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mst3kproject · 4 years ago

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Godmonster of Indian Flats

If I had a dollar for every movie I’ve seen about a bloodthirsty mutant sheep, I would have... two dollars.

I was entirely willing to feature Godmonster of Indian Flats based on its strangeness alone, but it does have one connection to MST3K in that actress Peggy Browne was also in Avalanche. Another performer here, Kerrigan Prescott, also had a part in previous Episode that Never Was Fiend Without a Face, so hey, close enough!

Dr. Clemens and his assistant Mariposa discover a mutant lamb on Eddie the Rancher’s sheep farm, and take it up to a secret lab at Indian Flats for study. This seems somewhat outside of Clemens’ claimed purview as an anthropologist, but whatever, I’m just here to watch the movies. While the monster grows to maturity in a tank, the mayor of a local tourist town, Mr. Silverdale, is refusing to sell land to a Mr. Barnstable, who is interested in the mining rights. We soon get the idea that Silverdale is less interested in tourism than he is in having his own private Wild West LARP, and the townsfolk have an almost cult-like reverence for him. Eventually, their increasingly violent attempts to run Barnstable out of town cross paths with Dr. Clemens’ pet mutant, and all hell breaks loose!

Well, maybe not all hell. This movie hasn’t got the money for all hell. Rest assured, though, that they unleash all the hell they could afford.

The hell in question takes the form of a lumpy hunchbacked sheep creature with a rubbery sock puppet head, one long dangling arm, and a huge Kim Kardashian ass. It interrupts a picnic, and blows up a gas station by knocking over a pump with its bubble butt. It may or may not understand English, and it breathes poisonous gas when injured. The puppet is pretty weird and scary-looking in the darkness of Clemens' secret lab, but out in the full light of day it is ridiculous.

Any movie with a mutant sheep monster is going to be weird, and the monster is the weirdest thing in the movie, but make no mistake – Godmonster of Indian Flats sans monster would still be a weird fucking movie. The other story going on here, Silverdale vs Barnstable, is thoroughly bizarre in itself.

Apparently it's not enough for Silverdale and the townspeople to simply refuse to sell Barnstable their mining rights. Instead, they have to totally ruin his career and both his physical and mental health! First of all, they invite him to their 'Bonanza Days' and have him take part in a shooting contest, where the whole town conspires to make it look like he accidentally shot the sheriff's dog. Then they hold a funeral for the dog as if it were a person. The whole time the dog is fine – it was just playing dead, and afterwards the sheriff sends it to live with a friend.

When Barnstable still doesn't leave town after this, Silverdale's toady Phil whacks him over the head with a bottle, then shoots himself in the shoulder and puts the gun in the unconscious man's hand. Barnstable wakes up in jail and demands a lawyer, but everybody ignores him. Eddie and Mariposa help him escape, and the sheriff then forms a posse to hunt him down and lynch him! At the end of the movie Silverdale triumphantly tells Barnstable that he's going to lose his job because his boss is embarrassed by all these goings-on. At this point Barnstable also has a cracked skull and a broken arm. He's a PTSD-ridden shell of a man and yet Silverdale is still yelling “I've beaten you, Barnstable!” as the end credits roll.

All of this might become a little less weird (but way more horrible) when I mention that Barnstable is the only black character with dialogue. And yet, none of it is ever overtly framed as racist. Nobody ever uses a slur – in fact, Barnstable's race is never once referenced in dialogue, not even obliquely. You could cast a white actor in this part and nothing would have to be changed. What Barnstable seems to represent, and what Silverdale and the townspeople claim to be fighting against (Silverdale declares that he is 'the custodian of an era'), is decadence and capitalism, concepts traditionally associated with a white elite.

This in itself should be read as a commentary on race. It's notable that Barnstable is playing by white rules. He's a smooth businessman representing the interests of his presumably white boss. When Silverdale invites him to Bonanza Days, he is happy to step into that role, too. He dresses the part and takes up the six-shooter, and does a pretty good job with it. Barnstable is a 'model minority' figure, a black man with the trappings of white success... and in spite of that, he is still abused. Hard as he tries to fit into the white people's world, he is not welcome there.

I don't think that's actually what Barnstable is supposed to represent to the viewer, however. The people of this town are described in the opening as 'living in the past' and we see that they're very dedicated to it. Silverdale dresses the part of a nineteenth century gentleman even when he's at home. Everybody dresses up in period costumes for occasions like parties and church, and the town's status as a tourist attraction requires many people to play such a role full-time. There's a dark underbelly to this quaint little world, as we see in the opening when a barmaid steals Eddie's casino winnings, but even that fits their chosen period.

Barnstable intrudes into this world as a representative of modernity and reality. If you're paying attention, you soon realize that the 'past' the townsfolk are living in isn't like the real past at all. The real history of this little mining town would have involved filthy, back-breaking work in the mines, and saloons full of drunks, prostitutes, and crime. The modern town has adopted the pretty trappings of the 19th century – the clothes, the horses, and nice little shows of piety like the dog funeral – while sweeping the dirt and violence under the rug. The latter are only to be turned on outsiders.

This fantasy version of the old west is also very, very white. In the real world, history is always more diverse than we usually think it was – one of the historical figures who inspired the character the Lone Ranger, for example, was Bass Reeves, the first black US Marshall in the west. The people in Silverdale's town have no interest in that. There is not a single Native American character in the movie, and I've already mentioned the lack of other people of colour, except for a couple of background tourists. This is an essential part of throwing away the ugly parts of the past – race brings conflict, and Silverdale and his followers want none of that. Barnstable's race makes his status as an outsider all the more obvious, both visually and as a reminder that the world these people are trying to live in never really existed.

This puts Barnstable in a very strange place in this movie. He's definitely a victim, but never a hero – in fact, Godmonster of Indian Flats is yet another movie that doesn't have a hero – yet he is not a villain, either. He's just some poor bastard who wandered into a horror movie and now he can't find his way out of it.

So... what does any of this have to do with a mutant sheep monster?

I dunno. There seem to have been mutants in this area for a long time, since Clemens talks about legends of a 'mine monster' and even shows off weird fossils he's found, but how does that tie into the theme of clinging to the past? Maybe it's supposed to be about history repeating itself, since new monsters are being born just as the mines are about to re-open? I have no idea.

Does the monster die at the end? I cannot tell you. I think it dies when the truck it was caged in blows up? The movie ends with an angry mob pushing the truck over a steep slope where they dump their garbage, while Eddie, Clemens, and Mariposa try to reveal Silverdale's own land-grab scheme. This all degenerates into chaos and people tumbling down the hill and shooting each other, while Silverdale stands there yelling about how violence controls the masses and how he's beaten Barnstable. It's an ending that seems calculated to leave the audience going, “... huh?”.

Why is it a God monster? Now this, I do have a theory about. I don't think the sheep is actually the godmonster – I think the titular menace is actually Mr. Silverdale! He wields a god-like authority within the town, even when his evil scheme is apparently exposed at the end, and uses it to do monstrous things! If that's not what they were going for... then I have no idea.

I mentioned in the opening that I've seen two movies about mutant sheep monsters. The other is Black Sheep, which is one of those off-the-wall movies they make in New Zealand when they're not doing Tolkien-related stuff. Black Sheep was apparently inspired by Godmonster of Indian Flats, but it throws out the race relations stuff and runs with the 'mutant sheep' thing to make on of the most perfect dark comedies I've ever seen. I would recommend it to the strong-stomached in the same way I recommended The Valley of Gwangi to anyone disappointed by Beast of Hollow Mountain – it is everything the older film should have been but was not.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #godmonster of indian flats #70s #just fuckin weird #allow me to recommend a better movie

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newagesispage · 4 years ago

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JUNE 2020

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FX and Ryan Murphy will bring us season 10 of American Horror Story next year. The cast includes Mac Culkin, Kathy Bates, Sarah Paulson, Evan peters, Billie Lourd, Lily Rabe and Finn Wittrock. There will also be a spinoff called, wait for it, American Horror Stories. Woo Hoo!!

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Reno 911 is back

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I happen to have a clementine in my butt. –Jimmy Kimmel

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NASA got their dragon launch. It is unfortunate that they had to compete with the current cycle.

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Sam Springsteen (son of Patti and Bruce) has been sworn in as a Jersey City firefighter.

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Ryan Murphy’s Hollywood is great. I don’t know how to feel about the fast and the loose and the nice made up endings like Once upon a time in Hollywood. Will this be a trend??** Another great one on Netflix is, Have a good trip.

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Are there biopics in the works for Michael and Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston, the Bee Gees and Bowie?? That is the word.

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Days alert: Look for Lani to become pregnant. Eli and Justin are both thinking marriage. Claire is back which will bring Shawn and Belle back. Gabi may be kidnapped. Word is that July will have a wedding every week that will lead to a funeral. Allie Horton is all grown up and heading back with a secret. Will she be like Mom, Sami?? Brady thinks that ruining Titan will get back at Victor. Sonny and Will may get a chance at another child. Eve may be back later in the summer. And, C’mon Xander, do something wonderful to get your woman back. Lucas may be on the way back and Orpheus is leaving. ** Judi Evans (Adrienne) had a serious horseback riding accident on May 16. She had broken ribs, a collapsed lung and 2 chipped vertebrae. The good news was in the hospital they discovered a blood clot so the whole thing saved her life.

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Morton Buildings is being sued by 2 women for harassment and discrimination. One incident claims an employee said, “God created women by lining up all the men and castrating the stupid ones.” Another lawsuit was filed in 2009.**Thanks for the tip, Di.

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If you expect elementary school children to endure the trauma of active shooter drills for your freedoms, you can wear a mask to Costco. –Sara Elizabeth Dill

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House republicans have sued Pelosi to block proxy voting.

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Seth Rogan, Steve Carell and Ben Schwartz are donating funds to bailout Minneapolis protestors after the death of George Floyd.** The country has been turned upside down as another cop kills another black man. No need to rehash, we have all seen it. I wonder if those four horrible cops are proud of what they have done to their city. Could we finally have a tipping point in this time when racism is spotlighted with our racist President? After many incidents in just the past couple of weeks and everyone on edge with coronavirus, it has boiled over. Scary Clown threatens to start shooting as Minneapolis burns down. Burn down a police station, get a cop arrested (finally)? Seems worth it to me. The way the killer looked into the camera as if he was just so proud is gonna stick with us as it should. ** A CNN crew were arrested live on the air but released later after Jeff Zucker spoke to Gov. Walz.** Liberate Minnesota was the Trump tweet, well, they are working on it.** I am hearing people saying in all sincerity lately that it is time for the humans to go, we are ruining each other and the planet.

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If you have not seen the Killer Mike speech from Atlanta, you need to check it out.** Netflix, Hulu and Paramount are taking a stand and showing support for the Black lives matter movement.

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John Cusack put out video of police coming at him with batons and pepper sprayed him as he protested in Chicago. More than 1000 were arrested and it continues.** In Flint, Sheriff Chris Swanson and other police put down helmets and joined the protestors. Police in Schenectady took a knee and joined the march. The behavior is spreading and look what a difference it makes, could they be starting to get it?

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Never thought I’d say this but in light of everything that is happening, the DNC made a big mistake in not backing Berne Sanders. –Pete Buttigieg ** Ok, first, of course he is right but you helped set this all in motion. It is a bit late for that …or is it? Biden is not the OFFICIAL nom, the deal is not done yet. Will Bernie jump back in the race?? Perhaps we will soon see BERNE FOR PRESIDENT again.

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American carnage was a self -fulfilling prophecy, alas. –Susan Glasser

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Scary Clown 45 has designated Antifa a terrorist organization. ** There is no legal authority for designating a domestic group, any such designation would raise significant concerns. –ACLU

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In any season, police violence is an injustice, but its harm is elevated amidst the remarkable stress people are facing amidst covid-19. Even now, there is evidence of excessive police initiated force and unwarranted shootings of civilians, some of which have been fatal. –American Medical Association.

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Washington Week had a great discussion about how all the ills in US history have played out in 2020. Impeachment, pandemic, depression and civil unrest are all here at once.

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Word is that Trevor Noah has been proven much more popular than the other late night hosts since they have been at home.

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I predict the picture of the upside down flag with the backdrop of the burning liquor store will be the lasting image of the Trump Presidency.

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This is the Presidency George Wallace never had. –Max Boot

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Spanish flu, Polio, Aids, Covid-19: Why don’t people get any smarter? The masses (and sometimes those in charge) can get it wrong over and over again. From Dr.? Phil and Dr Oz and their cavalier attitude toward death to Rosie wanting her son to take a leave of absence from the grocery store, we just do not learn. Even before that, I can’t forget the woman who wanted to change her vote after she found out Buttigieg was married to a man. Is she even a dem? Do your research people! Respect others, people!! Have compassion, stop being so selfish and use your brains!!** Puerto Rico was a pre curser to the pandemic response.

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Amy Cooper Chris Cooper? WTF? Another liberal who is not really liberal.

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Crime in general is down and police shootings are up. And yes, now the opportunists are out of control and anger is boiling over but protests against police brutality causing police brutality is WRONG!

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Check out the book, What makes a marriage last, from Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue.

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Ben Taub, Barry Blitt and Colson Whitehead have won the Pulitzer Prize.

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Word is that Nick Cage will play Joe Exotic of Tiger King fame. Of course he will.

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I refuse to wear a mask because God did not have us born with one.- Nino Vitali** How many people have you heard say, “The President isn’t wearing a mask, so I don’t have to.”

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It looks like Apple will partner with Paramount for Scorsese’s adaptation of Killers of the Flower Moon.

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Oh my: Scary Clown is having a twitter feud with twitter! He has to, of course, lash out and now signs an executive order targeting social media. He is going on about section 230 which gives immunity to social media companies against being sued over content. It could curb liability protection. Experts say it will only encourage lawsuits because he does not want to be edited.

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If Native American tribes were counted as states, the five most infected states in the US would all be native tribes. –Nicholas Kristof

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Did ya see that Jeff Epstein doc from James Patterson. It is lays blame in all directions. Why does it seem like all these old guys on there with all that money have such yellow teeth?

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Lindsey Graham is urging Federal judges in their mid to late 60’s to step down so they can fill the spots with republicans.

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Richard McGuire tried to live at Disney World in a zoological park that was closed down.

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Caterpillar, Levi, Black and Decker and others have cut jobs but gave millions to shareholders.

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Axl Rose and Steve Mnuchin had a twitter feud.

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China announced plans to introduce a National Security law in Hong Kong. The law enables mainland Chinese National security agencies to operate in the city for the first time. Using a rarely used constitutional method, they bypassed Hong Kong legislature. Since the former British colony became a semi-autonomous region of China more than 20 years ago, they have manages its own affairs. The law will affect media, education, politics and international business. Many acts will now be criminalized. Hong Kong is party to international treaties guaranteeing civil liberties that China is not. The U.S. is urging Bejing to reconsider. Pro- democracy demonstrators in Hong Kong were tear gassed as they yelled, “Liberate Hong Kong, revolution of our times.”

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The Michael Flynn charges were dropped.

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Holyoke soldier’s home in Massachusetts lost 70 souls to Coronavirus. AP photographer David Goldman got a projector and cast big pictures the vets onto the homes of loved ones. Each one had a story including one vet who was sent to Nuremberg to guard Nazis. He claimed to have filled Hermann Goring’s glass with toilet water.

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The swimming Dinosaur, Spinosaurus has been getting a lot of attention. The Sahara desert which was once massive rivers kept the first intact aquatic dinosaur. With a snout, teeth and jaw like a croc, it is so far the only known kind of dinosaur that lived in the water. The 50 foot long bizarre fin-like tail is like a giant paddle. Paleontologists encourage others to have a look at other fossils to see if there are more.

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Octavia Spencer is said to have been telling everyone she is a year younger than she is. She is turning 50.

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The $69 million ventilator scam. Really? The White House heard from a guy who told them he could supply the product so the WH told NY to order them and stood behind the guy but it was a scam. Scary Clown sure loves his shady people, intentional or not.** A Florida woman, Rebecca Jones claims that she was asked to fudge the numbers to make reopening look better. ** Georgia moved their dates around on a graph to make their cases seem flattened. ** For 17 months, Florida investigated voter fraud for Trump and Gov. Scott. They found NOTHING!!

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Amazon stock price is up 25% yet they have become notorious for the terrible way they treat their workers. Bezos is set to become a trillionaire.

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We have to remember that order comes from chaos. True enhancements can come from large scale crisis. What will we learn from this one? This is a warning!!** Universal health care? No more buffets? ** Prices will probably go up everywhere what with the closings and all the extra cleaning. I hope this means that hotel bedspreads will be cleaned after every stay. It looks like there may be no cocktails or food on planes.

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Take a virtual tour of the statue of liberty. All the fun without all the swaying.

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Local PBS stations are making it easier to learn. Students will be able to put on a channel for lessons that does not need cable or internet. Woo Hoo!!

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Insiders say that Trump threatened to sue his campaign manager because he did not agree with his assessment and the poll numbers in a 2 day rant.** Just one more example of Scary Clown double talk. Then: Less testing, less positives. Now: So much testing is a badge of honor.**Doctors without Borders are now here, not the third world countries that they usually help, it is US.

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Haven’t we had enough of powerful men being accused? A female Dem candidate would have been nice and Bernie did not seem to have any baggage that way either.

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Will the Senate see fit to ok some more stimulus $? 4 trillion to prop up Wall Street seems per the usual. Enough for them, let’s take care of those small businesses and those really in need.

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Thao and the get down stay down is one of the best in this internet entertainment era.

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Check out Stars in the House with Tony Shalhoub and others.

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The Detectorists on Acorn TV is a great little show!!

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Happy Day! There is a new season of At Home with Amy Sedaris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It looks like Pier 1 will permanently close as well as JC Penney, J Crew, Sears and Neiman Marcus.

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Check out the wonderful, This is about Humanity!!

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Have U seen the trailer for The King of Staten Island?? OMG Pete Davidson, Steve Buschemi and Marisa Tomei , just to name a few!! I can’t fucking wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bill Maher looked really high on his 5-22-20 show. This working from home makes him much more mellow!!

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3 Russian doctors treating coronavirus have fallen out of windows in about a weeks time.** Russia boasts that it has more ventilators per capita than the U.S. After they made fun of us, on May 22, the first shipment of U.S. ventilators headed to Russia. They are a gift from Trump and the U.S. taxpayers. –Julia Davis

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State Department Inspector General Steve Linick is out. Was he investigating Pompeo? Trump never knows anything about any of it. Why are all the protectors of the rule of law thrown out? ** Was Pompeo throwing lavish foreign policy dinners with Reba, Dale Jr. and the owners of that horrid chicken sandwich place? ** The clean water rule has been suspended which cuts protections for most of the country’s wetlands.

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The market facilitation program has been helping small farmers over the last few years in a $28 billion bailout. Trump’s sanctions brought this on and the corona virus has made it worse. Mostly the money has helped bankers and bigger farms. Much like the stimulus $ that was earmarked for small business, there are loopholes that screw up the ‘rules.’ The cap is not being followed like they may say because the $ is going to “investors” in the farm and often not the actual farmer who works on a smaller scale. A small farm run by family members may not get the bailout. It seems to be more important to get a good lawyer who can manipulate the paperwork. Sad that taxpayer $ is used this way.

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Just in time, the Space Force flag and plans for the super duper missile have been unveiled. WTF??

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Paula Poundstone is a woman I knew I liked. She was recently talking about not liking couches. I thought I was the only one, People are always telling me how much they love their couches and I don’t get it.

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Jeff Gibbs and Michael Moore are upset after Youtube pulled their doc, Planet of the Humans. After 8.3 million views, there was a copyright claim by Toby Smith of about 4 seconds of footage. Now , this is not the first time that Moore has had problems with content in one of his movies. Many have claimed there is a lot of fiction in this latest venture. I think I would just remove the possible copyright infringement and move on. It can now be seen on Vimeo.

A Florida law that restricts felon voting is found unconstitutional by a federal judge.** The RNC filed a lawsuit against California to stop mailing ballots to registered voters.

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R.I.P. Little Richard, Roy Horn, Jerry Stiller, Sam Lloyd, Ann Sullivan, Mike Cogswell, Michael Keenan, Shirley Knight, Irrfan Khan, Hana Kimura, Forrest Compton, Jimmy Cobb, George Floyd, Ken Osmomd, all the corona victims, Lynn Shelton, Richard Herd, Larry Kramer, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Anthony James, Fred Willard and Carolyn Busch.

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imagine-loki · 6 years ago

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An unexpected friendship

Title: An unexpected friendship

Chapter no/One shot: Chapter 2

Author: beetrootgirl

Imagine: Imagine that on coming to earth, Strange and Loki had a heated argument resulting in Strange turning Loki into a 16 years old teenager. He still have his strength and seidr but he cannot undo the spell. You, a shield agent join the avengers in order to be safe and away from the hands of Hydra because of your past and super powers. No one knows about your past in the avengers except for Tony. You are assigned to be his handler as you are of the same age and have experience in babysitting Tony.

Rating: Everyone

Notes/ Warnings: I was thinking of a name, more thinking, more thinking, more thinking and I didn’t get any so I gave the OC my name. And I have a good reason for that because I don’t know anything about any other country except my own and I have some plots ready for the next chapters including the culture so I made her an Indian. And all the spider superheroes I have ever seen in cartoons and/or comics, they all have additional powers so I gave her some of her own (mostly because I always have an everyday battle with my hair *haha*). Many of the things are inspired by the animated series ‘Ultimate Spider-man’. Hope you all will enjoy it! English is not my mother tongue so sorry for the mistakes. Minor mentions of the previous chapter. Pronunciation of the name; Su -r -bhi

~~~~~~~~~~ You felt so tired. You were so tired. It was a horrible day. Wait. The transformation, the carnage, Dr Octopus, shield agents. Everything was coming back to your mind. You felt a soft mattress underneath you. You wanted to open your eyes but it was so difficult because of the light. Slowly you opened your eyes to find yourself in a medical room. You were lying on a comfortable bed.

You heard someone come over to you and you looked up. It was a doctor. He was checking you. When he saw you were looking at him, he smiled down at you and said, “ Good morning. About time you woke. We were so worried about you.”

Then he addressed to someone at the door, “She’s fine. You can come over, she won’t do anything. It was the experiment that made her do that. Now she’s okay.”

You saw three figures coming towards you. Two of the woman and the bald man you saw earlier and one of a man with an eye patch. You stiffened feeling uncomfortable between the strangers. The woman slowly came towards you and smiled gently and said, “Don’t worry. We won’t do anything to harm you. Please, there’s no need to be afraid.”

When you calmed down, she came closer and helped you to sit. You looked around warily and after some time finally asked, “Where am I?”

The bald men answered you, “You are safe and sound at the shield headquarters. I am Agent Phil Coulson by the way. What’s your name?”

“Surbhi”, you replied still not sure about anything going on.

You looked at the woman when she said something, “ Well Surbhi, I am Agent Maria Hill and this is Nick Fury, director of shield. We suspected that Hydra was planning something. But we could not track their location. We tried every known Hydra base but they weren’t anywhere. When you went out of control and destroyed the computers, we came to know their location and went straight for it. But you were hostile at that time and we had to get you under control so I injected you with some sleeping dose. Seems like you needed it so much. You were asleep for three days.”

So, you were finally free. But there was something in your mind that was eating you, so you asked, “What happened to the other girls?”

Nick Fury answered you, “They were so scared and bruised when we rescued them so we took them to the hospital. As soon as they will get well, they will be send to their respective homes.”

“But”, he said after a pause. You cannot be send back because the transformation was permanent and Hydra will look for what they have created. You are so powerful, we saw you. Your injuries were cured by Dr Connors when you were asleep. But you can’t go back.“

You felt like you will cry any second but kept the tears at bay and asked in a shaky voice, "Then what will become of me? What will I do to be safe?”

Fury answered, “Learn to control your powers and work for shield. Your powers are dangerous if you don’t know how to control them. Agent Hill and Coulson will train you and if you feel something more happening to you, you can come to Dr Connors any time. Once you are rehabilitated and have your powers under control, you will officially become a shied agent.”

You thought over it. It was a great chance for what ill you have done when you were at the Hydra base. If you have to live like this forever, you will live freely and use your powers to help others, not to kill.

You asked with confidence, “ When do we start?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Two months later

You were a fast learner and controlled your powers in such a short time. You found out that you had same powers like Spiderman, but in addition to that, you could control your hair (so that means you can do any hairstyle by just thinking) and had natural web shooters. You could summon an army of spiders. Well, that’s cool but when you did that, your eyes always turned blood red because of the concentration, so you rarely did it.

Everyone had taken a liking to you, especially Maria and Phil. You called them by their names and they never said anything to you because you are so adorable that no one can be angry towards you. Dr Connors’ lab was always open to you and he gave you whatever you needed. He made a shield communication device especially for you. He made you a transforming bike which he called 'Spider-bike’ that could also turn into a car and a hoverboard. It had an auto driving system but still you learned to drive just in case. He also made a special sword for you which you could hide as a simple knife and with a click, turn it into a sword. You learned to wield the sword too and some hand to hand combat skills.

You were finally given a shield identity card when you mastered spying. Nick Fury had become a father figure to you and was always impressed by your skills. But you always treated him with respect and called him Director.

When you were finally ready, shield finally let you inform your parents that you were safe now. It was a heart-wrenching moment when they cried hearing what had happened to you in past seven months.

Now, Fury was searching a safe place for you and there is nothing safer than being with the avengers. You and Director were waiting outside the Avengers tower for Happy to come back after telling Tony that you had arrived.

All the team members were out with their families and loved ones and Pepper was on a business trip, so that left Tony alone at the tower.

When you arrived in the living room, Tony greeted you with a displeased look on his face when he saw Fury. He said, “Well, I can’t say it’s nice to meet you so, tell me why are you here.” He then noticed you, “And why have you brought a kid with you?” He then directed you towards the couch and sat opposite to you.

Fury told him about your powers and that Hydra was a threat to you but didn’t tell him how you got your powers. He then asked Tony to keep you safe in the tower along with the avengers.

Tony looked at you and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Su”, you answered shortly.

He didn’t look convinced by your answer and said, “ You are not from here. You don’t look like us and your accent is also different.”

“I’m from India”, you answered.

“That country in Asia? Well you have come from a long distance here so I won’t let you down. You can stay here and be a part of the avengers. As soon as everyone comes back, I will introduce you to them, especially Spiderman. And that, what’s your superhero name?”

“I don’t have any.”

“We have to fix that. How about Spider-girl?”

“I like it.”

“And I like you. Now, come along, let me show you the tower and your room and make sure that you feel at home here.”

He then turned to Fury, “I’m gonna take care of her. She’s so adorable. I will keep her safe.”

Fury said, “Thank you Stark, for this favour. I must be going now.”

He then went back and with that, your new life began.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a week ago, when you had come to the tower. Tony really treated you nice and made sure you were comfortable. The avengers had still not returned and this morning was no different, except for one thing….

You came in the kitchen and saw Tony at the dining table eating his breakfast. You greeted him good morning and went into the kitchen for taking your own breakfast. Tony came and put his dishes into the sink and went to the fridge to drink water but stopped when he saw something.

Your Black Widow mark. It was on your left hand’s wrist and you always hide it but today, you forgot. When you saw him looking towards you, you followed his vision and saw that he was looking at your mark. You put the plate away and tried to cover it with your sleeve, but it was too late. Tony had come over to you and was inspecting your wrist.

He asked you, “What is it? It doesn’t look like a tattoo. What is it?”

When you didn’t answer and looked away, he demanded again but in a louder voice, “What is it?”

And with that you burst out into tears in his arms and told him everything. He tried to sooth and calm you down when you cried. When you calmed and looked up, you pleaded him, “Please don’t tell anyone about this. Please.”

He said softly, “ I promise I won’t tell anyone. Now come, you need rest. Let me take you to your room.”

After that, you fell into a dreamless sleep on your bed and felt safe because Tony will never let any threat come near you again from now.

#An unexpected friendship #beetrootgirl #Chapter 2 #loki #other #submission #Submitted Fic

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spongeekat · 6 years ago

Text

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 3

Chapters: 3/7 Fandom: Spider-Man - All Media Types , Deadpool - All Media Types , Marvel Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson Characters: Peter Parker, Wade Wilson, Mary Jane Watson, Eleanor Camacho Additional Tags: Spideypool Big Bang 2018 , Prompt Fill , Peter Parker Needs a Hug , Deadpool has a daughter , Hurt/Comfort , Peter has anxiety , Anxiety Attacks , Secret Identity , Identity Reveal , Peter chasing Wade Summary:

"Look, I’m just a Deadpool. I know I’m not Dr. Phil. But I couldn’t just let you make some bad decision and let the world lose one more hot piece of ass. Anyways, I live in the area and saw you standing on the ledge, and I thought I could maybe talk you down. Dying hurts, in case you were wondering. It’s not worth it.” Dying...hurts? Talk him down? Bad decision?

Oh.

“Oh.” Everything suddenly connected and the gears started turning in Peter’s brain. “No, wait, I wasn’t…” He didn’t quite know how to explain he wasn’t there to do that without completely explaining why he was up there in the first place. Any resolve he may have had earlier about revealing his superpowered persona had melted away, his plans going awry within seconds. "

Or Peter is madly in love with Wade, and plans to meet him on top of his apartment building to reveal his identity. Wade thinks Peter is standing on the ledge ready to jump, and takes it upon himself to make sure he gets home safe and finds a reason to live again.

read on ao3

Part 1 Here

Here is part 3! I missed a week due to home issues, but the rest of the fic should update normally! Next chapter will be much longer as well.

And huuUUUUGE thank you for putting up with my lateness @alurkerofnote :D

Day 3 - Tuesday

Peter’s hand rubbed against the zipper track beginning above the curve of his spine, fingertips again coming up empty. His arms dropped uselessly against his side, groaning to audibly show his disappointment.

His zipper was there somewhere. He heard it dinging against the metal teeth up the length of his back, and if he kept feeling for it he would find it.

Peter yawned, tears peeking out from the corners of his eyes, as his fingers continued to prod in the small of his back. He was completely and utterly exhausted. The night previous perusing the city had been brimming with robberies, car jackings, and muggings, as if the slight increase in temperature prompted every convict to crawl out of their hiding spots to wreak havoc. He’d clawed himself into his bed sometime around 5 AM, caught 2 hours of sleep, and was out the door sprinting to class by 7:00. He was looking for any reason not to go on patrol, even if it was as minor as an unlocatable zipper, to at least give him a chance to rest for a few seconds.

His gloves eventually brushed the pull tab, and he deflated. Guess he had to finish suiting up. He tugged the zipper up to his neck and fiddled with the spandex momentarily, pulling it snug in all the right places.

That was, until a knock on his window pane had the tired boy jumping 5 feet in the air and throwing himself backwards into a defensive position on his furthest wall. His toes firmly drug to a stop on the wallpaper, one arm shooting out with his fingers ready to tap his web-shooters if need be. There was a muted scuffling behind the glass, though his curtains were drawn so he couldn’t see who was there. It didn’t take long to figure out, however.

“Petey, Petey, Petey, Petee-eee-ey~” The intruder was caroling his name to the tune of Jolene, repeating his knuckle raps obnoxiously to the beat of the song. “I’m begging of you please just let me in.”

“Wade?” Peter snapped as realization sunk in to his chest. It took seconds to calm his adrenaline-ridden heartbeat, more relieved that he wasn’t about to face a criminal than he was mad Wade had nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. He peeled himself silently off the wall, taking short, but annoyed, steps to stand behind the curtains without drawing them. “What the hell, dude? You scared the pants off of me. Why are you on my fire escape? And singing Dolly Parton?”

Wade hummed the rest of the verse to himself, presumably out of parodying song lyrics, before he started to whisper-yell. “Ignoring the fact I should totally make fun of you for what you said, I’m here to check up on you! I said I was going to keep those sweet cheeks safe. Can I come in?”

“Into my bedroom?” Peter asked, weakly, swallowing the suggestive- but intrusive- thoughts that the question entailed. “Um, I’m kinda...preoccupied.”

“Ooooooh?”

“Not like that!” Peter groaned, smacking a hand to blanket the reddening of his cheeks. God, he had to change, and fast. He tore the zipper undone he had put in so much effort to find, shoving the suit off his shoulders and hips. “Give me a second!” He kicked the rest of fabric off and lodged it under his bed, using a pillow for extra cover to be safe. His web shooters clattered into the lockable drawer on his desk, the cartridges following them. Shutting the drawer so hard it shuddered, he located the first clothing options in sight; a pair of fluffy pajama pants and an Einstein shirt 2 sizes too big (which was totally a gag gift from MJ months ago that he’d never put away), which he shimmied into. Confident that he had probably concealed every Spidey related item in his panic, he drew open the curtains and flashed Wade an unimpressed look. And there he was, in his full-suited glory, hanging upside down on the rail of Peter’s fire escape as if it was a playset.

“I have a few questions.” Peter said as he pushed the glass open, the screen absent due to years of him climbing out for his nightly routine. Wade didn’t seem to notice- or at least didn’t comment on the lack of one- looking ecstatic that he even answered. “First...why didn’t you call to check up on me? Or use the front door?” He gestured vaguely towards the direction of the living room to accentuate his point.

“You barely texted me today.” Wade answered, curling so he was sitting on top of the bar and facing Peter. The sit-up made his muscles bulge in the leather covering his thighs and abdomen and Peter inhaled carefully to maintain a level expression. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t lonely. Also, I missed you.”

“Good to know.” Peter rolled his eyes, watching Wade drop to hang upside-down childishly. “Just come in. You’re gonna break the rails.”

“Me? Getting on the VIP list to Peter’s bedroom? I feel like I got a golden ticket! Move aside, Willy Wonka!” Wade dropped himself to his hands, flipped ungracefully on his feet, and followed Peter’s lead to let him crawl inside the apartment. His muddy boots hit the carpet and he managed to pull his entire body inside the small opening. He paused upon straightening up, giving his bedroom the same scrutinizing examination he had to the living room his first time visiting. “Never mind. I wanna go outside again. You’re messy, and that’s something coming from me.”

Peter stared at him silently. The mercenary shrugged and half-lept to fall on top of his mattress. “Kidding. It’s cute. It fits you.”

Peter did his best to ignore the creaking noise of his bed, making his way to his office chair to sit across the room. “I appreciate the housecall, but is that the only reason you came? I actually was kinda in the middle of something.”

“I’m hurt. I brought home-cooked meals and you already wanna kick me out?” Wade gasped in faux-pain, pulling off his pink Hello Kitty backpack. He drew out a grocery bag filled with containers, setting it beside the foot of the bed.

Peter was taken aback, a slightly stunned expression passing over his face. His outward appearance hardly changed, yet his stomach churned nervously at the thoughtful gesture. “You cook?”

“Nah, they’re frozen, but I make a mean pancake in case you’re ever interested. It’s the thought that counts though, right?”

“Thanks.” Peter rubbed his forearm, finding anywhere else to look to avoid staring at Wade.

“Soooo, what’s a kid like you busy doing tonight?” Wade asked as he stretched out across his comforter, propping his feet up on his mattress. “Playing games? Watching porn? Still wallowing about that ex-girlfriend that’s pregnant with someone else’s money-burner?”

“What? No, there’s no ex-girlfriend, dude, I already said that.” Peter muttered, struggling not to let his vision wander to his Spidey suit shoved beneath Wade’s sitting place. “I have a lot of homework I have to catch up on.”

“Boooo-oring.” Wade kicked a few of his pillows aside, rolling onto his side as his bed squeaked again. Peter desperately needed that noise to stop if he was going to guard his sanity.

“Okay, well, this was a great visit and all, but you can text me next time you wanna play therapist, okay?” Peter pushed himself to his feet, walking over to offer his hand to Wade to help him up. He stood there a moment with no reaction, Wade seemingly refusing to accept it, instead sitting up on his own.

“Do you seriously want me to go?” Wade asked, a weird tone ebbing into his voice. Was he confused? Disappointed? Peter wasn’t .

“I-I mean, yeah, I already said I was busy.” He was trying to not sound as annoyed as he felt, but his throat was taut with irritation. It wasn’t quite with Wade, though, because he was trying to be nice. Mostly he was upset with himself; with his inability to execute with his plans that had landed him in a difficult situation he couldn’t imagine resolving without either or both of them ending up hurt; with his emotions that were so intense they were painful, only made worse by the fact Wade was acting so generous to him outside of his superhero identity; and with the fact Wade knew his name, his family situation, and where he lived. Yet he still wasn’t able to bring himself to say that simple sentence.

I’m Spider-Man.

He’d been ready to lay it all out on the line two days ago, albeit with hesitancy, but somehow he had convinced himself that Wade might actually start to reciprocate his feelings if he knew the man behind the mask. His gaze trailed to the plastic bag still resting on the mattress. He had gone out of his way to care for him multiple times. He might be a fun project for Wade to pass the time, but Peter didn’t think he would go this far for some kid he found fun to mess with.

Peter’s eyelids screwed shut, his mind piecing together a way to confront the issue. He could ask him why he was hanging around, and hopefully conversation would naturally circulate back to Sunday night. “H-Hey, Dea-”

“I’ll get out of your hair.” Peter suddenly felt the air change and Wade was towering him, his much larger frame barely an inch from his chest. He had to turn his head up at a steep angle to look at him. There wasn’t the usual humor in his words, and his body language was a lot more tense. Terrific. An upset Wade was never fun. He always had to dig to even get a hint of what was bothering him.

“What?” Peter blinked, watching as Wade shimmied passed him to grab his pack and sling it on his shoulder.

“You said you had stuff to do. I can tell when I’m a problem, Petey-Sweetie. Glad to see you didn’t off yourself today. Good job on that.” Wade shoved the window he had come in open, poking a leg out so that it connected with the grate of the fire escape. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Peter chewed on his lower lip, his confession filed away in a queue of things to tell Wade in the future. He gave a short nod, guilt immediately radiating in the pit of his abdomen. “Thanks...for this all. Sorry to cut this so short. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“You better. I’ll be waiting.” Wade dropped his pack out the sill, waiting for it to clang against the metal, then ducked his body out of the small cavity. He grabbed his bag, moved to grip onto the ladder leading down into the darkness, then craned his neck to shout one last thing. “You should get a window screen. You’ll get spiders or ants in your room if you leave it open like this.”

Peter suppressed a spurt of ironic laughter, settling for an amused half-smile instead. “I’ll remember that. Goodnight, Deadpool.”

His weight made the ladder rattle and bang on the poles obnoxiously, probably annoying every other neighbor underneath him, until the sound disappeared and Wade had run off. Once Peter wasn’t able hear his boots scraping the asphalt he pulled his curtains shut, finally feeling able to breathe.

He bent to grab the meal containers, to put them in the freezer before he left for his patrol. It was quite the stock of food, enough to stop him from starving for the rest of the week that Aunt May was absent, and his stomach growled in appreciation.

Maybe he’d see Wade on patrol as Spider-Man, and they’d converse with the comfortable familiarity that had developed naturally between them through years. Wade would make some flirtatious joke, along with one about the spider being his hero that had the strength punch him into another timeline, and they’d team up and be on their way. Peter would be able to feel like his strong, normal self. They’d be friends and superheroes, and not a weak kid and his supposed guardian angel. No lies hanging heavily between them.

He’d muse on Wade’s kindness, that he didn’t deserve, later. For now, he pulled his spidey suit out and started dragging it up his legs. He had a city to protect, people to save, and his angst would have to be put on reserve for another day.

#spideypool #spiderman #deadpool #fanfiction #my fanfic #spideypool big bang 2018 #spideypoolfanfic #fanfic

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babycoulson · 7 years ago

Text

Phil Coulson: World’s Biggest Drama Queen

The three of you ran through the danger, shooting back at those that shot at you, hoping that the aim of the rebels was as bad as the aim of any stereotypical movie villain, and looking for any cover that you could duck behind. Reyes finally found a table in an evacuated shop that she turned onto its side, motioning for your little trio to duck behind it.

"Your men need to fall back now, or we'll never make the runway," Phil pointed out. He fired some shots, taking down the nearest rebel shooter. "Now--your truck. Let's go!" He motioned for you to go behind Camila and himself, and as they ran through the gunfire, they worked together, covering each other until they made it to some foliage by the temple.

Fitz, Simmons, and Skye were holed up right by the entrance of the temple, unable to proceed in fear of the rebels shooting at them. Ward, who was with them, stepped out of the temple, elongating a shiny rod-like weapon.

"Tell your men to get down," Phil ordered Reyes.

"Al suelo!" she shouted to her men.

They hit the dirt, and Ward did a (completely unnecessary) front flip onto the ground in front of the temple, landing in a total superhero pose, and shoved the weapon into the ground. A pod floated up from the air, and everyone ducked as it radiated a pulse that knocked everyone else back several yards.

Reyes's truck was now in sight, and with the threat neutralized, she stood up and took the initiative to run to it. "Vámonos!" she called.

Ward motioned for Skye, Fitz, and Simmons to come out, and May pulled up in the SHIELD SUV just in time to block gunfire from the last rebel still standing.

Reyes opened the door to the truck, and your father told her to get in first with a polite, "After you."

"After you," she returned.

"Just get in the truck, Dad," you said. He turned and hopped in the truck, closely followed by you, then Reyes. You hadn't planned this, but you were now acting as a barrier between your father and the still-flirtatious comandante. Even as the truck closely followed May to the Bus, she still flirted shamelessly with your dad. Thank goodness you were in the middle so that she couldn't touch him without awkwardly reaching over you.

The ramp to the Bus opened as soon as it was in sight, and May drove the SUV and parked it quickly on the ramp. Ward got out and immediately began to close the ramp, to the immediate protests of Skye and the scientists. Escorted by Reyes's soldiers, the three of you ran to the plane, making it onto the ramp only just in time.

"Cut it pretty close, sir," Ward commented.

"Didn't want to leave anyone behind," Phil responded.

"I got to say it," Skye began, out of breath. I miss my van."

"Now, what was the problem?" Ward asked the similarly winded Fitz.

" As I said before, this device has a high-frequency, fluctuating, sub-material compression--"

"Fitz, in English," Ward demanded.

Annoyed with Ward's lack of finesse, Fitz restarted in simple terms. "The 0-8-4 is fueled by tesseract technology. Hydra. World War II. Captain America. It's full of lethal amounts of gamma radiation."

"Gamma--you're saying it's nuclear?" Ward questioned.

"No," Phil cut in. "He's saying it's much, much worse."

After a moment, everyone took a collective step back from the duffel bag in which the 0-8-4 was contained.

"You gigantic drama queen," you muttered.

”Not to worry. The device is stable. Not that it couldn't explode at any minute, especially if hit with machine-gun fire," Simmons explained, her voice shaking. "But things like this happen from time to time when in the field, and at first, it's very unpleasant, and you regret your decision to leave the lab at all."

"You'll get used to it, Simmons," you comforted her. "Things like this are practically second nature to me by now."

"Really?" Skye asked skeptically.

"No, of course not," you chuckled. "Trying to calm everyone else down just calms me down, too."

The lab doors opened, letting in the sounds of an angry argument between Ward and Fitz. "Are you mental? I did explain in great detail exactly what I meant, using the queen's bloody English!" Fitz shouted, beginning to assemble a tool.

"I use normal English--words like "duck" and "run" and 'might blow us to pieces,'" Ward seethed.

"Oh! Well, congratulations, Agent Ward. You managed to string three words together in a sentence."

"Ladies, you're both beautiful in different ways, so you are definitely allowed to shut up!" you yelled over them. They paid you no mind, but continued arguing loudly. You would try to cut in at different points in order to silence them, but nothing worked. Meanwhile, Skye and Simmons watched as they tried not to giggle.

The lab doors opened once more, and your dad walked in.

"Thank goodness," you praised.

"Do we have a problem in here?" he asked quietly. The boys immediately shut up.

"No, sir. Just working on our communication," Ward said shamefully. "Not everyone was prepared for a firefight.

"We got out, didn't lose anyone, saved a few of theirs--I'd say we did all right. Anything else?" Phil asked.

Skye raised her hand. "Uh, yeah. I have a small question. Because I've been feeling like the tagalong hayseed rookie, but now I get the sense that Ward doesn't know which one's Simmons and which one's Fitz, and they've seen even less gunfire than me, and I'm no rocket scientist, but is this your first mission together?" She addressed the scientists.

"No. Of course not. It's our second," Simmons stated.

"I was your first? That's sweet," Skye muttered sarcastically.

"You're amused?" Ward asked disdainfully.

"I'm terrified. I am in way over my head, but I have been on this team just as long as any of you. I might as well be team captain," she spat.

"All in favor say 'aye,'" you said. Simmons chuckled at the ridiculousness of Skye's claim. Everyone else stared at Skye.

"I was joking, but maybe that's not a bad idea, because these guys do not like each other much."

"This isn't about that," Ward expressed. "I'm a specialist. Today, I could have eliminated the enemy threat myself if I was working alone, but I had non-combat-ready agents--"

"Whoa, whoa. Wait. You work alone?" Fitz mocked.

"So typical, Simmons scoffed. "Who do you think designs your equipment?

"Or the polymers for your weaponry," Fitz added. "People like us do it.

"Yeah. Try going into the field with just your bare bum," Simmons finished.

"See them proving the point I just made?" Skye observed.

"You're not wrong," Phil agreed. "We still need to iron out the kinks. But, Ward, you can speak six languages. (Y/N), you've been making compromises and stopping fights since you were a toddler on the playground. Simmons, you have two PhDs in fields I can't pronounce, and, Fitz, you are a rocket scientist. So work it out."

"I-I'm--I'm good at stuff, too," Skye called after him as he left to check on the Peruvian soldiers upstairs.

You knocked on the door to the cockpit to make sure that May knew you were coming in before you opened the door.

"Hey, Mindy," you greeted her quietly. She didn't respond. "My dad told me to check on you. I've got a couple of cans of Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper. I packed it because I still remember that's your favorite caffeinated soda, unless you've changed your mind within the past six years." You waited for her to say something, but she didn't, so you sat down in the copilot's chair, setting the two cold cans of soda in the cup holders.

"It's really nice to see you again," you prompted. Still, she remained silent.

"You know, talking to you now is like praying. I know that you're listening, but it's highly unlikely that I'm going to get an audible response." You studied her face, looking for any sign that she was paying any attention to you. Her face remained blank.

"Ever since Bahrain--it's the strangest thing--for some reason, I always looked for you at all of the little things I did during high school because before, you were always there. All of the academic tournaments, the drama club performances," you recalled. "I was finally able to convince myself that I probably wouldn't ever see you again right before graduation. But then, I thought I saw you in the crowd once or twice. It probably wasn't you, though. Just a lookalike, right?"

"That was me," May finally piped up. "And thanks for the soda. It is still my favorite. We're entering restricted airspace now, so I'm going to need to concentrate."

"I'll leave you to yourself, then." You got up and opened the door to leave the cockpit.

"(Y/N)?" May caught your attention once more.

"Yeah?"

"You look just like your mom and and act just like your dad did when they were your age."

You smiled. "Thanks, Mindy."

You closed the door quietly behind you, and on your way to tell your dad that he now owed you ten dollars for getting May to tell you something other than "go away," you couldn't avoid eavesdropping on Skye and Ward a little bit.

"Usually, one person doesn't have the solution. But a hundred people with one percent of the solution--that'll get it done," Skye said. "I think that's beautiful--pieces solving a puzzle."

"Ooh, Skye, I like that a lot. Can I quote you on that?" you asked, passing through.

"Sure?" she answered.

"I'm going to paint it on a canvas and put it on my wall at home."

"Have fun with that, (Y/N)."

You could tell that they were waiting for you to disappear down the hallway towards your dad's office, but before you did, you heard Ward tell Skye, "You and I see the world differently is all."

You went to knock on the door to the office, but you were stopped by Reyes's voice. "This plane is such a step up from the RV we used to work out of when you were stationed in Cuzco," she noted.

"I don't remember much working," he said, and you blanched.

He had been moved to Cuzco when you were three, two months before your mother had passed away, and he had stayed there for months after. You felt like you remembered going down to visit your dad with your mom that first month, so that must have been when Reyes had met your mom. Did that mean she had met you, too? Had your father tried to help himself get over your mother's death by...sleeping with another woman?

"I also don't remember you being this direct," Phil continued.

"We're stuck above the clouds for the next few hours," Reyes tempted. "Might as well enjoy ourselves. We could make a few more memories to add to your collection. What do you think?"

"I think Ward already knows you'll have to eliminate May from the equation to have a chance which gives him about 20 seconds to get to her first," he said. Your eyes widened. That was the last thing you heard before someone mercilessly smashed your head into the wall.

#Phil Coulson #dad phil coulson #Agent Coulson #agents of shield #marvel's agents of SHIELD #agents of SHIELD season 1 #agents of shield x reader #(Y/N) coulson

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lookbackmachine · 6 years ago

Text

The Simpson’s Shorts History

Simpsons Shorts from Seward Street

[music]

00:05 Speaker 1: The animation industry was not in the best place in the 1980s. Disney due to expense, was considering shutting down its historic animation studio and its much needed renaissance was still far in the distance. Meanwhile, Hanna-Barbera had only produced one major hit in the 1980s with The Smurfs, not to mention that animation was continually being shipped overseas. Yet something was about to change. While Paul Germain and Jeffrey Townsend were busy at the offices of Gracie Films, something special was happening on Seward Street. Gábor Csupó and his wife, Arlene Klasky had managed to land The Simpsons shorts. Now all they had to do was make them. And that would require a team of animators that were young and hungry, so hungry in fact, two of them were ready to say goodbye to the animation business, entirely. And if they had left, The Simpsons would certainly be very different.

00:56 S1: Bill Kopp is an energetic life-long animator and a pack rat. He still has original Simpsons drawings in his storage units at undisclosed locations. This is Bill's voice when he played Eek! The Cat on a show he later created for Fox Kids.

01:10 Bill Kopp: It's swell and it's [01:10] ____ which is a green actually, but it's much more fun to say [01:17] ____ when you have a list.

01:19 S1: And this, well, this is Bill's regular speaking voice.

01:22 BK: Oh God... Okay, listen, this goes back to... The Simpsons was my third official job, there was Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer and right after One Crazy Summer, and we did those back to back. And Wes was on there and so was David. All of a sudden, we were like out of work for the first time ever, we're like, "Wow, what do we do?" And then Wes was the one that got, that Gábor contacted. I don't know how.

01:44 S1: Wes Archer, animator.

01:47 Wes Archer: I studied at CalArts in the Film Graphics/Experimental Animation program. At CalArts there were two animation schools that were very segregated: The Disney school, they wanted you to learn how to animate Disney characters such as Bambi and 101 Dalmatians and the like. The Film Graphics/Experimental Animation, the title states, very experimental. You could do anything, it was geared more for television. At the time, I had no interest in studying Disney movies. I thought I would go to CalArts, learned how to animate and [02:19] ____ in fact I still worked on commercials. And I was looking for work, and I solicited worked from them. I called them, just cold called them and dropped off my portfolio there. It was kind of a freelance situation where I'd go work at Gábor's studio, at Klasky Csupo on Seward Street on individual commercials or whatever work he had for me as an animator.

02:42 WA: The first spot that I worked on for Klasky Csupo, was it was promoting the idea of this new thing called a CD, you could listen to Phil Collins and yes, I animated an old Victrola turning into a record player, turning into a cassette player, turned into a CD player. So one day, he said, "Wes, we have the possibility of animating a short for Matt Groening," he goes, "Well, I could tell." I was very enthusiastic about that 'cause at the time, I was pretty much ready to give it up and move back to Texas and re-educate myself as an illustrator, and a painter and just try to have a career as an artist because animation wasn't paying the bills very well.

03:24 WA: I'm serious. I was in a crappy apartment in Burbank, and actually, I was giving myself two more months in LA. And at the beginning of that two months I got a call from Klasky Csupo about the Matt Groening project. And then it began in earnest, like the third month, and I could pay my rent and I knew I could move to a better place, so I broke the lease on the apartment and moved to a better place. Before I got there he said, "Are there any other animators you could recommend?" I'm like, "Sure, Bill and David."

03:54 S1: Bill Kopp, animator.

03:56 BK: And he's like, "Hey they're short cartoons, a minute-and-a-half down at this place called Klasky... " It wasn't even called Klasky Csupo then I don't think, it was just... I don't know what it was called.

04:06 BK: It was this really funky part of town, it was like all old prop houses and little editing... Really weird, like old Hollywood. We used to call it film town and those places were populated by the grumpiest old men that all worked on all these movies. Shit. And they're like smoking, there's like [04:21] ____ film around, they didn't give a shit. I learned a lot from those guys, but it was like a fishing boat.

04:26 S1: Wes Archer, animator.

04:29 WA: Yeah, [laughter], yes. The whole area around the Seward Street was this old film town, and it was kinda creepy, it was kinda David Lynch-y. We would go out to eat somewhere, and there'd be these old editor guys... One time on a job for Klasky Csupo they sent me down the block to do some rotoscoping for some cheesy sword and sorcery film or something. It was like a scene out of a David Lynch movie where I walked through this vast old Hollywood hallway art deco building, where there was this down-shooter Oxberry camera or something, and this old crusty old guy set me up to rotoscope this footage. I would sit there quietly for four hours, tracing some footage for some old school effects animation. It's the end of the old Hollywood, I guess.

05:27 BK: And so we just rolled in there, there was Gábor, who's the nicest guy in the world, crazy little... Like a hobbit. We just parked it there, Jesus Christ, we were there for like two years or three years, something... Close to three I think.

05:41 BK: I think that there were two cartoons that were on The Tracey Ullman Show and, one was Dr. N! Godatu by a comic book artist. I think she was on a San Francisco called MK Brown. I think she had stuff in National Lampoon or whatever. And then Matt, of course, had Life in Hell, in LA... Or the Reader, and later I think the LA Week. They were each like a minute-and-a-half. And it was me and Wes Archer originally, it was just the two of us working with Matt and MK Brown. And a minute-and-a-half of animation is... Well, three minutes really with the two pieces, it was too much work 'cause... We've had to live there anyway.

06:17 WA: The work in itself was very trying, it took hours and hours. I remember I didn't have much of a social life, I felt like, you know, we were kinda these monks. I just remember having a lot of hope for the future that... I remember having a lot of hope that this job would lead me to a good future in animation, which it did.

06:43 BK: And we were doing everything, we were animating, doing the backgrounds, we had to take Matt's storyboards which were [chuckle] really funny, 'cause they were just like, you know, drawn by a three-year-old. It was great. His ideas were awesome, so we needed another guy so we got Silverman, we hired David Silverman.

07:00 S1: David Silverman, animator.

07:03 David Silverman: And then believe it or not, I was considering leaving animation, or at least taking a respite from it and just focusing on my own style, thanks to the encouragement of a friend of mine from UCLA days, Gary Baseman, who of course is a very famous artist, first started as a very successful illustrator, commercial illustrator, before he completely went to fine art. And he was doing very well at the time, and he told me he had done that, he had taken a year off, had to just worked on his style. For the full year, that was his job like 9:00 to 5:00 job, and I thought that sounds intriguing. So that was the plan for '87, and then I had heard from Bill Kopp via Wes Archer that this company he used to work for or had worked for, Wes that is, had freelanced for Klasky Csupo whenever they would get a character animation piece. Mostly they did motion graphics, which was before computer graphics took over in terms of like titles and logos, there's something called motion graphics, which simulated that by taking through several passes and back-lighting effects and top-lighting effect, things like that, with a motion-controlled Oxberry camera.

08:06 DS: And they had gotten... The small company, Klasky Csupo, had gotten the Tracey Ullman Show contract and basically at the time Klasky Csupo consisted of Arlene Klasky and Gábor Csupó, and Larry and Bill Hedge, the cameraman, and Joe Russo was [08:23] ____ assistant, I forget the name of the receptionist. And they were renting out basically the bottom couple of offices from [08:28] ____ Clampett at 729 North Seward off of Melrose. So you see I remember this stuff a little bit. [chuckle] And that's what happened, so I got called up and said "Oh yeah, it sounds interesting," and it was told to me like, something called the Tracy Ullman Show, who's Tracy Ullman? I don't know, but the animation is with Matt Groening and oh, I love Life in Hell, that would be great, I'd love to meet him and I'd love to try to animate his characters. And that's how it started. But here's the thing that was interesting about it, I almost didn't do it, because then I got a call back, I think it was from Bill, maybe Wes, saying "Oh, you know they didn't get the budget that wanted, they can only hire two animators." I said "Okay, that's fine, I still have plan A." You know, I didn't think one way or the other of it.

09:09 DS: And then I got a call on, I think it was, March 11th, they called me and they said, "We really could use your help here, we're so overwhelmed with work." Gábor brought me in and I thought it was gonna be just for two weeks because he said, "Do you want to animate the opening title sequence of the Tracy Ullman Show with the letters flying in? Would you wanna do, like help out with this animation for two weeks?" And I said, "I'll help out with the animation for two weeks." And I guess it was a day or two into it, Gábor really liked my work and he said, "You know... " because they contracted for a minute a week and they were going over, and he was paying so many extra for every second he was over, he said, "I have more than enough to hire you on as a third animator, so I'm gonna do that," and I said,"Okay, great." So that's how it happened. And then we did two weeks of Dr. Janice N! Godatu and then we did two weeks of The Simpsons. Continued with The Simpsons for 48 action-packed, fun-filled episodes. Here's the thing, I had planned to visit my parents back in DC, I didn't want to cancel, it was harder cancelling a trip then, it's pretty hard these days too, for that matter.

10:09 DS: But in any event, I had to go back east and I hadn't finished the very first Simpson, you know, episode, the 'Good Night Simpson,' I had the last segment, so I was still working on the last segment where the kids run in to bed, you know, and "there's nothing to be afraid of, now everybody go to sleep." So here I am I brought my work with me, and I didn't have an animation desk, obviously, [chuckle] this was back when you need an animation desk, so I brought a peg strip like an inking strip and I had a piece of plexiglass so I took the peg strip and taped it to the peg bar, taped it to the plexiglass, and got a lamp and took off the lamp shade and that was my animation desk while I rested the thing on my knees. And then I'm running out of animation paper on a Sunday in Maryland, so there's not a lot of stores that you can go running to, to get some more animation paper, in fact, there's none of them. And I had to finish it off, this had to be clean animation 'cause it had to go to Georgie. I think I had to FedEx it on Monday 'cause she needed it Tuesday, and I wasn't going to be back 'til like Wednesday or something like that.

11:08 DS: So I kinda worked with three pieces of paper, I said these will be my roughs and I would make sure, these are animating and then I would do my cleanup drawings and I'd erase those three pieces of paper and start over again. So I was animating three pages at a time, and I just sorta barely made it without wasting too much paper. It was forced frugality on a Sunday in Maryland back in 1987.

11:33 S1: When David Silverman says Georgie, he means Georgie Peluse. Peluse is a Hungarian color designer, she worked on George Carlin's Specials and would eventually do work on the animation of Dino DNA in Jurassic Park, but she was about to start work on what she would be known for. When others said flesh tone, Georgie said yellow, and yellow it would be.

12:00 Georgie Peluse: I was trained in Hungary, in Budapest they have one of the best animation studios. And I was working at Kurtz & Friends in Los Angeles for over 35 years, we did tons of, tons of very important commercials, film titles. When Gábor came to America, tried to get a job in animation studios, he wasn't able to, how shall I say? He didn't get a job in a studio that I worked at Kurtz & Friends. But we were a small studio. And my husband and I, we were both freelancing with Gábor, in a freelance basis. So basically, Gábor didn't hire me. What happened, this is where Paul Germain comes in the picture. When Matt Groening was ready to do his animation special, Paul Germain called, it was my husband, and wanted to know if Robert would be interested to do more animations special for a different artist. And my husband wasn't really wanting to do that. And Kurtz & Friends, who we worked with, they were very busy and successful. My husband was the one who recommended to try Gábor. So that's how Gábor got involved with The Simpsons, thanks to Paul Germain and my husband.

13:24 GP: I was working in my own studio in Pasadena. I would do the work and then I would come in. I always have worked very independent, so I would just come in with a product. When we were doing The Tracey Ullman, there was two artists, MK Brown and Matt Groening. Matt Groening was completely independent. MK Brown, her stuff was more subtle and more sophisticated. She had ideas but she basically left me to do what I wanted to do. A story goes, in the lobby, he designed a Simpsons family, which is very different from what they drawn today. They gave me the drawing and I was looking at them, and I had an idea how this family should look. I want it to be very different. I never met Matt Groening so I was basically on my own. I knew he was working in black and white before and that was wonderful because it's like an interior designer getting an empty space and they basically, she can do, or he can do whatever they want. Because his drawings are kind of charmingly primitive. It's not your regular animation design. And I wanted to do something very different. I wanted to get away from people being standardized like black and white, and good and bad.

14:46 GP: To me, yellow sounded really good. Yellow is basically very close to white. And I chose a warm yellow. You definitely want to be sure your animated characters read over a background. But I wasn't choosing it so scientifically. I really wanted it to look good. That's what animation is about. It doesn't have to be what we think it's supposed to be, we can use our imagination, and we can create and put surprises out. I wanted them to be individual people. I know they are going to interact. I remember a baby, I picked purposely blue because she was a little girl, and I think mom was green. I wanted to make her hair black color but I didn't wanted to use black. She could be sitting next to Homer and they would look very well together, but they would complement each other. I'm looking at it as a painting.

15:50 S1: Bill Kopp, animator.

15:53 BK: And then it was the three of us for a long time, so we just camped out in this one big room we had there. And we listened to Bob and Ray. Tom Waits was really... He had 'Rain Dogs' had come out and we loved that.

16:05 S1: David Silverman, animator.

16:08 DS: We'd listen to Tom Waits 'Rain Dogs' to inspire us to drink more whiskey. And we would also listen to, I think we also listened to Bob and Ray a lot. It's almost a pity 'cause Bill would say, "Man, why don't we do a documentary on them while we still can?" And we said, "Yeah." We didn't exactly have careers where we were at leisure to do these projects on the side, you know what I mean? [chuckle] 'Cause we had to work, as opposed to, like, "Ooh, now we can do it." But yeah, we were big fans of Bob and Ray and Tom Waits. They kind of worked together with us.

16:41 S1: Wes Archer, animator.

16:43 WA: Gábor was in charge. He was pretty much hands-off. We just worked as a crew. Gábor would look at what we did and laugh and make comments and say, "Great stuff, guys." [chuckle] It was a super-fast schedule. We had one week to animate the entire short. So that's why it kinda looks really funky like that, 'cause we just took Matt's drawings and pretty much went with it. We didn't even have model sheet or final design turn around the characters, no official storyboard approval, we just took his drawings and ran with it. So it was the three of us in a room, animating all day, everyday. Started trying to standardize the characters and what they looked like. Season 1 was coming to a close. I think that's when Bill went into his own career writing and directing and...

17:41 BK: Right around the time Roger Rabbit came out, we all freaked out, couldn't see that in the Cinerama Dome. And then I left the show 'cause I was done with The Simpsons... It wasn't like no one would ever go anywhere, I was like, it was really cool. But Silverman was the guy that really tidied it up and toned the look, and I just wasn't that interested and I had an offer from Disney to go be the head of story on the Roger Rabbit Shorts unit, Tummy Trouble and Roller Coaster and all that. And that was like... 'Cause I was still really thinking animation so that was like graduate work for me, I was dying to get in there, it was a great... That was a great experience. 'Cause I was just back with my CalArts buddies.

18:20 WA: But David and I were really trying hard to figure out this cartoon and how the characters worked. We would take a drawing that we thought was good, one of the better ones, and put it on the wall and start drawing like that one and following that one. And deciding which mouth shapes worked better, the proportions of the head, how many spikes in Bart's hair. It was David and I that arrived at Bart has nine spikes. David was drawing like 11 or 12. I was drawing like six or seven or eight spikes. So nine, nine or 10, nine was kind of in the middle. And that was a big deal. [laughter] Actually how many spikes in Bart's hair. And then you get into the animation design where, how high are the eyes on his forehead, how tall is his forehead? How much did the mouth stretch? All those details.

19:12 S1: David Silverman, animator.

19:14 DS: I don't know, I just remember looking over each other's shoulders saying, "How are you drawing Bart this week?" or "How are you drawing Homer this week?" I will say this, we were freelancing out and when they worked it out, I guess, for whatever tax reason, they didn't pay us a salary per se, they paid us as if we were contracted for 40 hours of work a week. But we were doing more like 70 or 80, we're just working all the time. But I didn't mind it. I felt very compelled and invested in trying to do something, if no other reason I thought this would look good in my portfolio. But at the same time, I was delighted that, hey, this is our artwork on a primetime network show. It's not us doing storyboards at Ruby-Spears or character designs at Hanna-Barbera or layout formation. We're doing, these are actual animation being on a primetime show. Maybe it's worth investing something in. So that was my attitude about it, anyhow. I think everybody else's too.

20:07 S1: That investment skyrocketed when James L. Brooks took the shorts long form. But according to a Brooks interview with the Hollywood Reporter, the idea to turn the shorts into a sitcom actually came from David Silverman.

20:20 James L Brooks: He was the one who I think is as responsible for the Simpsons being a series as anyone, because he accosted me drunk on a Christmas party, office Christmas party long ago, and just spilled out passionately how there hadn't been an animated series on television for a quarter century at that time and how much it would mean to animators to have a series out there with animation. And I was really impressed. And that, I think that moment led to doing the series as much as anything.

[laughter]

20:50 DS: I can remember talking to him like that. I guess I thought I was more sober than he said I apparently was. But I did talk to him about that. I don't know... I didn't stop the party and make a speech, but I did talk to him. I guess I may have said a few, maybe a couple of sentences [21:02] ____ continued and I ran on a bit. But, [chuckle] it was like, "Oh, there he is, okay, I'll say hi to him." I thought I was being just cool and calm and collected, but I didn't know what the look on my face was, yeah. [chuckle] And that was Jim's POV which I did not have any camera to verify what it was like. He said that I accosted him, I think I introduced myself to him. [chuckle] I think I get drunker whenever he would... Every retelling of the story. But I imagine, I don't know, 'cause I don't know how drunk I was 'cause when if you've had a few drinks, you have no idea.

21:37 DS: But I probably had a cup of courage to meet him 'cause I wanted to meet him. The respect I had for him was extremely, and still is, of an extremely high level. I find him to be just a walking genius. Based on, this is only based on the work that he had done from Mary Tyler Moore Show to Terms of Endearment, even to Room 222. And, of course, Taxi and the Broadcast News. So it's like this is a real guy that really knows about comedy and [22:02] ____ pesos, and heart. At the 100th episode party of The Simpsons series, I saw Jim at the bar, and Jim turned to me and said, "Do you know what, David? Do you remember when you first introduced yourself to me?" And I was really flabbergasted, I said, "No, Jim... Well, I do, but I didn't think you remembered." He said, "Oh, no, I remember very well." And he essentially recounted the same story.

22:26 DS: And he said that, "Basically you came up, you had a few, clearly, and you were, stuck your hand out and introduced yourself," and he said it was something along the lines of that I was really glad to be doing some great adult animation on a primetime show and that there hadn't been something like this in 25 years and it'd be great if this could be a show on its own or something like that. I think it was one of the factors, I don't think it was the factor. I think it was a factor. So, I'll take some credit but I certainly won't take the lion's share. I suspect part of it, too, was that I think Matt certainly had an enthusiasm to want it to be a series. If that helped it become a show, I'm glad I spoke up. [chuckle]

23:01 WA: When it got green light to go to series, we were like, "Oh, great. This is our chance to direct." The animation business there was really depressing and... But the good thing we had going for us when it started to pick up again is that, at that time, there weren't a lot of trained animators or a lot of, there weren't a lot of people in the animation business looking for fresh work. And a lot of people, I think, were dropping out of the animation business. So when this new project came up, I was able to get on as a director because there weren't very many out of work animation directors who had the kind of new sensibility to do a show like this. But David worked on some half hour kids show, I think, at Ruby-Spears, but I had never worked on a half hour show. We thought along with Gábor it might be best bringing someone who had directed half hours to show us the rope.

23:56 WA: As the season began, we were both given director slots and then we had to hire two or three other directors, so we hired one guy who had experience, and we hired Rich Moore and Gregg Vanzo as well, and they hadn't directed half-hours either. This other guy had and then he tried to show us the ropes and that guy's episode came back. It was kind of a disaster. I'm not understating that, it was a disaster. He didn't really take what David and I had developed and used it very well. The original episode one was Babysitter Bandit and that's the one everyone had to help fix, so it became episode 13. David is actually... They had him take the lead to fix that episode. David's episode was episode two, came back looking good. And then my episode, episode three came back looking good, or pretty decent, and that was a big relief.

24:58 WA: That proved that the first episode, the disaster, was uplift. I think that director was fired or I think they told Gábor Csupó that they had to... They didn't wanna work with him anymore. That's when David really took the lead and was on that... His way to becoming Mr Simpsons, the Simpsons director they would look to. But during season one it was... It was really everyone was feeling their way through this animation process that we thought hadn't really been done since The Flintstones.

25:35 DS: First thing I did was I did the title sequence. I worked with Matt Groening and Sam Simon on working out what the gags would be and then I figured out everything beyond that... The whole opening sequence, starting with the slow pushes in and then the skateboard and the whole staging, the whole bit. We had to invent a gag for Lisa 'cause she didn't really have a character. And it was in that meeting that she got her character, thanks to Jim Brooks. 'Cause we didn't have a gag for her, 'cause she didn't really have a defined personality in the one minute shorts per se. It kind of became apparent, because we had a gag for every other character, except not a clear one for Lisa.

26:11 DS: I just put in some lame gag there for no other reason to hang a light on the fact that we don't really have something for her. I, of course, suggested, "What if she plays in a band and what if she plays the tuba?" And Jim Brooks said, "Well, I don't like the tuba, but what if she played the baritone saxophone? In fact, what if she played it really well? She could be the genius kid of the family that nobody appreciates." And boom! Lisa had a character and later on that day they started writing an episode called "Moaning Lisa", so that's how that stuff was.

26:41 S1: The first Simpsons short aired on April 19th, 1987, and almost 30 years later, David Silverman directed The Simpsons movie. Wes Archer went on to direct a multitude of Simpsons episodes and also the pilot of the acclaimed King of the Hill, for which he became the show's Supervising Director. Bill Kopp went on to animate for the lot of Roger Rabbit shorts, created Eek! The Cat and Shnookums and Meat for the Disney Afternoon. He's working on a new show, Dumb Bunny and Jackass. Georgie Peluse continues to work at our art studio, and she's still just as vibrant as the color she gave to that family of five all those years ago.

27:22 GP: My friends called me one day and said, "You are in Playboy!" I'm going, "What?" So, I went to [27:29] ____ "Excuse me, do you sell Playboy?" "No, we don't sell Playboy." So, I went to a liquor store and I said, "I'm in Playboy!" and they said, "What?" Anyhow, Matt Groening got an interview in Playboy and it's June, 2007. And it says well, he gave me two credits for the very first time. They're asking him, how tall is your mother's hair? And he says, "In the 1960s, it was very tall." "Was it ever blue?" "No. That's another tribute to Georgie Peluse." And then [28:03] ____ first it says, "Why do they have yellow skin?" He says, "Originally, they were black and white outlined. For TV, we needed color. I thought a conventional weird pink that passes for Caucasians would look repulsive." He wanted flesh color, that's not true. So it says, so when it came to give a skin color, the animator, animation colorist, Georgie Peluse, choose yellow skin. She has never gotten proper credit, after what, almost 10 years? But that's animation... That's film industry for you, not just animation. Film industry in general. But it's a wonderful world. And as Matt Groening calls himself a father of a Simpson, I call myself a mother of a Simpson.

#simpson simpsons t thesimpsons bart cartoon bartsimpson sad follow art like homer homersimpson c funny memes love meme mood f lisa lossimpso #edit likes humor nqu disney ts followme likeforlikes followforfollow n aesthetic lol thesimpson cartoons music school vintage homerosimpson

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datingadviceonreddit · 7 years ago

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Inspired by a post earlier this week, I’m asking the opposite. How do you know if a guy is interested?In my 30-ish years of life, and 15 or so years of dating (both long and short term), evidence suggests that men are typically straight shooters. They don’t cut you off for “texting too much” or saying “that one thing that one time and I’m still mad about it but haven’t said anything to you yet”. That’s why 90% of my friends are guys too! Hanging out with them is easy, literal, and... just fantastic.....then came “Phil”.Yeah, we’ll call him “Phil”World’s shortest backstory:I moved here from out of state and my (at the time) fiancé and I transferred our retail jobs to “Phil’s” store 4 or so years ago. My fiancé didn’t work there long, but I stayed for a year before going back to school. At the time, “Phil” and I were unaware of each other’s existence, and I think he was engaged too.Black Friday 2016 I came back. “Phil” still worked there but had been promoted from a general supervisor to 2nd in command (so to speak) and has left his girl at some point.Skip ahead a year. Life went sideways, I barely worked in 2017 due to that year being terrible, but when I came back (again) I’d grown a shocking amount. Honestly, I feel better than ever! I broke my engagement, bought a house, finally learned how to do hair and makeup, and I’m KILLING my sales goals.Then, one day, I have to borrow manager keys and “Phil” walks up.thump“Wait, what was that?” I think while rubbing my chest in confusion. “Am I going crazy?”thumpIt happens again. Now I’m legit scared. My heart hasn’t done that since I was 16.I HONESTLY thought it was something people grew out of! Seven years and a proposal hadn’t caused that kind of reaction...and all this guy has to do is look at me.Holiday rush ends. I’ve STILL got it bad.And it’s BAD.Embarrassingly so.It gets worse every, single, day. The more I learn about “Phil” the more I just....LIKE him! We have a shocking amount in common too! He’s 18 months older than me (perfect!), a closet geek, sassy, funny, independent, and a total sweetheart...even if he doesn’t like to admit it.So what do I do? Everything I possibly can.I hit the gym, loose my relationship weight, and get back into “fighting shape” so to speak. I doll up for work every day, and work my ass off.It paid off with a promotion, which is cool, but that’s not what I’m after.I learned how “Phil” takes his coffee and surprise him with it when I get the inside scoop that he’s having a rough day.Learned that his sister works in my department, and befriended her real quick. (She is legit cool tho). He works harder than anyone I’ve ever met, and so I strive to bust my butt just as hard.....and it might be working.“Phil” started following me on Instagram but, even though he never likes anything, I can see that watches my stories every single day. I’ve even caught him perk up if he hears my voice, multiple times, when other people go unnoticed. We text sometimes, but usually it’s work related...at first. Then it devolves into casual chat until someone runs out of stuff to say. Also, if I ever need anything at work, he’s on it. Sometimes before I even ask.Here’s where it gets MADDENINGIT. IS. THE. SLOOOWEST. BURN. EVER.Everyone else has said something along the lines of, “Hey, you’ve really turned it around lately!” ...except “Phil”.Every single (as in no gf) white guy** has started casually flirting with me, customers included, but I’ve kept it friendly because...not you dude. However, the most I’ve ever gotten from “Phil” is, “One day this [coffee] bribery is going to work”...right before he walks off.**Relevant Sidebar: I’m a white girl, but “Phil” is Iraqi Kurdish. Born in Kurdistan, but lived in the US for most of his life. He’s American, 100%, but don’t ever tell him that or he starts pouting :P Meanwhile, I didn’t know Kurdistan even existed (ish you know) until a year ago. So there is a mild cultural gap here too.It’s been MONTHS like this and I’m officially pulling my hair out. We’re both single, but we’re also terrible, 30yo dorks who haven’t flirted in so long we’ve mostly forgotten how.On top of it all, he’s not the straightforward guy I’m used to AT ALL! Like, everyone else in the store makes their interest plain as day (in a non creepy way. We’re all kinda like family), so WHY CAN’T PHIL GET WITH THE PROGRAM??Like...are you in or out, dude? At this point, I just want an answer and I’ll take whatever I can get. One night, a week, forever...whatever floats your boat. Really. I don’t even care, I just desperately want a chance.....because I LIKE him. I’m not looking for a ring. I don’t just want to get in his pants. I’m not trying to brown-nose for a promotion. I don’t even “love” him. We’re only a half step above strangers or acquaintances.It’s just...idk.I “like” Phil like I “like” kittens. It’s not just “They’re okay” it’s more similar to “Yes, yes, yes. Please god yes. More of this. All over my face.”/rantI’m sorry.TL;DR—OP super likes and has a teenage girl-level crush on one of her managers, but he’s got a gold medal in playing hard to get and it’s driving her crazy. How the HECK is she supposed to know if he likes her back, or should she just wait for hell to freeze over? via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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junker-town · 7 years ago

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25 non-Warriors reasons to watch the NBA

There’s a lot more to enjoy about this league.

The Golden State Warriors are overwhelming favorites to win the 2018 NBA championship. The Warriors almost swept through the playoffs last year, and they arguably improved in the offseason. Meanwhile, we aren’t yet sure how much their top challengers improved.

Enough to truly test Golden State? Probably not.

Enough to make the season compelling? Absolutely.

In objection to the binary nature of sports commentary, we are going to completely ignore the Warriors in this preview piece, instead focusing on the 25 reasons you should be excited about the new NBA season even though the Warriors are going to win the title.

This is now a Warriors-free zone.

1. Russell Westbrook has superstar friends again. Westbrook went full Dr. Manhattan last season and was named MVP. It’s going to be fascinating to see how he adjusts to having Paul George and Carmelo Anthony alongside him. George isn’t near the offensive mastermind that Kevin Durant had been, and Carmelo has seemed to acknowledge his powers are waning, so Westbrook should still maintain majority control on that end. But George and Melo provide relief and secondary perimeter attacking points that OKC lacked a bit last season. George’s ace defense will help, too.

2. BOSSton. If you’re not giddy with anticipation to see what Brad Stevens does with Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward, something’s wrong. The Whiteboard Jordan helped Isaiah Thomas reach All-NBA status and made a weird, mismatched roster into art. What will he do with high-aesthetic players like dribble-master Irving and a smooth passer and scorer like Hayward? They might not be good enough to beat Cleveland, but it’s going to be fun to see them try.

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

3. H-Town. The Rockets, who were awesome last season, went and pulled Chris Paul out of a hat. CP3’s arrival will shift James Harden back to two-guard and give Houston one of the most powerful backcourt attacks in decades. Paul is known as a bit of an on-court control freak, whereas Harden is more a free spirit. Watching them feel each other out and find ways to maximize their abilities should be fascinating.

4. The Conscience Of The NBA. Gregg Popovich isn’t shutting up, and thank goodness. He offered a sermon on media day, and we can expect him to wax philosophical throughout the season. When has a coach’s media availability ever been appointment television? (Since we haven’t mentioned him yet, let’s throw a nod to Kawhi Leonard here. A masterful player who is completely mind-blowing to watch in action.)

5. You Must Be Yoking. Nikola Jokic was a revelation last season, and he’ll have the reins in Denver from Day 1 in 2017-18. With Gary Harris and Jamal Murray developing and a new co-star in Paul Millsap up front, it should only get prettier from here.

6. No More CP3s in L.A. The Chris Paul era in Los Angeles ended rather abruptly, meaning Blake Griffin is back in charge. The good news is that Griffin, when healthy, is a preternaturally gifted creator with the ball who should be able to keep feeding DeAndre Jordan lobs and open shooters clean looks. The bad news is that the best non-Warrior shooter in the business, J.J. Redick, is gone, too. But an unlocked, mature Griffin should be glorious to behold in any case.

7. Zo-Time. Let’s stay in L.A. for a minute and hang out with Lonzo Ball. Skepticism is understood: His jumper form is, uh, interesting and his pops is a menace to airwaves. We don’t know whether he’ll ever be an All-Star. But he will be fun. This is guaranteed. No one who watched his work at UCLA last season, or paid attention to Vegas Summer League, can deny this. If the Lakers cannot yet be good, at least perhaps they can be entertaining.

8. Milos Fever. Milos Teodosic, perhaps the most creative passer in Europe over the past several years, joined the Clippers this summer. It remains to be seen how much he’ll play given his defensive shortcomings and expected heavy roles for Patrick Beverley and Austin Rivers. But with a big target like Jordan running the floor, this could be a highlight reel in the making.

Photo by Vaughn Ridley/Getty Images

9. The Next Evolution of Giannis Antetokounmpo. Last season, Giannis really put everything together. He became an All-Star and perhaps the second- or third-best player in the Eastern Conference. (Once Jimmy Butler moved west, Giannis claimed that No. 2 spot.) He’s 22 years old. He’s nowhere near maximizing his potential. Giannis has become one of those players where you need to know if he’s playing any given night so you can be prepared to switch over on League Pass.

10. Stan Van Gundy Meltdown Watch. Something gnarly happened in Detroit last year. The Pistons were disappointing in total, but Van Gundy’s particular moves — paying Reggie Jackson and Andre Drummond, specifically — didn’t work out. If Detroit starts slow again, Van Gundy might flip into IDGAF mode as he did in his waning days in Orlando. While that’d be painful for Pistons fans, a mad Van Gundy is always a delight for neutral observers.

11. ROOKIES! We mentioned Lonzo already, but heavens there are some incredible first-year prospects in the pipeline. Among just the point guards we have Ball, Markelle Fultz, De’Aaron Fox, Dennis Smith Jr., and Frank Ntilikina. Jayson Tatum, Bogdan Bogdanovic and Lauri Markkanen looked awesome this summer. Josh Jackson, Jonathan Isaac, and Donovan Mitchell have high fun quotients. And let’s not even get into Kyle Kuzma ...

12. Keep Calm Like Porzingis. Having moved on from Phil Jackson and Carmelo Anthony for different reasons, the Knicks can finally commit to slowly building around Kristaps Porzingis. That’s a shift, and it will be interesting to see how Porzingis steps into the void. We still don’t know whether he’s a future All-Star or he’s a future Best Center in the League. This season will offer guidance.

13. Paul George has a superstar friend for the first time ever. Remember that PG-13 had the Pacers very competitive during the Heatles era with George Hill, Roy Hibbert, David West, and Lance Stephenson as his co-stars. Those were all plus players, and Indiana made its mark on defense, where the supporting cast excelled. But we have not seen George play with an All-Star caliber scorer outside of the weird Indy overlap with Danny Granger. Going from Jeff Teague to Russell Westbrook should be life-changing for PG-13.

14. LeBron. I mean, that’s really all that needs to be said. If LeBron is playing basketball, you should be watching.

Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

15. Peanut Butter and Jelly. LeBron lost Kyrie Irving, but he got reinforcements, too: Dwyane Wade signed with Cleveland in the middle of training camp after getting sprung from the Bulls. And their reunion is every bit as glorious from a Banana Boat perspective as you’d imagine! (The basketball perspective? We’ll wait and see.)

16. New Heatles. One of the most disappointing moments of the 2016-17 season was when the Miami Heat fell just a game short of making the playoffs after an incredible mid-season turnaround. Well, they are back. The front office retained the roster to great expense and added Kelly Olynyk. If they start the season like they finished the last one, the East had better watch out.

17. Kemba Walker. The Hornets’ watchability is directly correlated to how much Kemba is feeling himself in any given moment.

@KembaWalker ➡️ @DwightHoward #BuzzCity http://pic.twitter.com/agy4ESGlqH

— Charlotte Hornets (@hornets) October 9, 2017

18. The John Wall-Brad Beal Encore. The Wizards hit their stride last year thanks to health and camaraderie. Wall is deeply underrated as a passer and attacker; everyone knows Beal can shoot and scoot to the rim. The dual attack is really something.

19. Guards Galore! Speaking of which: The East is relatively weak compared to the West, especially at the team level. But holy smoke the East has some fantastic guards, from Kyrie and Isaiah Thomas to Kemba, Wall, Beal, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, and Goran Dragic. If you like guard play, those early East games usually have something for you. (Just don’t watch the Knicks, Pacers, or Bulls.)

20. Isaiah Thomas might explode into flames. It’s a scientific fact: every time someone in a position of power doubts Isaiah, he gets stronger. That’s why he was so successful entering the league as the No. 60 pick. That’s why he became a 20-point scorer after coming off the bench behind Jimmer Fredette. That’s why he became an All-Star in Boston after the Suns pawned him off. And that’s why he’ll drop 50 in a game for Cleveland after Boston traded him. Provided his hip doesn’t keep him off the court too long, he’s going to be a maniac this season.

21. Boogie And The Brow. DeMarcus Cousins and Anthony Davis were thrown together with the Pelicans already in peril of missing the playoffs last year. Now they have a training camp together, plus Jrue Holiday and Boogie-whisperer Rajon Rondo in the backcourt. The Pels remain desperate for shooting, but the whole roster and organization is desperate enough to win — Davis and Cousins for their reputations, Alvin Gentry and Dell Demps for their jobs — that something magical is possible. And if something magical does not happen and the Pels disappoint ... well, that will be its own kind of magic, won’t it?

Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

22. Blaze On. Portland didn’t solve its major roster problems in the summer (hello Evan Turner), but Damian Lillard continues to set a high bar, C.J. McCollum continues to impress, and Jusuf Nurkic looks to be in shape and healthy in the preseason. I dare say the Blazers will be shockingly fun this year.

23. The Pack Survives. For the first time in more than a decade, the Timberwolves are going to be straight-up good. Adding Tom Thibodeau to a team led by Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins didn’t do the trick a year ago. Adding Jimmy Butler? That’ll do it. The Wolves’ Thibsian style of play may not be too aesthetically pleasing to the masses, but watching the growth of a future MVP like Towns, a manageable role for Wiggins, and a happy environment for Butler — that should be joyous in its own right. Minnesotans have suffered long enough. Go get ‘em, Wolves.

24 Brotherly Love. Perhaps the most intriguing, endearing, and exciting team to watch early this season will be the Philadelphia 76ers. They have two Rookie of the Year candidates, the two runners-up for Rookie of the Year last year, J.J. Redick, assorted other fun youngsters, and a coach with the most inexplicable accent in the nation. Most of all, they have Joel Hans Embiid, a damn good player molded for internet godliness. He’s funny, he’s brash, he’s completely self-aware. And we just might get more than 1,000 minutes of him on the court this season. It’s Embiid’s time. Treasure every second.

25. Revenge LeBron. Look, Kyrie requested a trade while playing under LeBron’s tutelage. Kyrie’s Cavaliers were winning 30 games a year before LeBron came back. And this is the thanks LeBron gets? Dude’s going to be mad when the Cavaliers line up across from the Celtics on opening night. Mad mad mad mad mad.

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adultwithmuscles · 3 years ago

Text

And just another thing, while I’m thinking about it.

The largest irony of this entire “Dr Phil is just as bad as Bumfights guy” take is that… Dr Phil was a homeless teenager. Like. The dude has lived that life. Which is probably why he felt inclined to expose this guy’s shitty movie for how shitty it is. Because it kinda hit close to home. Again, just another layer of ignorance and oppositional defiance that blinds edgelords from engaging in a serious conversation about activism and social justice. But whatever.

I kept telling myself, self, you don’t want to do this. But ya know, I’m done lying to myself. Don’t @ me.

So I keep seeing this post go around.

And instead of posting my unpopular opinion there, I’ll just make a new post all about my unpopular opinion. Because this is just like wrong. In two ways, really.

The first being, that’s not how it happened. He brought him onto the show, and before the dude even speaks, he says he won’t talk to him. And it wasn’t until after Phil thwarted his plan that the dude, very unarticulated, murmurs out his plot to expose Phil for his own exploitation. To which, Phil replies, keep telling yourself that. Beeson then, stunned, tries to fight to stay on the stage while security takes him out. Dr Phil talks to the audience and says he refuses the publicize this story. He brought Beeson to the show to defend Bumfights, but after seeing him come out like this, it was obvious to him (and anyone with brain cells) that Beeson isn’t interested in having an honest conversation. He is there for the clout and to be known forever as the guy who dressed up like Dr Phil and went onto the Dr Phil show. But he certainly didn’t come there to defend his film. Because his film, just like this stunt, and just like Beeson, are exploitative pieces of shit that want to make a quick buck. I encourage you to actually watch the video. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xev7m3

dailymotion

This brings us to the second way in which this is wrong.

Because I think it’s absolutely ABSURD that anyone with iota of intellectual honesty could look in a mirror and say that the dude who films homeless people fighting for money is equally as bad as Dr fucking Phil. Like seriously? I know you’re an edgelord who lives for disrupting the normies or whatever but do you even fucking hear yourself?

Dr Phil. Phillip C McGraw. The dude who has two PhD’s in psychology, both clinical and forensic. Who then went on to open a consulting agency for the US courts. That’s where he met Oprah and subsequently got his start in TV. And then from there, the dude has tried to do as much good as possible.

He’s created a number one day time TV show that highlights everyday people with serious problems. His show, at least in recent memory, has made strong emphasis on mental health. I’m paraphrasing, but Phil often says to his guests that they’re teaching tools, anecdotal cases that demonstrate a larger societal problem. He’s never trying to cure or diagnose anyone. He provides additional support to those guests that need it/take it. And not just support. Like actual multi million dollar facilities, for fucking free, as compensation for coming on national TV and airing your dirty laundry for the world to see. (I guess I should also make it a point here that, in America, where the show is filmed, healthcare is not provided by the government!!!). He and his wife, Robin McGraw, are continuous donors to a number of charities, including the Dr Phil foundation, his own foundation dedicated to helping disadvantaged families in the Gulf Coast. Robin started the When Georgia Smiled foundation, which helps victims of sexual violence and assault. Dr Phil also founded Doctors On Demand, which provides telemedicine at affordable pricing (again, America). But above all of these measurable things (and many more), Dr Phil gets average, everyday people thinking and talking about mental health.

Is any of this to say Dr Phil is without flaw? No. He’s not infallible. He’s done several questionable things that I can think of. Like play down the seriousness of COVID at the beginning of the pandemic (which, it’s also absolutely worth mentioning, he immediately went back on it and then spent the next year making his entire show hyper-vigilant about COVID). And there’s even allegations that some guests he’s helped actually were abused at the facilities they went to (I mean, we can have a completely different conversation about how culpable someone is for another person’s misbehavior, but kinda beside the point rn, just saying, another questionable thing). I’m sure there’s shit he’s done that actually wasn’t that great.

But to try and misconstrue any of that as being on par with Bumfights guy? Sorry. Miss me with that shit.

Especially like.. on the website that champions itself as the home of neuro atypical weirdos and the ambassadors of the Woke™️ community. I just find it exhausting that edgelords who want SJW clout perpetuate this pessimistic attitude towards anything and everything that’s low hanging fruit. Cause here’s a dude, actually like, trying to do good in the world in the exact areas of concern a lot of youth have, and he’s bastardized and read in the most uncharitable light.

But like. Beeson is actual scum, though. Not only is this characterization an injustice to Phil, but also undermines what an actual piece of shit Beeson is. Yes. Bumfights is about homeless people fighting, sheerly a money grab, and the subject of several lawsuits. And Beeson is now some mediocre MMA boxer that still rides off the 15 minutes Bumfights gave him. But yeah. Sure. What he does and what Dr Phil do are totally the same thing. The fuck out of my face.

#okay phew #got that off my chest #dr phil #bumfights #discourse #mental health #unpopular opinion #don’t @ me #ok to rb #ok to like #please share #signal boost #dr phil got shooters out here #dr phil icon don’t fuck wit me #homeless #social justice #activism #the discourse

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