#dont wanna do anything besides lay in bed and thats usually my number one tell that im Uber Depressed

[possum-tooth]

love being insanely depressed. i have to WORK today PLEASE go AWAY

[voidselfshipp]

Puppet Show au

《◇》

Leonard's little neighborhood in Sydenham is pretty calm today.

He plays with the keys in his hand, twirling them aroun on his finger, as he exists his home,walking his mind dwells into memories that arent relevant in this exact moment, good moments with his sister, little stupid stories , time spent with Friends and family.

Suddenly an eldery woman stops him, her beautiful face, with traces of the years that went by contorns into a small smile,he knows her,its ms.Pietro from a couple of houses away.

-Hello dear, are you in a rush?-

"Not really"leonard thinks and shakes his head.

-Could you take care of my grandkid, Jerico this thursday?, Im going to the hospital that day for some check ups and to pay some bills, and you know that the Banks are usually filled with lot of people-

-Sure ms.Pietro, do you need anything more?-leo asks, he was always a bit reserved,maybe quiet, but with a heart of gold.

The woman shakes her head.

-Im heading to see your mother, is she around?-

-Im afraid not, but she Will be soon enough , ill see you on thursday ms.pietro -

They exchange goodbyes as the englishman checks the supermaket list his mom left him before heading to work.

His steps are short and slow.

" ms.pietro's grandkid, jerico,...wait arent they the kid thats always on the swing on the local park?...Wait yeah!,they are" jerico was just like him, quiet, softspoken, humble and kind,but Something tells him that under all that kindness there is an iron Will" then it should be easy" he thinks.

Eventually thursday rolls around and now Leonard sits on the couch in ms.pietro's house, he is playing chess with jerico, the kid is Smart and playful,they always have a smug grin on their face.

He also finds them hilarious, they bring him something that he feels rarely.

Peace, and happiness.

Even tho they are temporary, the kid knows how to make people smile.

Wish he had Friends like that.

At around ten pm, miss pietro comes back with the kid's mother, Kina, he says goodbye and heads home,he still has to finish some Papers for the writing contest.

Contest that he couldnt attend because the goverment picked him as a sniper.

He had to go.

But before he enters the car that Will lead him to his New home, jerico arrived, with a plushie in the form of a cute chibi plaguedoctor.

-Mr Leonard!,before you go-jeri says out of breath, did...did they ran to get here?-their name is void!, they helped me trough rough times , And I think its time for them to help you too, if you have any problems just talkto them!, they Will answer-

Leo softly grabs the plushie and his eyes water, thats the cutest thing anybody had done for him, he hugs the kid.

-Stay safe,alright kid?-

-I will-

He nodds and enters the car.

-Farewell Leo!- he hears them say.

《◇》

Its been a couple of years after he left, now Leonard works as a mercenary, he often ponders about that kid, what are they up to?, hows their life going?.

He also still has the plushie they gave him,To this day, he diminished the comment about the plushie being able to talk as just imagination,even tho late at night,after a long day of work and complaining in his room he could hear the faint murmurs of words of reassurance coming from the Shelf where he left void on.

Its a cold winter morning in london, he walks the snowy sidewalk and enters his usual coffee shopp " Beans,bindweed And sunflower seeds", the ambient there is cozy,the strong but gentle smell of coffee makes his grumpy face a bit happier, the corners of his mouth lift up with a slight smile.

He orders and waits, his eyes catch a glance of a woman,black leather jacket,a little plaguedoctor painted ,and around the sleeves various patches and pins,some crows,sunflowers, dragons.

He mindlessly walks to his spot, and bumps into someone, its that same Lady from two second ago,luckily nothing is spilled.

-Oh my god im really sorry-the woman says, fixing her hair with an embarassed look.

-Its okay , dont worry-his tone is relaxed, with a hint of shyness.

But now that hes up close,there is something really familiar about her.

-Im sorry for the out of the blue question but, have we met before?,you look a lot like a kid I babysitted Back in Sydenham...-

The woman tries to solve the puzzle in her head,and then it clicks.

-No way, Leonard is that you?-

-Holy shit, yeah its me, hell, how much youve grown little jerico-

They talk and sit besides the Window.

-Man, youve grown into a beautiful woman-Leo says.

-Well, not quite woman,see I uh, im genderfluid, long story short I change my pronouns every now and the,its him today tho..-

Leonard quickly recomposes.

-Youve grown into a handsome Man -

Jerico smiles and his eyes spark.

They talk and chatter most of the morning, until the englishman is called to work.

-Tomorrow, same spot, six am then?-jeri asks.

-Yeah sure, ill also bring the little doll you gave me when I left-

-Holy shit, you still got that?-

-I wouldnt throw it away for nothing in the world-

Jerico Coos.

-Thats really cute-he says.

-they are well kept,washed and it still smells like vanilla-

-Thats adorable Leo, thanks for taking care of void that way-

-No need-Leo checks the time...fuck hes going to be late.

Jerico senses the distress and quickly grabs his motorcycle helmet .

-Need a ride?-

-Fuck yes, im going to be bloody late!-

Both speed to the little bridge that separates mercserv from the rest of london.

-here take my cellphone and call me if anything comes up, okay?- Leo says quickly scribbling his number in a spare pice of paper-Thanks for the ride-

-Dont mention it, now go-

Leonard nodds and runs trough the bridge.

Jeri turns the motorcycle around and drives yo his home.

《◇》

Jerico's face hit the pillow, its been a long and wonderful day, he looks over to the ceiling and grabs his phone.

《》

Leo☕

-Hey, wanna come over to my place and stay for dinner?

《》

It takes less than five minutes for Leo to answer.

' sure,im on my way'

Jeri quickly tidys up the place and just when he is done , Leonard rings the doorbell.

-Good evening jeri-he says entering the house with something behind his back.

-Hey Leo..., what do you have there?..-

-Oh nothing-the englishman says-just a little something very important to me- he shows him the little plushie.

-oh god , you actually brought it!,god I havent seen void in ages!-The other Man grabs the plaguedoctor plush and smiles,he hugs Leonard and smiles-Thank you Leo!-

-dont mention it-

They order food and set the table.

Suddenly a song comes in.

I met this girl and she drove me wild.

She looked at me and I looked and smile.

The cutest girl you could ever see.

I never thought she'd go out with me.

-Im in love! I just cant wait because tooonight I have a daate!-leonard chimes in and starts to sing.

Jerico smiles and looks at him ,he does have a good voice, and he is in synch with the song too,he swears he can see void dancing besides the fruit basket.

Both of them start to goof around and suddenly Leo has his back against the counter, jeri hovers above him and they are really close, the woman's hands are on either side of the counter, trapping the englishman's torso around them.

I never dream it would come to this.

She leans over and the Man closes the gap between them.

I drove her home and she gave me a kiss.

Im in love and its safe to say, she really wants to see me again.

They eventually pull apart and smile, the womans head snuggles into Leo's chest, he hugs her and chuckles.

The old feelings are coming back.

Peace and happiness.

Im in love,I just cant wait, because tonight I have a date.

I have a date!

Im in love, I just cant wait,becuase tonight I have a date.

The song finishes and the doorbell rings.

-Perfect timing!-

They kiss one more time and jerico goes and pays for the food.

Late at night both lay on the bed , the woman is atop of him,face resting on his chest.

-Im so in love with you -Leo mutters, half asleep.

-Me too...-jerico mumbles as they exchange one last loving look before falling asleep.

In between their hands, its the little plushie, who squeals when they see them cuddling.

'Mission accomplished!' Void thinks.

《◇》

-The end.

[deadmantalking117]

MEL

In my mid 30's I really started getting sick. All the time. So very sick. Up until now I was mostly ok. For the past 10 years since my diagnosis I was doing fine. But I had that Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I had been told that I would die before I got to be 40. And there's 40.. right over there! And for the first time.. I'm really sick.. a lot. Deaths coming for me. So I did what you're supposed to do. When I got sick.. I had my Dr admit me into the hospital... that's where you go to die.. right? Some episodes were a few days.. some a few weeks. But they were many. Being fed thru a tube. IV tubes everywhere.. so many needles.. Part if my routine was walking the halls. To help recover.. it's very important to keep moving. The more you can force yourself to get up and move.. the faster you recover. It's pure Newtonian physics.. a body at rest stays at rest.. a body in motion stays in motion.. so get moving. Keep moving. Walking the halls is an ordeal. You need to bundle up all your tubes and IV's.. unplug the pumps. (They're battery backed up) and make sure you dont get tangled up and fall. But I put on my monster feet slippers and headed on out. Usually twice per day.. I would try to get 10 laps around the ward. Most times I barely noticed other people.. I'm in astonishing amounts of pain.. and focused on making the next lap. But I could see other rooms.. with other people. As I passed by one of these.. a little shell of a girl.. laying on her bed was being smacked on the back by nurses.. they had to do this several times a day to break up the phlegm in her lungs.. so she wouldn't drown. I had noticed her before.. another frequent flyer like me. This time she gave me a little smile and a weak wave. She's seen my laps.. and had started counting me. One day as I'm passing.. she called out.. "that's 6!" I stuck my head in to say a quick hello. And my entire life changed. Mel was a little waif of a girl. She was fighting a couple horrible diseases that were wasting her tiny little body.. she was terminal.. but hanging on hard.. at 19 years old.. she looked 10.. she was so frail she couldn't get out of bed... ever. I was 36-37 and facing my own mortality. But this girl never had any real life. At 19 .. She's never had a boyfriend.. or any friend.. She's been in hospital beds her entire life. Nurses were her only human contact, besides her parents. But they had to work to support their dying daughter.. so they couldn't be there a lot. I made it my mission to visit her as often as I could get out my own bed. Most days.. as I did my laps. I'd stick my head in the door.. say hi.. ask how she was doing.. always a weak little smile.. "still here" she'd joke. Thats 4! Or 5! As I hobbled past. One day when I stopped by she asked me if I wanted to come over tonight and watch a movie with her.. as a permanent guest.. she got a good t.v. and a vcr.. her mom would bring her movies. "So if you are bored and wanna come by my mom will bring me any movie I want". I have an amazing wife and family. My times in the hospital were made easier by their visits and support. I was never lonely. But this sweet dying wisp of a girl.. only had mom and dad.. and they were killing themselves working to keep her alive as long as they could. So. Movie night! I bundled up my tubes.. put on my monster feet slippers.. and headed over around 8. See.. the thing in hospitals is.. time is meaningless. 2 am.. just the same as 5pm. But mom left at 8 each night.. so she's free! Our first movie was a Ray Liotta comedy/drama called Article 99. If you wanna see a story about veterans care.. its great. A must watch. We gabbed throughout the film. Each making jokes about the movie.. or our actual lives. Or whatever.. I was stunned by how cheerful and funny she was. How could someone this ravaged be so upbeat? I remember when I left that first night.. I had this overpowering urge to give her a hug or something.. but that's impossible. She can't be touched ! The nurses had told me was written in stone.. she was so prone to infection that you had be sterilized before any contact. They had to undergo a whole routine just to treat her! The only reason I could sit with her was because we were already in the same environment.. and I didn't have anything contagious. I recall the time where I was in for a flare up. But I was also having sinus issues.. so her room was a no fly zone. When I could get up and walk.. I had to stand well back from her door and kinda yell in to her room. But she'd always have something to tell me. On days when I was too sick to get up from my bed.. we'd pass messages back and forth through the nurses.."she wants to know when you're coming by for movie night.. and what do want her mom to bring?" Tell her.." maybe tomorrow night.. ever seen Star Wars?" Things like that. Most days.. I was way too sick to get up. But I made a special effort to at least do a couple laps.. so I could say hi. She'd always update me with her "labs" her blood count.. oxygen levels.. what new drug they were going with now.. there was always a new drug. Basically let me know she still alive. I'd tell her about the family.. "Kat says hi.. she'll see you on her next visit" "kids are doing ok" things like that. This was over a time period of about 6 or 8 months..I was literally sick all the time. Most days.. I'd get up.. vomit uncontrollably for a while.. have an astonishingly painful bowel movement or 6. Try to get on with my day. Over and over I'd go back to the hospital.. 3 or 4 days usually.. couple weeks sometimes... one particular stretch of 35 days being fed thru a tube stands out. I was not a happy camper. But here was this dying girl.. who almost never got to go home. And she's better than me. It bothered her that she was happy I was sick... but it was cool that we could hang out. I remember when she confessed this.. she had a small whisper of a voice.. because of the years of damage from tubes and drains. She talked kinda like a deaf person talks. But very quietly.. a husky whisper. I can hear her even to this day.. 25 years later. Picture her laying in her bed.. She looked a bit like the actress Kate Micucci. Just a smaller wasted version. One day the nurse tells me that Mel is wanting me to stop by and visit.. she's doing really good. She also told me.. "You know she dresses up for you?" She would have the nurse comb her hair.. she even had her pretty nightgown set aside to wear when I was in the house. She had 3 or 4 different nightgowns to wear so she wouldn't always have to wear hospital gowns. But one was her favorite.. apparently she only wore it when I was there. Our total time together over this 6 or 8 month time span.. maybe a few hours total. 5 minutes here ... 10 minutes there.. it always had to be me that visited.. and I was in no shape.. and as soon as I could get up.. I was gone. We had a few movie nights. I did make her watch Star Wars.. she said she liked it.. but I remember that we always talked thru the movies.. so I don't think she even really watched it. She made me feel better.. first by motivating me to get up and walk.. but mostly by her relentlessly cheerful attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you.. she was barely alive.. 19 years old.. but looked like a 10 year old who been hit by a bus. Yet there she lay.. smiling all the while. In her prettiest nightgown. One Sunday afternoon theres a knock on my door.. Kat was out shopping and I was sick on the couch watching the kiddies. I open it and there's 2 older people standing there.. GREAT.. church people.. I'm so not up for this.. I'm sick. But they weren't church people.. they were Mel's parents. MEL DIED YESTERDAY. They had gotten my address from one of the nurses.. she knew that I'd want to know. They told me how greatful they were to me. Mel loved me.. she talked about me all the time.. her mom told me she had the biggest crush on me.. if course I knew it.. but I'm choking back tears while these people I've never met tell me I was literally the only friend she ever had. She'd been born sick and wasn't expected to make it to puberty. But she stayed around for almost 20 years. Mom tells me that her numbers were always up when I was in the hospital. About how her friend Steve was back in and we're going watch such and such movie maybe tomorrow aftetnoon. About how they'd always wanted to meet me.. but she didn't want them to embarrass her in front of her friend! Dad was a butcher.. he offered to make my whole family a barbeque.. they wanted to do something for me. I was too sick to eat anything then.. but got their number and promised to call when I was up and around. I never did. Not long after Mel died. I quit going to the hospital. It wasn't her death.. it was a bunch of reasons.. mostly I felt like something had to change. But I'll tell you that story another time. Before they left my doorway.. I asked the one question I never even thought to ask Mel. I knew what diseases she had..I can't recall what they were.. some long medical thing that doesn't really do the disease justice.. like toxohistiplasmosis leukasemia. It's just a bunch of letters slapped together to try to explain the death of a beautiful young woman. Who gives a shit what you call it. I asked them.. " what is Mel short for anyways? I never asked her. Was it Melody? Or Melony?" Her name was Melissa I was her only friend for a very short period of time. And she absolutely changed my life. Her parents are likely long gone.. they appeared to be in their 60s back then.. they had no other children. Kathleen and I are probably the only people who know this person even exsisted.. even if only for brief moment in time. But she did exsist.. And she helped shape the course of my life.. simply because of who she was. She did exsist.. and I was her friend.

[1a-little-obsessed1-blog]

Its different now... A Nash Grier Imagine (This is linked to my previous series)

Its been 3 years since Nash And I broke up. I’m 19 Now living in London happy, Mahogany, Shawn and I were still as close as we were when i left maybe even more. My dad remarried to my amazing step mum Cheryl and i now have a cute 13 year old step sister called Tori and a baby Half brother Ace he’s only 1 month and hes adorable! I haven’t really heard from Nash but i guess i’ve moved on. I was beginning my first year in a photography and arts University in central London.

Wednesday 8th September 2016

I wake up to a new day 6:00 AM sharp. I have a warm shower and put on my outfit for my first day at uni. I wore a Blue hoodie with a white tanktop and Black jeans, I then put on a pair of white jeans and white Vans. I run down stairs and pour some Granola, Fruits and yogurt in a bowl and i then get a 1 Liter Bottle of orange juice out if the fridge and guzzle it down with my breakfast. I run back upstairs and put a headband on, I then lightly applied some makeup to my face and then put my glasses on. I put my backpack on my shoulders and run downstairs to see my little sis sitting there all ready to go to school waiting for me as usual. I sit next to her and stuff fruits into my bag. “Hey whats up T” (T is her nickname)

“Nothing much... Jazz?”(She calls me jazz because When i first met her i gave her jazz hands trying to look cool)

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to some meet up after school today... Like you pick me up and ill go with you...”

“Sure you do whatever you want but just dont expect me to join in im probably gonna be face timing Shawn and Mahogany”

“Ok whatever i just really wanna go because theres gonna be a bunch of youtubers and i cant wait sqeeeeee!!!”

“Ok OK I get it your excited c’mon let go ill drop you off at school, oh yeah we cant be long after school i have alot of video editing for my channel.”

“OK one sec let me get my bag...” she runs to the livving room and throws her bag over her arms.

We walk to school i drop her off and then catch a train to West minister After that it’s a ten minute walk from the train station.

~Skip to the end of the day~

My day at school wasn’t bad it was ok, i didn’t have any friends but i wasn’t too bothered since i’m kinda Introverted. I kept to myself being eyed down here and there by guys. The end of the day rolled around and i went to go pick up my sweet lil sis. I wait for her outside her school gates and she runs to give me a hug. We then walk to A small community center it was packed with girls wearing t-shirts that had the number 97 on them I felt like something wasn’t adding up. I felt a presence a familiar presence a warm loving one. We we waited in line for whatever Tori wanted us to go for. I just stood with her on my phone looking through my social media. I then hear the voice of a young man I look up from my phone and see... Nash... He looked around and we made ye contact, instantly i turned my head and something went off. thats when it hit me “Shit... why the fuck is Nash here... what have i done..” I mutter to myself and before i knew it we were at the front of the line. I covered one of my eyes with my fringe and plastered a smile on my face. Tori screams and hugs him, he didn't notice me standing beside her... i think. she then got him to sign her planner. she then takes a selfie with him and then my sister did the stupidest ever.

“Hey Jaz come take a picture with Nash” She said oblivious to why i was trying to avoid Nash.

“Huhh? I’ll pass...” I shrugged and held her hand tight.

“C’mon let my fix your hair...” She brushed my fringe off my face and neatly tucked it behind my ear.

“T come on let go before mum and da-” I was cut off by Nash.

“Zahra?”

I was silent for 5 seconds straight. I then plastered a smile on my face and said. “Nash.. Long time no see....Ahem. well me and Tori are gonna leave now byeeeee!!!”

“No Zahra wait...” He grabbed my arm.

“What Nash. What do you want im over you.” I felt bad why can’t i just keep my fat gob shut.

“Zahra.... please?” I could hear the same disappointment in his voice from the day i left.

“I’m sorry... i shouldn’t have said that. Here its my Dads card it has my house phone number on it.” I look in my wallet and hand him a card. I then walk away dragging Tori with me. We were only like a block away from home, we both never spoke a word to each other.

“Jazz how does Nash Grier know you?”

“Long story short , I met him when i was fifteen we dated and then I decided it wouldn’t work because long distance relationships were not really my thing.”

“YOU GUYS DATED?! how did you not tell me?!”

“I didnt really think it mattered.”

“Its ok i still love you.” she put on a silly face.

We walked into the house and were hit by a wave of crying coming from baby ace. I go to the living room where i see Cheryl going insane. “Need a little help i think my baby brother missed me.” I take the baby out of her arms and cuddle him, eventually he opens his eyes and smiles. I smile at him and he falls asleep and that smile slowly fades away. The house phone rings and i pick up.

“Hello, This is miss Zahra Korra Marglin speaking who is this?”

“Hey its Nash...”

“Oh. hi.” Ace starts crying.

“Is that a baby?” He asks.

“Yeah one second.” I then focus on my baby brother. “It’s ok Baby Ace I’m here ive got you..” I rock him to sleep.

“Wow that was quick” He sounded like there was something on his ind he really had to get off.

“I’ve been really busy  with school, youtube and my baby brother lately sorry if he cries again.”

“It’s fine... Look Zahra. I still love you.I love everything about you. I dont know why your avoiding me. i just wan to ask you if i’ve  done anything wrong.”

“No. you haven’t done anything wrong. Things are different now. I’m grown up its been three years we’ve drifted apart.” I feel a tear run down my cheek and fall onto Ace’s face.

“You wanted me to leave and thats what i did. What you said to me at the airport before you left. I really thought about it. We crossed paths ii came back give me chance please...”

“Ill think about it. Im gonna go out for a run around Primrose hill. ill call you later bye”

“Bye.”

*Hangs up*

I put Ace down in his baby bouncer and call Tori down to look after him.

“T just look after him i’m gonna go out for a run see ya”

I run out the door before she could give me a response. I started running and then i started walking. I slowed down and started walking around. I was walking past an ally way before a drunk man came and grabbed my by the arm. I Scream for him to let go but the louder i got the tighter his grip became.”Get the fuck o-off me” I then see someone appear and punch the man in the face. The man then Let go and scampered away. I looked up at the mystery guy who was towering over me.  “Wh-Who are you? And why didn’t you just leave me?” The guy took his hood off and revealed The same boy i fell in love with three years ago.

“why would i leave my one and only?” Nash said.

I hugged him tight.

“I knew you’d come back” I whisper to him.

“I could never leave you.”

“Can we go home please its a bit cold...”

I take him home and sneak him up to my room. I didn’t care when i was getting dressed for bed i just Got dressed in front of him.

“Damn your such a tease!” he says laying down on my bed.

“I bet that makes you want me more...” I say a little flirtatious.

“Damn since when did you start talking like that?! I aint complaining”

“I was forced to watch Fifty Shades Of Grey you really dont thing im a changed girl?”

“Who would do that?!”

“Jack G who els? But honestly i don’t care if i undress in front of you. Your my boyfriend arent you?” I give him a smirk.he then gets up and walks behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You dont know how long ive wanted to see you...”

“Babe.. Can we continue. from where we left off 3 years ago.”

“Of course.”

He laid down on the bed and i sat on top of his bare chest and kissed him. we then fell asleep in the arms of one another.