#don't worry the next post actually has some pictures of the house with actual lights so

[simping4villains]

This is the third chapter of a new Shigaraki college au fic I’ve been working on, titled Losing Streak! Updates will be posted on my ao3 and wattpad!

~~~~~

Warning: Sexual content/non-con elements

   When you woke up the next morning, your head was pounding. The light from your windows was searingly painful, prompting you to pull your pillow over your head in an attempt to block it out.

   You didn't remember a lot of the previous night. The more you thought about it, you didn't even remember coming back to your apartment. That was concerning.

   You grabbed your phone off of the nightstand to check the time. It was almost noon, which meant you'd slept through breakfast as well as two of your classes. At least they'd be serving lunch in the dining hall. Your stomach felt incredibly hollow and you still had the taste of alcohol on your tongue.

   You were scrolling through your notifications—a few worried messages from Akiko and a text about some online sale—when you saw one from a number you didn't recognize. You tapped on the chat and immediately felt your heart drop.

   Someone had sent you nudes. They weren't just the standard low-quality dick pic you received every now and then from desperate men around campus. These pictures were all women—or, all the same woman.

   They were pictures of you.

   You were panicking, your hands trembling. How did someone have photos of you like this? You didn't take nudes. You certainly didn't send nudes to anyone. You didn't even have anyone to send nudes to! So had someone taken these of you. . . last night?"

   You took a deep breath to calm down and stared typing.

   'Who is this?'

   Three little dots appeared in the bottom of the screen. You held your breath until a response came.

   'You don't remember?'

   'How did you get these photos? How did you get my number?'

   'Meet me in the north dining hall in twenty minutes. We can work out a little deal so no one else has to see these."

   Panicking, you fought your hangover and jumped out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt and sweatpants as quickly as possible before rushing out of the house, not even bothering to grab a jacket. You shrugged against the chilly fall air. It was a fifteen minute walk to the north dining hall, so you had to hustle if you didn't want to be late.

   You burst through the doors of the campus center and practically ran through the lounge and up the stairs to get to the dining hall. You froze when you got to the top of the steps. There he was, leaning against the wall across from you. You should've known.

   "Shigaraki."

   He looked up from his phone. "Oh, hey, y/n."

   You rushed up to him and grabbed his hand. You needed to find somewhere more private. You didn't want to talk about this out in the open where anyone could hear that he had nude pictures of you. There were conference rooms on the next floor up. You decided one of those would be as good a place as any.

   You dragged him into one of the conference rooms, shutting and locking the door behind you before closing the blinds. You felt so ashamed by it all that you couldn't even stand the thought of someone seeing you with him—like they might somehow know.

   He took a seat and watched you do all of this. "You gonna talk?" he asked. "Seems like something's on your mind."

   "I should've stayed away from you. They warned me. My friends warned me that you were a creep."

   He frowned. "Wow, okay."

   "Where did you get them? Because I never sent photos like those to anyone and I refuse to believe that we. . . that we actually. . ."

   He cocked an eyebrow.

   You sighed. "You're gonna make me say it? The nudes. I don't know how you got them or why you're blackmailing me with them, but just please don't leak them, okay?"

   Shigaraki couldn't help the wicked smile that spread across his face. He didn't know what kind of karma he'd put out into the universe to deserve an opportunity like this, but he wasn't going to let it go to waste.

   "You'll have to do a better job of convincing me than that."

   "I'm literally begging you. What more do you want? You want me to get down on my knees?"

   "I mean, for starters, yeah. I certainly wouldn't say no."

   He loved the look of shock that flashed across your face as you realized what he was implying.

   "You can't be serious?"

   "Would a creep like me joke about something like that?"

   He'd hated that you'd called him that, but if you were gonna label him as a creep, then he'd be sure to exceed your expectations.

   "Well? Go ahead."

   You slowly lowered yourself down to your knees in front of where he sat, your eyes full of horror as you gazed up at him. You were frozen, fighting yourself on whether or not you could really go through with it.

   "Do I have to fucking walk you through it? Jesus."

   "Sorry," you whimpered.

   You didn't want to do this, but what choice did you have?

   Your hands trembled as they fumbled with the waistband of his joggers. You found his boxers too, hooking your fingers under them and pulling them down along with his pants, coming face to face with his already erect cock.

   Was this actually happening?

   "Are you just gonna stare at it?" He asked.

   You blinked away your panic and looked up at him. There wasn't even an ounce of remorse in his eyes. This asshole loved what he was doing to you—as if his erection wasn't proof enough.

   "If I do this. . . you really won't leak the photos?"

   "That's right."

   "You swear?"

   He rolled his eyes. "I swear."

   "Will you delete them? I'm not doing this unless—"

   He grabbed you by the hair, yanking so hard that you yelped.

   "I don't think you understand the position you're in. I'm not a patient man, so hurry up before I change my mind."

   He let you go and spread his legs a bit wider, inching his cock closer to your face. You tentatively wrapped your hand around the base, causing his breath to hitch. From the way he was already seeming to fall apart, you guessed this wasn't something that happened to him very often, if at all. For a moment, a flicker of hope burned in your chest. You thought maybe you could get him off quickly like this so you wouldn't have to—

   "Use your mouth."

   Yeah. That.

   As much as it crushed you, you knew you couldn't refuse. You stuck your tongue out and licked a stripe up his length. He sighed contentedly, letting his eyes flutter shut. It made you feel sick to your stomach, but you knew you couldn't stop.

   You decided it was time to bite the bullet. You had to just get it over with. As much as you hated him and wanted to skin his dick with your teeth, you knew that the better it was, the sooner he'd. . . god, you hated to even think about it, but you needed it to be over as quickly as possible.

   He groaned as you took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around his tip. "Fuck, yes. Just like that."

   Your eyes remained trained on his lower stomach as you bobbed your head, taking more and more of him until your gag reflex wouldn't allow you to go any further. You didn't want to look at him. You tried to tell yourself that it was relief and not some fucked up version of pride that you felt as you listened to his broken moans above you, but you couldn't deny the spreading warmth between your legs.

   You hated your body for reacting that way. There was no reason for you to be so turned on by this. He was using you. He was blackmailing you. He was everything your friends had warned you about.

   But still, you couldn't get past his desperate, heavy breathing that bordered on whimpering. . . and the way he lightly tugged at your hair. . .

   Your hand started moving to match your pace, making up for the inches you couldn't fit in your mouth. You thought Shigaraki was satisfied with it until he tightened his hold on your hair, using the grip to guide you further down. You started to gag at the sudden intrusion, feeling tears prick the corners of your eyes. He hardly gave you time to relax around his length before he started abusing your throat, thrusting his hips up as he forced your head down.

   Your hands were on his thighs, simultaneously trying to push him away and trying to ground yourself by digging your nails into him. His moans only grew above you as he chased his high, using you for his own pleasure. You could tell he was close. His movements were becoming more erratic and his grip on your hair was so tight now that you were sure he'd manage to rip it out. After a few more thrusts he gave your head one final shove and shot his cum down your throat.

   "Swallow it for me like the slut you are," he said to you before pulling out.

   You did as he asked. It wasn't really like you had an alternative anyway. You didn't want to leave any evidence of what had happened behind in the conference room. Someone would have noticed for sure.

   Once you had caught your breath you took a seat in one of the chairs that surrounded the conference table. Shigaraki was leaned back in his with his eyes closed, basking in the after glow.

   You wouldn't let him enjoy it for very long.

   "So when are you going to delete those photos?" You asked.

   Without opening his eyes, he shook his head. "I'm not."

   "What? But you said—"

   "That I wouldn't leak them, which I won't, if you keep doing what I ask."

   You couldn't believe it. You had been foolish to think he'd really listen to you if you did what he wanted. You had to find a way to get those photos off of his phone so he couldn't keep holding them over your head.

  

   "You really are a creep."

   He smirked and reached out to rest his hand on your thigh. "Whatever you say."

   You shrank away from his touch, which only annoyed him. He tugged on your hand, hinting for you to get up.

   "What?" You asked with a sharp edge your voice.

   "Come sit on my lap."

   "No."

   "You're not being a very good listener. Maybe I should teach you a lesson and send those photos out after all. I'm sure there have got to be at least a few people in the entire student body who haven't seen you naked yet."

   You glared at him. "You know what? I bet you wouldn't even know how to go about that. You're just bluffing so you can treat me like your little plaything. Well, I may have been dumb enough to fall for it once, but I won't let it happen again."

   You got up and stormed out of the conference room. You weren't going to let Shigaraki push you around, and you certainly wouldn't keep giving him sexual favors, no matter how desperate you were for him not to leak the photos. Still, maybe he really was bluffing after all.

   As you rounded the corner into the main lounge, you heard a wave of notification alerts going off. Looking around, you saw students checking their phones and shaking their heads. Petrified, you pulled your own phone out of your pocket to see a notification from him.

   He hadn't sent the photos out, not yet at least, but he had proven that he wasn't bluffing. It seemed that all at once, every student on campus had gotten the same stupid spam article sent to their phone. For everyone else, it was an annoying text from an unknown sender, but for you it was a very clear warning.

   Shigaraki was telling you that he wasn't bluffing, that he could absolutely ruin you if he felt like it, but he was giving you another opportunity to play nice. Otherwise, he would have just sent the pictures out and been done with it.

   Shortly after, you got another text from him. It was an address and a time. "Last chance," it said.

   You understood what it meant.

   "I'll be there," you wrote back, though it was the absolute last thing you wanted.

   You'd have to play along for now, until you could find a way to beat him at his own game.

[cisthehuman]

CisLunar Devlog #5--Hoshi*ga*Hoshii

Welcome to another devlog! Today is a special day!!! The first collection of tunes is released!!!

(Technically it is the 4th, but this is the 1st with all of the goodies attached)

To broaden the world of CisLunar, I wanted to create different musicians within the solar system that are played on Cosmic Canary, Lunar and BonBon's radio station.

While there are other videos posted on the youtube, Hoshi*ga*Hoshii was the first collection of tunes where I really found my footing in creating a specific sound for a character. So let's delve into how she was made!

First things first let's start with her name.

I am off and on teaching myself Japanese as a hobby. I quite like the language and I've always wanted to learn it. You've probably noticed that I've named some characters after different Japanese words. In Hoshi's case, her full stage name is a sentence: I want stars/Hoshi ga Hoshii. I liked how it rolled off the tongue and it felt the space-hop vibes I was going for.

Let's talk music next!

The main inspiration for her sound actually comes from the anime Carole & Tuesday! I admittedly didn't a lot of it despite it being right up my alley. From what I remember, two girls are trying to make it musically and there's like a competition where musicians from other planets compete. I remember watching videos of the different performers and one stood out to me--GGK

(I don't think she won the show, but she won my heart)

With this as the main inspiration, I wanted to make music that had this same chill, spacey vibe. As you can tell, if you listened to the album that is, I got a bit experimental with some of the songs in terms of some of the songs going a bit darker in tone. All in all I think I matched the vibe I was going for! One thing I liked doing was adding in jazzier elements such as pianos and saxophones and pairing them with strings. I think it turned into a very unique listening experience!

With the music done, next was settling her design. Here are some of her inspiration pics from pinterest:

The main idea I wanted for her was to weave as many infinity-esque symbols as I could.

This was her first pass. I wanted to get the hair correct as I was especially fond of the reference I found. Another key thing I wanted was to make her plus sized. I don't do it often due to my own lack of skill, and I wanted to get better at drawing different sized people. Plus in my mind I never pictured her as a thin person. Either way, I know this is something I gotta keep working on!

Here I wanted to see which eye shape best fit as well. Just like with body shapes, I tend to do the same eyes. I wanted to push myself more on creating diverse characters so I took out some time to really think about my choices. (I worry it still looks like my usual though lol)

Then came the sketch of Hoshi's full design! It took a while to get to this point. I thought of several different dress shapes to go with the top portion of the dress. I wanted her in a gown this time as I wanted to go for a very elegant feel. One of the most elegant characters I can think of is Morticia Addams. There's something about how she slithers around the house in her dress to me. So I decided to emulate that for the skirt portion of the gown.

I really like the top. Like it really makes me happy. I find it very elegant!

For the album cover, I did end up with a bust photo. It always happens to me--I choose the pose before I think of the outfit and the cooler part is always cut off lol

It was actually at this point that I decided to give Hoshi galaxy gradient arms. When I was planning colors, I wanted to add a sparkly element, and I thought to myself: wouldn't be cool her name implies what she already has? She wants stars, so she's getting them.

And this is the final picture!! I am EXTREMELY happy with how this turned out! I haven't really done dramatic lighting before and I was scared to bits, but it really turned out!!! T^T I'm just really happy. I have no words.

And to give my own criticism, she can be chubbier. With more practice I'll be able to draw her to what I truly see in my minds eye. For now though, this is a very good start! Below is a quick timelapse! (I forgot to do it when I was sketching and doing lineart, but we got the coloring!)

And to complete the post, I'll add the complete album art~

Yaaaay Hoshi!!

Thank you for reading this devlog! There will be more of these as I continue pumping out tunes~

Seeeee youuuuuu next timmeee

[noro-noro-noro]

the dreams I had got mixed up also.

taking the bus 1.5 they changed refinery missions in drg

big party with my relatives 2.5. some people noisy outside my window

some drunk girl takes my boots & teleports away

fantasy world crusade

i have to find hentai with the tags "bearded dragon"

why are the half dreams that i added in later indented. this is annoying

1. taking the bus home from highschool again & that guy was there but the bus stop was now at the bottom of my driveway instead of the bottom of his driveway. my sister was also on the bus and she was telling me the bus stop was at our driveway instead of Alex's but I didn't believe her until it actually stopped. then I was like jaylene when did it become this bus stop!??? when??? also there were lotuses growing next to the driveway so I was cheerful wbout that bc I like them, but then my mom yelled at me for eating lotus root and scattering the seeds around the yard last year bc now she has to dig up all the lotuses & I was like why :( I like these... then there was likr a little hole under the house with blue lighting that looked just like a picture I drew, down to the shitty lineart that I started overpainting instead. I overpainted some of the water in the pond. it was purple.

1.5 something drg related. they changed how pipes in refining worked. scout couf build his own pipes they were blue and placed faster. and also there were 6 geysers now so 6 pipes.

2. a big party with my dad's side of the family, but it happened again in my mom's house. that's always the house I see in my dreams so whatever. one of my smaller cousins C was trying to play piano. i was surprised at how they got such a nice piano onto the driveway and was worried it was gonna rain. everybody was drinking a bit & being a little rowdy , so I decided to keep at eye on my little cousins instead. she tried playing the middle part of a famous waltz that had been simplified down to child level, but then part of it was also just in the hall of the mountain king. which I should look back into playing again bc it was a lot of fun. anyway!! I was trying to help her out but I only had a shitty light blue colored pencil to make notes with. then as people were leaving I heard shouting from inside, a dude named Zach was being a pain in the ass. my brain immediately was like "do you know rhis guy? he's a white gsmer mustve been one of your ex's friends that you forgot to remove on social media" even though he was literally a dude I saw 10-15 times on campus bc he was in Industrial Design which was the huilding next to ours. anyway idk his crimes but he was just chilling in the living room and I kind of wanted him to leave.

2.5. just remembered this, it was also in my mom's house. I was sleeping in my old room when I heard people yelling from the patio (directly under my old room) & it was 8am so I turned the light on & peeked out & there was some family down there who lookrd up a me a bit sheepishly. I like gestured at them & then turbed my light back off.

3. this kinda takes place in the post party zone. it was a similar vibe to the last day of thing I volunteered for in Taiwan, where all the rules went out the window bc half the people "leading" the groups were younger than the college students, and everybody wanted to be drinking, and we were 7 to a room & one of the girls I was with kicked us all out bc she wanted to get with a guy so I was just wandering around the area like :-/ I want to go to bed.... the night market is already closed by now.....anyway it was like that vibe. we were in a similar hotel now, if slightly nicer. some drunk girl in a white fur coat and very fancy strappy heeled sandals showed up with her friend & they sat next to me & talked really loudly for a while, and then the girl was like um. hey. can I borrow your boots to go to the bathroom I don't wanna walk in these heels. so I was like ok sure just bring them back.... & she was like omg thanks babe :D & then as she was taking her sandals off I noticed she had abnormally small feet. whatever. she took my.boots & then like teleported away.

4. there was some kind of sci Fi fantasy aspect leaking in now. like fantasy where the magic is old abandoned scifi stuff like sword of shannara. I was on some quest to do something. there was a machine of some sort? some kind of thing I had. I downloaded something that turned me invisible Just in time since some mafia guys were about to walk up. their girls were also wearing strappy heels. cut to the rest of my stupid stupid party seeing the girl who took my boots also hanging onto MY dimensional gate bow that we were LOOKING FOR. and they were just like oh cool! & let her g on her way

5. it was really vital that I accurately typed in tags to look for some kind of hentai that had a bearded dragon in it..not participating or anything, just that the main girl had one & you got to see her feed it before she went off to get railed or whatever. unfortunately I couldn't spell bearded properly.

[victorluvsalice]

We have reached the start of a new year in The Chill Save (which is now SO wrongly named XD) -- first day of Spring all over again! And, as promised last time, after seeing just how small the Willow Creek Victorian really was (I mean, to be fair, it is classed as a “starter home” on the Gallery), after letting Victor and Alice get a bit of sleep and Smiler upgrade their phone colors and get in a little last-minute figure painting (which actually caused them to fulfill their resolution to raise a skill, nice -- up to Painting 4 now!), I moved the lot of them to their new home in Henford-on-Bagley -- my custom “abandoned spooky farmhouse” build, 2 Olde Mill Lane (Haunted)!

It then took me like three play sessions to properly furnish it. XD Look, not only did they bring a lot of stuff with them -- including a lot of things that needed to be displayed -- there was a lot of stuff I wanted to added to the lot itself! Like crafting stuff in the barn! A greenhouse for the garden! Various shelves and cabinets for all the stuff that needed to be displayed!

And then I went to take pictures and remembered “oh yeah -- this lot’s Off The Grid. The lights don’t work until you build up enough power.” *facepalm* So yeah, that’s why all the pictures in this particular photoset are so dark. Hopefully you can still get a decent look at what’s what, but let me give you the highlights:

First floor: You come in up the big front porch, which has the original easel and Smiler’s bar, into the little “entrance hall.” From there you can go left into the living room -- with nicer bookshelves, the TV, a sitting area in front of the fireplace, and the A:MR gramophone -- or right into the sort of general “hallway,” which leads into the downstairs half-bath, the “study” (where the chess table, Victor’s piano, Smiler’s new guitar, and the insect collection currently lives), the little “mudroom” leading to the back garden, and the kitchen/dining area (displaying everybody’s best catches while fishing). It also contains the stairs to the second floor, and a laundry nook under said stairs (plus a display case for Victor and Alice’s Selvadoradan treasures).

Second floor: Another wide general hallway with Smiler’s party-won stereo leads to Victor and Alice’s bedroom on the left (with all their college grad stuff, Sims Sessions tickets, and desk and computer) with an en-suite bathroom; “Smiler’s” bathroom (containing all their bathroom stuff from their old place); Smiler’s “bedroom” (with their desk and laptop and all their posters -- plus Swirly the hypnofrog and Snappy the Sixam Mosquito trap; though instead of a bed, they have a yoga mat as I intend to get them into wellness now); and the spare bedroom that now houses Smiler’s karaoke machine. XD

Barn and yard: Back on the ground, the barn has the flower-arranging bench, the woodworking bench, the candle-making bench, and the juice fizzer in it, ready to go; we also have a greenhouse for those plants that need to be sheltered -- there’s in-ground patches for most of the regular trees; two Werewolves planters for the Tree of Emotions and the Plasma Fruit Tree; and regular planters for all of the regular small produce. The oversized crop patches are out around the back, and the wind turbines and water collectors around the side.

So yeah -- hopefully not too bad a start, as you can see! Or maybe not see. Look, the lighting situation in this house is going to be, uh, variable for a while. . .

[sunflowerim]

I LOVE YOU 3000!

-PART 23

Weekend 1

Louis opened the door to an extremely handsome Harry Styles holding two boxes of pizza in his hand and a nervous smile playing on his lips. His sunglasses were set in his hair and his dimples popped up as soon as he saw Louis.

"Hi."

"Hey Harry, come in."

Louis opened the door wider to let Harry come in. Harry moved inside and put his shoes in the rack by the door and looked at Louis with a questioning gaze. Louis was confused for a second before he saw Harry holding up the pizza boxes.

"Oh, just leave them on the kitchen counter", Louis said pointing across the room.

He brought pizza.

"You have a nice apartment", Harry said looking around him.

"Ha thanks. I hope you didn't have trouble finding the apartment."

"No, not at all-- Hey I hope this isn't too awkward", Harry added after a pause.

"Well it was when you suggested the plan, but you're here now, so I suppose we should get on with it."

"I guess we should."

Harry smiled and hoped that it hid all the traces of nervousness he was feeling. Was this a date? Did Louis think it was a date? Definitely no. He wasn't even on board with the idea initially. But Harry is here. He's going to watch a movie with a man he's low-key attracted too. He was too confused and his feelings were all over the place and he could only hope he didn't end up making a fool of himself.

"Well make yourself comfortable on the couch while I heat the pizzas". Louis' voice brought Harry out of his reverie and he nodded and made his way towards the couch.

Harry could hear Louis scuttle about in the kitchen as he flopped down on the couch and took in the sight around him. The apartment was decorated with fairy lights and it moved something in Harry. He smiled despite himself. A projector had been set up on the coffee table in front of him and the white screen lay a few feet away. He assumed that the television was behind it. He looked to his left to find a neatly stacked bookshelf, with fairy lights hanging off it. Beside was a small bed with blankets and curtains hung in front of the the setup with a circular table next to it. It must be Louis' reading nook. A bookworm too. Louis is full of little surprises. Overall the apartment looked so cozy that it made Harry comfortable at once. This looked like a home, a proper one, where someone could live happily, unlike his unnecessarily large one.

Soon enough Louis was standing in front of him setting the pizza boxes down on the coffee table. Before Harry could say something Louis was off again, returning this time with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Ah drinks.

Truth be told, Louis hadn't been able to resist the idea of movie, pizza and wine combo, drunken awkwardness be damned.

Louis sat across from Harry and was thinking about what to say when Harry said, "do you mind if I get some water?"

"Yeah sure it's in the fridge."

As Harry walked towards the kitchen, Louis took the moment to calm himself down. He should be regretting his decision to agree with Harry in the first place, but he was kinda glad Harry was here. I mean they could at least be friends. With that thought we stood up to put the dvd on the set everything up.

Back in the kitchen, Harry was trying to do the same thing. He'd never been this nervous around someone. He quickly opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. He was about to close the door when his eyes fell on a huge stash of chocolates. Harry could feel the nervousness melt in him. This was so cute. After having some water, and putting the bottle back in the fridge, he noticed a box of dog treats on the kitchen counter. Louis has a dog too! This man cannot get any cuter.

Harry walked back to the living room to see that Louis had set everything up and the movie intro started playing. The sight looked so endearing that Harry couldn't help click a picture.

Harry went back to where he was sitting, putting a careful distance between him and Louis. Harry started first.

"You have a dog?"

Louis paused the movie.

"Oh yeah. Cliff. He's asleep right now."

"Well I hope to meet him before I go."

"Sure, he'll be up soon anyway. I took him for a long run today so he's probably more tired than usual."

"How insensitive."

"Pardon me if I want to keep my dog fit and healthy."

"Ah, you're a good dad."

"I am."

Both of them smiled as a silence settled between them. Louis broke it.

"I don't know what kind of movies you usually watch but this is a bit different. You gotta focus initially so you completely get it."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Yeah, you're gonna love it. I'm actually excited."

Harry couldn't stop himself from getting endeared by how Louis was smiling so hard that the skin beside his eye was all crinkled.

The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy.

He kept looking as Louis pulled out his phone and clicked a picture of the pizza and wine on the table. Louis took a quick picture and looked at Harry.

"Do you mind if I mention your name in a tweet?"

"No. I don't mind."

"Cool."

He waited as Louis posted the picture on twitter and then checked his phone. A smile spread on his lips as he saw the tweet.

"Let's get back to the movie, shall we?", Louis asked putting his phone down and nodded with a smile.

The next 2 hours were pretty intense. Harry hadn't touched the pizza after one slice and was only occasionally sipping wine from his class which Louis quietly kept filling while happily gobbling down his pizza. Louis was thoroughly amused by Harry's reactions to various parts of the movie and kept thinking about how this is what he had felt too while watching 'Iron Man' for the first time as a 13 year old. And Louis would never admit that he kept glancing at Harry, every time something exciting happened.

The movie was about to end and Harry was staring wide eyed at the screen. Louis got back to the movie to catch the last scene, his favourite one,

"Truth is... I am Iron Man."

Louis turned his head sideways when he heard a sharp intake of breath. Harry's jaws had dropped, mouth forming an 'o' and he was staring wildly at the screen.

"Wtf just happened. He admitted!! He admitted HE was Iron Man. OH MY GOD."

"Yes Harold, he did. And that's how began one of the greatest movie franchise."

"No shit."

"Haha, are you okay."

"No, I'm shook. And hungry. God why didn't I eat the pizzas."

"Have at them. I'll go check on Cliff."

"Yweah", Harry managed to say with mouthful of pizza.

Louis smiled and walked towards the end of the hall where Cliff was sound asleep. He knelt down beside Clifford's rug and scratched behind his ear. Clifford stirred a little and then slowly opened his and soon enough jumped on Louis.

From the living room, Harry could hear happy "woofs" and a short yelp mixed with laughter which sounded like Louis'. Harry turned around just in time to see Louis walking in and a very excited Clifford at his feet. Clifford soon ran towards Harry and stopped at his feet. Harry extended one of his hands for Clifford to shake raised another one to pet him. Clifford sniffed at Harry's hands, gave a loud bark and walked away. Harry stared in dismay and Louis couldn't help laughing.

"Don't worry. It's probably the pizza."

"Huh?"

"Your hand. It smells like pizza. And I've noticed on multiple occasions that he doesn't like the smell of pizza sauce."

"Oh my bad, I'll quickly wash my hands."

Harry reached out to grab the empty boxes but Louis stopped him.

"Leave them to me."

Harry stood up and went to wash his hands in the kitchen sink, while Louis put the empty boxes in the trash.

As Harry was wiping his hands, Louis handed him a bowl of treats to offer to Clifford as a sign of peace.

Harry cautiously made his way across the room where Clifford had settled happily in front of the reading corner and was chewing a ball.

"Clifford hey, look what got for you."

The familiar smell of treats seemed to interest Clifford and he sniffed Harry's extended hand.

This time he let out a soft bark and started wagging his tail happily as Harry fed him the treats.

Louis watched as Harry played and talked with Clifford and petted him. It was an adorable sight. Well Clifford's always been a friendly dog and he certainly made Harry happy today.

Harry turned back to see Louis already looking at him and smiled softly as he got up from his crouched position.

"Well I suppose I should leave now" Harry said, still smiling softly.

"I guess." Louis hoped his voice didn't reveal the twinge of sadness he was feeling at Harry's departure.

"I had fun today."

"Me too."

"You're a good host."

"I've been told likewise."

"So, I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah definitely."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Harry proceeded towards the door, Louis following close behind. Harry stopped right in front of the door and turned around, "Louis can I text you on iMessage from now? Twitter feels too formal."

"Harry, you've been to my house. We just watched a movie together. Yes, you can text me on iMessage", Louis laughed.

"Cool." Harry turned towards the door again.

Louis held the door for Harry and just when he was about to close it,

"And Lou-"

"Yeah?"

"Blue suits you."

"Oh-", Louis' cheeks heated up, "thanks."

"Bye," Harry smiled.

"Bye," Louis replied and closed the door behind him hoping that Harry hadn't seen the blush on his face.

But Harry had, and his butterflies were happy.

PREVIOUS / NEXT

INTRO

[heresathreebee]

A Real Date

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader] 

Summary: You and Ava trying a dinner date that goes very wrong (just kidding it's actually fine). 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.8k words

Warning(s): 13+ | no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp, swearing, internalized homophobia(?), I think I’m working through something here this might be a little personal (sorry in advance), past relationship angst, presumed past of dating multiple genders but there is no definitive sexuality established for reader in the present, this was going to be something else but the story took over and I had to roll with it. 

Author's note: no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp. I’m sorry I do not edit anymore, it only serves to stand in my way. This is part 3 of Ava Starr series beginning with Strawberry Soda. Art by Artmilla on DeviantArt (correct me if I’m wrong please)

It's important to note that not everything you see in media is the hegemonic truth. Take sapphic dating rituals for example: in media it’s a constant joke about how fast people move in together and own pets and plants like they were soulmates and always meant to be together. Which is nice to see– it’s not meant to be a cruel joke– but it does paint a picture of perfection. It doesn’t explicitly state whether your future wife is your first or fiftieth girlfriend but it sure as shit might lead you to believe every girl might be your last. 

Real people don’t work that way. Real people have different interests, different lives, different traumas, different styles and needs. Every relationship is new and it has to be done deliberately and with care for what you and your partner want. So when you think about your relationship with Ava you can’t help but feel a little guilty. 

Ava seems to like to take things slow. Your relationship prioritizes quality time over physical touch which you're fine with, but you can’t help it if you compare the details to other people you’ve dated. You’ve known each other for three months and in every other relationship by this time, you and your previous partners had hit a ton of milestones that you and Ava had just… not. So when you bring up the prospect of a ‘real date’ to Ava one night while cooking pasta in your kitchen, Ava chuckles. 

“And what exactly constitutes as a ‘real date?’” 

The television is playing some daytime television game show and the volume’s on low. You pass her the salt and take a swig from your beer with a shrug. Already you feel silly for bringing it up. 

“Dinner. A movie. Sometimes both, I guess,” you say, flustered. 

Ava raises an eyebrow at the softening bowtie noodles in the pot. “We’re having dinner right now…? Name one time we haven’t come back to your place to watch a movie.” 

“The time the power went out and we played jenga by candlelight. But I– I mean like a date outside of the house.”

“We go to out to parks, the antique mall, lunch, the arcade–” 

“Well, yeah I guess you’re right I just don’t know I still feel like–”  

“Again, how is any of it different from a ‘real date?’” 

“I don’t know! Just… just forget it.” you’re trying not to be bitter about it but you don’t even know what you mean so how could you explain it? 

Ava calls your name softly and you already feel hot shame lick up your neck when you see her face. “I didn’t mean it like that, I– I just don’t think I understand what you mean and I want to! Honestly…” 

You sigh and lean closer to her, careful not to touch but you want her to know you’re not mad. “No, I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been stuck on it for a week but I can’t seem to figure out why. Everything you’re saying I agree with but there’s still this nagging voice in my head telling me it’s not fair or I’m doing it wrong but I don’t know what it even is and I–” 

You collapse onto the kitchen floor breathless. What the fuck were you even saying? Why was this bothering you so much? What ‘s different about this relationship than any other relationship you’ve already had? Your eyes are darting back and forth and your head is a million miles away. You keep talking as if saying it out loud will make your impulsive and intrusive thoughts and motivations clearer to you. 

“It’s out of order. No, it’s not but it’s… with Jordan and Becky and Hal, I went on three dates before it felt normal. We did the traditional getting to know you stuff. Damien and Palavi were straight physical– not traditional at all but that still felt good enough somehow. And– and it’s not that I don’t believe what we have isn’t real, I just–

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels a little like my relationship with Kat.” You can’t believe it but then the words were out there. You had never told anybody about Kat– Ava was still learning about the rest of them– but the instant those words left your mouth you regretted them. Ava was not Kat. 

For instance, Ava slipped down to sit beside you on the floor– Kat would never lower herself to meet your eye. Ava looked at you and she saw you– Kat chose to ignore your feelings whenever it became more convenient to do so. Kat made you feel special and yet not special enough– OK maybe they shared a little bit of that. A tiny, micro piece of that. 

“What was Kat like?” She said the words softly and without an ounce of jealousy. 

You gather your mind with a deep breath. “Dating Kat was like being strapped to a rocket. It was like being a part of something bigger and stronger than me. Being with her made me feel inconsequential and sometimes I liked that, but then… then I realized I was just a dirty little secret. Kat liked me because I was convenient to her, not because she actually cared about me. 

“When we talked or hung out, it had to be on her terms. No public, no friends or family, no social media. No one was allowed to know. She passed it off as just wanting me for herself but after she dumped me for something better I realized she never saw me as her equal. And it just… I was already in a dark place and that place just kind of got a whole lot darker after that. I felt especially not special.” 

You lean back and rest your head on the cabinet under the sink. “I know that’s not you. Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I have to hide a part of myself. I did a lot of stupid things in the public eye with Palavi, maybe part of that was because I was proud of who I am and I wanted everyone to know it?” 

“I think I care too much about what other people think of me,” you said closing your eyes. 

You didn’t expect to feel Ava lean her head against your shoulder but you don’t pull away. God, you could never pull away even as you worry she may be causing herself harm just to comfort you and your rambling. Her hair tickles a bit and smells like strawberries and lavender. 

Ava lifted her head after a moment. “Let’s go on a real date then.” 

~

Why the fuck were you so nervous? This was your idea! You had trouble picking a restaurant and picking a day and picking your clothes out and picking where to sit. So many choices with so much meaning or none at all. You just need this to be perfect because you hoped maybe this is what you need to stop that nagging in your head. 

You made the call to meet each other there. You made the suggestion that it had to be somewhere nice– as in get dressed up nice. And darling, sweet, patient Ava let you have the control you so desperately needed. She offered suggestions here and there, and it helped you narrow everything down to a science. You feel a little self conscious sitting by yourself in your get up but you knew she'd be there on time. 

It's just a matter of whether or not you could sit still for five more minutes. 

You hold the cloth napkin in your palms to try and soak up the sweat. Forcing yourself to sit unnaturally still and you haven't touched your wine because you just know you'll get it everywhere somehow. Your eyes trace over the table to stop yourself from meeting the eyes of other patrons. Do nothing, wait it out. 

Ava is stunning and you don't know she's there until the wait staff places the dinner menus in front of you. So much for pulling out her chair like you wanted to– but she's here and you break out into a big smile. 

"You look amazing," you tell her. 

Ava smiles and takes a sip of the rosé you ordered. The dim lighting in the room seems to soften the contours of her face but never the sharpness of her bright eyes. Something blossoms inside you and you feel it– that thing that's been bothering you like a knot in your stomach turns into a seed and its flowering now. This is your girlfriend. Not your friend who is a girl– your significant other. She's important to you and she has decided that she feels the same way about you. 

You feel your body unwind, reaching across the table like you might touch her hand then stop an inch from her empty plate. She watches you curiously but without fear. After a beat, it's Ava who finishes the contact. She slips her hand into yours and you are delighted to discover she's not a corporeal being you've convinced yourself is real. Her skin is a little dry around the palm and she has calluses you never knew were there and she's real and this is happening. 

You resist the urge to squeeze her fingers. Let her lead. Trust her to move away if she experiences any pain. She looks away from you with a flustered face you've never seen her wear and takes another draft of her wine. 

"This is nice," she says softly. 

You eat off each others' plates and you laugh together, and if anyone's watching you wouldn't know because for once you couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. You're with your person, for now or forever doesn't matter because she's letting you hold her hand and talk about a play you want to take her to on Saturday. Your heart flutters in your chest the whole way home and it’s not until you’re standing at your front door does her hand finally slip from yours. The feeling lingers though and your face hurts from smiling. 

“This everything you wanted,” she asked. 

“Yes,” you reply, “yes it was. Thank you for indulging me, it’s exactly what I needed.” 

“I enjoyed it too.” She steps closer, seemingly reluctant to leave just yet. “We’re still going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, right?” 

“Absolutely,” you beam, “trust me, you’re gonna love it, it’s wild.” You blow her a kiss to send her on her way and spend the next hour giggling to yourself until you finally pass out from exhaustion.

[twolonesomestars]

I want to ask about YB and gg being at dd's house on 7/28/19. YB posted a picture of tv set at dd's house. Then gg posted a picture of YB with background blurred, that showed that gg and YB were together. Ppl speculated that they're at dd's house. On 8/3, dd confirmed this by purposefully posting a pic of his tv set with a skateboard. What I don't understand is that they're not alone? YB is also there so why are people so excited? Some ppl say YB left that early that night but how do ppl know?

Hey, I asked about the YB leaving early thing before. I already got my answer so you don't have to spend time digging for it. Sorry to add more load to your already full ask. Thanks!

I actually dismissed this one pretty quickly the first time I saw it because I didn’t look at the pictures close enough.

Warning: This is all fake. Don’t take what I say to heart. These are just my random thoughts.

But, I went back to it later on... and when I say I compared the pics and second guessed everything for a ridiculous amount of time...

After that, I can safely say that it’s the same place.

*anon refers to Yu Bin as ‘YB’ in their asks

-

Yu Bin’s post on 190728:

He posted this late on a Sunday night, so BXG speculated that they were watching DDU... this would have been the 11th anniversary episode (the one XZ guested in).

XZ’s reply to Yu Bin’s post:

The main question here is: why did he blur out the background, and a quite a bit messily too? Maybe it’s art. Or maybe he wanted to hide something.

Neither of their responses to each other reference anything about them hanging out together. But out of all pictures/ memes XZ could’ve responded with (or not even post a picture at all), he decided to go with one that he altered heavily, for seemingly no reason... other than to possibly hide something? Odd.

WYB’s post on 190803 that helped confirm that it’s the same place:

WYB’s post further back on 190314 that gives us even more insight into how his place looks:

-

Now to the actual comparisons.

Exhibit 1: Wallpaper (Yu Bin’s & WYB’s 190314)

Look closely. Both are blue cheetah print. WYB’s older pictures show us that the wallpaper is behind the TV, so we can safely assume it’s the same wall.

-

Exhibit 2: TV stand decorations (Yu Bin’s & WYB’s 190803)

The lighting makes this one a bit difficult to tell, but at the very least, we know that the actual shape of the decorations (what do you even call these??) is the same. The ones circled in yellow seem to have the exact same design. The ones circled in blue are more difficult to tell. I think they’re different, but I’ll leave that one up to you all to decide for yourselves. (It’s also not like WYB can’t change them, I would think?) As for the “SHARP” label, the decor is high enough to cover it when you’re sitting down/ taking a picture from Yu Bin’s point of view.

-

Exhibit 3: Flooring color (XZ’s & WYB’s 190314)

XZ’s blurred picture has the same color floor as the floor in WYB’s pictures. Granted, this is a pretty common wood floor color but the placement of the color in XZ’s photo (it’s where the floor would be) along with the other two exhibits add to its credibility.

-

I think people were excited because the post(s) + responses give us pretty solid proof of them hanging out outside of work, even if it’s with another mutual friend, and specifically hanging out at one of their own houses. We are never going to get any sort of proof when they’re together alone (which is a good thing), so this is the next best thing.

I have no idea where that rumor about Yu Bin leaving early came from. I’ve also heard the opposite that said the two of them stayed over that night. Both sound like random talk/ what people wish would happen. If either one is a real recount, it’s sounds like a stalker and we definitely don’t need that. (Unless Yu Bin confirmed something, but I haven’t seen anything like that.)

-

Once again, all in good fun. CPN.

-

Also, please don’t worry about flooding my inbox. I always love chatting with you guys about this stuff... it just takes me forever to respond because I usually do this with posts lol

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: 4 O’Clock

Taglist: @jineunwootrash​

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

All This Time

"Honestly, Yesung," I smile as we wrap up at the studio, "I'm gonna miss this. I can't believe this is our first time singing together!" 

"It does seem long overdue, huh?" Yesung grins, sitting back in his chair. "We can always do this again, Lei. I'm happy to see you back in the studio after all this time!"

"You know," I sigh, "I think I am too." 

I hadn't planned to return to S.M. as an artist, but I never quite ruled out the possibility. I guess I find comfort in open endings. When I first went on leave, I started working toward degrees in a variety of foreign languages— the ones I learned as an idol— intending to return to the agency as a translator. 

Then, Yesung sent me a demo of the perfect duet and asked me to sing it with him. Being the perfect husband, Taemin encouraged me to do it. "One song doesn't commit you to a career," he said, so now I am here: reimagining my dream of being an artist. 

The days of nonstop touring and practicing from sunrise to sunset have passed; my priorities are different now. Here in the shade with Yesung, where the light is gentle, I am comfortable. I am not ready to take the next big step. 

"You're glowing, Lei; you were meant to share your voice." Yesung beams at me. 

I want to tell him that I am only reflecting the light he and so many others have shone on me, but I don't get the chance. In his next breath, he asks, "How's our little miracle doing, by the way? Do you think he's expecting tomorrow's surprise party?" 

As fond wrinkles form around Yesung's eyes, my heart swells and overfills with adoration. I shake my head. "No. Obviously, Mom can keep a secret. With time, Taemin has gotten better at holding his tongue. With Lucas, Donghae, and Heechul running around the house, though, it's amazing that the cat is still in the bag. I try not to question miracles." 

"That seems wise," Yesung hums. "Best to enjoy secrecy while it lasts; they still have a full—" he glances down at his watch— "almost a full 24-hours to spoil the surprise!" 

We laugh. Then, a joyful sort of pout— yes, I realize that is some kind of an oxymoron— pulls at my lips. I run a hand through my hair after releasing it from its ponytail. "Can you believe that Tue is turning five?" 

"No!" Yesung's hair falls into his eyes when he shakes his head. "Just like I can't believe that you actually came around calling your son Tue after all those times you scolded Kim and Lucas for using that name!"

"Having two Lucases around gets confusing." I justify my change of heart, shrugging. "Plus, my boy is unique enough to justify that kind of name!" 

Yesung repeats, "Unique," agreeing with a subtle nod. "He reminds me a lot of you, especially now that he's reaching that age you were when we first met." 

It's strange— thinking about how much time has passed— thinking about how some things never change— realizing that some images repeat and replay. 

"Really?" 

Tilting my head, I study my lock screen picture. Lucas took it just last night; he immortalized the moment that Tue sat between me and Taemin at the piano in the den, and I don't know if I have thanked him enough. I squint at the photo as if that will help me see similarities between myself and my son; it doesn't help. 

"I think Tue is a carbon copy of Taemin in appearance and personality," I admit through laughter. "These days, he loves to watch music videos. He can replicate any choreography— and I mean any choreography— after seeing it just once. I've never seen anything like it!" 

Should the agency find out, I sometimes think and spark worry in my gut, they will set their sights on him. 

There it is— the reason why I am so reluctant to return to the stage as an idol: fear of drawing attention to Tue. It was difficult enough when he was born and everybody felt entitled to see him when he was too little to decide whether he wanted to exist under strangers' stares. 

What worries me most, I think, is the fact that I don't know when he will be old enough to make that decision. Five is definitely too young— Taemin and I agree about that, so we take great precautions to protect his privacy. Nobody who knows Tue posts pictures of him on social media; whenever he leaves the house, he wears a mask like we do; as Mom considers early retirement (and therefore takes on fewer group clients), her job has become primarily threatening paparazzi who consider releasing rare photographs of him. 

I have never cared whether people think I'm overprotective. I know too well of the pressures that come with living in the public eye, and I will defend my son from them for as long as I can. Tue is a star, and I know it's just a matter of time until he tries to follow in the footsteps of everybody he loves. I only comfort myself with the thought that it's not happening yet; it's not happening today; it probably won't happen tomorrow. 

"I've seen something like that!" Yesung's boast drags me out of my train of thought. "I don't know if you can still do this— I don't understand child prodigies all that well— but when you were a kid, you could play any song on the piano right after hearing it for the first time. Donghae said teaching you to read sheet music was like pulling teeth because you played everything by ear." 

Knowing that reading sheet music is still not my strong suit, I redden at Yesung's recollection. "Tue can do that too!" I want to brag. "He's the most talented person I've ever known, and he is barely five years old. He's the most gifted person I know, and that's saying something, given how many gifted people I've loved." 

Yesung nudges my ribs. "Why else do you think Henry was so obsessed with you? You both spoke the same piano language!"

"You know," I say, "Henry asked about interviewing Tue for his program about child prodigies."

"Oh yeah?" Although he knows me well enough to predict the answer, Yesung asks, "What did you say?"

"I said that he's welcome to see Tue and play music with him any time," I answer Yesung just as carefully as I answered Henry. "You know that there's nobody I could trust more than you guys— Super Junior— to lead Tue into the entertainment industry, but—" 

I squirm, and my stomach knots. "You know how I am. You know that the thought of sharing Tue— no— not the thought of sharing his talent and his sparkling smile and his sweet voice and his kindness— that's not the problem. I know that the world needs more people like my son. I just—" 

After all this time, my voice still trembles when I think about how cruel strangers are to good people. "I just wonder how well the world treats people like him. I wonder how much the world deserves people like him." 

Yesung rises from his seat to embrace me. His chin rests on the top of my chair. "I don't think anybody understands that anxiety better than your Mom." 

And it happens again: my love for Mom grows. My beautiful Mom. My kind Mom. My Mom who stood in the wings, my Mom who stood comfortably in my shadow. I always thought she was naturally aware of when to hold on and when to let go, but maybe balance was challenging to her too. 

Hearing Yesung describe our shared fear makes me imagine that I have grown to resemble Mom. Tears fill my eyes. I am always sensitive; especially about Mom, and especially around Tue's birthday. 

Before the first tear can fall, he is running to me, crawling into my lap, and holding my face in his hands that are so small, so soft— uncalloused and young. "What's wrong, Mommy?" 

Because the tears evaporate so quickly, I almost believe that they never existed. For a moment, when I cup Tue's rosy cheeks and give him my truest smile, I believe that I have never cried in my entire life. "I was just thinking about how much I missed my beautiful boy! It's all better now that you're here!"

Tue giggles when I push his dark curly hair out of his face and kiss his forehead. He's especially cute these days because he likes his hair long; he likes for the ends to tickle his dimpled chin. 

"I missed you too! I asked Daddy to bring me to see you and Uncle Lucas and—" his eyes— the feature that most closely resembles Taemin's because they contain all of the universe's stars— widen in time with the growth of his smile. "Great Uncle Yesung!" 

Tue transforms into a reincarnation of my childhood self when he abandons all thought in admiration of Yesung. He leaps out of my lap and runs into Yesung's laughing embrace. 

It's beautiful— thinking about how much time has passed— thinking about how some things never change— realizing that some images repeat and replay.

I consider that on my walk to the doorway, where Taemin stands, watching the scene with a smile. His fingers trace absentmindedly at the ribbon on his wrist that hasn't faded with the passage of time. The color hasn't faded since he restored it on that night by the lake. 

"I'm sorry if we interrupted your work," Taemin says softly when he catches me staring. "I told Tue not to just run into the studio, but you know how he gets when he's excited: just a teeny tiny bit disobedient. Or a teeny tiny bit forgetful." 

After teasing, "I wonder who he gets that from," and earning a chuckle in response, I assure Taemin, "You didn't interrupt anything. Yesung and I are done with the song. We just got to talking." 

Maybe Taemin noticed the tears before Tue carried them away, or maybe he hears that longtime blend of anxiety and craving for peace that almost always reveals itself in my voice through our conversations. His brow furrows as he wraps an arm around my waist. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Yeah," I answer immediately because I always want to talk about everything with Taemin. I told him once that I would grow to trust him with everything, and I have; for better or for worse, I hold nothing back. Watching Tue throw his head back laughing as Yesung tickles his ribs just below his armpits, right where he knows he's most ticklish, I condition, "Later though. Smiles and laughter for now, please." 

Taemin doesn't press the issue. In the beginning, he was always in such a rush, determined to force intimate conversation, no matter my discomfort. Now, he must realize that there is nothing I will keep from him forever. Now, he must understand that everything will come to light when we lie together under the moon. He no longer races to the rising of the moon or the rising of the sun; he lives in every moment. I admire him for that. 

Taemin smiles and winks at me before fixing his sight on Tue. "Hey little dude," Taemin says during the brief break in Tue's laughter, "Mommy is done for the day, and she wants to hang out with us! What do you wanna do?" 

Tue runs to us from Yesung's side. He reaches for Taemin, knowing well that his father will waste no time in lifting him onto his shoulders. 

"Alright." Taemin squats so Tue can climb on easily and so he doesn't hit his head on the doorframe. It's funny to watch Taemin, who was once spoiled rotten, who is still a bit rotten at the core, literally bending to the will of a small child. "What's the plan, kiddo?" 

Tue wastes no time pretending to think about his dream activity. Although he sees his namesake almost every day, he declares, "I wanna see Uncle Lucas!" 

Trusting that I still memorize my best friend's schedules, Taemin glances at me. Luckily enough, I still know where Lucas is at all times. Some people jokingly call it twin-telepathy, but it's only through my nagging reminders that Lucas ever gets where he needs to be. 

"He's downstairs teaching a dance class with Mark." I look down at my phone again; I couldn't hide my smile at the picture even if I tried. "It should be wrapping up soon, so—" 

Taemin cheers, "Off we go!" and runs toward the elevator. Tue squeals all the way down the hall, and I wish more than anything that I had been ready to record this moment. 

Before following my boys, I linger in the studio to tell Yesung, "Bye! Thank you for everything!" 

"See you tomorrow!" Yesung waves both hands. "You're welcome for everything! Never forget that I'm proud of you!" 

I smile because it is impossible to forget what Yesung has told me since we met.

. . . 

Although Taemin, Tue, and I stand quietly at the back of the room, Lucas notices us immediately. 

"Hey!" His booming clap disrupts the class, and all eyes fall on us. "There's my mini-me!"

It doesn't matter that Tue is identical to Taemin (apart from the wavy hair he inherited from me); Lucas has called him "mini-me" since the day he was born. That's just a consequence of naming my baby after my best friend. It's a consequence I can live with. 

It doesn't matter that Tue sees Lucas almost every day; they always greet each other with wide smiles and open arms as if they have been separated for lifetimes. That's just a result of the bond they share. 

Sometimes, I think that Tue was born not just to fill my every void and fade every scar. He was born to be the best friend Lucas always deserved. He was born to teach Taemin that he is much more than an idol. He makes us better just by existing. I have never loved anyone so much— with my entire heart, my entire soul, with every part of me that has ever existed and will ever exist. 

I run a hand through Tue's hair before Taemin passes him to Lucas. This transition of our most beloved person into the arms of another dear friend occurs without the arguments that gave me headaches at the start. We have accepted it by now: Lucas is Tue's favorite person on the planet. 

I don't care much to challenge that title since it means so much to Lucas and since I know from experience that the role of the mother is special on its own. I don't know much from experience about the role of the father except that its absence painful in more ways than words can describe; I don't know much except its absence leaves a void that most will try to fill with anything; I don't know much except Taemin is doing a good job, and I tell him so every day. 

Now, I tell him by reaching for his hand and lacing our fingers together. This— holding his hand— has always been my favorite act of affection. It's crazy to think that, once upon a time, I would have hesitated— I would have refused— I would have denied the desire to reach for him outside of our hotel room and our home. 

Sometimes, like now, Taemin looks stunned when I touch him. He flinches as if my touch is frozen or scalding or electric, but then he smiles and melts into me a little more. Every time I think we're done melting into each other, when I think that we already blended to create the perfect human being, we take another step together. 

"Hey!" Tue leans over Lucas's shoulder to look him in the eyes. "It's big-me!"

"Sh," I instruct quietly, bringing a finger to my puckered lips. "They're practicing, baby. We're guests, so we have to be quiet." 

Generally, Tue is a well-mannered boy. He just forgets proper etiquette when excited, and nobody excites him quite like Lucas. Turning slightly pink in the face, Tue nods and brings a finger to his puckered lips too. 

Moments of correction are always short-lived because Tue takes instruction well. I wink at him, and he winks back. The thing is— Tue has inherited Mom's lack of facial coordination, so he blinks both eyes. 

The sight makes Taemin laugh. When I was a kid, I would have wanted to cry if someone (especially someone as beautiful as Taemin) laughed at me. Tue's lips don't tremble in preparation for tears, though; his lips curl into a gap-toothed smile. Oh, there's another thing my baby gets from me: a gappy smile! It looks much cuter on him; I almost hope he never corrects it with braces.  

Because Taemin laughed, Tue laughs. He always copies his father. 

Raising my eyebrows, I give Lucas a look that clearly means, "Aren't you supposed to help Mark with this class?" 

Lucas understands. Maybe his understanding is the result of (fake) twin-telepathy or— more likely— it is the result of having known each other for eternities. Securing his hold around Tue, Lucas softly sings, "Priorities change, Lei." 

Because I completely restructured my life for Tue— and that's much more significant than ditching the last five minutes of a dance practice— I can't argue with Lucas. I can only nod. 

At the front of the room, Mark announces, "Alright guys, we're done for the day! Great work!" 

I hope that he hasn't ended practice early because we have caused an interruption, but it's hard to stay worried when Mark's trainees break into excited chatter. The atmosphere in this room is unlike anything I experienced as a trainee. People like Mark, people like Lucas— they have changed this place. They have brought light into the rooms, and I— I think I want to help them. 

Then, I look at Tue, and I know that I don't want him to spend his days sitting alone by the vending machine. I don't want him to spend his days sitting in the corner while I teach trainees. In no way do I resent my childhood; I just want to protect Tue from the loneliness that darkened too many days. 

Life is about finding balance, I think. Balance between Lei the idol and Lei the human. Balance between Lei the fearful and Lei the brave. Balance between Lei the skeptic and Lei the romantic. Balance between Lei the individual and Lei the wife. Balance between Lei the idol and Lei the mother. Balance between Lei of the past and Lei of now. Some of these, I have mastered. Some of these were easier to achieve than others. Some of these are a daily struggle. Some of these remain a mystery. 

I'm trying, though; that's enough for me now. I am proud of who I am now. I am proud of who I will be tomorrow. 

I wave to Mark, thinking that he has always had the best influence on others. Smiling, Mark waves back, calling "Happy Early Birthday, Lucas Tue!" (and receiving a chipper, "Thank you, Mr. Mark Lee!" in response) before I follow my family into the hall, led by Taemin's hand, with the sea of trainees. 

We sit at the table by the vending machine. It's much smaller now than it is in my memories. Maybe that's because I've grown so much; maybe that's because my family fills it with energy so bright that I don't notice the empty seats. 

Sitting in Lucas's lap, Tue asks, "Did you know tomorrow is my birthday?" 

Lucas gasps, "Tomorrow is your birthday?" 

Taemin laughs at how Tue's face contorts in utter bewilderment. His lips part, his brow furrows, and his skin is painted a flustered pink as he whines, "I don't know! Is it?" 

Because everyone has been so quiet in discussing birthday preparations around Tue, he must not realize the date. "Tomorrow is May 29," I tell him, "so you're gonna turn five years old!" I wiggle five fingers toward his face; he laughs when I tap his nose with one of my fingertips, throwing his head back against Lucas's chest. 

"What?!" Lucas cries; Tue laughs harder at the overreaction before Lucas even prods at his ticklish ribs. "Five?! That's crazy, man! That's older than me!" 

Tue sputters, "No— no it's not! You're way— way— way older than five!" 

"I am not!" Lucas argues, dropping his jaw to feign offense. "You know who is way older than five, though?"

As if sharing the same brain cell, Lucas and Tue settle their sights on Taemin, who, tightening his grip on my hand, drops his jaw, taking genuine offense. “I am not! I’m the biggest baby at this table!”

When Taemin crosses his arms over his chest and pouts his pretty lips, nobody thinks to argue. Lucas and Tue snort, failing to contain their laughter at Taemin’s expense. I so badly want to laugh with them, but I want more to kiss Taemin, so I peck at his lips. 

At the kiss, Lucas and Tue do not squeal in disgust like most little boys would; they squeal in utter delight. 

. . . 

It’s hard to find an alone moment with Mom in our full house, but I find one after Taemin and I tuck Tue into bed. Mom is setting up Finding Nemo decorations around the pool. We chose that theme for Tue's party since it's his favorite movie. 

Even wearing her pajamas with her hair tied up in a messy bun, Mom looks beautiful among the moon and stars. "What's going on, Lei?" She drapes a cloth over a fold-out table. "You're wearing your pensive face." 

I try to laugh at myself by saying, "I'm always wearing my pensive face." 

Because I have yet to tell Taemin about my conversation with Yesung, my worries are a tangled knot at the forefront of my mind. It's a messy business, untangling the knot, and it's always easier with Taemin's help. 

Tracing my finger along Nemo's little lucky fin on the table cloth, I prod at the knot on my own. "I'm just wondering how you knew when to hold me close and when to let me stand in the spotlight." 

Mom stills to meet my eyes. "I know I wasn't perfect," she prefaces. When I try to disagree, she interrupts. "I'm human, Lei. I did the best I could, but I know I could have been better. Anyone can see through hindsight, in any situation, that they could have been better. They should have been better." 

Mom has this way of speaking that nobody can replicate. She acknowledges faults and shortcomings through a lens that is never degrading, never belittling. She looks at the past in such a light that does not inspire regret but instead inspires a better tomorrow. 

I admire Mom for that. I want to be like her. After all this time, I have not grown out of aspiring to be like Mom. 

"When I think about how you used to sit alone at that table by the vending machine before Lucas walked into your world; when I think about how you used to cling to the wall in the corner of every room; when I think about how I used to hear you crying in your room at night when you thought I was asleep— when you thought your radio was loud enough to drown out your tears with SHINee's voices—"

Mom's voice wavers, and her gaze crashes onto the table. Now that I see her so affected by past pains even in the happiest stage of life to date, I understand: it was never easy for Mom. She just carried the burden where I couldn't see it. 

"I always wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered if the spotlight found you because you walked into it or because I nudged you toward it. When you became a trainee and Donghae told me that Sehun said people were being cruel to you—" Mom bristles— "you don't know how much I wanted to pull you out of the agency. You don't know how badly I wanted to take you and hide you someplace where nobody could hurt you. But—"

Mom laughs— genuinely laughs— when I wrap my arms around her, thinking, knowing that a place without pain does not exist (at least not on earth). It's enough that she wanted to take me there, I think. It's enough that she wanted that place to exist for me. 

She asks, "Do you know that part in Finding Nemo where Dory tells Marlin, 'Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him'?"

I nod. Even though Tue often falls asleep in my lap by that part of the movie, I know it well.

"Quickly— maybe instantly— I realized that you are too special not to share with the world." Mom cups my face with both hands. She kind of pinches my cheeks because they are still full; they still make me look very much like a child. "This world would be a sadder, duller place without your light shining in it. I decided that if anyone out there tries to dampen your light— well—" 

Mom smiles, so I smile too. 

"I would work a million times harder to keep it burning."

. . .

When I tell Taemin about my conversation with Yesung in the studio and my conversation with Mom under the moon, he says, "That's all very beautiful, baby. It almost makes me want to cry. But I still think Tue is way too young to be an idol." 

I have almost drifted to sleep with my head on Taemin's chest because the steady beat of his heart has always been one of my greatest comforters. I lift my head to narrow my eyes at him. "How did you gather from any of that that I want our son to be an idol?" 

Taemin squints, trying to make out my features in the dark. "I don't know! It just seemed like you were coming to terms with letting him wander into the spotlight, and I thought maybe it was my turn to be the voice of reason!" 

Even without the slightest aid offered by the pale moonlight, I would see the smirk curling his lips. "The last time I was the voice of reason was during our first New Year when you dropped your dress—"

"Let it go, Taemin!" I chastise, wondering how and why I let his sentence get that far before rolling my eyes. "That happened how many years ago?" 

"I don't know. Time is all relative anyway." Taemin probably feels like some kind of genius or the mysterious picture of a soulmate he was at the beginning. "It happened how ever many years ago, and it's still one of my favorite memories! It never fails to make me smile." 

I shake my head and lay on my back beside him. "We're way off track. Anyway, I completely agree: Tue is too young to be an idol. The agency wouldn't even let him audition until he turns ten. Even then, I'm not going to suggest that he audition. I'm not going to actively nudge him anywhere near that path." 

Moments pass in silence. Taemin rolls onto this side to trace patterns on my stomach. In addition to calming me, this gentle affection helps him organize his thoughts.

"I think we should cross that bridge when we come to it," he says, as usual. "Obviously, I want to support him in anything he wants to do. I won't really know how to help him if he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, but— well— think of how much we can guide him if he wants to follow in our footsteps." 

Taemin makes a good point. Having two idol parents might make Tue a target for bullies— I know that having a manager for a mother made me one— but cruel people will justify their actions with any excuse. What makes Tue stand out could double as a strength; I know having my particular mother made me stronger. Similarly, Tue could turn to me and Taemin and Mom and Lucas and his entire network of well-wishing idols for advice, and we would all be equipped by our experiences to help him in some way. 

"I'm so glad I have you." I roll onto my side so that my face is level with Taemin's and I can clearly see the night sky reflected in his eyes. "You embody that perfect balance between listening and advising. You always have. I love you so much for that. I always have." 

He smiles, and my heart flutters. "I'm glad I have you too. Thank you for trusting me and listening to my advice. I love you so much for that. I always will." 

Taemin creates the perfect atmosphere for honesty. With a glance, he encourages me to carry my darkest thoughts into the light. It feels like he is carrying them with me; they are less heavy this way. That's why I admit, suddenly on the verge of tears, "I'm afraid that I haven't made my love for Tue clear enough."

I have rarely cried since taking a break from being Lei the idol. My outburst must send Taemin back in time to the very start when I first cried to him under the moon's watch— to the night when the moon became ours. Back then, he was so careful. He resisted the destined desire to touch me, to embrace me, because he didn't want to frighten me. Now, he moves instantly, instinctively, to hold me. 

His lips meet mine for a second. After just a second, he tries to part, but I need him. I need him, and that hasn't scared me in so many moons. I need him, and I bring him back down to me and hold him here until we have kissed most of my worries away. 

We always keep a few worries because Taemin says they keep us safe. He thinks my talent for spotting danger is, in moderation, one of our greatest strengths. I'm good at seeing a storm cloud from a million miles away; Taemin is good at making a hurricane feel like an overdue summer drizzle. That's why we are the greatest team to ever exist. 

"Tue knows you love him," Taemin assures me in a whisper against my lips. "Anyone who knows you— anyone who knows us knows that we weren't really breathing until Tue took his first breath."

That's not to say that life wasn't worth living before Tue existed. Just like my life was as happy as it could have been before Lucas, and it was happier once he laughed and painted the world anew; just like my life was as happy as it could have been before Taemin, and it was happier once he handed me the moon; my life was as happy as it could have been before Tue, and it was happier once he breathed. 

Tue's breath gave me every beautiful wonder I never knew existed— the heavenly traces on earth that nobody can see with the naked eye until they have seen and felt and loved their child. 

"Does the world know?" My mouth hurts from frowning. "These past five years— have we done the right thing by keeping Tue off of social media? The agency issued the briefest statement about him, like, a week after he was born, and I don't even know if they mentioned his name. Mom deletes all leaked traces of him from the internet. Any time interviewers are bold enough to ask you about him, the agency pressures the network to cut the clip." 

They do all of these things at our request. 

Taemin wipes the tears spilling from my eyes as I wonder, "When Tue gets older, what will he think about the fact that his parents said nothing about him where the world could hear?" 

"Hopefully he'll understand that his parents loved him enough to protect him until he was old enough to protect himself," Taemin answers in a tone that does not belittle my fears in his effort to quell them. "It's not like you've been active on social media at all these past five years, Lei. If Tue ever asks, and I doubt he will, we can explain that you spent all of your time with him while I—"

Taemin's voice falters. 

One of his biggest insecurities— maybe you could call it a regret— is that while I walked away from my career the moment I felt Tue's life, he hadn't deviated much from the course he had been on most of his life. I never pressured Taemin to make a career shift in any direction; at every opportunity, I expressed my belief that there is no right or wrong move when finding the balance between family life and work. Needs vary, and I believe that people can adapt to almost any situation. 

Taemin's pace has changed somewhat over time. Early morning practices with Jongin became scarce after Tue was born; now, they are almost obsolete. He says that he likes to be home for breakfast and early morning cartoons. 

He isn't as excited about promoting abroad when Tue and I can't tag along. As you can probably imagine, some trips cannot function as family vacations. He swears that video calls before bed are not enough to fill the void in his day when we aren't there. 

He doesn't look forward to awards ceremonies like he once did. We agreed that Tue shouldn't attend events where strangers' cameras abound. He says that even if we did attend, he would be expected to sit with his group, not with us. 

The studio isn't his second home anymore. Whenever he has to stay later than expected, he comes home with a million apologies, a bouquet of roses for me, and a new toy for Tue. At this point, Tue has an entire colony of plush Nemos on his bed; he sleeps cuddling every single one. It doesn't matter how often I tell him that he has nothing to apologize for; he apologizes and apologizes and I know he will apologize again. 

I know that he feels torn between his roles as Taemin the idol, Taemin the husband, and Taemin the father. I just don't know how to help him. He made so little time for Taemin the human being that, sometime during the first week of May, he had some kind of emotional breakdown at the studio that compelled SHINee to delay the release of their new album. 

Deciding that he didn't want anybody to blame Taemin for the postponement, Jinki offered to take the heat. He told Mom, "Issue a statement claiming that I'm suffering from a gluteal strain after an impromptu breakdancing battle!"

Jinki's Rationale for the Gluteal Strain Story:

"The key is to tell a lie so outrageous that nobody can doubt it! Nobody will question a story about a literal pain in the butt!"

Anyway, that's why Taemin and I have swapped roles lately. He is taking his first break from being an idol to spend time with Tue. While they watch movies and play the piano and work through those online pre-school activities, I am dipping my toes back into the world of recording. I don't know yet what I will do in terms of a career, but I know that Taemin will return to the stage revitalized. He is remarkably resilient, born to shine. 

Knowing I can't alter Taemin's self-perception, I card my fingers through his hair and praise him anyway. "Taemin, Tue learns so much about hard work, passion, and dedication from you. He truly admires you in the purest way. He doesn't see the distinction between his father and his idol because you fulfill those responsibilities so well—so much better than I ever could— so much better than I was willing to try." 

I kiss the crown of Taemin's head as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. "We're so proud of you. Don't forget that." 

"Thank you," Taemin mumbles against my skin. "I haven't forgotten. I just— I'm so proud of you for being Tue's mom, but I'm sorry if I pressured you to walk away from your dreams to carry my weight here—"

"Taemin." I nudge him until he looks down at me with wide apologetic eyes. "You didn't pressure me into anything. You didn't pressure me into anything at all." 

He looks unconvinced, judging by his pout, so I explain, "I have so many dreams! To be a genuine artist, to be a loving daughter, to be a reliable friend, to be a comforting wife, to be an inspiring Mom." 

I wrap my arms around Taemin's waist and hug him closer. "I heard once that growing up is a process of letting your dreams die one by one, but I disagree. Every day that I'm with you, I discover a new dream I don't think I have to choose one over all the others. I just have to find balance. And we'll find it together; that's what we always do." 

Finally, Taemin smiles. I smile. We can breathe again. 

He lays against me, and our chests rise and fall together. We melt a little more, and I— I can't tell where he ends and I begin. I can't remember a time when we were separate beings. I don't ever want to remember. 

"Do you want me to go on Instagram live to say that my wife and son are everything to me? Or should I air footage of one of Tue's baby albums? Or should I post videos and pictures from life with you these past five years? Or should I read our story where anyone can hear?"

Between each question, Taemin has kissed me. His lips hover over mine as he begs, "Tell me what to do, Lei. Tell me how to make your dreams come true, and I'll do it. I'll do anything." 

He doesn't understand that I am already living my dream. I don't know how to make him understand. 

"Just kiss me again," I instruct softly. Sweetly, Taemin complies. "And let's think about something special we can do to love our son on his birthday."

When Taemin and I tiptoe into his room early the next morning, we expect to find Tue fast asleep, snoring into his pillow while clutching a Nemo plushie. Instead, we find him lying with his belly against the floor, kicking his bare feet int he air while doodling on a piece of paper. 

While Taemin sits before Tue, I sit beside him and ask, "Can I see your drawing, baby?" 

Tue has never denied me access to his art before. I love seeing the smile that curls his lips whenever I express interest in his creativity. "Yep!" His enthusiastic nod sends his unruly morning curls flopping. "But I'm not just drawing something, Mommy." 

Taemin's brow furrows as he tries to decipher Tue's handwriting. He is at a disadvantage because a.) from where he sits, Tue's letters are upside down, b.) the note is written entirely in English, which still isn't Taemin's strong suit, and c.) Tue has chosen to write with the palest yellow crayon in his arsenal. 

Sweetly, Taemin asks, "What is it?" Leaning forward, he sets his elbows on the hardwood floor and props his chin in his hands. 

Tue delights in the opportunity to explain anything from why he thinks the sky is blue to why he thinks roses are the prettiest flowers to why Finding Nemo is the best movie ever. His face lights up at Taemin's question.

"It's a letter to Mr. Mark Lee!" Tracing his little fingers along his letters, Tue reads, "Thanks for saying 'Happy Birthday' yesterday. I forgot my birthday. You didn't. You make me very happy!" 

Tue turns the paper so Taemin can read it. "And look! I drew me here and Mr. Mark Lee here, and we have big smiles and party hats!"

When Tue gives Taemin his gappy smile, I can't contain myself. While Taemin takes the paper from Tue's hand, my heart explodes as I pull Tue onto my lap. Holding him around the waist, I pepper his forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin with kisses; he giggles all the while. 

"You're the sweetest boy in the whole world, Tue!" I boast, and he beams at the praise. "Who taught you how to write 'Thank You' notes?" 

"I dunno!" He shrugs his shoulders. "Probably you or Daddy. You and Daddy teach me everything!" 

I raise my eyebrows, giving Taemin this look that means, "I told you so. He knows that you're a great father. I told you so!"

Taemin probably doesn't notice. He smiles at Tue as he returns the paper to his baby soft hand. "You're going to give this to Mr. Mark Lee the next time you see him, right? I bet getting a letter like this would make him very happy." 

At that suggestion, Tue's face burns crimson. In many ways, he is one of the most confident, outgoing people I have ever known; in others, he is even more bashful than I have ever been. In five years of knowing him, I have yet to figure out how he manages that degree of duality. Considering that Tue is forever charming — whether bold or shy — I am inclined to believe duality is another quality he inherited from Taemin. 

As he leans into me and hides his face in my shirt, Tue entrusts his paper to my hand. "Can you give that to Mr. Mark Lee, Mommy? I want to make him very happy, but I can't give it to him! I just can't!

Maybe I should gently nudge Tue out of his comfort zone, especially since there is nothing to fear about approaching Mark. Maybe I should take this chance to teach him that self-expression is nothing to be embarrassed about. I can't do it, though. As precious as he looks with rose-colored cheeks, I can't darken my baby's blush. 

"I'll give it to him," I promise, urging him to lift his head to meet my bright smile. "He'll love it! Now go to Daddy, alright? He's gonna help you get dressed." 

Looking down at his pajamas donning Nemo's face, of course, Tue pouts. He crosses his arms. He really looks and sounds like Taemin when he whines, "I don't wanna get dressed!"

"Well, you have to," Taemin says as he scoops Tue into his arms. Carrying him to the closet, Taemin responds to Tue's whines, "If you don't get dressed, I can't take you to your surprise!"

As I walk to the door, I hear Tue squeal, "Surprise?" Taemin laughs at his reaction. Tue's squeal and Taemin's laugh are the reasons why I smile when I walk downstairs to tell everybody that the birthday boy is on his way. 

. . . 

I push the curtains aside and from my side of the kitchen window, I watch Donghae carrying Tue on his shoulders in the pool. Following Mom's instruction to "Behave! At least around the baby!" Heechul stands beside them, donning a smile for Lucas's camera. 

The sight is especially comforting considering how annoying Donghae and Heechul were at the beginning. Apparently, when nobody was listening, Heechul told Tue, "Call me Grandpa, and call him—" he pointed a finger at Donghae— "Grandpa 2." 

Tue was too young and too sweet to understand that Heechul was up to his old shenanigans of competing with Donghae, so he followed the instruction faithfully, much to Donghae's dismay. 

"Don't worry," Tue said to Donghae's frown, flashing him a big toothy smile. "I'm a 2 too!"

I wish I or Mom or Lucas— since he has appointed himself the family photographer— had recorded the smile Tue sculped onto Donghae's face. I would love to carry a picture of it with me so I could show it to you and everybody I meet, saying, "This is my son's mark on the world, and it's the most beautiful mark anybody has ever made. He is five years old, and he has never hurt a living creature. He is five years old, and he makes smiles wherever he goes." 

My mental images of Tue's gappy smile and those he leaves in his wake are among my most prized possessions. I am admiring them when Mark walks in through the back door, carrying an empty bowl. 

His eyes widen as if he has interrupted something. He beelines to the refrigerator, muttering, "Your mom said there's more watermelon in the fridge." 

Glancing down at the platter of snacks I have assembled, I frown at the utter lack of watermelon. "I should have known that we would need more watermelon with you and Tue eating at the same place at the same time." 

Mark laughs, dropping the empty bowl into the sink. "Well, what can I say?" He grabs the bowl of sliced watermelon Mom prepared last night and tosses a slice into his mouth. "Little man and I have good taste!"

"Speaking of little man—" I smile at Mark's nickname for Tue as I close the refrigerator door and point to a pinned paper— "he wrote this for you." 

After setting the bowl onto the counter, Mark takes the page into his hand. He doesn't have to squint to make out the letters. "He's writing 'Thank You' letters? To me? At five years old?"

I can't help but smile at Mark's awestruck expression. "You made his day, and I guess he wanted you to know."

Mark's slack-jawed expression transforms into a radiant smile. "Can I keep this?" 

"It's for you," I repeat, nodding, "so I think you're supposed to keep it. See the little faces at the bottom?" Mark nods, so I explain, "The artist says the big one is you and the little one is his latest self-portrait." 

Mark smiles at the paper once more before folding it into his pocket. As we grab our snacks, we walk together to the back door. We stop once Mark asks, "Before we go back outside, can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah." There's something petrifying about Mark's quiet voice, so I hope my smile will encourage him to speak up. "What's up?" 

"You know how I'm working with the trainees?" When I nod, Mark continues, "As far as I'm concerned they're all set talent-wise. I only really work with them on dancing and rapping— Taeil is the vocal instructor." 

Based on what I saw in the final five minutes of dance practice yesterday, I agree. It seems that the trainees get better with each generation. "They seem like they will make excellent artists one day." 

"They will!" Mark beams, seeming as proud of his trainee's progress as he is of his own achievements. "I've been thinking about how else I can help them grow, and I think maybe we should spend time talking about, like, emotional wellbeing."

"That sounds like a good idea." I, for one, could have benefited from learning about that as a trainee. 

"I'm glad you think so," Mark says slowly, "because I kind of want you to help me with those conversations." 

My jaw drops. "Me?" By no means have I ever considered myself an expert on emotional wellbeing. "Why?"

Mark's head goes aslant; he looks at me as if challenging me to look at myself. "When I think of strength, I think about how you carried yourself in training when those girls were mean to you. I think about how you stayed best friends even when people watched you and whispered. I think about how you didn't fall apart when the media used to speculate about the idol who never debuted. I think about how you held your head high when people criticized you for dating, then marrying, then having a baby with Taemin. But mostly— " Mark smiles — "I think about how you changed your whole life for Lucas Tue. I can't think of anyone better to teach the trainees that as much as we love music, as much as we love being idols, there is a lot more to life than the spotlight." 

I blink, wondering how, when, and why Mark became so well-spoken. My gaze falls onto the snack platter in my hands. "I— I don't know how to teach anybody that." 

Mark sighs, dejected, and I compulsively admit, "But I want to learn. I would love to learn, Mark."

Before Mark can reply, Tue runs in through the open back door, asking, "Mommy, where—" 

His voice falls flat as his eyes widen at the sight of Mark. "Mr. Mark Lee," Tue stutters, "I— I—" 

Before Mark can reply, Tue runs back outside. 

Mark looks at me, raising his eyebrows. "What did I do?"

Making my way out the door and into the summer sun, I explain, "He's being bashful because of that letter. He gets into shy moods from time to time." 

"Oh, okay." As we set our snacks onto the table, Mark asks, "Wait, did I hear you right? Did you mean that you would help me with the trainees?" 

From their sunchairs nearest to the snack table, Lucas and Taemin look up. Tue has concealed his flustered face against Taemin's chest, and he doesn't perk up at the sound of Mark's voice; he retreats further into Taemin's embrace. 

Taemin meets my eyes. Although he is reluctant to pressure me with vocal encouragement, he offers a gentle smile that seems to whisper, "Go for it. You can do anything." 

Lucas, true to who he has always been and always will be, is much louder about his support. He lowers his sunglasses. "Wait, you're gonna help me and Mark with the trainees? As in, we're having a mini ot8 SuperM reunion?" 

Mark glances at me with apologetic eyes as he pops another slice of watermelon into his mouth. Once upon a time, I think I would have glared at anyone for putting me on the spot like that. Depending on who it was, I might have even scolded them. I can't bring myself to scold Mark, though; I can't bring myself to glare at him, and I don't want to try. 

"I'll help," I decide easily, "in any way I can." 

I guess I don't want to disappoint Mark's perception of me; I want to live up to it. I guess I want to believe Yesung— that I am meant to share my voice. I guess I want to believe Mom—  that I can make the world a happier, brighter place with my light shining in it. I guess I want to be to the trainees who Mark is to them, who Mom has always been to me: someone who works a million times harder than the light dampeners to keep their light burning. 

Tue lifts his head from Taemin's chest to cheer, "You can do it, Mommy! You're the best helper!"

As I sit by his side, Taemin raises his eyebrows, giving me a look that means, "I told you so. He knows you perfectly. I told you so." 

"Thank you, baby," I wink at Tue. I whisper in his ear, "Mr. Mark Lee loves your letter, by the way." 

Tue smiles and lays his head back on Taemin's chest. When he closes his eyes, he looks exhausted. I think he falls asleep in an instant.

Lucas follows Mark to the pool, I think, for fear of waking Tue with his booming voice. Thus, Taemin and I are alone with our son again, even at the bustling party hosted in his honor.

Taemin asks, "Are you happy today?" in a voice so quiet that I think he's whispering sweet nothing to our sleeping boy until his eyes rise to meet mine. "I remember you said, once upon a time, 'Life doesn't always go as planned, and I think that's okay as long as you like where you end up.' And I'm wondering again if you like where you ended up— if you like where you're going next." 

My heart always flips when Taemin quotes our story. "I recall saying, 'Anywhere with you is where I want to end up.'" I reach for Taemin's hand— the one closest to me, the one that isn't secured around Tue. "I still feel that way, Anywhere with you is where I want to go next." 

Taemin flashes a sparkling smile before puckering his lips, wordlessly daring me to kiss him. Because I am no coward, I accept the dare before he can even blink. And just when I think that this moment is too beautiful to pass, I hear it. 

The snapping of Lucas's camera capturing us in a photograph.

[another-sonic-blog]

The Dark Prince: Chapter Nine: A Confession

Its been a while since Sonic had seen Shadow.

He couldn't even say goodbye and he hated to admit it but...that hurts him.

It's not like they were official friends or anything but at least Sonic liked to think that he was.

Maybe it was all in Sonic's head and that friendship that he thought he had it was only...well one-sided.

Oh, he felt so betrayed, and not because Shadow liked Amy but because he didn't tell him. Meaning that Shadow didn't trust him, at least not like Sonic trusted Shadow.

And that pained him the most at the moment. He thought that will all of these years knowing him, Shadow had grown a soft spot for him as he did for him.

But it wasn't like that. Shadow didn't care about Sonic, and that was the truth about it.

Sonic had to admit that he even was jealous of how Shadow quickly made close friends like Omega and Rouge, who seemed to be the only friends Shadow has.

But not him, not Sonic.

Because seemly, saving him, been there for him, and showing clear signs of friendship, is not good enough for the dark hedgehog.

Once again, Sonic thought of himself as annoying and gave him his space. He was tired of never been able to call Shadow a friend because simply, the stripped hedgehog didn't seem him as one.

So, if they aren't friends that means that Sonic could keep the girl right? It didn't matter if Shadow liked Amy right? They weren't friends, nothing.

To hell with Shadow,

Sonic wanted Amy for him and him only.

"UHGGG!", Sonic slammed his head against the table top in front of him as his yellow friend approached him.

"Hey be careful...that's a very expensive table."

"Your concern is touching Tails," Sonic said sarcastically.

"Well, at least I am been honest with what I think." Tails walked behind the blue hedgehog, ready to work on his next project. Now that G.U.N. didn't exist anymore, there was more time for the two tail fox to work on the things he wanted to do.

"I am not thinking about anything at all."

"Well, that could only mean two things. One, you are a liar or two, you don't have a brain...I would like to think is the second option." Tails was quick to put on his welding mask as he was about to mold some metal.

"...It's about Shadow and Amy... I am not Shadow's friend, nor I am anything to him so...it's ok for me to continue to pursue Amy...right?" Sonic knew that he couldn't lie to Tails. His best friend could tell right from the beginning something was off about him.

"Look, Sonic...I worked with Shadow for some time on G.U.N...we weren't on the same department but everyone would call Shadow the 'Dark Prince...the reason was that Shadow may look gloomy and depressing but deep down, he helped everyone around him like a Prince."

"Ok? And you are telling me this because...?", Sonic wasn't one to play around analogies.

Tails then pulled up his welding mask up, facing up the blue blur.

"What I am trying to say is that Shadow is not one of words but actions...He might not say it but he appreciates you deeply."

"Then why doesn't he talk to me like he talks to Rouge and Omega? He respects them clearly, and doesn't insult them every chance he gets!"

"If he treated every single friend he has the same way then...it would be kinda weird don't you think? You treat me differently than you treat Knuckles, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't do anything for him that you wouldn't do for me, right? If he was in danger, you would go to help him in a heartbeat."

Sonic looked down to the table, unable to face Tails. He was right, Sonic treated Knuckles differently. Maybe even 'tease' him too much, but he appreciated the red echidna deeply.

Tails sighed ready to give out his last remark before going back to work.

"A friend is not the one you talk to every day...nor the one who tolerates everything you do... even after you left for a few years, I knew that whenever I needed you, you will be there for me...it's the same for Shadow...he expects for you to feel the same way."

.

.

.

So now, Sonic knew what he needed to do.

Break things off with Amy...if there was anything at all on the first place. He liked to think there was.

Don't misunderstand him, he loves Amy and would do anything for her.

But Shadow needed her more than he does.

It's what friends do right?

It's what he would do.

It's what he is going to do.

Sonic took a moment to go to his secret layer on the outsides of Hasvely to wrap things up there before he leaves to his new mission.

He took a moment to appreciate his old place. To be honest, the place was kinda depressing, he took a moment to look at all the newspapers surrounding the place.

Every one of them with pictures of the tragedy that occurred a few years ago.

Everyone who died during the battle with Eggman, members of the Resistance, innocent civilians, everyone who died because Sonic wasn't able to-

No stop...this wasn't the right time, not now not ever.

Sonic needed to learn to let go of the past.

Live and learn right?

Now that he thinks about it, he would probably still be here, drowning on his own misery if it wasn't for Amy and Shadow.

He picked up some old books he had. All of them with different colors, the red book had gold letters that said: "World Mysteries" written on it.

He went through the pages quickly and a paper came out within the book and fell directly to the floor, softly.

Sonic picked it up from the floor and began to read that letter with horrible handwriting...

.

.

.

His last stop was here, on the pink house he knew very well. It was a dark night but the moon and stars made it lovely. Amy's house seemed so cozy and warm that Sonic was just so ready to barge in.

But he didn't, at least not now.

He ran the doorbell and waited a few seconds, and then, there she was.

Messy hair, pajamas, she just looked perfect. The light from the inside made her pink hair glow and her green eyes shone with the reflection from the moon.

"Oh, Sonic? Do you want to come inside ?" Amy offered and he was really close to accepting the tempting offer.

But he denied.

"Actually, I am supposed to be leaving tonight... I'll be back in a month or so...I am just here to tell you something." Sonic confessed and he looked up to see Amy's disappointed face. He understood perfectly how she must feel... First Shadow and then him.

He only has one opportunity to make this count. He grabbed Amy by her hands and watched her blush. It was the first time they have talked about this and about what had happened when they kissed.

"I was always shy to tell you about my feelings. I wanted to tell you that all of those times I pushed you away, all of those time I told you that I didn't have feelings for you...They were a lie. It's weird for me to say but...ever since we first met when we were kids...I never had any other girl in my mind but you..."

Sonic closed the space between them. Slowly, he was closing his eyes...

"Amy.... it has always been you."

He wanted to kiss her but first, he needed to tell Amy the message that was on the letter he found earlier...

"I am not perfect, and I may have hurt you..." and so, Sonic began to recite the message.

When he finished, Amy was so deeply touched that she had tears in her eyes. A new outlook was presented and Amy's perspective had changed for the better.

For a moment, she could have sworn that it was Shadow the one saying those words.

For a moment, it wasn't Sonic the one in front of her porch confessing his love, but the Dark Prince himself.

But it wasn't that way. It was Sonic...it was just him.

And she had to admit...that his speech had deeply touched her heart.

Time passed slowly and Amy had nothing to do but say yes.

If Sonic wasn't so shy all of those past years could have been a blessing with Amy.

Only if hadn't been a coward with confronting his feelings, he wouldn't be on this mess.

If only he hadn't been so shy...

but tonight, he wasn't...

Today he was everything but a coward because what he was going to do was not for him...

but for a friend.

.

.

.

His night ended well, Amy had said yes and that was all he needed to be happy.

From afar, on top of a hill, he watched Amy's house light up, smoke coming out of the chimney as snow began to make its way down the area.

Sonic gave it one last look, reminding himself that he will see her again when spring comes. He finally took off to run, smiling as he had kept the promise to his dear friend.

Finally, running towards the moon, he recalls the letter Shadow wrote to him:

I hope you can read my horrible handwriting faker...I don't have much time so I'll make this as simple as possible.

Please deliver this message to Amy:

I am not perfect, and I may have hurt you. I know you love someone else but it doesn't matter if you do because even if it pains me to see you with him...I'll still love you. So, don't worry. I'll always be with you when you are happy and when you are sad... I just want you to know that... I love you.

Sonic, I am trusting you to use my words so you can confess your love to Amy.

and make her happy.

I want you to be with her, to protect her and love her and for her to love you back.

You are the only one I can entrust Amy's safety and happiness to. I just know I can count on you.

I hope you can do this last thing for me, friend Faker.

-Shadow.

.

.

.

.

. The Dark Prince: End

.

.

.

.

.

Next Chapter: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185970218755/the-dark-prince-epilogue-not-the-dark-prince

https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185970218755/the-dark-prince-epilogue-not-the-dark-prince

Previous Chapter: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185970029780/the-dark-prince-chapter-eight-thank-you

The Dark Prince: Chapter Eight: Thank You

A/N: So this is official ending for the Dark Prince. However of course, there's the Epilogue, which ShadAmy fans will love. I am working on it, but I promise it will be touching.

A Sonic based chapter, finally the situation between Amy and Sonic has settled for the better. Next Chapter, the last chapter.

I hope you are ready.

[dorotheajanegilmore]

Closer to you - Chris Evans

CHAPTER THREE

I stood whisking egg whites at my kitchen counter alone. I returned from the store an hour ago and as me and my Mom pulled up in the drive, Chris saw us and ran over. He helped us carry in our groceries before he told us to have a nice day and disappeared. Just like that.

I understand that he has a girlfriend and she probably felt uncomfortable at the idea of her boyfriend and some girl baking together. I get it, I'd feel jealous and annoyed too. However, being the other girl I feel shitty. He could have at least said "hey sorry gotta cancel" or "rain check?" But nothing. He just ignored me.

I finished up making the lemon meringue just in time to bring out the blueberry pie. I slid the blueberry pie onto the counter and placed the meringue into the oven. The oven door wouldn't close so with a hand firmly gripping the edge of the freshly baked pie I leaned down to make sure there was nothing stopping the tin from going to the back of the shelf.

"Hey Al-"

"Agh!" I let out a frightened scream as I pulled the hot tray containing the steaming blueberry pie from the counter. I felt the pastry crumbly down my forehead before the crust landed in my lap and the scorching hot filling trickled down my forehead. I jumped to my feet and ran to the sink, I shook my head to get the hot pie off of me. The pie landed in the cold metal sink with a thud, the filing steaming as the hot air mixed with the cold air.

I ran the cold gap over my burning head until I heard girly laugher from behind me. I glanced to my side to see Chris with a wide eyed, concerned look upon his face. One of his hands was covering his mouth in shock as the other was entangled with the hand of a tall beautiful blonde. She had the darkest brown eyes, dirty brown medium length curls and tanned skin. She was wearing a stylish combo of ripped blue jeans, cute black buckled booties and a pretty blouse, topped of with a cropped black suede jacket. She must've been the girlfriend.

Chris' girlfriend stood in my kitchen laughing at me. Feeling completely embarrassed and belittled, I pulled my wet head from the sink and stepped around the pair, heading straight for the stairs.

After washing away my embarrassment, and the blueberries, I entered my childhood bedroom for the first time in two years. It was exactly the same. White hardwood floors that met light grey walls, a grey double bed in front of the window with yellow bedding and navy cushions. My grey desk and rug sat unused but dust free, work of Dad. Dad's hobby was hoovering and dusting while Mom's in work, apparently it's satisfying.

I pulled some comfortable clothes from my suitcase, knowing that anything in the closet wouldn't fit me. I took everything to New York in college and whatever was here was from two years ago and I was a little smaller two years ago (living in New York means eating more fast food than you should. Not only are you surrounded by twenty four hour takeouts but paying rent in NY often leaves me with like seven bucks).

I decided to have a nap and lay down in my bed. Yep, even if it was an old mattress it was way better than the one at my apartment. I let out a physical groan as my back sunk into the soft memory foam goodness.

I grabbed my phone from my side table and began scrolling through Instagram. My friends had posted their various family reunion pictures and so I liked and commented, until I got to Holly's. Not believing my eyes I zoomed in. In the corner of Holly's picture was Chris' girlfriend.

I quickly sent Holly a text catching her up on all of the days events and explaining the situation. Moments later my phone began to ring.

"Hey." I greeted.

"Are you serious? She laughed at you? Bitch. I'm about to tear her hair out." Holly sounded out of breath as she threatened through the phone.

"Woah, calm down. What's wrong?" I asked concerned.

Another sigh and swallowed came from the speaker before she composed herself. "I saw your text and legged it outside to call you. Listen, Sofia is usually lovely so I can't understand why she laughed at you but she's here with Chris and if you need me to subtly cyanide her I will."

"I appreciate it but no. I have no problem with her apart from the whole laughing thing. Besides where would you even get that?"

"Cyanide? Oh Alessia, I have contacts." Holly chuckled but I wasn't sure if she was actually serious.

"Right..." I paused before shaking my head. "Anyways, how's the family reunion going?"

"Oh it's fantastic, my parents are getting a divorce." She said casually.

"What?" I launched forward in my bed in absolute shock.

"Or is it a puppy? Yeah, no. They're getting a doggo, not a divorce." She corrected herself and I felt my eyes close.

"You're drunk aren't you?" I asked while nodding to myself.

"Little bit, yeah." She said and I could practically feel her nodding through the phone. "I couldn't survive being around all of these people for an entire night without some Dutch courage. Making my drinks Irish. Being hammered! I hate everyone Lessia, I can't stand'em!"

I laughed to myself as she passionately slaughtered her family with her words. I heard some rustling noises before a male voice came through the speaker.

"Hey Alessia? It's Penn. Holly's drunk and I'm going to take her home, want me to get her to call you when she's sober?" Holly's boyfriend Penn said politely as Holly protested in the background.

"Sure, yeah that's be great. Thank you and good luck."

"Thanks, imma need it. Oh and by the way, Sofia's my cousin. She's a bitch."

I giggled at Penn's response. "Goodnight."

"Night."

I let my phone drop to onto the pillow beside me and let my hands rise to my face. My palms slide up my cheeks until they came together, blocking the light and world out. I sighed into my hands as my phone buzzed.

It was probably Teegan and Chloe in the group chat, but just in case I picked up my phone. The locked screen lit up to show an Instagram notification blocking my beautiful background picture (It was my cat, Agent Miggs).

Instagram.

CEvan has followed you.

I rolled my eyes and locked the sceen before hearing yet another notification come through. Lifting the phone with curiosity I braved myself for the worst.

Instagram.

Private Message from CEvans:

Hey, I'm really sorry about today.

I let out a sigh of relief expecting that Sofia had followed me and I really didn't want to have to block her and cause tension between us all.

I clicked on the message and used my thumb print to unlock the phone and take me to what Chris wanted to say to me. The full message read:

@CEvans: Hey, I'm really sorry about today. When I told my girlfriend I'd be baking with you she flipped. Can't say that I blame her. I'm sorry if I upset you by not showing up and not handling the situation as I should have, I feel terrible about it. I should also apologise about Sofia laughing at you, it was uncalled for and nasty. I'm sorry to say you probably won't get an apology from her but you will from me. Note to self, when Lucy asks us to babysit Joe we'll do it at my Mom's house to avoid future awkwardness. Again I'm really sorry.

I took a deep breath after reading Chris' novel and began drafting chapter two, my response.

@AlessiaPerri

No worries. Please don't feel bad, it wasn't your fault, I didn't expect anyone to be there. If anything Lucy should have warned me that you'd be coming over. Thank you for being so kind.

I decided that I'd let that be my last interaction with Chris, not to cause anymore problems.

Previously (chapter two)

Next (chapter four)

[austenpoppy]

A review of "The Wonderful Won-Won" chapter 4 (part 1 because I'm a fangirl)

@hillnerd I said I would do it after my exams to take the time to say all I wanted to say and so do justice to your work, so here I am ! I always keep my promises. But Tumblr would not let me reblog this particular chapter, that's why I had to do a separate post.

Edit : I have seen your post about your father. I send you my best regards and all the hugs. I know it is hard. Love you. I know it's not much but I hope it will cheer you up a bit.

So if you want to find the chapter I'm talking about, go see Hillnerd's blog or follow this link : https://m.fanfiction.net/u/666390/

I recommend you all the other fics written by Hillnerd, they're fantastic.

So... yeah, my reaction to your chapter when I read it for the first time...

OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD ! Oh mon Dieu !

I'm smiling, a huge grin on my face even if nobody can see it because I'm alone, in my student room, at 2am and I'm too lazy to revise. I'm squealing on my bed, my face is tear-strained because I cried, and I feel very emotional. I swear, my heart swelled at least twice its size !

This is definitely one of my favorite chapters in fanfiction ever.

Let's go back in time to see what happened :

"The brain's tentacles were ripping him to shreds and reality was warping around him as an unsteady pulse echoed in his ears. Spiders the size of houses walked over him while their young devoured his limbs, leaving him unable to move. Powerful convulsions constricted his chest and air bellowed over his shredded lungs. All he could feel was pain, a tangible darkness, and the sensation of being drowned, but backwards?"

It feels so realistic. You got all the sensations of being in great pain yet being unable to move. I especially love "the unsteady beat in his ears". The spider anecdote makes me shudder. How awful !

"The only real thing he could think about, besides the pain, was her. What was her name again?"

Oh man, Hermione is on his mind and in his heart at all time, even in his darkest hour. She's the only thing that can take his mind off pain *eyes water*

The convulsions struck again and again. He longed to be able to lose himself in the darkness, but something kept tethering him to the unimaginable pain. He was drowning again, and his limbs were back, stiff as lead.

No no no my Ronnie is suffering so much he wants to black out, and what if the darkness meant death ? How come this is totally canon ? How come I enjoy this ?

If he could only say her name one time, maybe all of this would end? It almost seemed like an answer to a riddle. He just couldn't think what the riddle was or what the name was he should say. It was like trying to hold a fist full of sand, with each grain slipping through his fingers until he only had a few grains left.

Argh, my little Romione heart. Touché. He tries to hold on to her, the key to happiness, the light in the dark, the fire of comfort.

"How long was he—"

It's nothing really. A tiny sentence. But the fact that the person who said it was unable to finish it is just so perfect, so moving - as if the idea of Ron suffering was unthinkable. *eyes water again*

Why could he not control his body?

Oh god, I know this frustration. Your writing is so moving, you are able to convey so much feelings in the simplest sentences.

Ron did as he was told, even though the light was so bright he could feel it throbbing in time with his heartbeat. A loud ringing tone pulsed in his ears, high and sharp.

I can feel exactly what he is speaking about.

"Can I… Can I touch him?" his Mum ask Pomfrey, sounding teary.

Aaaaaaaah you got me again. The hesitation in her voice when she probably wants nothing more, when she probably craves to touch him... That's it, my vision is blurry, I need to take a tissue (fortunately there's a box on my bedside table)

Ron tried to form a word, any word, to say to his mother, but as soon as he could so much as rasp a coughing fit took him. It rattled and tore through him unlike any cough he'd ever had before. Dark red blood exploded from his lungs and splattered the matron's apron. His lungs rattled as cough after cough shook his chest and tore through his throat.

I just felt a pain in my heart. A pang. It's so heartwrenching to see him suffer like this.

Ron had to concentrate, but was able to barely wiggle them and they felt whole enough.

Oh Ron, how can you make me laugh in a moment like this ?

He tried to wipe the back of his arm across his mouth, but his arm just wouldn't move off the bed, lamely twitching at his side. A slimy trail of sputum and blood oozed out of his mouth, but Pomfrey wiped it away with a handkerchief.

All is in the details. I'm picturing Ron, unable to move, his eyes open and unfocus, a trail of blood flowing from his mouth that he can't even wipe and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT.

"We love you, sweet boy. We love you so much,"

Yes ! Give him love ! All the love ! I love you too Ron !

Ron began to panic as he tried again and again to make words. He couldn't. Tears came to his eyes and he started to breathe hard.

Nooo he can't speak my poor little Ronnie he must be so afraid and nooo he has tears in his eyes, my heart felt another pang why are you so good at this ?! That's it, I need a pause because I am actually crying. I am sniffing in my bed, tears have rolled off my cheeks and dampered the mattress. Damn you !

Ron tried desperately to say yes, but all that came out what a strange sound similar to the ghoul that lived in his attic. He tried to nod his head but it wouldn't do what he said and just barely moved to the wrong direction. What was wrong with him? He was trapped. Trapped in his own body unable to say or do anything!

I just want to hug you so much Ron. I can't but I really, really want to. That's one of the worst things in the world, being conscious but not being able to do anything.

"You are alright. What you are experiencing is temporary. You will be able to speak later. Maybe in a few hours. This is not permanent. The part of your brain that forms speech is injured, but will be healed - probably by the time you wake up tomorrow. You will regain movement in your body as well, but that might take longer before it's completely healed. Do you understand, Ron?"

You are such a good healer Mrs Pomfrey. And you need a raise.

"The bleeding will continue on and off again the next few days."

How come people think that the Bezoar erased every consequence possible of the poison ? Ron did not spend so much time in the infirmary for nothing !

"Hermione was here?" Ron asked, trying to sit up as quickly as he could. Instead his head rose off the pillow a few centimeters and he weakly collapsed back onto the bed. He gave another attempt to sit up, but the Matron of the hospital wing made it impossible to succeed.

He seems so surprised it is awful but so sweet. The fact that he tried to sit up twice pulled at my heartstrings.

"Did Hermione seem upset?" Ron blurted before realizing it was Pomfrey he was asking.

God the sweetheart somebody helps me !

Your heart stopped, and you weren't breathing for a few minutes, so it might take a bit for your memory to be back to normal.

HIS HEART STOPPED ! HE WAS NOT BREATHING ! OH MY FUCKING ALLMIGHTY GOD !

What happened? Why am I in the hospital? Who visited? Who poisoned me? Will I be ok? Was Hermione here? Where are everyone? Was Hermione upset? Is everyone else ok? Where's Harry? When can I leave? Will I be able to play quidditch? What potions do I have to take? Where is Hermione? Should there be all this blood? Are you sure this is normal? When will I be able to walk again? How am I going to the bathroom? Did anyone but my parents see me when I couldn't talk? When will I be able to sit up on my own? Why can't I use my hands? Do I still have to do my homework? Can't I drink more water than that? When can I eat? Can Hermione visit me again?

Oh. My. God. My heart swelled. I am once again crying thank you very much my bed is now full of dirty tissues. But like, this list is one of the sweetest and most heartbreaking things ever. I need to squeal. So I put my phone aside and do just that (which means rolling in my bed, laughing and probably looking like a maniac). "Did anyone but my parents see me when I couldn't talk ?". How perfectly insecuringly Ron that is (yes I invent words and no I don't care) ? "Is everybody else okay ?" . Man you just got poisoned, you are in unberable pain and you still ask for everybody else ? You're just so... so caring and I love you ! "Can Hermione visit me again ?" God the sweetest of sweethearts 2.

He coughed and felt some blood beginning to make its way down his throat. 

Somebody do something ! My little Ronnie ! Bad, bad Draco !

How could one person look so perfect and make him feel magically better?

He's so in loooove. That's why I love Romione : the raw love and painful need for each other.

 Well, better besides the feeling that he was choking on blood and couldn't fight off a possessed scrambled egg if he had to.

How dare you make me laugh again ? A possessed scrambled egg *snorts loudly*... I'm laughing through my watery eyes...

...he couldn't help but smile.

That's my sweetest of sweethearts Ron 3. He is in pain yet he smiles because the person he loves most is there and he's my little sun.

Last thing he wanted was the sight of bloody teeth sending Hermione away.

*snorts again* *then feels her heart pang again because it's an horribly sad piece of humor*

Ron could vaguely recall reading something about a poisoning, so nodded, hoping that would leave him alone with Hermione.

*shakes her head and smiles* That's so Ron. He just wants to be with the people he cares about.

"You're really here," Ron smiled hopefully. He thought he'd never have Hermione to himself again. She was biting her lip with worry, but she was there. She was beautiful, though a bit paler than usual. Was she in the hospital wing because she was injured? "How are you feeling?"

FOR F*CKS'S SAKE ! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME ! SH*T ! I NEED ANOTHER TISSUE ! AND I AM NOT HALFWAY THROUGH THE CHAPTER ! P*tain de b*rdel de m*rde ! It is so incredibly perfect and moving and Romione-y. The fact that Ron does not believe his eyes that she cares for him, that he smiles hopefully, that he thinks he would never be with her again, the fact that Hermione is biting her lip but does not say anything, and the selflessness of Ron who as usual does not think about himself at all but worries about his loved ones even though he just got poisoned...

"Better, now that you're awake."

My Romione heart swelled again.

Her hand gently made its way into his, sending a thrill through him like the first time he'd ever ridden a broom. He tried to squeeze it hard back, partly to ground himself that this was real, and partly to let her know something of how happy he was to see her, but all he could manage was a limp clammy hold. She didn't say anything to him, simply putting another hand on top of his one weak one.

I am at a loss for words. I am just so emotional. This image of them together is exactly why I love Romione so much. It is very poignant and moving.

"So… I kind of lied. I don't entirely remember what's been going on… I just wanted to see you," Ron said quietly.

At this point I just want to cherish this chapter forever and I definitely need another box of tissues, so I stand up and go search it. It's the "quietly" that actually killed me : picturing Ron, searching Hermione's eyes, whispering this to her is so sweet.

"Oh shit! Please don't leave. I'm so glad you're here. It's fine… I can catch up on this crap later."

He is so emotionally open I just... Hermione, cherish this boy.

He honestly didn't care if he sounded pathetic or desperate. She was the one thing he could hold on to when time was bending, and he wasn't sure of what was real and not.

My Romione heart does not thank you for the emotional roller-coster.

"I'm not going anywhere,"

Aaaah Hermione you pulled at my heartstrings. No, not you too ! I have enough heart pangs with Ron thanks !

"Sorry I'm so stupid right now. I just can't seem to keep a hold of things in my mind for long."

There self-depreciating Ron goes again... Like, am I hallucinating, or is he actually apologizing for not being well after having been poisoned ?? #Rontheboywhoapologizesforeverything

"You're far from stupid," Hermione said with her trademark scowl, and he grinned at that. "You were nearly killed. You had anoxia, where your brain didn't get enough oxygen. It's literal brain damage."

Yes, Hermione ! Tell him he's great ! Prevent him from being self-depreciating ! I love it so much when people let their appreciation of him shine through ! And she's so cute when she gets so anxious and worried that she has to ramble about facts, explain things and expose her knowledge !

He almost laughed at being brain damaged, but tears began to pool in her eyes.

Again so perfectly Romione-y. Ron sees the funny side of things, or the sadly funny side of things when he gets self-depreciating, and Hermione cries because she saw all the implications.

If it weren't for magic you might not be able to remember anything ever again, or talk, or move, and could have been mentally infirm the rest of your life. It wouldn't have been temporary. You'd not be yourself and I just — I just can't stand the thought that-that someone as alive and as - as wonderful as you could ever be struck down and unable to be yourself and I was so so afraid I was going to lose you and the last things I ever said to you were-were horrible, and I just —"

Oh my Romione. And my eyes are watering again. She's so devastated at the idea of a tetraplegic or diminished Ron, and I am too, that's the wrongest thing ever in fanfiction; and she's using the world "alive" to describe Ron and that fits him so well, and she feels so guilty that's awful even if it pleases me a little (I hate it so much when in fanfiction Hermione "accepts" to forgive Ron for Lavender. 😒)

"Oh, Hermione, don't—" he said while weakly raising his arms as high as he could so she'd come into them. 

My HEART ! YOU STABBED ME ! I NEED A F*CKING TISSUE AGAIN HE'S SO CARING AND SWEET !

~ Squealing time interruption ~

Hermione needed facts and figures to comfort her. "Hey, according to this parchment, I'm going to be ok, right?"

He knows exactly what to say to makes her feel better and that's instinctive. That's my Ron and I love him.

She gave a great wet sniff and nodded, though she looked even paler than before.

They're so terribly cute together. Hug her Ron, my girl needs it badly !

He'd have to humiliate himself a bit to get her to laugh, but it would be worth it.

So you are once again going to be very self-sacrificing, okay Ron, but what are you talking about ? How could you...

"And apparently there are some spells in place, so we don't have to worry I'll wet myself in the bed, even though I'm so mentally infirm," he said with a conspiratorial grin.

*jaw drops, eyes water (my fucking god I really am a mess and I look like I just had a heartbreak but okay), heart swells with enough Ron-love to fill a swimming pool*

~ squealing time interruption ~

Okay, I'm extremely moved and that's for a very personal reason. I have had 16 general anaesthesias in my life, yet I have always refused, even when I was seven, to use bedpans to... you know, because I am so proud; I hate admitting weakness and that felt so degrading, even if it's totally normal; so for Ron to humiliate himself like that just to make Hermione laugh is quite extraordinary and extremely selfless. I would never have done that.

End of part 1

[yourfeminist]

All of the asks. If you don't want to answer some that's fine, I'd be interested in all of them ☺️

Hell yeah i’m down! Thank you a lot! Have a nice day or evening! 

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

Well I woke up today and I thought I had to work at 8AM but I didn’t need to work so that kinda sucked. But otherwise then that I’m fine! I need to do a few things today so I look forward to do that! Thanks for asking 

lemon; what’s your comfort food?

Chocolate!

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song?

Rich Girl by Daryl Hall & John Oates!

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of! 

I recently discovered Billie Eilish and she’s pretty cool. But other than her I don’t remember any new album I listened to

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

Well my parents are divorced so ngl at my dads I feel more home because there are a lot of other people and I enjoy that. But when I’m at my moms I really love my room and that feels like home too. So I can’t decide :)

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

My (girl)friendgroup and one friend specifically that always makes me feel like home. When we are at the same party I always feel less awkward or uncomfortable ( I have social anxiety and sometimes it’s really acting up). So I’m really glad that he has that feeling. 

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

We can talk about everything but still we don’t always do. We have a great friendship and sure do love each other but we don’t say things like that to each other. We also see each other pretty often. One of my best friends💕

golden deep; what’s your favorite season?

This anwser always changes but atm It’s spring! I really enjoy the weather where you don’t have to wear a jacket just a hoodie because of the sun! Yup really love that. OH AND everything starts to grow again :)

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

Watch youtube video’s, watch a few episodes of a show, reading and mostly relax!

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yup I do but this girl right here is kinda dumb because I never talk to anyone because I have this feeling that when I do I bother other people. And I know I don’t but still I won’t do it haha. But I’m working on it! So if anyone has the same feeling feel free to come to me or ask me how I’m dealing with that.

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

Both! But I prefer evenings a little more. Because then I see my family and friends more ( i know cliche :p)

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything?

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE!!!!!!(cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt) And I’m watching Teen Wolf for the second time haha

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

Right brained!

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh! 

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

A CAT!!! LOVE SLEEPING LOVE CUDDLING AND SOMETIMES I LOVE TO BE A GRUMPY FUCK

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent?

Hard one!! I really like Irish ( @bleubelle249SO YOU BETTER HAVE ONE :PPP) and Scottish! But ngl I reaaaally love Australian accents, so hot.

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

Nope I don’t mind tbh. But dark hair and dark eyes are plus !

scarlet; describe your current crush/es.

Dark haired, dark eyed 6′2 and his name is Noah Centineo and he doesnt even know I exist :). But other than him I don’t have a crush!

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like?

A walk at a park and maybe picknick and a fun activity and dinner later in the afternoon and for the night a movie! But tbh everything is okay, I’m not that hard to statisfy.

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

Anything the other person want to do! 

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

Yes I would. I would only kiss someone if they want to (CONSENT KIDS, ITS IMPORTANT) and I also would accept one if I’m comfortable. But there needs to be a connection tho. Otherwise a quick  peck on the cheeks.

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

That I’m working on myself to become a healthier (mentally) me.  Because it took waaaaaaaaaaaaay to long.

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

My drivers licence! 

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

A very cozy house. Nice, warm with a library and a lot of plants and flowers! A big garden with both sun and shadow. With a few neighbours. And I would love to live at a dead end next to meadow!

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

Somewhere in England, USA or Australia. Maybe somewhere else in Europe, don’t know.

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

That I finished college. I’m financial stable and that I worked hard for the things that I have. I don’t like doing things the easy way.

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

Český Krumlov in Czech Republic

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

A week ago. I just felt good. Don’t have a reason for it.

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

That I was dating a collegue who is also a friend. it was a really weird dream but I didnt tell anyone because my friends ship us hahahah

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I don’t yet if I want kids (or that my partner does) but if I would have kids I want 3 em. And both a dog and a cat!

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? Yes I like my name (Anouk) and no I will not give myself a different name because I don’t think an other name will fit me.

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

Depends on my mood what it is; like a candle or perfume or deodorant. But probably vanilla, lemongrass and citrus.

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

Earl grey!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

SUNFLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!! And a few trees and nice flowers that grow each year.

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes probably. I secretly would love that haha

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

Tall, nice skin, long arms and long legs and my stomach kinda has a sixpack.

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

Probably something like this. But with more high grass. And I soflty hear the wind and a few birds chirping.

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

80% of my life is! What do I think might make it better? Me. But don’t know how yet.

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

1. Italy2. Australia3. New zealand

Yes! They are all three on my bucket list so I will for sure visit them!

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

Yes I speak: Dutch, Frisian and a tiny bit of German. And I really want to learn Spanish!

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

That’s way to hard for me to choose. So i am not going to give you an anwser :p

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

I am reading the Game of Thrones books. Currently reading A Clash of Kings (second one) 

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

Coco!! And all the Harry Potter movies!

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

Nothing haha

umber; have you drank enough water today?

Not yet! But it’s still morning so don’t worry!

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent? 

I don’t vent a lot. And if I do it’s not a go to person. Probably my dad or anyone else from my family or friends

sepia; name five things that always make you happy.

1. Animals2. When people are happy3. When people are smiling 4. Music!5. Kian and Jc (shout out to them, they are youtubers)

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

That I’m a very relaxed person to be with. My friends told me that when we had a test I’m made them less nervous. And I really like that.

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

Art

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

I would rather not post one but I’ll guess I will post one

There ya go!

Thanks again!

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, April 5

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Lucille Ball -- mother from hell

Page 2: Hollywood Confidential -- celebs with hidden talents -- Christina Hendricks can play the accordion, Bruce Willis can play the harmonica, Conan O'Brien can tap dance

Page 3: Neil Patrick Harris can juggle and walk a tightrope and swing on a trapeze, Susan Sarandon can play ping-pong, Geena Davis took up archery, Steve Martin can play the banjo, Pierce Brosnan is a fire eater, Angelina Jolie is an expert knife thrower

Page 4: Sarah Jessica Parker's roles and costumes

Page 6: A part-time janitor couldn't bear to see people going hungry during the pandemic, so she cooked thousands of meals for them

Page 7: Spring Cleaning -- a smart plan of attack is the key

* Be careful while you clean -- read directions, keep the workload light and don't rush

Page 8: New York City artist Bradley Hart is creating eye-popping masterpieces by filling bubble wrap with paint

Page 9: America may be able to declare our freedom from the coronavirus pandemic by the Fourth of July

Page 10: Losing her wallet hit Debra Crosby with a wallop but she couldn't believe what happened next -- the Florida science teacher had reached the checkout counter at a Walmart when she discovered her wallet was missing and she had enough cash to pay for her purchases, but it still meant the hassle of replacing her driver's license, military identification and credit cards -- later, when she was driving home, she received a notification that her front-door security camera had logged video of a visitor and the stranger said he found her wallet at Walmart and tucked the wallet into a safe spot near the door before leaving -- the unidentified man had made a 45-minute detour from his own life to perform this thankless deed

Page 11: It's easy to train your brain -- learn faster, feel more confidant, make snap decisions with these exercises for your gray matter

Page 12: Crazy for Kurt Russell -- 20 reasons to go Overboard for former child star Kurt

Page 14: Dear Tony, America's Top Psychic Healer -- happiness can cancel sadness in your life so seek it out

Page 15: Canada has an idea it would love for the U.S. to steal -- they're sending prepaid postcards to every household so people can write to loved ones and stay connected -- Canada Post is sending out 13.5 million postcards to its citizens, and people elsewhere who have heard about it hope the idea the idea catches on around the globe

Page 16: House Proud -- mega-mansions of the rich and famous -- Cher, Halle Berry, George and Amal Clooney, Tyler Perry

Page 17: Kevin Costner, Barbra Streisand and James Brolin, Jennifer Aniston, Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, Bill and Melinda Gates

Page 18: Tidying up the house can help senior citizens keep their hearts healthy

Page 19: Here's a heads-up as to why cats sometimes sleep with their heads up: it's a survival technique -- veterinarians say the position is a holdover from ancient times that helps them stay alert in case of danger and ready to take action at a moment's notice and it's a perfectly normal position for a cat, unless it's the only way they sleep, which could be a sign of respiratory problems or heart disease -- be on the lookout for cats that pant, cannot exercise, or breathe rapidly during rest as these are signs of hidden heart disease that can be dangerous

Page 20: Cover Story -- on screen, Lucille Ball was hilarious as America's madcap but endearing housewife and mom but behind the scenes, the high-energy redhead was a violent workaholic, a tough broad and a mother from hell who fought wildly with her philandering husband Desi Arnaz

Page 22: If you're taking vitamin and mineral supplements in hopes of boosting your health, you may have wondered, is there a best time of day to take vitamins

Page 24: No matter how careful we are, a scorched pan is not a question of if it will happen, it's a question of when, and cleaning it is a chore, but here are five easy tips to get your favorite pots and pans back to their old shine

Page 25: Get glowing with DIY facial masks

Page 26: Lots of folks know about Jackie Kennedy's famous marriage to John F. Kennedy, but the beauty's second spin down the aisle to Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis remains shrouded in mystery and now a new book sheds some light on the marriage

Page 27: Leslie Uggams is 77 and can't sit still and even during the pandemic the performer has been staying active

Page 28: Long before random acts of kindness were in vogue, Hollywood legend John Wayne practiced them without any fanfare or recognition -- after a lengthy investigation into the private generosity that made him an inspirational role model years to come

Page 32: Bad Toy Story -- 5 household items that can hurt kids

Page 40: What if you could eat a rainbow? Well, you can, and it will do you a world of good and in fact, the colors you put in your body work in mysterious ways to change your life for the better

Page 42: 20 things you didn't know about Liza Minnelli

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Arnold Schwarzenegger and galpal Heather Milligan take a spin around Brentwood in one of his vintage vehicles (picture), Sofia Vergara out in Hollywood (picture), onetime Bond girl Valerie Leon is dishing about two legendary actors who famously played the cinematic superspy -- she says Roger Moore was more fun and jokey but Sean Connery was very sexy and a great kisser, Eddie Murphy admits he feels so blessed that none of his 10 kids are Hollywood jerks, Kaley Cuoco is developing a limited series about late screen star Doris Day and is set to play Doris herself

Page 45: Hugh Jackman gets cozy with wife Deborra-Lee Furness while out in NYC with pup Dali (picture), Joey Fatone yuks it up in Miami with fashion CEO Mindy Scheier (picture), Kelly Ripa walks her pooch in NYC (picture), Taylor Swift and her beau Joe Alwyn are playing house in a new London pad, Hugh Grant claims his notorious 1995 encounter and arrest with a prostitute in L.A. stemmed from his disappointment over his performance in the rom-com Nine Months, The King of Queens cast Kevin James and Leah Remini remembered their late co-star Jerry Stiller during a recent virtual reunion, Courtney Love reveals she almost died in the hospital from anemia

Page 46: Two Connecticut women met at work and felt an instant kinship, and later learned they were actually biological sisters

Page 47: Beat the blues on the cheap -- the end to the global pandemic is in sight, and it's time to shake off the worry and anxiety that went along with it and ease back into happiness and the good news is you can beat those blues without shelling out a lot of cash -- here are lots of things to do that won't break the bank

[vploilam]

Day 17, Nov 10 - so much still to learn

Lost in translation

- woke up before 6am to get ready to go on an all day excursion to a bird sanctuary that included some boat rides

- Yit had texted and set it up with the tour company for 990,000VND

- just before we left, the driver wanted us to pay first and wanted 7,000,000VND

- after some back and forth, we figured it was our error in not recognising that the price quoted (in Vietnamese) was PER PERSON

- The driver was upset that we had to cancel but was okay with it

- then we went to breakfast and thought what we had ordered was ham and eggs and bread

- close, it was actually fish not ham

- enjoyed it though since we were in a breezy rooftop all to ourselves

Tickets

- we did better at the ferry station where we were successful in getting passage for tmwrs fast ferry to Phu Quoc

- as with many things, we had to have our passports to book it, whole process was about 25 minutes but feel better that we have the tickets in hand after what had happened in the morning

- this same port is where my parents and I decades ago, when I was 3 or 4 years old, got on a boat to escape Vietnam and head to Malaysia to start our treacherous journey to Canada

- I don't have all the details but it involves rescue at sea, asylum in Malaysia, sponsor from Canada, and flying to Edmonton before settling in Belleville

- a story for maybe another time

Lucky after all?

- Walked to a nearby open market where Andrea saw a hat she wanted, it was being sold right next to a basket of giant snails

- Yit attempted to haggle but was unsuccessful mainly because there was a ticketed price and Andrea was wearing the hat and stating repeatedly that she loved it

- total cost was under $4 so still a good deal

- after walking for a couple blocks, including a complex that had hundreds of potted plants, it was clear the heat or something was getting to the boys and they needed to go to the washroom

- Found a cafe and had some Iced coffee and soursop smoothies as the boys took care of business

- upon reflection, we probably lucked out in not going on the all day tour this morning, otherwise the washroom situation would have been unmanageable on a small boat in the middle of nowhere

Reenergized

- Went back to the hotel to escape the heat and learned that mom had gone out to see her friend

- didn't feel like lunch and instead got some of the coconut, Durian bread that my mom had bought from the bus ride, actually tasty

- when we met in the lobby at 4pm, mom had a helmet, we took guesses of why

- Turns out she had walked 5km to meet up with her friend and they offered to scooter her back but she forgot to give back the helmet

- all 9 of us piled into a taxi and headed to downtown Rach Gia to learn about her past and give back the helmet

It's all new

- all the pictures in the collage below are from the central square in Rach Gia

- there was a huge middle island that had fountains, statues, trees, and sitting areas

- none of those were there when my mom was growing up

Mom's work and meet up with dad

- growing up, my mom sold textiles, her family's shop was one of almost 100 that used to line what is now the central square

- she pointed to a light post and told us that was the location of her shop

- it's where she was working when my dad used to walk by day after day and (she claims) checking her out

- Turns out he was constantly going to Cambodia to try and secure some documents of citizenship so that he didn't have to be conscripted to fight in the war

- he asked his friends to ask my mom's friend to see if she was interested in him

- They shared a chuckle to let us know that at the time, dad didn't know much Vietnamese (he spoke Chinese) and could only repeat some simple phrases

- Eventually they dated eventhough my dad lived and worked in Saigon and my mom in Rach Gia

Mom's home

- a block away, down an alley was my mom's home

- part of the reason she couldn't just move to Saigon with dad right away was because her dad had passed away quite young and her mom wanted to keep the family close

- so even after marriage, sometimes they would be apart or living in Saigon or Rach Gia

- just thinking about the traditional Asian wedding where the groom and his group had to travel to the bride's home to offer gifts and pay the dowry before going back to celebrate (this would have taken several days)

- as someone new has moved in, we didnt want to intrude so we didnt go in

The neighbourhood

- around the corner from the home was the house that I was born in, sort of like a midwifes home

- when I was born, dad was working in Saigon, so she had to send him a letter to let him know about my birth

- across the street was a temple, mom and dad went in to pray while we watched some local kids play soccer in the yard

- right beside the temple is a school, mom said it was new because back then it was a space for basketball and there would frequently be tournaments where teams from other cities would come and play

- before we knew what was happening, my dad was putting on a helmet and getting on a a scooter with a friendly gentleman from the temple

- when he came back he told us he booked accommodations for a couple more nights because he was really enjoying the slower pace here instead of HCMC, also his eye seemed to be healing quicker here

- Rach Gia is like the Florida to HCMC's similarity to Toronto, dad is somewhat considering renting a place here and flying over frequently

- so as we head out tmwr with Yit and Andrea on the ferry, mom and dad are going to enjoy themselves here before heading back on the recliner buses to hectic and crowded HCMC

Mom has a hometown bias

- when we ate the Banh Xeo (egg omelette with meat and shrimp) in HCMC, mom kept saying it was terrible and a waste of money compared to Rach Gia

- so we headed to a renown restaurant which every person we talked to recommended

- you win this round mom, it was ridiculously good

- and so were the pork roll appetisers and coconut shrimp appetisers, and the lemon drinks, and the frozen yogurt dessert, all for under $4 a person

- While we were eating, 2 interesting happenings

- first was the welding going on as they were fixing the garage door, Yit was worried the sparks would hit him, but he was safe

- secondly, a bird flew in the restaurant and the waiter somehow caught it and carried it out of the restaurant (pictures a bit blurry)

- Walked back to the hotel, said bye to mom and dad for now, and went to bed, today was quite emotional and tmwr is another early start