but the idea of Bruce being wildly attracted to the Drs Fenton implies they like turned their act around. Not in time to fix the whole childhood situation for everyone (a little for Danny, a lot more for Ellie, not at all for Jazz and they couldn't give Dan a childhood, but them loving him anyway made him cry and they're never telling anyone that bc he'd be hurt if they did), but they have spent years working on building relationships with their children. Ellie crashed with them a lot. Danny's over using their lab all the time. Dan crashes in Danny's (his) room more than he's willing to admit. But Jazz is the hold out. It's most important to keep the connection, but not smother her. Jazz said that. So they listen and follow her rules and do the therapy and do the family therapy. They call once a month. They come by for visits when it's not a holiday (holidays the siblings can have, but the Drs Fenton come by to have a meal and drop off gifts on non-holidays).

Jazz has a new boyfriend. She loves him. The other kids love him. Maddie wants to meet him so much, especially because Jazz has been calling a couple times a month to gush about Jason and how great he is. Maddie doesn't ask, though. She doesn't intrude. She doesn't hint.

And one day Jazz invites them anyway.

She decides she wants all the buffers between them and her, so she had her siblings there. She has them come to Wayne Manor for the family dinner. Also, that way, her siblings can introduce their new significant others too.

So they show up. They're even not wearing their lab suits.

Bruce takes one look at them and he's done for. Jack is bigger than him!!! And Maddie seems like the type who'd have no trouble telling Bruce Wayne what to do.

And then they start talking and Bruce is just like "wtf is with Fenton DNA".

It takes him months to work out the best way to ask them both out, and he never gets to because Jack asks him out first.

Jason is flopping between laughing at Bruce and being like "really? My girlfriend's parents?"

More than Jazz as a psychiatric I see her as a Social Worker that focuses on Children and Family.

Leaving the plot aside, Jazz may have had the CPS visit her home (or never) and saw how the system failed her and her brother, who ended dead.

She could still study psychology and focus to get a degree in children welfare (or whatever is called) to help children out of abusive/neglectful families.

And then I introduce you "social worker Jazz Fenton Nightingale meet crime lord/children defender red hood"

You are SO RIGHT and actually I had an idea like that written down.... somewhere.

Basically social worker Jazz tries to fix the system from the inside etc etc etc and becomes trusted contact for Red Hood to properly relocate the kids and help them recover.

Everyone knows about Ms. Fenton. That Hood approves of her, that she will always have warm food and a blanket, no questions asked.

And that she would fist fight anyone if they try anything funny with the kids under her protection.

Even Batman.

[iphoenixrising]

I just read your Tiny!Tim stories and I love them. It got me thinking about Tiny!Tim meeting Tiny!Peter Parker-Stark & the 2 becoming best friends. Jason laughing at the sight of Bruce & Dick both jealous as Tim gushes all over Tony and Bucky, stars in his eyes as he tells them how much he admires them. Jason to Bruce & Dick dismay & Tim's delight gives Tim a framed photo of him being held gently in Bucky's arms. Bruce tries to get rid of the Iron Man, Bucky & Cap bear Tony sends Tim, he fails.

Baaabe! Ah, I’m so glad you like the Tiny!Tim things, lol. There’s a very persistent anon that keeps on me about them, so that’s why they pop up every once and a while. The last one, Tiny!Tim and the Wrong Bus was slightly difficult, but tbh I’m really proud of it. 

You know, I’ve done a few crossovers with Marvel like in the Dr!Tim universe where Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark know one another (I mean playboy billionaires that are really superheroes? C’mon right?), so I could totally see Bruce bringing Tim to Wayne Enterprises for a take your kid to work day or something (Jay totally didn’t want to come with and Dick is too old for that sort of thing), but low and behold! He’s got a meeting with the head of Stark Industries R&D, Tony, who has brought his best little man, Peter. He figures Peter hasn’t been out of New York, so why not let him see Gotham City? May is totally fine because Happy will be there to help corral the young boy and can absolutely take him out and about in Robinson Park if the meetings get too long. 

Since the Winter Soldier and Captain America absolutely cannot allow their mechanic to go to a place like Gotham Fricking City without an army of bodyguards (especially with Peter, Tony, what if some crazy from Arkham breaks out and blows up the city?!?!), Bucky absolutely rides along with them in full gear and armed to the teeth just in case the Joker, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, or who-the-hell-ever gets the bright idea to do anything to their Iron Man. 

Cue the absolute adorable when Peter and Tim are instant besties and hang out in Bruce’s office with Bucky while Happy stays with Tony. 

Jay is home from school and Dick in from the ‘Haven by the time Bruce finally brings their Baby Bird home from a day at the office. The first ten minutes of gushing is really just fine because Tim is so animated when he talks about them, and it’s nice to see him making friends.

It goes a little far when the Bucky Bear comes in the mail with a picture of Tim and Peter lying against the Winter Soldier’s chest sound asleep and seemingly very comfortable. It grates on Bruce when Bucky Bear is always on Tim’s bed in the Manor on top his Batman pillow. 

Jay laughs about it until Timmy gets a special invite to New York City on Tony’s private jet to hang out with Peter for a sleepover and Bruce can’t say no to those big puppy dog eyes.

He comes back wearing an Iron Man t-shirt and has one with every Avenger’s symbol that he reverently folds and lays in his drawers, the Winter Soldier one his second favorite.

And no, no. You can’t have him, Stark. Timmy is our Baby Bird!

[musicalluna]

almost 10k of hurt!steve and the motherhengers! beta care of wynnesome, WingMoon, and windscryer. the story is also originally @samurljackson‘s, who allowed me to flesh it out because I LOVE

--

“Clint has asked me for advice regarding the celebration of his anniversary with Lady Darcy and Natasha, but I do not know what to recommend. On Asgard, he would be expected to give them each a kitten, but Darcy's apartment does not allow pets. What is appropriate on Midgard?”

Steve swipes the back of his wrist over his forehead to stop the sweat threatening to drip into his eyes. “Which one are they at?” he asks between heavy breaths.

“This is their third year together.” Thor comes at Steve with a right hook he telegraphs just enough Steve manages to duck out of the way.

“In my day, you woulda got something leather. Books, watches, bags, that sorta thing.” Thor drops his guard for a moment as he considers that, and Steve takes shameless advantage, stepping forward and jabbing. Thor is more on it than he looks, though, and he responds by tipping his head out of the way, arm coming up for a right cross that nails Steve right between the eyes.

Read on Ao3 or

He staggers backward, tumbling onto his ass as pain spikes from his nose in a fiery sunburst. It still aches from yesterday's bout with the Doombots and the blow doesn’t do it any favors.

Sam calls from the side of the ring where he's been watching, “Shoulda seen that coming.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbles, grimacing as blood drips down his upper lip and into his mouth. “Nice move,” he tells Thor.

Thor grins at him. “You still underestimate me, Steven.”

Steve huffs. “Yeah, I guess I do. Thanks,” he says, gratefully accepting the wad of gauze Sam hands him. He looks up at Thor. “Go again when this stops?”

“Aye,” Thor agrees. In the meantime, he picks up his water bottle from the corner of the ring and takes several long swigs before spraying a burst over his face and neck. He's shirtless, hair pulled up in a messy knot on top of his head, although one of the little braids at his temple is swinging free. If they were fighting dirty, Steve would grab it and probably tear the thing right off his head. But they aren't, so he just watches it swing, amused. “Is this a tradition then?” Thor asks when he's had another drink. “Leather goods for the third anniversary of commitment?”

“Yeah, there's a whole list. Something different for each anniversary. Represents something—I don't know all of them, I didn't have much reason to.”

“Leather's for old fuddy-duddies,” Sam says mildly. “Nowadays, it's glass or crystal.”

“They changed that, too?” Steve complains, and Sam laughs.

“You are bleeding through your dressing,” Thor points out, gesturing.

Steve glances down and realizes he's right—a rivulet of blood is snaking down his wrist toward his elbow from the red-saturated gauze. “Shit,” he says as it drips onto the canvas. “Hand me some more, Sam?”

Sam ducks down and grabs another wad, holding it out where Steve can get at it. He sticks it over the existing dressing and shoots a wry look at Thor. “You got me good.”

“Maybe you will remember this next time you underestimate me.” Thor squirts Steve with his water bottle, and Steve laughs, throwing up his free hand in a weak attempt at defense.

“All right, let's have a look,” Sam says a few minutes later, and Steve pulls the gauze away. Immediately, he feels a gush of blood pour from his nose down his lip, tasting copper on his tongue.

Sam frowns. “It's still bleeding?” He hands over a fresh stack of gauze squares and takes the bloodied ones in one gloved hand to dispose of. Steve's fingers are smeared in blood, and he can feel it on his face, even down on his neck. He must look a mess. “You ever bled this long before?”

Steve shakes his head. “Normally stops pretty quick.”

Sam doesn't say anything else until he soaks through the new gauze, too. “All right. Let's go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Medical,” Sam says firmly, and Steve groans.

“It's just a bloody nose, Sam—”

“A bloody nose that's been bleeding for almost twenty minutes! That's not normal, even for non-super soldiers. Your ass is going to medical. Don't make me have Thor pick you up.”

“I am happy to carry you if you are too weak to stand,” Thor says cheerfully, striding ominously toward Steve.

“All right, all right, I'm going!” Steve says, eeling his way out of the boxing ring. He grudgingly allows Sam and Thor to escort him down to medical. “You know this really isn't necessary.”

“You are not remotely qualified to make that decision,” Sam replies. “I will pull receipts, don't think I won't.”

He's probably got a laundry list of them just waiting at the top of his mind, so Steve shuts his mouth. He still thinks it's pointless.

“All right, let's see what we have,” Dr. Cho says when he's sat down at the end of one of the examination tables.

Steve pulls the gauze away, and—nothing happens. He wiggles his nose, reaches up to touch it. There's blood crusted all around his nostrils and on his lip, but apparently, it's stopped bleeding. He shoots a significant look at Sam. “Well, my nose was bleeding.”

“For twenty minutes,” Sam interjects.

“I hit him,” Thor adds helpfully.

“Yes, I can see that,” Dr. Cho says dryly. “Let me have a look inside just to be safe.” So she peers up Steve's nose with one of her tools and prods at his nose for a minute or two and then pops the tip off of the instrument into a biohazard bin. “Everything looks normal, if a little swollen, which is to be expected. Try not to punch one another in the face, hm?”

“Yes, ma'am,” Thor says contritely.

Steve doesn't say a word as they leave, but Sam rolls his eyes as they board the elevator. “Do not even. I refuse to feel an ounce of shame for making you seek a professional medical opinion.”

“You're a worrywart,” Steve says.

“Fuck you,” Sam replies, but he fails to stifle a smile when Steve chivvies him into the corner of the elevator with his elbow.

After that, Steve forgets about it.

For about a week, anyway.

He's pounding the heavy bag when he feels something he thinks is sweat dripping down his upper lip, but when he licks it from his lips, it's metallic. He swipes it away with one of his wrapped hands and red smears across the tape.

“What the hell?” he mutters. He hadn't even taken a punch this time. He hasn't had a bloody nose for no reason in a little over five years. The serum took care of all that.

When it hasn't let up ten minutes later, Steve sighs and heads down to medical.

The night doctor is at his desk when Steve disembarks. “Captain, what brings you in?”

Steve gestures to the tissue paper he has pinched to his nose. “Dunno what happened, it just started bleeding.”

The doctor's eyebrows rise. “Oh, really. Well, come have a seat and I'll take a look.” He tugs on gloves as Steve sits. “Anything you can think of that might have caused it?”

Steve shrugs. “Thor punched me in the nose a week ago.”

“No, then.”

Steve smiles wryly.

“All right, let's see it,” the doctor says, gently prying Steve's hand away from his face.

To Steve's exasperation, it's stopped bleeding.

“No pain?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, sir.”

The doctor hums thoughtfully and pulls out some gauze. He saturates it with a clear liquid, and Steve sits patiently as the doctor cleans the blood from his face, prodding here and there as he works. When he's done, he tosses the gauze out and peels off his gloves. “Well, everything looks fine as far as I can tell.”

Steve sighs. “Well, thanks, Doc.”

He claps Steve on the shoulder. “Anytime. I wouldn't worry. I'm sure even super soldiers get dry noses.”

Steve's not so sure, but he nods and starts carrying a handkerchief.

---

The next time it happens, it's movie night.

They're watching Wayne's World, which might be one of the silliest things Steve's ever seen, and everyone's so rambunctious he can't hear half of what's going on, but he also can't stop smiling. Clint and Tony haven't sat down for half the movie because they keep breaking into vigorous bouts of air guitar. Even Bruce apparently knows most of the dialogue for this movie.

Steve keeps exchanging looks with Thor, who seems equally lost and equally amused.

Garth and Wayne are lying on the hood of a car when Tony looks back at Steve over his shoulder, and the glee drops right off his face. He lunges at the coffee table, grabbing a fistful of napkins and then flings himself on top of Steve. It's only Steve's super-soldier reflexes that stop him from smashing the fistful of napkins into Steve's face.

“Tony!” he exclaims, “What the hell?”

“You're bleeding!” Tony says, wild-eyed. He thrashes his wrist around until Steve lets it go, and then he presses the napkins to Steve's nose—gentler this time, thankfully. “Why are you bleeding?”

Someone pauses the movie, and JARVIS brings up the lights, and Steve sighs, reaching to take the napkins. Tony won't let him have them. Exasperated, Steve tips his head back. “It's nothing, it's just a nosebleed.”

“Since when are you getting spontaneous nosebleeds?” Tony demands.

Steve can feel the stares of the others. “I got them all the time when I was a kid, Tony, it's not a big deal.”

“It's like he thinks we're stupid,” Clint says to Thor.

“Actually, you should lean forward, Steve,” Bruce says. “That's probably counter to the advice you used to get.”

Tony's hands follow as Steve shifts as instructed and lays his elbows across his knees. There are pieces of popcorn on the carpet.

“We should take him to medical, right?” Tony says, insistent.

“I mean...it's really unlikely he's in danger from a nosebleed.”

“I once bled from my nasal passages for nearly a day.”

“Yeah, but you're you. Hasn't Loki stabbed you like ten times?”

“Twenty-three times,” Thor mutters.

“Hello, can we stay on topic? The super-soldier is bleeding for no reason.”

“It's not the first time either.”

Steve restrains a groan. Dammit, Sam.

“It's not?”

“Nah, Thor socked him in the nose last week.”

Steve tracks the time passing in his head while they argue. If the other two nosebleeds are anything to go by, it should be just under twenty minutes. He debates whether or not to tell them about the second nosebleed. He can only imagine the way they'd react to that information.

“Two nosebleeds a week apart really isn't a big deal,” Sam says, and Steve's feelings toward him turn toward the positive.

“Three, actually,” he corrects without thinking.

There's a moment of complete silence, and Steve drops his head lower, half-tempted to make a run for it. Of all the stupid things.

“Okay, he definitely needs to go to medical!” Tony says, voice rising.

“When was this?” Natasha asks, frowning.

“A couple days ago,” Steve says, and he can feel the incredulous glares burning into his face. “What? I went to medical! It stopped bleeding on its own, and they said I looked fine!”

“Three bloody noses, though, Steve. That's more than a little unusual for you,” Bruce says, and Steve can hear the worry in his voice.

He's reached the seventeen-minute mark, so he nudges Tony's hand away and leans back. As expected, when he reaches up to feel for blood, there's nothing to be found. “See?” he says, looking into the tense faces around him. “Stopped.”

“How many nosebleeds have you had since the serum?” Clint asks.

Steve shrugs. “More than a few.”

“Just out of nowhere like that?”

Steve tries to think back to all the times he can remember and has to admit, “No. Almost always after a hit.”

Sam is giving him a profoundly skeptical look. “The doc really said you were fine?”

Steve shrugs again, shifting. “He said there wasn't anything he could see.”

“Wow, I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate this,” Tony says loudly, and Natasha touches his arm. “That's a pattern! A bad pattern!”

“It's just a nosebleed!” Steve shoots back, voice rising with frustration.

“Your Midgardian bodies are so fragile, perhaps it is wise for you to see a doctor again.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Don't start with that, Steve! Don't act like we're being unreasonable!”

“What if it's the serum?” Bruce asks, and even though his voice is quieter than everyone else's, it cuts right through the chatter. “We should, at the very least, make some notes and do a few tests. If the serum is reversing somehow, or destabilizing—”

Steve swallows thickly. The others prod him to his feet and start herding him toward the elevator, stress apparent on their faces, and all of a sudden this feels a lot more serious than Steve's been giving it credit for. If something's wrong with the serum—

He wrestles down the surge of fear that washes through him. Bruce can't be right. It can't possibly work like that. After this long? It doesn't make sense.

Bruce touches his elbow as they all pile into the elevator. “Honestly, Steve, that's not it I don't think. It's absurd. But better safe than sorry, right?”

“That's not usually my MO, no,” Steve replies and Clint, Sam, and Tony all snort.

“Keep a lid on it, Rogers,” Natasha says, patting his back. “You're going to be fine.”

Steve smiles wanly. He would feel better if Bruce weren't insisting they go back to medical. As much as he hates showing weakness in front of the team, he's glad they're here. They have his back and annoying as it may be, it's nice to know they care so much.

When he explains the situation to the doctors, they don't seem especially concerned. Still, with the team there, intensity ratcheted up to eleven, they aren't easygoing and lighthearted either. They're solemn as they take a look up Steve's nose again and then start doing MRIs and x-rays and going through more acronyms than the military. The team stays nearby during all of it, Sam and Bruce looking over the doctors' shoulders. Clint lurks in a corner, pretending he isn't paying attention, but Steve knows he's probably got a better idea of everything that's going on than anyone else. Everywhere they take him, Natasha follows at a reasonable distance, occasionally making faces, while Tony sticks to his side, hands tense but his conversation casual. Thor chats with him and Steve, seemingly relaxed, but his eyes follow the doctors.

It's reassuring and incredibly stressful all at once.

“Well,” Dr. Cho says eventually, “Everything looks perfect, as usual.”

It should be good news, but Steve can't help feeling like something is waiting for him in the wings.

---

It isn't even four days later when it happens again. Steve is with Tony and Natasha signing autographs for kids during a school visit when a drop of blood plops onto one of the photos.

He's staring at it blankly when the little girl he's signing the picture for says, “Mr. America, you're bleeding!”

Steve sees Natasha's head snap up. “What?”

Scrambling for his utility belt, Steve digs out his handkerchief. He jams it against his nose and glances over to see if Tony overheard.

Of course he did; Tony's abandoned his own stack of photos and small children and is rushing over, his eyes wide.

Steve holds out his free hand. “Iron Man, relax. I'm fine.”

Tony's eyes dart over to the children, and then he leans in, hissing, “If you were anyone else, this might be fine. It's not fine!”

A hand touches his back, and Natasha peers around Steve's arm, her brow furrowed. “You know this is out of the ordinary. We're just concerned.”

Steve tips his head back, annoyance only barely muffling the anxiety. “I know, but I'm fine.”

“You don't know that!” Tony snaps. Then he takes a deep breath and turns to the kids. “Hey, everyone. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to cut this short—”

“Tony!” Steve protests, and gets a glare for his effort.

“Is he okay?” one of the teachers asks, and Steve sighs, exasperated.

“He's fine,” Natasha assures them, despite her grip on his wrist. “We'll come back another time.”

“Oh—okay,” the teacher says, and nods. “Of course.”

With both Natasha and Tony holding onto him, Steve knows arguing is pointless. They drag him home and to medical, and yet again, when they get there, the bleeding's stopped, and the doctors can't find anything wrong.

It happens again while they're in the field fighting the Wrecking Crew. Steve tries to blame it on taking a hit, but it's obvious no one's buying it.

After that, it's almost a daily occurrence. He starts bleeding when he's eating breakfast, when he's sitting at the kitchen table doing reports, when he's drawing in the studio.

Every time he looks up, he finds the others watching him, no one more intensely than Tony. He looks more rattled than Steve's ever seen him, and it's unnerving. Steve still hasn't been able to shake the idea that the serum could be destabilizing and what that might mean. It doesn't help that he can see that same thought playing through Tony's head whenever he catches him staring.

“Can you make him stop?” he asks Pepper, whose gaze has only flickered down to his nose once so far during this conversation, which is better than anyone else has managed.

Pepper calls Tony while still looking Steve in the eye. “Tony, if you can't contain your anxiety, you need to hide it better. You're freaking Steve out. I think he has enough on his plate, don't you?”

Steve turns away, throwing up a hand in exasperation. That's not what he'd meant at all.

Pepper knows what she's doing, anyway. Tony stops staring. Or at least, that's what Steve thinks, until he sneezes one afternoon and a display pops up just inches from his nose, featuring Tony with a wild expression. “Are you okay? Steve?”

“Mind your own business, Tony,” Steve snaps. “I'm a God-damned adult, I can handle a few nosebleeds! I sneezed, I'm fine—”

Then he tastes blood.

Tony vanishes from the camera view at a run, and within a minute, is huffing and puffing down the hallway like an Olympic sprinter, Kleenex in hand, and a medic on his heels.

Steve has had enough. He pushes to his feet, determined to go to his room where he can get some privacy, but he only gets halfway. The room swirls and Steve’s knees go out.

The only reason he doesn't hit his head is because Tony grabs him, his horrified expression swimming in front of Steve's face. “Steve?”

Steve's still sinking, at least until the medic gets an arm around his other side. Then, together, they shore him up, and Steve would snap at them for babying him, but his legs are weak and trembling under him.

They take him toward the elevator. Steve can hear them talking around him, but their voices seem distorted and far away. They're nearly inside when Steve's legs give out on him entirely. He hits the ground with a thump. Everything is too bright, and he can hear the muffled sound of Tony yelling.

Steve's head hurts, and his nose is still bleeding, his mouth full of the metallic tang, the front of his shirt red and shining.

Tony's arm is like a vice around his chest, and Steve can feel sharp, almost panicked breaths at his temple. The medic's fingers are at Steve's throat, and Steve hears, “—elevated heart rate.” He can feel it racing in his chest, and that can't be good; his heart rate doesn't even go up all that much when he's really pushing himself during a workout.

Being on the floor helps push back the tunneling of his vision, clears his ears.

“I got you, Steve, I got you. Hang on.”

The elevator stops, and when the doors open, Steve can hear the sound of voices—too many voices.

Natasha barking his name. Clint and Bruce both blaspheming. Other people shouting. The sound of a gurney's wheels.

There are faces everywhere, and Steve grasps at the air, wanting something—someone steady to hold onto. He's still bleeding, and he's woozy and scared. Is this it? The serum destabilizing? Will it kill him? Revert him? Which would be worse?

Someone takes his hand, and Steve lets out a shuddering breath, clutching back. They hold on even when Thor picks him up—Steve knows it's Thor because he gets a faceful of long blond hair. Thor lowers him onto the gurney, and Steve realizes that the person holding his hand is Tony. Tony catches him looking and squeezes his hand. “Relax, Cap. We'll figure this out.”

Steve nods, and then there are nurses cleaning his face and doctors peering up his nose, touching his cheeks and pressing against his nose. They're all talking, but it's like listening to Bruce and Tony talk. He catches a word every now and then, but most of it sounds like Greek to him. Part of what he catches is, “Looks like it's posterior instead of anterior.”

“What does that mean?” Tony asks tersely.

“It's more serious,” one of the doctors says. “It means it's an artery, not a vein bleeding, which means we need to work fast.”

“Then do it!” Tony demands.

One of the nurses gives him a look. “Mister Stark, if you're going to be trouble, we're going to have to ask you to leave.”

Tony's hand clenches around Steve's, his jaw setting mulishly. “No. I'm staying.”

“Then stay quiet and stay still and let us work,” he says.

Tony nods and glances at Steve. “I'm going to stay, I swear.”

Steve's throat tightens, and he nods back. He still feels shaky all over, limbs weak and trembling, and the blood going down the back of his throat is making him feel sick to his stomach. He's trying his best to mash it down, but he's afraid.

The bleeding's usually stopped by now.

---

Steve hates that the doctors won't let him sit up, even between procedures. Being on his back around so many people puts him on edge in the worst way. Knowing the entire team is there is the final humiliation.

The one cold comfort is that he doesn't feel like he's going to pass out anymore.

“You don't have to stay, you know,” he says, raising his voice. He half hopes no one will answer.

“The blood loss is depriving his brain of oxygen if he thinks we're going anywhere,” Clint says, and Steve sighs.

“Why do you think we would not want to be here?” Thor says, looking crushed.

“It's not that I don't think you want to be here,” Steve protests.

“Jesus, Steve, you'd think by now you'd have figured out that we're going to see you at your worst, and you might have made peace with that.” Natasha sounds pissed, and Steve grimaces. “That's what this is about, isn't it? You don't want us to see you when you're weak.”

Steve doesn't get a chance to answer, jerking upright despite the nurse's hand on his chest. He chokes, stomach heaving, and then his lap is splattered with blood and bile.

“Oh, god,” he hears Bruce say.

One of the nurses shoves Tony out of the way and flings a tray into Steve's lap. He clutches at it as he throws up again, filling the tray with a globby red mess.

“What the hell is going on?” Tony demands.

One of the nurses pats Steve's back lightly. “He's all right. We've had him lying down, and the blood is collecting in his stomach. That's upsetting it, but he'll be fine.”

Steve wipes his mouth when he stops, and seeing the blood on his hand is a little too much like seeing his ma coughing into her handkerchief. Despite the assurance that it's not something to worry about, it makes his stomach constrict.

It must show on his face because Thor moves over next to the bed and squeezes his shoulder. “We are with you, Steven.”

Steve nods and tries to smile, but he can't quite muster it.

One of the doctors returns, and the other Avengers immediately converge on them, bombarding them with questions about how Steve is, what's going on, how are they going to fix it?

The doctor must be new, because they seem flustered by the gauntlet of questions, and it takes them several minutes to eke past everyone to the bed. “Hi, Captain,” they say breathlessly. “So we're going to have another look—“

“You've been looking for a half an hour, do something!” Tony bursts.

“Tony,” Steve says repressively.

The doctor glances nervously at Tony. “Can you lie back, Captain?”

Steve holds back a sigh and leans back, Thor's hand helping guide him down.

“Head back,” the doctor requests, and Steve tilts his head back into the pillow, grimacing when that leads to something else going up his nose. “Nurse, can I get suction?”

Steve tenses as the nurse sticks a thin tube up his other nostril. When she turns it on, the noise is a loud KTTSHHHcoming from inside his head. Blood starts flowing through the tube, and Steve tries to hold still while the doctor peers around inside his face.

After several uncomfortable minutes, the doctor says, “I'm not seeing the source of the bleeding. “Angavu, come see if you can find it.”

A woman with dark skin who Steve has seen before comes in and smiles reassuringly. “You look like you're having a lot of fun.”

“That's...not what I'm having, no,” Steve replies dryly, and she laughs.

“Let me take another look with the suction and see whether I can find this bleed.”

Steve nods and tips his head back again. “Why hasn't anyone been able to find it?” he asks.

“Nosebleeds can be difficult to pinpoint because there are lots of little folds and cavities. Right now, it's particularly difficult with you because your nasal cavities are full of blood, too.”

“One of the other docs said you needed to work fast,” Tony cuts in. “It doesn't seem like we're moving very fast here.”

“We do need to work quickly, but Captain Rogers is in good hands here. If we need to infuse blood, we can.”

“How 'bout we don't do that?”

Angavu seems unperturbed by Tony's attitude. “That's my preference, too,” she says, still peering up Steve's nose. “I'm still not finding it, though. I think we're going to see what happens with a nasal pack.”

Steve's pretty sure he knows what that entails, and that doesn't seem so bad. Then the other doctor brings back something that looks like a balloon. Angavu takes it and holds it up where he can get a good look at it.

“This is a nasal pack for posterior epistaxis. We'll thread it into your nose and then pump up the balloon to put pressure on the wound and clot the bleeding.”

“How long will that take?” Natasha asks, voice terse.

Angavu glances back at her. “The procedure itself will only take about ten minutes. However, we'll need to keep Captain Rogers here for three days for observation.”

Steve is going to protest until he lifts his head and the room spins. “Okay,” he breathes, one hand clutching at the bed. “Do it.”

“We can sedate you,” the other doctor says, and Steve huffs a laugh, the other Avengers making equally unimpressed noises.

“Sorry, I don't think we've met,” Steve replies. “What's your name?”

The doctor stares at him in confusion. “Will?”

“When did you start?” Tony asks, “Did you even read the files?”

Will blinks, staring wide-eyed between them. “Three days ago? I read them. Some of them. Okay, only a few of them, but I didn't expect—”

“Sedation doesn't really work on me,” Steve informs him.

“Oh,” Will says, pushing a hand through his hair. “Shit.”

Tony, who's rocking from foot to foot with his arms crossed and the knuckles of one hand pressed to his mouth, says, “He doesn't get sick and he's hard to hurt, but when it happens it's a nightmare.”

“Well, then you let us know when you're ready, Captain Rogers,” Angavu says. “This will be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be painful. I'm going to explain what we're doing as we go, so you know what's going on and when it will happen. Is there anything we can get you to make you more comfortable?”

“Get it over with?”

Laughs ripple around the room, and Angavu nods. “You got it.” She scoots forward on a stool and leans over him, one of the nurses holding a light to his face. Steve catches sight of Clint at the end of the bed. Clint flips him off.

Steve can't help his smile. It's stupid, but it makes him feel better.

“All right, here we go. I'm going to thread this into your nose. It's going to come down at the back until it's starting to move into the palate region. Then we'll inflate it so that it counters your blood pressure and can hold pressure until the bleeding stops.”

“Seems simple enough,” Steve says, trying to sound more confident than he feels.

Angavu smiles. “It is. Deep breath.”

Steve breathes in and then lets it slowly back out.

“Perfect,” she murmurs, “now I'm going to start threading the pack in…”

It's a weird sensation, the plastic tube going into his face. It's covered in a slick gel that makes it go in easier. As it gets further in, it's deeply uncomfortable, full where it shouldn't be and over-sensitive because this isn't a part of his body that often gets touched.

“Okay,” Angavu says after a moment. “I'm going to start inflating the balloon now.” She uses a syringe, and that's when Steve starts to feel the balloon at the back of his nose, somewhere just above his throat. It's a little bit warm, and it feels so strange. As it fills, it starts to press on the inside of his face. Then all at once, Steve feels liquid start to trickle down the back of his throat, and he coughs, jerking upright and nearly smashing Angavu in the head. “Steve?”

Steve coughs, unable to get his breath without inhaling the liquid, and then it's in his mouth, salty as it drips back out between his lips.

“Oh!” Angavu gasps. Will presses a square of gauze to Steve's mouth, and he grabs hold of it. Fortunately, the flow has already stopped.

“What happened?” Thor demands.

“The balloon must have broken. Are you all right, Captain?”

He nods. “Just—didn't expect that.”

“I imagine not. All right, I'm sorry, let's try that again.”

Steve grimaces as she withdraws the slimy deflated bag, but it's less strange when she puts a new one in.

Then that one breaks, too.

---

They withdraw the balloon, which is even more disgusting than before. It's covered in mucus and dripping with whatever it was filled with, and it plops out of Steve's nose into a pan with an unpleasant splat.

Thankfully one of the nurses hands him a tissue because the slimy goop is all over his face. He really wishes the Avengers would go—somewhere else.

“Okay,” Angavu says. “We're going to go in with the scope again. I want you to tell me, from the beginning, what you've been doing, where you've been. Spare no detail.”

Steve sighs and nods. “The first time was...almost a month ago. Thor and I were sparring, and he hit me.”

“What day was this?” Natasha asks.

“The eighth day of May,” Thor says. “The day before, we had been in combat with Doom.”

“Then that's not the first time,” Natasha says, and Steve frowns.

“Yes, it was.”

“No. One of the Doombots exploded,” she says.

Tony points a finger at her. “That's right! You got caught in the blast—you were a mess. There was shrapnel and blood everywhere.”

“It wasn't that bad,” Steve says, exasperated. “Most of the cuts were small. You could barely tell I'd been injured the next day.”

“But you did have a nosebleed that day,” Natasha says, and Steve can't argue with that.

“Okay,” Angavu cuts in, “keep going.”

“The next time was almost a week later. I was working the heavy bag when it happened.”

“Did you touch your face? Get hit again?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“He mighta touched his face without realizing. He gets in the zone when he's hitting the bag,” Sam interjects.

“It's possible,” Steve agrees and then grimaces. Angavu is threading the scope back into his nose, and it feels strange and foreign. He wants to pull it back out. He curls his fingers around the edge of the bed to stop himself and feels Nat's hand gently cover his. “The next time was a couple days later—movie night.”

“I almost had a heart attack,” Tony mutters.

“So you weren't doing anything particularly strenuous,” Angavu murmurs thoughtfully.

“Laughing is about as strenuous as it got.”

“The next time was at a school signing. Then it was happening almost daily. Honestly, I don't really remember what I was doing for the most part. Things only started to stand out after the bleeding started.”

“Okay,” Angavu murmurs, tone absent. Her attention is focused on the scope as she maneuvers it inside Steve's nose, and the small screen on the machine next to his bed. His teammates have all gathered around to stare at the screen, too.

“This is gross,” Sam comments and Steve shoots him a wry look.

“You weren't invited. You can all leave any time.”

“He still thinks that's gonna happen,” Clint says, shaking his head.

Then Angavu says, “Oh,” and everyone stops moving.

“What? What is it?” Tony demands.

“Will, do you see what I'm seeing?” she asks the newer doctor, ignoring Tony, and points at a spot on the monitor. Steve can't see it clearly out of the corner of his eye and based on the expressions of Thor and Natasha, he's not sure he could see whatever it is anyway.

Bruce seems to see it, though, and then Will exclaims, “Yes, I see it! Wow, good eye.”

Angavu looks down at him, and Steve meets her eye, even though his heart is thudding in his chest. “You said you were in proximity to an explosion the day before this started?”

“Yes, Doombots, what does that mean?” Tony demands. “Did Doom do this?”

Angavu looks back at the monitor. “I think I know what we're dealing with.”

“Okay.” Steve lets out a shaky breath and waits for the verdict.

She points at the monitor again, and a tiny dark spot amid all the shiny red and pink. “I think when you were in that fight, you inhaled a very tiny piece of shrapnel. I'm guessing it's a shard of plastic, which is why it wasn't visible on the x-rays or other images. When Thor hit you the next day, it pierced the membrane and caused the bleed. All of the bleeds were a result of the cuts it caused when you laughed, or sneezed, or snorted, and between that and trying to stop the bleeds, that caused it to move around. That's the good news.”

Shrapnel. That's—it's not the serum, oh God. Relief washes through Steve, strong enough to make him lightheaded. He's been spinning out the worst-case scenarios for days now and to find out that it's just shrapnel— It feels like he can breathe again.

“The good news,” Tony echoes. “Why is that the good news? What's the bad news?”

Angavu sighs. “Well, before the shrapnel moved into the back of his nose, the bleeds were unusual but non-threatening.” She points at the monitor again, and to a squiggle of pink on either side of where the blood is coming from. “The shrapnel has hit an artery in its current position. Steve's body is doing what it does best and healing around it, but it's sharp enough that it keeps undoing that healing—that's why the nosebleed won't stop this time around. And unfortunately, it won't be dislodged on its own. Not safely, anyway. We're lucky the packing was punctured by the shrapnel before it could put pressure on it—it may have forced it into the artery or sent it into his lungs. So, the bad news is that we'll need to operate.”

Steve's teammates immediately start making noises of protest.

“He can't be sedated!” Clint cries.

“He'll be awake,” Bruce says, voice quiet and brittle.

“There has to be something else that doesn't involve Steve being conscious while you cut open his face!” Tony has that bright-eyed tight-mouthed look he gets when he really doesn't like the options he's been given.

“There must be some alternative,” Thor agrees, brow furrowed. “He is one of the strongest men I know, but he should not have to endure something like this.”

Natasha doesn't say anything, just grips Steve's hand a little tighter.

Angavu holds up her hands. “I know. I understand this is not an ideal situation. We've been working on new formulations for the sedatives, though, and we can try that if that's okay with Steve.”

“Maybe we should talk it over—” Tony tries Before Steve can point out that his medical care is not decided by committee, especially not when he's still coherent, Angavu shakes her head.

“The sooner we get into the OR, the better. I don't want to risk being wrong about it being unable to dislodge on its own, and end up with it wreaking more havoc. Steve?”

Well, this'll be fun.

Steve lies back and takes a deep breath. “Go ahead.”

---

Tony spends fifteen minutes arguing that he should be allowed in the OR.

While Steve appreciates the gesture, he doesn't need that amount of vibrating tension hovering over him during this ordeal. The medical staff is even less interested in letting Tony in while they're doing surgery. However, they do want someone strong enough to hold Steve down if it comes to that, so Thor scrubs up along with them. Steve tries not to feel bad when he catches a glimpse of Tony's wounded expression in the overhead viewing window. He's really worried, and it drives Steve a little nuts, but there's a part of him that feels warm as a result.

By the time the doctors are ready, Steve can see everyone in the observation room, including Jane and Darcy and Phil and, for a few moments, Fury.

He looks as pleased as Tony.

Steve's embarrassed, and he'd never admit it, but he's grateful too. The last time he remembers lying on his back in a room like this, there had only been two people there for him. Now there are so many.

He smiles despite himself, and Tony frowns exaggeratedly at him. He reaches over and turns on the intercom. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Steve replies, but he's still smiling. He probably should be nervous, but he's a lot less afraid now that he knows what the problem is.

“All right, Captain,” one of the people in a blue face mask says, “We're going to try the anesthetic.”

Steve nods, and Thor gives him a thumbs-up, only he holds it sideways, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He's doing it wrong on purpose, and it makes Steve laugh.

They put a clear plastic face mask over Steve's nose and mouth, and then someone says, “Count backward from one-hundred please.”

“One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six, ninety-five…

“Ninety-four…

“Ninety-th'ee...”

The numbers and everything else gets swallowed up.

---

The brightness is the first thing Steve notices, even with his eyes still closed. It's blinding.

Sounds are coming from all around him, although it seems like they're coming from a long way off.

He tries to shift and finds he can't. A needle of anxiety darts through him. It's a sluggish sensation.

Steve feels like he's awake, but only just, his limbs heavy as stone.

Something is happening to his face—he can feel pressure that's rapidly becoming pain.

Finally, he gets his eyes open, and he immediately flinches back from the light. There's a hand just inches from his eyes, with a shiny flat handle clutched in the fingers.

Something shifts inside his face—inside—and a wave of agony seizes him. He tries to make noise and can't, his feet skidding across the table beneath him. Someone pins him down at the knees.

The noise abruptly gets louder, and Steve is dimly aware of the sound of several voices overlapping, but all he can focus on is what’s wrong with his face, the pain is incredible. It feels like every nerve in his face is exposed, crackling with electricity. What are they doing? What's happening? Where is he?

Then someone leans over him, and, through vision blurred by tears he can't stop, Steve sees long blond hair and electric blue eyes. Thor. Steve's panic ratchets down a notch. He manages to move his fingers, still unable to speak or move much, and Thor curls his hand around them, warm and just a little rough. Steve realizes he's talking.

“...that's it, Steve. I have you. You're safe.”

Steve makes a small, humiliating noise in the back of his throat, and that's when he realizes there's something inthere.

Thor's expression is calm, his voice low and soothing. “There is a tube in your throat, helping you to breathe. It is likely uncomfortable, but it is essential. You are in surgery to remove a small piece of shrapnel inside your nose.”

That's right. That's right, Steve remembers. That's why his face…

His grip on Thor's hand tightens without his meaning to do it, but Thor just smiles at him and squeezes back. He looks stressed beneath the placid expression. Someone gingerly dabs at the wet trails on Steve's cheeks, and overhead, he sees the viewing window and the rest of the team. They look pale and coiled tense as springs, ready to snap.

Despite the pain, despite the fear lumped in his belly, Steve pulls himself together with his metaphorical fingernails.

He can't see, but he knows that the initial cutting, at least, is done. His throat and nose are exposed in ways they were never meant to be, and it's awful, but Thor is here, and he focuses on that, very pointedly ignoring the rest of it as much as humanly—or super-humanly—possible.

A doctor Steve recognizes but whose name he can’t remember, approaches, and Steve tenses despite himself. “We really do need to keep going,” the doctor says apologetically. “We can try and sedate you again—”

Adrenaline shoots into Steve's veins, and he clamps down on Thor's hand.

“No,” Thor says, glancing over and meeting Steve's relieved gaze. “No more sedation.”

The doctor swallows and then says slowly, “Okay, well. We're almost done anyway. If you can stay still a few minutes longer...”

Steve still feels like he only just has control of his body, so he's not sure he can do that, but he'll try.

Thor steps back a little as the doctors move in, and even though it kills him, Steve closes his eyes, fighting to keep his expression neutral. The noise as they start up again is terrible, unsettling beyond description, and the next few minutes are the longest of Steve's life.

He can feel the doctor poking around, pressure and pain in equal measures, bleeding out from the center of his face to the crown of his skull, down into his jaw. It's everywhere, excruciating, and he desperately, desperately wants to scramble out of their reach, but he knows he can't. Not with the team there watching.

Every second is like an eternity, and Steve only gets through it because he spends every one telling himself just another minute, and it's over.

“Okay, hold very still, Captain. We’re going to pull it out now.”

A large hand settles on Steve’s shoulder.

Stupidly, Steve starts to shake. He tries to untangle his hand from Thor’s, but Thor won’t let him, holding on tighter. “Steady,” Thor murmurs.

Someone leans over Steve and he can feel their proximity, even as they block out the light.

Steve hears the faintest rattle of something tiny and hard dropping into a metal bin, then the light returns.

Thor rubs a hand down Steve’s arm, which is rippling with tremors. “They’ve done it. It won’t be long now.”

Steve’s fingers twitch in Thor’s grip. He doesn’t know how else to convey he’s heard.

The process of putting everything back, stitching and cleaning him up, is quicker than Steve expects, but certainly not painless. The lingering dulling effect of the anesthesia is wearing off. The sharp jab of the needle going in and out is nothing compared to the way it feels like everything from his forehead to his upper lip has been stuffed with white-hot barbed wire.

“You have done well, Steven,” Thor says when the doctor snips the last stitch.

Tears Steve had been unable to hold back are matting down his sideburns, and he's so ashamed he feels sick. Thor, who's probably never been so weak, saw him like this, and the others—

Some super soldier he is.

---

Steve is only partially aware of what's going on around him as the surgery wraps up, and the doctors wheel him out of the OR. His face hurts so intensely he feels blind with it. Breathing hurts and making faces hurts, and crying hurts—everything hurts.

Someone puts a hand on his arm and says, “We're going to give you some pain medication, Captain. It should help a little bit.”

They have a few things that, if carefully administered, can help him manage his pain. Steve waits desperately, praying with every second that passes that it will kick in soon.

He tries to focus on everything else, but he can only track for a moment before the searing agony blots it all out again.

After what feels like another eternity, the pain starts to draw back. He relaxes shakily against the bed, just now realizing how tense he'd been. He doesn't like feeling slow and foggy, but right now, anything is better than the sensation of his face feeling inside out.

“Welcome back, old man.” Natasha leans into his field of view and smiles at him, one hand cupping his jaw. “I know you probably feel like you got hit by a Mack truck, but you're okay. The surgery went as well as could be expected. Tony is verbally eviscerating the team of anesthesiologists, and the rest of us are here. Do you know where you are?”

Steve starts to nod and then stops when it sends pain sparking out in a starburst through his face.

“Blink once for yes and twice for no.”

He blinks once.

“Okay, good,” she says, voice warm and smooth as honey. “Where are you, pain-wise? Use your fingers.”

Steve curls his fingers to indicate a six. Not feeling great, but not the worst he's felt either. He starts to ask how long it's been, and the moment his throat starts to move, everything explodes with searing, level-nine agony.

“...it's all right, ride it out, Steve, you'll be okay. Are you with us again?”

Steve twitches his head in a nod because his eyelashes are clumped together with tears. That had been fucking excruciating. He won't do it again.

“You're probably not going to be able to talk for a little while, Steve,” Bruce says and steps into view on Steve's other side. “Everything in there is connected, and it's going to cause you a fair amount of pain.”

No shit, Steve wants to say, but he doesn't dare try.

“Do you remember what happened?”

Steve's hand judders in a gesture that means sort of and, thankfully, it's understood.

“You underwent surgery to remove a piece of shrapnel caught at the back of your nose, near the top of your throat. It went well, except you woke up during surgery, which was something I hope to god none of us have to witness ever again.”

Steve vaguely recalls the sense of panic when he'd woken, and he hopes not, too.

“Your job now is to rest. Are you thirsty?”

Steve blinks once, and someone hands Nat a cup. She carefully feeds a piece of chipped ice into his mouth. If he weren't tired to his bones, Steve would be more embarrassed. He tries not to move his mouth too much, nudging the ice around with the smallest movements possible.

Exhausted, he closes his eyes even though Bruce is still talking.

---

When Steve opens his eyes again, the sun is coming up. He feels groggy, eyes sticky, and his mouth is horrible. To his relief, the pain has banked, reduced to a steady, low-level throb.

He looks around the room and discovers Tony slumped in the chair next to the bed with his head tipped back on the seatback. His mouth is hanging open a little, and he's snoring. Natasha is curled up in a chair on his other side, eyes fixed on the screen of her phone, which is casting shifting blue light across her face. Last, he spots Clint tucked back in one of the corners, sitting on a countertop. He's watching Steve.

Steve lifts his fingers in greeting, and Clint's single-minded focus eases a little. “Hey, Cap. How you feeling?” he asks, keeping his voice low.

Remembering how bad it hurt last time he tried to speak, Steve swallows carefully, testing how it feels. It sharpens the discomfort in the back of his throat briefly, but compared to how it felt before, it's not bad. “Better,” he tries. His voice sounds terrible, but it works.

“Good.” Clint tosses a small object at Tony before Steve can protest, and it hits him in the forehead.

Tony jerks awake, blinking blearily.

He stares at Steve for a moment, and then shoves himself upright, scrubbing his face. “Steve! Hey, hey, you're awake. Hallelujah, I don't want to be the boss anymore.”

“You're not,” Steve replies, and Tony winces at the sound of his voice. “Nat is.”

Clint snickers.

Tony ignores him. “How's your face?”

“Aches,” Steve admits. “'s better, though.” He's surprised when Tony puts a hand on his head and pushes his fingers through Steve's hair. It feels nice, despite how weirdly intimate it is for Tony. His palm is warm against the crown of Steve’s head.

“You hungry? Thirsty?”

“Yes,” Steve says, becoming aware of just how much so the instant the thought is placed in his head.

Tony huffs. “All right. The docs said you should have cold, soft foods. Birdbrain—”

“Already on it,” Clint says mildly, fingers flying over his phone screen.

Meanwhile, there's movement on Steve's other side, and he looks over to find Natasha has put aside her phone and gotten a cup of ice chips.

She smirks at him and holds out a spoon with a chip. “Open wide for the airplane, Stevie.”

“You're the worst,” Steve informs her, but he opens his mouth and takes the ice. It's cool and refreshing, but he wishes he could have water instead. It's just enough to make him want more. “How long was I out?” he asks, the shrinking chip clicking against his teeth.

Tony shrugs. “Eight hours or so.”

That explains why his face doesn't hurt as bad. It must be starting to heal.

Thor arrives then, carting a tub of Steve's favorite ice cream. “I come bearing a feast!”

Thor plops the tub down in Steve's lap and he grunts.

“You need help?” Tony asks when Steve accepts the spoon Thor offers and Steve's temper flares.

“I'm not an invalid,” he snaps.

Tony immediately draws back, his lips thinning. “Yeah, got it, never mind,” he mutters.

Natasha pinches the back of his arm, and Steve yells, “Son of a bitch!” around the spoon in his mouth, pain shooting from the back of his throat up into his forehead.

“Don't be an asshole,” she says severely.

“Then don't treat me like I'm helpless,” Steve retorts.

Natasha's hand darts out again, pinching and twisting the side of his nearest pec. He swears even louder this time, a sear of pain tearing through his throat. “You went through something traumatic, Steve, and we want to be here for you while you recover. If you could try not to be a self-centered asshole for thirty seconds, maybe you'd realize that.”

“Besides, letting your friends help you when you're down is not the same as being an invalid or being helpless.” Clint raises his eyebrows. “Unless you think you guys helping me out after I lost my hearing was that.”

“That's...not the same,” Steve mutters.

“Uh, yeah, it fucking is,” Clint retorts. “You don't get your own set of rules. You're not that special.”

Steve's mouth pulls into an almost-smile.

“Let us love you!” Clint mostly yells, overdramatic.

“Believe it or not, this isn't entirely about you, Steve,” Natasha says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Aye,” Thor agrees. “It comforts me to know that you remain here with us and have not gone on to Valhalla.”

“You may have felt it, but you didn't have to see the way you looked on that table,” Tony says, the tense downward slash of his mouth trembling.

Before Steve can say anything in reply, the door opens again, and Doctor Angavu steps inside. “Welcome back, Captain,” she says, and then gently lobs a tiny glass jar at him. It lands with the faintest impact on the blankets over his chest, and Steve looks down, picking it up.

Inside, there's a tiny shard of needle-sharp green plastic.

Staring at it, Steve can hardly believe this tiny piece of plastic is what nearly did him in. After everything he's been through and survived.

He hadn't realized how heavily he'd started relying on his new serum-fueled health. He's gotten cocky, expecting to come out the other side of just about anything unscathed. This is the first time something so insignificant has come so close to ending everything. All because he hadn't taken something that had seemed minor more seriously. He should know that because of his enhanced body, seemingly insignificant issues could be signs of more serious problems.

He looks up at Tony and, swallowing his pride, says, “Thank you.”

Tony's head wobbles and pulls back. “What? Are you talking to me?”

“If it weren't for your paranoid fussing, I probably would have kept ignoring it, and that...could have ended really badly. So thanks.”

“Oh, well.” Tony shrugs, eyes skipping nervously across the floor. “I'm happy to annoy the shit out of you in the name of keeping you alive. Kind of fond of you, you know, Rogers?”

Tony never fails to be better than Steve expects. Even after all this time, he's still letting the brash exterior fool him. He owes Tony better than that.

And, he realizes, looking down at the little piece of shrapnel again, he's still acting like that ninety-pound asthmatic with something to prove. His limits have shifted, and he's probably worse now than ever about recognizing when he's reached them.

He needs to stop. He needs to rely on his teammates to recognize not only his strength but his weaknesses.

He holds out his hand, and Tony steps forward uncertainly, fingers curling around the tiny bottle when Steve puts it in his palm, holding it there. “Keep annoying the shit out of me,” Steve tells him. “You saved my life.”

“Holy shit,” Clint stage whispers, “I think he just had an existential epiphany.”

Tony curls his hand around Steve's and squeezes, his eyes shining. “You got it, Cap.”

The impulse to prove himself strong enough, sturdy enough, worthy enough, is always going to be there, but Steve wants to do better. His team deserves that. He settles back in the bed and lifts the ice cream carton. “Someone wanna get this for me?”

Natasha smiles at him, deep and genuine and some of Steve’s residual embarrassment fades. Anything that garners that kind of approval from Natasha is worth it.

Thor pries the lid off of the carton and then Tony hoists himself up onto the bed next to Steve, bumping Steve’s elbow with his hip. “Budge over.”

Huffing, Steve does, and the carton settles between them, supported by their thighs.

Steve dips his spoon in and takes a bite, eyes closing as the cold, creamy texture instantly soothes his aching throat. He pauses on his way for the next bite to let Tony get some and says, “So, Nat, what did Clint end up getting you and Darcy for your anniversary?”

She huffs and rolls her eyes. “He forgot. We had to physically remove him from the range. We bought our own gifts.”

“Dates are hard!” Clint protests.

Steve laughs, even though he shouldn’t. That’s okay, he realizes as Natasha continues to give Clint a hard time, her eyes glittering with amusement. He knows them at their worst and they know him at his. It’s why they work. And when he inevitably slips back into old habits, they’ll be there.

[egyptroyal]

more about the doctor because wow this works for every regeneration now:

so like from [here], i was reading to find out about any chance of the doctor (or the master. any gallifreyan really.) being able to produce a kid by human means (sex like normal ol’ human sex) and then i instantly went: i read this too many times and i keep forgetting, no matter what headcanon i conjure up in my head or with other people or whatever, I ALWAYS FORGET

ABOUT

THIS

EVERY

TIME

yeah i legit screenshot the definition so, i have a headcanon:

that the doctor can not produce a kid. in or out of the tardis. like humans can produce a time kid by human sex in the ship (melody is the best example we got) or out of the ship (like capt. jack/javic)  and even more so, can’t produce a kid (by normal human sex means) while fobwatched. 

like yeah, that john smith and joan stuff is all hella dope with the kids and aging and everything but like john doesn’t even know that he’s stertile but the dr do so LIKE WE TOTALLY DODGED A ANGST BULLET TRAIN WITH THAT OMFG.

SHIT WE’RE NOT EVEN SURE IF JOHN TENTOO NOBLE-TYLER CAN PROCREATE WITH ROSE AT ALL LIKE WE MIGHT NOT HAVE ROSE AND TENTOO NOBLE-TYLER BABIES LIKE

*cries because at this point we don’t know if they have babies and is probably why in the audios tentoo is full on outwardly making it sound like rose is gonna be a new religion just by how he gush about her and that hint of donnaselfdoubtofhimself* or jenny. can jenny have babies? we know susan had one son and he was mostly human. so like can jenny have babies or she sterile like her dad? i have a lot of questions

plus like the one time the doctor met two people (or one person still unsure about that) that could reproduce with him and he made like 26 (or 13 from one person each) kids in one go and only one of those kids reproduced and got susan.

what i’m saying is that:  hell no you are not a kid of the doctor by normal means, are you fucking insane. in ONE SITTING THEY HAD 13 (or 26) KIDS WITH ONE PERSON FUCK THAT NOISE WE ARE NOT KILLING OFF YOUR HUMAN/GALLIFREYAN MUM THAT WAY

so the headcanon is that, everyone is being artificially inseminated in the ship or loomed as a visual baby. everyone.

the doctor, no matter the face, is infertile. 13 is unable to have kids, 12 through 1 and any other are unable to have kids. 

the only thing my portrayal will accept is if you come up to them and say you’re their kid to their face and they will adopt you and call you their child forever.

or if the doctor pulled what bruce wayne did to produce terry and his brother in batman beyond and basically used their dad, altered the genetic DNA make up of said dad and produce children that way. which is another plausible way for the doctor to be your dad

unrelated but related: thirteen will be a proud dad. call her dad. give her dad gifts and she’ll love you infinitever. she already has the mug. im sure the doctor has like other dad things. like a dad shirt or something.

[fisher-with-the-morbs]

Danny decides he's done as a hero but not done saving people so he decides to become a doctor. Years later when he starts his residency, he ends up becoming close friends with Dr. Bruce Wayne.