#donut bar party ideas

[myshipley12]

DONUT BAR CATERING: HERE ARE SOME INCREDIBLE IDEAS FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT

Incorporating a donut bar catering service into your next event can add a touch of sweetness and creativity. From customizable donut stations to themed displays, there are endless possibilities to make your donut bar stand out. Consider mini donut displays, themed options, pairings, and inclusive choices to cater to all guests' preferences. With thoughtful packaging, guests can take home a sweet memento of the occasion. Embrace the joy of donuts and create an unforgettable experience that will leave your guests with a smile and a satisfied sweet tooth.

[debaucheryandexcess]

a very specific recurring fantasy i have is the idea of being hired at an office for some kind of lifestyle fitness brand, and wondering how my fat ass is going to fit in with the culture when everyone else seems like fit trim outdoorsy types

and then i sit down at my desk for my first day and it turns out my position is being the office's pet pig that's used as a living food disposal. im one of the first people in the office, and as everyone files in they leave me all the drivethru breakfast treats that they got on their commute and then ""decided they didnt want""

after that im given the remainder of the breakroom donuts that someone brought for my first day- the boxes are only missing the three i took earlier. my lunch break is scheduled after everyone elses, and im given all the extra off everyones meals, which quickly escalates to including whole takeout orders that ""got made wrong"" or people just ""didnt want"" anymore. and as im working through it, people also drop off abandoned vending machine treats and afternoon snacks

any time theres an office party the excess catering gets piled on my desk, and im very much expected to eat all of it on top of my regular influx. it might also be that the company makes something like protein shakes or meal bars, and im regularly forced into participating in taste tests, or else im being constantly offered them ""for my health""

my weight obviously skyrockets, im constantly stuffed to the brim, and within a few weeks im already having wardrobe malfunctions on the clock

[aestheticaltcow]

Last Updated: 09/13/2024

Teasing

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy is a tease, and you love it. MDNI 18+

Elementary School

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy comes to pick you up from work while Richie teases the two of you

What Happens In Vegas Doesn't Always Stay In Vegas

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x OC A four-part series about a past mistake both Carmy and Ellie had long forgotten about. Part 1: Those are Legal? Part 2: The Bear, Abuse of Power, and a Dick Measuring Contest Part 3: The Fight Part 4: DC in October

Family Ties

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy butts heads with his 17-year-old daughter

Father's Day

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Father's day cards covered in glitter and a surprise, what more could Carmy ask for?

High School

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy didn't like high school, but he did like you, so when you asked him to come speak to this year's graduating class, how could he say no?

Food is Love

~Requested~ (forgot to give it a title) Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader After the passing of your father, you have a hankering for "Daddy Soup." You can't figure out the recipe, so you enlist the help of your Michelin star boyfriend to figure it out

Slumber Party

~Requested~ Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You didn't take Carmy as a 3-in-1 guy but I guess sleeping over at his place for the first time gives you a good amount of insight on your boyfriend.

Feral

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader After work fun ~ MDNI 18+

Our Future (2 Parts)

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Age gaps can be difficult. Being at two different times in your life makes the idea of the future seem impossible. Part 1: Our Future Part 2: Our Present

Social Media Manager: The Series

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Marcus's friend Rusty is intriguing, and Carmy wants to get to know her better. Why not hire her to revamp The Bear's social media pages? Part 1: Introductions and Donuts Part 2: Meetings, Meetings, Meetings Part 3: Drinks? Part 4: Bars and Miscommunication

The Carmy Blurb Playlist

A collection of Carmy blurbs inspired by songs I dig that give me Carmy vibes

A Different Point of View

Natalie Berzatto's POV on the events of Season 1

Cigarettes Multiverse (3 Parts)

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader MDNI 18+ Friends with benefits worked for you and Carmy until it didn't. Part 1: Cigarettes - Rozei Part 2: Girlfriend Treatment Part 3: Boyfriend Treatment

Six Months (5 parts)

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Six months postpartum and six months of celibacy, is a sexually frustrated Carmy going to risk his marriage and future relationship with his daughter for a woman who smells like artificial vanilla? Part 1: Six Months Part 2: The Night It Went Wrong Part 3: The Aftermath Part 4: Two Months Part 5: Healing

Three-Three-Three

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Based on the fridge scene of the S2 finale; you help Carmy calm down when he's having a panic attack

You're un-beet-liveable

Sydney "Syd" Aduam x Male Reader (actually, it's Paul Mescal) A cute delivery guy makes Syd a little less annoyed that Carmy asked her to come in early.

Is this what you were looking for?

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy has a habit of misplacing his wedding ring, so he came up with a better alternative.

The Playdate

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Tiffany asks if Richie can pick Eva up from a playdate.

Lockdowns & Ladyfingers

Chef Luca x Reader Luca is the hot neighbor, after getting the 411 from the grannies in the building; you make your move.

Our Life

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You see Carmy's sketchbook and can't help but fall more in love with him.

Love Story

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Just a sweet lil narrative of Carmy fallin' for you

Sorry?

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader The story of the time you don't get off MDNI 18+

Cooking Class

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader "Six Months" universe spin-off sorta... Sugar actions off a cooking class hosted by our favorite little chef,. Carmy is a sexy man here's his response to some unwanted flirtation.

That Poster Trend

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader With Carmy's 30th birthday fast approaching, you were struggling to figure out the perfect gift for him—at least until you were reminded of that TikTok beer poster trend.

Fatherhood: Carmy Berzatto

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto's adventures in single fatherhood.

Proposal Gone Wrong

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy wants nothing more than to marry you; unfortunately, with his luck, Murphy's Law took over.

How do you do it?

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Richie's at his wits end with Carmy. Some advice may make it a little better.

To Chicago and Beyond

Carmen "Carmy" Beratto x Reader Long distance becomes short distance- so short you're within arm's reach of each other.

The Joy Of Cooking

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You and Carmy are moving in together; nothing bad could happen, right?

Gimme a Minute

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Just something I threw together while I was waiting for my individual supervision session to start.

Drunken Escapades

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader It turns out you met Mikey before he passed; you just didn't know it. Part 1 Part 2 (MDNI 18+)

No Phone Policy

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader I'm in an angsty mood; I'm sorry, everyone. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 The Prequel Part 5

Allergic to Sunshine

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request!

Double Trouble

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader MDNI 18+ Double the trouble but twice the joy. Thank you, God, for giving me a twin. Do you ever have one of those stupid ideas that sticks in your brain even though it feels kinda stupid? Yea... that's what this was. Part 1: Double Trouble Part 2: I'll Raise You One Better Part 3: Wedding of the Year

Coffee Run

Sydney "Syd" Adamu x Reader Someone requested a Syd x fem reader story a few months ago, and here it is!

Hot Stuff

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request! Carmy with a plus size reader and him comforting her while she’s not feeling pretty.

Written Romance

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request! Carmy finds love in an indie book shop.

[jsprnt]

a date at the local spring fair seems to bloom your situationship into a relationship

trent alexander-arnold x reader

A/N: based on this request! Also been dyinggg to go to my local fair, so I immediately came up with this idea!! 🫶🫶 (does this photo of trent not make you weak in the knees?? 😭)

W/C: 1.804

your eyes dart to your phone screen again, reading the last text message your date sent you. he said he’d be there in a minute, so you shove your phone back into your jacket.

the fair isn’t very busy today, most likely due to it being a weekday. the weather had started picking up these past few days. gloomy, rainy winter days replaced with sunny, warm spring days.

you’d missed seeing the blue sky and the pretty, colorful flowers in the park. you had noticed most people were much happier and of course, just like the little lambs being born, symbolizing a new life- your own life seemed to also flicker to another chapter.

you and trent have known each other for a couple of months now. first meeting through a mutual friend at a small, intimate party on a rainy november night. you hadn’t thought much of it at first. of course- he was handsome, and that wasn’t something you could look away from.

you knew who he was, as a football player for one of the world’s best clubs- you’d assumed he would be too busy interacting with other people to notice you.

obviously, you also were too busy speaking to the people you did know. until- one of your mutual friends had introduced him to you.

unbeknownst to you, he’d been eyeing you across the room since he’d caught sight of the pretty smile you’d flash your friend when they said something funny. at first glance, he had almost choked on his unnecessarily expensive tequila, it burning horribly in the back of his throat.

he barely recovered from the shock before one of his best mates had dragged him across the venue, insisting he’d talk to you. only, because he thought ‘you two would be a great couple’.

you were caught off guard at first, but the looks your friends were sending you- had given you enough courage to speak to him without being flustered.

you two only hung out more after that night, accepting frequent invites to his games, and random visits to each other’s place, which only increased when trent got injured.

you look up at the shout of your name, turning around to see trent walk up to you. he’s dressed nicely as usual, comfy enough for all the rides and games you’d planned to play.

“hi!” you beam, greeted by his pearly white smile. his lips turned up when he makes eye contact with you.

“hey, you alright?” he asks, his scouser accent familiar as he gives you a warm hug. you bury your face in the crook of his neck for a moment, smelling his signature cologne.

“I’m fine, how ‘bout you and your knee?” you question, knowing that he didn’t have to wear a brace anymore.

“better, I can walk properly- at least..” he replies, the both of you starting to walk past the various games and food trucks.

it doesn’t take long before you’re both immersed into the money-grabbing games available. from popping balloons with darts to a donut-eating contest. which you won, that left you with powdered sugar all over the corners of your mouth. prompting trent to gently wipe the sugary product off with his thumb and a raised heartbeat he had difficulty controlling.

“let’s try that roller coaster over there..” you suggest, pointing up to the least intimidating one.

“you don’t want to go in the one that goes upside down?” he asks, pressing the bunny plushie you had won into his chest. you hold back a chuckle at the sight, shaking your head.

“nope, don’t trust going upside down on a rollercoaster that’s practically been pulled out of a suitcase..” you state, lining up with him so you can get on the attraction.

he chuckles at your explanation, glancing at your impatient expression. thankfully, it’s your turn after a few minutes. you both strap in safely, making sure the bars are as tight as possible against your chest and stomach.

“aren’t you scared?” he asks, looking at your giddy expression. you shake your head almost immediately, making sure your pockets are zipped so your phone won’t fall out.

soon, the cart you’re in slowly starts rolling up. your breath hitches in excitement, wind starting to blow into your faces. you glance at trent, who’s sporting a less excited expression, so you shout in excitement when the cart drops and goes up multiple times. hoping your happiness will be infectious and cheer him up.

it works! the couple of looks you sneak, tell you he was pretty satisfied, cheering and shouting along with you.

you take a deep breath when the cart stops. the both of you slightly dizzy when you step out.

“you liked that one?” you ask, fixing your jacket as you both start walking away, walking past other attractions.

“i did! i was nervous for a moment, won’t lie..” he replies, scouser accent thick and laced with excitement.

“good, I’m glad you liked it- oh look!” you suddenly exclaim. pointing to the haunted house, fake skeletons, and more ‘scary’ props used to decorate the entrance.

“you want to go inside?” trent asks, raising a brow at you. he wasn’t aware that you were such an adrenaline junkie, or were you?

“yes, let’s go!” you urge, paying the entrance fee, and stepping inside. the bunny plushie now pressed into your side as you both start walking into the dark maze.

“i can’t see anything..” you murmur, eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. your arm grazes trent’s, which in turn makes your breath hitch. your temperature rises, despite the coldness of the room you’re in.

“me neither..” you hear trent mutter, he glances at you in the dark. your arms touching each other every now and then. the numerous fake spiderwebs and bone-chilling moving skulls making you freeze up often.

entering another room, you’re immediately greeted by a zombie. the special effects props and makeup, too good not to jump and scream.

“shit!” you exclaim, back pressing against trent’s chest when you take a step back.

“what the fuck!” you hear the scouser shout against your ear. it hurts for a moment, but you’re too focused on the zombie trying to get close to you to care about it.

you feel strong hands grab at your jacket. instinctively you know it’s trent, so you keep scuffling forward. trying your best to ignore the groaning and gurgling sounds coming from the too-talented actor.

walking through the empty hall, you look at him, his grip on your jacket loosening.

“you’re such a coward..” you accuse, laughing when remembering how he shouted in fear.

“you’re the one who yelled first..” he retorts, and you can make out a smirk on his face.

“here, take my hand.” he offers, holding his hand out. which you can only see because of the green lights strung along the dusty hallway.

your heart skips a beat or two, stopping you in your tracks. you feel your face heat up, and you’re glad he can’t fully make out your dumbfounded expression in the dark. you quickly shove away that lovesick feeling, trying to compose yourself.

“that’s a really weird way to propose, but okay..” you tease, your fingers intertwining with trent’s. knowing you’d probably made him more dazzled than he made you flustered.

“wait, no- i meant-" he stutters, mind going totally foggy as he forgets how to form a proper sentence in his state. you hold back a smile, knowing his brain was probably running kilometers an hour.

“wait, did you say you’d marry me?” he suddenly questions, face contouring into confusion and a dumbstruck expression.

“uh, no?” you feign your upmost innocence, thumb grazing his knuckles. a sweet, comforting touch, but it only makes the short circuit in his brain worse.

you smirk to yourself, carefully dragging him along. mindful of his injury as your hearts beat in unison, like electric sparks flying off the pads of your fingers.

the hold on each other’s hands only gets tighter, until the last jumpscare. this time, your entire front is pressed against his back, it scaring you a bit too much. you thought the cackling clown was the end of the attraction.

you catch your breath when you finally step outside, trent’s hand on your back. soothing rubs helping you calm down faster.

“why- why would they think using a knife prop was a good idea?” you pant, questioning if the ten-pound entrance fee was worth it.

trent squeezes into your hand, reassuring you with his touch. “you’re good, it’s all fake- remember?” he rationalizes your thoughts, slowly pulling you away to the food trucks.

he sits you down on a small wooden bench and table, eyes roaming on your face to check up on you.

“are you alright?” he asks, face inching closer to yours. his breath hitting your lips.

“I’m fine, really..” you reassure, squeezing into the plushy for comfort.

“let’s have something to eat, then we’ll get on the ferris wheel. is that okay?” he asks, voice patient and sweet. the kindness in his expression and words cheers you up a bit. so, you smile, nodding in agreement.

“i’ve heard that they have really nice tacos. want to try?” he suggests, glancing up at the food truck in question.

“sure, let’s try them.” you answer, he nods walking away to order and collect your food. he comes back fairly quickly, placing the delicious and warm tacos on the table. not to forget, the extra cups of guacamole, lime and sour cream.

“eat up before they get cold..” he says, the both of you digging into your food and drink of choice. a comfortable silence ensues, with soft hums and small comments made in delight.

“i love fair food..” you hum, taking the last few sips of your drink. trent nods in agreement, leaning over to wipe some of the sour cream off your lip.

you pause your movements at the action, eyes darting to his brown ones. his touch is delicate and careful, and he folds the napkin after pulling away.

“there, all clean..” he mutters, cleaning the table off and coming back from the recycling bin.

“do you want to go on the ferris wheel now? it’s getting dark, and the view will be nice..” he asks, unconsciously holding his hand out for you to hold.

you nod excitedly, clutching onto his warm hand as you both make your way to the ferris wheel. your bodies touching as you lean them against each other, waiting in line for the last attraction of the night.

it’s imminent that a sweet first kiss will be shared, right? a flicker to the next chapter of your life. the city lights witnessing a love blooming like a patch of yellow daffodils in spring.

[noroi1000]

Ooh requests are open imma send u the lil idea I had in my head but not had the time to get to writing it. Schl sucks I agree it's not fun, hoping you survive it somehow tho

May I request a Gojo x reader where the reader likes sweets so they buy sweets, put them in the fridge and promptly forget all about it until they see the wrapper in the bin/want to eat and realise there's only one left so they demand to know why Gojo has been stealing all their sweets? Thanks!!

A fridge full of sweets

Summary: You both love sweets. You bought a whole fridge full of sweet delicacies for you. But you didn't manage to eat it because you always had other plans. You remembered about these sweets when you saw empty packages in the trash. Satoru ate everything...

The shelves that had so much colorful packaging on them looked like they were starting to shine for no reason.

Pink, yellow, red, blue, green packaging and all these. As if a real rainbow appeared in the store. A rainbow that fulfills wishes!

You've been craving sweets so much since the morning. That's why whenever you went to the store to do some basic shopping, your eyes didn't miss the shelf with sweets.

Cookies, jellies, candies, cake in plastic containers, muffins, donuts. Everything seemed to be looking at you and your soul was already strengthening at the mere sight of these delicious good things.

You had Satoru's money with you. And he will never be mad at you if you spend his money on sweets since for him this is the basis of his diet!

He even adds ice cream to Sake when he needs to drink it, but he doesn't like it so much that he adds vanilla ice cream to it to eliminate the bitter taste of the alcohol! At alcoholic parties he drinks melon soda, cola or orangeade!

You have a cupboard in your kitchen especially for sweets!

He bought you bubblegum and pudding flavored lip gloss because he wanted to feel sweet while kissing you!

You both like sweets. You love these sweet flavors that melt in your mouth!

After a few seconds of contemplation, your hands shot out to the colorful packages and you started choosing everything you wanted.

Everything you wanted to take could have been in the fridge. You want refreshing sweets today.

Citrus jellies, mochi, ice cream.

But you couldn't give up marshmallows, Pocky, chocolate bars and those adorable teddy bear cookies. Soft cake, cream and jams... These teddy bears are the ones Satoru likes. But you also like them because they have different flavors.

Later, you were completely ready, going to the bakery to buy muffins with various creams and cake.

You came home with bags containing mainly sweets.

And you looked at the fridge, stuffed to the brim and shiny with delicious-looking things.

Taking one cat-shaped cupcake with sprinkles in the shape of little cats, you closed the fridge to stop yourself from eating it all at once.

If you want to have a beautiful evening, you can eat sweets together.

The strangest thing was that your boyfriend didn't open the fridge right away when he came home.

He came into the house, greeted you, changed into his home clothes and started taking warm food out of his bag.

He came back from town bringing you your favorite food.

He really spoils you. He feeds you with the amount of food he eats. And he could eat all day long. Continuously. And he forces just as much food into you, even though his size outweighs yours. That's why you think he might have a bigger stomach too.

No... He has a black hole in his stomach. Everything he eats disappears as if it never happened and he can continue eating everything.

He clung to you on the couch.

And the next day he took you out to dinner in the city.

Then it happened again that you weren't at home.

The fridge overflowing with sweets hasn't been opened and you haven't eaten any of it yet. Fortunately, there was nothing that deteriorated very quickly.

But one day when he came home late, you were already asleep, waiting for him in bed.

But knowing this Gojo Satoru, he was hungry after working all day as a Jujutsu sorcerer.

That's why his hands reached for the fridge. And his eyes lit up when he saw the amount of sweets.

The smile on his face when he thought that you surprised him and bought all these sweets for him as a gift.

Maybe tomorrow morning he will play with you to thank you for these delicacies?

Your warm arms can wait. For now, he has to eat everything you bought!

All his bites are big. While eating one thing, he only thought about eating the next one. So he ate everything in order. All packages were open. The sour jelly sugar coated his fingers as he licked the cream from his lips after eating the last cupcake.

Long fingers landed on his tongue as he scooped up the sweet and sour delight of the jelly beans.

Will he be able to sleep after all the sugar he has consumed? After coffee bars?

This is Satoru! Someone who has been eating sweets for so long that they have become addicted to it! Someone for whom sugar is not difficult! He can gorge himself and half an hour later he will be hungry again!

You may have already gotten used to your personal hunger at home.

Luckily he can have millions of yen for food!

The empty wrappers of all the treats were thrown into the trash can when he finished eating. And he didn't even want to go brush his teeth to hide all the traces.

They were sweets for him from you, weren't they?

But no one else could eat it except him and you. You two live together.

You felt the bed sink next to you and he climbed into your arms, giving you a kiss on the lips.

Why did you feel the taste of chocolate and cream on his lips, but the inside of his mouth tasted like citrus jelly beans?

You were so sleepy that you ignored it and went back to sleep. After all, you always felt more comfortable sleeping in his arms. You slept better.

But you slept too well. That's why you needed to wake up first thing in the morning. Sweet coffee and coffee bars... It was your dream.

You remembered that you put this package on the last shelf in the fridge.

You took the cups and prepared the milk and sugar.

While the coffee machine was pouring delicious fresh coffee into your favorite mugs, you walked over to the fridge.

Rubbing your eye, you blindly reached for your bars. To not find it.

You opened your eyes to look for it.

And you saw an empty fridge that was already full yesterday!

There were empty fancy packages in the trash can.

There isn't a single candy bar...

Only a package of peanut candies left...

Clenching your jaw, you walked to the bedroom, knowing who the culprit was.

That's why his mouth tasted like citrus jelly beans and chocolate!

He ate it all!

All your sweets!

Even kitty cupcakes and teddy bear cookies!

You saw a white-haired giant stick insect who was too muscular to be a stick insect lying in bed with his belly bare because of his shirt that had rolled up.

You bluntly threw the cold wrapper of peanut candy onto his half-bare chest.

He jumped up from the sudden impact and cold and looked at you like he was having a sudden panic attack.

If you poured ice water on him, he would look even better! It was revenge!

"Mochi? What?" He exclaimed, looking at your furrowed brows.

"Why are you stealing our sweets?! You ate everything!!" you shouted, your hands clenched.

"Baby baby! I was hungry! But since the fridge was full, you bought it for me, right?"

"I bought this for us a few days ago! But you ate it all!"

He quickly stood up, placing his hands on your cheeks as you looked at him like a disappointed child.

He fed his adorable baby (you) with pancakes that he made.

Two towers of pancakes for you. And as a punishment, not one for him.

[cheeseburgersinparadise]

Well, I did have a pretty good stuffing week that's had me reeling like a desperately horny pile of fat since Tuesday.

So the real beginning is Sunday to be honest. One of the bars I work in had an employee party and invited me. It was an open bar and unlimited tacos. So I ate and drank to my heart's content while also not making a public spectacle of myself (even though I really wanted to) that kind of set the stage for the days to come.

I didn't really eat at all on monday during the day and felt not so great from being a bit hungover. But I had to go to work monday night. So I hoofed it into the city to do my job. I work late nights as a karaoke host at a few bars, so I usually dont get home until about 1:30 or 2am. It was monday night but it was also my workweek Friday. So, I had my usual big restauraunt salad at work (its a sizeable buffalo chicken salad) but I was feeling the horngryness brewing. When I got home I was feeling so hungry I made a much bigger dinner than usual. Full tray of chicken thighs, full rice cooker and an abundance of squash. My gf didn't really question it and I ended up eating some very sizeable portions. I stayed up all night so I could take her son to school, and on my way home I decided to get some mcdonalds. I got 4 breakfast sandwiches and a large OJ. Not really that much for me. It was somewhat satisfying but not nearly enough. So I went and bought two quarts of heavy whipping cream and a dozen good old school donut shop donuts. They donuts were huge so I only had 6 of them. And I chugged both quarts. I passed out and woke up in the evening. Now feeling completely ravenous. Like really starting to swing into ultimate feedee mode. My gf and I went out that night. We ate at the bar (They have great chicken wings and street tacos) and then on our way home I decided it was a good idea to get some Carl's Jr. It was nothing too crazy. Just a large Superstar meal with fried zucchini, a shake, and two double jalapeño burgers. That's like a good fill me up meal and not really a stuffing. I was pleased, but not really "satisfied." I had a couple more donuts. Then in the morning I took her son to school and still got another 4 breakfast burgers and OJ. Wednesday, I woke up and we decided to go on an Ikea date. We had been meaning to go cause she had never been, and I wanted some of those meatballs. So we eat our meatballs. We share a plate so we dont spend much. We just wanted a taste. And when we get back in the car she decides to suprise me with weed and all you can eat korrean bbq. Which sends me over the edge. I was so excited. We go get a keef rolled, oil infused ridiculousness joint and head to the restaurant. We smoke in the parking lot and head inside only to find our favorite "couple" friends sitting the restaurant. At this point I am fucking elated. Not only am I going to pig out, I get to do it in front of people. This is like fantasy level stuff, and I am just so excited. Now, these friends are the one who intorduces us to the restaurant. She is a BBW who knows how to eat. He is a really skinny guy... Who also knows how to eat. My gf is midsized and not a big eater, but she can indulge a little sometimes. We blow through probably 4 rounds of meat and sides (with me eating the majority of it) and If youve done the korean bbq experience thats a lot of food. By round five everyone starts tapping out and I have gone into overdrive mode. I'm eating quickly and I've hit that sweet spot of the seemingly never ending gut. By the end it was just me and my BBW friend and everyone was giving me their leftovers. She finally tapped out and I finished the final round on my own. Then still proceeded to eat Mochi ice cream for dessert. I was fucking crazy stuffed. I was almost delirious. Stoned out of my mind and my gut was going crazy. It settled a bit on the way home and I made her stop for a large double guacamole burger from Carl's jr. And then we still stopped at winco to get two more quarts of heavy whipping cream. I ate my fast food and drank my 2 quarts of cream and I was fucking bursting at the seams. I still got mcdonalds the next morning and more heavy cream and a large jamba juice cause I was feeling greedy and extra gluttonous. It was insane. My belly is still bloated. Oof.

Typing it out is crazy cause it does read like a fantasy I've had many times. It was amazing and surreal. I just wish my gf had been as excited about it as I was. 🙃

Oh my goddddd this is so hot

it’s also sounds incredible. I wish I could have seen it 😩

you look absolutely swollen and beached it’s so hot 🥵🥵

[zestykim]

DAY 10 - The Detectives - Thinks they know best, and the main cast hates them for this. They’re always poking around, checking things out. Typically they’re a blessing to The Final Girl, helping best the killer, or a curse, in which you’re happy to see them die. Tedd and Diana, were tasked with tracking down the serial killer, problem is they have no idea what he looks like. All they know is that he murdered his parents and was heading to Windbrook High so they had to intercept him before he got there. Unfortunately they were a bit behind schedule seeing as the killer had enough time to attack a frathouse before targeting the school next. Diana blames Tedd because he wanted to stop for coffee and donuts, but they were going to need it for the long night that laid ahead of them. Little did Tedd know, his only daughter (Belle) was in grave danger. DAY 9← →DAY 11 (idividual bios under cut)

Tedd: Tedd, father of Belle (the final girl) is a trouble man who moved to Windbrook to try escape his old life. Tedd was in a stagnant marriage with the mother of Belle. The lack of effort on both parties, left Tedd wanting more. Following a heated argument about his recent binge of alcoholism, Tedd left the house to go do the one thing that made him feel better. Drink. At the bar, he met a young lady by the name Manon. Manon remined Tedd a lot of the early stages of his relationship with Belle's mother, it felt nostalgic to him. Tedd would go on to have an affair with Manon, Tedd would even send her money as she had difficulty finding a job. A last desperate atempt to "save" their marriage, they decided to have Belle thinking she would bring them closer. Tedd's alcoholism continued and led to that night he would come to regret. A intoxicated Tedd slept with a equally as intoxicated Manon. Was this the rush Tedd was missing? Tedd was not descret enough about the affair and one way or another his wife found out. Divorce was almost certain. 10 months after the divorce, Manon announced that she had given birth to a boy. Tedd knew he did not have the finances to support Manon and his son, especially after the divorce. Tedd packed his things and left with Belle to Windbrook, where he got a new job. Abandoning; his ex-wife, Manon and his son.

Diana: Diana, a hard working woman and mother of Alvaro (the sacrifice), wants to prove to her boss, that she doesn't have to be anybody's assistant. For the past few months she's been working for a promotion to become lead detective only for it to be given to Tedd... "Seriously? I bust my ass around here and the new guy gets it?". Just because Diana is an assistant doesn't mean she can't take matters into her own hands. She was the first one at the Frathouse crime scene and was able to determine that the killer was heading for the Windbrook High. Tedd? Oh, he wanted coffee and donuts... Diana knew Alvaro had basketball practice after school, and the fact there was a killer on the loose and a possibility Alvaro could be in danger concerned her deeply. She did not have time to waste regardless if Tedd was ready or not, her son was of utmost importance.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Chubtober Day 24!

Today’s post is going to be an idea draft for the OG Chubtober list - Beers and Brews. I have a busy work week so I’m going to try to write when I can, but it might be a lot of idea posts this week!

—-

Both Jungkook and Jimin are children of chaebol families. They drink and party in college, but they also have time to work out.

Alpha Jungkook gets a role in the family business after graduating and omega Jimin “takes care of the house” as all chaebol omegas do even though they have house staff.

Jimin does charity work and has many hobbies including teaching a Pilates and a spin class.

Jungkook’s role contains many things including meeting new clients and business partners so he’s always taking people out for drinks which also leads to bar food.

It starts to seem like Jungkook is drinking beer what feels like every day and they usually get some sort of food with it so they don’t return to their respective offices tipsy.

A bad combination with all that beer and carb-heavy, greasy food is that Jungkook doesn’t have time to workout anymore.

On top of that routine, Jungkook also gets a lot of takeout at the office and people are always bringing in donuts or celebrating an office birthday with cake. He can’t be rude and pass so he always takes something.

Jimin notices a small beer belly start to pop up on his alpha’s middle, but he doesn’t say anything for a while. He just appreciates it and continues being a good house husband like all chaebol omegas do.

Jimin sees that Jungkook’s button downs are growing significantly tighter and is starting to think the alpha hasn’t noticed since Jungkook hasn’t said a word.

Jimin makes a point to size up his shirts and suit coats, hoping that it will both help Jungkook’s comfort and willingness to talk about the gain.

The noticeable change in his clothes fitting with more room and having a bigger size on the tags hits Jungkook that he can’t hide it or ignore it anymore.

The alpha thanks Jimin first, a bit embarrassed but concerned about his omega’s reaction considering that Jimin is a fit and toned fitness instructor.

Jungkook also shyly asks Jimin if he could size up his pants too since his shirts and coats are so much more comfortable, but that is the farthest the conversation goes.

Jungkook finally says he has to stop taking people for drinks and do something else instead when he gets home one night. He had taken two groups out that day instead of one and felt completely bloated and a little too tipsy for someone getting home from a day of work.

Jimin tells him to keep going until he gets promoted so he “doesn’t disappoint the family” even though Jimin knows Jungkook could get away with whatever he wanted in his parents’ eyes.

What went unsaid by the omega is the fact that Jimin is really starting to love his warm and soft yet sturdy and solid alpha.

A month or two later, Jungkook hits another wall.

He spills some sauce on his shirt while out at a client lunch where the alpha admittedly has one too many beers and more than a few too many chicken wings.

Grabbing one of his backup shirts from his office closet is the logical step, except Jungkook forgets that he hadn’t sized those clothes up yet.

All his backup office suits are old ones that he hasn’t worn in at least a couple months and he is absolutely shocked and mortified when he can’t get his shirt fully buttoned.

The top three went with some gentle pulling, but as soon as Jungkook reaches the crest of his full and bloated belly, those buttons didn’t have a chance of closing or staying closed if he somehow managed it.

Jungkook goes home and even surprises himself when he has to hold back tears as he explains the humiliating moment that happened that day.

Jimin, as the alpha should have expected, is nothing but supportive and loving. He tells Jungkook he is still handsome as ever and something like his weight would never stop him from loving him.

Jungkook showers his mate with love, so thankful for his pillar of support. The alpha also shyly asks Jimin if he could help him make better choices with food and maybe do some workouts together.

Jimin agrees without hesitation, but he also tells Jungkook that the alpha doesn’t have to lose a single pound unless he wants to because the omega loves him as he is.

Jungkook appreciates the sentiment, although, still adamant that he wants to try loosing some weight and cutting out those client lunches.

The alpha gets two weeks into working out and making better choices, losing a couple pounds, when his entire plan is derailed.

His father tells him that they have three more months of client recruitment meals and outings scheduled that Jungkook has been requested for and needs to attend to before they can find someone else to take over his role.

Jungkook just can’t let his father down and Jimin is more than supportive of him maintaining his responsibilities so the beer and bar food continues.

When Jungkook reaches the end of that three month schedule, his father tells him that he can finally be done with those client meetings because Jungkook will be named CEO in just six weeks - his father’s retirement a sudden bomb dropped on him.

The alpha then turns to a couple beers each night when he gets home as a stress reliever, of course, paired with the loving touch and tender words from his mate.

His plans to work off his weight piled on over the past couple years is completely gone.

By the time Jungkook takes over as CEO, he is rocking a full-on beer gut and he says he’s going to start losing weight again.

However, the plan is yet again derailed when Jimin announces that he is pregnant just weeks after the alpha’s promotion. Jungkook is over the moon with joy and is so excited for their new journey as parents.

His friends take him out for drinks, their families spoil them with dinner parties, and his employees bring gifts of baked goods and bottles of wine and beer that are left to Jungkook as Jimin cannot partake in the drinking portion of celebrations.

Even though Jimin is still working out and maintaining his balanced meals with just a few unhealthy cravings, Jungkook’s sympathy weight tacks on instead of losing anything.

Jimin still is supporting and loving, but the omega can’t help but tease his alpha - always patting and pinching his mate’s round belly, telling Jungkook that he’s perfected his dad bod before the baby even arrived.

[mildiva]

So I’ve Decided To Start A Blog About Music And Parties

the idea came to me on a break at work after leaving my phone at home, my mind never clearer… i should be blogging about music. pitchfork is dead, first of all, and third of all it’s something i cannot live without, so why not?

I’m not sure of the “” format “” this will take but right now i’ll just write things as they come?? and part of my love for music is of course parties. they’re still so life giving to me and i still think nothing is better than dancing with gay ppl some of whom are my friends and hearing them dj. some of them are even good! it’s just spaces of eternal and endless flowing love. anyways.

arianka is back!! when i first heard yes, and?, i thought “alright miss grande this is cute!” and it’s grown on me ever since. I’ve been anticipating this album, seeing what direction she would go. i’ve been listening to sweetener every day for the last few weeks mostly because the eating 4 free series on ariana recontextualized her… everything, i guess?? i’d always seen her as just like a Nickelodeon product industry plant which as a certified quirky-not-like-other-girl syndrome haver did not interest me. i was still listening ofc but i wasn’t invested like i was in say lady gaga (and oh how the tables have turned on stefani the pharmacy tech but i digress!) anyways the five part e4f series on her, how she got started with looping covers of imogen heap on youtube, her serious involvement in the production of all her albums, really digging into the pain and scrutiny she’s been through from her time with The TV Producer Who Shall Not Be Named to the donut incident (which i always thought was a slay) to the literal Manchester bombing, her relationships especially with mac miller… not gonna call myself an arianator or w/e but i am a fan now, especially after relistening.

before i get into the album i just want to say this: the music video for we can’t be friends was adorable! it’s very sad that we don’t get music videos anymore because they’re not profitable or useful for marketing. still haven’t seen the yes and video but i’ll get to it. my main point is that give evan peters a stingy little mustache, grow his hair out a little longer, and he could pass for spongebob slater! so many people on twitter are mocking him for his looks/ariana for being with him but gassing up evan. look, ethan is… not a guy i would approach in a bar let’s say, but i’d let him buy me a drink, you know? and if we’re to believe ariana on supernatural and ordinary things, they have something special! tweets will go viral about “every hot girl needs a medium ugly bf” but she’s not allowed to do it? anyways.

if you detect a pivot in tone here, it’s because i’m no longer blogging with a sour cream donut and 3/4 of a dunkin latte with oatmilk and nothing else fueling my body, sun glowing through the clouds and full of optimism.. there’s a harried blogging now while i try and finish this before i hop in the shower to get ready for a hookup tonight. also, i’ve been thinking and listening to eternal sunshine again, reading and digesting lyrics and of course many many stan tweets about it.

first, i’d like to amend something i stated earlier that i refuse to edit: evan peters represents dalton her ex(?) husband, not ethan. (side note: i wonder if she’s thought back to the line in thank u, next where she says she hopes she’ll only get married once. either way the song is still a smash!) i of course forgive my confusion because, for reasons unknown even to myself, i assumed the majority of this album was about the forbidden romance that soon overflowed into her public relationship with spongebob, but it’s not! this is very much a breakup album and nobody is bored in it.

i’m really fascinated by this because ariana took such a turn in disappearing from the public eye after getting together with dalton (which was certainly aided by the pandemic). as a non-stan, i couldn’t tell you what little she HAS been putting out, but if the inimitable joan summers couldn’t find pictures of her for a two year period, it’s safe to say she was lying low. and yes there have been jokes and supposition about “ariana wasn’t allowed to talk about the divorce as per their agreement but she sang about it~~” BUT! if we take that into consideration (and also rely on the journalistic analysis of e4f), most of the negative press and comments came from dalton and his camp. divorce agreements and technicalities of speech aside, i think she chose a much kinder way to speak about their relationship. even she says she wishes she hated him (knowing very little about their relationship, I’m happy to hate him off of the line about him turning the tv up on her crying) but she doesn’t! even with songs like the boy is mine, supernatural, and ordinary things, she really details a story of a relationship disintegrating with both her and dalton finding other people. it’s certainly not the cheating homewrecker story everybody was running with months ago. even if the arianators turn on dalton, he’s still spared any real damage to his reputation because she doesn’t paint him as a monster, scoundrel, narcissist, etc. not to get too “a man can laugh but a woman can only chortle” about it, but i hope people who wrote ariana off listen and reconsider that despite the tabloids and the lyrics, none of us know what went down in that marriage.

okay but what about the music? this will maybe be the shortest part of this blog (oops!), but I’m really fascinated with the narrative around and in the album. the music, I’ll probably need to listen for another week before i have anything worthwhile to say (i need to go full geek on it). keeping it brief, it felt very airy. sonically it sounds like the imaginary room the cover was shot in: spacious and full of sunbeams. something about some of the songs (wait for your love and yes, and?) felt very 80s to me, but i’d need a psychoanalyst to explain that to me. you still hear an rnb influence throughout, but why wouldn’t you? obviously the boy is mine, but true story as well with the bass straight out of “pony” by ginuwine and a drum pattern (pattern, not sample, don’t get it twisted) similarly to “don’t hurt yourself” by beyoncé. my personal favorite of the album was imperfect for you, but i’m a sucker for a pedal tone that creates dissonance, what can i say?

if you’ve actually read this far thank you? im amazed that you read a 20 mile long blog that frankly, is not even well written yet. xoxo 🐇

[naha-division]

Boo! On all 3!

boo - what’s your favorite candy/treat?

I’d say chocolate any kind actually. M&M’s, Hershey’s, KitKat, Twix…you named it. Yeah…I get it sounds a cliche candy for a guy like me to dump those in my mouth but they’re actually the best! and…maybe some protein bars if that counts?

“Gee…this is a tough question…I actually fine with any kinds of sweets but if I had to choose hmm……I guess…ah I got it! my favorite treats are the Halloween themed donuts! it’s got like various spooky fillings designs on the donut like with gummy eyeball, spider webs, skeletons, etc. I love to eat those every Halloween. Hey that gives me an idea! why don’t I make homemade donuts and invite my friends to decorate them? We’re definitely going to throw a donut beach party. Hehe~ that would be exciting!”

“Technically I don’t eat amount of sweets that often but it’s mostly because I don’t want to have cavities on my teeth or gain weight. Ugh……I even had an embarrassing memories that I have sugar rush back in my youthful self……it was a very…unusual of me but that’s all I want to say about myself. I honestly didn’t know that consuming much candies can sometimes cause a person sugar rush. I thought it could work for cartoons” (or……maybe candy apples would be fine 😗👉🏻👈🏻)

[snezus-christ-risen]

I couldn’t not invite Rosa to the fic reunion party. More B99, another spruced up old fic of yore that I missed and wanted to share here. There is almost male sneezing, and absolutely positively no female sneezing whatsoever unless you want to get gut punched by a former ballerina. 🩰

For their ten year friendaversary, Rosa took Jake to lunch in her car. Lunch was candy and convenience store coffee, so the ride was the real treat. Rosa never let anyone in her car - it was her first car, bought with her own money, so she cherished it even more than her bike. She would probably give Hitchcock a ride down the block before she let Jake in there for one second with his sticky toddler fingers. But today was special, she supposed, so she stocked up on baby wipes and made sure the passenger side seatbelt was still in working order.

"Nothing messy," she instructed him when they got to their favorite corner store. "Or blue."

"You do realize how much that limits my options," Jake said.

"You do realize I've been tolerating you for an entire decade and it can all stop today."

He looked at her like she'd taken his hand and placed it directly on a hot stove top. "Wow, Rosa... that was harsh."

"No blue," she repeated, unwavering.

Of course she wasn't surprised to find some frozen green and purple concoction in her cup holder ten minutes later. Leave it to Mr. Rules-Were-Made-To-Be-Broken to find a loophole. "Looks like someone put Barney in a blender," she deadpanned, eager to get back on the road. Jake had spent an unnecessary amount of time of perusing the candy bars and he didn't even get any.

"It's some crazy grape flavor," he said, after taking a sip and making a face. "Blue is my preference, but... you know."

"If a single drop of that touches any part of this car-"

"Hey, I'll be careful," he said, cutting her off before she could get to the scariest part of the threat. "It's my friendaversary gift to you."

"Wow, not having shit spilled all over my car," she said. "Just what I've always wanted."

She waited for an old couple to shuffle out of harm's way before throwing the car in reverse and pulling out of her parking spot. Jake was struggling to carefully open a pack of powdered donuts and almost dropped them as she turned a corner. Rosa nearly slammed the breaks when she saw them. "I thought I said nothing messy."

"I couldn't remember any rules beyond no blue because I was so devastated!” he exclaimed. "Besides, what's a friendaversary without donuts?"

He offered her one but she batted it away. "Stop saying that word. It's not even a word."

"What, friendaversary?"

Rosa closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Fortunately they were at a red light. She briefly considered kicking Jake out onto the sidewalk while they were stopped; instead she took a sip of coffee and privately threatened whatever deity or cruel weaver of fate thought it would be hilarious to put her and Jake together in the same realm of existence.

And yet, as irritating as he could be sometimes, she loved the guy. It was like having a dumb brother who teased and irritated the shit out of you but always backed you up; he felt more like a sibling to her than her actual sisters. He probably had no idea, because he still only knew the tip of iceberg when it came to her story after all these years, but theirs was the longest friendship she ever had, by far. Rosa never cared for her peers back in school, never felt like she fit in with her family, but she liked the people she had in her life now. As much as she cherished her lone wolf status, it was nice to know that she had people who had her back. And nobody had her back like Jake.

The thought brought a little smile to her face, one that quickly faded when she heard Jake start to cough and wheeze beside her. When she glanced at him questioningly he had tears in his eyes. There was powdered sugar on his hands and a half a mini donut partially crumbled on his lap.

"Inhaled a piece," he said with a strained cough, sounding slightly panicked. "It's in my lung."

She rolled her eyes. "Drink your ice thing and be careful, drama queen."

He took a long sip, then gave another choking cough into the crook of his arm. A thorough throat clearing seemed to force out the last of the irritation. "All clear," he said. "Order restored."

"Don't dust that off until you get out of the car." She stopped to look at him critically, then bit back a smile. "Your mouth is green."

"Why do you think I buy these things?"

"To ingest enough sugar to sustain a constant state of hyperactivity?"

"Okay, that's one of the reasons," he said, taking another sip. The straw looked like a small, plastic roller coaster; it looped about five times before plunging down into the colorful cup. She could see the blended Barney mixture slosh up and down the inside.

He cleared his throat again and Rosa heard him sniffle. It was just one of those noises to which she was particularly attuned, having heard it so often before. When she glanced at him he was turned towards the car door, his eyes focused out the window. He never told her but she knew he could sometimes help a sneeze along by looking at a light. The sun was particularly bright today, reflecting off the snow along the sidewalks to create a strong glare.

"Oh, another car rule," she said. "No sneezing. Especially not while holding colorful drinks."

Jake regained his focus long enough to look at her in disbelief. He opened his mouth to reply but then he turned away again, closing his eyes tight and pressing his knuckles against his nose. Rosa shook her head, grabbing the cup from his weakening grip and placing it carefully in the cup holder behind her coffee. “Okay, go ahead,” she said, picking up her own cup as she stared ahead. “I’m granting you special permission.”

She sipped her coffee and steered lazily, waiting patiently for Jake to take care of business. When she heard a plastic wrapper crinkling next to her she whipped her head around to glare at him, but he was just sitting there, fiddling with the sun visor. When he saw her looking he flashed her a grin. Rosa was confused, but pleased to see he had tucked the donuts away in his pocket for later. "I thought you had to sneeze," she said.

"It went away.”

"Huh."

Rosa took another pensive sip of coffee as they came up to another traffic light. There must have still been powdered sugar in the air, because out of nowhere her nose began to prickle. She barely had time to register the sensation before it drove out a sneeze so forceful she nearly bumped her forehead against the steering wheel. Something warm pooled near her crotch and for one terrifying moment she thought she may have actually pissed herself, but she was relieved to find it was just some coffee that had spilled from her cup. Relief turned to anger when she realized that Jake was laughing at her.

"Wait, so are you lifting the ban on sneezing?" he asked. "Because I can totally get that other guy back here. And what about the 'no mess' rule? It looks like you spilled a little somethi-"

She dumped her coffee out the window and chucked the empty cup at his head.

[artificialqueens]

🎁 Donut Ever Leave (Naochob) for Candy Cane - Veronica

SECRET QUEEN 2022 by @veronicasanders

For @artificialcandycane, who is a being of pure light and the whole reason this exchange is even happening. I love you, my beautiful friend. 

***

“Owww…” Kim moaned softly as she reached across the coffee table for Butter’s favorite toy: a little velvet donut with pink frosting and sprinkles. (“Like mother, like son,” Bob had quipped when Butter first fell in love with the toy.) As much as Kim loved her precious little French bulldog, her whole body ached and throbbed. 

And it was Trinity’s fault. 

Well, actually it was Bianca and Courtney’s fault, for deciding to have a big 21st birthday party for their youngest daughter, complete with an open bar, at a damn ice-skating rink. And if Kim was a bad ice skater under normal circumstances, she was especially bad when she was drinking. 

She lost track of how many times she fell, but it was probably around 147. Many times, she’d taken Naomi down with her, both of them landing in a giggling heap on the ice. It was funny at the time. Not quite so much in the cold, cruel, sober morning. 

So that’s why she decided, when taking the Tylenol that Naomi handed her earlier, that the bruises covering her legs and arms were Trinity’s fault. 

“Ugh,” she groaned, reaching a bit further towards the donut toy, just as Bob came into the room with a big smile on her face. 

“Are you still whining?” Bob joked, setting down a tray of steaming mugs and pushing the toy that alluded Kim’s grasp towards her. 

“Yes. I hurt,” Kim pouted, taking the donut and holding it towards Butter, who yipped and ran in several little circles on the sofa cushion before taking it from her excitedly. 

“Poor baby…” Bob cooed, settling down beside her and handing over a mug of hot cocoa, pressing a kiss to Kim’s temple in the process. “Next time, you should consider staying upright.” 

“Omigod!” Kim widened her eyes in pretend amazement. “What a great idea, Roberta! Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome!” 

Bob grinned, and Kim let out a dry chuckle, shaking her head. She tasted a little of the hot cocoa, concluding that it was just a touch too hot. She blew on it for a few moments. 

“I’m really glad that my wisdom is helpful,” Bob added, covering them both with a soft fleece blanket before reaching for her own mug. 

“Shut up,” Kim said good-naturedly, leaning a head on Bob’s shoulder and snuggling in closer. 

“I brought you some more Tylenol,” Bob murmured, handing her a couple of pills.

“Thanks,” she said, giving Bob a gentle kiss on the cheek. Bob talked tough, but deep down, she was a big softie. Actually, not that deep down. In fact, she hadn’t fooled Kim with that hardass act for a second.

Butter curled up in her lap, still clutching the donut in his mouth and almost immediately falling asleep. He must be winded from running around the couch for 10 minutes, Kim realized. Like mother, like son. She took another little sip of the cocoa. Perfect. She then took a big, satisfying gulp to swallow the pills, letting the warmth spread through her body. 

She let out a contented sigh as Bob nuzzled into the top of her head. The only sound in the room was Butter’s gentle snoring and the crackling from the fire Bob had lit earlier, when Kim returned from their afternoon walk shivering and damp.  

“Hmm…” 

“What?” Kim asked, tilting her head slightly to look up at Bob. 

“I was just thinking how nice and quiet it is now that Monet went home.” 

“Oh please,” Kim said, slapping Bob gently on the thigh. “You love it when she’s here.” 

“I do, but I love it more when she leaves. She’s a pain in my ass…” 

Kim laughed. Monet and Bob had the kind of boisterous, close-knit, chaotic relationship that always made her wish she had siblings of her own. Not that Monet, or any of Naomi’s billion brothers and sisters, didn’t treat her like family. Every one of them, even Monet, had treated her almost gingerly at first, perhaps assuming that her quiet personality was synonymous with weakness. Of course, as soon as they heard her crack a few of her signature shady jokes, they’d realized they were wrong and embraced her fully. 

Monet had stayed with them for a week before returning to New York. (“New Jersey,” Bob always corrected, even though Monet’s Weehawken apartment was less than 10 minutes from Manhattan, “The bitch lives in New Jersey.”) She’d allegedly come for Trinity’s party, but of course the chance to go off the rails with Adore and bicker with Bob for a week had been the real incentive.

“Well, tell me if you start to miss her and I’ll find something to argue with you about,” said Kim. 

“Please don’t do me any favors,” Bob said. “And anyway, I’m mostly just glad that evil cat is gone.” 

“Colleen isn’t evil, she’s just misunderstood,” Naomi announced, walking into the room with a big plastic box. 

“She’s evil,” Bob countered. “With her alien-looking head and White Devil eyes.”

“Omigod, are you being reverse racist again?” Naomi asked, cocking her hip. 

“That is not a thing-” 

“Hey! What’s in the box?!” Kim cut in. She wasn’t about to let that tired argument play out again. Especially since Naomi only did it to rile Bob up. A very Monet-like move, now that Kim thought about it. 

“Decorations!” Naomi said, opening the box. “For the tree. I got them from my mom yesterday.” 

“Oh lord,” Bob rolled her eyes. 

The tree was another long-running debate in their cozy little household. Bob wanted to take it down on December 26th, saying that their apartment was too small and the tree was too big, and, but Kim was a fan of leaving it up through the New Year, at least. It was so cute, full of ornaments they’d bought on travels together, or made themselves during long nights of crafting. Naomi disagreed with both of them, saying that she had post-Christmas plans for the tree. Bob wasn’t happy when the two of them out-voted her, but went along with it.

It was almost the end of January now, more than a month past Christmas, and even Kim was starting to get sick of the tree. But when she’d suggested that maybe it was time to take it down for the year, Naomi had insisted that she still had a plan, which thus far had only manifested in her stripping most of the ornaments off, save for a few little silver, gold, and red balls that had been part of a set. (“I’ll do it this weekend, I swear!” she hissed, while Bob was in the shower, and Kim agreed to side with her for another few days.)

“Relax, baby, you’re gonna love it,” Naomi said, pulling a long something-or-other from the box. 

“What the hell is that?” Bob asked. 

“A heartland.” Naomi took the long strand of red and pink crocheted hearts and began wrapping it around the tree. It was clear that Naomi’s mom had made it, in all her spare time when not running after 12 children and nearly 25 grandchildren (so far).

Bob gave Kim a Look, whispering, “Heartland?” 

“Heart plus garland,” Kim explained kindly. 

“Yeah, I get it, thanks.” Bob rolled her eyes once again.

“You’re welcome,” Kim giggled, settling back against the pillows, and Bob’s shoulder. Between the medication, her cozy spot on the sofa, and the hot cocoa, her aches and pains were beginning to fade. She watched as Naomi hummed to herself, winding the hearts in and out of branches.

“So…this was your big plan for the tree?” Bob asked. 

Naomi turned toward them with a smile, nodding. “Yep. Isn’t it cute? She also made these snowflakes! And a bunch of other heart ornaments. It’s gonna be a Valentine’s tree.” 

“Well,” Bob started, and Kim pinched her thigh under the blanket. “Yeah, now that I’m seeing it, it’s very…uh…”

“Adorable,” Kim finished. “It’s adorable.” 

“Yeah…adorable.” Bob said. 

Naomi chuckled. “Don’t worry, you’ll like it once it’s all put together.”

“Werk.”

Kim’s eyelids began to feel heavy, and she put down her mug, letting herself rest for a bit. She didn’t even realize that she’d dozed off until Naomi began peppering her face with soft kisses, thumbs stroking her cheeks. 

“Good morning…” Kim mumbled, and Naomi laughed, depositing Butter into her lap and curling up beside her. 

“Good morning. It’s almost seven pm,” Naomi said. 

“Wait, really?!” Kim sat up straighter, glancing out at the window and surprised to see that it was in fact dark out. 

“Yeah, really. Don’t worry, I walked and fed your son. And Bob is making dinner. But here, we think you should take some more Tylenol.” 

“Oh my god…” Kim accepted the pills and a glass of water, grateful that her girlfriends were taking such good care of her—and the dog that she’d insisted on getting, over their objections. 

“What do you think of the tree?” Naomi asked, gesturing to the corner, where their former Christmas tree had been transformed into a Valentine’s day extravaganza, exploding with handcrafted pink and red hearts of all different sizes, delicate silver snowflakes, shimmering white tinsel, pretty little bows, and twinkling lights. 

“It’s incredible! Baby, you did all this?” Kim squealed, and Naomi nodded, lacing their fingers together. 

“You took a nice long nap.” 

“What does Roberta think?” 

“Roberta is pleasantly surprised by how it all turned out,” Bob cut in, sailing in from the kitchen with a big crock pot that could only mean one thing: her famous chili. "It's not nearly as hideously tacky as I expected."

“That smells fantastic!” Kim enthused, unable to contain her glee. “But do you want to eat in the kitchen? Cause I haven’t moved my lazy ass in hours, so-” 

“Just keep your sweet, lazy ass where it is,” Bob said. “Nae, can you help me grab the rest of the stuff?” 

“Sure!” 

In no time, the three of them were eating hot bowls of Bob’s delicious chili, piled high with various toppings, and thick wedges of Kim’s favorite cornbread slathered in butter. It was exactly what she wanted on a day like this. 

Afterwards, she stretched out on the sofa with her head in Naomi’s lap and her feet in Bob’s, Butter curled in a ball on her chest. Naomi ran her fingers gently through her hair, while Bob rubbed her sore feet. Soon, she was so relaxed, she thought she might sink into the sofa and never get up. 

Right before she drifted off, her last thought was how absolutely lucky she was, and how she wouldn’t trade her life, or the people in it, for anything.

[themculibrary]

Bruce & Hulk Masterlist

Accidentally Family (ao3) - Katsuko bruce/betty T, 2k

Summary: As odd as the statement may be, it was a simple series of accidents that had made their little family what it was. Or, how the Banners accidentally became the Banners.

A Physicist/Part-Time Gladiator and a Demi-God Walk into a Bar (ao3) - DrRJSB bruce/natasha M, 12k

Summary: Bruce Banner and Thor have just arrived back on Midgard after the events of Thor: Ragnarok. First on Bruce's list is tracking down Natasha and finding out where they stand.

Birthday Girl (ao3) - Ysabetwordsmith G, 9k

Summary: Doombots crash a beautiful spring day in the park. The Avengers clean up the mess. This includes Natasha's rather confused longing for something she never had: a birthday party.

Bruce Banner's Guide to Romancing an AI (ao3) - Blizzard_Fire bruce/jarvis M, 87k

Summary: Clint snickers. ‘Dude, JARVIS has the fattest crush on you.’ Bruce stares back at him blankly, mouth full of donut. ‘Mwhut?’ ‘Looks are subjective. I of course am above such things.’ ‘Deny it all you want, you're whipped. I get it, he’s got that bedroom hair and puppy dog eyes thing going on.’ Bruce wants to protest at that, and chews furiously. JARVIS sounds as if he's smiling. ‘Well, I do like a man in a lab coat.’ Bruce chokes.

When Bruce moves in at Stark Tower, he never expected to feel so at home... or to develop a crush on Tony's soft-spoken AI butler program. It turns out that romance is a little different when your boyfriend is an AI, but JARVIS is open-minded. And Bruce is very, very good at experimenting...

Coming Around (ao3) - Ysabetwordsmith G, 7k

Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.

Cracks (ao3) - seekingsquake bruce/betty G, 6k

Summary: Bruce has never been able to take a breather. The team reminds him that he's not on the run anymore.

Headspace (ao3) - IsisKitsune bruce/tony M, 7k

Summary: “Come on! You can’t go run off every time that damn watch screams that your heart is beating above normal. It’s just making out, how bad can it get?” “Tony, we’re been through this…”

In which Bruce thinks Hulk is the epic cockblock and Tony is helping them get on the same page.

Hulk Knows (ao3) - qwanderer T, 1k

Summary: Hulk watches through Banner's eyes, when he can, when Banner isn't pushing him down, blocking him out.

The Avengers movie from Hulk's perspective.

In Two Minds (ao3) - Blizzard_Fire

Summary: Bruce and Hulk are secretly separate people. Steve discovers this when he walks in on them showering together.

Liar, Liar, Giant Purple Pants On Fire (ao3) - jdphoenix bruce/darcy G, 4k

Summary: The Hulk tells a lie. Things go downhill from there.

Little Brother (ao3) - IsisKitsune G, 4k

Summary: Bruce and the Hulk become separated, but the Hulk doesn't become a mindless beast who rampages off, glad to be free of puny Banner. Instead, the Hulk clings to Bruce, who usually takes care of everything else between smashings

Smashing is More Fun with Friends (ao3) - TunaFishChris bruce/natasha T, 8k

Summary: Or, 5 Times the Hulk helped/saved/hung out with an Avenger, and one time they saved him.

Can be read as a stand-alone, but is also takes place after "The Wisdom of Children."

Steel Dream (ao3) - ren (renegadewriter) T, 5k

Summary: The team returns to the tower. There's no sight of Bruce. Jarvis is panicking and about to kill the next person that enters the tower without his permission. Men lay unconscious all over the tower. Oh and to make things worse, deep inside Bruce... Hulk is hurt. Cue overprotective Avengers.

The Mighty (ao3) - Ranni bruce/natasha N/R, 4k

Summary: When the Hulk and Clint are injured on a mission, Bruce and Thor ruminate on mortality

These Walls Are Paper Thin (ao3) - IamShadow21 bruce/betty T, 13k

Summary: When most people think of Bruce Banner and The Hulk, they think of it as an either/or situation and assume that it's easy to tell who they're face to face with.

Most people are wrong.

[lindsayrps]

radiant beam in the night

nell hates the idea of a going away party but mary insists that they’ve got some time while the boys are grounded for a few days, everyone loves a good party and who is she to deny them their fun at a time like this? she doesn’t quite trust that mary does all the planning on her own but doesn’t bring it up and, instead, focuses on counting down the hours until she’ll be leaving the base behind for a more permanent post in london. it’s hard to say that she regrets the decision because she doesn’t, not really, but she’s come to realize that it wasn’t as easy of a decision to make as she’d initially thought it would be. the people here, the red cross girls and an unexpectedly large contingent of the airmen, had become as close to family as nell would get in circumstances like this and it was hard to let that go.

the night before she leaves, mary and helen insist on doing her hair and makeup and while nell doesn’t get the fuss, she’s happy for some time with the two of them. she’s never had sisters, imagines this might be what it’s like and almost cries at the thought of not seeing them, or anyone else here, after tomorrow until helen tells her that she better not ruin all of her hard work. she’s almost happy she has to wear her uniform otherwise she was sure that they’d spend half the night trying to find something nice to wear in the very little nell had been able to bring with her. they pull her over to the club when all is said and done and long before they even get to the doors, nell can hear the music pouring from the inside. they don’t make a grand entrance (for which she is thankful) but she feels put on the spot, all the same, when the three of them walk in and all eyes are suddenly on her. there’s a few hoots and hollers, nell’s sure they all come from a select few people, but the attention dissipates quickly as everyone goes back to enjoying their time off while it lasts.

not unsurprisingly, the friends she’d made here are gathered at one end of the bar. they’re maybe a drink or two in, already, but she doesn’t mind and happily joins them. drink in one hand, sidney halstead slings an arm over her shoulders and pulls her against his side. he’s grinning so wide like everyone else around her, regaling each other with stories from the last few weeks. it’s a sight she doesn’t think she’s seen in the entire time she’s been here and it’s so nice that, for a moment, nell forgets that things can be so bleak and unforgiving beyond the walls of this place.

"you enjoy your party," sidney says to her, "it’s a miracle we got the damn thing planned in time."

"we?" nell glances over in mary’s direction, the other woman averting her gaze as nell smiles, "mary said she planned the whole thing."

"like hell she did," he exclaims, tosses an accusatory look in her direction.

"it was my idea!" mary crows and sidney flaps a hand in her direction as if to dismiss her.

"so you’re all pilots," nell tilts her head to look up at him and then around the group, "and party planners? is there anything you can’t do?"

"sing" echoes from two sides, both elliot and indigo chiming in at the exact same time and elicits laughter from almost everyone without missing a beat.

"speak for yourselves," david says, nursing his drink. "sid and i are fantastic singers."

there’s more laughter before some of them scatter, weaving through the room. when nell tries to do the same in an attempt to see who else has shown up sidney pulls her back and into a crushing hug that she swears would’ve suffocated her if she hadn’t rested her chin on his shoulder ever so slightly. "gonna miss seeing you around here, howard." he says.

"i’ll miss you, too, sid."

he finally lets her go and she turns to survey the crowd of people. she’s sure she’s seen all of them at the clubmobile over the last few months, doling out coffee, donuts and cigarettes, mostly, when they aren’t on high alert for one reason or another. nell figures she’ll miss the quieter moments the most, the ones where she isn’t holding her breath or counting the number of planes that land back on base after missions.

there were too many people to talk to, to be sure, but she crosses the room towards david. if nell hadn’t known better, she’d have guessed that he’d been flirting with every woman here tonight but he’d changed or at least she’d thought so, anyways, in the last few weeks. she didn’t think he’d ever really stopped but he’d maybe been a little less persistent from what she could tell. she taps him on the shoulder, asks "got time for dance?" when he turns towards her and is swept, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, over to the dance floor.

she’s never not liked him, to be truthful. they were never going to be perfectly matched, for many reasons, but she might even go so far as to say she’d become fond of him in her time here.

"told you i’d save you a dance." david says with that grin on his face that she’s gotten used to over the last few months. "just had to wait a little bit."

"you were very patient." nell nods, laughs as he spins the both of them around the makeshift dance floor. it’s not the same, they both know that, but she appreciates the sentiment all the same. his hand is warm as he squeezes her waist gently and for maybe the first time, she doesn’t hate it. the music changes and david glances just over her shoulder which...isn’t entirely hard to do, honestly. she’d been right to assume, the first time they’d met, that he’d be at least a foot taller than her if they were ever on even ground and the fact that she’s wearing heels did very little to change that. "think someone wants to cut in," he says and she turns, spotting elliot standing there. he’s too nice, she’s learned, to make much of a fuss but david knows so he gets it even if elliot doesn’t say anything.

they switch places but it’s more intimate, there’s no denying it. the music is slower and they dance closer together. nell’s hand rests in his, the other one curving around to rest on his shoulder, his free hand at her waist. losing her brother in the early days of the war had broken her in ways she hadn’t thought possible and she’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to get close enough to anyone for however long this thing lasted to avoid meeting the same fate and yet, elliot had crashed (gracefully) through the defences she’d set up and planted himself firmly in a place she couldn’t quite get him to leave.

not that she would’ve wanted him to.

"do you know when the new girl is supposed to be here?" she asks, unsure if she can talk about anything else with him without tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. he’d been so supportive and understanding but she knew if he’d asked her to, she would’ve stayed here, would’ve continued working with helen and mary and would’ve tossed aside something she’d wanted since the beginning. she knew, though, that he wouldn’t let her do that.

"helen says about a week, maybe a little less." he speaks low enough for only her to hear, like they’re exchanging secrets only meant for the both of them.

"can you do something for me?"

"anything."

"keep david away from her." nell says with every ounce of seriousness she can muster. "and try and keep him and sid out of trouble."

he laughs and it breaks the tension she feels in her shoulders. "i’ll do my best." he nods, then adds, "they’re slippery, though, so you can’t hold it against me if i can’t make it work."

[udo0stories]

Full of flavor, this nutritious Mediterranean eggplant dip works well as a vegetarian main course for a weeknight dinner or as a simple, entertaining appetizer for a party! After trying Michael Solomonov's DIZENGOFF hummus bar in NYC's Chelsea Market, I became enamored with his cuisine. The hummus. The pita. the garnishes. Every single one of them was incredible. Regretfully, Dizengoff closed its doors here in New York, but you can still visit his other location in Philadelphia, which also happens to be home to the wildly popular Federal Donuts and his upscale Israeli restaurant Zahav. Though it is a bit far for me to satisfy my hummus cravings, Philly has some amazing recipes in his book, Zahav. I have made some minor adjustments to his "Twice Cooked Eggplant" recipe to create this Mediterranean Eggplant Dip. Though my favorite use for it is as an easy and entertaining appetizer for parties, I have also been known to serve it as a nutritious vegetarian weeknight dinner. What aspect of this recipe do I like best? It has transformed a lot of my friends, who had never been fond of eggplant, into ardent fans because of its intense flavor. Before cooking the eggplant slices, you should salt them about half an hour beforehand. The surface of the eggplant slices should be slightly moist after about 30 minutes, thanks to the salt's ability to extract extra moisture. You can then go ahead and blot the moisture away with paper towels. You will notice that the eggplant will absorb the olive oil as it cooks. Usually, I will keep adding olive oil in small amounts as needed to promote browning. It will take three to six minutes on each side to reach the desired doneness, so be patient. The initial side of the first batch typically takes the longest. As you proceed, keep an eye on your pan because, if you are not careful, it may overheat and the house may start to smell like smoke. When the eggplant is soft, falling apart, and starting to caramelize on the outside in a gorgeous dark golden brown, you know it is done. After the eggplant is cooked, sauté the onions and peppers with paprika and coriander, which gives this Mediterranean Eggplant Dip a wonderful depth of flavor. Additionally, even though sherry vinegar is called for in the original recipe, I personally never keep it in my pantry and always use red wine vinegar instead. Parsley is sometimes thought of as an extraneous garnish, but in this case, it is really necessary. It gives the Mediterranean Eggplant Dip a lovely burst of color and a crisp bite of herbaceous vegetables! This Mediterranean eggplant dip tastes especially good served over a velvety smooth hummus. Making your own is always a great idea, but for convenience's sake, I admit that I frequently use store-bought items! The "Hannah Organic Hummus" is an excellent product available at the Costco near our house. Your pita is an additional crucial detail! We adore the way Souvlaki GR in NYC prepares and serves their pita. The simplest way to replicate this at home is to take your preferred store-bought pita—I always use Kontos Pocketless Pita—and give them a quick olive oil brushing. Lightly dust them with Kosher salt and dried oregano, then place them directly onto the oven racks in a 350–375°F preheated oven. Allow them to toast gently for a few minutes until they are perfectly done! This Mediterranean Eggplant Dip can be prepared ahead of time and chilled (omitting the parsley). I always do this for really simple entertainment at parties! For best results, just reheat the dip, sprinkle with fresh parsley, and let the hummus reach room temperature. Mediterranean Eggplant Dip Writer: Chris Cockren Total Time: approximately 1 hour Yield: 5 cups, serves 4-6, 1x 2 medium eggplants, cut into thick rounds Kosher salt ½ - ¾ cup olive oil 1 red bell pepper, finely chopped 1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped 1 tablespoon ground coriander 1 teaspoon sweet paprika ¼ cup red wine vinegar

½ cup chopped parsley Half of lemon, juiced Instructions Sprinkle eggplant slices generously with kosher salt.  Let stand for 30 minutes, and then blot with a paper towel to remove moisture from the surface.  Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and pour in about 2–3 tablespoons of oil.  Working in batches as necessary, cook eggplant slices in a single layer until almost black on each side, about 3–5 minutes per side.  Add more oil as needed.  Remove the cooked eggplant to a plate.  Once the eggplant is all cooked, lower the heat to medium and add 2 tablespoons of olive oil.  Add red pepper, onion, coriander, and paprika to the skillet.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are soft, about 8–10 minutes.  Add eggplant and vinegar to the skillet, breaking the eggplant and mashing it coarsely with a wooden spoon until well combined.  Cook until the vinegar has evaporated, about 8–10 minutes.  Remove from heat and stir in parsley and lemon juice.  Serve warm or at room temperature over hummus with pita.  Can be made ahead of time, refrigerated, and reheated as needed.  Notes *For restaurant-quality pita, preheat the oven to 350°F.  Meanwhile, brush pita lightly with olive oil and sprinkle dried oregano and Kosher salt on top.  Place directly on oven racks for 2–3 minutes, until warmed through and slightly toasted.  Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 30–40 minutes Full of flavor, this nutritious Mediterranean eggplant dip works well as a vegetarian main course for a weeknight dinner or as a simple, entertaining appetizer for a party! After trying Michael Solomonov's DIZENGOFF hummus bar in NYC's Chelsea Market, I became enamored with his cuisine. The hummus. The pita. the garnishes. Every single one of them was incredible. Regretfully, Dizengoff closed its doors here in New York, but you can still visit his other location in Philadelphia, which also happens to be home to the wildly popular Federal Donuts and his upscale Israeli restaurant Zahav. Though it is a bit far for me to satisfy my hummus cravings, Philly has some amazing recipes in his book, Zahav. I have made some minor adjustments to his "Twice Cooked Eggplant" recipe to create this Mediterranean Eggplant Dip. Though my favorite use for it is as an easy and entertaining appetizer for parties, I have also been known to serve it as a nutritious vegetarian weeknight dinner. What aspect of this recipe do I like best? It has transformed a lot of my friends, who had never been fond of eggplant, into ardent fans because of its intense flavor. Before cooking the eggplant slices, you should salt them about half an hour beforehand. The surface of the eggplant slices should be slightly moist after about 30 minutes, thanks to the salt's ability to extract extra moisture. You can then go ahead and blot the moisture away with paper towels. You will notice that the eggplant will absorb the olive oil as it cooks. Usually, I will keep adding olive oil in small amounts as needed to promote browning. It will take three to six minutes on each side to reach the desired doneness, so be patient. The initial side of the first batch typically takes the longest. As you proceed, keep an eye on your pan because, if you are not careful, it may overheat and the house may start to smell like smoke. When the eggplant is soft, falling apart, and starting to caramelize on the outside in a gorgeous dark golden brown, you know it is done. After the eggplant is cooked, sauté the onions and peppers with paprika and coriander, which gives this Mediterranean Eggplant Dip a wonderful depth of flavor. Additionally, even though sherry vinegar is called for in the original recipe, I personally never keep it in my pantry and always use red wine vinegar instead. Parsley is sometimes thought of as an extraneous garnish, but in this case, it is really necessary. It gives the Mediterranean Eggplant Dip a lovely burst of color and a crisp bite of herbaceous vegetables!

This Mediterranean eggplant dip tastes especially good served over a velvety smooth hummus. Making your own is always a great idea, but for convenience's sake, I admit that I frequently use store-bought items! The "Hannah Organic Hummus" is an excellent product available at the Costco near our house. Your pita is an additional crucial detail! We adore the way Souvlaki GR in NYC prepares and serves their pita. The simplest way to replicate this at home is to take your preferred store-bought pita—I always use Kontos Pocketless Pita—and give them a quick olive oil brushing. Lightly dust them with Kosher salt and dried oregano, then place them directly onto the oven racks in a 350–375°F preheated oven. Allow them to toast gently for a few minutes until they are perfectly done! This Mediterranean Eggplant Dip can be prepared ahead of time and chilled (omitting the parsley). I always do this for really simple entertainment at parties! For best results, just reheat the dip, sprinkle with fresh parsley, and let the hummus reach room temperature. Mediterranean Eggplant Dip Writer: Chris Cockren Total Time: approximately 1 hour Yield: 5 cups, serves 4-6, 1x 2 medium eggplants, cut into thick rounds Kosher salt ½ - ¾ cup olive oil 1 red bell pepper, finely chopped 1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped 1 tablespoon ground coriander 1 teaspoon sweet paprika ¼ cup red wine vinegar ½ cup chopped parsley Half of lemon, juiced Instructions Sprinkle eggplant slices generously with kosher salt.  Let stand for 30 minutes, and then blot with a paper towel to remove moisture from the surface.  Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and pour in about 2–3 tablespoons of oil.  Working in batches as necessary, cook eggplant slices in a single layer until almost black on each side, about 3–5 minutes per side.  Add more oil as needed.  Remove the cooked eggplant to a plate.  Once the eggplant is all cooked, lower the heat to medium and add 2 tablespoons of olive oil.  Add red pepper, onion, coriander, and paprika to the skillet.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are soft, about 8–10 minutes.  Add eggplant and vinegar to the skillet, breaking the eggplant and mashing it coarsely with a wooden spoon until well combined.  Cook until the vinegar has evaporated, about 8–10 minutes.  Remove from heat and stir in parsley and lemon juice.  Serve warm or at room temperature over hummus with pita.  Can be made ahead of time, refrigerated, and reheated as needed.  Notes *For restaurant-quality pita, preheat the oven to 350°F.  Meanwhile, brush pita lightly with olive oil and sprinkle dried oregano and Kosher salt on top.  Place directly on oven racks for 2–3 minutes, until warmed through and slightly toasted.  Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 30–40 minutes

[shattered-hue]

Anyone have any fun and/or wacky dnd/other ttrpg stories

I would like to hear some here I'll go first

So in my current dnd campaign, the last few (and the first few) sessions have been.. chaotic! Generally a series of bad decisions and unfortunate rolls...

The first session was your classical setup. You know the one, everyone starts in a bar, gets introduced to a possible objective, a fight occurs, yadda yadda. The gig.

The chaos starts when our paladin, a dragonborn, tries to use his flame breath to attack some enemies and... misses. Somehow. Anyway, he lights part of the bar on fire.

When the encounter comes to a close, the bar is still partially on fire.

... Our dragonborn gets the brilliant (sarcasm) idea to "fight fire with fire". And uses more fire breath on the fire already lit by his fire breath. (Another pc tried and failed to stop him)

Needless to say, this did not go well and three buildings were burned down.

Focusing on another character, during the aftermath of the fire, our ranger healed a member of the town guard, then introduced himself as "the darkness" and "batman", then tried to use a smoke bomb arrow to get away. A few bad rolls later, he failed to get away and steps on a twig, alerting everyone. He got captured and blamed for the fire.

So now I'm in this story, as our sorcerer. I go to the town guards' hall and talk with the clerk for a bit about the events leading up to the fire, and tried to make a case in defense of our captured teammate.

In the next session, the party decided to break out our teammate. My character is, of course, rather miffed about this and refused to help. I do tag along with the group getting info on the layout of the hall, though. And this is where we meet a man named Shady Pete, voiced by the dm's emotional support guy (aka this one person in the group who isn't playing nor dm-ing). The first thing he mentioned about the guards' hall is the donut place next door.

So of course, my character is still refusing to help and goes to chill at the donut place instead (which could be considered a tactical decision, considering I was on 1 hp). Turned out, the guy at the counter is Shady Ron, Pete's twin brother (this is where we learn that "Shady" is, in fact, a surname, and not a nickname). The owner is Shady Callahan, their father. Anytime we established something about the Shady family, we would imagine that Ron was telling my character about it.

And I think it would be a good idea to mention why my character not helping is particularly hilarious. You see, I'm the only true spellcaster, and my character is a changeling. My character is literally most suited to the distraction, trickery, and silent takedowns that the rest of the group was trying to pull off. And here I was, eating donuts and being an impromptu therapy animal.

Anyway, most of the session consisted of random asides about the Shady family (like, for instance, their rivalry with the Salamando family, their general distaste for Taylor Shady (the captain of the guard) because only the matriarch, Slim Shady, is technically allowed to put the surname last, and the accidental inclusion of one of our party members in the family because her name happened to be thr first overly generic feminine name I could think of)

And another thing! One party member was sent out to cause a distraction elsewhere to draw guards away from the hall.

The dragonborn.

As you can imagine, this didn't go well.

He lit another building on fire and got instantly captured.

We got our ranger out though!

(Our dragonborn tried to reason with the guards, rolls a nat 1. I say, "I think you should stop")

(here's some doodles of my character (and an accidental poll I can't delete) under the cut because this is long enough as it is)