#dont hate me for using other tags im trying to reach more ppl

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

❗(just in case): this is not an invitation to talk about your hate for any of them - if you have one - in the notes. If you wish to rant about how awful they are in your opinion, make your own post, thanks.

[justalilpearlie]

Introduction/Fun Pearlie Facts

Was abt time I did one of these.

Hello everyone, my name is Pearl, Pearlie or Sam/Sammy if you're feeling like it. Friends also call me Martini sometimes.

I am a minor, my labels... we dont talk about them (fem presenting ftm gay/mlm + trying out gendervoid and verinix + bigender??) uhmm and I go by He/She, tho mostly He/Him by strangers- I can She/Her myself and close friends/mutuals are allowed! (I also go by neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I got the 'tism and the adhd, aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -

I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are Life Series (+ evo + new life), Empires1(+ a bit of e2) and FNaF! (i dont rlly like the books tho lol..)

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any fellow lifers or empires ppl, hermits aswell!! Tho I havent finished s8 or s9 yet...

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -

DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs interact at your own risk. This is my domain, cyan man & moon lady. /hj

- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -

"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp life series/empires u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -

Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼@pehpurr* SISTER!! super duper cool, her art is great and you should check it out!! YOU. You're the brightest little girl (i say like ur not older than me) I'VE EVER MET ACTUALLY! You're so passionate and loving I freaking adore you!! I love you so much Scar, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, Kanny &lt;3 ⚙️@gentlexmadman DAD!! you are my daaaad, you're my dad! woogie woogie woogie! ANOTHER amazing artist! mr "I know that guy-", very funny, Henry "Autism" Emily... the copper king, my father. Speaking to you is always comforting. Love you so much papa, you're amazing :)

Simply special <3 ☕@insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love spending time with you guys and playing stuff together, you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad I met you. I hope we're still close for this year and many more! You're incredibly talented, not only at art, at everything you do. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊Jack***, oh my dear Jacky, where do I even begin, sport... you really are my other half. Mi media naranja if you will. haha.. I love every second we spend together, I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and goofiness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. <3

New friends! 🍓@strawberrystarfield I know we met fairly recently but you're all incredibly fun to talk to, your art is also amazing, your accent is real pretty (cough for a bri-💥), you're real sweet and I love reading all your thoughts and critiques about things :} (love ya Aspen /gen) 🏜️@fagdykegtws My right hand man! I know we just met through the rarepair server but oh my god we're in the same brainwave!!! You're so fun to vc and chat with and you got the best ideas ever fr fr, love ya Chewy, you're real sweet even w how lil i know you ;)

That's it folks, love yall and see you around!

[artificialwizard]

Venting and rambling about ai art discourse

Feel free to ignore this + this isnt an invitation to argue back and forth with me about ai

My tag system on main for years now has been

#art = abstract art

#representational art = all non-abstract art

( + #dreamscape = art that can't be neatly categorized as abstract or representational + art that reminds me of dreaming )

Bc at the time I created this tag system i was very fed up with abstract art and modern art being dismissed as Not Real Art by some assholes and i wanted to put abstract art first in my space and have representational art be the one that needs a descriptor to differentiate it from "normal"/"real" art

Currently holding myself back from doing something similar to be petty about the never ending ai art backlash/discourse

Haven't been posting my abstract art or ai art online much lately but i still make a lot of both (+ getting back into writing and prob won't be posting much of that either). Sharing art online, other than with close friends, seems like hell to me rn.

Maybe someday i'll start posting my art again it just sucks that anytime i go on any social media from discord to youtube theres an 80% chance i see people shitting on the artistic mediums that i'm most passionate about

And its not like the ai hate train has slowed down the rancid attitudes around abstract art lol, not that I'd stop making AI art if abstract art was more respected

Abstract art is the easiest and most rewarding way for me to express myself creatively and it gels so well with my perfectionism issues bc perfection is Not the point (except when it is, but then its an artistic choice not a constant obligation for every piece). A piece about grief doesnt need to have perfect straight lines or symmetry, the art can be messy if it suits the tone I'm going for.

And AI image and music generation is very exciting to me! I've always been curious about what it would be like getting to see the creation of a new way of making art and its been very cool being able to somewhat follow AI innovations since 2018 and then get to experiment with it myself once more ai tools became accessible!!

Whether im the ai art im making is abstract or representational, i love not having full control over the result! I love bouncing ideas back and forth with the AI. I love having to combine my visual art skills and my language/description skills.

I use midjourney et al. the same way I'd make my OCs in dressup games while brainstorming ideas. Mindless doodling that can often lead to writers block breakthroughs.

I also use midjourney et al. to make quick vent art when I'm feeling strong emotions just like I'd do in my sketchbook or in my digital art apps.

And sometimes i'm using ai to spend hours trying to make something very specific i want to create.

Idk its all just tools to me. Midjourney. Paint Tool Sai. Pen and paper. I get the same joy/relief out of making art with all of the above

Im not aiming for fame or money, i make 0-200$ a year from art, usually 0. I just want to have a little corner of the internet to share my images and reach a handful of ppl who appreciate them and want to discuss abstract & ai art with me thats it. Im not coming for your art job, i dont allign myself with corporations aiming to further disadvantage workers in artistic industries or artists who freelance

Anyway reason #2 i slowed down on posting art is grief has been kicking my ass these past 4 years. Lots of deaths in the family + death of a friend. some relationships were fractured and im grieving those as well.

Reason #3 is started full time library job in november 🎉 its wonderful and its exhausting and im still finding my rythm after years of being chronically un(der)employed and/or in college, but hopefully once life settles down more ill have more and more time to spend on art and writing

Havent vent posted in ages and it feels weird doing it on one of my art blogs so im going to end this with two of my recent(ish) pieces on grief, first made in onelab (not ai, android art app i make 80% of my digital art in) and second in midjourney

Thanks if u read all/most/some of that :)

Think i just needed to be like "man this sucks" so i can move on to "anyway! Art time >:)"

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

hello. i don't know where to ask this so maybe you can give me ideas. i been feeling like i'm stuck in this black hole and i can't see myself out of it. i'm constantly tired from work, the minute im done i want to sleep. i dont have time for myself. i dont like myself right now. my mental and physical health are shit. i desperately want to change that but idk how? i feel like maybe working out would make me feel better but i dont have the energy... i barely have energy typing this out. these days im just extremely exhausted and it might be the depression im guessing. its getting worse. ppl keep hitting me up asking if im ok but im too exhausted to answer or care to. i dont feel like anyone understands me even if i did explain how i crave looking for something new to fixate over so i dont feel as empty as i do now 😞 i feel like im not even me.

honey, you just typed out "i have severe depression" but with more steps.

everything you just said is classic signs of depression. all of it. now, it's certainly possible that there's some other disorder going on here that's causing depression along with the fatigue, seeing as how "fatigue and depression" are symptoms of all sorts of illnesses - such as chronic fatigue syndrome and hypothyroidism. but if you're not having other noticeable physical symptoms, we're going to set aside that possibility for now.

depression absolutely causes serious exhaustion, it causes you to feel isolated and like people don't like or love you, even if you intellectually know they do, it makes you feel bored and restless as you're unable to focus or find enjoyment in the things you used to love doing, it makes you abandon all your old interests to just lie in bed every minute you possibly can, it makes you hate yourself because you don't want to live like this, why can't you just fucking get up you useless shit, and maybe you wouldn't actually kill yourself but wouldn't it just be such a relief if you didn't have to be alive anymore?

yeah, that's depression.

depression also does its damnedest to convince you that no one could ever possibly understand, no one wants to hear about your stupid problems, people would laugh at you if you told them because you don't have any good reason to be depressed, it would be a catastrophic disaster if you told people how you feel.

depression lies.

you have a real, serious problem caused by a real disorder in your brain chemistry, and it's not your fault that you feel like this. you are not exhausted and miserable because of anything you've done wrong, or anything you haven't done that you 'should' have. and, maybe the most important thing i can say to you: you can't fix this by just trying harder.

a person with a broken leg can't 'try harder' to walk normally, right? they need medical attention and outside support to heal back to a place where they can function normally. you have a metaphorical broken bone in your brain, and it is completely natural and okay that you need attention and support to recover.

since i don't know where you live or what level of medical care you have access to, i can't give you step-by-step instructions, but i genuinely believe that it's crucial for you to do everything you can to reach out to a mental health professional and ask for some help. i very strongly believe that you should consider trying antidepressants, even if you've tried them before and found that they didn't work, because it's quite common for someone to need to try different medications to find the right one.

there is no shame in taking medication. i take multiple medications, including an antidepressant. i would, quite frankly, take anything that pulls me out of the black hole and allows me to feel like me again, which is what the right antidepressant can do for you. it's not a miracle cure and it's not a sign of weakness, it's just a tool that helps you feel capable of living again.

i'm going to link you some of my tags here that will give you a lot more advice and guides on what to do next.

depression

therapy resources

going to therapy

mental illness resources

how to talk about it

i know this is a lot, but i hope it gives you a place to start, sweetie. this is really fucking difficult, but you can talk to someone and ask for help. there are people who care about you, no matter what your brain says, and they want you to have the help you need, they want you to not be miserable. even if they can't understand exactly what you feel, they care. don't listen to that lying bullshit in your brain, okay?

you are loved, and you deserve the help you need.

[txdoroki]

heyo ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙ omg i love ur account, ur literally my favourite person on this app sfngnbodmv ur posts make me so happy. basically i want to start writing drabbles and fics and stuff so i was just wondering where 2 start & how u got started :)

hi! aww tysm :,) that means a lot!

well, i started by making a post asking people for requests (as i started as a request writing page, not really that way anymore because it’s easier to not get burnt out for me if i do the stuff i genuinely want to write!) and i used all of the tags i could.

(if youre planning on doing mha writing, bakugou and todoroki content generally does the best. the first 3 tags you use, your content will show up under tagged when you search the tag in specific, so i suggest doing bakugou x reader, todoroki x reader, and whatever else as your first three for your starting request post!)

if you aren’t planning on doing requests, i suggest maybe an intro post. like “hi! i’m (name) and im a writer! here are the fandoms i’ll be writing for, and a few things about me!”

try and have your first writings be consistent, it doesn’t matter that much but it’s good to have content for ppl to read rather than literally one post and it’s an intro. if people see the intro, they will prolly click on your account to see your writing and such. so, imo it’s important to have some writing to begin with

i’ve noticed, that using more tags doesn’t necessarily = more notes! the first few matter the most, and after that, it can help to do the category and such

let’s say i wrote a bakugou fluff. i’d use these tags: bakugou x reader, bakugou imagine, bakugou fluff, bakugou katsuki, mha bakugou- give or take a few! you can find examples under my MOST RECENT writing posts, as i did different experiments with it and the more useful your tags are the better. my “if you came into their room in the middle of the night” post was the experiment, and it turned out that i was right, more tags ≠ more interaction

on that note, INTERACT WITH PEOPLE. this isn’t against anyone who doesnt like interacting, but it can help build relationships with followers! if you’re comfortable with this, you can open your asks box so people can say stuff (you don’t have to have anons on but it can be nice for ppl who are shy/dont want their acc out yk)! if you get anon hate, just block the anon if you want. or dont respond.

also, it’s rlly cool to get a few mutuals! i’d love to be your mutual if you want to, just lmk your account whenever you start posting! sometimes i make mutual posts asking for mutuals, you can do something like that if you would like

my first ever oneshot thing i wrote, was one i rlly remember writing! that might not be the same for my viewers, but i usually remember someone by the first thing i’ve seen by them. first impressions matter, so try and figure out how you wanna be seen! ofc don’t fake being someone you’re not, but it might be confusing to ppl if your first impression doesn’t match with how you act the rest of the time!

your first post usually sets the tone for your blog, or at least the first one that gets you your audience. if you, in your first post that gains you followers, say that you’ll be writing for danganronpa, and then instead write for mha, everyone would kinda be like. what? i thought you were a danganronpa writer??? ya know

BE SURE TO INCLUDE GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS ON POSTS THAT NEED THEM. ADD THE TOPIC ITS WARNING ABOUT TOO. EVERYONE WILL APPRECIATE IT BECAUSE IT IS JUST A NICE THING TO DO PLEASE DO THAT!!

i suggest making a navigation page (like my pinned post) and a masterlist (you can do all your writing in one or even seperate masterlists for each character, whatever you’d like)! it can really help to have a spot to go and be able to find all of the writing you’ve done without endless scrolling! if you need a tut on how to add links to posts, im sure theres a tut on youtube!

A REALLY HELPFUL THING TO DO IS WHENEVER YOURE MOTIVATED WRITE LIKE FIVE THINGS SO WHEN YOU DONT FEEL LIKE WRITING, YOU HAVE POSTS! fr tho, ppl usually wont mind if you arent super active. if they do, theyre being dumb!

posting consistently CAN help your posts reach more ppl, but if you can only post every now and then, it isnt really a problem! don’t stress it if you’re too busy/dont have a schedule, it wont kill your account

tl:dr;

-add trigger warnings on things when needed

-make a navi page (not needed)

-if you’re motivated, write stuff to post later

-first impressions matter

-mutuals!

-less tags can work more, but i’ve also seen a lot of tags work good as well

-INTERACT WITH PEOPLE

-don’t say you’ll do things just for followers. they aren’t just a number, they’re actual people

how i started in five steps:

1. i made a post that was like “hey! im mack and i want to start doing writing requests! do you guys have any?”

2. i did a few posts then was like ah fuck i need a masterlist, so i made that and then made an about me with random facts i thought of and such. (also make sure tou put your pronouns in your bio so ppl arent confused!)

3. i did more posts and started gaining, but didn’t really mind it. i kind of just vibed, cause the numbers dont determine how good of a writer you are, so i focused on working on my writing style and such! i kinda ghosted the whole blog for a week straifht beside from queued reblogs, but came back later when i had inspo! it’s good not to run your brain dry

4. i redid my whole blog, made it pretty! its rlly motivating to me to have a nice blog, but it isnt required! i made an organized navigation page, and started focusing on getting my reach back. (btw, prime posting time is at like midnight!) be sure to put rules and boundaries on your page as well, so people do not end up crossing one that you didn’t state.

5. i reminded myself that i can do things other than my blog when i’d get a little too obsessive over it, and that it wasn’t going anywhere! don’t feel pressured to post a LOT. only post when you want to and can. don’t put responsibilities like health aside just for your blog.

hope this was helpful <3

[magnusbanesglitter]

Get to know me more

i was tagged by @hopefish15 @heavyinmyarms @hobieshopie @kimteahyung @moonlytae thank you my loves 💚

What do you prefer to be called name wise? tania or tati by my close friends and family

When is your birthday? july 25th 🎂

Where do you live? españa 🇪🇸

Three things you are doing right now? listening my dimple by bts, texting and doing the tag games that i have on my tumblr

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now? bts and txt since two weeks ago more or less i just... i need to protect these babies 🤗

How the pandemic treating you? confinment measures are being lifted up by the government bit by bit, so im thankful, howerver i feel like im losing a year of my life to this pandemic bc plans are being cancelled, jobs are impossible to find... however im feeling positive and im keeping cheerful despite the situation, specially bc there are ppl who have it way worse than i do, so i need to keep it up ☺️

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? puma by txt 🐆

Recommend a movie? i havent watched that many movies lately, but i will recommend ‘‘flipped’‘, such a lovely movie, i saw it was based on a book so of course i need to read it asap 🙌🏻

How old are you? 27 but i feel like ive lived 10 lives already

School, university, occupation, other? graduated from uni 5 years ago already? i might go back to online classes this year if i cant find a job before september, other than that ive been working as an au pair for 2 years, and in an office for 2 years too, now im trying to learn german, might give italian and korean a try, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do you prefer hot or cold? warm weather definitely, cold beverages except for hot chocolate or decaf latte

Name one fact others may not know about you: hmmm i still dont have my driving license long story short driving kinda gives me anxiety but im on it right now so i might get it soon???

Are you shy? depends, im either too shy or not at all, like if you are shy and you are with me dont worry i got you, i will talk to the barista or to the store assistant if you dont want to 😌

Do you have any preferred pronouns? she // her i guess

Any pet peeves? after the pandemic i hate people getting way too close to me like bitch social distancing and 2m away from me, bye 👋🏻

What’s your favorite “dere” type? should i know whats that? am i too old?

Rate you life 1-10; 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be: oh jeez idk it could always be worse and it could always be better, i guess 7-7.5 is a fair rating at the moment.

What’s your main blog? this one

List your side blogs and what they are used for: none for me

Is there anything you think people need to know about you before being friends with you? i will always listen, pls dont be scared to reach out to me, no need to feel alone ok?

i tag @vante-love @flowerkth @meltalgel-ig do it only if you want to 💚

[yumenosakiacademy]

hot take but while most of the stuff in the boycottgensh!n tag, like xinyan’s backstory/her being described as scary looks-wise, sumeru, lack of darker charas (n the few there r r misrepresented [see: xinyan]) n the hilichurls thing r Legitimate n should b Acknowledged n talked abt n r Bad, some of the things r Reaching or hav some stuff behind it:

apparently flora’s original model was of an adult in the beta but they changed her to a kid n 4got to remove ulfr’s (tht 1 “p*do npc”) dialogue. also apparently as of a few days ago, his dialogue abt flora was removed, it seems? it took me 2 secs to look tht up bc i remembered smth was up w it. ppl rly dont do research huh.

the thing abt the voiceline where paimon n aether discuss if kaeya is lighter under his eyepatch n paimon says “what if ppl call him ‘pasty eye’!! tht’d a bad nickname” or w/e is just talking abt tanlines. they’re like “if kaeya has his eyepatch on 24/7 cuz we’ve never seen it taken off does tht mean he’d  hav an embarassing tanline in the shape of an eyepatch lmao tht’d make ppl laugh at him” (see the 6th point down for extra on this)

kaeya being described as “exotic” was ANOTHER odd translation by m!hoyos english staff (of fucking course) n has been addressed here in this twt thread. they meant he looks like a foreigner, basically, which makes sense as khaenriah is a special place tht isnt too like, known abt within teyvat (they also described dainsleif’s clothes as odd, iirc) so his clothes r prob a bit odd/special-looking to mondstadtians n, to quote the twt thread “he’s the only dark-skinned chara in a german-based region-- he looks like a foreigner.” the word in the og CN used was a word tht could apply to any1, n has been used by CN ppl to also just refer to americans in general b4. 

also iirc i’ve seen some ppl say it’s possible he could b south asian or smth? the webtoon n iirc a few others of his chibis portrays him as a bit darker but some other media of him just has him as a tan shade (see: his main art, bday art, kfc chibi, etc) so it’s like ??? is he black or darker asian or? there’s a possibility he’s just a Tanned Character, like the girl from nagatoro who isnt meant to be non-japanese she’s just tan from swim club but his webtoon/4koma appearances make tht seem like tht’s not Likely, but, at the same time, his main pose art n various other arts give off tht impression? like, it’s 50/50 w his art. in some he’s darker in some he’s just tanner. make of tht what u will.

there’s also the possibility tht diff artists (there r multiple who work on official gensh!n art) see him as different ethnicities hence the difference in skin shades. but idrk abt tht so tht’s just a possible speculation. i also cant remember all of his official arts n chibis so. yea.

but if he rly is just a “Tanned Character” tho then tht makes aether n paimons talk abt his eyepatch more reasonable bc it’d b the 1 area where he’d b Lighter due 2 no sunlight with which to tan it with.

“ugh look how much lighter xinyan is in her game model smh! [screenshot]” it’s the game’s Rly Fucking Weird Lighting System. the lighting gets rly bright a lot of the time n isnt the best lighting system ever but so long as ur in a place of decent lighting w a good angle the skin tones dont get fucked up as much. but certain angles rly can make skin lighter yes even for the already pale cast it makes their skin near fuckin paper white. dragonspine makes this worse by being light AND muting colors. some1′s already extracted the model’s data tho n shown tht xinyan’s model is the same skin color as her official art n there’s been other posted screenshots tht show she looks not as light in other areas of the world map n stuff. it’s Just The Lighting. this also goes for kaeya, n see the 4th point abt the whole debate abt his skin color bc he shows up lighter n darker in places idrk whats up w it.

while barbara’s fans r weird esp bc they’re mostly adults, idols all the time even irl have fanclubs n stuff. it’s just tht barbara has 2 constantly interact w them tht’s kinda iffy. but even arthur (is tht his name idrc) the megafan isnt like “huff huff i wanna touch barbara my idol my muse” he Does wanna try to do nice things for her bc hes a superfan but it *is* creepy n comes off tht way bc in his adoration of her he’s basically become a Stalker yikes. tht being said rabid fans is Typical, even if they r a bunch of adult guys. hell, a lot of idols in anime (tht arent Exclusively Idol Animes) hav the common gross stereotypical otaku fans who r usually adult guys who hav all their merch n shit. it’s a Trope. also the adult fans arent portrayed in a Good Light n every1 hates them in canon.

lisa, kaeya, n the perfume lady’s flirting r all fanservice. yea. don’t got much 2 say on tht. it’s Debatable if the travelers r minors tho esp bc they’re over 500 yrs old n im not going 2 get in2 tht.

[misterbitches]

i try not to be too personal-personal here cos tumblr is this thing that is the most chill for me. twitter is so hard. also tehre’s this whole fucked up panoramic thing. 

but

1. i have a now defunct blog about black filmmaking. or not defunct just. unused

2. i am a filmmaker and artist; writer-director and editor specifically. do digital drawing

3. i love art. and i was a big fashion fan. that has influenced my life HEAVILY and continues to do so. it is never apolitical and is a hotbed of thought. i also love music but i dont want to do it cos i wouldnt be good and also i dont want to hate music. 

3.5 i am a bigger fan of films than tv. i love film and art like i said but my rship to visual mediums has changed drastically since i decided to pursue it. because of that you will find my intense analyzation too. it becomes more abaout output and less about enjoyment because it means SO FUCKING MUCH. so when i get to observe wha ti cant do or havent created it’s a reprieve. for music i know so much less aobut it than the rest that i just stay consistently in awe

3.75 im still in awe at those better than me. but we compare ourselves to no one.

4. i had a fashion / regular blog before this. it was mcqueens. i was not internet famous but had a decent following (people are stupid.) a popular post of mine is a pic of lena dunham and taylor swift and i said grand wizards at a meeting. if you know you know

5. i don’t have an ID for leftist terms because i don’t really care. i am not a tankie but i support communism’s dream. best bet woudl be libertarian socialist. 

6. i believe we’re reaching towards a world we want. so im gonna help fight for it. 

7. there’s a lot of good texts out there. i only read articles and fanfic but my best friend bought ‘we do this til we free us’ by mariame kaba and im getting through it. i recommend that

8. im a wobbly

9. i type super off the cuff. stream of consciousness. i try to edit it but i wanna hvae fun. this is unfiltered me. sometimes long, sometimes short. i coudl spend hours editing and analyzing it but it’s just me here. i just wanna say what i am thinking no pressure. i can only be the woman i am. sometimes there’s a hard line of communication (people not understanding me) but i refuse to believe i am unintelligible and i have to stop internalizing that

10. going off 6, my thoughts and humor can be terrible and idk some ppl dont like it. even leftists. that’s life but my god im sorry i said money was bad why did u block me? why do u like cops?????? smdh

11. idk how i got a lot of followers on here but think of me as a mirage. a revolutionary mirage :) 

12. in case it wasn’t clear, i’m black and it means a lot to me. also a fat cis woman. also means a lot to me. so when i engage, knowing my background, bitch imma lean in if i got sth to say. 

13. i always say i dont know everything. i do nnot. i knwo some things about some stuff. i know what i like and what i can do. i am open to learning. i don’t have to be suuuper nice if i dont feel like it though. i dont tolerate bullshit.

14. life is awful and incredibly serious. the conundrum is genuinely not killing yourself. sisyphus! it’s heavy and fucked. but i NEED you to remember this if anything.... for me life is about dignity and doing what you want, okay? so if you get anything out of these posts just fucking laugh and have fun and nod when i say money bad. or just read it if you want. i’ve gotten so many ideas from other ppl like even storywise going through tags and have had such great food for thought. people are insane in the greatest of ways. i may seem pesimistic and melancholy but honestly im an idealist trying to live in the now. i realize that it sucks but there’s beauty in that and that’s why it’s super important to have a place for me to engage but also feel like it’s my space. its been tanquil here actually and i appreciate it even if fsr almost 400 ppl followed me. i really dont know why bc from jump i’ve just been terrible. i dont want praise unless it’s genuine so that’s not it. i have to just trust in myself more because i know my strengths but i dont trust em. i will conquer her !

15. piggybacking off hte middle of 14, I LOVE TO LAUHG. I LVOE COMEDY. i have a specific type of humor i guess. grew up on dave chappelle. arrested development, home movies. home movies isnt sociopolitical but recently i got into king of the hill and i am so impressed with it. great story telling, satire, funny, heartwarming. i love bob’s burgers too. i dont rly watch tv out of that

16. yes i love art and film yes talk to me about it if u want i can give u some recs if u want too and also we can talk and stuff abt that. maybe. and no filmmakers dont watch as many movies as u think. u probably have seen more than i have.

[mental-health-advice]

Hiii so i really need ur help bc its been too much so im a guy who suffers from anxiety and depression i was often bullied and picked on i guess for being tooo nice and different from the other boys i thought that when i get to uni it will change it did at first i met some nice pals and stuff but i also met so disgusting human beings who always turn my life to hell since we are in the class and the more of i it i lost my best friends this year which sucks bc now i have no one to rant too now....

..2.. bc of those pll i started having a delusional disorder i always imagining things who arent there over freaking stuff which led me to a huge break down after that i disactivated all my socials i think know im afraid of ppl idk what to do i trust no one i always imagine everyone backstabbing me or talking behind my back and i cant take it anymore and i fucking hate myself foor being to nice bc i always get fuckrd over i really dont know what to do plus bc of those things my hair almost isgone

Hi darling,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve gone through this lovely! Bullying is honestly so horrible, I cannot find the words for it. Being nice (or too nice) is not a bad quality and not something you should be picked on or bullied for! Being nice is such a lovely quality actually and it breaks my heart this is something that you’ve been bullied over, resulting in you hating yourself for it.

You’re going through a terrible time right now. And I think it’s time to reach out for professional help. This isn’t something you have to go through on your own! Seeing a professional will get you the help you deserve and you can also get an assessment for a professional diagnosis, as we don’t recommend self-diagnosis for the reasons listed here. I know reaching out will be a really difficult step to take for you, but I think it’s one necessary to take. So let’s try to look at how we can make that step more manageable okay? You were able to reach out to us and open up, which is really great! I’m really proud of you for doing so. What made it that you were able to reach out to us? By looking into this, maybe you can implement certain aspects that made it easier for you to reach out to us into how you can reach out to your GP / local doctor. If you manage to tell them what’s been going on briefly, they’ll be able to refer you to a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. If you find it hard to speak about these struggles, sometimes it can really help to write it down in a letter instead, just like you’ve typed it out into your asks. Then when you are in your appointment and at loss for words you can either hand them the letter or you can read it out for them. Know that this is completely okay to do! What matters most is that you feel most comfortable with everything.

If I understand correctly, you’ve been isolating yourself which has had a negative impact on your already existing struggles. Reaching out to us was a good step, and so will be reaching out to a professional, but you also deserve the support of friends and other people that care about you. How would you feel about messaging one of the friends you made at uni? It doesn’t have to become a whole conversation, it could just be a short message or just saying hi or something like that! Small steps are really important, all added together they will give you the distance as well.

Something that I’d recommend you to do is to keep a journal. By writing everything down, it hopefully gets out your head a little more so that you aren’t so stuck in the cycle of worrying constantly. You might also want to look into mindfulness and/or meditation. Mindfulness can help to be more in the present, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Because of that, it can have a calming effect. We have a page on mindfulness here. Meditation can also have a calming effect, although I think you can gain more from it as well but this will be different for everyone. In the meditation tag on our blog you can find some meditation techniques in answers that were written.

I truly hope that this helped at least a little bit and that you’ll be able to start making steps in the right direction. ‘Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life’ - J.K. Rowling. You can get through this! I fully believe in you. Let us know if there’s anything else we can do for you.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful Love Pauline

[voidwizerd-archive]

[[ “What the hell is a Kankri?” Wiz Lalonde, prior to realizing a Mista k e

part one of Wiz/Kankri logs from yesterday and today ]]

valorousimperial Mm........ I don't understand.

wiz-texts um im sorry i think u have th wrong account who r u??? u seem confused bout somethin i hope u get in contact w th person ur tryin to reach they prolly got th answers ur lookin fr

valorousimperial I don't think anyone has the answers I'm looking for. They died with your memory of me. Enjoy that unmarked body.

wiz-texts wait. what??? im sorry i dont kno who u r also i havent posted *nothin* bout an unmarked body how th fuck do u kno bout that????

valorousimperial Well, up to last light, we WERE quadranted. I've seen you naked a few times.

wiz-texts okay..... that is bullshit, n u r confused. i may have bad memory but not *that* bad

valorousimperial Wiz Lalonde you cannot possibly have forgotten the stipulations of the deal you made.

valorousimperial ...I'm Kankri.

wiz-texts ...i forgot you i. how could i have im so sorry i dont understand whats happenin

valorousimperial Makes two of us.

wiz-texts im so sorry no that. that prolly dont mean shit. fuck.

valorousimperial ... Not really. No.

wiz-texts Lilac n Red are tellin me not to run away, n i wont, but this is your home im in, apparently

valorousimperial A couple of nights ago, it was your home, too.

wiz-texts i wont stay here if you dont want me to. after what i jus did... fuck, i wouldnt blame you one second for tellin me to leave

wiz-texts ...it still feels like it is

wiz-texts i, im sorry. ill keep my thoughts to myself do.... do you want me to go?

valorousimperial No I'm glad this is still your home

valorousimperial Everyone keeps telling me this will... Get better. I don't know how. But it won't happen if I make you leave.

wiz-texts theyre tellin me that too i dont see how

wiz-texts im so sorry. im so sorry for hurtin you. im so sorry for all of this i wish i could give you th answers and i wish i could make everythin better im sorry

valorousimperial It hurts

[[ Hours In The Future, But Not Many... ]]

valorousimperial Anyway, I thought you should know that those are my teeth.

wiz-texts *fuck* im im sorry i kept holdin it because it felt nice should i not..?????? im sorry

valorousimperial No it

valorousimperial Actually Really comforts me to hear that You did that before. When you were stressed.

wiz-texts i did...? it does feel nice. anchorin but what i did, i shouldnt......

valorousimperial It's fine.

wiz-texts doesnt seem that way fuck, i. am i supposed to talk to you? not talk to you???? i dont know

wiz-texts i dont want to keep hurtin you more than i have...

valorousimperial I I don't know what's fine and not fine

valorousimperial I know I'm selfish and awful and if there's one scar left on you and I made it, if you keep holding it because it makes you feel better, if you don't recoil from it just for existing, then Then they can't have taken everything about me from you.

wiz-texts i..... i think i like it, actually

valorousimperial ??

wiz-texts i like how it looks, n feels. it's got these sorta... ridges?? th dents from th teeth are fun to trace my fingers over is..... is that okay for me to say??? is *any* of this okay gosh i dunno....

valorousimperial Yes.

wiz-texts yes??

valorousimperial I think a lot of things aren't okay. But this is. This is This is them failing. This is them not taking us away from each other. This is good.

valorousimperial I guess that we have to meet one another again.

valorousimperial [[ oh shit it’s dat beautiful boi.jpg aka mun sent an actual picture but i’m being a dork ]] This is me, I'm a troll. Which you had probably figured out.

wiz-texts yea no offense but im in your palace, id be a little concerned if you werent a troll ha youre..... youre really pretty n i have a confession, ive already seen this picture

valorousimperial This is the whole picture!! And it's not tiny!! I like to think that I'm pretty, I'm glad you do, too.

wiz-texts because i went through all the tags and message history like..... five or six times already nothin came back. im sorry

valorousimperial ... Oh, I Didn't figure it would But I'm glad you tried.

wiz-texts i wanted to try. wanted to see if i could feel..... *somethin* like memory

valorousimperial I assume there's not even a sense of deja vu.

wiz-texts it feels different. ive forgotten a lot of things n those are all fuzzy, its like..... like my brain is swamped in a fog

wiz-texts this, though, it dont feel fuzzy it feels like its just been..... scooped right outta my brain. cant remember what isnt there anymore, right

valorousimperial Right I don't begrudge you that. I begrudge you WHY it's gone. But not that it is.

wiz-texts there is some kinda feelin but i dont know if thats because of my guilt or nah. great mystery right there.....

wiz-texts not deja vu. somethin else

valorousimperial ?

wiz-texts like..... shucks, i dunno how to word it

wiz-texts .....

wiz-texts heck

valorousimperial The best you can do works for me.

wiz-texts i. i dont know, i.... feel like maybe its out of line?? too soon???? im just... lookin at things and thinkin n searchin until things go blurry

valorousimperial It's never too soon for you to take comfort in things. You and I, We'll just Play it by ear, right? And maybe things can work again. Do you maybe want to play a questions game?

wiz-texts i aint.... exactly takin comfort in it i dont think???

valorousimperial ?

wiz-texts it. mm. th thing i keep feelin goin through th tags ......because im a stubborn fuck n starin at everythin for. i think this is my fourteenth time through th whole thing

wiz-texts it aint deja vu but its like......... somethin of me *does* know you???? not a memory but. somethin .........

valorousimperial Well This is the part where you intimately relearn my penchant for dirty jokes, I guess But I bet I can guess what part of you remembers me...

wiz-texts ....you actually got me to laugh there sounded more like this wheezin sorta thing but thats what it was

valorousimperial Pfft.

wiz-texts but no its like... ppl talk bout butterflies in their stomachs, when they like someone, right???? its like that i guess

valorousimperial !!!!

wiz-texts except its more in my chest n it feels like..... a knot??? a knot gettin pulled tighter n tighter n then i get overwhelmed n i cry but i dont. know if thats good or bad it feels good AND bad if that makes any sense i dunno....... i dunno

valorousimperial Less !!!! Butt still at least !

wiz-texts why????

valorousimperial I just I want you to feel things about me.

wiz-texts i do too i want to feel *all* th things bout you, i want to feel everythin i did before n like add a whole bunch more on top to. to make up for this if you want me to if you dont thats... thats okay. rly its your decision

valorousimperial I don't know

valorousimperial I'm

wiz-texts .....obviously i already made mine. ha....

valorousimperial I'm really fucked up about this.

wiz-texts i know. im sorry i shouldnt have said that

valorousimperial ...yes. You did make your decision. But you had to have had a reason. Because all this... Getting rid of the hated scars, and leaving mine behind The fluttering and the tightness in you when you look at who we were together

wiz-texts im blurtin out everythin that comes into my head, ill....... ill stop. i shouldnt be doin this to you. i shouldnt its gotta be hurtin you n i dont want that

valorousimperial WANTING to have what we did again You clearly don't hate me, or my memory. So you You had to have had a reason.

wiz-texts ..... yea but i... i cant begin to understand it. i remember how much i hated th scars but...... it doesnt make sense. ive been tryin all night n it doesnt make sense

valorousimperial ?

valorousimperial All night? Like, all of all night? Did you get a nap? Did you focus on something else?

wiz-texts not...... really......

valorousimperial !! Are you very tired?

wiz-texts dunno? dunno ???????? um

valorousimperial You used to get really very exhausted Easily.

wiz-texts i have been picked up by a judgin troll lady

valorousimperial ?????

wiz-texts Lilac keeps. voodooin ppl in here i kinda barricaded th door n hid away for a little so i could think

valorousimperial He's a good clown.

wiz-texts um. it seems that was a while ago. breakfast time????? what time is it now i dont think im exhausted but its hard to tell so. oh well

valorousimperial You haven't eaten AT ALL? Oh, Wiz, no No, don't do that.

wiz-texts i forgot. didnt feel hungry or much of anything else tbh scold Keeune too he's been awake since his shift last light wtf

valorousimperial Keeune is attached to you and doing much what I would if I found out you were mysteriously sick.

wiz-texts im not? sick?????

valorousimperial In a way.

wiz-texts ....oh

wiz-texts um

wiz-texts you should go to sleep. i wouldnt wanna keep you when your moirail is waitin

valorousimperial No, I'm okay.

wiz-texts mm......

valorousimperial Let's play the questions game. What's your favorite color?

valorousimperial Oh, I didn't see his post

wiz-texts ha. yea thats what i meant

valorousimperial He's so drowsy. He'll fall asleep any minute.

wiz-texts u should go to him though!!

valorousimperial I'm with him.

wiz-texts then like.... go to sleep???

wiz-texts [[ wiz, internally: give attention to your real quad..... ]]

valorousimperial What’s your favorite color?