#doxxing myself i guess. come find me and my sister tomorrow

[transsexualprophet]

being homesick is so funny goofy silly yeah im having a great time. my kingdom to be home right now though

[purrtlepuff]

It’s amazing how your mental health can go downhill so fast without a warning. It wasn’t like a “oh I lost my shoe now I’m anxious about where I put it” kind of occurrence, but a multiple bad things this week that happened that snowballed into an avalanche that crashed into and buried me last night.

It started Tuesday evening, though it was rather minor. It was flurrying all day. Nothing we northerners couldn’t handle, but it still made the roads slippy. My car does not do well in anything but sunny... not an exaggeration (but i refuse to get a new car because I love the dumb toaster of a thing ok). 

So my dad picked me up on his way home from work to go to their house for supper with the promise of bringing me home. No big deal; he’s done it before. 

Problem was, the snow got a little worse. When he asked if I still wanted to go home, I said yes. My mom voiced how dumb it was and that I should just stay there instead of making my dad drive out to my house. However, my dad’s from New York, so 2 inches of snow was no big deal to him.

We got up to my house without any problems. The roads weren’t great, but they weren’t horrid. The scenery was beautiful! Anyway, I asked him to call me when he got home, and he agreed. So I’m waiting by the phone, because all I can think about is my mom’s words about my dad getting into an accident. And I’m waiting. And I know it should only take 15-20 minutes driving slow. Still no call after 30 minutes.

I messaged my sister nearly in tears and hoping he was home. Turns out he got home safely and went for a shower, forgetting to call. No big deal, crisis averted. I still didn’t sleep much that night, because my brain was still set in panic mode.

The next day, the roads are horrible. It was colder than before, and the wind kept blowing everything I just shoveled back onto my driveway (gotta dab on that wind I guess). 

Anyway, my boss called me up at 9:30 and asked if I could be in to work in an hour. At this point, I still had a lot of driveway to go and unknown road conditions. Reluctantly, I agreed, because I knew she wouldn’t call me unless she needed me.

So I’m anger shoveling my driveway, because I’m tired and I really don’t want to drive on these roads, especially because I don’t want to face my mom when she finds out I agreed. It did wonders, because I nearly cleared 4 inches of deep snow off my 100 foot driveway in about 30 minutes solo. (i’m gonna be so good at hugging!). And guess what? My boss calls me up and says I’m no longer needed, and we have a good laugh about how she got me to get up and exercise.

Well, I only have a little more to shovel, so I figure I’ll stay outside and finish it. Maybe do my aunt’s driveway too, because now I’m more frustrated than mad and need something to do.

And as I’m shoveling, my Aunt calls out her window that my mom was trying to get a hold of me. I politely thanked her and went back in my house. You’d think I’d been missing for 3 days with the way my mom handled it. (she could’ve just called my cell like my boss but never did oh well) And again, she indirectly reminded me why I have anxiety in the first place.

Welp, now my day’s off to a really bad start, I’m tired, I have nothing to do, and I just want today to be over already. I should’ve napped, but I couldn’t.

There was also some drama in groups I’m involved in. I won’t tell you who, but there were some nasty words being thrown about. Already in a bad mood, I didn’t feel safe enough voicing my usual mediator opinions. So I just... left it be. 

It got worse and worse, and I felt all I could do was watch. I didn’t want to take any unnecessary pent up feelings out on the group. That’s not fair to them. So I put the group on mute and tried to distract myself with other friends.

And later that night, that’s when Mark’s insanity came through. Now, I had a good time with it at first. I thought it was a weird little thing to get the community going. A few of my friends even joined in on it and sent me the messages (and I got to meet someone off anon for the first time <3) I even set up a sort of refugee place for people to go to, as like a joke, so they’d feel safe from the demons.

However a few of my friends... they didn’t take it as a joke. In fact, it actually scared them. I was rather sympathetic and inviting, or at least I hoped so, and reassured them it was all just a game and it will blow over soon.

I was worried for them, but at least I actually got sleep.

Then yesterday, something happened that I saw coming. One of our families was going through a divorce... a really nasty one... with a really nasty parent. I don’t want to overshare, but I was given instructions on what to do if the parent ever came in for their kids. I mean, it’s not unusual to have court orders on which parent can and can’t have a child on a specific day, but this one... this one actually scared me.

It still scares me.

Anyway, I hoped to anyone up above that my social media sites were under control. I needed that PMA so bad. However, I was unsuprised to find it got worse... much worse. I was actually disgusted worse. My whole dash was nothing but yelling, accusations, and just plain meanness. Nothing I wanted to see. 

I still thank the anon that sent the positivity message. You were a hero last night. 

However, soon after I posted my discontent with the fandom, I got a chilling anon message. I don’t think they were part of the cult, because they were on anon, but it set me over the edge. 

I blocked and deleted the message. I turned off asks, and still have them off because I’m too afraid to turn them back on, and logged off for the night. I barricaded myself in my house, locking even my basement door and propping chairs against them, hid keys, and slept with a knife beside my bed.

I didn’t sleep at all. I kept waking up at every little noise in my house. I’ve never been that afraid in my life. And I’m sure it was just someone being an asshole, but knowing that information about me... what if they knew more? What if they knew where I worked? What if they showed up at my school? Would they do worse? What if they couldn’t get at me and instead went after my neighbors? My thoughts just kept getting worse and worse.

Today... today was one of the most exhausting yet uplifiting days I think I’ve had in my life. I mean, I’ve always been thankful to have my job, but today I was godawful thankful to have my job. It was like an 8 hour therapy session. I’m so thankful and lucky to do what I do and work with the people I work with.

Edit: A minor note on this above part... I feel rather stupid now. Apparently a friend sent me an anon message asking about the event, and they used my first name by accident instead of my middle name. That’s what freaked me out. |D

It was worded like “What the fuck’s up with this Mark stuff [my real name]” and I just... |D It fried my brain. We cleared the air about it now, thankfully, but it still bugs me I reacted this way. All because I read a post about someone getting doxxed (which is FLIPPING FAKE THANKS FOR SENDING ME OVER THE EDGE FOR NO REASON YA JERK)

I’m still not at my 100%. I still feel like I’m just existing, and that’s it. I’m hoping to feel better tomorrow, because it’s the weekend.

Thank you so much for your time. I really do appreciate you skimming over this and taking interest in me. I know it was just a huge dump of angst, but it honestly made me feel a little better. Heck, usually I do this and never post them. 

Just thank you, every one of you, for being here for me. It means a lot. <3

-Cat

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (1-3-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro

January 3rd, 2020

Houston, Texas in The Fertitta Center

*Show intro*

Golden Bryce enters the ring to a pretty good pop, he’s popular here as the New International Champion (instant replay shows how he defeated Slayer for it last week at the 2019 Xtremey Awards edition of Pyro)

Golden Bryce enters the ring with microphone in hand and hyped up the Houston crowd to his dismay he is interrupted by The XPWEW World Champ Champagne Clausen who enters wearing Louis Vuitton red bottom shoes and a canary suit, looks pretty G I’ll admit it.

-Champagne says Golden Bryce is just like Deshaun Watson of the Houston Texans, *crowd boos* Unproven and Overrated. *crowd boos*

And as a man from upstate New York, myself I am very excited to see my Buffalo Bills beat you guys tomorrow ha ha ha *crowd boos* BILLS MAFIA!

Golden Bryce smiles and nods “Champagne if I’m the Houston Texans then maybe you are the Buffalo Bills, maybe that’s applicable because just like Bill Mafia I think you’d look a hell of a lot better going through a table *crowd cheers*

Champagne “HA HA HA! Yeah Houston laugh it up, yeah look at you Bryce so pathetic, clinging on with sports jokes, timely references to draw the ire of this crowd here. Truth is nobody likes you and everyone here is tired of you and I know we haven’t been properly introduced but I’ll do that now. I’m Champagne Clausen. I’m YOUR world champion. I’m (SHUT UP!) I’m Houston’s world champion and I am not scared of your challenge. As a matter of fact I endorse it. I’ve beaten Masato Tanaka twice on pay-per-view! Okay I beat the lovable moron Freight Train last week, I even did something you didn’t Bryce (heh) I actually beat Jake Awesome. (Crowd ooos)

Bryce: “So what’s the deal are we doing a Tables match?” (Crowd pops)

Champagne “On God. On Bills Mafia as my witness...You’re damn right” (Champagne cheers his world title with Bryce’s I-N title around his waist) *walks away*

-Ethan Bedlam already in the ring, loosening up and hyping himself up

Garrett Thompson enters

M1: (((Squash Match)))

Garrett Thompson defeats Ethan Bedlam

After the match: All Man comes out with All Woman and goes to speak towards GT but Scott Steiner jerks the mic right out of his hand *Big Pop*

Scott Steiner: “Houston! We have a problem that crumpet and tea drinking big bastard wants a piece of the biggest arms in the world! Ha I’ll break your back you goof!

((Garrett yelling obscenities))

Steiner continued: “All my freaks here wanna see the Big Bad Booty Daddy put a beatdown on some punk that’s why you better find a partner or else get slumped by me and the All man, or just fold like a b**ch (crowd pops)

GG enters and starts punching All Man and Scott Steiner and GT runs up to the ramp and we have an impromptu 2 on 2 right now

M2: Tag Team Match

GT & GG defeat Scott Steiner & All Man w/ All Woman

The match ends when GT hits Steiner with the elbow smash to which GG hits his finisher “The Plunge” off the top rope for the 1-2-3 - All Woman was just a little too slow to break up the count and the tag division might just have a new team in GT & GG (Quite odd bedfellows)

Backstage: James Westerbeck is here for an interview with John Oliver and John just says he’s happy to be here on Friday Night Pyro and since doing his segment on professional wrestling on his show “Last Week Tonight” a few months ago he’s become obsessed with the culture and it’s just a thank you fest until women’s Champ Amy Lee enters with Brian Lee behind her (silent). Amy says she doesn’t like when people who aren’t wrestlers get involved in her business. Oliver makes a quick wit joke “I don’t like when people who aren’t talented at communication get involved in the act” *crowd oohs*

Amy: “Are you calling me stupid? I could break your little ass in half boy”

Lola Starr enters “John, I love your show I watch it every week. I respect your open minded opinions”!

Amy towards Lola: “What the hell do you think your doing freak!”

Lola Starr: “I’m stepping up and ive been here for months and I’ve yet to be given opportunity, being showcased. It’s like I got signed because of the headline. Yes. I’m trans and yes I identify as a woman and yes I am going to challenge you for that title. Tonight.

Amy (looks at Brian Lee)....You got it, let’s see what you goin. (Amy looks at John Oliver and gives him a huge dramatic pull in sloppy kiss).....

Leonard, Dragon and Ms. Ryu enter

Joe Gacy, Brodie Croyle & Kiera Hogan enter

M3: Non Title Match

Leonard McGraw & Dragon Kid (c) vs The Plagueground w/ Kiera Hogan

(((ENDS IN NO CONTEST)))

Match abruptly ends when 3M Ultra comes out and attacks Croyle and Gacy for revenge on them injuring his partner M3 Quintillo last week, He beats them both down with his XTREMEY award and at the climax breaks it over Kiera Hogan’s skull (rough spot)

3M Ultra angrily grabs the mic and says last week my partner was decimated for absolutely no reason by these a**h****s and then the damn company that I bust my ass for gave me that trophy! Really? “The WOAT award” Is this a joke? Get that camera up close I will be taking seriously

Leonard McGraw stances up “Son, do you wanna be taking seriously?”

3M Ultra “Hell Yes!”((Leonard McGraw decks him with a buckshot clothesline) crowd pops huge

McGraw: “I don’t give a damn if it’s Plagueground, The Larva, GT, GG, All Man, All Woman, Kiera Hogan, Hulk Hogan I’m fixin’ to whoop some ass and I’ll do it on anybody who wants smoke. And I got two words for every son of a bitch in the back F*** You

(((McGraw does the hook’em horns and the Houston crowd pops huge)))

Backstage: Doxy Deity is talking sweet and cute-like with Jordan Oliver until Ruckus, Siaka & Chrissy Rivera Walk up

Ruckus “I ain’t tryna buss on ya but bitches really just waste your time pimp”

Doxy “who the f*** you calling a bitch, m*****f*****?”

Ruckus: Hoe don’t give me no nut roll

Jordan: Ruckus bro don’t man it ain’t necessary for all this beef right now

Ruckus: Nigga I’m trying to win titles ok and if we gonna be a team I need to make sure you got Noooooooo distractions and Dox, I, I, I, I respect you, you know what I’m saying but my boy here is young, he dumb and he over this (crowd laughs). Listen pimp I don’t care what y’all do, I might even get Chrissy to watch, shit but I wanna win gold and if you ain’t trying to do that, Then I might have to dip and go solo and get mines cause best believe Ima get mines.....

Rosemary walks by McGraw and Dragon Kid quickly and comes to the aid of Kiera Hogan her just got blasted in the head by 3M Ultra with his “WOAT” Xtremey Award..

Slayer enters

Dramatic pause between entrances because the crowd knows this is CJ’s final match

))((Chris Johnson Career Retrospective Video Plays))((

Chris Johnson enters the ring; one final time to his old theme song “Stay Fly by Three 6ix Mafia”

Chris Johnson’s wife Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae is in the front row of the ramp way and he kisses her forehead during his entrance

Retirement Match

M4: Slayer w/ Rosemary & Kiera Hogan defeats Chris Johnson

After the match and the loss the crowd pops for Chris Johnson

((THANK YOU CJ *clap clap clap clap*))

Chris Johnson grabs the mic: No complaints about the match, No complaints about this crowd, No complaints, No excuses. Wherever we were, Whatever I did. I always left my blood and sweat on this canvas and I’m not gone, I’ll be around but this is my final night as an in-ring competitior and...

***lights go purple***

LOTUS enters

((Lotus walks into the ring and Chris Johnson looks around, perplexed and confused.))

((Lotus kicks Chris Johnson square in the groin))

{{Crowd oddly pops for it though, Houston is weird}}

LOTUS unmasks

Nick Simmonds on commentary : “ Katie, that’s. Wait that’s..that’s Slayer’s daughter Hazel! What the world!

Kaitlyn Khaos on commentary: “Nick, Hazel has a very very odd past with Chris Johnson”

Lotus looks at a downed Chris Johnson “Do you remember me!!!! The anguish and abuse you put me thorough!!! You tried to take me away from my family. You son of a bitch I’ve waited a long time to do this!!!”

((Slayer beaten up and Rosemary looking on from the corner of the ring))

LOTUS goes outside and grabs a steel chair and beats Chris Johnson with the steel chair over and over again repeatedly until eventually even Slayer and Rosemary try to get her to stop and LOTUS looks at Slayer and Rosemary then just whams Chris Johnson with the chair really hard one more time. *Crowd stunned*

Chris Johnson is lifeless in the ring

LOTUS exits slowly by herself and then walks by Erin Brown (the wife of Chris Johnson). Drags her over the guardrail and starts pulling her hair and kicking her until Arena security gets involved and pulls LOTUS away kicking and screaming.

Advertisement: Golden Bryce and Dr. Disrespect “What is Twitch” commercial #2

HBO’s Last Week Tonight set up is put together pretty accurately in the ring

John Oliver enters

In ring segment: Welcome to Last Pyro, Tonight with John Oliver. Please welcome tonight’s guest the xpwew world champion Champagne Clausen

Oliver makes jokes at Champagne’s expense

Compares the vegetation of his father to the Brexit events

Regina Clausen is really the Ivanka Trump of XPWEW, because she’s talentless, has done nothing to earn her position, Only in said position because her father gave it to her and at times it looked like he wanted to have sex with her (crowd groans)

John Oliver runs down the numbers between Champagne’s 22-0 streak vs Jacques 89-0 streak.

John Oliver shows much sympathy for how the story of Freight Train has been one of hope and disaster

After sitting there for the most part taking in all of these insults Champagne sits up in his chair and Says

Champagne: “John I like you. I even like your show well I guess used to. I always start John Stewart did it better (crowd groans). John you come out here and mock my father, my sister. I don’t even care. They didn’t win this title for me. I wasn’t handed anything lest I remind you I worked very hard for the past 5 years to get to this level, to this stage. Hell, to even be in a monstrosity of a segment with someone like you John. And my answer is I don’t care. None of your jokes phase me. My dad is a vegetable. Yea. I drove my sister off the stage inside of a Pope mobile. I did that. John I’m not like a politician who will look you in the face and lie. I did these things. I’m glad my dad is in a coma. I’m happy my sister is damn near handicapped somewhere. And I’m freakin’ ecstatic that Freight Train’s Cinderella story last week came to a screeching hault.

John Oliver (was that pun intended?)

Golden Bryce enters

(Stage hands clear the Last Week Tonight set quickly but leave John Oliver’s table in the ring, this table match is gonna start

World Champ vs International Champ

Tables Match

M5: Champagne Clausen defeats Golden Bryce

(((John Oliver got mildly involved in the match but he didn’t take a bump, just ran away)))

The match ends when both men our on the top rope and Bryce was sizing up Champagne for the Super-Plex off the top rope and Champagne had the resilience to reverse it, slide down Bryce’s back and hoist him backward for the Electric Chair drop through the table and your winner Champagne Clausen!!!!

Champagne Clausen rolls out of the ring with ease and pushes over the John Oliver “Last Week Tonight” screen monitor then holds him world title up walking up the ramp as the show ends...