#dont get me wrong it still does Something but the promised 8-12 hours of sleep no matter the circumstances dont embrace me

[thechiton]

Benadryl is the med with the fastest body acclimation curve ive ever taken, if u take it even like twice in the same month ur body just says nuh-uh i remember that shit. And it doesnt work

[puellafatua]

College advice for people like me

So I've seen a lot of posts floating around with advice for college freshmen, and while those are great there's still definitely things I wish I'd known going in that I haven't seen mentioned. So, without further ado, here's my college advice- the Type B personality edition. 

 1. More than anything, I want to emphasize that just because you're staying up late and working for hours and stressing out DOES NOT EQUAL being an amazing student. If you're not sleeping well and dividing your time up well, you're not gonna be capable of your best work. So my advice is to work smarter, not harder. Join study groups, go to office hours, go to tutoring or the writing center. Dont make your own flashcards if you don't have to- most of the time, someone who's taken the class before will have study sets on quizlet you can use, and that saves so much time and stress. Just be nice and make sure to make your own study sets public when you make them, it's a fair trade. You can also usually find YouTube videos from experts summarizing issues that you're uncertain about. Some of this seems obvious, but it'll all save you time. 

 2. This kind of fits in with the first point, but go to class and take hand written notes. You can type them up later if your handwriting isnt great, but you'll remember things you write down better. You're also less likely to get distracted during the lecture. Also, check to see if your professor posts the lectures. If they do, you can print them before class and take notes on anything they say that wasn't in the slides. 

 3. Have a buddy in every class. We all miss sometimes, and its easier to catch up if someone is willing to send you their notes. Also friends are a good thing to have. 

 4. If you like to procrastinate, write the wrong due date in your planner. This has saved my life and also my GPA. When you go to turn in the project or paper and discover you have extra time, it's like a little gift to yourself. Use it to edit, or to relax or stress cry. Really, just do with it what you want 

 5. Don't nap. Unless you work nights, then definitely nap. But napping will seriously screw with your sleep schedule, and you'll lose valuable daylight hours. I promise you, you'll do better work at 3 pm than at 3 am. 

 6. Stop doing homework an hour before you go to bed. There's a long psychological/neurological explanation for why you should do this, but the basic idea is that your brain will process and store what you've studied better if you give it time before you go to sleep. I personally never study after 11 pm, and I have a 3.7 so that's gotta count for something. 

 7. Don’t do what I just did. No one wants to hear you brag about your GPA. College is hard and everyone's already competitive enough as it is. 

 8. If you have breaks between classes, don’t go home. "I'll just have a snack between classes," you say. "I'll just take a quick nap, or I can study at my desk." Listen. That is the devil talking. Pack a snack, drink some coffee, and spend your breaks at the library. You'll thank me when you don’t have to do all that work at 2 a.m. 

 9. Get an accordion folder and a five subject notebook. You'll thank me when you never have to worry about bringing the wrong stuff to class. Your back will thank me when the weight of your backpack doesn’t cause you to need physical therapy (you think I'm exaggerating, but I literally needed PT for this reason). 

 10. Exercise. I'm begging you. Your brain is so much happier and more functional when you do. I'm not saying you have to become a gym rat. Stretch before bed, take a walk around the library when your brain is fried, take the stairs instead of an elevator. Getting an actual workout in is better, but it's not realistic for everybody. Just don’t get sedentary. Your brain and your body will thank me later. 

 11. Eating healthy sucks. Pizza is better than salad and You Can't Change My Mind. So trick yourself into eating healthy. Green smoothies taste amazing; green tea has caffeine and is good for your metabolism; some protein shakes don’t taste like ass (I drink a lot of them so message me if you want suggestions); stir fry is heaven; there are many companies that now make vegetable "chips" that are not processed and have all the same value of actual veggies without the effort of making veggies. I'm a mindless snacker who just wants to sweet release of biting something crunchy and salty so these are a godsend. 

 12. Don't cheat on people. Don't date people just so you don’t have to be single. Don’t get into "things." Treat other people right, and make sure they're treating you right too. My friends are all in difficult majors but the number one cause of stress in most of their lives is shitty relationship decisions. Don’t do that. Be smart. Make me proud, son. 

 13. Schedule time for yourself. Honest to God, write it in your planner. "Saturday from 10 to noon I will sit in my pajamas and drink hot chocolate and watch netflix and no one is permitted to talk to me." Don’t waste a whole day on stuff like that, but in college you're with your friends constantly (especially roommates) and even the most extroverted person on earth needs alone time. Make it happen. 

14. Unfollow and block to your heart's content. You are not obligated to give social media validation to people who make you unhappy or uncomfortable. It ain't that deep. 

 15. You're already paying for the counseling center through your tuition. You might as well go. 

 16. Dont live with your best friend, I guarantee you they're a bad roommate. I've been there. I've been her. We are all worse in the comfort of our own rooms than we are the rest of the time. 

 17. Condoms please and thanks. No unwrapped d**k is worth your health, and if you get pregnant in college the desks are very small and difficult to fit a belly into. And who wants to get an abortion when you can just avoid the whole mess all together. Safe sex babes. 

 18. Weed isnt that great and neither is alcohol. But both pale in comparison to how incredibly lame and pointless vaping is. Dont do it kids. Not even once. 

 19. Join a club or befriend your coworkers. Sometimes you need a get away from your main group of friends, and you can never have too many friends. 

 20. If you talk too much in class, then on behalf of your classmates, please reconsider your choices. Especially in psychology classes. We know when you're trying to diagnose yourself, even if you think you're being subtle. Go to the counseling center if need be, there's professionals there. 

 This is not at all a comprehensive list, and it may not be valuable to everyone. But I'm more than halfway done with college and based on my experiences and those of my friends, I think this is absolutely vital information for some people.

[frunatic-fanfic]

the end of a dream ?

Hell yes, A NEW CHAPTER FINALLY

To everyone who is still reading , thank you so much ! I know it has been a while but I’ll update more frequently now. There’s no John in this chapter but he’ll be back soon, I promise <3 Enjoy and leave some feedback to keep me motivated :)

„ No it’s fine really. I dont need to talk right now or anything. I just want to take a shower and sleep and forgett about everything for a while“ While you speak these words your best friend Rony looks at you with a worried expression on her face , knowing that the Jolene shes been a friend to for over 12 years is again just trying to run away and surpress her sadness and anger just to hurt herself once again even more.

After a last minute flight from west to east coast and feeling trapped inside a plane packed with just all of the very few things you owned, you made it to New York City and got picked up at the airport by your best friend Rony who moved to new York to start a carreer as a designer here.

„ Jolene… what the hell hapened? Just talk to me for a minute. I mean… YOu called me this morning sounding like you were actually panicing and 8 hours later youre standing in my aparement, looking like Ozzy Ozbourne from the mascara dried all over your cheeks. I mean I get that you want to sleep but so do I – the thing is knowing my best friend must have gone through some insan shit to step into a plane to travel to New York so fast must be serious. Just give me a hint at least.“

You sob again and wipe away some fresh tears coming from your eyes. All you see in your head is John standing in front of you in that supermarket , mumbling, stuttering, but really – not saying anything that could help you cope with that feeling of being left, of being „not enough“  of being… just something that could  be replaced by something better anytime.

„well…it’s just… John and I broke up…“ „Wait…you mean THAT John? John Frusciante eh? The time you were at the hospital we didnt really have a lot of contact and that time was a mess here too, moving from california to NYC is hell, … Im sorry I wasnt there enough for you! But i did get your letters and well, Kevin used to listen tot he Red Hot Chili  Peppers a lot so of course that name wasnt a strange one to me. Oh man, Jolene had tu bump into a lost rockstar for sure…“ „ yeah… I wish I hadn’t…“ „Did he do anything bad to you?“ „No,…I mean Rony I… I was seriously so in love with him, the time we spent together in rehab felt like a dream. The both of us got better and the more time we spent, the more it felt like we didnt really need there bad, self destructive habbits anymore. It was unsure how our relationship would go on after our treatment there but at that point, it felt like it was sure we’d stay togehter….and…“ You start crying again as you think of John hugging you and kissing you when you first met again with Flea down at Venice Beach. „ well, through all the time I thought we could be together and I had finally found someone to be with, to look after me, someone I could be the center of his life for but….“ „Wait Jolene. Stop for a second. He is John Frusicante. And well, we all must have heard the news by now, he’s back in the band and they’ll have a big comeback later this year. I know how much you’re longing for that one person centering his life around you but I dont think that would be a healthy relationship for either the two of you and… it definitely wont be a rockstar on the rise…“ You see your tears fall onto the wooden floor of Ronys flat while hearing her words. Of course. Sure she was right. That childish naive wish of being the reason for someone being alive was just irrational and impossible to be true. Yet you had been holding on to it for so long. Maybe because for you, many times in your life you didnt feel like you wanted to be alive – you just kept on existing for other people.

 „Hey…Ill make us some ginseng tea and we’ll sit down on the couch and talk for a bit. I understand that you’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You feel left behind and like you were not worthy enough to someone you loved to let you stay the one thing with the highest priority in his life. At least you think and feel like that. But come on. You’ve learned a lot in therapy. Your habbit of seeing everything in either black and white, the fact that youre always clinging onto a person you love and never want to let them go, make your whole life depend on them like they’re god… We both know where these feelings and behaviours come from, right?

„Are you talking about that… Borderline Personality Disorder I got diagnozed with?“ „We both know. Look, I cant fully understand what ist like to be you, with that mindset of yours. I dont know what its like to feel all these waves of anxiety about being left alone and not good enough to be loved. But these things combined with that strong sense of envy you get everytime someone does not pay all their attention to you will make you unable to have a happy relationship forever. I dont know the full story, but seen from a rational point I think ist great that John joined the band again. You told me in your letters how passionate he looked when he was playing guitar. You wrote in one of your letters that it seemed like he was drifting into another dimension while playing for you. And now that man has made it to recover fully. He’s back in his band and can do what he loves the most. Isnt that something you would wish for him if you really loved him?“

 All the while Rony was speaking to you, you couldnt say anyhting. She was so right. Your head always kept messing with you. Growing up with abusive and alcoholic parents that never showed you even a little hint of love you kept searching for that love in every relationship you ever had- clinging onto your partner, manipulating him and controling him to make sure he couldn’t leave – and of course, these things would always make you end up alone.

 „Did John have the chance to say anything about this? I mean If you spent some time togehter before you all of a sudden descided to come here, he sure must have had an own point of view about the whole thing?“  „yeah… he…He tried to speak but I wouldnt let him.. I just ran..away..“

Rony facepalmed herself. „ Thats so classic you. I love you, you’re my best friend . But not giving him a chance to speak,not fair.“

It hurt to talk to Rony about all of this because it made you realize that you overreacted in an irreversible way. Looking back now, your reaction was far away from any logical, ratioanal thing to do and just a typical , impulsive and panic „solution“ to a problem that you had made out in your head.

 „We cant do much about all of this now Jolene. Im glad you descided to come here instead of doing some bad shit to yourself again. Kevin and I broke up so there’s one room free here. If you can help me with the rent you can stay as long as you want.“ „wow, i Have like no money at all at the moment“ „yeah.. you’re in new york. We’ll get you a job somehwere. We’ll get through this.“

 As you lay down in the bed Rony had prepared for you , your best friend sits down on your bed for moment again looking at you „Heads up girl. We got this.“ „ Do you….do you think John and I will ever meet again? It feels wrong seeing it end like that but…“ „He’s a rockstar. I guess you’ll just have to turn on your TV“ „Thats not what I meant…“ „I know you idiot.“ Rony laughs, but imideatly realizes that jokes are no good idea right now.

 „ I hope you can maybe meet again. But for now, let time pass. You’re in New York now and he is in California. Maybe you should give up these california dreams for now. We’ll find you a job and maybe a good therapist. And thats really all that matters now. You, being okay.“

 Before You fall asleep you keep on seeng John in your head. The shock in his eyes. Like he knew how much he’d hurt you. Looking back now,it didnt seem like he looked like he got ‚caught‘ but more like he was worried about you and how seeing his face on that magazine would make you feel. And the moment he tried to say something…you just cut him off. You didnt give hime a chance to speak…. What if.. what could have been….

 No. Give up your california dreaming for now, Jolene.

[cloudchamber]

12 21 2019

  *********************************** so here's 12/21/09: (i went ahead and removed the 'kurt cobain looking at a bear' broken encyclopediadramatica link) and because theres not a goddamn thing you can do about it, top 12 songs (couldnt hit 10) of the last 4 years (not necessarily released in the last 4) in order.

1. Ben Frost    Theory Of Machines 2. Cult Of Luna    Genesis 3. Gorgoroth    Prosperity And Beauty 4. Genghis Tron    White Walls 5. Tycho    Past Is Prologue 6. The Distillers    Hall of Mirrors 7. Deathspell Omega    Jubilate Deo (O Be Joyful in the Lord) 8. A Silver Mount Zion    God Bless Our Dead Marines 9. Explosions In The Sky    Your Hand In Mine 10. Crystal Castles    Air War 11. Pelican    Sirius 12. Black Sheep Wall    Modest Machine NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS : sigur ros - saeglopur (wrong hard drive), BTMI - syke life is awesome (wrong hard drive), converge - in her blood, electric wizard - funeralopolis, streetlight - saddest song, hives - abra cadaver, interpol - specialist, isis - carry, jesu - sun day, last days - i remember when you were good (wrong hard drive), the peacocks - for you, port royal - jeka, the rentals - california, saprogenic - force fed excrement, sleep - holy mountain, third eye blind - motorcycle drive by (wrong hard drive), tokyo police club - citizens of tomorrow, torche - mentor, velvet cacoon - avalon polo, voxtrot - the start of something, baroness - isak, kill the zodiac - we breathe from the same mask theory of machines swiiissh! ***********************************

and here's 12/21/19: --------[[here's my note from a few weeks ago: 10 yrs ago i made a list of my favorite 12 songs in order (because i couldnt decide on 10). no one gave a shit at the time, so im doing it again while excluding every song/artist on the first list while reducing the original receiving audience of 3 people to a more modern 0 people. mostly doing it to see if i can still accomplish a goal, no matter how trivial, but also doing it in case prosbro finally vanishes 10 yrs ago was really, really fucking terrible, and in a tip-of-the-iceberg kind of way. somehow i still feel like the exact same person but lacking any of the energy/forward momentum i once had. atm ive narrowed it down to 33 songs out of 68,881 options but the issue is ranking them (is jesu #2 or is magrudergrind). also trying to not start browsing/trawling for more.]]----------- ~[[and the total song number is much closer to ~71,000 now (12/21)]]~ ~[[and im already trying to mentally re-order the first 12 from '09, which are obviously immutable, because my ocd is rapidly getting out of hand]]~ i had a lot more to choose from (maybe 15k total 10 years ago - meaning this time i allowed +24 instead of +12), and resolutely did not consider any artist from the first list, meaning this list does not replace/supercede the original, but it does mesh. combining the two would be an entirely distinct operation. i will add that the ranking is inadvertently somewhat loose, since 75% of it is entirely fluid from day to day and hour to hour. the most important change is that there is no black metal this time, because the more i listen to gorgoroth and DsO, the more convinced i am that they are peak, but i am barred from listing them again. so ill mention this preemptively: i would describe many of these as 'perfect songs', which means that the first several at the top of the list are actually 'perfect songs' that i dont think could imaginably be improved upon, and then the rest are "perfect", and then may be the last third of the 24 are pErFeCt. i mention that only so i can begin to discuss #1, because it is the only song on this list that i truly, truly believe to be flawless and immaculate. i havent yet decided whether or not to spend 300 words per song justifying my choices, so as a placeholder just know that 'someone like you - fast track vocal mix' is probably the finest song ever made. i can very easily write a page or more on each of these songs. like why i had to go with wu tang 7th chamber instead of da mystery of chessboxin, which i like more, because chessboxin ends with a masta killa verse that drives me fucking insane i hate it so much. why did they allow that. also, lots of notes on the specific version of the jesu and reagan youth entries, the use of 'you on the run' in the limits of control OST, etc EDIT - haHA go fuck yourself! it's back up to 25 songs! and number 26 wouldve been mount kimbie - blue train lines

1. Etienne De Crecy    Someone Like You (Fast Track V 'im colorblind...youre out of siiiiigghhhhhh....-ttt' 2. Jesu    We All Faulter 3. True Widow    FOUR TEETH 4. The Armed    Forever Scum 5. Chuck Berry    Promised Land 6. Salem    Killer 7. Title Fight    You Can't Say Kingston Doesn't Love You 8. Immortal Technique    Peruvian Cocaine 9. Blanck Mass    Hive Mind 10. Third Eye Blind    Motorcycle Drive By 11. Warthog    Exterminate Me 12. Interpol    Take You On A Cruise 13. Saprogenic    Force Fed Excrement 14. Queens Of The Stone Age    Go With The Flow 15. Future Islands    Long Flight 16. Mr. Little Jeans    The Suburbs (Arcade Fire Cover) 17. Wu-Tang Clan    Wu-Tang 7th Chamber 18. Magrudergrind    Built To Blast 19. Boris    Floor Shaker 20. Jon Hopkins    Open Eye Signal 21. Merchandise    anxiety's door 22. All Dogs    The Garden 23. The Endless Blockade    Irrationalism Uber Alles 24. Reagan Youth    I Hate Hate 25. The Black Angels    You on the Run addendum - instead of making a '01271-' mix on 012718, i made the first 20% of 2 mixes 3 years ago and then a month ago named a third mix and none of them will ever be because im fuckin losing it 012718 - lysis 012719 - tactility 012720 - ordinal update - 012721 - pinbacker

[amarimeta]

100 questions

@writerinthedarkabyss​ tagged me to answer these 100 questions! if you feel like answering please do so and tag me in it! 

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

not exactly,,, i always lowkey like people but it’s never an actual thing 

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

yeah, it was a misunderstanding 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

my friend who loves cats 

4: What’s something you really want right now?

motivation to do my homework

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

yep because im on the aro spectrum and it’s a mess for me

6: Do you like the beach?

yes!!! i used to go all the time when i was younger. 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

sure all the time at friends house 

8: What’s the background on your cell?

a picture of lana :) 

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

mine, i assume zoe’s, idk i don’t sit on many people’s beds as im realizing??

10: Do you like your phone?

yeah its a 6s 

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

nope but i didnt plan too much 

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

i think it was someone at an anime convention not sure tho 

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

rottweiler 

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

zoo 

16: Are you tired?

always 

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

going by alphabet so since 3rd grade 

18: Are they a relative?

nope it’s an ex friend 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

yeah

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

statistically speaking it was kate so today 

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

no 

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

it’s kate of course i would 

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

one it’s the ace colors and zoe got it for me 

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

not really

25: What’s on your mind?

i haven’t started my homework and its 11 pm 

26: Do you have any tattoos?

not yet 

27: What is your favorite color?

cyan??

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

probably kate at some convention 

29: Who are you texting?

zoe rn 

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

i don’t think so ???

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yeah

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

sure

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

maybe??? idk im a horrible judge of this 

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

don’t recall 

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

GOOD FOR YOU KATE!!!!! WHATS HER NAME TELL ME MORE 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

yall kate is my best friedn i love her 

38: What do your friends call you?

Ace, Carter, KIDDO

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

yep

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

yeah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

my knee from bumping into stuff 

42: What is it from?

oops 

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

everyday at school 

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my dad lol 

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

my boots but theyre super old now 

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

not that often 

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

maybe? 

48: Do you make supper for your family?

sometimes not often 

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

yeah

50: Top 3 web-pages?

ao3, tumblr, netflix 

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

yeah

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

MY LEGS RN ARE SO SORE FOR NO REASON 

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

yeah

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

cream soda today 

55: How is your hair?

normal/? idk lol its wet rn 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

check my phone 

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

yes 

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

yeah lol 

59: Green or purple grapes?

green grapes unless theyre frozen then purple 

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

lol whenever i see a friend in the hallway 

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

yeah !!! always 

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

im texting kate rn 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

in my bed asleep hopefully 

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

waking up 

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i think we were dating at this point correct me if im wrong 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

lol actors and friends

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

of course i hugged my friends!!!

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

wow i should have gone to sleep earlier 

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yep

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

three 

71: How many fingers do you have?

okay so apparently thumbs arent fingers??? eight i guess 

72: What is your ringtone?

regina’s true love theme from ouat 

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

still 15 :(

74: Where is your Mum right now?

MY ONLY MUM IS @lost-your-memory

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

it’s wild and she follows me 

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

probably with a friendo 

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

some people yeah 

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

yeah we dated lol 

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

not off the top of my head 

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

i cuddle with friends all the time 

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

dont attack me like this 

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

in like the changing room in pe? 

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

maybe

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

idk i haven’t been drunk 

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

yes 

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

THESE KIDS WOULDNT SHUT UP IT WAS SO RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL I COULD RANT FOR AN HOUR ABOUT IT 

87: Who was your last received call from?

zoe lol 

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

fuck my heart and head say no but my hands say money 

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

time, sleep, motivation, money 

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

no

92: Do you get along with girls?

yeah

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

i dont think so?

94: Does sex mean love?

hope not im ace 

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

IT’S KATE we will probably marathon akb or something 

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

no

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yeah : )

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

my heart says yes but my mind says no 

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised?

i dont know lol 

OKAY THAT WAS SUPER LONG BUT YAY I DID IT THANKS FOR TAGGING ME