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gayregis · 5 years ago

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im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

#thoughts #dandelion #gerlion

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patrickbaeddman · 8 years ago

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btw this wall of text is funny and has jokes so dont be afraid to read it in full♥( like i never read theory posts i just skim cuz they’re usually really boring)

im genuinely asking all you girls lol. i think that theory and stuff is fun but its got a lotta girls caught up in it to where they think all issues are equal. because in theory they are. but this is totally war, like, our numbers are limited. and also we cant afford to make things any easier for people who are invested in killing us.

like in theory what if we had a utopian capitalist society; trans women would be treated perfect, cis women would be treated perfect, etc, except for that capital would exist lol but im just saying its capitalist because of the epistemological impossibility of describing a post-capitalist society. so cis women would have their uteruses respected and all that stuff (what do cis women care about????? idgi tbh) and trans women would y’know, not be in the absolute shithole.

so in that situation theory coincides with and applies to society so if a misogynist trend appeared it wouldnt hurt trans women to work with cis women on whatever was an issue with them with that. well the only thing that would hurt would be being seen in public with such unfashionable people. but i digress.

however in this late capitalist metadata-shaped reality, if we want to really center and support ourselves and our sisters, we have to preform some kind of triage. triage is a practice in medicine and more specifically field, military, and emergency medicine by which doctors quickly determine prognosis (oversimplified: how likely someone is to survive) and more importantly the effect of treatment on said prognosis. and then decide the order to treat injured based on that analysis. so basically they treat the ppl with severed limbs first so they dont bleed out, but the people cut in half last cuz it would be near impossible to save them anyway. you probably already knew all this, like, if you’ve seen apocalypse now or anything but i just really like talking about medical science lmao. humor me.

so we have to decide where the focus of social and material resources is most important and will do the most good for tw. thats pretty intuitive. i think if i said that to any tw i know shed agree. well tw dont usually agree with my taste in icecream muchtheless politics so maybe not. anyway :p♥

looking at it from a military/conflict analytical perspective, because there’s little difference between physical and emotional conflict and often its helpful to look at them the same, there are a lot of people working on cis womens “rights”. in fact many men also work with cis women on their ~issues~ ; trans guys being especially invested in this cuz its a way to be transmisogynist and gain power 4 free basically. cis women have that shit on lockdown, lemme tell you. they’re bringing their boyfriends and everything. meanwhile our boyfriends or cis girlfriends dont wanna be seen with us. but like i said a bunch already, nobody’s even working for trans womens basic needs (not rights) except ourselves. let me say: every time we go participate in a womens march, in a trans march, we’re getting played hard.

like hard girls. like major funny business. like serious shenanigans. why? because cis women and trans men use us and our incredible skill, talent, etc, and get us to organize, direct, speak at, etc the march and they get all the benefits. we get none. in fact we usually get sexually assaulted, traumatized, verbally assaulted, et ceteraaaa. like, are you seeing what im seeing? my triage says that thats definitely NOT something i should get within 10 miles of. dont rhetorically defend that, dont go, dont give your labor to ppl who are lookin to simply exploit you and send you home with less that you masked up with. or pussy hatted up. god thats the worst. fashion nightmare.

everybody has limited resources. it simply doesn’t make sense to spend our resources as tw on stuff which doesnt give back. every time you theoretically defend cis women in even a minuscule way i wonder why?? cuz the problem is you’re not gonna get anything from it! i mean maybe this is too max stirner but not really cuz what i’m saying is that we are small in active numbers, and we dont get any tactical assistance from anyone but our selves, and thus its crucial to focus solely on gaining resources for and preserving our own selves. especially when its not just a waste, its dangerous. the more leeway cis women get from trans women, the more they will exploit that and exploit the trans women in their movements; and use those women to decredit the women outside of their movements. dont be a token! i’m not kidding when i say you won’t get anything out of it.

remember the study that said trans women participating in communities are more depressed than trans women who dont. cis womens movements will suck you dry. okay that sounds kinda hot. they’ll do it in a non-hot way. they will use your brilliance for their own ends and dehumanize your daily life.

so when you give your energy to them, whether you’re a fulltime h8r like me or you dont really h8 anyone (i bet theres someone you h8 dont lie to yourself, we’ve all got that dark side hatred inside us), its not useful to ever focus on cis women. even if you like them a lot they dont really need your help. unless you’re a hardcore masochist and wanna never focus on yourself and only focus on others, which i get, its kind of a thing with tw, but lemme tell you its the most dangerous goddamn thing when done with cis women. at least if you put the needs of other tw over your own they will prolly help you in return! anyway please become an egoist and put your needs above others. thats not even actually egoism, so dont even worry about karl marx’ ghost coming to haunt you.

trans women need to use that kind of thinking more than any other kinda people, but we like put ourselves first the least! we are way too selfless. and literally everyone is conspiring to play the fuck out of us so we are sooo vulnerable to being tokens and hurting ourselves by giving energy to communities that just wanna exploit us. it sux!!

the moral of the story is, please never talk about uteruses and vaginas and reproductive rights and petty acts of misogyny like catcalls ever again lol, cuz the (millions) of cis women who talk about those things have got way more resources to fight those things which are comparatively nothing to what threatens trans women, and they are also 100% invested and complicit in your exploitation and demise! also it makes me sad cuz i want sisters to care about me and focus on me (and themselves) cuz i’m super vain.

i feel like what politics posts are missing on tumblr is like, honesty! ive become way more honest this year and i dont think it detracts from what im saying to say that posts focusing on trans women and validating us and totally tossing out all the cis bs thats constantly around us make me feel more cared about and more happy. i want people to care about my experiences and listen and share my passionate emotions. im extremely passionate about trans women fucking winning at life. and i know that cis women, men, every non trans woman always tries to stop me and my sisters from winning at every fuckin turn! damn! that sux!! but we have to deal with it, forreal, like, we can and will win by ourselves. nobodys gonna help us, as fucked up as that is, we have to make our own lives and come into our own resources and contacts and happiness and safety. but i know we can. and i know that cis women especially, who are very sneaky and try to pull like 10 fast ones on us a minute, (how do they do that) can be soooo harmful for us. anyway indulge me and just try not really focusing or contributing to cis womens or “transgender” movements et cetera et cetera cuz it’s the way2go. focus on yourself, real life, not theory, (like not theory as a huge major thing in your life its totally fun as a hobby, just dont let it control how you like, relate to people! cuz i see that a lot), your sisters, and winning. dont put your energy towards movements that really, honestly, will never be able to truly see you as human and give you any support or benefit whatsoever. jeez why’d i write this post this is so long wtf i never go on tumblr ok bye girls♥♥♥

dont believe the hype, bitches are the lowkey fbis sis !! ♥♥♥

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fossadeileonixv · 5 years ago

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FDL Season Preiew 2019-2020

Let’s blow this Popsicle stand!

Hola amigos! Mike, Av, and I have pieced together a little season previewy thing here much like we did last year where we answer only the most pertinent questions relating to Milan for the upcoming season. Feel free to answer these questions on your own below. Y’all ready? I’m ready. Let’s go.

What was the most important off-season move?

MIKE: I'm hoping by the end of the season the answer to that question will be Bennacer. Biglia, being signed at 32, was always going to be a placeholder for whomever management decided would be the long term replacement at that spot. And just as Biglia was our most important player 2 years ago when he signed, I think Bennacer needs to be our biggest signing and most important player this year. I'm not saying he's the best signing right now, but he sure as hell better be by the end of the year.

AVIA: It's got to be the new coach. The optimist in me thinks/hopes/prays that we will see Milan playing some genuinely good football via GMP. It's been a nightmare to witness season after season of Milan play football without any shape, soul or commitment, not to detract from the times were we have showed flashes of inspiration but we just generally have looked clueless since Dont-Boo-Me-Dorf was installed as coach. I have no idea how much of a hand GMP had in the new acquisitions but the new attacking additions combining with Paq could suddenly have a player like PTek9 firing on all cylinders. GMP, I'm praying, will have us playing direct & attacking football with a squad that knows their roles and stays compact when not in possession....is that too much to ask?

TR: Agreeing with Av, it is without question, Giampaolo. This club came within an inch of the Champions League with the capable, but affable Rino Gattuso. There were a lot of fantastic signings this summer, with Bennacer and Theo expected to make an immediate impact, but it may take some time for the payoff on the youngsters. Giampaolo's presence on the touch though? We've already felt that. I can already tell he might frustrate us with stubbornness, but there's not doubt in my mind that this was the most important change from last year.

What was a mistake that we may end up paying for this summer?

MIKE: The same as my biggest concern for the last 10 years now... that no matter who is running the team, who is managing the team or who plays on the team..... we still have a god damn MISSFIELD. Our entire midfield, save Jack, has been signed over the last 27 months. There's literally no stink left from the previous regime. yet by the end of last year it was still in limbo. It's like a scab that just won't heal. Every summer it heals up and by Christmas, EVERY DAMN CHRISTMAS it's itching and bleeding again.

AVIA: The smart money would be on not shipping Suso but as you know I'm neither smart nor for social norms .....This will no doubt illicit groans but I still think we will kick ourselves for not snapping up Conte. Yeah, he can be a fussy prick with Ladri blood in him but so what? I'm genuinely worried that he will kick start the rebirth of the merda..... blagh! I think he could even lead the merda to a scudetto.....yeah I said it....come at me! TR: My heart tells me Patrick, whispers it constantly in fact, but my head says retaining Silva. At the beginning of the summer I would have bet a significant amount of my sneaker collection that one of either Samu, Silva, or Suso would have been sold. Well, a few offers and a failed negotiation with Monaco later, we're here, with all three. Suso looks like he can contribute as a trequartista, but the other two haven't thrilled. Samu was never going to fetch much because he's a bad football player by almost every measure, but Silva still has an upside and could've raised some funds. I don't think there was a ton of interest, but absolutely would've cut losses and sold for much less than we bought him for. I'm a little curious to see if he finds footing under Giampaolo but am pretty pessimistic.

Who's someone we didn't offload that actually may work out for us?

MIKE: That's easy. It's our 2 best players, Romagnoli and Donnarumma. Last year we gave up the least amount of goals as a team since we had guys named Nesta and Silva still roaming around back there. That's pretty amazing considering Musacchio was the other CB and our fullbacks were.... meh. These guys are the rock of the team. Without them we are shit. With them there is hope. Luke Skywalker versus the Death Star level hope.

AVIA: Maybe Suso or Hakan but I'm looking at Donna to be honest, This time last year I was accusing him of possibly selling us short once the season started but he went on to be our MVP for long stretches. The kid is World Class caliber with a long future so hopefully arming him with a genuinely solid CB pairing will start making us serious contenders for Europe and IN Europe! He quietly went about his business last year in the hope of moving on from the previous years circus and it worked.

TR: Ah! You were expecting me to say the Kan-Man can pan out and reward his fans man, but I'm gonna go dark horse here and say Conti. He won't displace Calabria but will impress when the latter misses six weeks in February and March with an ankle injury suffered in a Coppa Italia tie. Conti will step in seamlessly leading to admiration from most of us here at FDL, with a few outliers calling for him to start. I think he finds a way to contribute in Giampy's setup, and provides a couple of assists at pivotal moments.

Where will we see most improvement?

MIKE: Hmmmm. That's a tough one. How about that Suso does indeed become the trequartista most of you are hoping he would be?

Nooooooooo.

The surprise for many will be that he sucks at it. He's too slow of foot and of mind, can't connect to the attack. He doesn't occupy the role past November 1st and is sold by January 31st.

AVIA: Our backline.......I'm hoping that Duarte is our new Silva tbh. There is simply no way that we can take ourselves seriously if we aint solid at the back and although we weren't the worst team defensively last season, the loss of Zapata and apparent implosion of Mussachio has me worried for the season going forward so here's to hoping the new guy ain’t just hype! Plus I'm going with the notion that Hernandez > RRod.

TR: Touchline. See Giampaolo above.

Where may we see a decline?

MIKE: My biggest disappointment this year is probably gonna be whoever fills the SS role, especially if we don't sign anyone specifically to do it. Besides Jack, I don't see a single player on the team cut out to fill the spot. Castillejo? No chance. That 96 pound spaghetti noodle couldn't stand up to a stiff breeze. Silva? GTFO. Calhanoglu? Suso? who else are we gonna try up there?

AVIA: I genuinely think we will be better across the board, no, seriously. Yeah I loved Rino but there's only so much you can achieve by threatening your players with broken legs. Although GMP aint the calibre of coach I've been bleating on about wanting to see installed at Milan he is still far better at technical coaching than Rino 7 days of the week. There's also the fact that we have removed the millstone of the Europa league from around our necks so we can finally just concentrate on securing a CL berth. The squad in theory has also gone up level with the new additions so its all good right??

TR: Defense, slightly. I'm not saying the backline falls apart or even really drops in quality. However, Giampaolo's squads have never maintained a great defensive record, often finishing middle of the back to the lower half of the league. His teams play advanced on both sides of the ball and I will take the good with the bad, but expect a slightly higher amount of goals conceded from last year.

What scares you most going into the season?

AVIA: Conte's Inter...We have a new coach with a new formation & several new key players, it's always a danger and could end badly. I'd like to see us take things nice and slowly towards the X-Mas break and build up a head of steam come the new year.

TR: Snakes.

Besides that, I'm worried we didn't add that quality second striker and Piatek suffers because of it. The fact we spent €120m and Samu has been paired up with Pia in the preseason isn't a great sign. Leāo isn't going to March right in and when he does get nods on the first team, I think it is going to inconsistent. It isn't a shortcoming we can't overcome as we have a lot of goalscoring quality behind these two, but I do worry it may hold us back some.

What does the top six look like at the end of the year?

MIKE: Juve, Inter, Milan, Napoli, Lazio, Roma

AVIA: Inter, Juve, Napoli, Milan, Roma & Atalanta

TR: Juve, Napoli, Inter, Milan, Lazio, Roma

Tommorow bitches!

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yourcertainstudentlight-blog · 6 years ago

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Allstate was supposed to compensate me for X amount of damage done to my car by the driver who had insurance upto 5 grand. Notice that I did not have insurance with AllState but that because the driver was at fault, and had coverage of upto $5000, AllState has agreed to pay me a portion of that 5 grand. However, the problem is the driver who was at fault is not agreeing to this and demands more in loss from AllState. Whereas, although, I myself deserve more in damage since the car was worth more than the amount I am being compenstated for, I have still decided to settle for less. Now because the driver is delaying the decision to accept the remaining amount out of 5 grand, this case/claim has not resolved SINCE 2010. They wouldn't send me check yet only because the driver needs to accept the offer also. My theory is that whether or not the driver finds the offer fair, is none of my problem. I shouldn't have to wait for 2 years only because the driver refuses their offer. I should get my share at least. Do I have a legal case against the company for taking too long in this regards ? What can I do to resolve this ?""

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How much does it cost to insure a new teen driver? My insurance company sent me a sample price, and it was 5,000 for a six month period on a 2010 ford, and 3,000 for a 2008 toyota in the sample, so my question is, how much less would it be to insure a peice of crap car? Like a 91 honda""

How much money will I save if I go on my parents' insurance plan?

Ok, so I did hear that if I go under my parents' insurance plan that it would be a lot cheaper. If it is cheaper, how much cheaper? How much would I be paying a month or every 6 months, for example. I did request a quote from progressive and what they came up with is..... $485.19 every month , $613 a month with travelers. How much will I be saving if i go under my parents' insurance? Thank you all in advance!""

Need to find an insurance that will cover infertility treatments?

Please can anyone help me. I have AETNA as my insurance provider. But it will not cover any infertility treatments. I really want to have a baby. My clock is ticking 35 So I will appreciate any info. I can get. THANK YOU!

Riding a 125 motorbike on fully comp car insurance?

hi does anyone know, if you can ride a 125 motorbike with l pates and cbt on a fully comp car insurance, i know i can drive other vehciles on fully comp insurance but it turns into third party only , can it be done with my motorbike , thanks .""

For Farmer's do auto insurance rates increase with cost of repair for a claim?

For Farmer's do insurance rates increase with cost of repair for a claim? Or is it determined by number of incidents and points on your record?

What happens if you just don't pay your car insurance?

Where I live you get car insured and they put a sticker on the plates with expiry date a year from now. But you still only pay once a month. What happens if you simply stop paying ...show more

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How much would it cost (roughly) to insure a MG TF 1.6?

I have just turned 17 and I'm aware that insurance is going to be rather costly.

How much does liability insurance cost for a night club business?

I'm trying to get a night club business started and i need insurance how much does it normally cost? and what kind do you recommend getting?

Does anyone know any cheap car insurance for 17 year olds in the UK?

Hi, I need some insurance for my Ford Fiesta 1999. I have been looking at some insurance qoutes but there still VERY expensive ( Around 6000-10000 ) I would love to get around 2000 for my car as i know its possible but i just need to find a insurer. Does anyone know any? Thanks""

Rising insurance premiums?

what would happen if (on the 1.1.12)all honest vehicle drivers with rising insurance rates just said no i'm not paying that much, its dearer than last year SHOVE IT then carried on driving""

What kind of car insurance do I need?

All I want is liability, but what does the state of California require as their bare minimum? Do I need uninsured motorist bodily injury limits and property damage limit? I drive a 1993 Jeep Cherokee.""

Whats good Health Insurance?

Im 20 a year old woman in college, I recently found out I was pregnant. I want to find affordable health insurance coverage for me and my unborn child. I dont want to rely on ...show more""

What is the cheapest car insurance company in the uk?

Hi what is a good cheap car insurance company in the uk for drivers under 25?

Are auto insurance rates determined by credit score & not driving record?

I see a lot of people complain that they have a good driving record but bad credit & their insurance rates go up.. Is having good credit better then having a good driving record?

Why would insurance for a 50cc cost 500?

its a 2007 50cc motorbike which i would like to insure in aberdeen, kept in a garage and locked. im 16 and have passed my cbt but not full lisence, the cheapest quote i could get was 480, and that was third party cover only. is their anything i can do to lower the cost and where can i get a cheaper quote http://www.pistonheads.com/sales/1898234.htm < the bike""

Can I change my car insurance before the year is up?

I have found a cheaper quote but my insurance doesn't run out until next year

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

who do you think? im looking for east coast providers

What's the cheapest bike to insure for a 16 year old that still meets my requirements?

I'm 16. I've had my motorcycle license since December 2009, so that would be a year and about 4 months. (This is Oklahoma, you can get a motorcycle license at 14, but I had a late start.) My 17th birthday is in 2 months. I've been driving a car lately, but now I'm wanting to find another bike. However, it has to meet some requirements- it has to be good on the highway, since I live several miles from town and go on the highway almost every day, it has to be smaller than 500cc (not because of ability, just preference, I don't like big engines), and it has to be good on gas- at least 50 mpg. I don't car about the age, I know most people my age want the newest, coolest thing; personally, I don't care. I'd drive some 1963 rust-bucket so long as it ran. I'm just looking for the cheapest bike to insure for my age that still meets those requirements.""

Is 21st Century Auto Insurance a good company?

I'm asking because I just switched over from progressive to 21st and now I'm a little worried because I've seen a lot of negative comments on their facebook fan page and after reading some of the things about their roadside assistance works I'm wondering if I made a mistake. My policy with progressive didn't cover much and the one I have with 21st gives me more coverage for the same price so idk. Is 21st as bad as they're making it out to be?

Cheapest car insurance in texas?

Hi... I have been re searching insurances and they are most around 180.... i was wondering if there were any other cheaper ones in texas... am single pregnant with assisiates, renting, 23 years old. No tickets. 1 acciden no okthers damaged.....""

How much would a 1995 dodge dakota be roughly for insurance?

i was going to tailgate off of my parents insurance (i just got my lecense and i wanna pay what my parents pay til the dmv tells my insurance company) both of my parents have a clean driving record and have been on the road for 30 years. i just wonder how much insurance would ROUGHLY be

I got a police report...will my insurance get a hold of it???

My bf was driving and he doesnt have a license :( will my insurance get the police report...causing the rates to go up????

Does where you live affect your car insurance price even if you're only third party/fire/theft?

I recently moved to a city from the countryside. I guess I need to inform my car insurance company of this, but I'm worried they'll want some more money off me and tbh I don't have any whatsoever! Do you think they will? I only have third party/fire/theft cover.""

Why is livery insurance so hard to get and so expensive?

I am in the process of starting up a shuttle transportation service. However, one of the biggest problems I am having is getting the insurance needed. This is a for hire shuttle service, meaning customers pay a fee to ride on my 15 person vans. Almost every insurance company I called said they don't offer this type of insurance, and the one that did quoted me $8,000 to $10,000 per year!! What's the deal here? What type of insurance does the famous supershuttle company have? Does anyone know how to go about getting this insurance??""

Health insurance for 18 year olds?

im 17 turning 18 in may and im wanting to know what are some affordable or good health insurance for an 18 year old

What is the best insurance company?

Looking for home and auto insurance.

Insurance of a replica sports car ?

Would I have to pay high insurance on a replica of a sports car, when really the car is actually that the body kit will be going onto is only worth 600 ?""

How much will my insurance go up after being charged with hit and run on a parked car?

I recently was charged with hit and run on a parked car (for the record I didn't realize I hit the car), there was hardly any damage at all to either car but I am wondering how much I can expect my insurance rates to go up. Over 100%? Hopefully I won't be convicted as I really didn't notice that I scuffed this cars bumper.""

Car insurance - Seonnd driver ? How does it work?

I have just got my full UK driving license. I am looking to buy a car. I know that if I buy car the insurance right now will be high as I am 23 years old new driver. I was told to put the car on my auntie's name and get insurance as second driver. But does that mean that my auntie will have to pay for her insurance too as the main driver?!? She already has her own car & insurance will she have to pay another insurance if I do put the car on her name and be second driver? Please let me know Thanks K

Is insurance for a V6 going to be automatically higher than a 4cyl?

Getting an Audi A4. The 1.8t (4 cycl) is the same cost as my insurance now. I found a 2.8t (v6) that I liked better though, and did not ask if that would cost more... Think it would kill my insurance?""

Is healthcare ever going to be affordable again in our country?

I just got an e-mail saying that my insurance premiums are going up again and now I'm going to be paying $500+ per month for insurance premiums. This is for a high deductable plan where I have to meet $2,500 in deductable before I get covered at 100%! It's like my raises don't matter anymore and they only serve to keep my head above water when each year when my insurance spikes. I get hit harder than anyone because I am in the employee plus family category. 1. Is there a ray of hope at the end of this tunnel? Will we ever get back to affordable health care (us guys that don't work for huge companies)? 2. Are there any alternative solutions for me out there? I can get covered 100% for employee only, but my wife and child need coverage. Please Help

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How much life insurance?

Married, no kids, will buy a house next year, anuual income = about 80K Options: 1x annual salary - free 2 x - $9.44/month 3 x - $18.88/moth 4 x $8.32/month 5 x $37.76/month Also, should I bother w/spouse insurance (about $5/month?)""

Could someone explain health insurance deductibles?

What is a deductible? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Do you want a low deductible or a high deductible? I ask because while trying to find some affordable health insurance, one company said it was $45 a month with $0 deductible. What does this mean?""

""Hi, i am due to renew my car insurance and HASTINGS ESSENTIAL is the cheapest, i want to put my dad?""

on the policy and my current insurer wants an extra 73, whilst hastings will put him on for less than my renewal quote for just me, i am currently with ECAR and it costs 1 a minute to phone customer services, if any one is insured by hastings or ecar i would love to hear your feedback, many thanks, Dan.""

Is the 2008 Mazda Rx-8 worth buying?

I got a deal for 19,000 dollars with 11,000 miles on it. I can afford it but im wondering if it is a reliable and good car for 5-6 years. How does it do in the winter? I live in VA. Gas? Reliable? Insurance? Used 2008 honda accord coupes are so expensive and camrys are expensive too.""

How much would my monthly insurance bill be (18yr old male)(i just want a ball park figure)??

When I turn 18 I am going to buy my first car (im 17 now). I can't decide which car I want to get. Please tell me about how much insurance will cost me for each one. I will be on my own policy. I will get my license just before Im 18. I live in California. My car choices are: 1. 2009 Nissan Versa Hatchback 1.8S 2. 2009 Honda Civic Sedan LX 3. 2009 Toyota Matrix S 4. 2009 Chevrolet Aveo Sedan LT

""What life insurance is best for a senior 62 female, on a fixed income, AARP or Landmark Life? asap?

My mom and I are ingnorant to the premiums and the small print on determining the rates. Need an honest opinion from a good christian person. Just need help in determining which is better AARP or Landmark Life? I see two very charts that have us concern if we made the right choice with the one paying more to get less...over a ten yr period. Thank you for taking time to respond

""Americans only, How can we get health care affordable to all.?""

weather, it a one large insurance company big, as a Government or a socialism type system, or even a military type system, we need something instead of this Republican/Dem do nothing talk show. were going into the 21 Century. to have a mess like we got , people cant even afford to die. And all the one talking in Govt. have their family covered, so it no big thing to them. We haft to get a handel on it to even think of controlling DEBT at all. It and oil what cause the national DEBT to get out of control.""

How much do i pay for teen auto insurance on a 2010 car?

my parents just got me a 2010 nissan versa! :) its not from the dealership, so we wouldn't have to pay full coverage, just the basic law coverage. i need an estimate on how much it will be a month. my parents aren't helping me that well with anything, they want me to just be on my own already so pleaseeee,help. i can't do this myself :(""

Do auto insurance brokers/agencys lie . they said ill pay 49 monthy and 134 down for insur. could this be lyin?

ya basically this auto insurance agency asked sum ? in person and compared rates and the lowest price was some company was offering $49 monthly and $134 down .. i was trying to get 40 a month and shes like there is nothing i can do .. then i was asked how can i be sure that this will be the monthly fee and they wont charge more and she said there will be no hidden fees this is what they charge . we are ligitiment insurance agency ... but i dont know i feel like the down is probly profiting them big time and i feel like the monthly payments will some how be higher than 49 monthy and she is lying about hidden fees

What happens if i get hit by a car and i dont have insurance my car was parked i didnt drive it?

i was parked and a car backed up to park and had a mecahnical problem hit my front bumper and literaly dragged it to the sidewalk. i dont have insurance i always left my car parked ...show more

Please help first time traffic ticket In California?

So i got a ticket for no. Insurance on november and in the mail a citation of 859.00 due by dec. 10 dont have the money but i got insurance now..whats going to happen in court im very scared :/

Car Insurance question reguarding the color of the car?

I wanted to know if buying a red or black car will make you car insurance go up? or will it make it higher? Im looking in to buying a red car and lots of people are tell me that if i buy a red car that my insurance will go up. Is this true? like what it the percentage of this? Can some one explain this theory to me?

Could a part time employee afford to pay for car insurance on his own ?

Here's a sinario for you, I'm 17 with my g2. I took drivers Ed and defenseless driving courses. I own a car that is a mazda 3 2008 hatchback. I park my car in my driveway, it has an alarm system. i have a part time job that pays approx 1,000$ a month. Could I afford the car and insurance? Should I buy another sort of car ? Please help with full out detail on what I should do with this sinario""

Teenagers and car insurance again?

so i just posted a question asking if insurance costs more for a 18 year old. i loved all the answers they were really helpful. so the story is my friend thinks she's gonna insure a car and pay only 60 a month in arkansas but my moms insurance company says me being 18 i would pay over 100 dollars because im so young. ive had everyone tell me that thats right so it sounds pretty impossible for a new driver 18 years old to pay such a cheap price right? please give me some insight!!!

How much for scooter/moped insurance?

I want a 50cc scooter and I have no idea how much i would pay yearly. This is in Montreal by the way. How much on average for insurance, and other costs (License plate)?""

Can policr find out if you havent got car insurance by reading the car numberplate?

Only Teens please :) How much do you pay for auto insurance?

Teen payments 19 years old preference

How much will insurance cost for a 2009 kawasaki 250 ninja for a 16 year old?

i would just like to get an idea....i live in northern Ontario

Home insurance automatically renewed can I get my money back?

Firstly, yes I am an idiot and should read my post more carefully.... I have just realised that I have been paying two sets of home insurance for a year because my previous years had been automatically renewed.....can I get my money back?""

Car Insurance and clueless teenagers?

Considering the kind of questions we are getting by 16 year olds regarding car insurance we could safely assume that they aren't ready to drive at all! Maybe raise the minimum age to 18? Might even save a few lives!

Do i have to get insured for my cleaning business?

ok so its just me and my friend (business partner, we are in the process of getting our business together in the mean time we are just cleaning places with out insurance. i know i will need it incase something should happen. but do i really need the bond insurance as well? its only me and her and she would be co business partner or whatever you call it lol we are going to get a license soon but we dont rent out a building for this business because we dont really need one if its going to be just us.""

""USPS Insurance, How much to insure an envolope.?""

Hello, I would like to start selling things online. I would be selling small thin items that I can place in a regular size envelope. I was wondering if anyone knew how much it would cost me to insure the envelope for $25, and maybe $50 for the larger orders to mail at a USPS post office? I couldn't find this information online. ):""

How to get my car insurance in my name?

i am going to break up with my boyfriend, but my car insurance is in his name.i want to be independent , so how to get it over in my name. he refuse to help me out. did i mention how much i dislike him.""

Can you get braces free if you have health insurance?

i want braces. can i get them free if i have health insurance

1999 Camero Insurance Question.....?

Hi, my son is turning 16 and our friend has a camero that his is going to give him a good deal on and I know because its a sports type of car insurance is going to be expensive and he is young...... does anyone have a quote or in the business and has a ballpark number? Thanks""

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Why should car insurance be cheaper for young people?

car insurance should not be cheaper for young people because they are not responsible

How does the car insurance differ between this vehicles?

I'm about to be 18 and am in the market for a used car. I currently drive an '05 Chevy Colorado and am paying maybe a little less than $80 per month. I'm looking at the BMW 3 series ('06-'08), Acura TL ('07-'08), Honda Accord Coupe ('08-'10), and the Acura TSX ('08-'09). Just wondering how much this would bump my insurance rate up and which would be the most practical as far as insurance goes. I have no wrecks or tickets on my record.""

""What is the absolute best, maximum protection motorcycle insurance for me? 20/F 1st time rider.?""

I am willing to pay more, I just dont want to get cheap insurance that doesn't cover me. No subrogation clauses, I want to be covered as much as I possibly can. I am in TX. Is Allstate good? My car is under Allstate. I have heard Dairyland Insurance is good...anyone have experience with it? I dont have any tickets or violations on my record.""

Where can I get auto insurance at a reasonable rate in the GTA?

I am a teen driver and just got my G2 license, and I'd like to buy a car (I'm in school and I have a job) but would like to know if I could find reasonable insurance rates ($0 - $150 MAX) in and around the Greater Toronto Area. Please list companies or brokers. Thanks in advance.""

""Need some advice, about speeding ticket please? No negative opinions please?""

Well I got a speeding ticket on my bike, my first one in 3 years. But thing is I don't have a License or insurance (don't bother, I just never wanted to even bother with the long lines at dmv) and no I'd in possession. So I got a 1200 ticket and I refuse to sell my bike,(yeah they didn't impound it, I'm OK, USA by the way). So any way I can get it reduced? Insurance costs the most. So is could I could the insurance and DL part waived if I got the paperwork?""

Insurance Industry?

I'm trying to find out more about insurance industry...i have to make a huge project out of it for Economics...I'm specializing in IT so i don't know much about Economics...do you guys know any sites where i can find out more about Insurance Industry...or like anything you can share about it. Thank you.

Where can I find cheap auto insurance?

I have a spotless driving record and pay my premiums on time every month. I signed up for AMICA insurance a few years ago because they only cared about your driving record so my premiums were low. Two years later they decide to do a credit check on all of their customers and they saw I have a wage earner. Regardless of my spotless driving record and my dependability on making all of my premiums on time they upped my premiums substantially because of bad credit. Its not fair. When I signed up they did not do credit checks and went solely on your record. Where can I find an insurance that charges you fair premiums based on safe driving record?

Camaro 69 Car Insurance...?

Ah... I just wanted to know, or get a general idea of how much car insurance would a 16 year old male pay monthly for a 69' Chevy Camaro. I am looking to get a vehicle sometime this year and wanted to know...because if the insurance would be too high, guess I will not get one then... thank you... just need a general idea...car insurance... -Chevy Camaro, muscle car, american dream...-""

""I wrecked my car it wasn't my fault. I want the car totaled, but the insurance company is using retail value?""

of the car. Is there anyway I can get them to use a private party value or something else? I had a 2001 honda civic LX, 1 owner, auto, 117,000 miles on it. The insurance company is ...show more""

Teen Driving Insurance?

I am wondering how much the type of car will affect the price of car insurance for a 16 year old. Which if the following cars will the insurance cost the most? and the least? 00 BMW 323ci, 04 Mazda 3s, 2001 audi a4 1.8t, 04 acura rsx base, 04 mitsubishi eclipse gs""

Car insurance going up?

We were involved in a hit and run accident. Obviously not our fault, but the people that did it drove off. They've yet to be found. Our car was totaled and we're currently waiting on a payment from the insurance company. My question is, will our monthly car insurance payment go up, even though the accident wasn't our fault? Also, if they find the people that did it (there's more to the story and we're waiting on fingerprints from the car) is it possible to get their insurance to pay the extra amount if ours DOES go up?""

""Young Driver Car Insurance, Price help?""

I'm 18, 19 this year and passed my driving test in August but couldn't afford to run a car because i was jobless, i now have a job as kitchen staff, now i could only be doing 10 hours a week but since i got a job insurance has come down which is good, but with only working 10 hours could it be possible to run a car? I know it's different for everyone I'm just after an opinion and if anyone else affords to run a car despite not earning a lot. Also if someone could give me an indication of how much they spend running a car in a week or month etc.. so i can get a rough idea. I did save up some money from a previous job i have about 2400 which will ideally be used to buy a car and possibly pay the insurance for the year... or possibly use it to pay monthly.""

What is the best place for an 18 year old to get health insurance?

My ex is dropping my daughter from his insurance because she is 18. To pick her up on my insurance would triple my premium, which is already outrageous. Is there a reasonable policy out there for a healthy 18 year old?""

Any reccomendations for a good dental insurance??

i have health insurance through my job, but they do not offer dental.""

How much will insurance cost for a 17 year old in london riding a 125 motorbike ? (around)?

""If you take drivers ed online, will it still reduce your insurance cost?

I am fifteen almost sixteen and i want to take drivers ed online instead of during the school year. If i take it online will it still reduce my insurance cost? I also live in the state of Montana.

Car Insurance for 19 year old?

I'm planning on taking my driving test during summer, and hopefully if I pass I want to buy a car. My mums made enquiries about putting me under her car insurance and roughly the prices have been between 3,000-4,000 which is ridiculous. Does anyone recommend/know any car insurance companies where I can get insurance for around 1,500 max ?""

How much approxinately for motorcycle insurance?

My mom is planning on buying me a ninja 250 for my birthday. I have never had a motorcycle. Unfortunately I have 3 speeding tickets (wrong place,wrong time). I will be 24.""

""How much cash on hand is needed after one has rent, utilities, food, gas, car payment and insurance paid?""

How much cash on hand is needed after one has rent, utilities, food, gas, car payment and insurance paid?""

Where can I get affordable health insurance?

I'm a student and I work, but work does not offer it.""

How much would insurance cost?

For a Yamaha YZF125 in a detached house with a secure gate and the bike woul dbe kept in a shed with a a lock? :P

Can i get temporary car insurance for my teenager daughter on a separate insurance policy?

I want to get car insurance my teenage daughter (who passed her test 6 months ago).I am unable to add her to my current policy - does anyone know if any other way than changing current car insurance policy

How long should I get a term life insurance policy for?

I'm researching term policies to cover the shortfall for life insurance from my work. How long is reasonable to get a term policy for? Term to 60, 75 or 100 years?""

""A $26,000 car got stolen with no insurance, what can I do?""

I financed a car through nissan around Nov. 1st, at payments of 436.29 I financed 26,000. I'm 19 years old, my mother co signed for me. to start building my credit. I had a full time job etc and could easily make payments well shortly after- i loss my job. (a month after) I posted online looking for a third party to do a credit application and take over the payments. I found someone, we went through the paper work etc, and i was stupid/naive enough to let him hold onto the car before seeing if he was approved, to see if he likes it etc, long story short, he never came back with my car, changed his phone and gave me a phony address. My car was stolen. I drove off the lot at nissan without any insurance on it yet, because they let me. (again im new at this and so naive) i was waiting on good quotes on insurance , then my car got stolen before i could get insurance on it. I owe 800 dollars now, and my account is going into collections in 3 days. whats going to happen? I called the police departement, they said they cant file the car stolen because i was in the process of making a civil agreement with him before he just drove off with it. i would have to go to court and file a judgement againist for the car, or 26,000 etc. but i called the courts they said i need a lawyer, i dont have ANY money at all, no job, nothing for a lawyer etc. i dont know what to do. what im mostly scared of is, collections going after my mom for the 26,000 and she owns a mobile home that she bought for 49,000 and pays lot rent on it, and owns a little ford truck , will they put a lien on her house and take it away? what are my options? i dont want to pay this car off for this guy, who took it, the title and everything is under my name, but how can i find it without cops helping? im just scared and crying, i dont know whats going to happen, im scared for my mom. could she file bankruptcy if they come after her? will that save her home? please, just anyone help . i know nissan is going to come after me for repossession but i dont have the car, i dont know where it is. im so scared. 26,000 is a lot owed. any advice is appreciated thanks.""

""Is $500,000 a large life insurance policy? Or is it just average? Or more of a starting point? Relative to what people typically have.?""

Is $500,000 a large life insurance policy? Or is it just average? Or more of a starting point? Relative to what people typically have.?""

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-good-coverage-claire-estrada/"

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foursprout-blog · 7 years ago

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7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re The Child Of A Narcissistic Parent

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/7-things-people-dont-realize-youre-doing-because-youre-the-child-of-a-narcissistic-parent/

7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re The Child Of A Narcissistic Parent

God & Man

Being the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most heartbreaking and traumatizing things a person can go through. Not only are you required to survive a war zone in childhood, you are left with life-long consequences that extend far into adulthood. Here are seven things you might be doing as a result:

1. Apologizing more than you have to, even if no apology is needed.

Children of narcissistic parents tend to become fluent in saying “sorry” – even for just their very existence. It’s because they’ve been taught by their parents that they are a burden. This is especially true for female victims who are also socialized to be people-pleasing and accommodating. It takes time to unlearn this behavior and learn to only apologize for actual transgressions rather than any perceived burdensomeness.

When evaluating whether to apologize, ask yourself: Was I the cause of this in any way? If not, replace your “sorry” with “That’s unfortunate” instead. You could be “sorry” that the circumstances are what they are, but if you are not personally responsible, you have no reason to apologize. And if the event in question was the fault of someone else, let them carry the burden – lift the weight off your shoulders completely.

Remember that there are many people in this world who don’t even have the courtesy to apologize to you for their wrongdoings – so the last thing you want to do is overextend yourself by apologizing for things you didn’t even do wrong.

2. Hesitating to say no, because it might displease others.

As a child, you were conditioned to obey your toxic parents even at the expense of your own welfare and basic needs. You were punished and abused when you did refuse to comply to their demands. Saying “yes” was a vital part of your survival as a helpless child who did all he or she could to ensure that their parent did not abandon them.

Now, as an adult, saying no is a part of having healthy boundaries. However, it can feel absolutely intimidating at first. The key is to check in with yourself about why you’re fearful of saying no, preparing for any potential consequences, and allowing yourself to feel the discomfort – yet still sticking to what you know to be true.

Ask yourself on a daily basis, “Am I doing this to please someone else, or because I really want to do this?” It’s okay to evaluate whether someone has invested in you in the way they want you to reciprocate and go from there. If you’re the only one giving while they’re taking, it’s an unequal relationship and there’s bound to be a power imbalance. There are some things you may not be able to avoid doing, but this is still a healthy start to reconnecting to your authentic desires.

3. Doubting your own perceptions and second-guessing your intuition.

Although we’re highly sensitive and intuitive, we’ve also been gaslighted most of our lives by abusers into thinking otherwise. We tend to underestimate our own emotions and instincts while overvaluing the comfort of others. This can lead us into some very dangerous situations like abusive friendships, relationships, work environments, or shady business deals.

There are some simple questions you can start asking yourself if you want to understand whether the problem is you or them. Does everyone make you feel this uncomfortable, or is it mainly this person who sets off the inner “smoke alarm”? Have you noticed similar toxic behaviors in this person as you’ve experienced with your parents? Would you ever treat anyone the way this person is treating you? And if not, would you feel uncomfortable witnessing them treating someone else in a similar manner?

These questions can help you to reconnect with your basic rights, to see the situation from multiple perspectives. For example, often as children of narcissists we tend to prioritize the suffering of others over our own, so the last question helps to distance ourselves and recognize when mistreatment is occurring because we see how awful the situation would feel to someone else other than just ourselves. It makes us realize that it’s okay to verify when someone is being a straight up asshole – and that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them as a human being.

4. Checking in constantly about how someone else feels about you without tending to how you really feel about the person.

Since you were raised in a chaotic, unstable environment, it makes sense that you’re fearful of situations where you’re likely to encounter the possibility of change. As a result, you’re always on the lookout as to whether something has shifted or changed. You’re always questioning the status of your most intimate relationships. You don’t have a firm grasp on how others feel about you, so, as a result, you try to take back control by micromanaging your relationships.

The healthier route would be to step back and reevaluate whether the people in your life you’re so desperately attempting to cling onto even deserve a seat at your table. Do they deserve your energy and efforts? Sometimes, we’re so consumed with how others perceive us that we forget to honor how we feel about them.

We forget to give ourselves permission to dislike someone, to address conflict, to confront, or even just to acknowledge when someone has reached epic levels of douchebaggery. A fun way to counter this people-pleasing behavior is to create a mantra for yourself: “Are they a douche?” If so, so be it! Acknowledge the reality rather than bending over backwards trying to rework your perception of toxic people into something more socially acceptable. Some people really are just horrible people, and that’s okay – that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate them.

And even if they are trustworthy friends or partners, they are not the arbiter of our self-worth or your right to be loved. It can be terrifying to consider for someone raised to be dependent on the validation of others, but we can and will survive with or without them or their approval. Some people rightfully need to be cut out of our lives, while others will provide a source of safety and support. They key is discerning the difference.

5. Picking up on micro-signals of abandonment or displeasure.

Children of narcissists become hyper-aware and attuned to microexpressions, gestures, changes in tone of voice that signal abandonment or displeasure. They had to become aware of these to survive and navigate sudden changes in their environment. They needed to know when their parent’s next rage attack was about to begin or what they could “do” to avoid being punished.

As an adult, you’re highly intuitive about the motives of others as well as their true emotions. You catch onto subtle shifts with incredible ease. This gift of intuition can be used wisely to navigate social interactions, but it can also be overwhelming. Sometimes, this hyperfocus detracts from owning your agency in detaching from the person and instead causes you to become obsessed with pleasing them. Rather than focusing too much on these, try taking note of such changes without becoming enmeshed in the other person’s feelings.

6. Taking your time to trust.

As a child you were violated, emotionally or even physically abused. Your trust was taken advantage of, time and time again. It is no wonder you have a hard time letting people in. That doesn’t make you wrong – this is simply a testament to the trauma of your experience.

In many cases, slowing down and taking the time to trust is a good thing – it means you are aware that there are emotional predators who could take advantage of your kindness. You might take months to disclose personal information (or seconds, if you have more porous boundaries where you’re oversharing). You might feel hypervigilant when you notice red flags. It’s okay to know that trust has to be earned.

There are trustworthy people out there, you just have to be willing to see people for who they truly are, not who you want them to be or who they pretend to be.

7. Having a problematic relationship with uncomfortable emotions like pain and rage: either repressing them completely or allowing them to consume you.

Children of narcissists are chronically emotionally invalidated from a very early age. They are conditioned to believe that their emotions don’t matter or that their emotions make them defective. They learn to suppress their anger and stifle their hurt. Owning their “dark side” (or what they perceive to be dark) can be frightening.

As a result, they may bury their true emotions for a lifetime, eventually “snap” or become easily overwhelmed with bottled up emotions because they never learned how to healthily process, channel and heal these emotions from the onset. Children of narcissists can be straight up scary when their real emotions are finally allowed to come to the surface – I say this in half-jest, knowing how overwhelming it can be when you were raised to feel like having emotions were pathological. Developing a healthier relationship to your emotions – and a better outlet for them (such as writing, meditating, counseling, exercising) can be life-changing.

Learning to identify and validate all of your emotions – without necessarily acting maladaptively on them – can be vital to exercising your basic human rights and implementing your boundaries. It’s important to learn how to constructively stand up for yourself – and it is especially important as the child of a narcissist, when nobody stood up for you.

Don’t give up hope. Despite their struggles as adults, children of narcissists have tremendous resilience and all the more reason to pave a brighter future for themselves and future generations.

#Happiness

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