#doxy liveblogs

[thatsnotbeautiful]

this

i can’t rmb when i started loving Mithrun exactly, but i think his first fight has to have played a role.

just look at him, so smug after putting a bunch of ppl into walls. babygirl behavior

more seriously though, i think this is an interesting moment for how it possibly interacts with “Mithrun cannot experience desire”.

it’s an easy extrapolation to be like, since Mithrun doesn’t desire anything, he must not be able to feel much of anything either. bc to feel some sort of way about things, you have to have preferences. but he’s clearly capable of feeling self-satisfied besting ppl in a fight after they underestimated him.

so maybe “best ppl in a fight specifically” is one of those new potential desires the demon hadn’t eaten yet. maybe not actively desiring things doesn’t mean you’re incapable of liking something in the moment even if you don’t try and get it again later, or that you’re incapable of feeling happy/sad/angry/surprised abt sth

i also like the glimpse it gives into past!Mithrun, bc past!Mithrun was an arrogant, insecure butt who prob enjoyed getting the best of ppl, even tho he prob wouldn’t have shown it as obviously

[therealdoxian]

*rubs temples while reading the upd8* okay but - Lord English is Caliborn's shitty self-insert OC - Jake has the power to wish things into existence because hope - Lord English is described as a demon who is "summoned" into universes (via a computer program) also possibly relevant - Aranea can control? release? Jake's hope powers to some extent

[thatsnotbeautiful]

Pattadol’s fairy imitating her is cute lol

[thatsnotbeautiful]

back on my dunmeshi backreading and… someone mentioned that Kabru doesn’t have to deal with the stresses of being “the leader” when he’s stuck on the dungeon lower level with Mithrun. multiple times Mithrun is shown being the one deciding what to do during an attack and saving their asses, bc he’s more experienced with dungeon monsters… so Kabru doesn’t have to stress abt keeping it together and figuring out what to do bc he has a party depending on him

[thatsnotbeautiful]

OK, third re-read for characterization purposes, commence

(mute “doxy liveblogs” if you don’t wanna see my chatter about it)

[thatsnotbeautiful]

new liveblog post now that Mithrun has entered the picture

just noticed Mithrun reacting to Kabru mentioning Utaya

[thatsnotbeautiful]

a new liveblog thread

i finally realized that the walking mushroom is stuck to Kabru’s foot bc Mithrun teleports him into it, lol

[thatsnotbeautiful]

not sure if Kabru is exchanging concerned glances with Lycion, looking somewhere offscreen, or looking concernedly at Mithrun but if it’s the latter… orz

[thatsnotbeautiful]

if this book is The Sun is the idea that we’re all getting blinded by Julian’s tits with this preview card like

[thatsnotbeautiful]

cause of death: Julian’s crying emote

[thatsnotbeautiful]

BNHA ch 196 thought dump

...i thought i had more to say aside from rambling about Shinsou’s quirk but really it just comes down to:

- strategist and all around capable Tsuyu!!!  - those panels with Shinsou and Kaminari. holy shit. “i like you!” Kaminari really just went for it huh. also Shinsou’s expression. like he’s caught so off guard at the positive comments and like he feels as though he’s looking into the goddamn sun because of Denki’s beaming face. and then!! the following panel! “whatever”, the self-conscious hair fiddle, the looking to one side, i feel like if you looked up ‘tsundere’ in the dictionary this panel would be right next to it 

[thatsnotbeautiful]

HNK ch 71 Cairn thought dump

i've seen some ppl be like "ugh Cairn is full of shit, they agreed to the name and they agreed to partner up with Phos" but..... did they, though? Ghost being the dominant personality meant that Ghost automatically had the upper hand, and it easily could've been that Ghost was the one who was full of shit when they said "we were in agreement", if you force someone to "agree" with you you're still forcing them lol.

and have we forgotten that Ghost's inclusions were still in Cairn's eyes throughout all of this. it automatically brings everything Cairn did before now into question, and makes it doubtful that anything they did was through their own will or bc of Ghost. (although i think some in some instances it was pretty obvious that Ghost was the one in control -- when Cairn was offering to give up their own head for Phos for instance.) (Ghost aside, i don't think Cairn even agreed to their name themself! Phos just suggested it and Cairn kinda just went along with it without explicitly accepting the name at all, iirc.) and tbh i think Cairn is probably having the same problem -- not knowing whether what they did before now was because it was what they wanted, or what Ghost wanted, and not being able to split the two apart. again, they've never been in a position where they've 100% had free will, so it's possible they didn't even recognize what it felt like back then.

i've also seen ppl going like "wah they're rejecting Phos and Lapis as their partners, they don't care" and... my impression now is that Cairn is just blanket rejecting everything that came before because of the reasons i just explained. everything is tainted! nothing before now was ever truly "theirs" because Ghost was always there. (and i also want to take what they're saying more literally -- they're saying "Phos and Lapis weren't my partners" but more stating that as fact rather than implying that they don't care? the way Yellow was talking could've also been interpreted to mean that they were surprised Cairn hurt Phos bc they "owed" it to them as former partners to not hurt them, that they were beholden to them, rather than out of caring, but Cairn doesn't want to be beholden to anyone anymore, except Aechmea apparently lmao) but, yeah, i feel like Cairn is just kinda burning everything they used to have or used to be connected to before (including, apparently, their life on earth) because it wasn't truly Them.

("i don't think you can understand, but not having anyone in the back of my eyes is such a relief" < they're right! nobody else understands bc nobody else has had to deal w this before! it's no surprise that to them Cairn's actions don't make much sense!)

do i think this is the best approach? no. do i think Cairn is going to continue to change as the story continues? absolutely. we've already seen a bit of a shift. we've seen Cairn go from being unsure about even deciding on an outfit to running off to earth without permission, to saying "i'm tired of sitting around being pretty, i want to do something".

i think that Cairn has a reached a point in their "processing having free will for the first time" journey where they're flexing their muscles, acting out, seeing how far they can go. i don't think they smashed Phos' face purely out of malice, or bc they were mad at them bc of before, though i think that was part of it. i also think they smashed Phos simply because they could, because Ghost wasn't going to be there to stop them, and they wanted to see what doing that would feel like.

all of that said though... Cairn still doesn't have 100% freedom obviously bc they're still with Aechmea. from the way Yellow was acting, it sounds like Cairn has been living with Aechmea, cut off from the gems all this time. and sure, Cairn was able to go to earth, but Aechmea's reaction was to get angry -- this is the first time his pretty facade has cracked, the first time we've seen him visibly angry/scary!! -- and to make the fuckin landscape shift so that he's physically cutting Cairn off from everyone around them, so that it's just them standing together on the platform. it's also a demonstration of his power. in addition to he leading the entire moon’s society, he apparently can control the moon's landscape, too, even though he's granting Cairn ""freedom"", he's still the one very clearly in control here, and Cairn can only do as much as Aechmea allows them to do, whether directly or indirectly. so much of what was in this scene trips my "abusive relationship" red flags (getting angry when the other person does something they aren't "supposed" to do, having these sorts of rules in the first place, isolating the person from their friends, etc) that i don't think we're supposed to think of it as good at all

in addition..... i've also seen ppl say Cairn isn't acting anything like themself and, setting aside the fact that it's hard for us to really determine what characteristics are "truly" Cairn based on before bc of all the identity issues... are they really not? haven’t we always seen that Cairn is brusque, frank, direct, more action-oriented (jumping into onto the sunspot to try and get Lapis back -> going to earth bc they determined that the operation would move quicker if they were there to help)? they're continuing to be that way now. i know everything that they're saying hurts but i'm sort of excited about them being selfish, about them shoving everyone aside to focus purely on themself for once. Cairn being all "you don't understand why i'm doing this" and looking all regal ensconced on that seat thingy is such a good goddamn picture. (now if only they could wake up and see that Aechmea isn't someone they should care about either...) (although tbh we've also seen a shift re: how they behave with Aechmea. even though they still appear to be in Aechmea's lap they've gone from fawning all over him to "do you really have to do that in public..." and even though it's small it's still a shift imho)

again, do i want Cairn to continue being like this... i don't, but i'm also pretty sure that they’re going to continue changing. like... ultimately i hope they get to a place where they feel that they can make choices on their own terms, and maybe then to align themself with Phos and the rest of the gems again -- bc they chose to do so, this time, not bc someone else did. i've seen a theory floating around that maybe Cairn is just pretending to go along with what Aechmea wants, and is just tricking him, and... where i'm fairly certain that isn't the case now, maybe it'll eventually happen later.

tldr i know a ton of ppl aren’t happy with how things are going with Cairn, and i can totally see why one wouldn’t be, but personally i’m... kind of cautiously excited about these developments and i’m curious to see what they’re going to do next.

[thatsnotbeautiful]

Expectation: emotional reunion after resurrecting from the fuckin dead Reality: this

[thatsnotbeautiful]

i’ve been assuming this whole time that Faust thinks Julian is “most fun to squeeze” bc she likes teasing/messing with him, i didn’t think it was a sign of affection? (maybe it’s both)

and i know a familiar isn’t the same thing as a daemon, but, Faust and Asra seem to have similar feelings about people a lot (e.g. you can communicate w/Faust in Asra’s route i’m guessing bc Asra trusts you, decides to open up to you, is closer to you etc so therefore you become closer to Faust too)

aaaaand if that’s the case i wonder if Faust mirrors Asra’s affection with the squeezing too :’)

[thatsnotbeautiful]

BNHA ch 195 dump

- Shinsou wearing Aizawa’s bandage thingies, confirmed(?) - Aizawa being like “go ahead and greet everyone” like Shinsou is, well.... his student... and not batting an eye at the provocative “introduction” - “earlyroki” “you think?”  - Shinsou being super frank about being behind but in a more “i’m just acknowledging the facts” flavor rather than a “i’m so down on myself” flavor - Monoma: “i like this one” < jesus christ - Shinsou looking at Aizawa after his intro kinda like “how was that” - 1-A being friendly towards/interested in Shinsou despite Shinsou being all “i’m not here to make friends” etc etc - MONOSHIN TEAM-UP!!  - shinkiri?? - shinkami??? - Midoriya whipping out his notebook  - Shinsou and Tsuyu being good at strategizing!!  - this 

- voice-mimicking mask!! (it also looks super creepy and rad) - also, i 100% feel like the way the training exercise is presented and framed is meant to mirror Shinsou’s “i have a ~villainous~ quirk but i want to be a hero” thing

(split panel/two panels instead of one, dualities, etc)

[thatsnotbeautiful]

HNK ch 71 thought dump

- everyone wondering where Jade and sensei were during the raid... i guess now we know! - i like that the earth gems had a plan and weren't just fighting back to protect themselves... although there was that too. so now we have a situation where each side is trying to persuade the other, huh. - i like that they ultimately want to get Phos and the moon gems back on their side rather than simply writing them off? (presumably, anyway, i suppose it's possible they just want to get them back since having them there, telling the Lunarians about all their weaknesses, is risky for them, but i prefer to think they don't want to give up on their friends in addition to that...) - i'm excited about Jade & Euclase strategic duo having a chance to shine - i'm actually excited about Euclase taking the lead in all this planning, as well, and getting to see how they go about that. i agree that it's p brutal that their nice words to Phos were just a trick (although... i think they actually meant what they said, too, that they want to try and change things together? bc if they get the moon gems to come back they'll be together again), but... ever since Lapis i've been wanting to see a more manipulative character enact their machinations (i mean, there's Phos, but Phos is also ineffective bc they're Phos, and there's Aechmea, but Aechmea is a slimy bad guy so). ever since Euclase said they thought Lapis was "dangerous" and there was all that fanart of Euclase v.s. Lapis, i've also wanted to see something like that, so... i'm excited - i'm a big fan of how Sensei has given up his leaderly position and his role of protecting the gems so now it's the other way around. the gems have to protect him, and the gems have to teach him things he hasn't managed to learn himself. it's good (the "say thank you, not sorry!" is particularly... ow... my heart) (i'm assuming the reason why he didn't mend the gems before was bc of their society's seemingly very strict "everyone has a role to play" -- and mending ppl was Rutile's role back then. maybe that's changed?) - speaking of Rutile they look like they just had a very wild night out and now they're hungover omg... - i'm still wondering why Padpa and Rutile were so... like that... maybe Rutile being that aggro was all part of the plan too but somehow i doubt it - i love that everyone theorized Padpa would lose their hair BUT INSTEAD IT WAS BORTZ... they look cute but RIP Bortz's gorgeous signature silhouette :[ - i guess we've confirmed that breakages CAN be fixed with hair though (maybe it didn't work with Padpa bc their holes were too large??) - i'm unexpectedly getting Shinsha/Bortz dokis... - Shinsha worrying abt Phos and Sensei just being like "are u sure u don't wanna be with ur crush" though - Shinsha blushing... and everyone being appreciative towards them even tho the circumstances are not ideal at all sighs (super in line with the series' theme of "getting what u want but not in the way you at all expected/necessarily would've wanted after all" tho...) - "that smaller Lunarian" did they mean Cairn... they don't even recognize Cairn anymore lmao amazing - god that cut from the earth gems all happily being together to Phos isn't jarring at all - Cairn just dramatically smashing Phos' head bc they didn't wanna hear them blab...... - poor Yellow, i've become fonder and fonder of them throughout this arc (compared to before when i was just neutral about them), they're so perplexed, help them - so a good amount of time has passed between Phos finding Cairn and now - "i must inspect you thoroughly when we return" "can you not say that while we're out in public" *giggling* .................. - Phos hearing all that like getting stabbed with daggers and then waking up all alone after being repaired...... again.