#dont bake them longer than 13 minutes

[adjectiveadjectiveadjective]

becoming a baker..

these ones are my favorite children

and... i definetely love them all equally. ,,, even the burnt. ones...

[all-hail-the-witcher]

how to make your pancakes taste yummy: a guide

since some people showed some interest in me making a longer post about Pancake Making Techniques (@artemisthehuntress @00qtee @supermutantprince @panerato @acemoppet @pawkaray), here you all go 

what are my qualifications? my dad started teaching me how to make pancakes when i was 2 and we made them every sunday until i was like 13. now i experiment whenever i have the time.

basic stuff:

-for every 1 cup of flour you use 1 egg.

-a recipe that class for 2 cups of flour and 2 eggs is enough for 4 people. 

-if you find a very basic recipe that you like you can use that as a base for any other add ins (such as spices or mix ins).

substitutions:

-you can substitute up to 1 cup of white flour for 1 cup of whole wheat flour in any recipe without changing anything. (so for example if a recipe calls for 2 cups of white flour you can do 1 cup of white and 1 cup of wheat without changing anything else). this will make the pancakes more hearty and a little denser and slightly more healthy.

-you can substitute white sugar for maple syrup or brown sugar. just use slightly less than the amount of white sugar that the recipe calls for. (so for example if a recipe calls for half a cup of white sugar you might use a quarter of a cup of brown sugar or a few tablespoons of maple syrup)

-if you do not have buttermilk you can substitute instead the same amount of milk (any kind words) and a teaspoon or so of either white vinegar or lemon juice. let the mixture stand for at least 10 minutes. (so if a recipe calls for a cup and a half of buttermilk you could use a cup and a half of milk and a teaspoon and a half of lemon juice)

-buttermilk can be swapped with milk in any recipe as long as you add an extra teaspoon of baking powder. (so if a recipe calls for a cup of milk you could use a cup of buttermilk plus 1 teaspoon baking powder)

-you do not need to add a lot of sugar to pancake batter. if a recipe calls for honey and sugar or honey and maple syrup or whatever, it will still taste fine if you only put in wither the honey or the sugar. the sweetness from pancakes usually comes from the mix ins. i generally do not put more than a half a cup of sweetener to 2 cups flour in any recipe. 

-butter can be substituted for and equal amount of coconut oil. 

spices and mix ins: 

-always add spices to your recipe. even if its not listed. 

-decide what you want your mix ins to be before you add the spices. 

-some good combinations are: cinnamon and apples, pumpkin spice, banana and walnut, blueberries, cinnamon raisin, orange and spice etc.

-essentially think of a dessert of any sort and copy those spices. 

-always put the spices in the dry mix. 

-if you cannot smell the spices in the dry mix, you will not be able to taste them.

-a good rule of thumb is always add the most cinnamon. then about the same amount of ginger, nutmeg, allspice and the least amount of cloves. those are the spices that i use the most often. 

-if you want to make chai pancakes, add all of the above spices and then a few teaspoons of dry chai mix. brew a strong cup of chai tea and put it in the wet. 

-no matter what a recipe says, you can Always add in vanilla. at least a teaspoon.

-if you want to add citrus in your pancakes (usually orange or lemon) add in at least a quarter cup of juice to the wet and a good amount of zest. id mix the seat with the sugar (white sugar works best) and almost massage the zest into the sugar. this releases the flavor. its best to use your hands. add this sugar mixture into the wet ingredients. 

-additionally, your mix ins do not always have to go in the pancakes. you can make a sauce instead. (like warmed apples or cranberry sauce, etc). basic sauce consists of some kind of fruit, water, maybe some juice and some cinnamon (depending on what the sauce is). you dont have to add sugar because fruit is naturally sweet.

extra tricks:

-if you are putting brown sugar in your pancakes put it in the wet. it will melt and there won't be any weird clumps of it in the batter. 

-always put the dry mix in a larger bowl than the wet mix. 

-a good pancake batter should be thick, almost like cake batter. 

-leave some lumps in it. only mix until there isn't any flour left. 

-add any mix ins to the batter After you've combined the wet with the dry. 

-always put the wet in the dry. not the other way around. 

-you can grease your pan with either butter, butter substitute, or coconut oil. all work equally as well. 

-make sure your pan is hot before you put the pancakes on! the easiest way to do this is to turn on the heat, grease the pan and then wait a few minutes. you will know a pan is ready if you throw a few drops of water onto it and they jump/crackle. 

-ideally you only want to flip a pancake three times. it depends on what is in the recipe (is there is whole wheat flour they will need more time to cook) but dont be afraid to let them cook for around 2-3 minutes per side.

-a third cup measure works very well to scoop batter into the pan. this ensures that they are all the same size. 

-if you are making sauce, start it once you are halfway done cooking the pancakes. 

-serving pancakes with yogurt and/or nuts adds variety to flavor and texture and balances the sweetness. 

-you can make pancake mix the night before. just do not combine the wet and dry ingredients. make sure you put the bowl of wet ingredients, covered, in the fridge. combine them and add the mix ins in the morning. 

bottom line, dont be afraid to experiment!! have fun!!

[somefancyurl]

Keto Bacon Cheeseburger Casserole

Hey! Sorry to be keto on main but I made a delicious casserole last night and wanted to share it with the world without going through the effort of making a keto dedicated blog. 🤗

Ingredients:

4 slices of bacon (reserve grease)

1 lb beef (80/20)

1 head cauliflour

1 cup (roughly) shredded mozzarella

1 cup (roughly) shredded Colby jack

1 cup (roughly) shredded cheddar

2 eggs

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 tsp ground cumin

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp oregano

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1) Place bacon, well separated, directly on a rimmed baking sheet and place in COLD oven. Set oven to 375 F and set timer for 10 minutes, then proceed to step two. When timer goes off, pull the sheet out and flip all the bacon, then place back in the oven for about 10 minutes. Depending on the oven, you may need to cook it for more/less time to suit your needs.

2) Cut cauliflour into florets and wash, then steam until al dente OR, if microwavable, microwave for slightly less than the packaging instructions.

3) Brown beef in a large frying pan. Drain about 1/2 the grease and season with salt, pepper, cumin, paprika and oregano.

4) Add cooked cauliflour to pan and combine. Salt and pepper as needed.

5) Reduce heat and add mozzarella, cheddar and about 1/2 the colby jack to the mixture. Mix until melted, then remove from heat.

6) In a small bowl whisk together (I used a hand beater) the eggs, heavy cream and about 1/2 the bacon grease. Salt and pepper lightly.

7) Spread cheesy beef mixture in a 9 x 13 casserole dish. Chop up the surface with you utensil to create little divets into the mixture.

8) Pour the egg mixture over the top of the beef mixture, then crumble the bacon and spread it evenly over the casserole (it will end up being mostly submerged in the egg)

9) sprinkle the remainder of the Colby jack cheese over the top of the casserole.

10) Bake at 375 for 25-30 minutes (until the egg mixture is set, and the casserole no longer sloshes around when jiggled) then broil on high for 1-2 minutes.

11) Let cool and serve plain or with sugar free bbq or no sugar added katsup.

This makes 6-8 servings depending on what you have with it. It is SUPER filling and is great for an easy packed lunch. It took me about an hour start to finish, but I had plenty of down time to play on my phone, etc. Also, I didnt measure my cheese AT ALL last night so use your discretion 😂

(For 6 servings) (if I did my math right) 1 serving is...

Fat: 48.32

Protein: 29.5

Carbs: 7.18

Fiber: 2.15

NET CARBS: 5.03

*Please note that, for personal mental health reasons, I dont meticulously keep track of macros or calories, and instead take a more general "fat good, carbs bad, avoid bad oils and dont forget to eat your veggies" approach to keto. Call it lazy if you want, it's working so far.

Let me know if you try this and like it! If you have any ideas or make any additions/changes, I'd love to hear about them! 🤗

[hyunjjins]

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ soft bias tag

i was tagged by @just-oneofthegays

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. WHO IS YOUR BIAS?

i love too many kpop boys but for the sake of this tag i’ll choose felix because im full of uwus on his behalf atm

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. WHAT MADE YOU NOTICE THEM?

his whole ass voice. like im pretty sure there’s a screenshot of a snapchat i sent to eli one of the first times i listened to skz asking about who he is bc of his voice (accompanied by the cliche “it doesnt Fucking match is face” whICH IS TRUE) but also yes im shit at faces so when im getting into a new kpop group theres always one member who i keep asking whO IS THIS even though ive already asked 100 times so yes. voice + face = bias

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM?

wow okay uM i love his dedication. like he can rap in korean? a language he didnt know until joining the group? and he can rap well? and hes getting so good at korean, obviously his members are helping, but everything he does blows me away bc he’s so committed to doing everything he does well and i admire that. (also his freckles and his smile are bonuses but we can talk more about those later)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. WHO WOULD INITIATE SKINSHIP MORE?

him. hands down him. i’m all for physical affection but because most of my friends dont like it i dont usually initiate but i live for that shit. and he is one of the most physical people i have ever seen and i am one touch starved motherfucker so that would work out super well for both of us. except its all strictly platonic because im a huge lesbian and hes gay 4 changbin so it would be more like when @violet-hyunggu and i are in the same room for more than 3 minutes hahA

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. WHO WOULD HOG BLANKETS MORE?

yo idk im not usually one to use that many blankets but i can totally see lix running around with a blanket cloak on even though all he’s wearing is a tank top and shorts and there are sweatpands right over there, jesus, put on some socks you’ll be warmer

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. WHO WOULD BE MORE CLINGY?

have you seen felix? like ever?

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. WHO WOULD SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST?

probably me but only because i have sait it about him before lmAO so it wouldnt be weird for it to just like. slip out. and i tell my friends i love them all the time and i seriously do love him i just feel like he wouldnt say it bc he would be worried he would be crossing some kind of Line in our friendship but then i say it once and hes like “okay time to shower her with Love and Affection”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 8. WHO WOULD BE MORE EASILY FLUSTERED?

i mean idk. im taking this as the two of us being bffs so i dont think there would be much flustering involved. aside from that we’re both panicked gays so we would both be flustered constantly, unrelated to the actions of each other.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. WHAT CUDDLING POSITION WOULD YOU TWO HAVE?

im always a slut for the ol’ “my head on someone elses stomach while they play with my hair” but also just like any way that we could be pressed against each other would be perfect. also im a huge sucker for intertwined legs (even though his are probably a whole six inches longer than mine lol im Small)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. WHICH COLORS REMIND YOU OF THEM AND WHY?

blue but like the bright blue of a summer sky when it’s midday and like 100 degrees and existence is pain but you look up and see the stark contrast of fluffy white clouds and huge blue sky and you’re like, holy shit, the universe is huge and i’m part of it. also i feel like he is the human embodyment of a blue raspberry sno-cone

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 11. WHICH SEASON WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND WITH THEM?

summer but the part of summer that is in september. idk why but thats one of my favorite times of the year and i love being with people at that time. you know like you can still get away with going to the beach if its warm enough but also fairs are starting up and it’s plaid season

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. WHO WOULD BAKE THE COOKIES AND WHO WOULD STEAL THE BATTER?

i would bake because i feel like felix is a disaster in the kitchen and tbh i would make them with the express intention of him eating some of the batter. you know like specifically washing the eggs so he wouldnt get salmonella and making more than i want to have for the cookies so he could have some and we would still have a good amount of cookies

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE BAD PUNS AND HOW WOULD THE OTHER REACT?

i am a pun god and he would smack me every time but it would be Worth It

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. WHO WOULD WANT TO ADOPT 50 DOGS AND CATS?

i have been known to look at google images of kittens and weep so i would want to but not act upon it but he has little to no self control so he would spend hours at the local shelter and send me pictures of every single animal they had and ask if we could have it (fuck now i want to write a felix-works-in-an-animal-shelter au)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD NEARLY BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN TRYING TO MICROWAVE A POP TART AND WHO WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE?

again felix is a disaster in the kitchen because first of all. who microwaves a pop tart they are strictly a toaster food. second of all. i would come to the rescue

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. WHO LIKES TO LEAN OVER TALL RAILINGS AND WHO PULLS THEM BACK?

felix is a huge railing leaner and i have massive amounts of anxiety but i also love a good people watching session so i feel like i would pull him back but then join him at a reasonable angle

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. WHAT WOULD WATCHING A HORROR FILM WITH THEM BE LIKE?

i like to pretend to be touch but i am actually the biggest baby and so is he so watching a horror film would be a disaster. some are okay though and then its fun. but other than that we are strictly a mean girls and lemonade mouth couple

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. WHO WOULD BE THE CHEESY FLIRT AND WHO WOULD BE THE SMOOTH FLIRT?

i feel like i might be the smooth one but hear me out. my logic is that im smooth when its playful and any flirting i would do with him would be playful. he’s just a mess no mater what

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. WHO IS MORE COMPETITIVE?

me, myself, and i. i have found that i dont usually like the concept of competetion (like sports and stuff) but once i get started i am a competetive monster who cannot be stopped

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. WHO WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN CONSTANT REMINDERS? (REMEMBER TO EAT, DON’T FORGET YOUR KEYS, ETC)

him. hes a certified mess and im a mom friend but then when i forget something he makes fun of me for hours lol

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. WHO SENDS MEMES AND WHO SENDS CUTE ‘I MISS YOU’ TEXTS AT 3AM?

we both do. i am the queen of “this made me think of you” *weird ass picture* and once he found out that im a memer he wont stop sending me memes. and im a sucker for when someone waits until youre asleep and then sends a “for when you wake up” message. i send those all the time and i love it

okay so i tag @spear-bean and @notleefelix and anyone else who happens to see this and wants to do it uwu

[colpapabear]

Kat and Rob... obvs.

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - TIL DEATH DO THEM PART

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - far too quickly for their own good, Rob realises much later than her

How was their first kiss? - Happy because it happened upon the liberation of Stalag 13. They got a picture of it which is nice!

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Rob

Who is the best man/men? - Rob’s brother Bill

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - Who, Morgan? Who? 

Who did the most planning? - Probably Kat but lets not forget what a control freak Rob is. He kept budging in only to go “no, actually, you do it...... but just this one thing”.

Who stressed the most? - ROB BECAUSE HE’S A COMMITMENT PHOBE

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - I can’t think of anyone. 

Sex:

Who is on top? - Rob (except on special occasions)

Who is the one to instigate things? - I mean. Mostly Rob but Kat’s no spring chicken either.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - I wanna say half an hour but realistically more like 15-20 minutes

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - surprisingly yes! (but more because rob likes to go down on her)

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 3

How many children will they adopt? - none

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Kat but Rob gets his fair share

Who is the stricter parent? - Kat

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Kat lol

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Kat 

Who is the more loved parent? - uuuh depends on the child?

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Kat

Who cried the most at graduation? - Rob  Kat

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Rob

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Kat (lol Rob cooking)

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Rob

Who does the grocery shopping? - Kat

How often do they bake desserts? - ... does Kat like to bake? Idk! Occasionally?

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Rob

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Rob

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - ROB

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Kat

Who is really against chores? - ..Rob (i dont understand this)

Who cleans up after the pets? - hmm Kat likely

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - lol Rob

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Kat because she prepared most of it

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Kat. Kat finds all sorts of things around the house all the time.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Kat because Rob just jumps in and out

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - both. it’s nice.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - I can see them do the major holidays and there’s a quarrel every time.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Big happy family? 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Rob. 

Who plays the most pranks? -ROB

[peppermint-rat]

Gonna do a lil relationship meme about @eldritchcupcake ‘cause I don’t want to start my day yet

1) What's their name? Damien/Dee/Rotten

3) Do you get along with this person all the time? Of course. We might not always agree on everything but we never fight 4) How old is the person? 24 5) Have they ever cooked for you? Oh yes, when they have the spoons (thats not a cooking pun feck off). They make some fantastic food including orgasmic baked mac & cheese 6) Is this person the same age as you? Older than me by a year and one month. Timed just in time for them to be in ‘92 and me in ‘94 7) Have you ever kissed this person? I smooch them all over the second an opportunity arises 8.) Have you ever laughed for longer than 2 minutes? Of course 10) Are you really close to them? I should hope so, given our 4 year anniv. is next month lmao 11) Nicknames? Bee/Honeybee, Darlin’, Bae/Babe/Beeb/BB, Honey, all that jazz 12) Do they have a nickname for you? Bean (cutest nickname ever), all that jazz mentioned above 13) Have you and this person been outside the country? ...UM... actually I don’t think we have. Anywhere we’ve traveled together has been in the province 14) Do you think they will repost this? If they have time, probably, I know they’re just as much a slut as I am for these dumb little surveys  15) Could you live with this person? Lived together about 3 years with no issue, so I daresay yes <: 16) Why did you pick this person? I wanna say that I didn’t exactly pick them. I did, for sure, after I knew they liked me too, but that’s not really how it went at first. When we finally met for real (rather than being pseudo-acquaintances in high school), and I was so nervous to meet them, and they were kind and gentle with me, I felt the butterflies and was like “ohhh shit. I really really like this person.” And from there I just wanted to be near them all the time, because they were and are just such a meaningful presence. I couldn’t stop thinking of how nice it would be if I could just once tell them how beautiful and radiant they are. And then one night (after pausing Fern Gully lmao) our first kiss just kind of happened, like the tension building up to it just broke. At first I thought I couldn’t be with them for a number of reasons all having to do with me and my upbringing in the church, so the few days after that first kiss were riddled with some of the most unbearable heartbreak I’d ever felt. And then finally, I did pick them, because I knew that even though I was scared, I had to, if you’ll forgive the cliche, follow my heart. And so they walked over to my house in their reindeer pjs and leather jacket and we kissed again, only that night I went to bed smiling and curling my toes, rather than mourning a chance I thought I was too chicken to take. And that remains the best chance I ever took, because it led to the best thing in my life. /endsappystory 17) How long have you known this person? Known OF this person... jeez, 9 years? Facebook friends for like 7? Actually been friends with them, more like 4.5 years-ish 18) What's your favourite thing to do with this person? Binge-watching shows and movies together while picking apart the construction of them (writing, character design, plot devices), snuggling up naked under the blankets to cuddle-snooze, taking fancy baths together, just lying around and lazily smooching and touching, experiencing new things together. And of course, playing videogames together (whether its both of us playing or one playing and the other making sassy remarks).  19) Can you name one favorite memory with this person? I have so many. I always mention the Bro Strider date here, but it was just so good (they asked me out in cosplay so that they could ask me out without /actually/ asking me out it was amaze). Marching in the pride parade together (minus the grueling walk back up and blistering sunburn after). Playing through Silent Hill 3 together. Staying up until like 2 AM baking Christmas cookies. Flying up to their hometown with them for the holidays. Dancing together at Caravan Palace and Excision. But tbh my real favorite moments are the ones where we’re doing basically nothing together, and we can just be at peace. 20) Have you ever joint bought something? We go in on most major purchases together, there are too many to count 21) If you ever moved away would you miss this person? At this point it would actually be physically impossible for me to live apart from them. Even spending one night away, I don’t feel whole. 22) Have you ever written a song with this person? Apart from dumb little affectionate jingles we chat at each other, nope 23) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person? We’re pretty safe people, we don’t tend to do anything illegal unless its pirating movies 24) How many piercings does this person have? Sssseven right now if you count them individually, three that have been taken out/healed 25) Would you date this person's siblings? Lmao no? What kind of question is this? Though admittedly when I was very small in high school their brother’s awful scene hair fascinated my tiny awful tastes, lol. He’s more of a brother to me now than my actual brother though. 26) Have you ever made something with this person? Hell yeah, we bake together sometimes, and we’ve come up with stories/characters together. We also keep talking about doing an art collab when we’re not fuckin busy all the time 27) Have you ever cried with this person? Many times 28) Have you and this person ever got into a fight? Fights, no. We aren’t always butterflies and sunshine, but if either of us has a problem with what the other is doing, we talk about it respectfully. There are tears sometimes just ‘cause emotions are heavy things, but we always come out better for each other after talking it out 29) Have you gone skinny dipping with this person? Nope. I’m not too keen on getting pond scum in my vagina 30) Write something only they will understand. “Booty go WHAT??” “Princess Kitty, with ribbons in her whiskers, and sparkles in her tail.” “Dooo you hear the beeple sing, singing the song of angry bees” “Do ye find me sexeh” “Well we’re about to get even colder... because I have some bad news for you. We have to swim to shoOOAHAHHWHH -splutters-” “Ah, I’m ovulating” “-hands bath bomb- Do the Rock Dance!” &many many more inside jokes... 31) What's something special you share? Too vague. Our whole relationship is special lmao.  32) What's the nicest thing they've ever given you? If we’re talking physical objects, any time they’ve made me breakfast in bed. Also a quartz necklace because they knew I was in an art block. Also the moonstone ring they gave me at New Years.  33) Have you ever worn this person's clothes? We share clothes pretty frequently 34) What's this person's favorite food? Me  Sushi, almond things, fish n chips, most things with butternut squash, high quality rare steak 35) If it was "freaky friday" would you switch bodies with this person? Pretty sure the concept of Freaky Friday is you dont have a choice in the matter. First things we’d do is lie on the floor moaning, as I wouldnt be used to their chronic pain and they wouldnt be used to my giant knockers 36) Have you ever heard this person sing? All the time, they have such a beautiful voice 37) Do you and this person frequently get drunk? Nah, even when we did get drunk together it wasn’t that frequently. We’re both too old for that shit now lol 38) Have you ever stolen anything from this person? Their HEART 39) Have you ever gone dancing with this person? Yup, me badly 40) If this person were a colour, what would they be? Deep violet or seafoam 41) Whens the next time you will see this person? In a few hours when they come home from school 42) Does this person have brothers and/or sisters? One brother, one step sister 43) If you could spend a day anywhere in the world with this person, where would you go? Jeez. Too many places. Stockholm. Japan. The Danish fjords. Hawaii. Italy. I wanna go everywhere with this nerd. 44) What are you looking forward to doing with this person? Going to see Game Grumps live with them next month! 45) What makes this person feel happy? Peaceful spaces, going for walks, doggos, baths with me, being productive, Destiny, the Witcher, Pokemon, Steven Universe, fat frogs, bad puns, making me laugh/tickling me 46) Do you and this person talk a lot? We talk to each other more than we talk to anyone else 47) Can you describe this person in one word? Precious, as in invaluable. Their worth could never be stated because they just keep becoming more incomprehensibly lovely every day 48) If you were to make a film of this person's life, what would you call it? Nerd 49) Do you want to go out with this person?

Idk, maybe thats why we’re in a relationship

50) Do you want to be friends with them forever? Of course 51) What are your names? Bitch the fuck 52) What's your song? Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar 53) What is your movie? I don’t think we have one?  54) What is an accessory you both wear all the time? Our....piercings.. 55) How long have you been together? 3 years 11 months 56) What are your favorite animals? Doggos and kibbens 57) Okkkkk, What are your hobbies? I feel like I mentioned this in the ‘favorite things to do together’ section. Apart from that, drawing nerdy things, sometimes for each other 58) Do you own any pets together? Apart from the Corrupted Jasper doggo plush, no -weeps- But we spend a ridiculous amount of time planning our future pets 59) What's your favorite books? Lots of them. Idfk. I wouldnt call it our favorite but we both read Horns around the same time and loved it 60) Favorite bands? Dee really digs Madeon, Porter Robinson, and Halsey right now to name a few, I really dig most of Dee’s music tastes but I listen to Radical Face alone bc it spurs up Dee’s hyperempathy 61) Are you in love? -new yorker voice- Nahh I just write these sappy notes for my health here 62) Where was your first kiss? In their mom’s basement, on the Original Couch of Wonders (tm) 63) How you you hold hands? Entwined fingers or non? Almost always entwined, otherwise it feels like shaking hands 64) Anything unique about your relationship? We’re fucking furries and like to talk about how hot animated characters are 65) Can you guys sing? We sing together a fair bit, not too much though as I’m too self conscious to sing genuinely in front of other people 66) Dance? If you mean nerdy booty shaking to our favorite songs then yes

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Car Seats, Leftovers, Medical Insurance, Budget Brands, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Early or late retirement contributions? 2. Purchases for infrequent use 3. Used car seats? 4. Excessive leftovers 5. Friends want me to spend 6. Value of one bag living 7. Buying a house on $35K 8. How to avoid drive-thrus 9. Medical insurance difficulties 10. Budget brands? 11. Starting career advice 12. Thoughts on taekwondo One of the most enjoyable parts of writing this mailbag column is the wide variety of comments and questions I get from readers. I usually try to keep the stuff I choose for the mailbag at least somewhat within the realm of personal finance, maybe slipping in one or two questions or comments a week that arent related to the topic, but I get quite a lot of great stuff from readers that covers completely different topics that I just cant reasonably fit into the mailbag. For example, just in the last week or two, Ive received the following notes from readers: A reader wrote in to talk about the joys of playing Magic: the Gathering with her son and how they were building Commander decks together. A reader wrote in to encourage me to pick up some of the writings of the philosopher Byung-Chul Han, particularly his essays Psychopolitics and The Scent of Time (which Im currently reading). A reader has been trying to get me to debate him concerning a number of hot button political issues. A reader has been writing to me consistently for weeks asking for step-by-step help in getting a batch of homemade kombucha to work. A reader invited me to his dynasty fantasy football league. Thats just over the last several days. Honestly, I love this kind of thing, because it represents human connection. Theres a sharing of ideas and interests and a sharing of concern behind all of it that goes way past merely writing about financial issues, and it means a lot to me, even if its not fodder for the mailbag. Speaking of the mailbag, here are this weeks questions. Q1: Early or late retirement contributions? Is it better to contribute to a Roth IRA early in the year or as late as possible? I have money set aside for my 2019 Roth contribution but I dont know if I should do it now or wait. Brian Unless theres some specific reason thats unique to your situation that points to waiting, you should put those savings in there as soon as possible. The longer the money is invested, the more time you have for compound interest to work in your favor. Having said that, investment markets are unpredictable. Theres always a chance that right after you put your money in, the markets dip. Remember that this could happen no matter when you put your money in there. You could put your money in now and immediately see a dip, or you could wait until next February to put it in and immediately see a dip. The difference is that, on average, its much more likely that the investment youre putting your money into will go up in value over that period. If you wait, its very likely that youre going to miss out on growth. Put your retirement money away in retirement accounts as soon as you can. Dont sit around holding them, because youre usually doing nothing more than missing out on growth if you do that. Q2: Purchases for infrequent use Im considering purchasing a pair of bowling shoes. I only bowl once or twice a year, but it seems like its a wise investment since I could get a pair of perfectly good bowling shoes for around $25 instead of paying $3 or so each time to rent them. How do you view rarely used purchases like this that, while adding to the stuff you own, will eventually pay for themselves? Adam My philosophy on purchases like these is similar to yours. I try to look at the total cost of ownership of the item over an extended but still reasonable period of time, like five years, and I figure out which is going to cost less. I also consider how frequently Ill actually use the item, and it basically has to be annually at the very least and preferably much more frequent than that. That type of thinking requires full honesty to be valuable. So, in your situation, is it cheaper to rent shoes for $3 a pop twice a year for five years or buy a pair of shoes for $25 once? Well, the cost for rental over that period is $30, so Id probably swing toward buying a pair, assuming that Im bowling twice a year. If you assume that its actually going to be much less than twice a year, youre going to be better off renting. I usually use a five year measure for calculations like this, because I figure its pretty hard to predict accurately what my life will be like beyond that time threshold and its also probably a reasonable guess as to the wear and tear that an item can take. Usually, with a five year calculation, its obvious whether its a good move or not. Again, in this situation, those bowling shoes arent going to be worn out after ten wears, so its likely you will be able to continue wearing them at that point or theyll have some minor secondhand value. This pushes the pendulum even more toward buying them. Q3: Used car seats? I am expecting in November. My husband and I are starting to pick up baby items from FB Marketplace and Craigslist. Whenever a carseat is listed on Marketplace someone always comments that you shouldnt buy used carseats because theyre not safe. How are used carseats not safe? Amy A carseat is one of the few baby options I wouldnt buy used. The reason is simple: a big part of whats protecting that baby when theyre in the carseat is plastic, and you dont know how that plastic has been treated. Theres some chance that the plastic has become brittle and could easily crack or break in a severe impact, just when you need it the most. This can happen, for example, if a carseat has been left in the sun too much over the course of years. Its not an issue of negligence its an issue of you not knowing the history of that carseat. It may have had years of sunlight exposure, rendering the protection that it offers your child much weaker. Most baby items are fine to buy used clothes and baby monitors and things like that. Those arent things that will cause calamity if they fail and its usually obvious if theyre doing their job or not. A car seat, though, is something you should invest in. 99.9% of the time, it wont matter, but 0.1% of the time, it matters more than anything else and youll never, ever want to skimp on that situation. Q4: Excessive leftovers On any given night we will have 2-7 people at our house for dinner. By default we cook for 7 but that means that many nights we have a ton of leftovers. We eat leftovers for lunch every day but they still get tossed a lot. We cant give them to the food pantry either. Ideas? Andy My first suggestion would be to simply have a leftover buffet night for dinner twice a week or so. On, say, Wednesdays and Saturdays, just pull out all leftovers, put them on the table, and let people assemble their own plates of leftovers and heat them up (or heat up the hot items before putting them on the buffet). That way, the leftovers get consumed directly and you have a free dinner. Another suggestion is to frequently make meals and side dishes that are easy to remix into another meal if you have a low turnout. For example, if you make a bunch of spaghetti, you can save it for two nights and then mix in a few additional spices, put it in a greased 9 by 13 pan, put a couple cups of mozzarella and provolone shredded cheese on top, and bake it for 30-45 minutes, covered for the first half, to make a nice spaghetti bake. We also often have plain vegetables as a side dish and save the leftovers to make quick soups later on, for example. A final suggestion is that on nights where you have a low turnout, simply prep leftover plates for the next night and have the same thing for dinner again, or prepare a different dinner the next night for just the two who ate the night before. I dont think you need to feel obligated to have a fresh meal on the table for whoever happens to show up each night. Q5: Friends want me to spend Im 23 and got a nice job out of college paying $45K per year. Several of my friends from college are in the same area and have jobs as well so its fun to hang out with them, but it feels like they want to blow their income as fast as possible. They go out drinking and to clubs constantly, upgrade their phones all the time, ride around in Ubers when they have cars, and throw money at stupid stuff. I want to get rid of my student loan debt and start saving for a house and Im already contributing to retirement so I can get out of this as young as possible. Its not like Im avoiding fun but theres a ton of stuff to do that doesnt cost $50 or $100 for an evening. When I suggest anything else other than clubs or an expensive restaurant, I get ignored. Do you have any suggestions? Amy Find new friends? I mean, that sounds fairly cold, but it sounds like your values are diverging from the values that your friends hold, or perhaps they were always divergent and the income just exposed it. While I dont mind being acquaintances with people with drastically different lifestyles than my own, I have found its far more pleasant and easier to have close friends who have similar values and lifestyles to my own. That way, Im not pushed to overspend constantly just to spend time with my friends. I have been in situations where it felt like I had to pay some kind of admission fee (in the form of going out when I didnt want to) just to hang out with a friend and if I wasnt willing to do that, that person wouldnt hang out with me. That just isnt worth it. Id suggest digging into activities that you feel internally interested in doing. Find groups in your community that match up well with that by using things like Meetup and there youll find people who are also interested in what you happen to be internally interested in. Get involved in those groups. Youll find its not too hard to build friendships that way. Q6: Value of one bag living I found your post on one bag living to be interesting but not practical. Its not like more than maybe 0.001% of your readers will actually ever do it. What is the practical value of such an article? Ollie The practical value of it is that it really shows you how few items you actually need to have a happy and comfortable life, and when you realize that, you begin to realize how much extra unnecessary stuff you have and how much that stuff is costing you, both in terms of the stuff itself and the space youre paying for to store all of that stuff. Lets say, for example, that you decided to try it for a month. You packed a big duffel bag full of stuff and aimed to live solely out of that bag for that month. During the month, almost everything you use comes out of that bag other than maybe a few kitchen items, you really dont use anything else in your home. At the end of the month, youre left asking yourself what the point of all of that other stuff is. Why have any of it if youre able to have a great life without touching it? Why have shelves full of books and DVDs you never touch? Why have a television if you have a good life not watching it? This is likely to lead you to start downsizing your possessions, recouping some money along the way, and its also likely to lead you to question almost all of your physical purchases. If you keep going in that direction, youll find that you likely have excessive living space and can easily be satisfied with a smaller home or apartment, and if you downsize that, then youre on the way to some serious financial improvement in your life, as youre losing far less money to utilities, insurance, property taxes, and so on. Q7: Buying a house on $35K I am a single woman with a four year old child from a previous marriage; the father is not involved and avoids paying child support. We live in a small apartment in [a large city with a moderate cost of living]. I make $35K per year. My mom lives about five miles away and takes care of my son when Im working and hes not in preschool as she has a pension thats enough for her to live on because my father died in the workplace. I would like to be able to afford a small house for us and get out of this apartment building before hes too old because theres kind of a rough culture of teenage boys here. I would like to be in a house in four years. I have no debts and am saving about $200 a month for emergencies. Carrie First of all, Id contact a lawyer and do what you can to get child support. The cost of supporting your child should not be borne solely by you and hes legally obligated to provide financial help here even if hes uninvolved. Second of all, $200 a month in savings thats also used as an emergency fund isnt adequate to get to where you want to go in four years. I looked into your area and a small starter home is going to run you in the $300K range now and will probably be closer to $350K by the time you want to buy. 20% of $350K is $70K. If youre saving $200 a month, youll get to about $10K in four years if there are no emergencies. To get to $70K in four years, you need to be saving around $1,500 a month and have no emergencies that tap that money. Considering that youre making about $3,000 a month before taxes, thats an extremely difficult proposition. Thus, to make it to your target, youre going to have to do some radical things. The first thing I would do is sit down with your mother and discuss the option of cohabitation for a few years, with you splitting up the housing costs. If she could move into your apartment or you two could move into her dwelling and its a tenable situation for a few years, youll both save a mint. If youre paying $1,000 a month in rent and it suddenly drops to $500 a month, theres $500 a month toward savings, and probably more than that because youll have lower utility bills and you can more easily share food costs. You may find that after you buy that starter home, it may make sense to have your mother continue to live with you to keep costs manageable going forward, at least for a while. If you can swing something like that, use a lot of smart frugal tactics like sticking with store brand items when shopping, get on that child support issue, and keep working at your career to move toward a better salary, you can make this work. Without those kinds of big changes, this probably isnt a realistic goal. Q8: How to avoid drive-thrus How do you stop relying on the convenience of drive-thrus? I understand that its way cheaper to make meals at home but when I can just go to a drive-thru and get a quick meal and have it eaten before I even get home or eat it right when I walk in the door and theres no cleanup because I just toss the wrappers, its hard to convince myself to make a big mess making a meal at home. Leon There are a few good strategies for solving this problem that work well for different people. I suggest trying one for at least 30 days, see if it clicks with you or merely causes frustration, and either stick with it if it works or move on to another if it doesnt. First, try simply packing a meal for yourself at home before you leave in a small cooler. Make something simple that you like a sandwich and some baby carrots and a drink or whatever. Pack the individual items in reusable containers and put them in something insulated with an ice pack to keep it cool. Take that meal with you when you go out and save it at your desk or in a work fridge until youre ready to leave, then eat that on the way home. You can do the meal prep the night before while watching a television show and if you use reusable containers, cleanup is really just a matter of popping stuff in the dishwasher and wiping off the table (which youd need to do anyway). If you want, you can designate Fridays as eat out days and keep it as a treat for yourself for getting through the week. Another thing I strongly suggest is to simply get better at cooking at home. Cooking seems very difficult at first and even easy things like scrambled eggs feel like a giant mess and a big time and energy investment, but once you get more practiced, it stops feeling so challenging. Start by making really simple meals that you like grilled cheese sandwiches or scrambled eggs or spaghetti. Another strategy is to cook things in advance, make individual meals out of them in reusable containers, and keep them in the fridge. For example, you could make a huge batch of spaghetti one night and pack three or four individual meals of spaghetti with a breadstick in resealable containers in the fridge. Then, you can take them to work with you and youll also know that one is just waiting for you when you get home. Yet another strategy is to use a slow cooker. Start a simple dump meal before you leave (a dump meal means you just dump several ingredients in there and turn it on low) and youll have a hot home-cooked meal waiting for you when you get home. Slow cookers are great for stews, chili, soups, and simple casseroles; it can also make a mean pot roast. The goal of all of these things is to either put something in your hands directly so that youre not tempted to stop or have something at home waiting for you so youre not tempted to stop. Q9: Medical insurance difficulties I am covered by [a major medical insurer] through my workplace. A few months ago, I had a procedure done that my doctors office informed me would be fully covered by my insurance. They filed this with the insurance and the insurance company came back saying that the procedure wasnt medically necessary and wouldnt cover it, so my doctor is now billing me for it at the tune of $30K. I dont even know where to start. Should I contact a lawyer? Petra Without seeing the bills and documentation, I cant give you full advice on what to do. However, my first step would be to document every single detail that you can recall about this entire process, including dates and what you were told by both your doctors office and insurance. If you have any supporting documents, such as receipts and printed information about the procedure or about the costs, thats all valuable here. Then, I would go through the process of appealing this claim with your insurer, providing a copy of all of that documentation. An appeal should definitely be your first action. If you find that your appeal is denied, you should then discuss the matter with your doctor and attempt to get their bill reduced. If youre still finding that youre paying an excessive amount, then I would take all of this documentation to a lawyer and get legal help. It very much sounds like you were given inaccurate guidance from a doctors office and a lawyer can usually help here. Q10: Budget brands? Are there any budget brands you trust for making high quality stuff? Meaning brands that are cheap in price but the quality of their stuff is good? Darren The store brands at most department stores and grocery store chains fit that bill. For the vast majority of product types, the store brand is as good as most of the name brand options. They might not beat some of the really high end premium versions of those products, but the store brand is usually as good as 80% of similar items on the shelf. For things like charging cables and basic electronics like computer mice or keyboards, Ive found that Amazons generic brand, Amazon Basics, is really good for the price. For many different kinds of smaller electronic items, like external batteries for charging devices on the go or headphones or things of that nature, I strongly trust Anker. If theres an Anker option for a small electronic device, youre probably getting great bang for the buck with it. Those are the ones that immediately come to mind as brands that I strongly trust that consistently provide good bang for the buck across a wide variety of products. Q11: Starting career advice My oldest son is about to graduate from college with a degree in electrical engineering. I am collecting career advice from some people I respect to pass along to him. What advice would you give to a fresh college graduate in a technical field today? Robert First of all, treat the first decade of your career as an opportunity to build skills and relationships above chasing salary. A killer resume ten years from now will be worth a lot more than earning an extra $5K or $10K right out of the gate. If one job pays a little more but feels like a dead end, while the other job pays a little less but feels like its overflowing with opportunities and ways to build relationships, take the latter job in the first decade of your career. Second, if your workplace offers a 401(k) plan, take advantage of it immediately and contribute as much as you can stand. You will never regret this. Just do this and then start off with smaller take-home checks theyll still be a lot more than what you had in college. Pay yourself first. Third, no matter how tough a situation is, dont burn bridges, even if it would feel good. If youre moving on from a position, do it as gently as possible and be as positive and flexible as you can on your way out. Finally, eat healthy, get some exercise, get plenty of sleep, and dont work too many hours. If you dont do those things, youll be far less productive during your work time, the quality of work you produce will be lower, and youll have a harder time picking up new skills. If your workplace is obsessed with 80 hour workweeks, carve out as much of that 80 hours toward self care and rest that you can reasonably get away with. Q12: Thoughts on taekwondo I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on taekwondo from the perspective of both a parent of a student and as a participant with an eye toward cost. Is it worth it? Do your kids get value out of it? How about yourself? Brenda I attend a local taekwondo school with the rest of my family. It was an activity that my two oldest children wanted to try and the family plan isnt much more expensive than just the two of them participating, so when our family schedule lined up and our youngest was old enough, we all joined. In effect, our third family member was half price and the rest of us are effectively going for free, and the price has actually gone down as some family members have reached black belt rank (and those who havent are at a belt rank approaching black). First of all, if youre new to martial arts of any kind, its something you should shop around for. Any city of any size likely has a few martial arts schools; a larger city likely has some dedicated taekwondo schools with branches in various locations. Different schools offer different prices and different philosophies. Taekwondo is a martial art thats focused on fast, high kicking. That means that it really works hard on agility and balance. Theres also an emphasis on forms, which are sequences of kicks and other movements that are memorized and done from memory, which challenges a persons memory while physically exerting themselves. Our familys interest in martial arts lies much more in the realm of self improvement, character building, self defense, and fitness rather than training to fight. There are definitely martial arts schools that are very focused on simply training to fight, preparing people for things like mixed martial arts. Theres nothing wrong with that, but its not what Sarah or I were looking for in a school. We wanted a school where the merit wasnt in whether you defeat someone in a fight, but whether youre working hard and genuinely improving yourself so that youre better at the techniques, better in all around fitness, and better in character than you were the day before. Again, I have nothing against a school focused on fight-focused training, but its just not what Im looking for or what I would direct my children toward until theyre old enough to make those kinds of choices for themselves. Perhaps someday theyll take what theyve learned and move in that direction, and Im fine with that. When my oldest son and daughter began expressing a genuine interest in taekwondo, we shopped around for local schools that offered dedicated youth programs and were focused on a self-improvement type of martial art philosophy, and we found one that we liked that had classes near us, and over time, we all joined up. I think it has genuinely helped our children improve their ability to focus, their ability to overcome challenges, their character, and most definitely their ability to defend themselves and get out of a threatening situation. As a parent, Im thrilled with the impact taekwondo has had on them. As for myself, I joined because I agree in a deep philosophical way with the goals and direction of the school, as well as the fact that I was looking for a fitness program for myself and an opportunity to mutually encourage my family to be more fit. This hits all of those marks and with family rates, its pretty inexpensive. If you divide our session fees by five, theres absolutely no way any of us could be in a sport or a fitness program at these rates. If someone is interested in taekwondo or martial arts in general, Id start by figuring out why you want to do it. What are you hoping to get out of it, or what do you want your child to get out of it? Self-discipline? Fitness? Self-defense? Character? What are the one or two things you want most for yourself or for your child that you hope martial arts can provide? Start from there and shop around at a lot of schools in your area. Theyll all have different philosophies and centers of focus some of them will line up well with your own goals and philosophies, while others will go in a different direction (not wrong or bad, just different). Find some that match what you want, price compare them, and give one a try for a session and see if its right for you. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-car-seats-leftovers-medical-insurance-budget-brands-and-more/

[faithfulnews]

Thanksgiving from the Upside Down . . . and Stuffing

Today I am preparing a message for New Day Community Church in Stockton that has a special Thanksgiving Day Service tomorrow, followed by a Thanksgiving meal, and I have been invited to speak. I am not sure if I am more excited about talking during the service or presenting my Thanksgiving stuffing at the meal. And since I am preparing both at the same time, I thought I would add notes on both. Besides, my chef daughter Elizabeth asked me yesterday for my stuffing recipe so now is a good time to share my thoughts on my stuffing and also my message which deals with a spirit of thanksgiving when things go wrong, go upside down, as they did for me last year when I lost my wife of 29 years to malaria in Africa.

First of all, the stuffing. It’s different for me every year and I don’t have exact measurements but I can tell you that the first thing I do is roast a chicken. This gives me the stock I need to add the right taste long before the turkey turns up. And I put the heart/liver/neck etc in a pot and boil it for 20 mins to get even more stock which gives taste and moisture.

And since I am roasting a chicken, I might as well roast a few potatoes also.  I will get a separate meal out of this – roast chicken and potatoes for my family, but no gravy because all the juice and stock will go into the stuffing.

The big players for the stuffing are celery, onion, and meat. I sautée each one separately in butter and throw them into a large bowl. I usually do bacon and mushrooms but don’t have any right now. And my kids hate mushrooms so I am used to not cooking them, but I totally recommend them.  For the meat, I like to mix it up with bacon and different minces, pork is good. I have used some rabbit before for a more gamey taste. But today is beef because its all I have.

The other big player, apart from croutons (which I will talk about in a minute) is parsley. I used a big bunch of it, cut roughly but not chunky. And rosemary needs to be present – thyme might suffice – but rosemary is a necessity. I had to sneak into my neighbor’s yard to steal some but I told them 6 months ago I would do this on occasion and they were cool with that.

But what about that message. Ah yes. The text is Ephesians 5.

8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,     rise from the dead,     and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Paul borrows here from Isaiah 60:1 but takes a little license in adding his own spin. I want to do the same thing with this passage. Most people read it in a prescriptive way – a list of do’s and dont’s, which is fine. Giving thanks is a command. Yes. An argument can be made for that and I could make it also. But there is a deeper layer here that I see as descriptive – a pattern, a journey, a teaching on not only what to do, but what happens when you do that. And this is what I want to share tomorrow.

It goes like this.

As you step into the light and embrace God (does that sound too SHIRLEY MACLAINE for church? HA HA) and as you are embraced by God (oooh ok this is WAAAY TOOO SHIRLEY), something will happen to your mind and your heart

Your mind

You will gain perspective, you will be illuminated, enlightened. You will understand what God is up to and you will speak out on behalf of that truth. This will affect your life – you will recalibrate your life, your actions, your habits to align with what you know of God and what he is doing. What is good, what is right, what is true. This will be your new default setting.

Your heart

God will put a song in your heart. That song will play even through the most difficult circumstances. You will have a soundtrack, and its called “thanksgiving” and that will spill out into encouragement to others. Thanksgiving will also become a new default setting. Just like a drunk person is controlled by alcohol, you will be consumed with and controlled by God’s Spirit. This will change your demeanor, alter your posture, define the way you hold yourself and the way you relate to other people. You will be a person characterized by thanksgiving and not a person who bickers, judges, fights, complains or sees life as half empty.  This god-filled-ness will also spill out into other relationships including the way you relate to others, as one who uses your song to encourage and uplift others who need to hear, and as you relate to your spouse and your children and parents – you will be someone who easily surrenders and submits and finds common ground, seeking unity, rather than fighting for or defending your ego.

OHHHH I just took the potatoes out of the oven. They are lovely and crispy. Nothing to do with the stuffing but this will be a great compliment to the roast chicken tonight.

Speaking of the stuffing, I spruced mine up with lemon juice, sauteed garlic, and raisins. I usually add orange zest, and to be honest it really needs it, but don’t have any oranges today.

For the liquid, which is really important because you don’t want your stuffing dry, I added orange juice, white wine, stock from the liver/heart, and stock/juices from the chicken itself. Melted butter also works and I waited until the very end until pouring some all over the top and over the cranberries so they would turn golden brown and not burn.

This is really lame. I spelled the word “THANK-FUL” with the cranberries. You can’t even read it. You need to ask for the gift of interpretation to even see it. But thats OK. I know it’s there and its a teaching embedded into the stuffing that will impact people, even subconsciously, but the most important thing is that it has meaning for me.

Oh yes, those croutons. I took the rest of our bread, cut it up into cubes, and baked it in the oven until it was firm and a little brown. They need to be robust enough to handle the liquid. And I added herbs – whatever I had. Sage is awesome. Thyme is marvellous. I had neither, but, as I say, I used what I had. I also ran short on bread so I scraped off the pizza toppings from the pizza I made last night, cut up the bases and threw them in also. OHH and speaking of leftovers, I only ate half of that amazing Cubano sandwich from Cuban Kitchen in San Mateo yesterday so the ham and pork was also cut up and added to the stuffing. HA!!!!!

Back to my message.

This is my story

Last year I lost my wife. She died of malaria and other diseases. It was the darkest time of my life. I couldn’t sleep alone in a bedroom. I couldn’t make decisions. I lost the other half of myself and after 29 years of oneness with a single person, that is pretty much most of my life and certainly the life I was used to. On top of that I was really sick for a really long time, surviving the diseases that took my wife but basically unable to function for many many months.

And yet, throughout the entire time, I felt God’s presence in a calming way, knowing deep in my heart that He is good, He is faithful, He is patient, He is caring and He will look after me. He knows whats up and that spirit of thanksgiving that permeated my mind and heart was not a drummed up motion of obedience but rather the overflow of truth, of what was real.

Some people think God is distant and occasionally invades earth to bring disaster or tragedy. I see God as near, intimately connected to us and everything else, constantly enlivening and sustaining His creation, always standing guard and protecting us, and yet occasionally and empathetically removing his hand when He knows the time is right.

This is my song

The name of my song was thanksgiving. It was there all the way through the devastating process of losing my wife and explaining to my youngest daughter that she no longer had a mother. I am not being chirpy here. I am not being naive or brainlessly religious. Yes IT HURT. IT HURT MORE THAN ANYTHING IN MY LIFE and I was hurled into the Upside Down world of darkness, solitude, confusion, fear, GRIEF, emotional pain, and loss of hope for the future. I was BROKEN, plunged into grayness, emptied of life, emptied of hope. I am not reducing that reality or downplaying the significance of what happened to me. I am just saying that there was a soundtrack playing the entire time, a song of thanksgiving. And at my best moments, my grief gave birth to gratefulness.

I am still thankful.

I am thankful for so many good friends.

I am thankful for 29 years of marriage to the most wonderful woman on the planet.

I am thankful that I got to say everything to my wife before she went.

I am thankful that my wife got to finish her race and go out in the way she always imagined, in the country she loved.

I am thankful that my daughter was spared from disease and that I have 5 wonderful kids.

I am thankful for a softer heart and new wave of consideration for others. I am a different person  – more in tune with suffering and more empathetic to those who are going through loss.

I am thankful for the next season that is coming upon me and that I have the freedom to enter in. 

This is my dance

Grief has become my friend and my reminder of a wonderful life with a wonderful woman. My grief is warmer now than it was last year. My grief and the grieving process I have embraced has allowed me to push forward into new levels of understanding and awareness. That has given me a softer heart, as I said, and it has also positioned me to be of help to others who are also grieving. God comforts us so that we can comfort others.

When you lose someone, a lot of other people, more than you can imagine, also lose someone. Grief is a shared experience. Our friends feel the pain of our loss but they also struggle with their own loss. They find it awkward to talk to us about it. But the healing we experience is for them also.

A few months ago one of my wife’s best friends lost her husband. This is what I told her.

It’s a strange dance this grief of ours. We hold our own sadness and allow the processing to continue thru it’s various stages, knowing it moves forward step by step, finding firmer hold with each telling of the story, with each new person entering into the story and at the same time we become priests for others who find it awkward to enter, but know that they need to. We hold the keys for them. We give permission. We invite them into the dance and make it easy for them, we suggest, we put their words out in front of them, we show the appropriateness of the conversation, the shared hurt of loss, the rightful pace and flow of what needs to be said. Being closer to the pain and further along in the process, we hold out our leading hand and invite others into the dance, into the spiral of healing.

My hope tomorrow, at the church, is that other people who have experienced loss, whether the loss of parents or children or spouses, divorce (which can be far more devastating than the loss of  a spouse), the loss of dreams, whatever it is they have lost, that they might enter into that spiral of healing, and find themselves in that dance, with God, where the juxtaposition of pain and joy, of grief and thanksgiving, of tears and laughter, might come together to find healing, wholeness, hope, and a song of thanksgiving that will play on and on. Amen.

This is my stuffing

The stuffing is ready. Its not completely cooked with that attractive blackened burned look but I need to take it to Stockton tomorrow and they will heat it up right before the meal and I think it will come into its own at that moment. I might bring some parsley to freshen it up on location. If you look really carefully, you can almost see the word “THANK-FUL”. Almost.

  Go to the article