#dr forrest the pataphysicist

[ewo-official]

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

EWO Information

Contents:

Staff Dossier

Drone Catalogue

Field-Agent Guide

Tag Directory

Staff Dossier

Thoth, pronouns vary, age varies - CEO and Director

[Image Not Found]

Hakor, she/they, 23 - Social Media Manager

Sage, they/them, old as fuck - Head Librarian (the bird is called Noxardor and uses she/her)

​

Zudraann, he/they, 173 - Master of Experimental Technologies and Izzet Guild Liason

Kemes, zey/zem, 34 - Head of HR

Set-Ammit, nu/noonself, 27 - Lead Receptionist

Shai, she/her, 327 - Head of Intelligence

Dodger, he/they, age unknown - Drone Master and Chief of Computer Systems

[Image Not Found]

Bennebenshkauf (AKA "Benny", "Ben-ben", and "Twobens"), He/Him, 584 - Lead Researcher

Horus, he/she/they, 73 - Grand Marshall of EWO Field-Operatives

Amun-Atsu, they/it, 532 - Head of Interorganisational Relations

Dr Forrest, ???, ??? - Head of the Pataphysics Department

Chitin, it/its, 7 - Head of Tech Support

Xenon, they/them, 34 - Lead Cultural Consultant

[Image Not Found]

[DATA CORRUPTED], it/they, age unknown - Head of Astral Security

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Surveillance Drone

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Field-Operative Guide

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Sergeant - One stripe on the badge

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Captain - Three stripes on the badge

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Field Operatives:

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Tag Directory Below

[ewo-official]

"Their power is drawn from a wide variety of sources across history, and they have their own chronokinetic devices that safeguard them against attacks exactly like the one you're proposing. As for this Gary of which you speak, I do not doubt that they would find some way to neutralise it. And there is, even if all else fails for them, their human reboot machine, so they could wipe this world clean and start again, preserving themselves above all else of course, as they have done before. I am sorry to tell you that fighting the Jailors would be an all-out war, and it is not one we are likely to win."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Well, if you had a way to beat an opposition that has the power and resources to rewrite history so that your union never came to exist in the first place, I have a feeling you would have done so already given the nature of them that stands directly against everything you do for.

"In case some context and perspective are required, the EWO has a literal God at our helm we could call upon, and even we don't try to oppose the Jailors or Bookburners at the organisational level. And that's just when they're working separately! When they and their allies are united in a single effort, as they are in this matter, we don't stand a chance.

"I hope that gives you a good idea of the power these organisations hold and the difficulty inherent to opposing their precious normalcy, wherein not even gods could stand against them." There is a hint of defeatism in their voice as they speak, though their demeanour remains calm and collected.

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"As much as I would love for the removal of that restriction to be possible, there is no fighting the combined might of the Jailors, Bookburners, and their allies for organisations like the two of ours. They will do anything to protect their precious normalcy, including wiping the both of us from history, and they more than have the means to do so."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Oh, we have no issues with funding here, but the thought is greatly appreciated. Now, let me read through this paperwork." They take some time with their review of the rules, before putting the papers back down. "Well, I have encountered a singular potential issue. If I am to give records of my projects, the union would be required to follow mildly strict and extremely annoying secrecy policies in order to keep them, thanks to the two largest players in the extranormal sphere. I do hope that this isn't too terrible of an inconvenience to you."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Well, I know of a colleague who would love to join. Sadly, your mind is wholly incapable of registering the existence of. So even if I told you, you would immediately forget what you just heard, as has happened--" they look down at a screen "five times thus far. Aside from that conundrum, I imagine that Zudraann would be quite receptive, though his guild membership may prove an obstacle. Twobens may if his mood suits him at the time, but you would likely need to send someone else as I am unsure your hazmat suit would provide enough protection from his inherently strong magical nature. As for myself, I see no reason why I shouldn't join, so I might as well."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Of course, and I will leave that investigation to you, as it is far further into your court than I could ever hope to reach with confidence intact. Meteorology always was one of my weaker subjects, and none of my doctorates even come close to it. I'm sure you will have many a new word to coin in that pursuit."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Indeed there is, especially for scientists such as ourselves. Though, I have had many a debate over whether or not pataphysics counts as a science. I'm sure you can understand."

They sit behind their desk, putting some books aside to make space. They use said space to put the tea and coffee on the desk. One cup of each, both fresh and piping hot.

"Oh, where are my manners? I haven't even asked for your name! Would I be permitted that knowledge?" A snake crawls up their back and coils loosely around their neck as they speak.

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"To answer your questions in order:" Forrest pauses to take a breath, "because you're as close to an archetypal mad scientist as most people could reasonably get, and every mad scientist needs drama; any moment can be dramatic enough, it just requires the right timing and framing, I could recommend some great fiction with similar effects for you to get the gist of the narrative device; there are always non-pataphysical mechanisms for these things, most commonly they're what most people refer to as 'coincidences'; and it didn't but I would assume that the authors found that to be a humorous logical extension of the trope and so included it within the narrative." Forrest takes a second breath. "Did you catch all that, or would you like me to repeat?"

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Oh, why, it's for dramatic effect of course!" Dr Forrest speaks in such a matter-of-fact way, as if this was plainly obvious and the only reasonable explanation. Perhaps overestimating Merlyn's comprehension of pataphysics, they make no show of elaborating and the statement is simply left to end.

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"If it helps, you can always imagine or create a face to yell at. And, yes, I do have thoughts about your thunder, though I am unsure as to whether they will be helpful to you."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Well, pinpointing the actual identity of an author is nearly impossible, but every author has their narrative fingerprints that can be used to track their influence on our reality. It's far easier to determine more general things about authors, such as their cultural storytelling framework. As for communicating with them, if you so much as think out into the great beyond they will likely hear it."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Well, the hypothesis was first thought unfalsifiable. However, it has been independently tested multiple times by various organisations with various pataphysics departments. Each one came to a different conclusion, of course, as each was written by a different set of authors. I simply did a cross-referencing of various extranormal phenomena across various different worlds and found the common narrative themes tying them all together, before further cross-referencing the data with known rewrites of reality. Then it was simply a case of comparing results with the other research done on the topic that uncovered those other researchers' authors, which left the conclusion that the authors of this reality have written a version of their own with various modifications and tweaks."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Oh, well of course the culture of the author must be taken into account, so any self-respecting pataphysicist would have determined that within their hypothesis. Luckily, the authors that write our reality come from a reality similar enough to it that the comparison can be validly drawn."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists

[ewo-official]

"Well, for example, you could have a device that measures narrative adherence to the archetype of the hero. Such a device would need to, first, be able to measure 'hero-ness' and, second, be able to compare that measurement to the idealised concept of the hero. I'm sure that, given your doubtlessly genius-level intellect, you can imagine the intricacies and complexities that such a device would require just to be designed, let alone built."

There is a knocking on Dr. Forrest's door. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I was wondering if you had heard about the MSU and the benefits you might qualify for if you joined?" says a muffled voice from behind it. @union-of-mad-scientists

Dr Forrest opens the door with a smile on their face. Behind them lies a desk littered with open books.

"I have heard of your union before yes! Joining up has thus far eluded me, however." What sounds like the ding of a coffee machine finishing rings out into the corridor. "Please, do come in, I have tea and coffee made."

Despite the mess beyond the doctor, it seems Merlyn was expected.

@union-of-mad-scientists