#dont get me started on the amputation knife

[amos-evans]

Look at my fleam Dawgggggg I’m goin to jail

[whumping-out-of-timee]

Falling Short

Cw: Losing Consciousness, Permanent injury, Amputation, Knife Injury, Blood, Panic/Shock, Loss of Self, Mild Swearing

Kinda nervous about actually posting my work now, but here goes nothing. Special thanks to @sola-whumping for all the questions they've answered!

Let me know any content warnings I missed!

Red Masterlist here

*****

Nikora was on edge, he had failed another simple task. Now he could barely look the archangel in the eyes. He was afraid of their worsening and often unpredictable mood swings. He glued his eyes to the ground in an attempt to not enrage them any further.

Felix's twitching hand drew his attention, light blotchy nails flexing into his palm. He tried to remember a time when his master was in good health, but it had long passed. Felix stopped pacing angrily, beautiful feathers disappearing behind him as he turned. Breaking his monologue to address Nikora.

"Are you even listening right now?"

Those abrasive words brought him to attention. Nikora's startled eyes skipped up to meet the archangel's gaze.

Entrancing puddles of neon red peeked through his colorless hair. Nikora quickly found himself drowning in them.

"Niko.. I swear.." Felix's cracking voice was the only warning before his tired words trailed off. His eyes narrowing and flooding an angry hot pink color.

Shit, Niko thought.

An apology stuttering out of him "I'm- I’m sorry, I'm listening, I promise!"

"I don't care! I'm so tired of you, you never listen. All you do is mess up!” Felix half-screamed in response, voice breaking from it's practiced range.

He covered his face as his hand came back from an expressive gesture and his brows pulled together in a stressed expression. A deep sigh, as his neon eyes clenched shut under his unnaturally pale fingers.

Maybe he'll get a hold of himself

Felix broke his silence after a few seconds with a renewed rage "you know what.. just kneel. I've had enough."

Nikora was afraid, but he knew better than to protest, or even open his mouth at all. Taking an unsteady knee on the stone patio, he bowed his head down. He didn't dare move from his position, even as the sound of Felix's footsteps trailed off into the distance.

What did I do to make him so mad?

Echoing footsteps returned, coming to a steady stop behind him. There was a long second of hesitation before a hand gasped at him, grabbing a handful of hair with hostility.

Felix's voice was soft, but overflowing with spite.

"Now, I'm going to make this real easy, if you make it hard, I'll kill you. Understand Niko?"

What-??

Fear spilled over him as those cold words soaked into him. He felt his heartbeat panic in his chest.

Nikora turned his chin to the side as much as he could, straining to look back at Felix.

He caught a glimpse of a knife in Felix's left hand, held loosely at his side. A ceremonial blade made from carved bone. Then the realization hit him: he was going to loose his wings.

No this can't be happening- he can't..

"N-no, please I-" was all he could get out before Felix shushed him.

"What did I say, Niko?"

Felix’s raspy voice faded out slightly, as he gripped Nikora's hair to push his face further towards the ground. Seemly finding his voice again, he spoke softly, leaning close to the poor angel's ear "Are you going to make this hard?"

Nikora didn't respond as he tried to fight against the force pulling him down toward the cold stone. Tears where starting to pour down his face.

He cant do this to me! I don't want to be a demon! I can't!

"Please! I'll do better-" he pleaded helplessly, words silenced as the shaky grip in his hair tightened, still he strained to resist. Causing a stinging pain to start in his neck.

This can't be happening! Who will I be then?! I can't die here!

He tried to get up, pushing himself with the leg which had his foot planted to the ground. But, even weakened, Felix was many times stronger than him.

"Stop it. Or I'm going to stop being so gentle with you, don't make me do that." Felix mumbled, the threat little more than an exhausted sigh in his ear.

Nikora froze in fear, listening to the loud distressed rhythm of the archangel's breathing. It seemed like an eternity passed before he let out a plea, "please! I-"

A hard knee in his spine knocked the wind from his sentiment before it was uttered. He was forced to the ground with his knees to his chest. His cheek finally meeting the cold smoothness beneath.

No please!

Gasping for air, the stinging in his neck was now close to unbearable. He couldn't fight against Felix as his left wing was taken in the archangel's hand. Fingers dug into it for a better grip into the joint where an elbow would be.

"See, it's not that hard. It'll all be over soon" Felix said, his tone sweet again as the blade touched the lesser angel's skin.

He was crazy! He couldn't do this!

"No- dont!-" Nikora cried out as he felt the blade cutting through the muscle surrounding his wing. He struggled desperately against the knee pushing to the ground. But, it only sent sharp pain through his protesting ribs. Tears dripped from his clenched eyes, wetting the stone beneath. He wasn’t able to turn his head enough to see anything. Every breath he took added to the growing fire on his back.

It can't be happening. Not like this. Any way but this

"Shh I'm almost done, just stay still a little longer, ok?" Felix purred, gentle words washing over him, the poison in them disguised by melody.

But, he didn't hear them, instead he saw his discarded wing hit the ground in the edge of his vision. Beautiful tan feathers catching the light with a peachy tint. White fluff floating thru the air to settle on the cold stone, kicked up by his labored breathing.

No.. it cant be..

Shock set in, spinning unbalanced with one wing. It can't be. Burning pain around his right wing now, his wingtip faded into numbness. Blood in dark pools on the uneven grey under him. A voice faded further and further away.

What am I now, if not me?

The muffled sound of a second wing on cold rock. A warm burning spreading inside of him, a fire consuming him.

I am the nothingness in between

His consciousness fell into nothingness. Darkness.

I’m no one at all

*****

Next: Awakening

[swampgallows]

absolutely horrible shitty gory dream, i dreamed i met up with a different group of online friends and that partway through everyone just hanging out and talking things started to devolve into sexual activity and people were discussing their fetishes openly. osmeone had said ‘oh youre into S.I.? ME TOO” and i dont know what that means or what it’s supposedt o mean, but it seemed like a cpersonal conversation so i turned away. i wentinto a different room where there were some people mulling about including one of my rl friends and there was a somewhat heavyset shy looking teenager with platinum blond curly hair showing me that he had lost a toe, wiggling the stump. and i said ‘oh well at least you got allt he others!!’ and he showed me his other foot and said something like ‘not really’ or ‘not for long’, and i saw he had some kinds of cysts or goiters or something with string wrapped around them to cut off the circulation, like how some people remove skin tags. 

from there he started showing me more of his body, but i was semi-turned away, and out of the corner of my eye i saw him whip out his dick, which looked like it had been mauled and was covered in scabs. i stepped backward because i didnt want to be part of this thing unfurling around me and then i saw that he had put on some kind of porn or something on a little tv and it was a dude castrating himself, blood spurting everywhere, and the guy with the mangled feet etc started jacking off and cutting into his own dick. i ran away screaming and crying and asked one of the people there (who was apparently a friend of mine but was no one from irl, just some dream construct) to get him out, to get him to leave the room. i realized i was then in my bedroom of my old house, somewhat combined with a cousin’s bedroom. i begged him to “get him out of my room” and he acted like i was being a wet blanket on everyone’s fun but was still concerned with my reaction. then he like... also took out his dick? and came onto the guy, and then dragged him out of the room. everyone left and i turned off all the lights nad i was by myself, huddled and crying in a corner.

i opened up a pencil case for something and two syringes with bright yellow smiley face baubles on the plunger spilled out. i started screaming and crying again, like it was my fault for having them, and someone came into ‘my bedroom’. i covered my chest as i wasnt wearing a shirt. he and other people filed inot th eroom to ask what the problem was and why i needed the guy to go away. ‘he’s cool and he’s really nice’ they argued. and i explained to them what i had seen. they all looked around at each other in shock as i said “he amputated HIMSELF, like, he’s INTO that” and they were like “ohhh well that’s not cool for him to do that in front of you”, ‘do that’ meaning saw into his dick with a butter knife.

earlier in the dream i had met some dude somehow and was making him like steaks or something but with cuts of extremely pink and loafy ground beef. like i cut slices of ground beef and cooked it like a steak but they were shaped and fell from the beef like slices of bread. apparently i cooked it well, but i spilled the au jus all over myself in the process. for some reason i had cooked a meal for myself separately before i cooked one for the guy. this also was taking place in my old house, in my old kitchen and dining room. it looked incredibly dim and run down. the little tv was on too. the guy was delighted that i cooked for him,a s he wasnt expecting it, and then both of my parents appeared and were counting off meals that i knew how to make, counting this ‘steak’ among them. 

from there the dream shifted into the weird orgy thing above, which also took place, im realizing, in my old house, in the family room and spilled into my bedroom. my room was indeed across from the family room/den at the old house, so the floor plan in my dream was accurate.

[amourete-blog1]

(( and THIS is the log i actually fell asleep during. sorry tae. it seems like it ends abruptly and that’s bc the last message is one i actually sent when i woke up the next day and it was ungodly early in tae’s time zone. this happened during feli’s visit w clams.

tagging: @brackishbarracuda @vvicissitudo @9hosis and i should be tagging the rest of the muses here but, all the muns have been tagged at least, so let’s leave it there for simplicity’s sake?

this log goes over pretty much everything that happened so here’s an advance warning for: amputation, serious violence, child harm.

begin log:

Last Friday at 8:26 PM

amourete I know your AI or whatever robot bullshit is on right now, I don't know if you'll ever get this, but just... Come home soon. Please. I don't know why you left and I trust you to make decisions like that for yourself, but Clams is here and ready to fight for you and your home and I'm here with him, everyone's worried. I hope you're safe. I hope you're well. I love you. Yesterday at 4:35 AM

brackishbarracuda felide ?

amourete Oh my god it's you You're safe??

brackishbarracuda yeah im im safe im ha i was gonna say im alright but thats but no im okay im safe

amourete Okay. That's a start, isn't it? We can build on that.

brackishbarracuda fuck fel i didnt mean for any a this

amourete Did you think I assumed you did?

brackishbarracuda im ready for the worst from literally everybody right now especially from you

amourete You're not a weapon, Meenah. You're not borne of mindless violence and you don't break everything you touch. You're an angel, with all their destructive power when you choose, but there is still a choice involved. You know your anger. You know the blood you carry. You know what you can do because you've seen it a thousand times. I knew you wouldn't have done this without a *very* good reason. I just don't know what it is. I want to hear it from you.

brackishbarracuda aya was burnt my youngest the one with the fever

amourete Burnt?

brackishbarracuda im saury words are really fucky right now i got a message that said ayad been burnt after id left her with cho

brackishbarracuda she was screaming when i got there i ?? panicked is the only fucking word for it

amourete Do you remember what happened?

brackishbarracuda there was a knife and i fought sal and cho was holdin her she was already blistering i she was so loud fel i lunged and i took chos arm and if were done isle understand

amourete We're not done. Don't give up on me. Please. That's the last thing I want.

amourete Where is Aya? How bad are her burns? Was it fire, a stove?

brackishbarracuda give up on you felide i maimed your club im shes where i am shes bein taken care of theyre psi burns

amourete I know what you did but god damnit I've dated *both* of you for the same amount of time and I'm not leaving you to fucking burn if there's *something* we can salvage from this. I love you. I love them. This is only a point of no return if we make it so and I REFUSE to make it so.

brackishbarracuda felide i need a minute

amourete Take every minute you need. I'll be here. I always will be.

brackishbarracuda im here do you have uh questions

amourete A lot. Do you know what's going on here at home?

brackishbarracuda isle do the best i can youre with clams hes armored up

brackishbarracuda there will be no world in which i can thank you enough for lookin out for him

amourete And Cho and Sal? Vis? What do you know about them right now?

brackishbarracuda nothing

amourete Oh, good. I had been afraid someone angrier than me had gotten to you first.

amourete Cho is with Nicco. Lucy says he's a skilled medic - I believe her. They're alive, but injured. I don't think I need to tell you that. Lucy said Cho is asleep. Clams says they're compatose. I don't know which is true, I haven't had the time to find out. Either way, they're unavailable.

brackishbarracuda im buyin them a new one if theyll let me it aint gonna make anything right but i dont know what else to do

amourete Clams said something about Sal malfunctioning? I... don't know what's going on. I don't know where he is. I'm scared to find out. I can't stand talking to the fucking AIs for too long because it freaks me out not talking to them, but seeing their names. I'll... deal But not now. Vis is with Vici. He's scared out of his mind. Vici says he's been trying to distract Vis from thinking about what happened because every time he does, it's... bad. But he's physically safe, physically unharmed. Because of all these things, you are the first and currently the *only* one who was there, bore witness and knows what happened. Whatever you know, write it down. Tell me, tell Clams, I don't care, *write it down.* As honestly as you can.

brackishbarracuda im telling everybody you clams tuna arlequin kan my kid was hurt and i fucked up

amourete I know. I know you want to make it right - we're going to work on that, but with Cho out of commission right now, we can't. You need a record you can come back to, something reliable to remind you of what you saw and heard and did.

amourete You know right now, but my worry is that it will be less fresh in your mind as time goes on... You were afraid. You panicked. Those memories don't last long.

amourete Hey, baby?

brackishbarracuda y yeah yes

amourete Thank you for not running from this. Thank you for facing it. I know it took time. I'm glad you did it.

brackishbarracuda where did you come from i mean not that fuck

amourete Try again. :PP

brackishbarracuda i feel more selfish than i have in a long time telling you this like i have any right to it but i love you

amourete I love you too. That's why I'm here. I'm not giving up on you, so don't give up on me. We're going to make it through this. We'll find a way. I don't know what the future holds, but we're going to face it and come out okay on the other side. All of us.

amourete I'm upset that this happened. I'm worried. Cho is hurt, and I love them. I've been angry and frustrated, but those aren't directed at you: right now what I feel most of all is concern, for everyone.

brackishbarracuda howd a troll with a heart that big get hatched

amourete With a tail, apparently. :PP

brackishbarracuda so thats where all the extra patience wnt

brackishbarracuda went fuck

amourete :** I know you didn't mean to do this. I know you better than that. Yes, though, it still hurt... And I'm not one of the ones most hurt either. You know this. I know you do. You already know the weight of this, I don't need to tell you. I want to support you doing what you can to try to make this right. Right now, I'm just glad you're okay. When Cho is here, we can figure out everything else.

brackishbarracuda how many times am i gonna cry tonight fuck

amourete Too many.

brackishbarracuda naut enough

amourete When are you coming home?

brackishbarracuda not yet i dont know not for a few days at least the last thing i want is targets on yalls back for this im uh im at dirks btw

amourete I've lived hundreds of sweeps with a target on my back. No troll alive could kill me in my first life, and no one will in this life either.

amourete Stay there as long as you need. I just wanted to know - I won't tell anyone but your partners, should they ask. And Mituna. For anyone else, they'll have to ask you.

brackishbarracuda thank you i have done nothin in my life to deserve you

amourete You can keep telling yourself that, or you can do something about it. Now you're coming up to a chance to do just that. Make me proud. I love you. I want you to know that. I love you so much.

brackishbarracuda fuck fel

brackishbarracuda its its down

amourete It's down?

brackishbarracuda what happened

brackishbarracuda all that i can remember

amourete You actually did it. Fuck. I didn't think you would. :'33

brackishbarracuda you asked me to what else was i gonna do

amourete Anything else? I'm still just so... Out of it. God.

brackishbarracuda if you if you wake up tomorrow and realize im unforgiveable isle understand

amourete Baby, no...

amourete Listen. I'm not the one to make that decision. You never struck me. Seek forgiveness from them first, when you can.

brackishbarracuda why arent you pissed at me

amourete Because being angry at you would do nothing but drive a wedge between us.

[swearronchanel]

As per request, 2.05

You guys have been so freaking sweet and kind  to me with your feedback since I started making these ridiculous posts, it’s insane but I love it!❣️ I literally started these as a joke because my one friend who watches call the midwife didn’t pick up the phone (and bc I was under the influence whoops hahaha it happens) but now I have so much fun posting every week! I’m sure I won’t stop these any time soon (what will I do when this series is over until Christmas? Yikes lets not talk about it yet)  Anyways @marialujan22 requested I rewatch and post for 2x5 & shit it’s been a while since I’ve watched series 2 but I couldn’t say no! Besides Im in a good mood because I have 10 days till spring break & only like 8 weeks left in the semester so here we go ..

idk if I’m mentally prepared for this

THE BIKE SONG I LOVE IT

“Somewhere far away, scientist we’re working on a magic pill, rumored to make pregnancy a case of choice..” Hell yea birth control, deff a magic pill in my opinion

Crazy that it took 3 series for the pill to become a thing & then there was still lame ass government guidelines

Jenny Lee! lol I often forget about her sorry not sorry, I liked her but she left. ya no importa

I love how “mature jenny” still narrates even though her character is never even mentioned anymore #letmenarrate lol jk I like Vanessa Redgrave’s voice

“Meanwhile other scientists were trying to send humans to the moon” fuck yea Hidden Figures

If CtM went up until 1969 that’d be lit, like the episode on mad men when they watched the moon landing! Just replace them with nuns and nurses and babies & replace the liquor for tea 😂

Shit I’ve said typed so much already

SISTER MJ💕 I wanna smack myself she’s brushing her teeth & I thought of that stupid toothbrush song from last week’s episode kill me

Nora’s pregnant again uh oh

Cynthia! SISTER E! Jane! It’s been so long

My bby Trixie 💕😍 I miss her pin curls! But now she’s serving those 60s looks so I’m here for it all

“Take that off this minute before you go to hell” LMAO TRIX YOU CANT TELL KIDS THAT

lol who am I kidding I would’ve said the same

I love sister Monica Joan, id quote everything she ever says but that’s too much work

Vicar’s wife? But who was the vicar?

LMAO WAIT DOESNT SISTER MJ FAKE A HEART ATTACK??

YES SHE DID IM DEAD I LOVE HER, WELL IT WAS LIKE ANGINA BUT IDC STILL FUNNY CAUSE SHE DIDNT WANNA GO

PRECIOUS SISTER BERNADETTE 😭💕

I STILL CANT BELIEVE MY BBY SHELAGH WAS A NUN, ITS SO STRANGE TO GO BACK AND SEE HER IN THE HABIT, LIKE YOURE PREGNANT NOW, WITH DR TURNERS BABYYY!!

anyone else really wanted to know how she was going to tell Sister Julienne “um i was already done with being a nun and now im love sick, I can’t stop thinking about Dr Turner so  I gotta ditch this habit”

damn I feel so bad like she did not want another baby & had no choice but to deal with it

No Jenny, tea is not gonna help right now

And heres the lady that scammed her

How much is 2 guinnis ? Idk how to spell that u already know I’m an ignorant American

Did she really tell a married woman keep her legs closed? It Doesn’t even matter if she was married or not like who are u anyway?? I would’ve bitch slapped her too, good for u Nora

Sister MJ saying her horoscope was right, we are the same😭

Wtf is spotted dick? Also I laughed because I’m immature Lmaoo

Sister J eating the pudding, she knows how to get to sister MJ 😂 I love them

Trixie teasing Jane about the Reverend lol aw

“I can’t knit I had a heart attack this morning” ME TRYING TO GET OUT OF THINGS

8 kids in one bedroom though yikes

Cute and classic bedroom moments 😭💕

“Naughty version of eggnog” like coquito? Lol nah, coquito is the bomb

IM CRYING SISTER BERNADETTE LOOKING IN THE DOORWAY

THIS BREAKS MY HEART EVERYTIME

THEY FUCKING CLOSED THE DOOR ON HER, MY BBY. I WANT TO HUG HER 💔💔💔 she deserves the world

Who is this irrelevant ass vicars wife? “Cherrio”

I’m so sorry Nora

Ew wtf a rat just bit the baby?

“Just tell me what you want sister” SHE WANTS YOU DOCTOR

THE WAY THEYRE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OMG IM SHOOK

WHAT THE HELL TIM WHY DID YOU RUIN THE MOMENT ?!

sister MJ wants to roll bandages, make it happen! lol I love that Cynthia and Jane unwrap them all for her 😭

Aww i love babies !! but that one with a funny nose uhh

SISTER BERNADETTE BLOWING THE WHISTLE AND CHEERING 💕 MY HEART SHE IS SO ADORABLE

Aw I wish Trixie could have another scene going through old pictures and maybe share old stories with the new nurses💔 unlikely but you know I can hope. SHE DID HAVE THAT PHOTO OF HER AND CYNTHIA ON HER MIRROR LAST SUNDAY💕

“I’m a woman on a mission” beatrix, light in my life

Curly locks lol, when I was younger I  was called Shirley temple and when I dyed my hair I was called Goldie locks.. mind u that lasted into high school 😂 I’m staying blonde for good though, I don’t think I can pull off anything else

DONT GO OUT WITH HIM TRIXIE, HE’S TRASH

Laura Main’s angelic voice ✨👼🏼

who am I kidding she’s an angel

you know what would be fun and a dream? to go out with the ctm cast and get drunk and take trashy snapchat videos singing

Gin & a hot bath??

Trixie looked him up lol, good move

BUT HE’S STILL TRASH and an asshole

Pickle knife ?

again, this irrelevant vicar’s wife? vete ya

Everyone thinks Sister MJ is senile but she knows what’s up with Sister Bernadette..

“..but is all blank sadness and continued tears”  MY HEART💔 sister Bernadette/Shelagh has spent the majority of this show crying/being sad/distressed ugh!! Laura Main plays is beautifully but I CRY!? Let her be uninterruptedly happy please 😭💕

she (and helen) ruined me tbh, I used to have dignity

Is Jenny really naive or is she just pretending not to understand??

SEE SISTER BERNADETTE IS ON SCREEN AGAIN & IS UPSET

“I almost wish I was physically ill..” okay bRb CRYIN. THIS IS WHY I CANT WATCH THESE OLDER EPISODES I CRY TOO MUCH, I DONT LIKE TO SEE HER UNHAPPY

Remember when I started the show and didn’t know it was gonna ruin my life? Or before I grew attached? Yea me neither lmaoo those were the days when I thought downton killed me. I Didn’t know what was coming 😂 still love downton though rip #downtonmoviepls

Knitting needles?? aye dios mio

HA GREMLIN TIM AND JACK

Again how much is a gunniea and how do I spell it? I could google it but I’m busy here

She was willing to sell her wedding ring and risk her life for an unprofessional abortion. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE? This isn’t just the a period drama either. Shit is real

“Are babies more valued because they can survive or do they survive beside they are more valued?” good question sis

lol Jane was so sweet and just bounced with no word

AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THOUGH, THANKS FOR THAT NZ CUT SCENE

Trixie being a babe and getting ready to do her nails 😍💕 I wish I could do mine well but I’m trash and so I pay to get them done

The cross cutting in this scene is crazy but so well done (& yes look at me using real terms lol, I took a Music in film class last semester and had to know editing techniques 😂, I did fairly well too)

I really don’t know how she survived this

My bby trixie looking gorgeous as per usual. I love her so much, Helen u kill me

NO COÑFIO TRIXIE, HE’S NO GOOD

Haha why did I not remember the Gone With The Wind reference? Cynthia was so cute, I miss her carefree and happy

FRECO MOVE YOUR DAMN HAND, YOU ARE TRASH.

HE’S FICTIONAL BUT ID STILL FIGHT HIM

my poor bby😭💔 it is not your fault , he’s trash!! But this moment between the nurses warmed my cold heart

“Matrons in charge, virgins of iron” 😭😭

Aw Earth Angel playing, ✨🎼 I highkey pop to 50s/60s pandora stations

Jenny yes it’s illegal but do you think that matters rn??

TIM AS MAID MARION LMAO

Sister Bernadette looking at Dr Turner ah omg 😭they’ve come so far.

It’s not your fault Jenny but you should’ve told someone

Sister B & Tim won 👏🏼

LMAO ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT POST “WOAH CALM DOWN IM JUST TRYNA DATE YOUR DAD”

and she’s down, and the glasses flew

“You’ve hurt your hand” “well I’m sure there’s no need to amputate” ah sister b/shelagh lowkey has some of the funniest lines she just slips them in and people miss them !!

Here it comes ..

THE MOMENT..

“Would you like me to have a look at that?” UHM YEA

No but seriously I can barely remember what I thought when I first watched this but I knew something was gonna happen because a nurse can handle her own damn cut & well you know, she was in love with him

HE KISSED HER HAND. A fucking doctor kissed a nuns hand people, how scandalous & this was THE MOMENT I KNEW I WAS CORRUPT AND WAS GOING TO HELL, I AM SATAN I WANTED THE DOCTOR TO KISS A FREAKING NUN ON THE MOUTH LIKE WTF WHO RAISED ME? MY MOTHER WANTED IT TOO SO IDK BUT THIS KILLED ME, LIKE R.I.P HERE LIES GABBY, I WAS IN THE GROUND DECEASED. I’m actual trash. Someone dispose of me in the proper bin #recyle

for real, this is when I really knew that I was never going to love any other show like this and I allowed it to ruin me

BUT HONESTLY WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? THATS A BOLD MOVE

BOLD IN GENERAL BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW IF SHE LIKES YOU BUT BOLD x1000 BC SHE IS A NUN, YOU KNOW MARRIED TO GOD, VOW OF CHASITY AND ALL THAt??

What if she would’ve freaked tf out or told sister Julienne? I don’t even know. I’ll just be grateful for how things turned out

“At this moment I only know I’m not turning my back on you because of you but I’m doing it because of him” AHHHH, DONT WORRY BBY GOD LOVES U AND UNDERSTANDS YOU LOVE HIM AND THE DOCTOR, LOSE THAT HABIT AND GO PROPERLY KISS PATRICK 😭

Sister MJ judging the baby contest is the purest thing & I need it to cleanse my disgusting soul that wants a dr to get with a nun #notsorrythough

“In Nonnatus we were good at tending other’s wounds and there were times I felt we were all each other’s children..” brb I’m crying I love that they’re like a family 😭💕💔

I’m so happy they didn’t kill Nora and she actually was happy in the end. I really wasn’t sure for a moment (obviously when I first watched lol)

“ Free reliable contraception came too late to help her, but in time the scientists triumphed. Her daughters and granddaughters lives remained transfigured, long after man left fleeting footprints on the moon.” Vanessa always knowing what to say in the end.

Lets see how the pill is going to be reintroduced this series, I’m interested  in how it’s going to play out.

I’ve said that so many times though so I’ll be done

The End.

[warzonic]

really  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.   RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !   TAGGED.  @wrathtied   TAGGING. @astraei, @sepsiis, @fiertc, @oceanpride ( i dont rlly ... know many others whoops )

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :   takashi shirogane   //   charon servus NICKNAME :   shiro   //   servus AGE :  23   //   charon = mentally probably around 14 human years  BIRTHDAY :   doesn’t remember his own birthday. neither do. ETHNIC  GROUP :  japanese. NATIONALITY :   japan  LANGUAGE / S : japanese, english   //   galra, standard english ( spekaing only ) SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  homosexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  biromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :   taken ... sort of. HOME  TOWN / AREA :   takayama ! CURRENT  HOME :   the castle of lions   //   centre of the empire or the castle, depending. PROFESSION :  leader of voltron, soldier, space explorer   //   galra sleeper agent

PHYSICAL.

SKIN: very pale, almost sickly as his once rosy undertone was replaced with a more yellowish one during his time imprisoned in the galra empire. was once prone to tanning but now, due to atmospheric changes and nutrient deficiencies developed during captivity, is much more weaker in terms of repelling radiation and regeneration of skin cells. EYES :   light grey with flecks of darker brown and gold   //   bright yellow, occasionally flashing. LIPS :   thin, but average. nearly constantly bitten or rough from nervous habits such as biting his bottom lip, chewing it, and from his nonchalant attitude towards self-care. COMPLEXION :  very, very fair. BLEMISHES :  small, occasional dark spots. some down his left forearm, the back of his elbow. some on the side of his neck. freckles, or what can be considered freckles, are very few and far in between, but there are splotches of them on his lower back and shoulders. SCARS :  pre-kerberos, none. post-kerberos, his body is littered with scars. the largest two being his amputation scar on his right arm, and the scar stretching across his right shoulder to his left hip   ;   a result from an arena battle he had thought he were to lose. others are dusted across his left arm, shoulder, wrist. some small, some a bit larger, varying from 3 inches in length to 2.5 mm. haggar’s attack on his right hip holds three horizontal and even, parallel scars, each more akin to burn-looking than a ‘’ healed over ‘’ scar. the most noticeable remains the horizontal and jagged scar that runs across his nose and cheeks, just under his eyes. TATTOOS :  none, though he is considering getting some when returning to earth. HEIGHT :   6′2   //   6′5 ( charon snaps his spine straighter just to be taller for a sense of superiority. ) WEIGHT :   roughly 180 lbs. ( most of his weight is due to muscle mass, as he actually eats very little. a 6′2 male should be between 145 lbs - 194 lbs. ) BUILD :   muscular. broad shoulders that taper to a somewhat smaller waist. average muscularity, but more focused towards his arms and upper body strength. FEATURES :  white forelock & signature soft smile(tm)   //   blazing eyes & sharp teeth akin to fangs. ALLERGIES :   none. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  undercut style with white forelock. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :   he’s nearly constantly in a state of dissociation, due to his depersonalisation disorder. his usual facial expression can be described as ‘’ spaced out ‘’, but is always quick to change to some form of comforting smile, stern ‘’ leader ‘’ look, or a smirk.   //   smug grin. USUAL  CLOTHING :  black sleeveless zip-up vest with white trim and a grey zipper over a soft grey long-sleeved shirt, tight enough to be considered a body-suit. add black lounge pants and combat boots. there you go.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :   death, failing the others, losing the others, losing control, hurting someone, not being able to save the ones who need it the most.   //   to fail, to be seen as weaker. loss of identity, purpose. ASPIRATION / S :   to free the universe of zarkon’s tyranny   //   to prove himself as stronger and deliver zarkon the black lion ( as well as the heads of the other paladins, if asked. ) POSITIVE  TRAITS :   brave, encouraging, comforting, strong, resilient, trustworthy, intelligent, loyal, determined.   //   intelligent. that’s it charon has no other positive traits. NEGATIVE  TRAITS :   paranoid, anxious, blindly determined, matyristic   //   obsessed, too goal-oriented, cocky, smug, ignorant, manipulative, abusive. MBTI :   ADVOCATE ( INFJ-T )    //    ENTREPRENEUR ( ESTP-T ) ZODIAC :   unknown. TEMPEREMENT :   sanguine   //   choleric  SOUL  TYPE / S :   spiritualist   //   hunter ANIMALS :   sable. VICE  HABIT / S :    scowling, narrowing eyes, bunching brows, shrugging shoulders, holding galran arm at the wrist, chewing bottom lip   //   snarling, growling, yelling, mocking, baring teeth FAITH :  shiro grew up practicing  ‘’  sukyo mahikari ‘’ sometimes referred to as only ‘’ mahikari ‘’ as his town, takayama, is home to the mahikari main world shrine. since his escape, shiro has nearly forgotten everything entailing his religion. he is, however, attempting to gain the knowledge back.   //   charon holds no faith other than zarkon, and reluctantly sendak, being his god(s). GHOSTS ? :   spirits hold a very profound meaning to shiro considering his background. AFTERLIFE ? :   shiro is ... torn about the afterlife. he believes in an afterlife, yes, but is constantly asking questions that lead him down a very dark existential path. he isn’t sure what the afterlife would hold, and sometimes thinks an afterlife is pure fantasy. REINCARNATION ? :   again, disputed between what he believes, what he wants to believe, and his existential breakdowns. ALIENS ? :   looks directly into the camera. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  isn’t too bothered by politics. considers himself an observer who ... doesn’t really enjoy the aspects of political events. EDUCATION  LEVEL :    primary through high school as well as a college-level degree within the galaxy garrison. included courses with complex mathematics, reasoning, chemistry, combat, and medical ems.

FAMILY.

FATHER :    unknown ( he can’t remember him ) MOTHER :    unknown ( again, can’t remember ) SIBLINGS :   one brother ( still can’t remember him, however ) EXTENDED  FAMILY :   none NAME  MEANING / S :    ‘’ shiro ‘’ means white   ;   a contradiction to his position as the black paladin. ‘’ shirogane ‘’ completely means silver.   //   charon is the ferryman of souls to hades in greco-roman lore, and as the galra seem to be heavily influenced by roman culture, it seemed to fit as charon killed and did as asked by his commanders. ironically, charon is also the name of the largest moon orbiting pluto in the sol system. pluto was where shiro, charon’s host consciousness, had originally been captured. the galra are jerks what can i say. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   charon, in this case, is as i said              the ferryman of souls to hades based on greco-roman lore / history.

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  all of them. shiro and charon both love to read. MOVIE :   unsure. shiro cannot remember the last movie he watched, nor has charon ever seen a movie. 5  SONGS : again, shiro doesn’t remember much about music, nor has charon been granted the chance to listen to any. DEITY :   none. believer in True Light and the universal principles of his religion   //   zarkon and, sometimes, sendak. HOLIDAY :   halloween. MONTH :   november SEASON :   fall PLACE :   takayama   //   zarkon’s central hub for the empire. WEATHER :    cool and crisp, maybe rainy but not snowing. dark skies. SOUND :   stepping on leaves, air conditioner white noise, and someone breathing next to him as he sleeps. SCENT / S :    earthy tones, sublte spice, musk TASTE / S :    subtle spices, but typically bland food FEEL / S :   slick things, soft ones, and rubbery ( sometimes ) ANIMAL / S :    strangely likes chickens NUMBER :  none. COLORS :   black, white, grey, pastel blue, deep red.

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  leading, commanding, hand to hand combat, comforting.   //   lying, manipulating BAD  AT :  self-acceptance, self-worth, self-confidence, self-care   //   trustworthiness, gentleness, comfort, emotions, control TURN  ONS :   gentleness, caring, love, control ( sometimes ), dirty talk   //   pain, power dynamic, control, humiliation, degradation, bondage. a whole slew of Kinky TURN  OFFS :   pain. humiliation. bonds to his legs. blindfolds w/o any verbal contact for more than five minutes. too much helplessness, as his anxiety and paranoia flare.   //   forced submission ( different in his eyes than the humiliation kink he has, mainly due to his classical conditioned responses to always submit. the ones he would do anything to rip from his own mind. ), choking, spit. HOBBIES :   reading, writing, training   //   reading TROPES :    look i’m not even going to begin trying to identify shiro or charon’s tropes there’s too many and i dunno how to properly find them. QUOTES :     “ it’s better to die saving lives than to live with taking them. ‘’   //   ‘’ i am become death, destroyer of worlds ‘’ & ‘’ woe is me, i think i am becoming a god. ‘’

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   pretty much everything with how voltron is except more emphasis on shiro’s depersonalisation and alternate personality. because charon’s important as hell. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   smooth orchestral, mainly emotionally inspiring, sometimes more chill and upbeat depending.   //   dark tones, subtle with large crescendos and drastic changes in dynamic to indicate charon’s wild mood and nearly always constant and tangible anger. Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :    hi my name is alecto and my main fictivekin id is shiro. Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :    i saw what i wanted to be, what i was, and all that i could be. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   selfless to a fault. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   mental disorders, selfishness ( though tbh shiro takes it to a higher extreme than myself ), our altruistic tendencies, our ability to lead and comfort, our past trauma and how it affects us, though varying in terms of events. Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   shiro would be proud of me. i think. i would hope. Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :   kreihid ( @wrathtied ), black ( @astraei ), keith ( @sepsiis ). mainly charon interactions, they still hold a very large interesting quality to them that make me wanna explore them further and further, though the dark themes grow with each delve into development. Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :    music. discussion. sometimes i get overwhelmed with him as my id and so i just. nyoom to write him. or, because my mind never stops processing information even weeks after i first see it, i’ll come up with a meta suddenly on the spot and, again, nyoom to write it down.  Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :    a day and a half but even then i skipped the trope part so it would’ve taken me longer.