#dont mind my url crisis

[puppybog]

rules: pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people

i was tagged by @gourdgril thank you :3

N - Need 2 by Pinegrove

U - Ur Name on a grain of rice by runnner

L - Let's talk about your hair by Have Mercy

L - Lobster by Boy Called Cute

C - cast iron by allie and Quarter-life crisis

L - Lose it by SWMRS

O - On My Mind by Kylie V

C - cbd by brakence

K - Kill Bill (sped up version) by SZA

W - wonder eye by Little Moon

O - Ohmygodiloveyoupleasedontleaveme by clever girl

R - rosier/punk 2 by brakence

K - KALEIDOSCOPE by PHONY and Petey

this was fun but i definitely dont have 13 people to tag sooo @sunshinycc @hakinnas-overactive-imagination @jane-friend @bd935 @aegisbane @cryogenicfox @tealovingmutt @erebidaean @whats-a-bear @beesofmiel close enough

[ginsichimaru]

im having a crisis over my url dont mind me 

[junityy]

ok i think i fell in love with yjunity ☹☹ its a mix if yeonjun and eternity if u couldnt tell already and now i wanna cry

[desertdragon]

👤 for Yugiri? Oh and also for a NPC whom Vaste is friends with.

Meme

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I get to talk about the wife first 😮‍💨; also like I DM'd you I'm gonna do 3 just for fun

NOTICE: I recommend anyone who's gonna read this do it either on the iPhone tumblr app OR on my blog site in desktop (it's my actual url when you click on my icon or that page crease a post does when you hover over the top right on the desktop dashboard) or viewing my blog page on a phone browser, I DONT advise reading this On the tumblr dashboard because it's too long with Read More removed, your feed will break

I have marked Trigger Warnings for sections in Bold along with -'s they are intended to be skippable if needed

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So I change a lot about Yugiri's future and her present, but not her past. Her past is exactly the same as normal; she was born and raised in Sui no Sato, she has both parents and two brothers, she was daring and reckless taking trips to the surface lands out of curiosity, and her meeting Shun who would become Hien is what changed the course of her life. She sacrificed it all to do what she thought was right. In this part all I do is try filling in for whatever isn't accounted for from a character perspective. The emotional, important details and minutia and all that shit.

Anything in this tag already has my essays or observations on Yugiri as she is. I'd like to compile some of that while focusing too on how she changes in my AU and what her future then is like. As a notice that tag will also be updated whenever ideas strike and I post them too.

Building on the stuff I've written before, I think Yugiri's ability to have compassion while still setting her boundaries, as well as being raised in a stable isolated society, all makes her a great person to see the value in something socialist. The whole reason she attached herself to Doma was because its colonization and the stories she heard from Shun's royalist perspective angered her so much as a child at the injustice; as well as the nobility and resolve she saw among the warrior class. It was an emotionally driven decision as the foundation of how she perceived justice.

A few people in the fandom agree that Yugiri needs to learn to live for herself, rather than as a tool or the eyes of someone else. I've even seen a few fanfics where this was attempted, with Hien either being accepting or not talked about. The need for independence is correct, but I feel people see it in a shortsighted way. None of those depictions took into account the grander moral, social, political, and further emotional nuances it would be attached to beyond pitching the concept's basics. Living for herself would completely tear up her world!

Though to be honest I'm a little glad? I don't trust this fandom and most fandoms to wipe their ass without burning their houses down somehow; so I'd rather get shallow basics than more fake deep rhetoric that's full of misogyny, racism, and bootlicking. As if the game story itself wasn't full of enough bootlicking as is.

So then coming from that, how should we discuss Yugiri in terms of her personhood and relation to Vaste? Her relation to Doma needing to evolve? This is sort of the fun part about writing for characters canon forgets exist because it's mostly free game.

I've failed to write this subject with any narrative consistency (which I'm gonna fix when I write the novel length version of Vaste's entire life because just short fiction like I've been doing is getting me nowhere) BUT her relationship with Vaste was under crisis at least twice. Both were huge character building moments that had her reevaluate herself and her life.

Neither time had anything to do with usual couple arguments or disagreements or just growing apart since 1. They're the types who work out how they feel between each other with consistency and enthusiasm for communication ie. They don't do that petty hold it in until I explode on the person I love because they should be able to mind read type shit & 2. I don't think they would grow apart because of how strongly they feel for one another and the sense of trust they formed by again, consistent empathy and communication!

What strained and almost fractured them came from morality, beliefs, and ideals. The first time was when Vaste confessed how much evil she had done while working under the Scions & Alliance. Obviously all sides involved in that share the blame, and yes Vaste was abused and manipulated in multiple ways, but she still did the things she did. She still killed countless unarmed civilians, she killed kids and at times child soldier conscripts of the Garlean army while in the field. She still upheld and represented governmental dominance. Even if there were times she stopped mid act and instead tried to covertly save these people or be defiant, it doesn't remove the times she didn't save them and didn't resist the oppression she worked for.

This is the first major split I take from canon regarding Yugiri. The game at no point meaningfully considers or explores the purpose or reality of being a soldier or government servant, despite its emphasis on politicking, war campaigns, war crimes, and even bio weapons like Black Rose. The game is extremely pro establishment, and when it does mention things like rape, murder, colonization etc. when done by soldiers serving a government, it's in quiet throwaway lines OR it's explained and resolved in the most stripped down form, then these simplified nuanced issues can be solved off screen or with one act. Or its ignored. Even slavery which is a topic present with Copperbell Mines, Beast Tribes, the Arcanist class, & Yotsuyuu's stories is simplified as either what Bad Eggs do, as a natural cost of economic success, or something that largely impacts One Person, rather than the systems of oppression they are.

If I go by base game Yugiri, no way would she stay with Vaste I don't think. If I wrote Vaste as close to how the game portrays the WoL and these topics, then she becomes a caricature- the typical hero who commits war crimes and serves the government with her activities never questioned and never even explored. She would be all of this, without meaningful impact or consequence (TW: Rape Mention in passing):

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^ Redditors realizing this is the same issue superhero comics and comic movies have, where instead of someone with immense power and unlimited resources helping humanity’s betterment as a whole transcending petty borders, they become tools of State interests and propaganda agents

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Also it's almost as if even in our fiction governmental organizations and their ally organizations still are only designed to benefit their own agendas, and any good they achieve for the public and human rights is pure coincidence or part of a public relations image, wow, surely this has no real life basis :^)

A Vaste and Yugiri written under normal game constraints would be very difficult to have last OR it could last but be hollow; it would require Yugiri to be even more of a blinded hypocrite than she already can be, and it would require her compassion at the core of the character to break. This wouldn't be a bad thing (it is still a character and has potential to be complex- think exploring Yugiri's Worst Self) if it weren't for the fact that it wouldn't be written in a mature way. It would be written as her and Vaste being unflinchingly in the right for this behavior because they fight for the "Good Guys".

Instead Yugiri would undergo a crisis weighing the evil of mercilessly killing, exterminating really, down to kids. The sheer level of blood on someone’s hands for that is too much, especially again with how Yugiri’s nature includes looking out for the helpless. Then you pit that against how it was ordered by a government body; by a united government body who sheltered the Doman refugees, and the fact that looking at how she herself is a government agent, she was taught you have to serve with undying loyalty.

But how do you serve when something so disgusting is asked of you? Isn’t there a point where as a person you have an obligation to resist when inhumanity is expected of you?

Then you combine this with how it forces her to examine her own sins in a similar vein. What about the things she’s done for someone higher than herself? Could she have stopped during some of her own killings? What exactly were some of the reasons for that behavior? It couldn’t all have been just, especially once we see that Hien is fine with pardoning sex traffickers because they share nationalities, how he doesn’t question the system that enabled it. It couldn’t all be just when working for government interests inherently means advancing one group’s desires over others, by any means necessary. There’s also no feasible way everyone she killed could have been bad people worthy of death.

The issue within her becomes complex, as much as what made Vaste do what she did is complex. How angry can she really be at her when Yugiri has killed just as thoughtlessly, just as much to appease other’s need for power they disguised as righteousness? Why was she measuring herself by these easily manipulated metrics, which then proved she’s so capable of ordered violence like a dog on a leash? Why does she dehumanize herself as a tool? Fuck, what about the subject of political prisoners?

I imagine she had to take time for being alone physically and mentally. She tries arguing against the feelings it all stirs in her mind, the things she held back by the skin of her teeth. Then the longer she's left with herself, she realizes she can't look at the people she's followed, she can't look at Hien, without being reminded of dead people. She can't look at them and not have her morality question itself, she can't look at any action Doma takes without questioning everything it's trying to stand for.

When the lines that used to seem simple become blurred because Yugiri is forced to see her mirror in someone, it opens her character down one avenue of gaining independence. Ultimately the goal is to face this mirror and either reject it in denial of her own evil, or accept it and change into someone better.

Which goes into the second crisis- abandoning government bodies altogether. Leaving Doma behind, seeking no masters but herself, walking away from her lords and their laws. Once she reconciles change on the individual level, it has to impact her relationships and groups too. Its the test that cements her commitment to being someone new.

Also when I say that I don’t mean Vaste is phrasing it as a test for her lol, I mean from a writing perspective. Vaste would continue fighting for what she believes in regardless of anyone else, she stops being people’s tool; though the loss would hurt her for sure. I think its the exact quality Yugiri gains by finding conviction in herself and Vaste’s example. Having conviction in yourself allows you to die on your own terms, succeed fueled by your own initiative. I’d love seeing Yugiri become that person, especially because it feels both natural and necessary.

It would still be a shock on some level for her to take this second step, but she would do it with less hesitation. She’s flexing her freedom for the first time in years; that childhood spark for daring never died beneath the surface. It was just sleeping. Once she regains it and throws off whats holding her back (ie. the royalist brainwashing and its components) she’s unstoppable. She’s calmer but less distant, she questions everything but also accepts facts as they are. Her anger is tempered and focused and it has always been an extension of her capacity to love the world. She begins awakening to a sort of enlightenment after liberating her mind.

Fighting Hien and besting him in a duel is the symbolic breaking of the final shackle. Everything that could and did hold her back, every doubt, it all comes to the point of no return. She will have her own future or die trying. She faces it with unbreakable determination as much as she does sadness.

They were friends once, and in the bottom of her heart I think she will always care at least for Shun the boy regardless of Hien the man. But that relationship is finally not enough to stop her from seeking her own justice. They were also master and retainer, such a relationship can never be equal by its definition. The old growth has to die for the new. She wants people who will stand beside her not in front.

She’s remade her identity before this because it felt right, I think she’ll be alright.

I want it clear too how much it is a relationship of equals between Vaste, herself, and their friends. If she opposed them she simply wouldn't have followed them, and I don't think she would let herself be strung along what Vaste wants to achieve just because they're together- in fact they would probably fight to the death if Yugiri remained loyal to what she already fights for. No amount of good relationships, fear of being alone, or crazy good dick is worth being a slave who lacks any independence for lmao. She comes to them because she believes in them as much as they do her, because they all see her and put her back in touch with humanity.

I say that because I've seen so many people including other women make their WoLs literally a dependent accessory with zero personality that doesn't revolve around their male NPC love interests and pretend it's sexy like congratulations you're upholding misogyny, here is your Woman Hater medal 🤡🏅 thank you for continuing to devalue us all as cum socks and emotional labor props, they write with this tone unironically in full seriousness (TW: NSFW, Misogyny):

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TW: Suicide mention

Emotional vulnerability is so so important too. Yugiri comes off as holding hers back because of the dehumanizing nature of her position and training. Its really clear whenever she’s upset, emotionally strung, or expressing kindness and gratitude, in the Japanese even her speech mode changes. I want more scenes like the riverside talk in Stormblood, which was really the only time (besides another single one later in EW which I will not spoil for You specifically, though my followers should know since Aislinn @/lettersnorth mains ranged melee) where she knowingly allows the player past her facade.

With the gift of hindsight that conversation isn’t just contemplative and sad watching her self esteem fall, I think its one of the signs for when she goes to assassinate Zenos later. It has this air of tense finality to it even though she’s not openly saying anything suicidal; regardless of how the player chose to respond to her musing, its clear whats happened before this moment still weighs on her with what comes after. The fact she fully resolved to kill or die trying when dying was 99% certain proves how little her life is worth to her. Its eerie coming back to that cutscene for me. She’s lost everything since she left Sui no Sato and what she has left she sees no future for herself in it; she focuses on what it means for everyone but herself. And if she dies then that’s just how it is.

This is uncomfortably reminding me of myself and Vaste ahahaha.

When she grows past this I think she’d be sensitive to reading when someone is going through the same lows. Especially after being with Vaste and seeing how suicide also impacted her. She pulls from their shared experience on it and is the first to discourage people or open herself to listening. Its double serious for her, coming from the mentality of “I am disposable.”.

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One of the big themes I have with my characters is bonding though shared suffering; I would apply the same logic to Yugiri. Once she embraces the suffering she has endured, has caused, and has seen others carry she can become more understanding as well. I feel like she would see it as a rebirth in her mind as much as it is from a writing angle. She has died twice now; everything after is witnessed by fresh eyes.

Symbolically she may hold a funeral for herself or another gesture in a similar connotation such as reciting the Mantra of Light- if they have Buddhism or its equivalent in this universe. I kinda want to believe they would since we already have a Shintoism proxy. They have a Shinto wedding by the way 😳 Moss knows what it looks like because I wrote a quick prose mock-up for them hffdgdg I have pages of notes just for Yugiri's attire details

Of course this coincides with Vaste's presence itself granting her aether new powers. That was intentional because I love when character growth progresses alongside their abilities and potential. Forcing her to get greater powers also forces her to continue honing her self control as much as her physical prowess. The responsibility expands her good qualities while encouraging continued reflection on her bad ones.

The new sense of greater power also helps her feel less powerless and better able to help others. I don't just mean her fighting skills. Back in SB when she was devastated at seeing Domans shun her for wanting to help them, her powerlessness was mostly from naïveté. She saw these people not from an empathizing human perspective, but as an outsider who wanted to play hero. They were a concept, a picture painted by what her soldier and royal friends had told her- a project in need of saving. Facing the reality humbles her, and I think gaining independence (as well as being open to the perspectives of those around her) after separating from her bubble keeps helping her progress in this.

In terms of her fighting skills through, they aren't just honed, but she's in greater tune with her body and aether than ever. She recognizes the increased responsibility it comes with too to prevent hurting the wrong people in a fight, as well as scaling herself in battle depending on her objective. Her superhuman speed and reflexes are phenomenal; combined with her control over lightening aspected aether, she becomes known as the God of Lightning to those who've witnessed her.

She kills Zenos by the way- I'm sick of her getting bodied every time they've met like she can't fight at all not even landing a single hit. She masters her glow up and blitzes his ass to death. Vaste doesn't kill him because it's what he would want and she also feels Yugiri deserves the satisfaction.

I have things I want to write purely showing off embracing her powers, and what mastery would look like. She's as precise as Vaste, and with upgrades she gets downright surgical. Lighting also has uses besides frying people, like letting her touch resemble a stun gun, or used for cooking and lighting fires if she wants etc.

Also yes I don't think she can cook. Simple things like rice balls or skewering fish over fire? Maybe, but nothing that requires cooking actual meals. From the way it seems she left Sui no Sato too young to have realistically learned much about cooking from her parents. If that changes or I get corrected information I'll reconsider it. For now from what I remember she would've had to leave home permanently as a teenager since when first meeting Shun she was a younger child. Especially since she took years to move up the ranks of her ninja training before she was considered a master.

Point is the game is rather vague about it, so that's what I'm going with. She knows survival skills for the field, but not so much life skills. Life skills take a backseat when your life is framed as disposable. What she can remember from her parents lessons at this point is probably hazy. It would be interesting to think her dad tried showing her a bit on stone masonry though. Since they live under the Ruby Princess there's a good chance women in that community are treated fairer. Maybe her dad would've tried preparing her to inherit the trade alongside her brothers.Those skills would be useful and an important tie to her heritage.

I think she keeps up with it from time to time, talking about stone quality, chiseling, building, different types etc. Most likely she can tell you something about if a stone incorporated building is livable. In the epilogue she runs a dojo for a non lethal version of the marital arts she learned as a ninja, but she also reconnects to stone masonry. Their new village will never be Sui no Sato, but it starts taking influences for every carpenter she helps or fellow stone mason she advises. Her younger son learns from her and continues the trade. She encourages him just as her father did for her; though the tradition it keeps her father alive in her heart.

Stonemasonry also allows her access to working on gravestones for the locals. When she does it feeds into her relationship with death. She gains a greater intimacy with it, with how the dead should be treated, a greater understanding, how she wants to be memorialized when she dies etc. It puts her in contact with the grieving in ways that let her help rather than destroy as she once did. It helps her find peace while contributing to her penance.

Plus it's funny imagining her trying to cook still learning like "Making dinner for my amazing boy girlfriend~" meanwhile Vaste and the others are like "Who the fuck is burning down the kitchen???!" Before they run in to save it (Lewena crying over the cheese being safe, and Mercuo & Syv hugging the wine bottles)

So if I had to sum the transition it's:

- Soldier blinded by power, naivety, misplaced loyalty, lies, and dehumanization ->

- Questioning purpose, re-evaluating loyalty as a concept, reconnecting with humanizing herself, discovering her boundaries, desires, and needs, questioning those around her ->

- Accepting her flaws and free will, doubling down her resolve, realizing she has the power to choose and change her world, acting on this change ->

- Being self assured yet humble, daring yet measured, calm and knowing when to act or when to wait, embraces her identity and personhood, tempered but fluid who knows where her principles lie

And finally everything carries her forward after magic and gods are gone. What she's learning are life skills, reclamation of humanity. Building her strength of character can only leave her a better person. She becomes patient, expressive, strengthens her honesty, solidifies her self worth, knows her wants and needs, sets boundaries, and is empathetic to others without robbing them of agency/objectifying them. Her views on violence calm too, and she matches Vaste's "No killing, violence only when necessary" philosophy. There's been more than enough war for the both of them; more than enough needless blood on their hands.

As a parent later on this tuning toward humanity and the world helps so much too. She's a mom who listens first, is honest without ever being demeaning or cruel, leads by example, and tries to reinforce balance constantly. She would never leave anyone feeling left out or confused on purpose; they will always know they're loved and won't be spoken over. She refuses to let her temper get the better of her whenever it's difficult.

Her kids will not repeat her ignorance nor her own parents mistakes. That's something she and Vaste have on their minds without hesitation. Also we have proof family is important to her because of how much she talks about missing them as is. It's about recognizing the humanity in others. It's about learning to listen to people over treating them like something to save. A reversal of her primary negative character trait.

She's the one who chose the kanji for their Doman/Hingan (Japanese) names too, after talking it over with Vaste. Yoshino's name reflects her being goodness and a blessing, while the boys names I HC are her brother's names, just different kanji. I thought it would be important to her character to honor them like that if she had sons. Ujihide's name is spelled to mean Family Flower (helping to reflect being born during Spring- EDIT: in double checking my research it can also mean the calyx of a flower, which is the green protective layer for an unopened bud, reinforcing a comment in the next section- consider also the meaning Family Protector), while Yoshitsugu's means Inheritor of Justice / Continuing Justice .

* As a side their Zulu names in order mean Peace/Silence, Threshing/Divination (as well as bird wings flapping- which links again to Zulu interpretation of birds as change, another meaning is to extinguish flames, the most common meaning is To Beat), and Victory. The first continues the theme of Yoshino representing hope and blessings as the eldest; meanwhile as the older twin, Ujihide's name reflects protection for his younger brother.

In the old days of both Zulu and Japanese culture twins were a bad omen and undesirable. It actually surprised me over the years to learn how many cultures have hated and feared twin births; there's a lot of negative superstition. If I had to guess the bulk of it comes from twins being a harder birth with a higher mortality rate. And how rare multiple babies in one go is. So when Vaste realized there was a second baby in there she named the older one something to repel bad luck. It's also a slight tongue in cheek joke because it's like his birth divined the coming of his brother after him.

For Yoshitsugu, Manqoba just means Victory or Winner. Yugiri agreed with her that since he was born a bit of a runt compared to his siblings and seemed reserved even as a baby, he should have encouraging names. They don't play favorites, but they do pay close attention to learn what makes him confident and sociable, and when he'd like alone time or to be in his thoughts.

In closing on her I want to write a character who's Vaste's foil, I wanted to fix how the story left her behind and flesh out what she has, and I want yet another example to prove the point that you can only change corrupt systems by stepping outside them. I want to expand a character I like by applying my narrative style.

Right now for Yugiri music, I’ve been listening to Khamsin’s theme off the MGR OST: The Hot Wind Blowing

On a personal note, when it comes to portraying Yugiri I'm very sensitive to avoiding racist stereotypes. I always try being mindful that I don't show/write her as the Submissive Asian Woman or the Cold Scheming Dragon Lady Asian Woman, or the Naturally Smarter Than Everyone Asian Woman. I'm not Asian so I will never be perfect at avoiding these, but I do everything I can when I check my drafts over and over to think about what I include, why I include it, and how the portrayal comes together.

As with my dark skin characters and Vaste I also encourage any East Asians who might find my Yugiri portrayal to correct it if they want. Racism is rampant in fandom and I've even seen people not just hurl slurs but substitute Chinese for Japanese in FFXIV's influences and vice versa; the old "All Asians Look The Same/Are Interchangeable" racist belief. It is beyond offensive and exactly what I wish to avoid, so I advise any non Asians writing Yugiri to be mindful too. If you write a racist portrayal you deserve to get called the fuck out.

The source material gave us scraps; they really are doing another underutilized another interesting dynamic a character can bring while making more for the fucking hollow boring Scions. It sucks, she’s not even the only character they do it to (certainly not the only woman either); in general a lot of the side stuff is better than the MSQ honestly. I also think its so funny that Lyse got more development once she left them, only to get thrown in the Female Character Development Waiting Cell, where she’s still sitting holding her Gucci handbag to this day.

EW was the first time since HW they tried injecting meaningful personality and character development into Scions but I feel like it was both too little too late plus feels shallow after two interim expacs of nothing consistent. Purely from a character writing perspective; obviously they push the story along but that's all they do which is the problem fksdofk (the Twins are in this weird middle ground on that in my eyes though, Urianger is on thin ice)

Anyway time for Estinien

Bestie <3

The biggest thing I love about him is how independent he is. In a game full of people riding your ass over anything to the point of a hollow personality, love seeing someone find a middle ground. His arc revolves around healing and inner peace, above all being true to himself. Yes he can be funny but people get way too caught up making him a meme or rude rather than pay attention to anything else.

He has heart, which is something he guards beneath the rage. Maybe guard is only part of it; he spent all his life focused on anger and revenge I think he forgot it in the back of his mind. It wasn’t as important as killing Nidhogg, and making sure everyone and everything helped do so. The longer it goes on though the more he realizes whats happened to him by drowning in hate; he was never totally blinded in order to do that, whatever he might’ve thought otherwise. He was on the path of losing his humanity. And that fact conflicted with a desire to let go and a desire to hold on.

He shares enough in common with Vaste like this that despite his initial rudeness I think she could tell in his eyes there was more going on. She saw what she was becoming whenever they first spoke. That bonded them right away beyond sharing being Azure Dragoons. He wasn’t in a position to truly help her then because of his own problems, but he would’ve been dispensing advice without realizing it. His honesty continued to be refreshing and grounding too as time passed with people continuing to dehumanize or idolize her.

I love his self reflection, in fact I think he’s one of it not the best at it of the entire cast. The fact that it started not when Nidhogg died but during them being bound together speaks to both the wounded child and unfulfilled man he was beneath rage. The moment he learned the truth of the Dragonsong War, when he felt Nidhogg’s being within himself, he’s been on a journey of understanding. He recognizes Ishgard’s corruption both in the present and the past, which led him to remove himself from an oppressive system while doing penance for his sins and the sins of his heritage in good deeds.

He knows he has a responsibility, and he’s acting on it in tangible ways when he helps Dragons and honors them.

He’s a guide for how I want Vaste to be; a warrior who recognizes who he is, what he’s done, and how he may be part of the community of humanity.

I wanna talk about why I think he’s out of touch at times and not great with socializing beyond Dragons.

It makes complete sense while also explaining how out of touch he is with things others see as normal (including money spending). He picked up the spear at age 12-13 and never put it down; literally and metaphorically training was what he did whenever he wasn't asleep. Alberic probably tried teaching him life skills, but it went unheard if he did. He still has a childlike grasp of things like buying for himself, taking care of himself, others reactions or thoughts about what he might say/do, self care etc.

Of course he’s like that! He never saw the value in being anything other than a tool for his own vengeance! Only years later once he’s come out of revenge can he see he’s stunted himself. I feel as if he’s playing catch up on this too since Heavensward, not just his wandering warrior philosophy. Speaking of that he reminds me of Raiden in Metal Gear Rising, accepting violence and combat as the fabric of his identity, but using it to help the weak and personal atonement. Often times this level of self acceptance when it comes to a negative trait is written so negative action has to be the result. Its nice to see a subversion thats meaningful without being another “Give in to your darkness while accepting no consequences”

Also when he was a villain, I was living for it. I loved when he and Nidhogg shared the role because from a character stand point it made sense. The game had this track record with its villains where they reflected the flaws in the world or society that produced them. Nidhogg reflected the suffering a greedy militant nation will inflict on another race when it stands to benefit; Estinien reflected the despair single minded hatred brings as it eats away who you are and your human essence. Ysayle saw the paranoid murders, rapes, classism and abuses of power rampant in Ishgard which made her side with the oppressed, its foundations built on slaughter of a minority. Yotsuyuu as we know was sexually sold and abused every way by the standards her country upheld, how it viewed women. Fordola is brainwashed, manipulated, and groomed into a reflection of her conquerors.

Really it was a fantastic tradition the Warriors of Darkness then later Meteion continued (I fucking loved Meteion & Hermes actually)- and then people amounted it to memes. Estinien and the others deserve better than that. Heavensward tied his struggles in a way that showed how mental weakness from our faults and deprived needs makes us easy prey for manipulation. Through him it deepened a personal aspect to what Nidhogg and Ysayle were doing; in the sense where the game gave us three characters exploring the failings of Ishgard and war itself. Had the expansion solely relied on Thordan to make its point then it’d be paper thin.

You could see every Heavensward villain/antagonist except for Thordan, and some villains in Stormblood (Yotsuyuu & Fordola) as having It Has To Be This Way fit over their fights

Estinien is great not only for his arc progression and down to earth personality, but because he’s one of the last symbols of when the game was at its best. A time when the game narrative started moving up with stumbles and promise. It took until Endwalker for me to feel even a fraction of that old thrill again. The writers saw they needed a foil character further commentating on when violence becomes senseless; fuck if they didn’t deliver.

His dedication to his agenda first continues to be a breath of fresh air; I want more characters who recognize when they contribute to oppression as he did then take steps doing something about it. I want characters who evolve their philosophy. Every time I see him being a dragon’s biggest fan asking nothing in return its a highlight. Because I remember when he would’ve butchered them all.

He’s my beloved for doing so. The game features mature topics, and characters like Estinien execute on the theme. They better not fuck him up or I’m adding him to my collection. Also him and Aymeric have a thing going on, bisexual husbands. Estinien sees he's fucking up when he does and he learns to correct his behavior. More male characters need to learn that shit, even in general. He loves fiercely. His word is his honor. He understands himself. He is healing. Love this fucking man.

Also I forgive him for anything bad because he worked on it or is working on it so he has always been my babygirl. I see a lot of myself in him too.

So the last bestie is...

Mercuo

I thought about using Gan but I’ve been feeling him ^ lately. Next time I’ll talk about Gan and also his design. Not everyone in the Guardians of Time agreed with or liked Vaste at first. In fact only Weyd, and Syv took a definite positive interest in him on first impressions.

You can argue Lewena somewhat liked her when they first met based on what I wrote a long time ago; however I don’t count it since Lewena’s thoughts were doubts and anxiety. Also she only exposed a glimpse of her powers because she thought it fit the situation while trying to show Vaste a ‘Look I’m special too its not just you’ side. Trying to show her value next to a famous person.

The others had a range of conflicting emotions or self doubts about if she could understand them, because of their low self esteem and differing views. Mercuo’s reasoning made him emotionally withdrawn and externally curt. He didn't dislike Vaste herself so much as the fact that as WoL she's an authority figure, she's allowed the privilege of sanctioned violence. He didn't trust her responsibility nor the role itself because authority betrayed him. He's seen intimately how ripe for warping it is, to the point he questions it's usefulness since it creates an exploitable imbalanced dynamic.

TW: Child Sex Abuse mention

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As in his backstory the trauma of seeing the man who became his father figure molest and attempt assaulting children was the final shattering of his faith in authority figures. His parents had already given him up long ago, the priests before he entered the knighthood by and large didn't expect much, and everyone lorded over him because he was from The Brume and a Duskwight. Not to mention his father figure almost got the chance to molest him as well which was further devastating in hindsight.

-

He has reason not to trust the authoritative individual; he had an idea not to trust the system because Ishgard and poor people don't mix, but seeing it defend his pedophile mentor because he was highborn is the final straw. He puts trust in others when they earn it, and he has every right to. He and Weyd get along because she is genuinely forward thinking as a person and how she sees class systems.

She's seen firsthand the greed of Ul'Dah and the piranha tank it becomes at the drop of a hat. She's seen the neglect of the common man, the bribes, the brutality as policy, the corrupt divided powers. They have similar feelings in common. She had to earn his respect from tireless communication as well as her bearing. The heaps of money for his services was the plus. Vaste has to match that energy and conviction to him; he has to see by her actions she's intent on defying a system.

So first impressions wise he has no idea on any of this so he's on edge. He warms up the longer he spends time around her but the real shift comes when she opens up. Like Yugiri he has a crisis moment in their friendship. How can he feel anything toward a kid killer other than rage? She didn't get upset with him for not wanting to be near her for a time. He spent a long while thinking on it and on how she wants to change.

He thought about how the system broke her down to be capable of it, of how the Templar Knights did similar with him. He was a cop at the end of the day, he'd seen his share of police brutality in Ishgard. Back then though he was too young as a teenager to fully grasp the weight of what he saw and did beyond gut emotions.

In the end what bridged the gap was how hard he saw her trying. She put her money where her mouth was rather than mope but take no action. She started defying the Scions openly, and spoke out whenever she could. He watched her closely to find a grasp on her humanity. Not only that but she came up with the most insane plan he ever heard, killing gods so no one else can suffer as much as they did. This spoke to him, as a Duskwight, as a poor class Ishgardian, as a man.

They became hard friends once they reconciled these differences. If she had been only about her words he would've never changed his mind nor given her trust. If she wasn't serious she'd never have shared with him such a batshit crazy plan either. He understands she's in pain and is paying for it, like he is when he remembers his father figure, how he had to kill him for what he'd done. It's built on compassion and some empathy.

Otherwise though he's a romantic, a risk taker, an adventurer through and through. I don't just mean romantic in that he treats G'azef like a king either; he views the world as full of beauty in unexpected moments. Walking though nature is beauty, walking through towns is beauty, the moment when something gives you a full feeling in the chest is beauty. Hearing others laugh and share stories, joys over drinks is beauty. Sharing pain, is beauty. It's intimacy with the world around you that's romantic.

He's not shy toward new experiences either, though he won't do things he finds obviously stupid. If someone isn't getting him into a new thing then he's breaking their shell in a heart to heart way to do the thing too. Whereas Gan is obvious and enthusiastic when doing this, Mercuo can be that but also subtle. It's about reading situations, which he's done to survive since childhood. As a side effect it made him good at reading people and their emotions.

He keeps up loyalty to places and people he cares for. Chasing Comet's bar the 'Star Dancer' is one such place. He loves everything there, drinks, food, the company etc. Chasing Comet and Kind Dawn love his listening ear or hearing him jumpstart a good party or wild story. They also know him as one of the few who consistently pays his tab. Whenever they need help he'll jump in if able, which always helps. Comet can see on his face that he does things out of earnest, because it's right; it's a trait she finds is lacking in others. So he always has a home there, even on the occasions he does mischief.

He and K'ali do jockey each other over getting work as mercenaries, but there is respect. They may tease and bicker and be petty but neither does anything genuinely insulting. They respect each other's work ethic, skills, charisma and so on. There's been times where he's seen her off beneath the swashbuckling demeanor and stepped in; either with a word or by paying for her tab.

The times when she's been too distraught inside to remember to shave were his first clue that she's intersex, but he didn't bug her about it. He saw her anxiety over forgetting to upkeep how she presents and had the tact not to treat her any different.

When she finally did confide some in him, he was accepting. He also knows how much she cares for her brother N'ali. He wishes he had a family relationship like that; as time passes he gives that role to Syv somewhat. In any case he sees she has heart even when she's being a shit. Without her around things would be less bright.

The sword to him is so important because despite the painful memories he has using one, it's still symbolic of finding his first calling. Of finding freedom out of the slums and loneliness. Nothing can ever take that half away. He trains to the point it moves as an extension of his body; a skill he's proud of beyond belief. It is both an art piece and a tool of death to be respected. He and G'azef met through the sword too. They fight side by side as each other's embers in the clashes of life. They are in love so thoroughly to embody the sword in one another.

I really like Mercuo. I really like all my characters even when I struggle to fill them out. So moving forward I want to do more little by little.

Also I like fitting him in clothes with huge collars because it makes his head hilariously tiny but it works

[depresseddisneyprincess]

I can notice myself becoming an addict, but i dont wanna stop. I know i should. But when im high or drunk is the only time i can feel something while still forgetting whats happened. And im sorry for sending you this sad note but i needed to say something to someone so thank you for that

First off, please never apologize for sending me a sad ask, my account has depressed in the url so sad asks come with the territory! (also i made this blog literally to help people who were struggling)

As an addict myself - I've been drinking and getting blackout drunk since I was eleven, right now I'm 21, so I get it - I understand how hard it is because you don't want it to stop. When you're in so much pain that the only thing that helps it a mind-altering substance it's fucking hard to exist.

Existing as an addict is such a hard feat. For the most part, people who aren't addicts just don't understand it. I get not wanting to stop because it's like fuck I finally found something that makes me feel slightly better or numb to the pain.

We become addicted to things because we don't have any connection in real life and we are in so much pain we prefer to be in a fucked up state of mind because that's better than our default state. I'd seriously recommend calling an addiction hotline, this is the most well known one, https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline. If your addiction at any point is making you suicidal I recommend https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/ which is just you texting 741741 to reach a crisis counselor who can better direct you to support systems.

If none of those sound appealing to you, please message me or talk to me. I promise you I get addiction and will NEVER judge an addict or someone struggling with addiction. Nearly half my life I've dealt with it, I will never give someone with it pause or shit.

Please stay safe and know there are so many resources available to you which I will list below.

- https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

- https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/alcohol-drug-hotline

- https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/drug-abuse-hotline/

Stay safe! I'm always here if you need anyone.

[babieyangs-moved]

tagged by @joshuasnosejob to answer some questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better 💕

name/nickname: lola... i dont rly have a nickname

gender: girl boss

star sign: capricorn

height: 162.5cm... idk what that is in feet and inches i think im like 5′4 or something

birthday: january 14th

favorite bands: ngl these questions give me an existential crisis... but ones i can never not listen to would include fall out boy, all time low, arctic monkeys..... and then kpop wise: nct (all units), super m, the boyz, seventeen, astro...etc.

fave solo artists: again these questions make me rethink my life choices..... kehlani, blackbear... my mind is blanking which is why i hate these questions

song stuck in my head: together at home - super m

last movie: magic mike (i watched it out of pure boredom pls dont judge me)

last show: start-up.. still mad at how the last half went but neways... but i’ve also almost finished private lives bc im on the last ep

when i created this blog: july 2019? i think

last thing i googled: “162.5 cm in feet and inches“

do i get asks: not rly

following: 303

why did i chose this url: you will never see troy bolton and jaehyun in the same room for one simple reason.... also jaehyun #1 hsm fan

average hours of sleep: like a good 6 hours...

lucky number(s): 7, 14..

instruments: piano but i can barely play anymore bc i stopped playing when i was like 18 lol

what i'm wearing: off the shoulder summer dress i bought from factorie like 3 or 4 years ago :’)

dream trip: korea!!!! but also the us to see my gf.... and maybe argentina to see my family

favorite food: chicken nuggets (purely bc coles has gluten free ones in the frozen section)...

favorite song: i dont rly have one rn

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: my daydream universe where im besties w kpop idols and can magically speak like 4 languages... idk

i tag: @berryongs @thefinalgirlz @02print @1hades @yangyanghater @mullets-deactivated20210110 + 14 other blogs that want to do this

[basketcase80]

Heya so @hesitantspacewitch tagged me for this lil ask challenge

So here ya go

Gender: female

Sign: aries

Current time: 6:50 am

Favorite Musical Artists: MAN I have so many favorites lmao. And then change every day I think, solely bc I listen to so much music. Like I always answer this question differently. But rn, definitely Green Day, My Chemical Romance, AJR, and The Pretty Reckless.

Favorite Song: WHAT? if I can't even pick one band how tf am I supposed to pick one song? This changes like...every hour on the hour. Rn I think it's "I Dare You" by The Regrettes. I love the song and it's been stuck in my head for a little while.

Last Googled: kinda boring here....I just googled "college board." That's it. Needed some info about AP Exams and any changes due to Covid-19.

Do You Get Asks: not really, but I'd like too! Send me things :))

Reason for URL: green day songs on this blog, and for my photography blog it's lyrics from "Folkin' Around" by panic! at the disco

Average amount of sleep: yikes that depends. I try and get a decent amount of sleep, but about half the time my body refuses to actually sleep. So on a good day, about 8 hours. Bad day, like 2 hours.

Lucky Number: 7, bc it was my soccer number for my entire childhood.

Dream Job: something within physical sciences (ie, physics, astronomy, etc). Which I'm going to college for. So let's hope I dont have a crisis and change my mind lmao. ((But also, on a real, I'd love to move to the French Alps alone but with a pet goat and do nothing but oil paint off the grid.....is that a career?))

Dream trip: man I want to travel everywhere around the world....so everywhere is my dream trip lol

Currently wearing: the sexiest outfit ever. And by that I mean I just woke up and I'm wearing a giant gray sweatshirt with my HS tennis team's logo on it, with wonderfully gray leggings and fluffy socks.

Favorite food: either those japanese noodles that you make on a hibachi grill (yakisoba? Is that what they're called?) Or burritos.

Instruments: I used to sing, but mostly i played viola growing up. I was forced to quit the school program due to a scheduling debacle, so I haven't played in a while. I'm trying to pick up a guitar though....any tips? Lmao

Tagging the last few people on my activity page:

@wheretheredthreadled

@mypoisoneduniverse

@threecheersforsweetreunion

@whathefuckisdoingthisduckhere

[edsbev]

my god i was reading ur nsfw one shot and I was like aw i miss reading her writing let me go find some more :,) so I clicked off and it wAS LIKE No Posts Here AND I WAS LKKE ??? I THOUGHT U DEACTIVATED RIGHT WHEN I TRIED TO FIND MORE OF YOUR WRITING BUT U JUST CHANGED UR URL HSJSKSND

fhgjdksd dont mind me ! just havin an identity crisis  

[othernecessarythings]

back on my bullshit again

and once more!! if you happen to stumble across these posts of mine, please just ignore them.. they’re a way for me to reflect on my life (and improve my english), and while i can’t stop you from reading them, can i say that you probably wouldn’t benefit much from it lol. anyways let’s go

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

my lots of songs list: the love club-lorde, river en vacker dröm-håkan hellström, living dead-marina, why we ever-hayley williams, snälla bli min-veronica maggio, take this lonely heart-nothing but thieves

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

oof um the person who will be the love of my life? no lol but like zendaya would be pretty cool ig

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“... and the top was red-and-white striped, and it all zipped up in the front.”

4) What do you think about most?

hmm my friends maybe?

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that i know of

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

nah i feel some trypophobia (?spelling) sometimes but that’s it

7) What’s your religion?

i’m kinda christian, but like i choose which parts to believe in and not, like i believe in the message of doing good and love, but not like homophobia or an actual god lol

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

sitting in the sun, listening to music

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

ah probably paramore, yeah it must be them

10) What was the last lie you told?

eh kinda basic but “i’m fine” i guess

11) Do you believe in karma?

ooh that’s a questioning worth discussing, no i don’t believe in the actual the-universe-is-constantly-judging-our-actions, but like that people who do good tend to get good things back? yeah that makes sense

12) What does your URL mean?

my main (neon-places) is from perfect places by lorde, and just neon bc it sounds cool

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

oh god if i only knew,,, i really need to improve my empathy, but my systematical skills are quite good

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

hayley williams

15) How do you vent your anger?

i don’t get mad😌😌 no but like when i get irritated do i just close my door to my room and like listen to music in headphones and solve a puzzle or something lol

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

i kinda collect things that mark an important/memorable event in my life, like my first pride bracelet, my favorite jeans from when i was like 15, lots of birthday cards,, yeah it’s not so unique, but they’re important to me

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes!!!! me a few years ago would’ve never thought that i’d be like this now, but i’m proud of myself and what i’ve become!!

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

fun fact i HATE sleeping to the sound of rain. it makes me really anxious,, i love the sound of waves though, or my little sisters pure laugh :,)

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i’m just faking everything, what if this is not actually me but something i put up to please others around me

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

not ghosts really, but there must be some sort of life in the whole fucking space,, while maybe not what we traditionally would categorize as “life”, must it exist something, somewhere

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

i’m in my bed so like. my nightstand to the right, my wall to the left

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

absolutely nothing, i’m so used to the smell of my house

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

oo idk??? i’m usually quite content with wherever we’re going, although fotografiska in stockholm was shitty though

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

oh um like tyler joseph maybe? gerard way, frank iero? yeah i’m an emo slut

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

no don’t go there,, thereisnomeaningoflifesoitsallaboutmakingasmuchaspossibleandliveashappilyaspossiblyuntilourfleetingexistenceonthisearthisover

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

.. yeah you could say that i drove, i have a driving license after all, and i’ve never crashed but i’ve been stopped by police a few times lol

27) What was the last movie you saw?

no idea, i never watch movies... or wait!! we had legally blonde on at my friends house a few days ago when we got home from a party, i didn’t exactly watch it but it was playing

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i’ve had some bad allergic reactions in form of severe eczema

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

‘the devil and god are raging inside me’ by brand new, doing my makeup a special way

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yeah, that i’m gay and together with my earlier best friend (we were not)

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not really,, i’m really fucking scared of conflicts so i simply forgive and move on, it’s easier that way

32) What is your astrological sign?

pisces baby

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

a blue skirt second hand!! v cute

34) Love or lust?

um idk i’ve never really experienced any of them, but maybe love

35) In a relationship?

nope

36) How many relationships have you had?

a whopping amount of zero

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I DONT KNOW someone tell me please how to get someone to like me,, but like more friendship-like is it usually to always choose my words very carefully to not upset anyone, it usually gets me quite far

38) Where is your best friend?

where? i hope she’s home? well like we took the bus home together a few hours ago, so i guess she’s home

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

aha ha funny,, i was having a small mental crisis so i sat and did math (by free will, school has ended for summer) while listening to melodrama.. yes

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i don’t know, this is so hard.. but like. no? or it wouldn’t really work to have someone like me as a close friend, i’m to introvert, i tend to surround myself with extroverts who bring me with them to do stuff

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

oh um i call 112 (the swedish 911) and make sure someone else notice the dog too and help it while i hurry to my job

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) yes, i think so. only my closest though, to give them a chance to say goodbye properly, but i wouldn’t really like other just acquaintances to reach out just bc of the circumstances

b) i try to travel as much as possible, party all i can, tell everyone i love how much they mean to me and just. live

c) of course, i would be scared to death (see what i did there) but i wouldn’t have any other choice but to fully live my last month

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

hard times by paramore!! it always makes me want to dance

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

no

45) How can I win your heart?

show any whatsoever interest in me lol

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

i guess,, i’m like the opposite of insanity though, i’m constantly numb and completely lacking any creativity, so it may work the other way too

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

hmm maybe my school application? i’m so fucking happy with my choice

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

hmm nothing too special i guess, just the usual loved and missed and so

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

like the anatomy and stuff,,, i really like biology, more than romances lol

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

usually different shades of blue, but right now all pastel colors, especially purple

51) What is your current desktop picture?

my locked screen is two of my best friends, and my home screen is paramore ofc

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump would be pretty nice

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

oh um like “name a few things you don’t like about me” or something, bc as i said, i hate conflicts

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

the ability to change the probability!!! it’s the ultimate superpower!!!

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

my tøp concert maybe? i was really euphoric then, and i haven’t really felt like that since, but i’m afraid i’ll destroy that memory if i could go back so idk

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i’ve had quite a happy life yet, there’s no big thing i’d like to erase,, no i feel like every experience in my life has leaded me to where i am today, so i wouldn’t like to erase anything

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

hmm idk maybe alex turner. idk i feel like it would be pretty nice

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

italy maybe? my friends and i planned to go there this summer before the corona hit, so i’d like to go there lol

59) Ever been on a plane?

yeah several times

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

idk idk i’m not really.. attracted to anyone rn? it’s kinda weird but there’s no one where i’m like wow this person is HOT,, nah i don’t really feel anything like that at the moment

[poeticallypoetic]

30 Questions Tag!

Tagged by the lovely @twobrokegirlswithbooks, thank you darlings!

Rules: answer 30 questions and then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better.

1. Nicknames: none!

2. Gender: Female 

3. Star Sign: Virgo

4. Height: 5′1.8″

5. Time: 4:40pm

6. Birthday: 13th of September 

7. Favourite bands: God i have too many 

8. Favourite solo artists: Again, far too many but some that immediately spring to mind are Blackbear, Somo, Lana del Rey, Halsey, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Melanie Martinez, Adele, Lorde

9. Song stuck in my head: Taylor’s new song, Look What You Made Me Do

10. Last movie watched: A documentary about the 2008 financial crisis, I cant remember the name of it

11. Last show watched: The fresh prince of bell air

12. When did i create my blog: late June 2017, after i lost my old blog 

13. What do i post: books and books and books!

14. Last thing googled: what came first, the chicken or the egg?

15. Do i have other blogs: Nope!

16. Do i get asks: Once in a blue moon

17. Why did i choose this URL: because poetry is poetic

18. Following: 500

19. Followers: 300

20. Favourite colour: Turquoise!

21. Average hours of sleep: what is sleep?

22. Lucky Number: 13

23. Instruments: guitar, piano, my vocal chords 

24. What am i wearing: tank top, shorts and a zippy hoodie

25: How many blankets do i sleep with: uh a duvet 

26: Dream Job: Writer and/or book critic 

27. Dream Trip: America!

28: Favourite food: i dont really have one but i cant live without coffee 

29: Nationality: Gosh these questions always confuse me! I’m British; but born in Algeria and raised (partially) in Paris. My father’s family are Spanish and my mother’s are French and Algerian. So take from this what you may i guess 

30. Languages spoken: English, French, Arabic (2 dialects), Spanish and German

Tagging these lovely darlings: @onceuponabookblr @yesbooksandtea @readerdreamer007 @adifferentkindofgentleman @ravenclawravings @readingtakesyouplaces 

and anyone else who wants to do it!

[loverrsamongus]

tagged by @kcgane <3 im sorry this is so friggin late!! tagging: @lieutenantriza, @pining-keith, @legendofaang, @pepperpaprika, @tsukkishima, @rirens,  @iwaizumi-hajimie, @ennoshitac  

no pressure to do it if you don’t want to ! <3

name: helena

star sign: leo

height: 5′4, or in human language 163/4 cm (not sure tbh)

age: 18 (19 in three months sob)

favourite colour(s): purple & red & blue. you get the gist

time rn: 19:24

last thing I googled: where is HKUS located (i had a virus apparently)

favourite fictional character: ahh so manny tbh... roy mustang and zuko always have a special place in my heart though

dream trip: the highway. im not even kidding. me, someone special, windows rolled down, speeding down a road that’s empty except for us, probably blasting selena gomez

dream job: i’m not sure yet. something that will make waking up at 6 am bearable

what i’m wearing rn: a t-shirt and pj bottoms

follower count: 1,160 (ya’ll keep unfollowing me smh)

posts: 1,775

why did you make your blog: originally, because i wanted to promote my sister’s story on FFN (back in 2013 or 2014), then it got deleted a couple of times so i remade. and the last time i “made” my blog was September 21st 2015. its a bittersweet day of the year for me and i was having an existential crisis

do you get asks on a daily basis: uhh no, i don’t even remember the last time i got an ask lmao (not counting the ask games i’ve reblogged the last couple of week, which have brought me a whole of three (3) new messages)

why did you choose your url: i wanted something voltron related, with shiro and/or keith, and preferably both. this one was available 

countries you’ve lived in: Croatia

languages you speak: croatian (serbian), english, i guess german, but a very basic level

favourite film: i love so many films honestly, but the first one that comes to mind at this question is always My Sister’s Keeper

last thing I bought online: i have literally never bought anything online lol

last person I dreamt of: i so very rarely remember my dreams, but i think it was a few nights ago that i dreamt of a girl who i have a bittersweet, again, relationship with. i can’t remember what the dream was about, just that it wasn’t about here, she was just there

a recurring dream: i don’t really remember dreams tbh (<- same)

phobias/fears: (shit yours is naaasty af), heights, death of loved ones (<- this one makes me a bit paranoid sometimes, i always have to know where everyone is and i get Pissed if they leave without telling somebody where they’re going/checking in)

how would my friends describe me: to be perfectly honest, i don’t really have any friends (not a pitty party, i chose this life xD) and i’m really not sure how the people in my life who love me would describe me. i, personally, would describe myself as a hermit bookworm lol. i guess i could ask

edit: my sister says pain in the ass

if I had $$$ to spend what would I buy first: anime plushies that i dont need

[yoshichiii]

interview tag ^^

tagged by my lovely bestfriend 🥺 @lyjikyu

why did you choose your url?

i dont know, yoshi reminds himself of a tiger. and its cute :D

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them?

i have a second acc but idk what to do with it, so i might use it for skz stuff @harutobbyu

how long have you been on tumblr?

since... 2019? or 2018 i dont rememberrr

do you have a queue tag?

nope

why did you start your blog in the first place?

originally this account was supposed to be just here no posts or anything, but my bestfriend told me that i should write my imagines so thank you @lyjikyu

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i had no choice, plus yoshi looks good there i had a lot of pfp crisis and i ended up with this one :D

why did you choose your header?

i dont actually have a header but when i had i just try to fit the lay out and all that :p

what’s your post with the most notes?

honestly? my haruto imagines idk why but yeah that's that.

how many mutuals do you have?

i dont reallyy have that many but i have two, i dont really interact that much.

how many followers do you have?

133 thanks for that tho idk if i really deserve it cause im really inactive in here.

how many people do you follow?

15

have you ever made a shitpost?

none

how often do you use tumblr each day?

not that often actually, im more active in other socmeds

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i have no intentions on fighting any blogs :// plus if they try to ill just ignore it its not worth it anyway.

how do you feel about ‘you need to share this’ posts?

if its about awareness sure, i dont mind but if its about stuff like share this if you wanna live then i won't.

do you like tag games?

yeah, its cool.

do you like ask games?

yeah

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

all of them

do you have a crush on a mutual?

none.

this was a bit long... HAHAHAHAHAHAH sorry for the dry answers im kind of not in the mood today but i wanted to do this!! soo yeahh anyone can do ittt love u all.

[anonymoustalks]

The thing is society dosen't really care for men and even many me don't seem to care for men, it's like both men and women never care about men's problems

(6-20-20) You both like Feminism.

You: hiyo

Stranger: Hi

You: what's on your mind?

Stranger: Many things.

You: mhm, anything that you want to talk about?

Stranger: Yours?

You: religion

You: my last conversation was about religion

Stranger: The feminist cult religion?

You: nope, I was on the religion tag

Stranger: Okay.

Stranger: I'm so not religious lol

You: is there a word for anti-feminist?

You: I'm not religious either

Stranger: There is, it is anti-feminist.

Stranger: That's it lol

You: it's a dull word

Stranger: Or anti-feminism.

You: so you are anti-feminism?

Stranger: I don't know but i don't support feminism and i hate most feminiets, the majority of feminists are scum and extremists.

You: mhm I support feminism

Stranger: Well good for you at least you know what you want.

You: mhm and you don't know what you want?

Stranger: I do but i cannot get it.

You: oh what exactly do you want?

Stranger: I want a boyfriend. I am gay.

You: ahh gl with that

Stranger: Gl?

You: good luck

You: where are you from?

Stranger: So do you fund feminists groups?

Stranger: America

You: mhm I donated once to the HRC

You: which supports both lgbt and feminism

Stranger: What's hrc?

You: human rights campaign

Stranger: Ohh

You: I donated 20 dollars to them and then they didn't stop calling me

Stranger: You donated to help what?

Stranger: Why didnt they stop calling you?

You: well if you donate once you're listed as a potential donor

You: so then they keep calling you hoping you'll donate again

Stranger: Yikes!

Stranger: So what did you do?

You: I think it's kind of common

You: I just said I wasn't going to donate

Stranger: What do they use your money for?

You: it's like your typical phone canvasing

You: colleges and univesities do that too

Stranger: I see.

You: they're an advocacy and lobbying group

You: so I think you'd probably dislike them

Stranger: What do they advocate for?

Stranger: It's okay, we're just having a convo.

You: oh that lobby for the passage of pro-lgbt bills in congress

You: *they lobby

Stranger: Are you from america?

You: yes

You: like big industries like guns and pharma all have lobbies in congress -- which means they spend millions to convince politicians to vote a certain way

You: for like other things, the money that goes to lobbying comes from ordinary ppl

Stranger: What's your opinion on metoo and the believeallwomen hashtag?

You: mhmm

Stranger: I mean woudn't you say metoo is toxic?

You: yeah I would say there are circumstances that it is kinda toxic

You: but I think it's important to speak out if you get sexually harrassed

You: there's a long history in the us of women staying silent

Stranger: I do and i would to but that does not justify accusing someone of rape when they did not do it.

Stranger: 2 wrongs don't make a right.

You: mhm, what percentage of people #metoo-ing do you think are lying?

Stranger: I'm saying we shoudn't believe all women cause the stats say 2% to 10% of women lie about rape.

Stranger: I can't even imagine how many more men might have been falsely imori

Stranger: Imprisoned for something they never did.

You: sure, although I think it's good that these 90-98% of women who aren't lying are speaking up now

You: a majority of rape cases are dismissed

You: overwhelming majority

Stranger: I'm not saying they shoudn't cause they should but we need solid evidence before accusing someone of being a rapist

You: sure

You: although I think everyone should have the right to speak their story

Stranger: If anyone tries to rape me of course i would speak up in a heartbeat.

You: I think some companies may overreact in some circumstances to firing someone who get's #metoo'd

You: but I think people should be able to speak up and say it happened

Stranger: Because of false accusations men have killed themeselves and entered years in prison.

You: I mean the imprisonment thing I think that's just not true

You: so few accusations ever lead to prison time

You: I think you could say many men have lost their jobs

Stranger: Are you sure?

You: yup, I'm sure

Stranger: There is news on it.

Stranger: Men have told their stories.

Stranger: Search on youtube

You: yeah, but if they're convicted by a trial and jury, that legitimately means there was like evidence

You: like a dna test or sperm or things like that

You: us courts do not convict without evidence

Stranger: I dont know about that i mean people always see to believe women even without evidence

You: mhm, but the legal system hasn't changed in the US at all

You: I think more ppl are concerned about their employers believe claims and getting fired from their jobs

Stranger: I heard stories where men spent many years for a rape they did not do

You: yes, but you can't get convicted unless there is some evidence that convinces the jury

You: sometimes there can be bad evidence though

You: but it's the same thing of ppl going to prison for murder they didn't commit

You: a rape charge is very serious in the US, and you can't get convicted without serious evidence

Stranger: The jury can just call anything evidence whether it is real or not.

You: mhm idk, it can be sometimes hard to argue dna tests and stuff like that

Stranger: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DO5yrFOX5vh0&ved=2ahUKEwjuhr7l15HqAhWs63MBHVavCq8Qo7QBMAN6BAgCEAE&usg=AOvVaw2Nj1O1PtJHVUDh-T9RW6Bq

Stranger: Maybe you should watch this video, of you want to that is.

You: but again, a lot of ppl support abolishing the death penalty, because there are times when the justice system convicts the wrong ppl

You: but this isn't a problem seen just in rape cases in general

You: it happens with murder convictions and other crimes

You: rape doesn't get special treatment in us courts

Stranger: But why are there so many men in prison for a rape they did not commit then?

You: mhm..... idk, you will have to look up statistics for that

Stranger: Okau

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: Are you like a liberal btw?

You: yup

Stranger: A hillary supporter?

You: lol hillary isn't running

Stranger: I know but you voted for her?

You: versus trump lol?

You: of course

Stranger: Is it true that all feminists believe men have it much easier than women?

Stranger: I just don't see how anyone could think that.

You: well I don't really think that's the case

You: I think each gender has its problems

Stranger: I sometimes feel ny life would be easier if i was a woman.

You: mhm how so?

Stranger: Well i feel like i woudn't be told to man up

You: right

Stranger: People would be more concerned about my mental help

Stranger: I think people woudn't be so hard on me

You: mhm I think it's bad that you had to go through all those things

Stranger: I always felt like the female gender is the privileged gender.

You: idk I think for me it's hard to say one gender is more "privileged" than the other

You: but for me, I think about women who can't get a promotion because her boss thinks she will get pregnant

Stranger: You're entitled to your opinion, i am not trying to change your mind. Just sharing my views.

You: mhm totally

You: you are too

You: so I think there are challenges in different areas

You: and I think society should work together to improve issues experienced by both genders

Stranger: The thing is society dosen't really care for men and even many me don't seem to care for men, it's like both men and women never care about men's problems

Stranger: The suicide rate of men is so high and that upsets me everyday.

You: I think society should care for men, and we should change culture so that society does

Stranger: People still believe me cannot get raped.

You: a lot of ppl tell me that feminists want to "emasculate" men when we say that we should encourage it so that it's more acceptable for men to talk about their feelings

You: and express feelings and talk about their emotions

Stranger: If a woman rapes a man then people think it's not possible and that pisses me off.

You: yeah rape can happen to anybody

You: you were raped? :c

Stranger: No but i am worried about the men who did get raped.

You: mhm

Stranger: I just want to prevent men from getting raped.

You: rape is bad, and I think it's important to look at what we can do to improve it

Stranger: Men are usually less likely to speak up if they are being raped or sexually assaulted.

You: right

You: I think men should speak up

You: or I think we should make the culture acceptable for that

Stranger: I want them to but society also needs to advocate for them.

You: mhm, yup

You: sexual violence hurts everybody involved

Stranger: I know.

You: but yeah, if it's important to you, have you thought about getting involved?

Stranger: I dont know how to

Stranger: Maybe i should join the mens rights

You: well there are rape crisis hotlines for women, maybe you can find one for men?

You: or start one for men?

Stranger: How much would that even cost?

You: most of them are run by volunteers

You: it's basically a phone number

You: and you organize a group of ppl to pick up the phone

Stranger: What is the phone number?

You: I think it depends on the area you're from

Stranger: Oh okay maybe i will try to find out

You: the trevorproject is the lgbt suicide hotline

You: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

You: you can get trained to volunteer for them and answer the phone

Stranger: So anyways are you married?

You: nope

Stranger: Oh okay

Stranger: How old are you?

You: 26 you?

Stranger: I probably will never get married..

Stranger: 23

You: mhm why not?

Stranger: Well i am gay so i dont think i can get married lol

You: are in the US?

You: it's legal in a bunch of states now

You: supreme court also ruled on anti-discrimination too

Stranger: Not that marriage in essential anyways especially if we consider.how many people get divorced after marriage.

You: mhm if you don't want to get married I can understand that oo

Stranger: I mean marriage was always between a man and a woman so i don't know if.it is really marriage.

You: are you from a conservative state?

Stranger: I mean are there any religions who have same sex marriage?

You: idk, I'm not religious, so for me marriage is a secular union

Stranger: I am not either but marriage was created by religious people.

Stranger: Even though i am not religious i believe in a spiritual world, don't laugh lol

You: no it's fine, I understand

Stranger: Do you believe in the supernatural?

You: I think in a lot of the non-religious countries, or atheist countries, marriage still happens. Maybe the meaning has changed

You: not really

Stranger: Oh okay. So you believe in science only? I believe in both science and the supernatural

You: mhm I guess you could say I lean more towards science

You: maybe I believe in a soul, idk

Stranger: Ok

Stranger: Oh ya do you want to talk about abortion?

You: sure haha ^^

You: do you have strong feelings?

Stranger: Like what strong feelings?

You: some people have very strong opinions about abortion

Stranger: Ya i kinda do

Stranger: Why?

You: pro-life?

You: no just curious, mine are less strong

Stranger: Well i don't join groups so no but i don't like killing a fetus either

You: mhm

You: is there a particular point in pregnancy that you think abortion should be illegal?

Stranger: A fetus is still the child of that mother and father.

Stranger: I think abortion always be illegal unless maybe there are a few exceptions like if the mother will ide

Stranger: *die*

You: have you ever heard of plan b?

You: the birth control pill?

Stranger: No i have not

You: it's the day after pill

You: technically you can think of that as a kind of abortion too

You: since you're aborting the day after

You: sex

Stranger: I dont know about those birth control thingies

Stranger: I dont have a lot of knowledge on many things

You: oh

Stranger: Lol

You: it takes a long time for the fetus to form

You: many states have laws on what point it should be illegal to abort

You: because early on it's like microscopic

Stranger: I really need someone to teach me things i want to learn

Stranger: I think if the sperm meets the ovum and becomes one then isn't that already a life?

You: it depends on how you see it essentially

Stranger: Do you support abortion?

You: yup, up to a limit

Stranger: If i was a woman i would never abort my baby.

You: mhm I don't think I would abort either

You: but I think it's important to have a right to choose to extent

You: having a baby is a life-changing event

Stranger: I believe abortion is murder, even in the early stages i would never abort my baby.

You: mhm

You: I was talking about weeks because at certain weeks the fetus is at a different size

You: like by week 6 it's like the size of a grain of rice

Stranger: I know it is a life changing event but murder is never the answer

Stranger: So you are counting the value of your child by it's size? :(

Stranger: I a

You: mhm well, I think there's a certain point when the fetus develops a heart or a brain

You: and takes its first heartbeat

You: I think for me, before it has developed to that point

You: I mean, in a way, every sperm cell has the potential to become a baby

You: and same with every egg in menstruation

You: so for me internally, I guess we all have a point when we consider life to have started

Stranger: But i dont think sperm is the same thing as a embryo or fetus

You: mhm but the day after fertilization, it's basically just an egg with extra dna

You: from the sperm

Stranger: Are we all a sperm and a ovum according to science?

Stranger: I am curious.

You: mhm in a sense, yeah

You: there's no brain

You: so it's not thinking

Stranger: So you and i are sperms and ovums?

You: well I mean, we've grown a lot

You: I think it's unethical to kill a fetus with a beating heart and brain

Stranger: That's weird cause i never felt like a sperm and ovum

You: because I think at a certain point life has started

You: and I believe the baby has started to feel things

You: lol you wouldn't remember being a zygote (the sperm+ovum)

Stranger: What stage at birth do you think the soul enters the body.

You: mhm somewhere in between heartbeating and having a brain I think

Stranger: I know but it is hard to imagine i was ever a sperm and ovum.

You: yeah but we all started that way

Stranger: What if it was even before that? Then it would be murder :(

Stranger: But it is so weird to think of it

You: I mean, like when ppl have sex there's millions of sperm

You: if it was a different one that fertilized the egg

You: in a sense you could be someone else

You: or when a guy masturbates, those are all potential babies

Stranger: Ya but without the ovum there is no baby

Stranger: And without the sperm there is also no baby

Stranger: So we are 2 parts merged into one? That is creepy

You: lol is it?

You: I guess it's just nature

Stranger: So i am 2 beings in 1?

You: mhm you are you

You: you know another weird thing?

You: so our skin is constantly dying

Stranger: What?

You: like we shed

You: dead skin

Stranger: Ya i know that

You: how long do you think it takes before all of our skin is replaced?

Stranger: Maybe a few years?

You: yeah idk

You: sometimes I think its weird that our body now is totally different from our body a couple years ago

You: like not even the same cells

Stranger: But then why do i still have my scars?

Stranger: Why didn't my scars go away?

You: scars are like dead tissue

You: so when your skin grows, it grows around them

Stranger: Oh. Well that upsetting that they wont go away anytime soon

Stranger: I just thought since scars that arent so deep should go away since they are on the surface of my skin

You: mhm yeah idk

You: how did you get them?

Stranger: I got scratched my sharp things i guesd?

You: oh

Stranger: But some of them are not really that deep at all

Stranger: Yet the marks are still on my fingers

You: mhm

Stranger: What is mhm?

You: oh, it's just a sound of agreeing

Stranger: Are you planing to get married?

You: maybe

You: I think I will probably get going

You: it was nice talking to you

Stranger: Ok

You: bye, I wish for the best

Stranger: Where will you be going?

You: hm? maybe clean a little

Stranger: Ok bye

You: bye

You have disconnected.