#don't worry about it love i am glad to say this sort of shit publicly 👍

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Sending this on anon even though we're mutuals bc I'm a shameless coward but like. Bestie I've had to unfollow people over that fucking "butter your bread" poll post. People I thought were progressive and kind. Because of their Eurosupremacist views in their tags, saying shit like "well American butter is shit so I guess I understand but PLEASE invest in Irish butter I'm begging" like worstie KerryGold (just as an example) is literally just a dairy product that happens to be from Ireland it does not make it inherently better than the literal dozens of per-state butter brands we have and acting like you're morally superior to people who use mayonnaise (who this one person unironically called degenerates and freaks) in their cheese sandwich does not make for a cute and quirky personality trait to have, it just means you're a fucking dunce who thinks you're better than others just because you're from Europe. I am just so tired of people shitting on the US just because it's the US, you know? Like by all means criticize our government (not like theirs is doing much better), but can you leave the "likely developed by poor immigrants" food alone? Christ. Sorry for dropping this all on you but I've been livid since yesterday and people keep showing their whole ass in the tags so here I am.

oh for fuck's sake.

now, i'll admit up front that at my worst i can be a little bit of a food snob, and i happen to dislike mayonnaise and really like kerrygold butter, but that shit is expensive (like $8 a pound!) and telling people to buy it when it costs more per pound than the hourly minimum wage is. a bad look. and you're right, just because that particular brand of butter is good doesn't mean there isn't american butter that's just as good. just because a lot of poor people have to buy shitty food doesn't mean that all american food is shitty, much less that you're better for not being american.

and like. "degenerates and freaks" is fucking nazi language, you can't just throw that shit around, and about sandwiches of all things.

you can have these kinds of dickish opinions in private - lord knows i do sometimes - but printing them where everyone can see just makes you a mean bastard. you're not progressive and you're not kind if you put people down based on what they eat, for fuck's sake.

[secondsonaym]

Okay, so I've had a bit of time to think on it (not that it bothered me that much, but I did want to try and clarify some things), and a sort of 'follow up' to this post in particular.

A little rambly, so under the cut.

Note that this isn't to talk about that specific anon or the specific issue involved in it, it's just a jumping off point, more or less.

I think people do need a bit of a reminder about 'parasociality' and the boundaries that tend to get ignored/eroded because of it.

To get right to the meat of the issue:

I'm ace. I have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual content. I feel bad when I have to bring up these parts of my identity when explaining these things, but I provide them to sort of give you a better perspective as to why some stuff may not be good to say to me. Why I take them a bit personally.

The long and short of it is, I'm really only comfortable with jokes and the like when either I am the one to publicly initiate, or it's happening between my own friends, in a comfortable environment.

It's why I tend to not let some stuff I tag with 'suggestive' to be reblogged, because that's just not what I want to be spread around and get people making the wrong assumptions about me.

Obviously there's nuance and yadda yadda sometimes exceptions, etc. But this is where I stand, and will not budge, because of a history of people continuously being entitled to the point they think they can disregard my requests to respect this.

So, tying this into the whole 'parasocial' aspect.

Yeah, I'm very casual and chatty, I like to be friendly to you all and I enjoy seeing your commentary and stuff, even if I don't always respond--Honestly wish there was a way to 'like' replies like on twitter, cause I usually use it as an indicator of 'I've seen this and it made me smile :>'

But. And this a big but. That is not an open invitation for you to jump straight to telling me things like "I put your OC in a smash or pass discord channel" or things of a similar nature. That's a bit too much of a boundary break.

Like, removing the context, how weird does it sound for you to tell somebody (who doesn't know who you are) that you put their character in a channel where people rate their desire to 'smash' or 'pass'? It definitely sounds weird to me, and I sure as hell wouldn't say it to somebody I barely even know.

I'm a bit skittish to begin with, so it's definitely not easy for me to loosen up and be comfortable interacting with new people, but stuff like this makes me withdraw back into my shell, so to speak.

I don't mind starting up convos, and if it seems like I'm actively engaging in the dialogue, then you have nothing to worry about, but this also isn't an invitation for Every Single Person to hit me up.

On the internet where those boundaries aren't as visibly noticeable--I can't give you body language to show my mood, for instance--It's very easy to not see that stuff, but I really think people need to take a few moments to consider if they're assuming too much about their relationship with somebody before saying something.

I've heard horror stories about even worse shit happening in the fandom, and it makes me glad y'all are so respectful as it is, which is why I'm not getting boiling mad or anything over this stuff, cause I'm sure you'll listen and understand.

And as far as that specific scenario linked goes: I don't care what y'all discuss about my OCs or my stuff between friends/in private spaces and all that. Out of sight, out of mind. You don't need to tell me, and I'm not gonna Thought Crime you.

The issue I'm taking is with the assumption of things, to the point I do need to go on these several-paragraph rambles, when stuff like that I feel should be basic etiquette.

I love y'all and I am happy people enjoy my things, but please let me stress that as far as interaction with y'all goes, I'm really not that much different from a streamer or something. I'm just a person doing a thing, and people like that thing.

Sorry this got a little long-winded, but I hope I at least made my point, and I'll stress again I'm not mad or anything. It's just been on my mind, so I might as well talk about it.