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elvenbeard · 2 months ago

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Vulnerabilities

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic

Summary: V and Kerry blow off some steam before they have to return to the Med Center, where Dr. Fuentes will hopefully introduce them to her plan on how to safe V's life. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 16/?, 9582 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V, in this chapter: NSFW, pegging, kinky sex - notes at the end) >> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

“I’ve been a very bad boy,” Kerry breathed against his ear. V hesitated briefly, but then pushed him away and onto the bed. Kerry laughed shakily when he landed on his back with a thud. V looked down on him, as he had his arms spread out, hair still perfectly styled, but cheeks slightly flushed as he bit his lip. He climbed onto the bed as well, settling between Kerry’s legs. Kerry pressed his thighs against V’s sides with a cocky grin.

V hummed, supporting himself with his right hand on the mattress, his left thumb brushing across Kerry’s lips. He lingered momentarily, then pulled back to slap his cheek. Not too harshly, leaving just a hint of tingling, and Kerry shivered under him.

“You were,” V teased back, voice low, while Kerry still smiled, “But you’ve been worse.”

Kerry huffed.

“Kidnapped my manager… Right now planning to screw the label over… Kissed ya in public at a big party…” he recounted the last few days, fingers busy unbuttoning V’s shirt.

“Nothing was set on fire yet,” V said and leaned forward, letting his tongue and teeth wander along the edge of Kerry’s voicebox implant, black and golden chrome framing warm skin. A raspy, frustrated groan came in response.

“Sent ya nudes while y’were in an important meeting,” Kerry sighed, “That’s gotta count for somethin’…”

V chuckled, taking in the sharp yet pleasant scent of Kerry’s aftershave as he sucked a hickey into his flesh, right below his jawline. Kerry squeezed his legs around him tighter, pulled V against his groin to make sure he knew how aroused he was.

Both were still more-or-less fully dressed, had only just gotten back home. Kerry had come directly from the video shoot for Shivers all day, while meetings and planning sessions for the Sutter gig had occupied V’s agenda. They were tense and weary, it was late, but sometimes that was just the right time to blow off some steam before falling asleep.

“Beg for it,” V whispered against Kerry’s neck, then he slowly sat up again and leaned back, hands on Kerry’s chest holding him down. Kerry gently trailed his fingers along V’s arms. He tried to reach his sides, but V leaned away and let one hand wander to Kerry’s throat. Kerry quivered, eyes hooded and his breathing quickened, and he lifted his head to bare his neck to V’s grasp even more. He swallowed, chrome and flesh moving beneath V’s own cyberware-covered palm.

“Fuck me, please” his voice was hoarse, longing, and his dick twitched noticeably between them.

V smiled and inched closer, not evading Kerry’s fingers this time as they pulled on his shirt, tried to undo his belt.

“How?” he breathed more than he asked, grip around Kerry’s throat tightening.

“Mhhh… hard and fast,” Kerry gasped, “’til all I can do is scream your name.”

“How ‘bout ‘til all you can do is whimper, incoherently?” V suggested, and Kerry’s hips buckled, but V continued to hold him down.

“Fuck… Yes, please,” he grunted, his pulse fast against V’s fingertips, their eyes interlocked.

V slowly let go again and Kerry let out a shaky breath. Then he caressed Kerry’s thighs.

“’Cause you asked so nicely,” he said, and Kerry scoffed at first, but his smile returned when V continued, “I’ll let ya pick tonight…”

“The purple one,” he said without a pause, and V reached back to slap his thigh – with a little more fervor than his cheek, making Kerry wince first but then chuckle lowly.

“Eager… let’s see for how long.”

Kerry grinned, challenging now, but he then slowly unwrapped his legs from V’s hips and quickly undid his own belt.

Kerry was already naked, had simply tossed his clothes wherever, when V joined him on the bed again. He had fetched the ribbed, purple strap-on Kerry had asked for and undressed himself as well.

“Help me out?” V half asked, half ordered and held out the harness, kneeling tall in front of Kerry on their silk bedsheets. Kerry sat up instantly. Skilled and swiftly he wrapped the purple leather straps around V’s hips and thighs, pulling taut and closing the clasps with care. All the while he barely broke eye contact with V who watched from above, goosebumps rising wherever Kerry touched or as much as breathed against him.

“Like this?” Kerry asked, pulling V against himself on the harness, the material pleasantly pressing into his flesh at the swift tug.

V didn’t respond, instead closed the remaining distance between them and hungrily kissed Kerry. Hands wrapped around the base of his head and neck he did not let go until they were both thoroughly out of breath. Kerry licked his swollen lips, bright blue Kiroshis still latched onto V.

Holding eye contact Kerry leaned down and took the strap-on in his mouth. V was caught off guard by his own moan, dripping from his tongue at the mere sight of Kerry going down on him like this, even if there was basically no physical sensation tied to it. Kerry still held on to the harness, pulling V closer as his head bobbed back and forth in a steady rhythm. V put his left hand on Kerry’s, with his other he grabbed his hair, guided his head and his pace. Now Kerry’s eyes were closed, gorgeous with his long dark lashes, brow slightly furrowed and so focused as he took in more and more of the length, heat rising in V’s abdomen as he was mesmerized by the wet sucking noises, their motion, their breathing.

Kerry slowed his pace, taking deeper strokes, his breath shakier, but he inched closer and closer until he had swallowed the whole length, and his nose touched V’s belly. He stayed like this for a few seconds, cheeks and shoulders flushed dark. V let go of his hair, let his fingers trail along his jaw, his throat, gently caressing the bulge the strap-on formed there, and Kerry shivered. A wave of dizziness hit V.

“Good boy,” he shuddered, voice hoarse with desire, and that was Kerry’s cue. He jolted back, gasping and coughing, a thin strand of glistening saliva briefly hanging between his lips and the tip of the dildo.

“Fuck,” was all V could utter, his clit throbbing as Kerry let himself fall back on the bed again, legs spread wide.

“V… please… I need you so bad…” he sighed and swallowed, still out of breath.

V didn’t need to be asked twice. He grabbed the already open bottle of lube from beside Kerry, generously slathered the strap-on while simultaneously getting them both in position. Kerry had his hands against V’s chest, his waist, his legs, everywhere he could reach, touching and scratching and trying to pull him closer, against him, into him. V knew Kerry meant it when he said “hard and fast”. But still, at least for getting started, he wanted to be gentle. With fingers still slippery with lube he gave Kerry’s semi-hard dick a few good strokes, making his back arch and voice crack as he gasped with pleasure. He lingered a little longer, thumb circling the wet tip, the sensitive spot just beneath, Kerry winding and his toes curling.

“Fuck, you’re a horrible tease today,” he gasped, looking up at V with cheeks and chest glistening.

V gave him another firm slap on his now bare thigh, not letting go of Kerry’s dick. Kerry didn’t hold back his moans, and V began to push the strap against his hole. Kerry’s eyes rolled back as V slipped in with ease, and Kerry groaned long and deeply at the stretch, fingernails digging into V’s sides.

“Fuuuuuck…”

V slid in further, slowly first, gently hooking Kerry’s legs around his waist again, caressing, kissing his neck, his chest, keeping an eye on him for any sign of discomfort. Kerry smiled and nodded clinging onto V tightly. So he sped up the pace.

Skin slapped against skin, fast and steady, accompanied by both their labored breathing. V ran his thumbs along the two symmetrical silver lines decorating Kerry’s stomach, trailing from his dick bouncing back and forth from his thrusts, all the way to his pecs. V’s eyes wandered across the golden plate on Kerry’s sternum, the beautiful, bold tattoo on his chest, to his gorgeous face gleaming with sweat. Kerry clung to the pillow with one hand, eyes darting back and forth, catching V’s gaze, then wandering back to his body, to the space between them, then he closed them again to focus on all the other sensations lingering in the air.

“Just like that, aaahhh,” he gasped, his hand reaching for V’s chest, squeezing his pec, grazing his nipple, and V grinned and shuddered, clutched Kerry’s hips, nails digging into soft skin. Kerry’s voice and unsteady breathing announced that he was getting close. Whenever he fucked Kerry like this, V noticed a little lilt in his moans, barely noticeable but always there. Maybe it was the vulnerability, the difference in sensation and pleasure received, giving himself to V like this… or all or neither. But V was obsessed, spurred on even more every time he managed to lure these sweet, quiet, higher notes out of Kerry’s throat. Only there for him to hear, only his doing, sending his own pleasure into overdrive.

“Fuck, V, I’ll… I’m so close,” he could barely speak between gasps and thrusts.

“Still so wordy,” V panted, his own hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck, the friction of the harness and the view of Kerry beneath him like this doing their part in giving him his own satisfaction. Kerry’s hand wandered across his own stomach now, reaching for his dick, but V quickly grabbed his wrist and pinned it down above Kerry’s head. Any words of protest he may have had were scrambled in his mouth when V grabbed Kerry cock firmly, not once slowing down his thrusting.

Kerry threw his head back and cursed, but then his voice cracked as he came, spilling all over his stomach and chest, breath stuttering. His cock throbbed between V’s fingers, hole clenched around the strap-on, and his voice and expression completely undone undid V as well. He gasped and cold and hot sweat dripped down his spine as he came to completion against Kerry. He could barely hold himself upright anymore, slowly loosening his grip from Kerry’s dick and wrist. Kerry’s thighs were shaking against V’s sides, he squirmed, back arched against V’s body, a hot sticky mess between them – but his hands immediately grabbed onto V’s waist, giving him support he needed. V’s head was spinning and his heart racing, painfully almost he now noticed. Kerry had his eyes closed, was breathing heavily, then sighed happily when V leaned down to kiss his cheek, caress his sides, his legs, his neck, wherever he had previously slapped or bitten or otherwise been rough with him. Kerry lazily reached up to stroke V’s hair, opening his eyes to examine his face, then pulled him down into a proper kiss. V let it happen, let his tired aching body sink into the soft and warm embrace, and they both just lingered like this for a while.

“That was really fuckin’ good,” Kerry eventually whispered.

“Or really good fuckin’?” V instantly retorted and they both laughed.

“You’re a gonk,” Kerry sighed, and his eyes fell shut again. V kissed his cheek, then slowly got up and carefully slipped out of Kerry, eliciting another shiver and happy little groan from him. He sat up and undid the harness with still shaky fingers, watching Kerry. His breathing slowly steadied again.

“Be right back,” V gave Kerry’s thigh a quick squeeze and Kerry, face glowing from exertion and satisfaction, just hummed blissfully.

As V got up from the bed he was once more surprised by a short onset of dizziness. He tried to attribute it to the exhaustion and rush of hormones and walked into the bathroom slowly, very aware of each of his steps. But when he plunged the strap-on into the sink and grabbed a towel to dampen with warm water, the mirror turned on, startling V with his own reflection. A thin line of blood had just begun running from his nose. It dripped onto his chest and the black marble floor.

“Fuck…”

He quickly wiped it away, washed it off, down the drain with any thoughts or fears. It wasn’t a strong or intense nosebleed thankfully, not as bad as it had been before…

“Sure, try sugarcoating dying, see how that goes for ya.”

The mirror turned off again, out of sight out of mind. V took a deep breath, hoping that it would not get worse... But also, he didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to lie down and cuddle and talk about normal things for once, not the impending doom looming on the other side of the night.

He returned to the bedroom with a smile, Kerry none the wiser still on the bed, melted into the mattress. V gently placed the warm towel on his chest, startling him into opening his eyes. Then V joined him again, cozied up to his side as Kerry cursory wiped himself down before tossing the towel to the floor. He sighed and rolled to his side to face V, scooting closer and wrapping him into a loose hug.

“Did I ever tell ya I love it when you’re all dominant like that?” he asked.

“Yeah, you did,” V chuckled.

“Good. ‘Cause it’s hot as fuck.”

“Wasn’t too rough?”

Kerry smiled, eyes glistening in the golden glow of the indirect lighting surrounding their bed. He brushed his thumb across V’s mouth, lingering at the piercing in his bottom lip for a moment. Then he gave him another quick kiss, but didn’t withdraw, stayed and held him close.

“I don’t break so easily,” he said quietly, his beard and lips brushing against V’s skin as he spoke.

“Promise?” V asked quietly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, ignoring the budding headache and tightness in his chest that had accompanied him all day already. Instead, he kept his tone playful and light-hearted.

“Promise,” Kerry nodded.

He fell asleep soon after, still clinging to V and quietly snoring. V barely slept all night, and the morning rolled around mercilessly fast. Right when V had finally drifted off, couldn’t have been more than an hour, their alarm jolted him straight awake again. Kerry groaned into the pillow, mumbling something like “just 10 more minutes”. V slowly sat up, pressed a kiss against the cherry blossoms tattooed onto Kerry’s shoulder blade, fingers trailing down his spine.

“Could a hot shower coerce you?”

Kerry sighed, shifted to look up at V, squinting, hair all messy and voice rough with sleep.

“Only ‘cause you asked so nicely. No ulterior motives.”

V chuckled and they both sleepily trudged into the bathroom.

“V, you in there somewhere?” Kerry asked when he sat a steaming hot mug of coffee down in front of him. A slightly crooked chocolate syrup smiley face was drizzled onto the milk foam. V had to blink a couple of times, hadn’t even noticed how long he’d been staring into the void while Kerry made breakfast for them.

“Yeah, no. Sorry, I was…” V mumbled, cold fingers clinging to the warm mug. He wasn’t sure what to say next, Kerry looking at him expectantly from across the kitchen counter. He tried to smile, but a little twitch at the corner of his mouth told V that he struggled. When V continued to stay silent, Kerry frowned, more worried than annoyed, walked over, and sat down next to him with his own coffee.

“Sorry, what did you say?” V asked, trying to keep his thoughts in the present.

“Nothin’ important,” Kerry shook his head, “Just wondering. Worrying, y’know, the usual.”

V looked down onto his mug, but there were no words in his vocabulary to describe what he was thinking or feeling.

“Think it’s gonna be that bad? What she’s gotta say, after a week of pokin’ and proddin’ ya?” Kerry then pointed out the elephant in the room. V shrugged.

“Dunno,” he just said, “Tryin’ not to expect anything anymore. Or hope, or wish, I guess.”

Kerry looked at him for a long time. Then he slowly shifted, took a sip of his own, black coffee, and put his hand on V’s thigh.

“Well, guess I’ll have to hold out hope for both of us then. Try ‘n stop me.”

His voice was quiet and calm, not as if he was trying to make a joke.

“I know I couldn’t stop you from anything you set out to do. Even if I wanted to,” he said and tried his best to smile. Kerry still frowned, but his tense posture softened. Then he leaned over to give V a quick, coffee-flavored kiss before returning to finish cooking breakfast. V watched him stir around in the pan for a couple more minutes, neither of them said anything. The tension was tangible, and V hated it.

When he was done, Kerry plated an omelet for each of them and returned to V’s side.

“Thanks. Looks preem.”

“Lemme come with ya,” Kerry then just blurted out and V slowly turned his head.

“I know you said you don’t want me to,” Kerry added, poking around in his eggs as if the answer to all their problems was hiding somewhere in them, “Case it’s bad ‘n whatnot.”

“That’s not why,” V shook his head, “Last time, Dr. Williams. You had so much hope. And during the final appointment she shattered it all.”

Kerry put down his fork and turned to face V, almost annoyedly placing his hand on his thigh, a little physical protest without actually having to get up. He held his head low, looked up at V, the rising sun making his bright eyes particularly piercing.

“Yeah, fine, it sucked,” he said shrugging, “But even if Fuentes also only has bad news… No, I refuse. I’d rather just have my hopes shattered again ‘stead of not hopin’ for anythin’ anymore, alright?”

V looked down on his hands still holding the mug. The chocolate smiley-face had meanwhile melted into the foam, slowly disintegrating.

“It’s not that,” he said quietly, insisting, but also struggling to find the right words still. His head was throbbing, thoughts circling and drifting away before he could seize them. As if his brain was leaking. He quickly cast away the horrible mental images cropping up.

“Look at me, dammit,” Kerry said quietly, and gently turned his head with two fingers against his chin, “Listen… Whatever she’s gotta say, I don’t want you to be going through that alone. Yeah, okay, maybe it’s gonna suck and maybe it’ll ruin the little trust I have left in doctors forever, but – …”

“Kerry, it’s not that I think you can’t handle it,” V said, voice shaky, and Kerry slightly withdrew.

“I’m scared that I can’t handle it. Both the news and you having to deal with this all again, that it’s gonna break me for good,” he said and looked away.

Heavy silence again, but a different kind this time. One that was almost worse than the unarticulated, lingering tension, all-encompassing, drowning, no escaping its darkness. But then Kerry managed what he’d said only V had been able to do for him so far: he reached out and drove the shadows away.

“You fuckin’ gonk,” he said firmly, cupping V’s face and making him look back at him. His eyes were still sad and shoulders tense, but there had been a shift in his aura that soothed V’s own anxiety.

“I’ve picked ya up out of puddles of blood more often than I’d like to. I held ya when we were both fuckin’ sobbing about how unfair this whole shitshow is. Yeah, maybe the news is gonna be bad. But fuck, even if it shatters you into a thousand pieces… I’ll be there and pick you up again and hold you, and put you back together. Cause I love ya, and I’ll be there for you. ‘til the end if need be. That clear?”

V couldn’t bring himself to say something, but he reached up to touch Kerry’s hand, took it into his own, held it tightly in his lap. Then he nodded.

“Okay.”

“’n if the news is fucked…” Kerry then added, very quietly, carefully almost, “So soul-crushing and bleak and hopeless… then fuck the whole Crystal Palace crap, fuck Night City really… and I’ll book us a flight to the Philippines the minute you say so, alright?”

V shuddered, lowered his head. And then he nodded once more. He didn’t dare look Kerry in the eyes, not after his reaction the other day when he had first brought up wanting to die on the Philippines if all else failed. Forever tainting that place for him, that he loved so dearly, but a place V had hoped so much to at least still be able to see with him, even if only once, and even if only for a brief time.

After a few moments Kerry scooched closer with his chair, close enough so he could put his arms around V, who let himself be guided into the embrace. Slumping against Kerry’s chest he closed his tired eyes, and they just sat in silent understanding, V wishing the moment could last forever.

About an hour later V had no recollection of how they’d even gotten to the Med Center, only that Kerry had insisted on driving them. V had been so out of it the whole morning, he didn’t belong behind a steering wheel yet. The path to Fuentes’ office was ingrained into his muscle memory though, even when all the hallways still felt like an endless, sterile white maze. Kerry followed him closely, sunglasses on and a little more casually dressed than usual in a hoodie, dark jeans, and a jacket borrowed from V. He did not want another artificial drama or speculation video online so soon after the most recent one had finally subsided in popularity.

“Got an appointment,” V said to the receptionist in the neurology wing that already knew him by now, and then they arrived at Fuentes’ office so much faster than what V was ready for. He knocked politely, and Kerry decided to keep his sunglasses on.

“I gotcha,” he whispered, briefly tugging at V’s pinky finger with his own, then Fuentes called from within to come inside.

As usual, Fuentes sat behind her desk, seemingly in the middle of writing a protocol, but looked up as they entered.

“Mr. Eurodyne!” she said with surprise before even greeting V.

“Hope I’m welcome,” he said, and despite trying to act laid back, Kerry’s voice was tense.

Fuentes got up as they approached and reached across her desk to shake their hands, first V’s, then Kerry’s.

“Of course,” Fuentes said, “I had suggested that V should involve you in this meeting. I’m glad you were able to make it after all.”

Kerry turned to look at V, just the hint of a frown visible behind his glasses, while V very adamantly avoided his gaze.

“Anythin’ for him,” Kerry said, while his undertone said, “I’m mad, but at the same time, not surprised”.

“Please, sit down,” Fuentes gestured at the two visitor chairs and sat back down in her own, pulling up all sorts of data on the screen in front of her. V recognized his scans and data, but there was a lot more there today.

Fuentes adjusted her slightly unruly ponytail and brushed a grey-brown lock of hair out of her face, then flipped her screen so that both V and Kerry could see it. She folded her hands and placed them on the table in front of her, posture a little too upright and confident. V tried his best not to read too much into her body language.

“How are you feeling today?” she then asked, facing V.

“Headache, since yesterday,” he said, “Maybe a… four out of ten. Annoying but bearable. Been a bit dizzy, too. Spacing out.”

Fuentes nodded, turned on the datapad resting beside her, and made a quick note. From the corner of his eyes V noticed that Kerry was taking in the office still, as it was his first time here. Looking at the shelves, the books, the little touristy trinkets and children’s artworks displayed between books and files.

“Anything else since we last spoke? Usual or unusual?” Fuentes continued.

“Um…” V shifted in his seat.

“Trouble forming sentences?” Fuentes asked with a knowing smile.

“Somewhat. This morning,” V nodded. He hesitated.

“And… a small nosebleed last night.”

Kerry turned to look at him promptly but remained quiet. V only briefly glanced at him, then back at Fuentes. She made another note.

“Any other symptoms this was accompanied by? Potential triggers, a lot of stress, physical exertion?”

“Just the headache,” V said, “And, I guess… physical exertion probably.”

Fuentes looked up from her datapad, as if she was about to scold V for not resting enough – but then she saw the way Kerry looked at him and closed her mouth again.

“That why you disappeared into the bathroom so long?” he quietly asked, and V sighed.

“It was no big deal,” V insisted, “If it had been, I would’ve said something.”

“Keeping secrets is never good,” Fuentes interjected before Kerry could respond, even though V was sure he had a lot to say.

“Thank you,” he then just settled with, directed at Fuentes, and leaned back in his chair. Yet, V couldn’t take her as seriously as he would’ve liked to, given how secretive she had been as well. For her own good reasons, the same way he had his.

“Even more so I’m glad to have you both here today,” she then said, “I’d like to discuss my findings, as well as a potential plan of action to help you. A little more concrete this time.”

V still didn’t want to get his hopes up, even if at this point in the conversation the doctors so far had already told him that there was no hope beyond a symptomatic treatment for as long as was still possible before the inevitable.

Fuentes pulled up several scans, some of them older, from Vik and from other doctors, detailing the development of the deterioration of V’s brain. She also opened a 3D-model of his skull featuring a cyberware contraption that V didn’t instantly recognize. Finally, a document resembling a timeline appeared on the screen, likely the individual steps of her treatment plan.

“Not gonna lie, doc,” Kerry said, “So far that bodes better than anything else we’ve been told so far.”

Fuentes smiled but kept up her calm and collected demeanor. V could sense that not all her news was good. Sometimes small doses of truth were better than spilling it all at once, though he did not prefer it that way.

She quickly recounted last week’s testing to bring Kerry up to speed, and V also didn’t mind the refresher.

“During our first appointment I’d shown you several issues we need to tackle,” Funtes began, turned to V again, “A main concern was stabilizing the Relic in a suitable environment, for protection against external influences. Additionally, the tests of your system performance have me thinking by now that the Relic is not as stable in its current slot as I had first assumed, either.”

“Doesn’t sound good,” V said, but he wasn’t surprised. Fuentes made a swaying left-and-right motion with her head.

“I wouldn’t say it is bad news, either,” she explained, “The biochip being somewhat unstable could be a possible explanation for your feeling of disconnect. Just a bit more literally. It is not communicating as effectively with the organic and inorganic components of your body as it should to work at full capacity.”

V let that sink in for a moment.

“Are you saying that… his mind has a loose contact?” Kerry then wondered out loud.

Fuentes chuckled.

“It is much more complex,” she said calmly, “But something like that, yes.”

“Always had issues with that damn slot…” V muttered, although he admittedly hadn’t expected this turn of events. He knew that the Relic was faulty, falling down the side of Konpeki Plaza hadn’t helped much either – plus everything else he had been through since then. But that something so mundane as performance issues hadn’t been discovered by a whole array of doctors so far seemed unlikely. He continued to listen, but with an added layer of caution.

“Now that we are aware of it, we can try to fix it,” Fuentes said, “It could improve your quality of life a little bit already – or a lot.”

She zoomed in on the 3D model of V’s skull, and he remembered how this all had started out as a sketch on a scan. Now the proposed contraption to hold the Relic had a lot more substance to it, looked like something concrete and tangible that could become a reality – his reality.

“The design is not final yet, but getting there,” Fuentes prefaced her explanation of how she planned to transfer the Relic to its new home. She detailed the process with a brief simulation, and V watched with skepticism.

“So, you’re… gonna put that thing in his skull, and, without ever disconnecting anything, fix the slot and pull the chip over there?” Kerry summarized what they were shown. Fuentes nodded.

“Seems pretty… invasive.”

“I know,” she said, “The normal approach here wouldn’t be a big open surgery, rather relying on nanites doing the installation. Not even the shadiest street-ripper is drilling holes in skulls anymore to install a new RAM Upgrade. But V’s case is far from normal. Since a lot of logistics are involved, a more invasive approach is going to be more effective.”

“Two birds with one surgery,” V nodded, understanding where Fuentes was coming from, but still not liking the implications.

“Time remains of the essence,” Fuentes said, “I suggest tackling this as soon as…”

She paused, looked at V, then Kerry, on whom she lingered.

“He knows,” V realized why she hesitated, “He knows about Sutter and the blueprints.”

He couldn’t quite place her reaction, a mix of disdain of V involving other “civilians” in her secrets… and curiosity maybe, as to how deeply Kerry could be involved in any plans. He certainly had a bad boy image, though more in an artistic sense, not necessarily a criminal one. That had to be intriguing to some degree.

V had not yet had a chance to tell Fuentes about how he would go about tracking down Sutter either. Maybe he would as soon as he had a better grasp of whether or not the whole ordeal was going to be worth it, or if Plan Philippines would become their new priority after today.

Fuentes cleared her throat.

“I would tackle the surgery as soon as you have been able to get your hands on the blueprints,” she said, “It is most likely going to put you out of commission for a while.”

“How long are we talking here?” V asked promptly.

“At least a week of bedrest, and at least two months of minimal physical strain. We’ll see from there.”

V let out a long, deep breath.

“That’s… longer than I might have, according to your prognosis last week,” he said.

“I know,” Fuentes said, “which brings me to my next finding.”

On the screen, she returned to the animated brain scans, showing the deterioration and changes of the last months.

“Your body and your operating system have been in a permanent state of emergency for months now. Your brain is not being stimulated as much as it needs to be to function properly – an explanation for your more physical symptoms, like apathy and lack of energy, which in return can also contribute to depression.”

She paused for a moment, to collect her thoughts, but her intense look, the way she seemed to scan him for even the smallest reaction, gave V the chills. He braced himself for whatever there was to come, tried to loosen his shoulders and not let his tenseness show.

“One way I would like to tackle this understimulation, and fixing of all the damages the Relic and gunshot wound caused, is with the nanites. But I think we need to go one step further,” she said, “I would like to – temporarily – try and disable as much of your cyberware as possible.”

V swallowed, blinked a couple of times. A Trauma Team AV breezed past the office window, the sun steadily climbed higher and once again bathed Fuentes in this strange glow that made her seem unreal.

“I don’t have that much cyberware to begin with,” he then relativized, “Is that really gonna be necessary?”

“It may not be much,” Fuentes said, “But the majority of what you have installed impacts brain function. Cyberdeck, frontal cortex implants like Self-ICE that draw a lot of resources even while running only passively...”

She looked at a list of V’s cyberware on her datapad, going through all the implants and enhancements.

“Kiroshis with a lot of additional functionalities and scanners – …”

“You want me to disable my Kiroshis?” V lost his composure for a moment, and Kerry quickly put his hand on V’s thigh to soothe him. V took a shaky breath.

“Obviously I don’t want to blind you,” Fuentes said calmly, “I’m also not saying to uninstall anything, with optics that’s not advised in general anyway. But we need to take strain from your system to allow you to recover. And if that means shutting down anything that isn’t necessary for survival, we have to do it.”

“So, I really gotta go and lock myself in at home then,” V spat out, “Dunno if you ever hang out at shady bars or use the metro, but in general it’s not really advised to spend a lot of time on the streets – or work as a merc – without any chrome whatsoever.”

“Vince,” Kerry said quietly, “It’s temporary. ‘til you’re better, not forever. A small price tag I’d say.”

“Easy to say for ya, hanging out at home 95% of the time,” V responded before really thinking through what he said. He bit his tongue and shook his head instantly, “Sorry that… Not sure where that came from.”

There was a tense pause.

“Yeah,” Kerry then said flatly, and without even looking V knew he’d gone too far. Still though, Kerry didn’t move away. V closed his eyes and took another few deep breaths, trying to make sense, relativize, convince himself that this was necessary and a good idea.

The moment Dex shot him popped into his head all of a sudden. How even then, bruised and beaten and horrified, he had been ready to jump back to his feet. Lunge at his throat and kill the bastard, not even something he would usually resort to. Dex rendering him so helpless, wanting him to die small and vulnerable and be forgotten, had instilled V with the worst rage he had felt until that moment in his life. He refused to end on a gross motel floor, with so many things left unresolved, left unspoken, undone – and yet, he had been so utterly fucking helpless about changing any of these things. He never wanted to be as helpless again, out of control of his own life, yet he feared this was what this would boil down to.

V slowly reached out to take Kerry’s hand. He squeezed it tightly once. After a short pause, Kerry did the same and they interlocked their fingers. The tension in his chest faded at least somewhat.

“I know this is difficult to hear,” Fuentes then said, “But I can only reiterate what I’ve told you a couple of times already. You need to take a step back. Delegate what is possible. Ideally, I would have nothing against it if you can get your hands on the blueprints and… all that without lifting a finger yourself. None of this is going to be easy, and I can’t promise that any of it will work. But it is a chance, and we should take it and take all necessary steps to at least try and tip the scales in our favor.”

V only half listened to what Fuentes said. He knew she was right, but every fiber of his being rebelled against the thought of just fading away from the face of the earth like that, even if it was only temporarily. Night City was merciless when it came to showing any signs of weakness. It would simply swallow you whole, your life, all you’d worked and fought and bled for, without hesitation, if you didn’t continue working and fighting and bleeding every day. He had lost so much before, but also never before had he as much to lose as right now. He was deeply involved in many of Rogue’s running operations, in managing the Afterlife. He fucking loved it. The planning, the scheming, it felt like he was back at his Counterintel job, only that he was the one in charge now, not a tool carrying out orders. He enjoyed the high-profile gigs he was getting, the ones that involved scouting, logistics… Even the work for Blue-Eyes he had loved.

A shiver ran down his spine. Was he so angry, so reluctant, because he didn’t want a quiet life, or was he angry because him leading a quiet life wasn’t beneficial to Blue-Eyes’ plans? Would he want him to resist this treatment plan? If he said no to Fuentes today, Mr. B’s “blank canvas” body was still on the table for V to take. A new, strong, healthy body without months-long impairment, bedrest, long-term damages and other potential side-effects. All at the small cost of potentially losing himself forever and becoming a tool again, but this time in the hands of a corporation V had even less a grasp and understanding of than Arasaka.

He shuddered.

“Fuck… Alright, fine. We can give it a try,” he said, gritting his teeth, “You say temporarily… how long?”

Fuentes shrugged and shook her head.

“I suggest tackling it in the same timeframe as the surgery,” she said, “But it could be necessary to leave everything shut down for longer than the projected healing time. Maybe we can slowly reintroduce some parts of your system if the recovery goes well. But ideally, I would like to keep everything shut off until the nanobots prove to be effective in undoing some of the damage the Relic did to your nervous system.”

V sighed heavily, slumping back in his chair, and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his left hand.

“We can take a break if you want to,” Fuentes suggested, “I know it’s a lot.”

“No, it’s alright,” V shook his head, “Just trying to mentally prepare myself for the bad news.”

He opened his eyes just a crack, peeking past his fingers.

“Cause so far all that still sounds mostly positive, despite the sacrifices and setbacks.”

Kerry nodded.

“Yeah, so far all sounds doable. And promising.”

Fuentes shifted in her seat slightly.

“I’m glad you think so,” she said, “But yes. I have bad news, too. Not to a degree where this is all doomed to fail, but… complications where I didn’t expect them.”

V sat up straight again, steeling himself.

“I already had the suspicion last week,” Fuentes began explaining, “That whatever is happening to your body currently – the violent seizure-like episodes – is not necessarily tied to the brain damage caused by the gunshot wound or the Relic. I tried to examine the nanobots and the medication you received lately, from your other sources. The medication as such is similar to what I prescribed you with now, and from what you told me, it is helping suppress the worst of the physical symptoms.”

“Yeah, pretty much feelin’ the same as with the other meds,” V confirmed, “Not sure if the disconnected feeling is much better…”

Fuentes turned to Kerry.

“What has your impression of him been this last week?” she asked, catching him slightly off guard.

“Oh, um…” Kerry bounced his leg briefly, looked to the shelves on the side and really thought about it for a few moments, “As like… compared to before he started taking your meds?”

Fuentes nodded, and he looked at V, at their intertwined fingers.

“Today he’s been a bit off,” he then decided to say, “But the weekend especially was good. Felt like we could talk more openly, even about the difficult stuff. He was more present, in the moment, than in a long time.”

V looked to his feet, then slowly back up at Kerry, this time able to hold his gaze.

“Okay,” Fuentes noted, “That sounds good, and I hope it can be attributed to the new medication, even if it is still a bit early to say. I will prescribe you more, and you keep an eye on how you feel and inform me if anything changes – for the better or worse.”

V nodded.

“That being said,” Fuentes continued, and her expression suddenly turned somewhat darker, “I tried to examine the nanobots… but before I could discern anything concrete, they dissolved.”

“They… what now?” Kerry was quicker than V.

“Just like that?” V asked.

The doctor leaned back in her chair slightly, clutching her armrests.

“I kept them in an environment where this shouldn’t have happened,” she explained, gesturing, “As I told you, since they were introduced into your body in an atypical way, potential dissolving was something I feared could happen, so I took all usual countermeasures. The fact that it still happened seemed… targeted.”

“Not sure I’m following,” V said, but he was, more than that. He only needed to hear it from Fuentes as well to make sure his paranoia wasn’t completely off the rails.

“My guess is, these are not intended to be examined by outsiders,” Fuentes said, “We had mechanisms like that in place at BioDyne, too. Remotely triggered or inbuilt self-destruction switches, should prototypes and the like breach containment or get into the wrong hands.”

“So, them not being contained in the pills, or being outside of my body…” V wondered out loud.

“There could be all sorts of triggers,” Fuentes nodded, “Depends on the resources of whoever constructed them.”

V glanced at Kerry, whose face was just as grim.

“That would fit the MO of the person they came from,” V said, still not keen on telling Fuentes too much about Blue Eyes.

“I figured,” she said, “But I will ask no further. Though I am disappointed I didn’t get the chance to have a closer look at them, and that I can’t tell you exactly what their purpose was.”

“They did something to my brain to make me dependent on the pills, so they can continue doing whatever they were doing,” V recounted, and Fuentes nodded slowly.

“The brain scans support this in the sense that your nervous system’s structure was slowly being altered, but it is hard to say what the end goal was… Only that most changes took place in areas tied to sense of self, self-preservation and impulse-control, memory, emotion…”

Mind control, V thought, but did not say it. The same thing Vik had already suspected and that he and Kerry were suspecting ever since V had returned from the Crystal Palace gig.

“Keeping me alive and making me obedient,” V said quietly, and Kerry squeezed his hand a little tighter. Fuentes just looked at him intensely for a moment, then back to her datapad.

“Thankfully though,” she continued, “the BioDyne bots may be able to reverse even these changes. Along with repairing the remaining damage from the gunshot wound, as well as any structural changes the engram caused. And with that, in the long term, there is a chance your body can recover, too. With… strings attached.”

Of course. V said nothing, only listened this time.

“I compared the state of your body to that of a person struggling with an autoimmune disorder before,” Fuentes explained, “Only that it is not your immune system acting up, but your nervous system, very, very simply put.”

“Right…”

“The point of the nanobots is rewiring your nervous system back to a previous state in which your body did not attack itself, where it was compatible with your engram… where it could be possible to think about, in the very long term, years maybe, trying to find a way to transfer your engram back into your body, making the Relic obsolete.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to sell me shit in a golden wrapper,” V did not like Fuentes painting a bright and happy future this far away. She shifted in her seat.

“Fine. If everything works as intended… it is likely that, with basically resetting your brain and nervous system to an older state, you could experience memory loss. To a significant extent.”

V had to let that sink in for a moment.

“How significant? Like… just, all of it gone, or what? Gotta learn how to talk and eat and walk again?”

“Not quite as drastic, I hope,” Fuentes said, “But I cannot fully exclude it either. This has never been done before.”

“Hang on though like… You can’t say, ‘drastic memory loss, but maybe not so drastic’,” Kerry interjected. Even through his dark sunglasses V could tell how tense his stare was.

Fuentes hesitated and folded her hands in her lap.

“Let me try and rephrase it,” she then said, “It is possible that you forget anything that happened between the Relic being activated and Mikoshi. Or potentially even until the present moment. Or maybe only what happened between Mikoshi and now, while keeping the memories of before your psyche was digitized intact. I really cannot tell for sure.”

She pulled up V’s most recent brain scans on her screen again.

“I had assumed last week, since your personality is stored on the biochip, so would be your memories – meaning, anything that happened after your consciousness was digitalized, should be stored on the chip, too, which would work in our favor. Everything secure in one external place while your body recovers.”

“But that’s… not the case?”

“The brain scans show activity in areas of your organic memory, which you would likely lose during the restructuring. In an even worse case scenario, you could lose parts of your organic memories but not all of them. I also cannot say how substantial these memories are, nor from what timeframe, and if they could influence your personality and decision-making in the future.”

V didn’t even want her to explain this further. In fact, he had to do his hardest not to start laughing about the absurdity of this situation. He huffed and shook his head. Worst case scenario of all of this would literally be like Johnny was back again, only that a different version of himself would pop up arguing with him, bickering, telling him what a fucking gonk he had been to take Fuentes up on her offer in the first place.

“If this happens,” Fuentes continued, “It could lead to symptoms similar to those the engram triggered: psychosis, mood swings, unpredictable behavior...”

“I figured…” V said sternly. Fuentes kept talking, but her voice drifted further and further away, drowned out by a ringing in V’s ears that steadily increased in volume.

“The rewiring process itself will likely also be painful, comparable to what you went through when the engram took root. Your personality could shift and change, you might end up being a very different person from who you are now.”

Kerry rubbed V’s knuckles gently, but V kept his eyes closed. The room had begun spinning around him.

“Need some fresh air?” Kerry asked.

V said nothing, just nodded. Kerry didn’t hesitate, got up, and gently pulled V with him.

He said something to Fuentes, but V didn’t understand either of their words anymore. Blindly he followed Kerry through the hallways, half-dragged, half-guided along. Time seemed to be standing still and they just floated by. Then suddenly warmth and dust and noise above and all around them, and before V had really grasped it fully, Kerry sat him down on a bench within the courtyard of the MedCenter. They were surrounded by tall walls and hundreds of windows, a few other people sat and walked here, smoking, eating, talking, some of them visitors, others patients. There were a handful of thick trees in concrete beds, surrounded by winding coarse gravel paths, a brutalist Japanese zen garden. Even so though, the bright greens and crunch of the uneven ground beneath their soles was a welcome change of scenery.

Kerry sat down on the bench next to V, still holding his hand.

“Came here a couple times while you were knocked out still after your accident,” he said quietly, “Not as far as all the way back down for a smoke break.”

“It’s nice,” V said, but his words sounded as hollow as his chest and head were, echoing through his body and leaving him even more empty. Kerry looked at him intensely, V knew it without having to turn his head, but he remained silent. They just sat side by side for a couple of minutes, and V stared into nothingness, tried to focus on his breathing, the heaviness of his own body, the wind and the sunshine. In the end it was Kerry who managed to find words first.

“Overall… I expected it to be worse, gotta admit,” he said, “She’s got a plan at least. And she’s transparent about the risks.”

“Mh-hmm.”

“Vince,” Kerry’s voice grew quieter again, and he shuffled slightly when he took off his sunglasses, “You’re worried that…”

V swallowed.

“What I’ve been most scared of the whole time…” he started slowly, referring to the night he walked out of Arasaka Tower, since Vik had confirmed to him that his health would continue to deteriorate, like Alt had told him, “Was that I’d grow so emotionally numb that I’d no longer be able to feel anything for you. That my feelings would just fade away together with me.”

“You think that’ll happen?” Kerry wondered. His voice was calm, but V could still hear a hint of worry, felt it in the tenseness of his body so close by his side. Finally, he found the strength to turn his head and look him in the eyes, big and bright and so damn worried.

“I dunno,” he said, truthfully, because none of them could know anything for sure, if not even Fuentes did as an expert in her field, “But just the thought of… forgetting even a fraction of what we’ve been through. Our late-night conversations down by the Pacifica pier, the impromptu Badlands trips. Our heart-to-heart at Dark Matter, you playin’ your new song to me on Kovachek’s yacht. Hell, our first meeting and everything in-between then and now. The possibility of losing even just a single moment of that kills me.”

Kerry hesitated briefly, looked away, down to their hands, then back at V.

“Fuentes said she’s not sure it’s even gonna happen like that,” he said, but V shook his head.

“No, maybe not. Maybe I’ll just lose my fuckin’ mind for good before I forget anything.”

“Vince…”

V turned away and tried to force his heart to beat slower by sheer willpower, but he failed. What surprised him more than anything was less that he worried about forgetting all the memories he’d made with Kerry… but the possibility that he’d forget about his experiences with Johnny, too. As much as they’d hated each other some days, V would lie if the whole experience hadn’t significantly shaped him into who he was now, that it made him stronger, even more stubborn and resilient and hungry for life, despite all the odds constantly against him. Would all of that be undone again, all the change, all the growth? Would he return to being the blue-eyed, over-confident beginner-merc strutting through Konpeki Plaza like he owned the place without the cred to prove it? Who was so convinced that the corporate world isn’t half bad, with delusions about returning some day and missing being a little cog in the wheel that just worked and did its thing, blaming responsibility on others always? Who didn’t feel worthy of friendships, not even Jackie, who had treated him more like family than his own parents ever did?

Surely things had happened in the last six months he wouldn’t mind forgetting about for good. But knowing his luck he would remain stuck with these specifically while forgetting the shivers of his first kiss with Kerry or diving down to Laguna Bend with Judy. That he could forget meeting River’s family and finding common ground and even friendship with someone like Panam who was from a whole different world than him, was almost too much to bear.

“Even if you forget about it all,” Kerry then said, slowly and gently pulling at V’s sleeve to make him come closer, “I’ll fuckin’ try my hardest to make you remember and keep our memories alive… and even more important than that: you’ll still be around so we can make new memories together, right?”

“Ah fuck,” V sighed and rubbed his eyes. The numbness and cold that had accompanied him all morning was still weighing heavily on him, but it finally started to become more bearable.

“Try and stop me,” Kerry whispered against V’s hair as he pulled him into a proper hug again. He knew that Kerry was just as scared as him, of the challenges to come if he – they – went through with Fuentes’ plan. But yes… should it all work out, and V hoped so much it would for Kerry’s sake alone, they’d at least get the chance to walk into the future together.

Slowly he raised his arms to loosely hug Kerry back.

“What if I don’t forget,” he mumbled against Kerry’s chest, “… but change in a way so you don’t love me anymore?”

Kerry chuckled lowly.

“Don’t think a timeline like that even exists, ya gonk.”

V couldn’t see his face, but he could hear that he smiled. He wasn’t sure what to respond to a reply so confident.

“Ya know,” Kerry then said after a short pause, “In a way, what this is, ‘s just a change. Nothin’ more natural than things changin’. Admittedly not as fast and drastically but… Not sure where I’m even goin’ with this... But sometimes change can be good, too. You’ve definitely changed me for the better, ‘n that at a time when I was so trapped in my own fuckin’ life the only way out I saw was the barrel of my gun.”

He shuddered barely noticeably, the slightest tremor in his voice. V shivered too, reminded once again how damn lucky and unlikely of a coincidence it had even been that they met at all. Just in time, maybe for both of them.

“So, like…” Kerry cleared his throat, “Even if for some insane reason this whole thing turns you into the biggest asshole since Johnny Silverhand… I’ll remember who you are now, who you were when you stumbled into my life, and every moment in-between. Everythin’ you did for me. I sure as hell will fight like crazy to help you change for the better, too, and see a light at the end of the tunnel again. Don’t worry about where the next step’ll lead ya to, focus on just getting’ there in the first place. Everythin’ else we’ll figure out as we go, we’re good that that. You’re good at that. Have always been, from what you’ve told and shown me and how I’ve gotten to known ya at your core.”

V had to let all of that sink in as they just sat and held each other. The people walking by surely stared and wondered what was going on. Not that V cared in particular right now, but as usual he lowkey worried someone might recognize Kerry here after all, even though he was semi-undercover.

“Did I ever tell ya how much I love it when you’re down-to-earth like this?” V then decided to say, and Kerry chuckled gently.

“Think so, yeah,” he said.

“Good,” V nodded, still holding on tightly, “You make it so easy for me to just… be vulnerable. Dunno how you do it. I can’t really be like this with most other people. But with you it’s different. It’s easy, and it feels good.”

Kerry smiled and hugged him a bit more tightly. V paused for a moment.

“You really think we’ll manage?”

“For sure,” Kerry nodded without hesitation, and V sighed.

He wanted to believe it so badly, wanted a fraction of Kerry’s confidence when so often it had been the other way around, he had been the confident one that Kerry leaned against. It felt like they had arrived at a crossroads this very moment, where their roles would be reversed for good for the foreseeable future. V had to hand over the reins and hope things would fall into place somehow, just like Kerry said.

V slowly let go of him, sat back up, but then pressed his forehead against Kerry’s.

“Alright,” he whispered, “For a future together. Whatever it may be like.”

*****************

>> Next Chapter (tba)

*****************

Notes:

This chapter was a struggle for many reasons, hence no update in such a long time - temporarily it was at almost 11,000 words because there was so much I wanted to include, but I decided there will be room for that at a later point still xD

Anyway! There is a plan now to safe V 👀 and I'm also just a sucker for being able to be vulnerable in all shapes and forms with your partner, no matter if it's fully letting go and dropping all inhbitions in the bedroom or crying in public about how fucking unfair life is, but at least you don't have to face the horrors alone xD

Fingers crossed the next chapter will come sooner, as it's also one I've played through in my head so much 👀 Judy finally returns to NC for a visit!

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