#doom kitty is slay too

[astro-eats]

GUYS GUYS GUYS IM GONNA BE RUBY GLOOM FOR HALLOWEEN 🐺🐺💅💅😍😍😋😋😋😋🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺 IM SO EXCITED IM GONNA SLAYYY

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #1-3

May, 1984

THE WAR BEGINS

Oof, here we go.

Just gotta replicate the pace that let me do the Hawkeye miniseries in one go, three times in a row.

This is probably too much effort considering its Secret Wars (or more accurately Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars) and maybe there’s not going to be a lot of big changes from this in the Avengers book to really justify it.

But we’re getting Jim Shooter writing the Avengers and his non-consecutive runs were a lot better than I had remembered. And it continues the theme he had from the Avengers book.

It just makes sense in a nonsense way to cover this story.

Last relevant time in Avengers! Acting Completely Normal Vision warned the Avengers about some weird, possibly hostile energy surges right in time for an energy surge to surge energetically in Central Park.

When the Avengers went to investigate, they found a weird structure that looked like a techy coliseum maybe. When some of the Avengers wandered into it (apparently the most bankable Avengers? Sucks to be Vision and Wanda, shrug) they vanished.

In the next issue, after several days, these heroes returned, speaking of a secret war they fought. Weird stuff like She-Hulk taking the Thing’s place on the Fantastic Four happened. In other books, Spidey got a cool new suit.

Would you know more?

After being raptured in their various books, the missing superheroes all end up on one of those distinctive structures like the one that appeared in Central Park, except IN SPACE.

Its cool that the Avengers will have some company.

We’ve got a terrific 3/4ths of the Fantastic Four, the X-Men (including Lockheed but not including Kitty Pryde for some reason), the Avengers, Iron Man, Spider-Man, the totally Articulate Hulk, and hilariously Magneto is also here.

Maybe Secret Wars is just setting up the most awkward moment in the universe, as a prank show.

I think I’d enjoy a big event that turned out to be a prank show at the last minute. The fan discontent. Imagine.

Everyone introduces themselves to each other but mostly the audience and Ben Grimm claims his new codename as the Easter Bunny.

Checking, marvel wiki doesn’t have Easter Bunny listed as one of Ben’s known aliases. Cowards.

Looking up into space, Captain America spots another one of the totally cool constructs and Professor X scans that it contains EEEEEEEVIL.

Specifically Amora the Enchantress, Ultron, the Wrecking Crew, the Absorbing Man, the Lizard, VICTOR VON DOOOOOM, Kang the Conqueror, Doctor Octopus, and Molecule Man. Also, hilariously, Galactus is there.

I���m more convinced than ever that this is a prank show.

You know what would be more hilarious? If Punisher ended up on this construct.

The distribution of villains is kind of odd though. Galactus and Doctor Doom map to the FF. Doctor Octopus and the Lizard to Spider-Man. Ultron, Molecule Man, and Kang are Avengers foes. The Absorbing Man and the Wrecking Crew can go a couple ways but started off as Thor villains. And Amora is usually a Thor villain but supposedly has chilled out around this time or at least is less of a pain than her horny sister.

No X-Men villains. Because Magneto is chilling with them in the generally heroic pod.

Also, all the heroes were raptured from Earth while the villains were grabbed from Earth, from space, from Asgard, resurrected just to be here, or from the FUTURE.

I know marketing is wagging the dog but be consistent, secret organizer who we don’t know yet.

The Thing points out that Magnet is off-sides, re: being in the hero construct, and Magneto is like ‘hey, chill out dudes’ and denies specifically doing murders.

Magneto: “I know not what power transported me here from my secret lair, nor why I was placed among you -- but I find it more appropriate to ask why such as you were judged fit to be placed in my presence!”

Oof.

Burn.

Then the conversation is put on halt on account of the wildest shit any of them have ever seen.

An entire galaxy vanishes but probably not due to a wave of anti-matter.

Thor: “It’s gone! Gone -- ! Swept away like dust before some unseen, giant hand!”

And then around that last star left unswept, various chunks merge together to form some sort of world, perhaps for battle.

A nice touch for later is that you can definitely see that one of the chunks is a stray chunk of city.

Some of the villains start squabbling because close quarters, ego, etc.

But Ultron goes hey we’re allowed to fight? I’m the best at that.

Ultron: “I am Ultron! I do not understand the events transpiring! I do not understand how I came to be resurrected... nor how I came to be here! Nothing computes... Insignificant! I am Ultron! My purpose is to slay that which lives. You are all living things, ergo -- Ultron must destroy you!”

With the benefit of having read all the Avengers up to now, I feel that Ultron got up on the wrong side of the resurrection a little.

He’s not not like this but he’s not usually this turned on?

(Then again, maybe he just came back cranky)

DOOM grabs and shakes Molecule Man to do something about this because given enough time even the mighty DOOM might fall before Ultron.

Ultron is famously annoying to defeat, what with that adamantium.

But Molecule Man is in therapy after the Avengers kicked his shit and Tigra yelled at him for being a punk. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

So Doom with all his brilliant genius tells MM a cool way to help out that won’t hurt anyone. Directly.

Using his Molecule Man power over molecules to lightly toss Ultron into Galactus.

So that Galactus goes ‘who the fuck scuffed my boots’ and rips out all the energy in Ultron’s Ultron.

He can do that.

Why wouldn’t he? If he can do that to a planet, he can do it to a pissbaby robot. Even one apparently containing more power than an atom bomb.

Then, because this is one of those plots where things are always thenning, a rift opens in the nothingness of space and a heavenly esque light shines out. A warbly voice commands the action figures beat each other up.

I mean. Its more like

The Beyonder: “I am from beyond! Slay your enemies and all you desire shall be yours! Nothing you dream of is impossible for me to accomplish!”

But you have to admire that this toy commercial of a comic book is being honest and upfront about being a story where action figures bonk off of each other.

Galactus just hears ‘i can finally shake off these persistent forever munchies’ and flies off to demand prepayment for action figure bonking, with DOOM following behind him.

The Beyonder speaks up warning Galactus that hey, personal space. And that a guy that can effortlessly wipe out a galaxy is gonna have a sweet barrier but Galactus wants the hunger pangs gone and does not listen.

DOOM recognizes a bad idea when he sees one once in a while and hangs back but still gets blown out of space by the force of Galactus bonking off the Beyonder’s barriers.

Captain America: “They were swatted back like flies!”

Professor X: “To the Beyonder, even Galactus is less than a fly, Captain!”

Interruption dealt with, the Beyonder gets the show on the road and sends the two constructs to different parts of the patchwork planet.

The Marvel Super Heroes And Magneto land on some hill and quickly make sure that there are no villains excepting Magneto around.

With Magneto around, the non-X-Men raise an objection to Magneto being around.

He sank a Russian submarine with all hands back in X-Men #150 but he insists that it was self-defense and also they started it.

The X-Men’s position is ‘hey he’s a jerk but he’s our jerk plus we could use his help? The bad guys get GALACTUS, how is that fair?’

Well, they don’t say it but they’re probably thinking it.

And Hawkeye decides to be a little racist today.

Hawkeye: “You mutants stick together, huh? Well, sticking to a blood-soaked maniac like him doesn’t speak well of you, pal!”

Dude, Clint. Your dear old friend is Wanda.

Wait, why ISN’T Wanda here? Did the toy people really not want her? Fools. Her husband is toyetic as all get out.

Also, point of order, Wolverine? If anyone qualifies as ‘hey he’s a jerk but he’s our jerk!’ here its you.

Johnny “good life choices” Storm decides he’ll just kick Magneto’s ass and end the debate but yeah. Yeah, no. Magneto makes a fool of him.

And then Magneto decides eff this noise and flies off.

With Magneto alienated (good job, guys), Professor X decides this group needs some dang leadership and throws a nomination to Reed Richards. Reed defers since he’s thinking of Sue, left at home and not able to participate in the event.

Wasp, the cool leader of the Avengers, nominates instead Captain America.

Wasp: “We’re off in a strange land, up to our ears in a little secret war that may decide the fate of the universe! Some people don’t know me well! They might have doubts... and there’s no room for that!”

I’m baffled that there’s people here who don’t know Wasp who has been heroing since the 60s but sure. Cap(tain America) probably gets more crossovers and whatever.

I mean, heck, we’re talking a group of heroes consisting of the Avengers (who she already leads), the Fantastic Three (who she’s well acquainted with), and the X-Men (who I’m sure she’s met, although awkwardly its going to later be revealed that Wasp is in the Hellfire Club, but only the sex parts).

And I guess Wolverine’s extensive backstory with Cap doesn’t exist yet because Wolverine isn’t keen on him being the leader, describing him as the least of the assembled heroes. When Hawkeye is right there!

I kid because I love.

Meanwhile, DOOM wakes up adjacent to Galactus ankle and heads to a nearby fortress which he correctly assumes is where the villains have ended up.

Wait, the heroes get beamed down to a random hill while the villains get sent to an advanced fortress with weaponry and we later learn vehicles sold separately?

Kinda stacking the deck, the Beyonder.

You gave the villains GALACTUS and A FORTRESS PLAYSET right out of the gate.

The other villains tell Doom that they’ve (mostly) decided that he should be their leader. But Doom has bigger fish to fry than the prizes that the Beyonder is offering.

In typical Doomesque fashion, he wants the whole kettle. But the other villains what with their petty concerns think he’s too afraid to fight.

So he ditches.

He goes to steal-borrow a spaceship and even though he hates the thought, takes off to go talk to Richards. And then Kang shoots him out of the sky with a GIANT GUN THAT THE VILLAIN FORTRESS ALSO HAS? to stop him from allying with the heroes.

Said (marvel super) heroes see the distant explosion and fly as a group in the most hilarious way possible to check it out.

God, I have always loved this image. Its squished down into the bottom third of the page but its a delight.

They find Doom sprawled in the crash site, rambling that he’ll only speak to RICHARRRRRDS and about the Beyonder’s power. But Cap offends Doom mightily but offering him a hand up and because Doom sees pity in Cap and RICHARRRRRRDS eyes.

So he blasts the heroes and fucks off.

How very Bakugou of him.

And right as the heroes recover from that, a bunch of villains arrive to get this secret war started.

I have a fondness for this particular issue. For a long while, issue 1 was the only issue of Secret Wars I could find. So I just had the start of this story with all these non-Spider-Man non-X-Men heroes I barely knew cliffhangering into an attack by villains I really didn’t recognize except for Doc Ock and the Lizard.

It was a window into another side of the Marvel Universe. And for child me, this first issue worked perfectly to intrigue me. All these characters, the very straightforward conflict, all the complications that immediately pop up like Magneto, Galactus, and Doom. Alas, small child resources.

June, 1984

PRISONERS of War!

The heroes react slowly to the sudden villain attack but thankfully, the villains aren’t working together well. Unthankfully, half of the heroes were already knocked out by the first attack.

Meanwhile, over at Doctor Doom’s side of the plot, he flies back over to where Galactus just in time to see him finally rouse from being slapped down by the Beyonder.

Galactus floats to his feet and wanders off.

Doom: “He ignored me! As though I were a gnat buzzing at his feet! And so I am... Just as all of us, even Galactus himself, are but insects to the all-powerful Beyonder! Thus, the others have chosen to play the Beyonder’s simple game -- thereby, in effect, paying homage to him. Should I, too, pay homage? Should I worship at the feet of this god-like being -- or chose another path... one only Doom would dare!”

I think anyone that knows Doom knows which option he’s gonna choose.

He heads back to the villain fortress and finds Ultron’s deactivated body and decides Doom can use this.

Meanwhile, back at the first secret battle of the secret war, the heroes rally and start fighting back under Cap(tain America)’s leadership.

She-Hulk even gets a designated girl fight with the only female villain on the villain team.

I’d complain, I would. But at least She-Hulk isn’t the only heroine on the hero side.

She-Hulk: “Hiya! I’m the She-Hulk! You must be the Enchantress! Gee, I’ve heard so much about you -- ! You’re a not-nice lady!”

Enchantress: “A green woman? Is there no end to the varieties of mortals?”

The Enchantress magic slaps She-Hulk away and comments that she could crush She-Hulk physically but its beneath her.

Yeah, all Asgardians have some level of super strength, that’s right. Even the squishy wizards.

But all She-Hulk heard was, ‘someone I can really punch!’

She-Hulk: “I don’t often duke it out with someone solid enough to really unload on -- and slow enough to let me! Oh, wow! That was, like tubular, you know -- to the max!”

Uh. Jen, are you okay? Did you have a stroke? You don’t usually talk so much in Mario World secret world levels.

I think maybe Jim Shooter didn’t have a good grasp on her. I don’t think he’s ever written for her. And the other heroes mostly don’t vary too much from generic hero speaking patterns. Add some smart for smart characters, add some rude to Wolverine, and so on.

The battle wraps up with Kang, the Enchantress, and the Wrecking Crew captured and the rest of the villains fleeing when the battle didn’t go their way.

Cap sends Storm off to scout for a cool playset that they can use as shelter and she does so, noting that the winds on Battleworld are super easy to control. Like Battleworld was created to create ideal fighting conditions for everyone. Pretty neat, the Beyonder.

Storm finds a particularly rad fortress (”Bigger than fifty-four and a half Pentagons, I’d estimate!” Wow!) and the heroes move in.

I unironically enjoy how toyetic this story is with the fortresses and the vehicles and the weapons. Because I’m almost positive that Mattel barely capitalized on it.

There were only two playsets. Pitiful.

Over in their new headquarters, Reed stashes the captured villains in some form of psychostasis which “works by controlling aggression through brainwave modulation!”

He also sticks Enchantress in a healing pod to address that nasty case of being She-Hulked right in the face. Nothing will salve her ego though.

Captain America: “It’s no wonder that the name Mister Fantastic is renowned for compassion as well as courage! You give added meaning to the word hero, Richards!”

Whenever someone loudly announces that Reed is super compassionate, it makes me feel like they’re overcompensating.

Nobody ever makes note of, say, Captain America’s compassion.

With the prisoners (of war? Is that the whole reason for the title?) accommodated, Cap calls everyone for a meeting in a cool meeting dome he found which has a small waterfall for aesthetic and so everyone has to yell to be heard.

Wolverine yells that they should mop up the rest of the villains and get this over with.

Not mentioning that in order to “win it” they’d have to kill the villains, which none of the heroes have shown any interest in doing so far.

Cap(tain America) replies that A) planet big and they have no idea where the villains got to. And B) the remaining villains slash antagonists are Galactus, Doctor Doom, Molecule Man, Doctor Octopus, the Wrecker, the Absorbing Man, and Magneto. Not really people you mop up.

In a fun logistics bit, Cap sends out a patrol to make sure the area is secure but he also sends out two additional groups to find  if there are any places in this fortress they can sleep and whether there's any... food.

Makes me imagine a Secret Survival War where the sides have to wrestle over limited resources.

Hours later, the villains that escaped the fracas arrive back at their fortress.

I’m sort of confused here.

Maybe it took so long because they had to make sure they weren’t followed. Or maybe because they didn’t have the sweet tripod vehicle anymore. But think about the flow of events of: everyone beamed down to Battleworld > Doom ditches the villains and gets shot down > heroes investigate and Doom ditches > villains show up for cliffhanger fight.

The villain fortress should be pretty close to where that fight took place. And then the heroes find a nearby fortress of their own so their fortress should be pretty close to the villain fortress. Maybe not in the same neighborhood but surely the same zip code.

Anyway, they find that while they were gone, Doom swanned in and renamed the place the Doombase.

If they have problems with it, they can talk to his Ultron.

Which I’m surprised he didn’t rename Doomtron.

Doom also tells them that he’s in charge now.

Absorbing Man: “Aw! Who gives a hoot! I need a meal an’ sleep! You wanna be in charge, Doom? Okay by me!”

If you think about it, this is just some steps added what the villains wanted all along.

They wanted Doom to be their leader but he told them he had bigger fish to fry and fucked off. Now he’s fucked back on and told them all that he’s their leader. They initially object before reconsidering due to Doomtron but, yeah, its all gone full circle.

Doom is a lot more cordial to Molecule Man though.

Doom: “Molecule Man... uh, Mr. Reece, I believe it is? I trust you were not inconvenienced.”

Molecule Man: “Well, being absolute master of molecules I can just assimilate molecules when I want, so I never have to be hungry, and I can just shoo away dirt molecules, so I’m always nice and clean -- but I am tired!”

Doom: “I have prepared a special chamber for you! I hope you like it!”

Molecule Man: “If not, I can always reconstruct the molecules -- !”

Heh.

Nice to see Jim Shooter able to follow up on the trajectory he sent Molecule Man on.

The rest of the villains head off but Doctor Octopus, the only other brain cell in this group, hangs back to talk to DOOM.

He wants to know what he plans to do about Galactus and then shows Doom on the biggest screen TV that Galactus is standing on a mountain glowing with an awesome power.

Doom just retorts that his plans are for his forces to triumph.

Doctor Octopus: Something tells me he’s got ambitions that dwarf merely triumphing in the Beyonder’s little contest! The question is whether he will destroy us in trying to achieve them -- or immediately after fulfilling them?!

Like I said, the only other brain cell in this group.

Meanwhile, while Magneto secretly sneaks into the hero fortress for Reasons, the heroes have a quiet moment that lets this Secret Wars biz really sink in.

Wasp: “I’d be having tea in my studio now, Jenny... And lunch on my patio tomorrow... This... um... situation we’re in... is kind of... much, you know? I feel there’s just a little thin wall inside me holding back a flood of despair!”

Its a nice touch, if intentional, that Wasp only admits this kind of thing now that she’s passed off the leadership responsibilities to Captain America. Its been a recurring character beat that she’s been keeping these sorts of worries to herself as chairwoman.

Over in another part of the fortress, Cyclops complains that he was right in the middle of his dang honeymoon when he was yanked into this event.

Cyclops: “I don’t know about you, Richards, but more than angry or afraid, I feel cheated! I -- I was on the verge of real happiness...”

Oof. This really sets the tone for his marriage with Madelyne Pryor.

Spider-Man and the Human Torch even have a little conversation.

Spider-Man: “You mean it doesn’t shake you, Torch, being here? What if we don’t get home?”

Human Torch: “The Fantastic Four have been off on space missions a couple of times, Spider-Man! We’ll get back! Believe me!”

I like when they’re friends.

So, I’m not sure what Magneto’s plan actually was. He was going to sabotage the fortress’ fusion generator as a distraction but Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense Spider-Alerts him to shenanigans afoot and he runs off to the power plant while Johnny Storm goes to get the other heroes.

Magneto decides to abandon whatever his plan was and captures Wasp as a consolation prize.

Gasp, another prisoner of war!

The Thing tries to give chase but inexplicably turns back to normal, smooth skinned Ben Grimm.

Also, Magneto escapes with the Wasp.

It’s like the aardvark says, you can get what you want and still not be happy.

Captain Marvel is holding the randomly anti-mutant ball for Hawkeye here and comments that none of the X-Men showed up to help stop Magneto.

Cap(tain America) tells her to belay that.

Captain America: “Let’s keep our minds on solving problems, not creating more!”

And they can’t even go after Magneto or rescue the Wasp right now because they have bigger problems: Galactus glowing with an awesome power and a massive storm that’s forming on Battleworld.

July, 1984

TEMPEST WITHOUT, CRISIS WITHIN!

The Beyonder has thrown in a nice stage hazard to keep things fresh in the form of a massive storm raging on Battleworld, with lighting that shatters mountains and winds that could tear someone’s limbs clean off.

Or perhaps its the unintentional result of just slapping a planet together out of random stuff you have lying around. The climate must be shot to shit.

I like it either way. Secret Wars has a lot of very toyetic collisions between groups of characters so its nice when Battleworld itself manages to be an obstacle.

Over in his giant U-shaped fortress, Magneto finally unwraps Wasp from the ball of random metal crap he has her in.

He lets her wander around until she finds him so that he can be all casual and eating a space scone.

Magneto: “Do not bother trying to attack me, my dear! My person is magnetically shielded!”

Wasp: “Well, la-de-da!”

Wasp: -blows up his space scone- “You think I have to strike at you directly to hurt you, monster?”

Hilarious spite, thy name is Janet van Dyne.

She also makes the point that magnetic shielding or no, she could bring this whole room down. Her being able to knock over a small house with her pew pew hasn’t stopped being true.

Magneto hastens to ask her not to do that because neither of them want to be out in the storm outside.

Besides, he just wants to talk! And flirt!

Magneto: “You are obviously a woman of intelligence and understanding as well as great beauty -- and I am not the monster you believe I am -- which is precisely what I wish to discuss!”

Wasp: “Oh? My intelligence, understanding and beauty or your non-monsterhood?”

Magneto: “Why... both!”

Back at the hero base (which is apparently ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF CHICAGO?? I want that playset), the storm has almost completely flooded the area, leaving just the top dome and such poking above the water.

The storm keeps dropping chunks of mountain at the base but Thor is standing on top, protecting it while grinning like a loon.

Captain Marvel even speculates that Thor could calm the storm but is whipping it up into a greater frenzy instead. Those storm gods, amirite?

Hawkeye is also standing by, with his explosive arrow, thinking to himself that if Thor fails, Hawkeye will totally save the day.

I don’t know whether that’s sad or endearing.

Mostly though he’s trying to distract himself from thinking about the new wife he left behind.

Cap, Reed, and Hulk are watching the villain base because apparently they do know where it is. The storm is keeping the villains in too but Cap figures they’ll pull one desperate attack as soon as the storm breaks.

They’ve already lost four of their dudes. Plus, Galactus isn’t a team player.

Spider-Man is just swinging around, enjoying how good for swinging the random technological pipes and tubes and whatsits are when he stumbles upon the X-Men having a secret meeting.

Professor X has decided, possibly on the basis of two (2) rude comments from Hawkeye and Captain Marvel, that the X-Men just don’t belong here and that they’d be better off going and teaming up with Magneto.

This... sure is a take.

Rogue comments that the Avengers don’t trust her because of that time she kicked their asses collectively. Which, hey, very possibly. They haven’t really had a thing to say about you though. They’ve mostly been grouchy about Magneto.

Which is kinda born out by the way he tried to blow up their base and definitely kidnapped the Wasp?? And is even now aggressively eating scones at her?

That’s the Magneto you guys want to go join because he’s more your people than the Fantastic Avengers and friends are?

You know, there’s a pattern I sometimes see with the X-Men where they loudly insist that the other superheroes don’t help them and don’t care about mutant stuff while at the same time doing shit like this.

“Should we get Reed Richards, smartest dick in the world to help with the legacy virus or the techno-organic virus Stryfe shot into Xavier? NAHHHH Beast can handle it.”

“Should we stick with the other superheroes or go hang with Magneto instead in a cool mutants only U-shaped fortress? Well, U is the coolest letter that isn’t X...”

If you squint, you can definitely see Krakoa all the way in the future.

Anyway, Spider-Man overheard all of this and goes ‘I’M TELLING!’

Wolverine tries to tell him that snitches get stitches but the thing is?

Spider-Man is ridiculous. He’s a ridiculously good combination of skills and powers which lets him make chumps out of entire groups at a time.

He’s embarrassed the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, and now he’s about to embarrass the X-Men.

After making them all feel foolish, Spider-Man gets away and goes to tell Reed what that doody-head Xavier said when Xavier uses his psychic powers to just wipe the entire encounter out of Spider-Man’s memory.

Yeah, it’s to cover their imminent blowing off but also? I don’t think he wants anyone else to find out how badly his X-Men just got stomped.

Psychics are too OP, I tell you what.

In fairness IN FAIRNESS, the X-Men kind of have the right to fuck right off if they wish. I don’t even know what it had to be in secret. In fact, doing it in secret is a massive dick move of its own for reasons.

What would the Fantastic Avengers have done if the X-Men had just said ‘hey we’re heading out’? Would they have put them in stasis tube jail? I doubt it.

Professor X made the decision to handle this the stupidest way for whatever reason. That scamp.

Speaking of Magneto, he’s over at the U-Lair turning down a partnership offer from DOOM. So, hey, he has standards.

Wasp has become less ‘i’ll blow up this room and your breakfast’ about him over the course of whatever the hell they discussed in their offscreen chat.

Magneto even starts to make out with her and Wasp is like ehhhhhhhhhh what the fuck why not.

Why is this happening?

I guess he has a...................... magnetic personality?

Eh? Eh??

No, but seriously, I do have a theory that I heard someplace but it’ll have to wait.

What’s weird is that there’s a Marvel What If about some spinoff babies that come about if the heroes and villains got stuck on Battleworld and never managed to leave.

Wasp has a son with Human Torch. Which is pretty weird and comes from nowhere. I guess a lot can happen during a massive time skip. My point being though, its weird that they didn’t have a Wasp/Magneto baby instead given the weird chemistry they have here.

Meanwhile, over at DOOMBASE, DOOM has some women in giant tubes.

That’s So Doom.

Doctor Doom: “All is ready -- ! This alien technology, so rich, so subtle... so easily harnessed to serve my purpose... Energy, tapped from the raging tempest... And two mortal subjects who dare to gamble for power -- knowing that to lose is death, for truly, here I shall test the limits of power a human body can contain! With the throwing of a switch... so -- the die is cast! Hear me -- ! Power must be seized -- ! Crave it! Welcome it! Drink it in, despite the pain... or it will destroy you.”

And thus are Volcana and Titania created!

Talk about lasting effects of Secret Wars! Titania is going to be around forever! Mostly annoying She-Hulk!

Where did Doom find two random women to give superpowers?

Denver, Colorado.

No, seriously.

That city chunk we saw as Battleworld formed? That’s Denver, Colorado, USA, EARTH.

Why isn’t there a miniseries or one-shot about a normal ass civilian from Denver having to deal with OH MY GOD WHERE DID EARTH GO?

I actually read an interesting thing re: this scene. It exists because Mattel asked Marvel to introduce some new female characters so Shooter wrote in these two and a third who I’ll get to when I do.

Mattel then promptly used none of these characters for the associated toyline.

The toyline, in fact, used none female characters at all. It made toys of characters who weren’t in the story but did not have a single female character.

So its very weird that they asked Marvel to introduce some but I’m not going to knock the results.

Doom introduces these two new characters to the other villains.

Hilariously, Absorbing Man guesses that Doctor Doom just made women from scratch. Because doesn’t it sound like something he could do?

Volcana and Molecule Man immediately hit it off, her being attracted to his sensitivity and him being attracted to... positive attention at all, I guess?

He muses that he could easily stop the storm outside, because molecules, but his therapist told him to let nature take its course. “Unless Doom asks me to!”

And Titania and Absorbing Man. They don’t hit it off. She either wants to hit him or hit that and its not clear and it might be both.

(Spoilers: Its both)

Titania: “You! Absorbing Man! You look like the toughest man here! Get up!”

Absorbing Man: “Whatcha got in mind?”

Titania: “I’m going to do anything I want to you! Everything I always wanted to do to everybody who used to be bigger and stronger than me! Maybe I’ll just play with you... or maybe I’ll make you eat dirt... or maybe...”

Absorbing Man: “Woman, if you got somethin’ to prove, prove it tomorrow against the guys we’re fightin’!”

Titania: “You’re backing down?”

Absorbing Man: “Nope! I just ain’t getting up! I got nothin’ to prove... to a dame!”

Would you believe that they become one of the healthiest and most stable romantic relationships in Marvel?

Speaking of weird relationships, back over at hero base, Thor goes and pops the lid on Enchanteress’ healing tube because he’s bored and wants to talk to a peer. A god peer.

Enchantress is at first more characteristically worried about what her face looks like after being She-Hulked.

But she then creates a portal so she and Thor can go have a chat.

Later, it’s morning and Hulk has been too busy stressing over losing his Banner smarts to actually keep watch or wake up Cap for watch like he was supposed to.

So when the villains ram an airship into the hero base, the heroes are not at all prepared.

Titania hurls a giant slab of wall through the room the Terrific Three are sharing, breaking Johnny Torch’s arm and ribs and knocking out the other two. He manages to get himself and co out of danger by melting through the floor.

Meanwhile, She-Hulk is carrying a big heavy as she’s been doing since the previous night and is caught unaware by Volcana who blasts her off her feet and then collapses the room on top of her.

Doctor Octopus knocks out Captain Marvel who is in the hot springs dome but gets chased away by Hawkeye, claiming that long-range firepower is his weakness.

I’m stunned at the implication that Doc Ock is one of Spider-Man’s most dangerous foes but could be scared off by Hawkeye while Spider-Man could pretty easily drop Clint’s ass. There’s some rock-paper-scissors nonsense at play here.

Spider-Man and Iron Man are also taken unawares by Ultron but manage to hide under some rubble.

Hulk leaps into the fray at Molecule Man and Doom but Cap convinces him to fall back to a defensible position.

The villains reconvene with all the captured villains freed except Enchantress (since she fucked off to have a chat with Thor) and the heroes scattered and buried under various rubbles. How the fortunes of Secret War turn.

Sure would have been nice if the X-Men had been around to help or if they mentioned they wouldn’t be. Sure would have been.

Doom: “We have accomplished much here today! And to finish it, we shall level this place so that no stone remains on stone!”

No wonder Mattel didn’t make a playset of this base! Dammit Doom, you’re ruining the merchandising!

Follow @essential-avengers​ for more of Secret Wars! At this same pace! Its sustainable! This is fine! Like and reblog too!

[krixwell-liveblogs]

Arc Thoughts: Prey

In which everyone hunts everyone else.

There’s one big question Arc 14 of Worm has left me with: How do these Arcs just keep getting better?

I mean seriously, let’s look back at the progression in this Arc:

14.1: In which we got attempted mind games from Cherish and learned that someone among the Undertravelers (probably Trickster) has a potentially lethally upsetting secret. Only one of the weakest chapters in the Arc because the rest were so good.

14.2: Solid rescue operation of one of my favorite characters from Siberian.

14.3: Epic chase scene, and excellent Amy development.

14.4: In which Jemily Piggot is delightfully devious and Amy continues to be fantastic with her latest contribution of Atlas the giant beetle.

14.5: Taylor and Weld fighting together nearly seamlessly, big asshole kitty getting some much-needed attention, fantastic tension as the Undertravelers try to escape the blast zone, Taylor learns to fly... So much good stuff.

14.6: That Amy and Victoria scene was so good! Honorary mentions: Taylor’s tangent about eating bugs and Regent being beautifully on the ball.

14.7: Some pacing/tension issues drag this one down, but the descriptions of the Bakuda barrage was amazing.

14.8: AND THIS IS WHERE THE ARC WENT FROM GOOD TO FUCKING AMAZING. The miasma is one of the best concepts Bonesaw could drop on the city and I love it so damn much. Honorary mention: Sundancer’s spiel on being alone and the way it ties in beautifully with what was about to happen to her and everyone else.

14.9: AND THEN IT JUST GOT EVEN BETTER (even if I was being a bit of a dunce)

14.10: Really good dialogue between Jack and Amy as he tried to get her to betray her morals and join up, followed by a pretty good hallway knife/gun-- wait a minute. Jack. Literally brought a knife to a gun fight. Or was it Taylor who brought a gun to a knife fight?

14.11: Well that’s certainly a way to go about curing Rachel and Lisa! And then there’s Jack’s parting message and Cherish’s fate.

Interlude 14: Sierra Interlude? Don’t mind if I do! I had some trouble getting through the earlier parts of the Interlude but once Taylor showed up things got really good.

Interlude 14.5: LEGEND IS SO GOOD FOR KID WIN. Shame they’re probably not getting another chance to talk. ...oh yeah, and the Triumvirate are working with Cauldron despite two of them apparently knowing what’s up. That’s a pretty good curveball reveal. BUT KID WIN GUYS

In short, really fucking good Arc. Quite possibly the best one so far, even!

This was the climax to the Slaughterhouse Nine plotline (though Jack at least will likely become relevant again when we find out how he dooms the world), which has been going for 3.5 (or 5, depending where you count from) Arcs now, and I really think Wildbow nailed it. The miasma was a really amazing way to end this sequence, and I appreciate just how unwilling the Nine were to give in, how much they had to be whittled down before they left - it made it feel like this was an amazing accomplishment by the protagonists even though the core of Nine ultimately got away.

Even if Taylor doesn’t feel that way. Taylor is weird about acknowledging her accomplishments, though it all makes perfect sense with regards to her character.

The Arc title

Everyone was indeed Prey, except maybe the Protectorate. And even they were caught in the miasma.

The Undertravelers hunted Siberian, who hunted Amy. The PRT/Piggot hunted the Nine and the Undertravelers, and when parts of the Nine slipped away from the Protectorate, the Undertravelers took up that hunt (after being Crawler’s and the PRT’s prey at the same time), while Legend was hunting Siberian. And so it went on until the miasma struck and made everyone downtown the Nine’s prey in a sense (not that that’s much of a change from the norm), as well as feel like everyone else’s prey. Jack tried to prey on Amy’s insecurities. Then we had Taylor hunting the Nine again at the end, though they ultimately got away.

Sierra and Charlotte avoided the miasma and even they ended up as prey for the metaphorical ravens.

Prediction review

Rolling over all the way from Arc Thoughts: Infestation:

And, if someone attempts to kill Jack Slash, they will either fail, or do it too late.

Yeeah, nobody succeeded at that. Anyone who manages to do it later in the story will be too late according to Dinah. I’m going to consider this one proven correct.

And now for predictions from Arc Thoughts: Snare:

Due to an accident while writing the End of Interlude 13 post yesterday, I know the title, or original title if it has been changed, of Arc 14: Prey.

Who’s the prey, exactly? After hearing Piggot’s plan, I’m inclined to think it’s both the local villains and the Slaughterhouse Nine. The Nine are at the bottom of the parahuman food chain for a change, being hunted by the Undertravelers and the Protectorate, but the PRT is also hunting the Undertravelers and other local villains.

I suppose there’s still civilians under the Nine on the overall food chain, but the Nine have already been preying on them quite a lot, so that shouldn’t be enough for an Arc title.

…oh. Oh, right.

I was already going to predict that Siberian was going to be in the spotlight next Arc, because of the focus she got in Interlude 13. Of course that ties in with the title Prey. She’s probably the next tester, which means the nominees are going to be her prey.

That doesn’t invalidate the other interpretation, though. I’m inclined to think both are correct.

I think I was right here, except I was thinking too specifically. I later added that everyone’s prey, in the chapter thoughts of 14.1.

So is the next Arc going to give the spotlight to only Siberian, among the Nine? The Nine’s numbers have been reduced enough that Wildbow can do that now, especially if they continue being reduced.

No. At the time I was writing this, I still thought the plotline might go on for a bunch more Arcs.

I don’t think the Undertravelers are going to let up on their ongoing assault against the Nine, but Taylor might start being a tad more cautious thanks to Grue’s input. Maybe that’s what ends up saving them from the Protectorate’s explosive backstab?

I haven’t really seen her be that notably more cautious, really. And the thing that ended up saving them was Piggot tipping her hand while making sure they’d all go into the blast zone.

And finally, I think there’s a good chance we’ll finally learn what the Travelers’ deal is. Hell, if my theories on that are anywhere near right, that might even be another reason for the title.

Not yet, but we’re definitely building up to it, what with the massive secret and the Sundancer development. Roll over.

From a post made shortly after Arc Thoughts: Snare:

Oh yeah, one more prediction for Prey: I suspect one or more of the minor protagonists is/are going to die to Siberian, or at least get mauled. Maybe even one of the major protagonists. This would mirror the Case 01 video, perhaps even closely.

The Nine have actually been remarkably non-lethal to the named characters. They’ve slayed hundreds, maybe thousands of redshirts civilians, but only, what, five characters whose names we knew? Four of which were incredibly unsympathetic? Though some more may have died in the miasma.

Predictions for Arc 15 before reading the title

This is a hard one. There’s not much to go on as far as where the story is headed next.

It’s possible we’re about to learn more about the Travelers, but I doubt that’s the main plot. Likewise, I don’t think dealing with the Chosen is that big of a deal for Taylor at this point, especially since they’ve lost their leader.

It is also very possible that we’re heading into the second boss battle Arc, though it’d be a bit curious that no strong indication of that (except Eidolon mentioning that another Endbringer strike was due soon) appeared at the end of Prey like what happened at the end of Buzz. If we are heading into that territory next Arc or in Arc 16, I think we’re in for the Simurgh attacking Brockton Bay.

If she does, we might see some of the characters start to question why two Endbringers would attack the same location in a row like that, lending more credibility to Coil’s “Noelle draws Endbringers” theory.

I suppose it’s also entirely possible that the miasma was the boss battle of this section and we’re not getting attacked by all three Endbringers like I’ve been theorizing, in which case we’d be moving into an Interlude Arc.

But that’d feel kind of anticlimactic, even though Prey was a fantastic climax to the Slaughterhouse Nine plotline, and unless the chapters in the Interlude Arc were themed like the ones in Sentinel, it’d call into question why we had two Interludes in Prey. Though that can still be explained by thematics and threads, wanting Legend’s Interlude to be clearly tied to Prey.

So yeah, I’m not really sure what to expect. Let’s see if the Arc title gives me any ideas, shall we?

Predictions for Arc 14: Colony

Colony. That, to me, sounds like we’ll be focusing on the rebuilding of Taylor’s territory and its community for a while. Maybe all the territories, even, turning the city into the Undertravelers’ colony?

But that sounds like a really anticlimactic premise on its own. We may focus on that, but something needs to not go smoothly to make the Arc interesting. It needs more conflict than just “how do we fix up this building”. Dealing with the Chosen still doesn’t sound all that interesting after tangoing with the Nine.

I’m not saying I expect the upcoming Arc to be boring. I’m saying that if I’m right about what the title implies, I don’t really know how Wildbow is going to prevent that. I do trust that he will, though, in some way.

Perhaps the title is less literal. Maybe it’s about the cohesiveness and cooperation as the heavily hurt and fractured people of Brockton Bay band together to defend their colony, their home, against the Simurgh or another threat?

Or maybe it’s a colony in the sense of an additional area taken and controlled from afar? But I can’t imagine Taylor wants to take another piece of territory, away from her current one.

This next Arc is very hard to speculate on, jeez. In any case, I’m looking forward to starting on it and finding out what’s actually going on. See you soon!

[pumpkin-pi-e]

Hizashi you snitch! 🤣

He can tell me the secrets, but I’ll never tell him mine.

Girl time! You and Hizashi definitely gossip. Shouta sometimes sits in on it too.

“You guys need some more tea?” He’s offering refreshments. (You know those nosy butlers who ‘clean’ under the guise of eavesdropping? That’s Shouta.)

“The tea is hot today. Now lemme tell ya about the outfit malfunction with Mt. Lady when I was out on patrol the other day.” Hizashi tellin’ everybody business.

Hizashi: *telling you things he shouldn’t*

Aizawa: Hizashi, that was confidential.

Hizashi: and I oop-

“C’mon, Shou. Who’s she gonna tell?”

*Darling who’s wiring secrets to the league of villains for dat fat cash*

You and Hizashi trade secrets while braiding each other’s hair. Braid train! Shouta’s in on it too. He pretends he isn’t listening, but throws in commentary here and there.

Everything I do is bittersweet.

You can tell me secrets that I’ll probably repeat.

I’m not trying to hurt you, I just love to speak.

It feels like we’re pullin’ teeth,

so bittersweet.

— — — —

Is it soft hours? Lemme crank out some softness then!

Hizashi and Shouta both like to be the little spoon now and then.

Your arms are around Hizashi’s waist, and he holds Shou close, snuggling him into his chest. They both get to be cuddled. You and Hizashi stay up late into the night chatting like teenagers while sleepy Shouta snoozes between you. Absentmindedly, you both pet his long hair amidst the conversation. He responds to your touch even in his sleep, he naps that much easily, nuzzling into your hands. He knew those hands anywhere, your names are mumbled softly from his lips, voice clouded with drowsiness. It sounds happy. He do the purr.

Shouta latches onto to things during slumber. You’ll wake up to find yourself against his warm chest while he snores like a bear. His limbs are wrapped around you like maze puzzle. You’ll never find your way out. This boi runs hot and he is *toasty*. Nice in the winter, insufferable in the summer. If you get up he groggily trails after you, waiting for you to be done with whatever you’re doing so he can get his pillow back.

Hizashi clings on too, they’re both grabby. You can’t win. You’re doomed to be smothered.

You and Hizashi binge singing talent shows. He always bets that he can hit those notes. Shouta always stops him by erasing his quirk. It’s too early for that shit. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is. It’s always too early for that shit. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially not Shouta.

Aizawa is a thoughtful partner, he does little gestures for you throughout the day. There’s always a fresh pot of coffee and tea is ready when you are.

He’s a random boy and his affection is unconventional. He’ll cover you with cat stickers when you do something cute.

Help Zashi by washing dishes?

Sticker.

Help him feed the kitten children?

Sticker.

Give him kiss?

Two sticker.

You’re always cute. He drowns you in sticker.

Like the cat, he sit himself in your lap. Kitty, pet him. He demand affection.

He bring things. Miscellaneous things. He proffers many a gift. Do they make sense? No.

Hizashi likes to sit on your lap and just nuzzle his nose into yours. His eyes are closed and he’s just living. He’s vibing. No, he’s not making contented noises. Hush. His tail isn’t wagging.

Hizashi dressed you in Eraserhead cosplay once and Aizawa almost died of cuteness overload. He staggered in the doorway and took a knee. Hizashi out here trying to commit homicide. Double homicide. His heart has been murdered. His feelings? Slaughtered. You have truly slayed on this day.

Headcanon! Aizawa loves sweets, but he’s diabetic. You’ve affectionately dubbed him sugar rush. He often forgets meals, one of the reasons Hizashi is constantly offering to get food. The DJ reminds him to eat throughout the day. You didn’t know until he’d collapsed one afternoon, he’d half scared you to death. He didn’t think it important to tell you, and Hizashi himself had only told you to keep an eye on him and make sure he got some grub in him. He tried to play it off when you rushed to his side, attempting to help him up. Your worry grew as he told you he was too dizzy to stand. Seeing as he didn’t want to concern you, Shouta divulges he has low blood sugar. You’re racing off to the kitchen before he can get another word in. He really didn’t want you fretting over him. His fears are manifest when you try and stuff an entire bushel of bananas past his lips. “Thank you, kitten. Just one or two should…should be fine.” Hizashi comes home as soon as he can. Aizawa’s pulled into a hug and scolded, he’s laughing from relief; but tears wet the erasure hero’s sweatshirt because what if songbird hadn’t been there? He’s stressed. His husband is stressing him. He doesn’t want to think about it. You’re both given so many thankful kisses, and he cooks a huge meal full of love and nutrition. So much cake was eaten.

Since he’s knocked back so many energy drinks to help him stay awake during his show, Hizashi’s addicted to caffeine. He does the shakes when he hasn’t gotten his fix. Joyful and full of laughter, he’s the exact opposite when he’s going through withdrawals. Irritable and cranky, he’ll snap just like Aizawa will when he hasn’t had his coffee in the morning. They’re both chewing the candy you gave them with sour expressions. They’ve been barred from caffeine. They’re on a mandatory detox. They aren’t taking it well. Instead of being productive, they’re pining over the taste of coffee, the smell of roasted cocoa beans, they could just crunch them raw at this point and make the coffee in their mouths.

This is beyond you. They need professional help.

When Shouta comes home from patrol he doesn’t speak, too exhausted. Too much effort. He grabs everything he needs for a pillow fort. Blankets, pillows, cats, Hizashi, you. And he doesn’t climb back out of it until the next morning.

No pls u don’t understand

Hizashi likes to tell you his favorite secrets. They don’t even have to be his secrets. As a hero, and as a radio personality, he hears a lot of them, so he likes you to hear them too.

Sometimes he makes a story out of them. He tells you of torrid love affairs and damsels in distress. Stories of dashing young men finding their way next to beautiful partners. But his favorite is the one he never tells. A secret of his own.

Because even through all the stories he’s told, and all the nights he’s spent whispering to you and Shota his beautiful secrets,

He isn’t quite ready to tell you this.

That he thinks about shota’s eyes when he hosts his show in the morning. And he thinks about yours during night patrols.

That he thinks about buying a cat with you both sometimes, and he’s got one at the shelter all picked out.

That he thinks a lot about a certain couple of velveteen boxes he’s got tucked away in a drawer every time he comes home to you.

Ashakdskdh ok anyway it’s soft hours. @psssh-its-pastel this is all on u I’m blaming u

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Fairy Tail S2

It seems like Gray was too pretty so they decided to dress him down a bit

“Are you and Loke going out?” I mean in a manner of speaking they are bonded for life

Don’t stand him up Lucy that’s not very nice - I stand corrected he apparently doesn’t care 

DON’T BE CREEPY JUVIA LET GRAY LIVE 

“Would you get OUT OF HERE?” Lucy’s reaction to thinking other people like her is the same as mine

“What is this strange sensation I’m feeling?” rohypnol

Fgdfjghdkfjghkjfdkjhg IT’S A RIVALRY POTION THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER

GRAY’S GONNA TRY TO FLY OH MY GOD

“And so Lucy’s bad luck with men has crossed into a second consecutive episode” 

THAT’S RIGHT YOU FIGHT THAT ARROGANT HORIZON BABY

Those boat boys are so nice constantly looking out for Lucy

Lucy.... you are a wizard.... you have spirits who can help you stave off attackers

Papa Heartlessfilia returns to be a dick to his daughter once more

“You loooove her” “Watch it or I’ll punch your face in, Cat!” that is not a no Gray

Every time Lucy is remotely in danger Gray, Natsu and Erza run like the wind to be with her she is so adored

“The uniforms aren’t all that bad if you ask me,” said Gray, in a bowtie and underpants 

I can’t believe that they’re teaming up with One Direction

They didn’t exactly send the most diplomatic members of the guild 

“DO NOT TOUCH” same Lucy same leave the underage girl alone Hibiki

“I’m so over the posing” “I think they’re starting to grow on me” Lucy and Gray’s snarky asides about the Backstreet Boys are giving me life 

Maiden of the Sky sounds like a celestial spirit name but it seems pretty soon after the whole Loke thing to do another wizard-is-really-an-otherworldly-being and also Virgo is technically the maiden

Wendy is kind of young to have become a dragon slayer more than seven years ago how old was she when that happened like 5?

At this point it’s just like blue hair = related to Jellal

Lyon, upon seeing a bunch of adorable cartoon squirrels: What are they, Goblins?

“I’m the fastest man alive” is that so Toucan Sam

I can’t believe Jellal stopped to rob Erigor of his clothing lmao 

“You’re a ventreeloquist?” Gfgkfdjhjfdkdkjghfkgl Natsu pls 

Lucy has chemistry with literally everyone I mean she’s probably gonna marry Natsu but everyone she interacts with would marry her

Don’t use the enemy’s vehicle Gray he’s probably gonna take your magic away

Gray @ Lyon: Be my riding bitch

“That’s weird, why are they taking off their clothes?” Because they are ridiculous

I guess Racer isn’t so quick with monologues 

What the fuck when all’s said and done Lyon wasn’t even that bad he hasn’t really hurt anyone he did not deserve to be Goku’d in Racer’s Cell attack

I gotta say though, the fact Lyon sacrified himself specifically for Gray was also very Extra like bruh you were just talking shit about how you’re not friends

“No matter the era, the ones who triumph are the rich” He’s a literal capitalist puppet

I am expecting Karen to come up based on the images of Aries and Leo in this intro so right now my best guess is that Hibiki knew Karen and when he sees Lucy’s spirits Nirvana will affect him

“I guess Evil Natsu wouldn’t be much different than Normal Natsu” Natsu is chaotic good

“He’s got plenty of info on Lucy, a newcomer to Fairy Tail, definitely easy on the eyes. He likes the whole package” GRAY’S ATTRACTION TO LUCY HAS BEEN #EXPOSED

Since Angel is a celestial wizard she probably has Aries 

Oh wow my theory about Hibiki was actually very accurate I’m almost surprised

My darling girl Lucy offering her life for her spirits and giving all the Zodiac hope for a better future <33333333333

YASSSS LUCY GETS A POWER-UP I AM LOVING THIS GO HIBIKI

“Why does she look like she fought a tornado head-on?” Hate to break it to you Lucy but ur the tornado

I knew Lyon wouldn’t be gone for long that death scene was too ambiguous

“Wow Natsu, where’d you find that get-up?” said the shirtless man with patterned skinny jeans

That was a beautiful speech Jellal but why does everyone thinking killing themselves is the solution to everything like calm down for a minute

Erza is so strong she just hoisted herself and a full grown man from the edge of the tower she was dangling on

“Now, the world is doomed,” Jellal still retained his penchant for dramatics I guess

I know Jellal has made Erza’s life a living hell but also now that he’s an amnesiac I kind of want them to make out

“Stupid hot-head nearly gave me a heart attack” You’re giving him Gray hairs Natsu

Props to Fairy Tail for actually having different members win different battles like a lot of anime prefer to have most battles eventually finished off by the Chosen One but they actually do a good job of letting Natsu save his strength and usually only fight once or twice depending on the situation

 I’m very concerned about why the babes are crying in the intro who is hurting them 

I just want an in-character season commentary of Lucy and Gray making snarky comments about everyone they know

Is Dragon Slaying really a lost magic if Natsu knows like five dragonslayer at this point

Cobra: I’m not lonely look my best friend is with me it’s this snake

Lmao @ Natsu biting his enemies

Omg have my character commentary dreams come true Gray and Lucy have not stopped their asides

“I think it’s just cause that’s the kind of thing villains do” Gray doesn’t have any time for villainous tragic backstories

“I can’t wait to see your face as I twist your body apart” calm down Edward Speculum Hands

I LOVE IT WHEN PROTAGONISTS LIST THE FLAWS IN ENEMY ATTACKS GO ERZA

I like how Erza’s artificial eye (for all intents and purposes, a disability) is continuously portrayed as a strength rather than a weakness

So it’s sort of like Zero is to Brain as Voldemort is to Tom Riddle like neither one is good but one was perceived as charismatic and had goals and the other was like “my crazy lifeforce magic has induced albinism also I’m here to murder everyone”

IS HE SERIOUSLY GOING TO MURDER ALL THOSE PEOPLE

“What happened?” Divine intervention??

HIBIKI MY SMART BEAUTIFUL SLUTTY MESS

REN, SHERRY, LYON, HIBIKI, EVE I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

They weren’t crying they were rising from the ashes my babies I’m gonna physically weep 

Happy looks like he’s seen into hell jfc

Jellal, swaying from side to side as he tries to walk: I’m perfectly fine

How dare you Jellal I was rooting for you

“Although I have no recollection of acting like a vile cretin, it seems that was the case” I don’t know what I love more this psyche out, Jellal holding himself accountable for actions he can’t remember, or the fact he calls himself a ‘vile cretin’

I’m proud of Jellal for sending a replacement not all characters have such foresight

“Know that whatever happens, I, Igneel, will always be proud of you” why is this dragon a better dad than Lucy’s actual dad

Amazing Gray popped out of that collapsing building like a firework

“Who’s that, another pretty boy from Blue Pegasus?” lmao I guess Lucy and Gray have never seen Jellal’s actual face

Erza confessing quietly confessing to her feelings to Jellal while pink squirrels mime their inner affection is my jam

BLOCKHEAD IS BROTHERS WITH THE CAPITALIST PUPPET THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

I can’t believe Jellal’s last name is Fernandes

On one hand it makes sense that Richard and Jellal pay for their crimes but on the other hand Jellal literally can’t remember doing anything wrong and they’ve both since reformed

Gdfgjhdfkjghkfjdhg every single member of the alliance would risk their freedom not only for Jellal but for Erza’s happiness 

Just OTP things: When one of them doesn’t have a name and the one goes “yes you do” and gives them one

Blue Pegasus and Fairy Tail are so ridiculous it’s great

This is deeply traumatizing for Wendy all she’s ever known was a lie

But if they were all illusions how did they make real clothing for the girls 

“Sherry!” “Ren!” Does this imply not only the Lyon reciprocated Sherry’s feelings but that EVE AND REN WERE A THING

“Snakes aren’t manly enough to fly” Elfman pls

GAJEEL “I’m a dragon slayer too, when do I get my flyin’ kitty-kat, huh?” I CNA’T BREATHE

I hope Gajeel wants to be her partner I will fucking weep

Gray seems so sombre and sinister as he talks about the dragons I don’t trust this

“I’m through with Fairy Tail and I’m through with all of you” Gray is going full Sasuke what is going on

I’m crying the way they measure Gray’s realness is by how often he strips

I love Erza:

Elfman: You’re gonna need a man with you

Erza: No

Um?? Why would Gray do this??? Where is he really?? What is going on

I’m very upset about all this if Gray was going to go dark he would need the length of an entire arc to justify instead of this random garbage betrayal which is probably filler

“You can’t have Fairy Tail without Natsu. That’s not even a possibility!” That’s gay

Natsu’s inner voice: [Gray] can’t help that he’s awesome

Honestly this filler is 1/10 if they are going to have Gray and Natsu properly at odds in the future I need it to be at least 500% more homoerotic