#dopebandits

[theprettybandit-blog]

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go! #prettybandits #inspirationalquotes #inspiration #instagram #instamood #goodvibes #goodvibesonly #goodvibesquotes #dopebandits #dope #pretty https://www.instagram.com/p/BtyXxE1jHyv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=sjhwxhi9f8jy

[dopebandits]

“Honestly I’m bugging but am you super bad I’m tryna give you some Mclovin” @moddagod #FEEL #moddagod #feelit #dope #dopemusic #music #dopebandits #superbad

[killzcantdie-blog]

Lmao :) jokes

[dopebandits]

A wise man told a young Bandit this...#mondaymotivation #monday #mondaysbelike #dope #dopebandits #vibes

[dopebandits]

“Have No Fear…The Donald is Here”

With 2016 having given most of us a good beating, in its wake comes the Trump administration.  While most Americans are groaning (rightfully so, wtf is this guys deal?) I see this as the birth of a new America.  MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! A chant most people find hypocritical and hateful, I see how this could be a way to truly Make America great again.  Now I know y'all are all thinking how could there be an upside to all of this, but there is, so bear with me.

“From the makers of Reganomics, separate but equal, and coal in your drinking water, the #Dope Bandits are proud to present the GOP”

The Republican Party over the years has presented us with some really ass backwards policies, and in the last few months has kept the train going with no plans to slow.  Even with the world developing and changing around them, the GOP seems to just cross their arms and hold their breath like kids who want dessert.  To top it all off, they currently control both houses so the odds of anything but Lucy and Ethel style policies are unlikely. 

THERE'S STILL HOPE THOUGH!...We still got The Donald!  Ignoring some of the crazy that's come out of his mouth within the last 10 years or so, lets look at a few of Trumps positions.

●      The Donald has jumped around quite a bit with his affiliations.  Between 1987 and now he's gone between Republican, Democrat and Independent 5 times. In fact he began his presidential run as…….. An Independent (what a twist)

●      In multiple interviews he has been quoted as saying the economy runs better under the Democratic leadership and has claimed to have more in common with the GOP’s rivals.  Did I mention Mr. Trump has also been long time friend of the Clintons?

●      Most recently however, The Donald claimed, the platform adopted by republicans at the RNC was not inline with his views for the country.

“Sooooo, how the hell does any of this point to Donald Trump actually making America great again” you ask. Well everything of course.  Throughout the years Trump has been known as a businessman, and when it comes to business, the bottom line is all that matters.  In his 2004 interview with Wolf Blitzer he says, “just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats than the Republicans”.  And here is where his genius comes in.  Trump is just a puppet for the GOP’s agenda right? WRONG! The Donald is making America great by doing us all the favor of destroying it from the inside.  With the arrival of this administration, Donald Trump has done things that even have those that voted for him scratching their heads, yet that grand old party keeps supporting him.  This stubbornness to change with the times and evolve will be their own undoing. Let me clarify with a disclaimer: I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM SAYING DEMOCRATS HAVE IT ALL RIGHT.  However with The Donald’s antics and all this GOP support, I can't wait to watch the party implode. How bout this, I'll bring the soda you bring the popcorn.

By: CamoBandit

[dopebandits]

Shout out to all my “One Saturday Morning” kids out there. “Pepper Ann”, “Doug”, “Digimon”, “The Weekenders”. Was there ever a better Saturday cartoon line up? Let us know what you think. 

[dopebandits]

"Here We Go..."

Ricky S.: (Driving) What we getting in to tonight?

Jo Moe Shaen: I don't know, maybe Hoboken?

*guy driving in front throws out a banana peel*

Ricky S.: Did you just see that?

Jo Moe Shaen: Yeah, that n***a just tried to Mario Kart us.

[dopebandits]

“Bar Strategies for the Young, Dope, and Broke”

For millennials, two things are true for the majority of our generation: 1. We are experts at getting lit. 2. We pledge Broke Phi Broke Inc. Unless you have all your sh*t together (good for you!) the times are few and far between when your pockets are fully lined. So the question is, how does one get silly from the rye in the whiskey, and maneuver on the tightest of budgets? Lucky for you, this is in the bandit, Moe Shaen’s wheelhouse; and I’m the brokest person I know, so if it works for me, I guarantee it will do wonders for you.

#1. Pregame. Pregame. Pregame!

Question: do you thing Russell Westbrook goes out there and drops a triple-double without taking a single shot before the game? Hell Naw! People…I can’t stress this enough, the pregame is key. A bottle at your local liquor store will be significantly cheaper than the exact same amount in a club or bar. Do yourself a favor and pick up a six pack, a bottle of wine, or if you’re like me, a pint of the Jay Mason to get you “there”.

#2. Buy the Cheap Stuff

Now is no time for splurging, swallow your pride, and take a swig of the knock off brand while thinking about how bright the future looks. Stay away from the fancy bottles with recognizable names, we live on those third and fourth shelves. You may find that the generic brands taste very similar to the original…that is if you squint, swish it around for five seconds and stand on no legs.

Bonus Points: Plastic Bottles (then again…)

#3. Pace Yourself

Don’t go into the bar or club trying to sprint to the finish line. In order to close the spot down, you’ve got to slow it down a little bit. Drink slower, have a smoke or water between beers (water’s the healthy choice there), walk around a bit, mingle. Whatever keeps you from pounding the tequila, do it.

#4. Avoid the Super Expensive Places

You ever walk in somewhere and think to yourself, “let me get my broke ass outta here”? Since we’re ballin’ on a tight budget, the steaks is have to wait, right now the metaphorical steak-ums will have to do (still delicious). Do your best to stay away from places with cover charges, places without onion rings on the menu, and places that make their wait staff wear bow ties and sh*t. And hey, bars and clubs that aren’t as expensive can still be classy and fun, it’s about how you spend your time and dough.

#5. Ask About any Specials

This can be tricky because not all specials are made for you to save money, but use your better judgment. If it sounds right, it probably checks out. Don’t be ashamed to pull out the calculator and use percentages to find out what will get you fu-ducked up for less. Also, consider going out a little earlier for happy hour, there’s always great drink and food deals for the day drinkers.

#6. Be Nice to Your Bartender

This should be protocol, but for real, be nice to your bartenders because they can make or break your night. Treat them right and you’ll be happy with the results, be a dick, and you’ll wish you hadn’t. And don’t butter them up because you think they’ll throw you a shot, most bartenders have great bullshit glasses so it won’t work. Get to know them, get them to have fun too, and show them respect because it’s the right thing to do…and if you’re sincere, then you might get hit in the head with a free drink. Make sure you grease their palm afterwards too (that’s a tip).

#7. Game Plan Before Hand

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Give your self a strict amount not to go over when you go out, then subtract a few dollars so if you go over that limit, its no big deal (the ways I trick myself sometimes). These are just a few ways you could save some funds on a night out; let us know your take on the art of bar warfare

By: Jo Moe Shaen

[dopebandits]

More dope joints than a little bit...

[dopebandits]

"Best Comeback Ever"

Shooter: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

[dopebandits]

You've got to get up every morning with motivation, if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.

George Lorimer

[dopebandits]

“’13 Reason Why’ is Binge Worthy”

If you haven’t heard or even read about the new Netflix series “13 Reasons Why”, I personally suggest that you grab a couple of snacks on a rainy day and watch it with an open mind. Although new to Netflix, “13 Reasons Why” was first a best seller, published on October 18, 2007, and written by Jay Asher.  

        The show definitely hits home for anyone who has attended High School, which I assume most of us did. As the past often does, the years in high school have becomes fuzzy memories of good times and blacked out traumas. A beautiful nightmare, that quite frankly is one of the shortest dreams anyone will ever have. It seems like centuries are flying by, most of what I can remember is sitting in AP History, trying not to fall asleep during the documentary of the Reconstruction period. But this is not my story; it is Hannah Baker's. Like the saying goes, “there is side A side B and the truth and somewhere down the middle between both stories the truth lies”. For now, there is only Hannah Baker’s “truth”.

        It might not be public knowledge for all whom had a wonderful experience, do not let this story ruin your perfect utopian ideals that you hold from high school so near and dear to heart, because maybe it was all of that for you. Yet for others it was just the opposite, and Hannah Baker time, as you probably guessed, is not apart of this utopian community.

        Don’t get your draws in a bunch, I won't tell you what happened or what might happen. This is a PSA if you will, an announcement to the all the Dope Bandits. Watch something that has the potential to allow you to appreciate what you did (or did not do) in that crazy black hole they send adolescents to find themselves and prepare them for the real world. What’s the formal name for that again?

        This series, hands down is one of the better high school series that have been released in a while. It not only provides entertainment, but it also gives insight on topics that may not have complete relevance to you, or your high school experience being that it was such a breeze and what not.

By: Kelsz Wells

[dopebandits]

When I get on the floor, I got one friend, that's the basketball

Russell Westbrook, when asked about his friendship with James Harden. They duel tonight at 9:00pm in Houston on TNT. This has historic series written all over it.

[dopebandits]

#Barista Chronicles

As a barista, day-to-day life is quite repetitive. 

Steam the milk, queue the shots, pump the syrup, and pour drinks. It’s like being a machine; working 8 hour shifts and expected not to make a mistake. Yet, as a piece of metal, you are then expected to carry out lovely conversations, and memorize 1,000’s of combinations in the perfect order, all the while presenting the drinks in the most upbeat manner. Bad days don't exist for a barista, at least not to the customer’s knowledge. “I like my Chai at 190 degrees,” that’s what one customer says in 100 degree weather. I’m sure they know that at 170 degrees milk burns, but who cares am I right! At this moment the barista pours the milk to steam at 190 degrees, while focusing on the perfect temperature for there desired drink, then burns themselves. What they would like to say is, “F**K F**K F**K!” but a veteran looks around and remembers where they are and who they’re suppose to be…perfect. But there must be someone around who is concerned right? No! The sh*t manager, I mean shift manager is hung over and the barista on the register wearing eight hairstyles at once doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing, and the customers face just says ���oh well”. So you then proceed to pour the death wish milk into a cup. Yet and still, having fingers that feel like they have touched the home of Lucifer, the barista smiles and hands the schmuck a 190 degree chai tea latte, and says with a smile, “thank you, have lovely day”. Then, thanking the lord above that she was your last customer, the sh*t shift asks, “oh is that a spill, what happened?” What the barista would love to say is, “No!? Really? Does a bear sh*t in the woods?”  But she can't because she then remembers the chain of command. Wait! Chain of command? You would think we were all partners and we pour espresso and shake our teas in perfect unison. No, the district manager walks in like Miranda walked in “The Devil Wears Prada” and everyone gets there stuff together, that’s the best discrimination of a district manager anyone in the world could give. Then there’s store managers, then there are the shift managers aka sh*t managers. And finally, the greatest people on earth, you, the Barista. And these are our stories.

By: Kelsz Wells

[dopebandits]

If you remember this show, you’re childhood was lit.

[dopebandits]

What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers...well then we're shit outta luck.

Stu Price (”The Hangover”)