#dr Crusher x counselor troi

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

Girlfriends

[vanderbilt-draws]

perfectly normal star trek ship art. ignore ness the waiter

(partially transparent text over the top right drawing says "get it because its because its matpat and lore im so funny")

[lamelycool]

I'm So Sorry

A/n: Love some family dynamics man. Anyays Uh this got really long. If you want the slightly extended ending I can post that too just ask! I hope you guys like it. Oh and if you see any errors/typos feel free to let me know:)

Warnings: mental issues, paranoia, character injury, character death?, blood/injury, self harm?

Summary: Data is worried he is broken. Is it all in his head or is there something seriously wrong with him? Can the crew save him from seemingly himself?

"I'm sorry Commander, but that's wrong." Wesley speaks up timidly.

"What do you mean?" Commander Data asks with a tilt of his head.

"Well, you said quadrant 4,5 yes?" Wesley asks nervously.

"I said quadrant 4.9,5.6 correct. Have I misspoken?" He asks. From anyone else the question may seem defensive or condescending, but not him. He asks like he asks any other question, with an earnest child-like curiosity.

"Yes sir. It's in quadrant 7,8 not 4,5." Wesley says, looking over at Data. He can't help but feel nervous at calling him out. He knows he's right, but him being right means Data is wrong. And that doesn't sit right with Wesley.

"You're only off by 3! But..." Wesley trails off.

Data looks down at the console and rechecks his calculations. "Indeed, you are correct Wesley. I am unsure as to how I thought it was 4.9,5.6 it is clearly 7.9,8.6." Data tilts his head. "Intriguing... When I run self-diagnostics I am functioning within normal parameters? But that is obviously untrue."

Wesley smiles sheepishly. His cheeks are lightly flushed from embarrassment. "It's alright! Mistakes happen sometimes sir." He soothes emptily thinnly veiling his concern. Data doesn't make mistakes unless something's wrong.

"But usually I do not make mistakes." Data replies. "I apologize for my error."

Wesley shakes his head. "Don't worry about it Mr. Data." He turns back to his console and tries slow his racing thoughts.

Why was Data off?

Is he alright?

Was it a simple mistake?

A minor error? System fluke?

Or is it something more serious?

Wesley takes a shaky breath. Panicking won't help anything. Data is fine. Data is always fine. He takes a deep breath and refocuses his attention to work.

"Captain?" Data speaks up, turning his seat to face him.

"Yes Data?" Picard looks up from his pad.

"May I be excused sir?" Data asks. He politely continues, "I would like to go to engineering so that Geordi can run further diagnostics on me. I fear that I may be experiencing a malfunction."

"Of course Data take your time." Picard says kindly with a nod.

Data stands then looks down at Wesley. "Would you like to take over for me while I am away?"

Wesley nods quickly. "Yes sir, thank you." He slides over and takes Data's place.

Once Data is relieved of his duty he exists the bridge and enters the turbolift. After selecting his floor he hits his com, "Geordi, do you have time to meet with me in engineering?"

"Of course I do Data! You know I always have time for you. And besides, things are pretty slow down here anyways. Is everything all right?"

"I am unsure Geordi. I believe I may be malfunctioning." Data says with an off tone. Almost anxious. Hearing this rings alarms bells in Geordi's head but he brushes it off. Too soon to worry, it could just be a false alarm.

"Like the last time you thought you were malfunctioning because you tripped?" Geordi jokes trying to keep the mood light.

"My optical sensors were off." Data shoots back.

"Very minutely my friend. Veryy minutely." Data can practically hear Geordi's 100 watt smile through the com. It also isn't hard for him to imagine Geordi shaking his head at his antics.

"Anyways I'll meet up with you and see what I can do about your lil problem. See you soon, Geordi out."

***

"I'm sorry Data I just don't see a problem. I've checked everything. And I mean e v e r y t h i n g. You are functioning just fine. Heck, you're functioning better than the last time you came in." Geordi says exasperated.

"Perhaps we sh-"

"Data." Geoedi grabs him by the shoulders gentle but firm. Looking into Data's eyes he says, "You're fine. Really don't worry so much. Maybe you should just rest for the day? Take your mind off things."

"Perhaps...Perhaps that is a good idea. Thank you Geordi." Data says sincerely.

"Of course Data. Anytime. Now then, go rest!" Geordi sends him away with a pat on the back and shoos him out of engineering.

***

Deanna's therapy sessions with Data were usually quite normal. She would listen to his observations and inquiries about the human condition. And about his journey of becoming, what he already is in her opinion, a person and more human like. She would only interrupt occationally to give her imput and advice when needed. While some might find his rambling annoying and monotonous, she finds it quite enjoyable. His unending stream of spoken consciousness is soothing, curious, and pure. Not to mention the lack of intense and intrusive emotions attacking her psyche is also pleasant.

But today was different. It was anything but a normal session. The moment he walked through the door she could sense something was off. He didn't speak nearly as much and even requested that she lead the session today. And when he did speak he responded breif and monotone. He seemed to be more interested in looking at the table or at his hands than at her. He avoided her eye contact like the plague.

While Deanna didn't want to push him to talk to her, she still wanted to know what was bothering him. She tried to give him time to process and open up on his own. But soon they were already halfway through the session and he still hadn't even hinted as to what was bothering him. So she decided it was time to be direct and just ask.

"Data...is everything alright? What is bothering you?" She asks him softly. But as he had been doing alot this session, he simply sits unresponsive. His eyes staring down at his hands unblinking. It was as if he was in another world, in a trance.

"Data?" She tries again to gain his attention. This time she even snaps her fingers in front of him trying to bring him back to the real world.

"..." He still didn't respond. That's it....

"Data!"

Data jolts his head up and looks at her eyes wide open. A second passes until he blinks slowly and fully snaps out of his daze. As if his processors just now decided to begin working.

"I am sorry counselor...what were you saying?" He tilts his head slightly, he still sounds far off and untethered but at least he's responding now.

"Are you alright? You were spaced out for quite some time." Deanna inquires brows furrowed. She could quite literally feel that something was off with him now. It was subdued but definitely present.

"Yes." Data responds automatically. Then after a beat of silence he shakes his head. "Actually no...I am not 'all right'. I worry that I am broken."

"Broken? Oh data." She croons and grabs his hands. "Why would you ever think you are broken?"

"Everything is...wrong" he looks down at their joined hands. He opens his mouth to speak again but no words come out.

"What do you mean Data? What's wrong? Are you feeling...off?" She offers.

"I cannot feel." He states robotically like he has many times before.

"Data..." She gives him a gentle yet pointed look.

"Sorry. Yes, I fee.... I am off. I am having calculation errors, I am unable to focus, and I always have the sensation of being watched although I know I am not. I feel as though I am not safe..." Data says anxiously now fidgeting with his and Deanna's hands.

"Oh my Data. I could see how that would make you feel off! When did this all start?" Her mind begins to race is someone stalking him or is it paranoia? Is it possible for him to be paranoid?

"I believe a week ago? Not long after we arrived in the Lohrn Cluster." Data answers quietly after some thought.

"Data... that was 2 weeks ago not one." She says eyeing him more concerned now. He doesn't make simple mistakes like that ever. Maybe he isn't being stalked and it is more than just paranoia.

"This is odd. Maybe you are suffering a malfunction? Have you spoke to Geordi?"

"I am not malfunctioning, Geordi already checked and said there was nothing wrong with me. He checked multiple times quite meticulously. But he still found no abnormalities."

"What about Beverly? Perhaps she would be able to help." Deanna says hopefully. "Maybe she could find something that was overlooked or have an idea of how to help?"

"Perhaps...thank you Counselor." Data stands and begins walking to the door. Deanna trails closely behind him hand on his lower back.

"Of course Data. Oh! How about in the meantine we start meeting more often. I'd say at least twice a week? Is that alright with you?" She asks gently. She wants to keep an eye in him. To make sure this isn't as serious as she feels it is.

Data nods stiffly, "That seems to be a good idea. Thank you again Counselor."

"Not a problem Data if you have any more concerns contact me." She gives Data a soft hug. It is brief and soon after he leaves out the door.

'I hope that it will help him. It pains me seeing him so out of sorts.' She thinks to herself watching him leave.

***

"I'm sorry Data I ju-

"Can not find anything? There is nothing wrong with me? I am in perfect condition right?" Data interrupts shooting up from his seat in frustration.

"Data!" Beverly looks at him in shock. Its not as though he yelled or even snapped at her. Its just so out of character for him to behave this way. Data sinks back down onto the medbed.

"I apologize Dr. It is just disheartening that no one can find what is wrong with me. And it seems as though no one believes me." Data speaks softly. Sounding like a scolded child, a sad, scared and scolded child.

"Data...I believe you! It's just I can't find the problem, you seem perfectly healthy! But that's obviously not the case...You are acting out of character and seem to be experiencing severe discomfort. I'm very concerned Data." She admits. Bev rubs Data's back in support and to comfort. It pains her to see her normally energetic and kind Data....so broken and sad. He may deny all emotions but times like this proves otherwise.

"Dr? Am...am I crazy?" Data chokes out.

"No! No, you're not crazy!" She tilts his chin up making him look her in the eye. She lets out a gasp when their eyes meet. His eyes are brimming with golden tears. "Oh my poor Data..." She mummurs to him.

That's what finally broke the dam. Golden tears begin pouring down his face and sobs wrack his body making him tremble like a leaf. Beverly pulls Data into her embrace, holding him tightly. She speaks gently trying to soothe him and whispers sweet nothings in his ear. She pats his back and rocks him gently. All the same as she would to Wesley when he was just a boy. And in an odd way she does see Data like a son and holds a lot of love for him. So to see him cry well... basically every cry he lets out is another stab to her poor heart.

Beverly decides the best course of action is to get the captain. She knows how much Data looks to him for support. And he ought to be able to calm himself down. So she taps her com badge. "Captain I need your assistance down in medbay. It's Data. Bring the counselor aswell if possible."

"Is he alright? What's going on?"

"You will have to see for yourself, please just hurry." Bev says exasperated.

"On my way now."

***

"Beverly?" Picard calls out entering sickbay.

"Back here." She calls softly to him just from the other room.

The captain makes his way back following her voice. When he steps into the doorway he freezes in shock at what he sees. Data, sobbing in Beverly's arms. Him whimpering and whining in a small wavering voice.

"Where's Deanna?" She mouths.

"Busy." He breathes out.

"Talk to him" Bev mouths. Picard looks at her wide eyed and shakes his head. The captain doesn't do well with tears. And with mushy sentiments.

"I don't know how." he whispers panicked. He honestly has no clue how to deal with emotions. Much less an androids. She gives him a pointed glare then rolls her eyes.

"Hey, Data? I have to go for a moment alright? Talk to the captain for now. I will be right back." She carefully untangles herself from him. Then goes to leave before the captain can protest. And she leaves Jean-Luc with the sniffling android to fend for himself. She knows the stubborn man can handle it.

Seconds pass until Picard gathers himself and his courage. And then he quietly crosses the room and takes a seat beside Data.

"Data...what is the matter?" The Captain asks rubbing Data's back.

"Eeverything...I am broken...aand now mmy chest hurts. I hurt. I should not hurt. My eyes are leaking. I aam broken. I do not waant to be broken." Data stutters out his lips quivering barely holding back his cries. Seeing Data so distressed breaks through Captains tough exterior and right into his heart nearly bringing himself to tears. Picard struggles to stay composed.

"Data you...you are not broken. It's normal to cry when overwhelmed. Just take some deep breaths with me. Then we can talk more." Picard orders. And so they sit there together simply breathing in and out. In and out. Until Data calms down. While he is alot calmer, his breath is still shaky and tears stain his alabaster cheeks gold.

"Now Data. How are you feeling?"

"I...I am unsure. I am conflicted. I was unaware I could cry." He sniffles sniffles.

"I was too Data...I was too. Would you like to talk about it?"

"Nno sir, if I may I would like to go to my room." Data requests, seemingly more composed than before. But he avoids looking into the Captain's eyes. Because he'd surely see right through him otherwise. And he'd burst back into tears. Data can't handle it he can barely think straight.

"That's fine Data. But I think you should go to engineering first to talk to Geordi. Then after you may have the day off."

"Yes sir...thank you. I'm sorry for crying." Data quips ready to leave as soon as possible.

"Don't worry about that Data." Picard shakes his head and gives Data a pat on the shoulder. "I'm just glad you're alright."

'I do not feel "alright"' Data thinks to himself as he leaves the medbay. He forgoes going to engineering and goes straight to his room instead. It is pointless to bother Geordi he thinks. He already knows what he will be told. He can't stand to hear it again. All he wants is to go home and hold Spot.

***

"I'm sorry I couldn't come with you captain what is it that you needed?" Deanna asks.

"Data he had an outburst."

"An outburst?"

"He was crying...he was sobbing."

"I- I didn't know he could cry." Deanna says in shock.

Picard laughs ruefully. "Neither did I."

"Is he alright?" She asks.

"No...No I don't think so. Deanna, you've spoken to him what do you think is going on?"

"I'm not certain captain but perhaps he is going through a break through of sorts? He has been seeming more and more emotional lately. Maybe the newly developing emotions are overwhelming him? Leaving him in a vulnerable state, much like a child still learning how to regulate emotions."

"If that's the case then what should we do?" Picard questions.

"For now I'd say it's best to just let him know we are here for him and give him guidance when he needs it." She sighs. "Other than that there's not much else I know to do...I wish I could be of more help."

"You are doing all you can Deanna. You're doing a great job."

"I know but I just don't feel like I'm doing enough." She sighs.

***

"Worf?"

Worf turns on his barstool to face Data. "Yes Lt. Data?"

"May I join you?" He asks.

Worf looks at him for a second then nods turning back the bar with a grunt. Data slides into the barstool beside him as Worf sips his cranberry juice. He waits for Data to speak first and observes him from the corner of his eye in the meanwhile. Worf's trained eyes quickly notice Data's on edge and fidgety behavior opposed to his usual calm and collected self.

"Worf may I ask you a question?" Data speaks up.

"You may." Worf turns to give him his full attention.

"I am uncertain as to how I should word this so I will not 'beat around the bush'." Data pauses and then speaks meakly, "I feel unsafe."

This catches Worf's attention as cheif of security. "What do you mean? Is someone giving you trouble? You just have to name them and I will see it handled, you need not worry!" Worf states fiercly sincere. He would do everything in his power to keep his family safe and Data is no exception.

"No, that will not be necessary. No one is giving me trouble. I simply feel unsafe in my mind... I seek your advice Worf. I do not know what to do."

Data avoids eye contact with Worf. He's not even sure why he felt the need to reach out to Worf. What could he do about the fact that Data is losing his mind? Not even the Dr or Counselor could help him.

"I see..." Worf pauses a moment to think. "You are a strong warrior you need not worry. But I will still keep an eye out for you just in case. If you would like you are welcome to join my Mok'bar class. It would help you to clear your mind."

"Thank you Worf. I will keep that in mind." Data states standing up from the bar.

"No need for thanks. Your safety is my duty." Worf grunts. He gives Data a strong pat on the back and then watches him leave.

***

"Data? Are you there?" Geordi calls from the hall. Geordi, Will, Deanna, and Worf have been waiting for quite awhile. They all decided to come to Data's room when he failed to show for their scheduled poker game. He also failed to respond to any of their messages.

When they get no answer Will decides to call this time. "Data are you there? Its Will." This time a faint buzz like hum can be heard from inside the room.

"Do you hear that noise?" Will asks. The group all agrees to hearing it and unease grows amongst them. This is such an odd situation and unlike Data. Although he has been acting stranger and stranger lately.

"That's it! Data if you do not respond now I will be forced to use my emergency override!" Worf barks out. After a moment of waiting he overrides the lock and storms into Data's room. His hand over his phaser ready to draw if necessary. The others enter behind him more cautiously.

A scan of the room the quickly reveals the cause of the ominous buzz. Data on the floor. Laying sprawled out on his stomach twitching. His face turned at an odd angle looking at them eyes open and unblinking. In a pool of his blood.

"Data?" Geordi calls urgently and rushes over to him. "Data!"

Geordi quickly kneels over Data who's breath is coming out in short sputtered gasps.

The others all stand in their own forms of shock and grief. Deanna cries as Will holds her against him. He is unable to look away from his friend's seizing body. Worf is comming Dr. Crusher, his eyes look anywhere but Data.

Geordi reaches down and rolls Data onto his back. His eyes spasm unfocused as his body continues to twitch. The buzzing hum coming from Data's slightly parted lips becomes more audible.

Geordi's quickly scans his friend and immediately notices the problem. There is damage to Data's bioplast in multiple areas, but mainly his throat which is ripped out. There is further damage across his temple with sparks flying from it. And finally in Data's steel clutch there are several wires and chunks of his bioplast.

"Data...what have you done?" Geordi looks down at him. His pale skin glistens with sweat and yellow blood that pours from him. "G-Geor-i" he spurtters out garbled by his blood. Geordi's eyes widen in surprise.

"Data! Stay with me buddy! You're gonna be okay. I gotcha...its okay." Geordi mummurs out while trying to stop the bleeding. He presses his trembling hands up against Data's throat. The room is so silent yet so loud. Deanna's soft cries with Will doing his best to soothe her. Worf's foot fall as he paces restlessly. And the hum from Data which is steadily growing more faint and quiet by the minute. Until finally the sound of loud voices and running can be heard from the hall.

"I'm here move out of the way!" Dr. Crusher commands as she rushes through the door. A couple other nurses rush in behind her silently awaiting her orders. Dr. Crusher comes to a stop and crouches beside Geordi and Data. With trained eyes she assesses the damage and has to hold back a gasp at the sight. It's worse than she was expecting. How could she expect this? Data soaked in his golden blood, eyes unfocused as if he was already dead. Lifeless. She shudders at the thought. She pushes her own feelings down with a deep breath and lets the doctor within her take over.

Beverly orders her nurses to prepare the gurney and to gently load him onto it. She turns back to Geordi. "Are you coming? We will need your help. You know his body best." She asks Geordi urgently.

"Y-Yes. I will. We should get him to engineering. Quickly." He stutters out to her trying to stay strong for Data. She nods and they all sprint to engineering.

***

"How are you buddy?" Geordi asks.

"I-I am bbrok...n." Data garbles out.

"I can tell." He chuckles mirthlessly. "I'm going to shut you off to prevent any further damage to your circuits is that okay?" He asks wanting Data's consent. He hates having to shut Data off as is. Much less without explicit consent. Feels wrong like killing his friend. Even though he knows he'll spring back to life the second he switches him back on.

Data tries to respond but chokes on blood and sputters. He instead responds with a small twitch of a nod with honeyed tear streaming down his face. Geordi tears up at the sight and reluctantly shuts him off watching his body go limp. Geordi flinches at the sight and calls the Dr. It's time.

***

"Worf how are you holding up?" Will asks worriedly. Worf has been silent doing nothing but stiffly standing by the door for over an hour now. And while Will may not be able to help Data, he can and will help Worf.

"Fine." Worf growls out in response.

Will approaches him slowly. "Worf, its okay to n-

"I said I'm fine!" Worf shouts punching the wall beside him. Will flinches in his spot not moving any closer.

"I- I am sorry...It's just..." He stammers struggling to find the right words. Will nods encouragingly and waits for Worf to continue.

"It was shocking to see Data like that. So hurt and fragile...I forgot he is capable of being hurt... Of dying" Worf lets out a shaky sigh. "But more so I'm angry! I'm angry that this could happen! That he would do this! That...That I didn't stop him."

"Worf none of us knew this would happen. Its not your fault."

"He came to me! For advice... for help! He needed me and I couldn't help him. When has he ever failed me? Never, he has always been there for me. And this is how I repay him? Leaving him for death..." Worf vents his anger his pain. Raging and raving to Will. When hes done he's left out of breath, sitting against the wall with Will beside him.

"Feel better?" Will asks with a weak smile.

"Yes...thank you"

***

"How is he doing?" The Captain asks Geordi.

Geordi sighs pinching the bridge of his nose. "He is is fully repaired and is rebooting now. But I won't be able to tell if there is any permanent damage to his neural net until he wakes up."

"What happened to him Geordi?"

Geordi stands silently then sighs. "He...It looks like he did it to himself. But why?" Geordi sighs defeated and begins pacing.

"Why would he do that? Why hurt himself? Was it a suicide attempt? I don't think he would try to kill himself. He's never even mentioned having suicidal thoughts! At least not since he was first activated. When he was dealing with neural pathway developments. But not now. It doesn't make sense," Geordi rambles hands shaking.

The Captain walks over and puts a hand on Geordi's shoulder. "Look I understand you're upset. I'm worried too. But there is nothing we can do about it right now. So let's focus on getting him back to full functionality and stable. Then we can discuss with him and try to get some answers."

"Okay yah. Yah... you're right." Geordi shakily nods.

"And to be safe we'll have Counselor Troi run an evaluation him. The Captain pulls him into a tight hug. "It's going to be okay Geordi."

"II know its just...I thought we lost him! Thatthat I lost him..." Geordi mummers in Picard embrace. Even though he tried to hold it in some tears fall. It's just too much for him to bear. Spending hours piecing together his friend's broken bloody body like some sick jigsaw puzzle. It took a huge toll on him.

"He's still alive thanks to you and Dr. Crusher's hard work. All thats left is figuring out the root of the problem and helping Data out." Picard rubs Geordi's back soothingly.

***

"Why did you do it?" Geordi asks in a trembling voice. "Why?"

Data looks around at the faces of his friends. He feels a sense of embarrassment and guilt. "I-I am not sure. It was like I was not in control of my body. I was just trying to get it out."

"Get what out Data?" Deanna asks gently. She moves to soothe Data.

"I do not know." He goes silent. He drowns in shame. He does not want them to think he is crazy. Seeing this Will quickly stops Data's spiraling thoughts.

"It's okay. We're going to figure it out Data don't worry." Will pats Data's shoulder. Deanna nods in agreement and grabs ahold of Data's hand shooting him a supportive smile.

"Geordi, have you looked into the circuitry that Data pulled? Maybe that has something to with it." Dr. Crusher asks.

"I did but there was nothing wrong with any of it... other than the damage from being pulled." Geordi trails off.

"Have you tried using a different setting on your scanner?" Worf speaks up. Everyone turns to look at him. Worf flushes at all the attention. "What?"

"Thats a great idea...why haven't I thought of that? Maybe there is something but it is not being picked up!" Geordi exclaims and starts adjusting his scanner. He scans and adjusts until finally he picks something up.

Geordi gasps and drops his scanner. "Oh my god..." He covers his mouth with his hand.

"What is it? What have you found Geordi?" The captain urges. The room is tense as everyone waits for Geordi to explain what is wrong with their Data.

"There is some type of parasite attached to his circuitry...and this whole time...I never noticed." Geordi mumbles nearly in tears again.

"We have to remove it, destroy it!" Worf growls out breaking the silence.

"Hold on hold on!" Riker says holding up his hand. "What exactly is it and where did it come from? Have we ever seen anything like this before?"

"No, not that I can think of," Geordi replies.

"This is not good news." The captain sighs. "All right, I want you to take Data to sickbay and see if you and Dr. Crusher can find a way to remove whatever it is that's attached to him."

"Yes sir." Geordi and Dr. Crusher leave with Data in tow.

Riker turns to the captain, "Do you think this might be related to our arrival in the Lohrn Cluster?"

" It does seem too coincidental that all this begins happening to Data at the same time we arrive here." Worf adds.

"Actually, you two might be right! I just remembered that Data mentioned he first started having issues shortly after we arrived." Deanna exclaims.

"Maybe we have an answer then," Riker replies.

Picard nods. "Well, let's hope so."

***

The next two days were busy ones for everyone. Dr. Crusher and La Forge working hard to find a way to remove the parasite from Data. And the rest of the crew is busy checking all of the systems on the Enterprise to make sure they were not infected. So far they have spotted only spotted a group of parasites attached to one of the navigational systems.

Weasley is also busy trying to figure out exactly where the parasites came from. And he's running experiments to see what affects them. And when he finally finds something he reports it back to Picard.

"Captain, I may have a lead for you."

"Excellent, tell me about it. Anything at this point would help us figure out how to get rid of these things." Picard says happy to have any answers.

"It seems that the parasites are attracted to specific frequencies. They will not attach to any of the lower frequency settings." He holds up a screen that shows two different settings on a transporter system.

"If we could somehow change the setting, they might not attach to it." Wesley says hopefully.

"This is a great lead thank you Wesley. Please share your findings with Mr. La Forge immediately." The captain orders.

"Yes sir!" Wesley runs off to med bay to speak with his mother and Geordi.

***

"That's genius Wesley! And I believe we already have proof to support your theory! I was able to find damage from other parasites that were present in Data's system. But when I found them they were already dead. The humming that Data was making when we first found him might have been what killed them!" Geordi says excited to finally have some solutions. He is ready to finally solve this problem once and for all.

"Happy to help." Wesley says bashfully then he turns to Data, "Data would you be able to do the humming again?" Wesley asks.

"I can try but I do not remember humming." Data says quietly. He is extremely worn down and drained. The parasite is physically and mentally exhausting him.

"That's alright just try. It was a deeper buzz like hum." Geordi describes. "I will be scanning the parasite I will let you know when there is a change. Alright?"

Data nods and starts to produce a hum noise progressively getting lower until. "Data there perfect! It is reacting."

Data continues the hum and the parasite struggles against the frequency until it dies. "Its dead Data! Good job." Geordi exclaims relieved.

"I am glad." Data sighs tired but happy it's finally over. "Thank you all. I am sorry for all the trouble."

"Of course Data! And you're no trouble! It's my fault! I should have taken you more seriously. I'm so sorry..." Geordi apologizes disappointed in himself. He should have believed his friend from the start, he shouldn't have brushed him off. This could have gone much worse. He would never have forgiven himself if Data had permanent damage or worse...died because of his negligence. Hech he can't forgive himself for anything right now as is.

"Geordi it is not your fault." Data gently brushes Geordi's cheek with his finger tips. "You could not have known. Besides everything is all right now."

Geordi laughes, "I'm supposed to be comforting you right now not the other way around." Data's lip twitches into a slight soft smile.

"It's good to have you back Data." Dr. Crusher pats Data on the back interrupting their moment.

"I missed you Data!" Wesley exclaims jumping between them and pulling Data and Geordi into a big hug. Beverly laughs watching them. She can't wait to tell the others that Data is well again. After all its good to have the family back together again.

[airlocksandaviaries]

I had an data idea/head canon that came from Wikipedia. Here’s my idea: Data learns that blushing is a human thing and so naturally wants to partake in it. This leads to him trying makeup, he has a tiny bit of blush that he keeps adding to and then Geordi notices and is confused. This could be funny, adorable and wholesome and I want it.

Oh. my. GOsh. This is an adorable idea. I am going to write a thing for it, dedicated to you. (Including some Beverly x Deanna bc you kinda got me on board for the ship! I'm more of a Tasha x Deanna person but I can definitely see it :D)

"Dr Crusher," Data said, regarding his friend kindly as she walked into the Turbolift.

"Data! You surprised me! Um, hello, It's nice to see you!" she said with a start as the lift doors closed behind her, looking somewhat flustered. "Sickbay," she added to the lift as it carried them off. Data cocked his head.

"Doctor? Are you feeling okay?" he asked, looking at her.

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I?" said Beverly, looking a bit confused.

"It is your face," said Data, as though that would clarify. "You seem unusually flushed. This is typically an indicator of a fever or other sickness, is it not?"

Beverly's expression changed from confusion to embarrassment, a sheepish smile creeping across her face.

"Oh," she said, "No, Data, I'm not sick. I just..." she searched for the words, then finally met Data's confused and worried gaze. "I just got done talking to Deanna," she finished.

"In a counseling meeting?" Data asked, still not understanding.

"No, Data," she said, "in a... personal meeting."

Data looked at her face and compared the look she was giving him with the look he saw in his engineering friends' faces when they came into work the day after a date, gushing about the time they had. It dawned on him.

"I see," he said. "You have romantic feelings for Counselor Troi."

Beverly nodded slowly, turning even redder. "Yes."

"And this has caused your face to flush."

"I suppose so."

Data ran through his database for every definition on blushing he could find, automatically downloading them all into his recent memory circuits. "Fascinating," he said. Beverly laughed, the tension in the room broken wonderfully.

"I never feel judged around you Data, it's fantastic," she said with a smile. Data just shrugged and continued downloading information about blushing and the concept of blood rushing to the face when embarrassed until the turbolift landed at his floor.

Data stood in his quarters next to the replicator. He was sure he had input the correct request. The replicator flashed and with a loud swishing noise, there was a makeup kit and a palette with tons of colors sitting in front of him. Geordi would be coming over soon, but he still had plenty of time to apply it before then.

This wasn't the first time Data had tried to imitate human quirks. The beard he had tried once, the yawning, and heck, even his head movements were all attempts at seeming more natural and human. Some were more successful and some were less so. But this one felt... different, somehow. Data insisted there was no possible way he could feel without his emotion chip and yet... the thought of doing something like this for Geordi stirred something in him, there was no denying it.

Data picked up the palette and leaned towards the mirror. He selected a medium sized brush and scanned the colors for something close to his skin tone. He decided on yellow. A blush is a blood rush, after all. Data didn't have blood, exactly, but there were certain fluids required to keep a machine like him running. And they happened to be quite similar to the color of his eyes.

Data carefully applied the powder to under his cheeks, his nose, and the tops of his ears, blending it carefully with a white color to match his skin. It was quite like painting, a skill Data was more than proficient in. He inspected his work until deeming it sufficient and putting away his makeup in a hidden place. He had no reason to hide it. But he still somehow... disliked the thought of Geordi finding out he had fabricated his meticulously crafted flushed cheeks.

All he had left to do was wait until he arrived.

Data was sitting at his art table, watching Spot clean herself, when the door beeped.

"Come in," he said brightly, and the door opened with a swish.

Data was of course expecting him, but seeing Geordi in front of him always filled him with... something. Surprise? Anticipation? A 'strong motivation'? He'd have to study it later.

It must have had something to do with Geordi's dimples as he smiled wide, or the way he leaned lazily on the doorway, hip cocked to the side, or the way he cheerily said Data's name in greeting.

Data invited him in and they sat on the couch, Geordi relaying tales of the terrible Ensign Jameson from engineering who still thought she was qualified enough to give orders to the other Ensigns, or how his Dad kept calling him to tell him about a book he wanted Geordi to read that Geordi had absolutely no interest in.

Data just listened on in admiration, watching his best friend talk, a smile playing at the edges of his lips. Geordi eventually turned to him.

"So how has your day been, Data?" he asked. Data opened his mouth to speak when suddenly Geordi stopped him. "Hold on."

"What is it, Geordi?" Data asked.

"Something's blocking your aura. I can see it through my VISOR, you're not glowing on your cheeks. Did you put something on your face?"

"Well, I-" Data began, but didn't get to finish again. Geordi brought his hand up to brush Data's cheek, checking to confirm his suspicions. This cut off Data's vocal function entirely as something, definitely not a feeling, but something spread through him at Geordi's intimate touch. He didn't need air but somehow forgot to breathe.

Geordi took his hand away from Data's face and brushed his fingers together.

"This is powder, Data. What did you do?"

Data turned away sheepishly. "I... I attempted to recreate a human function known as blushing. I heard from Doctor Crusher that it is very common to experience when talking to someone whom... you..."

Luckily Geordi cut him off with his signature chuckle as Data mentioned blushing.

"Data... you don't have to do that," Geordi said.

"I figured it would help me appear more human," said Data simply.

"No, no, I mean, you don't have to put powder on your face. You have biomechanical irrigation fluids ticking around your body with your pulse function already. We can design a function for you for that!" Geordi began getting excited, but suddenly reigned himself in. "I mean, if that's what you want to do," he said.

If Data could brighten, he did. "Of course it is, Geordi, if it can be done!"

"Great!"

Many hours later, in Engineering, they had perfected it. Geordi clicked the chip with the function on it into Data's head and gently closed him up. Data felt something happening very quickly.

"I designed it to work when your pulse picks up due to an overload of positive or negative sensory input," said Geordi. He smoothed Data's hair down as he finished connecting his head back together. Instantly something started whirring. He could feel his face heating up. It was surreal. The thought of what had caused it made his pulse quicken more which of course brought more fluid to his face.

"I believe... it might not be functioning properly," he said, fully aware now of the untruthfulness of his words.

A slow, sly smile grew across Geordi's face.

"Oh yeah?" he said. He knew Data. Knew what went on inside his heart and his head, no matter how much Data tried to deny it. And he knew when Data was lying. "Are you sure about that?" he asked.

Data still sat in his maintinence chair in engineering. Geordi spun around from his position behind it to face Data head on, bending down to meet his eyes.

"Looks like it's working just fine to me," Geordi continued slowly. Data knew that under his visor Geordi was inspecting the yellow blush continuing to spread over Data's face. Data kept repeating to himself in his head that he didn't have feelings, but how could he explain what was happening to him in that moment.

"I..." Data began, his sensory processing chip being flooded with information it couldn't quite comprehend. Geordi leaned closer. Data's breathing function shut off for the second time that day. Suddenly Geordi gave him a quick kiss, right on the cheek, right on the blush they had worked so hard to give to Data.

"Yellow looks good on you," Geordi said as he pulled away. "Really lights up your aura." Data's mouth hung open as Geordi walked away, for once at a complete loss for words.

[the-leech-lord]

STIMBOARD MASTERLIST PART 1

Horror

Freddy Krueger

The Fifth Floor

Slashers

Transfem Leatherface

Chop Top

Camp Counselor Jason Voorhees

Harry Warden

Scream

Buck from Eaten Alive

Dr Andover from Fear Clinic

Erik Destler (1989)

Catboy! Freddy Krueger

Kamen Rider Den-O

Momotaros

Urataros

Kintaros

Ryuutaros

Sieg

Deneb

Ryoutarou

Kamen Rider Build

Kamen Rider Build

Kamen Rider Build Hazard Form

Kamen Rider Grease

Evolt Black Hole Form

Bloodstalk

Kamen Rider Revice

Kamen Rider Revi

Kamen Rider Vice

Kamen Rider Evil / Kagero

Star Trek The Original Series

Jim Kirk

S’Chn T’Gai Spock

Leonard McCoy

Montgomery Scott

Nyota Uhura

Hikaru Sulu

Pavel Chekov

Genderbend Spock

Star Trek The Next Generation

Jean-Luc Picard

William Riker

Data Soong

Geordi La Forge

Deanna Troi

Beverly Crusher

Worf

Wesley Crusher

Q

Q (Anti Stims)

Robert Englund characters

Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street

Willie from V

Blackie from Nightmare Cafe

Buck from Eaten Alive

Dr Andover from Fear Clinic

Smiley from The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Erik Destler from Phantom of the Opera (1989)

Catboy! Freddy Krueger

Huniepop

Aiko Yumi

Audrey Belrose

Beli Lapran

Jessie Maye

Kyanna Delrio

Lola Rembrite

Nikki Ann-Marie

Tiffany Maye

Celeste

Momo

Venus

Kyu Sugardust

Cringetember

Genderbend - Spock

Fursona - Vance

Goth - Tarn

Self Insert - Questionnaire

OC x Canon - Kaon X Cable

Yandere - Erik Destler

Neko - Freddy Krueger

Tumblr Sexyman - The Warden

Crossover Ship - Elsa X Thrax

Niche Interest - Comic Collecting

Hananaki Disease - Flowerfell Frisk

Maid dress - Tohru

Sailor Uniform - Konata Izumi

Scene - TFA Random Blitzwing

Crossover - Star Trek TOS x Green Lantern

Rainbow - Rainbow Dash

Emo - Mafuyu Asahina

Evil Version of a Good Character - Cupcakes Pinkamena

Edgelord - Underfell Papyrus

Gijinka - Parasect

Hetalia - America

Creepypasta - Laughing Jack

My Little Pony - Princess Cadence

Undertale - Sans & Papyrus

Undertale AU - Errortale Sans

Five Nights At Freddy’s - Withered Bonnie

Vocaloid - Big Al

Invader Zim - Gir

South Park - Tweek Tweak

Soul Eater - Death the Kid

Death Note - L

Masterlist Part 2

[tough-girl9]

Make Us Stronger (Data x Female Reader)

Mechanical Rose Series Part 4

Mechanical Rose Series Part 1: First Base

Mechanical Rose Series Part 2: Android Mine

Mechanical Rose Series Part 3: Exobiology

Mechanical Rose Series Part 5: Mother Knows Best

Mechanical Rose Series Prequel One-shot: Crush

Summary: After a terrifying encounter, you find yourself struggling to feel safe with your dear android. But you know you can't lose this relationship that means so much to you, and you won't let anyone steal it away, so you and Data begin the journey to reclaim your trust and perhaps even grow far closer than you were before.

Content warning: this story is a bit darker than prior installments of this series. It contains a scene of sexual assault (violent non-consensual kiss done to the Reader), along with conversation about this event and resulting trauma throughout the story. There are also some vague, implied references to rape (which did not occur). The story deals heavily with the emotional and physical trauma following sexual assault.

Rated: T

Also posted on AO3

-------------------------------------------------

You're in your quarters when the Red Alert starts.

You had just finished up your shift for the day in Science Lab Two, had gone back to your quarters, pulled off your shoes and replicated yourself a Samarian sunset, and put your feet up when the siren begins to blare.

A moment later, the Captain's voice filters over the intercom system. "All personnel and civilians, there is a current ship-wide security alert. Please proceed calmly to the nearest room and lock the door. Do not open the door for anyone whatsoever until the Red Alert is canceled. Please remain calm; our security team is handling the issue. Thank you."

The intercom turns off. Setting your glass on the coffee table in front of your couch, you go to your door and lock it, then return to your seat and your drink. This isn't the first Red Alert you've been through, but you'd be lying if you said something inside you didn't still clench with worry. The siren's blaring is impossible to ignore. You take a sip of your drink, set it down, pick it back up, set it back down without taking another sip, then rise and walk over to your window. You're one of the crew members lucky enough to have an "edge" room, a room on the side of the ship with a curved window looking out into space. When you were first assigned these quarters, there was something unnerving about knowing that there was nothing on the other side of your wall except the endless vastness of space. Sometimes it's still unnerving, but there's something soothing as well about standing there and watching the stars flash by.

You lace your fingers together and fidget with them, biting your lip. You hate feeling helpless, and right now that's exactly what you feel. It's not that you don't trust the ship's security, but you hate sitting in your quarters waiting while an unknown danger threatens your ship. You can't help but wonder what's happening out there.

Your thoughts turn to the Bridge and the senior staff. They've all been trained for situations just like this, whatever it is, and you know they'll take care of the problem. But you can't help it if your thoughts linger on someone in particular.

Where is Data? Is he safe?

It's foolish, you know. Data is probably more capable of taking care of himself and less susceptible to harm than anyone else on the entire ship. And when you started dating the android second officer, you knew that his position came with a wide variety of risks. But it still tears at your heart to wonder where he is and if he's in danger.

You pace into your adjoining bedroom, fidget there for a while, then pace back out into your modest-sized living area. The siren continues to wail rhythmically.

Suddenly, your door beeps, causing your to jump and whirl towards it. Someone is at your door. You back away, heart pounding in your ears.

The door beeps again. Your breath is nearly frozen in your throat until you hear a familiar voice calling to you from the other side of the door. "Y/N, it is Data. I require your assistance. Please open the door."

You hesitate, torn. The Captain ordered all personnel to keep their doors locked until the Red Alert ended. But then again, Data would have come from the Bridge, likely on the Captain's orders. He would not have come to you except for good reason.

"Y/N, it is urgent. Please open the door." There is an edge to Data's voice that you've never heard before, something almost sharp.

You make up your mind. Going over to the control panel by the door, you unlock the unit and it chirps softly. A moment later, the door slides open and Data hurries in, illuminated by the eerie red glow of the sirens going off in the hallway. The door hisses back shut behind him.

You hurry over to him. "Data! Are you all right? What's going on?"

He's in full uniform and there's a type two phaser strapped to his hip. Instead of answering you, he strides over to your replicator, his movements quick and graceful. "Biochemical lubricant, two liters," he says, and the replicator whirrs to life. A cylinder filled with a yellowish liquid appears, and Data lifts it and drinks it quickly down.

"Data, what's going on?" you repeat.

He looks over at you and for a split second, you think you see something strange in his eyes. You can't exactly put your finger on what it is, but for a moment something seems off. It's as if his calm golden stare is a façade, and there's a smoldering fire burning just beneath the surface. But the next moment it's gone and you doubt whether you saw anything at all. It's probably just the stress getting to you.

"Y/N?" Data crosses over to you. "Do not be concerned. The situation will soon be under control."

You reach for his hand. "What is it? Are we under attack?"

Data's fingers twitch when you grasp his hand, but he curls his fingers around yours. "I cannot explain at the moment, but there is no need for you to worry. All will be taken care of."

You nod in acknowledgement, trusting his words, but then you frown slightly. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on the Bridge?"

"Captain Picard granted me permission to leave the Bridge and come to you. I…wished to make sure you were safe."

Your frown deepens. Even though you know Data cares deeply for you, it's still not like him to show this level of sentimentality, nor the Captain to be so lenient about his senior officers leaving their stations, and in the middle of a Red Alert no less. Something about the whole situation feels off, though you can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

Perhaps Data sees the consternation and doubt in your face, for his cups your cheek in his free hand, guiding you to look directly up into his face. "Y/N, I must tell you the truth as I am programmed to do. I came to you because…because I love you."

The sense of unease sinks into the background as your heart simultaneously seems to jump into your throat and to float out of your chest. You stare at Data as everything fades out of focus except his alabaster face. Even the blaring of the sirens seems to fade into the background.

"Data…" you whisper, struggling to process the fact that he just said…to you…that he… "Oh, Data."

You reach up and cup his face as well, trembling slightly, then as if drawn to him like a magnet, you raise yourself up on your toes and press a kiss to his lips.

For a second or two – long for Data – he doesn't respond and he seems stiff, almost wooden, against you. But then suddenly he kisses you back, and his mouth his hard and sharp against yours.

Instantly, instinctively, you know something is very, very wrong.

Data is never hard and sharp.

You don't know what exactly is wrong, but you do know that something is definitely not right and you pull away from him. But he grabs your wrist, not hard enough to break bone but tight enough that it is unpleasant, and his fingers twist into your hair, pulling you against him. You make a sound of protest against his hard, sharp kiss, which quickly turns into panic when he doesn't release you. You begin to struggle, trying to pull your hand away from his iron grip, but he turns you and shoves you against the wall, pressing himself against you and trapping you. Data has never, ever used his strength against you. This is all wrong. You are struggling in full now, panic surging through you, because it is Data and yet it is not Data, and you do not know what is happening. You whimper in terror, and you feel his lips twist into a smile against your mouth.

He releases you as suddenly as he seized you, and you quail away from him, your whole body trembling. "Data! What's the matter with you? What's going on?"

Data sneers at you. In an instant, the familiar calm presence of Data dissolves away entirely, leaving behind a being who shares Data's face but everything else about him is wrong. His lips are still twisted into that lopsided sneer, his movements are arrogantly graceful and predatory, and his eyes burn with an angry, scornful fire. Danger radiates off of him.

He saunters towards you, grinning when you cringe away from him, and when he speaks, his voice is no longer Data's either, but lower, rougher, irreverent. "Ah, are you frightened of me, my little doll? You're even more stupid than I'd guessed you would be. The look on your face when I said I loved you! You actually believed it! As if that emotionless tin knockoff even knows what love is. Ha!"

The truth begins to dawn on you, and with it a cold, grasping fear that clutches at your very soul…

"Leave her alone, Lore."

You whirl towards the door. Data is standing there – the real Data – with his hand resting on the grip of his phaser. His eyes are unblinking, his stance tense, but you know this is the right android this time. Your muscles tense with the instinct to run to him.

But you aren't quick enough. Lore springs like a cat and grabs you, dragging you back against him, his cruel fingers tight around your wrist again. When you attempt to struggle, he squeezes until you cry out, and you recognize the warning and realize that he will have no qualms about snapping your wrist if you don't cooperate with him. You see something hovering just out of your field of vision; twisting your head just slightly, you find that Lore has his phaser out and pointed directly at your head. You suspect it's not set to stun.

"Ah, there you are, Brother." Lore's voice is gleeful, though there's a bitter edge underneath the smirk. "I was just wondering if I'd have to go find you myself. Never mind though, I've been enjoying getting to know your little human lover while we waited for you to show up."

You plead to Data with your eyes, your voice having dried up with fear. Data's eyes flicker quickly to your face then back to Lore. His whole body is rigid, his gaze intense. His fingers twitch impulsively against his phaser.

Apparently, Lore sees his brother's subtle movement, for a moment later he laughs. "Go ahead and try it! Our father may not have seen fit to construct me with the care he took with you, but we both know he at least gave us equal speed and strength. Make one move to lift that phaser and I'll vaporize her feeble mortal brain before you even have it out of your holster."

Lore's fingers tighten with the threat and you whimper with the pain that shoots down your arm. Data's strength has always been something you loved about him, but for the first time doubt creeps into your thoughts at the realization of how dangerous he could be if he wanted. Data's eyes quickly flit to your face again at your pained cry and some subtle change flashes through them, a depth as if they could contain the whole galaxy.

"Release her, Lore." Data's voice is harder than you've ever heard it. "It is me you want, not her, is it not? Now that I am here, there is no further reason for you to continue to involve her. Let her go."

Lore laughs scornfully. "All these years around humans and you're still so ignorant about anything to do with emotion. I'm not you, Brother. I have plenty of reasons to keep her involved, not the least of which is to watch you wrestle with that ridiculous ethical program our father installed in you, presumably so you didn't turn out like me." You can hear the malicious grin in his voice. "I'd also forgotten how much I enjoy seeing these creatures scared of us as they should be. You're far too docile around them, Brother."

"I believe you are confusing the term 'docile' with 'peaceful'," Data replies. "They are my friends and companions, not my masters. I hope someday it is a differentiation which you are able to comprehend."

Lore's voice becomes a low hiss. "That is only because you have not had the privilege of seeing the side of them that I have. Am I wrong to treat them like the monster they will always see me as?"

"Yes," Data responds simply. "I do not condone the wrongdoings that have been perpetrated against you, and while I do not regret my existence, I regret that I was brought into being at the cost of our father never being able to repair you. But that does not excuse the atrocities that you committed yourself. I do not wish to hurt you, Brother, but I will if that is what is necessary to protect my girlfriend, or anyone else aboard the Enterprise whom you threaten."

Lore sneers. "Your girlfriend. And I thought you had sunk as low as possible when I first discovered that my little brother had cast in his lot with organisms who wouldn't care less if he was stripped apart for junk metal. But this, this is the lowest I can imagine you sinking! Always trying so hard to mimic them but never able to enjoy any of the experiences themselves. What does it feel like when she kisses you, Data? Does anything happen in your positronic brain other than the calculations of temperatures and pressures? Not that I can say I'm impressed with her kissing abilities, but still."

Data's head jolts up sharply, his lips parting. It's the expression you've seen him make when he's startled but more pronounced. But his lips quickly tighten and his brow creases. "Have you harmed her, Lore?" His voice is lower than you've ever heard it before and somehow darker. For a second, you get the clear impression that the android across from you is just as dangerous as the android behind you.

Lore's grip on your wrist loosens slightly, though not nearly enough to attempt an escape. His voice is taunting now, almost sing-song. "Maybe a little bit, but nothing your brilliant doctor won't be able to fix, I'm sure. What is this, Brother? Concern? Does the thought of me causing her distress bother you?" He shifts a little so that he's beside you rather than behind. You turn your head cautiously so that you can see him in your peripheral. He's grinning, malicious cruelty shining in his golden eyes. "You know what, I had just meant to use her to lure you here, but I like this idea even better. Throw your phaser and commbadge to the other side of the room, and I promise I'll only use the highest stun setting on you so that you don't go calling your human friends the moment I'm out of your sight. But I take her with me, as a little payment for that two-year jaunt in outer space those few years ago. And if you or any of your darling humans come after me, I promise she will be harmed. Very, very harmed."

He tips his head back, teeth glinting, fire in his eyes. "Now toss away your phaser and commbadge now, or I'll start up the fun right here in front of you."

Data hesitates for less than a second, then he reaches up and removes his commbadge, tossing it away. His other hand carefully closes around the handle of his phaser.

Lore's eyes are fixed on Data like a cat on a bird, and you notice he's moved the phaser from your head as he prepares to blast his brother. For a split second, time seems to slow down.

Something tells you that this is the last moment to act. If Lore shoots Data, you don't know if you'll ever see your android again, and from the stories you've heard combined with these last few minutes of personal experience, you know Lore will make good on every one of his terrible threats. Somehow, you know losing you would break Data's heart.

And you can't let that happen.

In that single, long, drawn-out moment, a vivid memory flashes through your mind. Your last date with Data. Your android stretched out on the grass, shirtless, a look of something so very like pleasure on his face as you touch his bare bioplast.

It's not until later that you consciously realize the importance of that memory: your discovery that Data's body has points of heightened sensation corresponding with more sensitive zones on humans. At the time, you merely act on pure instinct.

You've been trained in personal defense, just like all Starfleet officers. And even though you know that you don't stand a chance against Lore's strength and speed, you hope for the remainder of that fleeting moment that the absolute insanity of what you're about to do pays off.

You twist in Lore's grasp, not attempting to break free but enough to face him fully, and bring your knee up, driving it as hard as you can straight into Lore's crotch.

You know that such a move is unlikely to incapacitate an android the way it would a human, but you hope in the moment of contact that it's just enough.

Lore makes a grunting sound, nowhere near the cry of pain that a human would have emitted, but it's not a particularly happy sound all the same. His grip on you loosens fractionally and his hand holding the phaser wavers and drops an inch or two.

Whatever discomfort Lore just experienced lasts only a split second. He curses and his hand instantly tightens around your wrist once again, this time crushingly hard. Tears force their way into your eyes and you let out a sobbing cry as you feel the bones in your wrist start to crack under Lore's cruel fingers.

"Lore!"

Lore freezes, and through your tears and the mist of pain, you force yourself to look up as well. But what you see brings hope swelling back up into your chest again.

All you gave Data was a split second, but for Data, a split second was more than enough time to draw his phaser and level it straight at Lore.

Lore's eyes flick down to his own phaser, the point of which has dropped just enough that it would no longer hit Data without lifting it. Lore is now in the same position that Data was in moments ago.

"Let her go, or I will shoot you." Data's voice is completely matter-of-fact, and somehow more terrifying because of it.

Lore releases you and you manage to stagger far enough away from him that he can't grab you again before crumpling to your knees to cradle your broken wrist.

Lore laughs, though now there's anger underneath the sound rather than malicious glee. "Well done, Brother, maybe there's more fire in you than I thought. Now let's see: will you fry my neural net yourself or will you let your human friends do it for you?"

"Neither," Data responds, "but you will find that your actions have consequences." He backs up gracefully, keeping his phaser trained on Lore, until he reaches your intercom panel. He presses it. "Security to Lt. Y/N's quarters immediately. This is Lt. Commander Data. I have apprehended the threat."

He turns his attention back fully to Lore, but the hardness is gone from his face and instead there's that deep vastness in his eyes again. "It causes me no pleasure to hand you over to Starfleet, Lore, but I cannot take the risk of you harming those I care about nor can I justify releasing you, as a Starfleet officer sworn to protect innocent life. It is no fault of my own that it has come to this, but entirely due to your actions, Brother."

There's the sound of the door lock being overridden, then several members of the security team, headed by Lt. Worf, charge into the room. Lt. Worf looks back and forth between the two identical androids, clearly hesitating over which one is which, but Data inclines his head towards Lore. "Lt. Worf, please remove my brother's phaser and take him into custody before he causes further harm."

Worf looks Data over, then looks down at you, clearly noting the way you are cowering away from Lore. This seems enough to satisfy him, for he grunts and jerks his head towards Lore. The other members of the security team approach Lore cautiously, their phasers all trained directly on him at the highest stun setting. Lt. Worf pulls Lore's phaser from his hand and claps a pair of handcuffs on the defeated android. The dark silver sheen of the cuffs indicates duranium, one of the few substances that Lore is unlikely to break.

As the security team takes Lore away, their phasers still pointed at him, he shoots Data a glare of pure venom. "I guess you've proved once and for all whose side you're on," he spits viciously. "Your darling humans mean more to you than the only other one of your own kind, your own brother. I only hope you don't come to regret your choice on the inevitable day that they decide you are the same threat as me and begin tearing you apart piece by piece."

There is no spite in Data's expression or voice. "It was you who forced me to choose between the two, Lore. If I had my true choice, it would be to live in harmony with both you and my human companions. I do not wish this for you, Brother. In time perhaps we may revisit the status of our brotherhood, but for now I must bid you goodbye."

Whatever Lore might have responded with is cut short by the door hissing shut.

Instantly, Data is kneeling at your side. "Y/N, are you all right?"

You mind recognizes that the danger has passed and the adrenaline drains away, leaving you shaking with all the fear you hadn't been allowing yourself to feel these last five minutes. Nauseating pain radiates up your arm. As you realize just how bad things could have gone and just how easily, you feel your stomach heave, and then you are sobbing so hard it makes you gag.

Data pulls you gently into his arms on the floor and you bury your face in his chest, sobbing as you feel his familiar touch enveloping you. "Commander Data to Sickbay," you hear him say. "Doctor, I am in need of assistance in Lt. Y/N's quarters."

"We're on our way, Data," the doctor's voices comes back over the commbadge before Data taps it again.

"Y/N…Darling…Lore will not be able to harm you again and Dr. Crusher will soon fix your broken wrist. Everything is going to be 'all right'."

But everything is not all right, and you are in no state to explain any of it to Data, or yourself, yet.

It's probably less than a minute before your door opens again, this time to admit Dr. Crusher and her medical team, though it seems like a lifetime. Your face is still buried deep in Data's chest, your mind still numb with the horror of your ordeal. Data's arms are still around you and you want them to squeeze away the pain, but his touch feels nowhere near as comforting as you long for it to be.

Vaguely, you hear Data explaining briefly about Lore and detailing your injury, then there's another hand on your arm. "Lt. Y/N?" Dr. Crusher's voice is gentle. "You're not in danger any longer. Data says your wrist is injured. May I take a look?"

You nod through your tears and Dr. Crusher kneels on the floor next to you and Data. She scans your wrist with a medical tricorder. "Two microfractures and a minor crack in the radius. This will be an easy enough fix. Just hold still and try not to move your hand or arm."

One of the nurses hands her a tool which she hovers over your arm. A blue glow envelopes your wrist and a tingling sensation replaces the searing pain. After several seconds, Dr. Crusher scans your wrist again. "I'm not reading any more fractures. Will you please lift your hand and roll your wrist? Like this?" She demonstrates with her own hand and you mimic the movement without pain.

She nods, seemingly pleased, and packs her instruments back into the nurse's medical bag. "Are you experiencing any other areas of pain right now?" When you shake your head, she purses her lips thoughtfully, glancing from you to Data and back to you. "I'd still like you to accompany me to Sickbay where we can run a full scan to make sure there are no further injuries lurking beneath the surface."

The doctor and Data help you to your feet. Once you're steady, you look at Dr. Crusher and ask in a quiet voice, "Could we have a moment?"

Dr. Crusher nods, first to you, then to the nurses, and they step out of the room, letting the door slide shut. Suddenly, you are alone with Data once again. Instead of feeling comforted, you're strangely jumpy and the room feels too small and tight, but you push past it to turn to Data, though for some reason you can't meet his eyes. "Back…back there…thank you, Data."

"You are welcome, Y/N." Data's voice is soft and serious. "I only wish I had more quickly foreseen my brother's plan and forestalled him from ever reaching you."

"It's not your fault." Your sense of discomfort is growing, like something crawling up your back and neck. The walls press in and everything is too dark. "I should go with Dr. Crusher to make sure…I'm not hurt anywhere else."

"Yes, that would be best," Data agrees. "Would you like for me to accompany you?"

An affirmative answer jumps automatically to your lips, but no sound emerges. Of course you want him there. He's your boyfriend, the person you love and trust the most on this entire ship. Especially after such a terrifying experience, you want him with you. Don't you? So why are you still hesitating to answer and why is there a part of you that wants to run as far from him as you can?

You take a step towards the door and stumble forward, and Data instantly reaches out, slipping his arm underneath yours to support you, and his fingers close around your forearm.

Suddenly in a flash, they're not Data's fingers anymore, nor his body pressing behind you, nor his breath against your cheek. Your terror crashes back over you.

You scream and shove him as hard as you can, and he stumbles back a pace or two. You're shaking again, so violently you think you might throw up. But then the android looks up and into your eyes and it's Data again, soft, gentle, kind Data, but the startled surprise – and dare you say it, hurt – on his face cuts into you. His lips part…

"…and the door hisses back open, revealing Dr. Crusher who is looking at you in concern. "Is everything all right? I thought I heard a scream."

You stumble over to the doctor and she takes your arm. "I want to go to Sickbay," you say shortly, keeping your head down. Anything to get away from this room.

Anything to get away from him.

Dr. Crusher glances up and back into the room as she leads you out, and you know she's exchanging a look with Data, but you can't bring yourself to turn back to him. You're not sure what passes between them, but a moment later, the doctor begins leading you down the hall, talking to you about you don't know what, but the sound of her voice is comforting so you don't mind the kind chatter.

Data doesn't follow.

~o~o~o~

An hour later, after Dr. Crusher has run all the appropriate scans and confirmed that you have no other physical injuries, you're released from Sickbay. For that hour, you've felt shaky and numb but relatively safe, but the moment you reach Sickbay's threshold, fear grips you again. You turn back, wondering if you can come up with an excuse for one more scan so that you can stay just a little longer.

Dr. Crusher must have noticed your hesitation for she stops on her way into her office. "Lt. Y/N, was there something else I can do for you?"

You bite your lip, suddenly feeling foolish. "No, no, Doctor. I don't think there's anything else you can do."

Dr. Crusher's eyes soften and she steps up next to you so that none of the other nurses in the room can hear. "Why don't I walk you to wherever you'd like to go? There's no one else I need to see immediately and my nurses can handle whatever might come up in the next ten minutes." She gives you a small smile and a subtle wink. "I'd be negligent if I didn't make sure my patient can walk properly to and from her destinations before releasing her entirely."

Gratitude rises to form a lump in your chest and you nod, silently accepting the doctor's offer. "I think…I think I'd just like to go back to my quarters for the time being," you murmur. You feel torn. On the one hand, you don't like the thought of being alone in that room. But at the same time, the thought of Ten Forward or any of the more public areas of the ship make you feel equally nauseated. At least in your own quarters, you can lock the door and not have to talk to anyone until you choose.

Dr. Crusher nods and the two of you walk silently back to your quarters.

Once back, you press your panel and as the door hisses open, only then does Dr. Crusher speak. "I don't have any further worries about your physical health, but I imagine you'll be facing things in the upcoming days and weeks that I won't be able to help you with. Please don't hesitate to see Counselor Troi. It's what she's here for." She flashes you a kind smile. "Consider it the doctor's recommendation."

"Thank you," you reply as you step through the door, then it hisses back shut and you are left facing the dark emptiness of your quarters.

~o~o~o~

That night, you toss and turn in your bed, drifting in between snatches of dark dreams and confused waking that is little different from the dreams. More than anything, you long for the day watch hours, even though you're not sure what difference that will make as you still don't feel like being around anyone else and Dr. Crusher recommended you take at least a few days of medical leave from your duties to recover, so you have no work to occupy yourself. But anything seems better than this restless world in between waking, memory, and dreaming. The only thing you long for is deep, dreamless sleep, but the universe doesn't seem willing to grant you that.

Finally, sometime in the wee hours of the night watch, you roll on your side, hugging your pillow desperately to you, and start to cry, from exhaustion as much as from emotion. It's the first time you've let yourself cry since the moment right after, and you'd been able to feel it building up inside you all day. It comes now as ragged, heaving sobs, and your pillow is soon clingy and damp with tears.

You think of Data. He's not working night watch tonight, you happen to know, which probably means he's awake in his quarters running diagnostics or running his dream program, neither of which would he mind being disturbed from. You could easily go to his quarters, ask him to hold you and let you cry into his chest, and you know he'd welcome you without hesitation. You long for the feeling of his arms around you, comforting you as he does so well. You imagine looking up into his gentle face and letting the calm gold of his eyes fill you with the sense of peace that they always do.

But the moment you imagine it, Data's soft expression melts into Lore's cruel sneer. The phantom feeling of his arms constrict until you can't breathe, and the pit of your stomach drops out beneath you, leaving you to feel like you're falling with no one to catch you. No matter how hard you try, Data's face won't return and Lore's leer is unbearable.

As you roll over and sob even harder, you wonder if you'll ever feel safe in Data's arms again.

~o~o~o~

"Take all the time you need. I'm here to talk when you're ready."

You stare around the pristine room, looking at but not really seeing the potted plants, tasteful accents, and the tea set sitting on the coffee table in front of you, anywhere but at the dark-haired woman sitting in the blue plush chair across from you.

It's not the first time you've been in these quarters. All Starfleet personnel are required to take a psych analysis upon being commissioned, and all crew members are encouraged to visit the ship's counselor on at least a semi-regular basis. You've generally never had much to talk about before at such visits, nothing beyond work-related stress or the occasion interpersonal conflict to work through. And you've never found Counselor Deanna Troi to be anything other than kind and respectful, so you don't know why you're having so much trouble talking to her now. At this point, you're probably five minutes into the session already and you've said a grand total of nothing other than declining a cup of tea.

"Perhaps if you're finding it difficult to find a starting place, you can just describe to me what happened," Counselor Troi says. She could probably sense your feelings of helpless restlessness and how at a loss you are, as well as your self-frustration, you realize after a moment. "You may find that telling me a story is easier than trying to talk to me about all the emotions you're feeling right now."

You nod and swallow. "I was in my quarters yesterday when the Red Alert started. I…I heard the Captain's announcement and locked my door. It was maybe two, I don't know, maybe three minutes later that I heard someone at my door. I thought it was Data, so I let him in." Your eyes drop and your cheeks burn at the admission. When you glance up however, there's no condemnation in the counselor's large, dark eyes, and you swallow again. "I spoke to him briefly, thinking he was Data, but then he…he attacked me. Then Data was there and they both had their phasers out. Lore was threatening to shoot me if Data didn't stand down, and then he started threatening to take me with him and hurt me if anyone tried to follow. I think he was angry and distracted by Data, I don't know, but I was able to twist around and kick him. He broke my wrist for it, but Data was able to gain the upper hand. Then…then Security arrived and took Lore away, and Data called Dr. Crusher to care for my broken wrist. So…that's what happened," you end, lamely you feel. You look up. "Does anyone know what he was after?"

Counselor Troi purses her lips. "The last I heard, he's been refusing to cooperate or answer any questions. Apparently, he was on a small Andorian trading vessel that appeared to be adrift and was not answering any hails. Of course, no life signs appeared on the scans. When the vessel was brought into the cargo bay, Lore overpowered the security team that had been sent to investigate and had gotten away before anyone else arrived. The next place he showed up was in your quarters."

You shudder as you remember. "He knew who I was. He called me by my name. I thought he was Data."

"You're not the first one he's tricked with that plot," Troi offers gently. "If I had to guess, I suspect he was back for revenge in some form against Data in particular, and all of us by extension. I guess that he'd been stalking us for a while, gathering information to use against Data if he knew about you and knew to target you. What exactly his plan was remains unclear, but he won't ever be able to enact it now. Last night, we held position until the Bellerophon arrived to take Lore into custody. He's light years away from here now, on his way to Daystrom where he'll be tried for his actions before a council. You're safe from him now."

You let out a pent-up breath that you hadn't realized you'd been holding, and some of your tensed muscles loosen just slightly. Knowing that Lore is no longer anywhere aboard the ship, even in the brig, lessens some of your fear, but there are plenty of other emotions to take its place. You knit your fingers together uncomfortably, once again struggling to look at the counselor.

Troi gives you a long moment of quiet to think, then says, "I'm sensing many emotions from you right now. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to simply name what you're feeling. Don't try to analyze them, just try to give them names. Giving a name to something can sometimes help us feel like we have more control over it."

You stare at the tea pot. It's dark blue and has a pattern of kittens on it. "Fear," you whisper finally, naming the easiest of what you're feeling. You search through the mess of emotions clogging all of your being, stifling your thoughts, trying to sort out one from the other. "Anger. Revulsion, I think. Horror." Your voice sinks down even lower. "Shame."

Counselor Troi nods, clearly unsurprised by any of the emotions you've just listed. "All of those emotions are completely normal to feel after a traumatic experience. You're feeling a lot right now, and you'll probably feel a lot for a good while still as we work through it. Your emotions are not something to fear, though it might seem that way right now. They may feel overwhelming, but that means they're doing their job. Think of your emotions like a computer control panel; when you see blinking lights, you know there's something there you need to pay attention to. Likewise, when you feel strong emotions, it's your brain's way of signaling to you that there's something you need to take a closer look at. And that's what I'd like to do today, if you feel up for it."

You feel exhausted, but at the same time, you can't stand the thought of facing another brutally sleepless night without getting at least some of this off your chest. Even if that's the only thing Troi can help with, it will be worth it. "All right," you say, though not with particular enthusiasm.

"If at any point you feel overwhelmed, we can stop and pick it back up at another session," Troi clarifies. "Now the first emotion you listed was fear. Why do you feel afraid right now, do you think?"

You consider the sensations of anxiety and fear still coursing through you. "I…I don't know. I guess I'm afraid that Lore might break out and somehow come back for me. I'm afraid he'll find a way to still hurt me, or Data, or other people I care about. And I guess I'm afraid of having to go through something like that again, even if it wasn't Lore, that someone else might try to hurt me like that."

Troi nods again, a compassionate expression on her face. "Anger was the next emotion you mentioned. What is making you feel angry?"

You poke at the raw emotion coiled up in your chest and it flares. "I'm angry at Lore, for hurting me, for trying to hurt Data. I've never done anything to him and he still came after me just because I'm important to Data." Angry tears push their way into your eyes and you wipe them away with the back of your hand, sniffling. "Data had told me a bit about him before, that he wasn't a nice person, but he was so much more awful than I ever imagined. He loved that he was hurting me. He loved that I was afraid of him. How could someone be that awful?" You sniffle again, and Troi subtly scoots a box of tissues across the coffee table towards you. You blow your nose and wipe your eyes again. "I hate him. I hate him so much."

More anger erupts in your chest. "And I'm angry that nobody stopped him before he got to my quarters. Isn't that was Security is supposed to do? And I'm angry that nobody warned me that he might try to trick me like that. Somebody on the Bridge could have contacted me to let me know I might be in danger, but nobody did, not even Data." Your boyfriend's name is suddenly sour in your mouth for the first time you can remember.

You swipe at your eyes again. There's a final pocket of anger stabbed through your soul, but this one hurts more than the rest to say. "And I…I'm angry at myself. The Captain said not to open the door, that it wasn't safe, but I still did. None of it would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid as to open the door."

You stare down into your lap, hot tears spilling down your cheek, feeling utterly wretched and furious.

"Y/N." Counselor Troi's voice is soft but serious. "It's not your fault that Lore hurt you. No matter what you did, you didn't deserve to be hurt."

You nod, the movement jerky, acknowledging her words, but you still feel tender and raw. Troi gives you a moment, then moves on with a soft prompt. "You mentioned revulsion next."

Unconsciously, you cross your arms, hugging your stomach. "Ever since Lore touched me, I…I feel gross. Dirty. Showering and bathing didn't help. I feel so disgusting that a being so cruel had his hands on me. The way he leered…His laugh…He was so vile."

You shudder, remembering his cruel grip on your arm, his hot breath on your neck, his fingers twisting violently into your hair, his lips- You cut that last thought off, feeling nauseated. There's a strange conflict within you. "Maybe that sounds weird, considering Data touches me all the time and Lore looked exactly like him…"

"It's not weird," Troi confirms gently. "He may look like Data, but he's an entirely different being. A being that did not have your consent for anything he did. A being who deceived you, then frightened and hurt you terribly. It's very normal to feel violated in a situation like this, regardless of what your attacker looked like."

She lets you wrestle with your thoughts for a few minutes, then continues. "Horror. Where do the feelings of horror come from?"

You shudder, remembering the half-nightmares half-waking imaginings that had played through your mind all of last night. "I keep thinking about what might have happened if Data hadn't shown up when he did, or what would have happened if I hadn't been able to distract Lore long enough for Data to get the upper hand. The threats he made- I believe he would have carried them out and been happy to hurt me even more than he did." You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to chase away the horrible combination of memory, nightmares, and imagination. "Right now, I could have been his prisoner. Right now, he could have been doing all the horrible things he threatened to me."

"But he can't and he won't," Counselor Troi says firmly. "Your fear is entirely real, but it's source is something that can no longer happen. He can't hurt you, Y/N."

Your breathing had increased to an almost painful rate as terrible scenarios flashed through your mind, but you tear your thoughts away from the horror and focus instead on Counselor Troi's words. "He can't hurt me now," you repeat, your voice sounding fragile.

"That's right," Troi says comfortingly. "You're surrounded by friends and none of those things are going to happen."

Slowly, your breathing calms, though you still feel hot and sweaty. But at least now your heart doesn't feel like it's trying to pound its way through your rib cage, even though you can still hear it reverberating in your ears.

"Do you still want to go on?" Troi asks, voice soft.

For a moment, you almost say no, but something in you whispers that if you don't continue now, it'll be twice as hard to get it all out next time. "Yes," you answer.

"All right." Troi links her fingers gracefully in her lap. "The last emotion you said you're feeling is shame. Can you tell me where the feelings of shame are coming from?"

None of what you've said today has been easy, but this, this is the hardest. You feel as if your throat has dried up. Two times you try to begin, but the words simply won't come out. Finally, you manage to start with the easier of the two halves, the one you've already admitted to. "I disobeyed. I didn't know what the full situation was, but I still decided that I knew better than the Captain, and I opened the door. Just because I was worried and wanted to see my boyfriend." A hint of bitterness enters your voice. "He didn't even have to manipulate me all that much; I just opened the door for him. I was insubordinate."

Counselor Troi remains quiet for half a minute or so, then reiterates her prior statement. "No matter what mistakes you might have made, everything that Lore did was Lore's fault. As for the matter of insubordination, I don't think you need to worry. I know the Captain pretty well, and well, I know he believes that circumstances can overrule procedure in some cases. Whether or not this would be one of them, I don't know, but that's not really what matters. You opened the door because someone you cared about and trust was asking for your help, and I don't think anyone would truly blame you for that. I think most of us would have done the same thing in your situation."

You nod, feeling slightly better though still angry and ashamed at yourself as you stare down at your arms around your waist.

"Y/N?" Troi continues softly. "I'm sensing a deeper, stronger feeling of shame in you. I'm also sensing that you have more to say, but that you're holding back. It's all right for you to tell me anything you want or need to tell me."

Immediately, that horrible clogging fills your throat again and your eyes start to sting. You hug your stomach tighter, but no words come out. This time, what has to be at least several minutes crawl past before tears start streaming down your cheeks and you begin to talk in a voice so quiet you aren't sure if the counselor can even hear you.

"Something else happened," you manage to say in a broken voice.

"What happened?" Counselor Troi's voice is gentle and concerned.

"Something else happened," you repeat. "Before Data came. I…I didn't tell anyone, not even Data or Dr. Crusher. I thought he was Data. I thought he was Data." You break down, sobbing hoarsely and hugging yourself as tightly as you can as if that will stop the feelings of disgust and pain. "He was playing with me the whole time, and I fell for it. There were even moments when I just knew something was off, but I ignored the signs because I wanted him to be Data so badly. I wanted to trust him. And-" you choke on the words, "-and I kissed him." Hot tears pour down your burning cheeks. "That's when he attacked me, right after I kissed him. He shoved me up against the wall and-" You shake your head back and forth, utter misery radiating through your whole being. "He wouldn't let go, even when I struggled. He might never have hurt me if I hadn't kissed him first."

"Do you really believe that's true, that he wouldn't have hurt you?" Troi asks.

You don't answer the question immediately. But now that you're talking, you feel like you can't stop. "I knew there was something wrong as soon as I kissed him, but he wouldn't let go. He grabbed me, trapped me, wouldn't let go. And he enjoyed it. He enjoyed how frightened I was of him. And I don't know how much further he would have been willing to go if Data hadn't shown up." You swallow painfully. "I think he still would have hurt me, no matter what I'd done, but I don't know if he would have done that if I hadn't kissed him first."

"May I ask a few questions?" Troi asks.

You nod.

"Did you have any logical reason to believe he wasn't Data when you kissed him?"

"No, just that weird feeling I got a couple times."

"And is kissing your romantic partner an odd thing to do, especially in a moment of high stress or emotion?"

"No, I guess not."

Counselor Troi smiles slightly, but there's a deep sadness in her dark eyes. "You had a completely normal response to the person you thought was your lover, and he took advantage of it. He is entirely at fault for everything that happened. It must have been absolutely terrifying, but you're safe now."

You nod through your tears, though you still don't know how you're going to feel right ever again.

Troi speaks again after a minute or so. "Data was very worried that something like that had happened. Have you spoken to him at all since this happened?"

"No." You pick absently at one of your nails, still staring down into your lap. "Not since Dr. Crusher took me to Sickbay right after." You pause, shaking your head. "There was this moment, right after Dr. Crusher healed my broken wrist, when Data touched me and, I don't know, I thought he was Lore for a moment. I mean, I knew in my head that he wasn't, but everything else was screaming at me that it was still Lore." You blink furiously, trying to clear your sight through the fog of tears. "It kept happening all night in my imagination too. I would try to imagine Data comforting me, but every time all I could imagine was Lore instead."

"That doesn't surprise me," Troi responds. "After having your perceptions prove wrong like they did yesterday with Lore, it's natural for you to start doubting the truth in all your perceptions. Your mind is trying to figure out whether it can trust your senses or not, particularly when it comes to Data."

You squeeze your eyes shut, hands balling into fists, as frustration rises inside you. "But what do I do about that? Does this mean I'll never be able to feel safe around Data ever again?" The burning in your eyes starts up all over again, and you hate Lore all the more desperately than before.

"No, not necessarily. Not likely. Assuming you still want to spend time with him and continue in your relationship with him, there are ways to help yourself start to feel safe around him again. Ways to help yourself trust your perceptions. It might not happen overnight, but it will happen. Am I right in assuming that your greatest fear about being with Data right now is that he might actually be Lore again?"

You nod miserably. "I was fooled once, so I could be fooled again. I know it's unlikely, but how can I ever truly know? How can I ever feel safe?" You lips tremble. "That stupid android is going to ruin the best thing in my life, and I hate that he'd be happy about it."

Counselor Troi purses her lips thoughtfully, then leans forward and pours herself a cup of tea. She leans back in her chair, crossing her legs demurely, and takes a sip. "I think this exercise might be useful for you. When you're with Data, what about him makes you feel safe?"

You pause the flood of hateful thoughts towards Lore to imagine Data instead. You struggle to imagine how it felt to be with him before yesterday. "Well, I guess, I don't know, just everything. I know he's kind and he never wants to hurt anyone. He's always respectful and makes sure he knows what I do or don't want before he does anything. He's so strong, I always felt like he could protect me from anything." You pause, feeling another twinge of pain as you remember Lore's iron grip and your realization that Data could render you that same level of helpless if he ever wanted. You push the frightening thought away. "And his eyes, his eyes are always so calming. And his voice too." You shrug awkwardly. "I'm not sure, he just seems to make everything seem peaceful and safe around him."

You struggle with the feelings and abstract images, trying to grasp what you really mean. Finally, you sigh in frustration. "I guess…I guess what it all comes down to is I know he's a good person, one of the best people I've ever known. I know and trust that he'll do what's right in any given situation."

Troi sets her cup down gracefully on its saucer. "Now I want you to think about Lore, when he first came in and you thought he was Data. You said there were things that seemed off about him. Can you put any of those things into words?"

Despite the pain, you do your best to replay the memories of yesterday. "Well, the first thing I noticed was that he wasn't following protocol. That seemed strange for Data, but I thought maybe it was just because of the emergency."

Counselor Troi's lips quirk distinctly. "Yes, Data does appreciate protocol. What else?"

You frown, remembering. "He seemed…impatient. I've never seen Data act impatient or speak sharply. And when he first came in, it was like he just ignored me. Just brushed me aside, like I was in his way. I've never seen Data treat anyone like that ever."

You dig deeper into the memory, trying to focus on the details. "But once he started paying attention to me, he was almost acting like making sure I was safe was more important than the emergency or the ship. Don't get me wrong, I know Data cares about me, but we both know that his first duty is to the ship. He'd never abandon his post for me, except possibly in the most extreme situation." You swallow uncomfortably. "It…felt good to think that I could be his number one priority, the one he'd break the rules for, so I guess I overlooked the warning sign that he was showing me more devotion than he should. Data isn't selfish; he'd never put me before the entire rest of the ship just because he was worried. I wouldn't want him to, and he knows that."

You search the memory one more time. "Oh, and there was this moment with his eyes. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but for a moment his eyes weren't right. They weren't Data's eyes. Everything else about him was the same, but I'd know Data's eyes anywhere and they were completely different for a moment."

Troi pours herself another cup of tea, nodding as you speak. "If it feels safe, I'd like you to continue thinking about anything else you might have subconsciously noticed about Lore that differentiated him from Data. Then, I'd like you to spend some time thinking about things you can do when you're with Data to help you trust that it's really him. What things can you check that you know make Data truly Data? You don't have to answer now, just think about it. But I think having a checklist of specific things to look for when your mind starts to doubt will make it easier for you to feel safe with him again.

"Now, I don't want you to push yourself before you're ready, but I do recommend that you spend some time with Data in the next day or so. The longer you wait, the more negative anticipation your mind can build up and the harder it can be to break any negative expectations that you might have created, even subconsciously.

"I recommend starting by meeting him in a safe, open space – maybe dinner in Ten Forward – somewhere you aren't alone. It may be easier to demonstrate trust when you know if anything goes wrong, you're surrounded by people who will come to your aid immediately. Once that feels safe, consider meeting him in a more private space, maybe just you and him, or with a friend or two whom you both trust. Again, just be with him without trying to press yourself too hard. And then, once you feel safe in that environment and you feel you can easily identify what makes him uniquely himself when you start having doubts, see if it feels safe to spend time alone with him. And at each stage in the process, communicate clearly with him what you need from him, what feels safe and what doesn't."

Troi sets down her cup and saucer. "This may only take a few days or it could take months. Whichever it is, give yourself grace to heal at the pace that you need it. If something doesn't feel right yet, don't push yourself, but likewise, if it does feel right, explore it as long as it feels safe. Only you will know what your own boundaries are going to be."

She smiles gently at you. "Data cares very much about you. It might not be easy, but I know you'll both make it work. You care about each other far too much for any other outcome."

~o~o~o~

The moment you step into Ten Forward and see him sitting at a window table on the far side of the room, your chest seems to go too tight and breathing is suddenly difficult as a storm of emotions rise up in your throat.

You had gone to Geordi that afternoon for help in relaying your message to Data. You had felt uncharacteristically nervous all the way down to Engineering, fearing that Geordi might be cold towards you for what he might see as you slighting his best friend, or even worse, that he might be pitying. Of course, Geordi was neither. He listened to your request calmly, then nodded and agreed to deliver the message to his friend. Only as you were leaving did Geordi put a hand on your shoulder and give you a little nod that you know meant "It's gonna be all right, OK?"

At this moment, standing there in the entrance to Ten Forward, you hope more than anything that Geordi and Troi will both prove right this evening.

You force yourself to walk forward, past the bar, each step feeling almost dreamlike, keeping your eyes fixed on Data. He's outlined against the window behind him, with the stars flashing past, and you feel your heart skip a beat that you aren't sure is due entirely to fear or anxiety.

But even as the desire to be near him rises up in you, a dark voice whispers: What if it's not really him? What if he turns and sneers at me? What if he's holding a phaser in his hand that I can't see…?

But then he looks up and sees you, and instantly the corners of his mouth lift up in that adorable, sweet android smile. And just as instantly, you know Lore couldn't have faked that expression. This is Data. Your Data.

But that truth brings another fear of its own. It has now been two and half days since everything with Lore happened and you haven't seen or spoken to Data once in those days. The last interaction you had with him was screaming and shoving him away from you. You know this distance is what you've needed, but all the same, a part of you worries that you've hurt Data by avoiding him. You fully believe in his capability to experience emotions, as you've expressed to him any number of times in the past, but right now you're afraid of what emotions he might be feeling towards you.

But there's no hint of anger or resentment as he stands to greet you. You struggle to meet his eyes but force yourself to do it anyway, and you're glad the moment you do. The deep calmness and subtle fondness in those golden eyes wash over you, further reinforcing your security that this is indeed the man you trust and love.

"Hello Y/N." You almost start crying at the sound of Data's voice that you've longed for so deeply these last two days. His voice is tender, with gentle concern mixed with genuine happiness. "How are you doing?"

You almost smile and tell him fine, but you swallow the words. You're not here to smile and pretend that nothing happened, and it wouldn't be fair to Data to put up a façade. You suspect he'd see right through it anyway.

You nod to the table and Data takes the hint, both of you sliding into your seats across from each other. Data tilts his head, watching you intently, but he makes no attempt to rush an answer from you. You swallow, look up at him, then look back down at the table, fidgeting uncomfortably. Finally you blurt, "I'm…I'm not doing great, Data, but it's really good to see you."

"It is good to see you as well, Y/N." There's nothing but pure, innocent sincerity in his words and you almost start crying.

You try to subtly wipe a forming tear away from the corner of your eye. "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch with you at all these last couple days."

Data nods in acknowledgement, but there's no condemnation in his face. "Although I have missed your presence, I believe that I understand. I can only imagine the deeply disturbing nature of your experience, and I played a part in that experience. Though I have been concerned for your wellbeing, I am not offended by your choice to restrict contact with me until now."

You smile a little at his words, but you can't help wondering how much Data knows about your interaction with Lore before he arrived on the scene. You recall Counselor Troi mentioning Data's concern over what Lore might have done, but you're not ready to talk to Data about that yet. Everything still feels too delicate and raw. "I really appreciate you giving me space. Thank you," you say softly instead.

"You are welcome," Data responds. "I have spoken to Counselor Troi two times since the incident, and it was her advice that I allow you time to yourself and wait for you to initiate contact. I will admit, I did not expect to receive a message from you this soon, although I am grateful for it. I was wholly prepared to wait a great deal longer if that would have proven beneficial to your wellbeing."

And…here come the tears again. This is Data, so utterly Data. Not Lore's saccharine display of overt emotion, but that subtle expression of love and kindness. Bitterness surfaces again for a moment as you wonder how you could possibly have been fooled by Lore's second-rate act, but you do your best to push that thought away.

Before you can respond to Data, a waiter stops by your table. "Can I get anything for you two?"

Data looks to you and you consider for a moment. You don't particularly have an appetite, but something to occupy yourself also sounds nice. You reach a decision. "Two root beer floats please." You see the recognition in Data's eyes; it's the drink you introduced to him on your very first date. You hope the taste will bring back the feelings and memories of that evening, now nearly two months ago: the giddy, happy infatuation and disbelief at your wildly good luck to be on a date with the handsome android officer who you'd been crushing on for months.

The two of you sit in silence for the next several minutes, and it's definitely awkward but there's a softness to the silence too. In the stage area, the Enterprise's jazz ensemble starts setting up for an evening concert. The waiter brings your root beer floats.

As you both sip on your drinks, Data tells you about an experiment he and Geordi have been working on to boost matter/anti-matter regulation efficiency. Even though you only understand the bare basics of what he's talking about, just listening to him chattering away about something you know he enjoys and loves makes you feel more peaceful and comfortable. It feels wonderfully mundane.

The jazz ensemble starts up, with Commander Riker up front on his trombone, and you and Data scoot your chairs around side-by-side to both face the stage area. You finish off your root beers, then share a chocolate strawberry parfait as you listen. Occasionally, you glance sideways towards your boyfriend and more than once catch him watching you, doubtlessly observing every minutiae of your body language to determine your comfort level. You look back forward, smiling a little to yourself, pleased to know he's concerned with your safety and comfort.

Perhaps an hour into the concert, you feel the slightest little brush of skin against your hand. Glancing down, you find that Data has rested his hand between the two of you, not quite touching but very close. It's a clear invitation to hold his hand if you want to. You carefully consider how you feel about that. Counselor Troi told you not to push yourself, and you hadn't been sure coming into this meet-up if touching would feel safe. But your skin is prickling pleasantly and you realize you are craving his touch, even something so simple as lacing fingers. And you know that if for some reason it doesn't feel right, Data will let your hand go.

Unless he doesn't, a voice whispers in your mind. But you willfully push the dark thought away. You remember what you said to Troi, that your sense of safety in Data's presence is grounded on the knowledge that Data is an intrinsically good person. You know this is Data, therefore you know he will release your hand if you need him to. You bite down on your lip. Lore is not going to ruin what you and Data had before he came. You're not going to let his cursed memory keep you from the things you want. And right now, you want to hold Data's hand.

You move your hand slightly, placing your palm against Data's, and twining your fingers with his. His fingers curl gently against yours in response. There's no crushing pain of broken bones, just the soft caress of someone who loves you. You slowly relax into the feeling and cherish it.

After another hour, the music is winding down and you are starting to feel the effects of two nights of poor sleep setting in. You and Data stand up together and there's an awkward moment where neither of you is sure what to say. Finally, you uncomfortably link your hands together behind your back. "Well, I should probably be getting to bed. I'm back on duty tomorrow, and I've got a shift first thing in the morning."

Data nods. "Yes, then it would be best if you got the full eight hours of recommended sleep for a human."

Another awkward silence. Data tilts his head forward questioningly. "Despite your statement that you wish to go to bed, you do not seem interested in taking the actions that would lead to that outcome. Does this mean there is something else you wish to accomplish here beforehand?"

You give a little laugh; for all Data's social awkwardness, he knows you so well. "There's still so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how. And I didn't know how I'd feel around you tonight, but now I don't want to leave you."

Data considers this for a moment. "I believe I have solutions to both dilemmas. For the first, perhaps we can arrange to meet again tomorrow evening after both our shifts for the day are complete. I have an idea for a social activity that you may find enjoyable, which would allow us some level of privacy but simultaneously would be less personal than meeting alone. If that pleases you, may I suggest that you meet me outside my quarters at 1800 hours? With the reservation of course that if my idea is no longer pleasing to you at the time, we can change the arrangement?"

You nod. "That works for me, I think."

"As for the second," Data continues, "may I perhaps walk you back to your quarters?"

You can't help the little shy smile that breaks through your anxiety at his gentlemanly offer. "Yes, I think I'd like that a lot, Data."

The two of you make your way out of Ten Forward and down the hallway towards the turbolift. Data walks close to your side but he doesn't touch you as he usually would in moments such as this. The longing for contact twinges at you again, and you reach out and slip your hand back into his. In your peripheral, you see him turn his head to glance at you, but neither of you says anything.

You arrive in front of your quarters, and Data pauses at the door. "Y/N," he says, then pauses. "Darling." His eyes are so soft. "It has been deeply gratifying to spend the evening in your company again. I believe at this juncture, it would be appropriate for me to wish you 'sweet dreams'."

Your heart throbs pleasingly. "Good night, sweetheart." You pause, considering your feelings, then rise up on your toes and brush your lips against his alabaster cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

You know that cute, boyish smile and the way his eyebrows lift with delight is what will follow you into your dreams tonight.

~o~o~o~

You arrive outside Data's quarters a few minutes before 1800 hours and press his control panel to let him know you're here. Less than thirty seconds later, the door slides open, revealing Data in the doorway with Spot held tight in his arms.

"Hello, Spot," you say, ruffling your fingers between her ears. She makes an indignant mewing sound and squirms in Data's arms.

"I know, Spot," Data responds to his pet's complaints. "I know you do not prefer having your freedoms restricted. However, I would be a negligent parent if I allowed you to run freely down the hallways of the Enterprise. You will have your freedom back shortly, I promise."

He offers you his little smile. "Do you still desire to spend the evening in my company?"

"Yes, I would," you respond. "I've been looking forward to it all day, I really have."

"Then I will be pleased to escort you to our destination," he responds, and the two of you set off down the hallway together, with Spot still held tight in Data's arms.

Ten minutes later, you arrive at your destination.

Data is not the only pet parent on the Enterprise. There are a good number of other cats and dogs, as well as some rarer Earth pets and a mix of non-Earth species. The large room you're in now is similar to the Arboretum, with walkways cutting between grassy turf, shrubs and low trees, rock formations, and even a shallow stream, all designed to give starship pets a place to play, run, and socialize. There's a family with two kids frolicking with their dog in the stream, a human crewmember with a bunny in an enclosed area for smaller, shyer pets, and a Vulcan with some type of lizard-like reptile over by the rocks. An artificial skylight overhead gives the space an almost outdoor-like impression.

You, Data, and Spot head for an area specifically designed for cats near the far side of the room. It's enclosed with a mesh fence, with a wide variety of climbing structures, tunnels, and other nooks and corners for a curious cat to poke in and explore. There are several benches against the wall, along with cubbies filled with cat toys. Data lets Spot down to play, and he and you make yourselves comfortable on one of the benches.

Data was right; there's the perfect balance of privacy and community here. It's a far cry from the crowded bustle of Ten Forward, but there's also no threat of that claustrophobic sensation that you last had when you were alone in your quarters with Data. And even if you don't know if it was his explicit intention or not, the setting reminds you of how you and Data met to begin with: over your combined love of animal life.

Data inquires about your day, and the two of you casually exchange light conversation. As you listen to him, you think of how Counselor Troi instructed you to take note of what makes Data uniquely himself, and you begin to study him carefully. You notice his movements first; he's just as graceful as Lore, but it's more like watching a beautiful bird than a predatory tiger, and there's a cute dorkiness to his head tilts and mechanical movements that was lacking completely in Lore's demeanor. You watch as he picks up a wand with a long string and bauble attached and flicks it about for Spot to chase, and you notice the way he flourishes his fingers and wrist, that touch of an artist's hands. He looks at you and you let yourself sink into his eyes, trying to put your finger on what makes them so different from Lore's. You decide it's the depth of them. Data's eyes are an open window to the soft, kind soul underneath and the complex person they belong to – it's as if they could contain an entire galaxy. Lore's eyes were like looking into a shuttered room; there had been a shallowness to them as if he had been making sure there was nothing visible except the surface level of what he wanted you to see.

Data tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "During the past eleven and a half minutes, you have been observing me closer than usual. Are you experiencing distress in my presence?"

You jolt a little from your thoughts. "Oh, no Data. It's just something Counselor Troi recommended."

Data nods. "In that case, please continue."

You smile. "I think I have the observations I need for the moment." And indeed, you realize that some of your stiff discomfort has already dissolved away, and this time between the two of you is already feeling more normal…like before.

"Last night, you indicated a desire to speak to me at greater length. If that is still your desire, you are welcome to discuss whatever topics you wish with me."

There's so much you want to talk to him about, but it all seems to fly out of your head in a moment. Your nervousness returns, and you shift uncomfortably, closing and opening your hands as your palms suddenly grow unpleasantly sweaty.

"If you no longer wish to speak with me-"

Data's voice jolts you from your uncertainty. You turn to him and touch his arm, silencing him. "No, Data, I do want to talk. Really." You swallow, trying to find a place to begin. "You mentioned that you talked to Counselor Troi several times. How much…what…"

Data touches the tips of his fingers softly to your lips. "I believe I understand what you are asking. Counselor Troi remained entirely professional and did not disclose anything of a personal nature concerning you and what you might have discussed with her, and I would not have inquired. I visited her first shortly after the incident, after Lore had been locked in the brig and questioned, to ask her advice. I was concerned for your wellbeing and wished to know how I might best support and comfort you, but also concerned that I had in some way hurt you, given your reaction to me after Lore was taken into custody."

You glance down into your lap, abashed. "I'm so sorry about that, Data. There was this moment, when you touched me, when I thought you were Lore again, and I just reacted."

"Counselor Troi explained to me that this was likely the case. I am not offended," Data replies. "That is when she told me that you would likely need time away from me to begin recovering from your trauma and that I could best aid you by granting you the time and space you needed."

You nod, watching as Spot attacks a scratching post like a wild animal.

"The next day, I returned to Counselor Troi and spoke to her for close to an hour. Although we did converse briefly about you, the majority of the conversation was dominated by her and me discussing my relationship to Lore and my feelings towards him following this most recent encounter."

Another little twinge of sad guilt touches you as you realize you hadn't really contemplated the implications of the fact that Data was dealing with his own brother through all of this and how hard that must make it for him. "How did that go?"

Data's lips tighten just slightly before he speaks. "This is not the first time Lore has threatened those close to me, but I believe it will finally be the last. There was a part of me that retained the faint hope that perhaps Lore would change and I would be able to share my brotherhood with him in harmony. And perhaps that may still be so, but I find it unlikely, unless perhaps sometime many years in the future. I believe I did the correct thing in handing him over to Starfleet where he will be tried for his actions before a council. I have also submitted a formal request that he not be forcefully deactivated again, and I hope for his sake that he is able to receive the care he needs while simultaneously being unable to cause further harm. Although nothing excuses the cruelty he has shown towards you and many others, he has not had many of the advantages in life which I have had. He has had little to no reason to trust humans in the short amount of time he has spent activated, and I believe he has learned to reflect the cruelty he himself has received back onto others. Despite his actions, he has always been and shall always be my brother."

You're touched by the sadness and regret you hear in Data' voice; you'd had no idea that Lore meant that much to him. You almost even feel sorry for Lore, despite the anger and revulsion you still feel towards him. But then Data's voice changes, hardening slightly. "However, I do not excuse the cruelty, harm, and pain he has caused towards you. Lore will receive no sympathy from me on those accounts. His treatment of you was completely inexcusable, and I will advocate for a punishment befitting his actions which will keep others safe from his malice."

You shiver a little. "I'm sorry he's your brother, Data, but he was terrifying. I hope I never have to meet him again. I really thought he was going to kill me."

Data gazes at you, face soft and perhaps even hinting of sadness. "Y/N, may I ask a question?"

"Yes?"

"Did Lore attempt to impersonate me before I arrived?"

You had suspected this topic would come up sooner or later. The pit of your stomach drops. "Yes, he did. I let him into my quarters because I thought he was you."

"And after he entered?"

Your eyes drop, and Data nods slowly. "I see. You continued to believe that you were interacting with me. When did you realize that this was not the case?"

You fidget with your fingers and watch Spot climbing up the side of one of the cat trees. You don't respond for a minute. "We spoke for a few minutes maybe, I don't know. Then he attacked me, but…"

"…But you were still unsure whether it was me or not."

You look back at Data, eyes pleading. "I know you wouldn't hurt me normally. I thought there might be something wrong with you, something outside of you influencing your behavior. But then he started taunting me and I realized who he must be, and that was right when you came in."

Data nods slowly, his eyes darting back and forth as he analyzes the information you've just given him. At last, he speaks slowly. "I believe I understand why such a situation would lead to the fear you have demonstrated towards me, separate from Lore. I was unsure what exactly the source of your fear towards me was, but I can see how this experience would lead to your hesitancy to trust me. I have observed the discomfort that you have been expressing in my presence, both last night and to some extent this evening." He meets your eyes again, and his expression is infinitely soft and sad. "I do not believe words are adequate to express how profoundly sorry I am that you were forced to endure such a situation and to have your trust in me damaged."

His eyes skim quickly across your face, searching for a reaction, and his lips part gently. "I realize of course that this is not your fault and you have little to no control in the matter, nor am I disappointed in you in any way. I am merely sorry to be a source of discomfort now, and I am unsure as to what I can do to alleviate said discomfort. It is not my wish for you to be frightened of me."

Your throat clogs up a little. "I don't want to be afraid of you either, Data." You reach out, hesitate, then lay your fingertips on his arm. "I think…I think I just need you to be yourself, to help me remember who you are and how I can trust you."

Data looks down, then carefully lays his fingertips over yours. "That is something I am capable of doing," he says gently and offers you that slightly forced but still entirely sweet smile.

You remember what Counselor Troi said about being transparent with him about what you need from him and you swallow, trying to sort out your thoughts. "You've already been doing a lot of what I think I'll need. I don't like the thought of being touched by surprise right now, but I'm OK with you giving me the option for touching, like you did last night at the concert. And I need to be able to see you, to be able to look at you and know you're Data. And I know you already always do it, but if you're not sure if I'm comfortable with something, just ask me."

Data's gaze is unblinking, and you know he's carefully cataloging every word you say to him. You glance down to your overlapped hands, suddenly shy under that intense android stare. "And if…if I'm suddenly not sure if it's you or not, give me the time and space to reassure myself that it is you."

"Is there anything I can do to aid in this process?" he inquiries.

You consider, chewing your bottom lip, then look back up in his eyes. "I think so. If…If it seems like I'm afraid of you, or I'm unsure, can you please say 'I believe Spot finds your existence acceptable'?"

Data's mouth makes a little 'o'. "Ah, the words I said to you when you first visited my quarters to meet Spot. I recall that it made you laugh though I was unsure why."

You nod, smiling a little. "If you say that, I'll know it's you."

He returns your nod seriously. "In that case, I will repeat the phrase as often as is necessary."

He runs his fingers tenderly over your knuckles, one at a time, as if memorizing them. In a way, you suppose his is, as he commits the sight of them perfectly to his memory cells. He looks back up at you, eyes serious. "May I ask another question, one of a more personal nature?"

Something tells you what his question will be. It suddenly feels too hot and tight in the room, even with as wide open and lit as it is, and nor is it the usual heat you oftentimes end up feeling in Data's presence. You know you don't have to answer and he won't ask again, but the weight of it has been pressing harder and harder on you, and you realize that a part of you had been hoping he'd ask just so that you can get rid of that terrible pressure. "Go ahead," you whisper.

Data twists his body to face you. He squeezes your hand ever so gently. "Lore insinuated that he had touched you inappropriately. Y/N, did my brother violate you?"

The room seems to swim a little before your eyes. You squeeze Data's hand back, a little harder than probably necessary, but you know you can't hurt him and you desperately need to feel grounded. "He kissed me against my will," you whisper. "He shoved me up against the wall and kissed me and wouldn't let go when I fought him." You look up into Data's eyes. "He didn't do anything more to me, Data, I promise. Nothing more physically anyway."

Some of the tension leaves Data's rigid form, and he nods slowly. "I am deeply sorry that you had to endure assault in any form, but I will admit myself relieved that the violation he inflicted upon you was less severe than I feared it might be."

You lower your eyes, suddenly ashamed. "I know it was just a stupid kiss, but I still feel awful. Afraid, angry, disgusted… It was just a kiss, but I still feel…" You shake your head, unable to finish.

"But you still feel violated," Data finishes for you gently. "I have heard Counselor Troi say that simply because an event could have been worse than what it was is not grounds for dismissing the distress that it did cause you."

For some reason, those are the words that break open your pain. The tears that have been threatening to come since last night suddenly start running down your cheeks and you're crying. "Data, he was so strong and there was nothing I could do. I've never felt so helpless before in my entire life." You remember the feeling of his fingers twisting into your hair, his entire body pressed obscenely to yours. "I was so frightened, Data."

You're not entirely sure if it is he who nudges you forward or if you simply fall into his arms, but the next thing you know your cheek is pressed into the front of his shoulder, your arms squeezing around his waist, and his arms are settled tenderly around your shoulders. He rubs your back awkwardly in a way that makes you suspect he's mimicking what he saw someone else doing at some point but it doesn't make the action any less comforting. You squeeze him even harder, your tears turning up a notch further, your sobs muffled against his soft jacket. You feel him lower himself until his cheek is resting against the top of your head.

The moment is interrupted by something butting against your hip and a slightly annoyed mrrrow. You lift your head from Data's chest to find Spot trying to squeeze her way between you and her owner. You giggle a little through your tears. "I think Spot's jealous, Data."

"Curious." Data reaches out a hand and allows Spot to sniff it. "I did not think felines had the emotional capacity for a feeling such as jealousy, but she clearly feels that my attention would be better utilized in her service." He taps her nose softly. "Spot, it is impolite to interrupt. I have told you this before, but clearly further training is required." He gives you a somewhat abashed look. "I am sorry for this rude ending to what one might call 'a moment'."

You smile through your tears. "It's OK." You untwine from one another's arms and Spot instantly claims Data's lap as her own, kneading her paws into his stomach. Data scratches the top of her head, then looks back at you with both eyebrows raised. "Do you wish to remain here longer or shall we 'call it a night'?"

You stretch, feeling suddenly a little embarrassed about having lost all semblance of control in Data's arms. "I think I'm ready to go."

You accompany him back to his quarters. He's unusually quiet the whole way, though you aren't sure if he's processing everything you two talked about, if he's thinking, or if he's merely giving you space. However, that question is answered once you arrive back at the doors to his quarters.

"Y/N," he says, voice grave, "I have been giving further thought to your situation and how I can assist in alleviating your fears. There is something of a highly personal nature that I have decided I wish to share with you when you are ready and if you desire. However, it would require complete privacy between myself and yourself."

You hesitate. You haven't been completely alone with him beyond moments like these in the hallway when no one else is around, and you feel your anxiety spike again at his suggestion. Stopping, you carefully consider your feelings. On the surface, you can feel the fear, even though you're not entirely sure what it's directed towards. But underneath the surface, something familiar uncoils in your lower stomach: a craving desire for the privacy and intimacy of his offer. You ask yourself the important question: if you turn him down and leave right now, will you regret it? And instantly, you can feel in your gut that the answer is yes, you absolutely will.

Besides, curiosity is a pretty standard character trait for anyone employed on an exploration starship, and you have to admit that he has yours thoroughly piqued.

You suddenly feel a rush of playfulness. Tilting your head to the side, you mimic your boyfriend's cadence to the best of your ability. "Ah, intriguing."

Data pauses with his hand on his door panel then bobs his head forward. "That was a joke, was it not? You were attempting to imitate my inflections, delivery, and vocabulary to make your response more humorous?"

You shrug, smiling shyly. "Caught in the act." As Data continues to look at you thoughtfully, you suddenly worry that you might have offended him. "I'm sorry, was that offensive?"

Data quickly shakes his head. "No, I am not offended. I was merely thinking that this is the first time you have said something teasing or joking to me since the incident with my brother. I have found that humans often use gentle humor of this nature only around other individuals with whom they feel comfortable. I am merely hoping that your use or humor is indicative of a stronger sense of security and comfort in my presence."

Fondness swells through you. Only Data would notice something so small and carefully unfold its significance like watching a flower bloom. "I think I am," you answer him. "And the delivery might have been a joke, but I am intrigued. I don't think I want our evening to be over quite yet."

Data nods and softly replies, "Nor do I." He taps in his code on the door and it slides open for both of you.

Data lets Spot down and replicates her a bowl of feline supplement number twenty-seven, while you settle yourself on Data's couch. A moment later, your android joins you.

"You have expressed to me this evening the feelings of fear and helplessness that you experienced in Lore's presence. As I do not ever wish for you to experience such sensations of powerlessness and fear in any interaction with me, I have been pondering how I might alleviate these anxieties for you. Although I do not think it will completely assuage all your doubts concerning me, I believe I can offer you something that I hope will at least help to a small degree.

"Additionally, you have expressed a profound level of vulnerability with me this evening, and I wish to reciprocate by sharing with you an aspect of myself that I do not reveal to many. I have been considering sharing this facet of myself with you for the past week, but I believe now is the appropriate time. Do you wish to proceed?"

Your curiosity has only grown at his words. "Yes, I would," you reply.

He nods once decisively, then, to your surprise, he turns his back to you. "Y/N, will you assist me in removing my jacket?"

Your eyebrows rise further in surprise at his request. That certainly wasn't what you were expecting. A blush creeps into your cheeks as you lift you hand to the zipper concealed at his collar and begin dragging it downwards.

Even though the situation is different from last time, you still feel pleasurably warmth bloom in your cheeks and chest as the uniform peels away, revealing the smooth, golden-white landscape of Data's bare back, and when you let you fingers brush gently against his skin as you disengage the zipper from its track, you'd be lying to say it was completely an accident. Data pulls the jacket the rest of the way off then twists his head to the side so that he can look at you over his shoulder. "Y/N, do you see a groove underneath my right shoulder blade?"

You bend over and look closely at the spot Data indicated to you. If he hadn't pointed it out, you probably never would have noticed on your own, but there is an indent in Data's skin just below the line of his shoulder blade. Even without any indication from Data, you would have known there was something important about this spot; Dr. Soong took such care to make Data's body look as human as possible that there must have been a good reason for him to deviate from his norm. Curiosity overwhelms you. "What is it, Data?"

"It is my deactivation unit."

You pull back from him sharply, looking back up at his face. "Your what?"

"My deactivation unit," he repeats patiently. "In more colloquial terms, you might call it my off switch. It is a device comprised of a simple rocker switch, with which one can control my activation status."

Instantly, you can understand why Data would consider showing you this an act of intimate vulnerability. The power to render him utterly helpless is at your fingertips. A deep swell of affection rises soft within you, along with that welcome warm glow, at the knowledge that he's trusting you with something this important.

Data is still watching you keenly over his shoulder. "There are few individuals aware of the existence of this switch. Geordi, Dr. Crusher, Commander Riker, the Captain, and now you. What is your impression of it?"

You stroke his shoulder blade and around that little sunken line of skin, afraid of touching it directly. You don't know for certain, but you strongly suspect that he's showing you more vulnerability right now than if he'd stripped himself completely naked for you. It is yet another reminder of the paradox that is Data: something that sets him apart as so inhuman while at the same time bringing out the full sweetness of his humanity. "It's a part of you, Data, so of course it's amazing," you murmur. "I think I understand why you'd show this to me. Thank you, sweetheart." You caress his cheek.

His eyes close and he leans into your hand. "Ever since our last date on the holodeck, I have considered whether the timing was appropriate to share this with you," he responds. "As we have grown more physically intimate with one another, the likelihood that you might discover the switch accidentally has grown, and I did not want to alarm you in the case that you were to activate the switch without realizing what it was. However, in light of recent events, I wish for you to know my weakness, as it were."

He turns around, facing you fully again, and takes one of your hands into his. "If I ever were to pose a threat against you, or if I were somehow not myself, or if I became violent, it is my wish for you to hold the knowledge of how to prevent me from harming you." He tilts his head, looking full into your eyes, his face profoundly serious. "Y/N, if you ever were to feel threatened by me to the least degree, you have my full permission as well as my desire to use this device. Do you understand?"

Even though Data is usually serious to some extent, you can tell how important this is to him. You squeeze his hand. "Yes, Data, I fully understand, and I promise I would."

Data maintains the intense eye contact with you for a moment longer then releases your hand and turns back around. "Y/N, I would like to show you something else. Run your fingers over my skin just below the switch."

You do so and are surprised to feel three small bumps just underneath his bioplast. "What are these?"

"That is my activation chronometer. It determines the length of time which I will remain deactivated the next time the switch is compressed. The first button designates hours, the second minutes, the third seconds. To illustrate, if you were to push the first button twice, the second one five times, and the third one ten times, I would remain deactivated for two hours, five minutes, ten seconds before automatically reactivating."

"What happens if no one sets a time limit?"

"I remain deactivated indefinitely until I am manually reactivated."

You feel a touch of sadness. You understand the purpose for him having such a sensitive device – your encounter with Lore has made you all the more understanding why Dr. Soong would have wanted a quick way to deactivate his androids – but all the same, there's something deeply, intrinsically dehumanizing at the thought of Data being casually switched on and off like a toaster. And even though it was installed for the protection of the humans around him, you can't help but consider how easy it would be to use against Data himself in the wrong hands.

"Does the device trouble you?" Data asks tenderly. He must have seen the sadness in your face.

You stroke your hand down his side. "A little bit, but I'm glad you showed me."

"It troubles you." Data cocks his head. "Because it reminds you that I am a machine?"

"Oh, no, no, of course not." You raise your hand to cup his cheek. "It's just sad for me to think of anyone wanting to switch you off." A contemplative silence stretches between you for a minute. "I guess you've probably spent your whole life with people being afraid of you, whether or not they showed it. It must have been hard for you knowing that I've been afraid of you too."

"It was not your fault," Data responds quietly. "It is reasonable to be afraid of a being who is your superior in strength, speed, and intelligence."

"I didn't say it wasn't reasonable. I said it must have been hard for you."

Data closes his eyes briefly. "Yes," he whispers. "Yes, it was…hard. You are one of the few humans who has never showed any fear towards me. But I understand the necessity for it."

"I'm not afraid of you anymore now," you say and realize it's true. All you feel is swelling fondness and compassion for the gentle android beside you.

The corners of his lips lift up, but then his face grows serious again. "If you are willing, I would like your help to provide a demonstration of how my deactivation unit functions."

You frown. "You're…asking me to turn you off?"

"Yes," Data answers simply. "I would like to make sure you know how exactly to work the device, should you ever need to use it."

Your fingers knot nervously. "OK."

"Then set my chronometer to reactive me in one minute, five seconds."

You find the little knobs under his skin and press them the appropriate amount of times.

"When you activate the switch, my hydraulics will cease to function and I will slump forward. You may catch me if you desire to do so, or you may allow me to fall forward onto the couch."

Tender sympathy touches your heart at his words. Even now he sometimes devalues himself, even with you. "I'll catch you, Data," you say firmly, making it clear that you aren't going to let him fall like an inanimate object.

He nods. "All my biofunctions will completely cease for the time that I am deactivated. Once the allotted time has passed, I will automatically reactivate." He twists a little towards you. "Do you have any questions before we proceed?"

You swallow. "Data, while you're deactivated, are you still aware of anything? Do you feel any pain?"

Data immediately shakes his head. "No on both accounts. My cognitive functions completely shut down along with my biofunctions while I am deactivated. I will not be aware of anything between the time that you deactivate me and when my systems reactivate. And I am not capable of processing the physical sensation of pain. If you were to forcibly deactivate me against my will, I would experience some measure of mental discomfort common to most sentient beings upon having their personal agency violently removed. However, in this situation and with you, I am entirely comfortable with the prospect."

"So all I do is press the switch?"

"Yes. You may proceed whenever you desire."

You place your fingers against the groove in his skin and feel the outline of the switch underneath his bioplast. Gently and more than a little nervously, you press down.

There's a soft click.

Data goes completely limp in your arms.

As you promised, you catch him as he slumps forward and lean him back against the couch, then you sit back watching.

Almost instantly, deep unease creeps over you. He's so utterly still and quiet. You've seen him sleeping before, which in and of itself is disconcerting, as his breathing is barely evident and he rarely moves in that state, but this is far worse. To watch your boyfriend go from a living, sentient being to what is essentially a frame of metal and bioplast hits you harder than you thought it would. You love that he's an android, but there is something terrible about knowing that right now the Data that you know and love doesn't truly exist. You hold his hand as the time passes.

It's a long one minute and five seconds.

The first thing you hear is the faintest whirr of his internal systems, then his neck twitches mechanically. You lean forward eagerly in time for his golden eyes to flicker back open. For a moment, his expression is blank, but then he looks into your eyes and you see recognition and fond trust in the depth of his gaze. "Y/N," he says and lifts his hand to touch your face.

You fall into his arms, hugging him close and pressing your face to him. He lifts his arms and wraps them around you in response, cuddling you to his chest. You feel his head jerk more mechanically than usual. "I apologize. After I have been deactivated, it takes approximately ten minutes for my entire system to reboot. Until then, my movements may be less smooth than what you are used to."

You squeeze him tighter. "Don't you dare apologize, you beautiful android."

You hold each other for that ten minutes as he returns fully to himself, stroking each other softly, reveling in being together like this again. After a while though, the high of all the emotions begins to mix with the fact that you are pressed very tightly against Data's very bare chest. You start to nuzzle against his collarbone, but a need for more steadily mounts inside you.

Data pulls back slightly. His movements are almost completely normal now. "Your body language, along with increases in your temperature and breathing, suggest that you are feeling romantically stimulated and that you desire a higher level of physical intimacy than what we are currently sharing. Is this accurate?"

You run a hand up the middle of his chest. "Yes, it is."

He lifts your hand gently from his chest and cradles it. "Are you certain you wish to engage in increased romantic activity with me, given the concerns you expressed to me earlier?"

You curl your fingers around his. "I feel safe with you right now, Data. And if I stop feeling safe, I know I can pull back and try another time and you'll let me. But right now, I want to try."

Data nods and releases your hand. "I will trust your judgment as far as what you deem safe and comfortable."

You smile, dropping your hand back down to his chest, which you stroke sensually as you settle yourself better in his lap. His head tilts back slightly, eyelids sinking almost closed with a flutter of white eyelashes, lips parting deliciously, that look of near-pleasure starting to form on his face. A feeling of mischievous playfulness washes over you and you lean close to him, cheek to cheek, and whisper, "Now that I know how to turn you off, shall we see if I can figure out how to turn you on?"

Data's eyes reopen and he looks at you with some puzzlement, but then his eyes slide off to the side for a moment. His eyebrows shoot up. "Ah!" he says. "I believe that is what one would call 'an innuendo'."

You ghost your fingers over his nipples, causing him to hiss pleasingly. "You know, you're getting better at that."

He cradles your hips and tugs you closer against himself, until the tip of his large nose bumps against yours. His voice is smooth and sexy. "If you desire to proceed, I think you will find that recognizing human figures of speech is not the only activity in which I have gotten 'better'." A moment later, he gives you an adorably earnest look. "That was an innuendo too."

Laughing, you cradle the back of his head. "Yeah, Data, I got that."

Without further ado, you press your lips to Data's.

His responding kiss is soft and gentle. Just as it should be. So completely and utterly Data.

As your android continues to kiss you, you can't help but think. Perhaps Lore wanted nothing more than to see you and Data torn apart, no longer able to trust one another, but right now you feel closer to him than you ever have before.

You feel safe.

---------------------------------

Want to be added to the Tag List for my Mechanical Rose series. Go here and like, comment, or reblog the post to be automatically added.

[pien-art]

i got very lazy with this and it’s not actually finished but here are some space gals being space ‘pals’ 🪐🌟☄️

click image for optimal quality!

[x-reader-theater]

Even Shields can’t Protect my Heart

Relationship: William T. Riker X Male!Engineer!Reader

Summary: Serving on the Enterprise is a dream come true, and the people only make it better. 

Warnings: Cursing, and lots of engineer jargon that’s probably woefully incorrect. 

Word Count: 10,382 words

A/N: Ho-ly shit. This is a long time coming. And it’s super long. Wow. Well, I didn’t want to do another series so here’s a ten thousand word something that I wrote because I’ve been obsessed with Star Trek for the past two months, and there’s barely any reader stuff for Next Generation, and no Male readers whatsoever, which is disappointing. But, I’ve written something purely for my own amusement. I feel a little bit like Q, but I love them so that’s not a bad thing. Anyways, please like, reblog, and tell me what you think! Asks are always appreciated! <3

"Computer! Where is Commander Riker?" You call out from your personal quarters. You're seated at your desk, papers all around you. 

"Commander Riker is in holodeck three," Computer responds. "Would you like me to hail him?" 

You shake your head. "No, Computer, that's alright thank you." You stand up from your desk and reaffix your badge to your shirt, making sure your pips are still attached to your lapel. Satisfied with how you present you leave your quarters, making a beeline to the holodeck suits. You've used them once or twice before, recreating your small ranch where you're from. It wasn't the same without the actual people there though. There was only so much you could program the computer to do. 

As you round the corner you slam into someone coming at you at full force. You stumble back, catching yourself on the wall before looking up into the face of Data, who was walking through the halls staring at his data-padd. You laugh in your head at that one. 

"I am sorry, Lieutenant. I did not see you there," Data states, looking down at you. 

You straighten out and brush yourself off out of habit. "It's alright Data. What were you so focused on there?" You lean forward to see what he's looking at. 

"Oh, it is just a simple riddle Commander LaForge has given me."

You smile. "If it's so simple, why are you so concerned with it?" Data looks confused for a moment and you pat him on the shoulder. "Sometimes Data, the most complicated questions have the simplest of answers." 

And with that you leave, turning around the corner to the holodeck suits. You hear Data say behind you, "Oh! Silence!" and you laugh as you walk. Coming upon holodeck three, you tap the open button, and watch as the doors open to reveal a bar, 1950s in decoration, and a few men standing on the stage, Commander Riker being one, playing to an empty room. Riker sets down his trombone and looks at you with an eyebrow raised. 

"Commander Riker, I had a question for you… but I seem to have… forgotten it…" you say, trailing off for a moment. "What… is this place?" 

You look around the bar, and cock your head at the sight of no people. "It's just something of my creation. The people held a bad memory, but I love the space, the atmosphere." Riker smiles and looks around. "It's like no other." 

You smile and sit down at one of the tables, saying to the room, “Computer, can I get a glass of whiskey please?” You feel pleased when it appears in your hand. You take a sip of the non-alcoholic recreation and gesture with the glass towards Riker. "Don't stop on my account. Maybe when you're playing the question will return to me," you say with a sly smile. You have no idea where this burst of confidence came from, where this spark of self worth and ability to flirt with the Commander came from. You just really wanted to hear the Commander play. 

You get your wish. Commander Riker picks up the trombone again and perfectly slots himself into the already playing band. His playing makes you close your eyes. You had no idea the commander could play an instrument. He isn't perfect or absolutely amazing to any extent, but he is good. And you are seeing a side of the commander you've never seen before. 

You get up, slowly letting the music carry you to the bar, where you let the holodeck refill your glass of non-alcoholic Whiskey. You smile languidly and watch as the amber liquid fills the cup once more. Picking up the glass you place it to your lips, taking a drink of the burning, but still pleasing, liquid. Setting the glass down you see the Commander start to set down the trombone. You raise your eyebrows and watch as he comes over. 

"Why did you stop?" You ask as he sits across from you. The music hasn't stopped, no you feel all the eyes of the players on your back. For being a simulation, they feel incredibly real. 

Riker summons a glass of a dark liquid. It fizzes and doesn't look like alcohol. It gives off a sweet smell. "It's hard to talk with a 'bone to your lips," he says casually. 

"What do you want to talk about?" You cross your legs and set your glass down on the bar, before folding your hands in your lap. 

Riker sighs and looks at his own glass, the dark liquid filling up again in the glass, as if by magic, but you knew it was the computer. "You're a new officer, correct?" He asks. 

You lean back against the bar slightly, placing an elbow on the dark wood to steady yourself, your fingers still intertwined. You shrug. "Relatively. About two years. Shorter than most on the ship. Much less than yourself," you respond carefully. You don't want to say the wrong thing and break what you have just built up. It was a delicate sort of conversation that was precious. 

The Commander clears his throat and reaches out, as if to touch you, bit he stops himself. "I-uh…" He clears his throat. "I was wondering how you were feeling about your time on the Enterprise? You have progressed remarkably fast through the ranks of Starfleet. There have only been three others faster than you Lieutenant. Ahem, Lieutenant Junior Grade [L/N]." 

You smile and unclasp your hands. "I am enjoying my time here immensely Commander Riker," you respond in kind, a genuine smile on your face. 

The Commander puts his hand up for a moment to stop you from speaking. "Please. In a setting like this, just William is fine." 

You smile. "Okay, William. As long as you call me [Y/N]." 

The Commander, William, nods. "Yes, yes, of course. It's only fair."

You smile, humorously. "And you're nothing if not fair," you joke. He laughs quietly. "But yes, William. I am having a very good time here on the Enterprise. I never thought it possible for me to have this, this position, be on this ship, know these people. After I was transferred from the U.S.S. Valentina, I thought I could never never find family again." You laugh as you lean back, thinking about your messed up family. "The captain, well, he's like an overbearing father you just can't help but love." You laugh at the idea of being a father. "Dr. Crusher is obviously the mother. Lieutenant Commander Data is like a brother, Geordi the same, but also different. Lieutenant Commander Worf is that fun uncle who always tries to get you to do things dad doesn't want you to." You start laughing when you think back to that time Worf tried to teach you how to fight like a Klingon with a Bat Leth. Or that time he trained you to use an actual Klingon D'k Tahg. "And Counselor Troi is like an aunt who always knows what's best for you." 

"What about me?" William asks, leaning forward slightly. 

"You?" You contemplate for a moment. Where did you see him? "I don't exactly know. You're not a brother, an uncle, a father. You've just sort of… been there. I don't know…" you trail off, looking away at the floor. You feel your cheeks flush slightly, and shake your head, hoping William doesn't notice. 

You get up suddenly, not looking at William. You clear your throat. "Ahem, excuse me. I need to get back to work." 

You go to leave, but William grabs your wrist. "Why, we were just getting comfortable." You know he's smirking, and you feel pain in your chest as you pull away. 

"Please Commander. I have neglected my duty long enough. I must get to engineering," you say, walking away from the Commander. 

"Computer, end simulation," Riker says, but that doesn't stop you from walking out of the doors and making your way to engineering, leaving the Commander alone in the empty holodeck. 

--

It's three weeks until you see the Commander again. You've been keeping to yourself, talking to Geordi and Data mostly out of the you've gotten a few direct orders from the Captain and even Commander Riker, but you haven't seen him in person ever since that time in the holodeck. If you even hear him talking in the hallway, without even looking you will turn away, your cheeks flaming up. 

Now, you can't ignore it. The Commander is standing right beside you, leaning over the console, his chest and inch away from your shoulder. 

"What do we see here Lieutenant?" The Commander asks. 

You point to a blip on the screen and say to Riker, "It seems there's some interference coming from the planet below Commander. It's sending out wave after wave of radiation I've never seen before. I asked the computer and they couldn't find a single thing like it!" You exclaim. You have a grin on your face as you say this. 

"Why so cheery Lieutenant?" Commander Riker asks. 

"Well, this is all so new! I've been studying different kinds of radiation since my academy days and I just can't find anything related to it. Permission to do a deep scan and some tests? It would be better to get my hands on some of the radiation up close, but we don't know how dangerous this is!" You exclaim excitedly. 

Riker chuckles and says in a low tone, "Sure. Go for it." You smile and turn to start the deep scan of the radiation. Riker doesn't move. "I didn't know this was an area of expertise for you. I would have had you come on this ship earlier." 

You roll your eyes and look up at him. “Yes because you care so much for engineering.” 

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You’d be surprised about what I’m interested in.” 

“Oh I’d like to know more about those interests that I supposedly do not know about,” you say with a smirk. 

The computer beeps and you and you turn away from the Commander to look at the results. It’s a low grade radiation, something with a lot of energy, not harmful to humanoids but harmful to smaller life forms. Children might be susceptible to it. It’s nothing like you’ve ever seen before. “Hm… Interesting,” you say, leaning into the screen. 

“What is it?” Riker asks, leaning in with you. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this. It must have something to do with the geology of this planet. Permission to run a scan of the surrounding area? I want to make sure everything is safe for the captain to report to Starfleet, so we can actually put a colony here,” you explain. 

The Commander nods. “Of course.” He gets up to leave, but stops before exiting engineering. “And Lieutenant?” You look behind you, pausing in your work for just a moment. “Meet me in Ten Forward. At 2000 hours.” He grins at you and you nod. He walks out of the room and your eyes don’t leave him until the doors from engineering close behind him. You’re smiling, happy with the conversation you just had with the commander, and excited for tonight, for you to meet with the commander tonight. You don’t know what it means, what this flirting thing you have with the commander is, what’s going on between the two of you. But you do know one thing:

You're so fucked. 

--

Ten Forward is close to empty by the time you step into the main room. The secondary shift for the night has taken their positions for the night, which means most of those who usually populate Ten Forward are on duty. 

Commander Riker must have chosen this time specifically because of the lack of distractions. He's very good at what he does. 

You spot him by one of the windows overlooking all of space. He looks very regal silhouetted against the dark expanse of the universe, still in his command uniform. You’d be surprised if he didn’t sleep in it. You yourself have changed out of your engineering gold into something more casual, something that reminds you of home. No one really dresses like this anymore, but your family has always been one for tradition. Your checkered button down is tucked into your boot-cut blue jeans, which are over a pair of old cowboy boots. They were your grandfathers, and they are still in beautiful condition. You walk over to the commander, your hands behind your back, wringing out your fingers as you approach. You can feel the bile rising from your chest but you swallow it down. The hairs on your arms stand on end the closer you walk. The clicking of your boots is the only sound you hear over the roaring of blood in your ears. 

Riker looks up at you as you approach the table. His face breaks out in a smile so genuine you're afraid his face might split in twain. 

You sit down in front of him. There's music playing in the background. Light piano. Nothing you recognize. Riker must have asked Guinan to play it. You sit down in front of the Commander. 

"Hello Mr. [L/N]. I didn’t think you would make it," he says as you take your seat. 

"Hello Mr. Riker. I was caught up in engineering. Geordi had to physically pry me from my chair," you return. 

Riker leans back and chuckles. "Please. Like I said, call me William." 

“And like I responded, call me [Y/N].” You lean back in your chair and cross your arms. “I’m not on duty, am I?” 

William chuckles and leans in as someone comes up to your table, a man who’s carrying a drink tray. “Hello, what can I get you?”

You don’t take your eyes off William as you say to the server, “Whiskey. Real.”

The server turns and begins to address the man leaning into you, but he interrupts. “I would like the same.”

You look up at the server and say to him, “And can you get us some Texas Barbeque? My father’s recipe if you will. It will be under [L/N]’s Texas Barbeque.” The server nods and you smile at him as he walks away. William is staring at you, incredulous and a little confused. “What? I’m feeling nostalgic tonight.” 

“Is that why you’ve dressed up?” William asks 

You chuckle. “I think to most this would be considered dressing down.” William laughs lightly along with you. “But yes. While the rest of the world has progressed past the need to ranch animals, my family has resisted the change. But, with that, they also make the best Barbeque you can find.”

William smiles. “I see. What does this ‘ranching’ entail exactly?” 

You shrug. “It’s mainly just raising animals. My family's been doing it for ages. They used to go into the larger town, I believe it was called Austin before San Antonio grew too large and incorporated it," you explain. "Anyways, they would kill the older chickens, pigs, and cows to sell to local butchers. Or on Sundays there was something called a "Farmers Market" when there were more farmers than there are now." You lean back in your chair and cross your arms. "Now we just raise the animals, taking care of them before they die." You grin as a large plate of Barbeque is brought over and places in front of you. It's beef, you recall as you bring up the family recipe in your mind. "Amd, if an animal gets injured or otherwise can't take care of itself, we kill it, cook up the meat into barbeque, and use the bones, hooves or feet, beaks, and anything 'inedible' and use it to make a broth. That allows us to make soups and other foods that last us a long time. At least until the next animal dies."

You pick up the barbeque with your fingers as William goes for his fork and knife. He looks at you quizzically before setting down the utensils and going in with his bare hands. You smile at that. You take a bite of the sweet but slightly charred meat, the juices running over your tongue and down your chin. You let out a small laugh and chew as you use your napkin to clean up what got on your chin and subsequently, your neck. 

William smiles at you and swallows before saying, "I never thought to eat finger food on the first date." 

Your brain goes blank for a moment. Is this a date? Are you on a date? With your Commander? That's almost as bad as the Captain. But do you want it to be a date? Do you want to go through with this? Yes. 

Your lips quirk into a smile and you taste a little bit of the char still on your lips. "My mother used to say it builds a connection utensils could never hope to achieve. It breaks down walls, and allows everyone to be honest. There's no hiding, no pretend here. You get messy, you work through it together. Just like you should." You smile fondly at the memory. You miss your mother. You haven't seen her in a few years. You talk often enough, but screen communication is never as good as the real thing. You can't hug your mother through a screen. Maybe the next time you're near earth you'll ask if you can make a stop for a few days. 

William smiles at that and picks up a piece of barbeque with his fingers and days before taking a bite, "Your mother is a very wise woman." 

You direct your smile at William now as you say, "She sure is." 

--

“Uh… Commander? I think you’ll want to see this…” You say, directing your comment to Geordi. 

He walks over and leans over your shoulder, huffing as he sees what’s on your monitor. “Well I’ll be…”

“But Commander?” You say, making it more of a question than a statement. “How is this possible? This can’t be real.” You lean in towards the simulation the computer is providing and say quietly, “There’s no way the radiation could be moving!” 

Geordi places a hand on your shoulder. “Well, figure out how. It doesn’t seem to be affecting anything yet but we can’t know for sure.” 

You nod and turn back to the computer, where you start running continuous scans on the now moving radiation. 

--

You lean back in your chair and rub your eyes, letting out a yawn before blinking at the screen in front of you. It’s nearing the end of your shift. You reach out for a glass of water, but your hand hits air. Right. No drinks in engineering. Your stretch your arms as those on the night shift take their place. You feel a hand on your shoulder and jump at the sudden touch. 

“Oh! Sorry Lieutenant, I didn’t mean to startle you,” ensign Torres says. 

You shake your head and press a hand to your temple, a pain starts to drill into your temple. You unclench your jaw but that doesn’t help. “No worries ensign. I was just thinking.” 

He places another hand on your shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you need to go to sick bay?”

You shake your head, but that only makes the pushing pain worse. “No, it’s just a headache. It’ll pass. Eventually.” You start to move from your chair, but you stumble into ensign Torres arms. He reaches out and catches you as you feel the pain deepen, like a screw being pushed into your skull without a drill or a screwdriver to help. You wrench your eyes closed. The engineering lights are too bright. You cry out in pain and can barely hear ensign Torres call out to the computer, “Esign Torres to Sickbay! Medical Emergency in Engineering!” 

You hear someone say from the otherside, “Acknowledged. I’ll be there in a moment. Crusher out.” 

The pain keeps building. Soon you can’t hear the beeping of the Engineering, something that’s come to feel comforting. There’s a buzzing in your ears and your face becomes hot as you continue screaming. You don’t know if there’s any sound coming out anymore, or if your throat has just been run raw, and nothing escapes but air. You feel your knees hit the floor, the pain from the sudden fall gives you a moment to think about something else, before the pain returns to your temples and you feel the air escaping your lungs again. You clutch at your hair and you wouldn’t be surprised if your hands were full of chunks of your own hair. You feel more hands on you, dragging you up to your feet. You’re still screaming when a hypospray is placed at your neck, and you finally fall into unconsciousness. 

The pain doesn’t stop.

--

You look around the dark. You’re not dreaming, you’re actually here. You reach down and feel your shirt, the yellow engineering uniform is coarse underneath your fingers. You look up and shout out, trying to call out to something, but it’s as if you’re in space, and there’s nothing for your voice to bounce back from. Looking around, you realize you’re not in the pitch black you thought you were in. There’s small stars dotting the blackness. 

They’re not stars, you realize, because they start to move. 

They swirl and congeal in front of you, and as you look up, this humanoid made of stars looks up as well. 

“Who are you?” you ask into the quiet room. With the coagulated humanoid in front of you, your voice has something to reflect off of. 

The creature tilts its head and repeats back in a poor imitation of your voice, “Who are you?”

“I’m [Y/N],” you say. “Who are you?”

You reach out a hand, and the stars follow, like a mirror. You reach out your left hand, it reaches out its’ right. “I’m [Y/N],” it mimics again. The voice is closer this time. “Who are you?”

You look down, your arm dropping to your side. You sigh. “This obviously isn’t working…” 

“This obviously isn’t working…” the mimic says. 

You look up and the amalgamation of stars follows. You squint your eyes. You reach out. 

You take a step forward. 

This isn’t a dream. You can move forward. The stars take a step back. 

It doesn’t take a step back exactly the way you took a step forward. It shows hesitation. Your eyes widen. It isn’t a mimic. It’s doing this because it doesn’t know anything else. 

You reach your hands out, gently, trying to be as non-threatening as possible. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you,” you say softly. 

You take a step forward. 

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you,” the stars reply back. 

They take a step forward. 

Your face breaks out into a grin and you take another step towards the creature. They take a step towards you. You reach out, each step closing the distance between the two of you. You feel the energy in the air, the charging of electrons the closer you get. The hair on your arms stands on end. You feel goosebumps rise on the back of your neck. There’s a prickling of static building in your fingers. You reach closer. Pins and needles burst from your heart, traveling through your veins out into your limbs, your fingers and toes going numb. 

You reach out. 

Your fingers brush the stars. 

You feel the pushing of the pain from before at the back of your skull, but you feel the stars trying to communicate to you to let go. You close your eyes and feel the stars envelop you. You open your mouth, breath out, and let the stars in. 

They rush into your mouth, into your throat, and for a moment you think you’re choking, but you don’t need to breathe. They settle, higher than your stomach, past your lungs and ribs, right in the middle where your heart sits. 

And you know everything the stars want you to know. 

--

You gasp awake, your eyes split open. The bright lights of sickbay make you want to close them again, but you force yourself not to. You look up and see Dr. Crusher and a few of her nurses standing around you. You can hear them talking, but you can’t understand what they’re saying. You’re still panting when Dr. Crusher walks over and places a soft hand on your back. You shake your head and it's as if your thoughts clear away and you can finally understand what language they're speaking. 

"[Y/N]?" Dr. Crusher asks gently. "Can you hear me?" 

You nod. "Yeah." It comes out as barely a whisper. You wince as your throat screams for water. "W-" you try and say. "Wa-" 

Dr. Crusher looks over at one of her nurses. "Can you get us some water? And something to help with the throat?" The nurse nods and moves away. Dr. Crusher smiles and says, "It's going to be alright. You're going to feel better soon." 

You nod and grab the glass that's handed to you, quickly gulping down what the nurse gives you. She also hands you a throat lozenge, which you quickly pop into your mouth. 

"Better?" Dr. Crusher asks. 

You nod. "Yes," you say, your voice only cracking slightly now. While your voice is quieter, at least you're talking now. "Much better. Thank you Dr. Crusher." 

The doctor smiles. "Please. Call me Beverly."

You smile. "Okay Beverly." You try and lean back against the wall, but you wince. Your body must have tensed up so much your muscles hurt too much to move properly. "Thanks," you say, grateful as she leans you against the wall. 

Suddenly, the doors to sickbay slide open and Commander Riker bursts in, panting. "What happened? Is everything alright?" He asks breathlessly, his eyes locking onto your form. 

Beverly smiles. "Yes. Everything is okay. I'm glad you could make it Commander."

You look at her confused. "While I'm not complaining, I have to ask why Commander Riker is here…" 

She smiles at you and stands up. "You were calling out for him. When you were asleep." 

You feel your face heat up as she leaves the room, leaving you and the Commander alone. 

He sits down where Beverly was sitting before and places a hand on your knee. "How are you feeling?" 

You shrug, but wince as it doesn't come out painlessly. "Sore," you say with a laugh. William laughs along with you. 

He reaches out and grabs your hand. "I was worried about you. When they said who it was I didn't know what happened!" William exclaims, his right hand flying out but his left still holding onto yours. His right hand rests again on your clasped hands and he says quietly, "What did happen?" 

You look him in the eye and say, determined, "I need to talk to the captain." 

You move to get up, but William pushes you back into the sickbay bed. "Whoah whoah whoah. Let's not be too hasty. Do you want to tell me, and I'll tell him?" 

You shake your head, wincing at the pain it causes in your neck, and the phantom pains of the headache fall into the forefront of your mind. "No. It's an emergency. I need to tell him." 

William sighs and squeezes your hands. "Alright. But he's coming here. You're not going to him." You nod carefully and William touches his combadge. "Commander Riker to Captain Picard. Please come to sickbay." William looks at you and says, serious, "It's an emergency." 

You smile, and squeeze William's hands. 

A few minutes later, the captain comes in. "Yes, what's the emergency?" 

William doesn't even say anything. He just gestures to you. You let out a breath. You've only talked to the captain once, when you first came onto the Enterprise. Usually you talk through Geordi. You look up at the captain and say confidently, carefully, "We have to stop scanning the planet." 

"What?" Picard asks confused. "Why?" 

"Because that radiation I detected?" you offer. "That's not radiation. At least, not really. The reason it was moving is because it's alive, captain." 

"What?" The captain looks dumbfounded. 

You sit up more in the sickbay bed. William helps you sit up. "The pain I felt? As it was entering my mind? That's the pain it feels while we're scanning it. The tachyon scans we've been doing have been killing it, captain." 

"But-but that's a class M planet. Others will want to come and claim it." 

You glare at the captain. "Then find a way to protect it." The captain hesitates, obviously thinking about what you're saying. Your eyes narrow even further and you turn to the computer that's against the wall next to your bed. "Computer? Play footage from engineering, 2200 hours." 

The screen lights up and you can clearly see yourself sitting at a computer console, falling asleep in your chair. Ensign Torres comes up behind you, and starts talking to you. It's too quiet to make out what you're saying. You stand up, fall into Ensign Torres' arms, and then all you can hear is your screaming. You look at the captain as he watches, pain and sympathy cross over his features. You just watch him. William squeezes your hands as he watches, tensing up at the sight of you in pain. You remember the pain, as clear as if you were experiencing it now. You tense up as the apology given from the new lifeform rises to the surface as well. 

"Computer," Captain Picard says suddenly, just as Beverly comes into frame. You're still screaming. "Stop video." The video stops and the screen goes dark once again. Captain Picard sighs and places a hand on his forehead. Your eyes haven't left the captain. He looks up at you and says quietly, "I'll see what I can do. Number one, I'll see you on the bride in-" He looks between the two of you, then down at your hands. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

And he walks away. 

You let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding when the doors to sickbay close behind the captain. You lean forward, exhausted after your display and pleading with the captain. William leans forward and catches you, your head resting on his shoulder. He runs his hands through your hair and says quietly, "That was amazing." You smile against his shoulder, but you don't have the energy to move. "Very convincing." You chuckle and reach your arms out to hug him, but you pull back, letting out a small groan of pain. William chuckles and pulls back, pressing his hands to your shoulders to keep you upright while he slides you down the bed. "Come on. You must be exhausted. I'll see if Dr. Crusher can get you something for the pain." He lays you down on the bed and you smile as your eyes close. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your forehead. 

He gets up to go get Beverly, but by the time they return, you're asleep in your bed. 

--

“[L/N]!” You look up from your personal project you were working on. 

It’s your lunch break and you’re tinkering with a new invention, but every time you use it on something, when you turn it off, the force crushes the object inside. It’s not doing what you want it to, and you have to find a way to stop it from collapsing when it’s turned off. 

Geordi walks over to you in the hallway outside of engineering. “Hey, how are you feeling?” He asks right as you take a bite of your sandwich. 

You hold up a hand, chewing for a few moments as you set down your tools, and you put your device down. You swallow and say, “Sorry.” Geordi holds up a hand as if to say, ‘no worries,’ and you continue. “I’m better. A lot better. Beverly is a true miracle worker.”

Geordi chuckles and says pointedly, “She’s a doctor, not a miracle worker, Lieutenant.” You chuckle along and start gathering up your equipment, popping the last of your lunch into your mouth. You start walking toward the nearest replicator, and Geordi follows along. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you in a while. I’ve been busy.” You nod. You understand how busy the senior officers have been these past few days. 

After leaving the planet, with the new radiation lifeform, the Enterprise was called to Starbase 83 to facilitate a discussion between the Klingons and a new race that was discovered on a mining moon. They drilled into the crust of the planetoid where they discovered a series of underground tunnels and caves, that were home to a race called the Hiyattas. They’re an insectoid race, with humanoid bodies, and they’re so new as an intelligent race they barely have 5,000 words to communicate with. In comparison, Federation Standard has over 170,000 words. William has been too busy to see you for the past few days, but occasionally, when he has the time, or the captain orders him to rest, he’ll ask you to join him in Ten Forward, just to see each other, and to catch up. He’s been updating you on the Hiyattans, and you’ve been telling him about engineering. 

You place the empty plate on the replicator and press a button that dematerializes the plate. “Anyways, I just wanted to know how you’ve been, being back in engineering after… well after what happened,” he says. 

You smile. “I’m fine. Still a little sore, but Beverly told me that’s normal after something like that.” The doors to engineering open and you place the invention and your tools on the table where Ensign Weaver who gets out of their chair and goes back to another station. “Can I ask you a question Commander?”

“Of course,” he says. 

You sit down in your chair, and turn to face him. “Why are you so concerned with me? You’re never like this with anyone else. Why me?” 

He smiles and says cryptically, “Don’t worry about it lieutenant.” He places a hand on your shoulder and squeezes gently. “Welcome back lieutenant.” 

He walks away and you say, confused, “Lieutenant Junior Grade, sir!” He doesn’t acknowledge you and just leaves engineering. You lean back in your chair, more confused than you have been in a very long time. “What just happened?” you mumble to yourself. 

--

You collapse into your chair in Ten Forward, leaning on the table that William is sitting in front of as well. 

“Everything alright?” he asks as your head hits the metal table with a soft thunk. You just groan in response. “Rough day?”

You laugh, though there’s no mirth behind it. “You could say that.” Your voice is muffled by your arms closing around your head on the table. 

William reaches out and touches your arm, grabbing it gently, as if to say, ‘hey, relax.’ You move your arms away from your face and sit up, though you’re still slightly slouched. “Hey, talk to me. What happened?” 

You sigh. “Everyone’s been so weird today. First!” You sit up more and William grabs your hand, not to calm you or anything, but just because he can. “It was Geordi, asking me how I am and talking to me more about personal things than he ever does. Then it was Lieutenant Worf, who refused to talk to me. I wanted to ask when the away team would be back, but every time I tried to contact him over coms, he would just tell me to talk to him later. I had to ask Ensign Martinez to talk to him for me.” You lean forward more. “And then! Chief O’Brien wouldn’t tell me how long the away team was gone for when I went to see him in transporter room three! I tried to run a diagnostic on the energy output from the transporters, so see if we could cut anything down for greater engine efficiency, but he just shooed me out of the room! Told me he’d do it himself and report back later! I asked Keiko what was going on with him but she wouldn’t even give me a straight answer. She would just mumble something about being busy or tired, and then take care of Molly.” You lean back in your chair with a huff, but your hands are still being held by William’s. “The only one who hasn’t been weird is Data, but he’s already weird. He was the only one to actually talk with me today. Though he kept saying ‘I’m sure you’ll be happy today…’” You shake your head. “It’s just been a weird day.” 

William smiles and leans forward, kissing your fingers lightly before encasing your hand in his own. You feel your cheeks heat up and you look away. You’ve been flirty with William, sure, and you talk a lot, but you didn’t think he actually felt anything for you. At least not the same way you feel about him. You were content to remain friends, but this… this feels really good, even if your stomach is doing flips right now. “I can’t wait to see how happy you are.”

You look back at him, your stomach dropping, as well as your shy smile. You groan and drop your head on the table again. “Ugh, not you too!”

He just starts laughing. 

--

You’re in your room the next morning when your combadge beeps at you from the dining table in your quarters. “Captain Picard to Lieutenant Junior Grade [L/N].” 

You pick up your combadge and affix it to your uniform before tapping it. “[L/N] here.”

“Will you come to my ready room? I wish to speak to you about something.” You nod, even though the captain can’t see you. 

“Aye sir.” Your badge beeps to denote the cutting of your connection to the captain, and you let out a deep breath. 

You try and steady your beating heart as you walk out of your room and to the turbolift. You only pass a few people, but you can’t help but feel as though they’re watching you. You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until you walk into the turbolift and the doors close behind you. “Bridge,” you say and the turbolift starts moving. You’ve only seen the bridge briefly once before when you first stationed on the enterprise. You were in the turbolift when one of the senior officers went up there. You saw it for as long as the doors were open. You didn’t get a good look at it. 

You feel your heartbeat rising as the lift rises higher and higher. You take deep breaths to steady yourself. You feel like you’re about to faint. The doors to the bridge finally open, and you barely catch a glance at William before your feet take you past the bridge crew and to the captain’s ready room. They’re definitely all watching you. 

You hear Counselor Troi say to someone, probably Commander Riker, before the doors to the Captain's ready room close, "He's definitely nervous." 

The doors close behind you, and suddenly, you're alone with the captain. "Ah. Lieutenant. Please, sit down." 

You do as you're told, but not before saying, "It's lieutenant junior grade, sir." 

He smiles and sits down across from you. "Yes, I've noticed you say that a lot. Is there a reason?" He folds his hands in front of himself. 

You shrug. "My father taught me not to take credit for things that aren't yours. Everyone needs a chance to prove themselves, and you shouldn't take that away from them," you explain. 

Captain Picard smiles and leans back slightly. "That is a very good insight Lieutenant… Junior Grade," he says after a moment. You smile at him. "Do you know why I've asked you here today?" 

"You sound like my principal in highschool," you mumble out. The captain raises an eyebrow at you. "No sir." 

He smiles. "I have heard nothing but good things about you from my senior officers. Geordi, Commander Riker, Deanna, even Data's said something positive about you." You don't say anything. You don't know what to say. You wait with baited breath as he continues. "I have continuously heard great things about you. And so I called you here to congratulate you Lieutenant."

"Congratulate me on what sir?" You don't correct him this time. 

He smiles at you. "On your promotion. Congratulations Lieutenant." 

You stare at him. "I-I don't know what to say Captain. Thank you!" You exclaim. 

He smiles. "It's not me. It's your own accomplishments. Now, we really should get back to work. We have a starship to run after all." 

You nod, still in shock and stand to leave. When you're about halfway to the door, the captain call to you. "Oh, and [Y/N]?" You turn to look at him. "I want to see you on the bridge now. If you could take more shifts on the bridge crew every once and awhile, that would be preferable." Your shock turns into excitement as you nod. "Dismissed."

--

You're sitting at the helm, your fingers don't know what to press first. Sure, you've run all types of simulations in star fleet, and have been reading up since your promotion, but the truth is, you don't know what to do. You've forgotten. Your mind blank. 

"Lieutenant? Are you alright? Do you need me to plot the course to Starbase 116?" Commander Data asks, his voice softer than normal, as if he's trying not to embarrass you. It's all very human. 

You let out a deep breath and shake your head. "No. No Data. I've got it," you say. You reach out, trying to remember which button to push first, when you feel something behind you. 

"Push the red one on the right first," Commander Data says low in your ear. 

You press the button, and with muscle memory start to lay in the course to Starbase 116. You look up and smile as you see Commander Data nod and go back to the Captain's chair. 

This is going to be a long night. 

--

You walk into Ten forward, swaying a little with each step you take. You almost fall into the bar but catch yourself as you walk to the table William is sitting at. You’re still in your uniform form earlier on in the day. You slump into your seat and sigh as you look up at the server that appears next to you.

“Coffee, extra sweet,” you say. William holds up a hand to say he’s good and the server nods and walks away. 

“I thought you hated coffee,” William says. 

“I do.” You lean back in your chair, your arms falling to your side, almost numb. “But I need to stay awake.” 

Riker looks at you, concerned. “Why do you need to stay awake? Do you have a night watch shift?” He asks, a little astounded. You wave him off, blowing a raspberry with your mouth as the server comes back with your coffee. You make a grab for it, but William slides it in front of himself, out of your reach. “No, you don’t get this until you answer me.” You sigh and reach for it, but he just holds your hand. "Why are you drinking coffee?" 

You sigh and place your forehead on the table. Your stomach's been swimming all day, and now it's just gotten worse. You haven't eaten anything since breakfast. You shake your head on the table. William reaches out and you feel him lace his fingers into your hair, touching the tips of your ears with his fingers. You sigh. "I've been taking extra night shifts on the bridge because those are the only times I can do them." 

William looks at you, concerned. "[Y/N], you're working yourself too hard," he says, quietly. 

You shake your head. "I want to do more for the captain, be on the bridge more like he requested, but I can't just give up engineering. It's such  a large part of me I can't just throw it out the window!" You exclaim, though that makes your head spin. You wobble slightly as you close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Whoah…" William sighs and when you open your eyes, you see the same server from before taking your coffee away. "Bu- wa-" you cut yourself off as you reach out towards the server, too tired to actually get up and go after your coffee. 

William stands up and walks around to your chair. "Come on. I'm taking you to bed." 

"But- but I have to be in the bridge in fourteen minutes! Commander Data is expecting me!" You exclaim as William takes your hands and lifts you up, placing a hand around your waist and throwing your own arm over his shoulders. William presses his combadge and says, "Commander Riker to Data."

"Commander Data here sir," comes the reply. 

William starts walking with you, more like dragging you, out of Ten Forward. "Lieutenant [L/N] is unable to come to his shift on the bridge. It's an emergency." 

You hear Data acknowledge it, but he adds on at the end, "Is the Lieutenant okay? He's not hurt is he?" 

William looks down at you. "He's not hurt." 

You can almost imagine Data nodding. "Data out." The comm cuts out. 

"I think Data thinks of you as a friend now." You look up at William as he says this, approaching your door now. You live on deck ten, so it always makes it convenient to go to the forward. 

You smile. "Good. I consider him a friend too." 

The doors to your room open as you approach and William takes you inside. He seats you over to your bed, and you practically throw yourself onto it. You sit up and go to remove your shoes, but William holds up a hand to stop you. You comply, and he removes your shoes for you. He sits down on your bed and you lean over, resting your head on his shoulder. He leans over and kisses your hair lightly. You almost don't feel it in your sleepy haze. 

Looking up, you see William's bright blue eyes. They're alight with affection and warmth, and you want that warmth. You want to feel that affection he apparently has for you. You lean up, pressing your lips to his, moving your hands from the bed to his neck. He starts kissing back, slowly but it's something. He moves his hands to your wrists, and pulls away as he moves your hands away from his skin, some of the only exposed skin on him when he's in uniform. 

He smiles in the dim light and says softly, "I really want this. Trust me, I do. But not when you're tired." 

You nod, and he leans in, pressing a kiss to your jaw before getting up. He lets go of your wrists and they fall back to the bed with a soft "thunk". He smiles and kisses your forehead. 

"Get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." You nod and scoot up the bed, falling asleep before you can even watch William walk out the doors.

--

You're sitting in Ten Forward, three days later, your new invention and your tools spread out over one of the tables in Ten Forward. You’re so close to a discovery, to being able to test it, but you have to find a way to not burn out the circuits after every shutdown. You’re hunched over your work and you don’t even notice as someone pulls out the chair and sits down in front of you. 

“Still hard at work, huh?” 

You jump, looking up into the blue eyes of William, who’s smiling at you. You place a hand over your heart, a decoupler pinned between your palm and your breast. “William! You scared me!” 

Even though you’re shocked, you’re laughing with him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so entranced in your work,” he says. 

You sigh with an exasperated smile. “I’m so close.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you what this is,” he says, pointing towards the invention on the table.

You look up at him, as if to ask, ‘Really?’ but he doesn’t back out of his statement, so you go ahead and explain. “Well, this…” You hold up the metal puck, blue, red, and white wires poke out of the bottom. “…is a personal shielding device. It uses a magnetic resonance created in part by me to cover the body and deflect anything from a phaser blast, to an old earth bullet, to a rock thrown at your head.” William is looking at you with wide eyes. “But-” you say, cutting him off from speaking, “I haven’t figured out how to make it work without the phaser blasts draining the energy from the shield and burning out the internal configuration. Last week I figured out the issue of it crushing the object inside of it when it’s shut off, but it still overloads the power couplings.” 

“This is so over my head, but this is a brilliant invention! How did you come up with it?” William asks. 

You shrug. “I just thought, ‘Why should ships only have shields?’.” 

You grin, and William laughs, leaning back in his chair. You just watch him laugh, his smile so wide you’re surprised his cheeks don’t split to make more room. His eyes are closed, but when you were explaining your technology, you could see adoration in his eyes. As you’re grinning at him while he laughs in his chair, you watch this man you’ve talked to every day for the last few months, and you realize something as his comforting eyes open again. 

You are in love with William T. Riker. 

--

“Alright lieutenant! Let’s fire this up!” Geordi says from the other end of Engineering two days later where he’s monitoring the shielding device. 

You nod and press the final button needed to remotely turn on the device, even though there’s a switch on the side for whoever needs it, for it to be activated. The light hum of the magnetic resonance is almost impossible to hear next to the massive warp engine. You watch as the light reflects for a moment off the shield as it wraps around the vase Data was willing to give you for the test. The magnetic resonance hasn’t vibrated the vase to pieces yet, so that’s good. 

You turn to look behind you, and say, “Commander Data? Fire when ready.” 

He nods and holds up the phaser, firing it on the shield. You watch as the shield pulses from the phaser blast, moving and warping, and you watch with baited breath as the vase wobbles slightly, but stabilizes after only a moment. 

You let out a breath as Geordi calls out, “Shield holding at 83%!” You have to force yourself to focus on your breathing, because you know you will hold your breath until the experiment is done. “Shields holding at 67%!” You watch as the shield starts flickering, but it’s still steady. “Shield falling to 42%!” The phaser still isn’t getting through, even though the resonance is flickering more and more, but you notice the shifting of the field is done around where the phaser is hitting, but it’s solid where the phaser is hitting. “Shield now at 27%!” The buzzing sound of the shield is now louder than the phaser as it pushes itself harder to protect the fragile vase. “Shield falling to 15%!” Geordi calls out to you and Data. “10%!” You watch as the shield starts falling away from the back, still holding strong against the phaser blast. “5%! 4! 3-2! 1%!” You watch as the shield flickers out for one last moment, before the phaser penetrates the magnetic resonance field, and the phaser strikes the vase, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces. The phaser stops before it can do any more damage.

You watch as, even though the vase isn’t there anymore, the shield comes back online, taking the previous shape of the vase, before collapsing, and turning itself off. 

Data lowers his arm, the phaser resting at his side. Geordi walks over and stands at your side, placing his hands on his hips as he says to you, “Congratulations Lieutenant. You have created the first and only personal shielding device.”

You just stand in shock, a loose grin on your face. 

--

“Why don’t you join us for poker some time! I’m sure Commander Riker has asked you to join a few times?” Beverly asks as you sit in medbay, getting a cut healed from your rather rigorous exercise while fighting a few holodeck romulans. It’s not your program, lieutenant Worf let you use it for the time being. Your shield was being particularly annoying today and you needed to let off some steam. 

You shake your head. “No, no. I don’t play your kind of poker.”

“Seven card stud?” Beverly asks. 

You shrug. “I only know how to play one type of poker, so I think I’d be a little outmatched," you say with a light laugh. 

"Well, what kind of poker do you play?" Beverly asks. "Maybe we can learn!" 

You look up at her and say with a straight face, "Texas Hold 'em." 

She looks at you confused. "What?" 

"It's a poker game that was popular in the 21st century, but after the nuclear wars, only those in Texas really held onto it. Us Texans love anything with the word 'Texas' in it," you say sardonically. 

Beverly laughs as she finishes healing your cut. "Alright. You should be good to go." You smile at her and jump down from the bed, rolling your neck and sighing when you hear the pops it makes. You move to leave, but she stops you with a shout. “Oh lieutenant!” You turn to face her. “Maybe you should steer clear of the holodeck for a little while. Come play poker with us. You can teach us how to play your game, and I’m sure the commander will love to have you there.”

She smiles at you knowingly, and you just smile and nod before leaving sickbay. 

--

“Picard to engineering! Can you get us out of here!” Captain Picard yells over the comms. Because Geordi’s on the bridge, he put you in charge of engineering. 

You press your combadge and shout over the general hustle and bustle of engineering,  “We’re trying our best captain! The tractor beam from the planet’s interfering with our escape plan! I don’t think we’ll be able to leave unless we can shut down that tractor beam!” 

The combadge goes quiet for a few moments and you call out to Barclay to join you at the main engineering consoles situated in the middle of the floor. Your combadge beeps again when Barclay moves to your opposite, continuing his work. “Picard to Mr. [L/N]. I need you on the bridge.”

“Aye,” you say, nodding to Barclay who nods back, and you leave engineering for the bridge. Before you exit, you stop by your station and grab your personal shield, holding onto it as you make your way to the bridge. The ride in the turbolift is silent. No one interrupts. You’re alone. 

Until the door to the bridge opens up and all you can hear is shouting. “[Y/N]! Over here!” Geordi calls out to you, waving you over. You move over to Geordi before the doors to the turbolift can close again. “We’re having a hard time shutting down their tractor beam.”

You lean in next to Data to look at the computer monitor. “Have you tried a reverse tachyon beam?”

Data nods. “Yes. They have a force field up. We can not get through.” 

You nod and start mumbling to yourself, “And we can’t beam anyone in there-”

“Wait, no I think we can,” Geordi says, typing on the display. “Here.” He points to the monitor, where you see the subspace fluctuation in the shield, a hole not big enough for a phaser blast, but just big enough for a transport. 

“Yes, yes. I see,” Data says, before turning to the chaotic bridge. “Captain,” he says, not raising his voice at all. Picard turns, still having been able to hear Data over all the comotion. “I believe we can transport a small away team down into the surface. This is the only way to disable the tractor beam. We have…" Data pauses for a moment and you fill in the rest for him. 

"We have twenty four minutes before the warp core shuts down and we're pulled to the surface," you supply. 

Picard nods. "Commander, assemble an away team." 

Riker nods. "Data, Worf, you're with me." 

They go to leave but you stop them. "Sir?" You interrupt the Commander before he leaves. "Sir. I think I should be the one to beam you all down. I've done the calculations and I know I can get you there safely." 

Riker looks to captain Picard, who nods. Riker motions for you to follow. "[L/N]. You're with me," Commander Riker says. 

You follow them into the turbolift, and down to transporter room one. You walk in and quickly dismiss the ensign on duty. He walks out of the room as you input the exact transporter coordinates. 

You look up and everyone's already on the transporter pad. "Commander, one more thing before you go…" 

You walk up to him, and reach your hand out, grasping your life's greatest work as you place it in the commander's hand. He looks up at you in sock as you say to him, quietly, "You never know what you'll find down there…" 

He looks up at you in shock, and you walk back to the transporter, your fingers over the engagement. 

"Lieutenant? Energize," Riker says. 

You slide your fingers up the panel, and as you do, the three men start to dematerialize. Soon enough, they're gone, and you wait with baited breath, hoping you do it right. 

You feel your heart stop as your combadge beeps and Geordi's voice filters through. "Lieutenant? You did it! Come and join us back on the bridge," 

"Aye sir," you reply. 

--

You wait and watch from the bridge, barely daring to breathe. The bridge has gone silent. It's eerie. The bridge is usually full of life, buttons being pushed, talking from the commanding officer to their officers, and vice versa. Now, you're sitting at OPs, waiting for something, anything to happen. 

You don't have to wait long, because soon enough you're flung against the OPs terminal, and you have to cling to it so you don't Tumblr over it. 

"What was that?" Picard asks the room. 

You start typing on your console but Geordi's faster. "The tractor beam is gone captain. As well as the shield. It seems they were shut down." 

You get up from OPs and look back at the captain, going to say something, but you're interrupted. "Away team to Enterprise. Please beam us directly to sickbay. Commander Riker is hurt." It's Data's voice. 

Your heart stops beating, and you look to the captain. You don’t even need to say anything. He just nods, but as you get up and walk past him, he places a hand on your arm gently. “See me in my ready room after your shift ends.” 

You nod and he lets go, letting you rush down to sickbay. The doors don’t slide open fast enough and you almost slam face first into them. But they do eventually slide apart and you enter, your breathing so fast you’re afraid you may pass out. You spot him, William, lying in one of the sickbay beds against the wall. You push your way through the bustling room and over to William, who grins as he makes eye contact with you. You let out a deep breath and practically throw yourself into the chair next to his bed. He reaches out and you grab his hand. 

You feel something fist sized, warm, machinery. “You saved me. You know that?” 

You let the shield fall to the ground and lean over, kissing William T. Riker. 

--

You let out a nervous breath, clenching and unclenching your hands in the turbolift as you make your way down to William’s room. You’ve never actually been in his room. You’ve imagined it, what he would have in it. Pictures of family, flowers from Deanna, lots of blues and reds. The turbolift doors open, and you have half a mind to turn around and go right back the way you came, but you shake your head, stepping out of the turbolift onto the senior officer’s crew quarters. You walk down the brightly lit hallway and to the door you remember Beverly telling you was William’s. 

You let out a breath, and push the doorbell. 

It only takes a few seconds before the doors slide open, and a shocked William is staring back at you. “[Y/N]! What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?”

“Beverly invited me. She wants to learn how to play my poker,” you explain. “I even brought my own cards.” You hold up the pack you’ve used for years. Your lucky deck. 

“Oh well, come on in!” William steps aside and you carefully make your way inside, smiling as you see Geordi, Beverly, Worf, and Data all sitting around a circular table, chips layed out in front of each of them. William pulls up a chair for you next to Beverly and himself, as well as some chips for you to use. You sit and place your cards on the table, Data scooping up the old cards. 

“What’s the game, [Y/N]?” Beverly asks.

You start to shuffle the deck, almost as well as Data but no one can ever be as good as Data at anything. You stop, placing the cards in front of William to cut as you say, “The game is Texas Hold’em. May the best, win.”

[ltbroccoli-archive]

@drorah-walks | continued from x

D’rorah had been sitting on the couch reading.  It was a lazy evening, quiet but for the hum of the ship’s engines.  Her father had fallen asleep while she silently paged through a textbook on her PADD.

She’d started to feel uneasy for a reason she couldn’t identify.  Turning her head aside from the PADD, she looked around the room, peering particularly into any corner where there were shadows.

She hadn’t much cared for the dark since her return from that awful place.

Her dad’s sudden waking, startled her as her eyes swept the room, and she sat up quickly, watching him with wide, concerned eyes as he fought to regain his breath.  He sounded like he’d been running forever, even though he’d only been sitting on the sofa.

“Daddy, are you okay?”  As she asked, she began to tentatively creep closer, eyes still wide and watchful.  “Do you need me to call sickbay?”

The least he could have done was go sleep and have nightmares in his own room. He didn’t need to be scaring D’rorah like this. She’d already been scared enough. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he hastily tried to reassure her, though his shaking voice betrayed him. “Just a... just a bad dream.”

Rubbing at his eyes, Reg slowly pushed himself upright, curling up in the corner of the couch while D’rorah came closer. They’d both been very on edge in the days since they’d come back; Geordi had even noticed and given him the day off. No one knew the full extent of the story, of course, just that something had taken D’rorah, leaving Reg and Q to go rescue her. Only Counselor Troi, Dr. Crusher, and Captain Picard knew about D’rorah’s magic; everyone else just assumed it had been a random incident.

“Are you okay?” Reg asked, noticing that she seemed a bit more alarmed than usual.

[colonel-kira-nerys]

7, 19, 31?

7. Who would make up your dream team?I answered this one more fully in a previous post, but basically I would love an all-female crew, with drop-ins from Admiral Number One (Majel Barrett). Dream Crew: Captain Janeway, XO Kira, Security Chief Yar, CMO Crusher, Nurse Chapel, Helm: T'Pol, Chief Engineer Torres, Counselor Troi, Communications: Uhura.19. You can undo one plot point, which do you choose?Only one!? I would save every female character who died or "disappeared" for pointless reasons. On my list: Janice Rand, Christine Chapel (excluded from AOS), Tasha Yar, Dr. Pulaski, Ambassador K'Ehleyr, Jadzia Dax, and Kes.31. A crossover with another show/movie/book that you'd want to see: Voyager crossover with The X-Files!

[daleisgreat]

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Season 1

An awesome friend surprised me a year ago by gifting me the complete BluRay series of Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG). Longtime readers of the blog will recall I spent most of 2014 going through and reviewing all of the Star Trek films once a month throughout the year. I can now look forward to analyzing each season of TNG right here! I may not be able to knock them out at my same rate as the movies since I only average watching about two episodes of TNG a week currently, but as I understand by the third season TNG gets pretty damn must-see, so maybe I will be cruising through the seasons at that point. As in previous TV season blogs, I will write these in a list style running down random highs and lows that popped out to me throughout the season. -TNG premiered in 1987 (trailer) via syndication and not dedicated to a single major network. This was unheard of for such a show. Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek and responsible for helming The Original Series and producing on the motion pictures was responsible for helping to create and produce TNG through its first few seasons. TNG focused on a new cast and crew of the iconic Enterprise vessel and takes place in 2364, just under a century after The Orginal Series started off.

-I am stoked to finally go into this overdue journey of watching every episode of TNG. Growing up as a 90s kid there always seemed to be reruns on cable of all the Star Trek shows. I was not a regular, weekly watcher, but with four different series out by the end of the 90s it became almost impossible not to stumble upon an episode channel surfing (remember that?). I absorbed roughly a dozen episodes of each series that way over the years. TNG seemed to resonate with me the most because of its iconic cast of characters, but I have also heard strong arguments for Deep Space Nine too. -I had a fun conversation with my dad last weekend filling him in on my TNG quest and asked him about his memories of the show. I was surprised to learn he said he still watches the show because the networks still air reruns of most of the series on at late night and he usually falls asleep to it. He gave me a few fun memories of his, and we both shared a laugh at how different Ryker was in the first season without his intimidating, vintage beard.

-TNG has a strong, diverse cast and because the cast was so huge I noticed that almost every episode one or two of the supporting characters were not there so more time can be focused on the rest of the cast. The two primary stars are Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart) and First Officer Ryker (Jonathan Frakes) who are featured on every episode. Tasha Yars (Denise Crosby) is the badass security officer, Geordi (Levar Burton) and Data (Brent Spiner) are the two on-the-nose best friends helms-men of The Enterprise, Worf (Michael Dorn) is a battle-hardened Klingon whose advice consistently gets rejected, Dr. Crusher (Gates McFadden) seems to be a poor doctor as several patients pass away under her watch throughout this initial season and her son Wesley (Wil Wheaton) is not so affable either. The same can be said for Counselor Troi (Marina Sirtis). I had no recollection of Tasha or Wesley at all going into the series premiere since neither was in the movies I watched a few years ago. Troi is the only character I disliked throughout the first season. Her role as counselor and her psychic ability to ‘read feelings’ could not have been portrayed any worse since her ‘psychic readings’ was basic body language and context deductions that anyone should have been able to decipher. I am told her character is far less annoying in later seasons. Wesley is also a little bit of a buzzkill as the boy wonder Ensign on the bridge solving problems that the adults swiftly brush off, but I kind of get his role being there to resonate with younger viewers.

-There was no dedicated cast member as chief engineer for the first season and that role was randomly filled by several minor actors off and on throughout the season. One of the early chief engineers was Argyle (Bill Yeager). He was only a recurring character on two episodes for the first part of the season so I cracked up upon learning he started a letter writing campaign encouraged fans to write in of support to get him on the show more frequently. Naturally this lead to him instantly being booted off the show and being replaced with other chief engineers of the week until TNG settled on Geordi taking over that department from season two on. -I recall hearing several times over the years the first year or two of TNG is a rough watch, primarily because Gene Roddenberry had final say over the show in the early years and he was notorious for countless last minute rewrites that became an issue in production. Sure enough, this season was a slog to get through with half the episodes featuring baffling plots and questioning points of conflict to base an episode around. A prominent example is the crew fighting off an airborne contamination that turns the infected into the equivalent of bumbling drunks with a maxed out sex drive. There are several other mind-numbing episodes with just as eyebrow-raising plots that made season one a chore, but there were at least several fairly good-to-strong episodes this debut season too that helped counterbalance the bad just a wee-bit.

-Even though he was not in the movies, I was aware of the ‘omnipotent presence’ known as Q (John de Lancie) due to seeing a online play-thru of the videogame Star Trek: Borg where he was the quirky sidekick in a FMV PC game chastising you for every decision you make. I was delighted to see him in the same quirky role in the two episodes he was on in the first season. I am not going to even attempt to explain his role here, but came to discover I will see him in six more episodes for the rest of TNG as he attempts stump the TNG crew with more of his dastardly challenges. -TNG looks stunning in HD! Several years ago Paramount was able to re-master the entire series in HD because TNG was shot on 35mm film. For computer special effects they had to go in and painstakingly re-master all the individual CG effects by hand. It is well worth it because the show looks stunning now, and there are a couple extra features detailing all the hard work put in with the obligatory SD-HD comparison shots and it is amazing seeing the difference.

-Speaking of extras, saying there is a ton on here is an understatement. I tallied roughly three hours of extra features on the season one BluRay, among some are HD exclusives. The gag reel is uniquely compiled compared to countless others I have seen so do not gloss over that. There are also about eight other behind-the-scenes features and of those Launch and Continuing Mission get my top picks as thorough half hour deep dives on getting the show started and casted and highlighting its pivotal moments with archived and recent interviews from nearly the entire cast and crew. If you are into the aforementioned HD/SD upgrades to the show and how they pulled it off then definitely check out Energized: Taking TNG to the Next Level as it was a truly fascinating watch at Paramount’s remarkable job re-mastering TNG. -One unofficial extra feature that has been tremendously helpful for me is the podcast, Star Trek: The Next Conversation. Two writers from the sitcom, The Goldbergs host this show that dedicates each podcast to breaking down and analyzing every episode of TNG in chronological order. Both hosts are avid Trek fans, but one has never seen TNG before for some reason and it creates a great teacher/student dynamic to the show. They helped shed a lot of background information and filled in some gaps that I did not pick up on my initial watch. Minus the over-reliance on sound effect transitions, it wound up being the perfect supplementary material I consumed after every episode of TNG and if you ever decide to start watching through TNG from the beginning I give it the highest recommendation. -Even though there are a lot of dud episodes in the first season, by the last several episodes it seemed like the cast was starting to gel and the episodes were slowly-but-surely becoming more compelling to watch. There is a tear-jerker Tasha episode that has a great final scene from her, and an awesome season finale I was on board with where The Enterprise picks up several human frozen in cryogenics in the 20th century and thaws them out for amusing antics on deck. I hear the show starts to ramp up next season, and is at max warp speed by season three on. Even though this season was a doozy, I did not mind persevering through it to see the origins of the cast and how far they will evolve in the following seasons. Please join me again here in a couple months for my log of season two! Past TV/Web Series Blogs 2013-14 TV Season Recap 2014-15 TV Season Recap 2015-16 TV Season Recap 2016-17 TV Season Recap 2017-18 TV Season Recap Adventures of Briscoe County Jr: The Complete Series Baseball: A Ken Burns series Angry Videogame Nerd Volumes 7-9 Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Season 1 OJ: Made in America: 30 for 30 RedvsBlue - Seasons 1-13 Roseanne – Seasons 1-9 Seinfeld Final Season Superheroes: A Never-Ending Battle Superheroes: Pioneers of Television The Vietnam War: A Ken Burns series X-Men – The Animated Series: Volumes 4-5

[pien-art]

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