#dr raynor is such an interesting character

[thatmidnightkid]

ok ok i have THOUGYTS on this because. remember the end of the couples’ therapy scene with Sam (a whole different kettle of fish by the way)? Bucky asks her what rule number 2 is. and instead of repeating rule number 2 with the wording we’ve been given so far every time it came up “nobody gets hurt”, she tells him it’s “don’t hurt anyone”. I loved that line and it killed me and solidified my absolute love of this extremely dysfunctional therapy dynamic and my absolute dislike of Dr Raynor as a character (not necessarily that she was written like that, although again, different kettle of fish).

What I love about it is both the implications of that line and the implications it leads me to have about Bucky as a character in tfatws. His whole thing in the series is him trying to make amends, right? As many more eloquent people before me have pointed out and elaborated, no one in his life is telling him that he should not have to because it’s not his fault. My guy was brainwashed. Anyway, as this meta has pointed out, Dr Raynor does not point this out to him either (at least for when we see them) which contributes to their extremely dysfunctional dynamic. The entirety of this making amends arc highlights how warped Bucky’s own self understanding is and while he does improve a little bit on that front through his relationship with Sam and him being reframed in a positive light (even so far as that Karli points out they have to give him something to save to get him off their asses which is incredibly hero coded as opposed to antihero/villain coded) specifically in regards to the GRC/Flagsmashers final showdown situation, it gets shaken by Zemo’s general existence and taunting, by the involuntary removal of his arm that he didn’t know about was even possible (side note this is also one of my fav scenes that i could probably write an essay about) and by Dr Raynor with this line.

Because “don’t hurt anyone” and “no one gets hurt” in this context differ in only two factors. One; the latter also includes Bucky getting hurt himself, whether self inflicted, accidental or due to other people, be that physical or emotional. Two; in the latter, Bucky is not necessarily the aggressor. In the second, he necessarily always is and his own feelings are dismissed entirely because of it. And it seems to solidify this self understanding that Bucky (mistakenly) carries, of himself as an aggressor, as the one who initiates and inflicts hurt on other people. For Dr Raynor, who, as a therapist should always be in their patients corner (to a certain extent depending on the client and the circumstances, professionals please don’t come for me), to almost disregard Bucky’s feelings and on top of that confirm this flawed, false and trauma-borne self image is shattering and horrible. And she does it in an off hand comment, something that has presumably been discussed between the two of them as a rule hanging over Bucky’s head as “nobody gets hurt”. It leaves the implication open that this is what she always thought of as rule number 2, with all the implications that come with it, and leave Bucky with another person not in his corner. I think this plus the removal of his arm by the Dora Milaje (which you absolutely can interpret as a safety should he ever turn against them given the circumstances in which he was given the arm + the fact he prefers to see his arm as the weapon that makes him deadly, not his super soldier existence because it makes him violently uncomfortable as this meta points out) highlights the ways in which Bucky understands himself to be dangerous first and foremost, and as someone who cannot be trusted. (This all on top of the fact that the arm should be prosthetic more than anything because the Hydra arm certainly wasn’t, but, you know. Bucky’s feelings don’t matter.)

I would argue tfatws shows Bucky at his worst mentally.

There are hints of his genuine conviction of these trauma-borne beliefs all over tfatws, and sometimes he leans into it to get away with quite frankly reckless behaviour to the point he almost embraces it (“i am crazy”) but he also shows signs that he knows it can’t be the entire truth. The aforementioned dialogue between himself and Dr Raynor is no exception, and this will certainly depend on your interpretation of Sebastian Stan’s acting, but his face is so resigned and tired when he says goodbye because he’s so fucking done. It’s Bucky being done with Dr Raynor, really. I see him like that in any case. If he doesn’t see the subtlety in the false repetition (or the true meaning if you wanna go darker) he certainly feels as if Dr Raynor has just pushed him into deeply, deeply hurting one of the closest people he has to a friend right now. He’s also certainly been hurt by this entire interaction and by the events leading up to it, and they go completely unacknowledged. “don’t hurt anyone” takes Bucky’s own feelings completely out of the equation as something that fundamentally doesn’t matter, because it’s irrelevant toward Bucky making amends because that’s all that really matters to the people who pardoned him, and Dr Raynor by extension if you want to go there. After implying all of that with one single line, how can you still think this person has your best interest at heart? It confirms the belief that Bucky is an aggressor, Bucky is the one to hurt people, his own feelings and desires do not matter and good writing will pick up on it and bring this arc to a close properly post tfatws.

It pains me to see Bucky like this, but if it’s intentional, it’s beautiful and brilliant writing. I do hope he gets a proper arc to work through the fact that fundamentally he’s a victim first and foremost, because otherwise Ill need a hell of a justification as to why no one fucking sits him down (like the way it happens with other characters in the mcu, it’s not an mcu problem) and tells him he has to stop with that part of his life. It’s over, it’s done, and he’s done the most he can when he didn’t even need to in the first place. If they use this making amends arc to highlight how it’s borne out of Bucky fundamentally being driven by things that could only be classified as good if you wanted to classify them (i’m struggling for the right vocab here, please help me out lol) then i’m actually strangely cool with it. If not…. imma need marvel to justify that. Although given how they’ve yet to justify endgame!Steve….

so random thought, also TW for suicide.

once again bringing up the article where Dr. Raynors actress said Bucky’s therapy was important bc her character was working to keep Bucky from killing himself. I wonder if when they were making the three rules, if they ever talked about rule number 2 including himself. Like when she gave him the rule “don’t hurt anyone”, she pointed out that also meant he couldn’t hurt himself.

[steelbluehome]

Collider

On 'The Falcon and the Winter Soldier's Curiously Iffy Relationship With Therapy

By Gregory Lawrence

Mar 28, 2021

I’ve been going to therapy for many years, and if you’re reading this, I suggest you do, too. It’s an exceptional tool in the ongoing journey of one’s mental health, a place where you can speak and be listened to without agenda. The therapists I’ve spoken with in my life have one common trait: Unflappability. They are professionals at navigating the complicated emotional lives of their clients while not becoming destructively emotional themselves. They don’t pursue anything but giving you a runway to find your truth.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a welcomely grounded Marvel Cinematic Universe series, one less interested in the “big three” of supernatural baddies (“androids, aliens, and wizards,” as Anthony Mackie’s Falcon phrases it) and more interested in the traumas and struggles of getting chewed up and spit out by the systems of regular-ass life. Yes, Mackie’s Sam and Sebastian Stan’s Bucky are fierce warriors who have used state-of-the-art tech and super-soldier serums respectively to battle all kinds of strange folks. But two episodes in, the series’ fights are human-to-human, full of shades and nuance, and often hamstrung by the cruel machinations of a society so determined to make life hard for people (especially returning veterans).

That’s why I was happy to see Amy Aquino show up as Dr. Christina Raynor, Bucky’s court-ordered therapist, in the very first episode. As made evident by Bucky’s nightmare of the merciless acts of violence he took while under Hydra mind control (rendered with shocking horror-tinged brutality by series director Kari Skogland), he needs therapy badly. In their initial sequence together, we see Bucky behave the way we often see troubled protagonists behave in therapy scenes: He plays the silent treatment at best and is openly antagonistic at worst. He baldly lies to his mental health professional about his own mental health. I understand that our (anti)hero can’t suddenly be enlightened and peaceful and ready to move on from his inner conflict; I want to see him go through this journey over the season of television. But I still couldn’t help but want to scream through the TV at him, “Just tell her the truth! You’re only hurting yourself!”

Depiction doesn’t equal endorsement, especially when it comes to a complicated character like Bucky who has objectively committed murders, but there’s something that continues to be complicated about seeing the center of our journey, the person we’re to align ourselves with being so resistant toward mental health wellness, perhaps to provoke a response of “Aw, I understand, I’d behave the same way. Therapy is weird!”

Then again, Dr. Christina Raynor might not be the best therapist for Bucky, or any client. Dramatic license must be taken in any depiction of real life. Unlike the often aimless moments of regular-ass life, dramatic scenes must involve conflict, intention, agency, and a visible drive toward a visible goal. Thus Dr. Raynor, like many film and television therapists before her, takes an aggressive approach toward “meeting the goal of making Bucky well,” poking and prodding at him, trying her best to “get him there.” She simply drips with derision and disdain at every level of her interaction with poor Bucky, even snarkily acting out his past tendencies to commit brainwashed murders. On the one hand, she needs to behave like this for the function of the scene; to watch a character be a blank slate of non-provocation without any goal of her own would likely make a boring scene. The way the scene plays is a strong visualization of Bucky’s resistance and Dr. Raynor’s (and the audience’s) desire for him to know peace. But as she kept poking and prodding and needling and frowning, even while insisting that Bucky needs to trust her, I thought to myself, “Of course he’s not speaking up. Who’d want to spill their innermost secrets to this force who obviously has an aggressive agenda?” The scene attempts to justify some of this behavior by reminding us that Dr. Raynor is a soldier who’s seen combat herself. But the moment a therapist tells you “That’s utter bullshit” is the moment you find a new therapist, dramatic license or not.

Episode 2 pumps up some of the oddness of this therapy dynamic by injecting it with one of the key secrets to the MCU’s sauce: Tension-cutting banter. After Bucky is arrested for not showing up to one of his court-mandated sessions (another complicated moment of positioning the viewer as finding therapy to be an impediment to the characters’, and show’s, action), Dr. Raynor forces both Bucky and Sam to sit down in front of her and figure out what’s tearing them apart. Surprisingly, and quite touchingly, Stan and Mackie play this scene earnestly, the pain they feel toward each other and themselves seeping from the corners of their eyes into their full figures, even as they do bantery things like move their chairs close together without knocking their knees together.

But Dr. Raynor is over here roasting and toasting them like a damn Friars Club gala. She glibly but stridently positions the exercises she wants them to do as normally being done by romantic couples, not giving them any chance to breathe at the slightest moment of resistance, cutting her patients off at the knees under the auspices of helping them stand. She is sarcastic throughout, saying things like “No volunteers? How surprising,” and “Sweet Jesus” with the tenor of a middle school gym teacher ragging on the math nerd who’s getting whomped in dodgeball. And yes, there’s an attempt at fun and bravado in these back-and-forths, the way we see all kinds of other fun back-and-forths in other “serious” MCU moments, the way we see Sam and Bucky constantly treat each other like bickering children. But not every single moment of the MCU needs to possess this kind of tone, especially not when we’re trying to watch a mental health professional deal with such clearly damaged clients.

All of this, this brevity and impatience and snarkiness, is perhaps more understandable and better played in this episode, given the emotional states of our title characters and the fact that it’s framed by an increasingly sleazy, dehumanizing new Captain America (Wyatt Russell, simply throwing away the line, “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up, so just do whatever you gotta do with him, then send him off to me”). But it’s still odd and brittle in a way I find unnecessary, even unhelpful. The sequence ends with a genuine moment of clarity and understanding — a breakthrough, even — between Sam and Bucky, even though it ends with Sam leaving the room. Dr. Raynor’s response, simply, is a sarcastic, “Thank you. That was really great.”

“No bullshit tough love,” to use a word Dr. Raynor is fond of, is a sensible stylistic choice for any character in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I worry it comes at the cost of actual human connection, change, or empathy in these very sensitive moments. And I worry it all comes at a cost of further demonizing seeking therapy as a viable option for anyone watching. I love the way The Falcon and the Winter Soldier pushes forward in its darker-than-usual plottings, but I really love the way it stands still in its darker-than-usual emotional explorations. I don’t want Dr. Raynor, nor performer Amy Aquino, to suddenly become clipped or dampened or in any way made less of a human being. I just hope Dr. Raynor’s own in-universe therapist tells her to get out of the way of her own bullshit and let the characters explore themselves in future episodes.

[wenellyb]

At some point we need to talk about how MCU Bucky seems to mistrust White people.

I used to joke about how Bucky just decided to stop hanging out with White people with the sole exception of Steve, who's now gone, but I don't think it's a joke anymore.

I genuinely think Bucky mistrusts White people because he has seen things and associates people who want to hurt him (or his close ones) to Whiteness.

White Supremacy ruined his life. Because of Hydra supremacist ideology, Bucky was captured, experimented on, brainwashed and tortured and turned into a brainwashed assassin with no control over his action, all of this for I don’t know what cause.

I think that in Bucky's mind, at least post-Winter Soldier Bucky, White people have only brought problems and pain in his life, and have always tried to hurt him: Hydra (the brainwashing and mind control), Tony Stark (trying to kill him in Civil War), Zemo (mind controlling him and using him as an asset) and also... the US government.

And in Bucky's mind, the only people who have ever tried to help him were not White: First T'Challa, when he didn't even have to (T'Challa's anger towards Bucky was legitimate, so he didn't owe anything to Bucky, but he helped him anyway), then there was Ayo, who freed him from the trigger words, (when she really didn't have to either btw), and then Sam who befriended him, and was among one of the first person who behave as if he was still the Winter Soldier (besides Stevo).

Besides, having lived two years in an African country, he must have learned more about colonialism, imperialism, White supremacy than what he would have learned in the US, depending on if Wakandans discuss this kind of topics when they're with each other.

I'm not sure where Wakanda is geographically, I have seen several maps but I'm not sure exactly what are Wakanda's neighbour countries, but I can imagine that if it's close to Congo (DRC), for instance, Bucky must have heard, in those two years, about the consequences of colonialism, massacres perpetuated by Europeans France and Belgium, the exploitation of resources and raw materials that are still happening to this day, all related to White supremacy ideology. And past and present crimes that must be a big reason why Wakanda chose to stay hidden all those years. I think Wakanda is closer to Uganda, Kenya (I’m not sure), but this still works for a lot of East African countries.

Maybe he got to hear about so many other aspects that he wouldn't have had if he had remained in the US. And all of this contributed to wanting to stay away from White people as a general rule, or at least to be very wary of them.

That's why the only people he has created a deep bond with were not White: Ayo, Sam, Yori

That's why the only women he was interested in and openly flirted with were not White: Leah, Sarah

That’s why he instictively puts up a barrier with the White women he encounters, and I would even say he is usually suspicious of them: we have seen this with Sharon and with Dr. Raynor, his therapist.

And let's not even talk about the White Men: Zemo, it's totally understandable, but there's also Walker: Bucky is more agressive/ hateful towards John Walker when you would think Sam would be the one who had more reasons to not like the man.

Of course I would need to see more interactions with other characters and other Avengers to just evaluate his behavior with other White characters, but even in Captain America: Civil War, the only character he really interacted with oustide of Steve in Team Cap, was the only non-White member of the team, Sam. Same with Infinity War and Endgame, Sam and T’Challa.

I don't believe Bucky understands racism (it's not something I think he would know more about while living in Wakanda btw) and I don't believe he understands what Sam went through as a Black man in the US, and he never will. But he does understand the dangers of White supremacy and as a result has made the choice to avoid White people as much as possible, and observe the greatest caution whenever he has to deal with them. Until it is proven that they are trustworthy.

The only times we saw Bucky being relaxed and at ease, was when he was surrounded with non-White people, he admitted in therapy that the only moment he had a rest was in Wakanda, then we see him quite comfortable and friendly with Yori, even though he was hiding a secret from him, and then in Delacroix with Sam.

I would love to hear other thoughts, but this is the general vibe I personally get from his character.

[rebel-in-white]

Sam Wilson’s Feelings Towards Bucky Barnes

In this meta, I’m arguing that Sam Wilson, as he is portrayed in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, has romantic feelings for Bucky Barnes. Before you think I’m overreaching and reading too much into this show, read on and think about the evidence I’m going to present. Could a simple friendship explain the differences in Sam’s interactions with other characters versus his interactions with Bucky?

Disclaimer: I’m not saying that Disney is going to show us a homosexual couple. Honestly, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m not accusing anyone of queerbaiting either. I don’t want to enter into that argument. I just believe that Sam Wilson is a man in love with another man. 

Sam’s Demeanor with Bucky:

In episode 1, we have a delightful scene between Sam and Torres, who seems to genuinely admire Sam. After taking a video of Sam speaking Arabic, the impressed Torres makes a few light comments. Sam responds with a smile but maintains a serious demeanor and cracks minimal jokes. He doesn’t relax or drop his guard. Compare that to his drastic change in attitude in episode 2. After only spending 3 minutes with Bucky, he’s talking about wizards and sorcerers and something about hats. 

And he’s always joking around with Bucky. He doesn’t let himself do that with other characters on the show, not even his own sister. This shows that with Bucky, Sam feels like he can relax more. For some reason, he feels safe with Bucky to show his true self.

Sam checks on him, constantly

In episode 1, we find out that Sam has texted Bucky post blip several times. Enough times that Bucky’s therapist, Dr. Raynor, uses that to gauge how well Bucky is connecting with other people. She admonishes him for ignoring Sam’s texts. In episode 3, we find out that Sam hasn’t given Sharon the same treatment. He hasn’t texted or called her, despite the fact that she had placed her career on the line for him, Steve, and Bucky. His only concern was Bucky and to see how he was doing.

Not only did he text Bucky, but Sam is periodically checking on his state of mind and well being, showing genuine concern and care. 

“You good?” 

“What’s going on in that Cyborg brain of yours?” 

Again, we don’t see him check on other characters like this. Bucky gets special treatment.

Sam lets Bucky do what he wants

The keyword here is lets. Sam lets Bucky do whatever the f*ck he wants to do because he’s weak in the face of Bucky’s desires and demands. Sam can be very stubborn, he’s just subtle with it. In the show, he refuses to give up on the boat, refuses to give into his sister’s demands, and tries to think of solutions for this problem. That bank scene not only hints at the consequences of the blip and other social issues, but it highlights Sam’s intelligence and determination. When he wants something, he will work hard to get it. That’s why he survived so long as Steve’s partner-in-crime when they were on the run. And he still hasn’t given up on the boat.

Yet, we see this intelligent, stubborn man cave into Bucky over and over again. First, Bucky wants to come with him on the mission in episode 2. Sam says no, but Bucky is sitting with him on the plane in the next scene. If Sam truly didn’t want Bucky to come, he wouldn’t have let him come. He isn’t a pushover- he gave up Steve’s shield because he couldn’t stand the idea of being the new Captain America. Some other examples: Sam lets Bucky go in to see Zemo alone and goes along with his plan to use Zemo’s connections to find out more about the super-soldier serum.

Sam keeps touching Bucky’s metal arm

He’s touched Bucky’s metal arm a total of three times. The first time, after rolling in the flowers, he lets his hand rest on it. This is almost a comforting gesture, one that is entirely unnecessary, but the camera lingers on the touch for a few seconds. Next, in the therapy scene, he pointedly slaps Bucky’s vibranium arm. In episode 3, Sam protectively grabs Bucky when he sees that the danger has increased in the bar. The touch helps snap Bucky out of his Winter Soldier mode. 

This shows a fascination with what makes Bucky different and dangerous, which could be the type of people Sam’s attracted to sexually. Let’s not forget that Sam had expressed physical attraction towards Black Widow, who is the embodiment of sensuality and danger. Sam Wilson has a type, and Bucky fits it.

Sam calls Bucky “Buck”

 It’s the nickname Steve had for Bucky, and it’s interesting that Sam seems a little bothered when Bucky says he couldn’t use it.

“Why not? It’s what Steve called you?”

“Steve knew me longer. And Steve had a plan.”

Sam rolls his shoulders, a gesture of discomfort. He says, “I have a plan.” Almost like he wanted to say, now, can I call you “Buck,” too? It’s also very illuminating to hear this nickname when Sam’s afraid for Bucky’s life in episode 3:

[Gunshots]

“Buck!” Sam yells.

The nickname shows a deeper level of intimacy between Sam and Bucky, something that Sam wants. That’s why he uses it, remarks on Steve having used it, and continues to use it. 

Sam lets himself argue with Bucky

Again, the keyword here is lets. Sam is a very controlled person. I’ve read numerous posts about all the things that Sam has to deal with - blip, institutionalized racism, Captain America’s mantle, that mantle being given to a lesser suited individual, losing his boat, losing his friends, and losing the connection with his family. Yet, Sam holds himself together very well. He doesn’t break dangerous criminals out of prison (looking at you Bucky), and he tries to follow his values in a world that is making less and less sense to him. 

Yet, with Bucky Barnes, he allows himself the freedom to argue with him. They argue in episode 2 numerous times, but I’m going to focus on the argument in episode 3. I loved that random back-and-forth in the middle of a fight scene. I cannot picture Sam doing something like that with Steve, and he definitely wouldn’t argue like that with anyone else. With Bucky, we see Sam let his guard down to bicker and voice his immediate feelings and thoughts. We don’t see this happen with anyone else! He’s usually more guarded with his true thoughts and emotions.

What does Bucky feel?

Unfortunately, I don’t see clear evidence that Bucky reciprocates his feelings. There’s evidence that some feelings are forming (I have high hopes for the pulling Sam’s hand closer to his chest scene!), and the genuine bond is there. As of now, Sam’s feelings run deeper. It’s understandable because Bucky is a man in transition. He doesn’t know who he is, and we can see that struggle in some small details here and there: for example, when Sam wedges his thigh between his in the therapy scene, Bucky places his hands over his crotch in an insecure position. Sam, on the other hand, is relaxed and secure in his identity. Bucky is still struggling to adjust to the modern world when he’s a 1940s man at heart. Plus, there’s Steve. According to Sharon, Bucky was “Mr. America” (LOL). He needs more time to solidify himself and his feelings.

Where did these feelings come from?

Sexual attraction (sexy and dangerous is Sam’s type)

Bucky is probably the only person in his life who makes sense. Everything else is so different and difficult.

He was Steve’s close friend, and Sam loved and respected Steve.

Bucky ignites his protective instincts. Bucky emphasizes this when he says that Sam gave up so much for him. (Interesting that Bucky doesn’t mention Steve, who wanted to save his best friend and helped to convince his current friend to help him do that.)

Perhaps, Bucky reminds him of Riley (would love to see a Riley flashback)

He feels a connection to the loneliness he sees in Bucky. Despite the people in his life and his natural charisma, Sam strikes me as a solitary figure.

Ultimately, we still know very little about Sam and Bucky, and we have three episodes left of the show, so many things can change! Hopefully, the change will be good for this ship.

I hope you enjoyed this meta. Thank you for reading!

[duchessonfire]

Let me tell you why I love Dr Christina Raynor's portrayal in TF&TWS

First, let me preface this by saying I am here talking about Dr Raynor as a character in a work of fiction and the originality of her portrayal as a narrative tool, not at Dr Raynor as if she were a real doctor (but more on that down below).

I have never been in therapy myself, but I've been raised by mental healthcare providers: my dad is a psychiatrist, my mother worked as a nurse in a psychiatric hospital (that's where they met, romantic right?), my sister and her husband are both therapists.

My parents are both retired now, but let me tell you, growing up in that sort of family is certainly interesting and it has generally affected my perception of how mental healthcare providers are depicted in fiction.

My general experience is that the depiction of therapists/psychiatrists in mainstream fiction can be divided into two archetypes (and here I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but unfortunately, I don't even have to): the nice woman who will smile softly as you speak and only intervene to ask you meaningful questions/give insightful advice or, at the other end of the spectrum, the old and devious man who will make you feel worse than when you came in (no hate on Hannibal Lecter, I love him).

The first trope is especially prevalent in my main fandom, Marvel and more precisely Stucky. Usually, the therapist character is used as a narrative tool signaling that Bucky and/or Steve as working through their shit and, surprise, surprise, they are often seeing very nice female characters who let them take their time and don't prod them too much, just enough to help them move forward. Unfortunately, this trope is also often applied to the character of Sam Wilson who is sometimes reduced to an "emotional support character" to Steve and/or Bucky.

So here is my two cents on this take: therapists/psychiatrists are real persons with real flaws, and just because they lose their patience once in a while doesn't automatically put them in the "psycho/toxic doctor" box.

My parents are mental healthcare providers and even though they are good at their job, they annoy the shit out of me sometimes and let me tell you, I can also annoy the shit out of them. We argue, we fight, sometimes we scream at each other. And that's perfectly fine because we are all people.

This is why seeing Dr. Raynor's character was so refreshing. Here is a real character, with several sides to her, and not just a patsy of what therapy would look like in an ideal world. She gets impatient, she snaps at Bucky, she rolls her eyes at him and tells him when he's feeding her bullshit. Again, I'm not taking about the effectiveness of this approach but I'm underlining the originality of this portrayal in a work of fiction.

I know people in the fandom have issues with her because "her methods are questionable" but if you are going to take her fictional character and judge her as you would a real doctor, let me remind you that her patient is a +100yo former POW from WW2-turned assassin-turned avenger superhero who was just snapped out of existence for five years. So... yeah... I think we can cut her some slack and say that she's sort of being innovative in her healing process.

I fucking love the depiction of Christina Raynor because it treats her as a normal character, not as a healing angel or a villain, but just as a realistic woman and shout out the actress playing her. I encourage all fan-content creators to remember that your fictional mental healthcare providers can be made as three-dimensional characters with bad tempers and flaws and I will read the shit out of it.

[jawabear]

1 of 10 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Not my GIF (look at this man...)

A/N: so here’s that Bucky fic I’ve been talking about. This took me too long to write but I like it? I’m absolutely loving Falcon and The Winter Soldier! I’ve mentioned this before but Bucky Barnes is my all time favourite fictional character. This is set before the events of episode one but maybe like a week or so before. I hope you enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: fem!reader, tfatws spoilers, Bucky being awkward, nightmares, therapy, Bucky isn’t as smooth as he was in the 40s but he’s still cute

Summary: Bucky has ten contacts in his phone. One of which belongs the the girl he feels he has been searching for for 106 long years.

The times in which he found himself now were more than confusing. But that was the best way Bucky could think to describe them. For him though it seemed a lot worse than for others. For others, they had a gap of five years missing. For Bucky, he had far more than that.

From 1943 to 2023 there was a lot missing. He remembered it however. He remembered everything. The good, the bad, and the horrifying. What was meant by missing was that it wasn’t him who was living. He had missed out on living between those years. He had missed out on everything. And he knew, like the billions of others, he would never get those years back.

But now he was a civilian. Working to make amends from his past after being given a pardon. However, settling into his new easy life was proving far from that. It had been a few months now since the whole ordeal with saving the blipped half of humanity, Bucky included, and it had been a few months now since Steve went back in time and started a new life leaving him and Sam behind.

Sam. Right.

Sam was an avenger. More so than Bucky could ever be. So he was off doing his avenging work while Steve’s shield gathered dust in a wardrobe somewhere he was sure. Sam didn’t have it in him to take up the mantle of Captain America. He felt the shield belonged to someone else. It was Steve’s. It only ever could be.

More often than perhaps Bucky would like, he would get texts from Sam. Asking him how he was and telling him about missions he was going on. Bucky never replied. He didn’t know how to half the time and he didn’t want to.

He didn’t know how he was. He didn’t know if he was okay. He was forced to go see a therapist but all he did was lie to her.

“Have you had any nightmares recently?” She would ask him.

Bucky would think back to the night before their meeting and all the others as well. Each night he’d have to be faced with the horrors of his past. Every mission he carried out. Every person he carelessly killed.

“No” he would answer. And it wasn’t like he was wrong in his answer. The things he saw in his sleep were not nightmares they were memories. The nightmarish horrors he was were his reality, so when he said no in response to her question, he found it difficult to be accused of lying.

There were few things he could agree with her about. But the one thing he could see eye to eye with her about was the fact he was alone.

Sure, he had Sam. But only when Bucky wanted to acknowledge him which had not been often as of recently. And as his therapist so kindly pointed out he only had ten contacts on his phone. But in his defence, he still wasn’t used to the whole world of mobile communications and internet. So his phone was basically redundant to him. His mind was still in the 1940s where you’d find a date, what would now be classed as, the old fashioned way. By looking in person and talking. Not just texting or swiping left or right on an app.

Granted, Bucky did try his hand in online dating but it was far too much for him. It wasn’t only hard for him to figure out but also he saw too much of people he didn’t even know. The openness of the internet was something that was mind boggling to him. So that was thrown out of the window pretty quickly.

But what his therapist had failed to note was one name in his contacts. The name of his neighbour and quite possibly the one he wanted to end his loneliness with.

Back in his time, when he didn’t just have the looks of someone in their 20s, Bucky was in fact quite popular and good with the ladies. But the ladies, he found, of this new age were completely different to the ones of his time. Not that there was a problem, he just knew that he couldn’t used the same moves now as what he could back then.

He met (Y/N), his neighbour, as he was first moving in. After coming back, loosing Steve and getting a pardon, Bucky thought it be best to try and start a new. He did that by moving back to his old home of Brooklyn. His old apartment was obviously gone and with little money to his name he couldn’t afford the one that replaced it. It was far to big for him anyway. But he managed to find a smaller more affordable one and he much preferred it. If not only for the quieter location then the others in the building too.

(Y/N) was the first person he spoke too when back in Brooklyn. She was sweet and kind when introducing herself. She offered to help him move in but he really didn’t have that much stuff to use in making his new apartment more homely. And he had no food either. So (Y/N) did the neighbourly thing and invited him in for some food. A meal of sorts although she didn’t have much food either at the time. Even so, it was nice for him to be in company for once. And it was such warm company. They didn’t speak about much but he learnt a few things about her.

And now, on most Thursday evenings, he’ll find himself with her in her apartment eating a meal, sometimes she’ll cook, sometimes they’ll order take out, but he enjoys it regardless.

It was clear from the offset that she knew who he was. He frantically explained to her that he wasn’t what he used to be anymore and explained the terms of his pardon and how he’s making amends. But he needn’t have waste his breath on it. She didn’t seem to care about it. About who he used to be. She told him that she doesn’t live in peoples pasts and that she wanted to get to know him for who he is, not who he was. Those words meant a great deal to him. And from that moment on he had fallen for her.

Bucky sighed as he dragged himself up the stairs to his floor. He desperately wished there was some way of getting out of these therapy sessions. But he was tied to them. He couldn’t stop going to them even though he wanted too. But there, it wasn’t really like he had anything better to do. Nothing but either sitting at home in silence or walking around busy streets constantly looking over his shoulder. Those were his only other options.

As he walked to his apparent at the end of the hallway (Y/N)’s door opened and she walked out dressed for the outdoors, it was getting cold so it was smart of her to be wearing a warm coat. “(Y/N)” he called gently to her. She lifted her head after locking her door and gave him a warm smile.

“Hi James” She said, she always called him James rather than Bucky. He didn’t know why but he didn’t exactly mind. “How was your session today?” She had memorised the times at which he went to his therapy sessions. She probably knew he schedule better than he did.

Bucky shrugged “the usual” he told her making her laugh a little.

“That bad huh?”

“I guess” he said scratching the back of his neck.

“Well, I’m heading to the store to get some food if you wanted to talk on the way? Don’t feel you have to”

“No, that sounds good” he tried to smile but it was a little awkward, but she didn’t seem to say anything and just motioned her head for him to follow.

The shop wasn’t too far away so it was a quick walk. Bucky wasn’t the talkative type, not really anyway. Especially not to someone he didn’t like. And Dr Raynor was someone who he didn’t like. He was sure that deep down she was a lovely person but he didn’t like the fact she was insistent in getting him to admit his feelings. Although that was her job.

It wasn’t long until they arrived at the store “so what happened?” (Y/N) asked as she picked up a basket.

“Just the usual...she asked me if I had a nightmare-“

“Did you?” Bucky didn’t answer and just looked away from her. “James, you know that it’s her job to help you. And it’s in your best interest to let her”

“I know...but at the same time...I don’t see the point. These things are mandatory. So if I don’t want to go then I don’t see it being helpful”

“I can understand that” her eyes flicking between two boxes of cereal as she inwardly decried in which one to get, but her indecisive nature got the better of her so she opted to get both. Her indecisiveness, Bucky thought, was incredibly cute. It linked in with her kindness, on their Thursday evening meals together it takes ages just to decide what to have. “But still,” she continued, Bucky following her like a lost puppy “like you said, it’s mandatory. And there are people who would love to be in your position. Getting therapy I mean. So you should at least make the most of it while you can”

“I mean...yeah. I guess. But...I don’t know I just...well it’s easier to talk to someone like you then it is to talk to her” (Y/N) smiled at little at this as she finished putting on the last few items before making her way to the till.

Neither of them said much else. Expect for (Y/N) making light conversation with the cashier as she paid although both (Y/N) and Bucky knew that the cashier really didn’t want to be there. Luckily it didn’t take long for (Y/N) to bag her items and pay for them before they were both leaving the store.

It had gotten colder outside then when they left originally. (Y/N) shivered and pulled her coat around her a little more before they both began walking back to their apartment building.

“So what is it about me that makes you find it easier to talk?” She asked, she brushed her hair from her face as a sudden gust of wind blew it out of place when she turned to look at him.

“Well...” he muttered shoving his hands into his pockets “for one, you don’t sit there with a passive aggressive notebook ready to write shit about me” this made her laugh a little, she always found it funny when he’d talk about this notebook Dr Raynor had. She didn’t really know why he hated it so much, and she knew she shouldn’t have found it funny but he never stopped her from laughing about it, in fact often times he would join in thereby encouraging her.

“Yes, that is something better I guess. Although, I’m sure I could find a notebook if you wanted” she teased.

“Oh god. Please don’t” He said holding back a smile.

“Anything else?” She asked him.

Bucky thought for a moment. There were many things about her that made it easier for him to talk to her, but he couldn’t list them all. For one, that would be embarrassing, and two he didn’t think he’d have the breath to do it. “Well-“

He was cut off when he saw (Y/N)’s smile fall and her pace began to slow right down to a stop. Bucky stopped and looked at her “everything okay?” He asked her, his voice full of concern.

She turned sharply to the side so she was facing the road “y-yeah..” she stuttered nervously “just...my ex is walking this way and I really don’t want him to see me”

Bucky felt a strange feeling inside him. He didn’t even know she had been in a relationship. It must’ve been a recent thing right? Unless it was a really bad break up in the past, or this guy had done something to her to prompt her being so on edge. Bucky turned to try and scope out this guy but he didn’t have a clue what he was looking for. So he reached over to her and pulled up her hood on her hoodie that she wore under her coat and pulled her into his side so that her face was hidden from view.

“Tell me when he’s gone” Bucky muttered to her. She nodded her head and let him walk her along the path, she kept her eye on the path ahead as best she could while still covering her face. But she was now more focused on two things, his arm around her and his wonderful smell. Never did she think she’d ever get this close to him. She never thought he’d let her, but here she was attached to his side with his arm wrapped around her, holding her protectively against him.

And his smell. It was just as comforting as she dreamed it would be. A mix of his cologne and what she could only describe as Him. All she wanted to do now was to just melt into his strong and warm embrace and just stay there forever.

In all her daydreaming she didn’t notice that her ex had long since walked by and they had reached the entrance to their apartment building and she didn’t tell him he could let go or that it was safe for her to walk properly.

Bucky came to a stop and slowly slipped his arm from her “I mean...I take it he’s gone now right?” He said a little nervously. (Y/N) stood up straight and pushed the hood from her head and nodded quickly, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Yeah. Yes, right. Sorry. Yes. He’s gone. I um...I just wanted to make sure he didn’t suddenly turn around you know? That’s all” she said in an unconvincing tone. But Bucky himself was too flustered to actually care that she was flustered as well.

“Of course, that’s smart. Well we made it back” he said stepping up to the door and pushing it open for her. She nodded and thank you and quickly hopped inside the building, Bucky following after her.

The walk up the stairs was an awkward silence. They felt like teenagers after their first ever date. Who says something first? What do they even say? Luckily for them, this wasn’t a first date, and they weren’t teenagers. They were fully grown, mature adults. But that doesn’t mean adults can’t get flustered in the presence of their crush...right?

After what felt like hours, but was more like five painstaking minuets, they finally got to their floor and walked down the hall, both briefly forgetting that they lived right next to each other.

(Y/N) stopped at her door and placed her bag of food on the floor to fish out her keys from her pocket. “Uh...you want to come in?” She asked whilst fiddling around in her pocket to find the keys. “I know it’s not Thursday but we didn’t really talk as much as usual...” her voice seemed to trail off as she finally found her keys and put them in the key hole before unlocking the door. “You don’t have too..”

“I’d...like to...” he said in a soft voice with a gentle smile to try and put her at ease even though he too was freaking out inside. She smiled back and picked up her bag before walking inside her apartment, he did too.

They both made their way into her small kitchen and he made himself at home by sitting in his usual seat at her white kitchen table and she began to unpack the shopping “Do you want me to help?” He asked her as he went to stand up but she waved off his offer.

“No no, it’s fine. There’s only a few bits anyway” she told him as she began to pack each item away in its rightful place.

“So uh...” Bucky began quietly as he scraped his metal finger again the wood table. “This ex of yours...what’s the story there?”

Bucky was a little cautious of his words. He didn’t want to say anything to hurt or offend her but at the same time he wanted to know what about the guy made her so on edge earlier.

“Oh uh...” she muttered as she pulled two cups from her cupboard.

“You don’t need to tell me if you want want to. Sorry..”

“It’s fine” she assured him “nothing really happened I guess. It was just a bad break up. He didn’t really take it well and for a few weeks after that he just kept texting me and trying to call me. He came round to my place too to try and get me back. He never did know how to take no for an answer. But about a month ago he finally got the message and stopped all contact with me. Seeing him today...I was just worried that he’d try it all again”

“He sounds like a real asshole” Bucky said flatly making her laugh a little as she went about making some tea for the both of them. “But in his defence, if I lost a girl like you, I’d struggle with taking no for an answer as well”

(Y/N) let out a nervous laugh and almost dropped his tea cup from the shock of his comment but she was a little more used to his flirtatious nature that would sometimes make an appearance when they were in her apartment. After he told her about his boyish charms back in the 40s she noticed how he would often slip back into that era. It was cute to say the least.

She set down his tea in front of him and he flashed her a “thank you” smile before wrapping his fingers around it.

There was a brief silence in the room. She was greatly over thinking is earlier comment. But so was he. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it. He meant it though. But what if he had pushed the limit a little too far?

“What was the other reason?” She asked him, her finger nail scratching again the tea cup trying to avoid eye contact with him at all costs.

“Huh?” He questioned looking over the table to her.

“Earlier. You were going to give me another reason why I’m easier to talk to. What was it?”

Bucky’s muscles tensed as his fingers gripped the tea cup handle as he stared into the black tea she had made for him. “If I’m being honest...” he began slowly “I think...there are too many reasons why I find talking to you easier. But I guess one is that you don’t do it because you have to or it’s your job to. You do it out of kindness. And it’s...easier to talk to someone who’s listening because they want to. And yes, I get that Dr Raynor probably does want to help me but I also know that at the end of the day, it’s all for a pay check. But with you...you do it because you want to. Or at least...I think you want to”

“I do want to, James. I’ll always be around to ask if you’re okay. And to make you okay when you’re not. I care about you...”

“And...I care about you. Another reason I prefer talking to you is because...I like you...a lot. I just think you’re the most beautiful woman, and you have such a sweet and caring nature and a good heart that is wasted on me. But I can’t help but like you...” he couldn’t really believe he just said what he did. He wasn’t mean to tell her that. It was meant to stay a secret within him into the end of time. But there was a shift in atmosphere that just made it all slip out.

“You...you like me?” She asked, still not looking at him.

“Yeah...” he said. There was a little more confidence in his voice as he admitted his feelings towards her.

“I like you too..” she too held a little more confidence in her voice as she admitted her returned feelings. It felt...good. Especially since she knew he returned the feelings she had harboured for him since they met.

She stood abruptly and held her hand out to him. He looked at it and looked up at her again before taking her hand. She pulled him to his feet and a little close to her.

He smirked a little as he looked down at her “you want me to kiss you or something?” He said almost proudly.

“Yes..” she said “but first...I want to know something”

“What do you want to know?” He asked her. She squeezed his hand and dragged him out of her kitchen.

She lead him to her bedroom and noticed the worried expression on his face when he looked at her bed. This was what she wanted to know.

“You don’t have a bed in your apartment...” She told him quietly. (Y/N) turned her body so she was facing him completely, he cautiously lifted his hands to settle on her waist.

“I know...” he mumbled.

“Why?”

Bucky paused but he felt safe enough to give her an honest answer “I...I’m...scared. Of them”

“What is it about a bed that scares you?” She whispered, her fingers gently trailing down his cheeks. Bucky didn’t answer right away, for one he was to busy focusing of the beautiful touch of her hands, and for another, he didn’t really know the answer to her question. But he could take a guess.

“Because I...I don’t think I’ve slept in one since 1943. And I...after everything I’ve done...I don’t deserve to lie in such luxury...” his voice was quiet and barely audible, had it not been for the close proximity they were in, she probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“James...” she laid her forehead against his and he instinctively griped her waist a little tighter. The comfort and warmth she was bringing him was something he didn’t want to loose. She was someone he didn’t want to loose. He felt safer with no one but her. For once he actually felt...okay. But he felt he was holding her too tightly, but if he was she was wasn’t willing to tell him that.

“You know that you have no reason to be afraid. You are changing. You are becoming a good man. You do deserve to live in luxury, even if that starts with sleeping in a proper bed. Maybe it is scary for you...but...if you’ll allow me, I’ll help you face it”

“Please...” he whispered with a nod before pressing his lips to hers.

05/04/21

Taglist: @lunaserenade @phoenixhalliwell @slytherin4ever

[battletrio]

I’ll be honest, I’m still consistently confused when I find fanfics that have John (set during tfatws events) either try to flirt with some female character in a gross way (usually so Sam and/or Bucky can come be the hero) or him acting like a woman is less than him in skill and he looks down on them because they are a woman (usually so the female character can bash on him)

it is just so fucking weird

because at no point in all the episodes of the show do we see John flirt with anyone that isn’t his wife, whom he shows to clearly and deeply love, like he literally flirts with no woman in this story, he shows not even a smidgen of interest towards another woman, the man is 10000% loyal to his wife and his wife only

and at no point does he look down on a woman’s skills specifically because they’re a woman, he doesn’t look down on Dr. Raynor whom he has a good working relationship with, he doesn’t look down even on Karli (in fact he takes her very seriously), and he follows Val’s orders with no issues at all and all the giddiness of an excited golden retriever, the only people you can remotely say he underestimated were the Dora Milaje and that was more dumbass casual racism which promptly got corrected and he wasn’t even mad that he got beat up by women but rather they weren’t super soldiers

seriously, for a bunch of folks that seem intent on painting John as the worst misogynist in MCU history, they sure aren’t in any hurry to actually give Olivia Walker any voice in any stories, much less want to acknowledge her existence?? 🤔

[winged-winter]

episode 3 'power-broker' in my opinion really exemplifies why this show has problems and i want to talk about it. this isn't about queerbaiting or sambucky so if you're looking for that, this is not the post for you.

it seems as though sam and bucky are being sidelined yet again, but this time, it’s not for the sake of other characters, it’s for the sake of the marvel machine.

the first two episodes work because they are character-centric. you get to see how sam and bucky interact with a post-blip, post-cap world. this is fascinating, and emotional, and interesting given how quickly the mcu tends to move. third episode throws this premise completely out the window AND everything you know about sam, bucky, and zemo, with pretty much zero explanation.

some people have said it’s plot filler, and it certainly is that, but i think what’s not being discussed is how their motivations for even giving a shit about the ‘flag-smashers’ are super stupid.

okay, let’s start with sam: why does sam even care that other people have the super soldier serum?? we are told multiple times the world is "upside down." why, then, is sam’s number one priority catching a small group of people handing out vaccines? and also, the two characters he is shown as being closest with, steve and bucky, both have the serum. so why is he so hostile to the idea of anyone else having it? because they robbed a bank and communicate on internet forums?? the mere fact of someone appearing to be enhanced is what prompts sam to investigate. not because they were attacking civilians or wreaking havoc, just the awareness of their existence. that does not make sense.

then, there’s bucky. bucky’s problem isn’t that the serum exists, it’s that it’s been abused, and people have suffered from being drawn into serum experiments. he clearly believes there’s some correct use for it, because he was totally fine with steve being captain america. the flag-smashers seem to be in great health, and completely in control of their own actions, and zemo has confirmed that they have nothing to do with HYDRA whatsoever. so why does bucky care?? again, because they were handing out some food and robbed a bank??

well, why does zemo care? zemo was concerned with the empty symbolism associated with superheroes. but the flag-smashers operate in relative underground obscurity. they have some notoriety, but they’re not mainstream, or believe in a sole charismatic leader. they all wear the same mask, for a reason. why does zemo give a shit? (recall, zemo's main problem was with steve and tony being careless and decimating sokovia! not that steve had super soldier muscles! he did not care! his enemy is more so sam and bucky than the flag-smashers.)

ASIDE from no one having a good reason for caring that the flag-smashers even exist, there's the problem of too many characters being introduced, too quickly, and with zero follow-up. two of the characters who give info in this third episode were both immediately shot in the head after they were useful. and leah, yori, isaiah, john, lemar, sarah, and dr. raynor also get sidelined. the people you are told matter or mean something in the first two episodes no longer matter nor mean anything!

okay, but that's fine, if there's a compelling reason why the flag-smashers are being centered, and their ideology is being more fully explained to the audience. except! it's not! explained! at all! here is what you are being told about the flag-smashers: 1) they don't want any national borders, which could mean any number of things, 2) they want things the way they were during the blip, which could again mean any number of things, 3) they want to give people food and medicine. people have been eager to ascribe a revolutionary affect to the flag-smashers, but their political agenda is unclear, at best.

on the other hand, the show is trying to tell us the global repatriation council is bad because it created the new cap and battlestar, and....what else? because they're holding some food in an ambiguous warehouse??????? so????? what???????? (not even getting into why it doesn't make sense they wouldn't give it out, if the people guarding the place are not personally gaining anything from holding it.)

carly said, "it seems like they care more about the people who came back than the people who were here this whole time." well, right. the people who blipped back do need some kind of support? that's apparent. the flag-smashers acknowledge themselves that the resettlement camps need supplies, which they then seek to obtain. so why is it so unbelievable and offensive that the grc exists? aside from the no borders thing and the new cap thing, how are they different from the flag-smashers????????????????

if it's some kind of point about bureaucracy being slow and stupid and overreaching, okay, that's fine, but they never make that clear. if it's some kind of point that it's just a new, shiny form of law enforcement that makes life harder, not easier, okay FINE, just tell me that's what's happening.

sam said, "it's imperative we stop them." stop them from doing what, exactly? lemar hoskins points out in this episode that they're not doing anything really harmful. yes, carly blows up that building to reaffirm to the audience this is the Bad Guy, but the characters you see guarding the supplies are not sympathetic so why should you, as the audience, care at all?

here's my concern: my concern is that there are only three episodes left to knit this all neatly together, and so much of that time will be spent explaining carly's backstory, having some dumb dramatic reveal of the power-broker, and zemo doing some stupid shit. i actually would not be surprised if one of those three episodes was mostly about carly, and shunted sam and bucky off to be in a sort of holding pattern.

this is just totally classic marvel, where they don't care about writing a complete show, just moving you from giant action set piece to giant action set piece with some banter in between, dropping all the minor characters through the cracks even though TV is different, and that is not supposed to happen. leah, isaiah, sarah, and yori represent four big unanswered questions. the show will literally be narratively incomplete if these storylines are not wrapped up in some way, and right now, they have been utterly abandoned in favor of chasing after a group who none of the mains would technically give a shit about.

i don't even want to get into the fact that "uh oh, someone has the serum/blood/magic juice" was a major plot point in the agent carter television show, and they have literally already played this song. but that's deemed all irrelevant because no one remembers the show.

there's a chance this will all be resolved, but you never know!!!!!!!!!! god.

[lockley-spktr]

I want to talk about Ayo and Bucky’s relationship because I found their history and interactions to be some of the most interesting parts of episode 4.

The whole thing is that they both betrayed each other’s trust.

Bucky betrayed her trust by breaking Zemo out of prison and working with him after he killed King T’Chaka. Which I don't like that he did that, but I do agree that he is a means to an end. Do I think Zemo can be trusted? Absolutely not, but we all know Sam and Bucky were desperate just like John and Lemar who ended up where Sam and Bucky started.

Ayo betrayed Bucky’s trust by not telling him that his arm could just come off like that, which he says he didn't know when Sam asks him and that's a betrayal of trust. Ayo was the one who told Bucky he was free, but then took away part of his new freedom by taking his arm off like that and failing to tell him that was a thing that could happen. Bucky also trusted Ayo to say those words to him. That wasn't an easy thing for him to experience in his own story even though we as an audience know the words do not affect him anymore.

So yes, Bucky does look betrayed in that screenshot from the new episode because he was betrayed and so was Ayo.

What hurts about that all is how in the first episode of this show Dr. Raynor talks to him about opening up and trusting people then just a few episodes later Bucky gets betrayed by one of the only people he trusted.

Again, both Ayo and Bucky betrayed each other. You can acknowledge that and still feel bad for Bucky during that scene where Ayo took his arm off. You can also understand why both characters were hurt and acted the way they did.

The point is they both did wrong things and unfortunately, those actions have consequences.

I hope this makes sense. I'm open to discussion and I’m looking to fight anyone about anything. I just wanted to clarify that because a post I reblogged seemed to be taken the wrong way.

[lunarbuck]

What Once Was

ix. Nine

pairing: buckyxoriginal female character

chapter summary: Bucky confronts Sam and Elizabeth undergoes testing in the facility

word count: 2,671

warnings: mentions of infertility, testing, disassociation

series masterlist ✧

an: hope you're all enjoying the story, I've loved writing it and am pumped for the next few chapters :)

It took a few days, but eventually, Dr. Raynor got back to Bucky. She gave him the contact info of a few lawyers and, in his session, explained that the best thing he could do for Lizzie was not to threaten her boss (he had already done that) and to not make a scene (too late). If it looked like he was trying to break her out of the facility or coerce anyone into letting her go, it could harm her case. Bucky promised to stop intimidating people and instead tried to keep his thoughts from spiraling about the horrible things Lizzie might be going through in the facility.

--

Lizzie still didn’t have an answer to the static she was hearing. It had been almost a week since they had arrived at the facility, and few of Lizzie’s questions were ever actually answered. They rarely left the suite once Lizzie realized that most of the facility was off-limits to her and her daughter. Agents delivered food for each meal, so the only time they ever really left was for Lizzie’s daily meetings with her case manager, Christina. The meetings were exhausting. She had to put the lie-detecting stickers on her head and tell stories about her time in HYDRA until Christina was satisfied. Lizzie didn’t understand how that would help her case, but Christina insisted that it was necessary if she wanted any chance at a pardon. At the end of each meeting, Lizzie would ask about the noise, but Christina would coyly respond with, “What noise?” and shoo the girl out of her office. Lizzie was getting good with the crutches, but they hurt her arms, so she tried not to use them in the suite.

Exactly a week after getting her blood work done, Dr. Sai came to her with her results. She welcomed him into the suite and made him coffee, but there was a tension in the air that she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

“Your results came back, and I just wanted to go over them with you,” he said, setting some papers out in front of Lizzie. She had sent Fiona to play in her room; she didn’t think this was a necessary conversation for her to hear. “Your kidneys are working great. They’re actually doing better than we would expect of someone your age,” Lizzie nodded but didn’t ask which age he was referencing. “From your blood, we could tell that your body is functioning as if you were 20-21, so your kidneys work perfectly for someone your age, and even better for the 93-year-old you really are,” he said as if he could tell what she was thinking. “Your vitamins are a bit out of balance, but that’s understandable considering the things you went through, and we can get you back on track with some supplements.” Lizzie nodded again, looking at the lab results on the table. She flipped through the pages. Dr. Sai had included a few pamphlets about vitamins, blood, and things she could learn from her tests.

“Is that all? I should probably go check on my daughter--”

“Sorry, a few more things,” Dr. Sai said, interrupting Lizzie. “We can learn a lot about your fertility from these tests, and I’d like to go over the results of that with you,” Dr. Sai flipped to a page towards the back of the pile he had laid out and grabbed a pamphlet about fertility in older women. “You’re an interesting case, your body is nearly 100 years old, but the serum and cryo have greatly affected the way you have aged,” he paused, not sure how to proceed. “Do you plan to have children in the future?” Lizzie wasn’t sure, she hadn’t planned on having Fiona when she did, but there hadn’t ever been a time in her life when she felt like it would be good to bring a child into the world.

“Maybe,” Lizzie said quietly. “Why?”

“It is unlikely that you would be able to have a successful pregnancy at this point,” Dr. Sai paused, waiting for Lizzie to respond, but she couldn’t form a sentence. “If you want to have another child, I recommend you get further testing.”

“What about the serum and the cryo? Everything else about me is fine. Why would this be affected so much?” Lizzie felt gutted, at the ripe old age of 21, she wouldn’t be able to have another child.

“I can’t say for sure; we would have to evaluate you more. This also might be an issue of genetics, though from what I understand about the serum, that shouldn’t have such an impact. You know, Elizabeth, very few people have ever received the super-soldier serum, and you are the first to have a child. While you’re here, maybe we could--”

“No,” Lizzie said, standing abruptly, forgetting she no longer had the support of her metal leg. She fell back down onto the couch but pushed herself back up, grabbing her crutches from the floor.

“Elizabeth, I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped, but--”

“No,” she said again, making her way over to the door of the suite. She opened it angrily and gestured for Dr. Sai to leave. “She will not be your guinea pig. If you want to test anyone, test me, but you will not touch her. Ever.” Dr. Sai stood and apologized quietly as he walked out. Lizzie found her way back to the couch, and she shoved all the papers and pamphlets into a pile. Fiona tottered out of her room and joined her mother on the couch.

“Mama, did they want to test me for something?” Fiona asked, hugging her mother close.

“When I was young, doctors gave me a shot. The shot gave me something called a serum. It made me strong, it made me not get sick, it made me able to survive everything I went through,” Fiona nodded. “They only gave the serum to a few people: me, a man named Steve Rogers, and Bucky. You are the only person to be born from someone who was given that serum,” Lizzie didn’t know how else to explain it, but she hoped she was getting the point across.

“So, I’m special?” Fiona said in a small voice. Lizzie nodded.

“Yeah, baby, you’re special. Doctors don’t know what the serum will do to you. If it has made you stronger, if it has made you more special than you already are. They want to do tests to see what it’s done to you,” Fiona made a face at the idea of having tests done on her, and Lizzie smiled a bit. “But I won’t let them. No one touches my baby,” she said, pulling Fiona into her lap. Lizzie tickled her daughter relentlessly, and Fiona’s giggles filled the dark room. When she finally let up, Fiona rested on her tummy and fiddled with the hem of Lizzie’s shorts. They hung loosely around her hip where her leg should have been, and the socket where her metal leg usually sat had wires hanging from it which Fiona also poked around at.

“Do you feel this?” Fiona said, bumping the metal with her fingers.

“No, even when I have my leg, I can’t feel it.” Lizzie's only feelings in her leg were phantom pains and occasional soreness at the implantation site.

“Maybe they’ll give you an even better leg, Mama. Maybe it’ll be as cool as Mr. Bucky’s arm,” the little girl said, flipping onto her back. Lizzie laughed but didn’t have the heart to tell her daughter that that probably wouldn’t happen.

“Maybe,” she said softly, running her fingers through Fiona’s hair. “Maybe.”

--

Bucky walked out of the meeting with the lawyers Dr. Raynor had recommended more confused than when he had walked in. They had all agreed to help, one of them even offering their services pro-bono. The two others required payment, but Bucky could handle that. He had a bit of money saved up, and this was as good a reason as any to use it. He couldn’t get permission from S.H.I.E.L.D to share the documents detailing Lizzie’s time with HYDRA, so they would have to talk to her directly, which complicated things. The lawyers said they would handle getting into contact with her and sent him on his way.

He walked back to the apartment building and headed up the stairs, taking them slower than usual. Bucky couldn’t believe how quickly everything had happened, how fast things could change. He made it up the stairs and shoved open the door to his unit. Something was off, but he couldn’t identify what. He slipped a small knife from his pants pocket and flipped it through his fingers. Slowly, Bucky walked through the apartment, clearing every room. When he made it through the whole unit, he put the knife away. Though he didn’t find anyone, he knew someone had been in the apartment. The blankets and pillows that he usually left on the floor were placed neatly on his couch, and on the coffee table was a little slip of paper.

She’s here. - A.T.

Beneath the writing was an address and phone number. Bucky knew exactly what it meant and knew that A.T. was Mr. Alan Thompson, Lizzie’s boss. It was a dramatic way to give him the intel, but he didn’t have time to question Thompson’s motives. He flipped open his phone and cringed as he pressed the first number on his speed dial.

“Now this, I wasn’t expecting,” Sam Wilson said from the other line.

“We need to talk,” Bucky replied, trying to hold back the frustration in his voice.

“You’re right we do, look Buck--”

“Bucky,” he interrupted. He didn’t like when people called him Buck. It was Steve’s thing. And Lizzie’s thing now, he supposed. “And I don’t want to talk on the phone. We need to talk in person. It’s important.”

“Barnes,” Sam continued, “are you in New York? I can meet you in a few hours if you are,” the mood of the conversation had shifted, no more joking.

“I am. Meet me at my apartment.” Bucky hung up and shot Sam a text with his address. Sam buzzed Bucky’s apartment a few hours later, and Bucky let him in. A few snide remarks were made about the lack of decoration in the apartment, but eventually, the two found their way to the couch, and Bucky finally brought himself to speak. “You shouldn’t have given up the shield. It’s wrong.”

“Look, I’m working on it. The outrange can wait,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.

“You didn’t know that was gonna happen?” Bucky didn’t believe it. He couldn’t.

“No, of course, I didn’t know that was gonna happen. You think it didn’t break my heart to see them march him out there and call him the new Captain America?” Sam stood, too frustrated to stay sitting.

“Steve didn’t want this,” Bucky said, dropping his head in his hands.

“Oh, my God. What do you want me to do? Call America and tell ’em I changed my mind? Huh? Yeah, right.” Now it was Bucky’s turn to stand. Sam had begun to pace around the apartment, and Bucky stood in his way.

“You had no right to give up the shield, Sam.” Sam turned to face Bucky, hands shaking.

“Hey. This is what you’re not gonna do. You’re not gonna come here in your overextended life and tell me about my rights. It’s over Bucky. You didn’t have me come all the way out here just to yell at me about the shield, so what’s this really about.” Bucky stood for a moment, calming himself down.

“It’s about her.” He pointed to his laptop, open to the Subject Hermes files.

--

Lizzie hopped behind Dr. Ellis and Dr. Sai on her crutches as they led her to the lab. Fiona walked alongside her mother, there was nowhere else for her to go, and she refused to leave Lizzie’s side. They had taken her up on her ‘offer’ to test the effects of the serum, and since there was nothing she could do to stop them, she complied. They arrived in the lab, sterile and white. Dr. Ellis patted an exam table for Lizzie to sit and, and she climbed up onto it not so gracefully. The doctors pulled the equipment out of drawers and cabinets, and Fiona helped her mother put her crutches down.

“Thank you for your cooperation, Ms. Seavers,” Dr. Ellis began, writing down a few notes on his tablet. “Today, we will begin our first round of testing. If we have your consent, we would like to film these tests and exams.” Lizzie nodded. She didn’t feel like fighting with them about it.

“Thank you, Elizabeth,” Dr. Sai said to Lizzie as Dr. Ellis set up the camera. Once it was in place and recording, Dr. Ellis continued.

“All right, the date is December 13, 2023, and it is 11:00 AM. I am Dr. David Ellis, and this is Dr. Patrick Sai. Patient Elizabeth Seavers, age 93, join us,” the man continued by explaining the tests they would be conducting, but Lizzie couldn’t hear him. It was December 13th, a week before her daughter’s birthday. How could she have let time get away from her like that?

“Mama, my birthday is soon!” Fiona whispered excitedly. Lizzie grabbed her daughter's hand and squeezed it, forcing a smile.

“You’re right, baby, you’re gonna be so old!” Dr. Ellis cleared his throat in an attempt to bring back Lizzie’s attention.

“We are going to begin now,” he said, eyes glinting in the harsh light of the room. They began with a physical exam, standing her up, testing her reflexes, and showing her implantation sight to the camera. Even though the wounds had healed well after the amputation, the scars were dark and raised on her skin, showcasing the damage that the amputation had done. Fiona sat quietly in the corner, watching intently. Next, they took blood samples and did a cheek swab, finishing up with a spinal tap. It all reminded Lizzie of the time she spent with HYDRA, being tested and examined constantly. She hated how normal it all felt. She barely flinched when they jabbed her with needles, it was like she wasn’t even there.

“Elizabeth,” Dr. Sai said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We’re all done for today,” Lizzie’s attention snapped back, and she nodded. “We’ll see you again tomorrow,” he said. Lizzie nodded again, sliding off the table. Fiona handed her the crutches, and together they made their way back to the suite. It was a long walk, full of twists and turns, and though Lizzie had gotten better with her crutches, she still was not very quick yet. Fiona didn’t mind, though. She was happy to just be out of the room for a bit. She missed her friends from daycare and her teacher, Ms. Abby. She loved spending time with her mother, but it was nice to be around other people sometimes.

They made it back to the suite, and Lizzie collapsed on the couch. She was exhausted from the testing and didn't have the energy to move or do anything else. Fiona changed into one of her princess dresses and paraded around the suite in an attempt to cheer up her mother. She came up to the coffee table but noticed something sitting on its surface.

“Mama, what’s this?” She asked, pointing to the object. Lizzie shifted to look at the table and saw what the girl was pointing to. It was an old flip phone, dark grey and boxy.

“It’s a phone,” she whispered, grabbing it off the table. She flipped it open and pressed a few buttons to find the contacts. The only one listed was J.B.B. She pressed the button, and the line started ringing.

“Elizabeth. ”

“Bucky.”

[iwishicanbeagoodpianist]

Crazy Poets Club part 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (It's mostly Bucky dealing with his problems and therapy, but there's a bit of romance). There's also a bit of Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers (you know Buck dealing with Steve's absence).

Summary: In one of her therapy sessions, Dr. Rayner recommends Bucky to find a new hobby, at the cultural center (which is open in the evenings, offering an incredible variety of hobbies and activities) Bucky meets some very interesting people and understands that maybe life has moments to live for and to be happy.

Warnings: None for now, but in the future, topics such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, among others, will be discussed.

A/N: I'm not a fanfic writer at all, this story is an original story of mine, I feel that the main character fits very well with Bucky's personality, that's why I decided to adapt it as a fanfic. This could go very well or very badly, we'll have to see. I also apologize in advance because my original story is not written in english, so this is an adaptation and a translation. I will always appreciate corrections and suggestions, just be kind :)

please do not repost my work

Bucky doesn't know which one is worse, the weight of the flyer in his hand, full of vibrant colors, taunting him or the weight of his therapist's gaze waiting for a reaction from him to her latest suggestion. It's time for you to get a hobby James. The words still echoing in the air of the room as, the man in need of a new hobby in question, tries to steady his breathing and his thoughts. Two minutes away from saying one of his typical comments like "beating people unconscious with my metal arm isn't considered a hobby?" but holds back as he looks up and sees Dr. Raynor's eyebrow rise defiantly in anticipation of such a comment. Bucky shuts up just for the pleasure of not giving her the satisfaction of knowing him so well. No one knows me as well as they think they do, no one fully understands what is happening to me.

- "You want me to join a knitting club????" -

- "It's a cultural center James, there's more to it than just knitting, you can find something that allows you to reconnect with reality, your old self, didn't you have any hobbies when you were young, in the 40s?" -

- "killing Nazis?" -

And here we go again, a wry smile from Bucky, an eye roll from the doctor and a whisper that sounds something like "God give me patience because if you give me a bat....." you did it again Buck thinks the one who caused said comment as he mentally pats himself on the back.

- "I understand that your humor is the way you deal with things you don't want to deal with, but this is just a suggestion from me, no one can force you into anything James, things have to come from you" -

But James is already riding the train of cynicism and black humor, which has enough fuel, 100 years of pure spite, to not be easily stopped....

- "...the next step is for me to be put in a nursing home and play Bingo every Wednesday and Saturday with Gertrude and Hans, while we talk about the weather and how our knees hurt because it's going to rain." -

With a sigh of resignation, or relaxation as she saw the time on the clock on the wall and knew that the session had come to an end, Dr. Raynor replied:

- "James, just think about it, our session is over for today". -

Getting up, as he sloppily folds the flyer and tries to bury it in the bottom of his jacket pocket, Bucky decides that today he's going to eat a large pizza with extra pepperoni and cheese crust, from the new pizzeria around the corner from his apartment, because, as the Doc says "no one can make me do anything and things have to come from me, like the fucking dinner I'm going to eat today no matter what", and as he opens the door with a smirking smile he turns to look at Dr. Raynor's face one last time (for this week).

- "well Doc, thanks again for your time, see you next week." -

Sighing, thinking what she did wrong in her old life to get stuck in therapy with what could easily be a 16 year old pubescent boy in the body of a guy who in spirit is over 100 years old but looks like a 30 year old guy living his second mid-life crisis. I guess this is my punishment for being a terrible big sister in my youth. Dr. Raynor replied:

- "see you next week James, please think about the culture center, it's a good place, even I go there sometimes during the week."-

-"wow Doc, I didn't know you liked to knit, and to think that I am the one who is over 100 years old here."-

- "I'm really not going to knit, I'm going to...you know what? Never mind, this is not about me, it's time for you to stop doing this, the world owes you nothing James, none of us are your targets for you to spew your venom filled comments to deal with your problems" over 20 years of career and professionalism thrown away thanks to a grandpa who SHOULD be in a nursing home playing bingo, well done Christina. But his thoughts are cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut. -

- "after I'm done with this patient I'm going to retire and move to Cancun, for good."-

Bucky's only thought as he walks down the office hallway is "well apparently my hobby is draining my therapist's patience, which if I may say so, I'm really good at". He also thinks the new green paint they decided to put on the walls, just last week, is the grossest thing anyone has ever seen, "now it looks like the wall is full of snot and vomit."

"Green conveys peace and tranquility, don't you think James?" says Dr. Raynor in last week's session when he made a comment about the abrupt change in the color of the walls. "Well yes, people will find peace, when they die at the sight of that hideous color."

Let's just say the session did not improve after that comment. "nobody can make a joke anymore because everything is taken badly, what is this twitter????? It's twitter? tuitor? What is that thing called? Well never mind" thought James as he walked out the door while the characteristic jingle of the bell hanging on the door sounded. "my God I hate this thing, everyone HAS to know you are entering or leaving any place" with an annoyed sigh Bucky puts his sunglasses back on even though it's already 5 p.m. and the sun is about to set.

Sunglasses are the best thing ever, no one can see how I roll my eyes every time someone says something stupid, or how I judge them for their crappy life choices. Therapy would be easier if I could do it with my glasses on. "James please, this place is safe for you, you don't need to have your glasses on, could you take them off for our sessions?", somehow, I convinced the doc to keep them on, until I fell asleep with them on in the middle of the session and she noticed after 10 minutes. She looked at me with so much hatred and contempt, after that I decided not to have the glasses on anymore in the sessions, let alone the lady lose her coolness and kill me while I fall asleep again. The Doc really needs a raise in her salary just for having to put up with me.

As he walks through the super-congested streets of New York, stuffing his hands into his jacket, his hand collides with the flyer his therapist very kindly gave him with the idea that Bucky is closer to living in a geriatric home than to solving his personal problems and maybe getting a girlfriend. "I really hate this century" he thinks as he tries to concentrate on the pizza he will have for dinner, well not so much, at least in this century there is cheese crust.

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[denimbex1986]

‘...fans awaited the excruciating moment when Bucky would reveal the awful truth and give Yori the closure he had so long craved. Frustratingly, with each passing episode, that thread was shifted further and further into the background.

...no sooner had Bucky sat down to unfurl his painful confession than he was walking back out of the apartment door. After nearly six whole episodes of anticipation, the moment simply collapsed under the weight and felt little more than a footnote compared to the other storylines. The end failed to live up to the beginning, delivering none of the catharsis nor sense of closure that had been so fervently anticipated.

...it was made all the worse by the fact that, alongside Yori, every name on his list had been crossed out — and was treated even more dismissively than the moment with Yori had been.

...Bucky still being designated as The Winter Soldier felt like a misstep. Portions of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier were about Bucky finally climbing out from under the shadow of The Winter Soldier...Being The Winter Soldier consumed his dreams, shaped how people viewed him, and dictated how he viewed himself. Everything he did was about amending that view.

...By the series end, as he arrived at the New Orleans cookout, the show suggested that Bucky's demons had been largely put to rest, making it confusing that his former moniker remained. Of course, there could be power in Bucky having resolved to make the Winter Soldier name one synonymous with good rather than bloodshed. As interesting as that could be, however, it would make little sense. After all, the most integral part of Bucky's therapy had been a mantra that eschewed the Winter Soldier name in favor of reclaiming his identity as James "Bucky" Barnes. Therefore, to leave the Winter Soldier's name intact on the title card felt at odds with that notion, and betrayed the entire journey that had come before.

...With Bucky being equally popular and a titular character, however, the show would've benefitted from another episode — or, at least, some extra time dedicated to him. In a finale episode, time really should've been carved out equally for both arcs to share the spotlight.

With just a little extra time, the Bucky and Yori scene could have had more room to breathe. Equally, instead of the conversation with Yori being part of a larger breakthrough, the show could've contented itself with just that...his confession could've conveyed a single new step forward and away from his life as the Winter Soldier. Instead of simply being an unearned end, it could've been a moment that was, even more, a new beginning — in addition to him finding a surrogate family in the Wilsons. To that end, rather than bidding Dr. Raynor (Amy Aquino) an unceremonious farewell, Bucky could've arrived finally ready to engage in therapy fully and with more honesty. As well as offering a resonant mental health message, it would've demonstrated that he was healed enough to finally start "doing the work" and foreshadowing an even more together Bucky later in Phase 4.

In terms of the title card, The Falcon and The Winter Soldier actually offered up a wealth of alternatives. For starters, after spending all season with a mantra about reclaiming his name, the Winter Soldier could have simply said Bucky Barnes. If they wanted it to have a more poetic flow, they could have gone with Captain America and Sargeant Barnes — as he was noticeably recognized as in the finale...’

[wenellyb]

Bucky has a family despite what Dr. Reynor said ('no family, no history' that was cringe). He mentioned his sister in the present tense, his relatives certainly had offspring who had offspring and so on, but Marvel isn’t bothered to explore his character outside of Steve and now Sam.

Hi Anon! I think we have already established that Dr; Raynor is the worst... The way she talked to Bucky wasn't great.

What you say is interesting because he did mention his sister, but then we didn't have much information, but it's true that the way he said it implies that she is still alive, and assuming she was very young, it's still possible right? Maybe they'll explore this more in the future?

There must be a reason why they mentionned her in the show right?

And also, I agree that the MCU didn't bother to develop Bucky's relationships outside of the ones he has with Steve and Sam, and not only the relationships with his family but also with other characters. For instance. Bucky hardly has any interactions with the other Avengers, and doesn't really form any friendships in the movies. I can assume he made some friends in Wakanda, because we saw that he has a close relationship with Ayo, but we also didn't get to see his relationship with other characters.

[sleepynegress]

Dr. Raynor being blunt with Bucky (in clearly a way he understands): "Wow what a bitch!". Isaiah expressing his frustration of his past traumas: "Why did the mean guy have to make Bucky sad?". Ayo disarming Bucky *in combat that he initiated* (and not hurting him beyond that; he wasn't even laid out on his butt like Sam or the USApproved duo): "She violated him!". ... Gotta love fandom racism and (in most cases internalized) misogyny.

It’s repetitive/boring and less revealing/interesting when it comes to the characters than it is about the fans who keep to it. I get having a simple comfort character. I think many come to fandom for that.   But I end up squinting when I see that not extend to other characters, who aren’t white guys fans find attractive. Fandom strange as it is can help people expand their horizons a bit.  One can grow their emotional IQ creating fanworks and doing a real internal Q/A about the motivations, the whys, the flaws... etc.  But ONLY if they can move beyong comfortable headcanons... Or at least have the ability to seperate/ tell the difference between headcanon and actual character movtives etc.

[majestyeverlasting]

Hey there

Favourite falcon and winter soldier scenes?

Hi! It's been a while since I watched TFAWTS all the way through, so this question definitely brought a whole bunch of moments flooding back to the forefront of my mind. I loved the worldbuilding for Madripoor and getting to see places like Delacroix, Louisiana and Baltimore, Maryland get put on the MCU map. But I'd have to say that above all else—aside from particular action scenes—most of my favorite's were moments of emotional connection between characters. Whether it be between Sam and Bucky, Bucky and Yori, Sam and Isaiah Bradley, or Sam with his family. I live for those fun, intimate, and honest moments. But I did go ahead and list a few specific things below. They're a bit random, I suppose.

-Ep. 1 when Bucky is speaking with his therapist, Dr. Raynor. Their dynamic was interesting to watch, and there were so many nuances. The cinematography was particularly nice as well; I liked the angles and how closed-in it felt. In terms of characterization, I think this scene served a unique purpose in terms of Bucky's arc. With that being said, I also enjoyed Sam and Bucky's joint session with her in the following episode.

-Ep. 4 when Lemar dies and the world slows down for John. What this did in terms of his arc was monumental. It also said a lot about the possible extremity of grief. The Dora Milaje scene where Bucky's arm is detached is also in this episode, which I found powerful as well.

-Ep. 5 when Sam and Bucky fight John for Steve's shield back. There's a moment towards the end when they've finally managed to knock it from John's grasp, and Bucky just drops it by Sam and walks away—talk about saying a lot with no words at all. Not to mention it's stained with blood that Sam goes on to wipe off with a solemn look. So not only is there intense action, but that emotional weight is there too.

Ep. 6 had so many gems. Namely, Sam becoming Captain America. And, of course, Bucky showing up at the doc cookout with a cake. Everyone's happiness was palpable.